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Living in Fear (Why Autistic Life Can be Terrifying)... Autism Life
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- Опубликовано: 17 ноя 2020
- Autism & fear walk hand in hand. Just BEING autistic, even if people don't know, can invite trouble on a daily basis. Is it any wonder that those of us who manage to mask ourselves well enough to pass largely unnoticed tend to hide in the shadows?
Is it actually the best thing for our community though? If we're all out of sight how do we go about being more accepted?
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autistamatic.com
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One thing that's strange about allistic people is that they'll sometimes praise and compliment our autistic traits when they don't know that we're autistic, but will start demonizing and infantilizing us when they figure out what our identity is.
Pretty much :/
pretty much because of portrayal in the media, we're portrayed as either dangerous and unstable or childlike and simple.
@@robokill387 I disagree. In this instance, art is definitely mimicking life as we were described that way long before any of those things were invented. In fact, every time there’s been any type of progress made or even perceived progress in our being treated and viewed as anything but “destined to live a half life filled only with the suffering they exhibit or cause, w/ these children that only want a few toys and show genuine interest in what they say they’re interested in, their poor families always knowing what to feed them, what they’ll like and when, it’s AWFUL!!! Donate 🫴”, things like famous, and successful people, some beloved, admitting they’re autistic, happily married adults with children and careers and homes admitting they’re autistic, multiple research studies done documenting the opposite of much of what society has been and continues to be told about autism (and all disorders currently under its umbrella), that it’s not 4:1 boys to girls that are autistic but 3or2:1 and the evidence points to the likelihood of 2:1 or once one factors in the updates in knowledge needed re diagnostic criteria 🤦🏾♀️, are some examples. None of which are even march in the street I have rights stop treating me like a 2nd class citizen (which is actually WAY MORE ACCURATE where I live). It’s simply the EXISTENCE of these things, and there’s a correlating uptick in ads and articles etc for autism treatments, for new research being conducted, for new discounts on therapy near you so your kid has “the best chance of living a normal life, maybe even living on their own”. 😱 Oh no! I have to do something!
But then your kid’s interests and quirks were happily obliged and supported, it was not a stretch to think they could become a doctor with that kind of intensity and focus and passion! But that’s all stopped per the advice of multiple expert doctors. Those same behavior are now described as special interests rather than a potential career field, as hyper focus and emotional dysregulation and should be interrupted and directed somewhere appropriate and an appropriate emotion to display can be taught, this is typically followed by their displaying anxiety, depression, meltdowns, temper tantrums, and even possible defiant opposition disorder, but THOSE are all typical “traits” of autism, too, so don’t worry. There’s no cure but we are working on finding better treatments.
Meanwhile, there is LITERALLY NO GOOD REASON for ANY psych doc in any area on planet earth with internet access to believe much less say ANY of that rubbish ☝️up there. No REASONABLE way such a thing could even occur unless the person’s own reading, reading comprehension, and learning abilities themselves were jeopardized in some manner.
So here’s MY question.
When and/or How does the study and all the research begin on the NTs? I’ve got current theories and it is banger!
🙌🙌
Yes
Autism is one of those things where people have more sympathy towards the friends and family of an autistic compared to the autistic themselves. So a lot of people are pretending to be friends with the autistic in their group just for social points because they can pretend they care.
That was a big reason why I was afraid to come out as autistic. Because then it would make finding true friends even harder.
People who are friends with a mask, not what lies beneath, can never be true friends.
If you want true friends, you've got to make yourself vulnerable .. I don't suppose it's much different for neurotypical people... and I kinda question how many of their "friends' are true friends..., I suspect many NTs are only united by their joint conformity with social norms and don't actually know each other very well at all... hence all the snall talk..
it also seems to me that they spend just as much time masking as we do. They just happen to be more comfortable with the inauthentic nature of it all.
sounds like your in your own head
Coming out can also facilitate true connection
True. It can be dangerous.
ive never considered that perspective before.
I am a 32 year old woman who was diagnosed with asperger's when I was 10 years old. My life has been pure hell I don't even know how I could begin to describe it. I have lived in fear all day every day for most of my life.
Metoo
Being female AND autistic I totally hear you. me too.
What you just said really hurts my heart. You should write a book ..no one has the knowledge about autistic apprehension on a daily basis. You could possible help a younger person see that as they get older they have more control over there daily lives
@@robertmadrid5481What did she say that makes you think she now has more control over her adult life?
Or were you telling her that as an adult she now has control?
@@Tilly850Yeah. A double whammy. 😢
I think we can turn the "You can't be autistic" response into something positive. People need to understand that we are proper human beings. The more times they get exposed to the fact that someone they respect or like is autistic, the more we can erode the stigma around it... At least that is one of the main reasons why I do it.
You're absolutely right Raul which is the point I make at the end of the film. The more of us that are visible, the harder it is to pretend we don't exist. Sadly far too many of us aren't in a strong or secure enough position to do so, so it's up to those of us who can, like you and I, to pave the way. Thanks for commenting and for doing what you do to help us move forward.
I rather have then view me as autistic. I'd rather deal with the misconceptions of autism. Easier to predict reactions.
@@Autistamatic I tell it how it is . If my honesty isn’t liked then that means I’m in a world of fakes n liars . Which would you prefer to have as a mate . A truth telling autistic or a porky tales telling NT I. Know my answer. Now I just have to find a fellow diagnosed autistic who would like to date a fat frumpy 54 year old jaded autistic for meals out , coffee dancing and signing nights out . One with a pain in the arse annoying voice and bad back. 🤣🤣🤣😼😼😼🤯🤯
Your videos have empowered me, making me brave enough to say from start in A New Nightclass that I'm Audhd. I explained that I don't always look like I'm listening, and please no hugs. They were really nice. Not one insult, weird remark or even a change in their attitude!
I felt like I'd run a mile to kick a door in, when it was already open. So strange. Never happened before.
But I've noticed how much more difficult it gets for bullies when you demand respect from the start. Well, you may still get beaten. That's just reality. But I'm through being abused!
@@Autistamatic Its useful, but like. It can be hard to just not blurt out, "you dont look like an idiot, yet here you are"
I got in a lot of trouble in primary school for 'harassing other students' when I just was trying to be friends with other people
It’s harassing when we say it with “this face” or with “that voice” or at “that time” or sometimes just because it’s “that person”, but it’s normal for all of Them, and was even praised as being so nice by Them.
I could do the same thing, eventually, but still hit or miss at best. Humor or silent nodding works best for me in groups of 2 ore more. Sometimes less. 🤷🏾♀️ Certain groups/people I can do a little better with, but generally speaking, that’s it.
I eventually just figured it was just ME somehow and had to leave it there until I could get further info.
That’s where it stayed for decades until this last week when it was confirmed after hearing right in front of me for no less than the 3rd time, possibly 4th, someone make the same observations I’d made a month ago but received a validating response as opposed to the ‘ask them’ and ‘they’re busy’ response I got, directly followed by the other person then casually wondering about the same solution I’d mentioned the day before and week before that had been met with the same “they’re busy, that’s odd”, whereas THIS time the other person instead AGREED. 😧
Unbelievable. Un be liev able 😳😐
If I get any more polite and thoughtful than I already am people will think I’m mocking the Queen, which would be really fkn weird for a brown chick from southwest America. 🤬
I never understood why I had a reputation as a troublemaker in school, because I followed all the rules. It never occurred to me that maybe I asked too many questions when the school didn't.
I lost my job twice after bringing unethical behavior of supervisors to management's attention.
This element of my personality always confused my peers--which in turn confused me, because they're RULES. I was just diagnosed last week, and it blows my mind that whistle-blowing could be an autistic thing!
I remember I tried to out do my friend Richard by finishing the most amount of work in a giant work book and the teacher got mad at us because we were working too fast and not listening
another brilliant video! being blamed for being correct or questioning adults was a huge part of my childhood, too.
I am openly autistic. The thing I get ask most is "What is it like?" The answer "My thought processes are drastically different than yours." "I'm like an Ai computer that has too many emotions and feelings, all contained within a human body", I see everything as a system, or part of one. And "I have no preprograming, or behavioral instincts, so I have to program myself, and react as I logically see fit to." "Most of us have to be very intelligent to live well, because we have to think intensely all of the time."
I've never seen a bad reaction to this.
Ah, the bullying 😔
The social hypocrisy is awful on a daily basis.
Thanks for dicussing this important topic. 💜💜💜
I have the dual diagnosis of Asperger’s and combined ADHD late diagnosed late in adulthood and was bullied all my life
I have been homeless more than 10 times between the ages of 18 and 25. I have slept on someone else's couch for anywhere from one night to multiple years, have slept outside, and have even shared a bed with a predatory man I did not feel safe with because it was supposed to be below freezing that night and I had nowhere else to go.
*Every* time I have been involuntarily vacated from housing, my autism was one of the main factors if not the only one.
My organic body language was misread by the people providing me housing as aggressive, defensive, and disrespectful.
My need for isolation was seen as a lack of empathy, love, or care for the people in my environment.
My strong sense of justice and inability to read social cues has caused me to stand up for my rights and the rights of people I share a living space with in ways that are deemed aggressive, threatening, and over the top.
My meltdowns and fawning responses were seen as emotionally manipulative ploys to get away with dodging responsibility in conflicts.
The worst part is: for almost all these stories, I was not even aware that I was autistic. I had no way to explain my behaviors, request accomodations, or reassure myself. I was being told that they had "no choice" but to kick me out onto the streets because I was such a terrible person, but was clearly too trapped in my own selfish head to fully recognize that fact and better myself. I had no defense I could make because I genuinely could not see how my behaviors were hurtful (and most of them weren't. I was just threatening status quo in a way they found intimidating).
I am unable to request accomodations at my workplace because I work with a few other lower-masking autists and I see how management and my peers treat them as less than human. The ones who are higher masking autistics get treated better (but still not equal) simply for insisting they aren't.
People have expressed sympathy for my parents upon discovering I am autistic, even going as far as excusing their ABA-esque parenting techniques, the physical violence, and death threats I endured as a child because "raising autistic children is exhausting."
Many people I care about, even if they don't outright state it, clearly believe I am not autistic. I do not fit in their narrow box of what autism looks like. I am told I would've been diagnosed as a child if my behaviors actually impacted my day-to-day life even though I was a quiet, book-loving girl in the early 2000s, a type of autist who was often seen as shy and well behaved instead of developmentally disabled.
My requests for accomodations with non-disabled friends are either refused outright ("why would you need us to do that? Its never been a problem before.") or I will be met with a sincere-sounding promise to be accomodated, only for nothing to change.
.
I recently recovered a traumatic memory of my early childhood. When I first realized I needed to mask as a child, I was overcome with depression and grief. I did not understand why everything I did was wrong and why nobody would just tell me what to do. I didn't understand why I would be punished the second I started acting like myself. Even expressing too much joy was punished sometimes. It became such a common part of my day to day life that the reason for my sadness began to...slip away. I began forgetting that I was losing my true self in the middle of grieving over her. Until one day I lied in my bed in a panic, realizing I no longer knew what I was crying for.
It took almost 20 years before I finally remembered that my entire sense of self was fake. A fabricated being that existed solely for the comfort of everyone else. At the expense of my own happiness and comfort.
I still do not feel safe disclosing my autism to employers, doctors, or landlords because of how much danger it can and has put me in. For now, I am taking baby steps disclosing with my peers.
You'd think landlords would be glad because it would mean that you'd be honest and pay your rent
@k91985 you would think! Because I *am* honest and have *always* paid my rent on time! In the beginning, they always remark on how quiet, polite, and respectful I am. How I'm so much better than they're previous tenant. But then they always assign some non-verbal expectation on me and begin to detest me when I don't adhere to it since I'm entirely unaware they expect it of me (I have lived with a lot of small landlords where I was there only tenant and a lot expected me to become best buddies with them.)
I can do everything right as a tenant and still get removed for acting too autistic.
This makes me think it might not always be helpful to disclose. We need to learn conflict management. But that's easier said than done when conflict sends us spiraling into a meld down or shut down.
As I listened I cringed with memories of my own experiences. Neurotypicals can be nasty. For over 50 yrs I have had a sick feeling in my stomach. Masking is a part of my life; however, as I get older the masking is collapsing. People now hate me because I will tell them unpleasant truths. I have no friends or interested family in my environment. I live alone with a cat, but I am not afraid either. Thank you for this important video.
It is The way it goes for most folk
@@turtleanton6539 The world is overloaded with crazymakers. However, that need not stop us if we develop a resilience to being sucked into other's expectations and this includes family, doctors, and manipulative people with hidden agendas. Instead, take that empty path because in the end, what matters?
@@robertjohnburton9775Hi! I don't know if I should say "I'm sorry you are almost alone"... I have two kitties, so I don't consider myself alone.
I find my cats a safer form of love than otherwise.
I do have... People who want to be friends... But I don't consider them friends because I am not free to take off the mask. Be exhausted after social interaction or be expected to be refreshed as a neurotypical person would.
So I avoid contact as much as I can. It can get a lonely but the alternative is too high a price to pay.
Sending you a warm felt hug! 🥰
@@dancingram79 Agreed, it is problematic except that we cannot exist as islands. Many times we need assistance and without some others we will enter places without support. The use of the www. is an example, we need not directly meet others, but we need this interaction to remain sane and sociable. One has to crash and burn many times, that's our lot in a harsh but beautiful world. So, reach out and burn, what's the worst that can happen? Cheers
@dancingram79 fellow cat lover here too
Kudos to you! As a recently diagnosed 74 year old woman I am encouraged by, impressed with, and supportive of your message. We need thousands more like you! Thank You!
Congrats on your diagnosis! I just got mine last week. I'm 49.
I'm 62. I was diagnosed at age 58. But I knew people treated me differently all my life
I'm 68 and am pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, but I'm very high masking. I will talk to my doctor about getting tested next time I go in for my regular checkup, basically for my own information about my body. I worked mostly with engineers and computer systems experts, many of whom are probably on the spectrum, so we pretty well all got along. I was surprised when I found out that 30-40% of the population is on the spectrum. Why, if the % is so high, are WE the ones that are called neurodiverse? To me, since I have green eye (something like 2% of the population), why don't others make a fuss about that? Humans fear everything different from themselves. We are a very strange species.
I told my friend I was autistic and then like 5 seconds later she made fun of autistic people in front of me. She now won't speak to me. She also went around telling everyone I was autistic and now everyone else won't speak to me.
@hello 🤔think about it.. are those people 'friends'? I think not.
I appreciate what he said here. Except: it is not only about autism, it is about anything others view as different or whatever the trend/fashion/tradition so on.
That's why, the most important part of this here, is the individual; the person. Simple. Do your better every single time and every single day be yourself looking at who you are not what others say of you. Take care of yourself one☝️moment at a time.😊
We should reframe events like this like not realising these so-called friends had undiagnosed arseholery. We can miss the people we thought they were, but not the people they actually are.
The same thing happened to me. I joined a new school and made friends with a group of people. I told ONE of them I was autistic, now the whole school knows and either treats me like I’m a five year old or some kind of disgrace
@@M2Mil7eryeah its probably more a harsh true friends selection.
Those people were NEVER your friend to begin with.
Wow. What a inspiring talk. I totally get what you mean. I disclosed to a couple of family members and they both said "but aren't we all a little bit autistic?" I think I should say "if only, then life would be a lot better!" Keep up the good work in increasing the acceptance and inclusion of all.
After revealing my autism at work, I went from being appreciated and praised for my work to being unemployed. The whole process took 3 weeks and I had been there nearly 3 years. And that’s just at my last job.
I’ve been targeted by fellow employees who’ve spread gossip about me, took advantage of my trusting nature to deceive me, bullied by managers (sometimes more than one at a time), and literally fired for asking for reasonable accommodations.
I’m so terrified of working now that I can’t even apply for jobs without risking a meltdown. I’m trying to get assistance but now my family is facing the burden of supporting me so I can avoid homelessness (USA viewer here).
Same I'm in UK but can't go back to work for fear of supervisors bullying (most often these types are younger than me). If you do decide not to go back make sure you ask for fastrack for your disability claims because of struggling
the problem with awareness raising is that it never, NEVER works. There are always more ignorant people around the corner.
I so agree. and worse people might lie and it never helps
Or maybe there is too much to be aware of?
It's taken me a decade to come to terms with being autistic. I'm terrified on a daily basis and have been abused all my life. It's knocked years off my life. My health is failing and I can't face going to the doctors. There's just no point.
I don’t know if I fall somewhere within the spectrum. But I am learning more and more from people like you. I am 59. And I am just now making sense of my life. I just wanted to say thank you.
This made me cry, get angry and feel hopeful and empowered. Thank you! ❤❤❤
Thank you Berenice. It's the latter 2 that matter the most ❤
We are in dire need of more people like you
I love this video, Quinn! It really roused me, inspired me and encouraged me. I definitely went through a rollercoaster when I discovered that I am Autistic. On one hand it answered the question that had become the whole point of my existence: "What's wrong with me?" I always knew something about me was "off" and I knew internally if I could figure out exactly what it was that I could "fix" my life. I'd stop feeling like a bull in a china shop that just destroys everything. When I found out my body, soul and spirit breathed an enormous sigh of relief and years and years of perceived failure just melted away as though they had never existed. And I started to excitedly disclose to EVERYONE, even total strangers ... I guess because for some weird reason I thought by telling them they'd have grace and understanding but I seemed to forget that the knowledge what that MEANS isn't conferred upon them. I began to discover that people (very intelligent, generally knowledgable people) have NO CLUE what autism is. And I sort of laughed because I encountered every stereotype you mentioned, along with the ubiquitous "Well ... we're all somewhere on the Spectrum." I don't know why, but I was absolutely shocked about how much ignorance there was. Maybe it's the poor theory of mind! haha.
My parents, however, were INCREDIBLY supportive and excited for me and wanted to hear everything about being autistic. I suspect that's because my parents are probably also neurodivergent as well. What really disappointed me was the reaction of my church family, who had been otherwise incredibly supportive and loving. There not only did I experience a lot of that change in communication, but a whole slew of stereotypes that are common in my faith itself: "Don't speak that over yourself!" "You can be healed of that; we will pray over you!" "Don't make that your identity!" Each time it's an opportunity for me to re-educate people. I've had people point out that I'm constantly mentioning, "Oh, I did that because I'm autistic" and they've tried to tell me that "I'm making it an identity" or I "make everything about autism" or I "See autism in everything" or that I'm using it as an excuse but I realized that what I'm actually doing is trying to point out what autism looks like to people because I didn't receive the grace I expected when I disclosed to people.
Like you said, we've got to make it normal and not be afraid to be ourselves and to reeducate people about what it is. If I look like a fool, get side-eyes or even have to experience confrontation, so be it.
I too found it the answer to being wrong all my life. Good luck with the church family. They abandoned me when I divorced...even though my former husband wasn't a church-goer with me. I was basically ostracized. Church hasn't worked for me as an institution since all those people who preach unconditional love for their church family failed to include me. I wish you the best. We don't SEE autism...we ARE autistic people noticing it in ourselves now that we know. sigh...I agree...there is a lot of educating to be done.
I have had similar experiences with the church before I knew that I am on the spectrum. I am very slowly easing myself back to a new church. I was badly bullied at 3 churches I attended so I am nervous. 😫
All very recognizable. When I got diagnosed, I told my employer. Immediately I got fired and my manager told me people like me should be 'removed from society'. Similar experiences piled up from public officials when I tried to get help, recognition for my disability, job training etc. Every time this was illegal, but basically I got laughed in my face because they know I can't afford a lawyer.
A local youngster working for a left leaning political party, very pro rights for lgbtq etc. told me (not knowing I'm on the spectrum) that it was those autistic people that were the cause of many problems, and that they should be euthanized (we have euthanasia here, but it's not what he meant). And he thought Putin must be an autist. This kind of simplistic hate is to be found everywhere on the internet, and what is basically dominating my daily life as an autist.
I no longer speak out except here, where my name isn't visible. I'm not rich enough to be able to afford it. Free speech is for wealthy people. And normies. Like all other basic human rights, it's not not for us. Because, in the mind of most neurotypicals, we're not human.
Thank you. I’ve had the problem of being too knowledgeable, following my honest nature at work and making others look really bad. Even though I found the answer, I made my boss look bad. Which was not my attention. Retirement is really difficult. I live alone and I like it.
Another brilliant vlog many thanks.
My time at school was the stuff of nightmares
Short version I was often sent out of the class for doing something 'wrong'.
3 teachers banned me from their class permanently ( woodwork, art, literature)
I was sent to the library which was used as a sort of holding pen for any difficult pupils
I was often the only one there and I was delighted to be left alone.
Every day I read books and one year I read a complete set of encyclopaedias.
I would speak up in class telling the teacher when he was wrong about something
( geographical or historical facts) based upon my massive memory filled brain
which i still have to this day
Nowadays It would almost certainly be illegal to treat a pupil as i was back then
My last day at school I was separated from other kids and marched out of the building.
the school refused to give me a reference to help me get a job
"Happy Days"
Very powerful. Sometimes I think I’m with you. But it’s really hard when your job is on the line. People are so mean 😢
It gets worse. it seems like that people who are Autistic and disabled don't get paid very much.
This made me cry … very relatable. I’m very moved. Thank you for what you are doing.
I like your assertive and honest attitude. Good for you bro!
This is what I’m trying to do. When I was diagnosed, I made the decision to be as open as possible.
Yeah, the inconvenience of having actual ethics...sucks at times, doesn't it?! The derision for knowing the correct answers...boo on me for being intelligent.
I'm 65 and just figured this out a couple months ago. I am self, and sister-diagnosed. My sister who has a master's degree in psychology confirmed it knowing me and our childhood memories. Her son is also on the spectrum.
I have made the decision, because I am no longer afraid of being rejected, that I too will speak up and be an example of what autism is like for me. I'm learning to stop being ashamed of who I am and be the authentic me as much as possible. I got out a quiet stim tool when I sat in the dentist chair the other day. It's a quiet one and not disruptive, but it's more "me" to have this in my hand. I am gradually being more open about who I am now that I know.
I am in my elder years and will speak up, sir. I will be more cognizant of my masking and gradually people will see. Likely they will think I am eccentric...I imagine that is where the whole idea of the crazy old lady came from. Now we might look back and see that perhaps these people were autistic and just tired of masking.
I agree. Those of us who are able need to speak up to teach others when possible. Thanks for saying this.
Most people have told me that I haven't got ASD because i do not have a co-morbid intellectual disability. The people who made this assumption, were misinformed and likely were referring to the old fashion classic autism criteria.
What you say at the very end of this is so very important. I’m neurodivergent and that I have ADHD but my son is on the spectrum as is my father brother and most likely two of his three sons. I’ve been studying autism for about 20 years because I’m also a teacher and want to be able to help the children as much as I can. Incidentally, I finally understood that my son was on the spectrum, I think that you are amazing. It is my goal to as many people as possible so that the people that I love can live in the world where they are more understood. I am of course, sharing your videos with my family.
This makes me even less motivated to seek a diagnosis. I would be so pissed if anyone acted like that to me.
Me After watching the whole video: Fuck yeah!!!🤘🤘🤘
You can just say your are Autistic or Neurodivergent, you don’t really need a diagnosis unless you’re seeking therapy
It is a dilemma. Problem is as the video says, NT people can spot, and don’t like, autistic behaviour anyway. Even if I spend a lot of energy masking, I come across as a bit weird, and because of that, I tend not to get taken as seriously as I deserve (it’s taken me a lot of decades to realise that I really am as, or more competent and knowledgeable than the people talking over me).
@@UnapologeticFranchfries if you’re autistic, you’re autistic. For women and people of colour especially, a diagnosis Might not be accessible (if you don’t have the $$$$$$ and access to a State capital where expert clinicians work, you’ll probably get a BPD diagnosis or just told to try harder. Autistic women I know, have been told some egregious bullshit by clinicians with 1950s checklists). So the decision isn’t whether or not to get diagnosed, it’s whether or not to disclose that you’re autistic. Self-diagnosis is valid, but as the video says - if you’re rich and famous, go get a diagnosis and be a role model.
Do , also there is zero requirement to tell anypne you dont want to. Itsjust stos from that question lingering. And good to know.
Also you canralk with a trusted friend that doesnt tell that,or a chat or , there are groups where you can task without test qnonym too to rxplore that , internet cough coughwhich you should do
My Story.. I wasn't diagonosed as a child .. I never had the luxury of being diagnosed when I was young and was given the "extra help" at school for being an autist. I was... hated for most of my life. I was the "problem child" the "naughty child" the "loner" and "unsociable one" ...and to be frank my name didn't help.. not only was I bullied both physically and mentally bullied everyday (and I mean everyday!) for not being part of a clique. I was also known as the "Devil Child"... thanks Hollywood!.. I grew up hating myself for simply being me.. simply being this alien man that suffered the indignity of being born on this Planet Earth. I.. failed school.. being nothing more then a drop out to a system that hated me. if I wasn't sporty.. or could recount Pie to some stupid decible...or was popular.. no one cared.. I was interested in music.. I used to sneak Into music class at lunchtimes because I hated the playground with the bullies. and play on the keyboard.. until i was cought for being there.. The head of ART's (which covered music) said he would "make my life a living hell if I picked music as a class option".. so I didn't.. I took business studies instead so that I could the computers at lunchtime. I hated school.. I had no friends (only 2 fairweathered friends that put up with me on their terms) ... College was little better.. less direct bullying.. but still the verbal abuse and the snide comments that I wasn't supposed to hear.. I would still get the occasional "devils child" remark from the sporty "popular" types. I took IT at college.. and I was being talked down to by the teachers who was hand holding people that never switched on a computer before.. and never used a word processor before... College ended with a certificate (which could be passed by a 10 year old) and I was supposed to "look for a job" .. Work was hard.. the choices where do cleaning. do caring or do army... and as i didn't fancy dying on some field (I actually applied for the army.. but wasn't fit enough to pass the click test) I became a carer.. I managed to stick it out for 13+ years before the increasing bureaucracy and bullshit got to me.. and I was unceremoniously sacked for not being a "team player" ... 3 years went by.. trying to get another job, trying to get any job and apart from a few KP jobs.. I struggled to gain employment. The KP work was like being an Olympian doing a triathlon each and every day. Constantly being shouted at for being too slow.. and my developing attitude made me only last a few months before being fired again. I was eventually diagnosed with adult ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) at 36 years old.. and to me the diagnosis is another layer of excuses not to hire me.. and I have to relay on benefits to survive.
I still create music.. I have done for years.. I have my own bandname called "Aeromancer" .. for what it's worth.
soundcloud.com/theaeromancer
Same story almost. I didn't make it to college.
Great and accurate video. Strangely, I have that same tattoo on my chest, except it's black and white. My parents acted exactly as you described when I told them I was diagnosed, they still deny it and make excuses such as "I'm just a drug addict, and so on".
Truth... i stand up for myself when people in authority try to take advantage of me ie; landlords. They immediately attack my personality, call me a liar and throw me out of my house...i have lost count how many times this has happened and even to this day. when does this stop? i get so despairing...i don't see it changing and if it doesn't what hope is there? thank you for being speaking up. i guess it isn't just me.
All those points are true. The trick I’ve found is to play to our strengths, I work in an operating theatre. I generally deal with unconscious people so I can avoid miss understandings😉😂
Oh gosh how you describe school and the work floor. It was exactly the same for me. Thank you for doing what you do, I love having such an intelligent and outspoken person vouch for autistic rights and for mutual understanding. You approach many topics that I have not yet seen discussed a lot/clearly by other autistic youtubers. And you manage to be concise and give just about the right amount of detail and anecdotes to (I guess) elicit empathy from (I hope) about anyone, without losing my (short) attention span. You are a hero to me. And your beard is awesome.
thanks for standing up and doing something for us
Oh my god. What a video! Bravo. Champion.
I'm not autistic, but I am familiar with the traits of autism because I grew up with a brother who has autism. It has only been in the last few years that I have come to understand why he behaves the way he does.
However, I can very much relate to your fears, concerns, and experiences. I have psychic mediumship abilities. I can communicate with people/spirits who are deceased. I, too, have feared revealing this to others lest it frighten them, or they misjudge me as a lunatic, or they exclude me for being "weird". A few hundred years ago, I might be labelled a witch for having such abilities and be burned at the stake.
Quite recently, I told my doctor (who has known me for about 6 or 7 years) that I communicate regularly with my deceased mother, and he described this on my medical record as "hallucinations". I said to him, "They're not hallucinations", yet he persisted and said, "Well, that's what we call it". According to my doctor, I am mentally unstable.
But your video is so, so, so inspiring. And it spurs me on to be a champion and supporter of autists. I have just got a job working at a high school, helping in classrooms. Many (if not most)(if not all) the boys are autistic to some degree. And I see them flinch, worried about being labelled "wrong", "bad", "retarded", "problematic" or whatever.
I love them. Their sincerity is amazing and their spirit is pure. Sure, they don't communicate the way neurotypical people communicate, but, because I have the psychic ability to "tune in" to others, we get along just fine.
I self diagnosed 4 years ago at 61. I won't disclose to an employer or physician. I wouldn't feel safe.
I like Knowing what I am because it helps me figure out better how to take care of myself.
My friends and close family know I'm autistic. They're all fine with it.
I applaud your stand at the end of the video. 🙂👍👍
I could watch the last passionate statement of this on repeat for hours.
As someone who was diagnosed in early childhood, I unfortunately find that I mask to people who know I'm autistic as even relatives who claim to be accepting of autism only seem to accept the parts of autism they find convenient, meaning that I still feel forced to mask aspects of autism they refuse to accept, such as how I actually feel about certain things.
Wind fire 🔥🌪 This dude just became my hero
Outstanding video!
I am self realized after retiring at seventy. At this point in my life I really do not have to please any boss or any team mates. According to what I have read about the condition that I should be dead by now. I will be seventy eight at the end of the month. I have to admit that I would have been in a really bad place if I had discovered before I retired.With out having found my last job I would probably would be living in a tent under a bridge right now.
Brilliant, inspiring, beautiful.
thank you so much for this work! so powerful and useful
The PhD who tested and diagnosed me said he wanted to test me because, "You don't LOOK Autistic."
As for whether or not to tell a prospective employer about my Autism in a job interview, I got two answers that both make sense. The PhD who tested me said, "No, do not tell them. It's nobody's business."
Then I asked a trusted person who owns a business. She said, "If I hired someone and THEN they told me they had special needs or needed special accommodations, I'd feel as if they lied to me. Not the best way to start off a working relationship."
So I have no idea what to do. I haven't worked in 8 years, and have invested four years into a disability hearing, the appeal of which should be happening in a few months. I have no confidence that I will be awarded, as I come off as "too normal" which means that I will fall between the cracks.
I got diagnosed in late 2017 when I was 53. It initially felt like a life wasted.
Nicely put, well created video. I started this process over the last year or so. Its a struggle but its working.
Wow, you kind of wrecked me at the end. I'm struggling to get my feet underneath me right now, but I need to be done with repressing because I think it's killing me. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Quinn, I really understand where you are coming from with this. I've just been diagnosed at 49 and am dealing with all this now and not very well if I'm honest.
Hi Rob. Many of us find it difficult to assimilate everything, especially when we've a lifetime of not knowing behind us. Do you have friends or family that are supportive?
@@Autistamatic My partner and daughter are very supportive and understanding. I am still working out who else to tell as my other family members don't really understand this sort of thing. I have dyslexia also diagnosed and they are not very understanding of that.
@@WonHyo69 If you haven't already seen it/them I've a playlist about thoughts/feelings/considerations after diagnosis, including disclosure. You might find it helpful:
ruclips.net/p/PL3R_uyUBjsuBuCU5OzUVvrU98Rl2kzgpe
There's also a tremendous network of autistic people, many of whom are late diagnosed, on social media. The tag #AutisticElders will put you in touch with older autistic people like myself and #AskingAutistics is a great way to... well... ask autistics about whatever you need to know 👍
It definitely gets better with time and self acceptance as well as self understanding
Wow, other than learning I am Autistic at 51yo, this is my life story.
That was very powerful. Thankyou. Inspiring and empowering
One Autist to another: I admire your courage. I have experienced most of what you outlined and it has left deep wounds as one would expect. I share a similar place of privilege to yours. My closest friends are those who know my diagnosis, can see the person I am with all my 'weird bits.' I also stand up for people of any persuasion under the idea that as long as your are not harming others, you should be free to be who you want to be. Where we do differ is in response. I don't have a job and have stopped looking for one. I don't know what your local social environment is like, but mine is very conservative and change resistant. I'm dual exceptional. There simply are not enough of us to make services designed for us feasible. The population is small here, mostly rural and thinly spread. As a result I have retreated to relative reclusive status. My partner and I are both introverts.
In an unrelated piece of personal information: My kids are also both autistic. They are now adults. They live in another city and have good support systems. Our relationship is strained by our mutual lack of socializing self motivation. My son in particular has become a private man. I respect that about my kids and wouldn't change them in the slightest. I tell them and others just how proud I am of their accomplishments. Many is the time I have gone to visit and been able to offer some guidance around their autism related struggles. Other times I have told them that there are particular problems they will face and how I dealt with those. In our family Autism is the norm. In our extended family high academic achievement and professional careers are the norm. Nobody is shamed.
I came out after being late diagnosed. I know some people close to me were concerned about me being so open, but I am also advantaged as I had gained respected in my field and am highly valued for my work, so I felt I could take the risk. My partner has taken time to understand, but is doing work to be supportive. My closest family members had already accepted my self-diagnoses years before my formal one.
I hope my visibility can help normalize Autism, but I also feel the pressure of being a "good" or "exceptional" autistic person. I worry maybe I'm not someone who should represent the community as I still struggle with many things and am far from being perfect or even likeable sometimes. I also worry about being seen as using autism as an excuse for both real and perceived bad behavior. Anyone else relate?
We are the right people in the wrong multiverse. Come on Thanos you know what to do. Btw Quinn, fantastic video. Thank you again.
Not sure if I’m in the spectrum or not, but I can relate. I refuse to deal with ignorant people. The very millisecond I get the incling that somebody is ignorant with an arrogant bent, I lose respect and disregard like the common garbage they are.
You always crack me up! I can’t believe you had experience at work all those days inmoral things. All of my life I feel I’ve been facing moral dilemmas too but they been like the type that to most ppl don’t seem like a big deal but for me it’s a matter or principle & point the obvious & being honest but of course I’d be seen like the problematic one 😓
All of those things have happened. On the other hand I've raised similar complaints with my current employer (over several years) and they've been dealt with appropriately. But it's true I got told not to "rock the boat" after complaining about some very nasty racism and told by another boss they would fire me if I ratted on a sex pest because "he's married and got kids - I don't care if it's true, you'd be ruining a guy's life". I later found out that the guy I'd complained to used to cruise bars with the same married lothario and likely had some dirt on him too. The problem with needing to do the right thing is all the layers of deceit and duplicity we have to peel back before we see people's true motivations. Honesty may be an absolute in many autistic eyes, but it's a remarkably flexible concept to most non-autistic people.
@@Autistamatic yes, definitely, life & social situations can get very complicated like on tv series lol! Just wished that work didn’t have to involve kissing ass and being liked by ppl 😣😓
thank you for acknowledging your privilege and your intersections 💚💚💚💚💚
This was one of the most powerful youtube videos I've ever watched. Thank you for your courageousness and for your awareness and for taking a stand to benefit others. You are helping a lot of people.
Holy crap. That certainly illicit tears of pain release for me. I’ve recently been asked in an HR meeting to take a six week payment package terminating my employment from the day I accept thus sign consent, it was further highlighted the non ultimatum, being told, less I remain in the toxic work environment, I will find myself drawn into disciplinary hearings and then dismissed. Asperger’s related dismissal. Manager a while back, asked me, why am I Fucking ODD, to which after I came out of freeze response, I disclosed I had Asperger’s. Grave mistake. Managers dislike for me increased. Since under her management, it had been beside unpleasant, I was kept on close to a year as a casual, thus under earning & unable to feed myself. Hence the need for permanent. Higher up management acknowledged my overlook and promoted me, communicating it shouldn’t have taken as long, after all my customer service hasn’t gone unnoticed, thanking me for my hard work and patience. I had articulated with higher management although I need the position and income, it may prove difficult to work as permanent under current management since her mannerism is to give the opposite to one’s preferences aka an upfront blueprint to getting the best functionality out of me since after all I wanted to perform at my best. Context, manager had highlighted to upper management I had Asperger’s, so on signing permanent documentation I was recommended to be transparent and that meant together a list of my characteristics to be made use of advantageously to benefit the work/team. That entire list, I got the opposite, true to the managers nature to do so. The managers pettiness and singling me out became all too much, written warning for that which her entire team do frequently, being late, yet since friends and her need to be liked she overlooks and allows. And at times their lateness has been documented close to 5hrs late. Her gunning for me, had it made unpleasant for the team since upper management offered me opportunity to take up a grievance with management, document everything, saying this in front of management, while she signed on behalf me for a written warning, in same breathe by upper management telling me not to be too concerned since after all there would have to be disciplinary intervention prior any firing thus its not as bad as I perceive it to be. It was more the false accusations of ‘late coming’ & awareness management cold intentions to have me removed. And boom HR meeting. I’ve wanted to vouch for never again disclosing Asperger’s. And I’m not as privileged hence tears, I’m unemployed female, 40, few almost no friends. Mother and gran are dead. I’m more fucked than Fucking ODD. Thank you for this video. Unlike society at large, I’m happy to take you literally regardless all the years and of course, at last place employment highlighted I shouldn’t take things literally, then why do people speak, so to lie, manipulate and cheat under each others noses and yet still rather curry favour and befriend those on the unsavoury side such as themselves, governed by ones emotions thus out of feelings its relatable for them to behave and befriend each other. Yet I’m labeled Fucking ODD.
Thank you- love your attitude
Well, I made a few shitty life choices. I was so bad at school, that the only apprentice ship I could get was from an organisation for autistic people. And since it's in my resume, I can't delete that part out of my life.
In the future, whenever I'll look for a job, I won't be able to hide my Autism. The only thing I can do is beg my employer to not disclose my Autism to the other employees, especially since my masking attempt is by simply working. I'm not hurrying, I'm just working without slacking, because I suck at slacking without looking like a slacker, and I'm trying hard to avoid talking about not work specific subjects.
Thank you for this video ❤
Thank you for taking the risk .
Stay blessed 😊
Well, I haven't disclosed at work that I belong to the spectrum, I just say that I have anxiety issues. I play D&D and felt like I had to tell the DM after I had a bad reaction towards a player's loud swearing, just to let him know that if I went mute in character I just needed a few minutes to process the yelling. I regret it so much, he got drunk and told everyone in the party.
Thank you for creating this video. I related to how you have a need to be honest and stand up for people. It is a rare quality and we can feel good about ourselves for having it!
This is an extremely relatable video - I came up against every single one of the hypocrisies you listed at various points in my life (particularly in workplaces and education). I only got diagnosed last year, well into my adult life, so I had to suffer through all those experiences in confusion and frustration for decades, driven to near-suicidal levels of exhausted depression at many points. Now I have context for all this it's a bittersweet mix of vindicating and infuriating at the realisation I really was suffering from constant discrimination. As a white male westerner, I had so much internalised shame about this feeling because I was always told by others I was privileged and burdened with their assumptions that my life was easy. All this forced me deeper and deeper into masking. I was so scared of losing the one job I found that treated me as a human after several awful ones that I was too fearful to pursue jobs in the field I cared about and was qualified for. I'm still scared now, but I'm determined to climb out of it - I hope to get to a position more like your own where I have the security to really speak up about my experiences and help others avoid going through the torment that people around me called a "carefree youth".
For now, I'm still chasing safety. I hope that at least is attainable.
Being cleaver and honest, but hated. I know this very well.
Through my years on college, I made some achievements that probably just a few could.
> Like a professor confess he was wrong and I'm right after 20 years of nobody questioning him.
> I create a geological model to fix a weird real case, that came with a mathematical theorem that I discover during the process, that could improve safety for slope in future, but I was discourage hardly by professors.
> And now I a create and app all by myself to solve an issue a lot of ppl has on field jobs.
> I teach myself to learn English and programming.
Regardless of my achievements, all I got is professors that act unethical repressing my behavior through my academic life, no Networking, and on my last job a coworker accused me to sabotage her when i was just doing things right. Just recently on my 29 i got my autism diagnose, and everything made sense.
Being autistic means someone that could really help improve the world without thinking on himself, and be punished by it. Because while most o population just want to squeeze all opportunities, usually we are the ones getting hyper focused in something that no one else got interest to push further.
^5 Thank-you from those of us who aren't in the same position and can't risk it.
Feel this 👏👏 thank you.
Someone told me a few times that I am using my autism as an excuse. That hurts.
It's called jealousy from.them
Same I care abput mangas anime and videogames movies but NOT Sports they are literally so boring
You made me cry. Wow. Thank you for this, friend. Much love
More power to you. I had no idea how bad and isolating it was.
Thank you for making this video. This needed to be said; but, it also needs to be heard. Now that I understand the mission, I'll do my best!
Thank you for this, I needed it.
Thank you very much for the video.
I listen to this and all I can think of is the movie series divergent. At frist it was thought that these people would break down society. Then it looked like the divergent was the hero’s of society going to solve all its ills. Then it concluded that the divergent just had apart in it just like everyone else. Basically we are all ( all human’s ) amazing!
I am currently self-diagnosed and I have to say that I was treated along these lines as well long before I was aware of the why of it. People always have condescended to me to a degree and I am certain that it is because I am so very different from others and they just sense it in me.
It’s a beautiful thing, these RUclips videos of yours. I’m watching it and I feel safer knowing that you are out there in the trenches (I am a United States Army veteran) fighting for us! Thanks
Love your videos. My motto is fuck 'em. We're different for a reason. Keep strong x
I’m recently self diagnosed (just after I retired) but have quickly worked out I need to be careful who I talk to about this.
I can relate very strongly to what you said about workplace problems: I once threatened to report my employer to a professional ethics body over something, which I thought I had got away with until a few months later I was given an official reprimand on grounds that were so flimsy that HR later quietly took the reprimand off my file.
I was lucky with a lot of this (in the 70s and 80s in particular) in that I was then Buddhist, and could use Buddhist values as a cover/“explanation”/mask that allistics were prepared to accept - with lots of ill will, but at least it partly got them off my back.
I served in Bosnia as an autistic class 1 medic 😅😅
One thing that I know for sure is that the world is not going to change. I don't know what to do with that information, but that's just how it is.
I'm autistic Ukrainian IN Ukraine. My government doesn't acknowledge autism in adults, so they're not letting me out of the country to get help and they're hunting men down on the streets trying to draft men to the army. If they catch someone, the law no longer works for them (that's a sad truth).
So "fear" is the name of my existence (can't call it life) the last 3 years.
Thanks for commenting. I haven't spoken to any autists in Ukraine since the 2022 invasion, but I know that autistic folks had a hard time gaining acceptance before. To be autistic in an active wartime environment must be incredibly difficult in ways your compatriots will never appreciate.
@@Autistamatic thank you very much for the support and understanding.🙏
I was the kid no one wanted in their team. But I was in a UK winning Pegasus full kit and stretcher team, fo e Nijmegen marches and half marathons and the Gibraltar rock race. I challenged my fears 😊. Most of my bullies couldn’t do what I did. The competitions I did got banned
A man in my Bible Study that I find myself frequently annoyed with on account of his judgmentalism has said that all mental illness is demon posession, and that includes Autism. That's when I chose to come out at the Bible Study and ask if he believes me to be demon posessed then. He did not back down. And nobody else rose to my defense. I am feeling less and less safe to be who I am there even as a Christian.
I have hope for the younger generations. For example, my kids (who are around the age of 16-19) do not seem in any way phazed if some of their friends or classmates are autistic. Not that everything is great; some of these friends have been bullied when they attended public school.
Fair play Bro... And well said...!!!
Thank you for this video!
I live with non autistic loons. I think both have BDP. One has a diagnosis. I'm self diagnosed ASD. I would keep it quiet even if I was diagnosed. Great vids.
People are annoyed by category expansion as it's threatening to norms. The problem is evidently taking it out on the individuals. it certainly does feel like we're heading towards a 51% attack. I have to tell people that it's not just the young, that it's all age groups that are getting diagnosed, maybe not nonagenarians and centenarians🤷🏻♂️ With the crisp notion of neurotypical and such an extensive list of particulars for "being on" the spectrum, it's a great way to draw in more to the notion. Once we reach diagnostic saturataion and we get diminishing returns on the up and to the right trajectory, the next step is to be inclusive of all those who failed to get diagnosed or would fail if they bothered but for whom an affinity with autistic traits has the potential of becoming part of their identity.🤔
I have autism
Metoo
I don’t tell people I am neurodivergent because most don’t understand what it means.
I told my supervisor and she discriminated against me and gave the manager position to someone much less qualified. I can't find a lawyer. 😢
This channel is new to me. The videos are great. Im honest about my ASD/ADD Its scary to disclose, the reactions are mixed and udualky negative. Freinds can be the worst, if they think you're jumping on the divergent bandwagon, they iften dont say as much, its the way they are and what usnt said that gives it away.
Neurotypicals can be vile.
So im not the only one well that's good to hear at least from my perspective
Also I got my first diagnosis and state appointed aid at a very young age so I really don't know what it's like to find out i mean from my perspective I've always known
I have been fired for being autistic multiple times and blatantly told it was because I was autistic
And hard to sue i guess 😑
Abnormal doesn't exist. In fact, we homosapiens need our diversity in order to survive. Bravo! 🥂🥂
At 2:45, you were describing being *dehumanized* - seen as lesser, as *Not-Human.* As a disease.
Norms believe we are something akin to animals too much of the time - and not good examples, e.g. “pets” (pets know and keep their place as *Neurotypical Extensions* ) but as something closer to particularly *Malevolent* disease vectors - creatures worse than, say, rodents.
So, basically what Hitler believed about Jewish people. That makes sense, with the way we’re generally treated.
@@caitlinroseblaney226 no, worse. *Aktion T4. Life-unworthy of life. Useless Feeders.*
My fear of human beings is all-pervasive, and so intense that I had to cover up every instance of it with a sort of covert, Cold War combativeness. Every day my mind is occupied by violent fantasies from the depths of Hell, vivid and quite realistic. Lately these fantasies have become more mundane such that I can bring them to the brink of what is plausible for my reality.
To be honest? I don't mind being perceived as evil, as long as they believe I'm more powerful or dangerous than them. It keeps them in check. I have no moral qualms being a user/abuser/general a-hole. I believe sometimes that I am a fallen angel sent from the Other Side to judge mankind, to decide who to save and who to blame, and to be humanity's judge, jury, and executioner.
As far as I'm concerned, the neurotypical has LONG exhausted their priveledge of ruling the world. The corruption must end... painfully if necessary.