This is a really painful experience. I swear, once I am over this hurt, I will never go back. When he does this, it literally makes my stomach hurt, and I get the worst anxiety ever. Anxiety and stomach pains together are no joke. I have done a lot of research and now understand what an avoidant is. I will be staying away from him an any avoidant. This is too much for me when I'm a good woman.
@@spiritwanderer777I believe they're people that have survived narcissists. Doesn't make it right to hurt someone else, but they can be so traumatized and not even realize it, they don't know what they're doing. If they realize they hurt you they feel really bad about it, I've seen that. ( If they don't, then it's not avoidant but some other diagnosis). I think all their alarms go off in their head and they get so scared that they don't think in the moment. Their brain screaming "get out or die" of course it's just a panic reaction, but seems a real thing in the moment. I think we have to just see it's their traumas and not beat ourselves up or download bitterness into our soul.. those are just peeps full of their own hurts from their parents and past
@tanisha It's not easy; I wish the world were a better place and didn't create this in the first place. When we heal, I believe we're kinda helping the world to heal too. We see their pain too; they didn't become like this from choice but from what they survived. Things get better with time ❤
I'm so sorry you're going through this❤ Your pain is a wave. It will wash through you, don't fight it, breathe and lean into it, knowing it will go back out again. I place my hand on my heart while lying down. It brings comfort to me from my highest mother self. Know your right person is waiting for you. I know it's cliche, but believing the pain teaches us what is not meant for us. When it's right, there's mutuality🦋
I used to be one of you, watching videos about avoidants and hoping they'll change their mind and come back. The reality is that most avoidants are broken, they don't care about how you feel and they are going to hurt you again, if you let them. Do not expect a huge gesture or a change from their part, because they cannot give you that. They might say they missed you; they might appear to be vulnerable for a moment. But they are just going to discard you like they did before. Block them, tell them to go to hell, but do not expect anything from them. There are plenty of healthy people in the world who are going to love you and respect you for who you are.
@nessyness1494 while you shouldn't tolerate any sign of disrespect, you cannot deny his right to be envolve either. I understand you, it's a complicated situation. Be careful and set boundaries. Keep record of everything in case you need to go over a litigious dispute
The pain in my heart is unbearable, my husband leaving our marriage have put a ton in my heart, I have been telling myself am strong enough but am not sure I am, I haven’t been able to get him of my mind, I just want him back.
I left my DA partner who I loved dearly. It was hard… but he pushed and pushed and just became nasty. And then he actually TOLD ME I deserve better and that he never thought he deserved my love. He will find someone at his emotional level. He “never trusted” me. Which is insane cuz I couldn’t have been more honest and transparent. Even sharing my location. He shared his throughout our relationship then when in a fight would stop the sharing. So childish
My partner was the opposite , he complained he never saw me enough but never made an effort to come see me. It was always me going over to his place. He always made plans woth his friends and I would of course go woth him, but he hardly ever made plans for jist us two. I felt he always wanted things om his terms
Its not because we have no emotions. Its quite the opposite. We feel so deeply and tend to put a huge block and dont want to feel the pain and fear from loving so deeply.
🫶 ime: it seemed they’d just been through some heavy stuff with their ex. i gave them space and time. i kept things lighter and more casual. when i checked in with them about that they acted like they were insulted. it was as if they were telling me i didn’t care about them bc i cared enough to do the right thing. (instead of enabling by being another monkey branch, another obsessive codependent toxic relationship, another diversionary fling, etc.). then, if i opened up or shared anything or expressed anything, it was like they were making me out to be some kind of cringe stan. at first, there were problems with transportation on my end of things, so that’s not on them. then it was excuses (their roommates were toxic; they needed time alone to heal; divine timing - as if there were nowhere else in the world to go; ok but then why out partying, with “friends” {usually exes or situationship ppl or new wtvrs}; is the fact that there we were, then, not divine timing enough? there were actual celestial and cosmic events, too!). . . basically ‘timing’ seemed to mean exactly when they would choose, with no regard or concern for me or anyone else. (which then became never; there’s pretty much an endless supply of attention for them, and people who offer more surface social cache, like looks and money, than i do). i was fine with giving space and time. that’s healthy. but not when it’s a lie, so chronically.
Avoidants are not always emotionally neglected. Sometimes they are coddled, spoiled children whose parents accepted their bad behaviors and enabled. They are NOT always a neglected child.
That’s interesting that you say that… My wife is the avoidant and we are separated. Been together 18 years. I did my best to ensure she could be a stay at home wife and later a stay at home mother. My grandpa told me that if I allowed her to do that I would have problems with her. I think what my grandpa was trying to tell me was that she will get spoiled. And your comment is the first one I have seen who mentioned being spoiled. She did some really bad stuff to me and our kids. But I am hurt so bad and still want her back. She agreed to counseling but she doesn’t seem like she wants to go or that she wants the marriage to work out. She tells me that she doesn’t know who she is and I need to be prepared for her to decide that she wants something else. She told me marriage vows dont matter. She is a completely different person than I married. I have been such a good husband to her… I stood up to her and confronted her about the bad things she was doing to me and the kids. And that’s what started this. Now she is living with a friend and now she has a job… been separated 42 days now. I started having problems with her about 8 months ago. She told me she had “daddy issues” and “needed to be known as more than a wife and a mother”. I have no idea who I married anymore. We have been inseparable for 18 years and now all of this. She has done crazy stuff this past year…
I'm 42 yrs old. Never knew that there was such thing as an avoidant, but I know now, and found out the wrong way:/ So much of me has been lost. I have to find that man again. This education is priceless. Thank you
Read The Myth Of Sisyphus. Having a relationship with an avoidant feels totally absurd and the path to healing is accepting your inability to do anything about what happened or is happening to you.
After nine months of processing, I have finally healed. I have moved on with my life and am becoming my best self. Thank God. I bless him and hope he is doing well.
I feel you have shared a balanced representation of an avoident. I had an avoident wife for 34 years. I seen the cycles and witnessed the brutal treatment from parents. I tried to love her harder and be her all but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. No one can change another person's deep core wounds. As the partner of an avoident you have become the main caregiver. Unconsciously you have inherited the responsibility for the core wounds. Its not logical but they continue to use out dated maladaptive survival practices. Its how they survived as children. Its unbelievably painful but it may help to know it's about them and not you. They cannot give you what they don't have. I have learned to try to separate my experience from her experience. She is a good woman and took her trauma with her. She lives several states away and I don't hear from her. Its very tough to experience this and watch good people suffer. Best is to give them grace and keep reminding yourself that they cannot give you what they didn't have. Its the truth. I wish the very best for the person who is struggling inside of herself. In these people are good people. Hope this helps
Im an SA who gives the avoidants exactly what they want once I identify them as avoidants (especialyl DAs). I dump them and never look back. And the last thing I'm ever going to do is pine away for them. Knowing that I meant nothing to them is what makes it so easy to never look back. Remember - you're not in love with the avoidant - you're in love with what you originally thought the avoidant was until you found out the hard way that they never were that person. THIS is the secret to getting over an avoidant overnight. Well, ok, that and a motorcycle.
@@ashton1952 no, if I was an avoidant, I'd also be going through the repeating cycles of relief and fault-finding, loneliness, vague reconnection attempts, and failure to self reflect until I find a new sucker to add to the phantom ex pile. I do none of those things. I just have enough self respect to identify and purge these vampires from what's left of my life.
I had the opportunity to ghost him and break up first, but each time he comes begging, my heart goes soft and I go back to him. Cos I also don’t want to ghost him as it’s such a cruel way to breakup But guess what? What I get in return is his epic ghosting without even mentioning he wants a breakup LOL. Conclusion is even if you love and care about an avoidant. Know that they are NOT capable of loving. They only love themselves
Thankyou for this! She broke up with me without any good reason.. we’re just “not made for each other” it all makes no sense we were all happy and from 1 to another day she’s lying to herself and building a wall for me. This experience really hurts me.
Thank u for making me heal being left from the man i thougt was mine until death. I wish him a good life n healing and i miss the illusion of him every day.
I can feel empathy for the avoidant as a child being emotionally neglected, just like I can feel empathy for a child that has been abused, however once that child grows up and commits the same abuse patterns my empathy is gone. Hurting someone (physically, sexually, or emotionally) because you were abused as a kid is NOT an acceptable excuse period.
This is probably the best explanation I've heard on how avoidants avoid processing loss. It seems they run from grief because they've been through it before and it wasn't a nice experience so the best way for them to deal with it is ignore their inner emotions and pretend they're ok. The problem with that is the subconscious has a habit of opening its door occasionally and if grief has been locked in there with other things, it'll peek out and almost always escape.
what makes me the saddest here isn't me. I know I am doing the right things. What makes me saddest is the pain and trauma my avoidant partner has gone through in their past, and how it's made them fearful of reaching out to finally grasp the very thing they need.
My avoidant gave me that exact same speech during the blindsided breakup. "I can't give you what you need. " Along with a bunch of other excuses that did not make sense and I was hearing for the very first time.
Mine too, explanations "I cant give you wat you need, "Im sorry I got issues. Im tired. I got so much job to done, "this is who I am if you dont like me go away"😢
@@andreamegec2290 mine too... said he dont need love he just want to live freely. But going to marry someone now...already started to date with her when he leave me
After she asked us to stop, I didn't know what it was about and I just agreed and went on my way. Today I accidentally came across this video and started connecting things. She was an avoidant without me knowing, inexperience. I would definitely accept her as she is, but I can't because she doesn't accept herself either
Just broke up with an avoidant and God...first days I was just blaming myself and then I knew that I did everything right...not to blame myself and just let this toxic person go...
Let me give you some advice... Once you find out someone is an avoidant... Run like hell. Never look back. These people will drain your soul to your core. You will not fix them. Forget it. You will drive yourself mad dealing with these people.
My DA's ex dump me 1 month ago, i know he's DA from the start, but i love him so much 😢 were on in a relationship in 6yrs. It's hard to let him go because i love him even his worse
I feel that!!! He can't communicate and just ghosted me??? I'm not playing his games anymore!!! Haven't heard from him in a month and I've gone NC so I hope he misses me!!!! They say silence is very powerful.
I don't understand how the avoidance can leave one relationship and talking about how they want space but then they go into another relationship with another person I thought they wanted space
Because it's not space from relationships they want. It is space from what was built with you. It is space from the pressures of the original commitment. It is space from whatever triggers their attachment system. Specifically what triggers their deactivation. It is space from what they are trying to avoid within themselves. Which is coincidentally something they absolutely can not run from!
I have had two avoidant situations that’s what I call them. Yes despite the fact we went our separate ways they seem to appear out of the blue at different stages over the years. They never managed to get close to me again and they never will. I have grown and become resilient emotionally and have healed immensely. We are not in the same ball park right now, I do believe they may have grown a little perhaps and realised what they lost. I’m at peace with that. They are not the men I want in my life that’s undeniably clear.
So sad ! I was the discard of a DA . We could have had a wonderful relationship but he didn’t want to face his emotions . Now after listening to you I know that is what it was. As my Grandaughter couldn’t see why he wouldn’t want me . She thinks I am the best. He was good to her.I didn’t even realize what all was was happening until you explained it all and now it makes since! I was ready to make this relationship work, but he monkey branched me and I see all of the things as a process he seems to repeat in relationships now. He seems to have no remorse for ditching me when I know I was the best thing he ever had. I know this from his explanation of his other relationships and his part in them.
To everyone in here: if your attachment style is ANYTHING other than secure, focus on forming a secure attachment. That is the KEY to setting up relationships for success. We CAN heal our attachment styles. ❤❤❤
Even if you’re secure, it still hurts to be discarded and treated like you never existed, and for the person who you thought loved you to act unaffected. It is disorienting to even the most secure person, especially when you lose your time energy and effort that you invested for possibly years.
@@Freudster21It does, but being secure isn't allowing or internalising what's happened to you in the past. No one's perfect but being secure is worth more than gold. So many seem to be "damaged goods" (l was one of those- Anxious attachment) but they have to do the work to heal.
i just left my avoidant bf. I just ended it all. Currently, sitting in my car crying my eyes, but i know I have to feel this feelings i'm having, and I know I've done my part, I've tried to help him. I gave him advices that what he's doing is wrong but that's it. It's all on him now. I care about him, he helped me a lot in other stuff. Some part of me is feel so bad for leaving him, but I know he'll be fine. Can't believe it's done.
i have dealt with one they constantly tried to ruin my mental equilibrium when i was doing something important in my life used to verbally abuse me at minor inconveniences. 4 days of no contact i hope and pray that i forget this person and never he crosses my mind and comes and Apologizes to me for the disrespect abuse after giving so much to this relationship I am completely drained trying to redirect my life. 😊
The truth is that we are. We have used every heartbreak to train ourselves to be unphased by another person. Yes we miss, yes we desperately want to reach out to restore balance. But we will never do it.
This guy hit the needle right on the head. I'm being blamed for every single thing that went wrong. He's a narcissist as well as an avoidant. He won't take accountability for anything. He unexpectedly unexpectedly discarded me and it hurts because I'm the one who should have been doing the dumping.
This came at the right time. I've been dealing with these thoughts myself but this reminded me who my ex is. I know his story. I know about his childhood trauma and how he deals with pain. I just hope that one day I'll be able to assure him that I love and accept him.
This happened this to me 4 months before a wedding last year, after 6 years. I am still in shock and grief. Some days that pain is too much. He left having someone love him unconditionally and always engaged, willing to do whatever was needed for success.
I feel for you. I’m looking for people to talk with who understand, since my friends are all just patting me on the head telling me I’ll find someone better.
You don't want these people back. These are trainwrecks. You're not their therapist. You dodged a bullet. Get yourself back. You'll know it and you will feel healthy/normal again.
Yes. I feel totally blindsided blindsided. Yes. You described them to the teeth. We have known each other for many years and I thought he had mature and would be ready for a meaningful relationship. WRONG!!! He is even worse than back then. Noticed a lot of anger and behaviors directed at hurting me and even some rejection from his part. I also noticed he has a lot of health related issues and that was surprising to me. Anyhow, this was my last try. There is no hope in hell he would do any healing and do not have the time to wait anyway. So, I will get over whatever I need to get over. And even if i cannot get him over I will live with it, but destined to be a ghost in my life. Thank you for this video. It really helped me to clarify myself even more. ❤❤❤
All the ways you said they are suffering are ways that the ones discarded suffer too, except we can't just switch off and distract from the breakup. Must be nice to be able to do that instead of suffering! They are completely toxic.
I found out he was an avoidant when it was too late....its been 2 months since we broke up....there was a time I tried texting him and he called me immediately, it felt nice but he had already moved on with someone else...it followed by inconsistent calls, if you text he doesnt reply...calls after 2 or 3 days and it was the worst feeling ever for I had started to move on and now I was back to square one....I prayed to God for peace and to take away all the feelings I had for my ex cause four years was a loong time and yeah I'm starting to feel the peace of God slowly and anytime he crosses my mind I think of the bad things he did to me and I brush the good memories off....I pray that I fully move on and that someday I'll date a secure person cause I'm a good person I don't deserve someone who needs to go to therapy first to learn to love others
Yes- this is what happened 11 years together and he moved on after less than a month, like I never existed, but didn’t bother to tell me when we would talk. I found out and now we’re completely nc- forever
Very good explanation. Me and my partner who Ive decided to seperate with because of his emotionaly unavailability. Is already on dating sites not even been a week 😢
Thank you so much for expressing so eloquently and concisely what an avoidant is, I knew the term and condition or attachment style from other videos, but you just not only described perfectly my ex but also what I am going through after giving all of me to her, and she healing with me, all to get paid with the complete other side of the coin, and feeling this insufferable and endless guilt trying to find what did I do wrong, listening to you has helped me really settle that idea in my head that I should stop blaming myself because I didn’t do anything wrong.
My gf of 3.5 years broke up with me. I feel so distraught. This video is exactly what I needed. My avoidant gf is doing everything other than dating the last 3 days after our breakup that you are talking about here. It made me feel a bit better about her numbness and my perception of her numbness.
Did you gf gets that glazed over look when you talked about feelings? My partner did I have ended the relationship and he already on dating sites 😢 If you need to chat I'll talk to you x x
@@sellbydate well apparently my gf isn’t avoidant. I had her take the test and she came back secure. She’s just numb as she says. I downloaded dating apps. But not because I moved on. I just needed a sense of value that I had a hard time giving myself last week. I’m mentally ok right now but overall it’s not easy.
@@austinevs it's the worse pain just know even the initiator is hurting as well because I am. It's a cliche but time does heal. I had a ten year relationship before this one and I never thought I'd ever get over it and I did I now wish him all the best wholeheartedly. It's a grieving process infact in some ways it's harder than someone dying when you seperate because you know they are still there living their life. I wish you all the best in a fast healing X X 💕
It seems after this much time,its finally the moment to move on and start to forget about her,i really hope she will find a man that will love as much and unconditionally as i did to her for 2 years before the discard breakup.
How did you find strength in saying so? I am struggling to think anything positively even from the good moments we had.. its harder because he was a good one, there were problems which could've been addressed through open communication, but he randomly decided to end things with me out of the blue.. I don't have any malicious feelings except layers of hurt, but I wonder how someone on the receiving end of such hurt wish any well for the dumper..
It is very painful to go through. Mind filed for divorce after 20 years and three young kids to be with the other woman after we had just moved into our brand new home in a different city. It has been hell because of course it came out of nowhere and having to pick up the broken pieces with the kids has been tough. It is all very, very sad. I wish I could do to this deactivation thing and keep my mind off of all of this, ruminating over all the lies and answers I just won't receive anyway, it's like I wish I could be an avoidant when it comes to this situation so the hurt doesn't surface every time I think why why why why why why
While it is good to have an understanding of why avoidants act the way they do, at the end of the day they are extremely selfish, hurtful, self-centered and narcissistic. They can walk away from relationships at the snap of their fingers, devastating the other person. Avoid avoidants at all costs.
This is exactly what happened to me! She left me broken and I’m having a hard time bouncing back.. Even her family is mad at her for doing me the way she did me. I can’t believe it because we were so close. I just want to get over the hurt
@@nurserayshun3439I’m healing too brother. Months of intimacy, moving in and promises, when everything was perfect, she left! They don’t deserve love sadly! I think they are mental patients, emotionally unavailable beings, it’s always about them! Time to love yourself.
Your videos are great! Thank you so much to telling us the knowledge you have. You have helped me very much to for understanding this kind of persons. You do great Job here ❤❤❤
I kept getting together with this fool. I am so glad I am emotionally stable and able to heal . I refuse to be hurt by this individual and let them ruin my life. Goodbye forever I am not interested in this type.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
Same here 5 years but she actually attached to someone else two weeks into break up. Not grieving us or process her feelings but just trying to get attention and distract herself with a new guy.m
So I'm crying every day and have gone on medication.....and he's acting totally ok. That's terrible. He doesn't miss me or anything??? That is really painful
I feel for you my dear I’m going through the same thing. I know exactly what you feel. I’ve been getting up at 4am with anxiety and chest pains. The world is just unjust
Yes!! It's Terrible!!! He ghosted me for Three weeks I was crying all the time, not sleeping or eating. When I did eat something it went right threw me!!! He came back and we tried again and had a wonderful weekend, he even said he would marry me tomorrow. I told him what it did to me he said oh Honey I'm so sorry!! Then a little over a week later he ghosted me again!!! How can he do that????
2.5 years of being the love of her life, next thing you know she’s picking fights. I said maybe we shouldn’t be together if you’re not happy being around me. Poof! She gone and seems to be emotionless. I’m like you don’t miss me at all? Nope! This is the worse feeling I ever had
Mannnnm this just happened to me. Spun my head around and i didnt handle it well at first. Felt lkke i was 5 years old for a week now. Im trykng so hard to stay away and try to empathize but i sold out my boundaries the first few days, ughhhh.
They break up with you and act like it doesn't phase them at all. Months later it still doesn't bother them. And you tell them they hurt you and they say no I didn't. Refuse to take accountability for anything. It hurts and makes you feel like nothing. It's unreal how it comes out of nowhere and cold and cruel they can be.
I think you should also address the scenarios where all of this is accurate… BUT, instead of them leaving, the other person leaves because they just pushed and pushed to the point where the secure person wouldn’t take it anymore.
@@palmiccz thank you that's helpful! I just can't get how I'm broken hearted and he's happy in his new fcuk buddy relationship ! Literally like nothings bothered! He's happy and I'm broken ? And he is the one who went off me? What did I do wrong? He cheated on me to end things?
I’m a FA and I’m sure he’s probably a DA or some sort of avoidant. He convinced me to be in relationship, he talked about marriage and even gave me the ring his father had given his mother. I loved him unconditional with my whole heart, was supportive, encouraging, motivating we never had a fight. He started his business rt before we started dating and the financial pressures plus family stuff and etc. was getting to him, and he was always on the road due to the nature of his business. I saw all this in the beginning but he was adamant about a relationship. He couldn’t be there for me like he knew he should be and said it wasn’t fair to me. Honestly, he was right. I had to really think about it and not be selfish or run off with my own thoughts the truth was he wasn’t in a position to help me financially, be there emotionally, or physically. I believe we truly loved one another . Yes it hurts but the positive takeaway is that I learned that I do want to be in a loving relationship when I ( the FA) was always self sabotaging and avoiding commitment. I’m not bitter and I wish him all the best, I chose to heal from past traumas and really do the work so that I can be the best version of myself for when God sends me the person that’s meant for me. I believe that he was a lesson and that I’ve finally passed the test so that I can be ready to receive what God has in store for me. Yes I was sick, couldn’t eat, cried , prayed, meditated, manifested, said every affirmation, and all the above but at this point I just want a calm peaceful spirit and not be anxious or weary . I’m content in knowing that I loved him the best way that I could and that so many men out there would kill to have the love I gave. I’m unforgettable and I know it so no matter what woman he dates he will never ever EVER forget about me!
I'm an avoidant and I can say it's been 1 week NC and I do feel hurt and upset just like her even though I've been really busy and out on trips. We do care
My ex went avoidant and got with her ex but still wants to be friends. She said its because she cares. Im not sure what to think of that. Would you mind giving your opinion.
@@derekenlow7607if you’re trying to be her friend in hopes that she will change you are doing yourself a disservice. She does care but not enough to change or to be with you only. If you were that other guy would you want her to have a friend she used to love around? You either deal with the pain now or later. I’m not saying you have to cut her off but you gotta look at this from all sides and angles. It sucks but you gotta look at it like stubbing your toe on a chair. In the moment it’s the worst thing possible but 20 hours later you will probably forget you even stubbed your toe.
My wife has the help of her mother. I miss her so much but she won’t even talk to me. Stating that we’ll just get into another fight and we’ll be right back where we started. No I was dealing with my brothers cancer. This traumatic experience changed people
Im so sorry us ( secured/anxious) has to go through alot bcz of these Avoid-ants, but please take this as a learning and find your next partner wisely especially make sure its a secured partner. You don’t have to worry or get any validation from people vanished from our life. There are 7 billion people out there with different style of attachment and values😊
Why do they run from people who care and show them love instead of the ones that treat them like crap and like their feelings don’t matter since that is what that were used to as a child?
My ex gave numerous chance to her previous partner who cheated on her 5 times but I got the boot just for talking about marriage and future together. She also moved out from our house and moved in with her step-cousin who she claimed raped her few years ago and also sleep on the same bed with him.
I got dumped by an avoidant, I was willing to stay and help her through everything but she dumped me and went to the club day of and has been going to the club every weekend, she even went the day she dumped me. Like she dumped me that morning then went to the club that night. it’s just a terrible feeling and I don’t know if she’s trying to distract her self or if she’s actually like that. I was really committed to her and I was hoping we could grow and change by eachothers side but she just gave up on me and on our relationship. Our talking stage was 3 months and we were official for one month before she ended it
Not very accurate they got an amazing ability to NOT get in any relationship with abusive partners in the first place…they are so disconnected from others that abusive behaviours never even touch them on the inside…they will not get involved with you not even for a casual hookup ( their favourite)..they are the least attachment style to get involved with narcissists..they are so cold that even narcissists can’t abuse them emotionally I’m not abusive I’m just fearful avoidant ( volatile when things go south😅) …and you know what gets me extremely volatile? Lack of transparency…I dumped him he didn’t try to stay or fix anything…he’ll never be honest and I can’t invest in a liar…so I left…yes he blocked me for 7 months he is still hurt….but does it really make a difference if they stay while still abusing you??? Withholding affection , commitment and the truth of their intentions is abuse…no abusive person wants an abusive partner they always pick the best out there…
Not really. They are attracted to emotionally stunted (or they like to believe so) because it promises simplicity and further avoidance of emotions but there's nothing there. Their relations with abusive partners are hollow and meaningless even when they happen. They are truly attracted and afraid of the real thing, at the same time.
I’ll tell you what. I stayed in grief for exactly one week until I accepted the realization that this person made the decision to blindside me and hurt me. Poor DAs and their issues. They are dangerous to your emotional and mental health and act like it’s no big deal because they have to find themselves. It’s all about them. From beginning to end. If you can really internalize that you will heal much faster.
This is a really painful experience. I swear, once I am over this hurt, I will never go back. When he does this, it literally makes my stomach hurt, and I get the worst anxiety ever. Anxiety and stomach pains together are no joke. I have done a lot of research and now understand what an avoidant is. I will be staying away from him an any avoidant. This is too much for me when I'm a good woman.
I’m going through the same thing right now! It’s indescribable pain!!! 😫
i will avoid avoidants harder than they avoid themselves. such selfish people
@@spiritwanderer777I believe they're people that have survived narcissists. Doesn't make it right to hurt someone else, but they can be so traumatized and not even realize it, they don't know what they're doing. If they realize they hurt you they feel really bad about it, I've seen that. ( If they don't, then it's not avoidant but some other diagnosis). I think all their alarms go off in their head and they get so scared that they don't think in the moment. Their brain screaming "get out or die" of course it's just a panic reaction, but seems a real thing in the moment. I think we have to just see it's their traumas and not beat ourselves up or download bitterness into our soul.. those are just peeps full of their own hurts from their parents and past
@tanisha It's not easy; I wish the world were a better place and didn't create this in the first place. When we heal, I believe we're kinda helping the world to heal too. We see their pain too; they didn't become like this from choice but from what they survived. Things get better with time ❤
I'm so sorry you're going through this❤ Your pain is a wave. It will wash through you, don't fight it, breathe and lean into it, knowing it will go back out again. I place my hand on my heart while lying down. It brings comfort to me from my highest mother self. Know your right person is waiting for you. I know it's cliche, but believing the pain teaches us what is not meant for us. When it's right, there's mutuality🦋
I used to be one of you, watching videos about avoidants and hoping they'll change their mind and come back. The reality is that most avoidants are broken, they don't care about how you feel and they are going to hurt you again, if you let them. Do not expect a huge gesture or a change from their part, because they cannot give you that. They might say they missed you; they might appear to be vulnerable for a moment. But they are just going to discard you like they did before. Block them, tell them to go to hell, but do not expect anything from them. There are plenty of healthy people in the world who are going to love you and respect you for who you are.
But what happens when you get pregnant by one? DA claims he wants to be in the kids' lives but became disrespectful toward the mother
@nessyness1494 while you shouldn't tolerate any sign of disrespect, you cannot deny his right to be envolve either. I understand you, it's a complicated situation. Be careful and set boundaries. Keep record of everything in case you need to go over a litigious dispute
Thank you.. 🤧🤧
The pain in my heart is unbearable, my husband leaving our marriage have put a ton in my heart, I have been telling myself am strong enough but am not sure I am, I haven’t been able to get him of my mind, I just want him back.
This is a very familiar pain. I know how unbearable it feels.
Did you go through similar situation and how did you deal with it?
Yes I did but I got my partner back with the help of a spiritual Counsellor Father Akabu. He has a gift for restoring broken relationships.
Do you think he can help me?
I’m sure he can. You can find him online he’s a very powerful spiritualist.
Mine was seeing somebody else before the slow fade away began. I don't blame myself, I realized I was too good for her.
same here, suddenly i saw a real person without a mask, then faded away slowly
Yes, Jess, an emotional affair is still a betrayal and being unfaithful.
@@garyforbes8711 I know they cheat on you and then end things? So they are fine with new person and your left heart broken it's so unfair
I left my DA partner who I loved dearly. It was hard… but he pushed and pushed and just became nasty. And then he actually TOLD ME I deserve better and that he never thought he deserved my love.
He will find someone at his emotional level.
He “never trusted” me. Which is insane cuz I couldn’t have been more honest and transparent. Even sharing my location.
He shared his throughout our relationship then when in a fight would stop the sharing. So childish
@@CarolineBlack-x3q Yes!!
Karma can't come fast enough!!
They want a relationship with no emotion, no feelings, never seeing each other, what the hell. Everything on their terms
My partner was the opposite , he complained he never saw me enough but never made an effort to come see me. It was always me going over to his place. He always made plans woth his friends and I would of course go woth him, but he hardly ever made plans for jist us two. I felt he always wanted things om his terms
Exactly. They are cold-hearted.
Its not because we have no emotions. Its quite the opposite. We feel so deeply and tend to put a huge block and dont want to feel the pain and fear from loving so deeply.
@@ladymiss9134So in other words, y’all are f’d up.
🫶 ime:
it seemed they’d just been through some heavy stuff with their ex. i gave them space and time. i kept things lighter and more casual. when i checked in with them about that they acted like they were insulted. it was as if they were telling me i didn’t care about them bc i cared enough to do the right thing. (instead of enabling by being another monkey branch, another obsessive codependent toxic relationship, another diversionary fling, etc.). then, if i opened up or shared anything or expressed anything, it was like they were making me out to be some kind of cringe stan.
at first, there were problems with transportation on my end of things, so that’s not on them. then it was excuses (their roommates were toxic; they needed time alone to heal; divine timing - as if there were nowhere else in the world to go; ok but then why out partying, with “friends” {usually exes or situationship ppl or new wtvrs}; is the fact that there we were, then, not divine timing enough? there were actual celestial and cosmic events, too!). . . basically ‘timing’ seemed to mean exactly when they would choose, with no regard or concern for me or anyone else. (which then became never; there’s pretty much an endless supply of attention for them, and people who offer more surface social cache, like looks and money, than i do).
i was fine with giving space and time. that’s healthy. but not when it’s a lie, so chronically.
Avoidants are not always emotionally neglected. Sometimes they are coddled, spoiled children whose parents accepted their bad behaviors and enabled. They are NOT always a neglected child.
That’s interesting that you say that… My wife is the avoidant and we are separated. Been together 18 years. I did my best to ensure she could be a stay at home wife and later a stay at home mother. My grandpa told me that if I allowed her to do that I would have problems with her. I think what my grandpa was trying to tell me was that she will get spoiled. And your comment is the first one I have seen who mentioned being spoiled. She did some really bad stuff to me and our kids. But I am hurt so bad and still want her back. She agreed to counseling but she doesn’t seem like she wants to go or that she wants the marriage to work out. She tells me that she doesn’t know who she is and I need to be prepared for her to decide that she wants something else. She told me marriage vows dont matter. She is a completely different person than I married. I have been such a good husband to her… I stood up to her and confronted her about the bad things she was doing to me and the kids. And that’s what started this. Now she is living with a friend and now she has a job… been separated 42 days now. I started having problems with her about 8 months ago. She told me she had “daddy issues” and “needed to be known as more than a wife and a mother”. I have no idea who I married anymore. We have been inseparable for 18 years and now all of this. She has done crazy stuff this past year…
Bad behaviours indicate emotional neglect....acting out to be seen.
I'm 42 yrs old.
Never knew that there was such thing as an avoidant, but I know now, and found out the wrong way:/
So much of me has been lost. I have to find that man again. This education is priceless.
Thank you
Same man, same
Now you are gonna be an expert and won’t let it happen. I learned my lesson
Will be better
Read The Myth Of Sisyphus. Having a relationship with an avoidant feels totally absurd and the path to healing is accepting your inability to do anything about what happened or is happening to you.
After nine months of processing, I have finally healed. I have moved on with my life and am becoming my best self. Thank God. I bless him and hope he is doing well.
I feel you have shared a balanced representation of an avoident. I had an avoident wife for 34 years. I seen the cycles and witnessed the brutal treatment from parents. I tried to love her harder and be her all but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. No one can change another person's deep core wounds. As the partner of an avoident you have become the main caregiver. Unconsciously you have inherited the responsibility for the core wounds. Its not logical but they continue to use out dated maladaptive survival practices. Its how they survived as children. Its unbelievably painful but it may help to know it's about them and not you. They cannot give you what they don't have. I have learned to try to separate my experience from her experience. She is a good woman and took her trauma with her. She lives several states away and I don't hear from her. Its very tough to experience this and watch good people suffer. Best is to give them grace and keep reminding yourself that they cannot give you what they didn't have. Its the truth. I wish the very best for the person who is struggling inside of herself. In these people are good people.
Hope this helps
I was thinking my 16 years was long. It was nice to see someone else having been through this for that long. Gives me hope.
Im an SA who gives the avoidants exactly what they want once I identify them as avoidants (especialyl DAs). I dump them and never look back. And the last thing I'm ever going to do is pine away for them. Knowing that I meant nothing to them is what makes it so easy to never look back. Remember - you're not in love with the avoidant - you're in love with what you originally thought the avoidant was until you found out the hard way that they never were that person. THIS is the secret to getting over an avoidant overnight. Well, ok, that and a motorcycle.
Anymore it's self pity at how much someone treating you like dirt meant to you and all the warning signs you missed.
That makes you an avoidant. What is concerning is all the likes.
@@ashton1952 no, if I was an avoidant, I'd also be going through the repeating cycles of relief and fault-finding, loneliness, vague reconnection attempts, and failure to self reflect until I find a new sucker to add to the phantom ex pile. I do none of those things. I just have enough self respect to identify and purge these vampires from what's left of my life.
I had the opportunity to ghost him and break up first, but each time he comes begging, my heart goes soft and I go back to him. Cos I also don’t want to ghost him as it’s such a cruel way to breakup
But guess what? What I get in return is his epic ghosting without even mentioning he wants a breakup LOL.
Conclusion is even if you love and care about an avoidant. Know that they are NOT capable of loving. They only love themselves
@user-xh2kw5eh1uI understand yess but they dont love themselfs , and thats why they cannot love or reciprocate real love deep
Thank you for being direct and clarifying this behavior....It helps me understand that its not me.
🙏🏽🙌
Thankyou for this! She broke up with me without any good reason.. we’re just “not made for each other” it all makes no sense we were all happy and from 1 to another day she’s lying to herself and building a wall for me. This experience really hurts me.
Thank u for making me heal being left from the man i thougt was mine until death. I wish him a good life n healing and i miss the illusion of him every day.
I can feel empathy for the avoidant as a child being emotionally neglected, just like I can feel empathy for a child that has been abused, however once that child grows up and commits the same abuse patterns my empathy is gone. Hurting someone (physically, sexually, or emotionally) because you were abused as a kid is NOT an acceptable excuse period.
This is probably the best explanation I've heard on how avoidants avoid processing loss. It seems they run from grief because they've been through it before and it wasn't a nice experience so the best way for them to deal with it is ignore their inner emotions and pretend they're ok. The problem with that is the subconscious has a habit of opening its door occasionally and if grief has been locked in there with other things, it'll peek out and almost always escape.
I pity him. It must be hard not being able to accept love
what makes me the saddest here isn't me. I know I am doing the right things. What makes me saddest is the pain and trauma my avoidant partner has gone through in their past, and how it's made them fearful of reaching out to finally grasp the very thing they need.
This makes a lot of sense. I truly feel sorry for her and hope that she finds the healing she needs.
My avoidant gave me that exact same speech during the blindsided breakup. "I can't give you what you need. " Along with a bunch of other excuses that did not make sense and I was hearing for the very first time.
Mine too, explanations "I cant give you wat you need, "Im sorry I got issues. Im tired. I got so much job to done, "this is who I am if you dont like me go away"😢
Mine said he didn’t want to be in a serious relationship. He entered a serious relationship six days before we broke up.
@@ingridsanchez9787 Omg, I'm so sorry to hear that
@@andreamegec2290 mine too... said he dont need love he just want to live freely. But going to marry someone now...already started to date with her when he leave me
Running from having to go through the grief process never works. Grief always catches up, sometimes when they're with the distraction.
After she asked us to stop, I didn't know what it was about and I just agreed and went on my way. Today I accidentally came across this video and started connecting things. She was an avoidant without me knowing, inexperience. I would definitely accept her as she is, but I can't because she doesn't accept herself either
She absolutely destroyed me. Amazing how they can do something like this.
Rise again like the phoenix from the ashes!
@ oh we good now mostly. Took about a year but damnnnn…not fun😂
@@ArchiveChamber We? You got back with her?
I'm completely destroyed
He completely crushed me and I never thought he would be able to hurt me this bad
Thank you for your empathy ❤
Just broke up with an avoidant and God...first days I was just blaming myself and then I knew that I did everything right...not to blame myself and just let this toxic person go...
Sisters, DON’T LET YOUR SELF-WORTH GET DAMAGED BY AVOIDANTS. STAY AWAYYYY FROM THEM
Let me give you some advice... Once you find out someone is an avoidant... Run like hell. Never look back. These people will drain your soul to your core. You will not fix them. Forget it. You will drive yourself mad dealing with these people.
My DA's ex dump me 1 month ago, i know he's DA from the start, but i love him so much 😢 were on in a relationship in 6yrs. It's hard to let him go because i love him even his worse
I feel that!!! He can't communicate and just ghosted me??? I'm not playing his games anymore!!! Haven't heard from him in a month and I've gone NC so I hope he misses me!!!! They say silence is very powerful.
Yes! Run for your life, don't get involved. Just run
I am a victim 😢
Amen 🙏
One nice thing is knowing im not alone and others understand.it can make you feel helpless
I don't understand how the avoidance can leave one relationship and talking about how they want space but then they go into another relationship with another person I thought they wanted space
Because it's not space from relationships they want. It is space from what was built with you. It is space from the pressures of the original commitment. It is space from whatever triggers their attachment system. Specifically what triggers their deactivation. It is space from what they are trying to avoid within themselves. Which is coincidentally something they absolutely can not run from!
I have had two avoidant situations that’s what I call them. Yes despite the fact we went our separate ways they seem to appear out of the blue at different stages over the years. They never managed to get close to me again and they never will.
I have grown and become resilient emotionally and have healed immensely.
We are not in the same ball park right now, I do believe they may have grown a little perhaps and realised what they lost.
I’m at peace with that. They are not the men I want in my life that’s undeniably clear.
I wish to be like this, going through heart break right now but time will heal ❤
So sad ! I was the discard of a DA . We could have had a wonderful relationship but he didn’t want to face his emotions . Now after listening to you I know that is what it was. As my Grandaughter couldn’t see why he wouldn’t want me . She thinks I am the best. He was good to her.I didn’t even realize what all was was happening until you explained it all and now it makes since! I was ready to make this relationship work, but he monkey branched me and I see all of the things as a process he seems to repeat in relationships now. He seems to have no remorse for ditching me when I know I was the best thing he ever had. I know this from his explanation of his other relationships and his part in them.
Its a curse running into one of these demons in your life.
Let them go and do NC. Work on yourself. Forget them. Do not re connect. They’ll do it again! Good luck!😅
To everyone in here: if your attachment style is ANYTHING other than secure, focus on forming a secure attachment. That is the KEY to setting up relationships for success. We CAN heal our attachment styles. ❤❤❤
Even if you’re secure, it still hurts to be discarded and treated like you never existed, and for the person who you thought loved you to act unaffected. It is disorienting to even the most secure person, especially when you lose your time energy and effort that you invested for possibly years.
Yes!! Exactly!
@@Freudster21It does, but being secure isn't allowing or internalising what's happened to you in the past.
No one's perfect but being secure is worth more than gold. So many seem to be "damaged goods" (l was one of those- Anxious attachment) but they have to do the work to heal.
i just left my avoidant bf. I just ended it all. Currently, sitting in my car crying my eyes, but i know I have to feel this feelings i'm having, and I know I've done my part, I've tried to help him. I gave him advices that what he's doing is wrong but that's it. It's all on him now. I care about him, he helped me a lot in other stuff. Some part of me is feel so bad for leaving him, but I know he'll be fine. Can't believe it's done.
Going through this right now. Thanks for this video.
same here. after 6 years with my wife. sorry to hear you are too.
Me too after 3 years ... can we talk to eachother please
Same here, after 6 years. I'm absolutely crushed
You are speaking the whole truth in one short video, tysm! It is helping me very much. Thank you!
i have dealt with one they constantly tried to ruin my mental equilibrium when i was doing something important in my life used to verbally abuse me at minor inconveniences. 4 days of no contact i hope and pray that i forget this person and never he crosses my mind and comes and Apologizes to me for the disrespect abuse after giving so much to this relationship I am completely drained trying to redirect my life. 😊
You will never get an apology. Just move on and heal ❤
The truth is that we are. We have used every heartbreak to train ourselves to be unphased by another person. Yes we miss, yes we desperately want to reach out to restore balance. But we will never do it.
Well there's your answer as to why you feel stuck, lonely, & look immature to others
This guy hit the needle right on the head. I'm being blamed for every single thing that went wrong. He's a narcissist as well as an avoidant. He won't take accountability for anything. He unexpectedly unexpectedly discarded me and it hurts because I'm the one who should have been doing the dumping.
Been there!
This came at the right time. I've been dealing with these thoughts myself but this reminded me who my ex is. I know his story. I know about his childhood trauma and how he deals with pain. I just hope that one day I'll be able to assure him that I love and accept him.
This was one of the hardest parts- thank you for the validation 🙏🏻
Thank you for all of your hard work, its really helping me
You 're literally saving my life... THANK YOU
This happened this to me 4 months before a wedding last year, after 6 years. I am still in shock and grief. Some days that pain is too much. He left having someone love him unconditionally and always engaged, willing to do whatever was needed for success.
I feel for you. I’m looking for people to talk with who understand, since my friends are all just patting me on the head telling me I’ll find someone better.
Same here
@@WavesandPeaks im here, just happened to me. TOTALLY knocked me
@@rcjacksonbrightonthanks, not sure how to get in contact but I’d love to talk and compare notes
Clearly explained! To the point.
Narcissists do this. Immediate discard after finding a new juicier supply. They move on in a matter of seconds like you've never existed.
How can they do that???
I hope he misses me in time!!
You don't want these people back.
These are trainwrecks.
You're not their therapist.
You dodged a bullet.
Get yourself back.
You'll know it and you will feel healthy/normal again.
Amen 🙏
This is incredibly accurate and helpful thank you
Yes. I feel totally blindsided blindsided. Yes. You described them to the teeth.
We have known each other for many years and I thought he had mature and would be ready for a meaningful relationship. WRONG!!! He is even worse than back then.
Noticed a lot of anger and behaviors directed at hurting me and even some rejection from his part.
I also noticed he has a lot of health related issues and that was surprising to me.
Anyhow, this was my last try. There is no hope in hell he would do any healing and do not have the time to wait anyway.
So, I will get over whatever I need to get over. And even if i cannot get him over I will live with it, but destined to be a ghost in my life.
Thank you for this video. It really helped me to clarify myself even more. ❤❤❤
Thanks a lot for these words and this video, they were a real painkiller.
All the ways you said they are suffering are ways that the ones discarded suffer too, except we can't just switch off and distract from the breakup. Must be nice to be able to do that instead of suffering! They are completely toxic.
Anxious and avoidant are the same
@@taylorbee4010 no they're not. Anxious attached will do everything they can to keep the relationship
@@taylorbee4010 erm, no?
@@taylorbee4010bull 💩
Well spoken. Thank you. It says everyting I see her World now. Thank you for clearing my mind
This was a beautifully articulate explanation of this situation. Thank you so much for this video! ✨🌷🙏
I found out he was an avoidant when it was too late....its been 2 months since we broke up....there was a time I tried texting him and he called me immediately, it felt nice but he had already moved on with someone else...it followed by inconsistent calls, if you text he doesnt reply...calls after 2 or 3 days and it was the worst feeling ever for I had started to move on and now I was back to square one....I prayed to God for peace and to take away all the feelings I had for my ex cause four years was a loong time and yeah I'm starting to feel the peace of God slowly and anytime he crosses my mind I think of the bad things he did to me and I brush the good memories off....I pray that I fully move on and that someday I'll date a secure person cause I'm a good person I don't deserve someone who needs to go to therapy first to learn to love others
Yes- this is what happened
11 years together and he moved on after less than a month, like I never existed, but didn’t bother to tell me when we would talk. I found out and now we’re completely nc- forever
Very good explanation.
Me and my partner who Ive decided to seperate with because of his emotionaly unavailability.
Is already on dating sites not even been a week 😢
This is like a nice name for narcissism
Thank you so much for expressing so eloquently and concisely what an avoidant is, I knew the term and condition or attachment style from other videos, but you just not only described perfectly my ex but also what I am going through after giving all of me to her, and she healing with me, all to get paid with the complete other side of the coin, and feeling this insufferable and endless guilt trying to find what did I do wrong, listening to you has helped me really settle that idea in my head that I should stop blaming myself because I didn’t do anything wrong.
The worst thing I have ever experienced relationally.
My gf of 3.5 years broke up with me. I feel so distraught. This video is exactly what I needed. My avoidant gf is doing everything other than dating the last 3 days after our breakup that you are talking about here. It made me feel a bit better about her numbness and my perception of her numbness.
Did you gf gets that glazed over look when you talked about feelings?
My partner did I have ended the relationship and he already on dating sites 😢
If you need to chat I'll talk to you x x
@@sellbydate well apparently my gf isn’t avoidant. I had her take the test and she came back secure. She’s just numb as she says. I downloaded dating apps. But not because I moved on. I just needed a sense of value that I had a hard time giving myself last week. I’m mentally ok right now but overall it’s not easy.
@@austinevs it's the worse pain just know even the initiator is hurting as well because I am.
It's a cliche but time does heal.
I had a ten year relationship before this one and I never thought I'd ever get over it and I did I now wish him all the best wholeheartedly.
It's a grieving process infact in some ways it's harder than someone dying when you seperate because you know they are still there living their life.
I wish you all the best in a fast healing X X 💕
It seems after this much time,its finally the moment to move on and start to forget about her,i really hope she will find a man that will love as much and unconditionally as i did to her for 2 years before the discard breakup.
How did you find strength in saying so? I am struggling to think anything positively even from the good moments we had.. its harder because he was a good one, there were problems which could've been addressed through open communication, but he randomly decided to end things with me out of the blue.. I don't have any malicious feelings except layers of hurt, but I wonder how someone on the receiving end of such hurt wish any well for the dumper..
It is very painful to go through. Mind filed for divorce after 20 years and three young kids to be with the other woman after we had just moved into our brand new home in a different city. It has been hell because of course it came out of nowhere and having to pick up the broken pieces with the kids has been tough. It is all very, very sad. I wish I could do to this deactivation thing and keep my mind off of all of this, ruminating over all the lies and answers I just won't receive anyway, it's like I wish I could be an avoidant when it comes to this situation so the hurt doesn't surface every time I think why why why why why why
Ouch. You deserved so much better than that. You can get through it ❤️✊
While it is good to have an understanding of why avoidants act the way they do, at the end of the day they are extremely selfish, hurtful, self-centered and narcissistic. They can walk away from relationships at the snap of their fingers, devastating the other person. Avoid avoidants at all costs.
This is exactly what happened to me! She left me broken and I’m having a hard time bouncing back.. Even her family is mad at her for doing me the way she did me. I can’t believe it because we were so close. I just want to get over the hurt
@@nurserayshun3439I’m healing too brother. Months of intimacy, moving in and promises, when everything was perfect, she left!
They don’t deserve love sadly! I think they are mental patients, emotionally unavailable beings, it’s always about them! Time to love yourself.
Your videos are great! Thank you so much to telling us the knowledge you have. You have helped me very much to for understanding this kind of persons. You do great Job here ❤❤❤
Im an avoidant that just broke up with an anxious and I wanted to watch this to see how he may be feeling and this is very spot on.
My gf of 8 months is an avoidant. I'm attachment, giver. It's very hard. Eats away at your mental state, little by little until your gone.
I kept getting together with this fool. I am so glad I am emotionally stable and able to heal . I refuse to be hurt by this individual and let them ruin my life. Goodbye forever I am not interested in this type.
I just told myself they were like that before I met them ,so I don’t feel as guilty
The avoidant taught me how to also avoid and so he gets back his own medicine.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Same here 5 years but she actually attached to someone else two weeks into break up. Not grieving us or process her feelings but just trying to get attention and distract herself with a new guy.m
The answer is no a narcissist doesn’t care about anyone but themselves. They’re not capable of love. They are very shallow.
There's no reasoning or repairing these weirdos (I'm being NICE). They know EXACTLY what they're doing. 1st red flag, run. RUN!
Well that declares why when the relationship started going well he pulled away😢
So I'm crying every day and have gone on medication.....and he's acting totally ok. That's terrible. He doesn't miss me or anything??? That is really painful
I feel for you my dear I’m going through the same thing. I know exactly what you feel. I’ve been getting up at 4am with anxiety and chest pains. The world is just unjust
Yes!! It's Terrible!!! He ghosted me for Three weeks I was crying all the time, not sleeping or eating. When I did eat something it went right threw me!!! He came back and we tried again and had a wonderful weekend, he even said he would marry me tomorrow. I told him what it did to me he said oh Honey I'm so sorry!! Then a little over a week later he ghosted me again!!! How can he do that????
Going through this right now. Instead of working things out he went out with his friends. He goes out on lunch dates with other women. Im done
2.5 years of being the love of her life, next thing you know she’s picking fights. I said maybe we shouldn’t be together if you’re not happy being around me. Poof! She gone and seems to be emotionless. I’m like you don’t miss me at all?
Nope! This is the worse feeling I ever had
Went through the exact same thing
If it's any comfort, I'm an Avoidant dumped by another Avoidant & I'm fuck*ng confused by him.
Damn, avoidant with avoidant
That must have been a roller coaster
@debroy379 It was! ❤️
Thanks for this video!
This is right the hell on!
Thankyou for comfort,advice 🙏
Wonderfully put! I want to play it for my avoidant - since he’s trying to do his work
Mannnnm this just happened to me. Spun my head around and i didnt handle it well at first. Felt lkke i was 5 years old for a week now. Im trykng so hard to stay away and try to empathize but i sold out my boundaries the first few days, ughhhh.
They break up with you and act like it doesn't phase them at all. Months later it still doesn't bother them. And you tell them they hurt you and they say no I didn't. Refuse to take accountability for anything. It hurts and makes you feel like nothing. It's unreal how it comes out of nowhere and cold and cruel they can be.
I think you should also address the scenarios where all of this is accurate… BUT, instead of them leaving, the other person leaves because they just pushed and pushed to the point where the secure person wouldn’t take it anymore.
i would love to see a video on this as well
This is SO SAD!
I'm sure being a DA sucks. Losing so many loving, caring people must be sucky.
I was dumped by avoidant who has shagged someone new whilst we were together and didn't even feel any guilt
Or remorse for breaking my heart
I feel you! I'm there, he showed some regret eventually, but he's quite unaffected compared to me who almost lost my sanity.
@@palmiccz thank you that's helpful! I just can't get how I'm broken hearted and he's happy in his new fcuk buddy relationship ! Literally like nothings bothered! He's happy and I'm broken ? And he is the one who went off me? What did I do wrong? He cheated on me to end things?
Same. After 10 years together. She is his person now. I don't exist.
Dont blame yourself. Definitely him. Stay away. Heal yourself. Find your true self.
I’m a FA and I’m sure he’s probably a DA or some sort of avoidant. He convinced me to be in relationship, he talked about marriage and even gave me the ring his father had given his mother. I loved him unconditional with my whole heart, was supportive, encouraging, motivating we never had a fight. He started his business rt before we started dating and the financial pressures plus family stuff and etc. was getting to him, and he was always on the road due to the nature of his business. I saw all this in the beginning but he was adamant about a relationship. He couldn’t be there for me like he knew he should be and said it wasn’t fair to me. Honestly, he was right. I had to really think about it and not be selfish or run off with my own thoughts the truth was he wasn’t in a position to help me financially, be there emotionally, or physically. I believe we truly loved one another . Yes it hurts but the positive takeaway is that I learned that I do want to be in a loving relationship when I ( the FA) was always self sabotaging and avoiding commitment. I’m not bitter and I wish him all the best, I chose to heal from past traumas and really do the work so that I can be the best version of myself for when God sends me the person that’s meant for me. I believe that he was a lesson and that I’ve finally passed the test so that I can be ready to receive what God has in store for me. Yes I was sick, couldn’t eat, cried , prayed, meditated, manifested, said every affirmation, and all the above but at this point I just want a calm peaceful spirit and not be anxious or weary . I’m content in knowing that I loved him the best way that I could and that so many men out there would kill to have the love I gave. I’m unforgettable and I know it so no matter what woman he dates he will never ever EVER forget about me!
It must be hard to live this way
It is harder for the people they hurt on the way, they just keep on living their immature lives.
I'm an avoidant and I can say it's been 1 week NC and I do feel hurt and upset just like her even though I've been really busy and out on trips. We do care
My ex went avoidant and got with her ex but still wants to be friends. She said its because she cares. Im not sure what to think of that. Would you mind giving your opinion.
At least you didn't cheat on your ex. If my ex didn't cheat on me, I may still understand him.
@@derekenlow7607if you’re trying to be her friend in hopes that she will change you are doing yourself a disservice. She does care but not enough to change or to be with you only. If you were that other guy would you want her to have a friend she used to love around? You either deal with the pain now or later. I’m not saying you have to cut her off but you gotta look at this from all sides and angles. It sucks but you gotta look at it like stubbing your toe on a chair. In the moment it’s the worst thing possible but 20 hours later you will probably forget you even stubbed your toe.
@@wtftv5887 im dealing with it now. Ive stopped contacting her. Im getting back to being myself.
Let them leave and grow as a person….life lesson!
As an avoidant I am easily skittish. Yup what he says it's all true.
Thank you very much for this video!
That's beautiful. They're f up!
Avoidants are the worst.
My wife has the help of her mother. I miss her so much but she won’t even talk to me. Stating that we’ll just get into another fight and we’ll be right back where we started. No I was dealing with my brothers cancer. This traumatic experience changed people
I filed and divorced, but my ex, which is DA, acted like she didn’t care. The more I think about it, I really don’t think she cared.
Same with my ex husband .. he is having the time of his life out on dates and going on holidays
They never care
Im so sorry us ( secured/anxious) has to go through alot bcz of these Avoid-ants, but please take this as a learning and find your next partner wisely especially make sure its a secured partner. You don’t have to worry or get any validation from people vanished from our life. There are 7 billion people out there with different style of attachment and values😊
@ thank you. And yes, there are lots of people out there.
Why do they run from people who care and show them love instead of the ones that treat them like crap and like their feelings don’t matter since that is what that were used to as a child?
In a f**k3d up way even if they told us the real deep we could accept it or not
They don't want deep love ,they just want things at a surface level
My ex gave numerous chance to her previous partner who cheated on her 5 times but I got the boot just for talking about marriage and future together.
She also moved out from our house and moved in with her step-cousin who she claimed raped her few years ago and also sleep on the same bed with him.
@TheLastAirbender-j7t bizzare isnt ?
I got dumped by an avoidant, I was willing to stay and help her through everything but she dumped me and went to the club day of and has been going to the club every weekend, she even went the day she dumped me. Like she dumped me that morning then went to the club that night. it’s just a terrible feeling and I don’t know if she’s trying to distract her self or if she’s actually like that. I was really committed to her and I was hoping we could grow and change by eachothers side but she just gave up on me and on our relationship. Our talking stage was 3 months and we were official for one month before she ended it
Narcissist + Avoidant = Avoidanarc
😂😂😂LOL😂😂😂
That's probably one of the worst combinations. It's demonic
Narcidant😅😂
This is what I dealt with. They are insane!
EX is actually now swimming in the misery with his new supply 😂 that’s why he is stalking me, so miserable but that’s what he chose
I am done with him
If I was abusive maybe they would have stayed ....
Not very accurate they got an amazing ability to NOT get in any relationship with abusive partners in the first place…they are so disconnected from others that abusive behaviours never even touch them on the inside…they will not get involved with you not even for a casual hookup ( their favourite)..they are the least attachment style to get involved with narcissists..they are so cold that even narcissists can’t abuse them emotionally
I’m not abusive I’m just fearful avoidant ( volatile when things go south😅) …and you know what gets me extremely volatile? Lack of transparency…I dumped him he didn’t try to stay or fix anything…he’ll never be honest and I can’t invest in a liar…so I left…yes he blocked me for 7 months he is still hurt….but does it really make a difference if they stay while still abusing you???
Withholding affection , commitment and the truth of their intentions is abuse…no abusive person wants an abusive partner they always pick the best out there…
Not really. They are attracted to emotionally stunted (or they like to believe so) because it promises simplicity and further avoidance of emotions but there's nothing there. Their relations with abusive partners are hollow and meaningless even when they happen. They are truly attracted and afraid of the real thing, at the same time.
I’ll tell you what. I stayed in grief for exactly one week until I accepted the realization that this person made the decision to blindside me and hurt me. Poor DAs and their issues. They are dangerous to your emotional and mental health and act like it’s no big deal because they have to find themselves. It’s all about them. From beginning to end. If you can really internalize that you will heal much faster.