Don't Express Negative Emotions I Robert Greene
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- Robert Greene is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, The 50th Law, Mastery, The Laws of Human Nature, and most recently, The Daily Laws.
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“Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.” - Walt Whitman
WALT WHITMAN!?
That's a beautiful quote by Walt Whitman. It reminds us to focus on the positive aspects of life, as when we do, the challenges and difficulties tend to diminish in significance.😊
Leaves of Grass, my ass! @@mariotaz
“You need to stop focusing on the darkness behind you. The past is the past. Nothing can change what we’ve done.” - Walter White
"Keep your face to the sunshine and the shadows fall behind." - Internet Bob Marley
People overshare so much and then feel guilty about it.
Over share videos too
As a Chinese, we don't talk about our emotions nor express it, but it certainly doesn't go away.
It is waiting to come out one day to bite our ass off.
Lol
You might end up in a mental health ward; that tiny last straw being the one that broke the camel's back
@@johedges5946me 3x😅
Yup don't have to be chinese for this ...bite many if us ...
Gurdjieff explains what you're doing on the inside too!
I find myself venting out loud to myself before I think about venting to others and it helps me calm down and approach the matter at hand better.
Grateful for this comment. Because although I agree with Robert Greene and the Russian guy, I know myself... meaning, that If I don't release that negative energy, I will explode so I either write or do a voice memo.
@@dredheadluna420 Glad I could help and good for you! 😇💗
@@dredheadluna420I was told by somebody to burn after it's written cuz then it helps your mind release it
So let it all build up until you explode haha 🤣
@@adaumus That’s not what I meant. 🤓
This is basically what Zen meditation is about: Being conscious of your thoughts acknowleding them and just observing them watching them come and go like clouds without emotionally attaching yourself to them.
But that is different from venting. Everyone needs to vent. It's part of the process to release the emotions so that you can move forward.
@@jacobclayton2954 Sure but you needed venting because you had already attached your emotions to your thoughts. You identified with whatever thought it was that caused you to become emotional/sad/angry etc. If you just observe, seeing those emotions/thoughts as separate from you the observer ,they can not become a burden to you because you never identified with them. Thoughts are like rocks you pick up and carry with you, you chose to carry them with you in the first place. Now you want to vent about it when, instead ,if you had chosen to just watch the rocks(your negative thoughts/experiences) and leave them on the ground you walk on with zero burden. But now you need to vent because you decided to identify with the negativity you experienced and carried heavy rocks with you. Leave the rocks where they belong on the ground and behind you.
@TheSolidheroes great observations! I would add that acknowledging and then passing by them is NOT the same as repressing them. Repression causes illness, whereas what you are describing doesn't - even though the result of not speaking about your problems may be the same.
@@abbypitts3857 Yes exactly ,repressing something is only neccesary when you falsely identify with those issues ( picking up stones and carry them with you). When you just observe the stones you are aware of them and that’s all , you have no extra weight/burdens on your mind.
Buddhism is horseshit.
Every time you avoid bursting in rage you’re teaching you’re adapting your mind to respond with patience
Edit: I’ve had a u turn a shift in my beliefs on this. Like a complete u turn.
I'm gonna quote you, what you said is amazing. Is it your original writing? Or is it quoted from someone?
@@pixelart0124 oh no, I didn’t come up with it. Somebody said something similar in a video or comment and it just stuck with me until I saw this video. It was so relevant to his point in this vid, that I felt compelled to share. Funny enough it could have been Robert who mentioned it in another short. I’m glad it connected with you. It’s definitely something I need to apply more often.
I feel like my "health bar" is lessened and I'll die younger 🤣
"Every time you avoid busting in the you are teaching, you are adapting your mind to respond with patience."
@@mohammadaqdas7998 wait. What ? LOL. Bust. You mean like… funny enough that actually works too
Not sulking in an unpleasant emotion by repeatedly talking about it makes sense. But if there’s a confident friend or partner who can help you process the negative situation, it also has its benefits. Just don’t indulge.
This comment is the one!
Exactly ❤
@@Rhawn246 indeed ❤
yeah you need to express yourself in some way you can't just hold it all in. Better to be yourself. Don't be afraid of what other people think!
I just deleted my comment because you summed it up pretty well with that last sentence. "Just don't indulge." Spot on.
“Complaining is affirming the things that you don’t want.” - Abraham Hicks
🎯🎯🎯
Yes but expressing negative emotions isn't necessarily complaining. Making a statement about something of what is observed is often considered as complaining, i guess because most ppl don't want to see the difference and it's more comfortable to escape from understanding/listening/feeling/dealing with those emotions
Abraham Hicks 🤣🤣🤣
I think it’s more of an issue of talking bad about yourself. Don’t speak of yourself in a negative light. For example daily il catch myself saying to myself “you dummy” when I drop something or mess something up. Even though I’m kidding around with myself, my body doesn’t recognize that that’s not how my body or mind may take it. And it builds. We have to absolutely talk about how we feel or what is bothering us and recognize our shortcomings. But not dwell on it or focus too much on it for it will weigh on our body and mind.
@@APerez89 what’s funny?
I don't trust people who never express negative emotions, they too often turn out to fake, self serving, unable to deal with criticism and ignore real problems in the name of positivity
It’s not being fake, sometimes having an inner monologue is better than letting your inner voice control you. Those with monologue know how to take criticism but don’t let their emotions get the best of them.
❤
Had a best friend who was always so pleasant, she became a very well off pharmaceutical rep, good at sales.. years ago, alot of unexpected traumatic family matters occurred in my life, heart heavy. We met for dinner, she asked how are you. I didn't say good. Great etc. I told her. She said I just asked how are you, didn't really want to hear all that. We hardly had a conversation beyond pleasantries after that. Affected all my interactions in life actually. I saw how fake much is..
A good friend would listen and console you not change the subject or dissmiss what's going on that's bothering you@@aveccoeur3874
@@aveccoeur3874 Some therapist on facebook said its wrng if the positive person tries to say some advice..... that the person will not take the advice anyway, ....so in the end both feel emottionally drained.... and the positive perosn become sand without energy.......best way is probably be silent and just listzen to teh person.... how many times did you hear advice "Often peopel dont want advice, thye just want o express their sandness and problems so somebody will just listen and thye feel heard and the feeling f being heard is enough"....maybe you misundsestood. People who do meditation understand that its important toa lso practice the elevated or happy emotions.....but not avoid the bad emjotions, the bad emotoions will fade away by not resisting them.
This is in direct alignment with Zen Buddhist teachings
Yes I love that. Express only that which is beneficial to you or someone. Be in beauty.
Zen teachers were well-known for unorthodox treatment of their students, including hitting them with sticks and yelling at each other. This is because the goal is to be free of programmed behaviors of social orthodoxy and instead be spontaneous with no mind. Zen is a fallen tradition, few if any truly enlightened practitioners anymore
Sometimes it just needs to be said though. It’s being honest and authentic to tell people how you feel, at least within reason
Confrontation is not venting. Asking for advice is not venting.
If it’s a persistent problem, not a momentary emotion.
Exactly. Men like this get cheated on at alarming rates. They just take it sitting down
@@Jae-b7i The appropriate response to a partner who cheats on you actually has nothing to do with your emotions, because their actions say nothing about you. They are their actions. The appropriate response to someone cheating on you in a relationship is to leave the relationship, not blow up in anger or express your negativity towards the woman. Doing all that is just irrelevant and has nothing to do with anything relevant except satisfying a primal revenge-desire. "Your actions made me feel negativity so I am going to express them to you so you feel them too." That is irrational. It is true however that many relationships with more expressive emotional behavioral habits are more suitable for certain people, often because many people don't feel satisfied without feeling intense emotions or seeing intense emotions in others. That's fine and dandy and mature people can even live perfectly fine and controlled lives that way but ultimately, due to the irrational - or I should say non-rational - nature of emotions, giving into any emotion, particularly if it is negative, is playing with fire and thus never fully within one's control. Giving into positive emotions generally isn't a bad thing because they and their effects will be, generally, positive, but doing so with negative emotions is often destructive and in the end completely pointless in a modern society of psychologically mature humans whose emotions serve to give some degree of "meaning" to their life in a visceral manner, much like the visceral happiness that comes from eating food tells us that eating good food is good. But emotions like anger and resentment were bred into us by evolution back when those emotional outbursts in mammals promoted the spread of an organism's genes via survival and sexual power/control. In modern moral society those emotions serve a very limited purpose and generally are simply not worth giving into, and are very, very rarely useful in any acceptable way, except like, perhaps, for situations of self-defense in which anger and adrenaline can help you to fight better. But generally being jealous of people or your significant other is just pointless. If you see your spouse flirting with someone, for example, you don't have to "express your negative emotions" to them in any overt way. You can simply calmly tell them specifically what they did that made you feel a certain way and talk to them about it and explain why you don't want them to do that, and if they agree to be cognizant of it, that's all anybody can ask of someone. You don't need to treat them like a child and think of yourself as a lion tamer or a dog trainer that needs to use emotional dominance and displays of emotional power to shape them; that is an arrogant and presumptuous attitude to take with another grown human being. Of course, at the end of the day, all this is coming from the perspective that an intellectually reflective life is superior to a merely hedonistic or animalistic mode of living, which is of course just a matter of opinion at the end of the day. If someone wants to live a hedonistic lifestyle and doesn't think practicing self control is worth the effort, at the end of the day who am I or anybody else to tell them otherwise? It's not a question that is subject to an objectively true answer. However, my guess is that for the majority of humans, even those who are not the most intelligent, an intellectual, reflective lifestyle would be preferable to an animalistic life in which people just do what they feel like doing. This is the case simply because humans, even some of the dumbest among us, are so incredibly hyper intellectualized compared to any other species that it's rare to find a human who doesn't like to think of themselves as pensive, and quite often anyway those who we see not behaving in an intellectually socialized way we term sociopaths, psychopaths and the rest of it - and those people end up being treated like animals anyway. People don't want that. So live your life by all means the way you want but don't reflexively just label men who value self-control cucks or assume they are weak. Quite often it is exactly the opposite.
I’ve found that they do not want to hear it, so it’s useless and causes frustration on both sides. It doesn’t provide a closer bond, it’s quite the opposite. 😢
Negativity is addictive
and misery loves comfort
Negativity and misery are HABITS. People do things and listen to things to keep those alive.
@@dennisrobinson8008 No negative emotion stems from base level primate psychology. If you're angry over your food stocks you're more likely to survive to replace them than a chimp who's done caring. There's nothing habitual about negative emotions.
@@Paulstrickland01 not true. There's plenty of research on the matter.
You can enter and exit emotional states based upon your habits. Certain situations can put you on a negative trajectory where that is all you see. Other situations can put you on a positive trajectory where you are filled with joy and well being. Habits and who and what we entertain are crucial.
It’s amazing how many people are missing the point: Stop your CONSTANT COMPLAINING about little everyday things that really don’t matter.
(You’re only calling more attention to it as you go about your day… that’s all)
In order to heal, we have to be present in our emotions and learn to observe and investigate the sources of these thoughts and also pain that lives in the body. That work MUST be done. Certain talks and boundaries have to be had. This isn’t about telling men not to cry…. It’s about all of us giving ourself a moment of grace in order to lend ourselves compassion and stopping the cycle of being our own worst enemies when emotions take over. This exercise is the first step to make everyday life more manageable as you focus on the bigger obstacles…take care & good luck on your journey!! ❤
Lol.
Thank you for explaining. It makes much more sense after reading this.
🤍🙏🏻
Needed to hear this, thank u
Well said
hi friend . you have made very good comment . You are %100 right. i have had generaly anxiety disorder and when i complain about something i am getting worse. when i do not talk about bad stiuations or my bad feelings i feel more comfortable and relax. what about you?
“Don’t complain. Don’t explain.” - Benjamin Disraeli
Straight to the point👌
Namaste. 🙏
Gurdjieff explains what you're doing on the *inside* too!
"Never complain, never explain" HM Queen Elizabeth II
"Never complain, never explain." ~Benjamin Disraeli
i struggle with this.... i always feel the need to speak out when theres negative spirit disturbing my peace.
Me too
I understand but TRY this technique -- it totally works. Ps it doesn't mean you don't try and make things like you prefer them, just not to be "unpleasant" about it :)
therapy also helps when it's too much
"i feel" that's the problem, be more rational, less emotional
This is a time thing. Like school or job training, it takes time to build things up like to graduate, get a career, or get a promotion. It's the "practice makes perfect" scenario.
This retrains your neurotransmitters and brain cells like cellular memory. It's definitely easier said than done, near impossible for some others. However, where there's a will, there's a way. 🌸
Journalling helps a lot.
So true. I deeply LOVE writing(reading too) however, I still don’t know the cure to my emotions. I speak to God about it, I just haven’t heard back yet
@@fellowamerican7923 the cure is usually the thing you’re most scared of.
I agree with Journaling it can be the best solution in getting your feeling out. I have grown so much as a person through that process.I also have developed a more intimate relationship with christ through my writings. I do it everyday it helps me deal with myself and others and the world at large. GOD IS MY REFUGE HE GIVES STRENGTH TO FACE WHAT I NEED TO FACE. He will answer you but will you ready for the answer.
helps a WHOLE lot!!
You get to whinge, to vent, to exorcise yr various demons, however seemingly petty
But no one has to listen
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Elaborate
Like any thinker, Greene has some great ideas and insights and some duds - the ideas in this clip are an example of the later. Emotions don't go away because you don't talk about them. They make you stronger if you process them and sometimes that involves expressing them to someone. If you stuff them down, you'll be less confidence, more volatile, and generally less happy. I agree that you shouldn't allow emotions to run your life, but you need space to process and talking about it is one of those ways.
and another way is to WRITE about your feelings. this gets them OUT and helps you get past them...
Thank you
He's not saying merely don't talk about them. He's talking about generating the ability to disconnect the feelings in your body (and your emotions, which again are just feelings in your body) and the actions you take or the thought processes you engage in. When you're afraid, your thoughts start racing, your estimation of danger increases and your estimation of safety decreases. It becomes difficult to focus and pay attention. Etc. This can all be proven objectively, I'm sure, with physiological studies under controlled conditions in which someone can be made angry and then tasked with estimating levels of danger and safety, estimations of things like how long a task will take to complete, or challenged with a task that requires focus. So if you're used to simply experiencing those emotions but in your own mind take a third-person perspective on them, you can become much like a person who witnesses another person who is clearly angry, sad, frustrated, bitter, etc. and simply respond with indifference to their emotions. You don't have to let them control or influence you to any degree larger than you can physically permit them. Many people do think that talking about one's negative emotions is necessary to get over them and there may be some element of truth to that sometimes, but quite often we also know for a fact that engaging with negative emotions simply increases neuroplasticity of brain cells that are used to process and express negative emotions. The truth is much of the time indeed it is better to ignore negative emotions, assuming your goal is to diminish their overall presence in your life. People who advise to the contrary are dishing out advice some consider "common sense" but quite frankly may indeed in fact be harmful. Can you give me an example or a few examples of a situation in which it is best to express the negative emotions of for instance anger, rage, resentment, jealousy? I'm not talking about, and neither is he I suspect, feeling anger when you see someone do something unjust and then you go up to them calmly and explain to them why what they did was wrong. That's not expressing a negative emotion; that's just an intellectual response to a moral slight. An emotional response to that would be getting super angry and physically appearing enraged or menacing. When exactly is this kind of response necessary or helpful, besides instances for example when you have to get into a fight on someone's behalf?
Yeah, I feel like he just doesn't get it or maybe he's not necessarily schooled on ptsd and c-ptsd.
This shouldn't be a matter of "do or don't", but rather of relation: If a stranger hurts you, there's no use venting. If your partner hurts you (depending on the intensity and frequency of the issue), you most certainly need to talk to either your partner, a trusted friend or both, and find a solution, or else the problem will manifest and become worse.
That's only if your trying to force other people to help you manage YOUR emotions. Manage your own negative emotions. 🙄
@@peacefulbeast8386 Communicating your emotions to the ones around you in a respectful, authentic way is not the same as "forcing them to help manage YOUR emotions".
100%...communication is EXTREMELY important. And you need to SPEAK! Speak your truth.!!
What I've learned to do is to look at these thoughts like a scientist: curious, but detached from them. When the thoughts come up, notice them, but don't jump on the train of thought. Meanwhile, DO let the emotions that come with them just flow through your body without resisting them. I go as far as to welcome each emotion, and I tell it that it's ok and safe for it to be felt in my body. I then visualize the emotions flowing up and out of the crown of my head and I continue this until the feelings subside.
I can't take credit for coming up with this, it's an ancient practice, but I can tell you that it works wonders. Truly.
If it is about something very painful or difficult where there is a build-up of heavy emotions in your body that haven't been released, it will likely come up again, but each time it does, just repeat the practice and it will go faster and faster and get easier and easier until it no longer holds space in your mind or body.
It also does wonders for learning how to deal with difficult/heavy emotions that are triggered in the present. As you practice it, it becomes a much more automatic response which is a beautiful thing.
Emotions come and go. Resist temptation to REACT bc talking about it makes it worse.
Simply respond, by observation. As I talk less about the negative emotion, I learn about myself. I still talk about the situation. Focusing on a solution detaches me from the “negative emotion.”
I totally agree with this, I stopped complaining or venting to anyone but my husband or my close family members in private and it’s helped my self esteem so much. I still feel like I complain to much to them too so I am working on that.
That’s not at all what he’s talking about
Please don’t isolate yourself, Malibu. Please look into Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.
He is talking about self awareness, noticing and observing the emotion rather than acting on it.
I have no husband to process things with so I would bend the ears of my two sisters (who do have husbands). I learned that if I didn't reach out to them, the wouldn't reach out to me. That fact was enlightening. I want to learn to NOT talk about my "problems".
Its even better to only do it with a therapist. Others don't need those thoughts.
Share them with people you trust! Not with people you don’t trust - you never know who will use these emotions to manipulate you..
This comment would be a much more beneficial topic for a video.
@@lenavoyles526 👍🏻
correct x my family currently exploiting my feelings 2 manipulate things that will cast me in bad light x am silent now x 😔
@@rollo1690 “family” can be the worst
I think family is the worst. They either are or are not invested in you. So they either jump in and swim in it with you, or blow you off which is equally as bad. I think the point is to recognize but not dwell out loud at all. If feelings aren’t facts then eventually it will turn around and you will move on. I don’t agree or disagree but if cherry pick who share it with. Sharing it is sharing it.
What he's talking about is really multi layered.
I rarely vent to anyone because to me it's re-traumatizing to my mind and body. The other reason is because the issue has passed and no one can do anything now to change it.
However, I will tell you not doing so doesn't make me feel better or change the negativity of the experience. It just further serves as recognition that my problems are my own.
What's really happening is a barrier has been created between myself and others with things that I know I can never show or share. An even if/when I do meet someone that can help I'll never really know because I'm silent and independent on what I'm going through.
If this sounds like a good way to live, then by all means go ahead.
However, remember that your body and subconscious mind haven't forgotten what it must do and how separate it'll keep you from others. If a person isn't careful this too can become bitterness and resentment.
It would be better if you had time to cool down and then talk to someone you know you can trust to help you sort through certain negative things.
For the times I do vent, even to the air, I've found myself able to find a solution faster and become lighter.
I agree 💯
Your “problems” are opportunities. Change how you identify yourself bc your identity forms your beliefs; your beliefs cause your emotions; your emotions drive your actions, and your actions shape your reality. By changing your identity, thousands of harmful beliefs, emotions, and actions fall away. Change your mindset, change your life. 💯
@@NewYorkNadia, I know you mean no harm, but you come across very patronizing. You really don't have any idea what my issues are or what I've done to change my circumstances. Yet, here you are telling me what I should and shouldn't do(or think)...
Think about that for just a second. Maybe two. You would have been better off asking me questions because whether you realize it or not you're kind of proving my point about NOT venting to people.
Let me leave you with something else: I've never met ANYONE with my circumstances. No one even close.
Now I know what you're thinking, no one has the same circumstances. Sure, you're right, but most people's are very, very similar. I've never had that commonality and believe me I've looked for it and I pay attention. When I say I'm different, I have nothing but evidence to prove it.
Also, I've never met anyone who's done as much as I have with my issues and limitations to MAKE things better for myself.
So... Again, you have NO idea what I've done or haven't.
Please be more mindful of the "advice" you dispense under these anonymous comment sections.
Have a day!
@@ayemiksenoj5254 Apologies, it was not my intention. 🙏🏻 I didn’t ask bc I didn’t want to pry. Please, consider what I wrote through the lens of kindness, I meant no harm, but to provide a useful tool and a different perspective. I wish you all the best 💕
@@NewYorkNadia, I know. I could tell.
I've run into sentiment like yours more times than I'd like to admit.
In the past I would've let it slide, but I've come to realize that doesn't help.
I don't mind questions. It's the only way we can leave and know how to truly help one another. ❤️
I think as long as you acknowledge your feelings, accept them and then let them go, as opposed to bottling them up, this is a good idea!
This is off topic but you’re beautiful
Serenity now!! Serenity now!!
😂
lol
Hoochie mama!!!!
It doesnt mean ignore your negative emotions, it's the opposite, focus on the sensation of them in your body without adding thoughts or analysis, then as you focus on the feeling you'll likely find it fades off, sometimes really quickly. If you vent the negative emotions to others you're making them bigger, you're passing them on, you're putting negative energy in the air.
100%
100%
The only reason you need thoughts or analysis is if you need to do something about it, because your life is truly in danger. Like in my case I felt so much peace after getting a restraining order. I should have done it months earlier when I became aware of the problem.
It's also why you should fire an attorney who does not respond to you appropriately and treat your concerns as valid. They are scamming you.
Sure, but that nuance isn't really being conveyed here. His simplified advice comes off as repression more than emotional regulation.
Honestly not expressing my real thoughts and feelings to my significant other destroyed our relationship. Expressing them caused arguments at times but our connection grew stronger.
I’ve had a similar experience
Telling your partner “I’m unsatisfied at work and want to find a new job” is ok. Coming home every day and saying “god I hate work” is not good.
@@bobxyzpExactly. When it comes to communication in a relationship, it’s crucial for success. However, the raging, ranting and raving about every little annoyance or petty drama at work, school, how bad the gridlocked traffic was, your fight with your best friend, your mom’s nagging, etc. won’t help either.
every time i vent i get judged. Now i stopped doing it. It is absolutely of no use if the other person is further invalidating your experience. Just walk away with grace. And it fades so fast as soon as you busy yourself with something important and dont let that negative emotions harvest inside your mind. You have so much control and power over ypur emotions that it's incredible. Also, if venting helps you, u do u ❤️ no judgement passed.
for sure just be careful....
The thoughts get pushed down and don't go away. Eventually, you may explode at the seemingly simplest thing.
True you will speak something you regret into existence.
Learning. I kept my mouth shut and opened my mind instead.
Succinct, on point 💥
🚬
I like that👍🏾
Be wary; this is what the jews call Satan
Wow 😲
Our mouth and inner voice isnt our mind. Aint that beautiful😮dont let the mind or here inner instinctual voice control you.control it.
Express your emotions in beautiful and productive ways. A nap, dance, tears, a walk, a run, taking a hot bath or a cold shower. Complain to God. But never let your feelings burst out. Let them out gently if possible. Understand and accept your trials and pains but couple them with genuine gratitude and know that things can always get worse.
Rather, always remind yourself that things can get better.
Sometimes I feel angry/negatively about something, and deep down I understand why I shouldn't let it bother me so much - but if I express my frustration to people then I tend to double down on it and hold onto it longer.
That's because you get attention from it.
So true.
That is so fucking true it's unbelievable how well he explains it. Guys, there are non logical negative thoughts that stress us when that darkness gets our attention, then you are making it real. Like say, you feel ugly, well you are not ugly. You go express to your friend you feel ugly and your friend thinks you are crazy. Why? Because even if you were ugly, it is not that important to get so frustrated about it. That's why you should learn to ignore invasive thoughts
Quite! observing yourself around unpleasant emotions and DONT VENT! By not talking about them they will start to go away and you will forget. This works!
for me, the more i don't express my feelings, the more i repress them. it feels like "emotional constipation" that can be messy in the future. i do still express my negative emotion but done silently, i scream in my head, or write down about it through whatsapp status that can only be seen by FEW ppl (it goes away within 24hours). it's been helpful a lot. i have better self-control now. and im no longer easily triggered by trivial things. im a talker so i need to talk about it. being silent tortures me. i think it's not about "not to express" but how, when, and to whom we express it.
I write them in a journal for years. Then by the end of the year, I read my journal with dates on them and I began to notice the patterns of my bad habits and whoever is good or bad for me.
Yes, extroverts need to express ideas and feelings for them to become more real. I'm the same way
Yall are missing the point. He’s not advocating for suppression. He’s advocating the lack of emotional reactivity and volatility.
@@lilithyen9874 amazing!! kinda same but i screenshot my status then i re-read them back. that's how i recognize my thinking patterns 😅. then I'll make adjustments/fix my errors 🙈
@@itannoysme3348 im not extrovert but heyyy! i totally get it. im also the same. it's frustrating when i bottle up my thoughts and feelings. they must go out somewhere 😂 sometimes arts is my outlet..
I talk to myself I feel so much better when I release my emotions
I totally agree with this. U r ure own best friend
I do the Same
Hmm I might have to try this
I start asking questions 😢
Sometimes venting can help you get the problem out in the open to analyze it or gain wise counsel. Not everything should be said but sometimes it’s the only way you’ll get over something is to tell someone you trust how you really feel inside. It can relieve you of holding it in as a secret. Wrestling with it.
This is essentially how I got rid of my intrusive thoughts from OCD. I mean I never really talked about them anyway, but just not getting upset about the thoughts, or disgusted or anything, caused them to just stop happening. Your brain does whatever you're focusing on
This is quite the contrary to what was and still is valid among people today. " A friend in need is a friend indeed" or " .. " in good times and bad times".. Usually people speak about how they feel with a parent, friend or a shrink. If you can bear your emotions in yourself, all that positive or negative energy, then you are a leader. But most people want to speak about good or bad emotions. If they don't, they may become depressed, alcoholics or suicidal. It is important to follow your needs and if you have to vent then do it.
Venting may not be the best way to deal with emotions, but they have to be expressed. Otherwise, they linger in your body and make you sick. Not expressing certain emotions to you close ones may also result in a barrier and alienation because you are no longer being your true self in front of them.
Je souscris complètement à ce que vous dites, merci 🙏🏼
Interesting . It reminds me of Wayne Dyer & the compassionate witness. Emotions are energy we can move it through breath work. I love to sing , dance & go to the gym to work frustrating emotions through or journal them. You can burn the page or flush it down the toilet . . I could not afford therapy this year & even though I went through a lot of hardship this year it truly works .
Thank you mate for sharing I’ll check that Wayne Dyer book
It's because when you get hurt, you want someone to kiss it away, to kiss the boo boo. I don't think a person should dwell, ruminate or roll around in negative emotions like a pig rolls around in mud, but, I think neg emotions should be addressed if they're bothering the person bad enough. Sometimes a person just wants an outlet, a good listener. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on, or verification or acknowledgment in some sense. "It's gonna be alright." Just hearing somebody else say these magic words to me, hushes me and makes me feel so much better. I don't really disagree with what they're saying in the video, but there's more than one way to deal/cope, depending on circumstances of course.
Therapy is so great tho. A lot of the time when I vent to her I feel much better
women like this. guess what its very temporary . nothing gets resolved does it.
@@aarondavid5866 2 years of therapy and I am a changed person
they dont go away, they go deeper into the subconcious
True if they’re not observed, felt, and metabolized.
I also like the idea of the transmutation of emotional energy...i get my best workouts in when I'm upset...
I agree one hundred percent! We don't need to be happy all the time, but we must be free of the effect of negative emotions. The negative side is contagious.
there is also a negative side to bottling things up, deluding one's self with toxic positivity and ignoring / minimizing / invalidating how we feel.
Who mentioned anything about being happy all the time?
@@Joxa514journaling
I started a few days ago by no longer writing negative comments on RUclips videos that bother me. Hopefully the mind set transfers to other aspects of my life
sometimes i think people need to get things off their chest though. but don’t wallow in them. give yourself a few minutes to articulate the problem and then release and allow positivity to flow through again
Perfect example of internet wisdom that will harm many people, help others
He's Robert Green. He's the author of many useful books. He's not a random dude
Explain how this would harm
@@jeremyvettech5562 “Don’t vent your negative thoughts and feelings to others” has a grain of truth to it, but we don’t need MORE emotional repression and lack of communication in this world. It’s one thing to learn how to observe your feelings and respond (or not), but it’s quite another in failing to recognize when expressing yourself is helpful and silently ignoring recurring issues is harmful.
@@Udjeoxif he’s got more to say then this clip should never have been made
My emotions never get the best of me but sometimes my words do
It's admirable that you have control over your emotions. Managing your words effectively is also important as words can have a significant impact on others. Practicing thoughtful communication can help ensure that your words align with your intentions and don't inadvertently hurt or offend others.
@@MeenaAdnanisometimes your words do align with your intentions and they can still land differently for another person.
Expressing negative emotion is a skill in itself. You have to be able to put the other person in your shoes and help them feel what it is you are feeling. The thing is you have to be able to know when and who to express negative emotions with.
Like not expressing it to your work managements.
@xmotorsporttv246 This is my favorite comment I’ve read here so far. In fact I’m gonna stop right here cause it nails everything. I felt strongly about the last sentence already as far as agreement but your second sentence about providing a path to empathy when you do complain, perhaps using the Socratic method a little bit is quite wise. Thank you
I disagree. I believe that our emotions are our responsibility. We don’t have to EVER learn to put anyone in our shoes. They have to learn to do that themselves. We should only focus on what we can control which does not include others and whether they understand our feelings or have empathy for us. Robert is correct because focusing on our feelings helps us to know ourselves more and strengthen emotional regulation. What you’re talking about is being a victim. Wanting the other to feel sorry for you when most of the time they don’t. Plus when people pity you, they don’t respect you. Empathy should come naturally to everyone. If it doesn’t come naturally then they don’t pity you, they don’t care 🤷🏽♀️. You need to care about yourself the way you want others to care. Once you can do that, you’ll have enough strength to tell the people who don’t have empathy for you where to go. Simple as that.
No, OP is so wrong. Nobody can do anything about your feelings. Your feelings are your responsibility. You can talk about YOUR negative feelings with someone but what can they do for you? Furthermore, it builds resentment toward you in others when you emotionally dump on them. Our feelings are here to communicate with US they are personal. They guide us and tells us when a boundary of ours has been crossed. They also guide you to know what you need to improve on and pay attention to. Are my emotions telling me to work on my self-esteem? Work on my anger? To address some trauma that I have been avoiding? Nobody needs to know our feelings. They can know our thoughts about a situation but feelings are for you and you alone.
@@christinacreates2393I understand what you are saying but I believe you are triggered by my comment and couldn’t decipher what i was actually saying.
Shout out to Gurdjieff. Extremely underrated writings
Truth... Take every thought captive...
This could be right. There’s a HUGE difference between not venting your feelings, and suppressing your feelings. You can still acknowledge your feelings without venting them. It’s suppression and denial of feelings which causes problems later.
But how do you tell someone how you’re really feeling if it’s not a good feeling? It’s hard to have a genuine connection without that honesty.
Silence it's better, the other person will get it, boundaries are important to have to have healthy relationships.
You are right
Observing and understanding our negative emotions before reacting to them can often lead to more thoughtful and constructive responses. It's a valuable approach to emotional self-awareness and regulation.😊
I need to do this. Because I literally will relive the emotion while “venting”! Great advice thanks Mr. Greene🙏🏾
So true; I can relate.
On the flip side I also read there is a correlation between people who do not express their frustrations and chronic illness. It is a delicate balance.
Absolutely!! Exceptions are when dealing with the 1-3% narcissistic pyscopaths!! In this situations you must stand up against abuse !!
Decernent is critical as most ones are covert
Its difficult because i like anger.Anger is energy.
This method directs anger's energy into empowering action instead of farting it into someone's face. It helps you feel bigger than your problems. Complaining is but the inner child losing control or excusing inaction.
And its an amazing motivator. When I'm pissed I can practically perform miracles. It takes me to a different level of both mind and body and I can do just about anything if I'm angry enough.
@@firstnamelastname9485 Yes me too.
@@pondboy3682 Control your language creep...
Same bro
Not sure I agree with this. Yes, observe your own emotions, but not talking can make them worse.
I think its not the talking part, that gives the necessary release, it's the acknowledgement and acceptance of them allowing yourself to feel them.
I think even writing them down in the moment is better. Because when u talk about them especially after they passed keeps you attached to them.
He's meaning to just anyone anywhere, not everything is literal
I think I agree that certain emotions need to be expressed. There’s a lot of ways of going about that though: through art, sport, a walk, a journal. Not everything needs to be emoted right on the spot to any (un)willing listener
Emotional detachment is a part of toxic masculinity. Crying is an important physiological reaction where you decrease your cortisol level.
If you oppress your feelings, you may get mental health problems.
@@iche9373 negative, it's not emotional detachment, it's controlling your reactions to the emotions you fell. As a man you don't have the luxury of not being rational, and behaving like a kid. Toxic masculinity is pure garbage, created by another garbage, feminism.
He makes a strong case for journaling for self reflection and to identify next steps versus simply dumping your feelings on others which is usually unproductive.
🎯
Emotions are not bad or good. He is really talking about the feeling of being supporting or not supporting. When one talks out a bad feeling it becomes more objective and less subjective promoting more supportive feelings.
agree with this 100%,emotions are not good,I try and avoid them as best I can.The more you talk about things the more life they get.The one problem this would have is that the people who make money off listening to others emotions would become much less important,and therefor make less money.Society today would implode if everyone didn't talk about/vent their emotions.This is what drives social media,and is the reason that there is so much depression,or so called depression that it seems everyone has/or more likely says they have have.Love what I heard Fitty Cent said recently "Depression is a luxery where I come from,they still had to find a way to pay your bills".
I have a few people that I am related to that I know would benefit from not expressing their unpleasant emotions because it makes people not like them. I used to try to help them, for many , many years, and then I realized that just because they are my sister or brother does not mean they get to ruin parties and situations with their outbursts and lack of being able to stop their unpleasant complaining. I know they have had it hard in life, but there's a reason they do. I get what this guy is saying. I should sent this to them., but it would trigger their outbursts and I am done with that. Thanks for reminding me of why I tend to get along with people. If you understand who needs this, it is very good advice for them!
did you not just do the same and complain and judge and express negative emotions and talk and vent it 😂😅
@@nailsbyvictoria9405 No. I am explaining, not complaining. You see, I don’t do public outbursts, but my sister does. It relates to this man in the video who is warning you about these types of people and how to deal with the situation. It’s not the same at all. If you are prone to creating loud scenes in public, don’t be surprised when people don’t want to go out to dinner with you. It’s especially hard because it is one of my own sisters. Deep down , I do love her. It took me years to realize that she’s toxic. It’s a revelation. I invite her to my home events, now, but for my safety and the dignity of my kids, husband, friends and family, trust us, we know she will create a scene, an unnecessary scene. No one wants that. No one can stop it, either. I read his books and that man is very wise. If you don’t want to read about my sister, I don’t blame you, but others may see their own situations in my real life stories.
Absolutely right, why vent out your frustration in front of others? Youre losing control and others think less or more of you, or you don't even know what they're thinking, instead learn to control your emotions and keep it to yourself. But this does depend on the emotional feeling you're keeping inside.
In the workplace never share emotions they will strategically be used to manipulate you to a disadvantage. After 50 years of marriage to a sweet passive aggressive who was never home never share your hurts or feelings they will just fall asleep and start snoring. Where is that young 19 year old boy who keep calling for a year or more.
THIS IS KNOWLEDGE 101 AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
True. The whole thing is to let yourself feel the emotions, but without judging/thinking about them. Because when you start to think and complain, the ego associates with those emotions. And then you start to feel worse because you become those emotions, instead of letting them manifest separately until they disappear. OR you can talk about them constructively, without complaining and without associating with them.
My best friend is someone I vent my confused thoughts with. He does so too. It’s amazing. We have a very transparent and healthy relationship. We try to “solve” the difficulties before leaving, often leaving both him and me eased. I recommend all of you readers to build such a friendship.
You should not talk to everyone since most “friends” only want to hear positive things, not many are there for us to listen and process our hardships. Quite sad, to be frank.
I would even go so far to state most of our friends are not friends but acquaintances. The more acquaintances you have, the more probable it is you are very lonely with few to none true friends. Danger zone. Best of luck to you all! Don’t turn everything inwards or else you’ll reach a tipping point where all goes to shit, at worst suicide.
Wish you all a great Sunday, take a walk in the sun or forest.
I am able to understand other people more when they talk to me about how they feel - I think it’s really important to explain how a certain behaviour makes you feel because then I know that I have to find another way to treat someone or to act different in a specific situation. I understand others better when they communicate their emotions properly. But I agree that it’s important to talk about the emotions in a calm way, and not to outburst them.
I also don’t agree that those feelings just go away but end in passive aggressive behaviour or resentment.
💯
Push everything deep down and never address my problems. Got it
"A fool vents all his feelings,
but a wise man holds them back"
@@IONov990 yes. Proverbs 29:11
I don't think that's healthy LOL!!
And that's how you get cancer.
✨ ✨ ✨
Jesus wept.
When you talk about these things to people, you're not looking to release them, you're looking for affirmation, this further reinforces these feelings.
So important to hold our emotions in a curious, non-judgemental and kind way, and to be careful not to over-identify with them. We are NOT our emotions, and we need to work with them, not be driven by them. We need to allow all our emotions as they are all useful❤
Delay don't deny for most. Not all things are for all people all the time. Resistance can make stronger which paradoxically can be good and bad.
thats some stingy shit right here lol. gl with that.
I never thought stuffing emotions was ever a good thing, but many are just forced to do so when you have no one to talk to. Talking out feelings helps identify just what you are feeling and perhaps why. If you suppress them, later such things can be 'triggers' for some other situation or person.
Stoicism is not about suppressing feelings. You feel negative emotion- you think about the cause (rationalize)- if you can fix the problem, than fix it. If not- except your situation and stop caring about it. No, you won't develop phobias, depression, anger burst outs or some psychosomatic illness. You will become mature, stabile person.
I totally agree. In my mind, I differentiated what he to meant and took it to mean; some things dissipate on their own more efficiently when they’re felt in the body and aren’t dwelled on by airing and sharing. Obviously if you need validation or advice or support, or even empathy, speak with someone you trust.
If you dont express youre frustrations no one will know and no improvement is made. "Not all sayings apply to everything" Me
“The unexpressed emotions will never die, they are buried alive and will come forth in uglier ways.” - Sigmund Freud
I like to consider both this mystic man’s philosophy and Freud’s and try to infuse them together somehow so that it really helps one to heal any mental issues.
Robert Greene is the modern day Machiavelli. All M. wanted was to find ways to better the king, to improve authoritarian systems, to live and survive as an intelligent being in a world with dictators and henchmen.
Let's strive for democracy. Let's build a world in which we do not have to appease a dictator but just give our best and get the best.
I agree. When we vent to other people, we come across insane.
Yep. Only you felt what you feel and witnessed the event that triggered you. Most of us just aren’t wired with the empathy to care about something we didn’t feel or witness. I sometimes wonder if this is an evolutionary lapse.
@@Kings_Landing_Serf "Evolutionary gap ... lack of empathy." Interesting point.
I think the lack of empathy in most people is because humans are devolving into being more sociopathic and narcissistic ... because of the materialistic, consumeristic, social media, scrolling, world we live in.
If we all went back to living on farms and having to do serious and hard work all day, instead of sitting around scrolling and shopping, we may be more empathetic.
Nonsense, go take a talking therapy course like Person Centered Counselling or similar.
@@jobbygerm2706 Talking therapy only gives relief for that 50 minutes. As soon as you get in your car and start driving away, the nightmare comes back. If talking therapy was so helpful, why do people stay in therapy for decades and never change and never get better?
@@evolveyourself9518 because the pain is so bad it can't be healed in one day its so much childhood trauma teenager trauma and adult trauma
Sometimes when you tell them out loud they dissappear as well..
Indeed, sharing your concerns or worries with someone you trust can sometimes make them feel less burdensome. It can also lead to helpful insights and solutions. Communication can be a powerful tool for coping with challenges.😊
Yeah I agree
I agree with you, but usually I won’t do it with certain significant people in my life or loved ones because, even though I trust them, I don’t want to be seen as a downer.
Think it’s really not a good idea to never express negative emotions. You say ‘don’t judge them’, but that’s an impossibility. They’re biological. And also, if you want to make your feelings known to others it’s essential to sometimes express the fact that they do certain things that cause it.
Don’t really think your opinion matters bc literally only psychopaths love radishes
@@jamesgreenwood1703 Hahaha no they’re pretty good with a little butter and salt and pepper. More like a snack though not vert filling.
What you bring to the world is what you are... If you keep talking about something it.will come to reality...
Process those emotions inside yourself... Any negative emotion is just past trauma , some events trigger your response.
Find the event in your past and you will resolve the negative emotion
But if you talk and keep talking you don't process it , you keep giving it power over you
@@gastonangelini8352 That’s true, but it’s important to find the anger sometimes and know the power you still have, buried deep inside. But yes, you shouldn’t direct that at undeserving subjects. But I have learned by doing exactly what you say, look inside, to know that when that situation arises again, I might be able to stop it from happening again. Many people including me for a long time, remain scared because we, understandably, don’t want it to happen again.
@@gastonangelini8352 good point !!! how to solve the past trauma? In my case it is a childhood event...thankyou
I just walked out on a friendship with another person who created elaborate rules and had elaborate behaviors geared toward getting away with venting her negative emotions. When I walked away I felt free, but this advice is the rest of the story. All the pain and damage she caused me has to be put in perspective so I don't react to what happened. This advice is a step in the right direction. I have been practicing happiness, but this is a wonderful way of presenting what that looks like.
A great stoic lesson is don't complain, it puts you in the position of being powerless.
That's why when your friend/family/partner comes to vent at you, they're hurting themselves and also passing it on to you too lol.
Hmm, so if you feel chronically depressed, don't mention it to anyone. I can understand not expressing the emotion itself, but I can't see how not mentioning it can be healthy
Depression isn’t an emotion. It’s a mental illness.
@@jamesgreenwood1703 yes, but *feeling* chronically depressed is an emotion
@@mark-147 okay FEELING an emotion doesn’t necessarily means it needs to be “fixed”. Emotions are natural ebbs and flows. Many issues people have can be solved with some self reflection and awareness. “I feel chronically depressed, but I never go outside, socialize, or go to the gym. I also stare at screens 14 hours a day and work a job I hate.” You don’t need a doctor to see you have clear issues.
Be careful with this one. There is an entire group of men raised by abusive fathers who suppress their negative emotions to try “not to be like their fathers”. They end up hurting themselves. I suggest to check professional advice for handling negative emotions. Dr. Gabor Mate comments on that too.
True, my dad was like that repressing feelings till they expressed physically in high bp and stroke. Then there's toxic positivity which is spiritual bypassing. I'd also say there's toxic negativity which is worse as it has that intense downwards vibe spiral that can create ill health. Everything in moderation, with nuance is best. 💖
Robert Greene just make up shit to sell redpill “wisdom” to impressionable young men
that's right. Every person that i know my age which shows negative emotions (arogant, jealous or hateful) I always when i talk to them, think of the back of my head their negative side and it distances me little bit from them
Love what this guy has to say; but he's the most "unwell" looking man..bless him!
Robert does say don't follow all his advice and this one I ain't following
Ladies and gentlemen, and here you have the cause of strokes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, and brain aneurysms.
This guy, 😢😢I struggle with following his teachings, I really wish one day I could reach this level
Fact's 💯🎯
I almost blew my cool the other day. Instead, I told the chump, GOD bless you. 😮 He was scared 😂😂
This guy gives a lot of advice that will come back to haunt compounded
observation is the key. You can quit smoking by simply observing the cigarette and every puff you inhale and exhale and ask yourself if this is pleasurable.
There are people that try to pull negative emotions out of you. Sometimes, it's your own family in your house. Other times, it's people in public places. Keep smiling.
tons of people don’t talk about their feelings and they don’t go away they just come out other ways
Mr. Greene is on the mark. Some will talk and talk and talk aboit that same feeling but do nothing about it. It almoat becomes a "I need to release this now and later I'll come back but I'll do the same and gone for 2 seconds"
But nothing truly changes. Been through it. So i get what he same. Confront it from within and you'll be able to move forward. If you dont confront it, it will follow you cause you allow it.
What I have always gone by is.. it’s important to express it.. to a journal, to a trusted friend or family… and then be done with it. Don’t talk about it anymore.