My narcissist had me robbed at the park so I’d have to reach out to him. Then he had my car stolen. What a lame. I’m still standing. Most high gots me 🙏🏻❤️
I did not experience my narc spouse wanting to be needed- he acted like my needing him was me being weak and an annoyance for him. He only wanted to be obeyed and revered.
I only saw the want to b need when a major emergency arised and during and after divorce then it was clear.. The 2nd narc showed this need after the first discard I was confused But the behavior is really clear now why he was so angry bc i didn't need chase or respond to the nonsense He found someone who worshipped him
My ex acted the same way but whenever I left him he pretended I was the selfish one and I "never cared about him" he played the victim so I thought I was important in his life after all and fell in his manipulation. Then he acted like before and treated me like I was a scum in his life because he got me back, he had the control. He is a doctor so he expected to be admired and taken advantage for his money. I never asked his money and never accepted his gifts, never let him pay trips and never went to his house. When I withdrawed sex (that was the only connection) he discarded me for a shallow girl, 16 years younger that worked as "sugar baby" and was after his house, his car, his expensive wine, his jewels and his lifestyle. When I used to stalk his social media, I realized their life is being drunk, dancing "trap" and regeton in bars all the time and posting this ... that was pathetic, seeing this old "respectable" person drunk pretending to be a 20 years old made me realize he never was enough for me.
I think here you have like a different idea of what being needed looks like than he does? Like he wants you to act like you need him so badly you’d “do anything” for him, but present no expectations or obligations.
I never needed him. He moved in with me and paid nothing! He love bombed me to get me addicted to him. I fought it so hard. You are 100%, he tortured me with the bombing then took it away. This cycle continued for 6 years. I'm 2 years no contact now. My life without him is peaceful and so much happier!! Strong & independent. 💪😎
Same story here. And I’ll never understand that. The first time I met him was in MY house that I lived in alone, with my perfect job 😭 and I was doing GREAT!! I still allowed him to use me though. And everyone would say “he’s using you!” And I would actually DEFEND the shit by saying “I don’t give him money (which i didn’t) and I’ll have the same bills whether he’s there or not” You would think that the very least they could do is be nice huh? Be a decent person? Or lord forbid sweep a floor or do their OWN dishes!! How you gonna treat me like a dog 24/7 then leave your damn dishes for me?! Cause he knew i couldn’t stand dishes in the sink and my OCD would take care of it. I’m only one week without contact, it’s hard. It is. But thinking about those dishes….🤬 that’s gonna get me through a few more days!
@@lovelysnowella1665 hello, and thank you so much. I am making it, but it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The first few days were ok cause I was still so damn angry at him, and now, oh my gosh I can’t even explain it. My mind, my energy, my desire to do anything but crawl up and practically die, it’s all very messed up. I’m just sure if this is depression, because I’ve never been this broken or betrayed or sad. If it weren’t for my dogs, I wouldn’t even get out of bed. I’m praying every day that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that I can see it soon. I hate myself for actually thinking I’d come out of this unscathed simply because I knew so much about narcissism. I didn’t know anything.
The part that I don't understand is why when we need them the most they don't show up , how come if they love the feeling to be needed they don't be with us?
Bc they love to feel needed in your life, not to help you, but to be able to pull the plug on you. For example: Some guy infiltrates your life with the intention to crush you. He love bombs you while he collects data about you and your finances. After a long enough period, the guy may make you believe you should quit your job and move in with him. Everything seems fine then little by little he starts to “change” (the mask slips). He begins insulting you, playing subliminal games, changing his patterns etc * oh too bad you quit your job.* Then he might literally tell you.. “you should’ve kept your job.” (With sadistic glee as he rubs his hands with deep anticipation for your reaction) smh 🤦🏾♀️ He wanted you to need him! 🤦🏾♀️ Get it now? 🥶cold lizards. Brutal frenemies
@@YoungNationWorld Mine encouraged me to quit, then called me a loser for needing to use "her money." They want to be needed, but not actually to come through. Not coming through gives them a rush
@@shiz1246 thanks for informing the ppl. It is hard to believe that some human beings are wired this way. Once they are fully exposed the world will naturally be a better place ⭐️ 🌎 🕊
They want to be catered to, not actually needed. If they ditch when you’re in trouble, you’ll be more likely to act kinda desperate when they get back and that makes them temporarily satisfied.
They use love and affection as a weapon. When you need them for that they take it away from you. When they feel like it they’ll bring it back. But they use it to control you.
During the most recent hoover, my exhusband did what he could to be needed. I kept denying needing anything from him. He proceeded to ask me out on a date. I declined and he stopped. I resisted my first hoover since the divorce! 😁
Withdrawing love, affection and the silent treatment made me feel horrible. Your so right. He was exactly that way. One of the instances is when I TRIED initiate sex he said to me “when I want you, I’ll touch you” . He could be so cruel and seen to enjoy my pain.
This ruined everything that I thought we could’ve worked through. I worked 3 jobs trying to be enough thinking since he loves money so much show him how you are a hustler. That wasn’t enough. He later stopped all communication. I got to the point where I realized he took away the ONE thing that I thought we had was sex. 5 years nothing. I thought he was gay. I thought he could be dealing with ED. I tried communicating with him he blamed me and we never moved forward. I couldn’t take it . Too many issues AND no sex GTFOOH with that shit. Got out and I am not looking back✌🏽
The rejection from sex is what almost destroyed me entirely. As a woman, (and i am NOT bragging or being boastful in any way, because ANY woman at ANY time, can get a guy to have sex with her.) Having him push me away, or pretend to be asleep,etc is what made my self esteem plummet. He told me i didn't speak softly (feminine) enough...that i was to manly (I'm actually very feminine, but i speak loudly and I'd compare my voice to something like melissa ethridge.) And that i could get him to do anything i wanted if i spoke to him with A more feminine and soft voice. It seems he'd always criticize the things that were nearly impossible to change. Its getting better, but the shit he said to me will always be there.
My husband will deliberately disable one of my cars just so that I need him. I get to watch him "figure" it out, point at what is the problem and reverse it. Then he reminds me about how lucky I am that he's around to do this for me.
Thank you, Lee. This video was very important to me. I see that just like a narc treats you like they use you for their own needs, they also expect you to do the same. I also see why my ex husband wanted us to have one bank account. I am so proud of me that I never agreed to that. I see now that he just wanted to control me even more.
Have you posted any videos on the different type of narcissist? Grandiose vs vulnerable/covert narcissist? In my experience, the covert/vulnerable are most dangerous. You don't see them coming and they prey on empaths/co-dependent emotions to destroy from inside out.
Because my narc was jobless, didn’t want to work and expected to be taken care of, his angle with this wasn’t about me needing him, but the kids needing him. His angle was that we had to stay together because the kids needed to grow up in a home with both parents so they wouldn’t grow up screwed up and if I left him, I would screw them up for the rest of their lives for being so selfish. There was still financial abuse though, even though it was my house and money. I budgeted wrong and allocated money where I shouldn’t have and needed help from my brother in law for groceries. He decided that it meant that I was completely untrustworthy with money, acted as though it was a malicious act on him somehow and that he needed to control it from that time forward despite it only happened once (hey, we’re only human and we make mistakes). If I took money to get the kids new shoes or clothes, he would go off and even indirectly say that I was a gold digger (yeah, tell me how that isn’t projection). When I left him, he went off the deep end because I had the *audacity* to get my own bank account and stop my own money from going into our joint account. His opinion that he was entitled to half of my money because the kids are half his. That’s not how that works, my man.
I NEVER NEEDED A MAN FOR ANYTHING, I JUST WANTED ONE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INDEPENDENT, I M SO THANKFUL FOR THAT BC I THINK WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE THATS WHEN PPL GET SHADY, CO DEPENDENT, GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ABUSED ETC, I THINK ITS HEALTHIER TO HAVE SOME INDEPENDENCE, I CANT IMAGINE ANY OTHER WAY.
I lost nothing when I ended the relationship with my narc. I am glad I never became dependent on him. However, he can not say the same about losing me. He was the one benefiting the most in our relationship. When I left, he lost all the benefits. Enough was enough.
Thanks so much for making these videos. I endured narcissistic abuse all last year. Nothing else that I've watched or read has been as helpful for understanding people with NPD/narcissistic traits - not even scientific articles or videos made by psychologists. Proud of you for getting therapy. There's real power in facing and working on the most difficult parts of yourself. I wish more people with NPD could see value in doing something like this for others. This advice is so beneficial and rare. Understanding why I was abused and why he is the way he is really diminishes the anger and resentment. It's bringing peace and helping me move on. There are many videos out there that simply demonize people with NPD. Thanks for helping us to better understand it.
I dont believe in that potential crap. Its like ive healed so much this time. Just even thinking about playing these games makes me nauseous. Aint nobody got time for that.
It was great hearing your wife tell her story of how this has affected her. I hope you keep improving Lee. She's a great goal to work for. My Narc used to get wound up and talked fast when he was excited, happy, up. That was when I got the future faking.
Man thank you for this, Means a lot dealing with past right now and realizing and wondering why she would just dip out, block or ignore my calls for 8 to 20 hours. Then of course when she needed me i would be there.
Everything you describe in the videos scares me because it's so accurate but it's helping me look back after 3 years of me leaving to connect the dots, it makes sense now, I am do aware of red flags which I had before, but now I listen, I'm single and value myself, I am still healing, and your insight is so mind blowing, I can move on totally and learning to liove myself, thank you for sharing your gift of the narcs perspective, and being brave to put it out there!! My trauma has resurfaced but now I can wrap my mind around it, I love the humour thrown iin too, I am free and can now get out of the confusion I had before, kia kaha from new Zealand PEACE!!
My ex literally would say ‘if I gave it to you all the time, it wouldn’t be as special.’ This could be in reference to sex, physical affection, any affection. I can’t even believe I listened to that BS.
The best way to get rid of this is by reminding yourself that their potential is not who they actually are. Just leave. Close the door and let them be. There is someone out there who will communicate with you properly. There’s someone out there that will be happy to love you and care for you and give you affection, someone who won’t devalue you, control you or punish you.
This makes sense as to why I suddenly began to expect that my husband was sabotaging or breaking certain things. Like the car, certain things in the home, the lo lawn mower. He would fix them then we would render him a hero. He is very mechanically inclined and he knew we loved this! I laugh because I may never know what he really sabotaged to create a need but I swear after a few years ago I really started to think this.
Yup....that silent treatment is always there. The cutoff. Ive exploded, stayed silent myself....all of it....it doesnt matter to a narcissist. In the end they show themselves if you sit and wait them out. Its hard, not easy by any means and sometimes you truly do want to FLIP OUT, but hold your own. They will show themselves.
My emotionally unavailable ass draws men like this to me like moths to a flame 😫 I don't know why I think understanding these men will help me figure myself out but i'm trying anything at this point. This whole planet needs to address mental health in a whole different way. Broken ass people everywhere just feeding off each other 😖
I had to chuckle a bit about the “being crazy” part - he “poked” me with the stick of unkind /disrespectful words and behaviors one too many times and I (addmitingly) “freaked out” and yelled (the only time I ever lost my cool!) and that is the ONE time he always references because he was cool as a cucumber while I yelled 😂 Well played. Very well played and planned on his part knowing what to say to get me to that point. Never mind the 362 times it was reversed - that one time is what is always referenced. Spare me the theatrics, hahaha.
Financial abuse was the biggest reason I stayed trapped for 10 years. I never had a dependable vehicle, bills were all in my name and past due, everytime I tried to keep a job or attend school I was punished for it and accused of cheating or trying to cheat. It was a physical and mental prison.
Yes that makes so much sense to me. I am and always have been completely independent I didn’t need my ex husband for anything other than choice of partnership and love interest. He HATED it but definitely needed to feel needed. He ruined his own outcome by moving out we were still “trying” but showed me I needed him even less than I thought. Emotionally I felt like I did and that what I got taken away from me 😂. Finally discarded over a rage over my “perfect family” and how they treat me so well lol.
Similar story here, ex narc was annoyed and said if he left my life wouldn’t change, wasn’t my fault he had nothing to add. I actually preferred it that way so no one could blow up my life like my first husband did.
Lee-I wonder sometimes if it’s hard being so honest bc this is some dark stuff. It’s dark and some heavy stuff. I can’t imagine it’d be easy to admit or put out there as someone who shares what they do to manipulate others which ends up abusing and harming them in so many ways. However, this has got to take some courage and if you read this comment please know, YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY PEOPLE. Thank you, sir. I really appreciate you.
I got my narcissistic a great job and we were arguing 1 day he went to work and I haven't seen him since... it's definitely the fact I said I didn't want to be a housewife anymore because I wanted to make my own choices... I'm a threat because I am a narcissistic however I have 10+ years of therapy and am currently working 💪for the love of my life and awareness of my understanding of my mindset
My Narc Love Bombed me to the Bitter End. Along with his harem. 😂😂😂 Even moving to a different State his first mission was to get his Convenience Store gal Supply and His Fast Food gal Supply and His Cafe gal Supply. Sincerity would of helped. I deserved to decide if I wanted in a Swinger lifestyle. He worked on the road all his life. That's how he rolled he finally admitted after we were apart over a year. He laughed the entire time he admitted it like it was my fault I stayed in denial of what it was. He didnt plan it that way but how could he refuse a gal something she needed and he was just helping a gal with low self esteem feel better about herself. Geeze. His daughter told me I should get over it because what matters is who he slept with at night. Oh boy. Gotta love a Narcissist for their TEXT BOOK ACTIONS OF being the Gingerbread Man or Pinnicco. lol
I’m trying so hard to get my baby daddy to realize he’s a narcissist and get some therapy for it. He instead watched your videos on TikTok and agreed with the damn narcissist in your videos. Didn’t see anything wrong with that behavior. I’m like Jesus Christ he has issues.
Unfortunately I know you’re right. I know only he can work on himself and fix himself. I hope someday he does for his sake and the sake of our children and their relationship with him.
Facts! Initially he called me so much it was almost overwhelming. I took a weekend trip with my mom and saw my sister who I hadn't seen in years (just because of distance, good relationship). When I tell you he pitched a whole entire tantrum for weeks because I wasn't constantly on the phone with him? I've never seen anything like it. He would say that he was a big baby and he should be my #1 priority. I should drop everything for him whenever he wanted me. At the end, I'm not sure if he was trying to do a discard or his silent treatment backfired. Because he withdrew... I tried to communicate and he kept with the silent treatment so I was like ✌. Then he came asking me did I want to be with him or not? No, you made that decision. Then called saying he was moving in with me and to get rid of my cats (didn't ask, told me and he hates cats). No and no. 🤦♀️🤷♀️ I am too grown and independent to play games. I can handle a hurtful truth much better than any kind of lie.
He didn't like when i worked so he could control me asking him for money And moved me 1000miles from anyone i knew Refused to show me how to fix my car said i got him i didn't need to know
The narcissistic personality has their money and it's their money. Your money is their money as well. Your money will be held as joint, their money will be solely theirs.
Hhmmm this is interesting!! My ex was probably trying to create a situation where I needed him but when he tried to give me the silent treatment I just walked out and blocked his a** 😂😂😂😂...... Permently!!
AFTER a 1.5 year break up, monthly hoovers...My Ex wanted to attack to devalue me in an email to say how bad I am because I told him I didnt need him and he acted like we are just now breaking up!!! Wt??? Crazyyyyyy
Last time he yelled at me because I asked for a hug in the middle of a fight, he asked me what was in it for him, what does he get from giving me a hug while I cry
Imma say I think they all lovebomb, but some learned that grandiose displays actually kinda freak people out, and they may seek out people who are otherwise isolated and kinda “starved”.
This is so true though. I’m very independent and always have been. I was raised by my father and he taught me not to rely on any man ever. My baby daddy is definitely someone who wants me to need him. I care about him and all that but I don’t need him and never will. Sorry not sorry.
I heard in the past I think me and you need to see a therapist I just don't know why we are not getting along like we did, I'm like i try snd you don't want to talk you walk away, then I agreed OK and then never did it, just like when he broke it off, I'm depressed I think I need help, I was like ummmm, all of a sudden you need help? Hell no! You are hiding something! Yep and I was right! Hiding his while new commitment! Oh I would look like a kid begging when I got given the silent treatment! It was the most repulsive thing he could do. I rather have physically got hit than go through that, I would be like I rather you stab me, hit me I don't know throw something at me than get treated with silence like I don't exist!
I don't get this part. Because you tell them you need them and the things you tell them you need them for are the things they absolutely will not do. You need their time, nope no time for you. You need their help around the house, nope, ask them to at least pick up after themselves if nothing else, they make the mess times 10, help with the bills, nope and then spend even more on silliness, communication, nope stone wall. It's not even just refusal to meet half way, it's 10 steps in the whole other direction. Why? Is it just literally all about controlling the dynamic? Making you crazy? Literally why?
Do narcissists ever "kick themselves" for initiating a breakup / discard? Feel bad or mourn the relationship, want their ex back? Does it ever stop being a game to them if they never do therapy?
Hey brotha. I got a quick question. I'm hearing narcissists hate ghost movies or paranormal videos and stuff. My friend says her narcissists hated watching them, among other narcissists as well.. But this one I was with would binge watch them all with me. Like evry day. Was it bc I was there with them or? When she was 6 she would sit outside w a book and read bc she was left alone while her mom was at work. Said she did this so the ghosts woukdnt get her and be trapped. Felt safer outside. Again she was 6 at the time. Any thoughts on this? Legit curious.
@@jeanniecannon4612 yeah, idk if it's like some actually don't mind it and some do mind it like no big deal, or if paranormal stuff triggers anything and the personality disorder? In your case I'm GUESSING here, is that your spouse became somewhat obsessed with the character traits of one of the actors and is trying to somewhat BECOME that person in real life. Or atleast extract as many traits as possible. It's noted that they do mirror and mimmic certain people.
@@daviedood2503 he is addicted to all television period. He gathers information like a robot. Very low empathy, self-centered. Thinks he is his own god. Athiest. He never causes any problems for anyone. Slow to anger very slow. Always smiling, always courteous, too good to be true. There is a lot to that Supernatural series. For someone who claims there is no good or evil, he sure does take notes.
@@daviedood2503 I know he does those things. He is great with acts of service and gifting. He is very smart He is very considerate in most areas. Just not with affection or relationship communication with me. Never willing to get therapy. Loves to be needed but no responsibility or accountability when it comes to true relationship growth. Being provider with money is all that matters to him. He never mimics anyone. Has that blank stare if you talk about feelings. But loves when people get hurt on tv or seeing bloody gory movies. He laughs. Just how his mind works.
Wow, yes he tried soo hard but I know I was getting mine and taking care of my business since 17 so I knew that tattic wouldn’t work and he was so HOT☄️☄️☄️💥with GOD I’m 💪🏾as ever😉
Hi lovely mine tryed to kill himself Lee he overdosed on tablets cus I left him he was in a coma for 3 weeks I felt so bad at the time I sud over left them yet I stopped another 10 years
Very controlling when it comes to money got to have it . everything that I brought he had something to say . O you just love to spend money yes 🤡 I sure do I work hard for mine .. but he would take he's money and spend it on all he's little tap dancers that's what I would call them 😂😂😂😂😂 boy bye 👋👋 and take your money with you they love to play broke as well.
😂😂 so true. Always broke but all their bills paid somehow just no reliability with household bills lol. Always used to go at me when I spent my money on stuff
I have told you this on your Tik Tok, ADMITTING AND ACCEPTING that your a narcissist is sooooooooo BIG!! God bless ‼️💯👌🏼
Thank you
@@MentalHealness 🙏🏻 you’re welcome!
@@MentalHealness Could Celine Dion be a narcissist? "I Want You To Need Me" 🎶🎵🎶
I showed my husband your videos hes now in therapy thank you...
That is so great! I wish the both of you the best.
wow
I love to read this for you and him !❤️
I hope you both find peace and added happiness !
Wow
@@MentalHealness yea he first day is on the 26th of this month we are still not living together right now but one step at a time thank you again
My narcissist had me robbed at the park so I’d have to reach out to him. Then he had my car stolen. What a lame. I’m still standing. Most high gots me 🙏🏻❤️
I did not experience my narc spouse wanting to be needed- he acted like my needing him was me being weak and an annoyance for him. He only wanted to be obeyed and revered.
I only saw the want to b need when a major emergency arised and during and after divorce then it was clear..
The 2nd narc showed this need after the first discard
I was confused
But the behavior is really clear now why he was so angry bc i didn't need chase or respond to the nonsense
He found someone who worshipped him
He did not want to be needed. Other people’s needs were a bother to him.
My ex acted the same way but whenever I left him he pretended I was the selfish one and I "never cared about him" he played the victim so I thought I was important in his life after all and fell in his manipulation. Then he acted like before and treated me like I was a scum in his life because he got me back, he had the control.
He is a doctor so he expected to be admired and taken advantage for his money. I never asked his money and never accepted his gifts, never let him pay trips and never went to his house.
When I withdrawed sex (that was the only connection) he discarded me for a shallow girl, 16 years younger that worked as "sugar baby" and was after his house, his car, his expensive wine, his jewels and his lifestyle.
When I used to stalk his social media, I realized their life is being drunk, dancing "trap" and regeton in bars all the time and posting this ... that was pathetic, seeing this old "respectable" person drunk pretending to be a 20 years old made me realize he never was enough for me.
I think here you have like a different idea of what being needed looks like than he does?
Like he wants you to act like you need him so badly you’d “do anything” for him, but present no expectations or obligations.
There’s comes a point when the information you gain places you in a position to not care.
Ill never overplay my part again. I need me ❤
stay empowered
I never needed him. He moved in with me and paid nothing! He love bombed me to get me addicted to him. I fought it so hard. You are 100%, he tortured me with the bombing then took it away. This cycle continued for 6 years. I'm 2 years no contact now. My life without him is peaceful and so much happier!! Strong & independent. 💪😎
Same story here. And I’ll never understand that. The first time I met him was in MY house that I lived in alone, with my perfect job 😭 and I was doing GREAT!!
I still allowed him to use me though. And everyone would say “he’s using you!” And I would actually DEFEND the shit by saying “I don’t give him money (which i didn’t) and I’ll have the same bills whether he’s there or not”
You would think that the very least they could do is be nice huh? Be a decent person? Or lord forbid sweep a floor or do their OWN dishes!! How you gonna treat me like a dog 24/7 then leave your damn dishes for me?! Cause he knew i couldn’t stand dishes in the sink and my OCD would take care of it.
I’m only one week without contact, it’s hard. It is. But thinking about those dishes….🤬 that’s gonna get me through a few more days!
@@paiged6362 I hope you're still hanging in there!
@@lovelysnowella1665 hello, and thank you so much. I am making it, but it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The first few days were ok cause I was still so damn angry at him, and now, oh my gosh I can’t even explain it. My mind, my energy, my desire to do anything but crawl up and practically die, it’s all very messed up.
I’m just sure if this is depression, because I’ve never been this broken or betrayed or sad. If it weren’t for my dogs, I wouldn’t even get out of bed. I’m praying every day that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that I can see it soon.
I hate myself for actually thinking I’d come out of this unscathed simply because I knew so much about narcissism. I didn’t know anything.
@@paiged6362 I'm sure you can make it. I have to believe you will be ok because you made it this far.
@@lovelysnowella1665 that’s what I tell myself every day. Surely the worst is behind me. I hope so.
The part that I don't understand is why when we need them the most they don't show up , how come if they love the feeling to be needed they don't be with us?
Bc they love to feel needed in your life, not to help you, but to be able to pull the plug on you.
For example: Some guy infiltrates your life with the intention to crush you. He love bombs you while he collects data about you and your finances. After a long enough period, the guy may make you believe you should quit your job and move in with him. Everything seems fine then little by little he starts to “change” (the mask slips). He begins insulting you, playing subliminal games, changing his patterns etc
* oh too bad you quit your job.*
Then he might literally tell you.. “you should’ve kept your job.” (With sadistic glee as he rubs his hands with deep anticipation for your reaction)
smh 🤦🏾♀️ He wanted you to need him! 🤦🏾♀️
Get it now?
🥶cold lizards. Brutal frenemies
@@YoungNationWorld Mine encouraged me to quit, then called me a loser for needing to use "her money." They want to be needed, but not actually to come through. Not coming through gives them a rush
@@shiz1246 thanks for informing the ppl. It is hard to believe that some human beings are wired this way. Once they are fully exposed the world will naturally be a better place ⭐️ 🌎 🕊
They want to be catered to, not actually needed. If they ditch when you’re in trouble, you’ll be more likely to act kinda desperate when they get back and that makes them temporarily satisfied.
They use love and affection as a weapon. When you need them for that they take it away from you. When they feel like it they’ll bring it back. But they use it to control you.
Yes, spot on about the separate bank accounts and wanting to make you feel bad for it.
🎯🎯
During the most recent hoover, my exhusband did what he could to be needed. I kept denying needing anything from him. He proceeded to ask me out on a date. I declined and he stopped. I resisted my first hoover since the divorce! 😁
👏
Withdrawing love, affection and the silent treatment made me feel horrible.
Your so right. He was exactly that way.
One of the instances is when I TRIED initiate sex he said to me “when I want you, I’ll touch you” . He could be so cruel and seen to enjoy my pain.
I hope you left that demon. Give yourself to someone who truly deserves you.
This ruined everything that I thought we could’ve worked through. I worked 3 jobs trying to be enough thinking since he loves money so much show him how you are a hustler. That wasn’t enough. He later stopped all communication. I got to the point where I realized he took away the ONE thing that I thought we had was sex. 5 years nothing. I thought he was gay. I thought he could be dealing with ED. I tried communicating with him he blamed me and we never moved forward. I couldn’t take it . Too many issues AND no sex GTFOOH with that shit. Got out and I am not looking back✌🏽
I accused mine of the same things and im finding out neither of which is the case
The rejection from sex is what almost destroyed me entirely. As a woman, (and i am NOT bragging or being boastful in any way, because ANY woman at ANY time, can get a guy to have sex with her.)
Having him push me away, or pretend to be asleep,etc is what made my self esteem plummet. He told me i didn't speak softly (feminine) enough...that i was to manly (I'm actually very feminine, but i speak loudly and I'd compare my voice to something like melissa ethridge.) And that i could get him to do anything i wanted if i spoke to him with A more feminine and soft voice.
It seems he'd always criticize the things that were nearly impossible to change.
Its getting better, but the shit he said to me will always be there.
Why do they give nothing and expect to be needed?
entitlement
Thank you for sharing your wife with us tonight. It was a pleasure 💜 and very insightful.
Glad you enjoyed it!
My husband will deliberately disable one of my cars just so that I need him. I get to watch him "figure" it out, point at what is the problem and reverse it. Then he reminds me about how lucky I am that he's around to do this for me.
Mine too
Omg me too
@@lovelysnowella1665 amazing at how obvious it is sometimes, right?
Wow!
Thank you, Lee. This video was very important to me. I see that just like a narc treats you like they use you for their own needs, they also expect you to do the same. I also see why my ex husband wanted us to have one bank account. I am so proud of me that I never agreed to that. I see now that he just wanted to control me even more.
Have you posted any videos on the different type of narcissist? Grandiose vs vulnerable/covert narcissist? In my experience, the covert/vulnerable are most dangerous. You don't see them coming and they prey on empaths/co-dependent emotions to destroy from inside out.
Lawd! Not the bump. 🤦🏾♀️🤣🤣🤣 I hollered!
And things of that nature... 🤣😂🤣 YOU keep me laughing hella hard. Unexpectedly too! God Bless, and thank you for dropping that knowledge.
It's called CONTROL
Because my narc was jobless, didn’t want to work and expected to be taken care of, his angle with this wasn’t about me needing him, but the kids needing him. His angle was that we had to stay together because the kids needed to grow up in a home with both parents so they wouldn’t grow up screwed up and if I left him, I would screw them up for the rest of their lives for being so selfish.
There was still financial abuse though, even though it was my house and money. I budgeted wrong and allocated money where I shouldn’t have and needed help from my brother in law for groceries. He decided that it meant that I was completely untrustworthy with money, acted as though it was a malicious act on him somehow and that he needed to control it from that time forward despite it only happened once (hey, we’re only human and we make mistakes). If I took money to get the kids new shoes or clothes, he would go off and even indirectly say that I was a gold digger (yeah, tell me how that isn’t projection).
When I left him, he went off the deep end because I had the *audacity* to get my own bank account and stop my own money from going into our joint account. His opinion that he was entitled to half of my money because the kids are half his. That’s not how that works, my man.
Honeybakedhamlet, WOW, I am sorry you dealt with that. When I saw that this was how his mind worked I locked the door and threw away the key.
I NEVER NEEDED A MAN FOR ANYTHING, I JUST WANTED ONE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INDEPENDENT, I M SO THANKFUL FOR THAT BC I THINK WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE THATS WHEN PPL GET SHADY, CO DEPENDENT, GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ABUSED ETC, I THINK ITS HEALTHIER TO HAVE SOME INDEPENDENCE, I CANT IMAGINE ANY OTHER WAY.
💪🏼
I lost nothing when I ended the relationship with my narc. I am glad I never became dependent on him. However, he can not say the same about losing me. He was the one benefiting the most in our relationship. When I left, he lost all the benefits. Enough was enough.
Thanks so much for making these videos. I endured narcissistic abuse all last year. Nothing else that I've watched or read has been as helpful for understanding people with NPD/narcissistic traits - not even scientific articles or videos made by psychologists. Proud of you for getting therapy. There's real power in facing and working on the most difficult parts of yourself. I wish more people with NPD could see value in doing something like this for others. This advice is so beneficial and rare. Understanding why I was abused and why he is the way he is really diminishes the anger and resentment. It's bringing peace and helping me move on. There are many videos out there that simply demonize people with NPD. Thanks for helping us to better understand it.
I really appreciate it
I dont believe in that potential crap. Its like ive healed so much this time. Just even thinking about playing these games makes me nauseous. Aint nobody got time for that.
It was great hearing your wife tell her story of how this has affected her. I hope you keep improving Lee. She's a great goal to work for.
My Narc used to get wound up and talked fast when he was excited, happy, up. That was when I got the future faking.
Yup, all love care & affection was withdrawn. So done. Dont even want it.
Thank you for your time and insight, Lee. Your messages are powerful.
Man thank you for this, Means a lot dealing with past right now and realizing and wondering why she would just dip out, block or ignore my calls for 8 to 20 hours. Then of course when she needed me i would be there.
Everything you describe in the videos scares me because it's so accurate but it's helping me look back after 3 years of me leaving to connect the dots, it makes sense now, I am do aware of red flags which I had before, but now I listen, I'm single and value myself, I am still healing, and your insight is so mind blowing, I can move on totally and learning to liove myself, thank you for sharing your gift of the narcs perspective, and being brave to put it out there!! My trauma has resurfaced but now I can wrap my mind around it, I love the humour thrown iin too, I am free and can now get out of the confusion I had before, kia kaha from new Zealand PEACE!!
“A little bump of basic human decency”
🙏🏽💯
My ex literally would say ‘if I gave it to you all the time, it wouldn’t be as special.’ This could be in reference to sex, physical affection, any affection. I can’t even believe I listened to that BS.
Great video! We appreciate your honesty, thank you
I appreciate that!
The best way to get rid of this is by reminding yourself that their potential is not who they actually are. Just leave. Close the door and let them be. There is someone out there who will communicate with you properly. There’s someone out there that will be happy to love you and care for you and give you affection, someone who won’t devalue you, control you or punish you.
I am going through this right now. You are really helping
stay strong
This makes sense as to why I suddenly began to expect that my husband was sabotaging or breaking certain things. Like the car, certain things in the home, the lo lawn mower. He would fix them then we would render him a hero. He is very mechanically inclined and he knew we loved this! I laugh because I may never know what he really sabotaged to create a need but I swear after a few years ago I really started to think this.
Yup....that silent treatment is always there. The cutoff. Ive exploded, stayed silent myself....all of it....it doesnt matter to a narcissist. In the end they show themselves if you sit and wait them out. Its hard, not easy by any means and sometimes you truly do want to FLIP OUT, but hold your own. They will show themselves.
Want to be needed...but leave when you actually do need them!
My emotionally unavailable ass draws men like this to me like moths to a flame 😫 I don't know why I think understanding these men will help me figure myself out but i'm trying anything at this point. This whole planet needs to address mental health in a whole different way. Broken ass people everywhere just feeding off each other 😖
Silent treatment has taught my household well. We're good, because we learned from the best! 😂
I had to chuckle a bit about the “being crazy” part - he “poked” me with the stick of unkind /disrespectful words and behaviors one too many times and I (addmitingly) “freaked out” and yelled (the only time I ever lost my cool!) and that is the ONE time he always references because he was cool as a cucumber while I yelled 😂
Well played. Very well played and planned on his part knowing what to say to get me to that point.
Never mind the 362 times it was reversed - that one time is what is always referenced.
Spare me the theatrics, hahaha.
i told him i didnt "need" him, i chose him, i WANTED him... he got SO mad and hurt no matter hiw much i explained what i ment he remained wounded
Financial abuse was the biggest reason I stayed trapped for 10 years. I never had a dependable vehicle, bills were all in my name and past due, everytime I tried to keep a job or attend school I was punished for it and accused of cheating or trying to cheat. It was a physical and mental prison.
This explains alot
Confirms something i was unsure of too
🎯
Yes that makes so much sense to me. I am and always have been completely independent I didn’t need my ex husband for anything other than choice of partnership and love interest. He HATED it but definitely needed to feel needed. He ruined his own outcome by moving out we were still “trying” but showed me I needed him even less than I thought. Emotionally I felt like I did and that what I got taken away from me 😂. Finally discarded over a rage over my “perfect family” and how they treat me so well lol.
wow. stay strong
Similar story here, ex narc was annoyed and said if he left my life wouldn’t change, wasn’t my fault he had nothing to add. I actually preferred it that way so no one could blow up my life like my first husband did.
@@elaineb9951 I can’t think of anything better than being with someone because they WANT me not need me. How lovely to be wanted!! Lol apparently not
Lee-I wonder sometimes if it’s hard being so honest bc this is some dark stuff. It’s dark and some heavy stuff. I can’t imagine it’d be easy to admit or put out there as someone who shares what they do to manipulate others which ends up abusing and harming them in so many ways.
However, this has got to take some courage and if you read this comment please know, YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY PEOPLE. Thank you, sir. I really appreciate you.
it can be tough sometimes. i have to take breaks and such. thanks for caring 🙏🏽
Constantly striving to have value in this world, and usually taking any and all shortcuts lol
🙏🏽
I got my narcissistic a great job and we were arguing 1 day he went to work and I haven't seen him since... it's definitely the fact I said I didn't want to be a housewife anymore because I wanted to make my own choices... I'm a threat because I am a narcissistic however I have 10+ years of therapy and am currently working 💪for the love of my life and awareness of my understanding of my mindset
Great video, keep them coming !!
will do. Thank you
My Narc Love Bombed me to the Bitter End. Along with his harem. 😂😂😂 Even moving to a different State his first mission was to get his Convenience Store gal Supply and His Fast Food gal Supply and His Cafe gal Supply. Sincerity would of helped. I deserved to decide if I wanted in a Swinger lifestyle. He worked on the road all his life. That's how he rolled he finally admitted after we were apart over a year. He laughed the entire time he admitted it like it was my fault I stayed in denial of what it was. He didnt plan it that way but how could he refuse a gal something she needed and he was just helping a gal with low self esteem feel better about herself. Geeze. His daughter told me I should get over it because what matters is who he slept with at night. Oh boy. Gotta love a Narcissist for their TEXT BOOK ACTIONS OF being the Gingerbread Man or Pinnicco. lol
I’m trying so hard to get my baby daddy to realize he’s a narcissist and get some therapy for it. He instead watched your videos on TikTok and agreed with the damn narcissist in your videos. Didn’t see anything wrong with that behavior. I’m like Jesus Christ he has issues.
yea, that's a huge issue. but you can't force him to go to therapy or anything along those lines
Unfortunately I know you’re right. I know only he can work on himself and fix himself. I hope someday he does for his sake and the sake of our children and their relationship with him.
Facts! Initially he called me so much it was almost overwhelming. I took a weekend trip with my mom and saw my sister who I hadn't seen in years (just because of distance, good relationship). When I tell you he pitched a whole entire tantrum for weeks because I wasn't constantly on the phone with him? I've never seen anything like it. He would say that he was a big baby and he should be my #1 priority. I should drop everything for him whenever he wanted me. At the end, I'm not sure if he was trying to do a discard or his silent treatment backfired. Because he withdrew... I tried to communicate and he kept with the silent treatment so I was like ✌. Then he came asking me did I want to be with him or not? No, you made that decision. Then called saying he was moving in with me and to get rid of my cats (didn't ask, told me and he hates cats). No and no. 🤦♀️🤷♀️ I am too grown and independent to play games. I can handle a hurtful truth much better than any kind of lie.
woow. stay strong
@@MentalHealness Your videos have helped me understand what happened. 🥰
He didn't like when i worked so he could control me asking him for money
And moved me 1000miles from anyone i knew
Refused to show me how to fix my car said i got him i didn't need to know
wow. that's so controlling
The narcissistic personality has their money and it's their money. Your money is their money as well. Your money will be held as joint, their money will be solely theirs.
The stonewalling 😣
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE
Thank you
Hhmmm this is interesting!! My ex was probably trying to create a situation where I needed him but when he tried to give me the silent treatment I just walked out and blocked his a** 😂😂😂😂...... Permently!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
AFTER a 1.5 year break up, monthly hoovers...My Ex wanted to attack to devalue me in an email to say how bad I am because I told him I didnt need him and he acted like we are just now breaking up!!! Wt??? Crazyyyyyy
block it out
Thank you
🙏🏽
Last time he yelled at me because I asked for a hug in the middle of a fight, he asked me what was in it for him, what does he get from giving me a hug while I cry
Such a beautiful wife you have, brother. 🤓
Thank you kindly
Imma say I think they all lovebomb, but some learned that grandiose displays actually kinda freak people out, and they may seek out people who are otherwise isolated and kinda “starved”.
Just slow down on your speaking, no need to rush lee,we ain't going no where!😉
Not a bump.😂😂. A bump of cheeks.I’m sorry but that was funny.
This is so true though. I’m very independent and always have been. I was raised by my father and he taught me not to rely on any man ever. My baby daddy is definitely someone who wants me to need him. I care about him and all that but I don’t need him and never will. Sorry not sorry.
I heard in the past I think me and you need to see a therapist I just don't know why we are not getting along like we did, I'm like i try snd you don't want to talk you walk away, then I agreed OK and then never did it, just like when he broke it off, I'm depressed I think I need help, I was like ummmm, all of a sudden you need help? Hell no! You are hiding something! Yep and I was right! Hiding his while new commitment! Oh I would look like a kid begging when I got given the silent treatment! It was the most repulsive thing he could do. I rather have physically got hit than go through that, I would be like I rather you stab me, hit me I don't know throw something at me than get treated with silence like I don't exist!
I don't get this part. Because you tell them you need them and the things you tell them you need them for are the things they absolutely will not do. You need their time, nope no time for you. You need their help around the house, nope, ask them to at least pick up after themselves if nothing else, they make the mess times 10, help with the bills, nope and then spend even more on silliness, communication, nope stone wall. It's not even just refusal to meet half way, it's 10 steps in the whole other direction. Why? Is it just literally all about controlling the dynamic? Making you crazy? Literally why?
True
♥️
Do narcissists ever "kick themselves" for initiating a breakup / discard? Feel bad or mourn the relationship, want their ex back? Does it ever stop being a game to them if they never do therapy?
My solution has been to simply get away.
Why do they chastise you for spending your own money?
to feel like they are in control
You ain’t lying about money and bank accounts.
Hey brotha. I got a quick question. I'm hearing narcissists hate ghost movies or paranormal videos and stuff. My friend says her narcissists hated watching them, among other narcissists as well.. But this one I was with would binge watch them all with me. Like evry day. Was it bc I was there with them or?
When she was 6 she would sit outside w a book and read bc she was left alone while her mom was at work. Said she did this so the ghosts woukdnt get her and be trapped. Felt safer outside. Again she was 6 at the time.
Any thoughts on this? Legit curious.
@David. I found it strange my spouse watched every season of supernatural and is on the second round of watching them all over again.
@@jeanniecannon4612 yeah, idk if it's like some actually don't mind it and some do mind it like no big deal, or if paranormal stuff triggers anything and the personality disorder?
In your case I'm GUESSING here, is that your spouse became somewhat obsessed with the character traits of one of the actors and is trying to somewhat BECOME that person in real life. Or atleast extract as many traits as possible. It's noted that they do mirror and mimmic certain people.
@@daviedood2503 he is addicted to all television period. He gathers information like a robot. Very low empathy, self-centered. Thinks he is his own god. Athiest. He never causes any problems for anyone. Slow to anger very slow. Always smiling, always courteous, too good to be true. There is a lot to that Supernatural series. For someone who claims there is no good or evil, he sure does take notes.
@@jeanniecannon4612 HE DOES those things or he THINKS he does those things?
@@daviedood2503 I know he does those things. He is great with acts of service and gifting. He is very smart He is very considerate in most areas. Just not with affection or relationship communication with me. Never willing to get therapy. Loves to be needed but no responsibility or accountability when it comes to true relationship growth. Being provider with money is all that matters to him. He never mimics anyone. Has that blank stare if you talk about feelings. But loves when people get hurt on tv or seeing bloody gory movies. He laughs. Just how his mind works.
Wow, yes he tried soo hard but I know I was getting mine and taking care of my business since 17 so I knew that tattic wouldn’t work and he was so HOT☄️☄️☄️💥with GOD I’m 💪🏾as ever😉
Hi lovely mine tryed to kill himself Lee he overdosed on tablets cus I left him he was in a coma for 3 weeks I felt so bad at the time I sud over left them yet I stopped another 10 years
Very controlling when it comes to money got to have it . everything that I brought he had something to say . O you just love to spend money yes 🤡 I sure do I work hard for mine .. but he would take he's money and spend it on all he's little tap dancers that's what I would call them 😂😂😂😂😂 boy bye 👋👋 and take your money with you they love to play broke as well.
😂😂 so true. Always broke but all their bills paid somehow just no reliability with household bills lol. Always used to go at me when I spent my money on stuff
lol i really be playing broke
Only because they are actually useless
👑👑👑👑👑💎💎💎💎💎
🙏🏽
why are you sweating so bad, your not in the shed anymore????💙😩😳
Hot in North Carolina...
Thank you