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- Опубликовано: 27 авг 2024
- No one gets angrier than a guilty narcissist. Rage gets the job done because rage is easy. I also go into what I think about Kevin Samuels and what I think about narcissists being able to Love you
Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
1 on 1's and all my links - beacons.page/m...
Weekly Newsletter - subscribepage.io/mentalhealness
Thank you so much
![Oasis - Oasis Live '25 [Official Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/gol_JnuEtKM/mqdefault.jpg)
Narcissists have 3 channels, charm, rage and self-pity.
🎯🎯🎯
On point!
Couldnt have said it better and so short and simple‼️ 💯
☝🏾 ☝🏾 ☝🏾
Ugh, my ex was the victim 24-7
365 DAYS !!!!!!
every hour, ever minute !!!!
The reason why most of us stayed is because of the cognitive dissonance. The hot and cold, the I love you, I hate you, the gifts and Oscar worthy "I'm sorry, give us another chance!"
Ah the trauma bond/addiction. I mived out and I'm detoxing now.
@@sarahcook908 💜
@@sarahcook908 you can do this!!! So proud of you!!!! I’m trying to get out. I’ve tried so many times and failed, I don’t have great help/support. Please for me, stay out and stay away.
@@sarahcook908 I'm on the same road...giving u extreme coodos for your strength. I know how hard it is to be where Yu r right now. .
Sending 🤗 big hug ( I know I could use one LoL )
🙏 Jily
@@iamkatiemackey just went no contact after valentine's day. Expecting a hoover if I stay in my home...long story. The real psychological torture begins post final discard by the victim. I'm realizing just this last year that I've been gang stalked now for many years and was a target for fraud from day one...for money sex and destruction. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that someone I loved wants me dead. I'm not giving details it's just too much. Please have a plan for when u leave. I opened my mouth and I've been trying to escape for two years. Save money, get your things u want out..have a plan! Cuz it will get ugly!!!! Every second u r there w him once he knows u r leaving him.
Please take head to my warning if he is pathologically narcissistic. (I say that cuz my husband had high traits but not pathological.. he and I get along fine.)
Sending hugs and strength ur way... It will be hard, get god in ur life and a strong support system that will be there for yu. Do not get isolated like I did.
Blessings jily
They never admit it, and then they blame you for questioning them.
😵💫😵💫
Never admit their faults
Right; as if they are the almighty Lord.
That's is correct, right on targer about it.
“The relationship is not that bad as long as I keep my mouth shut”. Oh my gosh!! You said exactly what I have been thinking for so long.
😩😩
Yes oh my gosh
Yes as long I kept quiet or continued to say yes to them there was no problems. Soon as I started speaking up more and standing up for myself or saying no.. there was conflict.
Yes!!
It’s so true!!!
Best hidden jewel I took from this entire talk is ‘you don’t need a confession to know someone is guilty.’ True wisdom.
Facts!
YESSSSSSSSSSS
Wow yes
The confession simple interpretation as I’m sorry I messed up. But if they are not changing g to me it’s really not a sincere apology at all. So still no need for a confession!
🎯🎯🎯
There is NOTHING like the rage of a narcissist who's been caught!!!!!!!!!
Ain't this the truth!!
I am actually a super empath...I reversed all his manipulation on him cause as an empath we can empathize but we also catch the manipulation. The devaluing stuff...we got and rub with the love bomb and when we've gotten all our answers just to have our peace ...we drop the bomb back on their head.
THIS!!!
And they call you insane for catching them.
@@jacquelinefroehle3583 insane, overbearing, uptight, nosy, etc etc
Literally got physically sick living with and loving a narcissist.
So sorry😞. Me too ☮️
yep been there done that still picking up the pieces of me
I never put it together until now but I watched my mother get physically sick staying in a toxic relationship with my dad. Woww
💯 Me too ‼️
Trauma bonds are real. It’s just very very very very difficult to admit to yourself that someone you loved with all your heart and invested in and who claimed to do the same never loved you and is capable of hurting you so deeply. The ego has a very hard time with this but once you cannot take the terrible treatment any longer then you will start to detach and the difficult and important process of healing, finding, and loving yourself begins.
Yes, this, thank you! He had me in the first half, but then I had to pause about 12 minutes in because that part was kind of triggering for me (I'm still healing some and my narc showed up on my doorstep last month so kind of vulnerable right now 🥲)
Radical acceptance is brutal af!
Yes 🎯!!!! Trauma bonds are real. You invest your heart emotions and time. Time you cannot never get back.
Very true it's hard to move past the trauma bond.
Thrust me. When u break the trauma bond. The narcissist starts becoming irritating to you
You are truly speaking cold hard facts. They go ballistic. They are completely allergic to the truth and accountability
🙌🏾🙌🏾
Yup...the truth hurts deep! I got mine with evidence, and I will not back down! I told him that he wouldn't know the truth, if it crapped in his mouth!!! You sir are spot on 100%
🙏 Amen. Telling the truth was never practiced with them growing up. They don't realize how bad lying can truly be
Big Thanks to helping saving lives, this is your ministry. I’m forever grateful. This has help me through a very painful separation from a covert narcissist.
Yes, my EX WAS 6-7 MONTHS IN WITH HIS NEW SUPPLY AND BOYYYYYYYY WHEN I BLAST HIS OUT AND HIS TRUTH HE MADE UP SO MANY LIES OF HOW I WASN'T HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE HAD ME AS POWER OF ATTORNEY AND HIS BENEFICIARY THEN HE KEPT TELLING THE GIRL HE "NEVER CARED FOR ME" THEN SHE KEEP ASKIN HIM WELL WHY WAS I HIS P.O.A, AND HAD ACCESS TO HIS MONEY WHEN HE WASN'T HOME, WHY HE TOOK ME HOME TO HIS MAMA INSTEAD OF HER, THEN HE SAID I WAS HIS EMPLOYEE HE HAD LIE AFTER LIE AFTER LIE AFTER LIE, SHE STRAIGHT START CALLING ME FOR ADVICE ALMOST A YEAR LATER,🤣🤣🤣🤣🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 THIS IS A BULLSEYE, ALSO HE CAN FAKE CRY ABOUT ME HURTING HIM AFTER LEAVIN ME SICK WITH LUPUS WITHOUT A CAR, HE TOOK MY CAR FROM ME , TRIED EVERYTHING TO HURT ME, I FELL OUTTA LOVE WITH HIM.. IT TOOK ABOUT YEAR BUT I HAD LOVED him.since High school..
I'm 48
30 years I LOVED THIS MAN HE DROPPED ME LIKE A STRANGER,
I WAS DEVASTATED.
NEVER EVER AGAIN..
LOVE DONT LOVE NOBODY! NOBODY AT ALL
Every time I get angry or upset, he gets more angry till my anger is no longer valid bc his is worse.
This! All of this! Then you'll be like dang i dont have a reason to be mad.. Look how my small issue created a huge problem for us.. Keep it to myself from now on
@@alveetarodriguez09 and that's part of your training.
@@alveetarodriguez09 Exactly! And when we “keep it to ourselves” we submit to their evil deeds and empower and enable them to continue. We also live the lives that they PERMIT us to live as opposed to the lives our creator has placed us on this planet to live! WE MUST STOP ALLOWING THESE DEMONS TO STEAL WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN US TO BRING TO THIS LIFE AND PLANET!!!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
This happened to me! This comment and this whole message!!!!
Peace that has been my life for many years. His lack of empathy & addiction always outshines my issues. Today he says he fears emotions most and tries to numb them all with drugs and alcohol. I feel I'm not enough. After the movie he said we hv reached our limit so no attention again. He's on and off
This hit home. Isolated with no friends, he won't listen to me and we can't have conversations without quarrelling. At the end of the day, I am alone with no one to talk to....
They isolated you but you are not alone. So many people care about you. When I got out I found friends and family that cared so much. They were always there to waiting for me.
There is so many people that have been in your situation that understand you and you don't have to explain yourself to for reasons for staying or how you ended up in this situation.
So much love💜
OMG this is exactly what I pointed out yesterday to him! I told him we can never have a normal regular voiced conversation without him walking away from me- giving me the silent treatment for 24hrs. Or of course, raging out on me. I'm sick of it,so I've decided to leave today! 3yrs of my life and a son I took 3yrs from to be with this piece of shit - is OVER
@@m.angelinagonzales246 I'm so proud of you for leaving. I don't know your full situation obviously but it will be so much better without him.
@@emilychandler3160 t y so much I have no encouragement I have no support whatsoever on my end so building up the courage to do this now has taken me two and a half years but this time I'm solid on where I stand. Thank you again for your support 😁
@@m.angelinagonzales246 absolutely. It takes so much to finally leave. I stayed in a shelter for Domestic violence a one point because I had no one. It's horrible and hard but I'm 5 months out and do much had improved. The freedom to breathe again. There is definitely hard days not going to lie. Days I wanted to go back but thankfully he's in jail and that made it easier for me to move on. But you are not alone anymore. 💜💜 Message me anytime. If you can message on RUclips lol.
So true... It starts to poison you. It was the poison I was afraid of. The weight gain, the brain fog, the sexual abuse (withholding sex), neglect. I had to realize this person was a poison pill for me. Instead of dying slowly I'm choosing to leave.
That gave me chills. 6 years in a sexless marriage. Brain fog for sure. Tried to drink it away for years and that ALMOST killed me. She did get me into rehab and 1 night out of nowhere actually said "I'm sorry I did this to you" . I don't blame her though. I'm just glad that we aren't together anymore and I wish the best for her. Unfortunately I see myself starting the pattern over with another girl. Looks like I have a type. But I will NEVER let myself live that again! Sorry for the rant 😊
@@1badombre82 being able to identify it is the gift in all of this.... If you can identify it in someone then run the other way. JMO
💯😞. I’m “waking up” after 30 years. But I have had chronic illnesses for years and have gotten progressively worse and am isolated. Over the years gradually abandoned by loved ones. Too many years of living through a rollercoaster of traumatic experiences from illnesses, betrayal, abandonment etc. my husband slowly became more neglectful and emotional abusive and I opened my eyes to realize he is a Narcissist. There were many red flags the past 30 years but I was clueless. His emotional abuse is literally killing me. No more. I want this “poisonous pill” out of my life. Hope you’re doing better now! ❤️🩹☮️
The hard part is not really leaving .. it’s accepting the reality that this person is really the way they are … awakening to the reality that the person you thought you loved is not that person at all brings a lot of grief.. and sometimes we avoid the grief that comes with leaving
Yes the hardest part...
@Mary Carroll 3yrs I can't get back, luckily getting back to the person I was before is not such a difficult task for me....
thank you so much for being truthful. my parents stayed together for 59 years and my father hate my mother. the relationship is toxic no love. I had a Narcissist Boyfriend for over 4 years. He is so hateful when he gets mad, he don't want you to ask him nothing. what time he coming home ,what is he doing ect. I know what true love is and this is not it. He always tell me I'm going die by myself , nobody wants me. I took his put down as fuel. we are going through a break up now. But with all the put downs he gave me strength to retire for my job and start my buisness and in my first 40 days, my buisness I made over 10 thousand dollars. I learn something in this relationship. I'm going to the top and I know God got someone better for me
T.H.I.S
Agree! I’m going through the devastation right now.
“You end up apologizing to them” OMGGGGGGG.... I apologized sooo many times in the beginning for stuff he did.
We all do it
TRUTH!!!
Me too BrittW.
Same.
Me too
The narc goes to all extremes to prove they’re not guilty, knowing damn well they’re guilty. This video explained my whole relationship with a narc.
Mine also
Same here
We accept the lies sometimes because we are not ready to leave YET... and we need to start the grief process of everything we have invested in the relationship.
When Theyre caught in a lie its like watching the devil rise from hell... That anger is unbelievable
Yep!! Possession
Don't waste your love on someone that can't love...
I didn't walk away...I RAN!
THANK YOU!
Y'all so silly, get a bike, it's far easier.
LEAVE NO CHILDREN BEHIND!! .. or the cycle, the generational curse continues with them! I ran with 3! All under the age of 5.. NEVER looked backed!! Rescue the children by any means necessary. 🙌🏾
How did you run??
@@lindaevans8446 I made the decision & left. Shut down ALL communication. Left no doors open. Narcissists don't change. When you realize their behavior is the way they are, you quit hoping they will change & you save your own sanity.
Hope this answers your question.
@@recalcitrantprophet9573 By all means available...just get your ownself gone 😉🤣
Once I got over the grief that the person I fell in love with never existed, it was so easy to detach emotionally from my narcissist and the situation. Like I don't even know that person was, just a stranger to me really. The clarity you receive in hindsight is staggering.
My thoughts exactly! Well put. Poof. They never existed. It was an illusion.
Yes, when you realize that individual is completely a fable you close that book
My counselor said I that I learned in my childhood that it’s okay for people to hurt me that “love” me. I’m working on leaning boundaries and setting them!
Exactly what I’m dealing with. I learned poor boundaries from my childhood.
I had a suspicion that cheating was happening. I left yall. Stop waiting on evidence. Your intuition is always right. I didn't need to wait around to get dragged through the dirt anymore. I'm so happy I got divorced and my life gets better every day. I see how he acts now and I dodged more bullets. Stay strong folks. Don't walk, run 🏃🏾♀️
I hope to be divorced soon too. You give me hope for a better life
I'm gonna design a T-shirt for myself that says exactly that!!! "Don't walk, RUN!!"
I now have a young son, going through a divorce & am emotionally & spiritually exhausted. I knew better & did the opposite. Now my little guy will have to experience the truth of the failed relationship for himself
YES! Run fast, run far, run like you've never ran before! 😥🙏❤
@@mocaret7653 I'm Right Behind You 💫🙌💪🏼
Thanks for this.
Being with a narc is basically begging for love. I think they can love. They are “loyal” in the sense they will never leave you. They will just never love you the way you need to be loved. They will do everything they can to make you miserable and hate yourself and hate them.
This is very true for a cerebral narcissist. They can even be faithful but will not want to have intimacy with you. Intimacy is a weapon to bring you to your kneels. But you can always tell them you want to leave them, and sometimes you get it one more time. A cerebral narcissist has a sexless marriage unless they want a child.
Omg? Dude,.I know! I would say, "...okay you've got it! This is it huh?! This is what you want?! Mutual hate?! You wanna hate me?! You want me to hate you! And we.both just hate ourselves too huh?! Lol, oye
it isnt loyalty. when a leach attaches to you.
Top comment
@@tahjiannabooker3959omggg!! Exactly?!!! They can be loyal but also @the same time seem like they hate you & won’t want to leave?!!! It’s so mind boggling!!
My mother was married to my abusive father for 14 yrs, I was 13 when they divorced, but she went straight from him to her 2nd husband who was quick to anger and indecently touching my little sister and I. Our neighbors caught him peeping thru my window and contacted law enforcement, same for my sister later on. We were taken out of the home 3 times. Each time my mother stood by my step dad and was convinced that we were lying about what was happening and though the indecent liberties stopped, his behavior towards us was much more Antagonist. My mother's response was to tell us to stop upsetting him. A couple of decades later when she picked me up from the hospital with a broken arm and black eye, she's lecturing me not understanding why I would stay as long as I did because of what my dad put us through. Um... Because mother, your still with your 2nd husband and that's what you taught me to do, thru learned and reinforced behaviors that I was unconsciously repeating myself.
She was unwilling to stand up for her own daughters, she didn't believe or stand up for us, and we grew up thinking we didn't have the right stand up for ourselves, because when we had, we suffered consequences and weren't believed. Now I fear what parts of that I passed down to my children 😓
Now that you’re consciously aware of that toxic & abusive behavior you’re children may be less likely to go through it bc hopefully you’ve broken that cycle
My son recorded my husband and I fighting about something he swore he DID do but we both know he didn't actually do it. It was eye-opening to hear him screaming "STOP CALLING ME A LIAR!!" even though we both know he didn't actually do what he promised to do. Just another item to add to the list of reasons, and now I'm now completely checked out. 15 years gone but there are no more tears to cry.
30 for me
“If you spot it, you got it.” Narcissists will also expect that the people around them have all kinds of ulterior motives, because they have them. They think that you’re a cheater, because they are. They think you’re manipulating with your emotional reaction, because they do that too. They turn everything around. The root cause of staying with someone that treats you terribly is multifaceted. Maybe at first it’s holding on to the good times. Then it’s the fear of all of the time that you have invested. You have routine, and there is comfort in that, even when it’s awful. At the very end it’s like you just grasp at the excuses. Kids, pets, finances, objects....Getting rid of those excuses is key. It’s hard though.
So true!
Imagine if your parents have narc tendencies that's a whole other level of gas lighting yourself that it's not too bad 🙄🙄
Wowwwwww🤐❤
His mom would tell me it’s not that bad. It could be worse if you leave & find someone else & they treat you worse. She’s also manipulative! I’ve noticed & stepped back from them. Though I find it hard to keep my child from her. That’s her grandma though she’s the reason her son is a narcissist!
Omg I am born again Christian and get accused of wanting another man all the time and I only wanted him sadly
He once said “You keep on assuming I’m cheating, I will.” Again, I never needed evidence. He stayed telling on himself 😎
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🎯🎯
I hear that too.. I ask questions, I get "keep accusing me of it, I'm going to end up doing it."
Yup same here..you manifesting that! Is what he said
I've heard that before- "Well you think I'm cheating so I might as well be." So frustrating bc of course I ended blaming myself and believing it was MY fault bc I "didn't trust him" and "caused him to cheat on me". 😬🙄
Right once I found out the first time and he said a man always gonna cheat that’s my que
Narcs will do anything to deny accountability for their actions. My sister loved to rage out on people who stood up to her bullying. Surprised her immensely to find out that people will only take so much of her bad behavior.
Went through this with my sister
Insecurity, thinking you're never gonna find anyone that'll treat you better, and being comfortable/familiar with the person, age, etc... those are SOME of the reasons people decide to stay with a toxic individual .... I LOVE that you articulate the situation with the words,"wasting the gift of love" on someone who doesn't deserve it, and also doesn't even RECOGNIZE it as love....
He wouldn’t rage at me, he would do what I liked to call turning the tables or flipping the script. I always knew he was up to something or I was right in my suspicions, because when he was doing it he would start trying to accuse me of it and turning it around on me. He would literally always tell on himself that way.
fr tho
He was triangulating you
That's how they roll. Everything they're doing, they accuse others. They'll even start shit, causing you to get upset, then claim it's you. 🤦🏼♀️ It's such a mindfuck.
@Jessica - classic. It's called 'Gaslighting.'
@Rick James 83 When shit don’t add up, START SUBTRACTING!!!
The reason most ppl stay (from a licensed therapist's perspective) is anxious attachment. We probably had a parent where we had to work for their love and so love feels like giving and not receiving which is a gold mine for a narcissist.
Definitely. I have anxious attachment, due to my abusive father.. but only to the romantic interests in my life.
It's pushing him away, and I tried to explain to him that I can't help it --- and his avoidant style of attachment doesn't help. If he would just reassure me now & then, or not threaten to end it every other week, things would be so much better for both of us.
@@suzanne4396 I hear you and that sounds tough because I can tell you love him. But from an evidenced-based perspective, anxious & avoidant attached people in a relationship is a ticking time bomb. You need and deserve some who is securely attached or someone else who is ready and willing to adjust their behavior in their partner's best interest 💜
@@Adultingistheghetto Thank you. Thanks for your reply and kind words. But, I'm 57,... have little hope of that happening.
@@suzanne4396 exactly. You’re 57. You are an adult and you have agency over your life. When you were a child, you did not. Now you can do the work and you can be who you want to be. Is it hell, breaking away, feeling lost, like you are at the bottom of life starting from scratch? Oh yes, take it from me it is terrifying to take that step. But when you get to the other side, you will breathe in freedom understanding how beautiful, sweet and textured true freedom is and you will never take it for granted again. You will be the most valuable of people to others ..someone who needs no one but whose very freedom draws the right people in. People who are not threatened by your independence and power. There are such people out there, I promise.
@@suzanne4396 how do you know if youre calling him “avoidant” but hes just a narcissist instead? Threatening to leave you every other week… thats what the guy im with does…. That makes you walk on eggshells
WE DON’T KNOW THEY ARE NARCISSIST UNTIL WE ARE IN SO DEEP THAT WE CANNOT ACCEPT THEY ARE LIARS. I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD MEANT WHEN I MET HIM.
I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR ENLIGHTENING US OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCES.
Your speaking volumes to me brother,, my soon to be ex-husband would tell me, he's not admitting to anything if I don't bring proof. Example we're on the couch together, he had his phone up saying we need to call his sister back, the call log comes up, I see another woman's name on the call log, asking him who's that, he became very angry and even got violent with me and tried to convince me that I didn't see any woman's name. I'm glad I'm out and I feel better I love me not to put up with any abuse. My intuition told me alot. Now I'm in the healing process.
stay safe
I've been watching and listening to you constantly for the last 5 days straight. To help me not call him. Its fucking crazy. I'd love to shake your hand sir. And commend you for helping so many others. You're saving lives...literally.
♥️🙏🏽
So true!
I’m saying so true to HELPING SO MANY OF US! I have been tremendously helped with UNDERSTANDING WHAT A NARCISSIST IS.
@MermaidOutofSea whether that's true or not doesnt matter!! He is using his platform in a positive way and I am happy for anyone who chooses to do something positive when he can easily choose otherwise. I dont care if he gets validation from it, we all do a certain degree when we do something positive. You should watch his video on why he wanted to change, he reached rock bottom. A rarity for narcs to admit they've reached rock bottom.
DONT TAKE HIM BACK. WHY DO YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU LIKE GARBAGE? Ask yourself that
One of the most surprising thing I have learned by being with my real full blown narcissist and maybe some borderline and codependent tendencies, and I am not a doctor, but proof is in their actions or lack thereof.
If you want to truly know if you are not sure if you are dealing with a narcissist or at least an unstable, emotional immature individual, who can't take the word "no", can't take any accountability for themselves, watch, get sick and see how they react. This was one thing that surprised me the most, lack of compassion, empathy, not even care if their partner is sick, it is inconvenient for them and they don't want to take care of you. Blows me away!
Not all narcissist are like that, some narcissist will make you sick and be the first to assist you when you are down. I know one narcissist who physically assaulted his girlfriend and she fell into a coma and the dude was the first to pay for her hospitalisation and even assisted her family (The family didn't know he was the one who hurt their daughter)
Spot on Terri!! That's exactly how I first discovered my ex narc has 0 empathy.. I got sick 1 day..
mine would verbally abuse me for being sick. Diarrhea on the toilet? He's in the doorway screaming at me that it's my fault somehow and my illness is inconveniencing him terribly. I came home from the dentist after a periodontal cleaning and he screamed "why do you have that shitty look on your face?!?" Um, because it's full of novacaine and my gums are still bleeding. And then of course having a menstrual cycle every month has been the cause for many a narcissistic rager. I think he was doubly furious that it was a biological certainty that he couldn't blame on me. Menopause has been a gift, even with all the migraines, insomnia and hot flashes. I went from being "kicked out" 5 days per month to about 3. Yeah, getting sick is a crime.
Mine would always tell me I wasn’t sick as if I don’t know when I’m I’ll or not. But when he had a little eye irritation, he swore it was pink eye (it wasn’t) and raged at me because I wasn’t concerned enough for his liking I guess😅
This is so true. When he was sick, I would take care of him. When I was sick..he didn't seem to understand what that meant. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. He said that he would be there for me..but then he started to get drunk & needed a way o get out. He couldn't handle it.
My ex narc's rage fits when accused of cheating just proved to me that he was cheating. No one gets that angry if they aren't guilty of something. Now he can mess with whoever he wants and I'm no longer a part of that horrible treatment for someone I loved and cared for. Thanks for your great videos!
This hit home. My ex and I were together for 15 years. He knew how to be amazing and the devil at the same time. I stayed because I prayed he would change and if I stayed and showed him how much I loved him that he would love me.
I lost myself and almost everything I worked for. Therapy, medication and meditation helped me find myself and I’m still learning. Thankful I came across your site. Thank you for this❤
Ladana Simmons - I could of wrote this post. I left as I felt myself losing myself and I still grieve what I hoped and prayed for with him. Quite honestly I don’t know if he’s a narcissist or not but he definitely has some narcissistic traits and he also has unhealthy behaviors that I refused to get use to after 5 years. I pray your healing and freedom is going well and wish only Gods best for you. You are not alone.
Dont worry about greiving and for what might have happened. Take it from me - run, run, run now, before he and his back up system ruin your life. Because it often gets worse. They often con their therapists (mine conned one, she told me, that before she met me, she thought I was an awful woman. If they go, many dont want to change anyway!!! . And will not miss an opportunity to profit from this encounter - especially if they are 'forced' to go, ⅔ dont want to change. Admission and change, as here, is rare!!
"you have the possibility to love and you waste it on someone who doesn't deserve it = this makes me mad!" Your video just deserved my like 😁
Thank you
I believe that the reason people choose to stay in relationships like this is more rooted in their childhoods. People who grew up neglected emotionally and treated badly as children received the bad treatment repetitively. It then becomes the basis of what is familiar even when it doesn't feel good. People who grew up in a more healthy emotional environment choose to not accept the treatment of a narcissist.
yea, childhood plays a role
Facts!!! And this fully explains why I stayed.
I do not believe that is was my childhood at all...maybe previous relation...shits. I tho k it can be a result many times, but not ...oh its always your childhood 😂
Speaking from a recovered place of being with a narcissist for 25 years yes I loved wearing those Rosy colored glasses I loved believing in the false person that he showed me I waited around for that person to show up I knew after he had his fits and his silent treatments we were going to go back to that charismatic romantic filled passionate relationship we had holding hands looking at each other in the morning at Starbucks before going to work happy to be together and laugh and talk at the end of our work day going out dancing on the weekends laying in bed watching movies snuggled up together but always knowing at any time things could flip upside down soon I always remembered him saying at times why can't it stay like this forever the manipulation the head games understanding my codependency dealing with reality all of course gave in over time and then finding out in the end all the other horrible things that come along with it being addicted to the relationship the endorphins the push and pull the Hoovers them slowly chipping away at you and you losing yourself giving in to what you know is not right and that way they start controlling your emotions and reactions because you start to lose consciousness of being in touch with yourself and what's right for yourself and lastly because they are the one that's setting you on fire and then saving you and putting you out or throwing you under the bus and then rescuing you you develop a type of Stockholm Syndrome later when you're coming out of all of this or going through a discard you go through severe PTSD anxiety and panic attacks from abandoning your true self and giving them all your power so you are left powerless to take it back and that's usually how you get sucked back in or fall for the Hoover but I did it, it was not easy and your mental health and physical health can take a toll too from the stress before those really high moments just like being on a drug you feel it's worth it at the time so basically they give you the drug fix of endorphins when they're pretending to be everything you ever wanted and then sending you into fight or flight cortisol Rush when they're showing you who they really are and you just don't want to believe it it's a crazy sick cycle but thank God I made it out and I understand everything and I'm forgiving myself and them for not knowing what they've done are being able to heal their self from their dark wounds but now taking charge of my life healing myself and not blaming anyone else taking charge of sailing my ship into calm Waters is my responsibility for myself and my children and understanding how all this took place for these reasons of understanding what needs to be healed and learning to put myself first and not be distracted by all those wonderful fake distractions and narcissist brings for you to not be able to focus on yourself and your true healing hope this helps someone peace and one love
Wow I screenshotted what you wrote, this is exactly how it was for me. It’s devastating. I remember him saying “Why can’t things always be like this” during moments of vulnerability or when we were getting along super well and later I would sort of think “I was under the impression it would primarily be ‘like this’ from now on and now I feel anxious/paranoid about maintaining the peace”. I wanted to move past conflicts and wrongfully assumed he wasn’t intentionally instigating most of the conflict.
By time you’ve had enough, you are so terrified by the lengths they are willing to go to reinforce your distorted perception of them that recognizing what is happening can truly feel like you are the one ruining/sabotaging things. Maintaining the relationship means maintaining a torturous degree of cognitive dissonance. Thank you so much.
Excellent statement
No one ever mention Stockholm syndrome. Extremely important factor. 1 therapist mentioned it to me 7 years ago. I thought he was crazy. Turns out I was uneducated
Wow! Reading this really just gave me that boost of energy and self awareness that I needed. Every time me and my narcissistic partner had our “weekly” love days (3 days max) and then fight battles (atleast 4 days), I often feel depleted and exhausted for DAYS! Reading you guys’ comments here today really helped me realize that I’m not alone and that I’m not losing my mind and that I’m not the toxic person constantly trying to start a battle that was already in motion in the first place. Thank you guys for telling your stories and being a light to others. Thanks for helping a person like me get up, get out, and take my power back!
My narcissistic ex did this throughout our entire 11+ year relationship. He not only raged but called me a psycho for wanting answers. If I didn't back down, he'd have a 'seizure' to change the tone. The seizures while real at times were also used to manipulate me. Before I left him, I had never heard the term trauma bond but I firmly believe that's why I stayed so long. His behavior was just so foreign to me and I always thought I was triggering him in some way that I didn't understand. The fog is finally lifting though and I'm looking forward to happiness that was impossible to achieve when I was with him.
You believe that the Narc will change and start to treat you the way they originally did at the beginning of the relationship but this false hope never happens
Or it happens for 2 days after a big blowout
It's taken me 10+ years to finally start realizing this
yup. turn that hope inwards.
Keisha so true!!
And so I tell myself…, it was all lies. It was all lies. It was all lies.
"If you die today, would they show up at your funeral?" That one got me. I literally have been sobbing my eyes out over this man baby, thinking if I can't have his love then what's the point of living? I grew so emotionally dependent on him and his validation/attention, that I couldn't even realize just how abusive it all was. I felt like, and still kind of do, that I'll never feel this way about anyone else. Little did I realize that that's a GOOD thing. Sure, he's probably a damaged hurt child on the inside, but him getting help to stop all of this abusive behavior is his responsibility, not mine. I will no longer be basically a whole wife to a literal child that discards me when he's bored and comes back when he feels like it. Over and over, on and off, for 5 years. Shame on me for enabling it. 😔
It’s not your fault. I’ve been with mine for 8 years, married for over 5 years… we have one child together. We’ve been separated since September…. Loving someone unconditionally isn’t wrong or bad or enabling. Not calling them out on their behavior(depending on their tempers) could be enabling. I stopped being afraid and I call mine out. It took me a full year to be able to do it. Being with someone who devalues you really is degrading and it ruins your self esteem. It takes time to build it back up.
💖
That was on point. No need to feel bad for being a loving human being. I'm dealing with one now, I'm sending him a text after this stating, I freeing myself......for good. Pray for my strength n healing
I am in the same boat...5 years of breaking up and getting back together...just so painful...it literally feels like part of my soul has been ripped out. We need to stay strong and never go back...it only gets worse.
It’s ok. Your strong that’s why you stayed. You have a good heart and knew that you were loyal. I’m glad you left. 😭
This video is spot on. I’m trying to press on in my divorce and trying to withstand his efforts to win me back. This is so so EMPOWERING and is saving me from giving in to his lies and empty promises. I really needed this and feel God led me to this video to save me from making a horrible choice. Thank you so much Lee, for the wisdom and honesty you provide.
Praying 🙏🏽 you got out !!! Anytime he try to win u back, go back and look at these videos and The Tea on NPD
omg That happened to me last week and I did NOT APOLOGIZE to him I simply told him how dare you get mad at me for something that YOU SAID !!! and then I ended the friendship and told him he's too toxic for me NO NO NO These people need to be put in their places !!! you do not apologize to them for their wrong doings , you put them in their places and walk away or RUN
I guess we want a confession because we are already so gaslit so many times that we have trouble believing the truth. We beg the narcissist for truth and they will never give it. So foreign to those of us who aren’t narcissists that situations like that literally bring us to our knees in emotional pain. Learning to let go of wanting any kind of validation of truth from the narc is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn. Everything in me wanted to believe they weren’t lying
I sooo understand 😞
Same!! I "think" I need to have validation but my brain knows I don't, I'm leaving it as it lays & going to start to heal, hope you will too sis 🥰💜💚🤎❤️🖤💛💙
Validation will never given no matter how right you may be.
Yeah. All I wanted was for him to be sorry, but it’s literally never going to happen. He dances around specific apologies and gaslights and screams and disappears or pulls away and tries to make me feel insecure or offers distraction… and then maybe follows back with a gift or something when he wants sex.
It’s called trauma bonding. Ask your therapist about it. Narcissists I believe are notorious for trauma bonding their victims so it’s that much harder for their victim to leave them. It also probably has a lot to do with how low they make your self esteem over time so you don’t wanna be alone and you’re terrified that they’re right and nobody else is ever going to want you or love you. You have spent so much time convincing yourself that this person will become the person they made you believe they were so you hold onto false hope, you keep thinking you can fix this person and they’ll love you cause you’ve given so much love to them that you’re desperate for their love and keep thinking if you do something this way or that way that things will get better and they’ll realize what they have and start treating you right. At least those are all the reasons I would tell myself. It’s hard to break that cycle. It can be done but it takes a lot of strength and time.
i know exactly what it is. If you can acknowledge the trauma bond, you can break it
It does take alot of courage and strength. I pray we all be blessed with courageous courage to endure until the end of this negative part of our life's.
My narcissist abandoned our marriage April 2020 after I found out he was living a double life and moved his mistress into our apartment we shared while I was helping sick family members in Louisiana. I’ve gone NO CONTACT and that has been the BEST CHOICE I COULD HAVE EVER MADE! I’ve learned how to “LOVE ME and am LIVING MY BEST BLESSED LIFE!”
@@MentalHealness Could you talk about the difference between trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome - our is it the same thing? The person who is abusing you then makes you feel better, as you described previously as satan/saint syndrome.
Its mind fuck 101
Clinician here and recovering narc addict…. I think accountability is key in these situations because most of the time if we attract and tend to keep narcs we have the issue of codependency. We cannot control the “narcissists’” choices but we can control our own. We can play victims of narcs (ironically a narc trait) or we can take our power back and decide to heal ♥️
Yep, the issue it codependency and that’s why I will not date until I know I’m fully healed
The reason people turn a blind eye, codependency and abandonment issues stemming from childhood. I just got out of my second narc relationship. I fell right into it with no clue what was happening until we were over.
People want a confession because they want to feel validated. The biggest thing that keeps people hooked to narcs is wanting the Narc's validation when they should be able to validate themselves. If they were able to validate themselves, probably never would've gotten with a narc in the first place.
that’s exactly what it is. i always say, i’m not asking for a fucking apology, or for you to beg for my forgiveness, just fucking validate what i’m saying. acknowledge the fact you can see why i would be upset.
i always tell him, you don’t need me to sit here and try and explain why i’m feeling the way i am. you aren’t stupid, quit playing stupid. you know and i know exactly what you’re doing.
now it’s just a matter of me waking up and deciding that starting over and creating a new life without him (aside from coparenting) in it is more valuable than what he’s giving me right now. which is nothing, i don’t even get the bare minimum lol.
oh, sorry, he’s giving me something. oops. i’m actually in the middle of getting a silent treatment right now & he’s kicked me out of the house again for the 3rd time this month. because i called his ass out and he can’t handle accountability or ever being the bad guy. so it’s, “let’s bring up every bad thing you’ve ever done in the last 5 years and suddenly make it an issue to remind you that you do not have the right to call me out or ever be upset with me. you should be grateful i even stayed with you, look at what you’ve done. it’s your fault i’m this way now” that type of treatment this week. lol cool cool cool 😎
sorry i went wAAAAAY too far into that rant. 🤦🏼♀️
@@jamielentz this helps me
@@tammythompson1094 does it? i was at the height of my emotions as i wrote that last week, so i’m kind of cringing now for sharing as much as i did, but if it makes you feel even a little bit validated in your feelings, like you’re not going through this alone, then i did something right. hang in there, always here to talk if you ever need someone.
@@jamielentz yes and I am so broken after a year of being discarded in a CHRISTIAN marriage. I don't get it.
This makes sense
The reason for me is that I have been dealing with volatile people from day one. Forgiveness was a survival skill for me as a child. And after a life time of abusive and explosive experiences you stop feeling shock by the person's behavior. I trained myself as a child to cope by excusing behaviors because I could not leave. By the time I started my own relationships the pattern was set. I did file for divorce when my son was two to save him from exactly what you explained but ended up in another relationship that was worse. After years of work I definitely see the reasons I have been involved with narcissistic men. I was a very easy target. Trauma that is not fully comprehended in a person allows them to continually put themselves in situations that feel normal. Especially with love bombing. Unfortunately for many of us normal is really bad and turns into worse. The meter just doesn't read the same. Just as you have gained knowledge and healing by seeking help, we have to do the same on the receiving end. Thank you for your information Lee.
ABSOLUTELY!!!! 🤗💛☺️💯% true
What you said here is so profound. Forgiveness was a survival skill for me as well as a child. I just didn't know this until you said it. I would always say I was use to ignoring bad, volatile behavior but the truth is as children we didn't have a choice. This is why Dr. Ramani who specializes in narc abuse says forgiveness is very personal and no one has a right to tell you to forgive someone. Good healthy parents teach you boundaries and how to protect yourself. When you don't learn this in childhood you attract predators in your life.
@@bellaapple2166 I completely understand and agree with you. ❤
@@bellaapple2166 exactly. My parents did this to me. Not only did they prposefully teach me to accept abusive and narcissistic people - whe i was tangled up in an abusive relationship and needed their support my parents gaslit me even more and said it was all my fault
The only thing we can do is reprogram our computers. Most of us that enable are adults that use the coping skills of our child self to exist as adults. Until we truly realize what we are doing and come to terms with the fact a 5, 6, 7, 8, etc year old version of ourselves is making our emotional decisions in intimate relationships we will continue to find ourselves in the same situation over and over. The true self awareness comes when you go back and confront the origin and spend less time focusing on the present chaos. The present chaos is the "silly monkey" that distracts us from seeing how we contribute due to our childhood trauma. Hardest work ever especially with the added trauma of Narcissistic abuse throughout adulthood. Best wishes to all of you.
I grew up apologizing to my narcissistic mother, It took me a while to unlearn the way I was raised like being people pleaser, apologizing for something I didn’t do, overthinking my decisions, and more.
How did it went? I am in the same situation and I need a bit of clarity of the road, does it' got any better?
I admire your ability to OWN & stand in your diagnosis. I'm praying for your full recovery!!!!!!!! I wish my mother could be mature like you and stand in hers
Jesus man, you got me when you said "You're willing to die for someone, who if you died wouldn't go to your funeral".. shit that's a very spot on statement, but it is heartbreaking to have that realization.
🥺🥺🙌🏾
OMG yes. He was always lying but when I called him a liar he had a HUGE MELTDOWN and told me how honest and good he was.
that's how it goes
Omg yes! My soon to be ex husband is just like this!
Lol they all do
They love to say they're good and honest. But good and honest people never say they are, they live it.
Insecurities will cause you to stay in a unhealthy situation.
Omg!!! This is accurate af!!! My ex used to get angry whenever I would catch him in things he was doing wrong
Thank you for confirming what I have experienced in dealing with a un-diagnosed narcissist. Every detail in all your videos is true! I have watched your videos to gain insight on how to deal and exit this situation. Sometimes I laugh and cry through your videos but in the end I feel a bit stronger and more educated than before. God bless you for having the courage to share this priceless information to help others ---like me. I never even heard of narcissism until a few months ago and I'm a middle aged woman. Thank you again and keep giving insight!🙏🏼👍
My father is a narcissist and my mom stayed, regardless of the reasons what the gentleman says is true, it's damaging to the children in a home like that! It would have been better if she had left sooner, well the damage is done, I'm not a narcissist but due to the prolonged abuse I have depression, PTSD, trouble with relationships (I might be a co defendant, not sure) and other issues, your children do absorb what's around them and the damage is life long, if you are in a toxic relationship and that person will not change, if for no other reason than save your children by saving yourself and get out.
You’re right. I just left but my daughter is 18 so the damage is done. Unfortunately, we are products of that damage also. My parents did it to me and i know their parents did it to them 😢 I’m hoping my daughter will break the cycle.
@@paulinerubin92 I will pray for you and her!
@@lesliel.6260 thank you 🙏🏻 I’ll do the same for you. I’m sorry for anyone who endured this. It ruins people 😞
I thought you were my daughter! 😂🙏🏽❤️
Single parenthoid is da.aging also, so whats the solution?
I just came out of a therapy session and I had a eureka moment - "why do people tolerate this behaviour?". I did because my father behaved like this toward me and my mum. When you're a kid this dynamic is all you know and identify with. I wanted to win the affections of my dad. He never (and will never) reciprocated my love in a genuine fashion. I am almost 50 and only at this stage of my life do I realise that most people I have had intimate long-term relationships with have had the multitude of narcissistic characteristics. My Dad journaled his extra-marital affairs - recently I looked over my ex's diary and she did the same thing. When I confronted her about her monkey branching she was violent toward me. So, in short people like myself, tolerate narcissistic abuse because we are desperate to win the love and affection from out mother or father and later in life we behave the same to our significant others. Indeed we want our partners to be narcissists. I think that we have to recognise that - We Chose the Narcissist.
I just turned 50 and am just realizing all of this about my father now. When I was little, I thought he just wasn't capable of being the dad I wanted or loving me the way I needed to be loved, until he left and started a new family and then showered a new daughter with the affection I thought he was incapable of. It was easier to be the scapegoat before there was a golden child around.
Was your dad in his journal proud of his extra marital affairs? if not what was his attitude about them?
" A HEALTHY two-parent household raises better children!" Thank you!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾💯💞💯💯💗💖
I think that so many of us as people ignore the signs or the evidence of our narcissistic cheater for a few reasons
1.We think that no one else will love us. After giving our narcissist what feels like the best of us, its like who can love what's left...so we hope and pray that we're not being mistreated, although its in our face.
2. We've invested so much in the relationship and don't want to start over (whatever that may look like)
3. We share a family with this person and don't want to break up the family.
But you hit the nail on the head, don't stay together for the sake of the kids.
He is right! I had screenshots, videos etc. of my Ex-Narc being unfaithful. He gaslit the hell out of me about how I got the information and that I couldn't be trusted. I was like, you getting mad at me, like I'm on video! When I doubled down, he told me, it wasn't what I thought. Bro, I got you on video, are you kidding? I ended the relationship. The day I went No Contact, was the being of my healing. It was not easy, but I realized I deserve better.
Our issues were always left unresolved. But I stayed. God in my life helped me get out! Thank the Lord!!!
Amen!!! Same here🙌🙂
My God gave me the evidence and I presented it to my narcissists husband of 35 years.
I caused a narcissists injury.
The anger and rage was unbelievable during and after.
I discarded him and went no contact.
Lee
You are so right about older generations who stayed together even though they didn’t talk or love each other fully- and then had kids. My parents stayed together for 46 years before my father died and I swore to myself I wouldn’t be like my mother (who catered to a narcissist)- but I end up in the same situation with a failed relationship with a narcissist.
Thanks for being so real. I like your channel.
No matter how sad this actually is, you express this in the most accurate way possible Thank you ❤
Can't believe I'm learning so much from a narcissist. Thanks for the honesty and transparency. Keep up the enlightening work.
people are here for one of three things…a reason, a season or a lifetime. Honey take what information you can get. Yes, from this narcissist, apply it to your life, live, learn and move on!
were you dealing with a narcissist? All the heavily narcissistic people I know are really smart. they have issues coming but they're pretty bright people. except for the drug addicted ones. lol Even some of those are kind of smart too, though. I prefer being around people with APD because they're more blunt, although they tend to hide their narcissistic traits until after the mask comes off completely😮
Yeah! They become all righteous, when they are the ones being caught cheating and are the ones that are gaslighting you. It's insane!!!! 👍
Thank you for saying this! Yes, if someone is bigger than you and they are raging and using physical intimidation, you are likely to back down due to fear. Then when you try to address their rage a physical aggression later when they are calm, they will deny it ever happened, blame you, say you are overly sensitive, blame it on your childhood..... anything to flip it back on you. Or they might just go into a massive word salad until you are exhausted. There is no fairness or decency to be had with these people.
Love the rant about staying together in toxic relationships and the negative effect on kids. Someone needs to say it. Kids need a safe and considtent home life not a toxic one. One stable parent is way better than two f*cked up parents. Don't teach your kids to be in that environment. Teach them to find healthy relationships if they can. And if you HAVE to stay make sure you either don't have kids or make sure they know what they see at home is not OK. Don't let them grow up thinking they should seek that for their own lives. And encourage them to get therapy or counselling as soon as they grow up so they can avoid repeating the pattern.
When you said, "How can you waste your gift of love? I'm angry about that." That spoke volumes. I receive that ✔
My ex narc would run away when I confronted him 🤦♀️ he's actually scared of me because I'm empathic and can read someone like a book lol seriously i could write a book on his BS 😂😂😂😂
Mine actually triggered these “intuitive downloads” for me. I HATE them. I
Am randomly shown the sickest, most vile images at any given time. Things so out of control that there is no way they are things that I would ever think of. And I can get pretty dark! Images down to the color of his socks. If it’s a “gift” I don’t want it. I haven’t slept more than 2 hours a night since 2019 because my dreams have the ability to have me committed. It’s just to much
@@paiged6362 thats exactly what happened to me but good thing is I can see right through anyone's B.S now lol
@@kerrymetcalfe2737 it’s definitely a blessing AND a curse!!
Same lol he would avoid me like the plague
@@paiged6362 go camping out in the woods by your self or with a friend for a week or two to get your thoughts straightened out heal gather courage etc
I stay because some days are still amazing and being financially stuck, and everytime I have the funds he gets me to stay with beautiful lies.
My favorite saying about him is that "he could charm the panties off a nun".
This is by far the best video I’ve heard in the 4 years of researching this disorder! Real and raw!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I don't want to waste my love anymore , I understand you Lee it makes perfect sense .
stay strong
My daughter told me she wished I would have left sooner. I waited for her to graduate. 😔 She is a beautiful human though, because I had love enough to give. Thank goodness
thank goodness
Mine too. She was my back bone said I quote “He can only do what you continually allow him to do”. Something I would have said to one of my friends. My daughter sounded like me. Wow. And I thank God for her. ❤️
Yes when my mom left I finally got to start to get to know her. We had a much better life and I was going from an introvert that I always thought I was to an extrovert. Sadly she passed soon after so it was short lived. But anyone reading this don't stay for the kids leave for the kids but have your paperwork tight and a plan bc the narc will be gunning for you and will use anything from turning your children against you to the courts.
Same here! I am in awe of my daughters kindness and goodness in spite of her narcissist dad! I wish I had left sooner- better late than never 🤷♀️I guess?
Peace , my daughter is telling me to leave. Today is my birthday and I still am wishing for attention. He has stopped taking his prescribed meds and is very mean, always cursing with everything he says. He cooks for me but is angry about it. What ever he does he complains and says I'm trying to control him
Trauma Bonding makes us want to stay with our toxic Narcissist plain and simple.
This exactly has created some of the funniest things a narcissist has ever said to me.
Trust me she was NOT being funny, but the stupid things that came out of her mouth in anger were hilarious!
The fear of the unknown future is more terrifying than dealing with the situation. Plus, they brainwashed you that nobody else wants you and you will never make it alone. Thank God he left me. It gave me my life back. I'm so much better off. Peace ✌☮🕊
stay strong
They are pretty delusional. Even after the first time I left him, in his mind when we spoke about it after we got back together he told me "I dusted you off" that really showed me his ego and his pride wouldn't let him see it for what it was, eventually he said he just didn't feel the same anymore, and he was gonna be so busy he wouldn't have a lot of time to spend with me,as if it even made a difference to me, he had already over killed my love for him,but yea he had to make it a point to feel like the dumper instead of the dumpee,they really are cowards with very poor character, and no depth, these are not genuine, good hearted people at all
Yup, you will break eventually! The strongest person has a breaking point!
agree
I broke snd landed in jail. I've never been in trouble before.
@@tammythompson1094 Keep focused on healing. Learn to love yourself again. Appreciate the little things. All the best
Yep...and she loved it...
@mentalhealness I've started many videos but never finished one until yours. I was so afraid of the hidden monster waiting to take me down when I least expect it. That is NOT You. ❤️ Today I didn't chicken out and I'm so thankful. Today I listened to an entire video about narcissism and I didn't get scared I didn't get nervous I didn't get Sick. That's huge. I smiled I laughed I healed I lifted I learned I progressed. I know it's not instant healing. But today I know it's possible. Today I see myself and I am aware that Healing is my future. I'm still smiling. You did that. Right on! Much Love, 💜💙💚💛🧡
👍💖 You give me sooo much insight into my relationship with The Narcissist who wrecked my life. Thank you. 💖👍
It's obvious you're truly in therapy. Shout out to you for being willing to do the work and for sharing your journey with others.
"Who raised this generation?" Straight truth!
💪🏼
These two generations raised a big chunk of humanity:
Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964)
Generation X (born 1965-1980)
@@rmg2419 Yes. 1973 Gen Xr here. We have a responsibility to turn this Sh_t around!
I am currently doing my best to get out of a 7 yr “relationship “ with a unaware narcissist and I had been watching content on how to deal with it, but it was from my perspective and I cannot tell you how eye-opening it has been to hear it from his perspective because it’s what I needed … it’s all shit I’ve known but been made to feel horrible for even suggesting I appreciate you thank you
you’re welcome. stay strong and protect your peace
“2 healthy parent households raise better children,” PREACH!!! They also raise wounded / codependent kids who attract narcissists (guilty and healing). I’m self aware and will break the cycle the next time but this is so true
My ex told me early in the marriage that he lived by "deny everything, admit to nothing, make counter accusations" And honestly I forgot about that until the last couple years of our marriage went He raged and did exactly what you're saying 😭
💯
This is what my ex is doing right now. It's such a black and white game for them, but it's helpful because once the truth comes to light, the whole house of cards collapses
Lobotomize, dehumanize, and negate.
Mine always said "Deny til you die"
Codependency isn’t love. Narcissists and their victims are BOTH codependent, period. People-pleasing is abusive; it’s inverted narcissism. They want you to lie because they’re trying to hold on to control. Nothing but a flip side of the same damn coin. Lurking underneath is the desire not to lose the battle.
Loving your material and perspective!
🤔 but...dang, I was definitely living the lie with a narc. Hmmm. Gotta talk w my therapist about that one.
@@dancer49lives6 I’m referring more to those who insist on continuing to live the lie. One can become obsessed with winning that crown back..on winning something.
I HAVE felt so angry at the narcissist that I "played" his game just to get back at him but I was just losing the battle until I went no contact completely. Part of me is now at peace but the anger lives on and is enjoying breaking him down w the no contact. (he pretends to be devastated but I don't believe his lies, they are just words and actions to manipulate me again.) Chaos is what he loves. Me, I am totally replaceable in his mind.
Preach.!!
Loved your rant! I’ve never looked at long term marriages that way before on what it produced in their children. The toxic marriages specifically. Makes a lot of sense. Appreciate the message on getting out and not wasting your love because love is a gift. The only reason we can love is because God first loved us. We shouldn’t waste that gift. Really, hit home. Appreciate your videos. I’ve just recently found you after being involved with a narcissist and trauma bonded. Thank you for sharing. Btw, that is a form of love. Congratulations! Bless you! ♥️♥️♥️
What happens is when you spend so long with someone you don’t want to believe you spent so much time with was a waste of time. Because time is the one thing you can’t get back.
They want to stay even after the evidence because they’re HOOKED and truly love the narc. It’s so difficult to leave because there is hope that he/she will change and all of the efforts put into the situationship won’t be lost.
Hmm. Love...or the bursts of cortisol followed by the dopamine/oxytocin rush. Trauma bond=neurological addiction.
@@lisarodriguez6966 I hear ya
misplaced hope will lead you down a path of unhappiness
@@MentalHealness absolutely!!!!
@@MentalHealness Lee do a video please on Narcisstic children and how they are developed in Narcisstic children
It's the comfort zone. Low self-esteem, or codependency and the fact that person says everything that you want to hear. They're like a drug addiction. Just one more hit
❤ So glad i found your channel. I didn't stay together cos of any children. I needded my sanity and to show the children love can not turn to hate. I refused to be anyone's discard. I discarded before he did as i noticed he was doing reverse discard. He was in rage and very livid. Ive left to heal and to live....
I let him lie so I wouldn’t have to face the false image I placed on our love.. Because then I I have to face the fact that I settled for this..
Did you leave?
Damn!!!! So True
This better to be alone than in bad company.
Oh wow 😮
“Why are you too good for your own advice?” That one hits the spot. I was volunteering at a women’s shelter, and found myself telling a friend from work that my husband had only hit me a couple of times.
Fear of the unknown is what keeps many in the relationship...they rather stay with what they know
Thank you for saying all that said here in your rant at 11:57. I peeped that back in 2013 when I was 23 years old, pondering the older generations and my generation and the generations after me
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So true about wasting your love on someone who doesnt deserve it. My bf has sucked all my emotional energy. Has made me physically sick with continuous colds and flus and the people who deserve my love and attention has been taken up by my bf. No more!!!
When you are an empath you will feel guilty and justify bad behavior because you feel like you want to save them. We need to do TikTok live together! I’m a 30 survivor from narcissist.
Oh man 30 years I’m so sorry…..23 here 😔
"You had to stay together for the family....NO". Speak the truth! Thank you!
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We believed it because the Love Bombing phase convinced us that they would absolutely would never knowingly hurt us because we would never hurt someone on purpose when we love that hard… And every time we catch them, they cry Ike children who are so hurt, empaths just want to make things better until we learn about boundaries… But eventually we do open our eyes when all the proof lines up and their is no other explanation…
Confronted my hub about his leaving the house a midnight …gps put him in front of an apartment for over an hour . Asked him about it …..the worst rage I’ve seen in 30 years ! Called every name in the book ….violent scary rage ….called crazy!