5 Types of People Narcissists CANNOT TOLERATE
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 22 окт 2024
- LONDON ENGLAND WORKSHOPS:
September 5-7, 2024
www.narcissist...
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
artoflivingret...
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/no...
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani....
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramanine...
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRU...
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9G...
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple...
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.c...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
1. Truth tellers
2. Authentic people
3. People with strong boundaries
4. People who call them out
5. Successful people
1st 4 is basically the same tho
But it doesn't work in the work environment, bosses will get rid of those people who tell things as they are!
@@karhukivi that makes them a bad boss as well as a narcissist.
Thank you
@@Nat-oj2uc age difference, in the context of this presentation.
Being a truth teller is a painful gift.
It takes a strong person to be a truth teller. While it is painful, you are strong and courageous ❤
It is.
Although painful sometimes, most times I think it simplifies life. I imagine living a life where you have to consistently lie and remember which lie you told before so that you know what lie to tell now so as to keep up your self image. That definitely is a horrible way to live. I would not want that for my self. I rather suffer for being a truth teller because at the end of it all what is true will always be true.
@@draruleah4981 I agree with you 100%! I imagine lying must be exhausting and is a waste of energy. People who lie their way through life miss out on being authentic and having authentic relationships. It’s an exhausting way to live. Maybe that’s one reason why narcissists have trouble regulating their emotions. It’s a shame they can’t see this for themselves. They do have the power to live an honest life without manipulating and deceiving others.
💯
For all truth-tellers, cherish your instincts, and stay strong.
Authentic people don't stir up drama. I have strong boundaries, but I hate drama and wasting my time with nonsense.
Definitely they cannot tolerate sweet and genuine people.
So true
is not about being sweet . It’s only about how much a person will tolerate along with giving the narcissist two of the following; sex, services, safety and supply., according to the NPD expert since the 90’s
That's true, I was always happy it killed his narcissistic personality I left him I stood my ground and told him what I thought of him, now I feel I validate myself ..it works regained myself esteem 😊
"Leda, you're so nice" was an insult in my family.
@@staciacrick3373 Yeah, experts. As if we "give" it.
Narky TAKES it.
It's rough being the truth teller. But once you know the patterns, you can't pretend it's not happening
Narcissists meeting truth tellers is like a magician being called out, finding out their tricks are nothing but smoke and mirrors. Everytime a narcissist tries to distort your reality, they become reflected back with more clarity.
Gossip and the dunning Kruger effect say otherwise. Mask 😷 people have all the 🤑💰 😂
I call them out when I catch them lying and when I do, I have receipts so they can't gaslight me. To me lying is also when their actions don't match their words. They try to make excuses about their actions or apologize but then keep doing the same thing which lets me know they don't care so I walk away.
True😁
Or like emperor with no clothes..They hate truth tellers the most because they're living a lie
@@tonyak2446yes i have found behavior is part of the gaslighting. its part of their creation of the movie scenes they live in. they use this and narrative that isnt allowed to be questioned to create their delusion. anything or anyone that doesnt participate or submit is shut down or given the silent treatment which is also gaslighting because youve done nothing to merit that treatment.
Absolutely they become enraged! @@Nat-oj2uc
Truth tellers have good instincts, but we don't always listen to them.
Eventually, with enough decades of experience, truth tellers LEARN THE HARD WAY not to ignore those good instincts.
Truth teller only child here... Moved to a different country by myself at 17.. .
🤗🍀
Impressive
Very @@Stephanie-nn8zb
Amazing 😮🎉
Brave !! 🎉
I'm the truth teller child. I've always felt older than than the adults in my home from childhood. I stay to myself and avoid toxic people and situations and can read personalities very well. I needed to see this video. I could never understand why I was always so different as a child.
Me too! I am distant from my family of origin due to the unhealthy history and continuing dysfunction. I worked at utilizing my recovery skills in those relationships and found that the toxicity was affecting me even though I was aware of the dance.
Me too. After 50+ years, it was only finally hearing videos like this that I understood the full family diagnosis, and could do some of the finishing work on self-diagnosis. Fascinating!😢😮😅
Me too! Until this video I always wondered how I knew so early that I was living in a nut house. I even studied our photos wondering if I was really in the family. I have no relationships with immediate family (and that’s ok), but have a few relationships with healthier nieces and nephews.
Right there with you. In the end, I think we are probably stronger for the experience.
Same here! Couldn’t identify with both my parents and it’s only in adulthood that I fully understood why.
I have figured out that narcissist don't like the word no, they don't like to be called out, and they don't like it when you don't get upset. If i get mad at a narcissist i try not to show it or point out if they are doing something that is bothering me. They will just keep doing what makes you upset on purpose
Yes! Nailed it 🌻
EXACTLY. Seeking out any vulnerabilities
🎯
When it's a parent, they install the button. Then press it constantly.
Truth teller is the overcomer .. Mastered the survival stage
I knew from age 5, but truth telling made me the target 🎯 for soul rape scapegoat. Children who see and speak despite the repercussions and ensuing destruction often end up the most savaged, smeared, shredded, and destroyed. Simply by possessing an intuitive and “knowing”, sensitive, and empathic disposition.
"soul rape?" I have never heard this term but it sends chills.
@@Violet_Lotus_ It's when you're so bullied and belittled and abused (whether physically and/or psychologically) that you no longer live - you exist, going through the day-to-day motions until an opportunity to end it all presents itself.
Been there done.
From 5 on.
🍀
I can SEE now. 🍀🍀🍀
Yes, I experienced this including death threats from my parents.
@@beatagoodluck-qg1we I’m sorry for your experience and get the grief - is it weird that now in adulthood death 💀 threats aren’t scary? 🤷 IDK, maybe the actual, protracted, every type of abuse leveled actual killing of us kids - makes 💀 seem not so scary (only in retrospect - the death threats received at a young age were at the time very real, and still feel that way sometimes). All my love on all of our healing ❤️🩹 paths. This shit is so complex and difficult to tease out / unravel but it’s worth it. ♥️
Man, the truth-teller/scapegoat role really hits home with me. All of it--the "I can see you sitting there judging me!" when you're just sitting quietly; the fixer sibling asking me not to rock the boat; the rich but lonely inner life; the self-doubt; and the opting for isolation in my older years. Your discussion makes me feel less lonely and actually lifted my depressed mood. Thank you.
I can't stand not rock the boat people. They're the reason narcs flourish in their delusions
I feel you. I was always very honest to the point of being blunt and my mom and later my sister for a brief time couldn't stand it.
@Nat-oj2uc My sister was 6 years younger than I, so I understand her need to try to enable a happy calm homelife. I love her dearly.
@@jrhc3827 I'm not sure what her being 6 years younger has to do with anything? Obviously I'm not talking about kids and your sister in particular but if person is an adult and still does it there's no excuse. Enablers of all kind give power to the narcs
This is my adult life. I realize now that I understand narcissism, it’s always been my life with my narcissistic mother, I just didn’t know she was a narcissist. I knew she was a disturbed pathological liar that deflected her faults onto me. She has the whole family convinced it’s me, so like you said, the truth teller child knows he/she is right. I know I am and I’ll never go along to get along with the fake family who enables the lying sack of…
I read a quote by Carl Jung that can explain an authentic person who has faced a lot of challenges in life, he stated: "It's not whether you have had a good life or a bad life, it's how you have walked through the fire." This quote really resonates with me.
I remember as a kid confronting my mother who was yelling at my father at 11pm and my younger siblings were crying and scared. I got right in her face to tell her to shut up because she was scaring the kids. She stopped. But it happened multiple times. I was the truth teller and called all kinds of nasty names and the most and nastiest chores. I was definitely the scapegoat. I moved out at 16. Went on student welfare. I am the most successful of all of my siblings. I pushed myself and paid my way through university and college and got far away from her. I saw my mother clearly. Even my dad who couldn't take it also moved out shortly after I did. A couple of times when i was around 12, my dad and I sat in the car talking about what was happening at home and he saw it but didn't know how to fix it. He felt victimized and it was really sad to see a good man brought down like that. Watching videos on narcissism has helped me give a name to what I experienced and to better understand it. It has given me clarity on how each of my siblings was impacted by the way we were brought up. I might have had the toughest role growing up, but I'm definitely the strongest.
I am sad for you missing out on that beautiful childhood you so deserved.
You have Empowered yourself to get a better future, and break that horrible cycle.
I wish you an amazing future
And a much better parent, enjoying the magic of childhood with your children.... if you have any.
Hugs to you all the way from Australia
Amen, you and me both. Our experiences shaped us, our skills, the skill of being a truth-teller, defined us.
My parents wanted me to play referee between their argument a few years ago. I ended up telling them both to shut up multiple times, left, and didn't contact them for a few months.
Yes I have a son 31 and a daughter 29. I waited until 37 before having the first one to give me time to get my life where I wanted it to be and to decide what kind of parent I wanted to be. I was not going to repeat my parents' mistakes. I spent time on character building and getting to know myself. I'm careful to live consciously. I believe I did a good job of parenting as they are pretty amazing. Maybe these are normal behaviors of truth tellers and scapegoats. I don't know.
This sounds very similar to my own life. The only deference is I had one sibling and I studied psychology😄rest of it is pretty much as you describe it.
In my workplace, I started out as a golden child as I was bubbly, funny and made the narcissist feel special. The problem was I was just as bubbly and funny with everybody else. My colleagues started opening up to me about what he was doing to them, and I called the narcissist out for all the malicious lies he was spreading. I turned to a scapegoat that exact moment. He made my life hell: I was constantly reprimanded, almost fired a couple of times and put under invasive surveillance. But I survived it all and made amazing friends. I left, and I will spend my life knowing I’ve stayed true to myself this time. He will be miserable forever.
Being truth teller, scapegoat, and dysfunction abuse receptacle is hard - the messaging we get indoctrinates us with our true selves who really know, and the false implanted self - a child can only bear so much.
I'm so happy to find someone who gets it. It's so true what you wrote
Walk away if you can, they won't miss you and they won't miss abusing you. There's always someone else in their sights. Thank you for this video!
I "walked away" from a friend recently. The controlling, superiority when meeting a need "in kindness", the exhaustion of close calls from riding with her with her driving and texting, googling talking on cell. And her blaming the other driver.
Exhaustion from being in a Bible Study group with her and her constantly picking on my input...."prove it". I'm more knowledgeable on the Bible than her though not a "know it all" with that.
I need to cut out stress for my health and mind..... to work on the steps to move.
@@carolhill8917 Best of luck to you.
I wish I could. My daughter is this way, just like her father was. I’ll never be able to walk away.
@@j76384 That really is difficult for you alright. Take care.
As a child, I saw it but knew to never speak out
Me too or get my ass beat.
@@nowhere_else_to_go_ knew it was wrong but didn’t know it was narcissistic abuse until my marriage and putting it all together
@@nowhere_else_to_go_I carried that mentality too up until maybe a month ago. When I was a teenager I spoke up maybe 3 times total and I’ve never been so worked up in my life. I thought, “maybe this will be the time they learn”. My narcissistic grandfather and enabling grandmother have done a lot of good things for me in my life but would always twist things against me whenever it was convenient for them. They’d say I’m the problem or I have some disorder that’s making me act up. They were never actually family to me if they were this cruel to me. And although I can appreciate the good things, I have to learn they probably only do it for power and it’s “the right thing to do”
@@nowhere_else_to_go_ Wow that’s evil dude. I bet the runners of that shelter brag about how they organize it and “help others”.
Yes, I was a truth teller and seer. It protected me from losing my soul, but I have experienced the most horrific physical abuse and damage. I am in no contact situation with them. I love it!
“Therapists” in denial are the *worst.* It’s rather twisted when people who call themselves “professionals” don’t even *bother* to educate you about these dynamics, and commit felonies to aid them in their evil activities. ☹ They get away with it, too. 🤬
Omg this!!!
And they make money doing it
@@anniethompson1041 Keeps us coming through their doors… 😳
You *must* remember that far too many psychologists go into this field because they are so irreparably damaged themselves. I have *multiple* clients who are psychologists with various manifestations of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They go into this field so people can come to the for their advice, and they do so because they get paid and can do so while feeling superior to the people who come to them for help. I could tell you stories about these narcissistic psychologists that would shock you to their core, and this is the information they've shared with me willingly.
Be *extremely* careful with the professionals in the helping industry, including physicians, surgeons, nurses, and physician's assistants, EMTs, fire personnel, police officers, and military. Far too many go into these "rescuer" professions so they can be publicly admired. I wish I were kidding.
I was even shocked to find out someone I once considered my dearest friend of 10+ years because a lCSW, only to finally figure out about the same time she was about to graduate for her Master's program that she was a totally and complete fake friend who only kept me around because "She gives amazing gifts." I'll admit, it was difficult to hear that truth, but when I really looked deeply into the 10+ years I'd known her, she was never a true friend, and I failed to recognize her envy of me for what it was. I thought it was just insecurity, but that insecurity, combined with her mother abandoning the family when she was 5, were both indicative of her being a covert narcissist.
One last thing you MUST understand. Psychologists with a full PhD usually have little to no education in personality psychopathology *unless* their PhD was obtained in abnormal psychology, which is a very narrow field. The vast majority of psychologists must obtain (and pay for) post-doctrate education to learn about personality psychopathology. If you are like me, you will be UTTERLY SHOCKED that this is not only true, but actually not a form of malpractice to NOT have education on personality disorder. Only psychiatrists are educated on these disorders, and they call them characterological disorders or character disorders. Yes, seriously. Every psychiatrist will know and the vast majority of psychologists will not. THAT is what they are not telling you. It's not "denial" it's that they have no education on the differential diagnosis of personality disorders because it requires another 2-4 years of post-education that they must pay for out of pocket.
Now you know.
They are everywhere
Growing up with a narcissistic (single) mother, I always knew there was something wrong with her and I'd call out the behaviors but nobody else wanted to corroborate. I didn't know what narcissist meant but I did know what an actor was. That was what I would tell other adults, "My mom thinks she's on a TV show. She's always acting when other people are around but once she's with me, its like the cameras were cut".
I know exactly what you me!
I also grew up with a single narcissistic mother.. I remember when I was about 9 feeling really sad, and.. resigned, i guess.. because I realized then that if I wasn't there for her when she got old, she would die jaded and alone.
@@jessicarobertson6243 -- Wow, that's impressive foresight for one so young! And quite a burden to have to carry.
I thought I wrote this 😱 This was exactly my experience.
My father was a raging narcissist and watching your video, I had to shed a tear or two. Now I understand that I was a truth teller from maybe 12 years on and before that, like 7-8 years, I tried to stop him by soothing him by saying “Are you tired, do you feel pain? Rest, you’ll get better.”, when he was raging and hitting my brothers. One of my brothers hated me because of that. What a hostile and dangerous home to grow up in! 😢
Thank you for explaining this, dr Ramani!
The problem with being the authentic person in a family of narcissistic people is that you aren't truly likeable to any of them. My mother used to call me real. I was nobody supply but I had to pay in other ways. In my mother's case, I had to provide her an endless amount of gifts. If I stopped giving her gifts I wasn't wanted anymore. It makes for a very painful life. And you have to grieve that you were never really loved by anyone. Being real is very hard.
The worst narcissistic rage I’ve ever experienced is when I brought up empirical truth that contradicted the narcissistic delusion of the moment. They flip out. Anything but the Ugly Truth and its messenger.
The worst rage I have endured by a sibling narc was when they were asking me personal information again about another sibling while they were out of the room, at a family meeting. I said, I don't like talking about people when they arent here. Well, 5 minutes later, when everyone had come in and sat down to talk, that narc suddenly rushed to my seat, stood in front of me and screamed in my face that "you are the enemy"!! I had a panic attack, it was so sudden & frightening. No one stood up to that sibling at all. Later I realised that I had made them feel such shame that the sibling couldn't control themselves. I have felt the hatred for years & had been screamed at at last meeting. This was the last time I had anything to do with them. No more family meetings for me. No empathy, no respect.
No regrets on my part,it's been 6 months & my panic attacks have now ceased.
Mind blowing, isn’t it? It sounds like we had similar awful experiences. I hope your life is going much better, and you have some peace and happiness.
@@pc8863 It is crazy-making. I’m still in a pickle as my nervous system / motivation system is wonky. I think I’m headed in the right direction, but only time will tell.
I hope you are in a safe place.
Being a narc’s scapegoat is quite the unpleasant experience. It highlights why Agape is the only answer in the end.
@@joeythebushkangaroo1 I have empathy - these people are sick. They don’t choose to be sick based on my multivariate observations.
However, the damage they do is the same as someone who intends to do it.
I view it like a person psychologically drowning. A person who can’t swim might flail and hurt a person trying to save them from drowning. They don’t intend to, but they do.
The broken nose is still broken, as it were.
They lack empathy, I do not. I don’t want to become remotely like these sick people.
Accountability is rare@@wellnesspathforme6236
I tell my narc dad the truth these days, and I can watch him squirm because he knows I know too much. It certainly makes me the scapegoat, but he has lost all control over me. And I certainly don't blame myself. This one resonates with me, it makes perfect sense in my experience.
I was the scapegoat in my house and I remember being punished because I would tell my mom: "its not right" or "it's not fair". Even from a young age I would see and compare how she treated me and my brother (the golden child). From this moment on I was not only the unwanted child (she didn't want a daughter) but also the "rebelious child". Only because I could see and point out her unacceptable behavior.
@@dragonflyclinic My goodness! How horrible. She encouraged your whole family to bully and scorn you. My mom wasn't that open. She would take me somewhere distant and isolated to harass me.
If I said, "that's not fair" my diagnosed mom would laugh and say, "Who told you life is fair? It's not." That wouldn't even enrage her. It was the narcissistic injuries that would send her into a rage.
The scapegoat has the worst experience in the narcissistic family. I'm truly sorry for what you endured.
I call them out when I catch them in a lie and that usually tells them that I'm not the one to mess with and that I can see through their bs
Truth is always risky. Some are just cowards
In my experience you will not be left alone, you will be punished for pointing it out.
I could a sibling in a lie as they revealed my private bank balance to another sibling. Their partner is my accountant. The sibling denied it but my other sibling knew the exact amount. The guilty one cannot face me now,won't return calls etc, lol. I told the accountant too.
I am the middle child with a narcissist older sister. I am empathetic & the truth teller! My sister will disparage me any chance she gets! I try not to call her out on her lies and bad behavior because that is like putting my head on a sliver platter 😢
I'm seen as rude when I ask the hard questions, trying to understand.
I set out to live an authentic life and everything got muddled! It is time to reclaim self!
They call it autism in this society 🤣
Imagine being honest and asking hard questions is a no no or you'll hurt feelings. And then they wonder why narcissism is rampant
Dr Ramani, You give us strength and make our lives richer! ❤❤❤
Maturity is realizating that there is peace of crap in your way, you just learn to go around it not stubbornly step on it in order to destroy it.
This is a great analogy.
“Speaking truth takes away their game,” thanks for this one Dr….. I will attempt to use it tactfully…😊
Calling them out will also induce fake shows of emotion. The one I'm most familiar with is fake crying. Another one that I get a lot is "Why are you punishing me?" Or the flying monkeys will say,"Why are you so mean? All you do is bring your poor mother to tears." This is why I at least stopped calling it out. It's surreal because I never thought that the gray rock approach would work. But it's the only thing that does. ❤
Truth teller/seer, is the scapegoat in my family. Being that person, I was forced to leave and cut ties. My siblings turned into their parents, leaving me with no family to engage in. Life has not been lonely, just alone. Fortunately I had teachers in my youth that were my positive adult role models giving me the strength and confidence to leave when I was of age. There is strength in truth, it's the one thing that no one can shatter or question, no matter how much they try. It is a force of nature like a tornado or title wave.It's unmistakable, powerful and unquestionable. Never doubt yourself, follow your heart, truth and love for yourself and others. Let the wrongdoers fall away , by the wayside. It's where they belong, it's where they've always been, it's where they choose to be and I believe, are at home there. You can't save them and can't relate . They won't change, ever, you need to let go, in order to save yourself, in order to be yourself.
I am going through a tough path right now coz of this. Being a truth teller, want to talk a out problems and solve it together, being able to voice out boundaries- these are all became the reasons why I am in pain. Especially it is the whole family that I am dealing with. It is very painful when it's your parents that don't want to be ok with you or heal together. The denial of family is exhausting
Narcissists' "It should've been me" always put a smile on my face, knowing that something good is not going their way
Exactly! What a treat to experience narcissists in such a way as to not get what they want, and yet, they're so deserving of it, but you now have it. Bellissimo 🤌
Dr Ramani GETS IT 100%!!!!
I’m a truth teller… You are correct their reaction seems to paralyzes them. As an adult, I can control what belongs to me. If I don’t want a person/people in my home. If someone do the opposite I will feel disrespected and manipulated. #triggered. The early jealousy and envy at 1st I did know what I was feeling but it didn’t take long because I became extremely exhausted. So I have boundaries now and don’t care who doesn’t like it. I’m invited to events and do not attend letting folks know I’m not about BS. #periodT so don’t come for me if you don’t want me to be truthful because I have a lot I can say to hurt their feeling so leave me alone.
Growing up, I believe my sister Amanda was the truth teller. She was always at odds with our mother. However, she was also always quiet and distant. I observed this in her, but never quite understood where it came from. I was the golden child (until I wasn’t anymore). I was the golden child because I could feel the wrath coming from our mother towards my sisters when they would “mess up.” I learned to do the opposite out of fear. While this was a survival strategy, it was also very isolating (like the truth-teller). As adults, I continued to sense the distrust towards our mother coming from my sister, Amanda. It wasn’t until I moved back in with our mother when I began to see her through the eyes of an adult. I could see and feel the manipulation and deception. She saw herself superior to others and lived that fantasy in her head. When working together in the yard, I’d have an idea about something and she would knock it down, only moments later pitch the same idea as if it were hers. She would be so proud of it too. That’s just one of many examples. Who she thought she was fooling is beyond me. When I started to call her out on her behavior, she pretended to be a victim. When I left, she started her smear campaign, even accusing me of being the reason why my stepdad was losing a lot of weight. The stress “I” caused was just too much, and how dare I argue with her knowing she has a bad heart. I morphed from golden child as a kid into truth teller as an adult. I’m no contact now, from everyone (including my sister Amanda). She struggles with alcoholism and has some manipulative behaviors of her own. I have come to value the life I have built for myself. I won’t risk unstable people attempting to destroy what I have worked so hard for (reputation, physical assets, friendships etc). I pray for my siblings and my mother. They need therapy to heal from everything that’s happened. Alcohol and drugs only make it worse.
I can relate and also pray for my FOO from a distance now.
Hi Dr. Ramani, I love your videos and the truth that you speak. Thank you for helping me understand what narcissism and narcissistic personal style is all about.
Your explanation of what it means to be a "truth teller," helped me to finally understand why I saw through my narcissistic mother's horrible actions early on in my life. Even though I couldn't articulate my feelings, I was always disgusted and embarrassed by her actions. Also, I know I was the least loved by her out of all my siblings. Sadly, being a truth teller isolated me from my mother and my siblings for many years of my life.
However, your definition of authenticity is spot on, and I completely agree with it. Being authentic, has helped me to know my strengths and my weaknesses, by not thinking too much or too little of myself. As well as loving myself and others. This helps give me the inner peace that no money can buy, which enables me to love my family from a distance without feeling bad about it.
Sister in law seemed jealous and oddly critical of a trip I took years ago. Her behaviour became worse and emotionally abusive. The jealousy was a red flag for sure. Prioritizing my safety and well being despite what anyone thinks. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I’m sorry you experienced this. I have such a very similar situation, beginning with the jealousy surrounding a holiday I was going on. Wish I realised it sooner. Hope you are safe and healing now you have prioritised your safety ❤
Truth telling or they hate if someone has reality or rational thinking on higher level.Cause they always make like they create reality while we know,no you don't create it,it is already existing.
I don’t trust that many .. it took me 58 years to realize my mother is a Covert Malignant Narcissist. I’m very sensitive. I hate bullies with a passion. People don’t like truth tellers, too much. I am so sick& tired and my NM knows now that I know.. 86 and still going strong , she’s trying to suck me in again right now. But I decided to only meet up with a couple other people near me . I won’t meet her alone, and I’ll NEVER let her slam dunk me again , or anyone else. I’m done with these type assholes. My brother pinned against me, dead now, she lost her golden child, he was cruel to me my whole life. Sometimes I think God took him because of all the abuse & harm they brought me. I can’t leave my place sometimes. But I’m trying to push myself anyways
What you have been through, such traumatic experiences with family/people. You have been wise and managed to keep going.
I can’t help feeling your experiences have many similarities to my own.
We are authentic now, and we can see right through the Narcs.
@@soniahathaway1 surviver I guess, And the Lord has been carrying me through the years.
@@soniahathaway1 thank you
Having not walked blindly through life like the Dali Lama? Thank you also much for saying that! It's such an analytical, unpopular observation, and I am so happy not to be alone in it.
You are SAVING MY LIFE AS I'M WRITING THIS!!!!! IF ALL GOES WELL, ME AND MY NEW FAMILY WILL BE YOUR APOSTLES AND DEFENDERS FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!
Someone who is a truth teller !who is very honest and trustworthy is what A narcissistic person can't stand! And even someone who has empathy and compassion for others!
They suspect you see them, but it just makes your life worse. But they continue to delude themselves. I was absolutely one of those kids. The bizarre thing is that it doesn't change in adulthood. There's little that changes in that regard, because it took a long time to give it a name. It had a silent name, which was reality.
Amen. "People just feel too messy."
From a truth teller adult who was a truth teller child. Thank you!
I'm still the truth teller scapegoat! It's terrible that it seems that being the truth teller and scapegoat in the family is only the beginning, because I became the truth teller scapegoat in the "real world." My work experience has been sad (but I rejoice in God!) because I had to walk away and start from the bottom each time I was being scapegoated because it was to the point that employers/employees required for me to lose my integrity and that I must accept being taken for granted in order to remain employed. So I burned my bridges and walked away on the water! I truly feel that this world doesn't hate anybody worse than a truth teller! Everyone that knows me well calls me good, mellow and authentic!
Oh goodness, you just blessed me by describing how I was able to NOT develop into a narc when both parents, brother and sister were all narcissists! I was scapegoated for everything, every flaw, then!!!! emotionally neglected by all. I always thought and told others that I was a realist and could not bring myself to lie about anything! When I attempted to lie, it was, still is, written across my face for all to see. Thank you and bless you.
Always so wise Dr Ramani! You are brilliant!
And… love that you have a kitty cat😻!
Boy is this video a synopsis of my FOO. I have dealt w/ every one of these scenarios with various members of my family. Fortunately I am currently in a Radio Silence period, which does wonders for my peace of mind & lack of DRAMA in my life. I'm definitely at a point in life ( 55yo ) where I just don't bother to muster the energy to care about or defend against the constant manipulation they want to engage in. I'm good....
Jealousy was at the CORE of most of the narcissists in my life - my mother , 2 much older sisters , a complete total stranger married man ( pretending to be single) at the gym who called me “ stuck up” because I wasn’t paying any attention to him - they all were jealous of my success, houses, family, looks etc and since I was dumb, naive, sweet and new NOTHING about narcissists yet they ruined my marriage, family and good chunk of my life.
I was beaten for being a truth teller. I learned to stuff my emotions which in return turned to intense rage . It would only come out at certain times and in those times I had the cleanest house on the block. I am healing now. I still have insight and instinct but now I also have a voice. 😊
Me. I remember the moment I realized my mom was *off* and once she realized that I saw it, I became the problem for the rest of her life.
When the time comes for an adult child to go no contact with a parent, doesn’t the narcissistic parent need to know why? I didn’t call my parent a narcissist, but I let her know which behaviors were hurtful to me. I knew she would become enraged and verbally abusive. All my life I kept quiet because I was scared of her. Letting her know how I felt has helped provide closure to our toxic relationship.
There's nothing more ridiculous than when a narcissist calls you a narcissist lol. It's probably the single most eye opening moment of the relationship because you realize that they are completely oblivious of their own behavior and you know at that moment that you'll Never be able to reach them.
As an adult on the autism spectrum, ive always tried to be truthful, and homest, and both my parents are narcissists, ive always known they and many in my family were different, attacked, beatn, made the scapegoat/black sheep, as an adult i now know what they hated about me… and i embrace it…. And now i walk fully in my truth not caring what is thought of me, I AM WHO I AM, I MAKE NO APOLOGIES.
There are no boundaries. I was the one who announced what was happening and was in trouble. I was the only one beaten. I forgot. Until last week. I am happy I did a lot of work on myself. I never would have not ever had been able to survive this. I am the wife and the truth teller. NOW ALSO. I AM A SURVIVOR! Now? I am the enemy. I am not talking. He is. I'll ride this out. I see it. Now. And it is not a good feeling. I never remembered until the other day...a long story.😊❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Good for you!!! Praise God!! (I am similar; but with my family not spouse). Stay strong and keep going!! Stick to your truth; they unravel when they can't control a situation. My mom throws whatever at me to try to break me (my own mom)
I have dated and been in relationships with narcissist but I didn't know that they were narcissist until now. However those relationships didn't last long. I would eventually catch them in a lie wich is a deal breaker for me. I would also get turned off once they start putting me down. One dumped me because i told him no when he tried to get me to do something i felt uncomfortable doing. They always talked crap about their ex's while at the same time being friends with their ex which always felt wierd.
I think that's why my mother needed to scapegoat me and turn my family against me. This has helped Dr R. Thank you.
🩷🙏🩷 Gratitude for Dr. Ramani & The Support Team! We are Forever Grateful for your work!💞💞💞
Thanks Dr. Ramani for this excellent video! Empaths and others are "gifted" in reading the room...this reading helps the empath identify patterns of behavior in the first five minutes of meeting individuals. Omg, sometimes, it's the energy in room. In the healing process, empaths/truthtellers should keep conversations "superficial" with the narcissist because you can never...ever believe what the narc says...they lie, just pay attention to their actions...and, yes avoid narc rage! So many narcs show jealousy or envy of you by their actions...it's exhausting. I haven't figured why narcs can appear to have so much "more" of everything and still be jealous of you. They are very sad and insecure individuals.✌❤🙌🗽
Ramani I’m in tears, recognizing this but I fell right into a narc abuse relationship
Yes, this is me Thank you
Yes, I do know that. Thank you
Narcissistic behavior is truly disgusting.
Dr Ramani: We have never met, but you describe the 'roadway' of my 68 year lifetime so well, that I am amazed and enlightened. Thank you so much.
-Ken
How can it be that no-one else sees ..hears the gazlighting and manipulations ...?
Its about power. Or moreso who is making the ship run. If theres an issue with leadership, you can fix it or remove the leader. But if you remove the leader, you need someone else to take control and this time, better. No outside person can run your family for you. Thats why a family can be broken up only if cps needs to be called, or a spouse escapes through divorce. Even then, it becomes a decision whether the spouse takes sole responsibility of the child, or leaves the child with the narc alone. All options arent ideal and the situation already is what it is. I know how narcs can be very very very accomodating when theres something they want. They will cater to others when the other has something to provide for them. Its hard to give this up to do it all alone and better.
And reality is even more complicated than that.
@@suziebee4240 I know everything about ..my mother the narc has my , 28 year old , son who had psychosis 1 year ago ....I am every minute for months now thinking how to get him back ..He is emotionally manipulating Cathering him but it's so toxic there ..I went a few times ..I can only stay there for a very short time ..trying to talk to my son ..I don't know what I cán do..He was with me from Jan to Nov last year , and before that He lived 9 years on his own for his study , everything went better...one day my mother witched at me in the car that She hated me and that that because of me ..He didn't come visiting Her ...not long after I had a fight with my son cause of stress one day and I said 'go out the house ' ..He went straight to my mother ..in hinside I think she did provoked it
I appreciate your perspective on authenticity. I hope that those who initially may disagree with you, can get past the differences in perspective and go on to gain some insight into what it is that you are sharing/offering. There’s a lot of wisdom here.
Wow I needed to hear this. This has been my journey. Thank you for sharing this and for all your incredible work on the topic
I believe being a truth teller saved me from becoming a codependent or a narcissist. I can detect a narcissist from a mile away.
A Super Empath is like kryptonite to narcissists.
There is no such thing as a super empath. In fact, narcissists can have a situationship with any insignificant partner who they can use for their own selfish purposes. They don’t even value emotional empathy except how it enable them to fool people.
Only if they are highly tuned into themselves first.
This is such a good item you explain ♥️ thank you.
“Damage joy”= shaden freude . They love you are hurt
Great video. When I was young I was a truth teller to a narcissistic parent. Ironically, I ended up marrying a narcissist and over time I lost myself. It was only after having kids and seeing how it affected them, that I found my authentic self and became a truth teller again. Now I have a truth teller child. I admire his strength .
So interesting, I'm the product of a narsasistic mother and I became a SLP !! This definitely describes me , nothing gets under my skin, i never react, yes thick skinned , some say i'm hard/ cold but it's not that at all, I just see a behaviour for what it is and the root cause of that behaviour.
So working with kids with speech and language impairments/ adhd/ autism etc is a joy as I get to observe, diagnose, interact with " behaviours" every day, always looking/ seeing the root cause: is just how my brain works, now I know why i was born old!!!! Thanks mum. 👍.
I witnessed something great yesterday. My s/o’s narcissistic mother visited him in the hospital. He’s been seriously sick for months, and in the hospital several times. She gaslighted and minimized him and his illnesses…to the entire family. Writing it all off, she regularly accused him of overreacting and being lazy. “If I can do such-and-such, so should you.” In time they found autoimmune disorders, heart and lung problems, mysterious infections, parathyroid nodules, etc. She wasn’t there for him then and she isn’t now. She won’t admit she was wrong and rather than reaching out to tell family who might offer him support, she won’t tell them anything. When he said he couldn’t eat certain foods anymore, that’s exactly what she’d make for dinners. She didn’t seem to be at the hospital out of concern for him. She was on her phone the entire time, never asking how he felt, test results, or anything related to his illnesses. To his sister, she said, “I’m visiting SOMEONE in the hospital.” Not Stephen. Someone. He asked, “Who were you just talking to?” She realized he caught on. If she said who she was visiting (while on her phone) she’d be telling on herself. She seemed to be there for herself. Wouldn’t look good had she not come. But this was the first time she had. He’s actually sick and she’s been wrong. If she’d referred to him by name, he would have felt cared for. He was hurt to be “someone.” This is her son. With a name. But if that’s what she said, she’d be telling a truth about herself having been wrong AND validating him. She can only see herself. The entitlement and spiteful nature is obvious to her and I, but not to most. She acts, like life is a stage. I thought I loved her when I met her. But she’ll tell you what you should. Appreciate in the same sentence she talks about everything she doesn’t have because of someone else. They don’t want you to know the truth regardless of who it hurts. Their story wins. Truth tellers have to be truth seers first. Narcissists are guilty all around. They avoid questions word salad or by “answering” one that was never asked. Rather than getting gaslighted, he simply stated, “that’s not what I asked.” She made another avoidant, nonsensical statement. Again, he said, “That’s not what I asked.” She never answered and he left it at that. Just so matter of fact and unwilling to get involved because he knew where it would go.
I hope to you all truth tellers to remember to give yourself pause and very well selfcare.
thanks and all the best to you
What I noticed as a red flag - people who live with narcissic parents/spouses are afraid to share their success to anyone. Cause narcissic people told them that OTHERS are jealous. My Mum taught me not to share joy with others - they'll spoil it. My sister made terrific career - and had been afraid to tell me for a long time. Then looked astonished when I expressed pure joy for her. Now the friend I mentioned before found a good job, but before telling me about it she asked her husband "Is it o'k I'll tell her now?". That's a significant red flag
My Narc Ex once went on a 'Wo is me pity march' when I called him out, saying "I don't deserve this, I've lost my family, my Ex and now you're saying these things to me".
You absolutely nailed this!! My mom said that I would look at her like “I hated her” I was always so confused by this. I was an only child’s and so it was just my mom and me. I love all your videos. Extremely helpful!!
I learned to do my best to stay no contact with evil or narcissistic ppl!!!
I would describe myself as a truth teller, but its actually a huge sensitivity out of having had a parent who was very ambivalent and immature. I still struggle to free myself from my mother and I even choose a boyfriend very similar. they have also very good sides and that makes it difficult too leave. I feel often very lonely because I see so many patterns and have problems to hold out certain behavior.
The emperor has no clothes....lol
“The grief can be overwhelming” - that.
I always wondered how I got things as a child. Always thought it was something said by an outsider that clicked in my brain. I would like to go back as a fly on the wall to the point in my life I saw things & started thinking & feeling a strength that I didn't understand
My sibling stabbed me in the back too. Just run away from all of it.
😈 folks...Relate
Spot on🎯 spiritually👁 awakened to family cult of narcissist codependent mother sister and brothers😂 being the truth teller I will tell you the truth right there in your face😂 with no fear I never gave thim the time or attention⚔🔥 now I'm a grown woman and I've completely went no contact
What I came to learn asA truth teller as I got older was that everyone just thought that that’s the way you were raised so that’s automatically what you believe & are just what you’re (dysfunctional) parents say & do so are you. Very difficult to get validated. Very hard to get, in fact I didn’t get that @ all-“ Good for you. You got away from all that abuse & pain.” It was “Aww. You have to feel sorry for THEM.” I guess to Hell with me who was on the receiving end.
Thank you Dr Ramani for this excellent video. You highlighted every aspect of me as the ‘truth teller’ and perpetual scapegoat of the family until my escape at 14yrs old. Kept contact for the sake of my sister, who at the time was the golden child and is now really showing her narcissistic pathological lying tendencies. I’m on the verge of no contact with the entire family.
Bingo. Can't tell you how much I appreciate your channel and how helpful you've been....❤
Bless your heart, despite the fact i 'saw knew felt' someth was really wrong i thought (my mom) was 'just' (coughs) a master manipulator, and i did know (too deep down burried to survive i guess), thanks to amazing people like you, i've learnd what this is really about... i had to take distance, i could not surivive it anymore, sadly my partner cannot see it (we can't blame him), and i can't see my father anymore since he is totally 'absorbed' by her tricks... so harsh, i kept living like 'i'm not worthy and not pretty , not smart etc' , now i see i was the prettiest girl in class (why i got bullied btw, jealousy O.o, & i did not realise at all, i managed to deal with it tho and saw 'their tricks' as well, managed to see through the bully girls and stepped up, became one of the 'bosses' in class - always struggling, watching, never at ease, never never at ease). Im sure many of you have experienced similar situations. Despite that, my empathy, loving others, and running to assist others, kept going on... this is a great community (sadly it needs to exist eh), greetings from Belgium
Authenticity, by your definition, is my goal. I consider myself to be honest and straightforward, but too often I still worry about what others think, many times out of fear of what they're capable of doing in retaliation (starting nasty false rumors, for example). So avoidance becomes my safe place.
My life. I was a mandated reporter and unafraid of truth. Then I married a covert narc. He used faith to snag me, and it was a horror show. Used to yell at me, "You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you in the a**!"
I wouldn't say this but was thinking, well, you can't tell the truth if it bit you in the a**
Lol
Much love and healing to all!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Yes, they will use whatever they can to control someone in religion makes it very easy
So much wisdom in 45 minutes
Oh this is so true I called out both my parents and relatives for how they were and they turned on me , but it’s ok I’m a stronger person because of it and haven’t had anything to do with any of them for years , even though they spread lies to others about me . And now that they found out I’m writing a book about all their terrible dirty secrets they are really turning up the heat ( Lies ) , But I won’t stop cause I want people to know how my life was growing up around these people.
It suits me completely. The truth teller and scapegoat. The one who sees through people. Loves being authentic. Left to be alone and at peace but also in isolation as you put it. What can i say? The description suits me perfectly. Hoping for genuine connections though which with no doubt i can recognize.❤
1:43 Absolutely.. at a very young age, 4, a parent told me ‘don’t look at me with those eyes’ - I remember being very confused by this, being of a literal bent. Anyway, absolutely.