Have YOU been the focus of a narcissist's DOUBLE STANDARD?
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
narcissists want the authority of a king, a dictator, a ruling monarch; but the accountability of a toddler. literally and figuratively.
i walked away from a "friendship" spanning many years, by telling the toxic person "i walked away because you were too busy finding faults in me while i was too busy overlooking yours."
the surprised pikachu face reaction was hilarious and validated i made the right move.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Super reply keeping this one!!!!
Exactly! You did the right thing!
@@LPoppy2023 absolutely feel free to use it. enjoy your weekend.
wishing all the best.
-cheers steven
@@Infinite_Omniverse funny thing is the friend didn't bother me after that. he went his own way. it really revealed it was far from a friendship all along.
since studying up on narcissism in 2020 it has made a huge difference, it has been a lot easier to spot toxic people and enforce boundaries.
-cheers, steven
Hi Steven in Canada. Hope all is well with you. I'm happy to hear that you too, have learned from dr Ramani, about narcissism. So have I. I noticed too many narcissist traits, in my parents and siblings, to the point of having to set boundaries and keep distance as much as possible. I also saw narcissism in some of my oldest friendship too. I also realized that my oldest friendship, was a lot like what you mentioned in your former friendship. When I had the last conversation with my former friend, I noticed, for the first time, how nasty this person was towards me. I actually got shocked, and sick to my stomach. After that, I wrote to this person, that I'm stepping away from the friendship. The only answer I got was truly nasty. That made it extremely clear to me, that I made the right decision, to end the friendship. Information is definitely key, to live a better life. Greetings from Norway Europe.
"I don't care what you think but you'd BETTER care what I think!"
This is narcissism in a nutshell.
It's utterly amazing to me how many people completely understand this dynamic in comments ... and yet narcissism is so embedded * and rewarded * in our society that it continues AND CONTINUES to exist
@@amarbyrd2520 I think it's being cultivated.
Mine even put my family down Because we cared about what other people thought of us!
@@lt827 Yea, my father was like that. No one would visit him anymore because of his behavior.
Doctor Ramani is the biggest threat to Narcissism 😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉
Yay
If I had to guess, I'd say that's why the establishment is so often trying to resist and silence her
😂 Right!! She is my spirit animal!!
Ex narc stood me up for daytime plans we had, I waited for 4 hours then went out with friends. He showed up at my place later, raged at me for disrespecting him by going out and not waiting longer and then broke up with me. They're so OFF mentally it's frightening
You made the right decision.
Great and good for you Jennifer be proud of yourself. You are taking good care of yourself 😊
No self-reflection skills. 😉
That's awesome he broke up with you. You dodged a bullet. It's so much worse when people like that don't leave on their own. Can be downright frightening breaking up with someone like that so from my perspective he actually did you a favor.
@WildAlchemicalSpirit Totally agree!
The problem with narcissism is not that is exists, it that it is everywhere.
👏👏👏
Parenting sucks today.
Yes and no. There's "Everyone is a Narcissist" Narcissism and "the person I'm fighting with is a narcissist" Narcissism. And then there's NARCISSISM Narcissism. The "I will eat you up and spit out your bones, then complain you weren't enough to satiate me so you're the Narcissist" Narcissism.
And that so many people enable it and rug sweep and victim blame
@@JaneSmith.9941There is the disorder, a severe mental illness and then there is narcissism and narcissistic style
The coming in with the hug when they've just abused you. Or saying, "Love you!!" just after they've abused you on the phone and expecting you to say it back. It makes me feel feel so sick, but it's easier to reciprocate otherwise it just starts again. Thank you for explaining this. I've dealt with this my whole life and still have to deal with it with my parents. I feel like this is one of the most damaging things they do. Thank you for using the words "intrusive, gross, violating". Perfect description of how I feel.
Rules for thee & not for me .
No, nothing will ever please them. That’s where radical acceptance and grey rock come in. Classic example. Brings home random items from grocery store. Expects me to cook them. About a year ago I found Dr. R. and I listened. And listened. Mostly with my mouth open because she so accurately describes narc dialogue. NOW: I leave the random items where they are. When he says “you don’t cook for me anymore” I say “correct” and smile. Last time he cut me off verbally and told me I’m bitter I calmly said no. I’m not bitter, I’m expressing my anger. I will not be silenced anymore. He acts like a toddler, I leave the room. He comes in complaining, I continue reading, smile to acknowledge him. I finally got my internal strength back. Sometimes I clamp my jaw so hard I think my teeth will crack but I am quiet. Learning new behavior (me not responding) is hard sometimes.
LOL, I can relate to TMJ issues caused by people with personality disorders 😂
@@nancystewart2686 😎👍
Keep it up.
I've been the focus of an entire narcissistic family system's double standards. All of us lose our cool and get a little frustrated sometimes. When the others do, they are offered immediate understanding and the circumstances are taken into account. When I do, I am a "broken, messed up freak that constantly causes problems for the rest of the family."
I finally said, "enough". I told my family that I won't be a part of their BS anymore, but that they shouldn't be surprised to see me at extended family events. And I'll be cordial and polite to them if I see them, but I'm not participating in close family gatherings with them anymore. Done.
You are the Truth Teller/Scapegoat, Dr. Ramani has videos about it too, that I'm sure will really hit home for you 👌💯💓 Good on ya for your decision ( and moreover communicating it with them 👏 👏 👏). Now give the focus, energy, and time back to yourself. 🎉 Way to set a good example 👍
@@ktbiwk Oh yes, I certainly am. Dr. Ramani's videos have been a godsend ❤️❤️ Btw, I have an entire song about the family scapegoat experience, if you would like to listen. "Vincent was the Lion (Scapegoat, Golden, Forgotten)"
Hang tough!!!!! tried venturing to those family events and couldn’t do it. No contact 10-11 years seems like yesterday however it isn’t and constantly need to reflect on the positives of going no contact and there are hundreds.
Id like to hear your song, can you please drop a link?
Sounds like you were scapegoated as well. Congrats on limited contact! It's some of the hardest work we will ever do, but so worth it.
I’ve dealt with a narcissistic spouse for 37 years. Yes I know. Why am I. I just very very recently became aware of what I’ve been dealing with.
No judgement - we all do the best we can with what we know st the time. Now is your time to start putting together your escape plan. ❤
Loyalty can be dangerous. I've had to learn that.
Yup. He used to fight and shout and say the most horrible things. When I tried to explain or defend myself, he'd say to just drop it or he would have to leave the house to get peace. I'd say go then. He'd be storming off and not be heard from for over 12 hours to days. He'd then come back with some shopping and a gift. All smiles and happy go lucky. I'd be quiet, reserved but civil. He'd come in for a hug or a kiss and I'd be so confused. Always ine of two things happened. I'd just carry on like everything's fine. He wouldn't apologize or anything. Or I would still be emotionally hurt by the poison that came out of his mouth and would ask to clarify something he said and he would be off like a rocket and acting like the victim again. Complaining about how he can't just come home after a hard day and just have peace and that I'm always so grumpy and he can't talk with me as I'm sick and it's hard to say anything because I'm bi-polar. So ye. I'd always choose the 1st option. I stayed quiet, got myself sorted and when I had my ducks in a row, I left without even a glance back. People was asking why I'm so cold and heartless. 😂 I stepped out of his world into my own, so I didn't care what him and his circus monkeys thought of me. 😊
Love this.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
If she left you she doesn’t deserve you. You are in early days. Give yourself time and you will learn to live without her. Develop you. Focus on you. Now is the time for learning and growth. Trying to get her back is not only not seeing the writing on the wall, it’s also not respecting her decision and borders on harassment. Your pain will lessen with time. Learn you and grow you and you will eventually find peace and happiness. It takes time. There are no short cuts or easy answers.
"My problems are your problems too. Your problems are yours alone" - my former narcissistic friend.
My hubby says "My problems are WORLD'S PROBLEMS, but your problems is YOUR PROBLEMS alone" which fits the narcissists so aptly. And I am glad he is in support of me while facing the narcissists in my life so proudly.
It's psychotic to feel comfortable enough to say that
My ex boyfriend of about a year ago who became physically violent took this attitude. I had to carry all his burdens but when I had problems he would yell at me for having them no matter how far out of my control they are. He yelled at me for needing to go to the hospital and refused to bring me. Getting sick wasn't allowed and was considered evil on my part. I got yelled at if I got sick. At that point I began to see that being alone was better than being with him. At least when alone I'd be allowed to call an ambulance in an emergency whereas with him I just had to hope I wouldn't die.😢
Also…
My money is my money, your money is my money.
My assets are my assets, your assets are my assets.
My time is my time, your time is my time.
It’s not about you, it’s about me.
“Zero fks given”
Crap how hypocritical
I've found that cognitive empathy is PERFECT for giving TO the narcissist. Save your true empathy for the people who deserve it.
My spiritual advisor called it when she said “The Relationship has always lacked reprocity “.
I learnt my lessons finally. I will give empathy on only those who reciprocate and I will give support on only those who will reciprocate. My empathy and support is not free anymore.
I felt so disgusted being forced to hug my brother after he emotionally and psychologically abused me. It’s so messed up. My family doesn’t get it and I no longer try to get them to understand. I keep my distance from the narcissists now. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Having self-determination is being disloyal to a narcissist.
💯
I have adult children that are so much like this - after they spend time with their father. We’ve been divorced since 1993, on his 3rd marriage.. still blames .. blames .. blames. Entitlement! Pure & simple! They project on to me that I go through their personal things or money - my ex tapped phones, hide cams, they are the ones that project onto others when they do the very thing they blame you for ..so toxic.
Let's all give a shout out to Dr. Ramani looking adorable in her glasses and purple sweater! Purple is a beautiful color on you ❤ Thank you for everything you do for the world! We love you and we are so thankful and grateful you are in this world! ❤
Do you suck up to everyone in purple or is it just this shill?
Wow, who shat in your Cheerios?
@@westwind53154 ok, troll. I get it, gotta put others down to feel better. Good old down punching. Narcissistic much?
@@PS-dm1dqThey do hate to see anyone else get positive attention right? 😂
She looks so cosy 🥰
“At what point is loyalty a one sided street to self harm…” I love that as that is what my family pressures me to do, and I refuse to play that role anymore. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
This is hitting me so hard today, even though I have been out of my 20 year marriage with a grandiose and vulnerable narc since 2002. The damage they do is so deep. 😢
Ugh, for real. I have thought to myself so many times, I left but it never leaves me. 💔
Yup, same here. Part of me can't believe that I am just starting to recognise the entitlement & double standards. I'm going old school and calling my ex a male chauvinist pig.
Do as I say, don't do as I do, that's literally how the malignant narcissist told me he had raised his children.
My narc father’s favorite line “Do as I say, not as I do”.
I Have a boss like that,certain things are not allowed and we have to stick to the rules while the boss breaks every rule at the same time making sure everyone else sticks to them.
Sounds like you knew my dad. 😂
"...how terrible it is they have to wait in line with the unwashed masses..." lol 😂
I love it, the humor tucked in so neatly here. Thank you because I needed this laugh today. 🤣
Your a wealth of knowledge on this topic! I bet your classes were awesome!
I had a friend say I should be ‘more empathetic’ to the difficult situation abusive family members were in. I was always very empathic towards them, the problem is not only were they not empathic to me, they were repeatedly unapologetically abusive. It was all empathy out from me and none back from them. People think I’m ’not being empathic’ because I now keep healthy boundaries with them. Drives me nuts. I’ve been in awful situations too and don’t treat people badly like they do, so it’s not an excuse. Especially when it’s been happening repeatedly for years no matter what situation they’re in or what we do to help or be supportive. I will always protect myself and prioritize my well being now. After years of abuse from them, I learnt that lesson the hard way. Amazing to learn I don’t have to always give empathy to them despite what others say. Doing the tight lipped smile, nod and disengaging. Their patterns do not change for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani❤
Being overly empathic and/or passive in the face of abuse is just as toxic as the abuse itself. Don't listen to people who invalidate your experience. Empathy needs to have limits like everything else in life.
The post argument soothing was my life. My dad would berate me and belittle me until i cried and ran up to my room (when allowed to leave) and cry my heart out. I'd hear my mom talking quietly to my dad and then he'd come upstairs, rub my back, and apologize. MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE.
I'm so fuckin sorry. I know what you mean. It's really confusing and sincerely disturbing, the mixed signals and up and down behavior. These hot and cold dynamics are exhausting and leave you feeling like you don't know what to believe or what is actually real. It's maddening. 😢
Your mom owns some responsibility for that repeated emotional abuse by your father.
What was she waiting for, standing by and clearly hearing your dad's abuse --- and failing to protect you from it?! Repeatedly??!!
SO f'd up!!!
I'm surprised you're not angry with both of them.
If you don't see how they are playing you, you're perhaps denying that they are BOTH abusers.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani ! (I'm in process of leaving a narcissist ) I'd like to share about a public situation i walked into last week. I went in to pay for gas & there were 3 people ahead of me, the person at counter was disabled & having difficulties, meanwhile 3 more costumers came in after me..i could feel the tension and picked up on a couple "entitled personalities" & when person at counter finished she apologized with explanation ( i have social anxiety) and my words came out loud and clear "no worries" ❤ the person said "thank you for being so kind" it got so quiet for a few seconds. I guess my point is that my empathy automatically comes out for others who deserve it. Thanks again ! 🎉
22:46 I feel like you were by my side through the entire relationship, seeing and feeling it all go down and now you're here to pick me back up. You are the best!!! Thank you Dr. R! 💖🙏💖
Thank goodness for Dr. Ramani. I'm happy that you have found this channel and how her content is helping you heal. She has definitely helped me along my healing journey.
Treat me like a queen, put me 1st , on a pedestal. But you come last and dont matter
No matter what I do my family has a problem with it but if my family does the exact same thing they don't see a problem with it
This is why I keep distance from the narcissistic abusive family members, cause no matter what I say or do, they attack and blame me. I refuse to walk on egg shells or live in that constant fear of doing something they consider ‘wrong’. They never take responsibility and blame everyone else around them despite evidence to the contrary. I don’t have to have them in my life much just because they are ‘family’. I will keep my boundaries for my well being and that’s ok. I matter too. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤❤
Ultimate strength 💪
Me too.
Recently went no contact with narc friend and wow life's souch better , thank you for your support Ramani X😊🌸😊
After catering to a narcissist for 50 years, I feel as if I am becoming the narcissist.
I heard an interesting comment the other day that all of us in the USA are coming out of a narc abuse situation
This isn't a USA thing, or a generational thing. It's a human thing. It may in some ways manifest differently in different cultures where certain things are more or less acceptable.
Also, there's "Everyone is a Narcissist" Narcissism and "the person I'm fighting with is a narcissist" Narcissism. And then there's NARCISSISM Narcissism. The "I will eat you up and spit out your bones, then complain you weren't enough to satiate me so you're the Narcissist" Narcissism.
@@JaneSmith.9941 It can be an issue for an entire country or culture. In fact, I think that's maybe why she threw in the term "communal entitlement". To show that it can affect groups of people, not just individuals.
@@barbpace-lamb it's a USA thing when there's a clearly grandiose narcissist at its helm during one of the worst health crises in the nation's history
Vote for the helpers, the empaths.
@@kimberlyvergez4391Right.. Covid crisis. Whole world was struggling and Co operating. But, in US, the grandiosity of personal freedom was more important than personal health and community/humanity survival itself. But, sadly huge amount of people paid price of that with vast number of deaths, though it was a developed nation with all the facilities at their disposal than other poor countries.
I feel whole when I visit your channel. Everything you produce is nothing short of excellence. Thank you so much! My true self more and more, keeps emerging!
#TeamRamani4life
🙏🏻🙌🏼♥️♥️
OMG yes.. It was such a relief when I discovered there was such a thing as betrayal trauma.. And I got oodles of it, following the death of three loved ones within seven months, from remaining immediate, as well as extended family.
It is decades later, and I have yet to recover, and I still get to discover some of the more nefarious and horrible things they did when I was too overwhelmed to be paying attention to people I thought I could trust.
Oof, the swooping in with an affectionate gesture after brutally bullying you in a conflict... And then making you seem like the bad guy if you're not willing to just make up and "move forward"! And that comment about having a house full of mirrors where you never see your own reflection- one of the best descriptors I've read!
Omg the double standards drive me crazy! I hate them! Thank you f or this video, everything you talked about is what I'm currently dealing with and the wanting a hug after he's been abusive and feeling both confused and gross, I havent heard anyone else talk about that and yes it harms you physically. I think it causes some kind of physical trauma. Please continue to speak up for us.
I used to do all laundry for my husband and my 2 small children. If you're parent, you'll know how much work and time it is washing, sorting, folding, putting away (rinse and repeat). So one day I washed, sorted and laid out my husband's portion and asked him to help and fold his own clothes. He was indignant and pointed out that I still do all of our kids' laundry too. So he asked me if there was a double standard here.
Lord, that man straight up ignored the part there’s a massive developmental difference between him and his kids - or, does he subconsciously acknowledge that he is, in fact, a man-baby?
They really are toddlers under the man-suits ! 😂
Narcissists forget or do not have access to 80% of their memory. Every minute you are faced with a new person, a new narcissist, and it has nothing to do with the person from a minute ago.
Narcissists suffer from something called dissociation. Dissociation is a lapse in memory, it means missing time.
So the narcissist misses seconds, milliseconds, microseconds, but he always misses. He is always dissociated. It is not continuous.
How is it possible to live like this? What the narcissist does is called fibrillation in clinical terms. The narcissist makes up stories to cover up the missing pieces.
Except when they have something against you. Then they remember the dropped dish from 10 years ago.
This all so intense. I'm having all kinds of flashbacks to behavior my daughter has shown her whole life. There is no question this stuff is personality because I am empathetic, kind, not entitled at all and yet she is the opposite. The manipulation and gaslighting are merciless and constant and the cognitive empathy is such a mirage. It's so destructive.
If your daughter has been that way "her whole life" that's on you. You raised her. Narcs aren't born that way, it's a developmental issue. Everyone in childhood has the capacity to grow into a caring person.
even as a toddler? you probably played a part in why she's like that then. Parents who cry that their kids are narcs get a side eye from me. Narc parents love to accuse their kids of being mentally ill and awful.
@@PS-dm1dqIt might be heredity component in that too. As I seen in my family and extended family, that narcissists are present even if the upbringing was good and in most, it is the entitled upbringing rather than the neglectful upbringing which develop narcissism in childhood. Atleast, I families around me, that is what has happened.
I have one just like that, 32 years old who I just went no contact with (a restraining order) after 14 years of that exact behavior. And , no, from the commenter below, WE DIDN’T MAKE THEM that way, social media and backwards society DID THAT ! Unable to discipline due to threats of calling DCFS ( for just disobedient behavior) and not beating, was NEVER supported! “They” did that. I was disciplined as a child and RIGHTLY so. And the more I was given, the worse I acted growing up, as was my daughter ( keeping up with the Joneses) Little by little, each generation has gotten more sassy and disrespectful. And now, we have a society who follows no rules and is running a muck!
@@PS-dm1dqit doesn’t mean they will. So stop the blame game garbage. And comments like yours get an eye roll from me. No parents are perfect but they are your parents
9:18 Yep... Empathic 💯 that's completely me 🙋♀️ I did all of that over and over and over 🫣🤦♀️
Being emphatic makes me question in this world. But, still I have decided I will still be authentic and empathetic but to the rightful humans only and seriously not to the UNDESERVING ONES 💯👏
I just read the little highlight on the video that says, "They believe they're entitled to special treatment but ignore other people's needs."
In a nutshell, that describes both my siblings and mom.
It's like, "every man for himself!"
And Heaven help you if you are perceived as being 'in the way'.
This has been true of my family of origin for as long as I can remember.
Wow! I took 10 pages of notes on this one. My homework! Thank you for making "lemonade from the lemons" in your life, Dr. R! You heal & enlighten so many of us with your wisdom! What a gift you are to us empathic folks!
Thanks for hanging your halo on RUclips and having your own channel! Blessings to you and your production team! ❤😊
YES!! That is my pet peeve! Double standards! I have to calm myself thinking about it. lol. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!! 🥰
Yep, same, that and being accused of things I really didn't do. So frustrating!
They are very last minute demanding. Expecting everyone to accommodate their trivial whims at the drop of a hat.
Thank you for sharing your insight on narcissism. It’s priceless.
Yes, my last job. Was being asked to do 3 different jobs all night cause , I was faster. While my co worker only had to do one. Finally quit without notice, the lead in charge of me sank his head on the panel he was next to, and my Supervisor stood there in shock, when I told him, I quit.
Thank you, Dr Ramani - this talk was especially helpful to me and has relieved much distress due to the understanding you have given.
This is so spot on. For more than 2 decades I was accused of bearing grudges and was told that there was something wrong with me with him diagnosing me with Schizoid Personality Disorder, the saddest part was I believed him.
I cannot express enough gratitude that you create these free educational resources, it has truly changed my life as I reclaim my life from someone I had never conceptualized as narcissistic. Ironically it is money that has kept me stuck in the relationship so your videos are life saving as I change careers and focus on saving money
Around the 4:00 mark. OMG the "You know what I am saying (talking about). I don't need to repeat myself because you already know" and no matter how many times I said I have no idea what you are talking about he would say, "Don't lie, you know exactly what I am thinking and talking about. This conversation is over, there is no need to talk about this situation (topic) because you know. And I know that you know" My gosh the world salad I went through with this man.
Wow, Communal Entitlement. New term for me but it's really relevant right now. Thanks for helping give words to this for me.
Oh yes! No matter what kind of crappy treatment I had to put up with that morning, he would call me beautiful wife and kiss me on the way out the door. What a disgusting memory.
To a narcissist, this is their world, not yours
Is this a compilation of Dr. Ramani's greatest hits? It seems to be. It's like a really good album that you want to put on repeat, to truly appreciate the good vibes, and hear the message of the music. So wise and insightful. Ironically, it makes a topic that can be triggering, and which is fraught with difficulty more interesting, to the point of being entertaining. But that's what helps the message stick. You are great like the Queen of Sheba, just as King Solomon was great as the King of Israel. It's no wonder they both got on so well. They took care of their people. You are taking care of your people like A Star ⭐ through your amazing life experiences, and sharing your perspectives on how to handle this thing called life.
Double standard: She can travel anywhere she wants l--even out of state--in the name of her education. I get in trouble if I go to the restaurant down the street by myself.
You're not a pet who needs to be kept on a leash or trapped in the yard. A love that isn't freeing isn't love.
My experience too. They don't respect you if you become passive about it.
@@matt_lond - At this point, I just ignore her protestations.
My mother to a T
Here too.
My father to a T. I had no idea until the nurse informed me.
My ex therapist to a T.
My father, my mother, my ex. I could repeat all about their bad childhoods, life difficulties. Not one would be able to say what mine have been. They're all self centred, intemittent reinforcement, never saw me and used me for their needs under the guise of 'all I've done for you'. All 3 manipulative. None have seen my struggles. At one point I lost 3 stones, was skeletal and nobody said a word!
Thank You Dr Ramani 🙏❤️ an exhausting, overwhelming full-time job that makes you feel isolated, hopeless and lonely is the EXACT definition of my 3 year plus experience that I was "just" finally able to extricate myself from with the help of 2 wonderful people🙏❤️
There are many people in the world today who could use and would appreciate empathy. I offered it to the narcissist, but was not appreciated or reciprocated, got rejected and was thrown back in my face. That's fine and a hard lesson learned. That said, they are only 1 person in this world. I will continue along my way and experience the joy I receive by offering a very small part of myself in a kind and loving way to uplift the lives of others who I believe deserve it. Empathy is a good thing and I have become a bit wiser from this ordeal. I will remain empathetic as that is part of my authentic self and am proud to own it.
Even before realizing that my ex is narcissistic, it was clear to me, and I told her as much, that she has no principles, no loyalty, no word, therefore no honor.
Entitlement is my daughter’s narc friend. The narc is her mom, her best friend , her major employee the narc is number one and my daughter enables this narc. Somehow this narc has gotten my daughter’s complete loyalty. Like my daughter is stuck! wtf is that narc putting in my daughters ear. My daughter is about to lose another one of her friends… a very empathetic loyal friend who has always loved her!! I am just getting depressed anymore ..
You Dr., hit the nail on the head 🎯 I’m saving this one to my playlist so I can listen to it a few more times as a reminder that I’M not crazy, they are 💥
I’m still trying to recover from the burnout of dealing with these people all my life trying to make them happy.. everyone I thought would be there for me like I was for them for so many years, ghosted me the one time I needed support.. I have like no tolerance to deal with it anymore.. I quit my job too, because of a couple of them at work.. I’d rather live in RV by the river as a recluse than deal with any of them again.
I couldn't agree more! I totally understand that so much. It was absolutely shocking and devastating to me to realize that the people I thought would be there when I truly truly needed it most weren't. It was complete cognitive dissonance for me. And I crashed so hard because of it. Barely survived. But I did and you know what? I'm glad I know the truth now. I'm glad I'm no longer living under the false belief that these people cared in the same way as I did. I've finally dusted myself off after years of working through the pain from it. And I still hurt, but I'm SO much stronger and clearer now.
Double edged sword for me. I woke up to it when and because I became very ill, it's chronic and getting worse. Worst time to wake up. Ironic I had options but never saw them before, now I see those options and cannot do them. Really frustrating and upsetting. Add In the narcs and I feel more ill! Otherwise I'd find myself a nice rv and a river. I totally get it, I'm sick of all the double speak and confusion. They're never there when you hit rock bottom, then expect you to be there for them while still berating you.
I have totally been mistreated and segregated for being the truth teller. It’s messed up. Makes me sad but not taking it on. Focusing on my life. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Brilliant compilation of videos. So many fantastic reminders.
Thank you, my beautiful and lovely Dr. Ramani. 🙏☺
Hmmm, I listened 2times to understand well. Now I know why my husband always complain I don't initiate sex and romance, this is the reason. He always quarrel,shout,and call me names and never ever says sorry but expect me to be romantic
I can relate & now thay my leaving is in place I don't even engage anymore with mine about that subject...it's pointless. Keep true to yourself ❤
Dr Ramani, I hope you read this. I thought of it when you told the story of a narc yelling about the keys while the narcissist had the keys the whole time. It triggered memory.
Both the narcissist and myself are about 70 years of age. I can tell you and everyone reading this that they do not get better with age.
Now, the narcissist is my cousin, and our relationship spans since we were about four years old. He did not start acting like this until he was about twenty-five. His brother told me that he was always like that. It is possible I didn't see it because I moved out of town when I was around nineteen. But I talked to him frequently, so I think I'm right as to when this 'Superman' persona took over him.
One day, I was back in town visiting, and I stayed with him. This afternoon, his high status friend was there. There is no need to go into why his friend was high status. Let's just say he wasn't on the laws side of things, so I'll leave it there. Anyway, these two were struggling to wire the VCR properly. I already had a VCR, so I knew about how they were hooked up. I opened my mouth to explain how to do it. I only got a few words out before he turned and said, " Shut up! " I'm like, "What!"
So dumb and dumber continued hooking up the VCR. Well, they attempted to anyway. I then said, " I have a VCR and cable." He looked at me and said, " Why didn't you say something!" I was amazed!
I told my best friend about it, and he said that my cousin might have been doing drugs. He had information that my cousin was messing around with some things. It really was a good possibility that this was affecting his behavior. He looked down on me for being a snob because I didn't even smoke pot anymore. I never preached to anyone about that, but my lack of interest in getting high was enough for my cousin to look at me in a certain manner. He became a master at finding fault.
I don't know if he was high on something when he came at me like that, but even if it were true, it did not explain the stupidity and meanness he has displayed since that afternoon. He's 70 years old.
Now he hasn't spoken to me in almost 4 years because he did some ignorant things that I could not ignore and I told him about it. This is when he stopped speaking to me. I didn't know what the silent treatment was all about when this started. It was by accident that I found out what narcissism is by coming across it on RUclips. I call it Adult Onset Psychopathy! I know there's no such thing, but I do think of it as such.
One thing I've learned the hard way is that you can't humor these people. I feel really bad for people who have to live with people like this. You cannot reason with them. They are never wrong. They only respond to intimidation.
Wasband had a habit of handing things to me, apparently to get it out of his hands. Regardless of what I was doing, oblivious to anything I was doing. I finally started to drop whatever it was. Which he didn't like, for some unfathomable reason. But he quit, except sometimes he'd try it again. With unbreakable things. I never figured that out. It certainly felt arrogant.
Oh my, you described my ex perfectly. If I ever had any doubt about what I was dealing with, it’s clear now. I was so confused for so many years trying to comprehend how he functioned.
I love you Dr Ramani for opening my eyes to a lot of different things that I was very clueless about, the thing that I'm finding difficult to explain to other people even people who are not narcissists maybe they're flying monkeys maybe they're enablers, it's just that they think that in order to achieve in this world you have to be like that you have to be cut throat that you dang there have to be a narcissist, you may have touched on this already but I just want to know your perspective on it
Oh my! The narcissists in my life (spouse and my in-laws) show traits of entitlement of all the forms of narcissism.
Seriously!? Do you have cameras installed in my house? 😂 You are bringing exact examples that I have gone through with my mother! I finally wonder if I found a reason for why I'm not comfortable with physical touching. This is so healing to hear! You are turning a light in my dark world, and I sincerely appreciate it! I hope you live in a peace that you're bringing to all of us! God has blessed you and I hope that he blesses you much much more! Thank you!❤
Staying with a narc will infect u with there nasty characters !
My father and my older boss to a T. Im trying to never try to be cruel here but as i told my nurse," Enough is enough"
Wow this video by Dr. Ramani nails the head on the hammer with entitled, narcissist's behaviors. Thanks
Their existence leaves me furious at this point. Can’t even think straight around them.
Narcissists say one thing but do the opposite.
32:12 Dr. Ramani is right on about narcissists capitalize on loyalty. The scapegoat is shamed for complaining and is blamed for stirring trouble.
Yes I was the scapegoat ( truth teller) growing up in a narcissist environment. I was terrified, yet tried to air my concerns. I was blamed, gaslighted, minimised, raged at and told " why can't I be like I used to be" in reference to being compliant and quiet. Inevitably as a young adult I entered into invalidating, and controlling relationships. The last relationship was so toxic that my partner formed a pact with his family against me. I became the scapegoat in this family dynamic as well. Everything to do with him or his family was always my fault. After the lying and gaslighting about it , I felt extremely unsafe. I got the hell outta there. I didn't think I'd ever have the strength to cut ties. But I'd been disrespected and slandered on so many different occasions that I decided to walk. I'd reached my breaking point 👉 I could no longer unsee the toxicity and Betrayal. I will never go back. I have Ptsd as a result and am working through it. Next plan is to find a counsellor who understands the dynamics of these types of relationships. Thankyou Dr Ramani for helping me through this difficult process ❤
Thank you for the explanation of the loyalty conundrum; I recently was stuck in such a situation where I was being told to turn a blind eye / keep secret a case of abuse of power, and after trying alternate avenues for months, I had to uphold my ethics and break the confidentiality to protect the organization from further abuse. It still hurts, but your words are helping me to heal.
Got called from work numerous times to look for HIS KEYS which I know HE MISPLACED! But I'd search until I found them - then go back to work....ugh!
Clear as Day Narcissis use demons from hell in human form
I honestly believe this. I saw whirling black balls after BOTH narcissistic discards. My dog saw it too!
@@jackiep5009Familure Spirits maby?
I discarded a narc women ! She had been using me like an object ! And shes using plenty other men like it ! God save those guys !
I'm currently trying to divorce my narcissistic husband of 37 years. All 3 of my adult children have taken their father's side and have turned against me. I don't know where this will end. Heartbroken 😢
Don't give up on them, just give it time. Keep expressing love even if they can't receive it yet. They need to process. They don't understand. Hopefully they'll understand more later, like I eventually did in my family. It was hard to see it back then or know why things were happening as they were but I'm older now and I see a bigger picture now. Don't feel bad for doing what you need to do to save yourself. Others may not understand but you need to do it despite that anyways. It's a lonely road but it's a true road and it will take you to a better place eventually. Holding space for you. 🙏
@@WildAlchemicalSpirit thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
Let them go,
The non narcissists will come back. Because if you were the supply, and now you’re not giving supply, the narcissist will look for supply from someone else, in your case likely the children. And then they will see what you see. But they can’t see what you see with you in the picture right now. So give it time.
Thank you ❤
That's my fear....bless you xx
What about when they demand loyalty in circumstances they don’t deserve? My spouse displayed disgusting behaviors at a concert while intoxicated, almost getting thrown out before it even began, and was furious with me because I apologized to the people next to us (he called the woman a derogatory name) rather than “defending” him. I was so embarrassed and mortified, but didn’t speak ill of him at all, just apologized to them.
Not to mention the horrible things he said to me in the process, and still stands by the fact that I did not “support” him.
It don’t so much get a lecture as I feel that is over something that has been done. It is more of a preachy, talking down or invalidating my feelings thing.
I hope you have a prosperous live (with all your work of helping people to understand the subject you talk about.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani. You are working wonders in my life❤
Can you do a series or video on narcissist gaslighting in this way: “You’re bitter, you’re angry” basically attributing your reactive abuse to those things. Basically knowing they did something that caused you to distance yourself and kick them out your life, or grey walk them. But they believe they don’t deserve it even tho they do. Basically disregarding what they did - that caused that response and consequences or repercussion. Thats why I click on this vid bc I noticed double standards does have a lot to do with it.
Now that I know what it is #narcissism. I have a “not interested attitude”. I don’t have time… It interferes w/my peace. My peace is important to me. #selflove #loyaltomyself I don’t care who you are…. In Jesus name., 🙏🏾😊💕do not bring your toxic behavior around me. #periodT
My psychopathic ex wanted to snuggle after screaming and fighting with me. But whats worse, my former therapist thought it was cute! I wondered what was wrong with me. Thank you for clarifying!❤
I was told that the people I looked up to so much would be so sad to hear I was stirring up division within the people (proverbs 6:19) by my stepfather who is the pastor of the church I was highly involved in and then isolated from everyone so that the truth of his narcissism wouldn't be exposed... Glad I left that cult!
It true, I see that very often, and when I refuse to play the game after being unfairly insulted, I always hear no one is perfect, I behave like I am a perfect person.
Pride, Is always going to he the the root of all evil.
Narcissists are Always Proud.
Pride, is another word for entitlement
This video is excellent. I'd love to see more on each narcissistic type broken down across the traits. Something I've personally noticed is they lack patience! We all irritated and frustrated but all the ones I do and have known have very little if any patience and do not listen.
Watching from VA👋🏻
Here in Virginia beach, hey
This woman will make you realize the truth. How to break masturbation food and various other addictions... because of narcissistic values I was raised on.
Empathy always hurts when it comes to a narcissist person.
My mother always had a horrible habit of making meal plans with others and then showing up 30 minutes to an hour late, and then having the audacity to be angry at people for ordering their food and beginning to eat... It was such a nightmare sometimes because having to go home with her meant dealing with her cranky attitude and complaints about how "tacky" it was for others to eat without waiting for her to arrive. People are only willing to wait so long after being seated until they're starving or pressed for time. Tardiness like this once or twice is understandable, given the reasons are out of your control. But when it's a pattern, people around you aren't even interested in your reasons anymore no matter if they're true and no matter how urgent they may seem. Nmother didn't care about people's time and it was always someone else's fault that she was late. According to her being late is "just how she is" (Dr. Ramani nailed this perfectly), like it's some kind of quirky, harmless flaw. Acting cute about her persistent tardiness eventually got old to me.