Does the Dismissive Avoidant Discard?
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- Опубликовано: 17 апр 2024
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In today's video, Coach Court answers the question Does the Dismissive Avoidant Discard?
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Learn more about the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment with this PLAYLIST:
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coach court, breakup, ex back, avoidant ex, dismissive avoidant, mental health 
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I completely understand the differentiation as well as the compassion for the DA’s/understanding their traumas and WHY this happens. However, as someone who had the misfortune of back to back relationships with one of each - it doesn’t hurt any less with a DA because they don’t mean to hurt you (if anything, it’s more painful because the feelings were authentic - unlike with the narc). Sure, maybe you can find some solace in knowing they didn’t have malicious intentions + understanding that maybe the whole relationship WASN’T a sham like it was with the narc, but it still feels like a discard all the same. Whether someone crushes your face down in the trashcan with a smile on their face while they do it or they lay you on top of the pile gently, you’re still going out with the trash.
Wow. That last sentence was profound 🙏🏾
Beautifully said!
Coach Court, I appreciate your video and I hear your perspective. You make some valid points and you help a lot of people. Your channel is one that I have listened to, especially last year, when I was dating an Avoidant online for 3 months. The problem for me was that I discovered the hard way, when meeting the person, in person, in the 4th month, that they were a very malignant, sadistic narcissist. I was brutally discarded after they experienced shame which triggered their narcissistic injury. It was all cold silent treatment and revenge towards me after that.
My point is that all the work I was doing in the context of understanding an Avoidant, to give space, to make them feel safe with me, was way off the mark. I was dealing with an entirely different beast and didn't know it, until it was too late. BUT, Avoidant behavior is shared with narcissism and this is where it gets all tangled up. Based on my experience, I find it hard to believe there is a separation of Avoidant from narcissism. Although maybe there is a case to be made that all narcissists are Avoidants, but not all Avoidants are narcissists. The bottom line for me, is that I wasted months looking at the relationship through the rose-colored Avoidant glasses, instead of seeing the person through the clear lens of the blighted hellscape of malignant narcissism. Believing in the Avoidant attachment style and that it couldn't possibly be narcissism was my undoing and I am still healing, a year later.
I wish that I had never seen any of the variety of Avoidant channel videos, that said they are not narcissists, because a person can definitely have and be BOTH things.
I appreciate this thoughtful and well explained comment. Thank you 🙏🏾
@electromagnetic A narc can have any of the insecure styles alongside their disorder. Anxious attachment style and fearful are the most likely ones for a narc to have, because of the need for emotional and other supply. They are very dependent on others. There's a list of questions that you can ask during the initial conversations during the first few dates, the answers will indicate whether the person is a narc. After dating a covert, a grandiose and a DA I can say there's a big diffs, and the breakup with the DA was the hardest but the only one I'd consider taking back (with my boundaries in place of course), simply because he's genuine. Narcs are not and they don't have any empathy, it's all fakery.
I like that you and Personal Development School actually speak for avoidant and make content so we could understand the attachment style rather than being dramatic and saying : stay away from them. Avoidant are humans as well and suffering from their attachment (I guess😅?)
Thank you ❤ I subcribed
Thanks for subbing!
Agree with you Coach Court, there are some people seemingly trying to start a fashion trend with terms used for the clinical disorder and attach it to the att styles theory.
It’s been growing like wild fire
I just found your videos after my DA ex broke up with me. My question is that she wants us to remain friends, but doesn't want us to hang out one on one. She says that we can revisit the idea of us hanging out one on one in a few months. Any insight on why or what this means?
Tell me, what is going from seeing someone everyday and messaging to being told that they never want to meet after they avoided you for months on end just because you asked them for something, if not a discard? I think the problem is you are immediatly jumping to thinking of a narcissistic discard without actually acknowledget there can be different types of discards. Avoidants CAN discard specific people since they can get what that person was giving from other people, heck that is their standard operating procedure. You cannot deny they have narcissistic traits, that doesnt make them narcissists, so why can they not discard?
She left me for another guy i seen them on social media. Im an anxious attachment and my ex was dismissive avoidant we were in a on and off long distance relationship. When i confront her about it she shuts down and blocks me and ignored me. My anxiety is through the roof, I'm just ready to let go and move on with my life.
You need to use discernment when watching You Tube videos or Tik Tok. I have also seen some platforms state all avoidants are narraciss.
Eek, and most don’t start with disclosures.
@@IamCoachCourt True
Not having the source video you are referring to in this video is not helping with proper context.
I can see that! I don’t believe in starting drama though
@@IamCoachCourt Nor would I assume that to be your intention. I've been subscribed to you for a very long time, I'm sure you can trust your viewer base to make up their own minds when presented with the source and your response. What we have here is a one-sided reaction video without any context. I'm sorry Coach, but this is not helpful to anyone.
@@JackGordon86 ayyy, appreciate all your support and the feedback Jack!
@@JackGordon86 respectfully disagreeing; there are plenty of people making videos where they use this language ''avoidant discard'' (look for it by typing in the youtube search bar) and it's that which is not helping, but confusing the audience. Probably they do it to get a lot of likes and views, maybe for easy money instead of offering sincere help, it appears to be the case that a certain department likes to be cuddled instead of changing themselves, so tickling the ears gets a following. Now maybe that's a bit harsh, but I don't like it when people play games instead of genuinely helping. It's not all online videos, but there are some out there like this.
It is helpful because he’s saying that avoidant attachments are being condemned. And he’s right. He’s trying to get it out that they can’t help it, and need some understanding instead of being written off: there is one “ coach” and his videos absolutely slay avoidants like they are evil. It’s too heavy handed. They are people with wounds.