I like this quote: "Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” -- Maxwell Maltz Without accepting social anxiety as form of challenge, and without exposing the root of social anxiety: we will throttle during exposure. Exposure might even turn nasty and bring more of anxiety. From my own experience, exposure did not help with social anxiety, well - it removed panic symptoms a bit, however panic thoughts stayed. In 2015 I learned that these are called Intrusive thoughts or PureOCD. Once I discovered Complex trauma 6 years later, I learned these rumination thoughts are due to triggers, flashbacks and emotional dysregulation. I also realized that there are a lot of concepts that I missed to learn - which helped me a lot to make sense of social life. The main concept is: - External reference locus of control : due to toxic shame my self worth is centered at other people and their opinions. - Dysregulation: it happens whenever situation, event or people resembling the original trauma appear. Which means I cannot do anything about it, the more I try to get rid of it, it gets tighter - even relaxation techniques - it has Chinese finger trap effect. - Trauma bonding: due to exposure to relentless criticism 24/7 and being exposed to adult hysteria - which built up toxic shame, I tend to see other people as gods and I see myself as inferior. This means that exposure to social anxiety without being aware of external referencing and dysregulation will leave me with trauma bonding with other people. Usually this means I will shut up and self censor myself, and toxic people will sniff this out and take advantage of my passivity. This adds up totally new layers of social anxiety : Karpman Drama Triangle and codependency. - Toxic shame is motor that inhibits us to be authentic and to take leadership. It is false Self that appears as our true Self and we follow it, even though it stems from trauma and it is hallucination. The point is that social anxiety, as part of toxic shame running on auto-pilot, will direct us to stay stuck with toxic people - while the best strategy might actually be to avoid and stay away from certain types of predators. Our keen ability to detect and avoid predators is actually social anxiety itself. If we extract and remove toxic shame from our decision making, I would see social anxiety as direction where to go, while we force ourselves to expose: to act and to follow our dreams and intuition and our goals. With trauma bonding as guidance we will expose to society with the cost of conformism and group-think, herd mentality. We will not allow ourselves to be authentic, different, innovative - due to fears of criticism and negative evaluation.
Thank you! I have social anxiety and give up teaching. Now I'm starting a new job in call center. As the start date gets closer, my anxiety is getting worse because I am not in talking. But I apply in that job hoping to improve my stuttering. But I'm also afraid to get terminated if I make a mistake. I often missed eating for 3 months. I tried to redirect my mind by writing and start new skills, but this worsen my "not eating" hobby. On exhausted with this cycle.
I like this quote:
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” -- Maxwell Maltz
Without accepting social anxiety as form of challenge, and without exposing the root of social anxiety: we will throttle during exposure. Exposure might even turn nasty and bring more of anxiety.
From my own experience,
exposure did not help with social anxiety, well - it removed panic symptoms a bit, however panic thoughts stayed. In 2015 I learned that these are called Intrusive thoughts or PureOCD.
Once I discovered Complex trauma 6 years later, I learned these rumination thoughts are due to triggers, flashbacks and emotional dysregulation.
I also realized that there are a lot of concepts that I missed to learn - which helped me a lot to make sense of social life.
The main concept is:
- External reference locus of control : due to toxic shame my self worth is centered at other people and their opinions.
- Dysregulation: it happens whenever situation, event or people resembling the original trauma appear. Which means I cannot do anything about it, the more I try to get rid of it, it gets tighter - even relaxation techniques - it has Chinese finger trap effect.
- Trauma bonding: due to exposure to relentless criticism 24/7 and being exposed to adult hysteria - which built up toxic shame, I tend to see other people as gods and I see myself as inferior. This means that exposure to social anxiety without being aware of external referencing and dysregulation will leave me with trauma bonding with other people. Usually this means I will shut up and self censor myself, and toxic people will sniff this out and take advantage of my passivity. This adds up totally new layers of social anxiety : Karpman Drama Triangle and codependency.
- Toxic shame is motor that inhibits us to be authentic and to take leadership. It is false Self that appears as our true Self and we follow it, even though it stems from trauma and it is hallucination.
The point is that social anxiety, as part of toxic shame running on auto-pilot, will direct us to stay stuck with toxic people - while the best strategy might actually be to avoid and stay away from certain types of predators. Our keen ability to detect and avoid predators is actually social anxiety itself. If we extract and remove toxic shame from our decision making, I would see social anxiety as direction where to go, while we force ourselves to expose: to act and to follow our dreams and intuition and our goals.
With trauma bonding as guidance we will expose to society with the cost of conformism and group-think, herd mentality. We will not allow ourselves to be authentic, different, innovative - due to fears of criticism and negative evaluation.
Thank you! I have social anxiety and give up teaching. Now I'm starting a new job in call center. As the start date gets closer, my anxiety is getting worse because I am not in talking. But I apply in that job hoping to improve my stuttering. But I'm also afraid to get terminated if I make a mistake. I often missed eating for 3 months. I tried to redirect my mind by writing and start new skills, but this worsen my "not eating" hobby. On exhausted with this cycle.
I love your videos. Giving all of them likes!
That means a lot to me. Thank you so much!