All that truly matters is what you think about yourself. What other people think only matters if you agree with them. It's not really about accepting that others may think bad about you, but more about the irrelevance of it. It's about realizing that your courageous actions in the world are what create your self-perceived value, and that the thoughts of others can only affect you if you don't feel good about the actions you're taking in the world. Taking couragous action by itself already makes you a winner, no matter what anyone may think, and no matter if you succeed or fail in the moment. Failures are part of the process. Taking action by itself is success, smaller momentary successes or failures are just stepping stones.
Ahh, thank you so much for watching and leaving this feedback (and for the reminder to update my links). I'm not currently providing clinical services or maintaining my website. I'm figuring out next steps and will definitely update once I have more info.
@@DrTynessaFranks I think people are confused positively and they cannot yet process information in this video. We live in world of ableism where we reject anything that is not accepted by groupthink - it is like living in USSR whole life and now we make discovery that there is a country like USA with freedom to think differently without being punished or sent to gulag if we self express ourselves - which is basically social anxiety, trauma. This is extremely complex concept and it needs to be explained more - especially when we apply this concept of validation and dualism in real life.
It is truth that we overestimate judgement and depth. This part is "hallucination". However - if we do not trust our instinct - we will create instant toxic shame: we won't trust our self worth, we won't trust our instinct. This means - we need to be friends with ourselves. If we reject our "hallucinations" - we will reject and invalidate our core being - which leads to mental illness, more anxiety and more fears. We will simply engage in ableism - to label anything different as sickness and something to cure. In reality - 1) our trauma is causing these "hallucinations". Trauma needs to be healed. Trauma is external wound, it is not our core being, it is not our character flaw as CBT makes us to believe. CBT will tell us to be strong and courageous - and this way CBT adds up to toxic shame. 2) There are really covert abusers out there - there are covert narcissists who are using grooming and honeymoon periods to attract new victims, many psychopaths are charming - and with abuse experience we will have ability to detect such dangerous people - hence our anxiety alarms. 5:38 "Human beings are JUDGY, we are judgmental beings" Yes. This is called labeling, confirmation bias, this is grounding, this is how we make sense out of life. Without it we would float in space, like Sandra Bullock in movie "Gravity". With social anxiety we were traumatized when growing up -we were neglected and criticized - and thus we were punished each time we made certain judgement, any time we would hold ground, any time we stand up for ourselves - we were punished, mocked, rejected. This way we developed social anxiety - inability to trust ourselves and we made out of other people our gods - they are explaining and defining us our life, what is accepted and what is wrong. That is why criticism hurts. We do not have intrinsic locus of control - we do not trust our self worth since we do not have grounding, we do not have our judgements. Instead we have external referencing locus of control - and that makes us codependent and trauma bond to anyone who is loud, aggressive and similar to our abusers when growing up. That is complex trauma itself (which is not the same as PTSD). Paradox is that judgements are causing us to be ego-centric, and having judgements which are not correct leads to mental illness and psychopathy and being anti-social. Yet we need judgements in order to have self worth - which is prerequisite to mental health. Also since we are not gods, we are not computer - we cannot judge correctly all the time, we will make mistakes and blunders. "Learning how to care less about what other people think" Yep. That is healing Complex trauma path. The problem is that we live in dualism, dualistic universe. This means - anything is bad and good in the same time, similar to wave-particle problem in quantum physics. This means we need to care what other people think - without it we would not form friendships, sexual relationships, cooperation, interdependence. We would not know if we smell bad or if we are making some dangerous or annoying mistake. We need feedback. That is why social anxiety is Rosetta stone to other mental issues. Social anxiety explains dualism - which you discovered as two layer approach. You are making progress in social anxiety, you are moving away from rigid CBT into being flexible - it is humanistic psychology. The basis of humanistic therapies is to accept life, it is based on self validation and self acceptance and love. If we are not out murdering people, if we are not criminals, if we are not anti-social, if we are not having hidden agenda to harm anyone - our fears are not sickness. Our fears do not need correction or judgement - fears are natural emotions and normal reaction to something abnormal. If we equate our fears with our core being we will create toxic shame , and that is CBT. CBT tells us that we must face our fears and that we must be "strong" and "courageous." Hence CBT tells us that our core being is flawed and our core persona is one gigantic defect and that we fuse together our emotions with our worth. Fears we feel are trauma being stuck inside our body - trauma is external factor, it is not part of our character personality. If we are not serial killers like Putin - there is nothing broken inside us that needs fixing or overcoming. Trauma needs healing, that is all there is. Also to comment the beginning of video - there is concept called functional social anxiety. This means that we can have social anxiety and yet in the same time we really can have jobs, go to parties, having relationships and being wealthy and organized and social. The best example is Michael Jackson who had severe social anxiety due to Complex trauma abuse experience when he was growing up. He performed in front of billions of people, every single person on this planet knows his name/songs - yet this ability to be social did not tackle core trauma stuck inside him. Trauma stems from toxic people - narcissists, mainly covert narcissists who appear as charming and helpful. That is why we have social anxiety. Social anxiety is alarm that tells us 1) that there are dangerous people hidden under sheep clothing and we need to cut contact 2) that we need to heal trauma, so that we feel basically safe in this world, to take care of ourselves, that deep core self inside us know that we will remove ourselves from toxic ambient and that we won't self abuse or ignore ourselves when we react to toxic people Quotes to consider: Lundy Bancroft: "Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can." Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER: The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron "Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame" Peter Levine Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.” "We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick." YT Gabor Matè Tom Bilyeu
Yep, she is making progress. When I ran across her video this summer she was neck deep in CBT nonsense. She is moving toward Humanistic psychology - which is the only tool to help anyone with social anxiety. Rollo May Quotes: “It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way.” “Many people suffer from the fear of finding oneself alone, and so they don't find themselves at all.” “In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude.
All that truly matters is what you think about yourself. What other people think only matters if you agree with them. It's not really about accepting that others may think bad about you, but more about the irrelevance of it. It's about realizing that your courageous actions in the world are what create your self-perceived value, and that the thoughts of others can only affect you if you don't feel good about the actions you're taking in the world. Taking couragous action by itself already makes you a winner, no matter what anyone may think, and no matter if you succeed or fail in the moment. Failures are part of the process. Taking action by itself is success, smaller momentary successes or failures are just stepping stones.
Thanks for sharing this perspective, @PaulVoorberg.
Soo so true 🥰 I'm slowly learning to do this
I'm so happy I came across you channel, I've tried going into your website to download something.. but it shows it has expired 😕
Ahh, thank you so much for watching and leaving this feedback (and for the reminder to update my links). I'm not currently providing clinical services or maintaining my website. I'm figuring out next steps and will definitely update once I have more info.
You are a blessing dear. 💗God bless you🙏🙏
Oh, what a nice comment. THANK YOU.
@@DrTynessaFranks I think people are confused positively and they cannot yet process information in this video.
We live in world of ableism where we reject anything that is not accepted by groupthink - it is like living in USSR whole life and now we make discovery that there is a country like USA with freedom to think differently without being punished or sent to gulag if we self express ourselves - which is basically social anxiety, trauma.
This is extremely complex concept and it needs to be explained more - especially when we apply this concept of validation and dualism in real life.
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!
It is truth that we overestimate judgement and depth. This part is "hallucination". However - if we do not trust our instinct - we will create instant toxic shame: we won't trust our self worth, we won't trust our instinct. This means - we need to be friends with ourselves. If we reject our "hallucinations" - we will reject and invalidate our core being - which leads to mental illness, more anxiety and more fears. We will simply engage in ableism - to label anything different as sickness and something to cure.
In reality -
1) our trauma is causing these "hallucinations". Trauma needs to be healed. Trauma is external wound, it is not our core being, it is not our character flaw as CBT makes us to believe. CBT will tell us to be strong and courageous - and this way CBT adds up to toxic shame.
2) There are really covert abusers out there - there are covert narcissists who are using grooming and honeymoon periods to attract new victims, many psychopaths are charming - and with abuse experience we will have ability to detect such dangerous people - hence our anxiety alarms.
5:38 "Human beings are JUDGY, we are judgmental beings"
Yes.
This is called labeling, confirmation bias, this is grounding, this is how we make sense out of life. Without it we would float in space, like Sandra Bullock in movie "Gravity".
With social anxiety we were traumatized when growing up -we were neglected and criticized - and thus we were punished each time we made certain judgement, any time we would hold ground, any time we stand up for ourselves - we were punished, mocked, rejected. This way we developed social anxiety - inability to trust ourselves and we made out of other people our gods - they are explaining and defining us our life, what is accepted and what is wrong. That is why criticism hurts. We do not have intrinsic locus of control - we do not trust our self worth since we do not have grounding, we do not have our judgements. Instead we have external referencing locus of control - and that makes us codependent and trauma bond to anyone who is loud, aggressive and similar to our abusers when growing up. That is complex trauma itself (which is not the same as PTSD).
Paradox is that judgements are causing us to be ego-centric, and having judgements which are not correct leads to mental illness and psychopathy and being anti-social. Yet we need judgements in order to have self worth - which is prerequisite to mental health.
Also since we are not gods, we are not computer - we cannot judge correctly all the time, we will make mistakes and blunders.
"Learning how to care less about what other people think"
Yep. That is healing Complex trauma path.
The problem is that we live in dualism, dualistic universe.
This means - anything is bad and good in the same time, similar to wave-particle problem in quantum physics.
This means we need to care what other people think - without it we would not form friendships, sexual relationships, cooperation, interdependence. We would not know if we smell bad or if we are making some dangerous or annoying mistake. We need feedback.
That is why social anxiety is Rosetta stone to other mental issues. Social anxiety explains dualism -
which you discovered as two layer approach.
You are making progress in social anxiety, you are moving away from rigid CBT into being flexible - it is humanistic psychology.
The basis of humanistic therapies is to accept life, it is based on self validation and self acceptance and love.
If we are not out murdering people, if we are not criminals, if we are not anti-social, if we are not having hidden agenda to harm anyone - our fears are not sickness. Our fears do not need correction or judgement - fears are natural emotions and normal reaction to something abnormal.
If we equate our fears with our core being we will create toxic shame , and that is CBT. CBT tells us that we must face our fears and that we must be "strong" and "courageous." Hence CBT tells us that our core being is flawed and our core persona is one gigantic defect and that we fuse together our emotions with our worth. Fears we feel are trauma being stuck inside our body - trauma is external factor, it is not part of our character personality. If we are not serial killers like Putin - there is nothing broken inside us that needs fixing or overcoming. Trauma needs healing, that is all there is.
Also to comment the beginning of video -
there is concept called functional social anxiety.
This means that we can have social anxiety and yet in the same time we really can have jobs, go to parties, having relationships and being wealthy and organized and social. The best example is Michael Jackson who had severe social anxiety due to Complex trauma abuse experience when he was growing up. He performed in front of billions of people, every single person on this planet knows his name/songs - yet this ability to be social did not tackle core trauma stuck inside him.
Trauma stems from toxic people - narcissists, mainly covert narcissists who appear as charming and helpful. That is why we have social anxiety. Social anxiety is alarm that tells us
1) that there are dangerous people hidden under sheep clothing and we need to cut contact
2) that we need to heal trauma, so that we feel basically safe in this world, to take care of ourselves, that deep core self inside us know that we will remove ourselves from toxic ambient and that we won't self abuse or ignore ourselves when we react to toxic people
Quotes to consider:
Lundy Bancroft:
"Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured.
The Highly Sensitive Person,
Elaine N. Aron
"Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame"
Peter Levine
Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
"We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick."
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
Can you do a video about selective mutism please. I still have this and I'm 31
So helpful!!!
Very great to hear, Jennifer! Thank you for letting me know.
Yep, she is making progress. When I ran across her video this summer she was neck deep in CBT nonsense.
She is moving toward Humanistic psychology - which is the only tool to help anyone with social anxiety.
Rollo May Quotes:
“It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way.” “Many people suffer from the fear of finding oneself alone, and so they don't find themselves at all.” “In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude.
❤
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏