Stacy does this thing where she involves herself in conflict with Darcy's partner and then childishly takes their side. She went to "tell Tom" to stop communicating but then she's like "Well, do you need therapy?" As though Darcy is the sister with the problem, as though she doesn't have the same desperate, off-putting behavior.
This!! She seems to get off on appearing to be the more “mentally stable” twin but I don’t think she realizes people can see through it. At least Darcy allows herself to be vulnerable.
Dr Honda, I just want to inform you that I have started to hear your voice in my head on a regular basis, especially when I find myself in situations that you could "react" to. I think that maybe my inner voice is starting to transform into your voice and I dont even speak English on an everyday basis since Im from Croatia.. I dont mind tho. Hope to see a second reaction to Smothered soon 🥺 have a nice day
The same for me! I heard "What would Dr. Honda say?" today, when having an argument with my husband. Also I have (in my mind) told my problems to Dr. in English, although it's my third language.
Is the dad being edited out? He seems to be the root of the issues these women have, yet they idolize him. They and their children also are financially dependent on him.
It seems that he has infantilized them, a way of still having control..the best thing he said was when he told Darcy he would not be a part of their new business venture. Time to take owership of ur own success or failure with out a bail
the deserving Dr.Kirk with his deserving followers watching including me. God bless u all and stay safe! It seems as twins they always compete and make even relationships a competition, CANT WAIT FOR DR KIRK TO REVIEW THE THERAPY SCENE ON THIS SHOW
She has no self introspection. She thinks that if she keeps saying these empowering cliches to herself that someday she’ll really believe it and get her man.
It’s so hard to watch Darcey feel all this hurt and pain. I just want to hug her and cry with her. 😞😢 I hope this show does help her and that it gives her some validation and worth.
Dr. Honda, it's thanks to you that I can no longer watch 90 Day Fiance without subjecting my mom (my viewing partner) to constant cries of, "if they would just go to friggin' therapy...!"
The thing is Dr. Kirk is a great therapist and also has a phd Many therapists only have a masters and may not have much life experience. As a nurse that has worked in kids inpatient psych we often had masters therapy students about to take boards and graduate and it was terrifying. We had one woman unable to read the room and insult me in front of patients who spent most of their time with me ( kids with attachment issues form odd relationships when constantly abandoned and someone is nice to tbem) her comment ended up with 5 people in the emergency room. Another time the same woman asked underaged kids what their sexual fantasies were. This was a worst example but others just either were detached, completely out of their element, or acted as if they were stuck up and disrespectful to patients. While this setting is way different from most therapy type sessions I myself started going to therapy to deal with work and i went thru 10 or more until I found a DECENT therapist currently .
I was forced into therapy as a teenager (for good reason as I was literally killing myself via anorexia) and for the last two years of high school I stone walled EVERY therapist I encountered. I sat there in silence every single session. Needless to say I relapsed hard and fast. I feel bad for those therapists now!!
@@Babies0smell0funny hankfully yes! I'm 31 now and entered therapy of my own accord for the first time about 4 years ago and have been at peace with myself much more than ever before. sometimes it takes a while to make the therapy choice for yourself but it is worth it :)
@@morangotango13 woooo 4 years in therapy you go girl!! Very happy to see that comment about being at peace with yourself, it's so important. Hope you are going well at the moment with Covid etc, big hugs to you :)
Aww reading these comments warmed my heart. Aww. Ya'll are so sweet. 💕💕💕 im glad you are in a btr place and im glad other people care enough to ask. Awww
That example of a child falling off their bike really took me back... my Mom always seemed to get mad when we got hurt, she never really comforted us. 😬
Same, here. Like both my parents will do something traumatic and then be like shut up and get over it like 3 minutes after. But it was and has never been comfort afterwards, it was always a lecture or stop being so defensive or they just made it about them.
I burst into tears listening to that as I remembered all the times things like that happened to me. The 2nd time I broke a finger a neighbor suggested that maybe my mum should take me to the hospital to get it checked . This was because the first time I broke a finger she didn't believe that I was hurt and thought that I was just looking for attention. It never set properly and you can tell that something happened. They joke about it.....
I love this one comment thread because it's all the kids of parents who said "why do you always have to focus on the negative?" to five year old kids. Same here. Ugh the memories. Therapy helps OH SO MUCH. I hope everyone is taking care of these wounds (not the physical ones), because we deserve it
I did the same thing as Darcey when I first started therapy. I was in a relationship and told myself I was all better, and I could handle my family trauma on my own. That came crashing down and I finally realized I was the problem. It was truly shocking. I put myself on dating probation and went back to therapy for almost a year. Changed my life!
@@avocado184nhs82 how Florian behaved when rear windshield wiper broke and Stacey's co-dependent reaction to his blow-up. You need to see it too believe it.
I feel so bad for Darcy but you also KNOW a lot of what they put on the show isn’t 100% genuine there’s always more to the story. But I do feel like they are exploiting a woman who is suffering immensely and it’s sad to see. She should work on this on her own time not in front of the cameras & that is solely my healthy opinion.
I agree... Jesse said that, too. He feels TLC is exploiting a woman they know is not well and the more they pay her to contiunue this way, she'll never get the help she needs.
She deserves everything she's getting. Are any of the men she dates in her league? Is she just competing with her sister? What kind of example is she setting for her daughters?
My dad took me to get my ears pierced. I dont remember him talking really at all except when i was crying because it really hurt (I was 6 and didn't think that through) he told me to shut up and stop crying. I got that message a TON growing up. My wonderful therapist reflected small tears in my eyes for over a year before i was finally able to connect back to that part of me again. Therapists like you are amazing, Dr. Kirk! Thank you so much for your compassionate education!!
Stacey met with Tom for a story line. Drama, Tv and $$. Tom wants to be on TV at any chance and the producers/tom probably proposed this to Stacey for a storyline in their show. They may have even been the ones who suggested they keep it a secret from Darcey. Ultimately Stacey knew Darcey would forgive her for these reasons, the show.
It’s a messed up thing to do though. Especially since Darcey feels he cheated on her. How do you go behind your sister’s back like that. At the very least she should have asked her if it’s OK. Why do it secretly? I feel like the best thing for Darcey is to get away from Stacey. Not to cut her out of her life but live separately. Work separately, and try to have a normal relationship where you speak a couple times of week, visit every now and then. This co-dependent constantly up each other’s butts is just not healthy.
I tried therapy once and in the second session she told me I should try anti-depressants instead. I didn't know if it was bc I gave off some kind of vibe like I wasn't committed to therapy, or if it just wasn't a good fit. I haven't tried finding another therapist bc it was so much work to find one that insurance covers who also had availability, but watching your reactions makes me reconsider it
I feel that, therapy can be so expensive and it’s hard to find someone that fits with you too. The only reason I am able to afford therapy is because my college offers it for $15 an hour.
Nah, that therapist was unprofessional. It wasn't you. Definitely, as long as you want to, find a different therapist. I'm not sure how THAT one still has a job.
I really encourage you during Covid times to seek out a therapies online via zoom or email . They have both these offerings at this time and it might be a good reintro to therapy that isn’t as intense . Just like any doctor sometimes you need to sort through a a few to find a good fit
@@KS-op5hb True, I currently speak to my therapist online. Not as much of an impact as in person, but its always good to talk to someone who will give you unbiased input
The fact that she’s still crying about it, at least to me, suggest she’s still not okay or “over” that relationship and is still carrying the baggage with her.
Hey Dr. Kirk! I work from home and started listening to your podcasts during my shifts and it's been really helpful for me to listen to your episodes on narcissim, attachment, and differentiation. I feel like learning and also working in conjuction with my therapist has helped me heal and know and understand myself. Also, I find these reaction videos entertaining lol. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your knowledge with the internet world for folks like me!
Also talking about yourself and your issues with a therapist (or someone else), besides getting their valuable feedback, can help you put your own narrative in perspective. You are working it out verbally. Saying things out loud can be different than just thinking them to yourself. I've had "ah ha" moments while recounting my story or my pain to someone where I suddenly experience a shift in perspective. It's also the reason I think out loud, it helps me to work things out properly.
Yh that statement upset me a little, I had a terrible childhood and hearing that I needed 30 years of therapy just made me feel hopeless. I knew I would need longterm therapy but 30 years?!
does he really? I figured they paid to fly him to the US and asked him to come over and talk to Stacey, but I didn't realize he'd be also paid per episode. Makes sense though, no ethics in television
Dr Honda, I feel like you're not picking up in the subtle ways women can bully other women or tear other women down. Stacy has been ghastly with Darcy throughout but has done it in that sneaky and smart way girl's in high school did it where its very subtle for everyone apart from the victim and gives the bully plausible deniability.
@@sarahapple5844 Yea, and judging by the recent scenes with the family having dinner with Florian , I definitely got the sense looking at their mom that maybe the twins feel the incentive to keep "looking young" and looking for younger men because their dad wasn't around and subsequently started courting and living with a woman in China instead.
The thing you said about ‘corrective experiences’ really struck me. It really reaffirmed why the company you keep is so important! I’m always gonna keep this concept in mind - thanks Doc.
I've seen the clip of Darcy before meeting Jessie and omg, she was her happiest self ._. I was already expecting she would say Jessie when mentioning going to therapy while dating... Then Tom came along and it only got worse...
Hey Dr Kirk, I'm sure you won't see this message but it would be cool if you were apart of some sort of international network therapy group where you had contact with therapists around the world that you deem respectable and experienced. You could disclose their names to those who subscribe to your patron for example (incase they can't handle too many messages/emails) . I'd love to have you as my therapist but unfortunately I'm all the way in merry olde Englande.
@@loveyoutube8555 let me clarify what I just said I feel that good doctors do get in. A doctor I worked for was in there was in the punishment but I was mad because the other 2 doctors I also worked with didnt get mentioned and without their help the doctor that was mentioned was nothing. He was always at bars always puttint off work on the female psychaitrist (these were psychiatrists not therapists) but he did help patients but he had help that were not mentioned and I also felt it odd he was the young good looking one that got in. Idk my personal experience
Just an speculation here... but maybe the fact the twins didn't have a present father and the brother took over of that role as they described him as protector ( in realidade he was another child without a present father) maybe his love and protection was a bit distorted so that is what they learn to be love. As we tend to repeat what we know!
I was tricked into therapy from my aunt and uncle they told me they bring me to a chiropractor for the back pain I had. I was 11 yers old. When I realised where I was I started crying and screaming. The therapist was the most loveliest human and put my aunt and uncle in a therapy session to tell them that it’s absolutely not okay to force and trick me into something I’ve never experienced. I fell into his arms and just cried and cried and cried. I was devastated and felt so helpless. They never apologised to me and tried to manipulate me into thinking that I know where I was going even though I did absolutely not. I wanted to read the sign in front of the office my uncle wouldn’t let me that’s when I got suspicious.
Dear God what a horrible way to manipulate a child!! Therapy is wonderful... For the willing. It sounds like it's your aunt and uncle are the ones who needed therapy. Take care of yourself ❤
Aw man, Jessica that’s so awful. I’m sorry they did that to you and I’m glad the therapist didn’t reinforce that situation. I’ve been in a similar situation and it hurts. You want the people in your life to validate and support your decisions even as an 11 year old.
Oh my gosh! I was also tricked into therapy at 11 years old! It sounds like a sick joke but my mum told me we were going to get ice cream and I didn't question it until we got to the waiting room and I was like wtf?! It was never disclosed to the therapist that I was tricked into being there. I ended up just crying and complaining about my brother who was favorite in my family. The therapist just kept asking what I thought my fault was in the dynamic with my brother. It rubbed me the wrong way because everything stemmed from the favoritism my parents showed towards him, I was not the problem as I was an 11 year old trying to cope with neglect! I had a deep hatred for therapists following that and equated therapists with doing the devil's work brainwashing people. I've only recently come around and no longer feel that way, Dr Honda has really helped provide a corrective experience regarding therapists tbh.
G S oh my god are you serious I was tricked into PIZZA AFTERWARDS!!!! To “sooth me”. This is so sick. I’m sorry you had to go through that as well. I know they had their reasons to put me into therapy, but you can never ever get anyone to therapy when it’s not their free will.
Thank you for the warning about clients being triggered when talking with colleages. As a student social work this is really helpful advice for my future career
I was put into therapy all through growing up, and it was great for me. Once I went to college, I realized that so many people can't understand their feelings or talk about them very well. Im really open about how therapy has helped me, when people tell me at school that they're struggling. Even if nothing is "wrong" with you, regular reflection on things with an unbiased 3rd party can be good, and they might uncover something about you that you never considered.
You're a gem Dr Honda ❤️ I look forward to your new uploads every day! Though absolutely don't feel pressured to upload every day, if you ever need to dial it back I'm sure everyone would understand and support you 😊
I was really surprised when she said she'd been to therapy after Jesse, as she immediately repeated the same mistakes with Tom... Constant pressure for marriage, drinking excessively, making the guy into "Prince Charming/knight in shining armor" instead of getting to know the guy. Either the therapist wasn't very good, or maybe she didn't take it seriously.
Kid falls off bike "Shut up! Stop dwelling on the past!" 😂😂 I like that example. It's so ridiculous but also I kind of worry there are parents out there like that
@@joywebster2678 my mom was too, but each kid will process it differently. Each of my sisters and I have grown to become totally different emotionally, some more able to cope than others
It’s very tough for me to watch Darcy videos because a lot of what she says I can relate to. And what Dr Kirk says really hits me hard. I’ve realised over the course of watching these reaction videos that I have a lot of sort out with myself, and it’s going to take time.
That bike analogy reminds me of how I and most of my neighbours where raised. When we crashed our bikes, an adult would take a look to see if it would need medical attention. If not, we where told that it was nothing to cry about an get back on the bike. It might have seemed harsh. But it also made me more capable of getting though the hard times without letting my life fall apart, than many of my more "cuddled" friends. I know from experience, that even though I'm in pain, I can still get up and do what needs to be done. But it must be in balance and important injuries must be recognised and dealt with. Physical or mental.
Thank you so much Dr. Honda for another insightful reactive video on this show! I always learn so much from your commentary! I am looking forward to watching the next one!
16-16:45, gold! Darcy needs to have a good listen to these 45 seconds and digest it. It might be hard to take in, but it's an extremely objective point of view. Unless you improve yourself from within, you'll always attract the same type of trashy people. You can't change/control other people. The only person you can fully take in charge is yourself.
Went to my first therapy session just before quarantine was in effect, and cried within the first 15 minutes. Just that first session really helped me with what I was going through. Unfortunately haven't been able to return due to quarantine, but your videos have been a wonderful, unexpected help. Thank you!
I really like the approach of telling a client in advance about conversations with other professionals; esp. giving them some agency in what is (not) talked about. (Yeah, I suppose I would be one of those triggered clients)
I’ve been watching other RUclips clips of psychology in Seattle (they are all excellent, by the way) and I encountered this clip where Darcy is upset because her sister talked to her ex behind her back and in the some of the future clips, that’s what Darcy did to her new boyfriend, Jeorgie? She contacted his ex behind his back. I wish she could watch this clip to remember how it feels to do that to someone and how hurtful it was to him.
As much as it was hard to watch Darcey hurting here, the reaction was very helpful and insightful. I hope someone tells Darcey about this channel or she finds it herself...
The more I watch these two the more I feel like they need time apart to build separate identities and goals/ambitions. They seem to feed into each other's worst traits. It feels like Stacey uses Darcy as a scapegoat, she needles Darcey until she's in an emotional spiral and then Stacey can say she's the stable/mature one. Darcey idolizes whatever little thing Stacey has going on and desperately wants to match her step by step just to say "see! I have this too!"
22:11 is the most common parenting style in my country. No wonder why life around me feels like 90 Day Fiancé combined with the worst moments of Married at First Sight
"You need therapy" or "you need help" is so often flung in people's face as some kind of 'smart' insult. Their basically saying "you're so fucked up only a therapist can fix you!" Therapy is a gift, not a punishment. I've been in therapy for 7 years and I probably be doing it my whole life in some form. I say that with pride.
Something not addressed was the fact that Stacey knew she had went to therapy and just said to her the "message" or agreeance with "Tom thinking she needed therapy" even more harsh and sadly off-putting for Darcey and pushing her against the idea of therapy. I wish she would go and not tell her sister or anyone get the tools to be a bad a.. strong woman with or without a man, and she would be so much happier and healthier and would have a MUCH greater chance at her relationships or next relationship and be like BAM ! Look at me now! In all their faces !! I think the modern "strong woman" concept is messing her up here. Like Im not strong unless I can do it without therapy, or if I still have feelings for someone who did me wrong.... and thats normal and most of us have been there. I just want her to get her "fairy tale" realistically as possible I really do and am pulling for her, unfortunately this show likes the drama and prob. will encourage more destructive behavior to keep the ratings.
Where did the Choose Your Own Adventure book go? I love how it moves around for each episode you do, but I don't see it today. Hopefully it will make a return 🙂
I HATE the mindset that Darcey and so many others have when it comes to therapy. "I'm strong, I can work through it on my own by changing my appearance and posting a ton of positivity and confidence related posts on social media." NO. ‼️ EVERYONE needs therapy. NO ONE can work through trauma on their own in a healthy way. Going to therapy is a GOOD thing. I respect someone who goes to therapy to work through their issues far more than I respect someone who says "nah, I handle that stuff on my own," because I know from personal experience that working through it on your own doesn't work 9/10 times. My hope for Darcey (and the rest of the world) is that she will learn to TRULY face who and what she is, TRULY face her issues and her flaws and mistakes and start from scratch and try to become a better version of herself. She so desperately needs it and until she sees that she is a huge part of the problem...she will NEVER have a successful relationship.
TamashiPrints Unfortunately for Darcey, this is something that Darcey will have to commit to in order to get the help she so desperately needs. And it’s pretty clear that those three sessions father the Jesse phase did absolutely nothing for her. I’m just hoping that she finally chooses to stay for the long haul instead of for another three sessions again, and that she has a therapist that will be a good match for her. It could also be possible that the reason she only did three sessions the last time was because the therapist she had was a not good match for her, and she thought that all of them were the same, so why bother trying out another one?
Does anyone else notice how much empathy Dr Honda has for Darcey? It’s because he notices she is actually an authentic person with real issues and not actually just an asshole.
I have no kids but I feel that way!!! This kid flipped over on the swing. He was older, maybe 7 or 8. His elderly mother ran to him. My response, I was in the next yard but I just knew I wouldn’t run to my kid!!! Number one it’s over and next he was ok just a bit upset.
She was in an abusive relationship with Jesse. I feel that she focuses on "how bad" things were with Tom as a distraction from the abuse. Just my insight.
I can’t fully tell if you are joking, but if you aren’t, I would definitely encourage you to take a different approach. My dad was like this, and it still affects me to this day. You might think it’s a minor incident, but it can make a mark in children much more than you might realize.
21:44 hi dr. kirk, just a thought i'd like to share on this point where people say "well why dwell on the negative" or "why complain" - to me it sounds like they were taught to think that way. or influenced. I know for myself my parents would always say this to me "why dwell in the past, why complain" so I then internalized it and made that thought into my own (it was corrected later in life because i realized it wasn't a healthy way of thinking but anyhow - we can liken negative thoughts as like air being blown into a balloon, if the air does not get released the balloon will pop :hopefully that was a good analogy: like you mentioned before, trauma coins (it wasnt your exact words) need to be spent here and there for it to not have much of an effect on us later on) another thought i had was that society promotes this type of thinking as well, "think positive" or "if you think negatively, you attract negativity" and when its being shown constantly it can condition the mind (I noticed my pintrest has these constant quotes so if im exposed to it everyday, theres a good chance its a constant occurring thing with other people on their accounts. but anyhow, just a thought i could share in hopes to give you other thought avenues as to why people may think this way edit: also when i did tell my parents how i truly felt about things i was deemed "selfish" lol.. so that evoked a response in them that they'd have to change their behaviour and they weren't interested in changing, it's easier to conclude the other person, even a child, has a/the problem rather than dealing with their own negative behaviour and how they make others feel. i developed the thought that i was a burden on others, if i told them how i really felt i was being "Selfish" , so those sayings could stem from that so it can definitely be a conditioning through our early relationships to
I really love Darcey. She's a woman with a long, painful past. I don't see her as this fake blonde bimbo, I see her as someone trying to heal in her own way and struggles sometimes. I really, really hope she starts therapy again and finds the light that she needs, and gets the tools she needs to heal. I'm excited for Darceys future relationships and adventures, I believe she can do this.❤
It really gets to me how often she says she's a strong woman, and she can stay strong etc. 1 because she really isn't strong and 2 she doesn't have to try to be strong. Its ok not to be strong and admit that you need help!
That bicycle metaphor tho....my ex was the one yell at me to move on right after I discovered he was cheating on me. People can be heartless like that just because they are UNCOMFORTABLE to deal with other’s pain...:(
So disappointing that she would stop therapy. It probably started revealing things about herself that she's trying to keep stuffed down. It probably made her insecurities come up even more and made them overwhelming... she'll go back to therapy eventually i hope, and hopefull its not when she's 60!
I have “mild” or high functioning Borderline Personality disorder. I act inward and can function as an adult on the outside. I’m not an expert like yourself but Darcy exhibits A LOT of the same thoughts, self worth issues and anxious/disorganized attachments and toxic relationship dynamics I have. Many are identical. So are her schemas the ones frequently found in Borderline Personality Disorder? Not trying to diagnosis but I see a lot of her behavior in myself
Wow, that example of the child falling off the bike really hit home. I was kicked by another child and hurt, my father told me to shut up and he will teach me a lesson for crying. When we got home, he beat me up because I cried and didn’t fight my own battle (I was 6). This was just one of many things that I remember growing up. I’m nearly 50, have never had a relationship and take comfort with my animals and being in a high paying job but suffer terrible self-esteem and imposter issues.
Can we talk a minute about that cameraperson in the beginning, crouching down so they can film Darcey on the bed crying? I'm imagining them just, crouched like they're photographing animals at an oasis. "Maybe if I stay here and don't move, I will blend in with my surroundings."
I'd get pissed too. Is like these people who support you tell you and berate you to leave this man and it feels two faced for them to then have contact with them to talk about your relationship when you just spent days explaining and being reaffirmed that the dude knows nothing about you and is being withholding and ruining the relationship. Like what is there left for YOU to talk about with this man who knows nothing about me.
that moment when Dr. Honda gives an example of how obviously not to talk to your kid, but that's exactly how ur mom talked to you your entire life. haha...my life sure did suck before therapy.
I just want to add how much more real beauty shines through Darcey when she just opens up like this.. I dont mean crying and etc.. but just letting herself "be" right there.. I wish she hold to that real her more often, instead to act out someone she is not..
I mean, I guess Doc has to take things at face value and assume everyone is being honest. I felt like I could see right through Darcy - she's saying she's hurt that Stacey went to see Tom but I don't think she's hurt at all. She's thinking about how she has to come across. That's why I like Dr. Grande (although he doesn't do 90 day). Dr. G. seems to be right on in seeing people's agenda.
Here in the Netherlands, medical professionals write down what they want to communicate to another medical professional and before sending it, they send it to me to ask if I am ok with what is written. I find that much better.
I remember that jessy breaking up with her was shouting “go to therapy girl”. He was using this to ridicule her. So I kind of understand that she didn’t talk about it before.
I feel that Darcey thinks finding "love" which in her case just seems to be any sort of affection/validation is going to solve all her problems and make her feel better/happy. I think she doesn't love herself and is always going after unavailable men whether pyschically/emotionally hence foreign men/long distance relationships. Although we've only seen a fraction of who she is and what she's been through.
If i have Darcy’s financial capability, i would’ve stayed on my therapy. Heck, i’ll even fly out and see Dr.Honda. Therapy is a luxury, i wish it isn’t.
I feel I should get college credit for watching these videos. The content is that good.
Stacy does this thing where she involves herself in conflict with Darcy's partner and then childishly takes their side. She went to "tell Tom" to stop communicating but then she's like "Well, do you need therapy?" As though Darcy is the sister with the problem, as though she doesn't have the same desperate, off-putting behavior.
Exactly. It is almost as if Stacey gets some sort of satisfaction from knowing that Darcey is not doing better than she is
exactly this!
This!! She seems to get off on appearing to be the more “mentally stable” twin but I don’t think she realizes people can see through it. At least Darcy allows herself to be vulnerable.
Stacey did exactly that with Tom when they were in Albania
Yup, I think it may be Stacey's way of manipulating and controlling her sister.
Dr Honda, I just want to inform you that I have started to hear your voice in my head on a regular basis, especially when I find myself in situations that you could "react" to. I think that maybe my inner voice is starting to transform into your voice and I dont even speak English on an everyday basis since Im from Croatia.. I dont mind tho. Hope to see a second reaction to Smothered soon 🥺 have a nice day
The same for me! I heard "What would Dr. Honda say?" today, when having an argument with my husband. Also I have (in my mind) told my problems to Dr. in English, although it's my third language.
@@limumilu6114 same!
Brilliant!!!! So I'm not alone!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣
Omg same!
The concept of 'corrective experiences' is quite helpful to me. Think what I have been striving for me entire life
Is the dad being edited out? He seems to be the root of the issues these women have, yet they idolize him. They and their children also are financially dependent on him.
I feel the same!!
I always wondered how they afford all the fancy clothes, plastic surgery, hair extensions etc.
I wish the twins would speak about their only brother who passed away tragically.I feel that subject may help put them in the right direction.
It seems that he has infantilized them, a way of still having control..the best thing he said was when he told Darcy he would not be a part of their new business venture. Time to take owership of ur own success or failure with out a bail
the deserving Dr.Kirk with his deserving followers watching including me. God bless u all and stay safe! It seems as twins they always compete and make even relationships a competition, CANT WAIT FOR DR KIRK TO REVIEW THE THERAPY SCENE ON THIS SHOW
Stay safe!
She has no self introspection. She thinks that if she keeps saying these empowering cliches to herself that someday she’ll really believe it and get her man.
It’s so hard to watch Darcey feel all this hurt and pain. I just want to hug her and cry with her. 😞😢 I hope this show does help her and that it gives her some validation and worth.
Dr. Honda, it's thanks to you that I can no longer watch 90 Day Fiance without subjecting my mom (my viewing partner) to constant cries of, "if they would just go to friggin' therapy...!"
The thing is Dr. Kirk is a great therapist and also has a phd
Many therapists only have a masters and may not have much life experience. As a nurse that has worked in kids inpatient psych we often had masters therapy students about to take boards and graduate and it was terrifying. We had one woman unable to read the room and insult me in front of patients who spent most of their time with me ( kids with attachment issues form odd relationships when constantly abandoned and someone is nice to tbem) her comment ended up with 5 people in the emergency room. Another time the same woman asked underaged kids what their sexual fantasies were. This was a worst example but others just either were detached, completely out of their element, or acted as if they were stuck up and disrespectful to patients. While this setting is way different from most therapy type sessions I myself started going to therapy to deal with work and i went thru 10 or more until I found a DECENT therapist currently .
I was forced into therapy as a teenager (for good reason as I was literally killing myself via anorexia) and for the last two years of high school I stone walled EVERY therapist I encountered. I sat there in silence every single session. Needless to say I relapsed hard and fast. I feel bad for those therapists now!!
imakenoises89 its not your fault, you were sick. Now that you gained that insight and self reflection are you doing better?
@@Babies0smell0funny hankfully yes! I'm 31 now and entered therapy of my own accord for the first time about 4 years ago and have been at peace with myself much more than ever before. sometimes it takes a while to make the therapy choice for yourself but it is worth it :)
@@morangotango13 woooo 4 years in therapy you go girl!! Very happy to see that comment about being at peace with yourself, it's so important. Hope you are going well at the moment with Covid etc, big hugs to you :)
Aww reading these comments warmed my heart. Aww. Ya'll are so sweet. 💕💕💕 im glad you are in a btr place and im glad other people care enough to ask. Awww
I honestly hope the whole idea of having to be strong is tossed away in future generations. So many kids damaged (me included) from this toxic idea
Alternative is the milquetoast youth we have with no empathy or respect
@@joywebster2678 milquetoast what?
@@crazymissdaisy youth, you know young people like my nephew hiding behind his computer in his parents basement
@@joywebster2678 why are you here if you believe that? This doesn't seem like a channel you'd enjoy.
@@joywebster2678 didnt answer my question. What is milquetoast or whatever you called it. (also it sounds like a "i have a friend who" ; )
That example of a child falling off their bike really took me back... my Mom always seemed to get mad when we got hurt, she never really comforted us. 😬
Same, here. Like both my parents will do something traumatic and then be like shut up and get over it like 3 minutes after. But it was and has never been comfort afterwards, it was always a lecture or stop being so defensive or they just made it about them.
Same here I broke my Hand and she was like cmon its not that bad what is the Big issue...
I burst into tears listening to that as I remembered all the times things like that happened to me. The 2nd time I broke a finger a neighbor suggested that maybe my mum should take me to the hospital to get it checked . This was because the first time I broke a finger she didn't believe that I was hurt and thought that I was just looking for attention. It never set properly and you can tell that something happened. They joke about it.....
@@nicolaa9672 I'm so sorry this happened to you. 🤗
I love this one comment thread because it's all the kids of parents who said "why do you always have to focus on the negative?" to five year old kids. Same here. Ugh the memories. Therapy helps OH SO MUCH. I hope everyone is taking care of these wounds (not the physical ones), because we deserve it
I did the same thing as Darcey when I first started therapy. I was in a relationship and told myself I was all better, and I could handle my family trauma on my own. That came crashing down and I finally realized I was the problem. It was truly shocking. I put myself on dating probation and went back to therapy for almost a year. Changed my life!
Waiting for Florians and Staceys wiper scene like 👁
wiper sceen?
I can’t wait!
@@avocado184nhs82 how Florian behaved when rear windshield wiper broke and Stacey's co-dependent reaction to his blow-up. You need to see it too believe it.
omg that was total madness lmao
That was borderline abusive. So awful to watch.
I feel so bad for Darcy but you also KNOW a lot of what they put on the show isn’t 100% genuine there’s always more to the story. But I do feel like they are exploiting a woman who is suffering immensely and it’s sad to see. She should work on this on her own time not in front of the cameras & that is solely my healthy opinion.
Some people crave being known and popular even if it's the worst parts of them.
I agree... Jesse said that, too. He feels TLC is exploiting a woman they know is not well and the more they pay her to contiunue this way, she'll never get the help she needs.
She always wanted a show tho. If she wasn't on the show she probably would be making the same relationship decisions.
She signed to be on the show though. It’s sad but Darcy and Stacey are getting paid at the end of the day.
She deserves everything she's getting. Are any of the men she dates in her league? Is she just competing with her sister? What kind of example is she setting for her daughters?
My dad took me to get my ears pierced. I dont remember him talking really at all except when i was crying because it really hurt (I was 6 and didn't think that through) he told me to shut up and stop crying. I got that message a TON growing up. My wonderful therapist reflected small tears in my eyes for over a year before i was finally able to connect back to that part of me again. Therapists like you are amazing, Dr. Kirk! Thank you so much for your compassionate education!!
Stacey met with Tom for a story line. Drama, Tv and $$. Tom wants to be on TV at any chance and the producers/tom probably proposed this to Stacey for a storyline in their show. They may have even been the ones who suggested they keep it a secret from Darcey. Ultimately Stacey knew Darcey would forgive her for these reasons, the show.
Kayla: I think you nailed it.
It’s a messed up thing to do though. Especially since Darcey feels he cheated on her. How do you go behind your sister’s back like that. At the very least she should have asked her if it’s OK. Why do it secretly? I feel like the best thing for Darcey is to get away from Stacey. Not to cut her out of her life but live separately. Work separately, and try to have a normal relationship where you speak a couple times of week, visit every now and then. This co-dependent constantly up each other’s butts is just not healthy.
I tried therapy once and in the second session she told me I should try anti-depressants instead. I didn't know if it was bc I gave off some kind of vibe like I wasn't committed to therapy, or if it just wasn't a good fit. I haven't tried finding another therapist bc it was so much work to find one that insurance covers who also had availability, but watching your reactions makes me reconsider it
I feel that, therapy can be so expensive and it’s hard to find someone that fits with you too.
The only reason I am able to afford therapy is because my college offers it for $15 an hour.
Nah, that therapist was unprofessional. It wasn't you. Definitely, as long as you want to, find a different therapist. I'm not sure how THAT one still has a job.
You can try better help, use dr. Honda promo code
I really encourage you during Covid times to seek out a therapies online via zoom or email . They have both these offerings at this time and it might be a good reintro to therapy that isn’t as intense . Just like any doctor sometimes you need to sort through a a few to find a good fit
@@KS-op5hb True, I currently speak to my therapist online. Not as much of an impact as in person, but its always good to talk to someone who will give you unbiased input
I wish I could find a close therapist as genuine as he is!
The fact that she’s still crying about it, at least to me, suggest she’s still not okay or “over” that relationship and is still carrying the baggage with her.
Baggage? Twins are carrying a whole storage unit EACH
Yes!!! I was just scrolling to see if i missed any new uploads! Thank you for this dr. Honda!!
Dr. Kirk Honda is a reliable uploader.
Hey Dr. Kirk! I work from home and started listening to your podcasts during my shifts and it's been really helpful for me to listen to your episodes on narcissim, attachment, and differentiation. I feel like learning and also working in conjuction with my therapist has helped me heal and know and understand myself. Also, I find these reaction videos entertaining lol. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your knowledge with the internet world for folks like me!
Also talking about yourself and your issues with a therapist (or someone else), besides getting their valuable feedback, can help you put your own narrative in perspective. You are working it out verbally. Saying things out loud can be different than just thinking them to yourself. I've had "ah ha" moments while recounting my story or my pain to someone where I suddenly experience a shift in perspective. It's also the reason I think out loud, it helps me to work things out properly.
Me too! Having someone as your soundboard helps!
I definitely need to hear the words to HEAR the words. I so understand you!
30 years of therapy and they can‘t repair the damage done by other people to a young person... that is breaking my heart.
Yh that statement upset me a little, I had a terrible childhood and hearing that I needed 30 years of therapy just made me feel hopeless. I knew I would need longterm therapy but 30 years?!
Tom needs the money. He gets paid for any episode he appears in. He convinced Stacey to see him for the money and attention. Period.
does he really? I figured they paid to fly him to the US and asked him to come over and talk to Stacey, but I didn't realize he'd be also paid per episode. Makes sense though, no ethics in television
@musima41 rich people always want more money
@@therabbithat do we actually *know* that he's actually rich?
The cast members of 90 day fiancé get paid peanuts, so no.
Dr Honda, I feel like you're not picking up in the subtle ways women can bully other women or tear other women down. Stacy has been ghastly with Darcy throughout but has done it in that sneaky and smart way girl's in high school did it where its very subtle for everyone apart from the victim and gives the bully plausible deniability.
Funny it apprears Darcy is the hateful one
Honestly as a woman, they are just as bad as each other in different ways. Their parents have done a number on them.
@@sarahapple5844 Yea, and judging by the recent scenes with the family having dinner with Florian , I definitely got the sense looking at their mom that maybe the twins feel the incentive to keep "looking young" and looking for younger men because their dad wasn't around and subsequently started courting and living with a woman in China instead.
The thing you said about ‘corrective experiences’ really struck me. It really reaffirmed why the company you keep is so important! I’m always gonna keep this concept in mind - thanks Doc.
I've seen the clip of Darcy before meeting Jessie and omg, she was her happiest self ._. I was already expecting she would say Jessie when mentioning going to therapy while dating... Then Tom came along and it only got worse...
Hey Dr Kirk, I'm sure you won't see this message but it would be cool if you were apart of some sort of international network therapy group where you had contact with therapists around the world that you deem respectable and experienced. You could disclose their names to those who subscribe to your patron for example (incase they can't handle too many messages/emails) . I'd love to have you as my therapist but unfortunately I'm all the way in merry olde Englande.
Psychology Today website is a great resource for the US. Not sure if it’s global though.
Look at the BACP website - lists of registered therapists and counsellors in the U.K. :) most will do video sessions, especially at the moment!
@@loveyoutube8555 no I work in psych and that mag is like a popularity contest
@@loveyoutube8555 let me clarify what I just said I feel that good doctors do get in. A doctor I worked for was in there was in the punishment but I was mad because the other 2 doctors I also worked with didnt get mentioned and without their help the doctor that was mentioned was nothing. He was always at bars always puttint off work on the female psychaitrist (these were psychiatrists not therapists) but he did help patients but he had help that were not mentioned and I also felt it odd he was the young good looking one that got in. Idk my personal experience
I wonder what happened in her marriage. What was the cause of their separation? What attracted them to each other? How does she feel about him now?
Soooo, I felt the feelings when Darcey cried this time. GOD Darcey just get therapy babe. I'm being dead serious. ♥️✌🏾
Just an speculation here... but maybe the fact the twins didn't have a present father and the brother took over of that role as they described him as protector ( in realidade he was another child without a present father) maybe his love and protection was a bit distorted so that is what they learn to be love. As we tend to repeat what we know!
Oh what an interesting thought. I like it.
Hey our deserving therapist ♡
I was tricked into therapy from my aunt and uncle they told me they bring me to a chiropractor for the back pain I had. I was 11 yers old. When I realised where I was I started crying and screaming. The therapist was the most loveliest human and put my aunt and uncle in a therapy session to tell them that it’s absolutely not okay to force and trick me into something I’ve never experienced. I fell into his arms and just cried and cried and cried. I was devastated and felt so helpless. They never apologised to me and tried to manipulate me into thinking that I know where I was going even though I did absolutely not. I wanted to read the sign in front of the office my uncle wouldn’t let me that’s when I got suspicious.
Dear God what a horrible way to manipulate a child!! Therapy is wonderful... For the willing. It sounds like it's your aunt and uncle are the ones who needed therapy.
Take care of yourself ❤
Aw man, Jessica that’s so awful. I’m sorry they did that to you and I’m glad the therapist didn’t reinforce that situation. I’ve been in a similar situation and it hurts. You want the people in your life to validate and support your decisions even as an 11 year old.
I understand all the helplessness and lack of trust that must have triggered. How awful 💐
Oh my gosh! I was also tricked into therapy at 11 years old! It sounds like a sick joke but my mum told me we were going to get ice cream and I didn't question it until we got to the waiting room and I was like wtf?! It was never disclosed to the therapist that I was tricked into being there. I ended up just crying and complaining about my brother who was favorite in my family. The therapist just kept asking what I thought my fault was in the dynamic with my brother. It rubbed me the wrong way because everything stemmed from the favoritism my parents showed towards him, I was not the problem as I was an 11 year old trying to cope with neglect! I had a deep hatred for therapists following that and equated therapists with doing the devil's work brainwashing people. I've only recently come around and no longer feel that way, Dr Honda has really helped provide a corrective experience regarding therapists tbh.
G S oh my god are you serious I was tricked into PIZZA AFTERWARDS!!!! To “sooth me”. This is so sick. I’m sorry you had to go through that as well. I know they had their reasons to put me into therapy, but you can never ever get anyone to therapy when it’s not their free will.
Thank you for the warning about clients being triggered when talking with colleages. As a student social work this is really helpful advice for my future career
I was put into therapy all through growing up, and it was great for me. Once I went to college, I realized that so many people can't understand their feelings or talk about them very well. Im really open about how therapy has helped me, when people tell me at school that they're struggling. Even if nothing is "wrong" with you, regular reflection on things with an unbiased 3rd party can be good, and they might uncover something about you that you never considered.
You're a gem Dr Honda ❤️ I look forward to your new uploads every day! Though absolutely don't feel pressured to upload every day, if you ever need to dial it back I'm sure everyone would understand and support you 😊
I was really surprised when she said she'd been to therapy after Jesse, as she immediately repeated the same mistakes with Tom... Constant pressure for marriage, drinking excessively, making the guy into "Prince Charming/knight in shining armor" instead of getting to know the guy.
Either the therapist wasn't very good, or maybe she didn't take it seriously.
It sounds like she didn't stick with it for very long. It's unfortunate, but it's her decision
She seemed to break things off with tom faster so there was maybe some improvement
"I've been to therapy before"
Darcey got me rolling my eyes so far back I saw my brain... GO BACK THEN JESUS
Kid falls off bike "Shut up! Stop dwelling on the past!" 😂😂 I like that example. It's so ridiculous but also I kind of worry there are parents out there like that
Of course there are. My parents were that way. Had to self console. But it made us kids buck up and move on, not be afraid
@@joywebster2678 my mom was too, but each kid will process it differently. Each of my sisters and I have grown to become totally different emotionally, some more able to cope than others
My Dad was/is definitely that way.
@@joywebster2678 sorry you had to deal with that but I guess there is a silver lining because now you're tough as nails.
@@itsmejess5054 tough for myself, but a good empathetic nurse
It’s very tough for me to watch Darcy videos because a lot of what she says I can relate to. And what Dr Kirk says really hits me hard. I’ve realised over the course of watching these reaction videos that I have a lot of sort out with myself, and it’s going to take time.
Doc when you explain Darcy to us it breaks my heart. She really does not know how to be in a relationship..Poor Darcy.
She is attracted to the wrong kind of men for her. She also has drank the Disney concept of love, her expectations are not realistic.
Dr. Kirk is going to blow a gasket when he sees Darcey with the therapist.
That bike analogy reminds me of how I and most of my neighbours where raised.
When we crashed our bikes, an adult would take a look to see if it would need medical attention. If not, we where told that it was nothing to cry about an get back on the bike.
It might have seemed harsh. But it also made me more capable of getting though the hard times without letting my life fall apart, than many of my more "cuddled" friends.
I know from experience, that even though I'm in pain, I can still get up and do what needs to be done.
But it must be in balance and important injuries must be recognised and dealt with. Physical or mental.
omg that child riding a bike analogy was very powerful!
Thank you so much Dr. Honda for another insightful reactive video on this show! I always learn so much from your commentary! I am looking forward to watching the next one!
16-16:45, gold! Darcy needs to have a good listen to these 45 seconds and digest it. It might be hard to take in, but it's an extremely objective point of view. Unless you improve yourself from within, you'll always attract the same type of trashy people. You can't change/control other people. The only person you can fully take in charge is yourself.
I'm having more self-realizations watching these reaction videos than I had in my own time in therapy.. thanks Dr. Honda!
Went to my first therapy session just before quarantine was in effect, and cried within the first 15 minutes. Just that first session really helped me with what I was going through. Unfortunately haven't been able to return due to quarantine, but your videos have been a wonderful, unexpected help. Thank you!
Yo that blank stare when she started crying says it all lol
Decades of therapy?! Who can afford that? Is it really working if it takes decades??
Watching him talk is a treat. He knows so much about us.
Dr. Honda needs to write a book titled "My Friend Bob"
I really like the approach of telling a client in advance about conversations with other professionals; esp. giving them some agency in what is (not) talked about. (Yeah, I suppose I would be one of those triggered clients)
I’ve been watching other RUclips clips of psychology in Seattle (they are all excellent, by the way) and I encountered this clip where Darcy is upset because her sister talked to her ex behind her back and in the some of the future clips, that’s what Darcy did to her new boyfriend, Jeorgie? She contacted his ex behind his back. I wish she could watch this clip to remember how it feels to do that to someone and how hurtful it was to him.
When I saw this episode I got so happy for Dr, Kirk when Darcey talks about needing therapy. I knew Dr. Kirk would be so happy!!
As much as it was hard to watch Darcey hurting here, the reaction was very helpful and insightful.
I hope someone tells Darcey about this channel or she finds it herself...
Therapy is so helpful, finding the right therapist is part of it...and willingness to do the internal work is also part of finding healing
The more I watch these two the more I feel like they need time apart to build separate identities and goals/ambitions. They seem to feed into each other's worst traits. It feels like Stacey uses Darcy as a scapegoat, she needles Darcey until she's in an emotional spiral and then Stacey can say she's the stable/mature one. Darcey idolizes whatever little thing Stacey has going on and desperately wants to match her step by step just to say "see! I have this too!"
22:11 is the most common parenting style in my country. No wonder why life around me feels like 90 Day Fiancé combined with the worst moments of Married at First Sight
"You need therapy" or "you need help" is so often flung in people's face as some kind of 'smart' insult. Their basically saying "you're so fucked up only a therapist can fix you!" Therapy is a gift, not a punishment. I've been in therapy for 7 years and I probably be doing it my whole life in some form. I say that with pride.
Something not addressed was the fact that Stacey knew she had went to therapy and just said to her the "message" or agreeance with "Tom thinking she needed therapy" even more harsh and sadly off-putting for Darcey and pushing her against the idea of therapy. I wish she would go and not tell her sister or anyone get the tools to be a bad a.. strong woman with or without a man, and she would be so much happier and healthier and would have a MUCH greater chance at her relationships or next relationship and be like BAM ! Look at me now! In all their faces !! I think the modern "strong woman" concept is messing her up here. Like Im not strong unless I can do it without therapy, or if I still have feelings for someone who did me wrong.... and thats normal and most of us have been there. I just want her to get her "fairy tale" realistically as possible I really do and am pulling for her, unfortunately this show likes the drama and prob. will encourage more destructive behavior to keep the ratings.
Where did the Choose Your Own Adventure book go? I love how it moves around for each episode you do, but I don't see it today. Hopefully it will make a return 🙂
Yes! Thank you! I asked the other day if it was one of those books but nobody answered 😂.
I HATE the mindset that Darcey and so many others have when it comes to therapy. "I'm strong, I can work through it on my own by changing my appearance and posting a ton of positivity and confidence related posts on social media." NO. ‼️ EVERYONE needs therapy. NO ONE can work through trauma on their own in a healthy way. Going to therapy is a GOOD thing. I respect someone who goes to therapy to work through their issues far more than I respect someone who says "nah, I handle that stuff on my own," because I know from personal experience that working through it on your own doesn't work 9/10 times. My hope for Darcey (and the rest of the world) is that she will learn to TRULY face who and what she is, TRULY face her issues and her flaws and mistakes and start from scratch and try to become a better version of herself. She so desperately needs it and until she sees that she is a huge part of the problem...she will NEVER have a successful relationship.
DYa. Cm
Ya was
don't worry. she eventually goes to see a therapist in the next(?) episode.
Amen! Amen! Amen!
TamashiPrints Unfortunately for Darcey, this is something that Darcey will have to commit to in order to get the help she so desperately needs. And it’s pretty clear that those three sessions father the Jesse phase did absolutely nothing for her. I’m just hoping that she finally chooses to stay for the long haul instead of for another three sessions again, and that she has a therapist that will be a good match for her. It could also be possible that the reason she only did three sessions the last time was because the therapist she had was a not good match for her, and she thought that all of them were the same, so why bother trying out another one?
Does anyone else notice how much empathy Dr Honda has for Darcey? It’s because he notices she is actually an authentic person with real issues and not actually just an asshole.
I really wish someone would share these videos with Darcey and Stacey... knowing how much they love attention and all that.
I would be very surprised if they haven’t heard about them.
"Hey everyone out there, please take care of yourselves because you deserve it. You really really do." - Dr. Kirk
Why would she do that behind her back? TV cameras! That's why.
I am learning so much from you! I am so so soooooooo thankful for these videos.
“Shut up! Get back on your bike. stop dwelling on the past”
That’s exactly how I’m gonna deal with my kid falling off their bike
I have no kids but I feel that way!!! This kid flipped over on the swing. He was older, maybe 7 or 8. His elderly mother ran to him. My response, I was in the next yard but I just knew I wouldn’t run to my kid!!! Number one it’s over and next he was ok just a bit upset.
She was in an abusive relationship with Jesse. I feel that she focuses on "how bad" things were with Tom as a distraction from the abuse. Just my insight.
I can’t fully tell if you are joking, but if you aren’t, I would definitely encourage you to take a different approach. My dad was like this, and it still affects me to this day. You might think it’s a minor incident, but it can make a mark in children much more than you might realize.
My heart broke for Bob💔
Bob?
@@stephenvolk7748 its at the 11 min mark or therabouts.
@@theupwardspiral1580 ty 💥
why did they have to show Darcy chewing when she was crying ugh
21:44 hi dr. kirk, just a thought i'd like to share on this point where people say "well why dwell on the negative" or "why complain" - to me it sounds like they were taught to think that way. or influenced. I know for myself my parents would always say this to me "why dwell in the past, why complain" so I then internalized it and made that thought into my own (it was corrected later in life because i realized it wasn't a healthy way of thinking but anyhow - we can liken negative thoughts as like air being blown into a balloon, if the air does not get released the balloon will pop :hopefully that was a good analogy: like you mentioned before, trauma coins (it wasnt your exact words) need to be spent here and there for it to not have much of an effect on us later on) another thought i had was that society promotes this type of thinking as well, "think positive" or "if you think negatively, you attract negativity" and when its being shown constantly it can condition the mind (I noticed my pintrest has these constant quotes so if im exposed to it everyday, theres a good chance its a constant occurring thing with other people on their accounts. but anyhow, just a thought i could share in hopes to give you other thought avenues as to why people may think this way
edit: also when i did tell my parents how i truly felt about things i was deemed "selfish" lol..
so that evoked a response in them that they'd have to change their behaviour and they weren't interested in changing, it's easier to conclude the other person, even a child, has a/the problem rather than dealing with their own negative behaviour and how they make others feel.
i developed the thought that i was a burden on others, if i told them how i really felt i was being "Selfish" , so those sayings could stem from that
so it can definitely be a conditioning through our early relationships to
I really love Darcey. She's a woman with a long, painful past. I don't see her as this fake blonde bimbo, I see her as someone trying to heal in her own way and struggles sometimes. I really, really hope she starts therapy again and finds the light that she needs, and gets the tools she needs to heal. I'm excited for Darceys future relationships and adventures, I believe she can do this.❤
I think we should get Dr. Honda a role as "bratty teen" in the next blockbuster. The way he was whining in the falling off the bike analogy 😂😂
It really gets to me how often she says she's a strong woman, and she can stay strong etc. 1 because she really isn't strong and 2 she doesn't have to try to be strong. Its ok not to be strong and admit that you need help!
That bicycle metaphor tho....my ex was the one yell at me to move on right after I discovered he was cheating on me. People can be heartless like that just because they are UNCOMFORTABLE to deal with other’s pain...:(
I really hope she contacts you
So disappointing that she would stop therapy. It probably started revealing things about herself that she's trying to keep stuffed down. It probably made her insecurities come up even more and made them overwhelming... she'll go back to therapy eventually i hope, and hopefull its not when she's 60!
I have “mild” or high functioning Borderline Personality disorder. I act inward and can function as an adult on the outside. I’m not an expert like yourself but Darcy exhibits A LOT of the same thoughts, self worth issues and anxious/disorganized attachments and toxic relationship dynamics I have. Many are identical. So are her schemas the ones frequently found in Borderline Personality Disorder? Not trying to diagnosis but I see a lot of her behavior in myself
Hello Dr.Honda, would you be kind and do some kind of podcast regarding emotional resilience in adversity or just in general?
Wow, that example of the child falling off the bike really hit home. I was kicked by another child and hurt, my father told me to shut up and he will teach me a lesson for crying. When we got home, he beat me up because I cried and didn’t fight my own battle (I was 6). This was just one of many things that I remember growing up. I’m nearly 50, have never had a relationship and take comfort with my animals and being in a high paying job but suffer terrible self-esteem and imposter issues.
Thanks to Dr Honda, I understood I dont just need therapy. I DESERVE it.
Can we talk a minute about that cameraperson in the beginning, crouching down so they can film Darcey on the bed crying? I'm imagining them just, crouched like they're photographing animals at an oasis. "Maybe if I stay here and don't move, I will blend in with my surroundings."
I'd get pissed too. Is like these people who support you tell you and berate you to leave this man and it feels two faced for them to then have contact with them to talk about your relationship when you just spent days explaining and being reaffirmed that the dude knows nothing about you and is being withholding and ruining the relationship. Like what is there left for YOU to talk about with this man who knows nothing about me.
My boyfriend's name is Kirk too 😋 Everyone always thinks he's saying Curt lol
Haha I have an ex named Curt and everyone called him “Kirk.”
@@KayleighJ100 That's hilarious!
My school friend always said Kirk, means church
my desire It does 😊 That’s why my father in law’s parents named him Kirk, and it was passed down to my boyfriend.
that moment when Dr. Honda gives an example of how obviously not to talk to your kid, but that's exactly how ur mom talked to you your entire life. haha...my life sure did suck before therapy.
I just want to add how much more real beauty shines through Darcey when she just opens up like this.. I dont mean crying and etc.. but just letting herself "be" right there.. I wish she hold to that real her more often, instead to act out someone she is not..
If you make "I'm gonna tell Tom to go to heck " t shirts, I absolutely will purchase!
I mean, I guess Doc has to take things at face value and assume everyone is being honest. I felt like I could see right through Darcy - she's saying she's hurt that Stacey went to see Tom but I don't think she's hurt at all. She's thinking about how she has to come across. That's why I like Dr. Grande (although he doesn't do 90 day). Dr. G. seems to be right on in seeing people's agenda.
My family actually does tell children to “be tough” when they fall off bikes
aquarius021489 yes!! Or “you’re ok.” Doesn’t sit well with me.
Agreed! As a dietitian I hated counseling patients who were ordered to have it but didn’t want it.
Here in the Netherlands, medical professionals write down what they want to communicate to another medical professional and before sending it, they send it to me to ask if I am ok with what is written. I find that much better.
The ride a bike analogy though... ♥️ thank you
I remember that jessy breaking up with her was shouting “go to therapy girl”. He was using this to ridicule her. So I kind of understand that she didn’t talk about it before.
that analogy is actually exactly what my parents do
Cant wait to see how Dr Honda will react when he finds out Darcey is only going to therapy for one session this time.
I feel that Darcey thinks finding "love" which in her case just seems to be any sort of affection/validation is going to solve all her problems and make her feel better/happy. I think she doesn't love herself and is always going after unavailable men whether pyschically/emotionally hence foreign men/long distance relationships. Although we've only seen a fraction of who she is and what she's been through.
If i have Darcy’s financial capability, i would’ve stayed on my therapy. Heck, i’ll even fly out and see Dr.Honda. Therapy is a luxury, i wish it isn’t.
22:13 Okay Dr. Kirk Eastwood, come get your Oscar!!!