Bill Burr | Dumb Questions on the Job: Funeral Director, Park Ranger, Nurse, & the Medicine Industry
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- Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2020
- The Monday Morning Podcast presents the third installment of "Dumb Questions on the Job", where listeners submit the top five most ridiculous questions they've heard in their line of work.
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1st blonde (yelling across the grand canyon): Hey! How do you get to the other side!?
2nd blonde: You ARE on the other side!
Can’t wait to use that one haha
Bill peaking from behind the Casket!!😂😂😂
peeping
I didn't notice that! Now I can't unsee it!😅😅😅
omfg i didnt see 🤣
@@iamblue.9906 peaking is a perfectly acceptable word in this context.
Was there a particular reason you felt the need to incorrectly correct someone?
I drive for UPS and without a doubt the dumbest question I always get is, "What's in the box?" As if I have Superman x-ray vision and I can find out
I mean, people are trying to be funny, referencing the movie Seven, but I guess it gets old fast
@@oz_jones trust me. They are not trying to be funny. I would be able to tell if they were
Just always say "dildos" with a straight face even if it's geometrically impossible to be 'dildos'
Shroedingers cat
I used to deliver for fedex, when they would ask me "what is it?", I would tell them they don't allow me to open the boxes anymore.
When I see the thumbnail all I can hear is: It's got a good sprreeaad
😂
his face was made for that thumbnail lol
I dont want to do drywall!!
He definitely needs to play this character in a movie. Or a skit with Maynard James Keenan.
You got a problem over there you just turn and blow you ain't got problem over there anymore
I work 12 hour shifts in a truck all day. Sometimes i listen to bill burr to much and bring home his attitude
This’ll help.. *too
"Oh you cooked the shit out of it!" ... "Oh again with the tears"
Don't do that dude,your misses could open a cap of whoop ass on yer!"
Thank you for your service
@@ericmorreo1614 😂😂
I work for the park service. I once had a person ask me “where is the exit? I only see entrances on the map”
It's like Hotel California, you can check out but you can never leave 😆
I've been a professional tattoo artist for 13 years. The most constant dumb question we hear almost daily..."how much is a sleeve? " No context of content, it's like asking how much does a cart of groceries cost, or how much is a red car? What do you want?! The most common answer is "you know, pictures of stuff, damn!" It's like I'm inconveniencing them by trying to make a functional conversation out of their stupid, time wasting inquiry that cannot be given a blind answer. Maybe it could take hundreds of hours over the span of a year, or longer, depends on the complexity of the design. But of course they usually believe that a sleeve, and all things for that matter, can be done in half an hour. And they know this because they've seen Kat Von D do it on TV. Could be editing to hold the attention span of the general public. But I digress, as most of my job is about as exciting as watching paint dry for most people, even though its depicted as being one big rock & roll party. The reality is hours & hours of sitting in a chair perfectly still , not to mention all of the hours spent at a desk drawing & revising weeks leading up to the clients appointment day. But sure, I'll just whip up some stuff and magically throw it down in the time it takes to get a fucking pizza.
Forget the sleeve, how much is it for a chest tatt ?
After 30 years in the business, it never changes. My all time number one question in the door was, "do you all do tattoos..." Its in neon inside the window, on the door, on the interior wall and across the reception desk, but yet its the first question...
Get a ballpark question, give a ballpark answer.
LMAO
Just tell them 10k. Fk it.
I do home baking for a farmers market. My specialty is BUTTER tarts. I've had people come up to my booth and ask, "Is there any dairy in these tarts?" They're BUTTER tarts!! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Billy Burr: Park Ranger. I'd watch that show!!
William Burr: Park Ranger with guest stars Nick Offerman and Sam Elliot.
If someone dies in a fire, can you get a discount on the cremation since they are already partially cremated?
@Alexander Leonard Holy shit that was savage lmaooo
Heres me thinking that generally I'm a nice guy....but fuck did I laugh hard at your comment😁
@@gordythecat like smoked brisket ?
@@vmonroig21 don't forget to moisten the meat with apple juice then wrap in butcher paper the final 2hrs on low.
Bwahaha
How fresh are these lobsters? looking at the live lobster tank
😂😂😂
To be honest, "where is the Joshua Tree" is the still the best.
I thought it was like the tree of Gondor. An old withered ancient tree. I was 11.
@Zoot jitsu im just glad Bill took one for the team.
I laughed out loud 😂😂🔥
Hilarious 😆
I wouldn’t have thought a specific tree was “The Joshua Tree”, but I would’ve thought like some historical tree marked the founding/cornerstone of the park. Or maybe a lonely settler put up a cabin in the wood.
But hey. I guess a species name is decent too lol
I've worked as wedding DJ for about 2 decades and last year before Covid hit I had the best STUPID question ever! "Do I have that song that starts off slow then speeds up?"
Dueling banjos was the only song that comes to mind. But that's every tenth song from 1960 on ward . Starts out slow. Then speeds up.
Aand? You had it?
That's def a good song
They were asking for dead by dawn by vektor.
Why is that stupid? As a DJ myself that is a very valid request.
Over 5 minutes in and I just saw Bill peaking out from behind the casket, nearly shit myself. Fuck me that's oddly disturbing haha.
"She's a psycho. .....or a loving person that doesnt judge ppl." Hahahahaha
“I wish him good luck in his venture to manufacture the drug” 😂
The dumbest one I heard was to a park Ranger in Denali National Park in Alaska in 2017. A lady asked when they would be sending someone like a veterinarian to help a injured caribou who was being stalked by some wolves and a bear by a river there...
lol sweet but naive.
5 minutes in and I just noticed Bill behind the casket lol
Peekin and shit 😂
I worked at Dollar Tree years ago... I kept being asked how much stuff was....... as I was surrounded by signs saying everything is a dollar...
Thumbnail is epic!
Ol’ Billy Ranger Smith is looking for Yogi bear 🤣
You sound like a 12 year old, is that a picture of your dad in the profile picture?
@@williambrandondavis6897 shut up william. My fish is bigger...
@@timanderson5342 you really do have a bigger fish
@@seyned89 I know right. I hope ol Billy sees my comment and replies.
Bill "I wanna hear some more stories about weirdos in the funeral home" Burr🤣
I own a 7-Eleven in Texas.. a customer asked me during the peak of the first wave, if I sold face masks with a hole in the middle so she can eat while working.
Last year, a customer asked me where the free slurpee flavor was, pointing at a sign in the store window. I looked at the sign and told him that the sign was for a new sugar FREE flavor.
Once a customer in a hurry walked in and asked if I had any Eggland's Best Organic Eggs left, assuming a gas station would have a huge verity of eggs.
In reference to asking about getting rescued from the Grand Canyon I have a bit of info that relates to that. Im from Alaska and we have the tallest mountain in the US Mt Denali (formally Mt McKinley) and having the tallest we get a lot of climbers. Due to having to rescue so many stupid climbers and it costing the state a ton of money we now make climbers leave a deposit ($10,000 I think) to cover the cost in case they have to be rescued. It also works as a deterrent to keep away unexperienced climbers from trying since they now know that AK isn't gonna pay for their stupidity anymore!
As an expert in my field I have been asked some VERY VERY dumb questions. But as an advocate for my field it's my job to be able to help someone who knows nothing to learn without looking down on them. Sometimes it's not easy.... but that's the job.
"At what elevation do the deer turn into elk". Have heard this asked in a few different ways at least 8 times in my job.
I would love to hear the context on this... Is this a common misconception 😂
@@hawkssoccer03 I wouldn't say it is common but it is common enough that if you google it the first page that comes up is
kekbfm.com/what-elevation-do-deer-turn-into-elk/#:~:text=According%20to%20our%20research%2C%20deer,to%20initiate%20the%20conversion%20process.
Holy shit. I can’t even come up with something that clever on purpose. That’s gold ima have to remember this one.
"Where do you guys store the moguls in the summer?" Ahh, the ski resort life lol
I'd make a number up.
"they get evacuated on the parks dime"
"Well we didn't need to know that..."
*AD plays so you think about that*
I love it when Bill finds the nicknames we come up for him hilarious.
"I'm your dam guide any dam questions ?" " Yeah were do I get some dam bait "
"....or has a big heart and doesn't judge people" Hahahaha
Bicycle mech here. Dude brings in a "high-end" bicycle that his "friend" had given him a "great deal" on, and it just needed a "little work." I had to tell him the bike was toast as it had obviously been run over by a car and the rear triangle was crushed beyond repair. He left pissed. A few days later a different dude comes in with the VERY SAME BIKE, with the same high-end, friend, great deal, little work story, and when I told him the frame was crushed beyond repair, he says "Well aint'cha got another frame you can put on it?!"
Moral of the Story, hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon for a free Helicopter Ride.
you don't even have to pay for it!
“Well we don’t need to know that!”😂😂
Good 1 dude...but if you ain't got a comment that could make a nun cream her pants then he will probably just tell you to hit the road Jack😁
I spent 2 Months living in Grand Canyon NP and from having two grandparents working there. The most common questions seem to also be around where's the restrooms/ Shops/ Rim and everytime they'd have to tell them, but they give you a booklet when entering the park but no one ever fucking READS THE BOOKLET.
Working in a 24-hour pharmacy, dude is a good 12 feet in the store.
"Are you open?"
No, how did you get in? That's amazing!
Same thing I get on night shifts at a hotel. Like....I answered the phone didn't I? lol half the time they're high so I get it but still.
Free helicopter rides waiting for us at the bottom of the grand canyon?
Imagine being at the bottom of the grand canyon and Bill flies past you on a helicopter doing the podcast laugh and giving you the finger.
"Im allergic to vinegar, what kind of vinaigrette can I have?"
True the narcan comment at the end, I've seen an OD come in, gave the medicine, 5 minutes later he was pissed and we owed him some money for killing his high. True story
Sir, if you do not have a DNR order in your hand in an apneic state, we are obligated.
No fucking refund for you.
People don’t realize just how common this is.
Sorry you people cant do the right thing in that situation..
Yeah, I’m an EMT and I can confirm it’s pretty close to half of them that do that.
I can understand being pissed. You just put them into incredibly uncomfortable withdrawals. (Assuming narcan is still naloxone based) I will remind you more people than not would rather, and often do, choose to die than go through these withdrawals. I personally wouldn't make too much of it or harbor enmity for them being pissed.
The "owing them money" comment though makes them worthy of all the hate.
Source: I don't really want to talk about it but your guess would probably be right. if I had to choose between cutting off a couple fingers with a kitchen knife and going through those withdrawals again, without hesitation, I'd lop those fingers off. I'd even give you a 3rd one just so you agree to never threaten me with it again.
Everytime you think: OMG THERE'S NO WAY IT CAN GET WORSE THAN THIS I WANT TO SCREAM MY HEAD OFF BUT I CAN'T MOVE.
It somehow gets worse than that and it keeps on like that for a couple of days.
Damn even talking about it, sober for years, brings back a chill and a hint of it.
@@calska140 I'm not pissed, and I'm not hating anyone in addiction.I am overwhelmed at the moment.
Should have been an electrician.
Said the respiratory therapist.
Thing I love about this one is Bill reading at a 5th grade level, even though he is wicked smart. Perfect counterpart to some PhDs I know who are actually completely clueless.
I work as a budtender and two of the stupidest questions I always get asked are "will this get me high"? Or "what do you smoke at work"?
The nurse one was classic hahaha
That's a really good Southern accent, Billy Boy. Nailed it.
A lot of these aren’t dumb questions, they’re demented questions.
Ketamine story doesn't surprise me. In controlled therapy it can be good for some stuff like PTSD. I'm a vet tech and every veterinary clinic I have worked for (4 total in 2 different states) have been broken into multiple times with the goal being ketamine.
Dumbest question I ever heard. I was an accounting student in college, and a company going in bankruptcy was advertising for help. So I went to an interview with a friend from class. and the controller told us they were in Chapter 11 (which is the legal codification for companies in bankruptcy). When we left the interview my friend said to me - "how does he know what accounting textbook we use?"
Park Ranger says people without money should expect to pay then offers a rich dude (an implied) free private tour.
He still would have to pay the entrance fee lol
private tour isn't the same as entry. Technically speaking the park ranger could take a "lunch break" and give bill+family a tour after he pays to get in.
The fee keeps out the pesky poor añd orphans.
I used to work at P.F. Chang's and someone asked "I don't like spicy food should I order the Chang's spicy chicken." My brain broke
I worked in a funeral home and it’s not a stupid question but it was interesting.
At a funeral the family brought the ashes of the deceased’s husband and asked if they could put the urn in the casket so “they could be together.” The owner had to tell them that grave plots were only for single occupants unless authorized by the government and marked as having multiple occupants. They were disappointed but it was interesting to hear about laws that we hardly ever think about.
"Hi, is it okay to come and look at something that is many thousands, if not millions of years old, that is part of the country I live in and pay taxes to?"
"Sure, but it will cost you money".
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you America.
And if you get stuck in there the guy you payed money to will act all hot and bothered for making him do his job
@@yankochoynev652 indubitably.
In some places there are state parks that are free but they strongly encourage donations, so it's valid to ask if you have to pay to enter.
I work as a Respiratory therapist and just 1 of the stupid questions has been: " Is it ok to smoke while I wear my oxygen?"
Oxygen doesnt burn on its own. Its not a fire risk unless another fuel is present. It will help that ciggy burn super hot though.
Devin Walton the point was that the dude was probably there BECAUSE of smoking lmaoo
@@Beefabee thats fair.
It is definitely an example of someone being completely negligent with their own health.
Devin Walton I know right? Not great.
The Bright Anglel trail to the Colorado River is about 8 miles in length and 4300' in elevation.
Not a hike to be taken lightly. Yeah the Park Service hauls plenty of people out every year. Do a river trip, 5-14 days, INCREDIBLE.
Did it two years ago with the gf. Funny story, we got there a little later than we planned and so we were gonna do the hike in the dark. I'm not an experienced hiker and it was my first full camping trip. I punked out from the night hike cause I just kept picturing getting mauled by a mountain lion. Come to find out, the rangers suggest doing it at night since it's cooler.
Fuck that lol.
My gf wanted to do the hike. She still brings it up lol.
I did this hike with my boyfriend when I was 20
He carried multiple waters for us
BRING a ridiculous amt of water!!!
Afteer the return next day
I didn’t,t pee for 3 days
I tolerated the exercise just fine tho
Burr’s skits on SNL were the funniest skits SNL had in along time
You mean the all state guy ? I love this Podcast category ! The last one i listened to i am with you, Bill- I can see myself asking some of this stuff too.🤣🤣🤣
"Yea I don't wanna see you buddy" 🤣🤣
That intro edit with Bill explaining the segment is gold!!
This happens a lot in the emergency room. A person comes in suffering from headaches, etc. Find out their blood pressure is way too high. Ask "why haven't you been taking the blood pressure medication that is prescribed to you?" Answer "because every time I checked my blood pressure, it was fine, so I stopped taking it." Rebuttal "your blood pressure was fine BECAUSE you were taking the medication!"
Opioid logic: I'm gonna overdose so when I go to the hospital I can get morphine.
I make gravestones so I spend a lot of time driving around different cemeteries. The amount of times Ive had a car pull up to my work truck and ask "Do you know where (John Smith) is burried?" Is wild. The vast majority of cemeteries I deal with are massive with well over 100 000 graves.
The southern accent was great 😂
Yo that Park Ranger expression is hilarious 🤣
My favourite icebreaker when getting a colonoscopy when they ask and check my discomfort level is to ask if they could stick a finger or two in so I can feel it.
You have to read the room.
The last comment was so true. They were dead and now they’re asking for more narcotics. Then they storm out of the ER without so much as a thank you.
Loving this segment
I love hearing how some comic or athlete "changed" someone's life. 😂 Love ya Bill, you changed my morning!
The park ranger hat was so camouflaged and with the moustache it looked like an old eastern European soldier
nhee nhooo
I got a good one. Not so much a question but a complaint. I’m a butcher at my local market. We sometimes sell packages of mixed fajita ingredients for people too lazy to prep their own meals. It’s just raw chicken with chopped bell peppers and onions and some seasoning. So this lady bought a pack of fajita, went out into the parking lot and ate it in her car, then came back to the meat department and starts complaining to me that her chicken fajitas were a bit undercooked. I couldn’t believe her at first until she showed me the open package with a couple bites left. The lady ate about a lb worth of raw chicken before she realized something was wrong.
Most common stupid question I get is “Do you work here?” when I’m dressed in a butcher’s smock filling up the meat counter. Funny thing is usually that dumb question is followed by another one.
The RN had me fuckin rollin hahahaha
The pictures of bill photoshopped were hilarious
The stach is awesome lol
"Does the butthole connect with my psyche?"
Imagine the concerned look on that patient's face
The nurse one had be crying 🤣🤣
You should crate a playlist with all the question videos
Best 15 min. In a long time!
I work at a gas station. And people come in all the time like "Can I get a pack of smokes" I tell them all the time that if I allowed them to come behind the counter I would lose my job.
The person in funeral work's only reason was that most of them are old people?
...Not that they're dead?
"WTF people just say this shi- Number 3!"
There is a way to drive to the bottom of the canyon, but you need a permit from the Havasupai tribe. And it's not paved so a 4 wheel drive is mandatory.
Cuyamaca Rancho State Park was my private paradise. It has now been burned to the ground from the Cedar Fire (makes me sad and sick) But! back then people would toss their trash and I would pick it up. One day I had 2 large trash bags of trash so I brought it to the Ranger Station they have disposal facilities. The Ranger chick asked "Why are you doing this you aren't employed by the park"
I work with an adult with special needs and have been asked multiple times will he ever grow out of that? 🤦🏻♂️ it scares me how dumb so many people are
Asked by who?
@@commentcopbadge6665 by adults while we’re out in public
If someone hikes to the bottom and aren’t in shape or prepared enough to hike back up, the ranger should write enjoy your new home on a piece of paper, fold it into an airplane, and send it down on the thermals.
The best part of being a funeral director is picking up bodies they don’t talk back .
"A lot of butthole shit this week"
-Bill Burr, 2020
I was raised super religious and didn’t drink until I was 28. Still no excuse for when I asked a bartender what kind of liquor was in a shrimp cocktail.
To the first dumb question asked, my inside comedian couldn't help but think. Naw, i've never cracked open a couple cold ones.
That Southern accent for the park ranger , reminded me of Ron Swanson 😂
Isn't 99% of rescues caused by idiots doing something they're not supposed to be doing. I know in the UK I have read about such cases. Where one guy had been rescued by the coast guard about 6 times, because he uses a road map to navigate his boat around the coast of the UK, and another guy that has been rescued 12 times by the coast guard, because he doesn't have a clue what he is doing. Yes, they both have been banned, but they still go out.
“Did you see my butthole?” Lmfaooo
The two dumbest questions I got were, how many beers come in a six pack, and while working at a dollar store, people asking me how much something is.
How about answering the phone and someone in the other line asking “what’s your phone number”?
Ya man it can't be free. Gotta put a fence up around anyplace we see as "cool to see" on earth and charge ppl a ridiculous overprice amount simply to drive up, see it and walk away, this Is preservation cost. We must pay several ppl to wear a vest and stand at the canyon all day to ensure it stays a canyon.
BEST COMMENT
Loved ya in The Mandalorian both season 1&2
Of course, mines isn't as funny these, but I used to work at Target and a couple of girls asked me where the Capri Suns are.
I started laughing right in their faces because they were standing right in front of them lol.
When bills screener takes the day off 9:25 ffs
Agreed sounds like trolling for sure. Sincerely doubt it's even a woman
CrankyYankeeF1? ... THE CRANKYYANKEEF1???!!!
And you like bill burr too, fucking love you!
aye what the fuck. glad you're CHECKING IN ON OL BILLY REDNUTS here!
Aint this crazy? Billu burnt balls got me into F1 in the first place
scared the shit out of me when i was looking at the casket and started looking around and saw bill burr peeking over the casket. creepy af haha
Canadian here, our parks _are_ 100% free! Our parks, are our land, paid for by our taxes. 😁🍁
I do inventory control for a frozen foods warehouse, and I don't deal with the general public.
...but, since I'm here I might as well let you know: That turkey you ate yesterday? Probably been dead for about 2 years. Happy Thanksgiving!
That's cool. No biggie.
🤢
Do you a little bit of evil in you by anychanch.. .quality comment😁
I love the response to the guy who wanted to make his own ketamine.
I think that's exactly what I would have said, and I work in healthcare. I would have just said good luck dude.
I worked in a restaurant had one lady ask if our salads had veggies on then
2:09 that yelp and freaked out laugh 🤣
Funeral Director is a pretty Chill job
“Does the butthole connect with my psyche” that was me
Bill, if that Park Ranger stache is real... bring it back. That caterpillar is bangin’