Bill Burr | Dumb Questions on the Job: Cruise Ship Employee, Lawyer, Pilot
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- Опубликовано: 3 ноя 2020
- The Monday Morning Podcast presents the first installment of dumb questions asked of people on the job!
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"I know a penguin when I see one..." already had me in fucking tears :D
I was a soldier. I got a card from an 12 year old. It said when he grew up he wanted to be a veteran because a vet can take anything. The Picture he drew had a vet missing an arm with a horrible beard wearing a camo top with rank on it. The floor had several beer cans he was holding a past notices bill and a divorce decree was on on the ground. All of this extreme human art conveyed in crayon. Thank you Gregg from liberty elementary in Broken arrow OK.
What? Really? If so, I'm speechless. Do you think he may have been a Rez kid?
That's crazy you'd think the teachers went over what they sent before sending it lmao
@@Crossword131 wtf is a rez kid?
Why do people say things like everyone will understand what they mean just because they are in the group. Rez kid. Lmao say the full damn word and maybe someone will answer your question....not that he would even know.
What do you think he went and found where said 12 year old boy lives to talk with him? If so that's creepy, nobody does that except creeps with alternative interests. And he doesn't seem like one so I highly doubt he knows if he's a "rez kid" which if you would explain more and people understood then maybe they could answer you!
Edit: or was it to show how cool and hip you are? Only old idiots don't know rez kid
@@loganwalters9487 sorry, I should have said "reservation kid" meaning a person of a first nations tribe.
@@Crossword131 that makes sense I was almost thinking that, but I'm a huge idiot, and I didn't wanna let you know that!!! I need everything explained to me hah
I sell sea food and I often get asked how fresh the lobsters are. They are alive.
But ARE they fresh?
Well, as far as my experience is concerned, live seafood can still be unfresh. Like, if we are talking about lobsters, if they've been in the tank for a long time, they may have lost a lot of flesh, some limbs maybe already lobbed off or dead, or they might have taken up some odor, even if they are alive.
Lobsters are basically immortal too so they can't be old and feeble either. ( That may be complete bullshit I've heard, lobster specialists feel free to rain shit on me)
yeah but are they old
It's crazy seeing people boil swordfish alive
I work at a juvenile detention center. After hearing the stupid response from parents it explains why they are here. So you mean my son is under arrest for stealing a snickers. Yes he is. That’s not fair. He push an old guy down and the man is in surgery for a broke hip. So... so yes he’s under arrest that’s against the law. But he a minor. Yeah he doesn’t get to beat up old guys because he’s 16. That’s not how this works. But that’s not fair. You’re right it’s
not fair some old guy is in the hospital because your son is a POS.
“He said package after seeing what he saw” 😂😂😂😂
I work at the child support office. I read a negative paternity result to a mom. She replied "But he was the only one I was kicking it with". I responded "Take a couple weeks to think about it. You must have kicked it with someone else". 😂
I used to work with a guy. SAME THING but here in Australia you have to do the paperwork PERFECTLY or it's like GUARANTEED you'll be paying for it if you're sloppy with the paperwork. He KNEW it couldn't be his because they were broken up for weeks before her theoretical conception date. Turns out that the real father didn't have money and my coworker did. He obviously wasn't the father but she wanted him to be because she knew he could afford the child support.
Years ago I worked for a company that sold weather monitoring equipment that ran on batteries. Six AA batteries for the main power source, and a 9V as a backup battery that held settings if the AA batteries died. I had a customer call one day because his equipment wouldn't turn on. He wanted to send it in to have it fixed. I said, "Let's try a few things first and see if we can get it working before you spend the money to send it in. First, have you tried replacing the batteries?" There was a long pause, then he said "Batteries?" So I said "Yes sir, the unit runs on batteries. Loosen the four screws and remove the front cover. You should see six double-A batteries." I hear him loosening the screws... removing the cover... "I don't see any batteries." I said "Ok great! Let's throw some batteries in there and see what we get." He says "So... now... where do they go?" I said "Do you see the black, plastic area with little springs... looks like it might hold batteries?" He says "Yes! I do see that." I said "Ok, that's the battery holder. We just need to get six double-A batteries, throw them in there and see if it powers up." He says "Do you have like a spec sheet or something you can send me... so I can have some of those batteries made?" This time the long pause came from my side of the phone. "Sir, they're standard, double-A batteries. You can get them at Radio Shack, Seven-Eleven, any supermarket, K-Mart, you name it." Now it was his turn to pause again. "Oooh... um... ok, well let me see what I can find and I'll call you back if I need any more help." I never heard back from him, so I'm guessing he found some AA batteries.
Yikes, the light is on but nobody is home! :)
Bill looks exactly like a guy who would spend 80% of his life on a boat catching mollusks
I pictured the boat, maybe fruitless hunting ive seen
I found the Joshua Tree Bill, its right next to the 16th Chapel
When people would ask me if I got scared during heavy seas. I'd tell them no because land is always about 3 miles away. They go , really? I say ya , straight down.
Nice
That's like my fave Ron White joke. "If the engine goes on the plane , will the others get us there?"
"Yup , all the way to the scene of the crash... Bet we beat the emergency vehicles by 20 mins"
”Can’t you fly above the wind?”
What, like in space?
Ending with a dumb question so good 😂
How do I email you? A lifetime in hospitality, and I've heard it ALL. "I'd like my eggs sunny side up, egg whites only." "How big is your six inch sub?"
The funniest question I got asked FREQUENTLY whilst working on a cruise ship was “So do you live onboard”
Nooo man I fly home after closing my bar at 4am and fly back here to the middle of the ocean by 12 to start over
I hope you dead panned that reply to see their reactions, lol
I work at an hotel and I work long shifts sometimes 9-10 hours So I would welcome late arrivals when they showed up at like 11 PM Then say Good morning to them at 8 Am , this one dude asked me if I lived there. I said Yeah I sleep behind the front desk, to this day I do not know if understood that I was joking.
@@Qeeedbeem you know some ACTUALLY DO sleep behind a door behind the desk right???
@@OffGridInvestor Yupp I know had a colleague who did that. In fact I have slept at my work place after shift but my colleague in the reception were nice enough to give me a room under the condition I clean the thing afterwards and I don't stay longer then 2 PM so it won't affect the number of rooms avaliable, was tierd as hell and didn't wanna drive home in rush hour traffic, and well earliest check-in is 3 PM. Another place I worked at they had a sleep room for staff since some never went home on the weekends due to the drive being too long. So don't you worry, I did say it in a joking way. Same as every guest who rolls in at 3-5 AM after a bender allways gives me the Joke"where you sleeping" when the door didn't open immediately. Fun and interesting job sure but bad pay, bad hours, weekends every once in a while, holidays you work. You need great collueges to make it worth it.
Ummmm. I think they meant long term. You know not just overnight. It's a good and fair question. I know some people who lived on the ships and others who would go home in between cruises.
When I worked at Disneyland, a guest asked me, "What time is the 5 o'clock parade?" 🙄
underated lol you gotta call in so we can hear billy old balls burr laugh lmfao he will probably re read it 3 tiimes to make sure he read it right :D
But how much is the $5 popcorn bucket?
@@DizzyDez613 lmfao I worked at subway back at the start of that 5 dollar sandwich got asked how much it was I'm like smh.
Am or PM
As a tour guide at the Alamo: "Where's the basement?"
Lol knew you were gonna say that when you said what u did.
Was the guy that asked PeeWee Herman, looked like an overgrown marionette? LOL!
@@blyxx7450
Why Don’t You Take A Picture? It Will Last Longer...
@@glyph241 lol
I bet they actually get asked that a lot. I would definitely ask on a tour.
Stupid cruise customer question: What elevation are we at? (Hint: Sea Level)
I got that one all the time as a tour bus driver in Juneau, AK!
while dumb as fuck, they probably meant latitude. just a guess.
@@bigadamhilbilly or why did they put the glacier so far away from the cruise ship docks
The moment I've noticed Bill sitting in the cockpit of the plane😂😂😂
Hey bill I’m a bush pilot and had to pickup guests from a lake. I was 21 at the time and when I stepped out of the cockpit I could just see the fear in their eyes. Buddy asks me if I stole the plane. I replied “yes, I just decided to pick you guys up at exactly the right time and place now hop in” buddy complains to my boss who then started laughing at him. He did tell me not to be so snarky with guests
How much cocaine did you have to transport for them?
@@Crossword131 that’s a different story
“Too many gays are hitting on him and he wants to get off.” Perhaps “Get off” wasn’t the best figure of speech.
yeah i'm sure he does
Well it makes sense...because of the Implication...
he has probably been torn open and wants no more.
Why is "Get off" not the perfect figure of speech?
and perhaps figure of speech wasnt the best CHOICE OF WORDS
A penguin waddled up to me while I was working on a cruiseship once and complained that there was a Karen in the room next to his balcony. He was right.
I used to work for the 'freeads' section of a newspaper. I lost count of the amount of times people would ask how much it costs to place an ad
Tourist asked park ranger "will you drive the boat close-up to the sunset"
Now, that is scary dumb!
I worked at a sort of posh but rustic camp in the Alaskan Wilderness where folks would come to experience life in the bush for a few days and view the wildlife (it was the sweetest gig I have ever had)
We spent the entire summer sipping whiskey, rolling cigarettes and babysitting some of the greenest people I have ever met. I took the camp (which only consisted of a few folks at that time) for a hike and while standing just a few feet from the Cook Inlet I had a lady who was not enjoying the experience and most certainly not enjoying the hike at all ask me in this strange accusatory tone
“ What the hell is the elevation here? “
I looked at her then at the ocean and said “I’m guessing about three feet above sea level” Hoping she’d get what I was laying down. She didn’t.
Then in the same manner she asked
“ Well how the hell do you know that? “
I answered her kindly not trying to be a douche about it
“just an educated guess”
She just harrumphed snidely like she knew better. Something she had done in one form or another since she’d gotten there.
I didn’t wanna spell it out for her in front of everybody and enlighten her in front of a camp who’d had a gut full of her a half hour after she gotten off the plane. I left her to her fortress of all knowing self righteous ignorance.
I finished the hike, got the clients fed and tucked in then went back to the staff bunkhouse and poured me deep drink of whiskey and laughed.
The next morning I was working in the kitchen cleaning up after serving the camp their breakfast (it was a small camp and most the staff there wore many hats) This same lady came and just stared at me while I washed dishes in a bucket and prepped for lunch. There she was in the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen, she had travelled thousands of miles to be there and spent a wad to stay there and she would rather scoff at me doing menial chores making remarks like
“Not much to look at is it” or things like
“and you guys stay in here like this”
So she looks at our propane fridge and says in this ungrateful tone
“ You said you guys don’t have electricity. So what the hell is that’?!
I told her quietly like I was letting her in on a secret “It’s a schmegatron camp cooler and this one is very expensive and top of the line because it had new schmegmatic action which allows it to be faster, more efficient and better than anybody else’s” raising my eyebrows to emphasize the point then I looked around at the camp like my schmegatrom was better than theirs. This appeased her somehow and for some reason that is beyond me.
Schmegatronic genius 👏 👏👏
Was her name Karen by any chance 🤔
Someone at the shooting range asked me if I'd seen his shooting glasses. They were tipped up on his head. Didn't have the heart to tell him.
Cute one: My 3 year old nephew was watching me print a picture out of my inkjet. Putting all his collective knowledge of the world together, he asked me if they were crayons in the printer. Proud as hell of him.
As young teen I went skydiving in tandem with my instructor. Plane was loud as hell, jumping out, loud but felt great. My instructor pulls the cord at 4k. Everything went dead quiet. I asked, am I dead? Instructor said: YOU'RE NOT DEAD, YOU'RE A SKYDIVER!
The image of Bill in the cockpit cracks me up
i work at a recycling center. people have asked me if they can bring in ROCKS to be recycled. um. NO.
This honestly sounds like me. I apologize on behalf of all the idiots you encountered.
Missing out. I got some premium sandstone here, homie. Got some zircon coming through next week that's real fire shit.
Actually you can take rubble to my recycling centre they turn it into road base and they include glass, not bottles just any broken glass sheets, hi from australia
Wearing my uniform in the airport.. “are you a pilot?” Lol
"No I just fly the planes"
Oh yeah - this segment is a keeper.
Hey Dan the shingles for the roof were delivered today. Should I put them in the garage so they don’t get wet from the rain tonight
I’m working in this restaurant and the power goes out, in the whole neighborhood. So we’re hanging out in the parking lot and we see some people walking towards the entrance. We inform them of the situation and apologize that we can’t be open to service. They reply “But we have a reservation” and continue towards the door only to be upset when the host was unable to seat them. This was after a previous group chewed us out for letting them walk around to the front of the building without warning them we were closed. You just can’t win with these people once they find out brunch isn’t happening 😂
Tech help call center, a very common call: so I put in my user name, and when I tried to put in my password, nothing but a bunch of little stars popped up *********
Hahhhaaaaaaa!!!!
That's a great PEBKAC error.
*This was Legendary* Way better than the reddit versions top because its not some fake robotic voice reading them. its Bill Burr readin and respondin with his wit humour and laughter. Brilliant
Holy shit I’d PAY to subscribe to that!
It shits me because the lazy buggers have 20 ads AND THEN get robot voice to read it. I mean imagine making a living by being THAT lazy. There's one American girl who reads it herself and has few ads.
Ive been at a commercial cardlock, waiting my turn for a shower when a 50-60 year old woman said loud so we could all hear "Why dont these guys get jobs, pay rent and have showers at home like the rest of us?" I tried to explain to her Chevron fuel station, chevron trucks, fuel going into her car. Over here is a truck with 13 cars on it. Over there is 8 logging trucks...She asked me why some are white and some are yellow and howd our club get the government to build us extra lanes on the highway where we randomly slow right down. Gravity was beyond her reach.
An hour later Im at a truck stop cafe, telling the waitress about it and another old lady asked me where I park when I go to work. I say "Driving is the job, I do a-b and then back to a" Ok ok, sure sure you drive a big truck... But what DO YOU DO!?!?
This is absolutely hilarious please make more.
I'm a real estate agent and sold I client's home. At the closing table after signing all the paperwork and receiving a check from the attorney for the sale, the wife asked me, "Do I have to move out of the house?" She had not packed anything and didn't want to move out. It became a total trainwreck in the days after that. Too long a story to tell it all here.
Nah, someone just wanted to give you what your house is worth in money and let you stay
You know I was working in removals and the EXACT THING happened with a guy. The guy was alright but the real estate agent never really explained what settlement meant. They were moving in WEEKS late and after we unpacked her stuff we got the go ahead to pack HIS STUFF in the same truck to go to his new house while hers sat out under the verandah. Come back next day and she had a guy in there already retiling the kitchen, ripping out all the old tiles.....
What...
No bullshit, I met a cruise ship worker from Sweden many years ago. She told me she was once asked if she gets to go home every night after work.
I live in Niagara Falls. As you can imagine it’s a big tourist city and many kids growing up work in shitty tourist jobs serving those slobs. Anyways that’s a different rant...
So I had several jobs in the industry and believe it or not these are some common questions I was asked many times over each:
1. What time do they turn off Niagara Falls?
2. How long does it take for them to dye the water those colours? (They have giant spotlights shining on The Falls making it pretty colours).
3. How long did it take to build Niagara Falls?
4. What’s the best place to go swimming near The Falls? (above The Falls is obvious why that’s a bad idea, but you may not know but below The Falls the water is so fast moving and has such undertow that it is EXTREMELY dangerous).
5. Can they turn off all this mist?
I’m sure there are more but that’s all I can think of right now.
You yell number 4 questions "above the falls". Natural selection.
As a former P.O. for several years I've heard some real gems.
Do tell.
I worked Casino Security in Nevada for 12 years and the most common dumbass question I would get as a Grave Yard Bike Officer was "Is this Circus Circus?"...usually, asked by someone who just drove up to the building...as I am standing next to a Big Top, with clowns all around, and a 50-foot flashing neon sign directly above my head...
I'm marine engineer, and I had offers to go and work on those cruisers. I'm so glad I didn't except. Stories I've heard from colleagues....
Accept. Not except. But anyone who qualifies as an engineer can pretty much tell me to go yank myself.
When you're young and haven't become too jaded from the barrage of stupidity you can drink it off post shift rinse and repeat until you can't do it any more.
Also lots of employee hookups- not much else to do working/living on a boat playing nice with cruise passengers of varying degrees of intelligence and entitlement.
I'm going by what I've read and secondhand news back from a coworker from my old job who "signed on" to work a cruise line after he put his notice in and "sailed off into the sunset."
Lmao the cruise ship questions solidifies his views about sinking cruise ships.
i worked in spain in a restaurant and a customer and fellow brit asked me if i lived there?
i said no i commute.
I asked the person operating the elevator on the Space Needle in Seattle what dumb questions they got. How long til we get to space, and can you see the Space Needle from here. Were my top favorite questions.
A mate with 7000 tandem sky diving jumps told me that as he walked to the plane a girl asked him if this is a helicopter hahaha
Having retired from the fire department, we would inevitably have some Momo approach us and ask if the building was on fire. We usually responded with "no it's a blazing false alarm"
This ship has too much seamen. But, it's hard to get off. I'll just use this here emergency dinghy.
Oh man I'm writing in to this
Do it
100%
Tell us if it gets in
Did he read them
Definitely writing into this. I work for a plant company that supplies Walmart.
Neal deGrass Tyson said that when you’re on the equator, you’re higher in elevation than any mountain on earth, relative to the center of the earth, due to the bulge.
Back when I used to work at Togos this guy asked my coworker what kind of meat is the BBQ beef ... my coworker replied ... Beef ... I started laughing so hard I had to go to the back
In full uniform, chef coat, apron, etc, actually chopping vegetables and lady walks up to me and asks....
“Do you work here?”
Dude, one time I wore a blue polo shirt to best buy and I was just minding my own business when a lady comes up to me asks me something, I didn't think she was even talking to me so I ignored her. Then she yelled "Hey" at me and asked again. I said "I don't fucking know ok" She walks off all pissed and comes back with the manager, the manager takes one look at me and says to the lady "He doesn't even work here."
Same thing happens at Target lol
@@blyxx7450 sadly, most people are pretty damn dumb. At least we can get a chuckle over it!
@@richduquette9874 Yeah I'll never work in retail again.
@@blyxx7450 oh I'm sure but after best buy I won't wear a red shirt to target.
I've been keeping a running list of these for years. Love hearing about all the people who think they're the first person to make an obvious joke.
I am a bouncer and work the door carding people. Every single weekend some dumb kid points at his friend in line and says " that guy has a fake" like it's a really funny original joke just made up.
@@jamesahern9864 First time I've heard this one, it's definitely going in the book! I definitely had a good laugh at that.
Haha the soup joke was awesome
I had a guy in prison ask me if he could bail out.
Smh
Questions i was asked when working on a cruiseship:
1. Do these stairs go up and down? Ans. They are just stairs madam
2. Does this lift go to the back of the ship? Ans. It doesn't move sideways sir
3. Do you sleep on the ship at night? Ans. No I get helicoptered off to the nearest island
4. How many quarters in a dollar? Its your money sir but I'm pretty sure there's 4
5. Is the captain in bed? Yes I'm just about to go tuck him in. Any messages?
I understand the first question. Sometimes there's a given flow of circulation and some stairs lead to closed doors that only work as exits
I get ya, kinda had to be there. You could see people going up and down them. Its something about people being out of there comfort zones that stop them using there eyes and common sense 🙂
i dont believe you
@@grevin789 your right, I made it all up to fill my life with joy and ecstasy....or I worked on cruiseships for 10yrs as a photographer listening to people say stupid shot to me. Pick one, I don't give a shit
@@jasonmurray7938 i duno man. many people make up shit online. you can say w/e you want, but it just seems unbelievable.
I LOVE to think of the stupidest questions I can ask employees who deal with the public. 98% of the time I can keep a straight face. I like to see how long it takes them to realize I'm fucking with them as they are sooo programed to be nice and helpful. I do it in such a way tho that when they realize I'm pulling their leg they usually smile, unless they're assholes, then you get the pursed lips, frown and side eye.
I was told that someone doesn't want solar panels because it's going to make the sun explode...I was dumbfounded...I didn't know how to respond.
Same last name here Ms/Mrs Collins! And that's too damn funny
@@jordancoalandz1811 omg what's up cousin!! Lol
I was asked if we had buffalo wings at a wing place.
Former cruise ship employee here. Not surprised at these AT ALL. The dumbest question I can remember being asked (there were plenty) was: "Do these stairs take me up or down?". WIth a straight face I had to tell them it depends which way they were going. They nodded, said "thanks" and walked off.
No. Nope. Nuh.
They take you diagonal.
ha! that's incredible.
i love this segment
Best video I've seen today, do more of this
Stay tuned :)
Total karen with the penguin....
"I know a penguin when I see one......"
I'm a concert mix engineer.
"Can you play some AC/DC?"
"Do you actually know what all those knobs do?"
"i'll give you $300 to mute the lead singer."
"Can you give _____ my address. We're having an after party and _____ is invited."
"The bass is too bright."
"Tell the band to play ______." (A certain song. Usually by a different artist.)
"That's not really _____. I met _____ at an Arby's."
"Can you give _____ my demo tape?"
"Can I come on the bus?"
"I do sound for a _____ cover band. If you need to take a break I can take over."
These were great. Please do more
Ha ha ha, I too thought that the Joshua Tree was just one, not a whole species
I'm a landscaper. I was trimming shrubs one day and was raking up a pile of trimmings on the ground. The customer's wife walked by and with a straight face told me it would be so much easier if I just had an elephant to eat it all. That was years ago, I still smile just thinking about it. At the time it just made my head spin lol. Wtf do I say back to that?
tell her stop talking and start eating
"It would", and keep on doing your thing
Tell her that the elephant would destroy the grass and still not eat it. BECAUSE THEY WOULD.
Like the older American couple that came to Norway for a cruise. The cruise said "Come and see the midnight sun".
The couple were so disappointed and wanted their money back because it was the same sun as they had seen before. They thought it would be a different sun 🙄🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
Im working on a cruise ship and you always think there is nothing else that can surprise you, but believe me when i tell you there is no end to human stupidity.
you missed a joke... guy wants to “get off” on a gay cruise?? “WELL THAT SHOULD BE PRETTY EASY!!” 😂
this should be a regular part of the podcast
Sounds like the attorney is a federal prosecutor or works within a legal attaché/liaison capacity between the DOJ & FBI.
The saddest thing is that these people vote in the elections
And they are proud of it too! I have a dog and I vote. Lol
Further evidence that even if elections weren't completely rigged and scripted, the government still wouldn't be able to solve any problems because most people are fucking idiots.
Unfortunately they breed too
🗣You're talking about an American election then dead people vote as well as people that don't live in this country💯💯💯
@@verbaldavenci1 that only happens by accident. You have less election fraud than we do up in Canuckistan. Nice try though... You do realize hundreds of thousands of humans oversee that shit... But I guess they're all in on it. Repubs and demos.... Or you're stupid. One of the two... Strange how they can keep that secret yet no human can otherwise when you involve more than three people. Cough cough Iran Contra....
I have one but it has nothing to do with work. My friends and I were drinking one night and one of them brought up: " Why is it called an L Couch it's shaped like a V"? I was like: "dude, a V has equal sides, and L doesn't". We argued over this shit for 45 mins.
I had to bring up geometry and angles to make my point while being drunk; and the girls game outside saying: "this is the type of shit men talk about"? We all started dying laughing 😂 😭 🤣
It's because MOST people set them up as an L because that's how the corner one us built. And most rooms are rectangular. Although I do know a rich german guy with a curved wall in his bedroom. And a sauna at the end of his bed. One of those types of houses.
there's actually only ONE blockbuster in the world left...it's in Bend, Oregon lol.
Nice!
Used to work at Chinook winds casino in oregon. Its right on the coastline, the ocean is literally just behind the establishment, somebody asked "where is the ocean"
The best for me was when I was working as a Lyft operator in Colorado and I had this older woman come up to me and asked me at what age do deer turn into elk lol
hahaha brilliant
After Christmas
Haha, bill in the cockpit
This is good.
My first job was at a coffee shop. Had a lady ask me to “hold the drugs” when I was making her tea once. When working in the drive through a taxi driver told me it was nice to see a white face in the window…lady in the passenger seat smacked him and gave me a $5 tip.
I worked in a bookstore,customer asked if we sell tennis balls, wtf
"Where is the Joshua Tree?" LOL
I work as nurse in elderly care and I was asked from a relative that: "Do people really die here?"
"No, they just get to send to a farm, where they are happy and have no ailments"
@@oz_jones Upstate. It has to be a farm upstate. Not sure why.
Ask "Have you ever seen Soylent Green? Fine Film...."
@@yeldarbarrow3172 No, but thanks from the recommendation.
“I got foot massage from a stranger then he moved up the leg” lol
Back in the 80’s, I was working as a bench tech, repairing stereo equipment. More than a few times, I would have a customer at my bench, demoing their stereo. They would look at my tower of test equipment and ask “Do you actually use that stuff?”
When I would say that I did, they would say “I thought that you just connected the stereo to a computer and it told you which components to replace.” They weren’t joking, either. They’d always leave with a confused look on their face.
"How big is your Personal Pizza?"
"...enormous. I mean, wayyy too big for one person to eat it by themselves. Frankly we should call it something else."
i did door to door sales awhile ago. one lady paid me 20 dollars to "fix" her dvd player. all I did was plug in her auxiliary cord. XD
Well.... at least she wasn't "stuck in her dryer...."
I work at a grocery store and this lady asked me if the frozen vegetables were fresh.
I own several fast food restaurants and the stories are honestly endless. Seems like every week we get a new one. Several off the top of my head
1) customer orders large milkshake. Milkshake is topped with whipped cream. Customer requests a new shake to be made because she can’t eat whipped cream as she is lactose intolerant.
2) customer requests all employees to change gloves, wash hands and sanitize cutting boards as her daughter is deathly allergic to gluten. Customer states that if her daughter eats anything that even TOUCHES a wheat product that she could have a fatal allergic reaction. This was in a restaurant that exclusively serves SANDWICHES.
3) Customer requests a product that we haven’t served for literally 5 and a half years. When I told the customer that we no longer had the product and told her how long it had been since we had that product she immediately started screaming and called me a “piece of shit human and a liar” because she “just got one last week”. She demanded to speak to the manager, to which I replied “I’m the owner, what can I do for you?” And she proceeded to repeat everything that just happened, as if I wasn’t the only person helping her this whole time. Bizarre.
Now that's what I call "dangerously stupid." lol at least the entertainment gives us all joy and passes the time.
2:04 and he wants to get off, byyyy? whom? 🤣
RVR = Runway Visual Range... and your minimum depends on the aircraft, the heavier the aircraft and longer it would take you to stop, the longer the RVR... for a jet you need about 1,200ft MINIMUM
Man who the fuck does the pictures for these? They’re hilarious 😂
I was working at a grocery store and a guy asked me are these apples gluten free I was like yeah they're gluten free there's no wheat around here
Work security off and on, great questions from the not so sober.
1. At front door of a venue making sure people don't reenter at the end of the night, someone walks up holding a smartphone and asks how to get to a specific hotel. I'm not from that city and explain that I don't know. He was too drunk to understand and asks the same exact question, I have to explain to a very inebriated man how he is holding the answers to all his questions in his hands, he looks down, says "oh yeah, hey its already up on google maps"
2. As I'm standing under a very large and very well lit sign that says men's room that way and women's room this way, "Where are the bathrooms?"
3. As I'm standing outside on the specifically designated and well signed smokers patio cooling off from the insane heat inside, "hey, can you tell these people they aren't supposed to smoke here?"
4. After explaining no you can't reenter the building if you go out to your car (an effort by the venue and promoter to prevent people from drinking at their car and coming back in) "So if I walk real fast I can get back in?"
5. Outdoor line for ID check before entering venue, later at night only 3 people in the line. A very inebriated man walks up and asks if $20 will get him to the front of the line, as I'm explaining to him the line is nonexistent and he would still have to walk around the baricades (I was bloody sure he couldn't hop them) he kept waiving the twenty in my face. The 3 people in line are already in the building as I'm telling him he is to drunk to enter the venue, he kept waving the twenty in my face. He did not get in that night.
I worked in a copy shop years ago and a guy came in and asked me to fax a metal cowboy rodeo themed belt buckle to his brother in Texas. It was for his birthday.
Oh, dear. But, that is hilarious!
Ooooo wheee.
Bless his heart. 🤣
If that is real, you may have just won best in show lol
If you're going to be dumb you have no right to be angry when someone calls you out.
I work in the fire sprinkler industry. I have heard thousands of crazy stories. This one made me think I was being efed with. I'm still not sure if it was true.
An apprentice got a dui, lost his license and had to ride his bicycle to a project that, luckily for him was only a few miles from his residence. He kept showing up late 5 minutes or so every day. One day the foreman told him he needs to leave home 15 minutes earlier to be on the job on time to start. The next few days the guy was late again which angered the foreman. The foreman put his foot down and told the apprentice if you come in late tomorrow I will fire you. He was late. He knew was fired but just to lighten things up he told the foreman there was a bad accident in the bicycle lane and bikes were backed for miles.
That foreman liked the apprentice and laughed at his story. He felt sympathy for his situation. Knowing full well the apprentice was going to be late again the next day he he still gave him one more chance because he thought his story was funny. That day would be his last, the next day he was late again. The thing is, he was always about 5 minutes or so and could have just left a few minutes earlier
I still often wonder if this story was a scene in some movie and the guy telling that story was just effing with me. I wont be surprised if someday I'm watching a movie and see it.
I used to work as a cleaner at my local shopping centre( mall to you yanks😉) and an old lady pointed at our escalator (which was at the time broken) and said "broken". I agreed😊
Escalators can't break. They can only become stairs. -Mitch Hedberg
@@Crossword131 this is true🤭
I work in retail (in uniform with the shop's name on it) and sometimes I get customers come up to me to ask for certain items they can't find, and start the conversion with "excuse me, do you work here?"
Although, the best one which has happened twice to me so far; customer comes up to me as I am right by the entrance refilling shelves, and they ask me where the baskets are. Right after they walked past literally stacks and stacks of them by the front entrance...
I was on a ferry and I had a dude ask where the pool tables were.
I've played pool on a ferry between Helsinki and Tallinn so not a completely absurd question.
I am a General Contractor . the #1 dumbest question i get over and over.... I will be hired to do a bathroom remodle. I will tear the bathroom out to the studs.. The home owner comes home and looks in the bathroom and ask.."are u gonna leav it like that?". Never fails.. I was building a house.. I had support 2x4s holding the walls up as i propped them up and finished framing the house... The home owner walks in... Points at the 2x4 and says.. "Are u going to leave those like that?'.. Hhhahaha. It never fails. That is my all time dumbest question . wow. I just noticed the word dum-best.. Has the word dum and best in it. Lol. This is funny.
That's actually normal in renovations. Plenty of retards with NO idea that it doesn't look perfect MIDWAY THRU the renovation. Worst is when you get something that's a real once of job like grout. We could only get 3 colors from a place that had a brochure with 7. Stupid bitch wanted us to SPRAYPAINT the grout. Yeah. Like masking tape on EVERY TILE and the WHOLE new kitchen and start spraying. She was pregnant so would've complained about fumes in 5 minutes. Remade a chipboard cabinet 4 times till the point the screws were barely holding. Dynabolt it to the wall st which point she WANTS IT MOVED 2 inches. It's an internal brick wall. You drill 2 inches away from the last holes and it will crack between them. We lost money and just walked out on this impossible bitch. They had a brick wall IN ANOTHER ROOM that cracked and the guys mother asked if it was caused by us renovating the kitchen. Yeah. So your shifting foundations are our fault....