@@robinmoore3282 this such an important comment you made right there !!! Couldn't have said it better myself !! Narcissist are just like that !! , they have no EMPATHY so basically they act like robots with no EMOTION , No Empathy + No Emotions = Robotic , you'll notice this if you turn off your EMOTIONAL thinking people , and turn on ur LOGICAL thinking when analyzing a Narcissist you'll see that alot of the things a narcissist do when they are manipulating you for personal gains , can be put together piece by piece to form a conclusion to ' what ' they might be using you for , don't be fooled when they treat you a little bit of "right" and a little bit of "wrong" here and there , that is called COGNITIVE DISSONANCE thats just to keep you in the loop hole of confused thinking that they 'might still be a wonderful person' around you when treating you badly all the time , its when there WORDS and ACTIONS do not ALIGN that is called manipulation and you should keep your guard around the Narc when that happens.
Mine made all of 2 attempts to use me as a tool for triangulation with his new supply (this was long before I knew anything about NPD, so I had distanced myself but not gone "no contact"). In short - #1 email was about missing my messages. I responded that I could teach his fiance some techniques. #2 email was a stronger message if missing me, to which I went off about how much he was disrespecting his fiance and that she deserved better than the way his ex-wife, ex-fiance, and I were treated. That seemed to shut him up (at least to me directly....).
I definitely agree but I have Faith I will overcome, I feel stupid for dealing with someone like this and not noticing the signs. I pray the lord will restore me and heal me from the Narcissist who also needs help as well. My eyes are wide open now.
You’re right but We can allow it to make us bitter or better! We choose how we channel our pain! I am healing but I refuse to let this pain go to waist I will become better and learn
Absolutely on target. I know from first hand experience and it's devastating to realize you've wasted maybe decades of your life in a relationship with the living dead. 😢
They do not miss you , they miss how you make them feel , you are convenient, they do not miss your spirit or see the best in you . They will replace you in a heart beat and not look back
OMG! Excellent point blank period perfectly correctly said..I only wonder how long it took you to come to that cold hard truth about them..it took me over 15 years,and I still have trouble wrapping my head around the truth of such a hard cold fact about them.Even when they do "feel" something,it's so distorted & twisted,it's not in the way that we experience normal & appropriate emotions,thought processes & feelings...it's traggic, devastating & unfortunate for those who become intertwined in their web..Stay at peace & keep Healing
@@ellekingsley8032 hi elle not sure if you were talking to me or not but im not completely out of the dark yet but at least im seeing a bit of light. Its only been 2 years with this man...but feels like 10. He got mad at me recently cuz i told him i wanted to see other people because he still doesn't refer to me as his gf or take pics with me and i never been to his house. He called me a thot and a hoe and i felt so bad. I just gave up trying to date other men....He didn't speak to me for 2 weeks and here im back looking foolish again. I have come across some narcissistic men in my 40 odd years but he is by far the worse
After being Narcissisticly abused - my definition of love has changed. Now I know love means wanting the best for someone even if you don’t benefit from it in some level
Like bei g in PRISON living with the. NARCISSIST . NEVER KNOW WHAT IN THE ** TO EXPECT FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT....WALKI G O. FREKIN EGGSHELLS ALL THE TIME.. NO WAY YO LIVE.. IF YOU ARE A NARCISSIST Pls. Get help before you lose someone very special forever.....
I’m appreciating you very much! The fact that you realize you had something wrong in you and sought help is amazing and rare for a narcissist. Most just continue drifting through life using and hurting others for their much needed supplies to survive. There are I believe four or five types of narcissist, which one are you? I’ve dealt with three narcissist in my life and neither thought they were ever wrong and needed to seek help…that is a dirty word to a narc. I just no contact a narc who I believe was the kind that would hurt physically whether it be sexually or bodily harm as well as mental harm. I’m done and I avoid him at all cost! I see him pass my house looking for me and he looks angry and confused …what he thought he had wrapped up has now disappeared. I have no feelings for people who literally seek out empaths to use, hurt and destroy. May they be forever tortured every waking moment. I wish you all the best in your seek to understand what you are and may you have complete recovery. I know you’ll love this for it’s supply😉
Why do we care whether or not the Narc misses us? They didn't care enough to keep us in the first place. *CLEAN BREAKS ARE THE BEST* Here's a good motto: If you're trying to move forward, you can't go backwards (meaning you can't take back relationships from your past). My love and support to all Empaths 💕
We know narcissists “feel” it’s just they don’t feel about others feelings. Narcissists feel pain, hurt, frustration and sometimes sadness, but only for themselves. They can’t feel what others are experiencing even if they know what that emotion feels like for themselves, they just do not connect or care about the other persons feelings.
@@allywolf9182 Yeh!!! I almost think it's part of the sadism. And it's all a decision. We tend to blame it on trauma, past, mothers, fathers, etc, and allot of that plays into it, but I think I've seen people change over time and decide to be this way too.
Lol, you sounded like Keith Sweat🤣😁. But for real it is the truth!! I'm now hearing all that; I call it lies!! Simply because they don't know how to really care for anyone! It's all about them. It's as if they tolerate you!!😳🙄😲. Their mental is storybook and/or fairytale then, when you don't choose to bother with the dramatics and games they get enraged but, don't you be displeased or get upset! Immaturity. They must let go of childish behavior once grown and continue to grow!
I believe my ex misses having a generally kind, caring person by his side. I was a convience to him. He had it so easy. Now his life is a constant struggle and he's only surrounded by ppl who don't give a #&%* abt him. He tried to hoover me back. But i didn't take the bait. I will never go back to that and live that life again. Lesson learned.
Mine tried to hoover me back in at the beginning saying how he had changed and wanted to change more but how could he prove it to me if I wasn't living with him. Um hell no and he has proven it many times 9ver since that he was full of crap.
@@meghanict4634 yep mine ran to therapy and while in therapy to “ be a better man” was still meeting woman (escorts) online while he is at work. This was strike 3 so he has to move out.
Damn.. im so glad that you were able to admit your narcissism. It takes a real man and adult to admit it . There are men/women that go into their 40s-50s-60s never admitting it.
I think it's fear. They can't deal with their feelings. Strong feelings scare them so they shut that down. It is extreme emotional immaturity. Guilt is too much. It requires a certain amount of emotional maturity to take responsibility for your actions. They have none of this.
It's not emotional immaturity. It's a disorder. My brain is not orderly, it is disordered. Avoidance is not the same as not taking responsibility for behavior. I feel your comment is reductive. I'm sorry you were hurt, but framing the symptoms of this disorder with your pain isn't helpful to anyone.
That's exactly what it is. It's really just that simple. They are literally just afraid to feel certain feelings, so they run from these feelings by distracting themselves somehow, or they even just cover it up with anger. Those emotions and fears never go away unless they are properly felt and moved through, so they just sit inside us and keeps us miserable if we continue to ignore them. They breed insecurities of all kinds, which they also run from. They can't take responsibility for themselves, because they won't even allow themselves to feel their own emotions. This is usually either inadvertently taught to them in childhood, or it became a coping mechanism they've learned on their own in order for them to deal with the trauma they've endured. We all project what is in our hearts, so they cause so many problems because they are projecting all of this unaddressed sadness and anger in their hearts. So you're right. Emotional immaturity is basically not knowing how or being unwilling to deal with one's own emotions, and therefore not taking responsibility for them, and that's their problem. Realistically, this can happen to any of us if we aren't careful. The good news is that they can actually do the work to learn how to deal with these feelings at any time, and get better if they choose to.
Well said B C. They have No interpersonal skills and they lack a lot of adult behavior so they resort to deflection, lies, manipulation, rage, competition, anything except, accepting RESPONSIBILITY for their lousy immature Behavior.
I understand a narcissists but I also understand that these people are ruthless when it comes to negativity. They deserve to be alone. I'm not sorry, they will destroy you if you let them. They have no happy medium once triggered you automatically become the enemy. What's the point of wasting your time? Forgiveness is one thing but insanity is going back to a situation that serves you no true inner peace deep down. You can't coexist happily living with spiritual demons. Many of us already struggle with this dilemma, then you have the narcissists with demons it's on a more extreme scale with a person yelling back in your face.
No, they don’t miss you. They miss the control they had over you. And, I can attest to them being significantly annoyed that you can’t be fooled by their facade any longer. I’ve dealt with my ex for four years on and off until I finally got tired and left. I ended up going no contact for over a year. 18 months into no contact my ex hoovered me and I responded. Stupid, I know. My ex knew he was a narcissist and he admitted it to me before I went no contact, and I knew a lot more about narcissism by then at that point, myself. Naturally, when I agreed to speak to him, he tried all his old tactics: future faking, bringing up some of our “better” memories (and I say that lightly), etc, things that worked in the past. And I let him think that they were working, too. I was hip to his game and I knew what was happening because it had always happened in cycles like that before. He eventually asked me to date him again, to which I told him no. I told him I would consider being friends, IF he sought help for his narcissism. To that, he replied “🙄”, and told me he’d talk to me later because it seemed like I wanted to start a fight. I told him that wasn’t my intention but okay, and that I’d talk to him later 🤷🏾♀️. It wasn’t until the next day when I haven’t heard from him that I realized he was giving me the silent treatment, aka old reliable, his favorite form of abuse. Because how dare I call him out and tell him he needed to seek help? I took that opportunity of his silence to silently leave him alone for good. I didn’t reach out to him or anything. I blocked him, changed my number and blocked him any and everywhere else he could reach me. Even cashapp. Luckily I haven’t heard from him since. Now I’m six months in no contact, and I don’t plan on going back. Ever. They don’t change. They don’t miss you. In all honesty, I believe they don’t even care about the people who actually gave a genuine f about them. And unless they’re self aware and willing to seek help like our good friend here, then they’ll continue to spread their toxicity like a wildfire. My advice is to move on, better your life, learn and grow from this experience and find your happiness and peace. Best of luck to you all. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk 😂💛
My narcissist ex got another woman pregnant. He came 500 miles to see me (we had a long distance relationship) just to drop that bomb and then expected me to immediately suck it up and go eat dinner with him. I was absolutely inconsolable and he told me I was "killing the vibe" and that the baby "wouldn't affect our relationship unless I let it".... the looks of confusion on his face as I cried were what made me truly understand how bad his disorder was (I knew he was a narcissist but I didn't know how out of touch with humanity he was). He tells his brother how much he misses me but as you said, it's definitely because I was his best investment. I don't believe he had ever gotten another woman to love and tolerate him as much as I did.
I hear that. I'm in the same boat. Cheated on, discarded, used, and yet he tells me that he loves me. I think he knows there's no one else who will put up with what I did.
Same story here essentially. My husband was living with another woman who had 4 children. He asked if he could come back to me but I understood why. It was because she was more trouble for him with her 4 children than I was with 2. The fact that mine were also his children didn’t enter his thinking just that it was quieter at my place. I just said no calmly and in that moment he understood that he would never use me again.
My ex would become a completely different person when he wanted me back. Suddenly he sounded more level-headed, he what apologize, even changed the vernacular of his words to sound more educated. This would last for about 2 weeks after I took him back. You would really think he had changed. But the second I called him out for disrespecting me he would go off and say you're the reason why I'm acting like this. Unfortunately I fell for that trap way too many times. But I'm happy I learned.
@@carolynwilliams7715 I hope you get the courage to leave ..am in day 4 of not talking to my narcissist ex and I miss him Soo much but I refuse to be sucked back into that relationship
It changed for me the moment I moved in his 🏡 the abuse started immediately and the disrespect/control he turned his feelings on and off for me like a faucet I was his Play toy and when I left and came back that made it worse
We don't miss having someone to manipulate, we know we can find another. Many of us have abandonment issues, so being alone sparks fear and we are desperate to get you to stay But as soon as we realize being alone is an opportunity and not a punishment, we turn our attention elsewhere. Some people realize the opportunity immediately and only experience a flash of fear, others feel the fear for months. They don't miss you, they are afraid of being alone or hate the idea of starting over.
I appreciate your strength Lee...In part you helped my daughter walk away from a 5 year abusive engagement that never came to fruition of marriage but resulted in a pregnancy. My daughter left secretly 3/5/22 and is with me & her 3 sisters tonight in Hawaii with my unborn granddaughter due in 3 weeks.💗💗💗
Aww, you have your daughter back! So glad she broke free. 5 years for me too, I left on 3/3...it was time! It took time to decide and time to plan the exit. It wasn't easy but it was necessary. My turn to say "Look what you made me do." #unleashed #peace #harmony #happiness
@@adanaryjacques7776 Aaawwweee awesome. .My daughter with her baby in her Arms is so Happy fir you too. You both left at the same time and planned for a long time to get it done. GOOD JOB🌻🌻🌻 I am so proud of you💛💛💛
@@LD-qo7kf thank you so much for checking back on me. Congratulations for that new little bundle! Hope she brings you all much joy and unconditional love! God bless.
They don't miss you cuz they don't really know who you are. They see you by their own perception which is not who you truly are. So if they miss anything they miss what you did for them, but there's no way they could miss who you are because they don't know you
Right. A inner species. There is a lot in common with a Narc and a Mountain lion I have noticed over the years. They both are predators and learn only from mistakes when hunting. Both are known to play with their supply. Both are known to wound and run off. Both are known to return and play with their supply for awhile then eat the wounded supply for fun not for need. Shits and giggles are really fun. They are both known to eat choice delicious morsels and leave the rest to rot. They do this when game is plenty. No they never miss anyone EVER. The only remorse is the fact when they realize they cut the water off and the power with the free ride that they deserve so much that they think next time they will improve on their game. Then they get old and mean when supply runs out. Remember at any time they can and will murder if the opportunity presents.
i think they feel guilt to a degree but they dont feel the need to right their wrongs like a mentally healthy person would. They crave control and that is the upmost important thing to them. They hate that others may view them as a bad person for what they did to you more than they hate what they actually did.
Exactly . That is all they truly care about. It was all they ever cared about its was never you it was how others viewed them for having you. It only takes 1 or two people to not be impressed for them to want better then you . Othen it's a syco friend . That knows how to manipulate the narc. They love being hated or loved . It really dont matter. They play victim when hated and abuser when loved . It takes a lot out a person to play their game. It's just not worth it.
Don’t remember which Dr it was maybe Dr Ramani, she explained they don’t really have guilt more so embarrassment. Because of their ego what a normal person would call guilt, for them is more embarrassment that they looked bad in the situation.
I definitely don't see the need to correct my wrongs in the moment. Now that we're not together I see it all and ice actually been no contact because I know I will devolve into the same old nonsense. I just need to figure it out without hurting anyone else until I learn to cope
j-ace 1 Your speaking as if you’ve heard MY story.. This is complete insanity. It’s almost like…. How do you know this much about my past relationship and present state of confusion?
They don't miss you the person. They miss using, abusing and taking advantage of you. They don't miss your way of thinking or your character, just all the things you did for them.....PERIODT!
You hitting hard with the topics! I see your growth! Fun fact: narcs have feelings but ours don't matter. They dont know how to handle their feelings but play with yours like play-doh.They mold and shape you into a roll of doo doo and discard you once you're hard because you've been hung high and dry af
Yeah, And truly, if you have some haters, you are doing something right.. So I admire what you're doing here [cause you'll never make everyone happy no matter What you try to do].. I'm not sure you're haters would have the courage to do what you're doing; 👏So let 'em hate.. Easy for haters to criticize which does nothing to contribute, while you're being constructive here, trying to contribute in a good way~ 🎯🌅👏😆💯
I just have to say that narcissists in my life were certainly my best teachers. They taught me how to take care of my needs first and to establish boundaries. I guess I still have low grade narcissists in my life but we manage to get along because they know my "no" means no! Peace and love to you Lee!
The explanation of blame deflection is brilliant. I’ve witnessed this. You know they acknowledge what they’ve done then they deflect. It’s mind blowing and not normal.
I’m literally weeping right now for the man I love. Because I’ve just realized he has NPD and won’t ever feel true love despite him saying he loves me. Sad for me, yes, but more sad for him. 😢
I too feel for them. I'm in love with a narcissist and I really don't think I can stay with her but I will be ok. Just hope she will be ok. But that's the nice guy in me talking. Just because she's a narcissist does that mean she doesn't deserve my love? I think she does. Boy she picked a good mark with me lol
@@SaturatedInLoveTarot I got out of it. I realized she is always going to struggle with love regardless of having mine or not. In a way I'm grateful for the experience because I learned many things. I now have a better understanding of what love really is
@@1badombre82 when u read your initial response I figured you’d grow through it. The only way out is through. Glad you’re in a better head and heart space. ❤️
People get mad at me when I talk about the role the victim plays in their (our/mine) own seduction and abuse. I've never talked to a victim who have said, they didn't see red flags. I had to have a come to Jesus talk with myself. I asked myself, Why did I ignore the red flags? Why didn't I leave? The way he behaved was/is on him. The fact I stayed is on ME.
@@heatherstacy2976 yes it is. Yet its humbling. I thought I had great self esteem and was aware of my value. I told myself throughout the marriage it was okay because after all he was good and respectful and generous MOST of the time, but when he wasn't he wasn't I came to the conclusion that I didn't know my value because I stayed with someone who occasionally did hurtful things.
Yes we chose to stay but we were also manipulated and conned and taken advantage of, then given hope to dash it all again, sometimes those who are in long narc marriages it is because they were fooled for a long time before seeing the real deal. Not always black and white-it depends on each individual circumstance,
Self worth but also self awareness and awareness of what a healthy relationship should look like. I remember how many times I convinced myself to stay because he would tell me how lucky I am to have him and i also would think of reasons I should count myself lucky. And my father is a narcissist too and so I suppose the general behaviour especially controlling behaviour wasn’t a shock to me
@@Iwasonceacarpenter you're right, they will show who they really are after they make sure you are in love with them no matter how long it takes. They will deceive you as long as possible! It's not as easy to see when you're in Love and they know this.
I just found out about this after my last relationship 4 years ago. I've stayed single since. It's like they starve you of attention, you're left trying to prove yourself worthy of their love, you are just disregarded. I can't believe I allowed myself to be treated so horribly for so long. I have been in one controlling relationship after another and until I ran into channels like this, I never knew what it was. I had a hard time before, I always believed ppl say what they mean and do what they say. I know now that this is bull crap and most ppl lie. I take all responsibility for all my relationships. Now I know better and can do better. I did ignore a lot of red flags and accepted a lot of apologies.
It hurts your feelings that you don’t have access to hurting someone....that’s very weird. Its evil. You want them around just to mistreat them. It’s insane.
Very evil. I'm so glad this guy is posting these videos to bring awareness so others know these demons are real and know what they do. To me they are no different than sadistic serial killers
@@swiftkarma4436 so sadistic. To be SAD that you’ve lost the ability...to HURT someone because it gives them energy and makes them feel important and powerful. That’s like a person smiling while strangling a puppy. Then when they strangler the puppy to death they’re not sad it died they’re sad that they can no longer see it struggle from strangulation now they have to get a mew pet to torcher??Like what the hell.
Yea its totally insane. I'm glad I finally figured that out with my ex. The only reason he kept hovering me and trying to come back was just so he could continue to bully me and start arguments to get under my skin. It made him feel powerful cause his personal life was chaos (which he created too)
As a therapist, myself, who is struggling to leave a relationship with someone who I’m realizing probably has NPD, I am so thankful for your vulnerability and help. Almost all of your shorts are him. It’s helping me to be able to see things outside the fog of his reality. 🙏🏼
@@marioboyd557 not really. It’s probably just as confusing as if I weren’t. I think mainly because he most likely isn’t aware he’s doing those things. Like, it’s not intentionally manipulative. He’s been through a LOOOOOT of trauma. 😕
Seeing a self aware narcissist is like seeing a fish out of water! Congratulations 💜 not only is it validating the feelings of victims everywhere but it's just really good to see that some people can change , that it's a lifelong disorder but that you can be aware and take steps. You let me know not everyone is a lost cause but some people are not going to be willing to take a look at themselves
"Maybe later ,maybe later , laters gone" This made me cry Thank you for what you do , after spending almost 10 years with someone I wanted so badly to love me , losing myself , believing I was unlovable and crazy , it is refreshing and validating to hear this come from someone who understands their diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder ,because loving someone who has it and isn't aware is the most destructive and painful thing I've ever experienced. I wish I had found your channel YEEEEARS ago when I was searching for reasons to leave ,but I think finding it after I regained my strength is the most beautiful validation I've ever received . Just thank you for what you do .
I lived in a nightmare like this for 5 years in my previous marriage. THANK YOU LORD JESUS THAT I KICKED HIS ASS OUT AND DIVORCED HIM, before he could do it to me 😁😁😁😁😁😁 Of all the psychological abuse I put up with, I am so F***IN PROUD OF WHAT I DID FOR MY DAUGHTER AND I!!!! AND GOD BLESSED US WITH A HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME AS THE DIVORCE. THANK YOU FATHER 🙏🏾💯🙏🏾💯🙏🏾💯
@@MentalHealness Doing my best everyday. It's tough sometimes, but leaving him was the wisest thing I've ever done. And I'm 100% sure I made the right decision. Thank you sir for being transparent and sharing your experience. So many people are suffering in these dynamics and need help. God bless you 💯🙏🏾
DO realize using the Lord's name and then swearing is a double mind and a great dis honor to Jesus. Be a Godly example or don't use His name or reference Him.
I’ve been watching your videos. Thank you so much, left my narcissist a little over 2 months ago and have went through every emotion that I can imagine. Even asking myself if I was the narcissist.
I am at that stage, just monday I asked my brother if he think I am one, he said "no, you are not". They just have the ability to make you doubt yourself and they cause you to react this way = narcissistic supply. I have learnt a lot in the past two weeks, I never knew my whole life!! (My dad was a covert narc and I found out my hubby is the same😢😢😢)
I keep questioning if I'm a narcissist too. But through some counseling and these videos it's really helped. I'm 4 months from no contact and a restraining order from my narc. I'm missing him terrible today and am thankful for the comments and videos. Jesus has all of us in the cradle of His arms. If you read the book of Proverbs in the bible, you can see these devil creatures have been in existence for eternity. I'm greatful for this man doing these videos. It helps me. My narc keeps hanging around all the places he could see me. When he could just leave me be. Anyway, much love to all those hurts souls. Trust in Jesus.
I'm three months separated from my husband that everyone tells me is a narcissist. I asked my counselor that this week that maybe I am the narcissist and she said the same thing. that a narcissist doesn't ask themselves that question. I still have so much doubt about what to believe. we have been dating since high school and married for 37 years. I don't even know what a normal relationship looks like anymore. And I still want to blame myself for not being good enough for him.
This. When he says they want you to come back because they spent so much time conditioning you and they don't want to start from scratch with someone else, it's the truth. He's confirming for us that they KNOW what they're DOING. It's conscious. It's like writing down a plan, and then executing it, like a grocery list. Narcissists know what they're doing.
Your therapist is great ! I can’t believe she caught it . Most therapists blame tge victims bc they are also fooled by the narcissist yours is on point I am so glad you found each other. You shed so much light 💡 thank you. It’s important for people to find the right therapist ❤️
What you're doing is selfless, brave, & benevolent. You are giving back in this way. However many women you have hurt, you're helping more women than you have damaged. And that is commendable. 🌟
You are right! So refreshing to hear the truth and helps to make sense of all the crazy in your head. No contact is hard...but you have to take back your power. How somehow treats you is more important than how much you like them!
Self aware narcissist. I absolutely love that! And you’ve worked on yourself and you’re helping us empaths and non-empaths. I wish my ex had been more of a man…
“What ever makes you heal , what ever you need to believe “ 😅 this phrase hits home because they make you linger on the what happened question. All day in your mind.
Bro. I know you were diagnosed as a narcissist. But you being this candid and having this much self-awareness means you’re on a great path. So don’t listen to these haters and thank you so much for sharing. Don’t stop walking on this path.
I know in my situation, he never felt anything. It was all calculated & strategically planned. I later found out he’s actually gay and doesn’t even like women. He in fact hates them cuz of his mom and his goal is to hurt women as much as he can. I am sad that is his reality but have removed myself from that dark instability. The most profound lessons are usually the most painful.
The flip switching off is conditional love in action, imho. Yeah a narc loves you but the love is conditional & always at risk of being "switched off." ETA: Your descriptions of how your brain works is very helpful, btw. Really appreciate it.
Very much so. The affection I received from my narc was only when I did something that pleased him and when I didnt cross the line or when I was following his "training". Like a dog getting a treat for doing a trick.
Honestly, this is helping me understand my soon-to-be-ex-husband SO MUCH. Thank you. It’s making me realize I’m doing the right thing by leaving, and that I was just a convenience to him because of all the conditioning through the years. It’s helping me understand that I need to stay strong even though I’ve gone back to him so many times before.
You have given so many people an insight into how and why the narcissist acts the way they do! Without the understanding of behaviour it is so difficult to move on. And I do sincerely thank you for what you do
Yaaaaassss! Exactly this. I have always needed the "why" or "how" for so all sorts of things to be able to really understand it and deal with it in my life.
I didn't know about these type until after I spent many years dealing with one. I can tell you for a fact that not only will they affect your health they can and will kill you w/o a gun. They will drain life from you over time. I wish I would have known about them before meeting him, but I feel blessed because he was trying to kill me b/c he didn't have the courage to leave me until I gave him no choice. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you! Prayer is the answer b/c they are of the Devil and he's no match for the Lord. We are helpless. After two years I am so much better and stronger! Good Luck and as he would say "Be careful" and I listen and learned a lot! Thanks be to God.
OMG!! You addressed questions I have had since the mid-to-late 1990s. You, in only a few minutes, have freed me ( I'm about to cry)! Thank u. Thank u. Thank u!!💯 x 💯
I appreciate you. I know I have some narcissistic tendencies, and I’m trying to get as honest as I can. I want a real relationship where I do for the other, not out of what I can get, but just to do for their sake. I lost my wife of 18 years behind never taking her seriously when she told me what she needed, and I just don’t want to hurt anyone else anymore. I’m not ready for anything but self reflection and work. Thank you for your openness and candor.
@@Iwasonceacarpenter he could be and now see how his actions hurt others and want to change. Most don't want to change because they don't have the courage to do so.
Fair play to you.. Honesty ain' t at ease when you try to shake the dis ease of dishonesty. When it gets really hard to face the truth at least you can try not to lie. Things will improve as you move along.Sounds like you are committed to the endeavor. Best wishes.
This is really honest. My partner who I broke up with recently acknowledge this from his marriage before me. I do feel like he did try to not be like that with me. But he did regress back to the behaviours. Not as bad as he treated his wife definitely but still hurtful. I’m not sure if he has the strength to change because it takes a lot to do that. So kudos to you for admitting these things.
I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know you probably get a lot of negative comments from people who have been hurt by the narcissists in their lives, but it takes a lot to not only get the help you need, but to also choose to help others who have been hurt by the narcissists in their lives. So I want you to know that there ARE those of us who appreciate what you are doing, and you videos are truly helping me heal and gain the understanding and closure I need from my ex, all without breaking my no contact with him. So thank you so much for helping all of us understand how the narcissistic mind works and thank you for helping all of us to heal 💓
i adore you! You literally are saving peoples lives. Don't let abusers attack you. I am a psychology student and everything you are saying is true. Please, keep up the good work. You are worthy Lee. I appreciate you so much.
It was like “oh my family treated you bad, I cheated and lied to you numerous times, smeared you, lied on you, gaslighted you, emotionally and mentally abused you ” oh well it’s time to discard you.. on to the next. Behavior like this is mind-blowing.
It’s amazing how you can heal by talking so candidly about the narcissistic mindset. A narcissist friend of mine who I have loved for many years loves me differently. He cares for my well being but there is no way he would put my feelings ahead of his.
Thank you for giving us the perspective from a narcissist. I appreciate that you put yourself out there to help us understand the narcissist in our lives. I really needed this. You are touching lives and making a difference
They get the emotion but emotion leads to a full feeling and they don't want to experience the feeling of guilt so they assign the emotion a tag that deflects fully feeling it.
I have started watching your videos after my my breakup and I’m really appreciative of the insight, helping me see things from his perspective, and understanding why he did and said the things he did. This situation is so confusing on both sides. I thought for the first time, I was going to have this happy, healthy relationship.. but it ended up being the most toxic. I have tried everything with him to show him he’s loved, cared for, valued, appreciated.. nothing ever worked. Eventually, for myself and for my kids (They aren’t shared between us, but they love him), our health, safety and sanity.. I thought it would be best to take a break from him. I ended things and now he faults me for anything and everything.. he doesn’t talk to me like I was the one hurting him. I’m over being back in a relationship with this person, I never want to be in that position again.. it’s scary. But watching your videos has been very helpful in healing and understanding what was really going on. So much of it just makes sense now.
How are you feeling now Sherina? I'm just over a month now since I left my wife, it has been so hard, some really low days, some more positive days.. But she has been on my mind almost constantly
I wud like to know ya wife’s perspective. How was y’all boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ? How did it get to marriage with your disorder? How she dealt with it, how you dealt with it and whose idea was it to go to therapy?
I been feeling guilty for months for how I handled the situation with my ex honestly. I appreciate you actually making small steps to show that we actually care, my ex really believes that I don’t I don’t care and I’m some Emotionsless robot that just manipulates but really, I’m just not the best at handling situations when I’m upset. For me personally I could never replace my ex and I told that. I would get ghosted blocked for being difficult and that pain cuts deeep! I would end up talking to other females about her instead of running game. For months I have found myself doing that Smh I hope folks get help before it’s too late and they lose that one person they really care for.
So, you are saying, you're capeble of loving someone? So can I maybe belive that the narc in my life really loved me after all? After all lies? It still hurts so much. I dont know how to handle, what to think or what to do
I also fell for "the change" several times. I realized recently that I as a result have started to display some of those same traits and am feeling extreme guilt because I don't want to turn into what I ran from. I'm doing something about it because I know unhealed hurt people will hurt other people. First therapy appointment is next month and I'm intentionally staying single.
That is not true. Hurt people do not hurt people. If they love you they WILL NOT HURT YOU!!! I don’t hurt people I love, that remark is a unfair, untrue statement.
My ex would act like he was extremely remorseful… sometimes. And those times were followed by blame on me for contributing in some way to why he abused me. Even something as simple as disengaging. Even that was reason for his abusive behavior. You can’t do anything right, they’ll always have an excuse as to why you had some part in their behavior. There’s never full responsibility.
Yep always!! My ex would NEVER take responsibility initially for anything he did. He would try to convince me that what i was feeling was wrong or that i misinterpreted what he did or that it was my fault in the first place!
You, Vaknin, and Cluster B milkshake are bringing so much healing to me as someone who has suffered from severe codependence their whole life. bless you guys, for real
I’ve experienced the gambit of narcissism from the unaffectionate to the excessive love bombing. People have so much support for victims, and absolutely nothing nice to say to someone like you that’s brave enough to share how you felt and what that might mean for others. I had moments of insight where I was like “yup, you’re right”. And for me, understanding helps with the moving on. Thank you for being vulnerable and helping us understand and process the things we’ve endured.
I'm glad that you're here to give us a bird's eye view into the mind of a narcissist. You've certainly answered some questions for me. You've even made me laugh!
That is so interesting to know that when the narcissist supply ghosts them bc of the narcissist ghosting them first, they become hurt. 🤔 So interesting. Thank you for sharing from your perspective
Thank you for taking your illness and making a positive thing from it. Awareness is key and don’t worry about the hate comments..you know it comes from pain that that individual is still healing from. Keep doing what is needed to help them and yourself!
You are such an inspirational human! GOOD FOR YOU! I give you so much credit for your sincere motivation to help people understand narcissism and your bravery and courage to bring such vulnerability to a public platform.
Lee, I really hope that you continue to gain because you are really telling the truth. I can relate to everything you are saying. So Thank you because there are so many people out here just talking about narcissism and I can tell when people really are clueless and when people have been through this or are REAL narcs. I remember watching my ex-narc remembering something he was feeling guilty about and talking to himself under his breath and saying NO I don't care they shouldn't have done that to me. it is just like a light switch. He never knew how much I was watching him and observing his behavior. the sad part is I knew how to respond to him according to what mood or when he switches back on and off. I'm so glad it is over I dealt with a lot. it was a lot of work being with him I was always exalted after being with him or talking with him it was like I had to check into a DAMN JOB. BUT THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DO
I couldn't agree more. A lot of people throw around the word narcissist but I can tell when someone has actually been with a narcissist. There's a certain level of devastation that only the victims truly understand.
I think people forget that a narcissist is just that because they have been hurt so deeply!! Of course they have feelings and hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Thank you for taking your struggles and trying to bring positivity to others. Thank you for sharing!!!
Yes we have all being hurt so deeply. But we don’t go around thinking everything and everyone is there to USE for our own benefit. Life itself never allowed me to do that and people shouldn’t allow narcissists to get away with it either
That is actually not true. Having narcissistic personality disorder is not necessarily the result of being hurt. It can simply be because that is how their brains are wired or even excessive praise from parents..
@@Hyla73 this is true! I use to wonder about how Narcs are created and I came across an article that was very insightful and helped me so much. They are created by extremes. Paraphrasing of course but they were either overvalued or undervalued by their Parents. I feel like theres this overabundance of Narcs within my family and that is what lead me to look into it. It also makes sense that because its so familiar to me, that I would unknowingly choose a Narc as my sons Father. I pray that I don't pass it on but so far I have done a pretty good job at keeping family at arms length for obvious reasons and I have gone NC with my Ex.
Thank you. You’re information is helping me understand what happened in my 33 year marriage. I think it’s wonderful you are helping people after becoming self aware. I think that’s a major accomplishment for a narcissist and kudos to you for helping people by explaining these relationships. 🙏🏽💜🙏🏽
As someone who struggles with this, I really appreciate your videos. Your openness and refreshing approach to hold narcissistic ppl accountable but never condemning them is powerful for someone like myself, who has not made victims but nonetheless has a personality disorder and ticks a lot of these boxes. when I first came into self realisation I felt immense shame and disgust in myself becaues I identified with the victims but knew that I am someone with the same traits that victimized them. A hard thing to come to terms to. But I feel safe watching these vids
I married a high level narcissist. I appreciate what you doing giving us info ! It has been helping me a lot understand his brain and so forth! Thanks you for your courage to come out clean with out masks !
These explanations really give a true insight to this disorder and help others to stop ruminating. I know it has helped me to let go and emotionally disconnect from people who have NPD.
Dear anyone reading this: YOU matter, no MATTER what...No one needs to say it.for it to be true. YOU are worthy of love, even if no one says "I love you." There is only ONE of you. If YOU were no longer here, the world would feel it. Read this again. Love, Me ❤️
So grateful to you Lee for this channel. I haven't laughed so much in ages at some of your descriptions. I'm not a nutcase afterall and you shed light on my mixed up emotions.
These videos are heaven sent! I just got out of a relationship that went was off and on for the last 6 years. And everything you have said has been setting off fireworks for me. I knew something was “wrong” but couldn’t put my finger on it till recently. I saw the light and ended the relationship. Right before everything was said and done I realized that he might be a narcissist. I’ve never personally dealt with one before. Then one day your video popped up on my recommendation and I checked you out. I also had prayed for the veil to be lifted from my eyes so I could see exactly what was really going on. That’s when I started to see all the bs he was doing and the lies he was telling. He never could take responsibility for his bs and somehow made it my fault. He was always moving the goal line. He wanted ALL of me but only gave me little parts of himself. When I would try and talk to him about how I was feeling…it was like talking to a wall! Nothing no emotion no face expressions. Especially if he was the reason I feeling sad. He even tried to make me think I was crazy for even thinking he would do anything to hurt me…just to find out he was low key hurting me the entire relationship! Sorry this was so long💗 These videos are giving me something he never would or will give me and that’s understanding and closure!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH💜💯.
When you switch blame to justify your wrong doing and remove the guilt, do you later ever go back and have to fight off your own common sense. Maybe like late at night, do you ever lay there and say to yourself, “I’m so full of it. She’s not buying it. Of course she isn’t. Even I can’t believe my own BS.” Does that ever happen?
Why do I feel guilty for leaving a narcissist? I have to keep telling myself that I didn’t do anything wrong. I have given until I have nothing left to give.
Hi! The guilt you feel comes from the role that the narcissist gave you in his life. You were meant to be his "mother". Sam Vaknin has a very interesting theory, Richard Grannon also made a video on RUclips about Sam's theory. In a few words: you feel like a mother abandonning a child. I am so sorry, I tried to find the link but didn't find it. My usual language is French.
@@TriniStarr3527 thank you so much for the information. I am almost a year out from my separation and I am feeling so much less guilt. Thank you for reaching out. It’s sad what we live through but good that we can use what we learned to help others. I so appreciate you taking the time to reply.
This is a good one and the timing is perfect because I actually miss my ex narc but I’m never ever going back. It truly is that Stockholm syndrome. He left me lonely and sometimes wondering if I will be single for the rest of my life. I feel that he misses the convenience of being with me. I made him my world. So all I can do is take it one day at a time. Maybe I will meet someone soon.
@loveable rouge my ex wife is a covert narc and she constantly tries to alienate me from my kids school. She just wants me to be a Disney dad aka weekend dad only
@loveable rouge 😞that’s sad. The stage I’m in right now is remembering the good times. When he would shower me with attention and affection. The way he admired me felt like heaven. He would post me on social media often. I went everywhere with him sometimes being the only female and I was treated like I was the only one in the room. Then BAM it was like washing your hands and wiping them dry…all done! I’m so hurt because I sacrificed myself and safety to be with him. I was deep in love with an illusion.❤️🩹😢🤧
@loveable rouge dude I'm in the exact same boat as you. Noone in my family care or believe me because they never learned about Narcissism before. It's been a devastating experience for me. She discarded me 2018 like trash and up until couple weeks ago, I was still confused, suffering and feeling depressed from not ever getting a closure from my covert narc ex wife. U got whatsapp or an email? We can talk there if u want and we can both suppose each other mentally and emotionally because this is killing me and I feel like I am trapped with her for life because I had kids with her. She uses the kids to mess with my head.
Yeah that’s refreshing to hear: there is some truth mixed in with the craziness. That resonates most with me because the complete black and white thinking about it is equally unhelpful saying that everything was a total lie. This perspective makes it make sense about why I kept going back. It also makes sense to me because you could say I was also a bit that way myself when I think about how I often did things to please him. I was also playing a role, wearing a mask. Doesn’t mean there wasn’t any truth in it! Anyway, I’m done now though. But thanks for that. 🌻
What a fresh perspective to hear from a self-described narcissist! Thank you so much for your personal insight. I hope this journey of discovery has helped you live a much more peaceful and healthier life
How can I thank you!! I have unfortunately been in narcissistic relationship and attracted them my entire life. Thank you for the key to unlock my cage to freedom
I LOVE the honesty in this. I have alot of respect for everything you just said here. 👏👏👏 Well done for being so brave about something so tender. I'm looking at narcissists in a very different way now because of you. No longer living in fear. But recognising the narcissist just isn't the one for me I am to emotionally evolved for that level of stunted growth. You're doing good things with your self awareness x
Wow I was cracking up the whole time I was watching this I just found your videos and they are so funny to me because they’re letting me know I’m not crazy the part where you were talking about the flickering back-and-forth I couldn’t stop laughing because I used to think to myself am I crazy wasn’t this Knigge just being nice to me five minutes ago and now he’s acting like he don’t even know who the fuck I am just hilarious I watch some of your other videos and they are pretty much on point thank you. 😂😂😂
That part. Ask yourself WHY are they missing you because it’s probably for a selfish reason (at your expense). 👏🏾
Ain't that the truth. The narcissist does nothing but use you.nacassist are robot geared on a 5 speed
@@robinmoore3282 this such an important comment you made right there !!! Couldn't have said it better myself !! Narcissist are just like that !! , they have no EMPATHY so basically they act like robots with no EMOTION , No Empathy + No Emotions = Robotic , you'll notice this if you turn off your EMOTIONAL thinking people , and turn on ur LOGICAL thinking when analyzing a Narcissist you'll see that alot of the things a narcissist do when they are manipulating you for personal gains , can be put together piece by piece to form a conclusion to ' what ' they might be using you for , don't be fooled when they treat you a little bit of "right" and a little bit of "wrong" here and there , that is called COGNITIVE DISSONANCE thats just to keep you in the loop hole of confused thinking that they 'might still be a wonderful person' around you when treating you badly all the time , its when there WORDS and ACTIONS do not ALIGN that is called manipulation and you should keep your guard around the Narc when that happens.
Haha true 😂
ALWAYS
@@robinmoore3282 Right, and that is why you leave them.
Narcissists never miss you; they miss having access to you. Know the difference!
Mine made all of 2 attempts to use me as a tool for triangulation with his new supply (this was long before I knew anything about NPD, so I had distanced myself but not gone "no contact"). In short - #1 email was about missing my messages. I responded that I could teach his fiance some techniques. #2 email was a stronger message if missing me, to which I went off about how much he was disrespecting his fiance and that she deserved better than the way his ex-wife, ex-fiance, and I were treated. That seemed to shut him up (at least to me directly....).
Which is why their relationships rarely last
Why waste time on a disordered personality just seeing if he can pull off another scam? I have two words for this phony, and the second word is 'YOU.'
Yes I know
The only thing Narcs really miss when you go no contact, is the supply they got from you.😏
For those of us who have experienced it... we will never be the same. My heart goes out to all of you.
😩
We just need to reprogram our sub conscious mind x
I definitely agree but I have Faith I will overcome, I feel stupid for dealing with someone like this and not noticing the signs. I pray the lord will restore me and heal me from the Narcissist who also needs help as well. My eyes are wide open now.
Yes indeed❤️
You’re right but We can allow it to make us bitter or better! We choose how we channel our pain! I am healing but I refuse to let this pain go to waist I will become better and learn
Lack of empathy is always the reality. Blame shifting. Deflection. Avoidance of responsibility.
All Day 👌👌👌👌👌🫂🧬🫂
Absolutely on target. I know from first hand experience and it's devastating to realize you've wasted maybe decades of your life in a relationship with the living dead. 😢
They do not miss you , they miss how you make them feel , you are convenient, they do not miss your spirit or see the best in you . They will replace you in a heart beat and not look back
Amen. Once they are figured out or they see they can no longer run over you, you are of no more use to them
OMG! Excellent point blank period perfectly correctly said..I only wonder how long it took you to come to that cold hard truth about them..it took me over 15 years,and I still have trouble wrapping my head around the truth of such a hard cold fact about them.Even when they do "feel" something,it's so distorted & twisted,it's not in the way that we experience normal & appropriate emotions,thought processes & feelings...it's traggic, devastating & unfortunate for those who become intertwined in their web..Stay at peace & keep Healing
@@ellekingsley8032 hi elle not sure if you were talking to me or not but im not completely out of the dark yet but at least im seeing a bit of light. Its only been 2 years with this man...but feels like 10. He got mad at me recently cuz i told him i wanted to see other people because he still doesn't refer to me as his gf or take pics with me and i never been to his house. He called me a thot and a hoe and i felt so bad. I just gave up trying to date other men....He didn't speak to me for 2 weeks and here im back looking foolish again. I have come across some narcissistic men in my 40 odd years but he is by far the worse
That's so sad that it's people like this
They don't have a heart, these narcissists!
After being Narcissisticly abused - my definition of love has changed. Now I know love means wanting the best for someone even if you don’t benefit from it in some level
excellent comment
You are spot on
Like bei g in PRISON living with the. NARCISSIST .
NEVER KNOW WHAT IN THE ** TO EXPECT FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT....WALKI G O. FREKIN EGGSHELLS ALL THE TIME..
NO WAY YO LIVE..
IF YOU ARE A NARCISSIST
Pls. Get help before you lose someone very special forever.....
This
@@dianeholiday4564 Narcissism is unfortunately incurable.
Anyone here appreciating him how he admits his problems and how he absolutely changed himself over time❤️
♥️
Me!! So much respect for this man!
@@MentalHealness do you feel you are no longer narcissistic?
I’m appreciating you very much! The fact that you realize you had something wrong in you and sought help is amazing and rare for a narcissist. Most just continue drifting through life using and hurting others for their much needed supplies to survive.
There are I believe four or five types of narcissist, which one are you?
I’ve dealt with three narcissist in my life and neither thought they were ever wrong and needed to seek help…that is a dirty word to a narc. I just no contact a narc who I believe was the kind that would hurt physically whether it be sexually or bodily harm as well as mental harm.
I’m done and I avoid him at all cost! I see him pass my house looking for me and he looks angry and confused …what he thought he had wrapped up has now disappeared. I have no feelings for people who literally seek out empaths to use, hurt and destroy. May they be forever tortured every waking moment.
I wish you all the best in your seek to understand what you are and may you have complete recovery.
I know you’ll love this for it’s supply😉
@@handmaiden78 I don’t think a narcissist ever really recover completely. He’s a rare one.
"Look what YOU made ME do!" Every Narc, ever.
Yeah, mine told me I made him go crazy and act that way, even though he told me about how he punched walls when he was with his ex
I've heard mine say that quite a few times. 🙄
indeed, that’s every narc, incapable of taking responsibility for their actions even for their own good
Smh but true
I want to leave this dude so bad😒
Why do we care whether or not the Narc misses us?
They didn't care enough to keep us in the first place.
*CLEAN BREAKS ARE THE BEST*
Here's a good motto:
If you're trying to move forward, you can't go backwards (meaning you can't take back relationships from your past).
My love and support to all Empaths 💕
This is so true
@@iamdawnmwilliams
💕🥰💕🥰💕🥰💕
Well if it's the person that gave birth to you I say it matters quite a bit!
Sure, but it's nice to hear perspective from someone. Especially since we won't get it from our narcs 😅
Yes Jill! Well said! You are right!! 👍🏻
“When you take a narcissist back you forgive them for everything they’ve done to you” spot tf on
This is the reason I do not forgive. It helps keep a boundary between us. (We still co-parent).
We know narcissists “feel” it’s just they don’t feel about others feelings. Narcissists feel pain, hurt, frustration and sometimes sadness, but only for themselves. They can’t feel what others are experiencing even if they know what that emotion feels like for themselves, they just do not connect or care about the other persons feelings.
They like hurting others. They enjoy it. They take no self responsibility for anything.
@@allywolf9182 This was my ex. I can't believe I put up with so much from him.
You articulated that much better than I tried to put it
@@allywolf9182 Yeh!!! I almost think it's part of the sadism. And it's all a decision. We tend to blame it on trauma, past, mothers, fathers, etc, and allot of that plays into it, but I think I've seen people change over time and decide to be this way too.
Lol, you sounded like Keith Sweat🤣😁. But for real it is the truth!! I'm now hearing all that; I call it lies!! Simply because they don't know how to really care for anyone! It's all about them. It's as if they tolerate you!!😳🙄😲. Their mental is storybook and/or fairytale then, when you don't choose to bother with the dramatics and games they get enraged but, don't you be displeased or get upset! Immaturity. They must let go of childish behavior once grown and continue to grow!
I believe my ex misses having a generally kind, caring person by his side. I was a convience to him. He had it so easy. Now his life is a constant struggle and he's only surrounded by ppl who don't give a #&%* abt him. He tried to hoover me back. But i didn't take the bait. I will never go back to that and live that life again. Lesson learned.
👏👏👏👏 same here
Yup I feel the same way about my husband, I've been gone 2.5 months.
He is moving out on the 1st thank god because I’m ready to heal
Mine tried to hoover me back in at the beginning saying how he had changed and wanted to change more but how could he prove it to me if I wasn't living with him. Um hell no and he has proven it many times 9ver since that he was full of crap.
@@meghanict4634 yep mine ran to therapy and while in therapy to “ be a better man” was still meeting woman (escorts) online while he is at work. This was strike 3 so he has to move out.
Damn.. im so glad that you were able to admit your narcissism. It takes a real man and adult to admit it . There are men/women that go into their 40s-50s-60s never admitting it.
🙏🏽🙏🏽
👍👏💪🙏
I agree💯❤️👍
Most of them, they have no self awareness.
It really shows how age doesn't equal maturity. Narcissists are mentally stunted and act like toddlers.
I think it's fear. They can't deal with their feelings. Strong feelings scare them so they shut that down. It is extreme emotional immaturity. Guilt is too much. It requires a certain amount of emotional maturity to take responsibility for your actions. They have none of this.
It's not emotional immaturity. It's a disorder. My brain is not orderly, it is disordered.
Avoidance is not the same as not taking responsibility for behavior.
I feel your comment is reductive. I'm sorry you were hurt, but framing the symptoms of this disorder with your pain isn't helpful to anyone.
This is so true!
That's exactly what it is. It's really just that simple. They are literally just afraid to feel certain feelings, so they run from these feelings by distracting themselves somehow, or they even just cover it up with anger. Those emotions and fears never go away unless they are properly felt and moved through, so they just sit inside us and keeps us miserable if we continue to ignore them. They breed insecurities of all kinds, which they also run from. They can't take responsibility for themselves, because they won't even allow themselves to feel their own emotions. This is usually either inadvertently taught to them in childhood, or it became a coping mechanism they've learned on their own in order for them to deal with the trauma they've endured. We all project what is in our hearts, so they cause so many problems because they are projecting all of this unaddressed sadness and anger in their hearts. So you're right. Emotional immaturity is basically not knowing how or being unwilling to deal with one's own emotions, and therefore not taking responsibility for them, and that's their problem. Realistically, this can happen to any of us if we aren't careful. The good news is that they can actually do the work to learn how to deal with these feelings at any time, and get better if they choose to.
So well said!
Well said B C. They have No interpersonal skills and they lack a lot of adult behavior so they resort to deflection, lies, manipulation, rage, competition, anything except, accepting RESPONSIBILITY for their lousy immature Behavior.
I understand a narcissists but I also understand that these people are ruthless when it comes to negativity. They deserve to be alone. I'm not sorry, they will destroy you if you let them. They have no happy medium once triggered you automatically become the enemy. What's the point of wasting your time? Forgiveness is one thing but insanity is going back to a situation that serves you no true inner peace deep down. You can't coexist happily living with spiritual demons. Many of us already struggle with this dilemma, then you have the narcissists with demons it's on a more extreme scale with a person yelling back in your face.
Facts.
“They will destroy you IF YOU LET THEM…” Seems like you have some work to do.
Thank you for this. I needed a sign because lately he's been tryng to manipulate me into going back to him and I was about to give in again.
Seems like YOU have some work to do
So we'll said
No, they don’t miss you. They miss the control they had over you. And, I can attest to them being significantly annoyed that you can’t be fooled by their facade any longer.
I’ve dealt with my ex for four years on and off until I finally got tired and left. I ended up going no contact for over a year. 18 months into no contact my ex hoovered me and I responded. Stupid, I know. My ex knew he was a narcissist and he admitted it to me before I went no contact, and I knew a lot more about narcissism by then at that point, myself. Naturally, when I agreed to speak to him, he tried all his old tactics: future faking, bringing up some of our “better” memories (and I say that lightly), etc, things that worked in the past. And I let him think that they were working, too. I was hip to his game and I knew what was happening because it had always happened in cycles like that before. He eventually asked me to date him again, to which I told him no. I told him I would consider being friends, IF he sought help for his narcissism. To that, he replied “🙄”, and told me he’d talk to me later because it seemed like I wanted to start a fight. I told him that wasn’t my intention but okay, and that I’d talk to him later 🤷🏾♀️. It wasn’t until the next day when I haven’t heard from him that I realized he was giving me the silent treatment, aka old reliable, his favorite form of abuse. Because how dare I call him out and tell him he needed to seek help? I took that opportunity of his silence to silently leave him alone for good. I didn’t reach out to him or anything. I blocked him, changed my number and blocked him any and everywhere else he could reach me. Even cashapp. Luckily I haven’t heard from him since. Now I’m six months in no contact, and I don’t plan on going back. Ever.
They don’t change. They don’t miss you. In all honesty, I believe they don’t even care about the people who actually gave a genuine f about them. And unless they’re self aware and willing to seek help like our good friend here, then they’ll continue to spread their toxicity like a wildfire. My advice is to move on, better your life, learn and grow from this experience and find your happiness and peace. Best of luck to you all.
Thanks for listening to my Ted talk 😂💛
My narcissist ex got another woman pregnant. He came 500 miles to see me (we had a long distance relationship) just to drop that bomb and then expected me to immediately suck it up and go eat dinner with him. I was absolutely inconsolable and he told me I was "killing the vibe" and that the baby "wouldn't affect our relationship unless I let it".... the looks of confusion on his face as I cried were what made me truly understand how bad his disorder was (I knew he was a narcissist but I didn't know how out of touch with humanity he was). He tells his brother how much he misses me but as you said, it's definitely because I was his best investment. I don't believe he had ever gotten another woman to love and tolerate him as much as I did.
I hear that. I'm in the same boat. Cheated on, discarded, used, and yet he tells me that he loves me. I think he knows there's no one else who will put up with what I did.
Same story here essentially. My husband was living with another woman who had 4 children. He asked if he could come back to me but I understood why. It was because she was more trouble for him with her 4 children than I was with 2. The fact that mine were also his children didn’t enter his thinking just that it was quieter at my place. I just said no calmly and in that moment he understood that he would never use me again.
@@WorldOfARandomVegan Thank you for understanding. Stay strong. We know better in order to be better. Blessings to you! 💚
@@loisb8523 Good for you! Enough is enough! Thank you for understanding. We got this. Blessings to you!💚
Yrs they got that look on their face where u realize they really out of touch and really does not feel bad
I have no tolerence for The Narcissisct. They are a trip. I have learned alot
👍💛🌻☀
"They are a trip" This is an understatement.. 🥴😩
God says dont tolerate that jezebel spirit!!
Good Idea
Thats a good stance.
They cant show they love you because they view it as weakness! They only show affection when they want something.
I really needed a reminder of this, thank you
My ex would become a completely different person when he wanted me back. Suddenly he sounded more level-headed, he what apologize, even changed the vernacular of his words to sound more educated. This would last for about 2 weeks after I took him back. You would really think he had changed. But the second I called him out for disrespecting me he would go off and say you're the reason why I'm acting like this. Unfortunately I fell for that trap way too many times. But I'm happy I learned.
I'm in a relationship with a narcissist 🧐
My ex too. It was so incredibly mindful and self aware that i believed it every time. They know what to say
@@carolynwilliams7715 I hope you get the courage to leave ..am in day 4 of not talking to my narcissist ex and I miss him Soo much but I refuse to be sucked back into that relationship
Yes mines finally called me by name lol he never did before until I discarded him
Worst ppl to ever be entangled with worst! I wouldn’t wish these ppl on any1
They miss having someone to try to manipulate and control. They don't want to be alone. Things change when you move in.
It changed for me the moment I moved in his 🏡 the abuse started immediately and the disrespect/control he turned his feelings on and off for me like a faucet I was his Play toy and when I left and came back that made it worse
That’s Gloria Egbuniwe - the doormat, puppet, and enabler for abuser Dereck Egbuniwe. Both should also be jailed. Wreaking havoc on society.
Yes it does
We don't miss having someone to manipulate, we know we can find another. Many of us have abandonment issues, so being alone sparks fear and we are desperate to get you to stay But as soon as we realize being alone is an opportunity and not a punishment, we turn our attention elsewhere. Some people realize the opportunity immediately and only experience a flash of fear, others feel the fear for months.
They don't miss you, they are afraid of being alone or hate the idea of starting over.
This!
I appreciate your strength Lee...In part you helped my daughter walk away from a 5 year abusive engagement that never came to fruition of marriage but resulted in a pregnancy. My daughter left secretly 3/5/22 and is with me & her 3 sisters tonight in Hawaii with my unborn granddaughter due in 3 weeks.💗💗💗
♥️♥️
Aww, you have your daughter back! So glad she broke free. 5 years for me too, I left on 3/3...it was time! It took time to decide and time to plan the exit. It wasn't easy but it was necessary.
My turn to say "Look what you made me do."
#unleashed #peace #harmony #happiness
@@adanaryjacques7776 Aaawwweee awesome. .My daughter with her baby in her Arms is so Happy fir you too. You both left at the same time and planned for a long time to get it done.
GOOD JOB🌻🌻🌻
I am so proud of you💛💛💛
God bless you and your family!!!! She’s free!! Hope she has a great pregnancy enjoy your grand child
@@LD-qo7kf thank you so much for checking back on me. Congratulations for that new little bundle! Hope she brings you all much joy and unconditional love! God bless.
They don't miss you cuz they don't really know who you are. They see you by their own perception which is not who you truly are. So if they miss anything they miss what you did for them, but there's no way they could miss who you are because they don't know you
Great comment, truth right there.
This is absolutely 100% true!
Right. A inner species.
There is a lot in common with a Narc and a Mountain lion I have noticed over the years. They both are predators and learn only from mistakes when hunting. Both are known to play with their supply. Both are known to wound and run off. Both are known to return and play with their supply for awhile then eat the wounded supply for fun not for need. Shits and giggles are really fun. They are both known to eat choice delicious morsels and leave the rest to rot. They do this when game is plenty.
No they never miss anyone EVER. The only remorse is the fact when they realize they cut the water off and the power with the free ride that they deserve so much that they think next time they will improve on their game. Then they get old and mean when supply runs out. Remember at any time they can and will murder if the opportunity presents.
i think they feel guilt to a degree but they dont feel the need to right their wrongs like a mentally healthy person would. They crave control and that is the upmost important thing to them. They hate that others may view them as a bad person for what they did to you more than they hate what they actually did.
Yes they always focus outside the self! I think you are right about them feeling worse about what others will think.
Exactly . That is all they truly care about. It was all they ever cared about its was never you it was how others viewed them for having you. It only takes 1 or two people to not be impressed for them to want better then you . Othen it's a syco friend . That knows how to manipulate the narc. They love being hated or loved . It really dont matter. They play victim when hated and abuser when loved . It takes a lot out a person to play their game. It's just not worth it.
Don’t remember which Dr it was maybe Dr Ramani, she explained they don’t really have guilt more so embarrassment. Because of their ego what a normal person would call guilt, for them is more embarrassment that they looked bad in the situation.
I definitely don't see the need to correct my wrongs in the moment. Now that we're not together I see it all and ice actually been no contact because I know I will devolve into the same old nonsense. I just need to figure it out without hurting anyone else until I learn to cope
j-ace 1 Your speaking as if you’ve heard MY story.. This is complete insanity. It’s almost like…. How do you know this much about my past relationship and present state of confusion?
They don't miss you the person. They miss using, abusing and taking advantage of you. They don't miss your way of thinking or your character, just all the things you did for them.....PERIODT!
You hitting hard with the topics! I see your growth!
Fun fact: narcs have feelings but ours don't matter. They dont know how to handle their feelings but play with yours like play-doh.They mold and shape you into a roll of doo doo and discard you once you're hard because you've been hung high and dry af
💯🎯
@Ramona My goodness smh
Yeah, And truly, if you have some haters, you are doing something right..
So I admire what you're doing here [cause you'll never make everyone happy no matter What you try to do].. I'm not sure you're haters would have the courage to do what you're doing; 👏So let 'em hate.. Easy for haters to criticize which does nothing to contribute, while you're being constructive here, trying to contribute in a good way~ 🎯🌅👏😆💯
Truer words were never spoken!
Roll of doo doo!!!! Hahah
I just have to say that narcissists in my life were certainly my best teachers. They taught me how to take care of my needs first and to establish boundaries. I guess I still have low grade narcissists in my life but we manage to get along because they know my "no" means no! Peace and love to you Lee!
Yes! Same here!
The explanation of blame deflection is brilliant. I’ve witnessed this. You know they acknowledge what they’ve done then they deflect. It’s mind blowing and not normal.
🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’m literally weeping right now for the man I love. Because I’ve just realized he has NPD and won’t ever feel true love despite him saying he loves me. Sad for me, yes, but more sad for him. 😢
😞
I too feel for them. I'm in love with a narcissist and I really don't think I can stay with her but I will be ok. Just hope she will be ok. But that's the nice guy in me talking. Just because she's a narcissist does that mean she doesn't deserve my love? I think she does. Boy she picked a good mark with me lol
@@1badombre82 how bout now?
@@SaturatedInLoveTarot I got out of it. I realized she is always going to struggle with love regardless of having mine or not. In a way I'm grateful for the experience because I learned many things. I now have a better understanding of what love really is
@@1badombre82 when u read your initial response I figured you’d grow through it. The only way out is through. Glad you’re in a better head and heart space. ❤️
People get mad at me when I talk about the role the victim plays in their (our/mine) own seduction and abuse. I've never talked to a victim who have said, they didn't see red flags. I had to have a come to Jesus talk with myself. I asked myself, Why did I ignore the red flags? Why didn't I leave? The way he behaved was/is on him. The fact I stayed is on ME.
I think people don't realize how empowering it is to admit this.
@@heatherstacy2976 yes it is. Yet its humbling. I thought I had great self esteem and was aware of my value. I told myself throughout the marriage it was okay because after all he was good and respectful and generous MOST of the time, but when he wasn't he wasn't
I came to the conclusion that I didn't know my value because I stayed with someone who occasionally did hurtful things.
Yes we chose to stay but we were also manipulated and conned and taken advantage of, then given hope to dash it all again, sometimes those who are in long narc marriages it is because they were fooled for a long time before seeing the real deal. Not always black and white-it depends on each individual circumstance,
Self worth but also self awareness and awareness of what a healthy relationship should look like. I remember how many times I convinced myself to stay because he would tell me how lucky I am to have him and i also would think of reasons I should count myself lucky. And my father is a narcissist too and so I suppose the general behaviour especially controlling behaviour wasn’t a shock to me
@@Iwasonceacarpenter you're right, they will show who they really are after they make sure you are in love with them no matter how long it takes. They will deceive you as long as possible! It's not as easy to see when you're in Love and they know this.
I just found out about this after my last relationship 4 years ago. I've stayed single since. It's like they starve you of attention, you're left trying to prove yourself worthy of their love, you are just disregarded. I can't believe I allowed myself to be treated so horribly for so long. I have been in one controlling relationship after another and until I ran into channels like this, I never knew what it was. I had a hard time before, I always believed ppl say what they mean and do what they say. I know now that this is bull crap and most ppl lie. I take all responsibility for all my relationships. Now I know better and can do better. I did ignore a lot of red flags and accepted a lot of apologies.
One thing that I tell myself now and wish that I would have learned sooner is if they wanted to they would.
Good for you! Remember you owe people nothing you’re here to take care of you first. Blessings 💚
As a victim and survivor, I sincerely appreciate your validation and insight. Big up!!!
Thank you
@@MentalHealness God bless you. Wish you pease and Joy 👑
It hurts your feelings that you don’t have access to hurting someone....that’s very weird. Its evil. You want them around just to mistreat them. It’s insane.
Very evil. I'm so glad this guy is posting these videos to bring awareness so others know these demons are real and know what they do. To me they are no different than sadistic serial killers
Yep. And he is on the mild part of the spectrum
@@swiftkarma4436 so sadistic. To be SAD that you’ve lost the ability...to HURT someone because it gives them energy and makes them feel important and powerful. That’s like a person smiling while strangling a puppy. Then when they strangler the puppy to death they’re not sad it died they’re sad that they can no longer see it struggle from strangulation now they have to get a mew pet to torcher??Like what the hell.
Yea its totally insane. I'm glad I finally figured that out with my ex. The only reason he kept hovering me and trying to come back was just so he could continue to bully me and start arguments to get under my skin. It made him feel powerful cause his personal life was chaos (which he created too)
@@allywolf9182 Yes, must be mild to even be self aware. Mine would NEVER acknowledge any flaws.
As a therapist, myself, who is struggling to leave a relationship with someone who I’m realizing probably has NPD, I am so thankful for your vulnerability and help. Almost all of your shorts are him. It’s helping me to be able to see things outside the fog of his reality. 🙏🏼
Is it easy knowing that you can recognize these things being that your therapist
@@marioboyd557 not really. It’s probably just as confusing as if I weren’t. I think mainly because he most likely isn’t aware he’s doing those things. Like, it’s not intentionally manipulative. He’s been through a LOOOOOT of trauma. 😕
Now, also listen to Kirk hazell videos. For strength when needed.
Seeing a self aware narcissist is like seeing a fish out of water! Congratulations 💜 not only is it validating the feelings of victims everywhere but it's just really good to see that some people can change , that it's a lifelong disorder but that you can be aware and take steps. You let me know not everyone is a lost cause but some people are not going to be willing to take a look at themselves
We just stop caring that you have feelings when you remove accountability. Nothing matters to the narcissist more than their fuel supply.
Omg when my ex said “I don’t want to have to train someone else to be how I like “ 🙄🙄🙄🙄 you are so right
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Brutal right
I heard exactly same thing 😂😂😂🤦♂️
Its just hilarious!
"Maybe later ,maybe later , laters gone"
This made me cry
Thank you for what you do , after spending almost 10 years with someone I wanted so badly to love me , losing myself , believing I was unlovable and crazy , it is refreshing and validating to hear this come from someone who understands their diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder ,because loving someone who has it and isn't aware is the most destructive and painful thing I've ever experienced. I wish I had found your channel YEEEEARS ago when I was searching for reasons to leave ,but I think finding it after I regained my strength is the most beautiful validation I've ever received . Just thank you for what you do .
Absolutely just ended my 7 year relationship it's so painful and makes me wonder was any of it ever real
I feel your pain, congrats! Big time!!! 😀
I lived in a nightmare like this for 5 years in my previous marriage. THANK YOU LORD JESUS THAT I KICKED HIS ASS OUT AND DIVORCED HIM, before he could do it to me 😁😁😁😁😁😁 Of all the psychological abuse I put up with, I am so F***IN PROUD OF WHAT I DID FOR MY DAUGHTER AND I!!!! AND GOD BLESSED US WITH A HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME AS THE DIVORCE. THANK YOU FATHER 🙏🏾💯🙏🏾💯🙏🏾💯
stay strong
@@MentalHealness Doing my best everyday. It's tough sometimes, but leaving him was the wisest thing I've ever done. And I'm 100% sure I made the right decision. Thank you sir for being transparent and sharing your experience. So many people are suffering in these dynamics and need help. God bless you 💯🙏🏾
Good 4 you!!!
👏👏👏👏👏👏😂
Same Sis, after 14 years of pure hell with satans precious baby boy 😒
I have 4 children & did the same💕
God bless you & keep going ❣️
DO realize using the Lord's name and then swearing is a double mind and a great dis honor to Jesus.
Be a Godly example or don't use His name or reference Him.
I’ve been watching your videos. Thank you so much, left my narcissist a little over 2 months ago and have went through every emotion that I can imagine. Even asking myself if I was the narcissist.
I am at that stage, just monday I asked my brother if he think I am one, he said "no, you are not". They just have the ability to make you doubt yourself and they cause you to react this way = narcissistic supply. I have learnt a lot in the past two weeks, I never knew my whole life!! (My dad was a covert narc and I found out my hubby is the same😢😢😢)
@@t-worx4458 If you were a narcissist you'd never ask yourself that. Not out loud anyway.
I keep questioning if I'm a narcissist too. But through some counseling and these videos it's really helped. I'm 4 months from no contact and a restraining order from my narc. I'm missing him terrible today and am thankful for the comments and videos. Jesus has all of us in the cradle of His arms. If you read the book of Proverbs in the bible, you can see these devil creatures have been in existence for eternity. I'm greatful for this man doing these videos. It helps me. My narc keeps hanging around all the places he could see me. When he could just leave me be. Anyway, much love to all those hurts souls. Trust in Jesus.
I'm three months separated from my husband that everyone tells me is a narcissist. I asked my counselor that this week that maybe I am the narcissist and she said the same thing. that a narcissist doesn't ask themselves that question. I still have so much doubt about what to believe. we have been dating since high school and married for 37 years. I don't even know what a normal relationship looks like anymore. And I still want to blame myself for not being good enough for him.
I respect that you recognized you had a problem and possibly hurt Others and sought help! That deserves recognition 🙏🏾
This. When he says they want you to come back because they spent so much time conditioning you and they don't want to start from scratch with someone else, it's the truth. He's confirming for us that they KNOW what they're DOING. It's conscious. It's like writing down a plan, and then executing it, like a grocery list. Narcissists know what they're doing.
Your channel is the most authentic space for narcissism.
Your therapist is great ! I can’t believe she caught it . Most therapists blame tge victims bc they are also fooled by the narcissist yours is on point I am so glad you found each other. You shed so much light 💡 thank you. It’s important for people to find the right therapist ❤️
Yes my husband has feelings but they’re allllllllllllllllllllllll about them
🙏🏽
What you're doing is selfless, brave, & benevolent. You are giving back in this way. However many women you have hurt, you're helping more women than you have damaged.
And that is commendable. 🌟
💯
You are right! So refreshing to hear the truth and helps to make sense of all the crazy in your head. No contact is hard...but you have to take back your power. How somehow treats you is more important than how much you like them!
How someone treats you is more important than how much you like them...!!
👍👍👍👍👏👏👏👏💪💪💪💪🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I'm really proud of you for working so hard on overcoming this, you are amazing!
Self aware narcissist. I absolutely love that! And you’ve worked on yourself and you’re helping us empaths and non-empaths. I wish my ex had been more of a man…
“What ever makes you heal , what ever you need to believe “ 😅 this phrase hits home because they make you linger on the what happened question. All day in your mind.
Bro. I know you were diagnosed as a narcissist. But you being this candid and having this much self-awareness means you’re on a great path. So don’t listen to these haters and thank you so much for sharing. Don’t stop walking on this path.
I know in my situation, he never felt anything. It was all calculated & strategically planned. I later found out he’s actually gay and doesn’t even like women. He in fact hates them cuz of his mom and his goal is to hurt women as much as he can. I am sad that is his reality but have removed myself from that dark instability. The most profound lessons are usually the most painful.
A huge portion of them are closet homosexuals.
Hmm 🤔
@@allywolf9182 do you have a source I could check out on that topic?
naaaah
there's no source saying that
The flip switching off is conditional love in action, imho. Yeah a narc loves you but the love is conditional & always at risk of being "switched off." ETA: Your descriptions of how your brain works is very helpful, btw. Really appreciate it.
Very much so. The affection I received from my narc was only when I did something that pleased him and when I didnt cross the line or when I was following his "training". Like a dog getting a treat for doing a trick.
@@Vr4z1el Mine gave me affection when he wanted something from me.
Exactly.
Yes, this is the BEST way to describe it! It is VERY conditional
@@WorldOfARandomVegan yes
The best, most honest narcissist out there 🙌🏻 thank you for this Lee!!
Honestly, this is helping me understand my soon-to-be-ex-husband SO MUCH. Thank you. It’s making me realize I’m doing the right thing by leaving, and that I was just a convenience to him because of all the conditioning through the years. It’s helping me understand that I need to stay strong even though I’ve gone back to him so many times before.
🙏🏽🙏🏽
First time leaving and Lee is ensuring that I’m educated enough NOT to go back - kids or not. Just going to try to be great coparents and that’s it.
@@jasminwells6438 Yes girl!!! Know your worth!!!!❤️❤️❤️ stay strong girl. One day at a time
You have given so many people an insight into how and why the narcissist acts the way they do! Without the understanding of behaviour it is so difficult to move on. And I do sincerely thank you for what you do
Yaaaaassss! Exactly this. I have always needed the "why" or "how" for so all sorts of things to be able to really understand it and deal with it in my life.
I didn't know about these type until after I spent many years dealing with one. I can tell you for a fact that not only will they affect your health they can and will kill you w/o a gun. They will drain life from you over time. I wish I would have known about them before meeting him, but I feel blessed because he was trying to kill me b/c he didn't have the courage to leave me until I gave him no choice. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you! Prayer is the answer b/c they are of the Devil and he's no match for the Lord. We are helpless. After two years I am so much better and stronger! Good Luck and as he would say "Be careful" and I listen and learned a lot! Thanks be to God.
OMG!! You addressed questions I have had since the mid-to-late 1990s. You, in only a few minutes, have freed me ( I'm about to cry)! Thank u. Thank u. Thank u!!💯 x 💯
I appreciate you. I know I have some narcissistic tendencies, and I’m trying to get as honest as I can. I want a real relationship where I do for the other, not out of what I can get, but just to do for their sake. I lost my wife of 18 years behind never taking her seriously when she told me what she needed, and I just don’t want to hurt anyone else anymore. I’m not ready for anything but self reflection and work. Thank you for your openness and candor.
I doubt your a real narc-we all have tendancies, but a real narc isnt sorry, unless he is sorry for how he feels.
@@Iwasonceacarpenter he could be and now see how his actions hurt others and want to change. Most don't want to change because they don't have the courage to do so.
Fair play to you.. Honesty ain' t at ease when you try to shake the dis ease of dishonesty. When it gets really hard to face the truth at least you can try not to lie. Things will improve as you move along.Sounds like you are committed to the endeavor.
Best wishes.
This is really honest. My partner who I broke up with recently acknowledge this from his marriage before me. I do feel like he did try to not be like that with me. But he did regress back to the behaviours. Not as bad as he treated his wife definitely but still hurtful. I’m not sure if he has the strength to change because it takes a lot to do that. So kudos to you for admitting these things.
I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know you probably get a lot of negative comments from people who have been hurt by the narcissists in their lives, but it takes a lot to not only get the help you need, but to also choose to help others who have been hurt by the narcissists in their lives. So I want you to know that there ARE those of us who appreciate what you are doing, and you videos are truly helping me heal and gain the understanding and closure I need from my ex, all without breaking my no contact with him. So thank you so much for helping all of us understand how the narcissistic mind works and thank you for helping all of us to heal 💓
Thank you so much. I appreciate it
i adore you! You literally are saving peoples lives. Don't let abusers attack you. I am a psychology student and everything you are saying is true. Please, keep up the good work. You are worthy Lee. I appreciate you so much.
It was like “oh my family treated you bad, I cheated and lied to you numerous times, smeared you, lied on you, gaslighted you, emotionally and mentally abused you ” oh well it’s time to discard you.. on to the next. Behavior like this is mind-blowing.
Summed it right up in a nutshell
They are literal pieces of crap. It s mind blowing.. like who do they think they are
It’s amazing how you can heal by talking so candidly about the narcissistic mindset. A narcissist friend of mine who I have loved for many years loves me differently. He cares for my well being but there is no way he would put my feelings ahead of his.
Thank you for giving us the perspective from a narcissist. I appreciate that you put yourself out there to help us understand the narcissist in our lives.
I really needed this. You are touching lives and making a difference
They get the emotion but emotion leads to a full feeling and they don't want to experience the feeling of guilt so they assign the emotion a tag that deflects fully feeling it.
Bingo
I can not get it
I have started watching your videos after my my breakup and I’m really appreciative of the insight, helping me see things from his perspective, and understanding why he did and said the things he did. This situation is so confusing on both sides. I thought for the first time, I was going to have this happy, healthy relationship.. but it ended up being the most toxic. I have tried everything with him to show him he’s loved, cared for, valued, appreciated.. nothing ever worked. Eventually, for myself and for my kids (They aren’t shared between us, but they love him), our health, safety and sanity.. I thought it would be best to take a break from him. I ended things and now he faults me for anything and everything.. he doesn’t talk to me like I was the one hurting him. I’m over being back in a relationship with this person, I never want to be in that position again.. it’s scary. But watching your videos has been very helpful in healing and understanding what was really going on. So much of it just makes sense now.
Hey Sherina, if you ever wanna talk about the horrible, horrible situation you were in, I'm here to talk. 👀
@@CFChristian thank you. I haven’t heard anyone say that this entire time I’ve been struggling.
How are you feeling now Sherina? I'm just over a month now since I left my wife, it has been so hard, some really low days, some more positive days.. But she has been on my mind almost constantly
I am proud of your commitment to educate survivors and some narcissists and to being self aware to get therapy and share your journey.
I wud like to know ya wife’s perspective.
How was y’all boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ?
How did it get to marriage with your disorder?
How she dealt with it, how you dealt with it and whose idea was it to go to therapy?
I been feeling guilty for months for how I handled the situation with my ex honestly. I appreciate you actually making small steps to show that we actually care, my ex really believes that I don’t I don’t care and I’m some
Emotionsless robot that just manipulates but really, I’m just not the best at handling situations when I’m upset. For me personally I could never replace my ex and I told that. I would get ghosted blocked for being difficult and that pain cuts deeep! I would end up talking to other females about her instead of running game. For months I have found myself doing that Smh I hope folks get help before it’s too late and they lose that one person they really care for.
So, you are saying, you're capeble of loving someone?
So can I maybe belive that the narc in my life really loved me after all? After all lies?
It still hurts so much. I dont know how to handle, what to think or what to do
I also fell for "the change" several times. I realized recently that I as a result have started to display some of those same traits and am feeling extreme guilt because I don't want to turn into what I ran from. I'm doing something about it because I know unhealed hurt people will hurt other people. First therapy appointment is next month and I'm intentionally staying single.
That is not true. Hurt people do not hurt people. If they love you they WILL NOT HURT YOU!!! I don’t hurt people I love, that remark is a unfair, untrue statement.
My ex would act like he was extremely remorseful… sometimes. And those times were followed by blame on me for contributing in some way to why he abused me. Even something as simple as disengaging. Even that was reason for his abusive behavior. You can’t do anything right, they’ll always have an excuse as to why you had some part in their behavior. There’s never full responsibility.
Yep always!! My ex would NEVER take responsibility initially for anything he did. He would try to convince me that what i was feeling was wrong or that i misinterpreted what he did or that it was my fault in the first place!
You, Vaknin, and Cluster B milkshake are bringing so much healing to me as someone who has suffered from severe codependence their whole life. bless you guys, for real
I’ve experienced the gambit of narcissism from the unaffectionate to the excessive love bombing. People have so much support for victims, and absolutely nothing nice to say to someone like you that’s brave enough to share how you felt and what that might mean for others. I had moments of insight where I was like “yup, you’re right”. And for me, understanding helps with the moving on. Thank you for being vulnerable and helping us understand and process the things we’ve endured.
🙏 stay strong
I'm glad someone admits it that they are a narc. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thanks! WE truly love what u are doing by giving us awareness.. still striving ❤️💯❤️
You are so welcome
I'm glad that you're here to give us a bird's eye view into the mind of a narcissist. You've certainly answered some questions for me. You've even made me laugh!
That is so interesting to know that when the narcissist supply ghosts them bc of the narcissist ghosting them first, they become hurt. 🤔 So interesting. Thank you for sharing from your perspective
you're welcome
Mine was devastated when I gave him a taste of his own medicine. He begged and pleaded for another chance, just the way Lee described in this video.
@@MentalHealness It´s better to ghost first then playing into their tactic of ghosting?
Just went NC 2 weeks ago after 10 months of breadcrumbs after ltr breakup with sick Narc
Thank you for taking your illness and making a positive thing from it. Awareness is key and don’t worry about the hate comments..you know it comes from pain that that individual is still healing from. Keep doing what is needed to help them and yourself!
I'll be praying for you young man it's not your fault that you have to fight these inner demons you need to just pray to Jesus Christ
You are such an inspirational human! GOOD FOR YOU! I give you so much credit for your sincere motivation to help people understand narcissism and your bravery and courage to bring such vulnerability to a public platform.
Lee, I really hope that you continue to gain because you are really telling the truth. I can relate to everything you are saying. So Thank you because there are so many people out here just talking about narcissism and I can tell when people really are clueless and when people have been through this or are REAL narcs. I remember watching my ex-narc remembering something he was feeling guilty about and talking to himself under his breath and saying NO I don't care they shouldn't have done that to me. it is just like a light switch. He never knew how much I was watching him and observing his behavior. the sad part is I knew how to respond to him according to what mood or when he switches back on and off. I'm so glad it is over I dealt with a lot. it was a lot of work being with him I was always exalted after being with him or talking with him it was like I had to check into a DAMN JOB. BUT THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DO
Thank you i appreciate it . stay strong
I couldn't agree more. A lot of people throw around the word narcissist but I can tell when someone has actually been with a narcissist. There's a certain level of devastation that only the victims truly understand.
I think people forget that a narcissist is just that because they have been hurt so deeply!! Of course they have feelings and hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Thank you for taking your struggles and trying to bring positivity to others. Thank you for sharing!!!
Yes we have all being hurt so deeply. But we don’t go around thinking everything and everyone is there to USE for our own benefit. Life itself never allowed me to do that and people shouldn’t allow narcissists to get away with it either
That is actually not true. Having narcissistic personality disorder is not necessarily the result of being hurt. It can simply be because that is how their brains are wired or even excessive praise from parents..
@@Hyla73 this is true! I use to wonder about how Narcs are created and I came across an article that was very insightful and helped me so much. They are created by extremes. Paraphrasing of course but they were either overvalued or undervalued by their Parents. I feel like theres this overabundance of Narcs within my family and that is what lead me to look into it. It also makes sense that because its so familiar to me, that I would unknowingly choose a Narc as my sons Father. I pray that I don't pass it on but so far I have done a pretty good job at keeping family at arms length for obvious reasons and I have gone NC with my Ex.
Blame shifting and not taking responsibility is giving away your power.
Thank you. You’re information is helping me understand what happened in my 33 year marriage. I think it’s wonderful you are helping people after becoming self aware. I think that’s a major accomplishment for a narcissist and kudos to you for helping people by explaining these relationships. 🙏🏽💜🙏🏽
strong safe and strong
As someone who struggles with this, I really appreciate your videos. Your openness and refreshing approach to hold narcissistic ppl accountable but never condemning them is powerful for someone like myself, who has not made victims but nonetheless has a personality disorder and ticks a lot of these boxes. when I first came into self realisation I felt immense shame and disgust in myself becaues I identified with the victims but knew that I am someone with the same traits that victimized them. A hard thing to come to terms to. But I feel safe watching these vids
I married a high level narcissist. I appreciate what you doing giving us info ! It has been helping me a lot understand his brain and so forth! Thanks you for your courage to come out clean with out masks !
You are definitely educating us & giving us clarity sir. And this video was hilarious! 😂
As a former victim of narcissist I'm so thankful to see people like you that decided to change and spread awarness. Thank you so much!
I love this channel. He gives us firsthand information regarding Narcissism. How he would respond, and we get the nitty gritty.
Keep it up homie!
These explanations really give a true insight to this disorder and help others to stop ruminating. I know it has helped me to let go and emotionally disconnect from people who have NPD.
Dear anyone reading this: YOU matter, no MATTER what...No one needs to say it.for it to be true. YOU are worthy of love, even if no one says "I love you." There is only ONE of you. If YOU were no longer here, the world would feel it. Read this again.
Love,
Me ❤️
I really appreciate your perspective. You're helping me be strong and you're helping me heal
So grateful to you Lee for this channel. I haven't laughed so much in ages at some of your descriptions. I'm not a nutcase afterall and you shed light on my mixed up emotions.
These videos are heaven sent! I just got out of a relationship that went was off and on for the last 6 years. And everything you have said has been setting off fireworks for me. I knew something was “wrong” but couldn’t put my finger on it till recently. I saw the light and ended the relationship. Right before everything was said and done I realized that he might be a narcissist. I’ve never personally dealt with one before. Then one day your video popped up on my recommendation and I checked you out. I also had prayed for the veil to be lifted from my eyes so I could see exactly what was really going on. That’s when I started to see all the bs he was doing and the lies he was telling. He never could take responsibility for his bs and somehow made it my fault. He was always moving the goal line. He wanted ALL of me but only gave me little parts of himself. When I would try and talk to him about how I was feeling…it was like talking to a wall! Nothing no emotion no face expressions. Especially if he was the reason I feeling sad. He even tried to make me think I was crazy for even thinking he would do anything to hurt me…just to find out he was low key hurting me the entire relationship!
Sorry this was so long💗
These videos are giving me something he never would or will give me and that’s understanding and closure!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH💜💯.
Thank you for opening up and sharing your vulnerabilities to help others. Honesty is the best policy.
you’re welcome
When you switch blame to justify your wrong doing and remove the guilt, do you later ever go back and have to fight off your own common sense. Maybe like late at night, do you ever lay there and say to yourself, “I’m so full of it. She’s not buying it. Of course she isn’t. Even I can’t believe my own BS.”
Does that ever happen?
Also curious!
Good question I think they do, but then switch to not caring..
@@delaw2xoxo269 oh…that sounds about right. 😔
Without therapy they think of all the justifications. No they sleep well while you are crying next to them.
He basically says no. He defaults to blame.
Why do I feel guilty for leaving a narcissist? I have to keep telling myself that I didn’t do anything wrong. I have given until I have nothing left to give.
Hi!
The guilt you feel comes from the role that the narcissist gave you in his life. You were meant to be his "mother". Sam Vaknin has a very interesting theory, Richard Grannon also made a video on RUclips about Sam's theory.
In a few words: you feel like a mother abandonning a child.
I am so sorry, I tried to find the link but didn't find it.
My usual language is French.
@@TriniStarr3527 thank you so much for the information. I am almost a year out from my separation and I am feeling so much less guilt. Thank you for reaching out. It’s sad what we live through but good that we can use what we learned to help others. I so appreciate you taking the time to reply.
@@aspears4008 You are welcome 🙂
Nice to know you are doing better 🙂
Definitely look up Sam Vaknin.
I find I need to understand it intellectually before I can process it emotionally
@@fainitesbarley2245
Same with me, I needed to understand intellectually before processing emotionally. And Sam Vaknin is very helpful for that.
That no guilt or guilt spectrum is so REAL and valid... it's always IMMEDIATELY went to deflection and blame shifting. Literally EVERY SINGLE TIME.
This is a good one and the timing is perfect because I actually miss my ex narc but I’m never ever going back. It truly is that Stockholm syndrome. He left me lonely and sometimes wondering if I will be single for the rest of my life. I feel that he misses the convenience of being with me. I made him my world. So all I can do is take it one day at a time. Maybe I will meet someone soon.
@loveable rouge my ex wife is a covert narc and she constantly tries to alienate me from my kids school. She just wants me to be a Disney dad aka weekend dad only
@loveable rouge 😞that’s sad. The stage I’m in right now is remembering the good times. When he would shower me with attention and affection. The way he admired me felt like heaven. He would post me on social media often. I went everywhere with him sometimes being the only female and I was treated like I was the only one in the room. Then BAM it was like washing your hands and wiping them dry…all done! I’m so hurt because I sacrificed myself and safety to be with him. I was deep in love with an illusion.❤️🩹😢🤧
@loveable rouge dude I'm in the exact same boat as you. Noone in my family care or believe me because they never learned about Narcissism before. It's been a devastating experience for me. She discarded me 2018 like trash and up until couple weeks ago, I was still confused, suffering and feeling depressed from not ever getting a closure from my covert narc ex wife. U got whatsapp or an email? We can talk there if u want and we can both suppose each other mentally and emotionally because this is killing me and I feel like I am trapped with her for life because I had kids with her. She uses the kids to mess with my head.
@@livinmylife5025 it will get better day by day. How long were u with him until you figured him out? It took me 7 years to finally figure out my ex
@loveable rouge alright
Yeah that’s refreshing to hear: there is some truth mixed in with the craziness. That resonates most with me because the complete black and white thinking about it is equally unhelpful saying that everything was a total lie. This perspective makes it make sense about why I kept going back. It also makes sense to me because you could say I was also a bit that way myself when I think about how I often did things to please him. I was also playing a role, wearing a mask. Doesn’t mean there wasn’t any truth in it! Anyway, I’m done now though. But thanks for that. 🌻
What a fresh perspective to hear from a self-described narcissist! Thank you so much for your personal insight. I hope this journey of discovery has helped you live a much more peaceful and healthier life
How can I thank you!! I have unfortunately been in narcissistic relationship and attracted them my entire life. Thank you for the key to unlock my cage to freedom
thank me by staying strong
I LOVE the honesty in this. I have alot of respect for everything you just said here. 👏👏👏 Well done for being so brave about something so tender. I'm looking at narcissists in a very different way now because of you. No longer living in fear. But recognising the narcissist just isn't the one for me I am to emotionally evolved for that level of stunted growth. You're doing good things with your self awareness x
♥️♥️
Wow I was cracking up the whole time I was watching this I just found your videos and they are so funny to me because they’re letting me know I’m not crazy the part where you were talking about the flickering back-and-forth I couldn’t stop laughing because I used to think to myself am I crazy wasn’t this Knigge just being nice to me five minutes ago and now he’s acting like he don’t even know who the fuck I am just hilarious I watch some of your other videos and they are pretty much on point thank you. 😂😂😂