INFJ here. Yes I have door slammed people many times and I don't feel bad about it one bit. The reason is simple - we put so much time and love into other people that if we sense it is not appreciated or if the relationship is unhealthy or even hurtful to us, we will simply say "no more" and move on with our lives. No need for a big drama just "live and let live" knowing this person is not a good fit for us. If the person who hurt us is genuinely sorry, fights to save the relationship and changes behaviours to give us the respect we deserve then we will be more than willing to forgive. However that takes work and growth and very few people are willing to actually better themselves and take ownership of their behaviour; therefore most often that door is closed, chapter of our lives completed and onwards to the future. I ask myself "is mywellbeing and life better for having this person in it?" If when all the pro's and cons are added up the answer is no: goodbye and good luck.
Also INFJ: A bit late to tack this on, but maybe it can help people in the future: "If the person who hurt us is genuinely sorry, fights to save the relationship and /changes behaviours/..." Speaking personally, that is the most important line in trying to salvage a relationship post door slam. Apologize for the action or situation that brought on the hurt and your part in it, explain how and why it would hurt so I know you understand how I might feel, then SHOW me you're serious. You aren't the first person who's 'apologized' but then gone and done something very similar to what brought on this situation to begin with, so you need to prove through your actions, every time we interact that you are as conscious to what happened as we are. Then, let's work on the long road to healing. And no, it won't be the same as before, but maybe we can grow it into something beautiful. It's up to you, and if you lose interest? You know where the door is.
These are all exactly reasons I door slam people.. I just can't help it. I don't hate them, I just preseve my battery to keep me healthy inside. I am too heavy INFJ. Thank you for posting this. I feel there is someone out there understands my INFJ's "negative attitudes".
I still love a person i have door slammed. When I think of the praying, sleepless nights and anxiety i have experienced worrying about that person, giving them my ear and resources when they were in a bad place and needed a friend. They knew and still know i love them. But now that this person is riding high they have disrespected and dont give me the time of day it became perfectly clear, and I am done!
Sometimes, a doorslam from me doesn't equate to a total block out. If I have given you my whole heart and all my time, only to learn you were taking advantage of me or avoiding important subjects such as finding a middle ground between conflicting opinions... I will lose empathy for you and will no longer wish to comfort you when you're down or ask if you're alright. I may feel pity or sympathy, but I no longer will engage myself in your well-being unless it directly impacts mine. An example being that I still share a living space with my ex-boyfriend: if he's angry or sad, he may call out of work or openly spew his cloud of negativity through facial expressions or vocalization. I no longer feel any kind of empathy or even sympathy for him, knowing what he's done to me in the past. And if I have to try and cheer him up, just to get him out of the house and give myself some alone time, then I absolutely will. But it doesn't mean I care about him or his feelings like I did in the past, by this point it is an annoyance.
First time I doorslammed someone, I was 5 yo. My friend pushed me into a fountain in the middle of a park. I couldn't swim but the water didn't cover my head, it reached my neck,so I don't think I would drown. An adult pulled me out thankfully. My mother tried to convince me to forgive my friend. I couldn't, in part because I knew I would never do something like that myself. I was even resentful to my mom because she was asking me to forgive. Even now, at 47, I haven't forgiven her, lol
INFJ here... You are 100% correct. I had to door slam family members who were narcissistic, and now I just door slammed a guy, much to his shock. I give people ONE chance, and then I don't hesitate to erect a fortress around my heart... or at least push them out from my heart several rungs away. I know my worth, and I won't settle for subpar relationships. I'd rather be alone with my book... or music... my journal... my God... or a good movie.
Agree with everything except that INFJ's doorslam most often. Actually INFJ's door slam the least and most rarely, specifically cus we forgive so may times. Other types door slam way sooner, more often and more easily. The only reason it stands out with this type is because there is no warning (due to avoiding conflict, and doing the door slam so late that they thought it will never happen).
Have you considered the INFJ sensitivity factor? I suspect what you are talking about is more indifference related, and possibly shallower extroverted fire and forget interactions. (apology for yet another response.)
It doesn't apply to me. It is not true that I could protect myself just by withdrawing. I could very easily hurt those people's feelings so badly that it would make them wish they never saw me again. The fact is that I choose not to because I would hate myself for behaving inhumanely.
This is literally what I say all of the time, I could be soooooo mean and express all of their stupid truths but I don’t because I’m a good person hahaha
The funny thing is that I do aware all close persons about this thing, they did not believe me and think I am over exaggerate. then It happens. I really thankful for these explanations about personalities. When I understand this, I started to do it gradually, so people do not hurt by me due to leaving them suddenly.
I'd go further and say: if you mess with my values to a point I know you're just unequivocally evil and there's no other way to interpret your actions, then I doorslam. We doorslam like this because we try and see things from other people's perspectives so much, that when we realise that someone needs to be doorlsmmed, we've already endured so much and ignored so much, we feel bad because we've allowed this to happen for so long, then the doorslam is just brutal, because we know a 100% it needs to be done.
It's something that I see happening to me a lot, to door slam people...they really are too intrusive sometimes and try to manege how to live my life...and be arrogant too, so, even when giving them time to think what they stinky have done, they don't apologize, they make me do it and simply ask for it
It’s not door slam it is like they don’t exist or like I have nothing to do with them ..we don’t hate them nor love them we just remove them I have only done it once or twice and it hurts us more then them.
All seem to be true about me. The one item that doesn't seem to apply is that others will not respect my alone time. I can't think of anyone who is like that with me. Just recently I let a friend go. But it's not the first time. When I let him go the last time, he was all that I had for friends and family and he didn't want the friendship to end. A few weeks after I let him go, I got into some trouble (my car broke down) and I needed some help and support. I took him back but then I realized I didn't need him. After my car broke down, other things went wrong. I was told that the car will be tied up at the shop for three weeks (it still is at this time). Since then I have been ordering groceries online and it has not been going well. But whatever the problems I have, he always insinuates that it's my fault that it happened or I should have handled the problems differently. And then, just recently, I talked to him on the phone and he gave me a lot of "you should haves" kind of stuff. I hate it. DOOR SLAM on him!
@@Jules-zg1ip And perhaps because it is not expected of INFJs. I am empathetic to a fault but I have a dark side that shocks people if you intentionally or repeatedly cross boundaries. Its more than a door slam. 😂
INFJ here. Yes I have door slammed people many times and I don't feel bad about it one bit. The reason is simple - we put so much time and love into other people that if we sense it is not appreciated or if the relationship is unhealthy or even hurtful to us, we will simply say "no more" and move on with our lives. No need for a big drama just "live and let live" knowing this person is not a good fit for us.
If the person who hurt us is genuinely sorry, fights to save the relationship and changes behaviours to give us the respect we deserve then we will be more than willing to forgive. However that takes work and growth and very few people are willing to actually better themselves and take ownership of their behaviour; therefore most often that door is closed, chapter of our lives completed and onwards to the future.
I ask myself "is mywellbeing and life better for having this person in it?" If when all the pro's and cons are added up the answer is no: goodbye and good luck.
Also INFJ: A bit late to tack this on, but maybe it can help people in the future: "If the person who hurt us is genuinely sorry, fights to save the relationship and /changes behaviours/..." Speaking personally, that is the most important line in trying to salvage a relationship post door slam.
Apologize for the action or situation that brought on the hurt and your part in it, explain how and why it would hurt so I know you understand how I might feel, then SHOW me you're serious. You aren't the first person who's 'apologized' but then gone and done something very similar to what brought on this situation to begin with, so you need to prove through your actions, every time we interact that you are as conscious to what happened as we are. Then, let's work on the long road to healing. And no, it won't be the same as before, but maybe we can grow it into something beautiful. It's up to you, and if you lose interest? You know where the door is.
That's really annoying
I just learned I am an INFJ, door slamming people. I did not know there is a label for this type of personality.
When I listened to this, I realized I had emotionally door slammed. I don't hate them, but I just go away mentally.
These are all exactly reasons I door slam people.. I just can't help it. I don't hate them, I just preseve my battery to keep me healthy inside. I am too heavy INFJ. Thank you for posting this. I feel there is someone out there understands my INFJ's "negative attitudes".
I could have written this exact comment. People do not understand how we are caring but once you hit our red line you are DONE!!
I still love a person i have door slammed. When I think of the praying, sleepless nights and anxiety i have experienced worrying about that person, giving them my ear and resources when they were in a bad place and needed a friend. They knew and still know i love them. But now that this person is riding high they have disrespected and dont give me the time of day it became perfectly clear, and I am done!
Sometimes, a doorslam from me doesn't equate to a total block out. If I have given you my whole heart and all my time, only to learn you were taking advantage of me or avoiding important subjects such as finding a middle ground between conflicting opinions... I will lose empathy for you and will no longer wish to comfort you when you're down or ask if you're alright. I may feel pity or sympathy, but I no longer will engage myself in your well-being unless it directly impacts mine. An example being that I still share a living space with my ex-boyfriend: if he's angry or sad, he may call out of work or openly spew his cloud of negativity through facial expressions or vocalization. I no longer feel any kind of empathy or even sympathy for him, knowing what he's done to me in the past. And if I have to try and cheer him up, just to get him out of the house and give myself some alone time, then I absolutely will. But it doesn't mean I care about him or his feelings like I did in the past, by this point it is an annoyance.
First time I doorslammed someone, I was 5 yo. My friend pushed me into a fountain in the middle of a park. I couldn't swim but the water didn't cover my head, it reached my neck,so I don't think I would drown.
An adult pulled me out thankfully.
My mother tried to convince me to forgive my friend. I couldn't, in part because I knew I would never do something like that myself. I was even resentful to my mom because she was asking me to forgive.
Even now, at 47, I haven't forgiven her, lol
There seems to be 42 years of missing data.
Thank you for this comment!
@@m2pozad never saw her again after that
@@liul Here is an unasked for tip- strive to be resilient.
Right decision. INFJ tolerate a lot of misconduct. But when the credit is out it is over forever!
INFJ here... You are 100% correct. I had to door slam family members who were narcissistic, and now I just door slammed a guy, much to his shock. I give people ONE chance, and then I don't hesitate to erect a fortress around my heart... or at least push them out from my heart several rungs away. I know my worth, and I won't settle for subpar relationships. I'd rather be alone with my book... or music... my journal... my God... or a good movie.
Agree with everything except that INFJ's doorslam most often.
Actually INFJ's door slam the least and most rarely, specifically cus we forgive so may times. Other types door slam way sooner, more often and more easily. The only reason it stands out with this type is because there is no warning (due to avoiding conflict, and doing the door slam so late that they thought it will never happen).
Interesting insight!
Have you considered the INFJ sensitivity factor? I suspect what you are talking about is more indifference related, and possibly shallower extroverted fire and forget interactions. (apology for yet another response.)
It doesn't apply to me. It is not true that I could protect myself just by withdrawing. I could very easily hurt those people's feelings so badly that it would make them wish they never saw me again. The fact is that I choose not to because I would hate myself for behaving inhumanely.
This is literally what I say all of the time, I could be soooooo mean and express all of their stupid truths but I don’t because I’m a good person hahaha
Thank you for sharing this!
Now that's the #1and only reason 🥶✌️
This is much more healthier
The funny thing is that I do aware all close persons about this thing, they did not believe me and think I am over exaggerate. then It happens.
I really thankful for these explanations about personalities. When I understand this, I started to do it gradually, so people do not hurt by me due to leaving them suddenly.
Interesting perspective!
I'd go further and say: if you mess with my values to a point I know you're just unequivocally evil and there's no other way to interpret your actions, then I doorslam. We doorslam like this because we try and see things from other people's perspectives so much, that when we realise that someone needs to be doorlsmmed, we've already endured so much and ignored so much, we feel bad because we've allowed this to happen for so long, then the doorslam is just brutal, because we know a 100% it needs to be done.
Thanbks for this insight!
It's something that I see happening to me a lot, to door slam people...they really are too intrusive sometimes and try to manege how to live my life...and be arrogant too, so, even when giving them time to think what they stinky have done, they don't apologize, they make me do it and simply ask for it
Thank you for sharing this!
It’s not door slam it is like they don’t exist or like I have nothing to do with them ..we don’t hate them nor love them we just remove them I have only done it once or twice and it hurts us more then them.
Alright!
“We don’t hate them nor love them”. Speak for yourself. I’m an INFJ and have resentment for those I’ve door slammed. Working on forgiveness
ENFJ too - big time 💯💯even more so
;)
Been there done that /INFJ
Same!
~ENFJ
#ENFJ_Ultimatum #INFJ_Doorslam
it's scary how accurate they are
Okay!
All seem to be true about me. The one item that doesn't seem to apply is that others will not respect my alone time. I can't think of anyone who is like that with me.
Just recently I let a friend go. But it's not the first time. When I let him go the last time, he was all that I had for friends and family and he didn't want the friendship to end. A few weeks after I let him go, I got into some trouble (my car broke down) and I needed some help and support. I took him back but then I realized I didn't need him. After my car broke down, other things went wrong. I was told that the car will be tied up at the shop for three weeks (it still is at this time). Since then I have been ordering groceries online and it has not been going well.
But whatever the problems I have, he always insinuates that it's my fault that it happened or I should have handled the problems differently. And then, just recently, I talked to him on the phone and he gave me a lot of "you should haves" kind of stuff. I hate it. DOOR SLAM on him!
Interesting comment!
Why is any of this specific to infj's. Why shouldn't people shut out those who are repeatedly selfish and disrespectful?
I think everyone is capable of a door slam, too. But as an INFJ myself, I suspect we are prone do it more because of our specific personality traits.
@@Jules-zg1ip
And perhaps because it is not expected of INFJs. I am empathetic to a fault but I have a dark side that shocks people if you intentionally or repeatedly cross boundaries.
Its more than a door slam. 😂
I hear you! 😊 Cross my line of "many chances given" and....🔥.
I may be a INTP trying to learn more about my INFJ friend xD
Watch this. #3 is the argument you had last night! He is lucky you did not slam the door.
Ok
👇WATCH NEXT👇
INFJ Personality Type Explained
ruclips.net/video/VEXT2Le_ge8/видео.html
Can your next video be about the ENFJ Ultimatum? Please?
So we do this to ourselves 😢
Unfortunately!