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WHY A TRUE INFJ COMES OUT ON TOP DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2022
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: The INFJ is always looking for ways to help others, even if it means they're being targeted by a narcissist. But once the truth about how this person has been harmful comes out and you believe in your gut instincts that something isn't right- then there's no turning back!
So today we talk about why an INFJ turns into a power play once they finally confront the narcissist.
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What are your lessons learned from encounters with narcissists?
It always reminds me of my strength
I'm never gonna be good enough, no matter how much effort I put to please them. They always want more and more..
I have to let go of my simplest rights to please them, to cancel my own personality to be like them, because anything different than what their beliefs are is simply wrong..
I wish I have the power to confront them..
I'm totally done, still planning my way out..
Lots of fears inside me, huge amount of overthinking..
I hope the day that I can finally say "I'm free" will come soon, because I'm so done of all their s**t..
Finally learned that boundaries are necessary and choosing myself is not necessarily evil 😁 it still feels so selfish but I try...
_“You will not touch these innocent people with even one inch of your dirty blades, if you require an opponent, I will fight you. If you wanna taste the ground, feel free to attack me.”_ Kenshin Himura
If I have to tell about my self despite that I have been in one-sided relationships, when it comes to relation's with someone that is tring to step uppon my head I always have unmistakeble feeling of something's wrong. I never understand all the videos that are talking about how an INFJ is a favorite target for narcissists. This is for the INFJs who haven't align with their inner self yet and in fact today's world is full with such people, not just INFJs. Probably if you have already solved something for yourself you cannot understand it anymore or you never have understand it in first place. It's all about the envirement that you are living in, the atmosphere in your family, the upbringing that your parents have been given to you and that is what changes everything for us, because we feel the energy of our envirement and it's easy for us to calm ourselfs as we maintain connection with positive energies. That's one of the many geniouse sides of the INFJ. As we subconsciously sponge good energy from a positive family envirement we learn to deal with so many struggles that is possible to happen to us, that we don't even feel them as a struggles as we grow up.
As an INFJ, I love character development so much, until I met my narc ex. I saw his true redflags from the start, but I thought I could change his toxicity. Apparently I’m wrong about that, no more fixing toxic people. I feel it’s enough to be kind and responsive, but I’ve decided to stop myself from fixing toxic people because it’s pointless.
Agreed! They can only make the changes, and even that, they must want to change first!
Like trying to reason with a drunk person...not possible.
I went through a very similar experience to this and it was really eye opening.
Same here! They have to want to change. I'm not going to try anymore. I'm exhausted.
FEMALE-ATTRACTION/ATTRACTION/ROMANTIC-ATTRACTION/FEMALE-PSYCHOLOGY/HOW-TO-ATTRACT-FEMALES/FEMALE-MANIPULATORS/MANIPULATE-FEMALES/FEMALE-DATING-FEMALES
Answer:
1) 'Emotional Appeal'; how you make a female "feel" is the key to her everything. Give her 'emotional-thrills' via manipulation.
2) Physical Attraction; even this is connected to emotional appeal/attraction. Both points connect the strange stereotype between women "fucking" psychopaths, "bad-boys"; and ESTP/Chad, ENFP, etc.
[I strongly believe that most women cannot differentiate between the sensation of "emotional-thrills" (including 'lust') and [genuine] "love"].
Love-definition. What is "love"? Answer: Excessive humanity for an individual.
Since most women are emotionally immature (they are good at masking it; do not confuse the two), they are exceedingly susceptible to emotional manipulation/exploitation.
Since society over-values and over protects the human female, the female can afford not to develop their sentience, intelligence, emotional residency and self-control. This makes them both unintelligent/narcissitic and emotionally-vulnerable.
Of the MBTI, most females are "feelers" and unintelligent-feelers, i.e. "sensor-feelers" (population density), no less. They are more vulnerable to this realization/exploit, i.e. that physical attraction and emotional manipulation (via "thrills") is the key to attracting the female.
NOTE: Most women monitor and prey on the emotions of a man. They attempt to corrode the emotional resiliency of a male child; thus making the male child susceptible to her "whining", narcissitic-complaints (self-serving and emotionally abusive [whims]); psychological manipulation via emotional abusing their sons will make them a dull, and disposable pawn (who exists solely to serve women and lay down their lives, as thought and conditioned via social norms).
No contact is the only strategy with narcissists.
We all learn the narcissist lesson the hard way.
teach*
I can fix them, tho'! 😁 (Maybe we could've learned the easy way if we had just quit being hard on ourselves?)
its the not knowing part that sucks.
@@lilfairycupcake the not knowing if you are dealing with one you mean?
@@wyzer9 if I could only fix them haha.
The eternal battle between the INFJ and the narcissist is like a lion and a jackal. Like a silly jackal they run around make a lot of useless noise, but in the end, the lion tears them in half.
I told my ex, I eat men like you...literally. He said, "you don't eat anything ".
😂😂😂..tasty 😂
Narcissists can’t be helped because they don’t think anything is wrong with themselves!
I often wonder why narcissists torture themselves by coming my way. I wonder if they come looking for the mirror. Because I definitely humble them in my presence.
😂😂 love it. I feel that way too. It’s like, looks like I’m gonna have to school this one too
Maybe
It’s because they want to break free of their narcissism but don’t have the tools to do so.
...😂literally; schools in session. Don't believe they want to be better because if they did, they would find a way to help themselves, like everyone who wants help does. They seek help but if they seek help here. VoilA! 😂
It can become a sick game. Gotta be careful not to get reverse sucked in to enilate the bast@rds.
Narcissist want pity, not advice or solutions. I learned this the hard way.
Hey y’all. Be careful before you confront like I did. I learned the hard way….(read below)
1) Make sure you have control of all your assets. I.e. separate your accounts. Remove permissions on your apps, devices, and any other shared things. Take them off your shared plans. Take back your power behind the scenes before confronting. That includes credit cards. Make sure you close any shared access, account logins.
2) If you have kids together. MAKE SURE you don’t communicate in advance what your intentions are. Don’t show your cards. Get a family lawyer without their knowledge or consent. Pay the retainer fee and file for custody first. The rule of thumb is, he/she who presents their case first to the courts, usually wins.
3) Make sure you make solid plans for housing outside the relationship. Get a down payment on an apartment ready. Then narrow down your housing choices in secret. GET INDEPENDENT!!!
4) Call your close family and friends. The ones you are ready to finally get some support from. Explain the dynamics of the relationship, that you were in an abusive and manipulative relationship, and need their support as they make plans to get out of it. If you don’t……THEY WILL become targets for the narcissist to turn against you and they will become flying monkeys.
If you don’t, trust me….narcissist will put you into what’s called the “discard phase”. The discard phase includes rejection, abuse, triangulation, and complete annihilation of everything you’ve loved or wanted good in your life.
That includes your place of work. If you need to, approach Human Resources and ask to get entered into their EAP for counseling. And tell them you are going through a difficult separation from a person who may try to take it out on you.
5) Get a PFA the same day you confront - As soon as a narcissist acts out against your boundaries. You need to be ready. Take notes, take pictures, document the emails, texts, phone calls, anything that happens once they get rejected. And make sure you report it immediately.
Ok y’all, that’s about all the best I have for you. Because I didn’t do those things above. I lost everything. Housing, my kids, she cleaned my account, turned most of my former friends and most of what’s left of my family against me.
Truth is, I needed it to happen. I needed to cut ties with those people who were so easily swayed and betrayed me. I needed to go through the psychosis and breaks from reality so I learned never to get involved with a narcissist again.
Yes I may be behind on the custody, housing, and career battle now. But I know that my life change and mental toughness is going to serve me better. I’m ready to play the long ball game. And that means I am focused on myself only. Can’t think about her. Can’t even think about the kids. Because they were turned too, into flying monkeys. So yeah. It gets ugly folks. But the bright side is. When you’ve turned the corner. You will have yourself back. A much more wise and bold self, ready to stand up for yourself and be your own main character instead of being subservient.
I'm so sorry. It's so hard. But where you say you just had to learn the lesson. Once. And never again. Look forward. I hope you find someone nice. Take care of yourself.
All the best for you, get well due this complicated, nerve wracking phase. This is why i'd never marry, *anyone* never, ever. I've had narc ex girlfriends, and they've been horrible, to say it at best, politely. Also so called "friends", being through this.
Ok dumb question, what is a pfa?
Thx for this ❤thank you
There’s a way to get what you want, but you must make it seem like the break up was the narcissist idea.
When you realise the narc is going through the discard phase with you. Cut back and mirror the narc actions. Ramp up the feeling of abandonment in the narc. Withhold your own feelings, stonewall when the narc stonewalls, retreat back into your inner self.
This will cause the narc to react impulsively. They will do irrational things and revert to their old self. They will reach out for new supply when you aren’t giving it to them. Once they have secured this new supply, they will complete the monkey branch and swing away from you.
This is when you go through even more gaslighting, guilt trip, flying monkeys and what not.
It’s okay. Just continue to play to the ego of the narc. Tell them that you were wrong, you are to be blamed. Let them hear what they want to hear. Boost their ego skyrocket high. Don’t worry, you will win the end game by doing so. The more you boost them, the better the end result will be for you.
During the separation negotiation. The narc will probably be feeling like they are in full control and their ego at the moment being so strong, they’ll make silly mistakes. Let them. Don’t prevent or stop it.
Let them dictate the terms of your separation. You will quickly begin to notice that they aren’t thinking things through. When the narc is full of themselves, they are in self destruction mode really.
The terms that they’ll negotiate will hurt them in the long run. I’m talking about them not wanting any assets from you, the kids are no longer what they want so they’ll give up custody and control, they may even want to contribute to raising the children.
All the while, you quietly go along with it and accept their terms. Their motive is to exit the relationship with you at all cost possible and as quickly as possible.
Don’t piss them off, just let them do their thing.
When the divorce is signed and finalised, sit back and relax. You’re free from the toxicity and have escaped relatively intact.
Follow what lovethyself have mentioned but do it covertly. Grey rock the narc. You don’t want them thinking that you are interested nor push them away.
Keep things civil with the narc from that point onwards. They will be in your life but you will never fall for their mind tricks or games ever again.
You move on and continue being the positive light and good influence in your world.
Deal with narcissists is like stealing candy from baby, when an INFJ is on top of their game. But these narcissist know no boundaries to what they are willing to do to hurt you!
They will do anything maintain their delusions
@joesoap8125 it's like maintaining a dam that's about to collapse but they keep trying to put wet concrete to repair it. It's bound to collapse sooner
I've been Narc free for 12 yrs now. They can be spot a mile away and I avoid them. And if I have to converse for whatever reason, they get no supply from me.
When I realized I was playing a role with a narcissist, that was when I confronted her and pushed her away. I did not like the role I had been playing when I was around her.
It’s the role they’ve cast us in. The main narcissist in my life wanted me (classified as disabled myself) to be her carer. This is a particular type of covert narcissist, who’ve taken on the sick role, whether through mental health issues or physical ailments. I do believe she still thinks that I will one day relent and she will once again have me where she wants me. Not going to happen.
that's exactly how I felt, I was assigned a role I didn't like, and the only way to get out of it was to completely cut contact and act as if that person is dead.
Is way too much right iam a infj
I was born to two of them. Most of my ex are. Didn't find this out till I married one. They are dangerous. We have direct contact with God. Narcissist are demons. They will gaslight you. Fk these people.
So Glad you're free
Correct me if I'm wrong, but what you just describe is transitioning from INFJ empath to Sigma INFJ. It's never an easy process. Hurts so much in the beginning but after awhile, you can feel the differences. Most notable is you become more decisive and your confidence grew exponentially. And that is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg.
Can a sigma transfer into a heyoka infj? You seem to understand, I just learned about infj personality type but i knew i was a heyoka empath now i see it says a heyoka infj is the tip of the ice burg you could say.
everyone is actually born sigma(innate instinc)cute, charismatic, funny, cheerful, attractive, courageous etc, but because of greed, jealousy, envy, arogance, ignorance, laziness, out of fear of being ostracised or bullied or fired or demonetized or cancelled or out of fear of bad things happened to people will happening to them(trauma) or any human desires slowly made them away from the true nature, some became against it (LGBTQ) or narcissist or sociopath or psychopath, some became a murderer some get suicide, some became introverted and some having a mental illness,, and sigma only introvert in a toxic or disrespectfull society and vice versa
and this is how to raise children to become sigma ruclips.net/video/2AvepssBwzY/видео.html
@@GinaCruz56 THE MIRROR, I just ask in my community section about the mirror/duility. Im not trying to burst your bubble but knowing is only the beginning of the strom and im far from out, its more like im trying to be the rain in the storm, the weather is calling for darkness very thick darkness, the whole world is a lie and everything you been taught is a lie, we must fight from within.🙏🌹
@@GinaCruz56 Jesus said, "No prophet is welcome on his home turf; 2
doctors don't cure
those who know them."
I think you're so right! Infjs need to become sigmas to reach their fullest potential. I have been going through a process of becoming stronger and more confident in my decisions and I can still be empathetic but I realised that the first person I need to have empathy for is MYSELF!!!
What matters is being in tune with who you are. That will create the attraction of the right things and the repulsion of the wrong things. Be in the flow with no concern for outcome and watch how your life changes for the better.
As an INFJ, I have learnt how to deal with narcissists; telling them that you want to have nothing to do with them and see their reaction is priceless. For example, In my former workplace, I confronted a narcissistic coworker a few times, and then I started ignoring her as much as I could, whereas the others maintained close contact with her. I couldn't care less about any of her attempts to gain control over the situations where she tried to involve me, I was always upfront and she (and her flying monkeys) were left totally disconcerted. The very same day I left that workplace, I did what I wanted to do: the door slam (I blocked her in my phone).
Could you describe her behaviour?
@@serendipity2018 She was an attention-seeker that would do anything to get my attention, from trying to force me to look at her and say something about her appearance to recruiting flying monkeys to impose her opinion over mine, to no avail of course.
@@serendipity2018They always have the same behavior. The patterns are mostly the same.
Yeah, Gustavo, but that looks more as a flight. If you’re not in a position to flight, it’s more difficult to use the door slam, because you still have to work together. It then is a bit more complex to confront them openly and also even unwise.
You then have to be more careful and tactical.
@@thewatchtower8330 The door slam was not possible from the very beginning due to the obligation of interacting with the other person involved, but it was not a fight either. In the end, I door-slammed my former co-worker by blocking her for good.
I always tend to push away narcissists because I show my authentic self right away like I do with most people and that makes them pull away. That used to bother me when I was younger in my twenties because I thought I had offended them, but now that I've gotten older in my late thirties, I realize they did me a huge favor by walking away because the narcissist really didn't care about anyone unless they can get something out of people.
Never confront a narcissist - step away slowly.
Unfortunately the only thing that works is the ol door slam. You cannot repair them no matter how hard you try. Your strength is in leaving the door shut to those who disrespect you.
Recently stopped being long time friends with a narcissist. He basically thought he created me, and that i needed him even though he was the one who needed me to support his way of thinking. When i started to put up boundaries, he started to put me down, relished in my bad days, excluded me from conversations with our friends and played like he was trying to help me and he was the victim. Once i decided ive had enough, him and his egotistical bf began acting like they did everything they cud to help me (i was not looking for their help) and made my other friend believe that i was the one being mean. Also, when they were being mean to me, they would do it when no one else was around or someone who won't say anything because they are also under their control.
Im been much happier without them in my life.
My supervisor happens to be a narcissist. His personality and lack of emotional intelligence are the reasons for many, many employees to leave the company.
He's always nice to the newcomers while he's nitpicky about all the tasks the seasoned staff members have been assigned to. So, there was the fateful day he began picking on me. Luckily I had a fair share of bullies in my life so I knew how to deal with the situation - confrontation. My supervisor eventually had enough and ordered me to attend a dialogue (or rather interrogation) with him and my former team leader as mediator. From what I knew he was preparing for hours in order to make an impression on me, while I didn't really prepare, at all. Within his very first question I managed to deflect the implied accusations and answer with a curf ball so big that you could clearly see his train of thought derailing in his very eyes. I was leading the conversation from that point on...
The blowback I have to suffer from that confrontation is that he will avoid me on most occasions and deny nearly every idea and applications for in-house training I submit. However, I've regained my individuality and freedom in the process as well as the respect of many coworkers while I'm still able to find ways to get what I want. I've been elected to staff council member as well as staff representative - both require him to communicate with me and may be a roadblock depending on his intentions. From what I've heard he doesn't like this new dynamic between us and of course he believes I would be lacking in other regards, still. Btw. My new team leader is also my biggest cheerleader and vouches for me whenever appropriate. Watching the whole thing unfold is just priceless.
Take it as inspiration for what could be if you face your fear and deal with the ill-natured people in your life. Good luck!
I'm currently in your shoes. and trust me he nearly sabotaged my career. I quickly had to make a u turn and trust in my abilities to continue the project without his supervision. I have made a huge progress so far without him. funnily enough my supervisor had the guts to jump from no where to claim credits for my success. I'm at the phrase where I I'm trying to figure out how to get him compensate me for the financial expenses.
@@émbeny in case you're interested in hearing my advice, your best bet would be getting on good terms with every person around your supervisor, including the CEO. Social gatherings are a great place for that but keep your own alcohol level low to minimize the risk.
When you do it right, you may be able to vanish off his radar completely while you can still pitch your ideas using your coworker's names (only if they agree). And the best part about it is your colleagues will register when your supervisor tries to attack your credibility behind your back or disguise your ideas as his own. They most likely won't say anything but they will prevent spreading false information and will likely warn you about what's happening. That means, attacking you will result in damaging his own reputation. Give it enough time and he might severely sabotage his career with you doing absolutely nothing.
So true. In order to confront the narcissist, we have to "hurt ourselves in the process." It hurts to have to confront someone. Then, the question is: was it worth it to confront the person and tell them how you feel? Or, should you have just walked away and said nothing? It seems like the right answer is to do what would make *you* feel the best in the long run, however, this can sometimes be hard to determine in the moment.
The most important tactic in an argument next to being right is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without an embarrassing loss of face.
Stephen Jay Gould
@@WackadoodleMalarkey Absolutely, that's a great point. You want to supply an honorable way out for the opponent.
I have a hard time walking away and saying nothing. I've left a few relationships incl. my marriage, but always said my peace.
@@WackadoodleMalarkey Sun Tzu also said that, in other terms. When there are no other options left for the enemy, he will fight till the death.
@@redsunflower5328 The first times you do that, it will be difficult, but in my case it got less and less difficult.
I stopped hanging out with my best friend of 10 years because it was the INFJ (me) & narcissist (him) dynamic. It was really hard on me, but I knew I had to do it for my own growth and best interest. He showed his true narcissistic self one night when we were hanging out and drinking, and he accused me of only hanging out with him because he always had attractive women around. I was so pissed off, I left and haven’t really spoken to him since…That was almost 3 years ago.
Well done my friend!
His loss...that I know for sure! 🌷🙏🥰😘
By the way....my father is an INFJ and I know a few other.....INFJ men are THE BEST!!! You are rare and very very VERY special!!
Know that and never ever forget it! You are SPECIAL and very rare!! 🌷🙏🥰💪😉🤭
Top man! Nice bit of door slamming there.
Thank you. This really spoke to me. It’s exactly how I’ve been - dimming my light to boost someone else. Being nothing more than a supportive player. I won’t do that anymore.
My greatest lesson was be myself and not being smaller to accommodate someone else's expectations. I have only known your channel for a short time, but I already enjoy your reflections very much. Thanks so much from Brazil
As an ENFJ I have dealt with many narcissists. I think having Ni first would be better but regardless Fe + Ni in any order is going to be an intense combination that in the end will always outclass and outplay a narcissist.
What you say is profound. However it can be extremely dangerous to confront a narc. I was in an abusive marriage in the 70s,80s and have been narc free for over 35 years. For my own safety I packed up and left when he was not home. Shudder to think what would have happened had I told him face to face that I was leaving.
Really your life might have been at risk you did it the right way God bless you
@@youcantseemeanymore thank you 😊
My sister is a narcissist. I had to slam the door 2 years ago. Not sorry.
I had a friend like this and I'm not sure if they were a narcissist or just borderline... but this is the EXACT relationship that we had.
I dated a narc years ago and because of his insecurity and possessive jealousy he tried to turn the tables by telling me I was the narc. I caught him in the rye and he wanted to be friends . I refused, so I got rid of him. So happy!
The young infj NEEDS to help people and is a bit of a people pleaser....easy pray for the narc cause they pretend to need help and we will be too forgiving about toxic behaviour. And we don't know how a narc ticks and are too naive so we get played.
But once we see the game 1 time...we learn and will understand our enemy better than he understands himself and know how to outplay him.
A healthy grown up infj will be selective in those we CHOOSE to help. And we deserve a non toxic partner who will be there for us instead....our lives are narc free zones. We have a 0 tolerance policy for toxic sh!t.
I'm fighting one right now. I attract all the strongest narcissist in the world.
When my husband passed away, the only thing I could think was that I hope he realizes now how much I did for him, how much I went through during the relationship. The "parts of me aren't up to debate" section really resonated with me, as our biggest fights were when he would say, "What's wrong with you?" and my response was always, passionately, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with me." There are things I can improve, and I'm working on, but nothing that's "wrong".
Never let a narcissist know that your on to them. There are many degrees of narcissism more traits they have the more dangerous they are!
Where are my lessons learned from confronting narcissists? When there is a long period of avoidance of one another before interacting with one another again. It normally happens when I reveal the truth to them about something. I never do that to be mean. I actually would have not said anything to them if they wouldn’t have asked me a question to begin with. One of my mottos is “If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask me”.
I’ve watched a ton of videos on narcissism. This applied in a very unique way to the INFJ.
Wow.. amazing. Thank you Wenzes! 🙏🏿
Realizing my pattern of needing to fullfil my partner's needs at my expense was the biggest breakthrough for me. Once I realized I deserve to be treated as well as I treat others, I finally found a relationship with a genuinely nice person, and we are both fullfilled by each other. There is a rich and equal exchange, that feels natural and healthy. This happened much to my surprise because I didn't think it could happen for me. I include this as a blessing in my life.
I'm really wondering the way we all have the same story with those sick people!
The Truth Shall Set You Free.
Right now I’m playing a role with my wife. She has no idea what’s coming
Legend :)
Truly when we step up to the narcissist it awakens something in us, almost want to thank them, because after that interaction everything else becomes easier.
In my case I struggled with going No Contact with a 20 year old "friendship" although I saw toxic behavior from early on, because my belief was that long friendships shouldn't be broken. After going No Contact I decided to redefine my boundaries and my expectations of others. So far it works. Although I struggle quite often for having gone No Contact.
They are a cup with a hole... you keep filling and it is never enough.
You are beautiful and special... love yourself first.
Once we see the narcissist for what he or she is, it will mostly shock us, because in our minds we probably had a totally different idea about them. To then see the person for who he is and we can see him/her without the mask they’re wearing and all the pieces of the puzzle fall in its place, we maybe are disgusted by the ugly truth. By the untruthfulness. By the matrix we were somehow trapped in.
But then, we are going to get a deeper dive in what narcissism is and how such a person’s ego functions. We then see him or her from a distance and gradually we can detach from him or her mentally.
From then on it gets more easily to first play the game consciously, and then to say: “okay, I know how this game works, now I will quit with it in a way the narcissist will loses his or her interest in us (because we stop putting him into the center of our attention) and also we have damage control, because we can do it in a way we least provoke the narcissist into having a need for revenge.
However, I don’t agree with Wenzes we can change a narcissist with our way of confronting him or her (by adapting our approach and behavior), and this is really important: Narcissists are mostly never to be changed, because they lack the ability to self-reflect. They think they’re never wrong. They are deep down insecure, yes, but because they can’t look at themselves critically, they will not ever change. They thinking they are right and great and all the rest isn’t. So forget you will have certainly have results in that. In 99% of the cases you won’t.
Hello, I found your videos unexpectedly I always wondered why and what is was about me that made it hard to make and keep friends. I am a recovering alcoholic 13+ years and I never really looked deeply into it. However I had a sudden death cardiac arrest and when I came out of the almost 3 week coma and found out what happened I became angry. I was told I was dead and it was a miracle that I survived. To me it was a curse I don’t want to live in the in the life I had, it was too painful I don’t want to go on trying to have people accept me. I am a shy, introverted sensitive guy 57 years old. Oh forget about me and my story. Your videos woke me up to see me. Every single thing you say I see me it’s like you are talking about my life and I don’t know what to do. Some of what you say about what we need to do to avoid certain situations goes over my head. Comprehension since my cardiac arrest gives me a problem. I’m working with a therapist and a psychiatrist but I don’t feel any better. I just want to end with saying THANK YOU I kind of understand why my relationships with people have been the way they have. You have made me realize that I never really knew or understood myself as smart as I am always having that intuition about others and knowing what they were feeling and experiencing there pains that I wasn’t actually crazy I just never knew me.
I think there is a limit to how much we can put up with. Enough is enough. But sometimes we INFJs struggle with allowing ourselves to do something about it. A lot of us are sensitive as well, and we know it's painful.
I've had to get after narcissistic people and it's never easy. Interestingly enough, I didn't always do it the same way each time. One time, it just involved a change in conversation habits. Another time it meant having to to tell the person off big time. Still another time, I used the proverbial door slam. But it was appropriate to the situation, as each one communicated (verbally or non-verbally) that there were two ways to do things - their way and the wrong way. Two of them went away from my life - but (get this!) one of them a tually managed to become a friend! 🙂
So grateful to you. This came through at the perfect time. Thank you so very very much 😢❤😊
I totally relate to this 100+ percent! I have definitely been down this miserable path with narcissist, one in a relationship for years, the other in a working relationship with a boss for years. I can honestly say I learned a lot about narcissist and also a lot more about myself in the process. It really does happen just as you've said. It is so true that at some point, I did realize I was playing a role, and somehow, I may have even subconsciously accepted that as a challenge, but I really think that it was more a case of our natural default way of caring and understanding so much on a certain level, that even the worst of narcissist can be forced to have to at least recognize that to some degree. I I think honestly that the best thing to do is just to try to avoid the narcissist, because unfortunately, they thrive on negativity and unhealthiness, and a reality that they create in their head, that is usually far from actual reality of things, that even our best efforts are unlikely to have any lasting impact on them.
You have to set actual real emotional boundaries and establish yourself as an independent and autonomous individual. I don’t agree that it feels bad, it’s a relief! It feels amazing. Even the grief is life affirming. It gets better not worse.
So glad I found you. This is all on point.
Thank you for sharing!! ❤️❤️❤️
So nicely put. Apt in every way. Couldn't say it better☺️
Thank you SO much - I've heard similar messages but you highlighted areas.points that I have never even thought of or heard.....wow!!!!!! I am going to watch this 2 more times!!!!
wow this is like hearing something I've been subconsciously thinking about but you said them with such details ,precision ,clarity and wisdom.
Girl Awesome TITLE!!!! Love It ; DD
OMG... Everything in this video is sooooooo relatable..! Thank you so much!
Incredible ❤
The insight you have on this is amazing. I've been in this dynamic with narcissists three times. Everytime has been immensely painful, and sadly left me doubting myself for long periods afterwards. It hurts when you're left with no one to relate to, as these people made up the bigger part of my emotional connections. Finding someone who I can connect with emotionally is still an endevour for me. I should be more okay with being on my own, but I crave connection so bad.
Amazing video. Thank you.
Hey Wenzes, you made a great channel! I have a question - is it common (and why) for an INFJ to be highly annoyed by extremely extroverted people? Meaning, from my perspective, a person who cannot keep silent and appears as a neverending factory of meaningless chatter.
😁LoL I wouldn't call myself extremely extroverted, but I can talk your ears off with giving you my opinions. And once I get goin' I can easily branch out to subjects that are only marginally connected to my original topic.
😎But I wouldn't call it meaningless chatter cauz I'm not an idiot who runs his mouth off on topics he has no knowlege of.
I do ❤hearing the sound of my own voice tho.
😏Especially when it makes perfect sense.
Thank you Wenzes, your videos are very helpful!
I’m having relationship issues and the other day I thought ‘ l am seeing them as an example of a behaviour pattern but they are seeing it as totally unique and personal, as special. No wonder we can’t see the same thing!
Wow wow wow!!! Thank you so much for this!!
Absolutely the best I have heard for dealing with a Narcissist
This is such an amazingly helpful, well-explained video! Thank you!!!!
Amazing. ❤
I’ve been waiting for this one. You read my mind Wenzes!
I just did this!! I left my narcissistic best friend who I learned never thought of me as a best friend and had to own that I was pretending and made her the center of my world. Once I let go the pain was SO bad but then I found your work and have felt SO liberated! Thank you for making these videos, I feel so seen and so heard!
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 8 yrs, didn’t realize until afterwards. I fucking slay narcissists now, you can’t change or help or save them. You CAN be a mirror for them, expose theirs patterns and dismantle their ego.
Ultimately you will hand yourself a flower 🌼
Exactly what I needed today. TY.
Thank you for helping me understand how I feel
This was amazing glad to see I'm not alone
Very nice Wenzes. Thank you!
Stopping accommodating is key
🎉 thank you for this video
Truly amazing video! You have given me hope for the future. I have just recently ended my relationship with a narcissist. I felt so much regret but I know now it was for the better. I had enough playing a role in their movie. Being always the center of attention and always being in control. You are a life saver. Thank you for the video. It spoke volumes. Peace and Love.
Before seeing this video, I experienced all of this over the years and learned the easy way. The Teaching is incredibly complex. Thankyou for reassuring me I delt with my experiences relatively. X
I just discovered that my wife is a narcissist and of course this is my third marriage. I would think I would learn at some point to stop this cycle. I also just learned what a narcissist is and how to recognize one. Thanks to your videos I just realized why I attract narcissist and what my personality type is. These videos make me feel better about myself and the direction I’m going in at this time in my life. Thank God it’s not to late for me to end it with my narcissist wife because we have in,y been married for 10 months. Fortunately I’m in the USA and she is in the Philippines so at this point I can just cut her off entirely. After the last 2 years of accusations and arguments I finally see what going on and see past her deception.
Empowering to confront a narcissist.
You are truly authentic and this is what our problem is.
Thank you 🙏. There is much I need to learn from you. I will be signing up for your classes soon. I am in the middle of divorce to a cluster b - BPD- NPD- DID- MPD and much much more. It’s been 18 years of hell. Not all, but most. I appreciate your time, effort, and the content in this video. Very enlightening.
Thanks!
Thank you for allowing us to have a deep insight about how we unconsiously act in relationships! So useful🙏🏻
so very glad I found you! As I get stronger, I've gotten much clearer with this narcissistic man I've had in my life since '16. During the holidays, because I've been doing "the work", I told him what was going on btwn us wasn't good for ME. I proceeded to tell him why and where he was dropping the ball. And his ex was coming back into the picture, so my intuition strongly told me to get OUT. I listened. He labeled me "condescending" which I was, but I stood firm. I did apologize for being callous, knowing full well that over the years of being SO nice/understanding I was long overdue to lay it out in no uncertain terms. His ex is BPD, and I've figured he comes to me for comfort when she's acting out. So, that's over. I still want to help him, 'cuz he's expressed to me that he wants to heal and totally quit this ex. He's like addicted to her. I think she exudes the same needy energy that his alcoholic mom did.
I'm looking to your wonderful/pertinent work to help me gauge all this and continue healing. You are sent to me from above! much love!!
This is a well timed BLESSING from GOD!
I enjoy listening to your videos - Because before 2000, I was caught in a family relationship, that pushed me to the final edge'.
It's extremely painful when we are learning important lessons about ... thank you.
Bruh I feel like you been looking at the last 3 years of my life. And now me focusing on my self is like a changer. I’m doing my best and takes time but it’s for the best currently.
This is all very valuable perspective. I’ve had a string of work, friend and romantic relationships with people with narcissistic patterns of behavior (I wouldn’t say they’re full on Narc but def had tendencies) and it’s been a series of ending those relationships. It’s been very trying... but the lesson of “why do these people attract to me? and more importantly... why do I attract to them?” ... and this really makes me feel more at ease while still giving me some optimism that I can see red flags and set better boundaries better in the future
Great information it's videos like this that helped me end a toxic co dependent 7 year connection.Making my Higher Power the center of my Universe and Becoming the Co Star really helped Me,God Bless this Chanel 😊
I appreciate your content. I am an Infp dating my infj bf for almost a year (it’s been wonderful). I just relocated to his city and because of past needs of his older parents he had moved back in to help them. But one of his parents is a narcissist and it’s killing me to see this. I recently “door slammed” a narcissist parent and he somewhat understands but it’s so terrible to see the life getting sucked out of him. He is able to draw boundaries somewhat but as I know… when you are in the mix with a narc you can’t fully see how bad it is…especially while hoping or trying to be genuinely caring. So I just counteract the toxicity with love and encouragement towards his true identity and tell him how much he does make a difference in the world and how loved he is. To ground him in reality so to speak… but as an infp it’s hard emotionally. I do know it’s only a matter of time and it’s not forever and I see him starting to separate a bit from the toxicity. The narc/empath dynamic sucks because as an outsider you literally can’t do anything for them…because it’s not intellectual…it’s emotionally manipulative and the person getting hurt has to admit that there is no hope for that relationship and mourn what their idea of that should be…and then believe that there is better out there and they deserve more…which is hard when you’ve been toxified for a long time…but when those two things align…oh what an amazing strong wondrous creature you can become! I am excited to see what the future holds… imagine being able to reallocate all the energy and intentionality towards your own life once you don’t have to allow the narcissist to suck it up with drama 😏 while trying to be in the “now” and row steadily beside him until he is ready. Infjs are amazing and I couldn’t imagine my life without him🥰🥰🥰
Your the BEST Wenzes!!!!
thank you very helpful 100%
💯PER CENT ACCURATE
Thank you thank you
I don’t know if I’m an infj yet but your videos have taught me so much. You may never read this but you are a beautiful light in my dark life. Thank you.
I'm truly grateful for you. I'm just now coming into the good. I'm coming into my power and then God gives me you via RUclips. I'm so grateful. I've been hurt and just been through so much trauma and I want to help so all this INFJ experience doesn't go to waste. Thank you for what you're doing. You are so brave. And beautiful. Love you. God bless you ❤️
You've made a good point
Thank you so much for the value that you are bringing into my life as an INFJ that keep attraction narcissists.
You have changed how I view my life more than any therapist has been able to.
Yes..unfortunately we are many trained for that since our childhood and got some self education (about psychopats, sociopats, machiavellism, histrionic personality disorder and maaany) That is the worst nightmare for narcissists. I see big purpose in this although I didn't have it easy get through it sometimes. Today I am very thankful for that. Heads up dear INFJs around the world! We have a great purpose because of our abilities!
Otherwise - beautiful channel💜🙏
Wenzes, I really liked how you clarified the difference between a narcissist and an INFJ. I have been trying to understand this difference for a while, because I too have faced narcissists that I had enough of having in my life, and the moment I told them I do not wish to be there for them anymore, was an amazing moment. I actually realized what putting myself first meant, and it started me on a journey of doing so.
This journey never really accelerated until my whole life changed for three months, but now, I am proud to say that I can put myself first, I have learned to say no, I have set boundaries and still continue to do so for my own wellbeing. My mood has for the most part been a constant contentment with life, because I am living it on my own terms. I now prefer being constantly content rather than overly excited, because dopamine peaks and then crashes if it is not constant, so my mood really feels it.
I really wish I found your channel earlier, I have been learning about what it means to be an INFJ for quite some time thanks to channels such as Psych2Go, The Mind Notion, and Frank James. Now, I am happy to say you've been added to the list of reputable INFJ sources, because your approach to explaining topics, is so clear and cuts deep to help us realize our realities.
Thank you for being a trusted source of information for INFJs.
Thank you so much for this video!
This video is transforming. I come back to it every time I am thrown off by a narc.
Raised in a narcissistic family dynamic. Chose narc partners as a result of family conditioning. (For 60 years!) I am now 66, and for over 6 years, have been finding out how to change that. I have gotten pretty good at spotting narcs in potential partners.
However,.....
Just realized that either my sister is a narc, or she has become too comfortable with narc techniques and behaviors. Either way, this video has become my training video. I should not have allowed my current situation to exist, but I did. Her husband, who hated me, passed away. She immediately moved me in. And because of the situation, I let her. She needed me in the role, and I played it without realizing, because she is my sister. And now, she uses my grown children to try to inflict pain. I am a bit pissy now, as I have to show no emotion regarding my immediate family. But that is what must happen. As the truth teller, I so much want to just speak my truth. But it is only fuel for more pain. And I have the capacity to stop that. I love this video to mindfully get it back to me.
I love you❤️😁….so timely! I’m ready to choose me!
I remember my childhood going back to the age of 2. Most people can’t remember anything until there around 5 or 6 but even as a toddler I remember I didn’t cry fir attention because I wanted my other siblings to get the attention. Even at that age I was thinking about others needs above my own.