WHY A TRUE INFJ COMES OUT ON TOP WITH A NARCISSIST
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- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Plunge into our INFJ universe where we're not just surviving narcissists; we're outsmarting them in relationships! Discover the five secret moves we INFJs use to dodge toxic vibes and come out stronger, smarter, and surprisingly more zen. It's not just about weathering the storm; it's about dancing in the rain and using those obstacles as stepping stones for personal growth. Ready to turn relationship lemons into lemonade? Dive into this journey and steal some of our INFJ wizardry for your own love life. Buckle up for an enlightening ride!
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I am an INFJ and my earliest memories are of being beaten savagely by my high spectrum narcissist father and my childhood did not improve much from that point onward. When I encounter a narcissist these days I know from experience that it is best to separate from and avoid these people. Narcissists are stuck in a very early stage of childhood emotional development, they have zero empathy for others and there is an extremely low possibility that they will ever change. So don't feel guilty for separating from a narcissist because they will never feel badly about hurting you to achieve their goals.
100 percent true
It’s my experience that your words are true, sadly. 😢
. I just want to add to be careful biting back or even as simple as confronting. I have found this to be dangerous. I’ve been beat, hit , found nails by my tire , stalked and more. Once they are exposed or know you know, they can/will try to bring you down and not only have no real empathy for your feelings but also no empathy for your safety. Just be careful. Stay safe.
Life sucks when life ducks but its the individuals choice to stay there when it's a past your reliving. I got scars from anger episodes I was told were my fault
I’m sorry for what you went through! Thank you for sharing what you learned from it to help others too
I hate power dynamics, people wanting to be above you so you're are forced to "belittle" them back to their place which is on the same plan as everyone else
I don't typically belittle anyone, but I am definitely blown away by people that think hierarchically. Especially when I am minding my own business and they see me doing my best work as a personal offense.
This one really hit the spot! I especially appreciated #2 and #5. I thoroughly believe in having a backup plan, and it's gotten to where, for me, it's good to have a backup plan before going into any new situation. And there have been times when I've spoken some harsh truths (as you mentioned in #5). It's often been emotionally hard, but it's possible.
I don't enjoy having to "put people in their places" but sometimes it simply has to be done. And often very directly and to the point.
Easy? Not always. But can we do it? Yes. And is it worth it? For sure!
Narc belongs to much lower plane
We need to stop at number one. The minute you realize you’re dealing with a narcissist and their games, don’t waste another moment of your time or risk one inkling of your self.
Preach 👏🏽👏🏽
🎯
Indeed when repeated situations turns into a lessons learned, the INFJ grows dramatically
My integrity is WHY they hate me.
My ability to remain calm in the face of THEIR chaos demonstrates their inability to control their self... Which makes them hate me even more.
Best thing I did with many narcissists was going no contact, including my mother. I am no longer the supply that they feed off of.
Never have any kind of empathy for narcissists, they are nothing to me not even humans
Both parents and recently my son's mother in law. It took 4 years to move on in forgiveness. Especially forgiveness for myself. It took more self work than I realized was necessary, however completely worthwhile
Other people look for exits, but perhaps INFJs just carry this exit around to use in case of existential emergency...😅
Awwh mate... You missed a perfect beat for wordplay punnetry by delivering an ' Exit' stencial combo. 😮😆😉
Your video is spot on Wenzes. I spent 35 years with my NPD wife because I believed that love and patience conquer all. For clarity, MOST of the time she would act in a reasonable manner. But, anytime her fears or insecurities acted up it was all bets off. Unlike her mother, she showed NO signs of narcissism during our three years of dating. The moment we got married the (covert) mask came off and I was scared shitless. I spent year after year hoping that one magical day she would wake up from her insanity but, it never came. Like a spiritual cancer, I watched the lack of empathy, lack of direction and lack of a core identity, slowly eat her alive as she wrestled to say and do whatever she thought others expected of her for validation.
Once our children grew up and moved out, she went into overdrive, blaming me for everything. I continued for 9 more years hoping that we could someday come to terms but, it was all wishful thinking. I honestly felt like I was just dealing with a child the entire marriage. 18 months ago, when she realized that NOTHING she could say or do was going to get me to crack, she moved out. In spite of all the verbal abuse, personal attacks on me and the endless slander, I never gave her the satisfaction of losing my temper, not because it was some contest but, because it was the right thing to do. My conscience is clear. Now...I'm trying to stop my head from spinning and figure out how to take my experiences and help others so they don't have to go though them. And, I have not given up on love either. Thank you, girl. Keep rockin' it. Jeffrey Z. in SC
Wow...I couldn't put my experience into words...but this is it. 25 yrs of waiting for the girl I dated to come back. Now children hate me, and every accusation undet the sun is coming to me through her lawyer....of course no evidence. I keep as reserved as possible, showing all evidence I have since and during our split. The only way to stop them..is legally...25 years of reasoning and seeking help...just for her to hijack and manipulate....you learn to speak thru texts and emails to expose their lies.
@user-bn6yz7gn2c That's called black and white or binary thinking. And you are referring to the grandiose version who does not care about what other people think about them - my wife is a vulnerable / covert. They are covert for a reason- they don't want to tip anyone off to their true nature. All of us are composites and we all operate out of survival mode first. My wife's narcissism is only one component of who she is and me and our two children watched her for twenty five years flip between Dr. Jeckell and Hyde behavior. She could turn it off and on at the drop of a hat and only the immediate family members got to see the real girl. The only red flags were that there were no red flags. THIS is why the covert is so dangerous...you never see them coming or know what you are dealing with until you have been sucked into the vortex. This is a great video for understanding the nature of these beasts. Thanks for your comment and take care. Jeffrey Z. in SC
ruclips.net/video/q6vlnfdo5jI/видео.html
@@TheBreathez I wish you nothing but the best in your recovery and healing from your experience.
Congratulations for keeping your conscience clear. It must've took a lot of strength. I'm happy for you for not giving up and persisting. Your story is very impressive. Thank you for sharing.
@@suaemp4488 Thank you. The real story here is not duplicating the old behavior patterns which are built into what is familiar. Until emotional healing begins to take place, you will continue to repeat the same mistakes. I think it's called failing your way to success. Take care. Jeffrey Z. in SC
One does not rule over a narcissist. But with patience and effort it is possible to use their ego to steer them
A narcissist will never be able to think in terms that are outside of the hierarchy. In their mind, they are either above you or below you. They will NEVER understand that we operate outside of the hierarchy. (They will never be red-pilled). If we try to make them understand that we are mere observers outside of the hierarchy, they will think that we are crazy. In their mind, if they cannot rule over you, you are ruling over them.
and sometimes that means steering them far far away from your path.
Why bother wasting your precious times?????
I just wanted to say thank you for your content, it feels nice to have someone even try to understand INFJs most especially when they’re accurate, not to mention you embrace our differences while explaining how other personalities act and feel
Same. Her videos have supported my self-exploration journey over the past 4 years. I have watched her channel's growth from thousands of subscribers to its current number. Just seeing her continue to upload content is a pure inspiration to me.
@@cledosliop4175 Oh I’m so glad, I wish you luck and healing while you continue that journey of yours!
totally 💯agree. S’times I think about the amount of study, research and white magic that has to have been dedicated to be able to accurately “Type” the main MB’s 12 main personality types. Because, one really can’t fake it, unless they have some weird agenda.
~ you just can’t DENY it, once a near perfect description of YOU is revealed to you. It’s a true gift to learn about yourself this way❣️
@@PenelopePitstop0078 Beautifully said! 💕
As an infj our lack FI is power and pain at same time…
I have been through many traumas if it was somebody else they wouldn’t have made it thanks to lack of own feelings.
my bestie complained how lightly I told him about my mother sickness and financial crisis.. I went through last year.. it was stage 3 cancer which cleaned off my whole earnings.. although I was over the situation… it just reminded me the severe pain I went through.. I never got emotionally week throughout the situation but when it was reminded me how severe it was all the feelings and memories came through and a tear came through my eyes when it was long over.. we feel through 3rd perspective it make us invulnerable to pain.. but that pain is deep inside still I wanna let it out I just don’t know how..?
The style of many of these comments is enough to convince me I'm an INFJ. It's nice to know there are similar people out there.
My narcissistic wife (who also had BPD) would regularly tell me I wasn't human. Her other favorite phrases were "Yeah, right" and "I can do it, I'll find a way. I always do." She got us into the worst situations by refusing to think beyond her irrational faith in the ability to do whatever she chose to. I believed her because she was so confident, but also because she'd get angry if I didn't.
I think the hardest thing for her to deal with was that I got stronger. I started to stand up for our survival by very carefully and considerately trying to keep her expectations grounded in reality. We could still have a safe and reasonably comfortable future, even though she could no longer work. She stole my money, stole the car, and drove far away to be homeless.
I'd rather she stuck around, since I hated the abuse less than the permanent loneliness (I have far too much anxiety to meet anyone else.) But all things considered, I guess I "won". We're both alone, but she's homeless and her games failed to provoke or break me. I almost believe in myself now.
Door slam and free yourselves! Narcissists are abusers, hence the term narcissistic abuse. We would not tolerate physical abuse so please let us respect ourselves and uphold the same standard for any psychological and emotional forms of abuse.
In endlessly attracting these personality types we must ask ourselves which facets of use still need healing and where do we need to grow: for once lessons are learned there will be no need to repeat that which we haven't repaired.
Sending love and strength to anyone experiencing any narcissistic relationship dynamics, may you free yourselves and cultivate inner peace and heal your inner child 🤍
Either we find a good wife or we become a philosopher. Sokrates
It’s true. They can NEVERRRR. I see them coming a mile away. Sometimes a play just long enough but I know what they’re doing 😂😴
Win/Win doesn't work with a narcissist or OCPD person. It is amazing to see a person get offended by other people's best qualities. An NPD/OCPD guy at work was promoted to manager and he is really not cut out for anything beyond being an individual contributor, and even then I would never knowingly hire an NPD/OCPD person now that I have experienced them. They tear everything apart as they lash out to self-soothe. It is sad they have the disorder, but they are so invested in living in denial, and their denial becomes their superpower because you simply can't talk to them and they don't change course. As an INFJ I now feel compelled to go my own way as much as I can, otherwise life feels like I'm just waiting for someone to get out of the way.
what is OCPD please
I totally understand and being raised by narcissist parents I’ve come to understand that narcissism comes from emotional immaturity. Narcissist for some reason have never been able to grow emotionally as mature adults. Unfortunately, we are not their parents and we are not raising the am as our children. As long as we are aware of it we should be fine.
Anybody can come out on top with a narcissist as long as they strategize. It's actually quite easy to outsmart them because they're such black-and-white thinkers. I've seen narcissists get outsmarted by INFJs, INTJs, ENTPs, and ESFPs.
Because most narcissistic people are not use to anyone not crumbling under them.
I am an INFJ and had nothing but hardship my whole life starting with a mean abusive ESTP step father. I'm 39 now but my heart started failing by 19. I knew things weren't right but I keep telling myself then that I can handle this, I can handle this and on and on. Even if you think you are handling something it could be really hurting your body. ❤
My heart failed too. I honestly think it was all the stress of being surrounded by bipolars/narcissists and other cluster b’s. We stay way too long.
~ dear Wenzes ~ I lose phones, life happens & a relationship came along….but I return to find your space ~ because you are simply the quintessential INFJ resource/educator. You sound absolutely smashing, a tiny, barely perceptible touch of your homeland., beautiful.
~ yes, have had a win-win framework of mind for as long as I can recall, but struggle to tolerate the fact that fewer & fewer humans are this way.
You know what’s EPIC?!?
You are, Wen! ~🌼 you provide inspiration, you’re intelligent, you’re kind, you’re a valued, awesome content creator and most definitely, you are EPIC❣️
Wish this content was taught in school early on. I'd have understood myself and other's,so much better. And would have made growing up much easier. Thank God for you being here. Helped me immensely ❤
Agreed ❤
16:10 I would even go further and say “I don’t want to use my strength and energy to handle other people behaviors”… and you’re sooooo right “the best apology is changing behavior”
We can disagree, we can even be totally opposed and I’m cool with that I don’t feel the to be agreed with, it’s the modicum of respect to be tolerant when you want tolerance…
I choose peace, I choose reality and happiness! When we got to the point to change behavior with a person it’s mean a loooooot of time spent observing the situation… so no, my time is precious !
Next
This just happened with my own family. My grandfather recently passed, and I confronted my aunt about how she was treating my mother. I realized now that she was asking me to compromise my principles and basically declare my mother a horrible person. I didn't immediately agree with her terms. The next day I was blocked on social media, phone, and called out by name along with my husband as " abuser enablers" and she literally forbade anyone from saying our names to her. She also is not allowing us to see my grandmother.
Won't lie I didn't see it coming so soon, it was a sucker punch and it still hurts. I am seeing a lot of things more clearly, and I am grateful she door slammed me, but I don't want to open that door again. We are watching the situation from a distance, but I am not going to beg her to come back into my life.
What’s really unfortunate is when you combine narcissism w drug abuse + a victim/privilege mentality. Dark, dark energy.
I literally just ended a six-year friendship with someone because I just finally came to the realization that this person was a narcissist and it was funny because they would always try to get me to bend and I wouldn’t bend as an INFJ. I actually got to my breaking point and had to end our friendship, but now looking back, I never realized that they were a narcissist until seeing all of the signs or symptoms of being one. It’s not the first narcissist I’ve come around, but it’s definitely true where they do get attracted to each other because I end up always somehow being friends with them and then it always ends very badly. So now I’m working on having a lot more discernment with my friendships and knowing who I can trust and who I can allow to be in my friendship circle.
Thank you, my birthday is on May 6th. I'll be 64, and the Beatles song "Will You Still Love When I'm 64" has become an earworm in the soundtrack of my life. You all have a wonderful day!
No, this was not written by AI. As an INFJ, I find AI to be void of soul.
I was born in 59 too!
In the dynamics between a true INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging) personality type and a narcissist, several factors might contribute to the INFJ "coming out on top," though it's essential to approach this with nuance and sensitivity.
My most recent experience was having to reveal what i saw to my wife, bundle up our kids & walk away from a church with a female narc pastor. This took 7yrs & broke my heart.
Thanks for the informative video on INFJs and narcissists. As an INFJ sigma male dealing with narcissistic family members,(father and sister) I'd love more insights on why we attract them and how to navigate or avoid these dynamics.in college, university and even in society it is the same. Looking forward to more discussions on this. plz do more video on these topic.
I think she did a video explaining why. We make people feel good and don’t need the spotlight on us etc
1. We’re different and they are attracted to novelty.
2. Because we’re rare, we often don’t get the validation we deserve. We attract them sometimes because in the beginning we think their attention can validate us. It can’t it could only hurt us.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother. when I was younger I "didn't understand it or see it that way", subconsciously I knew it. I was also with a narcissist in my first relationship. and with a narcissistic roommate. after the roommate, it mede me think about everything. it brought me to a point where i wanted to work on myself, grow and understand myself better, i learned that i have an infj personality. everything started to make sense. the way I think, how I see the world, why I think so differently, why i do not find a deep connection white people or difficult to feel a reel deep connection. why people feel intimidated by me, the door slam and all that. so i'm grateful that those narcissists were in my life and made me see me for me, made me work on myself, and andunderstand myself moor
Not bragging at all and I can list off a ton of negative traits of being infj but it says right there in the personality handbook the INFJ is the most likely to see through people, id almost consider it a curse lol.
It’s a blessing and a curse. The older you get you will appreciate it more.
@@z32luvr while it shows you a lot of darkness for sure it also shows you what to look out for and keeps you safer as well
I always appreciate your insights.
I have a particular dilemma with my narcissist because she is my eldest daughter.
Despite the drama and pain she causes I cannot just move on and never see her again.
I have to find a way to keep enough distance that I can forgive her and love her and also take care of myself.
Thanks for reminding me that I have the tools inside to do this.
A calmer middle ground is there somewhere. You will find it. Boundries & enable yourself more than you give.
She can live without your forgiveness because she thinks she's done nothing wrong. In her eyes there's nothing wrong.
Thank you for this video. This topic really resonates. I appreciate the helpful suggestions...
Thank you so very much Wenzes!!! I could hear this a million times and still get something more from it!!!
That's very good. Thank you.
This is so accurate. 🥺
More like this plzzz wenzes! Love you❤❤❤
EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! Thank you, Wenzes! Thank you! Stay safe, and be well!!
I get so much from ALL of your videos, but this one hit so close to home. Wow!❤
Sounds Right and Thanks
Have read many comments relating to your vlogs, Wenzes, and agree that wished I had this explained decades ago. That being said, you are confirming what experiences I have gone thru my entire life, and now makes perfect sense. Thank you for the enlightenment, am a therapist (respiratory) for 30+ years, and my depth does create conflict with some individuals. Ergo, am already changing the way to approach and handle people I come in contact with. Bless you and love you, even though we've never met. ❤ Keep going, am enthralled. 🙏
I’m so happy you made this video. I was about to have this conversation with a relative of mine, but I had no vision of what to expect next. Thank you for showing a new way forward.
This one really hit the spot! I especially appreciated #2 and #5. I thoroughly believe in having a backup plan, and it's gotten to where, for me, it's good to have a backup plan before going into any new situation. And there have been times when I've spoken some harsh truths (as you mentioned in #5). It's sometimes been emotionally hard, but it's possible.
I don't enjoy having to "put people in their places" but sometimes it simply has to be done. And often very directly and to the point.
Easy? Not always. But can we do it? Yes. And is it worth it? For sure!
Love and gratitude to this channel. It confirms many life lessons and tactics on navigating. I turn to many spiritual channels as well and the voices/entities I hear follow these narcissistic ways. Encountering narcissists in the physical world is easy because I can always remove myself from the situation. However, these ethierical voices follow me relentlessly, imagine a narcissist that can read your thoughts and project their agenda to other entities. The schizophrenic/enlightened path really tests ones convictions.
Damn, I really would've needed that 2-3 years ago in my last relationship...awesome, thank you, Wenzes!!!
Yup i just got ghosted(just after i gift her a second gift got nothing in return for christmas) out of nowhere felt being used after i reveal her as a narcisst or trying to get her to explain the ghosting she just grew the NC further till no return. The whole relationship was a situationship felt being used like a used object and thrown off. I am an INFJ as well it doesnt make sense to me why i was treated this way.
Thank you so much, i thought i was strong enough to hold his stuff but it became clear that was not actually helping him at all. Getting pregnant was the turning point, i got us out of there. You've described how it felt soooo perfectly, it's good to finally have this clarity 🙏🕯️
Thanks!
I agree with you, 100%.
What are your experiences with people who portrait narcissistic tendencies?
I grew up in a narcissistic family system; one of my parents had the traits.
Finally cut the cord to my remaining siblings early this year; limiting their access to my time and energy close to zero.
Can't completely get rid of my biological family, but now they know I am not the pushover they thought I was.
I had hoped that they would see what's wrong with our family - and be willing to work on healing - but nah.. it was just my wishful thinking.
The only one I could try to save is myself; so I chose me.
They seem powerful at first, but they’re stunted and trapped. Once you know what they can and cannot handle, it’s easier to work around/with. It’s like a personality disability.
They become unpredictable when enraged. (Especially when truths are shown to them with evidence).
Look smart and friendly when around new people/ people that do not know their true color.
Lies upon lies.
So stylish with cheap makeups/ apparels but very unhygienic if one check behind their earlobes, teeth, elbow, armpit, torso, knee. And mind you they don't keep their feet clean at all even while going to bed.
Do not know the consequence of their action.
Double standard
Very stupid indeed.
#For Two weeks Notice(bonus)
when all these things and more absurd things happens, sing a song or play an instrument in front of them and tell them how beautiful it is. When you are together in a room, look urself in the mirror and exclaim how attractive you look today. When they are around you tell them a joke and laugh so hard asking them why it's not funny to them and you just keep on laughing without a cause of concern for their reaction.
Hallelujah thou shall be free and blessed!
My ex- husband ( married for 17 years) used to tell me what I was thinking and what I was feeling.
I limit my interactions with people that display these tendencies, but I first lay it out for them in advance in such a way that it's their choice (helping them save face.) In my experience, telling such a person outright exactly how you will react to specific behavior in your presence seems the best practical way of getting along with them long-term because the more they know about you the more they come to realize how ineffective their normal ways are with regards to you in particular (they may even come to value your ability to keep them from crossing lines or overindulging in destructive manipulations.)
Dealing with strange narcissists out in the wild is as simple as noping out and extricating yourself from the situation in the characteristic style for which we INFJs are best known (with either a neutral or negative outcome for the narcissist, depending on how well prepared you are and the degree of egregiousness of the narcissist's behavior 😅)
So funny you're talking about the back up plan. I have been working on mine for about 6 months. Unfortunately his son is involved, so I'm working on myself to get in a better state of mind.
sigma is outside of the box, there is no box, you can't put me in a box this is why nothing tears down an alpha faster than a sigma
my favorite comeback
nothing is ever your fault, when is the last time you said sorry for anything
they will come at you again - use sarcasm to mock them then laugh and walk away
this happened to me only 2 days ago, I made them look stupid
they called me names I said anger is a weakness and I just pushed your buttons and then I said I didn't call you names, now what does that make you ?
speak in the form of riddles and questions
do not answer the question let them figure it out
if you believe that you're a tool
if you allow yourself to be angry it means someone else is controlling you, the person that is laughing at you the the one in control
This accurate.I have experience this
For me as an INFJ, speaking the truth to the narcissists in my life seems almost impossible. It’s such a difficult thing emotionally. I’d rather door slam and never open that door again. But, thanks to you Wenzes, I think I am going to try.
Don’t waste your time,
I've been working for a narc for almost 10 years now. In the 10 years 18 people have come and gone, cause they can't keep up with him. Unfortunately I'm in a situation where I can't just resign and leave, though I'd love to. But work is extremely scares where I'm at. It's quite numbing
But I guess I've stuck around this long cause I know exactly who he is, etc.
This is so spot on. Thank you for sharing . 🙏
🥺 thanks
Hello 🍏
I liked this video very much
Keep making more videos like this I love it.
By the way, if you pay a little attention to video editing i.e. insert B-roll properly then it will be very easy to understand the topic.
Yes, You are right. 🍋
No, perhaps this decision should be taken by them only. 🍎
Look, no matter what people say, I completely agree. Because B-Roll and subtitles are very important in video. 🍞
Accurate
I always have a hard time defining or labeling a narc or sociopath. Im sure ive come across them in my life (I think my parents could be this way), but i still have a hard time defining the difference narc behavior (which we all have) and an actual narcissist or sociopath
If their behavour is bad for you, it shouldn't matter if they're a pathological narcissist or if they just have (intense) narcissistic tendencies in their behaviors. It's about you, not them. You gotta take care of yourself and you will realize when someone doesn't treat you right (hopefully), and then their background doesn't matter for your self care.
All the best!
💯🔥 Wenzes
When I am too nice to other person then why they suddenly starts to ignoring me...and ghost me
Gotta look up “Cry” by Benson Boone , new favorite song for the last narc that was in my life .
I married and had children with a narcissist and omg 🥴
Learn how to make your suggestions their ideas 💡 problems solved 😉
I am exactly at that point. He may have been using some coping mechanism etc. but disrespect is disrespect. I'm really getting turned-off for good. The door slam approaches...
Refer to Rebecca Zung for clarification
❤❤❤❤❤❤
So, INFJs are Scorpios...
I born on december so i don't think so
Am Aries ❤
But the fact we get what she's saying, says alot! 😊
😃
can infj's be narcissists❓
Tell yourself whatever you need to hear 🥱
So... you disagree with that?
I agree with you, 100%.