WHAT EVERY INFJ WISHED THEY’VE KNOWN SOONER AFTER DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Free INFJ EPIC LIFE Formula Poster: infjformula.gr...
Get the INFJ Audio GUIDE TODAY!!! wenzes.thinkif...
Join INFJ Bootcamp Waiting List bootcampwaitin...
INFJ Life Coach Lesson: INFJ's can be a magnet for narcissists - and if you're an INFJ, chances are that you've been through this type of relationship. When the dynamic between them suddenly shifts without warning it is often difficult to recognize what went wrong. The INFJs altruistic nature makes them especially susceptible as they tend to see someone in need and feel like only they have insight into their struggles; essentially making themselves indispensable! Unraveling these complications however isn't impossible with some knowledge on how both personalities interact and where expectations may differ drastically from reality.
All INFJ EPIC LIFE Programs: programs.wenze...
Free Resources: wenzes.com/INF...
Website: www.wenzes.com/
Instagram: / wenzes_
Facebook: / coachwenzes
#INFJ #INFJLIFECOACH #LIFECOACHING
We attract narcissists because we were raised by them, which is what made us to have extraverted feeling, because we had to carry their emotions so we would survive. It is extremely hard to break the cycle if your brain is wired like that, but not impossible.
Sooooooo true!!! Raised by a narcissist. Made me a expert in observing and understanding the feeling of others. And also an expert at analysing my own feelings.
Was married to a narc from age 17 to 30. However I was not raised by a narc but believe my father's mother may have been one.
Sho... that makes a lot of sense! BRAVO for the input!
It just requires a lot of inner work. Im ISFJ and have attracted narcs my entire life. I'm so at peace with being alone, and I can now spot them immediately.
We attract narcissicits because they leech off of you and we decide not to leech and do it ourselves. I do it just to proove a point lol ahahahah .. nearly got killed though.
I am begining to enbrace my infj at the age of 56. I have found that allowing people to treat me badly is acceptable. If I fight back, or defend myself, I become the bad guy. I have learned to embrace the bad guy.
So well put. I am 57 and learning the same. The bad guy has to protect the inner child.
A big danger for us incredibly empathetic INFJs is that we end up with cold and withholding, manipulative and covertly abusive partners because on some level that cold person is a respite from the sea of emotions we are tossed about on in the outside world. We mistake that coldness for calm, emotionally well-balanced people. With covert narcs it very much seems as if they have it together and they seem to navigate pretty well, only to discover the reason they are able to focus on their goals, seem outwardly successful, and aren't melodramatic is because they don't feel anything - good or bad.
That is so true for my 33 year marriage. He looked o put together and calm and loving, but he HD virtually shut out all feelings, and expected me to do the same. I tried, then I was furious, then I gave up and left. 5 years later, I'm happy and I can be me! Respect your instincts and act on them. You can't solve other people problem or change them if they don't care or don't want to change.
As an infj I can attest to this, I finally reached a place of gratitude for my relationship w my narcissistic exwife becuz it helped me face my inner wounds & see how my childhood w my Narc mother influenced my patterns as an adult. Now I have a voice, now I will forever use it. I kept saying I cant I unsee what I’ve seen, I can’t go back, I’m awake now and I need to be the parent my inner child has always needed. A lesson I learned from my narcissistic ex was how to compartmentalize all the energies & feelings I would pick up from everyone & every thing around me & how to say no to being bombarded or dumped on. I learned how to say no & stick w it. Granted, all this only came to light this past year but I’m thankful I’m here anyways. It’s not about the destination but about the journey.❤
I’m done here . I will have you fired .
What are my lessons learned from dealing with a narcissistic person? Not speaking up for myself immediately regardless of how awkward it may become. I may not be able to change them, yet I can make them understand I will not tolerate their narcissistic behavior and they will most likely direct their bad behavior somewhere else. I tend to approach them as unruly children. Since they want to act that way, they will be dealt with as such. I am not being mean to them. I am being better to myself.
That is so true. I stood up to my narc boss and he has never treated me disrespectfully again.
My narcs taught me to value my emotions as indicators. Maybe a no brainer for some, but having been raised by an emotionally abusive mother, I somehow thought if I felt anger at someone else’s behavior I wasn’t being “nice”. I finally saw that I am incredibly kind and generally a very happy person, so if I feel uncomfortable around someone then I can trust my inner guidance. Now I speak up and call out rudeness, or simply remove myself from that person.
Here's something I wish I had been aware of - second degree narcissistic abuse. Once I kicked all the narcs out of my life and started looking for new friends, I ended up with a group of friends who all had significant others who were abusive. And I ended up once again being controlled and abused by the spouses of my friends.
I learned this very young. Growing up in the hood meant you'd die if you didn't know. It helped that my father was probably an intj. I haven't learned enough to type people, but he is probably that. Taught me to prepare for people to disappoint.
With grief, denial and pain comes clarity sanity and calmness. Every word spot on 👍.
Four things stood out for me:
** The narcissist will never stop wanting more and it will never be enough.
** We reach a point of exhaustion
** Even if it's emotionally difficult, we can cope and take whatever steps we need to take to make it stop.
** we have to betge adult who cares for our inner child.
I definitely had to learn this the hard way, but each time I allowed myself to take care of myself and to stick up for myself, made it easier for the next time. It's to the point where I don't have to do it very often now.
In fact, almost never, now. I'm more able to keep it from happening in the first place.
A narcissistic parent is a whole different experience. They don't seek you out. You largely don't exist, while they are preoccupied with seeking validation from opposite sex relations. Such a compounding issue for my/our 'living small' type-orientation.
Wow, thats so true. Another creepy piece of the narc puzzle. Well said
Wow! I never thought of it that way, but you nailed it. I didn’t exist because she was so busy trying to get validation from men.
100% were always going on dates with people and I was the sideshow that made them look good
Amen. I had two of them both neglectful cheaters and philanderers, I was merely an afterthought. As a “love child” and thus the product of an affair, I swear it was if both of them once they realized they weren’t going to work out as couple it was almost like they then regarded me as some kind of error or mistake they made. Talk about self obsessed immature wounded narcissistic jerks.
Infj vs narcissist is always an f around and find out situation for the narcissist.
As an INFJ, we should not let anyone dull our sparkles and be kind to ourselves. My husband is a narcissist and he really left me with a burnout syndrome in our marriage I bike back really hard on him and is a no turning back for me. End of our marriage.
I have learned how to check my own energy before assuming I’m the culprit. I’m normally bubbly and happy, when the script flips I start side eyeing everyone. I’ve learned to use my voice, stand up for myself and hold my boundaries firm. I’ve learned to choose me! That I’m not crazy! I’m not scared of abandonment anymore. I have a friend in a toxic relationship and I cried the other night when I told her the personal forgiveness after being with a narcissist is truly, TRULY amazing! I’m grateful for the experience but I’m not doing that again!
I was fortunate enough to not have much narcissism in my life as a child, and I didn't know my mom's stepmother was a total sociopath, and once she didn't keep a promise to my sister and I we realized she wasn't the person we thought she was, and mom then told us all about her. She wanted both my sister and I to see what kind of person she really was, but she protected us from the majority of whatever she was truly doing. My mom is INTJ, and she knew that, if we hadn't seen it for ourselves, we wouldn't believe her. I am thankful to my mother for letting me see with my own eyes what that woman was, and I think my sister feels the same.
INFJ's are great advocates. And sus out the weak points in the selfish abusers. And can often turn the tables on their abusers.
Do you think there is a link between the fact of beeing INFJ and have been living with a narcissist parent ? (french mother language)
@@Guillaume_F narcissistic father in my case... We are very aware of everything and our consciousness and light is toxic for them and the typical scenario is a family full of enablers... Our introverted intuition was never validated, extraverted feeling abused
As a younger INFJ, I was ignorant and fell into hurtful situations. Shamed often. I learned and came out of that. I see and experience life differently now. Grey rocking. Though still being shamed for ghosting. But. The true close connections know me.
Defining someone as a true narcissist is hard. My ex of 21 years certainly had most of the narcissistic tendencies, enough of them to call me a narcissist to leverage herself. As INFJ I understand that we are able to not only help a narcissist function but help them mitigate the damage they do. At a point she found weaknesses of mine that she could manipulate and this was hurtful though it needed to happen to me, she had to make our marriage extremely intolerable for me to finally make that decision to leave her, it saved my life.
Halfway through the video...I couldn't stop my tears ...I am glad I found you when i am still young. Such kindness,such compassion. I can't believe how those cruel people have caused you so much pain...You are like a mother to me...I pray to God to keep you safe and happy...
Been there so many times... Friendships, relationships, family... Not doing it anymore.
Awesome video Wenzes! I hope you're having an an amazing day/weekend. 🙂🌹❤
The problem is those pesky covert narcissists who know how to seek your pity and concern...sneaky. They are much harder to recognize and you don't really know until cycles end.
Ouch.
As a INFJ, this is dead on. I can feel her rage come out of nowhere! She was so use to hitting me, I was SO frustrated one time that I felt it coming. I caught her arm and out of anger I told her don’t EVER hit me again. Of course she was the victim in scenario but I was proud that my intuition felt it coming. People do not understand how accurate our perception and intuition is. I communicate with all the animals, I understand them. This world hurts US but I wouldn’t change myself for NOTHING
This video helped me a lot. I was raised by a N mother and nearly two years ago got out of a toxic/abusive relationship with a N. I realized recently that when I set boundaries, I feel guilty and I get that abandonment depression. I'm realizing that people generally exhaust me and that I need to protect my energy. It's a hard transition and I think I will be the better for it.
Here's something I wish abuse experts would talk about. I've yet to see this discussion anywhere. They _do_ talk about scapegoats in narc families getting blamed for everything. My experience was I wasn't technically blamed directly for whatever the issue that was causing the stress. But I'd make the smallest mistake and then all the anger and frustration and stress from the situation would rain down on my head. Which is exponentially worse than being blamed for the situation. Being scapegoated and blamed for a something that couldn't have been you fault is something it's possible to reason your way around or out of. But being eviscerated for making a mistake ( and mistake being a very loose term) is much harder to think your way out. It leaves you wracking your brain to figure out how you could have done better. You end up with the punishment of being blamed without any defense because sometimes you have made a mistake. It's hard to even recognize the over reaction because the mistake is all tied up in the larger crisis. Which honestly seems much more likely given you're gonna be stressed waiting for the shoe to drop when the narc finds something, anything, to pin on you. I can remember as a kid traveling with my family on a super highway where the speed limit was 75 MPH and we got a flat tire. I remember my mother telling us kids to get out of the car and climb up the embankment above the breakdown lane. The slope was 40 feet high and I got half way up and I stopped and turned around. And my mother screamed at me to keep going with all the stress and anxiety and frustration of the situation dumped on me as if I were the biggest idiot in the world and the cause of everything that was wrong. Technically she not blaming me for the flat tire or the speeding cars zooming passed, so there was nothing to argue about internally or externally, but the effect of getting blamed was the same. Her instructions were never very specific which always left a huge window for 'mistakes' which allowed her to dump her stress on to me. I wish someone would talk about this.
If I decided to stop helping means I already did all the best I can.
I also am an infj and recently got a covert narcissist gf (later i found out) who suddenly silent treatment me out of the blue which left me in a confused state for a month. Now i felt is a blessing in disguise
Thank you for your continued inspiration and encouragement. I was unfortunately pushed to breaking point before I could make the biggest change. However, with all the advice from your videos I know it was the right thing to do. It was probably the most painful experience of my life and led to my NM cutting me off as well as my enabling father. I honestly felt like my soul had been destroyed but with time, I am rebuilding myself and with your help, I am protecting my inner child and my present self. I am sending love to anyone who needs it today. Please keep fighting for yourself!
Because of these videos I am building a better infj sigma life for myself.
Once ever dealing with narcisstic, i told him i cant accept his behaviour anymore, so i just walk away and never look back. Then he send me a message, tell me that he feel sad and cry, but i didnt give any reply
I have definitely dealt with some narcissist, and it took a long time to understand what all this meant. I'm in my 50s now and not until very recent years have I been able to fully understand it, and of course learning about being an infj, and how this is definitely a pattern that we end up in. Learning that this was a natural default reaction that causes us to end up in these situations, and really embracing the fact that the need to change this is vital, has been a huge step forward! You are so correct of course, that we must give ourselves the credit and protection that we deserve, and even though our natural default will be to have the deep-seeded, misaligned fears of abandonment or whatever, that ultimately we will survive and be much better for it! Thanks 👍🤘😃
So true…. Every story in comments is sort of pieces to my life 😅😅 their exposure can be life changing for us… that was the spiritual contract between us …. Thanks for ur work I love ur channel💛💛💛 it’s helping thrive so many of us
Love your sweater. It looks cozy. 😊
This has not been my experience. I back myself, hea;lhy boundaried and assertive in the face of bullies, narcs, etc but it is exasperating the experiences that I encounter, I seem to be targeted more and more consistantly in every and any environment I find myself and this is starting to weigh me down.
He finds ways to literally have others provoke me til I stand up for myself then they beat me with literal violence that's been my life I was trained calling the police is being a snitch they call them dogs n they really hurt me doing this I learnt I must never have an opinion if I do violence n I ended up snapping I don't no who I am
I am okay now at dealing with narcissistic people one to one, I go ultra-bland as an act if I have to have contact, otherwise avoid. My problem is dealing with a whole family system that enables one or two narcissists - I have unfortunately distanced myself from family members I like in group situations where they are also being used as they expect me to behave the same. It is tricky. I try to create one-to -one contact with those I trust but it is hard as they constantly revolve round 1/2 narcissists.
I just went out from a relationship with a family member narcissist and I learned a lot about not ignoring red flags and just stay meek and quiet just not to rock the boat. And also I realized it was almost codependency I was feeling good helping not for any gain and they were relishing it. It was an eye opening experience. Now it's me myself and I then my closest and faithful relationship and any other relationship goes under scrutiny and analysis.
Wow this was an affirmation for me as I have been married to a Narcissist for 29 years and have been coming to these conclusions on my own for the last couple of years. This encourages me to keep progressing!!!
Your best video yet Wenzes!! You are consistently improving and spot on with your teachings. I have lived this but your ability to put it to words to help others is awesome. Your the best!
She is!
Beautiful, thank you!
This could of all been avoided but u choose to mess with me again for the last time i promise u that got it coming very deserving u are justice for all
It is never too late to learn vital coaching tools. I call these moments “Dark night of the Soul”, however, this topic is closer to “the scorching truth of adulthood”.
Oh my goodness this has got to be the most eye opening info video I've seen bar none!!!
Wish I had heard you years ago. I am an alcoholic, 6 years sober after 40 years of drinking. Am finally starting to learn about, understand, accept, and like myself. Wenzes, what is your view on INFJs and alcoholism?
Healing.
Just love you and your vidoes. Its helping in my healing journey.
Just realized I am an INFJ after the painful discard by
covert narc husband.
If I say I love you, my biggest fear is I'm wrong.
All I want is love.
All I feel is love.
All I fear is love.
Yours and His.
A special song played by Angels on a Butterfly's wing they sing Wenzes😊
Love and be loved.
Find the deepest love in your soul and dive in.
There are more Angels than satellites to hear your cry.
Whisper from the quietest corner thank you God.
"There comes a time when you have to forsake something in order to preserve the other. Not having the strength - the resolve - to turn your back, that's not kindness. That's just being weak."
Last year I reached my breaking point with a close friend who has repeatedly demonstrated covert narcissistic traits. Fortunately, these words came to me during that time as well, and they really helped me navigate those dark days. In the end, you have to choose which one you want to save: this person who is objectively bad for your life, or the people around you who are actively, even sacrificially, supporting you? This person whom you may have known for years, but has refused to change their destructive ways, or the people you have yet to meet who might just enrich your life? This person who has kept taking and taking from you until there's nothing left... or yourself?
In trying to preserve my relationship with the unworthy, I unintentionally betrayed my relationships with those who were truly worthy of my time and energy, including myself. Once I had that realization, I broke free. It was terrifying at first, unfamiliar. But there's a genuine pleasure in confronting my fears and discovering my capabilities. Now I'm getting things done and slowly turning my life around. Last I heard, that person is still stuck where he thought he left me for dead.
Thank you 🙏. You are awesome. Great content, talking points, and exactly what I needed to hear today.
Your videos have helped me understand why I feel the ways I do, or at least reinforce what I already realize. This one hits home, particularly. (Edited the rest out for over-sharing.)
can you imagine, when both of your parents are narcissits and you are Italian
like a moth to a flame they see us as a perfect supply, like the key and lock. we want to help them, the exploit our empathy. perfect. until we know all his manipulation and entirely who they are, we completely know the kind of person they are. then door slam, they beggin' us to come back for the last time coz we won't eat it again
Yoooo😭
Im a couple weeks out from dropping a narcissist from my life and im just starting to feel better...I was dealing with a lot of guilt. The more distance I got from the guilt though the more I realized it was coming from a place of second guessing myself. The guilt was a result of me not knowing whether or not I could trust myself and what I was feeling. That narcissist showed me how broken my trust was with myself and I've never felt more alive being in the process of fixing that🤍
Yes, huge wake up call! 😆 🤣
This video speaks to me like few others have
My gpa raised me and I'm in a relationship with my husband 25 years and that is what I'm living. I have learned alot
To parent our own inner child....to be our own best friend and often only friend....yessss....the sooner we realize that and stop looking for other humans to do that and fail us....the better we will be. Slowly getting there after about forty....only ten years in knowing that change in perspective needs to be done. There is NO human who will do it for us for any length of time....the only one who can or will is us. No getting around that...to understand that is paramount.
@@Human_01 Sounds like in plain jargon what you mean to say is that....no matter how much people try to change socially, they cannot change their basic natures? If that is what you mean to convey...I agree...we do not noticibly change our DNA (actually we can some 'science' now says but it is hardly measurable)...but that aside, we obviously can change how we react to things.
This one cuts deep Wenzes!!! Wooh! 🥹👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I always say I wouldn't even treat my enemies the way they treat us.
So over these bullies and people yes. Cutting cords. Is one thing I epic at.
Ask yourself this question: Am I treating this person the way he/she treats me?
And then, if you want to see the other's reaction, ask the other: do you want me to treat you, the way you treat me, ian every single way you do?
I have an infj former friend who just pushed me and all their healthy friends away to hold onto the narcissist friend and possibly covert narcissist wife.
Its hard to see it happen and do nothing about it.
This video really hit hard! It's so true and I had to hear this ❤
I did this 10 years ago, it's so Liberating
Thanks for helping me to gain whole new perspective 😅
I'm an infj raised by covert narcissistic mother and my father is also infj raised by a narcissistic mother it's terrible it's really really hard to stay a healthy infj. My biggest fear is to be a narcissist one day
And the most terrible thing is that my mother sees these videos about narcissism and thinks that everyone is a narcissist except her she even doubts me
You really jumped into my head with this one. You were speaking my thoughts of an experience I'm currently in.
Thanks to Wenez lessions I can recharged in less than 48 hours. She helped us come a long way. To be better. To be better in a way that we are good to go , and able to Have those dreams.
Very well said. I experienced it this way too. And I am so glad I know now.
Read Alexander's Long Gravel Road Journey of Hope.
The reason why I suffered soooo ,much.. the Reason why I evoloved into a sigma.
Thank you❤🙏
This makes so much sense. Thank you for you help and sharing your knowledge.
I'm an INFJ who can smell a narcissist or manipulator 100km away. I'll avoid them all the time
Dealing with difficult female friend who I saw as a "friend" but she turned out to be the liar now it's bad blood between us I wish I had the superpower to erase all memories about her from my life completely but you know what?I don't care about being an A student anymore C grade is a choice meaning I have an option to be my own leader and survive and thrive over such bitches I bet she doesn't speak any Spanish which is my 4th language duh I'm flexing who cares?tapping to my inner ESTP feels good transformation warrior or whatever it helps a lot I'm gonna make my teenage dream of becoming an actress come true I have the capacity to outshine any Hollywood star I'm so done caring what other people are achieving more than I do or knowing more languages no hyper or superpolyglot speaks 30-40-50 languages properly or in a decent manner anyway,guess I'll start with my 5th language which is Japanese and enough is enough that's gonna be enough for me to travel the world and make my various hobbies work for me and create my desired life,friendships,acquaintances and co-workers thingy thanks for your tips
What are your lessons learned from dealing with a narcissistic person?
I've learned not to argue. Just grey rock, show indifference and walk away. Give no details about anything in your life, thoughts or feelings. I've cut my ENTIRE family out, starting with my mom
. I changed my number and have not responded to cards trying to emotionally guilt me. At 42 I can spot a narc a mile away now. I steer clear of them
My favorite response to narcs is "ok". Hahahaha OK drives them batty because there is no emotion behind it. It's a dead end that forces them to react. OK does not give them supply which they NEED from you. OK forces them to show their true colors (insane and evil). It gets them worked up and stressed out. Internally I'm laughing. I also like to tell them NO and look at them. They cannot stand boundaries or someone not falling over themselves to give to them. NO and a blank stare enrages them. I've had people try to get violent with me because I tell them no. I'm stronger and fight back. Apparently I get a look that others recognize as a warning sign and they tell the narc to chill because I'm not playing. I love destroying narcs.
@@healthychick9450 I've learned how to spot them quickly and seperate myself too. At 56 years old, I've dealt with a dozen or more. Luckily, none were family members. You can't choose your family, but you can tell them they're on Nacissist Notice and you won't play into it. They only pray on the weak and those that will listen to their BS!
@@healthychick9450 What's with your channel's Jet traffic fascination? Amongst pilots anyway they are called, bird watchers'.
It's called a hobby. Mind your business.
i thank that narcissist that i spent 1 to 2 weeks with resulted in me finding more abt ma self hope he doing good with his life thou xd i litrally gave hi somethinng for days in days out on collection day he was asking for more lmao i litraly gave him without him asking ,sorry for the misspellings but it doesnt really matter does it
thanx again Wenzes. you always know what to say.
This is such a good point!
Exactly right
You are amazing I love your insights and have so far helped me heal recent wounds, also I''ll be joining your boot camp soon! 😊❤
Makes so much sense
i am an INFJ. I FIND myself standing up to men easily but i seem to have a fear of women. i dated a nacissist and got rid of him within two months easily. after his third rage episode i ran.
I loved this Wenzes! I thought it was going to be informative (which it was) but it had a very wholesome feel to it
Fantastic video Wenzes!
Thanl you SO MUCH lady Wenzes! Your videos are awesome and awe-inspiring. So much to learn here!😚❤
thank you for all you do. ❤
Hi wenzes, is it possible for me to have a conversation with you? I am struggling as an infj
Me and you very, very similar Wenses. 🙂
Are narcissists always narcissists, or can they learn to be better? Or can people go through narcissistic phases and then come out of it and get healthy?
Not unless they have self awareness and seek therapy to get well.
We all have a bit of narcissism in us. The trick is to manage it. Can somebody who's dominated by self-concern get healthy? Of course they can. Are they willing to pay the price necessary to do so? Well, that's a harder question. I imagine it would require a fundamental shift in world view so that their behavior no longer makes sense to them. Even then old habits will die hard. Let's say some can get healthier at least. Truth be told, I'm not sure what "perfect health" even means in concrete terms.
❤️
I feel, Infj r one of the most greatest Narcissists 😐
Love you
udagreatest with the highest quality of value in your heart. your thoughts are like magic wishes coming true every day.
subconsciously in love painting your art of habits
❤❤❤
Do you think there is a link between the fact of beeing INFJ and have been living with a narcissist parent ? (french mother language)
@@Guillaume_F I think that would be the land of genetics, rather than a question for MBTI!
If research is done and makes a connection, then conclusions and generalizations could be made.
oh gtu. 😂😂😂 just relax.
Why are so many girls attracted to a guy that can absorb their bad vibes!!
Sometimes I wish they would just leave me alone, they never understand or respect a guys space and gets annoying with them sometimes..
ENTP is narcissist
:)
can you imagine, when both of your parents are narcissits and you are Italian