10 Signs Your Parent is a Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
- To people from the outside looking in, your parents may seem like the perfect parents. They seem affectionate, kind, considerate, and caring, but behind closed doors, the pretense drops. Sound familiar? Here are a few signs that you might have been raised by narcissist parents.
Do you have a narcissistic mother? Here are a few signs you need to know: • 10 Signs That You May ...
Original article - psych2go.net/1...
Disclaimer: This video is for educational purposes and is not designed to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder or to say anybody who has experienced this has narcissistic parents. These are simply signs that might suggest that you have experienced parents who have narcissistic traits. If you feel like you may have had narcissistic parents or have been affected by narcissistic behavior always remember that you can try and reach out to somebody you trust or a professional to discuss any concerns you may have.
Writer: Jade Hamilton
Script Editor: Morgan Franz
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Zuzia
RUclips Manager: Cindy Cheong
References
Almendrala, A. (2015, October). HuffPost is now a part of Verizon Media. Consent.Yahoo.com. www.huffington...
American Psychiatric Association. (2009). DSM-5. Psychiatry.org. www.psychiatry...
Robins, A. (2020). 10 Signs You Were Raised By Narcissists. Medium. / 10-signs-you-were-rais...
Sol, M. (2016). 19 Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father ⋆ LonerWolf. LonerWolf. lonerwolf.com/...
If you're brave, share this with your love ones ;)
Tell us what happens next.
1 second ago yay
Ya I can relate all those except no 3 coz I'm single kid. It's really sad. But I've got great criticism tolerance due to this
Hi
hi Psych2Go , can you make a video about type of anger and why ( for certain ppl) hope you notice me
Salutes.
Me: Giving a valid argument and has a point.
Parents: "Tastes like DISRESPECT"
Depends on your phrasing, are you trying to one-up them?
THIS
and they also go with "what kind of attitude is this? We/i never teach you like this!"
@@bunille I'm always trying to be polite
@@shalmahafizah1633 Yes! Then they will blame the phone, our friends that they are "bad influence" and stuffs like that.
Ya if they find out that I am actually correct, they start speaking about my "attitude" to change the subject
People with loving parents who raised them with just love and care are the luckiest people.
They are🥺😭
Ikr :(
@Anaya Diggs ikr
Does anyone have those I feel like it’s impossible to be treated with love and care by parents your whole life
True
1- You may have low self-esteem
2- They have an intense reaction to any form of criticism
3- Your parents had a favourite child
4- You are a complete dormat
5- You are dealing with chronic shame
6- You struggle to set proper boundries
7- You engage in self-destruction behaviour
8- You may have been controlled throught co-dependency
9- You we're gaslit by your parents
10- You're experiencing depression and anxiety
WELP
last one i dont but might because im not diagnosed
This should be pinned. Thanks for doing that.
Both of my parents are narcissists.
Also I have all 10.
Omg you just described my life 😭😭
Both narcisistic parents, I have all 10 of them.
At least is nice to know there are a lot of people in my exact same situation. I feel you all, wish we could make a group or something😅
One thing: do not attempt to change a narcissist, cut them lose. If you must keep the link because of family reasons, limit interaction to a minimum, don't share anything personnal and stick to small talks. Good luck if you are in this situation, it is possible to become a great person regardless what your parents are.
💯
Its worse when you got flying monkeys everywehre telling you that your parant is so nice and caring, is hurting because of you and you should just be an obidiant child. They dont know nor want to know what happens behind closed doors, and they dont beleave it ether if you tell. Narcicistis have a public facade and it is perfect in making others beleave them over thier victem.
Yes!! Exactly what I am doing!
15 years of wasted time has me at this same conclusion. Learn from my mistakes and do tt apologize on their behalf, cut them loose and go no contact.
Thanks, that’s what I'm doing tho I had to learn the hard way but still :)
Worst part: They don't even think they're problematic when in fact they are and they just scream when you explain why 🙃
Then they proceed to talk about how 'the other kids have it"
Lucky. My mom wont allow me to get my ID so I can atleast get a job and an apartment..and im 19 :((((
@@jaiglamora4167 go on your own and tell them your situation maybe she’s ruined your credit and she wants to keep it hidden
I was debating to confront my mother about her behaviour. I've since decided against it, as I believe she wouldn't receive the criticism well (she hasnt in past).
What about literally screaming at the top of their lungs- “I’m not screaming!!!!!!!!” It’s surreal and so painful
The worst part is trying to tell someone what life at home is like and all the terrible effects it's had on me, and their only response is "parenting is hard".
I totally agree with you and im.so sorry people said that to you.
“Just sit and talk to them like a grownup person” hurt me the most.
Or "I mean yeah but they're still your parents/aunt/uncle" etc. So invalidating
My father said he would have been a better parent if he had better kids. He was a blatant cheater, physically abusive, and hardly at home.
@Rodneisha Ayers I went no contact with both my parents. My mother is still alive. I cut my father off 4 years before his suicide. It doesn't matter who they are, just walk away. They never had a conscious, they never cared about anything but themselves. They were never sorry. I'm sorry about your loss of a parent, but they were never parents, just grown children.
In a Middle Eastern household these are very common things. I didn’t realize how much it affected me until I got older and found out that it’s not normal to do all that 😕
Same, I have experienced all this too. 🙁
Same here I just realized at age 60 that my parents were narcissistic.
I just always blamed myself from all the guilt shame and blame they put on me telling me something was wrong with me!
How do you cope? I need help. Same boat
Same 😭
Ayee same here . .. im from Bangladesh tho
My parents can go on and on about “you are so disrespectful”, even though they have never shown me any individual respect whatsoever. They do not support my lifestyle or my hobbies, as well as constantly belittle my achievements and my issues. Somehow, they see nothing wrong with what they do to me. They wonder why I do not like them and why I do not want to be around them, but they don’t even treat me with basic human decency. Respect is a two way street, you have to *give* it to *get* it.
Beautifully said. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Same deal with me, but I've just completely given up on other people respecting me. I try my best to respect other people, but yet, no one has ever respected me or supported me. What's the point anymore? If they're gonna give the respect you deserve.... aaaaaand I forgot where I was going with this... um, then I guess u don't respect them...(?)
*my brain is not working rn!!!* 😫
And my brother is their favorite child I’m a complete doormat to them. HA he tried scaring me when I was on this cliff (I’m terrified of heights) but I pushed him and he almost fell off the cliff 😂
@@LianaE I pray that you are able to respect yourself one day and not worry about others bringing you down. Just do you and things should start to fall into place. I struggle too. You’re not alone
Damn...I can relate.
same here. they also hate on me for things I try not to do. I've never been so alone because of this.
I just want peace. I... I NEED peace at this point. If anyone has tactics I can use to counter this, please let me know.
Edit: Even my grades slipped since 6th grade. I actually have papers that prove it.
My mom is a narcissist and she constantly criticized and belittled us. My dad was silent and always took her side.
Same
@Darshan Kolvekar wouldn’t say Simp, but he seem like a type of guy that doesn’t want that much conflict
Your dad was a coward
Mine would sometimes take turns. Usually my father’s aggressive and mother’s manipulative, but there are moments where they’d switch it up.
My parents were pretty much the same. However, now that my mom’s been in and out of psych wards after her mental state got really out of hand while over with some family, my dad has opened up to me and told me that he never did really wanna stay with my mom and only did stay because of the things she threatened to do like accusing him of abuse or whatever which is ironic bc she’s abused him so much that he still has scars from her that happened years and years ago and he hasn’t touched her once from what I’ve seen. Just wish he would’ve at least confined with me more about this stuff growing up when I was younger because I had always just went along with what my mom said about me or my dad in arguments, and I always felt crazy to think that somehow, according to my mom at least, my dad and I were always in the wrong.
I feel like everyone around me have had problematic parents so whenever I meet someone who has an emotionally available, caring, etc parent, Im always in shock
haha I get that so much. Its part of what makes it so hard to see what's "normal" healthy behavior
@@katherinenicholson9752 right?! My “normal” is not healthy hahahaha
Very true.
same lol
rare to find such parents
let's be better for our kids
@@shashanksams yes yes!!! I have learned what NOT to do for the future
This video taught me that my parents weren’t meant to have kids
Same but i already knew that
Yes, and at the end it's up to us to create the next generations with love and care.
@@Psych2go Sorry fam, I ain’t reproducing. Thanks for the informative vids though.
@@Psych2go im not going to have children because i dont want to risk making someone feel how i feel
My mother would tell me "we should have never had kids". But there we were dealing with it.
One thing about having a narcissist parent is they will always make you feel flawed and will never take criticism even if they are wrong. Looking back as a kid I realize how much of a good kid I was. I never caused trouble, i was a smart kid and my teachers really liked me. I felt like if I had the right support system at home I would have turned out to be more. I know that its too late for me to have that but I realise I can be that parent I wish I had when I was younger.
I want to tell I live with my grandparents and my grandfather he always gets angry at the littlest thing and he cusses when he drops something. Well whenever I try to challenge him when it’s against him he always gets defensive for himself. And not only that he keeps saying all the time I’m the best thing since sliced bread. And he calls himself cus I’m handsome and everything what do u think? I catch him bragging about little things a lot.
@@sethjoseph8152I understand it’s your grandfather but he sounds like a complete loser
yeah, my mom never actually apologized, or the apologies she did were half-assed. she gaslit me, she made me codependent on her by not allowing me to do things myself, she constantly still tries to take tasks out of my hands (despite the fact that I am an adult) because she believes I can't do it myself, etc.
I feel all of you, my mom says she tries not to be like her parents but she’s almost exactly like them. Then when my mom apologizes she still doesn’t try to change or see help, only when she came back from a retreat did it only last for a month and she lost her control again. I can’t wait to leave. No matter how many times you would want to even try to tell them, they’re deeply convinced that they’re always right especially a mom who believes that because she’s a mom/wife that she’s always right kind of phrase.
My entire family even my grand or other family member at like this and I am just by myself because no one will ever be on my side in my family while my brother is stuck and just can’t do anything to help
I just wanted to say that if you’re currently living with a narcissistic parent, you’re gonna have to learn to just bite your tongue a lot. Remember that a narcissist will never find themselves at fault, so even trying to argue is like talking to a brick wall. You aren’t going to get anywhere🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
True. My mother never admitted to all the things she did to me. She died from cancer 5 yrs ago. When she died, we weren't speaking to one another.
You “play their” game until you can legally leave and either just leave out right or try to have one last conversation with them
tru
Yes correct. Unless they self reflect that is and thats a rare breed.
These type of people shouldn’t have children
I always felt like the scapegoat in my family. When I'd try to talk to my mother about it, she'd yell, "What about me?!! What about how hard MY childhood was, you ungrateful brat!" 😥😥😥
I agree
Then they say it was better before, even them don't know what they're saying.
@wen yea.
i feel this. i got told the same thing. i hope things get better for you
My mom does the same thing! Though she words it as "oh you (hurt, are injured, sick, didn't sleep well) how about I complain about everything wrong with me? I (am hurt, injured, sick, or didn't sleep well) and I have been quiet and not complained about it!" Kinda like that... Soo... Sympathies my dude hope it isn't too bad for you
Growing up I always noticed how fake they seemed every time we had guest or they were on the phone with someone else. It’s like they hit a switch
watching this made me cry, it’s hard realizing your parent wasn’t who you thought they were.
My parents are the same
It is hard
same...
Me too.. 🤕😔😓😞😢😭
Yup, we're in the same boat and I really wish neither of us were
I wasn't raised by narcissists but I watch videos like this to make sure my own behavior doesn't fall into any of these categories so I can be a good mom to my son
Your son is lucky to have you 😊
don’t even worry narcissists are incapable of thinking about self reflection. speaking from experience :)
@InSomnia DrEvil i struggle with this too. My mom has NPD and she gaslights me and is verbally abusive and refuses to seek help or change so i had to stop allowing her in my life.
I love her, but she is not capable of loving me back because she doesn’t love herself and is constantly running away from her true self and being a fake a** b*tch who is cruel and pretending to be perfect just to not have to do the work. The tragic thing is that she considers herself to be extremely hardworking.
❤️❤️❤️
This is a parent who cares! I want to have a parent like you. Not parents like I actually have now. All they did is blaming me for their faults and I can't count how many times I went to the toilet and cry.
yikes my dad is a narcissist.he always criticizes everyone but always gets mad when he gets criticized.
Same as Mine omg He can judge and talk crap about everyone but no one should say anything to him oh and He never apologizes.
Mines too and I have blocked him on all forms of communication and avoid him at all costs for my safety
My dad is exactly the same.
Having depression and anxiety, it has always been a problem to me since my parents are narcissistic. To all people who experience this, you're not alone. We can get through this. I hope
Edit: I felt happy that I'm not alone in this fight. I'm in tears of joy... and pain. Wish to have a talk with u guys and I'm very proud of y'all for surviving up until the next day of our lives. Godbless us all.
I need help...I'm just like you
Yes, You, Me, and the person who reads this. We can go through it!
Anyway the fact that your pfp is arima and you have narcissistic parents are something.
We just need to survive till we get 18 or something I guess
It is comforting to know I’m not the only one, definitely need a support system! I relate to you.
@@nightwing-scp4268 I’m turning 21 soon and finishing uni but nope, one narcissistic parent is still veeery bothering me. I really built up a bad, complex habit to blame myself and be hard to get over failures.
Edit: of course I’m not saying that after 18 it won’t disappear or that parents are to blame for my mistakes, but I guess if we won’t act, things probably won’t change very much
I'm 19 now but the childhood trauma doesn't leave me. I have experienced not one or 2, but all signs. I was severely physically abused. That even made me to think about suicide. And I left my parents but I'm still struggling with depressions. My parents have a favourite child, which I'm not jealous but hurt, they shamed me. The thing that really broke my heart was when my mum said that "you should have never been born, I wish you should die now ". I didn't realised how I'm forming boundaries with people. This channel helps me a lot to know. I have never had right to speak myself. I have very low self esteem.
Now I feel bad for my little brother who live with them is experiencing same what I had. He is only 13, but I can do nothing until I'm successful.
Welp I'm the exact same except I'm too hecking young to leave them yet😔
@Teenyy Toon thank you ❤ I hope I will.
My mother used to say the same to me, "I never wanted to have you. I wanted an abortion. I never wanted to marry your father." She died of cancer 5 yrs ago.
Moved out if you can and cut ties with your parents. They made it clear they doesn't want you. Get a job and ask anyone who cares enough for help if necessary, but be careful because some people will using you if they know you are vulnerable. Have your own place or lived with people who genuinely cares about you.
@@retnaningheryuanti6008 thank you ❤ I will, I left even my studies bcz of depression. But I'm continuing it again now and also trying to depend on myself. I watch motivational speech daily. And rn I'm living with my grandparents and I don't want to be burden on them too. 🙁
My dad is a narcissist. He doesn’t want me to have any activities so he doesn’t have to drive me places. He tries to get s as much custody of me as he can and then just locks me up in his house. He makes me feel guilty for not loving him as much as he wants me to. I can’t question anything that he does or else he freaks out. You can’t convince him about anything either. I’m mentally exhausted after each time I’m forced to be with him and I don’t know what to do.
He is toxic, pleasw reach out and find the help you need. He will not change and you shouldn't deal wirh this alone!
@@MrEnaric thank you. I am going to therapy but when I tell my therapist she said so you just don’t but like him.
@Andy Dufresne you too
THIS IS EXACTLY MY MOM. It doesn't help that I'm homeschooled. So I'm even more trapped than a public schooler.
@@artscraftsgaming7169 I’m homeschooled too! Luckily my mom is the main parent so my dad doesn’t homeschool me. He wants to be my teacher though which is so scary
My mom is the narcissist. My dad was strict and expected things of me and my siblings but once he realized he was hurting us more than helping us he changed. My parents aren’t together so my mom has always attacked us for “choosing him, liking him more”. My mom got cancer 6 years ago and made a complete recovery. I thought this new chance at life would make her better but I think she’s gotten worse. Like I’m almost 30 mom. I should not still be feeling this guilt and shame for wanting to try to live outside of you.
i feel you
Same here 😓
I feel u broski
Same
Sane here
"what would i do without you"
"I only live for you"
"you always try to be alone, do you hate me?!"
"You're not gonna leave me like your father will you?"
"You're gonna make me live in a castle"
"I have high expectations for you"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM PUTTING YOU UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE?! IM JUST WISHING THE BEST FOR YOU AS A MOTHER"
These are the things my mom always says to me, she has high expectations for me and im scared to not fullfil her wishes..i told her she's putting me under a lot of pressure and don't expect me to be so successful when you put me under that much pressure. And when i have some time with myself she says i hate her or something, i told her kids will leave their nest someday so don't expect them to live with you forever. She makes me think that im guilty when im not. I just hope she'll find a good person to marry, and don't put me and my sister under so much pressure.
I can relate so much to you, but im happy that you're still alive under those pressures. Keep going mate, love you
Hope you get help and hey its going to be okay one day 🤗🤗🤗
Cut yourself off emotionally from her. Be yourself and stop giving a shit about her. Start manipulating her for a short time every day, usually right bevor she wants a break and bevor she gets the Chance to demand you stay. You know her insecureties, you can use them. Make her feel like she should confide in you, narcicistis love talking about themselves. Talk friendly and say things that hurt, withoutaking it beeing obvous they hurt. She will think she got attention, but wont want it again dispite not beeing able to tell why.
"Mom, I want to stay with someone as good as you, who will allways respsct my privacy. I love that I can allways count on you to give me room, everyone thinks your awesome for that. " "oh, dont you think that if im gonna work hard on 'Insert whatever she ecpects' you should teach me!"
-> proceed to make her feel stupid for not understanding the topic in a way that makes her insecure and you look empathetic.
Make her the weak one in this relationship. Use her dependency on you as a weapon. Ultimatively that will give you the freedom to choose when she gets to interact with you. And make the interaction less invasive to you.
It sounds crule, but thats what she is doing. To best a narcicist you leave them. If you cant leave jet, become the narcicist.
Just never forget not to do that to inocent bystanders.
You might be afraid of loosing your soul, dont worry. Defend yourself. You have every right to
@@iliketobitch6317 I did the exact same thing but more dramatically, I slowly convinced my mom that I need my own job to manage my finances and started to manage an apartment of my own for a few months. One day when we were going at it like always, She was screaming " You don't know how to manage this house you won't be able to do that in a million years ". I just couldn't take it anymore and I said "Well I have my own house now so I'll just go and manage that while you manage your house" And just left. They kept calling me to come back but I didn't look back. That was the day I got my freedom. I returned after 6 months after that not because they called me but coz I needed some more clothes. But I saw a change in their behavior once I saw them. I don't know if it will work for anyone but it changed my life.
I only just realised that my parents would say different things but meanings behind them are the same as to what you put also to not living up to a parents expectations from my personal experience it ended up being a good thing I really struggled when I was younger never been able to meet there standard but I’ve made clear boundaries about this now which aren’t always kept. But I’ve to understand that even if things aren’t going how I expected or how I was told there supposed to it’s ok because I can always pick my self up again even if my parents aren’t there to give me a helpings hand I know lots of other people who will. Just need to put that out there I hope your having a good day/night 💛xx
I really don’t see my Mom as a full on narcissist but she does have tendencies, especially when I was younger. The “silent treatment” was a big thing in my household growing up. I always felt I couldn’t talk to her about certain things; the way I feel about this or that. It’s like it makes her uncomfortable and she would simply shut down, she does this still. Now, as an adult, I am not afraid to tell her how I’m feeling but it can be like talking to a wall sometimes. She never straight out said my older sister was the favorite but I always got the sense that this was the case. She got stellar grades and did a lot to help my mom take care of me, as my mom was a single parent. When I would tell on her for doing things I viewed as bad (ex:sneaking guys into the house) she always got a slap on the wrist. I think my family has always compared me to her while growing up, and the shoes were just much too big to fill. I’ve always been very blunt and outspoken which my family tends to not always like. “Don’t say things like that”, or “No, that’s not what happened” have been ongoing phrases said by my mother. It completely invalidates my own feelings and emotions. Another thing was being extremely passive aggressive with my sister and I. My dad was a chronic alcoholic/addict whom was in and out of my life. She used that against us A LOT, as if we were at fault for his actions. “If you don’t like it here, then you can go live with your dad in the gutter.” This was the most used one. It made me feel shameful and guilty when I was simply expressing normal childish displeasure toward something. I wasn’t allowed to get a toy I really wanted, well then I suppose I should go live with my addict father and see if I prefer that. (?) That is beyond harsh at any age, but especially to an elementary aged kid. She projected all of her own negative emotions onto others, especially myself, rather than talking it out. I now tell her that her actions were very much inappropriate and emotionally abusive, which she agrees with for the most part. She has calmed down over time, luckily. But the damage has already been done. No self esteem, depression/anxiety disorder, etc., etc. Many factors have played a part in these results but in the end having no relationship with my dad and a rollercoaster of a relationship with my mom was more than enough to bring me to this point. Be kind and respectful to your children or, frankly put, please don’t bother with having any.
Same. My Parents don’t go through my room or anything. But my dad does show a lot of narcissistic behavior in conversation
That part about ur mum getting better is so real like my mum has led me to feel exactly the same, I even have a golden child older sister but the damage has been done and she expects me to get over it
@@Gloroxsocks Easier said than done. Sometimes it’s better to just distance yourself from that toxicity, if at all possible. Talk with those that will truly listen and respect your feelings and keep others at arms length, as to not cause more harm to your psyche.
Some parents just cannot take responsibility and that’s not on us, as the daughter/son.
@Selena oh, man. I’m sorry she says that to you. Yes, I believe there is probably many of us. We’re kind of in the middle of each parent, so we are an easy target for resentment that is most likely not even meant for us. Idk your situation, but when things cool off from a fight maybe try talking to her. If she realizes how hurtful that is she may think twice before throwing that in your face again, especially when it literally has nothing to do with you. Even family members need to be given boundaries. It’s so tough as is to have a father that has an addiction, it really isn’t fair to feel at fault for it too.
I hope things are otherwise going well for you.
I hear your pain. I can so relate. Same with my mom. Emotions scare the crap out of her and she gets hostile and shuts down if I ever try to talk about feelings. I learned to not talk about emotions or anything and just ask questions about things like her projects or garden plans. I’m not even allowed to bring up people she doesn’t like such as the ex husbands because it might “trigger her”.
Are you finding ways to heal from your trauma?
Parents favorite quote: we gave you life, you are indebted to us.
I didn't call my mother in a couple months and when I did she was very angry with me. However, she has not called me in many years. I usually let her vent but this time I responded by saying that she could have easily called me if she wanted to talk. She got mad and said it was the child's job to call the parents not the other way around. I was avoiding the usual guilt trip.. and I'm not a child. Smh
@@toosense the guilt tripping used to hit me hard. Now, I'm beyond that point as I realized, my parents were the problem not me. They groomed me to believe all my money belongs to them, that I had to take care of the household, slave myself for them as I was "indebted" and that was "what all children do for their parents" or that it is my "duty". I haven't spoken to them in months now, and they've stopped leaving voice mails of fake concerns, which usually lures me back into the abusive manipulation. I also refused to let them know where I live since I relocated. I finally feel free. Though it was very difficult for years to release this burden.
@pinkyssj4 Yes, my whole life has been a guilt trip and somehow I became responsible not only for my mother but my siblings too. They never listen, they never change.. but somehow when they screw up I'm expected to help because I have financial means. I suppose I'd feel more compelled to if there was some hint of gratitude but there isn't. Zero accountability. It weighs on me because my mother is aging and I feel very guilty, like I'm abandoning her. Outside of being related I have nothing in common with my siblings. You must feel relived to be able to just move on.
@@toosense it took me a very long time to let them go. But I had to tell myself, they're not good for my well being. I have anxiety, breakdowns, low confidence, low self worth, body image issues, etc because of them. Through time and self healing, you too will be able to separate yourself from them. Read up about narcissistic parents and being the scape goat. Also look up more about manipulation and start to understand how to set boundaries and what to do when you're not respected.
@pinkyssj4 Thanks for your help. I wish you well.
Anyone just get so mad when your parents compare you to others? It hurts alot.
it hurts so fucking lot.
Told my mom about how this hurts me. She fucking ignored me
@@SoraJaxOrBasil don't expect your mom to accept what you are then
@@luckynumber4501 so I shouldn’t tell her how I feel owo
@@SoraJaxOrBasil *yup*
Things will probably only get worse
Almost every time my mom got upset, “I brought you into this world, and I sure as hell can take you out of it too!” 26 years, and I’m just now beginning to be kind to myself.
To everyone striving to heal, we will make it 💜 To all the loving parents striving to avoid this behavior, from the bottom of my heart & soul I want to thank you for choosing love 💜 Lets continue to make a difference every day, love y’all
My mom always says the same shit smhh
Love the fact that you have kept yourself strong throughout and are striving to spread positivity...God bless
My parents don't notices my pain unless they turn into anger, and now I'm the bad guy ;/
Don't fall for the manipulation that your pain is invalid because it's not noticeable for THEM Until you have to get irate because they only respond and recognize things that they can relate to which is yelling and chaos.
Same here... :( now I feel like the black sheep
I feel you… I can’t defend myself or anything because in the end it’s always my fault. Just keep pushing through, that’s what I try to do.
i haven’t spoken to my mom in over a year. i haven’t spoken to my dad in over 3 years. they are both narcissistic/abusive. neither of them have met my daughter and that’s how i’m keeping my it :)
i hope u and ur daughter are happy god bless you !😇
I’m so proud of you!
My daughter is 18 and living with my narcissist parents. My daughter and I had some enmeshment as I raised her alone while fighting against my issues with my parents manipulation...now they have her and all 3 have cut me out. We did counseling for the enmeshment but I'm afraid she is only getting worse living with them and their codependency.
Good good great
Don’t ever let them! ^^
I just can't wait to live on my own. It sucks to be alone but it's less lonely than I am with them. I finally found why I am always this way. I hope everyone's doing great and be kind to everyone and yourself.
Okay I’m 100% sure my dad is narcissistic. I checked off almost all of the boxes. Luckily, I’m going to college soon so I’ll be able to develop some independence. Thank you for this video. I love this channel and it’s helped me a lot.❤️
Exactly the same here:) Do you struggle with low self esteem?
Lmao I'm off to college to and my parents are narcissistic af
My dad is narcissistic he kills Mom everyday
Same, i too will leave to college soon
same but I am still I 9 I can't get out of here
I confront my parents about their past behaviors and then they gaslight me telling me they would "never" do such a thing, but I know they are lying.
Gosh, same. Reading this comment made me cry because it reminds me to every fight that happen between me and my mom. I kept telling her that her behaviour caused me to made distance from her. But she gaslighted me. Said that she never done that and insisted that she would never do that to her children. Last night I found my diary and I cried because whatever she said during every fight is all lies. What my diary wrote is the entire truth. Sorry for the sudden rant ));
@@nataschamavi aw i feel you :( hope you’re okay now❤️
Ikr
And my parents still doing it to this day, forgetting like our arguments never happened.
They’d also always say stuff like: “we’re giving you solutions, but you’re not listening to us! 😠😠😠”
“You’re just worried/rambling over nothing!”
“We’re ‘teaching’ you how to do this or that.”
....When things don’t even look easy or okay as they say. Sure, some do end up being nothing to worry about, there were others that aren’t. They’re too ignorant to understand me.
My mother would just turn it on me and say it's my fault she did those things if it wasn't for what I would do to upset her
My mom changes every story to make her look like the best person even when it's not true. It seems like this is a very common tactic used by narcissists.
Real talk, I grew up thinking control was a mark of strong parenting/authority. I’m grateful I’ve been to the schools I’ve been and met mentors, teachers and others who’ve demonstrated that great parenting is about relationships with your kids, quality and consistent presence and support, not dominance, control, manipulation, using your kids as resources to exploit.
My opinion is a bit different. A parent has 100% control when the child is little and this diminishes to very little if any by about 14, at latest when they begin to drive. The rate of release is the trick, but if all goes well they are thinking pretty much like an adult somewhere in between.
I think my mom is not a full narcissist but she always used to say "everything I did in my life is for you; I sacrificed my personal life to bring you up!". This is a great recipe for cultivating a chronic feeling of guilt in your children, I can assure you! Super great idea to use cute animation in your videos, thank you so much!
Yes
The biggest red flag ever lol
The systemic Cruelty! And 30 days " treatment& punishment" for every single mistake.( endless isolation resulting)
The classic words of a narcissist. My mother still uses them and I ask her; “what sacrifices are you talking about?” “I didn’t choose for you to have me.” Then, I just watch her blank stare of not knowing what to say next.
My mom says that she is so damn toxic
Do narcissist parents think they “do everything for you “? Like they have false sense of being incredibly nice and now they “are living for themselves “?
Or when they treat their child/children like an investment rather than a family member…
@@princessmarlena1359 yess
yes, they act like you could never make it without them, they will even tell you that, you'll never make it without me, go ahead and try and ill watch you fail and I'll be laughing, but tell everyone else that they are trying to help you become independent. They are evil.
@@oliviawright8756 thank you for clearing things up
@@oliviawright8756 I cannot tell you how many times I’ve my mom say this. It hurts writing this.
My father is one of these parents. When I finally had enough I moved in with my boyfriend. ( I was 20.) Dad had a fit and tried to make me feel terrible about it. He said that we would never make it. I am proud to say that moving in with my now husband was the best choice I could have made. We will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this year. My narcissist father has never had a marriage last that long.
Oh, that’s sad 😔 …. But I am so happy you were able to continue on being happy 🙂🙂 also congratulations for 20 years 🥳 🥳
Each parent are their child's huge fan or worst critics
Agreed
No but ok-
Or sometimes too much both that it hurts
My family had me as the “perfect child”. The problem was that even my siblings began to think that and put even more pressure on me. One time I cursed and my sister said I was “too pure for that”. My mom has always told me that I’m better than my siblings. But none of my family really respected what I wanted or really cared about.
Anytime I would try to open up to my mom and tell her the things that she needs to change in order to help me, she just yells at me and turns it around on me. This makes it really hard for me to open up to her, so I just don't really tell her those things anymore and keep to myself. Although she did get me me antidepressants, but still it is very difficult to for me and my sister to tell her how we feel. I am glad to be able to go to my dad's house and get a break from her every once in awhile. I love her, but she makes things very difficult for us...Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope mine helped you feel better.
One time my mom and I were in the car and we were on the topic of cussing and she said “don’t cuss you are to pretty and mature for that” and I was like “oh 🧍♂️” who’s gonna tell her-
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. A lot of people who were in abusive households thinks that just because someone is the perfect child means they have it easier when in fact they just experienced another form of abuse. Any type of favoritism between your children is abuse. A parent should never favor one child over the other. Try to keep your head up high and tell yourself just because they don't care about what I want or what I need doesn't mean that's not important to me. Keep moving forward. Try to do what you can to make the future YOU want for yourself. NOT what they want for you. There's a massive difference between the two. I truly hope you can get out of this with your head held high.
You're saying what my younger sister would say! She's the *"Perfect Child"* in my parent's perspective. And I'm the ruined, braty, satanic child! Just because I protest!
@Xx_Alpha Kitty_xX Same!
Yep, every single one to extreme levels. After 30 years I moved without telling them where I went, changed my phone number, blocked their email addresses and started using a different one. Only after blocking my entire immediate and extended family out of my life do I finally feel like I can breathe and actually be somewhat happy, growing each day. There's no changing people like them, best to leave the toxicity, abuse and dysfunction behind me.
If parents sound like this, if you just show that you can´t stand them, you know that they are narcissists and don´t get it: "You just cannot stop toxicity spewing out of your mouth can you? Abuse is a very subjective term.
When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, or control someone, it's considered verbal abuse. ... Verbal and emotional abuse takes a toll. It can sometimes escalate into physical abuse, too. If you're being verbally abused, know that it's not your fault.Jun 28, 2018"
Welcome to my current lifetime 🥺
It wasnt me it was them all along
yes but what happens when they doesn't care about physical abuse? 😥
@@Belinhagamer134 reach out for outside help. You cannot be afraid to leave parents like this behind to free yourself from the toxicity. They want you to fear leaving them so you can always stay trapped. Abuse is never something you should find content with
@@BenziitOfemme ok thanks
The voice of this person ssooo calming that I really want to listen to it 24/7...❣
Hugs :)
@@varun.shenoy10 thank you soo much...🥺❣
Truly.
She has the most beautiful voice on RUclips❤
Same
I think the more common toxic co-dependent phrases would be;
“YOU can’t live without ME!”
“but YOU need ME!”
The other way shows too much weakness on the narc’s side.
Exactly. my mother do that all the time
My mother switched. When i was "on her side" she'd say that me and my brothers are her life and she doesn't know what she'd do without us. But once I started confronting her, she started saying that she doesn't need me and that if I won't respect her then I don't deserve to be in her life. She's a very horrible decision maker so its a constant struggle trying to stay sane
You’ve got no money or you can’t afford that!
How much are you spending on “x” (something you really like)?
How much did you pay for this?! On something you’ve just bought in condescending way.
Belittling things you want or want to buy making a mockery of them
In today's world where youtube comment sections are full of hate ,bullying and unnecessary abuse.Ppl here on this channel r just sooooooo supportive and good and nice and best❤.
And obviously this channel is the best tooooo❤❤
@Tristan T. Moss haha
@Hassan Fayed it's mostly not for people who are kids or aren't struggling with depression or they don't like it
We can finally prove that haters spread hate for no reason at all, and that's why you cannot find one here.
You look like hell.
I came from it.
-This Guy
My friends are jealous how nice my parents are ... If they ever knew
Fr thoooo!!!
Same
“Your dad is such a great guy”
Heard it my whole life
Same pretty much. from the outside my parents look ok but irl….
Yep
My friends are jealous of how my parents are doctors and my dad has more than 6 businesses but actually
Theyre always far away from work
My siblings are so mean to me especially my bro the fav child is always bullying me when i tell my parents they beat me
So ill continue having deprission bye
My parents aren't that narcissistic, but they sometimes let their egos get out of hand and push the blame onto me who's emotionally weak. My mom is the more laid-back and humble. Since she is willing to listen to me when I had an emotional breakdown and doesn't want to make the problem worse. As for my dad, he's a whole other story. I sometimes think that he's unaware that he's a narcissist at times and let's his anger issues get out of hand whenever my mom or myself calls him out on his faults which results in him playing the victim card and pushing the blame onto me and my mom. This was back when I was a kid up until I was a young teen, but as a adult my life had gotten better since my parents have admitted to being narcissistic at times.
That is extremely rare to see parent admit and own up to this kind of stuff, most of the narcissistic parents aren't able to even see that, mainly because it's just straight up not in their thought process, at all.
@@retromastery7010 It is rare. But I'm a forgiving person.
@@mariaackerman8566 My mom and my dad is the same.
@@ChristianProtossDragoon I feel so sorry for you 😢😞😔
@@mariaackerman8566 You should see dad. He doesn't even respect mom. He says mom's job is to do everything in the house. From cooking to painting.
"When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your parents aren’t what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting." Bojack Horseman
I waited forever. Then she died. I am still waiting …
My mother is gone, and everything is worse now.
bojack horseman has been on my watch list and after reading this, i want to watch it.
@@imconfused4803 Its really good, and actually really funny for the deep stuff it gets into.
Isn't this the cartoon with an episode where one character makes a pop song about murdering babies called yeetus that fetus? Yeah no one who is pro killing their own kids gets sympathy from me, no matter how bad their childhood is. The whole creative team from bojack needs a kick in the crotch.
No 6 is the reason is why Never kept a diary coz they always peak in my things and I know they'll go through my private diary
I used to keep a diary because I wasn't able to share my feelings with anybody. But one day my parents found my hidden diary & shared the private content with my relatives. Since then I have a neverending trust issues
I used to keep a private diary but soon stopped coz my mother always and I mean always go through it no matter how hard I try to hide it she always find it, so I had to stop writing my diary. And things doesn't just end here she does so many things I can't even describe
Yeah I hate that
....relatble :)
yeah, privacy respecters are sometimes a rare find
The most difficult aspect of having a narcissistic parent in my experience is explaining in any way how their disorder has contributed to the brokenness of your family. You can’t just say “you’re narcissistic,” and any round-about way of explaining it is met with gaslighting, blame, and ignoring anything wrong with themself. It seems impossible but maybe I’ll figure it out one of these days.
“Don’t turn out like your older sister she is a bad example” (this was said to my sister infront of my face)
“Maybe if you were like your little sister you would be good at something”
“Good for nothing”
“Don’t shout at me” (I only raised my voice a little bit but they were screaming )
“You are the reason we spend so much”
“Go outside it’s not that hard” (while knowing I struggle talking people and I’m scared of being stared at)
Same...
I am so sorry no one deserves to feel that way.
I was always told “Don’t turn out like your idiot older brother!” Or “Why can’t you be like your older sisters!?”.
@@princessmarlena1359 my little sister was praised. She did all the chores, she didn’t make any bad friends, she had good grades (I had better grades but it doesn’t matter to my parents). Whenever she did something wrong I would get blamed because I’m the “liar” of the family.
@@nin06 my sympathies, that’s so unfair.
Me: *a ball of anxiety that often has panic attacks and self shames constantly*
(Tells my mom about some of it for the 80th time)
“Well you never told me! Why didn’t you feel like telling me that all this was going on!!”
(Does absolutely nothing to help me for the 80th time)
Literally same, way to throw it back in your face…
*sigh* too familiar
omg same I always tell her things and when I repeat them she says "well you don't talk to me so I can't know [insert thing here] , you never tell me things 😫😫😫😫😣😣🏃♀️😃"(the emojis are ironic)
I think it's her bad memory not a narcissistic problem
Yeah, and I have major self-shame so I find it really hard to ask for help since I always feel as if I’m a problem. ( also caused by narcissistic parents ) Thats why I was so scared to come out to my family as trans because I had no idea whether they would shame me, or not respect my name and pronouns. I always try slip the thought of my mental health into the conversation, but they completely ignore it. Even at one point I had a literal panic attack 2 days in a row and they never mentioned it after the incident.
The harsh truth is you’re seeking validation from someone who simply isn’t able to see you, hear you, much less empathize with you. They don’t have the bandwidth for that. Their head is too far up their own ass. Eventually you’ll stop going to them for validation because it’s not worth the headf**kery. You feel what you feel and you are who you are- separate from them. I’m sorry we all have to go through this. It’s a betrayal for sure, and it’s sad. But there are people in the world who care. 💕
My parents say they love me, but I’m dying for the day I get to say “no you love the fact that you have A daughter. If we weren’t related you would absolutely hate me. You see me as “the thing I created”, not who I really am”
Advice: Just point out the chronic manipulator to find the narcissist.
What do you mean by this?
@@AlexanderCliftonDesnoyers i’m pretty sure they mean try to find the person that gave them that mindset? :)
@Teenyy Toon yeah i have to agree, i just figured i’d say how i interpreted it
What if that person already has passed away or missing ?
@Teenyy Toon how not? This is a simple generalization for any situation. Provide us with why you disagree please, not just leave us such abrupt and lingering statements. If advice doesn't help and/or apply to your situation, I suggest you look to other methods of reaching your goals. This video lined up quite perfectly with this advice, 9 times out of 10 a narcissist will be a chronic master manipulator. Obviously, some will not be and/or just not care enough to manipulate you as they're still humans and none of us are exactly the same.
As an adult I have come to understand both my parents needs were not met as children. I survived childhood by counseling my mother and keeping a clean house for my dad. I stepped on eggshells. When I turned 18 and the time came to be an adult, I didnt know what to do, yet was expected to take the reigns. Parents are to teach their children how to be on their own, how to thrive. I spent years invested in ‘their’ needs of the moment and was discarded when I no longer served them. I was frozen.
I grew up with comments from my parents such as: You’d screw up a one car funeral; If you had half a brain you’d be dangerous. But my all time favorite was: You’ll never be able to buy a house because you don’t have a college degree. I’m happy to say my husband and I do own a home and I still don’t have a college degree.
This was a great video. Thank you.
Kim
Hey Kim, just here to reiterate that those comments don't define you. Congrats on the house and thanks for watching our content :)
It's useful to know that narcissism is on a spectrum, just like autism. Someone can tick a couple of boxes and not necessarily be a full blown narcissist.
So, autism is similar to narcissism? What kind of spectrum? I'm trying to understand.
@@telayajackson2.023 Well, in the same way that autism is a spectrum, narcissism is also on a spectrum. It's a scale or degree to what extend you belong in that spectrum. Most people show one or more behavioral patterns associated to narcissism and autism.
@@chrike01 Okay. That makes sense. I know someone with autism and people think she sees herself as "most important", when it's not the case. There is always a spectrum to things.
For starters, NPD and Narcissism, are not the same thing. Narcissism is simply having a series of traits/habits, often learned in childhood, that are typical of someone with NPD. The difference being, the ability to recognize the traits/habits and choose to not use them. Someone with NPD cannot/will not acknowledge what they do or learn to act differently.
The reason Autism is now considered a Spectrum is that traits that were originally thought to only be in low functioning individuals as well as some thought to be unique to high functioning individuals, have been found to have overlap. Having a "Spectrum" rather than serval different diagnosis allows for the look at all traits, independent of how functional the individual is. This allows for more unique/specialized care and training based on two separate factors: The trait & the level of functionality the individual posseses.
@@chrike01 wait so autism and narcissism are both on the same category but just different meaning
It's important to remember that someone can behave in a functionally narcissistic way and not meet the criteria for NPD. CPTSD or Borderline PD can involve coping mechanisms that look like narcissism. Codependents can eventually get to a place where they try to regulate their own emotions by controlling others' behavior. We all need self-awareness in this area and to not divide the whole world up into narcissists and their victims.
Thank you. I was looking for this comment. A person may have some narcissistic behaviors without fully being a narcissist. Damaged people can have unhealthy relationship and coping skills that have narcissistic features. These people can also change with appropriate help.
My parents argued this morning. My mother was crying out loud about how she works hard and how her husband doesn’t appreciate it, he just invalidated her feelings and said “you have no idea what you’re talking about”. I felt really bad for her.
If you help she's not gonna help you back I tried to help her once and she just hit me WHY ARENT YOUR GRADE BETTER and just cope with dad to flame me so she's safe
And said STOP CRYING MENS DONT CRY and just hit me and keep on shouting at me not to cry and said she worked so hard everyday. Untill I have no more tears and my face and skins hurt.
@@ShrimpFry_Cute I experienced the similar thing. I’m keep wondering if she actually sees that I care for her. I also make her breakfast because she works 2 jobs simultaneously. My dad is on the annual break so he just lays in the bed and does nothing. I see she suffers a lot and probably has some empathy, but she sees problems in me that are nonexistent but she’s still worried and makes her stressed, now that looks like blame shifting on me and I feel guilty.
I’m sorry your feelings were invalidated like that. You know what? Many people tell us to look brave and bold, but sometimes the bravest thing you can do is take off the “brave” mask and show your actual self and how you genuinely feel. You’re not alone 💚
@@LONNESYRUPBITCH damn true, when people say "be strong", ah yes in a second i will become bodybuilder
Every person needs their feelings validated. That's the most loving thing we can do for other people
To those who have narcissist parent/parents here have a vurtual hug I know it doesn't help much but remember your not alone
Here's a virtual hug back, if you'd like. Thanks for the kindness
I feel alone even though i left my narcissist moms place.
I love how they used a 3 people family. One dad, one mom & one sad kid. It represents my family so well. So ya... this video was definitely for me
Hey Geny, how are you doing?
One major point that is often overlooked is that sleep itself can, and often does, be used as an escape. This is akin to all the other forms of escapism listed as addictions in the video. This can overlap with depression but oftentimes outlasts the depression, leading to misdiagnosis. As someone with two NPD folks, depression and anxiety diagnosis, and knowing that addiction runs rampant in my family, I oftentimes see myself sleep more to escape than having to do with depressive symptoms.
Also note that escapism of all types is a very typical reaction to high anxiety. For me, it feels like my body just wants to shutdown/not be awake to deal with this onslaught of anxiety.
What a valuable comment. Thank you so much for sharing 😊
Exactly
I honestly felt this. Especially when I was at the height of my eating disorder I would sleep a lot in order to try and avoid the pain my body was going through.
Totally agree with your words , thankyou 💗
I slept alot as a teen. Now I'm thinking I kept sleeping because there was nothing to look forward to and I was so unaware of the real situation. Sad.
Some ppl should diagnose themselves before having kids if they're mentally stable to have kids
Exactly the thing that I wanted to say
I feel like almost all of this told a great deal of my story. My mother would scream and yell, threaten self harm while blaming us (me, sister, stepdad), and she did things to me like grabbing me by the throat (very scarcely, but still). I tried to bring it up that those things hurt and she responded with (while screaming) that it was good that it hurt and it meant I had a heart. When I brought up her grabbing my throat, she called me a liar in front of my sister and step-dad, but later on (about a week later or so when it was just us) she invalidated it because I "didn't lose consciousness". She has done these things as long as I can remember, and things like suicidal threats started when I was around 8-9. I have moved out to my dad's aittle over a year and a half ago, and it has been the best choice I ever made. I realized that I finally had a voice for myself and that I didn't have to take it anymore. I have been trying ever since to continue having a relationship with her, but it's extremely difficult and she still feels she has done no wrong even though she says that she has "apologized profusely". I'm all but ready to cut her lose, and the only reason I haven't is because she is my birth mom. Sorry this is so long to anyone that took the time to read, but there is just so much and still much more that I didn't mention. I hope no one has to go through this kind of thing and that should they go through it, they have a fast and healthy healing process.
Save yourself ❤
I have one parent like that. My mother picked my sister as the favorite child. My sister didn't do anything to stop me from being harrassed, but she can't. Also, I can take whatever my mom throws at me, because you can't feel bad for disobeying someone you hate. Luckily, my dad won custody of us, and he's the best dad I could've asked for.
That's excellent, I hope you're doing good now 😁
My dad is good too.
You’re so lucky, I’m glad you aren’t in control of such a bad parent. I wish I could have it like you did
My mother is like the most narcissistic person I know. She’s constantly looking at herself in the mirror, boasting how amazing her life is, and constantly belittling me.
Relatable
My mom once compared herself to God. Yes capital g god.
@@spencervance8484 yikes
The belittling is the most important part. I don't care if you brag about your life. It could be a coping mechanism..
But shut your mouth if you talk shit about me or anyone I love lol
These are, uncomfortably understood...My mum always says, "If you just lived with me, everything would be better!" Or "You're wasting your life living where you are, and living with him!" ..She'll show that side of herself to other's in a way that makes her sound super concerned but it's to get attention. 😶 What makes things worse is if we're out, she'll tell complete strangers personal details of my life when she believes I'm out of hearing range.. I'm 35 and I still can't believe this has continued to happen. I don't even know what that's categorized as? Anyone else?
My mom's the same way. In their mind, they believe because they're the parent & we're the child, they have have every right to do & say whatever they want when it comes to us. They believe they have an automatic authority over us, just because they're the parent. Now that we're adults, they need to know it's either respect us or we don't want to have anything to do with them. Their choice. They may play you out to be the villain, but if it's for inner peace it's worth being the villain in their delusional minds.
With their self centered world view narcissists literally can't conceive of any situation where they aren't in complete control and at the center of everything. I literally had to go no contact with my mom when I was 30 because I couldn't take being infantilized, suffocated and taken advantage of any longer. They really do think of you as property and something to control, not your own person.
Hello, 16 year-old high school senior here! I currently live in what I suspect is an abusive household; my father is extremely narcissistic and verbally abusive, and my mother is a codependent who enables him, all stuff it's taken me pretty much my three years in high school to discover. I was the "golden child" of the family, since I've naturally excelled in school and held high grades (I even skipped first, so I'm graduating at 17), while my brother was the "poor and lazy one" with no bright future, according to my father. Despite this, I think we've both been crushed and forced to cope with the situation differently: my brother turned nasty and aggressive, becoming like your lazy teen rebel archetype, and shows a lot of symptoms of being depressed, while I was bullied verbally and threatened by him and my father into becoming a doormat. It's really frustrating, and it's gotten worse since my sophomore year of high school, and I'm just so... so tired. I really just want out of this house. School is better than here, and I'm hoping being away from my parents in college (much like how my brother escaped into the military) will feel so much better.
Edit: Thanks for the likes everyone ~ovo~ If you have any questions or are curious about more details, feel free to leave a comment in reply and I'll try to get to 'em. I'm one of those weird people who loves talking about my sucky family and trauma, haha!
Edit 2 (5/5/2023): Thank you for the kind words, everyone
i’m so sorry to hear that.. it’s the same here, i was doing good in school but then my dad kept saying i was worthless and i was going to be nothing in life and every time i talk to my siblings he threatens to hit me. I called the cops before because it just got so bad and he pretended to be nice to me in front of the cops and when they left he yelled at me and was dragging me by the hair and kept hitting me until i bruised .. I cant escape this house. thankfully im moving away in 2 years. I have no one to talk to and i feel so lonely. I have no friends and i dropped out of school because i was failing every class and couldn’t deal with it. i’m stuck in my room all day and i’m so sad and i have no appetite. I tell my parents that i’m not happy at all and i’m not eating and they don’t believe me instead they yell at me more and tell me that i’m faking everything and that i should be glad i have a good life. my dad always asks my why i’m never spending time with them i told him every time i do you yell at me for some stupid reason or hit me and he got super offended by that. i’m just tired of my life.. i wish i had some friends and i wish i was happy. i’m jealous of people who have fun parents and people who have at least one friend
even tho i’m moving away my parents said if i’m not willing to “live in their backyard” they’ll move wherever i move
@@aria6232 I'm really sorry you have to be stuck in that situation, Aria. That's a horrible situation (I'd say worse than mine, considering you're *physically* and verbally abused by your father, and it sounds you're in a worse mental place than me) and you definitely don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm not an expert on these kinds of situations, and I wish I could be of more help, but perhaps you'd like to exchange Discord contact information? If you have Discord, that is. I'm on there pretty regularly, and I'd be happy to be your friend, or at least someone you can vent to if need be. Even if not, I wish you best luck in getting out of there or at least enduring through the situation, as well as in your endeavors to move out; even if your parents say they'll follow you, there's a chance they could just be playing a bluff, and getting out of their house would be the first step to cutting ties. Maybe there's another option like getting emancipated or getting someone like CPS to conduct a more thorough investigation? I don't want to tell you there's nothing you can do, even if your situation can feel hopeless.
Best of luck to you, Aria ♡ I'm here if you need it.
@@theelfdruid8325 sure! it’s aria#3000 i’m v socially awkward so idk how to keep convos ahah. also even if my situation is worse we’re still both going thru rough times.
@@aria6232 Understandable! I went ahead and sent you a friend request, albeit very delayed because I only just saw your response ;; my username there is the same as here!
I'm so glad you guys brought up this issue. My brothers and I discovered our parents are NPD about five years ago, and our lives changed ever since. We reborned on our 20s and 30s. We have been seeing therapists so we can handle ourselves properly. We're a lot better now thanks to that.
Thank you, Victoria for sharing. It's great you and your brothers were able to discover that and get the necessary help. Be proud of yourselves and how far you've come.
My mom is the narcissist in my life. It wasn't until recently when my eyes opened to a lifetime of manipulation & gaslighting. When my dad left her, I immediately saw a complete change in his character. He's truly happy right now. She tried to sue me as a last ditch effort to maintain any kind of control over me. Funny thing is when I would confront her about it, she'd deny suing me & instead said her lawyer was the one suing me, when her name was in the documents as the plaintiff. I cut contact with her, but she still tries to get a hold of me through my wife, pretending like nothing happened. The mere sight of her brings disgust to me. I think that could be hatred, which I hope it isn't. Not because she's my mom, but because hatred is a powerful emotion I don't want to feel towards anybody.
So I finally showed one of your vids and after watching my father said "oh so you are making this type of things your culture and think you have bad parents?", i was shocked and little confused when he said i am making these my "culture" or whatever. I resonate with all signs and i can confirm this is what every narcissist i met would say :/
Of course toxic people will says it is your fault when you shows them their wrong doing. They can't accept that they are flawed.
I've warned too late :(
you shouldn't hv shown him this bcz nxt time whn he scolds ya, he wll surely give this excuse tht u consider him a bad parent
@@lemon2838 that happened already...
Stay strong, being a healthy and caring parent should be in every culture! No matter the excuse they use, filial piety or whatever, just try to take care of your mental health and don't let the toxicity get to you!
Yup. I have forgiven them for a lot of the crap I got put through but I will never fully forget and I made that perfectly clear with them.
Same.
When watching these I think it’s important to also do a self-check to see where you might be projecting your upbringing onto an innocent situation. I’ve caught myself being over reactive to criticism in my relationship because I was shamed so heavily (still am lmao) as a child. It takes a level of empathy to even try to still deal with narcissistic family. I had to realize that someone struggling with ego problems is someone that doesn’t feel safe. If your emotional safety is threatened you’ll do anything for the object of your affection to reassure you even if it’s not healthy for them. It doesn’t lessen the problem, it just helps to hinder any resentment from the affected party so that they can break the cycle for themselves.
I firmly believe that my mom is a narcissist.
More recently, it's been the codependent habits that she's trying to get me to do.
Recently, I wanted to go back to school (been homeschooled for four years, though my mom hasn't really done shit for any homeschool) and she said no.
She started saying all these excuses like she doesn't trust me on the bus and we're moving in around 10 months (she's been saying that for the past 2-3 years, and I find it ironic that she said 10 months, considering that's almost exactly how long a school year is.
She's gaslit me before and whenever I mention moving out, she's all like "Don't leave me, I'll be all alone!"
I swear, the moment I turn 18 I'm gone. The rest of the video applies to me and my mom's relationship as well, but it's currently 4am and I can't think of any examples rn.
Same, my mum's a narcissistic too. I left her last year when I turned 18. Whole vid is relatable to me too. Hope you are doing well. Cz ik how it feels. Sending good wishes.
Same here :/
Good for you! I was stuck in a vicious abusive arcissistic family where both my parents singled me out for abuse. At 48, im finally getting out. Smart to get out early and not waste any more of your life on this. The drama is useless and honestly quite boring. Good luck to you!
Legally, you are an adult at 18
@@alkggkla5643 48? Wow. No judgements here, but I showed your comment to my best friend so he wouldn’t feel so bad, he’s nine years younger than you but still struggling to get free from his family. He says “Thank you for sharing this.” He feels better to know he’s not alone.
As i see, my father isn't THAT narcissist. More like over-determined. While messing with my life, still want me too have self-confidence and encourage me to have my own personality. (Just encourage)
If he messes with your life, he is abusive.
@@yourmotherisableep1456 yeah i know. But i still have to eat, so..... at least he's a funny guy and plays with me sometimes.😋😋 not THAT bad.
@@czar6203 oh.. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be able to leave him someday and be fully happy and in control of your identity and your life.
@@rileytubegaming9065 yup, she's the best.
@@czar6203 hahahaha no
Believe it or not, gaslighting is the worst part of it all 😭💘.
The funny part is whenever I would want to say something to stand up for myself, somehow I would become the disrespectful one. So basically they could say all that they want, but I shouldn't talk back and stand up for myself.
I'm still just a kid but. that's what happens to my brother and mother my brother talks back to him but he always gets it wrong and my dad was mad at him and called him and my family dogs alot of time. My brother ended up going to work for the military because my dad chose it for him because a relative worked as a militarian and got successful. I don't wanna end up like my bro ;(
My brother was always wrong even if he's correct my dad would always hit my brother hard in the face I'm always just at the stairs just listening to the argument my dad and my brother everyday untill he became a militarian.
Now my mom and dad always argue everyday it's like my mom was replaced as my brother and I feel like I'm next when I am atleast 10 years old
I was hit many times myself for failure getting 18/52 place
But I'm glad my dad stopped using violence after my brother left.
I hope things will get better for you. Take care.
I was physically abused when I was a child. Then it turns into verbal and emotional abuse as I got older. I've been telling her I want to move out because I want to be more "independent" though the more compelling reason is that I want to remove myself from this set-up but she would always pull an "I'll be sad" card on me but then continue to emotionally abuse me the following day lol.
omg same. Physical abuse at first and then I guess because we're at an age where we could possibly fight back, they use verbal/emotional abuse.
if they try to use the I'll commit suicide card or anything like that they are likely a toxic person
I'm 14 and my parents still pull out the belt and use it on me. But im not letting them see me in verge insanity.
I can relate. The thing is they make fun of me or say something that I don't have what it takes or have the guts to be independent and do things on my own. That's like telling a circus lion to start living in the wild. Sometimes I feel like it's not even worth talking to them. Can't have a conversation like adults
Hey lanna Grey, thanks for sharing. Don't let those manipulation tactics get to you. Sometimes you need to do what's right for your health.
Your videos have been so insightful to me. My gf of 3 and a half years has so many issues that have been affecting our relationship the whole time and I’ve never been able to help her or get her to learn or change. She’s been suffering with anxiety, trust issues, self esteem issues, etc etc. Her parents are textbook narcissists and they’re super manipulative and controlling constantly tormenting and insulting her. These videos have truly shown me not only why she has these issues but also have given me a way to express these thoughts I’ve been having in a way that makes sense not just “your parents are toxic and controlling.” She already understands me and agrees with me but now I can actually show her in detail why they’re behavior is bad and how that behavior affects her. Your videos are a godsend and I literally cannot thank you enough. We’ll be able to get through this crap TOGETHER and now she’ll truly be able to understand. I have one last thing to say, she’s leaving for college soon and I just want to know, does anyone know if just removing her parents from the equation would work or should she seek professional help or some other way to deal with these issues?
You sound like an amazing person and I am so happy that you are trying to understand your girlfriend. I hope she feels better and happier soon. Also for your question, even though I don’t know much 😂😅 I think that she should see a therapist just in case the toxic parenting manifests into more mental health problems . I hope you both feel better and can deal with this together strongly 🙂🙂
@@randomcookie9006 Thank you for your kind words I appreciate it :)! I think that therapy would definitely be good for her I just don’t want to encourage it if it’s not something she wants which he has expressed before that it’s just expensive and not something that she can realistically do. But I hope that we can kind of break free of the freaking craziness her parents put her and by extension me, through whether through therapy or something else entirely.
@@FrankW_07 oh ok 🙂 no matter what you decide to do, I hope she has a speedy recovery 😀😀 and your welcome 😀😂
Who disliked this helpful and beautiful piece of information
Me >:)
Jk
they're likely a narcissistic parent themself
They are parents who got exposed by this vid and refuse to admit
Narcissistic people will never admit their wrong, so it’s most likely them
My family was the reason I started looking for love outside my home... I thought I found one until I discovered I never meant anything to him... It broke everything inside me... And I was suicidal because my parents, being themselves, hated me dating anyone and they found out... The person I thought was my hope broke every other hope I had...
But I'm okay now...
I'm just loving myself, giving myself the importance I always wanted from someone else...
If you want to know how my parents are with me just know that I related to every single sign in this video...
Get a pet or several of them. They will loving you unconditionally. Well, as long as you feed them. Lol
Oh my goodness!! You’ve described my grandmother to the “T”. My mother fell last year and I’ve since stepped into a caregiver role with her. My grandmother, who is still living, would ignore my request to back off and allow me to manage my mother at the height of her needs and all under the guise of when would she be able to take her to the doctor. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and all my grandmother could talk about after I told her was how I needed to take better care of my mother. But I digress, now I see my mother only once a week. I don’t step in unless it’s critically necessary and I reassure her that I don’t want control of her life and legally I’m not required to do anything for her. I don’t talk to my grandmother anymore because my mental health can’t take it. She can be really savage when she’s angry. Thankfully my mother is starting to stand up to her too. Thanks for the video.
This hits home. My whole family are narcissist. My mom is currently lashing out over my DID ( due to her abuse and others) This really helped me feel better and not so alone :)
sending love 🤍
Stay strong... 💖💖💖
It seems like no matter what part of the universe you are from, stories are the same
Absolutely every one of these are correct. My mom didn't even realize I was at a point of being hospitalized for my safety :)
@armadylan Fake smiles-
I was hospitalized when I tried to commit suicide. When my mother came to pick me up, my dr. wanted to talk to both of us. All my mother did was talk about herself and how hard it was to be a single parent and what a hard childhood she had.
@armadylan nah man it's true fact
@armadylan my mom always talk about her childhood and I got it easy she was borned when it was so hard to find food and money and stuff and all my relatives would agree with mom
@armadylan my dad's even worst
The most heartbreaking thing is that you spent your entire childhood trying to understand why your parents treat you so miserably, trying your best to please them with your precious efforts but you failed every time and started blaming yourself for being worthless. The pain you endured and the heartache you suffered while trying to win them over have led you to search about their behaviour on internet, to read different books to make sense of their cold and callous actions towards you...
-I love you, remember your emotions are valid, ☺️😊 plz smile, i promise it will get better soon ❤️❤️ you dont deserve whatever you are experiencing now
❤️
Sending all my love and support to everyone who lives with narcissist parents. My grandma was like that and my mom suffered a lot. Thankfully she learned from that and though she is not perfect she is a great mom for me and my siblings.
This video word for word describes my entire life. My whole life I acted out. It was the only time anyone listened. I did anything I could to push my parents away. I’ve now been alienated from my father for over 8 years. My mother said anytime someone hurt me, I deserved it because I was a problem child. Even to this day. Im nearly 29 now… Today I think my mother may finally no longer be a part of my life. Though im hurt, I may have finally found peace.
I’ve always thought my friends mom was a narcissist because her mom does a lot of these things to her,especially the having a favorite child and being verbally abusive, and the sad thing is her mom never admits that she’s a bad mother to her.
That's tough. How does your friend deal with it?
2 hours ago I was searching up "signs you might have a narcissistic parent" and now you uploaded this video!? I was shocked. I think the universe is trying to tell me something...
Eccentric Believer If you believe in astrology (I keep trying not to) it may well be... Chiron retrograde in Aries is about healing childhood wounds and is "happening" (although retrogrades are an illusion) July 15 to December 19. Maybe we'll get somewhere on it collectively??
@@globalheartwarming i was born in December 19 🥺
@@itsamunyall Well, there you go! Synchronicity is my favorite eccentricity 🤗
@@globalheartwarming please explain more im very new to this whole astrology
@@itsamunyall Oh, I wish I could but it is very complicated and I have to go to sleep now. Maybe you could look it up online or read a book about it if you're curious. Be well and find and enjoy what is meaningful to you in your life! 🥱😴💤
My wife and I are normal, loving parents and 6 of our 7 children are loving, giving and healthy parents with good kids. The 7th is a narcissist and their family dynamic is toxic. Their oldest daughter is 18, and she's the only "real" adult. She has to tell her parents to not buy toys and stuff they can't afford. It's sad, but thankfully she's so healthy, in spite of her parents. She's helping her younger siblings become better, too, but it's almost all she can do to remain healthy herself. They live far enough away that my wife and I can't be much help, but we do what we can.
One thing not mentioned is when a narcissist sees this kind of video, they believe their parents are the problem. Thankfully our other children know what's going on or she might have gaslighted us into thinking we are the cause of her problems.
My father is a bully, gaslighter and narcissist 😔
Hugs :)
*Power Hugs 🤗, I’ve been there. You’re not alone! 😁
@@emperorenzo3288 🫂💚🧡
@@deadaccount1.57 🫂💛
@Tristan T. Moss Oh yes my dad has that too 😔
It's really sad when your parents have all of the signs.
It is sad and not new at the same time
I grew up with a narc mother, anytime I was having a problem and tried to talk to her about right away she would brush me off, laugh it off or cut me off, was continous. All she cared about is how she looks to other people, I came last.
15th view,4th comment watching you has completely help get through depression thank you
I love my parents and I know there's no such thing as perfect parenting...but whenever I try to confront my mom about the hurtful things she has done to me and my siblings she would yell at me and tell me that I'm ungrateful...there was one time my dad even left my brother alone at a mall and went back home just because of a small fight they had... I love them very much but I feel like I need to distance myself from them because it's really unhealthy for all of us to make them think that they "own" us 😣😣😖
I totally agree with the first part of loving your parents I always remind myself my mother raised us by herself while my dad would be in and out of our lives and also had a drug addiction I always try not to blame her but as I get older I realize there’s a line between being a victim and hurting other people we do spend a lot of time together since I switched to online and everyday we always fight about little things but the big fights are about my feelings and she always makes a big deal when we criticize her she always thinks we are attacking when we just want to make sure that she improves since I have a little brother who is 11 and am 17 but overall it’s been hard but I also agree I should just distance myself since we are always around eachother. But I hope it’s been better for you
@@galileatovar7046 heyy I hope you and your family are doing well now❤❤first of all I want to give you a big hug for having the courage for confronting you mom about her unhealthy behaviours towards u and ur lil bro...I know how it feels like to only have one parent by ur side while growing up and u having to mature in such a early stage of ur life because of ur father's drug abuse really breaks my heart.Seeing your loved ones destroying their own life and yet u can only stand still because u know deep down even if u tried to intervene and help, things will only end up in the same place or even worse...The guilt, the disappointment and the pain...I'm so sorry that u had to go through this hell hole and if u ever doubt ur own self-worth, no u didn't deserve this!! U deserve to have a loving family but sometimes that's not the case..In that case i would like to remind u to not blame urself and turn to self-isolation, make some true connection, meet new genuine people to be yoyr chosen family and don't forget to hold on to ur lil bro too!! I just want u to remember you're never alone in this and you're doing a fucking amazing jobb...You got this!!!I believe in you❤❤❤️🩹
These 10 signs of narcissistic parenting perfectly match my life. I never realized that these behaviors were signs of narcissism. Watching this video has brought so much clarity to my experiences. Thank you for shedding light on this.
Me: ‘trying to explain myself while talking calmly and politely’
Father: Who do you think you’re yelling at ?
Don’t you dare disrespect me, or do you want me to get that belt ?
Me: ‘Comes home with a 86/100’
Father: That’s not enough your brother got a 99/100. Or you’re probably not smart enough do you still want to go to school ?
Wtff 86 is so great already , your dad sucks😌
This bullying.... But u know what plz plz until unless you get independent...u will be leaving with him. So please do not let the good and positivity out of you....Try to make cheerful friends at school if possible....search positive stuff online... keep a check on your thoughts...
I hope it will help u....
@@Drink_Tea-im5gq thank u 🥺
@@tahiraahmed6498 thank u soooo much I’ll do that ❤️❤️
My dad right here
So, how to deal with narcisstic parents? As their child, we might not able to tell them to visit any psychiatrist/psycholog
Yeah I can't tell my parents I need to see a psychologist/psychiatrist or doctor when the problem is mostly them
I totally understand what you guys feel so let me give you some tips I've learn the hard
1-)Don't bother arguing with them because its like talking to a wall
2-)Keep your calm , but when things become too much , shout if you have to but let them know you've had enough and that you can also speak up ...if they usually hit you try saying that while there's some distance between you
3-)Don't dream of becoming the favorite , thats actually worse because you end up being controlled , have to deal with invasion of privacy , will be treated like a puppet
4-)Do your things quietly and try to avoid them ,even when they mess around with you, don't fall for it, they just want to start a fight then make you feel bad about
5-)Care less of what they say and let them wonder why you don't care
6-)Get your self a way to cope , get a support system or routine , talk to someone if you need to and try your best to do things that will develop you and make you stronger and better in future
7-)Don't hate them , they're still your parents and family , some of them don't realize what they are doing and can't be helped , keep your distance but wish them and do them well ...but have limits
My dad is like this, and now that all my siblings are grown I can see the effect he's had on us. It's kind of relieving but terrifying at the same time.
The worst thing is that both of my parents are narcissist! As both my parents tick all these boxes. I have more or less gotten to the point, that I want to cut all things off from them
same here, but i just can’t. my dad is terrible to my mother. and my mom says stuff like i have to live with her forever. and i just want to live with my bff who always lightens my day. but she’s always just guilt tripping me to living with her and i feel bad for her too.
and i’m so dependent.
22 here and I've managed to cut one of them out my life but now my other parent thinks all my trauma is just from them and not from both of them. Unfortunately narcs will never admit what and who they are and are like. My advice would be to become as independent as you can at an early age.