I love how communicative you are! That's what I missed in my friendship with a guy who, I think, may have BPD (perhaps with comorbidities). Do you know of any reasons a male with BPD would only keep in touch through email? We met online, emailed each other. He didn't want to talk on the phone. When I asked him about the reason, he kept deflecting and breadcrumbing (which he did in other situations as well). What could a possible cause for his behavior/s be?
@@religiohominilupus5259 oh definitely. paranoia is actually a trait of bpd. Also, I know this comment was 6 months ago, but regardless I don't recommend you speculate about whether someone has bpd or not. I think it's fine to acknowledge they may have mental health problems, but speculating like that can put them in a box unfortunately.
@@Naranylla Is it paranoia though or lack of trust? Paranoia is a mental disorder whereas lack of trust isn't. I understand your concern in regard to speculation, but he himself actually alluded to BPD, not I. I did, however, speculate about aspects of NPD due to display of grandiosity. I understand that pwBPD can exhibit it too but from what I've learned so far, it usually manifests differently. That's a different story though. For me, it's not about putting someone in a box so much as knowing how to interact with a person due to the difference in "sensitivities." Approaches will be different for different PDs, which is why I think a diagnosis is important. My goal was to learn how to communicate with him effectively. Since he didn't want to talk about his struggles though and I can't read minds, it failed--I couldn't get "through to him" and in the end, he hurt himself more than anyone else. His "outbursts" (for lack of a better word) didn't hurt me. When they first happened, I was pissed because I thought, "how dare you!" I later learned (from other sources) that they're most likely an expression of having been hurt. What I'm trying to say is that if you don't know the underlying causes of certain behaviors, you can't find the right approach, so speculation isn't always a bad thing, imo. :) And while I realize that not all pwBPD are the same and symptoms may vary/manifest differently (I myself am on the autism spectrum), there are aspects that pwBPD have in common, and though six months have passed, I'm still interested in learning. :)
@@religiohominilupus5259 I know I'm replying to a 2 year old comment here, but... as a guy with BPD I can tell you that once I really got to know my own patterns... if I really like someone, I will make every effort to try to maintain an extra-forgiving amount of boundaries between us. Why? Because in my BPD brain I "know" that if they really see me/get to know me... they will surely see what a fraud I really am, how broken I really am or how worthless I really am... and disappear from my life altogether. To a healthy-minded person, that sounds like an overdramatic, over-the-top self-criticism. ...and I won't speak for every person with BPD, but to me... it's nothing less that just plain fact. Think about the way these words "hit" your ears; "I taught myself how to shoot lasers out of my eyes this morning." If someone you trusted called your phone and woke you up from a deep sleep and said those words to you... would you believe them for a second?" NO WAY. It's too preposterous of a statement to even consider. Right? Well, that how the words "You have value." or "You are a loveable person." or "You're a good person" hits my ears. It's so preposterous, so ridiculous, so unthinkable and so absurd to me, that even when someone I trust says things like that to me... I can sometimes think they are actually trying to hurt me. lol. Ok, having said all that... let me switch gears and tell you that people with BPD may inherently find themselves in close friendships with people with NPD. I don't understand how, completely... but they attract each other like a magnet and steel. My best friend for 30 years was a closet, or vulnerable narcissist. ...and it's a nightmare... especially for the person with BPD. As we both grew older, he would absolutely insist on communicating via text. A lot of people with NPD will do this because it gives them time to calculate their replies and be more certain that you only see/know what they want you to know about them. When you said "I did, however, speculate about aspects of NPD due to display of grandiosity" it made me want to comment here and tell you to be very careful with that person. I've been to many group sessions with other people who happen to have BPD and grandiosity just isn't a common trait with them (us) in my opinion. Can a person with BPD say something grandiose? Sure. Possibly in a desperate attempt to disguise or hide from others how they really feel about themselves. In my experience, it's rare. Personally, speaking for myself... it's unthinkable. Knowing that 2 yrs has passed since you wrote that comment.. I can't help but wonder if you discovered they really had NPD?
My coworkers last day the last thing she said before she came and hugged me bye was...dont cry. She knew
I love how communicative you are! That's what I missed in my friendship with a guy who, I think, may have BPD (perhaps with comorbidities).
Do you know of any reasons a male with BPD would only keep in touch through email? We met online, emailed each other. He didn't want to talk on the phone. When I asked him about the reason, he kept deflecting and breadcrumbing (which he did in other situations as well).
What could a possible cause for his behavior/s be?
Could be lack of confidence or fear of people being out to get him so lack of trust
@@Soneelicious Thanks for your answer!
So is there actually an aspect of paranoia associated with BPD?
@@religiohominilupus5259 oh definitely. paranoia is actually a trait of bpd. Also, I know this comment was 6 months ago, but regardless I don't recommend you speculate about whether someone has bpd or not. I think it's fine to acknowledge they may have mental health problems, but speculating like that can put them in a box unfortunately.
@@Naranylla Is it paranoia though or lack of trust? Paranoia is a mental disorder whereas lack of trust isn't.
I understand your concern in regard to speculation, but he himself actually alluded to BPD, not I. I did, however, speculate about aspects of NPD due to display of grandiosity. I understand that pwBPD can exhibit it too but from what I've learned so far, it usually manifests differently. That's a different story though.
For me, it's not about putting someone in a box so much as knowing how to interact with a person due to the difference in "sensitivities." Approaches will be different for different PDs, which is why I think a diagnosis is important. My goal was to learn how to communicate with him effectively.
Since he didn't want to talk about his struggles though and I can't read minds, it failed--I couldn't get "through to him" and in the end, he hurt himself more than anyone else. His "outbursts" (for lack of a better word) didn't hurt me. When they first happened, I was pissed because I thought, "how dare you!" I later learned (from other sources) that they're most likely an expression of having been hurt.
What I'm trying to say is that if you don't know the underlying causes of certain behaviors, you can't find the right approach, so speculation isn't always a bad thing, imo. :)
And while I realize that not all pwBPD are the same and symptoms may vary/manifest differently (I myself am on the autism spectrum), there are aspects that pwBPD have in common, and though six months have passed, I'm still interested in learning. :)
@@religiohominilupus5259 I know I'm replying to a 2 year old comment here, but... as a guy with BPD I can tell you that once I really got to know my own patterns... if I really like someone, I will make every effort to try to maintain an extra-forgiving amount of boundaries between us. Why? Because in my BPD brain I "know" that if they really see me/get to know me... they will surely see what a fraud I really am, how broken I really am or how worthless I really am... and disappear from my life altogether. To a healthy-minded person, that sounds like an overdramatic, over-the-top self-criticism. ...and I won't speak for every person with BPD, but to me... it's nothing less that just plain fact. Think about the way these words "hit" your ears; "I taught myself how to shoot lasers out of my eyes this morning." If someone you trusted called your phone and woke you up from a deep sleep and said those words to you... would you believe them for a second?" NO WAY. It's too preposterous of a statement to even consider. Right? Well, that how the words "You have value." or "You are a loveable person." or "You're a good person" hits my ears. It's so preposterous, so ridiculous, so unthinkable and so absurd to me, that even when someone I trust says things like that to me... I can sometimes think they are actually trying to hurt me. lol. Ok, having said all that... let me switch gears and tell you that people with BPD may inherently find themselves in close friendships with people with NPD. I don't understand how, completely... but they attract each other like a magnet and steel. My best friend for 30 years was a closet, or vulnerable narcissist. ...and it's a nightmare... especially for the person with BPD. As we both grew older, he would absolutely insist on communicating via text. A lot of people with NPD will do this because it gives them time to calculate their replies and be more certain that you only see/know what they want you to know about them. When you said "I did, however, speculate about aspects of NPD due to display of grandiosity" it made me want to comment here and tell you to be very careful with that person. I've been to many group sessions with other people who happen to have BPD and grandiosity just isn't a common trait with them (us) in my opinion. Can a person with BPD say something grandiose? Sure. Possibly in a desperate attempt to disguise or hide from others how they really feel about themselves. In my experience, it's rare. Personally, speaking for myself... it's unthinkable. Knowing that 2 yrs has passed since you wrote that comment.. I can't help but wonder if you discovered they really had NPD?