I appreciate these videos so much, thank you to Tiffany. Despite being in NZ and not being diagnosed until I was 52 I hear myself in these young womens words and it hits me right in the feels and I feel less alone.
Challenging conversation with the tone and so much going on in the story. How wonderful the peace of calm will be eventually. Like editing out what realy does not work and opening up peace and space
Good on her to be able to admit her own wrongdoing in the relationship. In my experience (especially with the gender expectations at play) the mutually abusive relationship can easily be re-contextualized as effectively one-sided abuse and victimhood by the women in them (either out of their own volition or because the default is expect that to point where it warps their view). It was very common among my family even when it was obvious the abuse was much worse from one side (mom throwing rocks on dad's roof, calling him constantly to harass him and non-stop shit-talking him to every friend/family member). Especially with mutual BPD sufferers like me and my 11 year old ex-relationship it was apparent that while my 'default' was examining my own abusive behaviors and trying improve despite having the more obvious abusive moments happen to me (for example: A knife put to my throat and threatened with death only to be told I'm hurting her when I overpowered her and pinned her down) it became very obvious that she had free reign to re-frame the whole relationship as her being the victim in every way and every action of hers being retaliation instead of abuse.
This "backup" is kinda classic borderline behavior and shows how there was never any real relationship at all. It was simply a need for another person to project onto and to have a fantasy of omnipotent control. It doesn't matter who the person is, as long as there is someone available for this purpose. The other severs simply as an extension of the self. And when the other person does no longer behave as wanted, anger anger anger. And then victimhood. And they always explain how they were victimized in the relationship, and how they are so emphatic, because splitting and primitive projection they really have no clue of their own behavior. Or who is even who in the dynamic.
I know about what she said about crawling into the dark to avoid being hurt or hurting others. Or being up what Charlotte said about not getting how people wake up patting themselves on the back instead of the endless circle of I messed up no matter what you did
When I was in dental hygiene school, the demands of the relationship I was in was too much on top of all the homework and studying I had to do in order to pass my classes and it cost me that relationship. Then I ended up dropping out, but that's besides the point. But I definitely can relate to how going to school can put a huge strain on your relationships. It's hard.
our stories are the same 7 year emotionally + physically abusive relationship with me retaliating (hitting back) and me splitting up with him. Although I do see myself as a victim
Oh wow, so much similarities with my boyfriend, who is in prison right now, and mines past relationship. Like when you keyed the car. I smashed his phone with a hammer 📱 🔨 broke off his side mirror on his explorer, and pop, pop, popped 3 out of 4 tires due to my borderline rage and fear of abandonment... Expensive and highly regrettable ... And! we brawled in my parents yard, they had a front row seat on the porch, how embarrassing... Mortifying actually. I can relate to the shame and chaos and toxicity of the relationship you are describing for sure. 2 Borderline people in a relationship... It's hell. BPD is hell.
Rebbie, I'm curious what you think of some of the comments in the last video with Tiffany that said she doesn't seem like a person with BPD. She strikes me more as someone with quiet BPD, hence why she doesn't "sound" traditionally like someone with BPD. What's your take on those comments?
I am not an expert in this, but I think that one needs to "look" BPD with flashy symptoms is a misnomer and really diminishes the experience of suffering that Tiffany speaks about. I think the comments reflect why she has had such trouble finding help - clinicians don't believe her, as with some of the viewers here. I also think the assumptions people make of knowing the state internally of another should be held VERY lightly, and that is not always the case with comments. Which is unfortunate.
To me she seems to be exactly like BPD. Not all borderlines are self destructive, its about the internal object relations dynamic. Where these impulses are directed depends on the individual. Higher intelligence for example can help manage it better. I also think ,that there is a spectrum of narcissism - BPD. As narcissism is basically just a more stable form of BPD. That borderlines who are less self destructive, are usually higher on narcissism.
Sounds like Tiffany is appreciating nuance more, that situations aren’t black vs white as BPD thinking sometimes will have it seem. And that appreciating the nuance and grey areas are where riches lie.
Do you have content available of an adult starting their BPD journey w/ a professional once realized? Everything I happen to catch online seemingly is only after years of assisted development, which I feel is missing a LOT for adults that may just discover/been given BPD diagnosis.
Unpopular opinion: if someone cheats on you, you're allowed to scratch their motorcycle. I know it's really helpful to own everything, revenge isn't healthy But.. Also..
Dear Tiffany - Please don't refer to Charlotte's videos in a discussion about your experiences. It really detracts from any message you may be trying to share.
I appreciate these videos so much, thank you to Tiffany. Despite being in NZ and not being diagnosed until I was 52 I hear myself in these young womens words and it hits me right in the feels and I feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing this because it can't be easy to be open to the world like this.
Thank you for sharing Tiffany
Challenging conversation with the tone and so much going on in the story. How wonderful the peace of calm will be eventually. Like editing out what realy does not work and opening up peace and space
It’s like feeling unsafe from all the past traumas and then saying all that happened were justified bc of all the self-hate and shame.
Good on her to be able to admit her own wrongdoing in the relationship.
In my experience (especially with the gender expectations at play) the mutually abusive relationship can easily be re-contextualized as effectively one-sided abuse and victimhood by the women in them (either out of their own volition or because the default is expect that to point where it warps their view).
It was very common among my family even when it was obvious the abuse was much worse from one side (mom throwing rocks on dad's roof, calling him constantly to harass him and non-stop shit-talking him to every friend/family member).
Especially with mutual BPD sufferers like me and my 11 year old ex-relationship it was apparent that while my 'default' was examining my own abusive behaviors and trying improve despite having the more obvious abusive moments happen to me (for example: A knife put to my throat and threatened with death only to be told I'm hurting her when I overpowered her and pinned her down) it became very obvious that she had free reign to re-frame the whole relationship as her being the victim in every way and every action of hers being retaliation instead of abuse.
☕️
I bounced from one to the next for many many years; none of the relationships were healthy.
This "backup" is kinda classic borderline behavior and shows how there was never any real relationship at all.
It was simply a need for another person to project onto and to have a fantasy of omnipotent control. It doesn't matter who the person is, as long as there is someone available for this purpose.
The other severs simply as an extension of the self.
And when the other person does no longer behave as wanted, anger anger anger. And then victimhood.
And they always explain how they were victimized in the relationship, and how they are so emphatic, because splitting and primitive projection they really have no clue of their own behavior. Or who is even who in the dynamic.
Sounds about right. The next dude even developed a 'captain save a 304' complex trying to seperate her from the abusive ex.
You explained this very well.
I know about what she said about crawling into the dark to avoid being hurt or hurting others. Or being up what Charlotte said about not getting how people wake up patting themselves on the back instead of the endless circle of I messed up no matter what you did
Thank you for these videos on bpd❤❤
When I was in dental hygiene school, the demands of the relationship I was in was too much on top of all the homework and studying I had to do in order to pass my classes and it cost me that relationship. Then I ended up dropping out, but that's besides the point. But I definitely can relate to how going to school can put a huge strain on your relationships. It's hard.
our stories are the same 7 year emotionally + physically abusive relationship with me retaliating (hitting back) and me splitting up with him. Although I do see myself as a victim
Oh wow, so much similarities with my boyfriend, who is in prison right now, and mines past relationship. Like when you keyed the car. I smashed his phone with a hammer 📱 🔨 broke off his side mirror on his explorer, and pop, pop, popped 3 out of 4 tires due to my borderline rage and fear of abandonment... Expensive and highly regrettable ... And! we brawled in my parents yard, they had a front row seat on the porch, how embarrassing... Mortifying actually. I can relate to the shame and chaos and toxicity of the relationship you are describing for sure. 2 Borderline people in a relationship... It's hell. BPD is hell.
Are u still with each other?
Rebbie, I'm curious what you think of some of the comments in the last video with Tiffany that said she doesn't seem like a person with BPD. She strikes me more as someone with quiet BPD, hence why she doesn't "sound" traditionally like someone with BPD. What's your take on those comments?
I am not an expert in this, but I think that one needs to "look" BPD with flashy symptoms is a misnomer and really diminishes the experience of suffering that Tiffany speaks about. I think the comments reflect why she has had such trouble finding help - clinicians don't believe her, as with some of the viewers here. I also think the assumptions people make of knowing the state internally of another should be held VERY lightly, and that is not always the case with comments. Which is unfortunate.
To me she seems to be exactly like BPD. Not all borderlines are self destructive, its about the internal object relations dynamic. Where these impulses are directed depends on the individual. Higher intelligence for example can help manage it better.
I also think ,that there is a spectrum of narcissism - BPD. As narcissism is basically just a more stable form of BPD. That borderlines who are less self destructive, are usually higher on narcissism.
@@Nobody-Nowhere there is so much wrong with this paragraph, dear god
I have to pwBPD exes. It doesn't get any easier the longer that you're with them. There is an inevitable end sadly! You have to love yourself first!
how u learn to soothe yourself? Or the feelings of not worthy.
Sounds like Tiffany is appreciating nuance more, that situations aren’t black vs white as BPD thinking sometimes will have it seem. And that appreciating the nuance and grey areas are where riches lie.
Do you have content available of an adult starting their BPD journey w/ a professional once realized? Everything I happen to catch online seemingly is only after years of assisted development, which I feel is missing a LOT for adults that may just discover/been given BPD diagnosis.
Unpopular opinion: if someone cheats on you, you're allowed to scratch their motorcycle.
I know it's really helpful to own everything, revenge isn't healthy
But.. Also..
U cant believe anything these people say
?? Oh so thyre all liars. Many with bpd are empathic and yes that's a bpd trait in many.
Like like like like like like
Dear Tiffany - Please don't refer to Charlotte's videos in a discussion about your experiences. It really detracts from any message you may be trying to share.
Monsters. Period.
😂😂😂ok
Like...
Stop saying LIke! Makes everything horrible to listen to.
how dare you. Get out shes telling a stressful part of her life so her speech is going to be informal
@@natashaferran420 I do dare!
Tiffany is brave, somebody calling themselves ''Queen'' isn't. How do you like that?