I can definitely see how this does not help my partner. Even if I am upset. It makes my partner less secure and that leads to more conflict. Hard to forgive sometimes. This is helpful to hear.
My mother was the same way, perhaps even earlier on. I found her desire to have control over me with just a pointed finger or “The Look”, being almost as bad. Sorry for that happening to you ☹️❤️
As an ex partner of someone with presumably bpd, I found the concept that my partner would want to punish me in the first place incredibly hurtful. Not a single day did I want to punish my partner, not once in our 18 years together.
I agree. She would push my buttons to the point where i would go off, then, for my punishment she would run out and cheat. Makes me wonder if she jist made me explode so she felt like it was ok to chrat.
I totally agree and understand. 28 years for me and it's been going since day one and I knew something was wrong, but had no idea about NPD/BPD until fairly recently. I can tell you one thing, NO ONE deserves to be treated this bad. I feel like I'm 95 and I'm just 49....been a long marriage.
My problem is that there is no solution, when the person with BPD refuses the solution and they go into their narcissistic rage. The silent treatment / gray rocking / avoiding them is all you can do. It's a self-protecting measure as well. You have to protect yourself from the other person's attacks. The problem is the intention is different but won't be seen as different. If they refuse the communication and the addressing of the issue because of their own avoidance, there is nothing you can do but wait out the episode. Hopefully when they come back to their senses, something might actually get delt with. It's kind of rare though.
It's possible that the rage could also be directed towards themselves, and in an effort to protect themselves, they may push away what they perceive as the cause, which could be their favorite person (you). After knowing my friend for 7 years, I didn't consider him to have BPD until a few months into dating. I reluctantly agreed to no contact and let him choose the timeframe, which ended up being two months. Even then, he may or may not message me on the specified date. That's 7 years of high-quality friendship from my side. Not to brag, but I believe I'm a pretty darn good-hearted person, which is rare. So I am feeling he is coming back 70%, even though he lies a lot, is pretty good odds! And that's with alot of patient and understanding. If you're new to someone with bpd, they would cheat and move on right away.
@EnFyr I'm sorry if you're in that situation, cuz it really sucks and can screw up your mental health so bad. Find a support system. Getting out of their field of influence is a must. Find yourself again and then you might be able to come back, if that's what you want to do.
@stoneyvowell1239 Well, long story short. Im writing from a clinic for alcoholics as we speak. 15 years of emotional and physical abuse sitting here wondering, "How on earth did i tolerate someone treating me like this, and even blaming me afterwards?" The answer to that is simple. I thought she could become the person i "knew" she could be. So guys, if you certainly know that your spouse, girlfriend, or whatever has bpd. Just run, I beg you. Change your number, address, everything. There is no way to have a healthy relationship with people like that.
The ST is my own way to express my anger to those that hurt me. When i start i find it difficult to return back to normal. I feel comfortable being alone, may be the fear to be hurt again. I forgive but i don't allow you come closer to me again.
Very true , the recieving end starts feeling that some day he/she will be abandoned
I can definitely see how this does not help my partner. Even if I am upset. It makes my partner less secure and that leads to more conflict. Hard to forgive sometimes. This is helpful to hear.
My mother gave me the ST when I was 9 - 10 yrs old and on up. I was devastated
It definitely hurts. Sorry you experienced that.
My mother was the same way, perhaps even earlier on. I found her desire to have control over me with just a pointed finger or “The Look”, being almost as bad. Sorry for that happening to you ☹️❤️
As an ex partner of someone with presumably bpd, I found the concept that my partner would want to punish me in the first place incredibly hurtful. Not a single day did I want to punish my partner, not once in our 18 years together.
I agree. She would push my buttons to the point where i would go off, then, for my punishment she would run out and cheat.
Makes me wonder if she jist made me explode so she felt like it was ok to chrat.
@@neveragain733Most likely
I totally agree and understand. 28 years for me and it's been going since day one and I knew something was wrong, but had no idea about NPD/BPD until fairly recently.
I can tell you one thing, NO ONE deserves to be treated this bad. I feel like I'm 95 and I'm just 49....been a long marriage.
15 years for me. But she still wishes to punish me, maybe even more than before.
This is our life at home. Was. Thanks Dr. Fox! I want understanding in our relationship.
Interesting very interesting subject
Thank you
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
My ex partners favorite Goto! Horribly abusive.
Sorry to hear. It can be very painful.
My problem is that there is no solution, when the person with BPD refuses the solution and they go into their narcissistic rage. The silent treatment / gray rocking / avoiding them is all you can do. It's a self-protecting measure as well. You have to protect yourself from the other person's attacks. The problem is the intention is different but won't be seen as different. If they refuse the communication and the addressing of the issue because of their own avoidance, there is nothing you can do but wait out the episode. Hopefully when they come back to their senses, something might actually get delt with. It's kind of rare though.
It's possible that the rage could also be directed towards themselves, and in an effort to protect themselves, they may push away what they perceive as the cause, which could be their favorite person (you).
After knowing my friend for 7 years, I didn't consider him to have BPD until a few months into dating. I reluctantly agreed to no contact and let him choose the timeframe, which ended up being two months. Even then, he may or may not message me on the specified date. That's 7 years of high-quality friendship from my side. Not to brag, but I believe I'm a pretty darn good-hearted person, which is rare. So I am feeling he is coming back 70%, even though he lies a lot, is pretty good odds! And that's with alot of patient and understanding. If you're new to someone with bpd, they would cheat and move on right away.
@Bodangers that's part of what makes it psychotic. It's the delusion talking, not her.
You'll just be viewed as a gaslighter or any other hurtful thing they can cook up.
@EnFyr I'm sorry if you're in that situation, cuz it really sucks and can screw up your mental health so bad. Find a support system. Getting out of their field of influence is a must. Find yourself again and then you might be able to come back, if that's what you want to do.
@stoneyvowell1239 Well, long story short. Im writing from a clinic for alcoholics as we speak. 15 years of emotional and physical abuse sitting here wondering, "How on earth did i tolerate someone treating me like this, and even blaming me afterwards?"
The answer to that is simple. I thought she could become the person i "knew" she could be. So guys, if you certainly know that your spouse, girlfriend, or whatever has bpd. Just run, I beg you. Change your number, address, everything. There is no way to have a healthy relationship with people like that.
This 😳👀😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Dr. Fox Wow!!!
We feel like we arent wanted and it might make us go
The ST is my own way to express my anger to those that hurt me. When i start i find it difficult to return back to normal. I feel comfortable being alone, may be the fear to be hurt again. I forgive but i don't allow you come closer to me again.
I only had one episode of the silent treatment and thays when the discard came.
Any advice on how to confront the BPD person you love about the silent treatment without being accused of being a narcissist?
It's a terrible thing
True
What if you’re restricting communication because after two months of targeted sleep deprivation, you can’t hold a conversation let alone argue.
Dudes eyes appear to be enlarged. The enlargment isnt consistent. Weird
That is odd.
Omg guys dont do that
Oh well don't beat the person ( literally or otherwise) and expect them to act like nothing happened. You did something to make them shut down.
Yes but it could be something small like telling them to finish their food.