BPD isn't who you are, that's the hardest thing to grasp sometimes. It's a reaction to the environment and helped you survive and cope when you needed it. I think that while it's important to recognize and disentangle from it now that it's no longer necessary, it's also important to be grateful for it as it's all you had at the time. Think of yourself as a seed that never got the nurturance it needed and now it's safe to accept that nurturance and grow. Easier said but that's what it is.
the worst part about bpd is when people can’t understand it. that loneliness of feeling like you’re saying words but nobody really gets what you’re saying- especially in a society that tends to romanticize mental illness- your education on the disorder shows because you put my exact thoughts into words and your videos are the only thing i feel i can really turn to when i’m confused by myself
I came out to my grams and uncle and they both told me im crazy for thinking im crazy. I figured i stop controlling the tempest. they took me seriously.
This is true of both parties. I've been dating a girl with quiet bpd, who I genuinely love, but I literally wouldn't sleep for days on end trying to understand what was happening and how such a rational person could be so upset about such a trivial event... its so helpful to recognize these disproportionate emotional irregularities as part of bpd, because otherwise it could drive you insane tryin to loce them...
@@dynomantar9733 for sure is helpful on the other side! i also have quiet bpd, and i’ve watched the people in my life struggle to understand me as well. Good on you for trying to understand her. It’s draining for both parties, no doubt, but i’m sure she’s very grateful to have somebody who’s even watching these videos and trying to understand her better. best of luck to you both🖤
We aren't monsters. We are just scared. Thank you, this helped me a lot. I will try acting opposite with my partner and hopefully it will help him too.
As someone with bpd, this almost made me cry. You get it. We're not monsters like people think, we're just scared and need help to grow and manage our personality disorder and heal what caused it to develop.
Obviously those w BPD are human beings, but when the rage gets out of control it often appears monstrous and incredibly damaging to recipients. It becomes hostile and abusive. It is this destructive, hyper-intense rage that appears other-than-human to the recipients. It is important to think about the consequences of mental illness. No doubt it is very hard to deal with from the standpoint of the person with BPD.
This is very true i just scheduled my call to get a disorder diagnoses, its an overwhelming feeling of looking back and remembering things that may have played a huge role in my life today.
@@theshumanat0r537Yes im also views as crazy and need to go to a mental home. These are things my kids dad “ ex husband “has always said to me and still says.
requires practice and work and finding the thing that helps catch you when you're spiraling. healthy pattern of thought includes challenging yourself, in moments of distress. it's why we're taught dbt lol, to help us tolerate stress and, eventually be able to have an easier time dismissing the intense reactions that plague us.
the most bpd crap thing I read in the comments here. you're not the victim - the people in your life who suffer from your "meltdowns" and poor choices are.
How do I identify if my emotions are justified? There's usually always a big part of me that's telling me "You're just being dramatic and attention seeking" or "you have no right to ask for this in a relationship, this is inapropriately much" I know I am kinda gaslighting myself. But I genuinely never understand when my feelings are justified and I tend to just "swallow" them and back off and then I get angry at myself...
Oh gosh. I deal with this every day. I always have to ask my husband or closest friends if I am being incredibly out of line for being upset. I will say, I do see things quite differently from others and my high moral compass gets me in trouble. I do have a lot of work to do, but I am also realizing that I had A LOT of manipulation going on around me too. They certainly weren't helping my triggers.
I feel the same. Sometimes my partner will use harsh language and it can be hard not getting triggered basically. I've asked him to think about the way he says things and now I just pick apart stuff. - sigh - I'm not even sure where this is coming from
I normally have 3 triggers so far: Injustice, ptsd kicking in the sense of total loss, seeing myself as a failure... I start to get flammable and a seething rage boils inside me, rage towards me and everything else... I start being passive aggressive and then I start to feel the urge to rage quit, to destroy it all, to burn it all down... it is intense, last for weeks... but I do my best to control the dragons, so that I don't hurt people I care about or take a reckless decision. This rage permeates my sleep and I can go to sleep and wake up with a lot of anger... a lot of energy bottled up.. I start feeling hate about everything that I like and tend to destroy it... delete books and notes out of anger, destroying any art piece that I have done by shredding it to pieces, etc. Any spark can cause an explosion. For me, loneliness is not a trigger but the feeling of loss (identity, material, personal...), that feeling of doom that all has been lost... it leaves my guts done for... stress tends to multiply the frequency of these triggers. But I hide it... it drains me... but it will start to be noticeable, specially the passive aggressive responses... the keen observation to every little thing that ppl do or say, etc...
You wrote this so perfectly... I've deleted a 30,000 word book because I felt like no-one will care about it anyway. I just get so mad that people's lives have just gone-on without me after they've completely screwed me and abandoned me... and; somehow, I have to be the "bigger person" and not seek justice. Drives me craaaazy 😵
@@JaiYangAU Theses no justice for the emotional damage and the trust they take and use against others. Realizing they are a piece of humanity that missed the lesson.
You have a parent who tells you continually that you're not a good person. You pass those years thinking about the time when you'll be a grown up and things will be wonderful. You live on hope but by the time you reach adulthood you're hurting badly. You don't seem to fit in. You don't know how to act. But you learn over time how to put a good face on everything and how to be a responsible person and the opposite kind of person than that wrathful parent. For the most part the world couldn't even guess about the hurt you feel almost all the time. You watch the videos talking about different types of mental illness and when it comes to the BPD one you see yourself described there so perfectly that you find yourself weeping uncontrollably for a few minutes before you pull it all together again. Worse, the symptoms are described most of the time in such a painfully negative way that your heart screams out, Please God, don't let that be me. I don't want to be that person! Over decades you come to realize that you just don't know how to make good relationships and so you start to keep the opposite sex at arms length. You choose the sort of companion who won't form an attachment to you or anyone else for that matter. You think that'll make it manageable. But it doesn't. It just keeps reinforcing the hurt. You don't want to get attached to anyone because you might get too attached, like that fear of abandonment thing you've heard about. You've experienced it plenty even before you ran across it as a "symptom" by medical people that will never see you as anything more than just a diagnosis, this and that a mental illness spectrum of screwed up thinking. It's a lonely life. You end up still putting a good face on things and looking back and just wishing things could have been different. You feel a deep sense of loss because you know what you've missed. Yep, spend enough time doing that and you'll run out of time entirely. Ask me. I'm in my 70s - almost there.
Wow. You expressed what is in my mind and the fears that lurk in my heart. It is never to late- I believe that- I have to. I am so thankful that you shared . Thank you I am sending you love.
@@happylindsay4475 love right back at you! You've got a lot of time ahead of you. Do what you have to do now to learn to love yourself and to learn to see that you really are valuable. You've got a right to expect good things. Love others enough to let them be themselves, even those partners that may choose to walk away. They have that right, just as we do, to stop a relationship which isn't fulfilling. Set good boundaries and make sure that one of those boundaries is one which you set for yourself. That boundary should be that you won't allow yourself to have a relationship with someone who's a user. Make sure they are a really good person that is well balanced and trustworthy and who wants a long-term relationship and not just a sexual fling. We BPD can feel so lonely that will settle for far less than we should. Shame on us if we don't stop that! We are way powerful people because we've been through a lot and tho we still have stuff to work through we have survived much and still have joy inside of us! Even though I'm old and there's just not enough time left for what I like to do I'm going to keep trying and not stop learning. Dr Fox's exceptional. He recognizes and acknowledges we have many good qualities. We've earned the right to be proud of ourselves because not any of it came easy. More importantly, it confirms that we are capable of making the changes that we need to! Heck, we've already done a lot of the work.
@@charlysteenstevens9314 Your response brought tears to my eyes. The fact that you reached out, and shared your life experiences with me gives me hope. You really touched me- thank you. Your life and experiences matter. Sending you love, peace and days- moments filled with joy. Thank you so much
@pjgarret7653 a lot of u clowns who sit around telling people hpw awful they are with their bpd themselves suffer from undiagnosed disorders and are in denial . So relax . Don't have to ask the guy about the recipient . Ur no psychiatrist and u irself are a helluva gaslighter.
I was diagnosed with BPD recently. I finally can stop asking "What is wrong with me?". I can finally see why I am so NICE to the detriment of my own mental well being. I am too nice to people that treat me so terribly. I am too sensitive to people comments. I can now see why I would have outbursts only to follow with apologies... I am just coming out of a 4 day panic attack and I am hoping I can learn how to get some control back.
I am getting such a late diagnosis for the bpd I've known I've had for years now but I just never spoke up because I convinced myself nobody would believe me and that I'm just a horrible person that needs to be sent to a ward to isolate and to keep myself and others safe from me. My ptsd was battling so hard with my bpd that I just couldn't stay quiet anymore so now I'm able to finally admit I have bpd and want it treated...but now I have nobody here to diagnose me and get me the help I need. It hurts so badly but I am trying to keep going until the day I finally can receive help for it. Keep pushing ❤
I think people sometimes don't have patience these days and forget that people are often hurting on the side. You are not horrible. I promise. You make mistakes but you are not horrible
You aren't babes, it's so hard, and it's not our fault we have this shit. You are doing all you can by being here, I also hear Dialectic behavioral therapy is the thing to do to really beat this, I'm waiting to get my insurance so I can go get help. Keep your head up and keep finding strategies and things to help kick you back over into rational mind, I'm going to enlist my bfs help, I need help you need it too and I'm here to support you, you aren't alone and nor am I, we have to remember this, we have to remember that it's not our fault but it is our responsibility to take control of it and not hurt the ones we love because of it.
I haven’t started therapy yet, but I sort of trained myself. Whenever I find myself having negative thoughts, whether it be my relationship or myself- I feel the urge to lash out. Instead of doing that, I make myself think about things that I enjoy. Like Halo, 40k, my dog, maybe what I want to cook for that night. I sort of psychologically drag myself away from emotional self-harm (and hurting others). If that makes sense.
Thinking about positive things will definitely override negative thoughts also try taking a few seconds to process your thoughts before responding so you don’t say something negative that helps too that’s what I do I just started therapy for BPD
😊I really your thinking on this! Do I have BPD?... I dont know, but I plan on doing this very thing myself, next time it happens, which has been too often! You put it into words that I can understand. I am slowly seeing just a little part of myself that I kind of like, and I need to remember that feeling as well. I think I can take control too. I think you've started to train yourself very well! Best of luck with your therapy, I wish you the best!
I think I have something to add to this discussion. I'm 77 years old ... "young." I had this diagnosis when I was 22 years old. I never knew that I had it until I saw a "counselor" in my sixties who told me. I had noticed that I had gotten "strange" treatment from some health care professionals and attorneys. I never knew why. I hate labels and think they should be done away with. The damage they do to a person's self-esteem and quality of life is never-ending. I would, at least, like to see this label re-worded. I, also, dislike the word "disorder." It is not a disorder. It is a normal reactive process to help people cope with trauma. I can think of a few labels I would like to slap on the guy who gave me this label which made my life much harder than it should have been. Hold your heads up high...you are a survivor and have great depth as a result. I have a heart of gold, and my life's calling has been humane work with animals....no doubt because they have no voice, just as I had no voice. It has been my way of making the world a kinder place.
I agree about the labels however we need words for things so don't think it is labeled just think of it as a words to help us communicate ideas! Also omg the attorneys & therapists... I've had the same experience a lot of them ATE actually narcissists [even dr. phil said this] might be why you didn't leave fire them when you met! I Imagine the therapist or attorney started the session by trauma bonding you in their own special way get their clients hooked.
If you really have BPD, you would realize that it does in fact leave one's life in disorder. It is labeled as such bc it is not optimal for a functioning life.
It is a “disorder”, the effect it has on a person and life is not in order if a healthy normal person who had a healthy normal upbringing. You are not your disorder you HAVE a disorder. If you identify too closely with that there is no hope of relief
I recently introduced you, and the dbt workbook, to my son...who is facing legal consequences for a violent action. He hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but can easily list off all the traits he has. I can't predict the future, but I can say that your vids draw him in, unlike other vids he has watched over the years, looking for answers. He is also really liking the workbook. It is also a great help that I, someone who loves someone with (maybe) BPD, also watches your vids. My son and I were talking the other day, and his body movements showed that he was becoming anxious. I said something like, "It looks like you may be feeling anxious. We should take a break. It can be three minutes, or a week, or a year...let's watch a funny vid". He just chuckled and relaxed pretty quickly. He had also watched that vid, lol. Thank you for helping those with mental conditions, and the ones who care about them.
I wish both you and your son the best- the response you gave him- showing compassion, empathy and a separation from his emotions reflecting/mirroring a calm concern is really helpful. I feel seen and it instantly calms my inner child. Again wishing the very best for both of you.
This was exceptional!! Just yesterday I allowed my urges to overpower me. I have been helping others in little random ways of kindness. I’ve also manage my BPD with prayer and bible study workbooks. And I collect American Girl dolls and so I make sure I play each day. I enjoy anything outside because for me it’s hard to be intensely upset when you’re under the sky or near trees. I do hold guilt and shame when I slip into old habits. And lately I’ve been suffering with nightmares and then that leads me into depressive states for the next day. I’m facing empty nest with my daughter leaving for college, so being a widow I dread the lonely life. I get so weary but my faith and motivation do kick in so I can enjoy my life in the here and now. Thank you Dr Fox. I would travel to Texas for your therapy!!! You are tops!!!!
I think a good way to lessen the damage of splits/the intensity of splits is when you start feeling that bubbling up sensation before splits, you usually dissociate, right? So try to use that to your advantage. If you were a person externally and sees this person who is filled with great frustration ,dissappointment and fear that's bubbling up into a fit of rage, wouldn't you want to step in and give that person some compassion? Then why wouldn't you deserve the same? Give yourself the compassion you want. You will most probably get the compassion externally too, later, but for now, for the moment you are in right now, give yourself that compassion, to get some bearing. Cause tbh if you aren't grounded enough, no external validation will be able to calm the storm, regardless of how much we wish it would, and hey I know it's hard but don't worry, it doesnt mean external validation will be close to ineffective, not at all! It will still be special and will still give you that warm feeling but in order for it to work you need to make sure you are more grounded and futher away from the split first. ❤ good luck, everyone!
Self reflection, self realization, self acceptance, self love, and self regulation are key components to becoming a truer self. Every human has room to grow, and the answers are within. Love u all
The part about assertiveness and appropriate responses to things really connected. My boss is a piece of work that I used to talk to my therapist about all the time. She used to make me so angry and want to quit and I felt miserable, but now suddenly I'm the only person that is calm and collected and assertive with her. It feels good to see this type of growth in myself. Once I gain confidence I'm my abilies and skills, I was able to view her behavior more objectively, and understand that her behavior was not a reflection of what I was doing wrong. I am able to look outside of myself so that I can advocate for myself.
I feel so ashamed to have BPD. I acted out wrong in the past in certain situations that I am not proud of. I never thought I would end up doing it. I would love to had someone to be able to hear me out than yelling at me for how I reacted. Listen to my thoughts and feelings during the time than shaming me. It would help me out to feel heard of. I keep telling myself that I'm no monster, because I said sorry after for my behavior. Although, I was talking to people who are toxic by being manipulative, gaslighting, etc. I found myself acting out like them. I keep telling myself that I'm no monster. I am caring and I said nice things to those people who I reacted poorly. It's sad how people think I'm like a crazy person, etc. without understanding my emotions. Those certain situations, I hate talking about it, I always find myself crying. I don't feel proud of it. I don't want people to hold that "mistake" against me. I want to be viewed as someone is not "mental". When people tell me "I need help", It's not the best to tell someone that. I want to be normal. While at times, people can be toxic and say things towards the victim to try to lower their self-esteem to make them feel like they are doing things wrong when the toxic person done stuff wrong but pushing the blame onto the victim. I'm proud of myself today. I learned better ways to communicate. I still have work to do. My folks never taught me it. It can be very hard when the people that you are living with, it can be very stressful when my feelings feel invalidate a lot / it can feel like abuse at times. Somethings are wrong. As much I said, "I would like a minute to cool down." , it was overwhelming when 2 parents yelling at me, so I wanted them to stop as well. They didn't respect it. They continued to yell at me. It was getting overwhelming for me to be around. I explained to them "I need a safe place to express myself" in a calm voice. My mom said, "No excuses" "You're a baby" , My dad continues to yell at me. I did not want to be around it. I didn't say anything but start getting dressed to go outside. As I head to the door to the garage, as I opened it, my dad slammed it. I started crying. I yelled, LEAVE ME ALONE. I didn't do anything wrong. I just was standing there crying. My dad mentioned about "If mom and I called the cops, we would WIN." I was confused. Or like when the cop come out here to do a wellness check, when he left, my mom started to yell at me. I was not doing anything wrong. I was hoping she would be calm and try to understand how I feel. I feel it isn't right for a parent to yell at their child when they are depressed. It's hard when my mom explodes very easy and yells a lot. It can be very hard to feel supported when she goes off like that. Then when I was standing there and crying, she talked about calling the cops on me. I was like, "Why?" with tears running down my face. I wasn't acting out of control. I wanted her to stop yelling at me and shaming me. I don't mean to dump all this emotional stuff out. It's hurtful memories.
This is horrible. You are wonderful. I hope your parents grow the f+ck up and get their karma in THIS life and I hope you are there to witness it so YOU can have justice.
She's a cluster B covert, psychopath! A sadist. Your getting gaslighted,! Heartbreaking! Please get a therapist & keep a journal.! That's what law enforcement tells victims of domestic violence! You need to time stamp their fuckery. Better yet covertly tape them on your phone. So you have proof,your not " CRAZY"! I had to cut out many family members,siblings,father,Aunts,etc! They're great chameleons in public,monsters behind closed doors. Jekyll & Hydes🎭
Nothing has given me more hope for recovery than you and your videos dr fox. Every time I have a wobble or am near relapse I watch your videos over again. I’ve just completed 2 years of DBT and ready to do it alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do to dedicate yourself to helping us. I have your workbook too !
Here's my tip that might help (that has helped me): you don't have to immediately go all the way with the "act opposite" -thing. You can take it in steps. Like I used to eat really unhealthy if I felt stressed, so often now I ask myself: can you think of ANY food that would be tasty but not unhealthy? Usually when I take a moment and think, i can come up with something. Today I felt like eating those instant noodles, i was feeling a bit exhausted, but took a moment to think and chose whole-wheat noodles and shrimp. So ended up eating a warm meal that i cooked myself, that was tasty and not unhealthy. So you don't have to go from noodles to just eating salad, you can just start with changing up the noodles and go from fast food to cooking it yourself. :) Wow, I'm talking about these noodles a lot. My point is: when you make a change, take it easy, use your imagination and be gentle to yourself.
What I hate the most is becoming 10000 percent interested in something and then, poof, not at all, feeling confident and insecure at the same time, assured and unassured at the same time, feeling like an emotional peacock, these are the things I hate the most. Oh, and I hate you, don't leave me, just like the book was called.
I don't have BPD, that I know, but I have issues with emotional reactivity, ego dystonia and rumination. I have gone through DBT and loved it. I tend to internalize direct and indirect criticism. I find that when I can view events from a detached (not disassociated) perspective, I can usually remain calm and controlled. Good quality sleep and reducing or diffusing conflicts are the best medicine for me. Staying calm and relaxed and short-circuiting self-doubt and rumination also helps. I know what it feels like to feel out of balance, but staying active and maintaining calmness and self-care work best for me. Walks in the park help too. Everything is an experience and an opportunity to learn. GL 🙏
At the moment, I am suffering from very intense BPD episodes. Interestingly, I’ve had this disorder since childhood, but I only found out about it yesterday because in Lithuania, it’s not well-known what it is. Since I was 14, I’ve been treated for severe depression and had many therapists who didn’t know how to help me, so they refused to work with me. All this time, I thought I was crazy and impossible to cure because my impulses are extremely strong and uncontrollable. Only now have I gained hope that I can manage it. I’m not crazy, and I can overcome this because the most important thing is that I know what the problem is and how to fight it. And thank you for this video, where I found tools to start.
I wish you could be my psychiatrist. I am having one of those terrifying BPD days and I always come here to get information, and you naturally give me comfort and sometimes a little side smile. Thank you for making your content, I truly believe you can save many lives - and already did.
I'm having a really rough go of it right now, I'm 37, been dealing with this my entire life. Your videos and how you speak about us truly helps me and I am grateful for that 🙏
Your videos and workbook have been helping me out. Thank you for your non-judgmental nature. Nobody would ever think I have BPD because a lot of mine is internal, but that doesn't mean it's any easier.
Thank you so much for pointing out that you need to be assertive, and that BPD encourages maladaptive behavior. I feel like a lot of my outbursts come from not knowing how to assertively express my anger. The anger is not the problem (many times it is justified) the maladaptive behavior is, expressing that anger in unhealthy ways is.
My ex used to trigger me constantly.... If he wanted to set me fully off to self harm.. He would call me fat and mental. Its so hard to bite the tongue. I do love these videos.. So nice to not feel attacked for it. I know I've said some regretful things... Sorry is never enough. I will be watching and ordering the work book tomorrow. Day by day. I'm not this awful person.. I deserve some happiness.
I understand. My mother is an expert at triggering me. And seems to enjoy going out of her way to encourage me to meltdown, and feel horrible about myself. And then I always get made to feel like the bad one, and made to to feel ashamed of myself. It's horrible to have to be around someone who makes you feel like this. And who knows exactly how to push you to the extreme, and takes zero responsibility. It takes so much effort to try and hold it together
You guys are making the mistake of letting your environment define you. Set a personal boundary with yourself that your not going to internalise other peoples voices. Tell yourself that you are going to define you from now on. What you are doing is handing over your ego functions to other people. What horrible shit that comes out of other peoples mouths say all you need to know about them. Silence the negative introjects inside your head (harsh inner critic). You are a good object both internal and external, start treating yourself like it.
@@melaniedamour8934 My BPD partner blameshifts his failures onto me, saying I *cause* his episodes and breaks, make him miss appointments, etc. No, no I don't. That is a persecutory delusion. Overcoming my own BPD in part required me to realize I was failing to Love others as I aught, by failing to acknowledge their goodness, that they would never intentionally drive me to meltdown. The only people who intentionally trigger others are literally people with Cluster B personality disorders... see the irony, the projection here?
I just stumbled upon this channel today, after searching for an answer to the devastation and confusion from the recent end of a 2 year relationship with a Lady I love more than anything... I've been on this channel now for hours because it's finally given me a starting point and some explanation to what I'm enduring lately. Thank you!
I don’t know if I have BPD? Or if I have quiet BPD ?? I never ever go into a rage, I’m never erratic. I cry sometimes and find it difficult to hold back my tears if something sets me off. My sister labeled me to have BPD, she believes I do. But I’m not sure? Wish someone would say yes you do or no you don’t! I want to be diagnosed. Then I would know for sure. I sometimes struggle with my sense of self. I experienced a volatile household growing up, where I learned to make myself small. Also I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. So I don’t know if it’s Complex PTSD? My sister said she thinks I have BPD because I recently started setting boundaries and started to stick up for myself before I would just go along with what people wanted to do, her included. I started cutting people out of my life that were toxic and I chose to live alone. Which really doesn’t go with the separation anxiety of BPD. I think I may have had that when I was younger in relationships, but not now also possibly codependency. I’ve read the list of 8/9 traits and I have 4 possibly 5. Maybe I am on the spectrum?? I am pretty hard on myself, very self critical sometimes, I occasionally go into depressive states and fall in to bad eating habits. I’ve never self harmed but I have had thoughts of suicide before (suicidal ideation’!) I think a lot of people experience that at some point in their life.
You show such a refreshing compassion. It inspires me to have compassion for those diagnosed and/or exhibit traits (so…compassion for myself, too). If you ever feel like sharing-and if sharing doesn’t compromise boundaries-it’d be interesting to hear what inspires you to be generous to folks who go through this. Thank you for this helpful vid! :)
4 out of 5 times you speak I feel your words so hard.extemely. Im just recently at 27 seeking help. I feel like you are saving me from suicide. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. Your words help me understand I need this and am not just being silly.
Keep informing yourself! You will overcome this! I feel I am almost overcoming my BPD after immersing me in information and exercises like this. This channel is the most effective thing I've found.
I'm so thankful for your videos. I was diagnosed fairly young and its been hard to accept my diagnosis because of the stigma. Your videos have helped me understand why I react in the ways I do, and now work to better them.
Thank you so much for making this video, Dr Daniel. I'm a teenager who has been working on my BPD for three years now, and one of the biggest challenges to my growth has been to overcome emotional instability because it has been interfering with my ability to stick to the healthy responses that I've been trying to implement for myself. Yesterday came a point where I was so hopeless towards my progress that I considered giving up. Your video helped me remember how to break down the complex states and make it mentally and emotionally manage my bpd. I'm really thankful for this video, it truly makes me feel understood as a person and gives hope for growth!
Thank you. Much needed! So tired of being everyone's scapegoat because I have this diagnoise. The past 3 weeks I have been indated with insightful moments which are allowing me to build for the first time an authentic picture of my life. For me I have found that historically I was the one who has been manipulated by others. I truly belief that if I had had my diagnoise say in my twenties my whole life journey, experiences would be totally different. I have also learn that self compassion and the ability to put myself first now as really helped with my personal growth and understanding.
I rated everything a hard 10. Thank you for this video, I've been watching a lot of your stuff and learning more than I ever have about my BPD. I was told to my face that now that I'm becoming more self aware that I can control my emotions and impulsiveness and I'm pretty much healed. That stuff still happens all the time in my head and I don't always recognize it, ya know? They don't get that I have to be able to see it before I can deal with it. You're giving me the tools to learn how to and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. PS, I don't see a link to your community, I'd like to check it out.
you are literally saving so many people's lives with your video's. i'm in the middle of a deep spiral, and i've passively watched your video's before to validate my feelings of "i'm 30 and i haven't done anything, but look at all i've overcome" but right now i've gotten to a really good point in my life - but here i am, super depressed during a medication change and i'm feeling completely unhinged and psychosis is kicking in. Watching your video's during my medical leave is incredibly helpful. I've got a LITERAL team of doctors who work with me on my multiple co-mobid mental illnesses, and their not always around to answer the phone at 10pm when i'm feeling that surge of self-preservation! Thank you Dr Fox, you're invaluable to the community you've built on youtube, there are many like me who appreciate your breakdowns and make it feel like there's light at the end of the very very long dark, dank tunnel. x
I’d love to see a video about the positives of bpd especially for those who are pursuing treatment and DBT. I personally when am doing well with my mental health find that my bpd is something that helps me stay motivated, it rules my passion for the work that I do and my goals to help people in the end. I think with treatment bpd is my superpower. Sometimes people with bpd need hope that its not just an illness, that you can live with it and not just be ill.
this would be really helpful for me too. since I've learned about it, I've been so down on myself that I'm "broken" or "damaged" since there's no positive content about BPD.
Overcoming BPD basically makes you a demigod. I have multiple people in my life who literally confess that they believe I'm a supernatural being (angel, divine avatar, the capital G God, etc) because I showed them how to cure their schizoid pd, borderline pd, showed them Love or empathy for the first time, etc, or because they witnessed me doing this for others. I tell my extremely BPD partner that BPD is a demon they conjured from their divine/angelic soul to defend them from monsters. The monsters are gone now, and when he destroys that demon for good, all its power will return to him and he'll sprout angel wings and glow like the sun.
We are definitely not monsters but we do attract to people who also suffer and hence the relationship becomes volitile and unstable to which this is what we trying to avoid. We are not monsters just made out to be when people don't understand
I hate having bpd, its like a tapeworm eating me from the inside and i just wish to bull it out of me and stomp it, it hurts so much to see your family and friends be happy and succed in life while you struggle to even get in a good mood before work, obviously im not jealous but i just wish i could be normal so i can be happy with them, so im not that one friend thats always depressed or that got smth bothering him because sure everyone is supportive at first but after a year people start questioning if youre even trying. Its humiliating to see how ppl around you take risks and struggle with real issues while you cant even get out of your house cause a small bad thing can lead to a whole breakdown. It feels like life is a videogame and everyone got a full functioning controller while you have to play it on a potato with wires. I just wish i could be normal so i can actually be there for people around be that need me but people stopped asking for help months ago because they realized i dont got the capacity to carry their burdens too. Meeting new people is awfull and scary because i have to be carefull that i dont make them into my favorite person or else i develop an unhealthy emotional dependency, its awfull. To have a person in front of you that you like, adore and feel save around but because i got BPD it have to restrain myself to not have too much fun with them its fucking absurd
Hello, your comment was extremely insightful to me as someone who has been dating a pwbpd successfully for four months, without knowing much about bpd. At first, she told me not to look it up. I truly appreciate what you’ve shared here. It’s been more informational towards this condition than anything else I have read on the internet. I know we are just strangers but if there’s a way I could message you with some questions that would help me navigate her bpd and subsequently help her feel more understood I would more than appreciate that!!
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after watching your videos, I can honestly say I have BPD. I've always felt that there was something wrong with me. My anxiety and insomnia has always been uncontrolled even as a child. Then the most horrific thing happened to me that could happen to a parent. I lost my 15 year old twin son in an accident July 2020 and my world is turned upside down. I have so many triggers, it's a wonder I'm still alive. I need help . There's only so much running and exercise I can do.
I'm sorry that happened. Please do not say you have bpd if you aren't diagnosed, though. symptoms of bpd are also symptoms found in depression and anxiety, it could really be anything or even just difficulty regulating emotion with no disorder attatched.
I'll pray for you , gosh I can't imagine what your going thru, I know that sitting and hugging yourself, that hurt part of yourself helps, at least for me. I have no one in my life that understands me at all, I have social anxiety bigtime so no real friends because I don't go out much. So it's just God and myself up here in my quiet recluse. But on days someone comes by like my birth family, and triggers me , I get thru the ok .bye y'all part, then decent into a deep place of pain that's like a bottomless hell. Once I she'd much of the pain , I hug myself, I know it might sound stupid, don't care. I also say to myself what a caring person would say. As if consoling a friend if it was them..what I would say all encouraging words untill I can calm down. I hope it helps you too❣️
I really appreciate your videos, unlike some others ive seen. I feel adequately informed and you really provide me with hope and a sense of understanding. Thank you so much 💜 We arent lost causes, we just have more room for emotional growth and self awareness than some other people.
I can't stop being angry at strangers that show even the tiniest amount of disrespect to me. Someone just beeped at me while driving this morning and I followed them for about 10 minutes beeping my horn back and screaming the most disgusting insults and even racial insults to the person. Once I saw them get on their phone, I drove away and I immediately felt disgusted with myself. I would think someone is insane if I saw that but I'm the one doing it. Something like this happens everyday and I'm afraid I'm going to get in trouble with the police, I know people in public will never stop being rude and it makes me just want to stay in my house so I don't risk fighting.
I’ve had the same issues people today are inconsiderate and rude assholes not our problem but we react wrong with our illness I got to learn that’s that’s humans that’s why plants and animals are my friends 😂
Doc Focs I always feel amazing after watching your videos. But then reality kicks in, I ruin my relationships, I end up alone, in trouble with the law for things I didn't do or people's misperception of me, and then become recluse and waste my youth and talent. I really feel like a lost case but I keep trying. If one day I end myself, at least you prolonged it for a day. And that's saying a lot, as nothing else helps. I despise myself, and I despise myself more when my own loved ones betray me. But it wouldn't be betrayal if it wasn't from loved ones. So if everyone's my enemy, there are no betrayals.
Take courage and maybe some comfort that you are not alone. You are in a space where there are people like you, like me that support each other’s fight towards mental wellness, self compassion and awareness. We V are not monsters and we are not our symptoms or behaviors... no one is. We didn’t choose to be like this anymore than a person choosing to be epileptic... We are all on the human spectrum- and it’s hard and ugly and also remarkably beautiful. And in my stable times- I remember this. I am glad you’re here- please don’t give up.
Get a sweet cat or little non shedding dog! Love is the drug! You will learn unconditional Love for the first time!🌌🕊️💙 Trust me,you'll stop caring & will have an outlet for all the love you have to give. ❣️
My success is that after 5 years of trying to get on Disability and got a part-time job with minimal stress. AHHHHHH-MAZINGGGG!! I had caught of myself as a super controlling person I was in, I found myself doing everything i could to help out. GOOD thing is that now he has his own home taking care of his son and has a full-time job. THESE are the stories that assist in not everyday needs to be met. 100% nailed what I'm going through right now!
@@DrDanielFox Very much so, I gave a copy of the C-BPD to my therapist who is in remission of BPD. Well worth educating the educated ,,,,,, if that makes sense. Be well also.
When I don't know who I am, I put on my heavy metal band shirts and that kind of helps me to attach to an identity. I try to fill my closet with only band shirts so I always have an identity to lean on. I'm a metalhead and I love the music I listen too, and thats a base layer of who I am. Idk if that helps anyone
I had to quit Facebook for a couple years due to impulse to spam extremely emotional and inappropriate things on my wall. I eventually recently made a new account and everything went well for a couple months. Now everybody has abandoned me again due to me going back to the old ways. When I feel suicidal I will go on a careless posting spree saying anything I possibly can to get attention without the police being called. But it only makes me feel more abandoned because nobody says anything. I'm glad to see that nobody interacts with the posts when I wake up because I usually don't feel the same the next day. But in the midst of it, I'm literally imagining committing suicide, ruminating and savoring the idea.
My partner literally posted every suicidal ideation he had for 6 months straight onto public facebook... literally from the date his husband filed for divorce to the day he and I became partners again (we were college sweethearts).
Thank you for the tip about doing the opposite, but I would think I will have hard time with it because I tend to seek validation for my sadness or anger. It is like in that moment, validation is more important than control if that makes any sense.
It makes perfect sense, but we can learn to validate ourselves... it's hard at first but I know the hardest thing I've had to face-- in looking for validation outside me-- is finding the worst people to give it to me and then I'm all kinds of triggered you know what I mean? I personally have a relationship with God that helps me so much and I only concentrate on the positive things he believes about me and I trust my therapist who understands BPD. I have one or two people I can go to but, I got to a point in my life recently where there was NO ONE to validate me, that I could trust. That's what made me have to rely on God and myself and Dr Fox of course. 🤗 I had to stop listening to my mind telling me I "couldn't" or "this won't work" it was the scariest thing in the world... but it has changed me so much❤️
Yes! Such a good observation. I like that someone here says we need to learn to validate ourselves because that feels true and sounds true. But in practice, I just don’t know what that means. I feel estranged from my ego-everything about living feels outside of myself. Sometimes it’s a strength but it’s a terrible Achilles heel when the time comes for you to go to yourself. I only take that as a prolonged dissociation until I can go to another source again 😅
@@susanryan4874 Yeah totally agree with you! It is like you want to validate your own feelings, but you are also used to being invalidated, so part of you do that. In my experience, being conscious of those patterns is key. Wishing you the best
I'm just now seeing these videos after they started showing up in my feed, and I just want to thank you so much for doing them. They are so incredibly helpful. God bless you for taking the time to make and post them. Hopefully other therapists will discover them also and benefit from them. I have never had a therapist provide this type of feedback, and it is truly a lifesaver.
Thank you so much for making all of these videos Dr. Fox. The correct words to express the amount of gratitude I have for you haven't been invented yet that I'm aware of. You give me hope when it's been in seriously short supply for awhile. You're saving lives and relationships, Sir. Lots of them.
Still on a waiting list for BPD therapy, it's been a struggle as long as I can remember and I'm 43 now. Soaking in all information like a sponge but the execution still feels so far out of reach as I'm still not in control. The only thing different now, since my mother's passing, is that physically I've become more active, still depressed "hug my bed" days but got my home decluttered and making goals for a social life. Giving up is not an option anymore, life is too short and for the first time sometimes I actually give a damn about my life. Thank you!
Dr. Fox, Ive learned an incredible new coping skill. It’s nearly impossible to be sad while you’re yodeling, and it’s a great way to release pent up energy. I highly recommend this to others Thank you, your videos also help me cope so much ❤️
The problem with that is that I'm not good at anything even tho I have a lot of interests and then I try do to things and every time it turns out awful and I'm more depressed than before
I think in cases like that, do something that makes you happy. Not numb, happy. It's really hard to remember what makes you happy in those moments so when you're feeling more clear headed, write down everything that cheers you up. That list will help you when you're not okay
Many people who are really good at something had tons of failure, setbacks and discouragement along the way. It helps me to remember that when things I do don't turn out as well as I was hoping. I tried making pottery on a wheel and all I ended up with was a giant mess. The teacher was showing a new student around and as he walked by my lump of clay flew off the wheel. Oops. My bad.
Roberta, I say this not to be annoying but bc it must be said for the record: you are definitely good at many things. But, I do get that feeling of constant failure-been going through that a lot myself. Isn’t it dreadful when it just piles up?? But hey, don’t let failing at something you love to do keep you from doing it. There’s a great line from Silver Linings Playbook: “I’m not that great of a dancer, but who cares-it’s fun and it’s therapy.” And sometimes, your interests/identity can develop regardless of whether or not you do something. Do you like to watch certain movies? That can count as an interest and of course you can succeed at watching a movie. The beauty of no matter what you do is when you “act opposite” is that it will be a gift given to you when you needed it. Period. I am not that good of a singer, despite years of trying to learn how to be. “But who cares-it’s fun and it’s therapy.”
Dr. Fox I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your channel. I was diagnosed with BPD over a year ago and it’s given me so much clarity for the different struggles I’ve had throughout my life. Your videos have helped me understand so much about myself. I purchased your BPD workbook on Amazon and it’s been an amazing tool for me. Thank you 💙
I’m 25 years old and I got diagnosed just over a year ago. It has been extremely difficult and painful and like a lot of people have commented: the worst part is not being understood by anyone. This video really helped me. Also, reading other people’s comments made me feel like I’m not the only one in the world with this illness.
Thank you for your videos. At age 70 and after 5 long term relationships that failed due to the BPD relationship cycle your videos help me feel that even at this late stage in life I might be able to quit beating myself up and achieve control over my crazy reactions to my emotions. I was misdiagnosed as manic or bipolar for 40 years and all the meds they gave me never helped me with my issues. Learning my correct diagnosis has freed me from my confusion, but left me feeling hopeless as to what to do about it. Your videos give me hope. You take this personality disorder seriously and I certainly understand and appreciate all the thought and energy you put into helping us with this life destroying condition.
This was amazing! If they give out awards for episodes, this would be the one! All of the content creators on here made this the best thing on RUclips! And MIMS is the one that got me started on this rabbit hole in the hip hop world. I lived through it, and to hear the behind the scenes truth, is absolutely mind blowing. I always knew there were demons out there causing chaos! So many intense ane unreal stories and the need for justice. Its time for the truth to come to light. Blessings to all the victims, especially that amazing woman. Her strength is inspirational❤🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's always interesting to see how different people interpret things. If only it was that easy, but that would be a place to start. Be well
You are incredibly inspirational!! i had decided owning that i am broken & helpless in my efforts for change, regardless of my endless hours of self searching & affirmations for change & countless hours of anger management, i gave up & adopted self isolation as a means to keep myself from having opportunities to hurt myself & others. Then..,TAH-DAH i stumbled onto your channel. NO WORDS no words adequately describe my gratitude for your work. Thank You is too generic for what i feel. ✨🧙♂️✨
By the end of this video Dr. Fox helped me feel better. My partner was having a BPD episode and today i just wasn’t feeling as strong as I usually do, work has stressed me out recently and i wasn’t my best self to help my partner work through an episode. I always try my best to be there for her but if im being honest there will be somedays where I myself just am not feeling like my best self, i will fall short of being there for her in the way that she needs me.
I really appreciate your videos. I thought I was Bi-Polar for the longest time before I ever heard of BPD. I unfortunately have some covert narcissistic behavior that overlaps but I thought I could change on my own until my recent relationship and life fell apart. I really do appreciate that you offer up this information and the de-stigmatization of those dealing with these disorders.
I love your videos. I appreciate all you do. You make it clear and understandable. You describe exactly how I feel and I use these to help give clarity to those closest to me.
Watching Amber Heard and Johnny Depps case unfold has triggered me. Bringing up all the times I've acted out having no control. Knowing people probably think I'm a horrible person. I'm praying for you whoever you are. My name is Tonia please pray for me too.
This video couldn't have surfaced at a better time for me-I've been wrestling with some stuff lately, and stumbling upon this feels like fate. Massive thanks for putting this out there, even if I know it's an older upload.
I never comment but I just wanted to say how much I love your channel. I just got diagnosed with BPD a month ago after starting therapy to cope with my abusive marriage and it has been a roller coaster of emotions since. I'm 32 now and my symptoms have calmed down a lot, but I can see how much BPD negatively affected me in my 20s, and also how it led to my marriage and current circumstances. I'm so excited to start DBT and break my cycle of immediately jumping into a new romance to distract myself from my inner pain. This comment got long but you've given me hope, thank you so much!
I've been kinda binging these videos the last few days, preparing for an upcoming therapy session. (I haven't been to therapy for a little while because of an issue we've been having but I can finally go back.). Anyway, this one is quite insightful. I approached the assessment from a past lens and a current one. There has been a marked improvement over the last five or six years. This gives me hope for facing whatever it is bubbling below the surface right now, giving me a bit of anxiety. Thank you again for all these videos. It's helping a lot.
Dr Daniel I am in tears because you just did more for me in 18 minutes than years and years of therapy. My mind is blown I am buying your books now. I cannot put into words how much this video helped me.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad that my video was able to help you in such a profound way. It's amazing to hear that I made a positive impact on your life.
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
I love you! I just received your workbook on Bpd and Today I finished the first two chapters. I feel so excited to learn more about how my brain works! Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for devoting your career to helping bpd people. Your videos have helped me so much. I’ve sent several videos to my counselor. Im trying to work through your workbook. Thank you again Dr. Fox. I pray that God blesses you.
Thank you for being kind and patient. I don’t see a lot of resources for people with bpd with the intention of helping, it’s mostly negative and telling people how to spot and avoid us
I am 100% BPD and I appreciate your videos so much. I was just in the hospital though and they said I also had severe reoccurring major depression with psychotic features. Last year at the hospital they added schizoeffective bipolar to my bpd too. And I’m a big ol’ 5 all the way through. My urges are almost always exacerbated when I find a boyfriend and develops feelings for him. My parents can trigger me sometimes but when I have a boyfriend and feel love for him, my stability is out the window.
BPD isn't who you are, that's the hardest thing to grasp sometimes. It's a reaction to the environment and helped you survive and cope when you needed it. I think that while it's important to recognize and disentangle from it now that it's no longer necessary, it's also important to be grateful for it as it's all you had at the time. Think of yourself as a seed that never got the nurturance it needed and now it's safe to accept that nurturance and grow. Easier said but that's what it is.
Katie, your comment is actually really really helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏼
❤
Great insight, thank you
Thank you.:)
Not if it's still not safe
the worst part about bpd is when people can’t understand it. that loneliness of feeling like you’re saying words but nobody really gets what you’re saying- especially in a society that tends to romanticize mental illness- your education on the disorder shows because you put my exact thoughts into words and your videos are the only thing i feel i can really turn to when i’m confused by myself
I came out to my grams and uncle and they both told me im crazy for thinking im crazy. I figured i stop controlling the tempest. they took me seriously.
Pussy makes everyone feel better... who cares if it's a band aid, it's better than a pill buffet!
I am so grateful for these videos. I also watch alot of Dr Berg on nutrition.
This is true of both parties. I've been dating a girl with quiet bpd, who I genuinely love, but I literally wouldn't sleep for days on end trying to understand what was happening and how such a rational person could be so upset about such a trivial event... its so helpful to recognize these disproportionate emotional irregularities as part of bpd, because otherwise it could drive you insane tryin to loce them...
@@dynomantar9733 for sure is helpful on the other side! i also have quiet bpd, and i’ve watched the people in my life struggle to understand me as well. Good on you for trying to understand her. It’s draining for both parties, no doubt, but i’m sure she’s very grateful to have somebody who’s even watching these videos and trying to understand her better. best of luck to you both🖤
We aren't monsters. We are just scared. Thank you, this helped me a lot. I will try acting opposite with my partner and hopefully it will help him too.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
My daughter, when she was 7, after a blow up fight we had, wrote me a note (in marker) that said "I'm sorry I'm being mean, I'm just sad".
This i keep saying. I'm not a monster. This is not who i am. But i also want to be accountable for repeat behaviors.
Then why do people treat me like in a monster...
@@biolife3274absolutely!!! I need to be held accountable and im very aware of that !!!❤🇦🇺
As someone with bpd, this almost made me cry. You get it. We're not monsters like people think, we're just scared and need help to grow and manage our personality disorder and heal what caused it to develop.
I’m so glad you found the video helpful
Are we actually viewed as monsters? This makes me feel worse about it. How do I look normal?
Obviously those w BPD are human beings, but when the rage gets out of control it often appears monstrous and incredibly damaging to recipients. It becomes hostile and abusive. It is this destructive, hyper-intense rage that appears other-than-human to the recipients. It is important to think about the consequences of mental illness. No doubt it is very hard to deal with from the standpoint of the person with BPD.
This is very true i just scheduled my call to get a disorder diagnoses, its an overwhelming feeling of looking back and remembering things that may have played a huge role in my life today.
@@theshumanat0r537Yes im also views as crazy and need to go to a mental home. These are things my kids dad “ ex husband “has always said to me and still says.
if i could simply "act opposite" when having a meltdown i hardly think i would be in this position
Feel the same way ngl lol
requires practice and work and finding the thing that helps catch you when you're spiraling. healthy pattern of thought includes challenging yourself, in moments of distress. it's why we're taught dbt lol, to help us tolerate stress and, eventually be able to have an easier time dismissing the intense reactions that plague us.
@@k1ngofgh0sts and when practiced it needs to be with someone besides your narcissist!
My issue
the most bpd crap thing I read in the comments here. you're not the victim - the people in your life who suffer from your "meltdowns" and poor choices are.
I wish I could stop myself from hurting myself all the time
It honestly amazes me how someone can understand something this deeply. Thank you so much for what you do!
He is amazing i just love these videos, ive got such empathy for misunderstood people due to my bpd 💙
How do I identify if my emotions are justified?
There's usually always a big part of me that's telling me "You're just being dramatic and attention seeking" or "you have no right to ask for this in a relationship, this is inapropriately much"
I know I am kinda gaslighting myself. But I genuinely never understand when my feelings are justified and I tend to just "swallow" them and back off and then I get angry at myself...
You’re not alone...I struggle with this too
Would like to know, too
Yeah I can't tell what's real or not sometimes.
Oh gosh. I deal with this every day. I always have to ask my husband or closest friends if I am being incredibly out of line for being upset. I will say, I do see things quite differently from others and my high moral compass gets me in trouble. I do have a lot of work to do, but I am also realizing that I had A LOT of manipulation going on around me too. They certainly weren't helping my triggers.
I feel the same. Sometimes my partner will use harsh language and it can be hard not getting triggered basically. I've asked him to think about the way he says things and now I just pick apart stuff. - sigh - I'm not even sure where this is coming from
I normally have 3 triggers so far: Injustice, ptsd kicking in the sense of total loss, seeing myself as a failure... I start to get flammable and a seething rage boils inside me, rage towards me and everything else... I start being passive aggressive and then I start to feel the urge to rage quit, to destroy it all, to burn it all down... it is intense, last for weeks... but I do my best to control the dragons, so that I don't hurt people I care about or take a reckless decision. This rage permeates my sleep and I can go to sleep and wake up with a lot of anger... a lot of energy bottled up.. I start feeling hate about everything that I like and tend to destroy it... delete books and notes out of anger, destroying any art piece that I have done by shredding it to pieces, etc. Any spark can cause an explosion. For me, loneliness is not a trigger but the feeling of loss (identity, material, personal...), that feeling of doom that all has been lost... it leaves my guts done for... stress tends to multiply the frequency of these triggers. But I hide it... it drains me... but it will start to be noticeable, specially the passive aggressive responses... the keen observation to every little thing that ppl do or say, etc...
Ugh I relate to this and I hate that 😢
You wrote this so perfectly... I've deleted a 30,000 word book because I felt like no-one will care about it anyway.
I just get so mad that people's lives have just gone-on without me after they've completely screwed me and abandoned me... and; somehow, I have to be the "bigger person" and not seek justice. Drives me craaaazy 😵
@@JaiYangAU Theses no justice for the emotional damage and the trust they take and use against others. Realizing they are a piece of humanity that missed the lesson.
O-o-o! Injustice that's one I sure can't stand
You have a parent who tells you continually that you're not a good person. You pass those years thinking about the time when you'll be a grown up and things will be wonderful. You live on hope but by the time you reach adulthood you're hurting badly. You don't seem to fit in. You don't know how to act. But you learn over time how to put a good face on everything and how to be a responsible person and the opposite kind of person than that wrathful parent. For the most part the world couldn't even guess about the hurt you feel almost all the time. You watch the videos talking about different types of mental illness and when it comes to the BPD one you see yourself described there so perfectly that you find yourself weeping uncontrollably for a few minutes before you pull it all together again. Worse, the symptoms are described most of the time in such a painfully negative way that your heart screams out, Please God, don't let that be me. I don't want to be that person!
Over decades you come to realize that you just don't know how to make good relationships and so you start to keep the opposite sex at arms length. You choose the sort of companion who won't form an attachment to you or anyone else for that matter. You think that'll make it manageable. But it doesn't. It just keeps reinforcing the hurt. You don't want to get attached to anyone because you might get too attached, like that fear of abandonment thing you've heard about. You've experienced it plenty even before you ran across it as a "symptom" by medical people that will never see you as anything more than just a diagnosis, this and that a mental illness spectrum of screwed up thinking.
It's a lonely life. You end up still putting a good face on things and looking back and just wishing things could have been different. You feel a deep sense of loss because you know what you've missed. Yep, spend enough time doing that and you'll run out of time entirely. Ask me. I'm in my 70s - almost there.
Wow. You expressed what is in my mind and the fears that lurk in my heart. It is never to late- I believe that- I have to. I am so thankful that you shared .
Thank you I am sending you love.
@@happylindsay4475 love right back at you! You've got a lot of time ahead of you. Do what you have to do now to learn to love yourself and to learn to see that you really are valuable. You've got a right to expect good things. Love others enough to let them be themselves, even those partners that may choose to walk away. They have that right, just as we do, to stop a relationship which isn't fulfilling. Set good boundaries and make sure that one of those boundaries is one which you set for yourself. That boundary should be that you won't allow yourself to have a relationship with someone who's a user. Make sure they are a really good person that is well balanced and trustworthy and who wants a long-term relationship and not just a sexual fling. We BPD can feel so lonely that will settle for far less than we should. Shame on us if we don't stop that! We are way powerful people because we've been through a lot and tho we still have stuff to work through we have survived much and still have joy inside of us!
Even though I'm old and there's just not enough time left for what I like to do I'm going to keep trying and not stop learning. Dr Fox's exceptional. He recognizes and acknowledges we have many good qualities. We've earned the right to be proud of ourselves because not any of it came easy. More importantly, it confirms that we are capable of making the changes that we need to! Heck, we've already done a lot of the work.
@@charlysteenstevens9314 Your response brought tears to my eyes. The fact that you reached out, and shared your life experiences with me gives me hope. You really touched me- thank you. Your life and experiences matter. Sending you love, peace and days- moments filled with joy.
Thank you so much
❤ a really giant hug for you. You're not alone. I promise. We can do it together
Did you try the therapy he talks about ?
I had a massive meltdown yesterday, I am still weak and shaky today. I am finding your videos very helpful.
I’m so glad they’re helpful. Be well
Wonder how the recipient felt...
@pjgarret7653 a lot of u clowns who sit around telling people hpw awful they are with their bpd themselves suffer from undiagnosed disorders and are in denial . So relax . Don't have to ask the guy about the recipient . Ur no psychiatrist and u irself are a helluva gaslighter.
Me too. I had one so bad I hurt my neck and broke my glasses and now I just feel embarrassed.
I was diagnosed with BPD recently. I finally can stop asking "What is wrong with me?". I can finally see why I am so NICE to the detriment of my own mental well being. I am too nice to people that treat me so terribly. I am too sensitive to people comments. I can now see why I would have outbursts only to follow with apologies... I am just coming out of a 4 day panic attack and I am hoping I can learn how to get some control back.
I am getting such a late diagnosis for the bpd I've known I've had for years now but I just never spoke up because I convinced myself nobody would believe me and that I'm just a horrible person that needs to be sent to a ward to isolate and to keep myself and others safe from me. My ptsd was battling so hard with my bpd that I just couldn't stay quiet anymore so now I'm able to finally admit I have bpd and want it treated...but now I have nobody here to diagnose me and get me the help I need. It hurts so badly but I am trying to keep going until the day I finally can receive help for it. Keep pushing ❤
Most of the time I think u are the only one that understands me, without making me like I'm a horrible person, wife and mother.
I think people sometimes don't have patience these days and forget that people are often hurting on the side. You are not horrible. I promise. You make mistakes but you are not horrible
You aren't babes, it's so hard, and it's not our fault we have this shit. You are doing all you can by being here, I also hear Dialectic behavioral therapy is the thing to do to really beat this, I'm waiting to get my insurance so I can go get help. Keep your head up and keep finding strategies and things to help kick you back over into rational mind, I'm going to enlist my bfs help, I need help you need it too and I'm here to support you, you aren't alone and nor am I, we have to remember this, we have to remember that it's not our fault but it is our responsibility to take control of it and not hurt the ones we love because of it.
I haven’t started therapy yet, but I sort of trained myself. Whenever I find myself having negative thoughts, whether it be my relationship or myself- I feel the urge to lash out. Instead of doing that, I make myself think about things that I enjoy. Like Halo, 40k, my dog, maybe what I want to cook for that night. I sort of psychologically drag myself away from emotional self-harm (and hurting others). If that makes sense.
Great strategy.
Thinking about positive things will definitely override negative thoughts also try taking a few seconds to process your thoughts before responding so you don’t say something negative that helps too that’s what I do I just started therapy for BPD
Sending love your way ❤
😊I really your thinking on this! Do I have BPD?... I dont know, but I plan on doing this very thing myself, next time it happens, which has been too often! You put it into words that I can understand. I am slowly seeing just a little part of myself that I kind of like, and I need to remember that feeling as well. I think I can take control too. I think you've started to train yourself very well! Best of luck with your therapy, I wish you the best!
You're learning to control your thoughts and this is extremely beneficial. Everyone should work on it, BPD or not.
I think I have something to add to this discussion. I'm 77 years old ... "young." I had this diagnosis when I was 22 years old. I never knew that I had it until I saw a "counselor" in my sixties who told me. I had noticed that I had gotten "strange" treatment from some health care professionals and attorneys. I never knew why. I hate labels and think they should be done away with. The damage they do to a person's self-esteem and quality of life is never-ending. I would, at least, like to see this label re-worded. I, also, dislike the word "disorder." It is not a disorder. It is a normal reactive process to help people cope with trauma. I can think of a few labels I would like to slap on the guy who gave me this label which made my life much harder than it should have been. Hold your heads up high...you are a survivor and have great depth as a result. I have a heart of gold, and my life's calling has been humane work with animals....no doubt because they have no voice, just as I had no voice. It has been my way of making the world a kinder place.
You understand me, I understand you.
I miss my dog.
I agree about the labels however we need words for things so don't think it is labeled just think of it as a words to help us communicate ideas!
Also omg the attorneys & therapists... I've had the same experience a lot of them ATE actually narcissists [even dr. phil said this] might be why you didn't leave fire them when you met! I Imagine the therapist or attorney started the session by trauma bonding you in their own special way get their clients hooked.
If you really have BPD, you would realize that it does in fact leave one's life in disorder. It is labeled as such bc it is not optimal for a functioning life.
It is a “disorder”, the effect it has on a person and life is not in order if a healthy normal person who had a healthy normal upbringing. You are not your disorder you HAVE a disorder. If you identify too closely with that there is no hope of relief
I recently introduced you, and the dbt workbook, to my son...who is facing legal consequences for a violent action. He hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but can easily list off all the traits he has.
I can't predict the future, but I can say that your vids draw him in, unlike other vids he has watched over the years, looking for answers. He is also really liking the workbook.
It is also a great help that I, someone who loves someone with (maybe) BPD, also watches your vids. My son and I were talking the other day, and his body movements showed that he was becoming anxious. I said something like, "It looks like you may be feeling anxious. We should take a break. It can be three minutes, or a week, or a year...let's watch a funny vid". He just chuckled and relaxed pretty quickly. He had also watched that vid, lol.
Thank you for helping those with mental conditions, and the ones who care about them.
I wish both you and your son the best- the response you gave him- showing compassion, empathy and a separation from his emotions reflecting/mirroring a calm concern is really helpful. I feel seen and it instantly calms my inner child.
Again wishing the very best for both of you.
this is so beautiful, I’m glad he has someone like you in his life. wish you both the best, and a healthy journey together
Not self attacking is one of the hardest parts of this.
If this video brings u to justified tears; I love u. If it doesn’t I love u too. 🥰#growth
This was exceptional!! Just yesterday I allowed my urges to overpower me. I have been helping others in little random ways of kindness. I’ve also manage my BPD with prayer and bible study workbooks. And I collect American Girl dolls and so I make sure I play each day. I enjoy anything outside because for me it’s hard to be intensely upset when you’re under the sky or near trees. I do hold guilt and shame when I slip into old habits. And lately I’ve been suffering with nightmares and then that leads me into depressive states for the next day. I’m facing empty nest with my daughter leaving for college, so being a widow I dread the lonely life. I get so weary but my faith and motivation do kick in so I can enjoy my life in the here and now. Thank you Dr Fox. I would travel to Texas for your therapy!!! You are tops!!!!
Don't quit the Bible study!
I think a good way to lessen the damage of splits/the intensity of splits is when you start feeling that bubbling up sensation before splits, you usually dissociate, right? So try to use that to your advantage. If you were a person externally and sees this person who is filled with great frustration ,dissappointment and fear that's bubbling up into a fit of rage, wouldn't you want to step in and give that person some compassion? Then why wouldn't you deserve the same? Give yourself the compassion you want.
You will most probably get the compassion externally too, later, but for now, for the moment you are in right now, give yourself that compassion, to get some bearing. Cause tbh if you aren't grounded enough, no external validation will be able to calm the storm, regardless of how much we wish it would, and hey I know it's hard but don't worry, it doesnt mean external validation will be close to ineffective, not at all! It will still be special and will still give you that warm feeling but in order for it to work you need to make sure you are more grounded and futher away from the split first. ❤ good luck, everyone!
That's a very kind suggestion. I believe in self-compassion as well.
Thank you, that's very sweet of you.
And I agree
I don’t want to control anymore I just want to take meds to do it for me. I’m tired!
Self reflection, self realization, self acceptance, self love, and self regulation are key components to becoming a truer self. Every human has room to grow, and the answers are within. Love u all
I feel like you are an old friend to me. TY for everything you doing as usual.. it just help me alot to understand myself threw those crisis
The part about assertiveness and appropriate responses to things really connected. My boss is a piece of work that I used to talk to my therapist about all the time. She used to make me so angry and want to quit and I felt miserable, but now suddenly I'm the only person that is calm and collected and assertive with her. It feels good to see this type of growth in myself. Once I gain confidence I'm my abilies and skills, I was able to view her behavior more objectively, and understand that her behavior was not a reflection of what I was doing wrong. I am able to look outside of myself so that I can advocate for myself.
I feel so ashamed to have BPD. I acted out wrong in the past in certain situations that I am not proud of. I never thought I would end up doing it. I would love to had someone to be able to hear me out than yelling at me for how I reacted. Listen to my thoughts and feelings during the time than shaming me. It would help me out to feel heard of. I keep telling myself that I'm no monster, because I said sorry after for my behavior. Although, I was talking to people who are toxic by being manipulative, gaslighting, etc. I found myself acting out like them. I keep telling myself that I'm no monster. I am caring and I said nice things to those people who I reacted poorly. It's sad how people think I'm like a crazy person, etc. without understanding my emotions. Those certain situations, I hate talking about it, I always find myself crying. I don't feel proud of it. I don't want people to hold that "mistake" against me. I want to be viewed as someone is not "mental".
When people tell me "I need help", It's not the best to tell someone that. I want to be normal. While at times, people can be toxic and say things towards the victim to try to lower their self-esteem to make them feel like they are doing things wrong when the toxic person done stuff wrong but pushing the blame onto the victim.
I'm proud of myself today. I learned better ways to communicate. I still have work to do. My folks never taught me it. It can be very hard when the people that you are living with, it can be very stressful when my feelings feel invalidate a lot / it can feel like abuse at times. Somethings are wrong. As much I said, "I would like a minute to cool down." , it was overwhelming when 2 parents yelling at me, so I wanted them to stop as well. They didn't respect it. They continued to yell at me. It was getting overwhelming for me to be around. I explained to them "I need a safe place to express myself" in a calm voice. My mom said, "No excuses" "You're a baby" , My dad continues to yell at me. I did not want to be around it. I didn't say anything but start getting dressed to go outside. As I head to the door to the garage, as I opened it, my dad slammed it. I started crying. I yelled, LEAVE ME ALONE. I didn't do anything wrong. I just was standing there crying. My dad mentioned about "If mom and I called the cops, we would WIN." I was confused.
Or like when the cop come out here to do a wellness check, when he left, my mom started to yell at me. I was not doing anything wrong. I was hoping she would be calm and try to understand how I feel. I feel it isn't right for a parent to yell at their child when they are depressed. It's hard when my mom explodes very easy and yells a lot. It can be very hard to feel supported when she goes off like that. Then when I was standing there and crying, she talked about calling the cops on me. I was like, "Why?" with tears running down my face. I wasn't acting out of control. I wanted her to stop yelling at me and shaming me.
I don't mean to dump all this emotional stuff out. It's hurtful memories.
This is horrible. You are wonderful. I hope your parents grow the f+ck up and get their karma in THIS life and I hope you are there to witness it so YOU can have justice.
She's a cluster B covert, psychopath! A sadist. Your getting gaslighted,! Heartbreaking! Please get a therapist & keep a journal.! That's what law enforcement tells victims of domestic violence! You need to time stamp their fuckery. Better yet covertly tape them on your phone. So you have proof,your not " CRAZY"! I had to cut out many family members,siblings,father,Aunts,etc! They're great chameleons in public,monsters behind closed doors. Jekyll & Hydes🎭
Nothing has given me more hope for recovery than you and your videos dr fox. Every time I have a wobble or am near relapse I watch your videos over again. I’ve just completed 2 years of DBT and ready to do it alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do to dedicate yourself to helping us. I have your workbook too !
I'm so glad they're helpful. I wish you well.
Urges. Perfect word. I exercise every day to help stave off my urges to be self destructive.
Here's my tip that might help (that has helped me): you don't have to immediately go all the way with the "act opposite" -thing. You can take it in steps. Like I used to eat really unhealthy if I felt stressed, so often now I ask myself: can you think of ANY food that would be tasty but not unhealthy? Usually when I take a moment and think, i can come up with something. Today I felt like eating those instant noodles, i was feeling a bit exhausted, but took a moment to think and chose whole-wheat noodles and shrimp. So ended up eating a warm meal that i cooked myself, that was tasty and not unhealthy. So you don't have to go from noodles to just eating salad, you can just start with changing up the noodles and go from fast food to cooking it yourself. :) Wow, I'm talking about these noodles a lot. My point is: when you make a change, take it easy, use your imagination and be gentle to yourself.
Thanks for your comment. Be well.
Small self love step for a man, a big step for the human race
What I hate the most is becoming 10000 percent interested in something and then, poof, not at all, feeling confident and insecure at the same time, assured and unassured at the same time, feeling like an emotional peacock, these are the things I hate the most. Oh, and I hate you, don't leave me, just like the book was called.
Yep 💯
I don't have BPD, that I know, but I have issues with emotional reactivity, ego dystonia and rumination. I have gone through DBT and loved it. I tend to internalize direct and indirect criticism. I find that when I can view events from a detached (not disassociated) perspective, I can usually remain calm and controlled. Good quality sleep and reducing or diffusing conflicts are the best medicine for me. Staying calm and relaxed and short-circuiting self-doubt and rumination also helps. I know what it feels like to feel out of balance, but staying active and maintaining calmness and self-care work best for me. Walks in the park help too. Everything is an experience and an opportunity to learn. GL 🙏
At the moment, I am suffering from very intense BPD episodes. Interestingly, I’ve had this disorder since childhood, but I only found out about it yesterday because in Lithuania, it’s not well-known what it is. Since I was 14, I’ve been treated for severe depression and had many therapists who didn’t know how to help me, so they refused to work with me. All this time, I thought I was crazy and impossible to cure because my impulses are extremely strong and uncontrollable. Only now have I gained hope that I can manage it. I’m not crazy, and I can overcome this because the most important thing is that I know what the problem is and how to fight it. And thank you for this video, where I found tools to start.
I wish you could be my psychiatrist. I am having one of those terrifying BPD days and I always come here to get information, and you naturally give me comfort and sometimes a little side smile. Thank you for making your content, I truly believe you can save many lives - and already did.
I'm having a really rough go of it right now, I'm 37, been dealing with this my entire life. Your videos and how you speak about us truly helps me and I am grateful for that 🙏
Your videos and workbook have been helping me out. Thank you for your non-judgmental nature. Nobody would ever think I have BPD because a lot of mine is internal, but that doesn't mean it's any easier.
You're welcome. I'm so glad it was helpful. I wish you well.
Thank you so much for pointing out that you need to be assertive, and that BPD encourages maladaptive behavior. I feel like a lot of my outbursts come from not knowing how to assertively express my anger. The anger is not the problem (many times it is justified) the maladaptive behavior is, expressing that anger in unhealthy ways is.
This video was actually helpful. I'm not used to that. And thank you for fighting against the stigma of this disorder.
I giggled with the “talk greasy”. Currently in an emotional state and listening to your videos is really helping me cope.
My ex used to trigger me constantly.... If he wanted to set me fully off to self harm.. He would call me fat and mental. Its so hard to bite the tongue. I do love these videos.. So nice to not feel attacked for it. I know I've said some regretful things... Sorry is never enough. I will be watching and ordering the work book tomorrow. Day by day.
I'm not this awful person.. I deserve some happiness.
I understand. My mother is an expert at triggering me. And seems to enjoy going out of her way to encourage me to meltdown, and feel horrible about myself. And then I always get made to feel like the bad one, and made to to feel ashamed of myself. It's horrible to have to be around someone who makes you feel like this. And who knows exactly how to push you to the extreme, and takes zero responsibility. It takes so much effort to try and hold it together
You guys are making the mistake of letting your environment define you. Set a personal boundary with yourself that your not going to internalise other peoples voices. Tell yourself that you are going to define you from now on. What you are doing is handing over your ego functions to other people. What horrible shit that comes out of other peoples mouths say all you need to know about them. Silence the negative introjects inside your head (harsh inner critic). You are a good object both internal and external, start treating yourself like it.
@@bentosan If it was that simple we would have done that .
@@melaniedamour8934 My BPD partner blameshifts his failures onto me, saying I *cause* his episodes and breaks, make him miss appointments, etc.
No, no I don't. That is a persecutory delusion. Overcoming my own BPD in part required me to realize I was failing to Love others as I aught, by failing to acknowledge their goodness, that they would never intentionally drive me to meltdown. The only people who intentionally trigger others are literally people with Cluster B personality disorders... see the irony, the projection here?
I just stumbled upon this channel today, after searching for an answer to the devastation and confusion from the recent end of a 2 year relationship with a Lady I love more than anything... I've been on this channel now for hours because it's finally given me a starting point and some explanation to what I'm enduring lately. Thank you!
I'm glad you found some comfort and guidance here during this tough time.
I don’t know if I have BPD? Or if I have quiet BPD ?? I never ever go into a rage, I’m never erratic. I cry sometimes and find it difficult to hold back my tears if something sets me off. My sister labeled me to have BPD, she believes I do. But I’m not sure? Wish someone would say yes you do or no you don’t! I want to be diagnosed. Then I would know for sure. I sometimes struggle with my sense of self. I experienced a volatile household growing up, where I learned to make myself small. Also I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. So I don’t know if it’s Complex PTSD? My sister said she thinks I have BPD because I recently started setting boundaries and started to stick up for myself before I would just go along with what people wanted to do, her included. I started cutting people out of my life that were toxic and I chose to live alone. Which really doesn’t go with the separation anxiety of BPD. I think I may have had that when I was younger in relationships, but not now also possibly codependency. I’ve read the list of 8/9 traits and I have 4 possibly 5. Maybe I am on the spectrum?? I am pretty hard on myself, very self critical sometimes, I occasionally go into depressive states and fall in to bad eating habits. I’ve never self harmed but I have had thoughts of suicide before (suicidal ideation’!) I think a lot of people experience that at some point in their life.
You show such a refreshing compassion. It inspires me to have compassion for those diagnosed and/or exhibit traits (so…compassion for myself, too). If you ever feel like sharing-and if sharing doesn’t compromise boundaries-it’d be interesting to hear what inspires you to be generous to folks who go through this. Thank you for this helpful vid! :)
You got BPD?
4 out of 5 times you speak I feel your words so hard.extemely. Im just recently at 27 seeking help. I feel like you are saving me from suicide. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. Your words help me understand I need this and am not just being silly.
Keep informing yourself! You will overcome this! I feel I am almost overcoming my BPD after immersing me in information and exercises like this. This channel is the most effective thing I've found.
Glad you're getting the help you need, as you are worth it! Dr. Fox and his channel have helped me so much, too.
I'm so thankful for your videos. I was diagnosed fairly young and its been hard to accept my diagnosis because of the stigma. Your videos have helped me understand why I react in the ways I do, and now work to better them.
Thank you so much for making this video, Dr Daniel. I'm a teenager who has been working on my BPD for three years now, and one of the biggest challenges to my growth has been to overcome emotional instability because it has been interfering with my ability to stick to the healthy responses that I've been trying to implement for myself. Yesterday came a point where I was so hopeless towards my progress that I considered giving up. Your video helped me remember how to break down the complex states and make it mentally and emotionally manage my bpd. I'm really thankful for this video, it truly makes me feel understood as a person and gives hope for growth!
Thank you. Much needed!
So tired of being everyone's scapegoat because I have this diagnoise. The past 3 weeks I have been indated with insightful moments which are allowing me to build for the first time an authentic picture of my life. For me I have found that historically I was the one who has been manipulated by others. I truly belief that if I had had my diagnoise say in my twenties my whole life journey, experiences would be totally different. I have also learn that self compassion and the ability to put myself first now as really helped with my personal growth and understanding.
He speaks on mental health subjects the best I have ever heard. He mentions emotions and details them more in-depth than most people
So much appreciation for yr videos, I score so highly and I'm really a mess but understanding myself and my maladaptive behaviours s is such a relief
Be kind to yourself. Compassion instead of condemnation ♥️
I rated everything a hard 10. Thank you for this video, I've been watching a lot of your stuff and learning more than I ever have about my BPD. I was told to my face that now that I'm becoming more self aware that I can control my emotions and impulsiveness and I'm pretty much healed. That stuff still happens all the time in my head and I don't always recognize it, ya know? They don't get that I have to be able to see it before I can deal with it. You're giving me the tools to learn how to and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. PS, I don't see a link to your community, I'd like to check it out.
A lot of my anxiety comes from being dependent upon someone else because I became unable to care for myself and I chased everyone away
I do it all the time I find people hurtful and rude🎈
you are literally saving so many people's lives with your video's. i'm in the middle of a deep spiral, and i've passively watched your video's before to validate my feelings of "i'm 30 and i haven't done anything, but look at all i've overcome" but right now i've gotten to a really good point in my life - but here i am, super depressed during a medication change and i'm feeling completely unhinged and psychosis is kicking in.
Watching your video's during my medical leave is incredibly helpful. I've got a LITERAL team of doctors who work with me on my multiple co-mobid mental illnesses, and their not always around to answer the phone at 10pm when i'm feeling that surge of self-preservation!
Thank you Dr Fox, you're invaluable to the community you've built on youtube, there are many like me who appreciate your breakdowns and make it feel like there's light at the end of the very very long dark, dank tunnel. x
I’d love to see a video about the positives of bpd especially for those who are pursuing treatment and DBT. I personally when am doing well with my mental health find that my bpd is something that helps me stay motivated, it rules my passion for the work that I do and my goals to help people in the end. I think with treatment bpd is my superpower. Sometimes people with bpd need hope that its not just an illness, that you can live with it and not just be ill.
Yes, I would love a video about this as well! 😊
this would be really helpful for me too. since I've learned about it, I've been so down on myself that I'm "broken" or "damaged" since there's no positive content about BPD.
Overcoming BPD basically makes you a demigod. I have multiple people in my life who literally confess that they believe I'm a supernatural being (angel, divine avatar, the capital G God, etc) because I showed them how to cure their schizoid pd, borderline pd, showed them Love or empathy for the first time, etc, or because they witnessed me doing this for others.
I tell my extremely BPD partner that BPD is a demon they conjured from their divine/angelic soul to defend them from monsters. The monsters are gone now, and when he destroys that demon for good, all its power will return to him and he'll sprout angel wings and glow like the sun.
We are definitely not monsters but we do attract to people who also suffer and hence the relationship becomes volitile and unstable to which this is what we trying to avoid. We are not monsters just made out to be when people don't understand
I hate having bpd, its like a tapeworm eating me from the inside and i just wish to bull it out of me and stomp it, it hurts so much to see your family and friends be happy and succed in life while you struggle to even get in a good mood before work, obviously im not jealous but i just wish i could be normal so i can be happy with them, so im not that one friend thats always depressed or that got smth bothering him because sure everyone is supportive at first but after a year people start questioning if youre even trying. Its humiliating to see how ppl around you take risks and struggle with real issues while you cant even get out of your house cause a small bad thing can lead to a whole breakdown. It feels like life is a videogame and everyone got a full functioning controller while you have to play it on a potato with wires. I just wish i could be normal so i can actually be there for people around be that need me but people stopped asking for help months ago because they realized i dont got the capacity to carry their burdens too. Meeting new people is awfull and scary because i have to be carefull that i dont make them into my favorite person or else i develop an unhealthy emotional dependency, its awfull. To have a person in front of you that you like, adore and feel save around but because i got BPD it have to restrain myself to not have too much fun with them its fucking absurd
Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable. Your words are powerful.
Hello, your comment was extremely insightful to me as someone who has been dating a pwbpd successfully for four months, without knowing much about bpd. At first, she told me not to look it up. I truly appreciate what you’ve shared here. It’s been more informational towards this condition than anything else I have read on the internet. I know we are just strangers but if there’s a way I could message you with some questions that would help me navigate her bpd and subsequently help her feel more understood I would more than appreciate that!!
I'll be the one with the " this could not come at a better time" type of comment on this video. Thank you!
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after watching your videos, I can honestly say I have BPD. I've always felt that there was something wrong with me. My anxiety and insomnia has always been uncontrolled even as a child. Then the most horrific thing happened to me that could happen to a parent. I lost my 15 year old twin son in an accident July 2020 and my world is turned upside down. I have so many triggers, it's a wonder I'm still alive. I need help . There's only so much running and exercise I can do.
Sending you prayers and love to you and your family.
I’m so very sorry for this unimaginable loss. I’m praying for you. 🙏❤️🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss 😔💔. For your family's loss.
I'm sorry that happened. Please do not say you have bpd if you aren't diagnosed, though. symptoms of bpd are also symptoms found in depression and anxiety, it could really be anything or even just difficulty regulating emotion with no disorder attatched.
I'll pray for you , gosh I can't imagine what your going thru, I know that sitting and hugging yourself, that hurt part of yourself helps, at least for me. I have no one in my life that understands me at all, I have social anxiety bigtime so no real friends because I don't go out much. So it's just God and myself up here in my quiet recluse. But on days someone comes by like my birth family, and triggers me , I get thru the ok .bye y'all part, then decent into a deep place of pain that's like a bottomless hell. Once I she'd much of the pain , I hug myself, I know it might sound stupid, don't care. I also say to myself what a caring person would say. As if consoling a friend if it was them..what I would say all encouraging words untill I can calm down. I hope it helps you too❣️
you do not understand how grateful i am for this human.
Thank you
I really appreciate your videos, unlike some others ive seen. I feel adequately informed and you really provide me with hope and a sense of understanding. Thank you so much 💜
We arent lost causes, we just have more room for emotional growth and self awareness than some other people.
Excited for this video, could really use it right now
I can't stop being angry at strangers that show even the tiniest amount of disrespect to me. Someone just beeped at me while driving this morning and I followed them for about 10 minutes beeping my horn back and screaming the most disgusting insults and even racial insults to the person. Once I saw them get on their phone, I drove away and I immediately felt disgusted with myself. I would think someone is insane if I saw that but I'm the one doing it. Something like this happens everyday and I'm afraid I'm going to get in trouble with the police, I know people in public will never stop being rude and it makes me just want to stay in my house so I don't risk fighting.
I’ve had the same issues people today are inconsiderate and rude assholes not our problem but we react wrong with our illness I got to learn that’s that’s humans that’s why plants and animals are my friends 😂
Thank you for these videos, you're really helping me
I love his speech pattern. It makes it user friendly for the lay person.
Doc Focs I always feel amazing after watching your videos. But then reality kicks in, I ruin my relationships, I end up alone, in trouble with the law for things I didn't do or people's misperception of me, and then become recluse and waste my youth and talent.
I really feel like a lost case but I keep trying.
If one day I end myself, at least you prolonged it for a day. And that's saying a lot, as nothing else helps.
I despise myself, and I despise myself more when my own loved ones betray me. But it wouldn't be betrayal if it wasn't from loved ones. So if everyone's my enemy, there are no betrayals.
Take courage and maybe some comfort that you are not alone. You are in a space where there are people like you, like me that support each other’s fight towards mental wellness, self compassion and awareness. We V are not monsters and we are not our symptoms or behaviors... no one is. We didn’t choose to be like this anymore than a person choosing to be epileptic...
We are all on the human spectrum- and it’s hard and ugly and also remarkably beautiful. And in my stable times- I remember this.
I am glad you’re here- please don’t give up.
Get a sweet cat or little non shedding dog! Love is the drug! You will learn unconditional Love for the first time!🌌🕊️💙 Trust me,you'll stop caring & will have an outlet for all the love you have to give. ❣️
My success is that after 5 years of trying to get on Disability and got a part-time job with minimal stress. AHHHHHH-MAZINGGGG!!
I had caught of myself as a super controlling person I was in, I found myself doing everything i could to help out. GOOD thing is that now he has his own home taking care of his son and has a full-time job. THESE are the stories that assist in not everyday needs to be met. 100% nailed what I'm going through right now!
Glad the video was helpful. Be well.
@@DrDanielFox Very much so, I gave a copy of the C-BPD to my therapist who is in remission of BPD. Well worth educating the educated ,,,,,, if that makes sense. Be well also.
When I don't know who I am, I put on my heavy metal band shirts and that kind of helps me to attach to an identity. I try to fill my closet with only band shirts so I always have an identity to lean on. I'm a metalhead and I love the music I listen too, and thats a base layer of who I am. Idk if that helps anyone
I had to quit Facebook for a couple years due to impulse to spam extremely emotional and inappropriate things on my wall. I eventually recently made a new account and everything went well for a couple months. Now everybody has abandoned me again due to me going back to the old ways. When I feel suicidal I will go on a careless posting spree saying anything I possibly can to get attention without the police being called. But it only makes me feel more abandoned because nobody says anything. I'm glad to see that nobody interacts with the posts when I wake up because I usually don't feel the same the next day. But in the midst of it, I'm literally imagining committing suicide, ruminating and savoring the idea.
My partner literally posted every suicidal ideation he had for 6 months straight onto public facebook... literally from the date his husband filed for divorce to the day he and I became partners again (we were college sweethearts).
Thank you for the tip about doing the opposite, but I would think I will have hard time with it because I tend to seek validation for my sadness or anger. It is like in that moment, validation is more important than control if that makes any sense.
I SO agree with this. I am the same.
It makes perfect sense, but we can learn to validate ourselves... it's hard at first but I know the hardest thing I've had to face-- in looking for validation outside me-- is finding the worst people to give it to me and then I'm all kinds of triggered you know what I mean? I personally have a relationship with God that helps me so much and I only concentrate on the positive things he believes about me and I trust my therapist who understands BPD. I have one or two people I can go to but, I got to a point in my life recently where there was NO ONE to validate me, that I could trust. That's what made me have to rely on God and myself and Dr Fox of course. 🤗 I had to stop listening to my mind telling me I "couldn't" or "this won't work" it was the scariest thing in the world... but it has changed me so much❤️
Yes! Such a good observation. I like that someone here says we need to learn to validate ourselves because that feels true and sounds true. But in practice, I just don’t know what that means. I feel estranged from my ego-everything about living feels outside of myself. Sometimes it’s a strength but it’s a terrible Achilles heel when the time comes for you to go to yourself. I only take that as a prolonged dissociation until I can go to another source again 😅
@@kimberlyjones4887 You have good point here in terms where to get the validation. Wishing you the best
@@susanryan4874 Yeah totally agree with you! It is like you want to validate your own feelings, but you are also used to being invalidated, so part of you do that. In my experience, being conscious of those patterns is key. Wishing you the best
I'm just now seeing these videos after they started showing up in my feed, and I just want to thank you so much for doing them. They are so incredibly helpful. God bless you for taking the time to make and post them. Hopefully other therapists will discover them also and benefit from them. I have never had a therapist provide this type of feedback, and it is truly a lifesaver.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I think this man is going to help me change my life. Thank you God for creating Dr. Fox.
Oh man, the meltdowns. They tend to kick off a pretty bad shame spiral. So, I see now, how these can be like dominoes that cascade.
You're the only person on youtube that i feel actually gets it, the rest are monopolising off the unfortunate trendiness of bpd, so thank you 😁
Thank you so much for making all of these videos Dr. Fox. The correct words to express the amount of gratitude I have for you haven't been invented yet that I'm aware of. You give me hope when it's been in seriously short supply for awhile. You're saving lives and relationships, Sir. Lots of them.
You’re very welcome.
Still on a waiting list for BPD therapy, it's been a struggle as long as I can remember and I'm 43 now. Soaking in all information like a sponge but the execution still feels so far out of reach as I'm still not in control. The only thing different now, since my mother's passing, is that physically I've become more active, still depressed "hug my bed" days but got my home decluttered and making goals for a social life. Giving up is not an option anymore, life is too short and for the first time sometimes I actually give a damn about my life. Thank you!
Stay strong and you can control this thing!! Be well.
Dr. Fox, Ive learned an incredible new coping skill. It’s nearly impossible to be sad while you’re yodeling, and it’s a great way to release pent up energy. I highly recommend this to others
Thank you, your videos also help me cope so much ❤️
I've tried singing. That helps. I've never tried yodeling.
@@melb2734 There are RUclips tutorials and it’s so fun 🥺 I bet you’re a beautiful singer. good luck to you !!
That is adorable 💖💖
God. Let me try. Lol
Thank you so much. You are doing a great service to the BPD community
Thank you for saying that. Be well
@@DrDanielFox your vedios makes me well.
The problem with that is that I'm not good at anything even tho I have a lot of interests and then I try do to things and every time it turns out awful and I'm more depressed than before
I think in cases like that, do something that makes you happy. Not numb, happy. It's really hard to remember what makes you happy in those moments so when you're feeling more clear headed, write down everything that cheers you up. That list will help you when you're not okay
Many people who are really good at something had tons of failure, setbacks and discouragement along the way. It helps me to remember that when things I do don't turn out as well as I was hoping. I tried making pottery on a wheel and all I ended up with was a giant mess. The teacher was showing a new student around and as he walked by my lump of clay flew off the wheel. Oops. My bad.
Roberta, I say this not to be annoying but bc it must be said for the record: you are definitely good at many things. But, I do get that feeling of constant failure-been going through that a lot myself. Isn’t it dreadful when it just piles up?? But hey, don’t let failing at something you love to do keep you from doing it. There’s a great line from Silver Linings Playbook: “I’m not that great of a dancer, but who cares-it’s fun and it’s therapy.” And sometimes, your interests/identity can develop regardless of whether or not you do something. Do you like to watch certain movies? That can count as an interest and of course you can succeed at watching a movie. The beauty of no matter what you do is when you “act opposite” is that it will be a gift given to you when you needed it. Period. I am not that good of a singer, despite years of trying to learn how to be. “But who cares-it’s fun and it’s therapy.”
Dr. Fox I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your channel. I was diagnosed with BPD over a year ago and it’s given me so much clarity for the different struggles I’ve had throughout my life. Your videos have helped me understand so much about myself. I purchased your BPD workbook on Amazon and it’s been an amazing tool for me. Thank you 💙
You are so welcome
I’m 25 years old and I got diagnosed just over a year ago. It has been extremely difficult and painful and like a lot of people have commented: the worst part is not being understood by anyone. This video really helped me. Also, reading other people’s comments made me feel like I’m not the only one in the world with this illness.
Thank you for your channel! I’m in recovery and I appreciate your educational tools and kindness.
Happy to help!
Thank you for all the work you do to help those of us with BPD
Thank you for your videos. At age 70 and after 5 long term relationships that failed due to the BPD relationship cycle your videos help me feel that even at this late stage in life I might be able to quit beating myself up and achieve control over my crazy reactions to my emotions. I was misdiagnosed as manic or bipolar for 40 years and all the meds they gave me never helped me with my issues. Learning my correct diagnosis has freed me from my confusion, but left me feeling hopeless as to what to do about it. Your videos give me hope.
You take this personality disorder seriously and I certainly understand and appreciate all the thought and energy you put into helping us with this life destroying condition.
This was amazing! If they give out awards for episodes, this would be the one! All of the content creators on here made this the best thing on RUclips! And MIMS is the one that got me started on this rabbit hole in the hip hop world. I lived through it, and to hear the behind the scenes truth, is absolutely mind blowing. I always knew there were demons out there causing chaos! So many intense ane unreal stories and the need for justice. Its time for the truth to come to light. Blessings to all the victims, especially that amazing woman. Her strength is inspirational❤🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you Dr. Fox. I really have loved your videos this far & it is so hard when people define me as my disorder rather than seeing me for me.
It's easy! Just be different than you are! Just be happy! That's what this explanation sounds like to my brain.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's always interesting to see how different people interpret things. If only it was that easy, but that would be a place to start. Be well
You are incredibly inspirational!! i had decided owning that i am broken & helpless in my efforts for change, regardless of my endless hours of self searching & affirmations for change & countless hours of anger management, i gave up & adopted self isolation as a means to keep myself from having opportunities to hurt myself & others. Then..,TAH-DAH i stumbled onto your channel.
NO WORDS
no words adequately describe my gratitude for your work. Thank You is too generic for what i feel.
✨🧙♂️✨
By the end of this video Dr. Fox helped me feel better. My partner was having a BPD episode and today i just wasn’t feeling as strong as I usually do, work has stressed me out recently and i wasn’t my best self to help my partner work through an episode. I always try my best to be there for her but if im being honest there will be somedays where I myself just am not feeling like my best self, i will fall short of being there for her in the way that she needs me.
You’re human and doing your best is the best you can do. I wish you well.
I really appreciate your videos. I thought I was Bi-Polar for the longest time before I ever heard of BPD. I unfortunately have some covert narcissistic behavior that overlaps but I thought I could change on my own until my recent relationship and life fell apart. I really do appreciate that you offer up this information and the de-stigmatization of those dealing with these disorders.
I love your videos. I appreciate all you do. You make it clear and understandable. You describe exactly how I feel and I use these to help give clarity to those closest to me.
Watching Amber Heard and Johnny Depps case unfold has triggered me. Bringing up all the times I've acted out having no control. Knowing people probably think I'm a horrible person. I'm praying for you whoever you are. My name is Tonia please pray for me too.
Prayers for you ToniaFoxFerguson
You guys are appreciated 💛 ❤
Hope you are doing well Tonia❤
You had control, just no integrity tho. And yes, they are correct
This video couldn't have surfaced at a better time for me-I've been wrestling with some stuff lately, and stumbling upon this feels like fate. Massive thanks for putting this out there, even if I know it's an older upload.
I was feeling really anxious so i started to watch this video and now I feel calm thanks
I never comment but I just wanted to say how much I love your channel. I just got diagnosed with BPD a month ago after starting therapy to cope with my abusive marriage and it has been a roller coaster of emotions since. I'm 32 now and my symptoms have calmed down a lot, but I can see how much BPD negatively affected me in my 20s, and also how it led to my marriage and current circumstances. I'm so excited to start DBT and break my cycle of immediately jumping into a new romance to distract myself from my inner pain. This comment got long but you've given me hope, thank you so much!
Dissociation has been my biggest problem. Strong desire to check out - inability to stop it.
I've been kinda binging these videos the last few days, preparing for an upcoming therapy session. (I haven't been to therapy for a little while because of an issue we've been having but I can finally go back.). Anyway, this one is quite insightful. I approached the assessment from a past lens and a current one. There has been a marked improvement over the last five or six years. This gives me hope for facing whatever it is bubbling below the surface right now, giving me a bit of anxiety. Thank you again for all these videos. It's helping a lot.
I’m glad the video was helpful for you. Be well
Dr Daniel I am in tears because you just did more for me in 18 minutes than years and years of therapy. My mind is blown I am buying your books now. I cannot put into words how much this video helped me.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad that my video was able to help you in such a profound way. It's amazing to hear that I made a positive impact on your life.
Thanks!
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
I love you! I just received your workbook on Bpd and Today I finished the first two chapters. I feel so excited to learn more about how my brain works! Thank you 😊
I am deeply appreciative of your content here, my husband found this for me, and it had given me some hope, and insight. Thank you
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much for devoting your career to helping bpd people. Your videos have helped me so much. I’ve sent several videos to my counselor. Im trying to work through your workbook. Thank you again Dr. Fox. I pray that God blesses you.
thank you for this video. very compassionate and aplicable
I'm glad you found the video helpful! It's always great to hear that the content resonates with viewers like you.
Thank you for being kind and patient. I don’t see a lot of resources for people with bpd with the intention of helping, it’s mostly negative and telling people how to spot and avoid us
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
I am 100% BPD and I appreciate your videos so much. I was just in the hospital though and they said I also had severe reoccurring major depression with psychotic features. Last year at the hospital they added schizoeffective bipolar to my bpd too.
And I’m a big ol’ 5 all the way through. My urges are almost always exacerbated when I find a boyfriend and develops feelings for him. My parents can trigger me sometimes but when I have a boyfriend and feel love for him, my stability is out the window.