Recovery is Possible: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2020
- Presented by Karyn Hall, PhD, Founder and Director, Dialectical Behavior Therapy Center, and Jaime Lawson.
Join us to learn more about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and the difficulties in managing emotions for those who have the disorder or other issues related to coping with emotions. Dr. Hall will discuss the ways in which you can best communicate and help your loved ones, and understand their experiences. Learn communication and coping strategies that can help with the emotional intensity that often has loved ones walking on eggshells. Jaime will share her personal story of struggles and success with BPD.
Has today been hard for you? Trapped by anxiety, mental anguish, or loneliness? Struggling and want to talk with someone? Call our Houston Hope Line at (832) 831-7337, an outlet for the feelings and emotional distress we all face everyday regardless of where you live. The call is free, and you might just feel that way too. Open daily, 5-8pm. Learn more at houstonhopeline.com. *If you are experiencing an emergency, please call 911.
9:50- emptiness is to "love starvation" for me . I forget to tend to some other essentials because without love I cannot function. I begin to fade in and when I am at a critical low, a spiral is a fight for breath, me resisting death. I never died of course but i always feel that's next; following the frequent experiences that are more prolonged and more violently torturous each time up until I am unconscious or having atleast sensed signs of coming or active nurturance. Now confused because my life's functionality seems to go
I have an answer for describing the 'EMPTY' feeling. And it's like the song that goes "YOUR NOBODY TILL SOMEBODY LOVES U.." and it's almost like you don't exist until you have someone to live for.
Damn this so real !
I’ve honestly always had that reoccurring thought that I genuinely do only find worth in myself when I have someone to love and dote on, I feel lost without someone, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. If you ever need to talk or vent I’m here
@@lanadelgay342 Polk BJ lbbkbm
@@lanadelgay342 I’d love to chat with you
@@lanadelgay342that's exactly how I feel! No one ever understands, but I miss so much the feeling of being in love.
When she said people with bpd are some of the most caring and loving people. That made me cry. We really are. And THAT is what makes the rage so unbearably shameful. That's what makes it so hard to not hate ourselves from the shame that we cannot regulate the intense anger that is the result of fear.
This sucks. I wish my insurance would fully cover DBT. 😔
It does suck, especially when your family see's it as a character flaw
You’re not special.
@@vipermad358 I hope you have a good day. 😁
@@vipermad358 wow, how cruel and insensitive...how terrible. You have no idea what this woman has been through. Shame on you!
yer truly we are
I'm watching this at 3 am in tears
me too... your not alone
It's because you care!
We should communicate with Facebook messenger..
💜💚💙💛💫
I hope you’re doing okay. ❤️
I have BPD...what you mean by "emptiness" really means LONELINESS! Incapable of connecting with others and feeling lost and abandonned, almost as helpless as a child!
Loneliness is disconnection from self. Yes, it originated from a core primary caregiver and attachment injury (usually, and genetic predisposition)...however, it continues because we repeat the patterns of relationship to ourselves, based on the programming of early on.
This can be reprogrammed, and we can reparent ourselves. Anytime that loneliness takes over, it is our inner child begging to be seen, heard, attended to. When we continue to ignore, avoid, that voice, our inner child, we increase that pain, loneliness, and core wound.
When we sit with, hold space for, listen to, that inner child...in a way we long for, from others...that is when we start to heal. It is powerful to show up for yourself in that way. That is saying "no" to anymore self abandonment.
When we stop abandoning ourselves, we heal that fear...and we attract people who can show up for us. Plus, we attract healthier people, the healthier we become. Empowering.
Yes but not all our observations are incorrect.
Especially in the new age, most people see others as commodities or a a collection of commodities
Loving and becoming attached to someone you live is considered unhealthy in today's day and age.
This is very bizarre to me
@@patrickkozak9490 I so agree with you...seems to me society is trying to isolate people from one another! There's seems to be an epidemic of loneliness around the world these days...the Western world anyway! I learned to live with it...I prefer to be by myself than with the wrong partner or a toxic relationship which is a total waste of time n energy and a lot of useless pain as far as I'm concerned!
Her discussing being newly diagnosed and googling being heartbreaking... So true. Most things are written by people who don’t have BPD but hate someone with BPD.
BPD community: I love you. You aren’t a monster. You’re worthy of love. You deserve the love you want to give to others. Take the time to heal for YOU, because YOU deserve it. I’m glad you’re here.
Thank you
Your comment made me cry. Thank you💗
I understand it must feel like the people hate those with BPD, who write those things...however, consider that if you act from your feelings, that that might "feel" hateful, even vitriolic, to someone on the receiving end of that rage. While it is like yelling out from a massive emotional "burn" being touched, by the person with BPD, and they have no idea they are hurting the other person at that time, they are in a highly self focused, survival mode. It can seem hateful when someone falsely accuses the other, vilifies them, and more... so, consider that the stuff that seems like "hate" is pain. Deep hopelessness and pain, impotence against any real connection, sometimes feeling very used, and unappreciated...so through that lens...a person on the receiving end of a BPD rage, often reflects back the rage. They are hurt by the attacks. They are sad, they are grieving.
Imaginetoo, that if you aren't the best at clearly stating the root emotions, and clear communication...others (even those without BPD) can struggle with it too.
Cognitive distortions cause us to see most things through a negative bias, personalized lens, assuming we know others intent...These are all desperate attempts to feel certain, in control, even if it may be highly inaccurate.
It's these false interpretations, that we believe as fact, and act on them...without apology...or repair...that causes other to be so, so hurt. If you want empathy, you need to try to see others through that lens too. Unfortunately, the BPD lens clouds things and due to the nature of the disorder...self questioning often isn't on the menu. If we can pause, consider other options, give others the benefit of the doubt...we won't think others have such a nefarious agenda.
Our limbic system does us no favors...and too often it's the one running the show (subconsciously).
Haven't watched the video, but newly diagnosed and the stuff i read on Google about how I'm going to be a piece of shit manipulative monster for the rest of my life literally made me drop all my mental health treatments and give up everything in life until really recently
@@aspiringschizo It isn’t true and why would you give up? If you give up, they win.
I don’t want to have a disorder but have to accept the fact that I do. This is what hurt me the most.
Yeah me too but, everybody has disorders everybody ever born on this earth has disorders....
I hear that, I concur
This is the first video that has given me hope. I have it too and I'm going to keep trying to change my behavior and recover from this for good, especially for my daughter. I bet making peace with the diagnosis is a key part of getting better. Sending lots of love your way.
She definitely described me. My moods are everywhere and at times I feel very empty and Don t enjoy life.
If you ever need someone to talk to, please call our Houston Hope Line for free today from 5-8pm (CST) to share with one of our staff members on how you're doing. 1-832-831-7337
Download the RAINN APP its free and anonymous and u can speak to a suppprt specialist 247 praying for u
ruclips.net/video/heah_Ncqwps/видео.html
Trying so hard to be well . My husband died in 2019. I'm raising our son alone. With borderline personality disorder and grief. I can't describe what I've been through since. My childhood was pretty messed up. As was most of my life until later in my 20's.
Listening to this video makes me realise how much I try every single day to recognise and tune into the issues I face.
Waiting for DBT.
Meanwhile, meditation and exercise only slightly helps me.
Sending out love to all my bpd brothers and sisters.
We are warriors.
I feel sorry for your son. BPD mothers are the worst parents.
@@sirrantsalottyeah, you described my mom to the T, she treated me like a baby until I was a teenager, then she discarded me, the betrayal and abandonment wounds are so deep, therapy couldn't heal, I still long why you threw me away, what did I do? Because of that I am so afraid of women, because I am afraid they will use me and abandon me
Wow! This reply to the previous comment seems brutal. . My point is that the mother has admitted to her circumstance of BPD. She’s vulnerability putting out her feelings and owning it. And I wonder why you can’t see that verses the harsh comment that she’ll receive from you.
You can do this. So sorry for your loss and difficulties.
Christ, what a beacon of light amidst a sea of darkness. Thank you.
Not really. She actually has continued to blame the victim. She addresses the symptoms not the root causes of BPD. It is not a dysregulation of emotion- it is the response to painful original attachments in childhood and then a society which inherently treats woman as other and less than and communicates that her emotions and anger are not appropriate even if in reality, they are.
@@madeleinecrown1596 Emotions deem themselves appropriate. And indeed they are correct in deserving our attention to mature and integrate, so that eventually we need not become overtaken by compulsion, but may still be in tune with our feelings. Reactive behavior is not freedom. Society encourages repression in all of us (if it's not in fact part of the human condition). But let's hope the oppressive individuals who discount the feminine learn to integrate it, and likewise not compulsively cling to their prejudices.
@@madeleinecrown1596 has always happened
People with BPD have very active limbic systems. They would do very well to calm their nervous systems and do everything possible to give themselves routine, exercise, nutrition, rest etc. to allow their brains to repair and relax. In the meantime, avoid triggering situations while also learning how to speak up for your needs in a calm, respectful manner and avoiding people or situations where you feel triggered and/or disrespected.
Unfortunately that means isolating yourself and never having meaningful personal relationships as it is relationships that bring out the symptoms.
Pray over all your symptoms to get better in Jesus' name❤@@eternity7477
@@eternity7477 Yes, that's right. For a season, a person has to isolate themselves, or at least, opt out of close relationships. When they've learned about how to recognize and advocate for their own needs and feelings in healthy way, and recognized who are healthy people for them to have relationships with, etc. this is something a person in recovery should not entertain. This lesson is from Tim Fletcher, an expert in addiction and CPTSD recovery; BPD essentially has elements of both.
Love, care, attachment, and loyalty are considered commodities.
I disagree.
It someone views these as commodities, they didn't have them to begin with.
I wouldn't call that healthy, I would say it untrustworthy or worse.
As if being "nice" is the measurement of healthy, we are supposed to be ok with people not actually caring about anyone else because they have no real interest or attachment past a point of commodities or pleasure.
I know what happens when the availability of commodities is not there
Was involved with 64yo undiagnosed bpd. Ticks all 9 boxes. When she wasn’t in the weeds, I was smitten! Wanted a relationship with her with all my heart. I did my best but I was over my head and eventually had to walk away as I started to become mentally ill myself. It still breaks my heart. 😢
Go back to her, people do change.
Do not, it’s rare to see a BPD get better, they are just too broken, too damaged, the manipulate everyone to feed their needs
'Emptiness' for me is the inability to register when something does require an emotional response. The numbness looks like lack of empathy or disinterest, when you have lost touch or are reluctant, then unable to get emotionally involved with anything, in case it is 'too much'. Except Jamie's "unreasonably joyful"! We are measured against a backdrop of, I think, many people who are not sensitive enough.
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
this is actually miss diagnosed in women as autism quite often
@@sauravgupta4103 You're right, and for me BPD also doesn't fit. But CPTSD does. The low/no sense of self but especially dissociation when trauma is triggered. What is CBT? Peter Levine has techniques on youtube to help. Happy birthday, my son turned 21, 20 days after you 😊
@@jillsutton1624 I agree, it is misdiagnosis as autism appears as lack of empathy, but this is more like total shut down aka Dissociation in CPTSD. Statistically low likelihood of autism in women too, only 1 in 4 are female.
@@alicerose9140 a fun fact too is autism has only been studied in men so the majority of the symptoms we associate with autism is strictly man like mannerisms, which is also the reason most women with autism that are high functioning go without being diagnosed until adulthood/early adulthood
Healing waves playing on spotify and I'm on comedown from museum mushroom dose. Perfect time to learn and accept myself, my pathology, and to display curiosity and acceptance in who I am as a person living with BPD (a new diagnosis for me which seems to have a basis in trauma). Much love to anyone reading this or watching the video, may you recover with time, patience and conviction. You are not alone, you are loved. You all matter.
....and how was the museum dose of mushrooms?
I know for myself I feel it is in response to trauma- you are not alone. How was the mushrooms ?? 😊 sending love and healing
Thank you
How did u begin your recovery process and do people with your personality feel any guilt for the terrible things they do ?
@@narcslayer9844 The feelings of guilt are ever present and can be relentless as they often manifest at some of the most inopportune times. Those living with BPD must learn about compartmentalization.
I have ptsd ADD and 3 traits of BPD , life is tough . I don’t want to live and wish I had an easy way out without the guilt , I wished COVID would take me then kids wouldn’t be mad at me .
Went into a mental hospital once and got no help , zero nothing , staff didn’t talk to you and I saw a psychiatrist for ten mins , I was there a week .
I have BPD. Wish I would have had the right diagnosis in my 20's. Anyway, that emptiness, to me was always like I am a ghost in a world of people, even among ''friends'', counterfeit human. I now stay unattached, and just enjoy the people in my life as more transient thing now... try and be kind while I know them. It's not always them who leave, if they stay around long enough, my interest or need to redefine will take me out anyway so I learned it isn't personal either way.
Sending you compassion and love. I hope you find healing
When I read comments like this I feel so egotistical for thinking I was the only one who felt like that, we should all make a BPD Commune or something lol
Please we need to be friends
The emptiness feels this way to me too!! Luckily dont experience it often :)
I felt the pain of the brave woman who stood up and spoke about her experiences with BPD ! What a courageous and kind woman, love the emotional sensitivity and intensity
Quote: ‘I am not going to invalidate my own experience because that is kinda how all of this started in the first place is it not?”
Aint that the truth. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
100% the best thing she said. The fact is that for most of us, people invalidated our experiences or emotions, or gaslit us in our childhood or lives. Giving ourselves permission to feel feelings without guilt or questioning our rational is huge. Hugs. :)
P
I found this and cried and cried. Ot is currently Christmas and i have been crying for hours about mthe abandonment I experienced from mt father about 7 years ago. I wonder every day why I can't be happy and normal and why this very issue seems to cause so many problems in my life in all areas. Because of this video, I finally feel like I have some kind of answer. I have always felt very alone, very perpetually sad, and had incredible self hatred. I hope I can take this information and help myself where all doctors have failed.
Stay strong I’m in the same boat. We can overcome this!
May you move fwd in the Light of Christ, who will strengthen u. Just call upon His Holy Name and believe that He is there with you, supporting you and giving u the comfort and strength u need. He promises He will never leave you nor forsake u. God bless.
I had the EXACT same reaction, found myself sobbing uncontrollably - I hope you can find peace and overcome this too.
Much love to you
I cry for Christmas and Holidays also..
Just found out recently that i have BPD all this 28 yrs of my life i was wondering and questioning myself everyday what is wrong with me, why am not like others, I thought i was depressed but only to find out that i am suffering from BPD. So ive been looking everywhre how to cope with it and thats how i ended up here
Ya man im 26, same story.
Hey can we be friends?
I'm 24 same
I found out almost at 40.
Same here but I’m 39… you aren’t alone 🤗🤗🤗
This is, possibly, the most compassionate talk on this topic that I've heard in 20 years. Thank you.
Karryn and Jamie, hearing you talk about BPD/EDD is the first time I've heard it not laced with subtle condemnation. Thanks so much for your kindness and acceptance.
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
💯💯💯💯💯
I am near 50...and have just found out about BPD and is so right, 3 weeks ago i was admitted to hospital for self harm...and since then now seeking help.
Be strong, Mark! We are all in this together!
How long have you been living with BPD?
I’m 39 & am trying to figure this out. It’s not easy but you aren’t alone!!🤗🤗🤗
Thank you! I thought my girl was just a bad and a horrible person. This video changes everything. You might have just changed my life. Thank you
True. Bpd doesn't make people bad, yet people can be bad and horrible with or without bpd :) it's very precious you took time to learn about BPD, I wish you both the best! 👋
Ive been trying to get my boyfriend to watch ANY video about BPD with me, wanting desperately for him to understand. There is always an excuse for why right now is not a good time. He is quite narcissistic though and I believe he doesnt want to understand because if he watches and understands he will no longer have as much of a reason to call me a bad person and punish me for my sensitivity. Your girl is lucky to have you, not many people understand or can withstand BPD partners.
@@stephaniecrees5403 I'm sorry for you 😔 it's not nice from your boyfriend not to take interest in what you're going through. You should not be punish for your sensitivity or be called names for what you're experiencing, I don't find it's an healthy way from him to care about you. I hope you're doing OK 👋 be careful
@@stephaniecrees5403 I think get rid of him quickly and quietly. Love yourself, as sounds like he doesn't know how.
I would have done anything to have changed my ex husbands mind. I went to dbt iop and forwarded him this video. He wanted nothing to do with it or me. Im shattered.
The Passion of these Specialists to help and for understanding the Complexity is absolutely impressive.
I have been in agony. Hearing this made me feel better.
I’m only 5 minutes into this and I’m already very grateful at how properly informed you are. I can’t tell you how many drs are utterly clueless about this disorder but think they’re experts just because they read the DSM 🤦🏻♀️. I listened to one last night say that borderlines can’t be empathetic. Like, WHAT? Most of my pain comes from seeing others in pain and I am NOT alone in this. We feel everything INTENSELY, so we have all the same emotions you have but on steroids. Sad movie where a beloved character dies? You may tear up but I’ll bawl my eyes out and feel suicidal after. And it can take days to feel normal again. Even then that “normal” only lasts until another trigger comes along. That’s BPD. Anyway thank you for being compassionate and REAL. 🙏
Ps I stopped being friends with my bestie about 8 years ago because she made plans with me for thanksgiving and at the last minute she said we would have to cut it a little short because her family guilted her into coming to dinner. Back then I didn’t know I had BPD. I just knew I HATED her all of a sudden for abandoning me. This is called “splitting”. Now I know, I forgave her. But I still haven’t spoken to her because I’m not ready to feel that level of abandonment again when she inevitably makes another mistake. I have no friends anymore because of this.
Borderlines rate high on emotional empathy but low on cognitive empathy
I needed this soooo much when dx 40+ years ago. Only life I've ever known. They told me it was something Id have to just live with. Threw me on meds that have just made me worse. Hospitalized 14x, suicide attempts many. Thank you for hope.
So sorry you went through all of that
@@annemariesilbigerpoet4644 thank you for your compassionate words, much appreciated.
Im 21 and have BPD but never had any treatment and im in Canada Ontario. Glad to see that there are treatments out in the world to help. I really need it.
Im 26 with BPD, Ontario, Canada, good luck with your treatment brother
Hi star Allan - I am in Scotland, UK so don't know the health care situation in Canada. However, I hear your pain/disappointment about not having had treatment. Have you been able to approach your GP about a referal for psychological input? There are also DBT workbooks etc available to buy...?
I believe I have this disorder due to the violent childhood I had which has gone on into my adult hood. I watched this video because all the therapist I have seen can't seem to help me. And this has been so enlightening.
I believe that I have complex PTSD and it very closely mimics the symptoms of BPD. I have a cousin who was diagnosed with this and it all relates to how we deal with the effects of trauma to the brain when you’ve been abused or neglected or manipulated by one or more people. We need to stop demonizing people with personality disorders because a lot of the symptoms overlap with things like NPD and that has a label nobody wants. Also many autism signs kind of mimic these disorders in adults so really educate yourselves. a person that’s known you for five minutes in their office is not going to be able to figure out what or how many of these traits to fit into that dsm5 box. Labels are good for categorizing, but with the human personality and the traits that each of us have that are unique, I thinkMaybe we should be a little looser in our absolute diagnosis. I think a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists would probably agree, but because of insurance and getting paid they have to pick a diagnosis, even if it doesn’t quite fit. Trauma is lifes biggest game changer So just remember how your behaviors affect others because really if we were just kind to one another none of this would be an issue.
You're so right! Thank you ❤️
I have CPTSD & totally feel ya. Our concept of mental health as a very complex spectrum needs to be made more commonplace general education. And I agree about trauma (& the invisible hand of neglect).
Hey , I was walking today and was thinking ...is BPD really a result of PTSD they seem to be quick to label women with BPD I feel all link to PTSD I really do and on spectrum of autism. BPD is such cop out label and damaging.
So I concur with a lot you said. Xxx
ruclips.net/video/heah_Ncqwps/видео.html
Ohhh I’m at minute 20, and this is one of the best analogies I’ve heard yet. Thanks
It hurt when I realized I have all 9 characteristics. My feelings hurt every day
I hear you dude, me too. It sucks!
@@nathandempsey3888 ✋yep me to
@@allylou8514 damn there really are quite a bit of us, we ought to form a commune or something lol
My emptiness can be described best as 'a cypher melting into snow. Now, you barely see me. Soon you will not see me at all.'
Same.
@@belle3055 Understand, as I have finally, that without the substantial "zero", the one, the binary, the world could not exist. Although I AM defined by a very thin line, today I know to stay out of the snow. A zero without its circumference is truly nothing.
Steven Jesus loves you. Ask Him to help you, show you how xxx❤❤❤❤❤
@@mindfullnessandeverydayliv4194 I have, I do, and He does. Thanks.
Thank you both. So awesome and encouraging. I hope to find a therapist like her. I need that gentleness. I was Just diagnost and all this was triggered by childhood and adult trauma. I am starting this recovery Journey and I am terrified but I know I have to face those demons. Good luck to all of you out there who are still fighting to survive. We can do this! 🥰🥰🥰💕
I really needed to hear Jamie's story, I broke down crying a couple of times hearing that someone else has been through what I have, especially the part about researching suicide. It also made me acknowledge the progress I have made in my journey to recovery. Thanks for this and thanks to Jamie for sharing her story!
Are you actually recovering? I need hope.
@@pixieheart9303 I am and I know that feeling all too well! I recommend getting a therapist and being clear about working on DBT skills but even before that you can start the healing process by just doing basic stuff we should already be doing: being kind to yourself, I highly recommend reading about re-parenting yourself, meditating, eating better, SLEEPING (sleep a big one), getting outside, catching-up with a friend or family member. Starting with those things can pave the way for heavier lifting when you start therapy or a DBT program. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it does get better if you try, but you have to do something. Start small and build on those small victories. Acknowledge the things you do well and the positive things in your life. If you sit down and really think about it you will see you're not ALL bad, no one is, goes back to the self-compassion. The road to my recovery really just started about 6-7 months ago after the end of long and really toxic relationship. I'm also fortunate enough to be blessed with a darling little boy who is looking to me for guidance so I have to be better so I can teach him. Hang in there and best wishes my friend! ♥
@@grtormand3 sleeping is not a problem for me. Eating? No, I have to force myself. I started therapy and exercise and a part time job.. I'd be lying if I said I'm not struggling. I'm trying yet this suicide ideation is heavy.
@@pixieheart9303 I went through that as well but now I rarely have those and if I do it's just a passing thought and I focus on actual problem-solving. Medical cannabis also helped get me through the really bad times (6-7 months ago) but don't just sit around. Much better if you use it and do something like cleaning or going for a walk. Just sitting around can actually make rumination worse, at least that's how it was for me. I think everyone's journeys are probably as varied as we are as people and everyone comes to it in their own time so while none of my journey may be helpful to you now, just know that it CAN get better!
@@grtormand3 staying busy helps. It's difficult when everything is a chore. All the things I previously enjoyed , I don't. I take a cannabis tincture every now and then. I have to be careful because I get paranoid if I take too much. I just repeated I am safe , I am strong for the last 15 minutes over and over because I'm panicking about work in the morning. Ugh.. I know I'll be ok, it's these damn thoughts. Thank you for your kindness. Im happy for you!💗🙏
Thanks for being so positive and provide the awesome outlooks and treatments for someone who suffers from the BPD.
Jaime. You spoke to my heart. Thank you for being brave and speaking about you experince and recovery. Hearing some of your experiences and feelings made me tear up. Thank you for providing hope for those who forget what hope feels like sometimes.
❤❤❤❤
Idk if I have bpd, I thought I could be bipolar. Because my mood changes a lot, I can be happy, and the next minute sad, and then happy again. But after leading learning about bpd, this feels more like it. Idk where to go to get help, I don't have health insurance and I'm raising my daughter by myself.... When I had my first bf, I distinctly remember telling him "you're going to leave me for my cousin" (she was coming into town) Please don't judge, I was in 2nd grade. Ever since i can remember, I've always thought about death. I told that same cousin one time, that I wish I was dead. As a teenager I tried to commit suicide by taking pills, but all it got me was to feel sick the following day. Then I started with self harm, cutting. I stopped for a while, but doing it again, and now hitting myself as well. Obviously not in front of my child... I hate when I get like that, I'm also very emotional. I've always tried pleasing people, so they could not reject me. But for the most part they just abuse of my kindness and they still abandon me. I get depressed a lot. When I'm in that "mode" and it's really bad, I feel like "someone" else is moving my body, I'm there, but I'm not there. I hate this, I'm tired of it. If I don't get a text right away, I start thinking that I'm annoying them, then I start telling myself that I shouldn't of sent that text... I also tell myself that I'm worthless, that I don't deserve to be loved. I witnessed violence at a very young age... Idk what's wrong with me, all I know is that I'm TIRED of it!! Edit: I try not to hurt others, because I know how it feels to be hurt, I just take it out on myself...
I read your story, that is very tough. It hurts to feel like this, and it gets exhausting, wondering how u can keep going on feeling this way. Even having hope that one day it will get better, gets exhausting, since it never does. Find good distractions, lots of them. If we can keep distracted and have as many good times as possible, then we'll die and with any luck, that'll be it, endless slumber.
Thanks for sharing that. I can relate.💓🖤 Wish I had helpful words to say.😖
I go for long walks in woodland or country side and helps me slow down and feel free when walk in country side away from stresses. I see some horses I go be with and people's dogs come up to me which all helps just have a break from battle daily
With this. It's hard really is hard. Find something healthy that makes feel good . I got really fit through my walking so looking after self physically and you tend to eat better because you want to fuel your body better which need to help cope with BPD. I take antidepressant and my gummies vitamins daily to help. Not magic wand doesn't make all better this my water wings to keep afloat.
The speaker speaks with so much kindness in her voice. Living with BPD isn’t easy. I’m interested to know if BPD is linked with Autism, or Autism with BPD.
I'd love to know that as well. I've been diagnosed on the Spectrum with BPD traits and have so many questions.
I was just thinking this… 🤔
Jaime, Thank you for sharing your story of Recovery 🙏
Jaime, thank you so much for sharing, for being vulnerable, and for using your gifts to help someone, like me, have hope.
This is extremely powerful information! Thanks soooo much for sharing!
Her voice is so good, I wish I could record it and listen to it all the time
Easy to listen to
Yeah it's quite soothing
This was really an excellent and concise presentation !
It really helped me systematically understand how and why BPD takes over so easily and disrupt everything.
This was the most riveting and realistic talk I have heard in ages. You both tell it like it is. I have not been diagnosed but most likely suffer from this. It felt like it was I who was up there talking! Thanks so much for your enthusiasm and optimistic insights.
You are very sweet!!! Congratulations for this speach.
Thanks jamie for explaining us how it has been your recovery...
Good example for hard workers like you and me
For me it is very hard to be married to a BPD. I wish I could help her but due to all the past pent up negative emotions (due to my mistakes of not knowing about BPD or how to have a relationship with a person who has BPD) of over 20 years of marriage I have disqualified myself from being able to help. Wish I didn't make so many mistakes.
Leave if you can. Join coda. You sound like a codependent, even now, as I read you blame yourself for not knowing. Would you blame a child for not knowing how to do laundry who was never taught how to? No, of course not. You’re being a doormat. I’m glad my BPD left me after being together 5 years and engaged. Because of her I was able to trace this back to trauma in childhood. It becomes clear, like night and day, that I was with someone I shouldn’t have been with because I couldn’t read nor accept the reality of the abuse due to upbringing by an emotionally neglectful and unpredictable parent. Peace to you brother. There’s life and love after divorce.
I was abused with my ex who has bpd and right now I have to deal with my so who has bpd!! Please any advice for me?🙏🏻💔
The speaker has an amazing voice.
Oh thanks so much for this video loved the testimony I’ve also been diagnosed with bpd so I totally relate and have taken away some key insights such as I’ll always be emotional sensitive and that’s ok. No need to change that and also the fact that it’s a practice, a process and not about being perfect ❤ thanks so much for these new insights
I hope people will also understand not only the enormous sacrifices but also the big amount of forgiveness we constantly must bring up... Because we care and because we need you too..!!
Thank you for this video, I needed this!! 😙
what an amazing presentation. Karyn has such a soothing voice. If only those w/ BP could know that when they went for help there would be someone like Karyn to help. Sadly she said, most people in the mental health community believe they are un-helpable. Some even joke about it" "well they are unhelpable" "oh please give me anyone but someone w/ BPD" oh whatever, they have BPD it's not like there was anything you could have done to help them. I love the ship video!
Initially I was critical of the animation about demons on a boat, but when I comprehended that those demons never really hurt you, that they would not actually stop you from reaching shore, the quality of the animation no longer mattered! The demons will still be with us but have no effect on us. Kind of like near the end of "A Beautiful Mind" how he accepted that his hallucinated people would always be there but no longer affected him either.
All these years later while watching this video it all comes together.
A Beautiful Mind is my favorite movie
I love that movie so much
Thank you, I’m really struggling atm and listening to this video gives me hope
Hi what a great video!!! I went to a DBT residential house for a year in 2015, (NZ) was the hardest year of my life got out and did ok fell flat on my face and for 2 years I fell back in my hole again, I got to go back in the beginning of 2019 for 3 months, that made all the difference in the world. I'm doing really well now and feel very much in control of my emotions. The lockdown was a god send I radically accepted the intensity of my emotions which was a major mile stone for me because I thought they would ease with time (which they don't) now I choose to sit with them whilst using my skills for not even 1 mintue instead of being willful towards my skills and feeling like shit for a week. I've applied for a peer support worker job at a mental health respite will be the first proper job I've had in 10 years so fingers crossed. DBT does work but it only works if you are willing. I definitely still get urges but I can honestly tell you that in 12 months I've had 2 episodes in which I choose to change the outcomes of. There is hope people and I was fucked up you gotta want to change.
What area do you live in. So willing to do something like this but am unwilling to leave my emotional support dog behind. one person I could count on to be there and be my friend while I was going through all this. Honestly though I don't know of many places in the United States that have this is an option.
Hi fellow kiwi . I wasn't aware their were any residential programs are you able to give more information. ? Well done by the way . Good luck with your work !
Hi Guys, The place is called Te Whare Mahana which is in Takaka. It houses 6 people I think for up to a year and a half with some people. They have a website under the name above. @Critical Thinker yeah you would have to leave your dog behind, but if you were interested there aren't any rules saying you couldn't put your pup in a lovely kennel in Takaka and visit whenever you wanted.
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
Thanks so much for sharing that info . Much appreciated xx
Thanks for being so sweet for explain this complicated illness.. I am
Thank you for this video. Finally I feel that’s just about my life.. And I feel more understandable trough this video 🥲
This talk helped me connect with my optimism, and restored my faith in compassion centered treatment for BPD and CPTSD. Thank you for this!
FINALLY a vid from someone that says something OTHER than "those with BPD are SCREWED. The poor poor THERAPISTS."
Thank you so much for this. It has definitely helped me a lot. It's good to listen to people who completely understand what we go through everyday, the battles we have to fight. Thank you so much!
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
Well this was wonderful. What I am finding now is that I’ve somehow switched off the reaction emotion for the most part for almost everything, still get triggers that open that up, but it’s odd as now when anything occurs that I need to respond to, instead I feel dead and numb and zero reaction comes out. I can’t respond to my partners emotional needs. I’m not sure if meds are why but I find myself feeling upset I can’t be sad for him or get the right emotional response to help him. Still a lot to learn about myself but I’m taking it slowly. This video was very helpful thankyou.
Thank you so much for sharing
Excellent video and emotionally moving!
I love this, thanks, I needed to hear this
Thank you for posting this 🤍
Love Jamie
Good to hear your share
I swear on every single one of these educational videos on bpd there is a handful of people that watch them all and then have something snarky or cruel to say about people who suffer with bpd. I don't get it. If you aren't here to educate yourself or find resolve from being in a relationship with someone that had bpd then it seems a bit hypocritical to cover that much ground in finding these videos so that you can call people evil or that they can't be helped. Seems like they have their own disorder to figure out since they seem to enjoy making everyone who has this disorder the person who hurt them 🙄
Exactly. Some of us are here for clarity and understanding, and we're struggling as it is!
I have indeed had multiple childhood traumatizations of elongated neglect; multiple physical threats from my brother and father; my mom did nothing to promote any change of environment even momentarily let alone a suggestion for avoiding a fast right hook, a toss into walls or something far more solid and blunt. Sexual abuse at 5-6 by to female teenage sisters that were the daughters of some woman that parents knew on some type level. Cleary I've know that they themselves had endurred and might had still were being sexually abused themselves. I don't know for sure, but the likelihood is far greater that they had suffered the same or similar humiliating and belittling molestations and inferences using my brother who suffered from Borderline or Mild Mental retardation; now referred to as an intellectual disability. I think neither sounds decent in form or manner. I digress, my brother also had Asperger's and intense Anti- Social personality disorder. It was intense at a considerably young age he was 8-9 when he made clear threats to kill or torture me. He had 2 decent attempt and never had 3rd opportunity I ensured the quick and insanely surprising psychotic evil verbal description of my physical well-being was terrifyingly at age 4 and never was remotely tolerable but by 30-32 I had moved so far from needing any rationale understanding or remotely connecting to something that gave sense to a clear cut minor portion to written definitions.
I was no where near comply where I was going but it clearly made me adjust my extensive length of my first 17 years on this planet or as a non participant in financial responsibility of the basic human needs and the job that I had gotten at A very young 15 of until I bounced on them at a solid 19 was a necessity if I wanted to have a plan . My brother was a multiple level and type offender of me. Years of physical threats, physical attacks direct and indirect, manipulative stories to make me and everyone feel a sympathy and a deep concern by loyalty and self sacrifice. He had had a very apathetic role when it concerned the 15 & 17 yo sisters who had my life and entire well being completely under their direction and from jump to a literally just 3-5 months ago. My brother would engage it, participate. Ok got mom, dad, brother, babysitters umm discriminate verbal vomit or the like by adult coaches and/or teachers. And you bet she had no idea how intensely was hyper aware of my immediate surroundings and every possible senerio that could happen realistic or not.
So what am I getting to about BPD and me...After surviving the 17 yrs of true and real threats on my life or livelihood and on my own went o The Army signed for active duty quickly learned I had not intentionally and correctly choose a place, immediate shelter beyond a waterproof, broke, clueless and highly irritated that go from a 2-3 second horrendous outburst that then can go strait to a Cat5 Tornado of straight line winds by just walking from home and having my brother within a stone's throw and I'm stealth...So ridiculous sensory advantage or technological know how is assisting me into a rabbit hole with barbed wire with an infinite about of replies that start with is that all ya got? Me age 21 post My 1st couple jobs where I can in and not only was I numerically challenged but rather indifferent to anything that was chararcterized as a educational necessity and I had a private and very unknown background in Secondary Education for myself and neither parent had a degree. Now my mom who had my dad from jump were tied until death or some type of past rule of legality exception or exception in it's entirety. That I am currently very near absolute freedom from Kevin Scott, Joyce Scott (Mallin) parents din any way
LOVE YOU
THANK YOU for this!
27:50
When I had meltdowns as a child I was met with anger
That’s why I’m so defensive and shut down now
Jaime was speaking to my soul
There efforts some times makes it worse,so true😢
I recently had to brake up with a women with bpd. She was not going to therapy. I tried to get her to go and like the video said she would drop out instead of facing it. She had a lot of other things going on to. Very difficult things. I had to leave because she kept cheating and abandoning me. I know i can't be with her romantically but i still love her. She recently called me from a mental hospital. I didn't pick up. I didn't know the number. She left a message saying she wanted to talk to me and hoped i was okay. I called and left a message saying i still cared about her and that i hope with all my hart that she is okay. Not the best i could have done i know. Before i left the message i had found out that she attempted suicide not to long ago. I'm so afraid for her. I know she can beat this. I would like to believe i could be a supportive friend NOT A LOVER. but that probably won't happen. I think it depends on if she does what she needs to do. That last sentence is so loaded. I can't go into great detail on that. Sorry. I'm not mad at her. I just want her to fight for and win the life she deserves. I want to help her and I'm afraid for her. She is one of the most loving person i have ever had in my life. I'm hurting but I'm more worried about her. I feel suicidal sometimes and it brakes my 💙 to know how much she is struggling. I'm not particularly religious. More spiritual I guess you'd say. But very often I hold something of hers that I still have against my chest and I desperately pray to God that he will watch over her and help her through this.
I poured my heart and soul into a man with bpd only to be told he thought I was an agent of the devil out to get him and that I was the cause for his illness. I was shattered and devastated. I went above and beyond for him. What a kick in the teeth. If I was ever upset there was zero concern for me. He got so wrapped up in his own emotions because he assumed I must be upset because of him and must therefore be blaming him in my head. Zero compassion, empathy or support shown to me. Fully self absorbed in his own intense feelings. He said he feared abandonment, but the only one being emotionally abandoned was me. I really loved him. 😢
Loved Jamie's presentation. I can completely relate to all of it (unfortunately)
Thank you Jamie! 🤍
Thank you for this ♥️
Amazing video
I love the demon boat analogy!
i love the elephant brain analogy and the demons on the ship , brilliant,! helped me understand !!!
OMG Ty, this help so much...I;m not alone
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
This video is life changing
thanks for this
Thank you for this, I had to watch it in stages as I found it very triggering, Jamie I have been trying to kill myself since I was eight too and still self harm now and I'm 49, being discharged from services in January 2021 so will have to deal with it alone again. I was in a 8 year relationship but he died 24th Dec 2019. Thank you again for this video x
Iam so very sorry 🤍🤍🤍💔🤍🤍🤍
I am so sorry to hear about all that you’ve gone through and for your loss. May you receive all the healing you need to get through this. ❤️
I’m going through it! Your voice is so inspiring! Cried most of your speech
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
Same
@@sauravgupta4103 Update: Look into dissociation ruclips.net/video/zJJYcr-AaHA/видео.html
Excellent video and yes, It's OK not to be OK ~ Megan Devine quote, book.
That book
I so need to get again
I really appreciate that she's the first person I've heard acknowledge how awful it is to Google BPD, have BPD and basically read a bunch of death sentences for your relationships and happiness. Rude. lol I'm just trying to get better here.
It's awful 😥 😭
I walk in country side and woodland be around horses calms me down.
I really wonder how many others also have panic /anxiety issues and alcoholism like I do???
More than to make them unable to take/make decisions , is even to simply function.
Many told me tgat when they are overwhelmed by that wave of emotion they arent able to work cause their mind is overoad by emotions, and when we try to define the place where tgey feel those emotions the answer i always receive is the heart, the guts and the brain..
So the brain as capacity to function goes empared
Thank you for saying you professionals failed us all that came to you . I had gone threw abuse that most would not have made it threw . mine started so early i never was shown love or respect or kindness . I am so glad I was taken into the love of my husband but I am decades deep into trying to let go . i have never feared abandonment because it is all i have ever known .
My husband is the only relationship i have ever kept but we are both broken . i have been in and out of booze issues and food issues forever . i have had totally detachment issues my whole life . i can control my feeling now since i moved a few days ago to the idea of i am 1 second old because the past is not the future has not this second is a small enough bite to eat . i linked back to the first dead person to blame for my abuse and that let me let go because i have no tools because of my lack of love from my parents . ok now my mom amd dad was sold into marriage that means my grandparents abused my mom and dad . my grandparents are both dead i can not get a i am sorry i also cant blame them because they are dead . my brother raped me because he was abused which leads back to dad sending him to juvenile hall which was most likely when he was raped first . dad was sexually abused he is dead now . see my point ?? It may be over rationalizing to some but for me it is working . i can go all the way back to god now . if i can find a way to not put guilt on god i can do it for anyone . i am staying one second old . She said she was ok with not being ok at times" at my worst I dreamed for OK . My worst is real resent . I am now doing the best I think I have ever been I keep in the second. I am shocked i lived threw all that was done to me . that is enough of this back to the now .
The analogy of the demons seriously related to me
My fellow BPD people.. I love you. I love you so much. We are not alone in this.
I didn't know Catherine O'Hara was a BPD specialist!... her elephant analogy came from Jonathan Haidt
Explained so very well.
Holy crap, thank you
It gives hopes
Why doesn’t she mention that her mother was an empathy-deficient narcissist..?!!?
That’s how she’s the way she is..!!
Had to walk away from a sibling w BPD traits. My mental health is important too. I must self love and self care. We BOTH deserve a healthy, non toxic and harmonious relationship. Hope she gets help before she ruins more relationships✌🏽
@turkeysub3000 looking in the mirror and sabes que...I'm ok with who I see. I'm also ok with how I dealt with the conflict she brought to my doorstep. Like I said my mental health is important too. TY for taking the time to comment respectfully. Commenting on vids like this one is therapeutic for me💗
Hello I’m kayla I’m 33 years old I have borderline personality disorder and I am really down to earth loving and caring being accepted by others makes me so happy if someone doesn’t like me I start a war and I get very angry,
never stop believing ! You can beat your disease !
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@psjuxuen2064 is there a way for RUclips to allow us to contact each other directly...
First of all - you really need to rename BPD. the BPD name is old, outdated, vague and just unhelpful... Something like Emotional Dis-regulation Disorder would much more useful and far less stigmatizing....
Yes I confronted both of them and told them adultery on my ex husband part after a marriage of 45yrs would now make it easy for me to get the divorce I had been working towards
It allowed me to feel a strength I had never had before.