Male Differences in BPD
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2019
- Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Book: Hard to Love - Male BPD: www.amazon.com/Hard-Love-Unde...
There is a misunderstood belief that women have BPD more often than men, old studies report about 76% female and 24% male, but these old studies are actually flawed due to sampling bias and other methodological errors. This error is even published in the DSM-5, the mental health diagnostic “bible”. More recent studies show no gender differences when controlled for these errors. This video is directed at clearing up this confusion to help you understand and recognize these differences.
The gender problem persists as we believe that BPD presents in the same manner for both genders. By doing this, we miss key distinctive factors to accurately identify BPD in males. A lot of the confusion resides in females being diagnosed with BPD who actually meet criteria for ASPD, and males who meet criteria for BPD being misdiagnosed with ASPD.
Men with BPD were more likely to have comorbid narcissistic, antisocial, paranoid, and schizotypal personality disorders, alcohol and substance use disorders but less likely to have dependent and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders compared to women with BPD. For those who may not know, Schizotypal PD is characterized by discomfort in close relationships, cognitive or perceptual distortions, and eccentricities of behavior.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RUclips: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Citations:
Grant, B. F., Chou, S. P., Goldstein, R. B., Huang, B., Stinson, F. S., Saha, T. D., ... & Ruan, W. J. (2008). Prevalence, correlates, disability, and comorbidity of DSM-IV borderline personality disorder: results from the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. The Journal of clinical psychiatry, 69(4), 533.
Lopez-Villatoro, J. M., Palomares, N., Díaz-Marsá, M., & Carrasco, J. L. (2018). Borderline Personality Dis-order with Psychopathic Traits: A Critical Review. Clin Med Rev Case Rep, 5, 227.
This guy is doing the world a service and changing lives by giving out medical advice that we usually have to pay for, thanks doc
Kobe Productions true
Not just that - there are barely any psychotherapists who are actually this competent on the matter.
Yep. Every time I'm upset (like right now) I run to these videos. There's always something I need to hear.
Buy his workbook. It helps me.
You'd have to pay in the USA perhaps. Not in a lot of other countries.
Truth. Education is the way. ❤
I was misdiagnosed when a doctor told me that men don’t have BPD. Took years and an eventual inpatient stay before I was properly diagnosed.
I'm sorry to hear that and it's a shame that there is so much misunderstand and stigma with this disorder.
Kurt Anderson me too. Took 15 years to be correctly diagnosed
Whether you’re formally diagnosed or not matters little.
Men with BPD... is there any way I could talk to one of you and try to seek some guidance from you? I haven't been able to get a diagnosis. Really convinced that there's nothing else I could have. I'd be so grateful to have one of you talk with me.
kylestjean3@gmail.com
@No I agree. I had a foster child with BPD "tendencies" - not 18, couldn't give a diagnosis - so, they would only try and address whatever symptoms she was demonstrating in the moment without ever getting to the core of her problems. All because nobody wanted to "label" her. She was in and out of SO many psychiatric hospitals. We didn't want a label we just wanted proper, meaningful help. We really needed an accurate diagnosis to keep everybody involved in her treatment plan on the same page. No labels may work well for some minor problems, but not with BPD. And, now I fear she'll never receive proper treatment.
Male with quiet bpd, it's been very tough to get help, met with lots of skepticism, and didn't help that I've been blind to this for years and had to analyze my entire life to piece it all together to get to the conclusion of bpd, so having quiet bpd means my symptoms manifest a little different making it even more difficult to diagnose, so frustrating. We definitely need more awareness of this. Men have feelings too dammit!
I would've never thought I had it without smoking weed. It made me feel safe enough to pull my thoughts back and helped me to understand myself for a moment. I'm gonna see help very soon.
Try to find an experienced therapist who specialises in Dialectical Therapy. Research on this is extremely hopeful!
I am so sorry to hear that Jommamo, it takes a lot of strength to soul search yourself to realise that. I hope now you are on the path to healing, I have only just found out the exact same thing :( best of luck to you in the future we can fight this!
I'm 36 yr old male same symptoms I feel trapped in my body and head I want a release from this hell
I’m clearly projecting and idgaf. You BPDs are fkn losers and just fkn leave people alone. We no longer care for you and if we showed that we did it’s because were afraid of you. We all secretly wish you would just waste away into nothing because that’s what you are: easily forgettable and incurable. Go do humanity a favour and roam the street where you belong.
“A child who is shunned by his village will burn the village to the ground to feel it’s warmth”
My life.
Oof, that rang true a little too much. All I can say is you’re not alone. Not by a long shot.
Ye
I now know that I tend to be attracted to men with these traits. I feel so confused and sad about traits like these. It has ruined what started as a promising life. Now I have complex trauma issues. All I know is abuse creates abusers. It will end with me. Don't hate these people, just help yourself. You cannot save anyone but you.
Sympathy for you and i wish more women realize this fact sooner in life, not wasting it on men who will never be cured from their traumas
me too
exactly
@@denishtrivedi3071 "Don't hate these people, just help yourself. You cannot save anyone but you.
" Thank you, I needed that.
Why Look,
Thanks for your comment brother. I agree with everything you've said. That guy is 100% a simp trying get a woman's approval by throwing men under the bus. It's really hard out for a mentally ill man when nobody cares about how you are feeling or what you are experiencing.
this is a really interesting topic! i have some bpd symptoms and i always felt like they were really similar to my dad’s, except his were more intense. i feel like he has bpd, but he shows it in a different way than i do. also maybe one reason it’s under diagnosed is because male anger is more normalized, and when women show intense anger it’s taken more seriously. i’ve noticed this with other disorders too. my psych teacher said more females have depression than men, and i was surprised she didn’t mention the fact that maybe men just present depression differently, and they’re less likely to seek help. thanks for the video!
Me too Gabriele, my father is BPD and he had a dreadful rage but he was obsessed by my mother. I am BPD.
Exactly. It’s so sad how deeply ingrained misogyny is in literally every single aspect of our culture.
I think men also suck at understanding when they are angry most times. It's not just mental you feel it in your body
It's probably true though. More females are on hormone altering medication than men.
Although, no one would have thought I had depression as a young man. Just a chronic rager. I just felt sad all of the time and I was angry that I still had to do everything that was expected of me without failing, and I didn't get an increase in support during my hardship. I really was hurting a lot and no one could care enough to make a difference for any length of time. I had to approach tasks as if I was going to fight for my life or I would just cave. I'm sure a lot of people thought I was just a jerk.
Finally I have heard someone mention possessive over people but also being emotionally distant enough you can't let them hurt you enough. Not such a lonely feeling anymore.
Having lived with a man with BPD....I can see it clearly. He always refused treatment
how do you know he has it? because he's been diagnosed or because you armchair diagnosed him?
@@misssugarpink6357 haha good reply. gotta love it when you go into the comments to try to get insightful comments about BPD and instead run into people who don't know what they're talking about at all.
You can not diagnose your partners. You are not a medical professional. So stop doing that.
I had no idea about this misconception. Kinda felt like I was the only person on this planet with this disorder lol. That’s why I like reading his comments😊
I'm 37 and just knew. I'm on reading/viewing marathon to understand. What a relief, it can be healed 😭 i won't die this way
I am 34 and just found out I have BPD, along with BMS, GAD and Celtic Arthritis, I think this puts me in about the 110% risk range of suicide lol, but I can go and fuck myself, I refuse.
The next DSM needs to include the four subtypes of BPD. I'm sure my subtype is quiet/self destructive, and I don't present in the usual way
If you don’t mind me asking, as a quiet bpd how do behaviours present in you?
@@cannonballlight4939 I remember watching a video on this. I'll try find it for you. I hope I can
there is not really 4 subtypes, it's petulant and the other 3. All 4 oscillate though, and I haven't heard even once that a person w/ BPD falls into one category perfectly.
The best seperation I know is vulnerable (which is the impulsive, self-destructive type; borderline/impulsive-type in the ICD) and authoritarian (histrionic, could actually absorb the whole construct of HPD, self-image-subtype in the ICD)
I agree completely. My subtype is exactly the same as yours. I am by far my own worst enemy!!!
This is my loser brother and also has comorbid with ASPD. I do not have any love for him anymore. He tortured me growing up and my undiagnosed NPD/BPD mother never once stopped him from abusing me. He is 7 years older. He has been this way since I was born. He verbally abused me a lot when we were home alone together when our mother moved us to another country. I was 9 and he was 16, screaming his head off at me.
Wow these male traits fit my long term on/off partner more than NPD traits. He has been microdosing and had a lot of the NPD traits diminish but these core traits are the same and always resurface.
I’m glad you found the video helpful. I wish you all the best.
I honestly don't remember any of what I just heard; but I remember feeling enlightened in the very moments that I was hearing it; ironically that's one of the reasons that calls me to Dr. Fox's content. Im 99.99% sure BPD is the cause for my shattered focus, waning memory, emptiness, and confusion; I call it Erebus; im 30 yo now and i've delt with the erebus since I was very little. ALL of my thinking is negative and/or fantasy; im sure i probably began to do this to create a barrier against the real pain, distance and discomforts I felt for the people and the world around me when i was little but it spiraled out of my control; even my fantasies conjure very real and overwhelming emotions. Im tangled in a vine of my own imagination, i guess; I can hardly learn a new skill or get to know someone new because of this. In a since "im not a real person" I never knew who to be so now i masquerade as someone I figure to be acceptable. ....just getting some of it off of my chest.
i can really relate to it, maybe it's because my parents were so strict and that made me not want to do things so I won't get criticized so I turned into me own mind and thoughts so I don't need to deal with consequences if I do something and don't succeed
Uncanny that you would call it Erebus. I am diagnosed BPD and I write music. One of my songs is called 'Beside Erebus'. It may not be your thing but I just thought that was an interesting coincidence, so I thought I would share the song with you. I hope you have managed to untangle yourself a little bit over the last couple of years. Much love to you man, it's not an easy road. 🖤 ruclips.net/video/UjGpGShqpKE/видео.html
I felt every word of this, I could have written this myself. I am sick of not being in control of my emotions. I fly off the handle too easy, I get so anxious sometimes I feel physically sick to my stomach. And the mood swings…one random intrusive thought can send me from in a good mood, to pissed off and ranting to myself about whatever happened. The depression is fucking endless. I feel like there is a black hole inside of me, where if I’m not actively experiencing an intense emotion like anger or sadness, I instead feel empty. I am tired of feeling either like a robot or like my emotions are about to explode out of me, with no in between…I envy normal people.
I have a brother with BPD. His actions have caused major problems for the rest of the family. I've accepted that (deep down) he is not a bastard, he has this personality disorder. The relatives who are malignant narcissists I just consider evil.
When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted. I spent 12 years in children's homes.
😢
Damn dude that's fucked up.
damn
Hey we love u bro ❤️
Yes! Please talk more about BPD men because usually people only talk about women and often confuse men with BPD with covert narcissists or a comorbidity.
thanks doc i'm male and i'm bpd, i have had so many tell me men can't have it
do you have sisters?
@@nobodynowhere5213 yes 2, one has bpd the other has aspd
@@aoifearies1977 Thanks, i was interested in how it works in families that have both males & females.
i'm male and bpd too. i know the pain. i hear such all the time too.
@@nobodynowhere5213 oh you are very welcome, my family is very complicated
Difference no. 1 is basically that mental health (not only BPD) is still viewed as unmanly, especially if that guy wants to have/or is in a relationship.
When they are working on them with awareness... N getting help n all otherwise they will always destruct others... N we all need awareness whether bpd or not.
They thought I had bipolar although I had no manic symptoms but recently my diagnosis changed to bpd
I've noticed quite a bit of men in the support groups have been diagnosed with NPD as well or show strong traits.
I'd say there would be just as many female narcissists. The reason they don't get diagnosed as much is because they're covert, which means they're harder to spot than men. Whereas men are typically more overt, hence why they're easier to diagnose. So despite what we've been told; the statistics are a bit inaccurate.
MUCH NEEDED video, especially on misdiagnosis in men/women in regards to NPD. I'll be sharing this one!
Strong video Dr. D.F. keep them coming ! Thank you for the insights.
Thanks Dr. Fox, spot on with everything! Coming from a male with EUPD! (BPD for Americans)
Always checking out your stuff so I can self reflect and best know how to apply new thought patterns and techniques! Self soothing is something I lack for sure.
Thanks Doc, as always, informative and greatly appreciated! A display of genuine character and caring is more than evident in what you do here on this channel! Rare and valuable.
I don’t know how I haven’t found your videos sooner. You literally have all the information my therapists didn’t except for one very good one. You are already helping my life and I’m grateful people like you exist man 🖤
So grateful for no ad
You’re the best dr Fox! Keep making these helpful videos :)
This stuff has been so hard on me in the last year that I feel like I'm getting dementia, I drift in and out sometimes hours go by and I don't even know what's happened, and sometimes every once and while I'm completely normal(whatever that is lol I feel better is a maybe the proper word). Today I can think clearly so far maybe it will last maybe it won't, im glad I found this channel, thankyou for making these, just being able to define what's happening to me somehow makes it easier to tolerate even though I would still describe it as unbearable.
This makes sense. Thnx. Having BPD as a female I have always wondered.
A very interesting and informative post, thank you.
Wow this is incredible content Dr. Fox.
Thank you Dr. Fox for all your info. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar but really have bpd. Because of your teachings i realized my male friend has bpd when I first thought he was just a narcissist.
I think my fiance has BPD traits--as well as his diagnosed TBI and PTSD. This can be very challenging. On the one hand he's brilliant, on the other hand in men BPD traits tend to manifest as anger and narcissistic Tendencies. This is true of him.
When he's not engaging in these things he's very loving and empathetic and insightful and a deep person, also playful and wonderfully creative.
But the TBI (traumatic brain injury), PTSD, and the Borderline traits, plus narcissistic tendencies make it very hard. Thankfully he responded to my urging him to get back on medication and find more relevant and effective therapy. But it's three steps forward then one alarming big step back. Were it not for the effective medication and the very great therapist he found, our relationship probably wouldn't have survived, which would have been tragic, because we love each other very dearly.
What medication was that please, struggling myself
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN
@@annbet3684do you say the same for women? I'm only asking because I just began a relationship with a very nice woman that has been diagnosed BDP?
Lol people telling strangers what to do with their own relationship in one word: run is interesting. Doesn't strike me as someone I would deem fit to take unsolicited advice from.
Hey my names Benjamin yorston or just Ben lol I literally have everything you just said your husband had has. If you Google Ben yorston air gun you'll see how I got my Tbi.I've just started taking quetiapine and epilem/valporate.I just sought help with my mental health I'm 30 and divorced and living a incredibly erratic life I can only say is up down up down down lol... anyways can you or your husband chat with me over your experience with it? I'm not expecting a therapist session or anything but I just wanted to know how I can turn my life around cheers and thank you
Thank you for this content. Needed it today.
Info is so accurate about these gender differences in the same disorder. Well done.
Your videos are not only fascinating but also really helpful. I've been trying to learn as much as I can about this disorder because my daughter's father has BPD and it's been tough. It's difficult to reason with someone who doesn't have the same reasonable outlook on things. Also, if you have any other advice on dealing with someone with BPD it would be greatly appreciated. I'm not sure how to have a productive conversation when the other person is always so sure they know your motives or who always think there is something you're not sharing. Thank you so very much. I'm doing my best to separate the behaviors that are due to his BPD from normal personality traits so I can be as understanding as possible but it's not easy.
Thanks for this. I’d really like to see more on male bpd.
This was a super interesting video, Dr. Fox! It was cool to see how bpd manifests differently in a male vs. female brain. Out of curiosity, do you plan on making a video about bpd being comorbid with antisocial pd?
I have thought I am BPD for a decade. But drs just want to shove pills at problems. Unfortunately I've never had the financial means to deal with my mental health.
Thank you for this video. Its really cleared things up for me
Great material. Thank you!
I love your video, Dr. Fox. You are one of the few genuinely sympathetic psychologists here on YT! Thank you!
Wow, thank you!
Recently discovered I suffer from BPD & destroyed an amazing relationship and hurt a really nice girl because of my own insecurities and past trauma. It’s very hard to look myself in the eyes however trying to take it day-to-day & hope to one day be in a position to love & be loved in a healthy way.
It takes courage to acknowledge your struggles and work on yourself. Keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Extremely helpful, thank you so much!
Okay so you’re the first person I trust with helping me go through with getting a diagnosis because no one in my family even thinks it’s possible I have bpd
Thank you for your videos. I have learned so much! My husband has been given a diagnosis of borderline and schizotypal along with bipolar 1. Do you have any suggestions for where to learn about this or would you consider doing a video on this interesting mix?
Can't wait for the video on schizotypal and BPD... I think my boyfriend might have comorbid schizotypal and NPD but obviously I'm not a doctor, however I'm a social worker and interested in learning more about these disorders to help those who are in relationships, friendships etc with those who suffer from these disorders but also to maybe help those who have these disorders and are self aware enough to seek out help... gives me hope reading the comment section as it sounds like there are many out there suffering from this disorder who want help and healing. I grew up with a mother who has comorbid BPD and NPD and possibly APD... so I have struggled with healing traits of these disorders myself such as distorted thinking, projection, but then also a lot of self blame, anxiety and depression... we are all a work in progress and I appreciate all of the knowledge you bring and I can't wait to learn more! Thank you 🙌🙏
thank you so much for sharing!
I diagnost with BPD im male 35 yo i hope every one with any disorder stay strong and try hardly to help yourselves.bpd is very difficult
Thanks, I’ll read the Book you suggested.
Thanks for the book recommendation.
This is my 3rd time looking into bpd, after neglecting having it, after 2 of your videos I feel confident to self diagnose. Your information and wording are very good, unfortunately I have to agree with just about everything in this video. Bpd really is a bitch, I always think I'm getting better and end up crashing worse than before. Feels like the cycle happens faster now, I'm 20 years old,(fairly healthy despite the smoke) I just want to be alone, I don't want to deal anybody anymore I just want to be alone. I don't want to hurt anyone so I try to stay away but that hurts them too? And idk if I'm being selfish or selfless
boys don't cry and girls don't rage
Thank you. Very helpful
Two doctors claimed that i had narcissistic personal disorder but later on i met another doctor who was sure I had Borderline. I think a lot of us men get the wrong diagnosis. I started with DPT which is a therapy for BPD and it has helped me so much.
I hope ya'll understand my english 😊
Regretfully the noise on diagnosis is pervasive. Remember, diagnosis is not for self-definition but treatment.
@@DrDanielFox
💯💯💯
Exactly!
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!
Dr fox is the only person I go to to find Information about my bpd, he’s amazing really amazing and I’m a better mother partner and person by him doing these videos as I can see how I treat others Aswell as what I do and why. He knows it all how on earth he knows how I think feel and act is scary, I trust his knowledge 100% and is the only person I go to for help , please don’t stop your videos you have changed my life thank you xxx
I would love to see more videos about Histrionic PD as well as cluster A and cluster C. Both in comorbidity with other PDs and on their own.
My BPD left for no reason. Im heartbroken
oh my god
Spot on with the list for me.
Glad it helped!
Dr Fox, is it common to see male BPD (more quiet introverted presentation) with avoidant PD traits as well? My ex partner has both traits, and also OCD, relationship OCD (obsessing over the "rightness" of the relationship, if I was the "one" etc).
Thank you!
I don’t know to get help but I want it. I’ve quarantined myself from close relationships because I’ve been aware of differences in myself but don’t know how to deal with them anymore. I’ve been alone for 6 years now and am feeling more than lost than ever. Are you in the San Antonio area Dr. Fox?
I've recently been diagnosed with bpd and now I'm confused on why I should continue with therapy or medication. I've read I hate you dont leave me and now it seems treatment is pointless. I've done years of dbt and does nothing for me and a ton of different medicine which always made me worse. In the book it states most adults grow out of it around 40. I just need someone to give me a legit reason to keep going when the treatment makes me worse.
Meditate meditate meditate
I love your channel . I’m a 35 year old male who was diagnosed bpd 9 years ago after multiple hospitalizations and extreme chaos in life. I had almost all 9 of the 9 symptom criteria. I went through 1 year of Dbt and have been in talk therapy since diagnosis . Now my life has come together in many ways. Haven’t self injured in 8 years , I’ve attained a Career, sobriety etc BUT I still deal with black and white thinking and emotional dysregulation. I have no close relationships , no real friends or romantic partners. I struggle with compulsive sexual behavior , obsessive porn use and impulsive high risk encounters with people from chat rooms etc. I avoid intimacy because I know my darkness inside can make a relationship impossible. Otherwise everything else in my life looks pretty normal. I’ve recently learned about covert narcissism and I’m absolutely terrified I may have it. I’m so afraid . I feel like once you are narc your untreatable and doomed for a life of loneliness and pain. I’ve spent decades in severe inner turmoil and pain and the prospect of spending the rest of my life in that is terrifying. I always held on to some kind of hope that someday the light would go off and I’d be okay, happy and comfortable in my own skin. The prospect of having npd on top of bpd is too much to bare. To be clear no clinician has ever suggested to me that I’m a narcissist but having reading the criteria for covert narcissism I’m finding myself identify with a ton of it. It’s a Pandora’s box I wish I never opened and now I feel physically sick at the prospect I may have it. Living with borderline was bad enough, but atleast there is some sympathy for borderlines. That we were broken badly but not incapable of love or being good people. Narcissists on the other other hand are seen as just plain evil. Those lacking souls . I’m so afraid . Growing up we are constantly told not to label people, to not put people in boxes yet if you have one of these personality disorders you are labeled and you are put in a box. I can live with bpd because I held on to the hope that it’s treatable. I can’t live with npd because the prospects on its remission seem so poor. I really hope to god I’m not a narcissist. The terrifying statistic that 40 percent of people with bpd also have npd makes me feel so hopeless
Thank you. I’m glad you find my material helpful. Be well.
There's a new diadnosis being proposed; covert borderline. Basically you have borderline with traits similar to covert narcissism but you can actually feel love and empathy, even hyper-emathy on rare occassion. It's not strange you identify alot with covert NPD since it can look very similar to male borderline on the surface. But you have one giant advantage over the narcissist if you're a male borderline, and one over the female borderline: you genuinely love people, and you're alot less dysregulated. It might be that some of your NPD traits never fully go away but your borderline ones will, but since you can feel empathy and love you actually have a chance of curbing those too even if they might show up as roadblocks from time to time due to emotional dysregulation or boredom, epecially since the dysregulation fuels the NPD/ASPD in borderline men. If you can more successfully resolve this more you should be able to stay "on track" good person-wise in large part.
Basically what I'm saying is dont give up bro, being a male borderline is still better than having full blown npd, youre still "half good" (whatever that means) and even when youre in a narcissistic or psychopathic self state deep down youre capable of feeling positive emotions too, youre not all bad. Damaged yes, but not totally evil or anything. Im a male BPD most likely too, being screened for it atm, and while yes it's disturbing and scary that it in males BPD have more NPD/ASPD in it, it also has it's benefits. It protects you to a greater extent from dysregulation and at least grandiosity is sort of accepted for men, and we're generelly pretty well organized for borderlines and hard workers compared to the female BPD's who are unfortunately pretty much always at the bottom of society. Both the classic and covert have their plus. Classic is easier to treat due to less grandiosity, but theyre more disregulated and labile emotionally, covert is harder to treat but youre gonna be more put together naturally which might negate that minus that comes with the npd tendencies. Also all cluster b disorders are intermixed, they overlap alot so dont get caught up on definitions too much. Just know being a borderline you at least have a shot in therapy because you have access to empathy. That being said it is EXTREMELY painful to live with since you behave bad and actually feel bad about it and love the person underneath the mess, and drive people away since they dont know what to do with you or who you are
@@CoolaJokern thanks for the kind words. I’m not giving up. I’ve got decent things going for me. Stable career, healthy etc I just hate the identity disturbance and intense emotions. Being at war with myself for decades has taken its toll on me im exhausted
@@jrbknyc8785 did it improve with sobriety?
Since I’m pretty sure I have some sort of disorder, how do I make certain I’m getting the proper diagnosis? Any recommendations please?
I was told by the psychiatrist many years ago as a required part of applying for Social Security that i had BPD. I didn't really buy it because I talked to a few other people who also had applied for SS, whose psychs ALSO diagnosed them with BPD. But....the more I've looked into BPD (also considering a have a female friend who's BPD) the more I wonder if I have it. I've never brought it up with any counselors I've had since then. I'm wondering if I should find a counselor and do just that. I'm afraid to because I don't want to find out that that's what I am.
Hi Doc.
What is a common non ssri non snri medication
prescribed in the USA
for bpd in males?
Great vids. Thanks.
Magic mushrooms 🤷🏻♂️
Hi Dr. Fox, I’m reading your book and I don’t understand the difference between trigger‘s and buttons. I looked it up on the Internet and the way they are being used as if they were the same thing, but you say they’re not. Could you explain the difference in one of your videos please? Thank you.
I have a video on this very thing. ruclips.net/video/wJr1rc_eleg/видео.html
Got it, thanks 😀
Dr Fox you're my only friend.
Thanks for this ...I have a daughter who is grown up and lives in another country, who has been diagnosed with BPD. I have been learning about it from a female perspective but I also wondered if it looked the same in a male. I recently broke up with a man whom in the beginning exhibited a few minor red flags but he was under a lot of stress at the time. Later thou the behaviour became just undeniably evident that there was alot more going on up there than just stress. Looking into male BPD I'm very certain that he has this. Failed relationships distorted veiw of what Is exceptable behaviour In a healthy relationship, huge ego etc etc. He is 62 so he was just labeled as a loose head from childhood on. He obviously had a lovely side otherwise I wouldn't have given him a look in.
It's just such a shame to think of how many people past present and future are going to be misdiagnosed or just overlooked as being a " bad" person or many other derogatory terms when if it was more widely known, more could be reached earlier on in life and had a chance at a better life themselves, including the people around them too, who ultimately suffer also.
I’m glad you found the video helpful and I wish you and your daughter all the best.
This was very interesting! So do we know if these differences occur because of how we are socialized or is it purely biological?
My guess is that it’s a mix of the two but I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Yes, nature and nurture. It's a different mix for each person as to which is expressed and how.
I'm 22 got diagnosed when I was 19 . With. Bpd and PTSD comorbid . Been on meds but currently not i stopped them about March its i feel normal without them
This is interesting... if the neurobiology is different and the symptoms and expression are different in BPD between males and females, how to you know that it’s the same disorder?
that's a good question. there's probably more to it... the overlap in symptoms and other similarities that are possibly being assumed as understood, and not time to go into in a short video...
Exactly what i was thinking!
I would think the answer would be along the lines of: Personality disorders are based on diagnostic criteria related to external behaviors. There is no diagnostic criteria relating to brain activity or structure. Brain structure and activity can give insight into the reasons why an individual might have a deficit in one area or have the compulsion to act out in some way. However, it does not dictate whether that person actually chooses to display certain behaviors. It might be that structure and brain activity sets a person up for developing the disorder and environment/intervention or lack of intervention triggers and/or sustains the disorder. Brain imaging studies give us a little bit of insight/allows us to give possible explanations. However, it does NOT dictate what an individual ultimately decides to do, behaviorally.
Also, I do not see him saying the criteria for the disorders are different between males/females. For example, suicide attempts are common in both males and females. The difference is in whether the suicide attempt is more likely to be lethal. Men are more likely to choose means of suicide that are more likely to kill them. Both men and women diagnosed with BPD would meet the diagnostic criteria...otherwise, they would not be diagnosed.
Great question and it goes to core content and surface content which fits in particular disorder presentations. That's the nutshell and it would take too long to explain it all here but it's great that you're thinking about it. Please remember, Dx is for treatment guidance and not definition of self. Thx
Which personality disorder is the easiest to get to self-realization that "Yes, I have the problem. I really need help." ? Is it BPD ? There is not that much informations about impulsive type.
Question: are people with BPD able to contron themselves? and if not, are they able to recognize that they are doing something "wrong" or incorrect but still unable to control it and still doing it?
Serious question: Is chronic dissociation to avoid abandonment considered a symptom of BPD? Also, is it common in BPD to feel like if you did something that could threaten a relationship, you almost always resort to self harm as a coping mechanism? I'm talking about both intimate dating type relationships as well as best friend relationships where there is nothing sexual. Does this make sense to anyone who may or may not have BPD?
I’m not sure if the dissociation is to avoid abandonment, but it is it’s own symptom of bpd. As to The second question, yes, that could be a behavior seen in bpd. I have bpd and involuntarily/spontaneously self harm during moments of relationship volatility or fights. It does feel like I am punishing myself for the abandonment I have incurred, and it’s the ONLY situation in which I self harm.
Dr Fox, is self harm always present in BPD? If someone only exhibits some of these traits (attachment/jealousy issues but only in romantic relationships), irrational anger outburst but under extreme stress (full lack of sleep or mental stress) are they still BPD? What kind of treatment is appropriate for someone who exhibits “light” symptoms?
I can answer the self-harm question, no they do not all self-harm. The other questions are a bit more detailed for the answer here. Some people have traits not the full disorder. Therapy can be very effective in these cases too.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you! Watching and learning from all of your videos. I wish you had a practice in California.
I have it and can relate to it all tbh
thanks
I thought I was an emotional sociopath for the longest time. I might have a few tendencies, but it's all thanks to bpd!
Do a collab with Dr Grande
Would it be possible for someone as successful as a pathologist to have traits of bpd .. or high functioning bpd . My partner has been a high achiever all his life , but he struggles with extreme mood states , suicidal ideation , and has addiction issues , before he was with me he had a full blown alcohol and sex addiction .. that was pretty profound !!! Buy he managed to keep his work life in check , except for when he snapped at a consultant and screamed at him , and had to apologise . I broke up with him once , because his behaviors became scary and he text and rang an outrageous amount of times .. so I suspect fear of abdomment too .. it's so weird I've never been with someone so successful but with so many issues
Very possible
It's weird that you think just because someone is successful that they can't have human problems. Being SUCCESSFUL doesn't mean you are PERFECT.
@@cliffkonkle3467 I dont think that now , but I feel like originally I was lead to believe by professionals people with clucter b traits live in the fringes of society and don't achieve much because of their personality issues..
i am a regular guy and i wad diagnosed with some personality disorder. maybe this one?
5:16 - dang that list is like seeing myself in the friggin mirror.
Is there scientific differences between sex and gender concerning bpd, because even if sb who has a female sex identifies as a male gender he still has a lot of female hormons in the system that would affect brain structure, aggression...?
Not sure if it’s im impossible to love or if i attract the wrong ones :( I don’t know how much longer i can take all this
Brandon, I may not know you but I doubt that you're impossible to love. Please keep working on loving yourself by doing what it takes to heal and learn coping skills. It sounds like you also haven't met someone who's a good match for you. I wish you the best. Don't give up! You deserve happiness.
You can love mate that’s the easier part, it’s that you have to feel lovable in order to receive the love back
Ohh and about attracting the wrong ones, we accept and attract the love we think we deserve.
I think inner work is key in the beginning of the journey of a fulfilling life and partnership
We have to learn to see ourselves as being lovable before we can attract or accept or expect others to find us lovable.
What's up Brandon? Are you constantly dating Narcissistic partners? This is very common among those with bpd. This can give u the feelings u described, ive felt them. Take care.
I was diagnosed with BPD from my psych but, it's hard to know exactly what's going on. (I'm a male). I feel like I have a lot of the traits but, not all of them. Impulsivity was a big for me and, just getting in trouble with the law in general. Does anyone have GAD as well with this? One of the worst things I feel is around people in general.
My anxiety goes into overdrive and, that's when the problems starts. I've had a diagnosis of Bipolar multiple times in my life. (I don't believe I have it) Those type of meds don't seem to treat any part of it. So, just trying to see if anyone has similar symptoms to me (Especially the bad anxiety). It's frustrating to say the least.
Impulsive.substance abuse as a means to escape being shy and antisocial feeling empty or guilty and escaping shame and when I sayour impulsive I mean dangerous situations etc no self worth like I feel I hate myself.intelligent and creative such as musically I'm a genius lol but ask me a math question I'm stuffed feeling lonely but wanting to lock myself away when I'm not drunk or high etc got diagnosed an now on quetiapine an valporate feeling alot better. Talk to mental health lol
@@sativaknight9358 Yeah, it sucks all around. My doctors really can't do much since, I tried everything. I just hope that, maybe new treatments will be developed for the Depression / anxiety in general. Seroquel made me feel better BUT that stopped it because I have diabetes. (That's hard to deal with). Your symptoms sound a lot like me though! Anyways, I'm happy you are doing good on those 2 meds.
You definitely seem to know your stuff, and you seem to know it right down to the different gender expressions of BPD, and the neurological underpinnings that cause it. I'm not sure whether to congratulate you for seeking out further post-doc training on differential diagnosis and gender differences in personality disorders or whether to write a thank you letter to the program from which you received your PhD and congratulate them on the stellar curriculum they offer?
It's my subjective opinion that Cluster B disorders are so frequently un- or misdiagnosed because differential diagnosis of personality disorders is not taught to psych students neither at the undergrad nor grad student level at university (or at least it's not in the US). Heck, even MFTs should have a depth of knowledge about these disorders, as they are the cause of many marital and family dynamic problems. It is unconscionable (to me) that universities are turning out clinical psychologists with PhDs WITHOUT training them in the differential diagnosis of personality disorders, and most especially the Cluster Bs, which all seem to be variants of sociopathy (what seems to differentiate one from the other is what drives them to behave like a sociopath, and they don't always behave in that manner). NOTE: I'm well aware that people with BPD are capable of being incredibly loving, lovable, charming, vulnerable and cuddly human beings when they're not sadistically mentally torturing others to try to tear them down until their self-esteem is too low to ever abandon them (or ghosting them, or killing them in a murder-suicide).
I don't suffer from BPD but I think it is absolutely outrageous that so many people with BPD are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder (because that's how it can appear if you've never studied Cluster B disorders). These poor souls get medicated to the hilt with lithium and who knows what else and it does nothing to help their tremendous suffering. I think THAT might be more harmful than actually *mis*diagnosing them with NPD or AsPD. However, most clinicians consider AsPD to be untreatable and, in severe cases, made worse by therapy, which could deter/prevent that person from ever receiving the DBT they so desperately need to help regulate their constantly shifting emotions. I'm ranting; on to my point...
Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and information freely on RUclips. This is a population who most desperately needs all the help they can get from genuinely knowledgeable clinicians (who seem to be truly rare creatures?). Some of the lower-functioning individuals will never have the money to pay for the treatment they need. Also, I sincerely appreciate you posting citations in the comment section, as well as some links to some other relevant reading. I had not yet heard of "Hard to Love" before seeing your video today.
At the risk of coming across as argumentative, I would say that it has been my subjective (and unfortunate) experience to disagree somewhat with the title of that book. I find that people with BPD are very easy to love regardless of their sex. What is difficult is being a psychologically healthy person with a high degree of empathy and a neurotypical brain, and also trying to remain in a dysfunctional, toxic and repeatedly traumatizing relationship with someone who suffers from BPD for more than a few months. Perhaps I'm splitting hairs? It is, after all, just meant to be an attention-grabbing title that will ring true to enough people that it will inspire them to make the purchase.
Thank you for doing the difficult and challenging work that you do for a population of highly vulnerable (and trauma-inducing) people who really need a highly committed, unwavering, and knowledgeable ally in their corner. These are not people with whom I'd feel comfortable enclosed in a room for 50 unpredictable minutes. I respect and appreciate that you are a person who is willing and able to step into that role.
If you aren't yet in possession of a bright red cape, please let me know. I believe every superhero should have the opportunity to have one.
Lastly, If you haven't yet watched Mr. BPD here on RUclips, his videos are quite the predictable roller coaster journey through the mind of an abusive BPD male. I don't know if you teach at the university level or possibly have fellows, but if you do, his videos provide a range of very useful insight into the thinking patterns of BPD males. He recently had all his teeth pulled...all of them. All I could think was, "Well, that's a new form of self-harm I had not yet read about." ruclips.net/channel/UCP-QnABHiY0FTHLKJa2exRQ
I'm glad you have some compassion for those of us with cluster B disorders. I myself am diagnosed with Autism, Bipolar type 1, OCD, PTSD, and BPD. However, on a video where people like me will surely be reading the comment sections, and just for the pure sake of showing actual empathy, could you please refrain from using hurtful and honestly laughable comments like "I wouldn't be left in a room with someone with BPD for more than 50 minutes".... I can't explain enough how out of line you are, I am in no way sociopathic, I think you need to do a little more research. And until you know what it is to undergo the inner turmoil of having a mental disorder, you should keep your unsightly comparisons of people with disorders and those without to yourself; your comment about you being the one truly in pain whilst "condemned" to being in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder is not only sorely unsympathetic, it's one of the ugliest and most painful misconceptions that people like you spread like wildfire, you have no idea how many people you unintentionally hurt when you say things like this publicly. I understand you've been hurt and I'm sorry for that. I have too, but you need to heal from that and stop using your bad experiences to demonize people you have never met.
@@mysterywilliams8241 My own sister with BPD has physically attacked me (unprovoked) and my ex-fiance with BPD caused me to develop PTSD so badly it took me four years to even be able to work again. Based on those two experiences, I feel like I'm being quite fair when I say what I said I'm not the person who is suited to be in a room, one-on-one, with someone else with BPD, and especially not if I'm supposed to be "helping" them in the way this psychologist is supposed to help people. People with BPD need someone who is impervious to rage, and I'm just not that person. I'm also very glad there are people who can handle it, even if I'm not one of them.
Now, I also am not someone who has all-or-nothing thinking patterns. I can say that although my sister and ex-fiance did considerable harm to me psychologically, they both also have many loving and great qualities. Even though that is true, I would never consider sleeping under the same roof as either one of them after they've demonstrated what they are capable of doing. Neither of them are sociopaths...although both of them have a few sociopathic traits...yet both can be incredibly dangerous to others at the (seemingly) oddest and most unexpected times. Now knowing what I know about them, I'd be a fool to trust either one of them again. I am capable of learning from my mistakes. They've both already fooled me too many times; they've burned that bridge (yet I still have love both of them).
Just because those are my sentiments, it does not mean it is requisite for you to agree with me or to even believe me, for that matter. I'm a complete stranger to you. You don't know what kind of person I am, or even if I'm someone whose opinion you should value. Heck, I could be a stone-cold psychopath for all you know (I'm not, but you don't really know that). Now, if what I posted rings true for who you are as a person, I can certainly understand why you might feel bad.
I'm very sorry that my words somehow made you feel pained because of my comments. It certainly was not my intention to cause you (or anyone else) pain or sadness (or distress). My words and sentiments are my truth, alone. It's also true that it's not necessary for you to value my experiences or opinions. You can have your own, and hopefully, you do.
If you are one of those individuals with BPD who have never harmed anyone else, please...PLEASE...do not allow my comments to somehow make you feel bad or worse or angry or less-than. If you are someone who has never harmed anyone else, my comments do not apply to you at all.
You know what kind of human being you are, and I have no insight into who you are. If you are a truly good person, I would encourage you to continue being that person.
We can each have different experiences, and hold different opinions, and even change our opinions when we have new and better information. It really should be ok for us to see things differently and to hold different points of view. We are, after all, different people with different experiences and temperaments.
I'm well aware that I'm talking about a spectrum disorder. Hopefully, you can also understand that, because of my experiences, I could never be the kind of helper that this psychologist is.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me, and I very much appreciate and respect your opinion and differing point of view. I also thank you for your kind words.
More importantly, I hope you can find a way to heal from the many hurts you've experienced.
I need so much help to deal with it :(
really interesting, I wondered what the signs are in men. I feel with women it's easier to spot, probably because I don't get romantically involved with men, where signs would come up more readily, I estimate
Can you be diagnosed with two cluster B personality disorders? I was surprised to hear you mention people having two of them. Especially in the dimensional conceptualization of personality disorders, I'd have a hard time imagining how one could have two personality disorders.
Absolutely, if you meet criteria for both.
Yes. I have BPD and some traits of OCPD
I had an "ex" who was diagnosed with bpd and ppd
Being diagnosed hasn't helped.
Can't keep a job, and I couldn't afford therapy even when I did have one.
I just know that I'm broken, and things probably won't get better.
You got this
Do you want another bullshit response, like hang in there tiger, or do you want the truth.. it's like living in hell. You want to love and be loved by we destroy what we love, and push away those that make us feel love. Over and over again. I've gotten to a point I don't even date anymore, not because I don't want to, but because I don't want to destroy those I care about. (And it is 100% I will). It's a lonely existence. I'm looking forward to dying, because I feel whatever comes next, there's a real good chance it's better than this.
@@antonioorsini3833 tha'ts deep, I'm really sorry and also I can relate
@@antonioorsini3833 i feel one hundred percent exactly the same. And it makes me feel both better and worse at the same time. Cool that I'm not alone and that there is a channel like this and videos which finally makes me feel that I'm not just crazy. But then all theese comments and all theese people living with this immense pain and trails of destruction...bro i dont know what to say but you're not alone and yes it is pure hell.
Can you do a video about bpd and aspd comorbidity
I have one on psychopathy that may help answer some of your questions. Be well. Btw, I know aspd is NOT psychopathy.
5:17 i find it disterbingly frustrated
@Dr.Daniel Fox
Can someone have THREE cluster B disorders? I recognise aspd, npd and bpd in my ex.
My question for you is how do I go about discussing this issue with my male partner. I have BPD. I've been in treatment for years now. I see very similar symptoms, behaviors, beliefs and changes in my husband that I now see in myself. I would love for him to see a dr in regards getting any diagnosis however, my couple attempts to help him be more comfortable with opening up to a dr have been shut down so quickly that I don't have any opportunity to get my real life concerns voiced. Can you help me with finding the right words to say to him without him shutting down to the point of anger and explosiveness. I've been planting seeds in hopes that he will get to that point but it seems manipulative and disrespectful. I don't want to be or do anything like that anymore but I just see so much potential in him and I know that he will benefit greatly from therapy bc every single person with or without a mental illness would benefit greatly from having a therapist. Even if I'm 100% wrong about this I still feel like I'm helping him with his depression. Idk maybe it's just not my place and I should just let it go. Okay don't answer that question. lol my actual question is how do I let this go without being utterly depressed about it?!
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I wish i never had BPD. I scare off every woman i meet. I just want someone to love me…
I’m super curious about why women and men have different parts of the brain showing gray matter. The way that I heard that is that early trauma or damage done (?) perhaps effects a more vulnerable part of the male or female brain? So of course personality disorders will be expressed differently as we are biologically different. Then I found myself thinking-we have made gender so political that we can’t even do these studies without a major act of deconstruction-and agreement-which never seems to happen, even, and especially when if benefits our collective mental health.
Very interesting thought. Thanks for sharing.
If the signs are different and reasons of the signs are different ( different brain) then why both is called BPD?
Can you describe a normal man please?
LoL