A great video which I can show my clients, thank you! There is one more important tip I would like to suggest, and this is about treating/processing any difficult memories with EMDR. The process is not easy, but it reduces difficult emotions and thoughts connected with earlier life events, and once it is completed the person does not get triggered so often and so strongly. Contrary to what many think, it is effective with complex trauma, not just isolated traumatic incidents. Although it has been developed by an American it seems to be known and used in Europe much more extensively... It really does work! Wishing all of us peace and calm and thank you again for your vidoes
I went looking for someone that offered EMDR. I found a good therapist that does. However we haven't done the EMDR yet. We haven't talked about the many many traumatic events of my life. And than recently had a cancer scare. I feel I could practice the EMDR technique now. The therapist hasn't known me that long. She says I am resilient. How true! Thank you for your work you do.
@@SizemicKick177 Definitely no electric shocks! Please look it up, it is a therapy for trauma that involves stimulating the body with eye-movements, tapping or sound. It is very popular here in the UK for healing difficult past experience, and most people who have a BPD diagnosis experienced more than their fair share of it. I hope it works for you...
same 💀 I was diagnosed for a 1'5 year and my psychiatrist told my just now becouse they waited until ill be more stable (im in psychotherapy so im doing a lot better than then)
I have so many symptoms of BPD because I have trauma and ADHD. But my feelings are balanced and I can feel more than one at a time, as well as have a very strong sense of self, so when I take the tests for it I'm told I don't have it. It sounds very hard to deal with. Trust issues are the biggest to work on. People are not against you. Do not isolate yourself out of fear.
That's why this diagnosis is probably bogus. Everyone has personality changes throughout their lives. Show me one ordered personality for reference please.
Another thing I've noticed is a thing called FP or Favourite Person. You invest almost all of your value in how that one particular person interacts with you. The intensity of validation or rejection is ten times stronger with this person. In my experience it's usually people who exhibit similar symptoms to your parents or have qualities you wish to see in yourself. Or both. I've also experienced they are usually someone with a avoidant attachment style or people who are emotionally unavailable or are narcissistic. But that's just in my experience x Thanks for the amazing video Kati x We love you so much
@@sal2975 I've never experienced it so I can't say for sure. But in my opinion I feel like it would be toxic and codependent for the majority (not all of course), particularly if communication wasn't strong in the relationship (and with Quiet BPD communicating is a big part of the issue with anyone, let alone an FP who we often put on a pedestal). Seeking validation from outside of ourselves I've found makes us believe we are undeserving or unworthy in some way, and is a common thing I've noticed with my past FPs, which is why we often seek that validation in the first place. I viewed them like a "celebrity", like I was so lucky they picked me. And unfortunately, like any addiction over time you need more validation to feel like you're safe and won't be abandoned. I've found addressing these issues of self worth (as difficult and painful as they can be) and having good communication (or as best as you can) is the best foot forward. But again, this is just from my experience. Speaking to a therapist who has a good understanding of BPD would be the best move if you ever find yourself in this position
I have a question,my girlfriend does this with me( the FP) and it's exactly what your comment said,I am avoidant and kinda emotionally unstable and it puts a lot of pressure on me,so what do I do?
I know a trait of BPD is hyperanalysis, but the fact you refer to the symptoms with "we", and not "you" makes me feel less judged. It's smaller details like this that would make me feel less alone by watching these videos. Thank you!
my therapist described my bpd as a “ bottomless pit of emotion “ and that’s the best way to describe it. never enough LOVE, too deep and hard to reach ANGER/DEPRESSION/LONLINESS. EVERYTHING is bottomless.
Me too. I'm currently dealing with that emptiness and I don't know how to explain it to those around me. I feel very alienated but this lady managed to put those thoughts into the perfect words!
My therapist thought I had been misdiagnosed with BPD because I presented differently but I informed her about quiet BPD. I ended up becoming a massive internaliser because I grew up with a narcissist mum who would use the silent treatment and I became so aware of her emotions and constantly trying to please her that I’m disconnected from my own emotions.
I have depression and social anxiety and adhd and PTSD, but I’m in the middle of being tested for BPD. my psychiatrist really thinks I have it, but I always thought that there’s just some things I don’t identify with. I also think that’s partly because of my social anxiety. But other than at my dad (because I live with him and I don’t have anxiety around him), I would NEVER lash out at a friend. Although I do implode when I’m alone. And boy do I isolate. I haven’t seen friends in 3 months. And the emptiness is killing me. I just want to feel (and when I do feel it’s in short bouts that feel like the world is ending). Even when I think back to my trauma (I was human trafficked at age 14), I just don’t care. I can’t cry about it, I don’t have any feelings around it, it’s like it didn’t happen to me and it happened to character in a movie I watched. I’m so dissociated from life, I feel hallow. I’m happy that I’m finally getting some answers to my questions. I’ve always thought that there was something more going on. But I recently found out about quiet BPD, and every single symptom I heavily relate to. I’m going to mention this to my psychiatrist, I have never related to something more. Good luck on your healing journey, just know that you’re not alone.❤️
I had a friend who also has bdp who never understood why when I felt rejected by someone I would immediately withdraw completely instead of latching on. It’s because you’ve lived so long with BPD you’ve learnt it’s actually less painful to “leave them before they leave you” you are avoiding the abandonment by leaving them first at the first sign of “abandonment” or abandonment from that person. I also realised that not everyone experiences BPD that way regardless of how long they have been living with it. Everyone is different.
i have actually been advised in a workplace situation that it apparently always looks better in a work history to leave voluntarily rather than be asked to leave. which sounds like a similar situation just specific to career and actively recommended. workplaces are (or, can be) weird.
Would this apply to my step-mom writing me off and sending an email to me saying I am not longer welcome in her home because I was fed up with her abuse. I didn't want to put up with it and was ready to leave that relationship but she got there first. She took the final step and abandoned me instead which in the end is fine but definitely reading this makes alot of sense. For someone who told me I was "Like her birth daughter" and loves me so strongly, she was able to easily throw me to the side like garage really.
That's exactly how I've become. I did the "crazy ex girlfriend" thing for so long in toxic relationships that it got old and now I just walk away at the first sign of what I think might be a red flag.
Feeling angry and trying to be accepted at the same time. Boy, it's hard. One thing that helped me was learning to express my emotions while trying not to be disrespectful of other people. It kinda alleviates the weight of negative emotions. It's hard at first, but it’s ongoing learning process. Wish you all the best, everyone.
One thing I really appreciate about your videos Kati, is that you always say "we". I know you probably *don't* have every disorder you talk about (I hope so at least, for your sake lol), but it's surprisingly comforting to hear "we" instead of something like "people with X".
glad to hear it helps someone. for me, it's super-confusing, because i get automatically distracted trying to figure out how sincerely she's using that convention (versus just as a way to say things relatably) which gets in the way of my being able to just focus primarily on the content of what she's describing.
@@ozok17 Even if she doesn't have it, she's empathising by saying "we." It feels inclusive to me. But I can understand your skepticism. I've had to grapple with trust issues in my life, so I understand feeling like she might be trying to trick us by pretending to be one of us. I don't think that's what she's trying to do, though. I think she's just speaking in general terms like "we humans."
This is exactly how I’m feeling. And what I’m doing… I just don’t know how to pronounce that towards my therapist. I tend to have insulting thoughts about just wanting attention or wanting to be sick, so I can’t really share how I really feel. Is there a tip how to tell my therapist that I think I have BPD? Quiet BPD? The same goes for some kind of intrusive thoughts… I just don’t want him to think I am self diagnosing and wanting to struggle with BPD because it’s “trendy” for me at this moment. I actually can’t even put into words how many doubts I have about telling my therapist other than that, but that’s the biggest one. Does anyone have some advice?
@@SchlottiCarotti I think you tell him that. "I have something scary to say. I'm afraid you'll think I am self diagnosing and want to struggle with a trendy diagnosis. But I suspect I might have a borderline personality disorder." And if he doesn't take you seriously you should be seeing a better therapist! Better to find out early than late.
Ten Signs of Quiet BPD: 1. Feeling empty, alone or numb a lot of the time 2. Feeling like we don't exist or we can struggle to know who we are 3. Passive aggressive behavior (sarcastic, purposeful ignorance) 4. Turning our anger inward 5. Impulsive behaviors (binge eating, gambling, abusing substances, risky sexual behavior) 6. Have an intense fear of rejection 7. Isolation 8. Splitting behavior 9. Self sabotaging behavior 10. Hypervigilance 6 Ways to Better Manage Quiet BPD: 1. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 2. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) 3. Be more mindful of your emotions 4. Build a healthy support team 5. Use impulse logs 6. Playing it out (worst case, best case, most likely scenarios)
I am very mindful of my emotions. The 12 step step program. Before I react🥺 I choose to respond. With lots of tools in my tool kit. Also before saying anything I ask myself
The hypervigilance, always present. Splitting is the worst...and it can be triggered by ANYTHING...ANYTHING. The wrong word, the wrong tone, the wrong gesture, wrong facial expression, speaking, remaining silent, disagreement, knowing, not knowing. And then suddenly you're accused of being the worst person in the world, evil, or having some hidden motive, intending to cause harm. And no logic, no amount reasoning can change how she feels, because that's how she feels, and it must be because of something you did. Maybe you're being yelled at, maybe not. But you're already frightened of whatever impulse reaction you'll need to deal with later....
Thanks for this comment, you've described this perfectly. I'm pretty sure my wife is suffering from undiagnosed BPD and this splitting behavior has caused me never ending turmoil. Only now did I learn there was a name for it...
I have reason to believe that my boyfriend has BPD. He broke up with me and said it was because I told him that we could hang out later instead of when he wanted to because I had something to do. He said it was because he thought I didn't want him and he broke things off before I could! Wtf???? Really bruh??? I wasn't even thinking about breaking up. I just needed time to handle some business and he wanted access to me and I was busy. Didn't turn him away, Didn't talk mean or was insensitive. I was busy and said we can hang out later that night. He broke up with me when I blocked him because he broke up with me because I said love you before I hung up the phone instead of saying I love you. I'm not use to this and have never been with a man that suffered from something like this. I have been understanding and patient while praying for him and his mental health. He doesn't want to go to counseling cause he thinks there's nothing wrong with him then he comes back crying saying he needs help. I don't know how to help him anymore and am tired of the back and forth, the blame and finger pointing, the gaslighting, the self sabotaging and throwing away of our relationship when he doesn't get his way, misunderstands the simplest of things that's his fault, and me needing space and him getting mad at me thinking I don't want him or that I'm cheating. Wtf?? What do you do when you love someone who's doing shit like this?😢💔
I like it. I like my strong emotions. 💪 Sometimes I like to think I'm Carrie White from Carrie and like no you are NOT putting all that blood on my beautiful dress and getting away with it!!! Haha. I have no harmful thoughts against society and people I just let it be known to not mess with my emotions bc I'm not gonna take it and yes I will feel everything and yes I will express that. I'm not concerned with peoples judgements at all. I love all my emotions. We are human and we were born to feel that's what I believe. 🙏 ❤
i’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and i ALWAYS thought it was more than just depression, but i never related to any other mental disorder like this one. this video makes so much sense to me. thank you.
Oh my god me too!! My doctors office doesn’t diagnose past depression and anxiety and it’s so hard to find a psychiatrist so I haven’t been able to be diagnosed but I hope we both get that soon :(
Quiet BPD and ADHD. Been told it's Bipolar, started getting treatment for bipolar, made me feel worse. I brought it up with the shrink and I was told repeatedly that "no, I am sure you are bipolar"... I finally went to a different set of doctors and finally got the right diagnosis but it took a long time and a lot of money just to find the right people to help
@@Miamia_01 I don't know how it is for other people, but for me, they make each other stronger, in the sense that when I can't focus there is nothing I can do, no trick I can use to get back on track, I am depressed all the time, I get snappy when I have an argument I get drained and feel dead inside, but I can't sit still on the outside and I need to do other things (like tidy up) which is interpreted as not caring or not listening by other people and makes things worse, BPD makes me very sensitive, but ADHD makes me forget the sensitive situations quickly so I bounce back really quickly - which has been interpreted as hypomania, basically the H in ADHD is why many people mistake my combo for just being bipolar... I hope this answers your question xDDD
@@liaeiy451 it was a whole process - it took me about 3 years of therapy, then going to 3 different psychiatrists until one took me seriously enough to write me a note sending me to a clinician, who then based on the recommendations from the psychiatrist gave me two tests (one for disorders and illnesses, one specific for adhd) and an hour-long interview, and then with the medical letter and results from the clinician i went back to the psychiatrist, who then proceeded to give me a slip to go get an EKG, and after I was back with the EKG results, they prescribed adhd medication. It was a long and costly and frustrating process.
I always thought BPD is always shown in extreme ways (super hot and cold), so I never considered it a possibility till seeing this video….everytime I had a “well that’s not me because I do this instead of that”- , Katie would just add it on the list 💀😂 now Im setting an appointment talk to a professional because wow did this video held up a mirror to myself.
Same, I need to talk about this to my psychologist and to a psychiatrist. I knew I have depression and ptsd, but this seems so accurate to myself as well.
@@Katimorton thank you so much my mom had bad on didn’t know that until a couple years before her death last year and even though I don’t have it myself I think I have moments when some behaviors similar to her own occur
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me for years and I never considered borderline as a possibility because it’s always shown as extreme and abusive… but I relate too much to this video not to see a psychiatrist.😅
I love your explanation. I also explain to the people how it feels as a person with BPD is I feel like living but without skin, only flesh. Every little touch, small touch, unintentionally touch could hurt me, and this could be ALOT, without I can control.
“Even when things are going good for us”. I feel like, for me, it’s especially when things are going good. It’s definitely that I feel I don’t deserve what I’m accomplishing. It’s hurtful to myself and to others. I love this video. Thank you ❤
This vid makes me wonder if I’m a quiet bpd, I used to think I was a self destructive type… or maybe I’ve changed my behaviors but I still have these other aspects. The thing from DBT that helps me the most in a sobbing crying type of moment… is “willing hands” you face your palms to the sky and it signals to the brain that things must not be that bad. This technique can be used in the hardest moments, and my emotional state starts to lower in just 1-2 minutes 🤲
I recognise all 10 signs in myself and I feel so attacked right now. Never would've guessed I might have bpd, because I just never outwardly express any emotions (heck, I've been pushing them away so much, that I don't even feel like I have any anymore). I'm in therapy for lots of other issues (diagnosed depression and possible anxiety, adhd and autism), but we're kinda stuck right now, because I just never have anything to tell.
It's the same for me. -Almost everything you just stated. I'm trying to figure things out but it seems I'm sort of stuck. I just can't figure out how I want to live my life. I wish you luck. I hope you're doing better soon.
@@sinkingkitchen I understand recognising all 10 in yourself, and listening to them and how she puts them across it's nice to feel understood. I would definitely recommend getting it looked into and getting a diagnosis as it's a very distressing cruel mental illness and it's good to get as much support and help as you can. I hope you get sorted and as you'll know how all these can make you feel so misunderstood and unstable. :/ It's horrible but talking to people about all this with others who suffer also is helpful.
@@sinkingkitchen like seriously what happens in therapy when you have nothing to talk about? 🤔 Do you just stare at each other? I went to anger management and those people want to talk alot and I'm like omfg can we seriously not do this today?? But I had to for the thing but I just told them I didn't feel like it and then I just had them turn on some music and do some coloring. Someone said coloring makes you look crazy but tell that to Picasso. That dude knew what was up. These people want to talk about everything. Just bc I have alot of feelings didn't mean I felt like sharing them. Like, I'm fine with my journal these people are very nosy.
When I was 15 I had an ED and it was severe enough that my school ordered me to get therapy. The therapist obviously didn't take it too seriously, because with the daily weigh ins I wore more layers of clothes and drank water in the waiting room. They suggested to my mom I might have bpd. It stuck with me. I'm now 29 and I do fit the description. Except and that's why I never really connected with the disorder (but my therapist just diagnosed me yesterday) is that I don't even know, if I get angry at all. I get ashamed and frustrated a lot. And if I do, I get really silent when with people and being pushed further I'll cry. When I can retrieve, I cut to release. And when I cry and somebody is there even if it's my boyfriend of 9 years I get so mad at myself. It's nice to know you have a quiet bpd and depression, it helps to have clarity. I know when I'm splitting on my boyfriend ie he doesn't immediately write back I instantly feel like he finally saw sense and left me. I am working on my rational thinking, because otherwise I am good at it.
it took me a beat (or few) to figure out what ED stands for here. further context made it clear. my impression is that generally that sort of need (craving?) for control in one's own life is often (always?) secondary to some predisposing condition, and is not a feeling people experience as strongly when they are otherwise able to have their (psychological, etc) needs met.
1-What is the difference between BPD and cPTSD? 2-Can "masking" be a form of disassociation? 3-Is it possible to give 'backhanded compliments due to a lack of tact (cognitive disability) and Not because of passive aggressiveness?
1) I have a video about that here: ruclips.net/video/3hIGaxGU13w/видео.html 2) I haven't had anyone talk about it that way, but it's possible. 3) Definitely we can. xoxo
@TOPSPORES ON TELEGRAM hell nah I didn’t shrooms horrible my cousin has and eating disorder and depression did not help at all she ran home crying thsts an absolute myth quit feeding false information just because you do drugs fuck no. Get a lyfe
I got the diagnosis borderline but I was always wondering why my relationships are so good. The standard description just didn’t fit to me, but I fit to the five criteria‘s. Now I found the term quiet BPD and I noticed, that’s me.
I honestly think I have this. When I think of BPD, I think of people who are loud, unpredictable, and violent, but that's not me. It definitely presents itself in a "quiet" way, so much so that I'm able to hide it completely. I can relate to all 10 signs you mentioned. Another thing I feel quite often is a "switch" in my personality. I sometimes feel out of touch, like I've forgotten who I am, or I will suddenly speak with an accent or act differently than normal. I also get a lot of "ups and downs" mood swings. I can be happy, then something makes me really anxious (I have really bad anxiety), which then sets off my anger. I've gotten irrationally angry at people and animals and situations that don't really warrant being angry about, and I've lashed out in the past, but usually I internalize the anger and harm myself instead of hurting somebody. I definitely turn my anger inward, I'm impulsive at times (drinking, purchasing things, and self-harm), and I ALWAYS feel empty and alone, even when my boyfriend is around. I've always felt sort of hollow, like I'm just a shell of who I should be. I also do fear rejections, and I try to please people to keep them around. I slept with a coworker because we were friends and I thought we could stay friends if I did it... and I also let a grown man groom me when I was 13, because he was the only person I could talk to and I needed to keep him interested in me. All of this has been an ongoing issue since my early teens... Everything. I relate to all of it, and I've considered that I may have BPD in the past, but not everything clicked and made sense until now. More of the symptoms apply to me now than it did a few years ago. I just hope that if I reflect on my behavior and think about it to the fullest, with enough self-awareness about it all, then I can try to stop myself from doing some of these things in the first place. I am working towards being a better person. And I do it quietly, on my own. Someday I hope my mental health can be where it should be.
You're doing great recognizing your patterns and whatnot. You're not a shell, but even if you were, you'd be precious. Don't forget that you are precious and you are not alone. Peace be with you.
Everyone who keeps telling me to live in the present has emotional support, they have loved ones, they have freedom in their lives to actuallly get up and go do things they enjoy, they have a way to earn a steady and predictable and reliable income…I only get advice from people who have no idea what they are talking about.
This video is bitter sweet for me. I love the way you give the information without it sounding negative at all. It also makes me sad/ashamed knowing how many more battles I have to face even though I've come so far. Keep doing what you're doing! Your videos are what original got me to seek help, and continue to be very beneficial in my process. Much love
Yep, first symptom nailed it. I feel completely helpless to get myself to do anything that's I'm not already habituated to, comfortable with, or in the "perfect moment" to do it, and though I can intellectually understand alot about my condition and situation and what I should do to improve, I just CANT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING. If I'm pushed in the right way at the right time I can do new things, but otherwise if I'm pressured enough to go somewhere with family for e.g. then the fear and tention in my body starts to surface to my conscious mind, and then I either get emotional and/or try to get away from the pressure source, even though it's almost always a loving family member. I think the only true "fix" is to be more aware of life, of our selves, stop giving so much power to thoughts and emotions and return it back to your will and executive function. Meditation!(which I can almost never get myself to do 🤔)
How do I express.....after 45 years of hiding these feelings, because I did not know, I grew up thinking I was totally alone and knowone would ever understand how I feel....thankyou for this 💓
I was diagnosed with situational depression.anxiety disorder and a non specific personality disorder and I listened to the ten things and all of them I do to myself thank God I have on going support and make sure I use all of that support and all my CRT training:journaling mindfulness meditation it does help.
I got diagnosed with BPD and these quiet symptoms was me all the time I didn’t feel like I existed and I was empty and alone , passive aggressive ... fear of abandonment and rejection.. super impulsive .. no clear communication.. eating disorders .. I was emotionally neglected growing up with a narcissist father but our relationship has healed .. totally 180 and I finally don’t feel empty 🥹 I feel like I can make goals .. and feel safe with a parent and that changes absolutely everything .. I feel like I have opinions now and a voice .. I was a people pleaser all my life it was exhausting now I’m in the journey of becoming my higher self 🤎
Thanks for this video, Kati. The sabotage point made me cry 😢 because that's what I'm struggling with today. Also the reminder of people pleasing hit home big time. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and BPD. Currently in a phase of crawling out of the big hole 🕳 and trying to keep going. 🙃 I wish I could build some willpower to do all the things you mentioned to manage it all. But it's just too much 😕 😪
You've got this!!! Try focusing on one small thing today.. like eating regularly or showering. Taking care of one of our basic needs helps so much!!! xoxo
Hope you’re doing okay? Take one half hour at a time if yu need to.. if you can’t get up to do anything or achieve a goal (no matter how big or small) in that time try to think of something that makes you feel good inside. A flower, look at the clouds & how they form, watch running water by a lake or pond, beauty is in the tiny ‘miracles’. Take care of yourself ☯️
This is something I JUST learned about today, and it's really interesting. I'm not the type to self-diagnose, but it would be something to bring up someday when I can afford therapy. The only thing that's a little different is the attachment thing, I've never been interested in changing myself for other people. Although! I do have an issue with becoming really attached to someone if I open up to them, and they accept me, it's a big reason why I struggle to get close to people now. I would always get super attached, the person would leave, or get married and develop a new life, or not want to be friends anymore and I'd be left behind feeling hurt. Other than that I feel a lot of similarities. I am moody, more likely to get mad or frustrated, and it either comes out as a passive aggressive thing or I bottle it up, or I spiral into myself. When I'm not moody I'm kinda blank, like the part of my brain that can feel emotion is missing. I got a lot of self-loathing issues, I can be really stubbornly impulsive with wanting to buy or do something, I'm really self sabotaging, I'm really anxious and sensitive to loud noises (Dogs barking is the worst noise.) or stressful situations, I really like making people happy because when they're happy they're not upset, and when they're upset I feel like they're always upset with me. Again, not saying for sure that I do have quiet BPD, there are a lot of things I can have, but it's nice to know about for discussion in the future.
I'm so happy I found my therapist. I didn't know that I ever felt angry. I could not see that emotion. Any time I would get angry, I would just dissociate. Most of the time I had to sleep because I felt so dizzy from it. She looked right through me (a task other therapists and doctors failed) and knew how to teach me to feel my emotions (like you said by looking at my body) and allowing myself to feel them (still struggle with that sometimes). It is still a hard way, but I was lucky to find a therapist who is expedierend
Best description ever! It is so hard to find a therapist who is knowledgeable about quiet BPD. it's been a huge relief listening to you. Thank you so, so much.
Thank you so much for this video ! I was diagnosed with bpd a year ago and even though I meet most of the criterias, I never understood the "lashing out" part of the disorder since I actually never lash out at anybody. I had never heard of something like "quiet BPD" before but I see myself in so much of what you said in this video, it's quite overwhelming to be honest 😅 Thank you very very much :)
have you considered whether you internally do an equivalent of "lashing out", directed inwardly at yourself, perhaps? not saying you do, but to me it seems like a common behaviour that's quite similar to lashing out and can be easy to miss if not looked for.
I lashed out the other day I saw my ex and I couldn’t help myself I started yelling and screaming at him. Well he did slap me, hit me and kick me many times and also broke my son’s leg, femur 🦴 bone.
I'm mid spiraling out lately - trying so hard not to that it's just sort of an extended episode... like watching a car wreck in slowmotion. But I came across your video - almost didn't click but I am so thankful that I did. You hit a nerve, and just a complete bullseye with something I had no idea I was doing. I am in the middle of a summer project that isn't even that hard (coding video data for research), and it's something I have worked for and wanted my entire life and boom here it is... And I can't even get it done. I am screwing it up and proving to myself and everyone else that I cant do it. I'm failing at the one thing that mattered to me enough to work as hard as I have. Now, Im so behind and failing and freaking out every day because I am now at a point there is absolutely no way I can make the deadline.... and then back to back, you say something about not feeling worthy/ good enough - and ironically, I JUST, like an hour ago grabbed paper and started ranting which I rarely do... and it's like you were reading off of my page. the SAME phrases - and then you go into self sabotoging behavior and specifically mention a work project... I just had no idea thats what this was. It makes sense though, now that I think about it. And I very recently lost my FP, and have realized that I really am alone, and I mean literally, entirely... which on one hand im thankful for because endings just suck. If I have no one, I wont get hurt... except I'm just hurting every moment of every day anyway ( just put that together as i typed it actually). And the irony is that I realized I've been in freeze response and was looking for a way to get out of it, and realized today that losing her and realizing people I thought were friends actually arent mean that as someone with BPD who fears abandonment more than anything.... to realize I have actually been "abandoned" and am infact, entirely alone was a shocking realization. No wonder I'm spiraling. No wonder I can't function or do my work. The one person around who I do trust is a professor, not a friend, and I am desperately trying to intentionally prevent feeling anything like friendship - (we are the same age) but I do not want her to become my FP - I am so sick of that pattern. It's just too much. The pain of losing someone like that is unbearable. Plus I'm fighting to stay sober, which has been nearly impossible the past few weeks, so it's all of these things at the same time. And without anyone to talk to, I guess I have been doing it to myself without even realizing it. Im shocked. But also so thankful you made this video two years ago and it came up at just the right time. I realize I overshared here but I want anyone else who is dealing with this to know they arent alone. Thank you
Omg kati, your videos are absolutely life changing. Idk where I’d be without you. Saying “thank you” is not enough to express how grateful myself and so many others are to you 🙏🏻
Hi Kati, thank you for your inspiring video's! I am a 60 year old lifelong 'BPD-Dutchy' from The Netherlands, experienced after 5 times year long therapies and since two months daring to be in love again with a wonderfull woman, being honest from day 1! Sharing, explaining and connecting in a true way! Without losing myself or her in my many BPD traps! I share your vids with my girlfriend and watch them together! You have a very fine and connecting way of explaining and I am so thankfull for that! Now about your question: "If you have something to add to the list..." What I would like to add is the habit of oversizing things, feelings, situations etc. In my head normal things - for other people - allways seem bigger, ergo heavyer, and more scary and exciting. I would like to add that to readers, maybe they recognize that aswell? So in short, the most tasks or challenges allways feel bigger and intenser! Afterwards they were'nt at all... But it is like a sort of building up a strange sort of preparation tension... Anyways, thats what I liked to say to you along with honest complements! I wish you, and all your fans and readers all the best and succes... Stay honest, stay true, stay pure, you will survive! I am still going on at 60, and got many tools by opening up to learn! Keep believing! You are special and beautiful, all of you, yes you too! All my love to everybody! Hans
TY Kati for sharing this informative video (I am also a provider!)! I've struggled with BPD (definitely on the quiet side) most of my adult life and even though getting help and DBT has definitely made it less of an emotional rollercoaster for myself and those I'm close to, I still slip up because BPD is rarely the sole mental challenge a client like me carries (eating disorder, bipolar disorder, adhd, gender dysphoria, for example with myself) that can sometimes need different treatment modalities (finding the right medications definitely helped, but some meds can be risky prescribing to someone with BOTH an eating disorder AND ADHD -stimulants are generally a no-no for us- or bipolar). But getting back to BPD things...here's an example from yesterday when I was meeting up with someone for a dinner date: after seeing some younger clients where I work, my friend texted me to tell me when she'd be at the restaurant to meet up. Well I was already frazzled from working with kids (adult clients was my focus in grad school, not kids!), and having that along with my friend telling me I had XX minutes to meet up with her made me feel rushed and upset and I told her that making me feel rushed like that soured an already bad mood even worse. That, on top of struggling with suicidal ideation and urges most of this month has generally made me morbid and dramatic af whenever I feel stressed out, and I'm not sure if it's a BPD thing, but my knee-jerk response to stress is "kill me now" which isn't very adaptive, I know. So, by the time I met up with my friend, I was still upset, but more on the guilty side of things because of some of what I'd said in texts to her. At least my friend knows about my struggles and she's really compassionate with me, but if this is me AFTER DBT, it's probably not surprising that things were even worse back then! TL;DR: Those 10 signs Kati shares are good points to watch for when working with someone with "quiet" BPD, but it's rarely so easy to notice when trying to help someone with several different mental challenges!! Stay safe and strong everyone!
I am currently helping my boyfriend with shifting from negative self talk to neutral self talk. I talk to him about how it helped me so much with my BPD. I refer to it as a stepping stone to feeling better or a stepping stone to feeling happier more often rather than allowing the negative self talk to spiral into a negative depressive slump. I really reccomend these neutral thoughts! with BPD it really helps me balance my negative self talk and my overly positive (grandiose) self talk, these neutral thoughts give me a sense of relief from my rollercoaster experience of life!
I've been suffering with this for years..and I just knew that all of these symptoms completely match to me. I knew there was probably something wrong with me, and I thought I was just making things up but the accuracy of all of the signs you just mentioned made me reflect on myself. I cried as you listed through each sign that perfectly described my condition. I'm not alone, and it's a real issue, I'm not crazy after all. I'm glad to have finally discovered the real issue. I'm in so much pain, but I wanna get out of it, I don't wanna be pathetic anymore because it'll ruin the beautiful things and the future I have ahead of me..
Honestly this is me right now, I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression and ADHD, and I would constantly question about the intensity of my pain when I would feel certain emotions. And it was always brushed off with something else, menstruation being a big one. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I feel like many questions have been answered, and I don't feel alone.
Is someone else out there with BPD who feels joy also very extreme to a point where the tension is nearly unbearable? It is so hard for me to try to explain to people that I am very stressed cause I am too happy. It is so uncomfortable and also really sad that I cannot enjoy my happy moments in life
I used to feel like that almost all the time. I actually was just talking to my mom about it because it was a realization for me today when she asked, if I had any good memories of me "before". I realize that even in "happy" moments, I was feeling anxious and a sens of emptiness. She suggested something that made a lot of sens which is that I was always trying to hold on too tight to those happy moments cause I knew they would end.
Natasha jaromir. Hello sorry to interrupt on your comment sadly I know I can understand or realate because I don't have BPD but I can understand the part of you being too stressed because you are to happy I can see how this makes you uncomfortable and really sad that you can't enjoy your happy moments in life 💖
I relate so much to this and never really connected what was going on, or could not articulate it verbally. For me its also an anxiety trigger,like things are too good to be true and theres always a catch, something bad will happen inevitably. So I can't enjoy the good times either! Wow I feel for you because I do this without fail. Self sabotage too.. and I don't even realize I'm doing it till it's too late
I’m without doubt a quiet borderline, and I want my children to understand this condition. My daughters are 10 and 13. I have on occasions, tried to explain how I often experience life, but if someone like yourself, a seasoned professional could make a video which would explain things in a manner most suitable to their ages, I think this would be incredibly beneficial to me as a father. Or perhaps point me in the right direction to somewhere I can find this medium. Many thanks as always
I just had this talk with my teenaged children about my own diagnosis (BPD but definitely identify more as a quiet imploder). I also just confirmed my mother had BPD (died via cirrhosis when I was 15). I’m looking for good videos to educate my family (kids and husband of 20years❤). My daughter has displayed some traits, but aside from dealing with my episodes, they’ve been fortunate to live in a relatively trauma free zone. Still, it would be great to teach them because they may deal with traits in themselves or stereotypically marry someone like their mother. I want them to have a full toolbox. Adolescent and family centered psychoeducation would be very helpful.
@@reidbyrne65 yes, kids marrying people like their parents is a great reason for parents (and potential future parents) to seek appropriate helpful care for themselves, so that their kids can seek out (or, default to seeking out, being attracted to) people who are pursuing and receiving the care needed to be healthy. of course, parents also matter as people themselves, too!
Yeah, sometimes it's easier for kids to learn something from someone who's not their parent. They already learn so much from the people who are raising them, as it is. I applaud your asking for explanatory/teaching help.
Just take care that you don't put the responsibility about your feelings and healing on your daughters by "making them understand what it's like for me" aka that you're always the victim and they should be mindful of your symptoms and try not to trigger them. It is very exhausting and unhealthy for children to be responsible for their parents like that. Ignore my comment if you have clear boundaries in your family and are under no risk of encountering this issue but I thought I'd leave it here regardless because I've seen this happen too often with too many people (myself included). Take care and wish you all the best 💖
I haven’t been diagnosed by a professional yet but I have a appointment soon. Growing up I always felt off and I couldn’t pin point my hat it was and now I’m realizing at 29 years old I might have bpd. I find comfort in these videos because I know I’m not alone and now I know what may be going on with me
I don't want to self diagnose myself but i could relate to a lot of what you were saying in this video. I was doing CBT a few years ago and i got better! Unfortunately i've been going thru a ton of changes and i just feel like i lost all control again. Looking very forward to get back to therapy, thanks a lot for the vid Kati
Thanks so much Katie. I’ve seen this video(and probably 99% of your videos) like 10 times… but it still hits home. You’re an amazing therapist, I really admire you and Dr.Fox. I love that you use “we do this/that” and not “people with BPD do this/that”. You are helping so many❤ Thanks from the bottom of my heart&sending love from the Czech Republic 🇨🇿
I worked in residential mental health mostly with teens who had Borderline and didn’t realize I had Borderline because mine is quiet. I learned about QBP while subbing for a therapist’s group about metallization-based therapy. I’ve found that many professionals don’t know about it. My supervisor teaches the DSM at a college and didn’t know but is talking about it now. I wish more professionals knew about the different presentations
I got excited see the notification for this video pop up. I find I resonate with quiet BPD more than the others. I definitely internalise a lot of things and emotions and try to avoid conflict as much as possible. I find that even though I don’t outwardly express my emotional discomforts I do this behind closed doors by myself and to myself. I do have to say it takes a heck a lot to push my buttons to get me to ‘explode’ outwardly to those around me but this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen it’s just a lot less frequent than what could be considered as the ‘norm’.
Don’t rush to do psychedelics. They can make or break you. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Especially if you can afford it. Some of us are toughing it out here and being our own counselors it’s weird and painful but please. Therapy.
@@Eleventyeleventh I wasn’t and wouldn’t touch them personally. People like the above comment love coming onto Kati’s videos and try to entice and sell such ‘remedies’. Thank you for your concern though.
Holy crap! When I was a teen, a therapist thought I might have BPD, but didn't meet quite all necessary criteria. That was 30 years ago. I have noticed the symptoms a lot more these past 10 years. I think I may have quiet BPD from your description. I will explore this more to verify. HUGE thanks!
Thank you Kati, thank you so much…. Turning 48 soon, so have been living with this quiet hell for quite some time now, and it’s not getting any easier but you’ve been helping with your ever understanding attitude and clear explanations, it’s like a bit of a boost each time, a boost to not to give up. Thank you for being here for us. Much appreciated..
The knowing "this is your Borderline" is really helpful. The way I look at it now is that my head knows whatever made me upset isn't that bad, but my emotions haven't caught up yet. They will, in time. Before, I didn't know where these instense feeling were coming from and I would chastise myself for being so easily triggered which of course made everything worse.
I related directly to 8 out of the 10. If BPD is commonly a result of trauma and childhood PTSD, then I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me this is the problem. In 2019, a psychiatrist wanted to diagnose me autistic due to singular interests and problems relating to other people, but I rejected the diagnosis. Thank you, Kati Morton! Your vids are awesome and SOOO educational! I'll be showing my therapist this.
@@syhknox Well, he had said that additional testing would be required before the official diagnosis. I was encouraged to research what Asperger's is, and when I saw "lack of empathy" as part of it, I flipped out, TBH. That definitely does not describe me. While I can be stoical in some emotionally charged situations, there are times when my empathic reactions have been 10x what most consider normal! And it's impossible to know beforehand what situation or person might trigger this. Lack of empathy is also a marker of psychopathy. Upon reading that "lacks empathy" line, I won't lie, I took serious offense and bailed on the psychiatrist. I realize now, that if I'd read further, then I would have read that those with Asperger's(now called ASD or autism spectrum disorder) don't lack empathy across the board like a psychopath would. They just have a harder time processing and regulating what they are feeling. It does not make them bad people by ANY stretch. I know I acted impulsively. BPD. I know that what I did was a classic example of "splitting", as described in the vid. BPD. If I had to pick one, I much prefer being alone to being in crowded parties. In other words, isolation. BPD. My apologies if my original post was ambiguous. I hope this explains more clearly why I'm convinced I have BPD, not ASD. Furthermore, ASD/autism was, for a long time, believed to be upwards of 4x more common in males than females. Now that mental health professionals are getting a handle on how autism manifests differently in females as opposed to males, it is likely that the ratio isn't quite that stark. But taking even this into account, I would surmise that ASD is still solidly 2-1 male. That means it's 2-1 against that being it in my case. But at the end of the day, I am not a psychiatrist myself, just someone who has become fascinated by this topic and loves reading about it. What's your story? And your personal interpretation thereof?
It is very refreshing to hear from a therapist which is also a Cluster B. It makes me feel less lonely. I thank God i got rid of most abandonment fear. I do experience both derealization and mild dissociation. I think that i know who i am. I thank God for that. My borderline-histrionic is sometimes load sometimes silent.
So much of this resonates with me. Wow! Why has it taken me until my 50s to start understanding what is going on in my head. Thank you for everything you do!!
Thank you thank you Kati !! I'm in tears... I've spent alot of money on therapy sessions and they didn't even come close to everything you've discussed in this video. And thank you for pin-pointing that DBT is a better solution. Honestly grateful
Katie thank you so much for all this information you put out. It really has been very helpful as I’ve been recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I’ve really been struggling with it my whole life. The better part of 40 years. Anyway I just wanna say thank you for all the research you do and the way you present it. Again it’s been a life changer thank you.
I was recently told by my psychiatrist that I am suspected to have BPD. I always knew but having someone with experience say it was so. Validating? These videos have been helping me a lot on this journey. Thank you
My mother had BPD and she was insanely abusive. I haven't seen her in a while but everytime I hear about BPD I can't help but feel angry and distrustful of people with it. I don't relate to many of these symptoms but after listening to the whole video I started to understand a bit of the struggle that people with this are going through. I feel like I've both learned and unlearned something today and I'm grateful for it. I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to forgive my mother for what she did, but maybe its time I stopped blaming BPD for all the issues she gave me. Thank you for this video and the insight.
If your mother's has been actually diagnosed with BPD I doubt she was able to get any kind of real help anyhow. Up until just a decade or so ago did this information become available on RUclips and very little was ever known about it or the causes of it. Now we know it is from Complex trauma. You mom probably had no idea what was really wrong with her and had no idea how to fix herself.
I relate to about 90% of the BPD signs but have never been diagnosed. I don’t have the resources to see a psychologist but that hasn’t stopped me from looking for answers. I recently discovered the philosophy of Stoicism and have applied myself to living this philosophy. The answers I find from many psychologists online relate closely to Stoicism. Mindfulness being the most obvious. It’s not an easy philosophy to practice but it has helped me immensely. I continue to learn from the Stoics but I also learn from these videos.
Thanks so much for posting!!!! I definitely wonder if I have quiet BPD, I really feel like this could be a life changing diagnosis for me (in a good way- for finally getting the right help!) so thank ya for posting!!!
Thank you Kati I was diagnosed with it in 2018 two years after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1 and ADHD I am now controling it I was so irritable,impulse and reckless.
also that comment doesn't make any sense you can't control ppl and you don't know how ppl feel or sound or react so like I said that comment doesn't make sense and you should learn how to shut up for once 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am not diagnosed with bpd and i can't even seek professional help but i relate to all these signs i feel like everyday i am struggling and i dont know what to do...
Sounds like there's a confusingly wide overlap with PTSD, I recognise myself in enough of these to be a bit concerned, but how do you separate BPD from regular ol' trauma?
As someone who is not 'educated' enough to respond realistically I'll give my opinion if that's alright. I recently saw a Psychiatrist say we should not look at trauma as something negative that has happened to us; moreso how that has hindered our growth as a human being. So I would say (guess) that lots of people that suffer from PTSD have been able to progress and separate out of BPD or BPD thinking or Quiet BPD; any many have not. Or not so easily, or someone like myself; has used quiet BPD as my go to style of human communication. Recognizing and owning up to this I believe is the most important. Now what do you do? That is a great question. Don't think too negatively about yourself and live your best life! Get help if YOU feel you need it or others that you trust or you believe to some degree are looking out for you. Doesn't hurt (I believe) to talk to someone about it or even write it down on your own; you now have a deeper connection and understand with your trauma. This is my current take, thank you for reading.
Thank you so much for this video. I have severe anxiety and depression but for a while I’ve suspecting there was something more going on too. I identify with almost every symptom you listed. Not sure how to feel about this, but I guess it’s good to know there are professionals who understand what is going on.
ohhh, for sure the unawareness of the self sabotage. I only recognize that I'm making things worse when the big fight happens of the thing that I'm doing.
Thank You so much for the discussion on this topic. whether it is CPTSD or (q)BPD, basically trauma is most likely at its inception. I just purchased your audiobook "Traumatized" so looking forward to listening to it.
this video has officially convinced me that ive been misdiagnosed with mdd and it’s actually quiet bpd. some of these specific signs i’ve experienced throughout my life but somehow was never caught or addressed in therapy. i’m trying to go back but it’s really hard. the fact that i wanna go back is a sign that i at least want to get better but other times i honestly could not care less about anything.
After a period of prolonged stress and what I think now was adrenal fatigue, I developed all symptoms of bpd with the exception of self harm. But everything else irrational fear of abandonment, impulsivity, risk taking, anger, anxiety, feeling empty, violent mood swings etc. I had these symptoms for 2 years and it was accompanied by pmdd I then fell pregnant and all my symptoms disappeared and I haven’t had them since. I thought personality disorders was something you either have or don’t have but I never had it before those two years and haven’t had the symptoms since.
I am glad I found this video. I thought for a while I might have bpd but as an introvert who doesn't express my emotions as much, it didn't fully resonate. This resonates more with me. Especially the numbing it out part. Luckily through therapy I've gotten a lot of help with my issues but going back to therapy again in the future I'd like to explore the possibility of quiet borderline to further treatment.
That's the best characterization of BPD I've ever heard, an emotional burn victim !!! Found something real interesting, know someone with traits but some traits missing. Then found out that if a person is comorbid with autism it can cancel out substance abuse totally (Swedish study) , which could move clinicians away from a BPD finding (especially if its Quiet BPD). This person I know has just had some DNA work that found an gene mutation associated with autism ... fascinating stuff
thank you for posting this! I was just diagnosed with BPD, I’ve suspected for a long time that I’m on the spectrum, and I don’t have any issues with substance abuse. this makes so much sense!
@@autumnnoahlea5223 ... this study is called Borderline Personality Disorders and Autism Spectrum Disorders in Females .. If you google that I'm sure you find ... Maybe Kati can do video on it ??? Or maybe how ASD in Females can be easily misdiagnosed as Quiet BPD?
Im also. Passive aggressive bipolar ADHD. I have All of the symptoms.. Amazing I feel like you are talking about me.I have never been happy. When i smile it hurts my face
I really appreciate these videos. They are so educational but also filled with so much empathy and kindness. I’m always happy to see these pop up under my suggested
The isolation one really hits hard. One time one of my friends left during lunch because one of my other friends was making them uncomfortable, so, naturally, I didn't talk to them for a month. Then there's the multiple times where I just completely withdrew from all of my friendships. Plus the really intense need for validation from people I care about. And dissociating at least once a week (usually more). etc etc
Very interesting video, thanks a lot Kati! I still wonder how someone with Borderline can feel the difference between being mistreated & their Borderline traits taking over? Can be a challenge, not being sure if it’s Borderline or that you are dealing with toxic people.
Thank you for mentioning about the slight gaslighting! My family treated me in the same way in your example! It was hurting me to the point where I began to wonder about the existence of a portion of my life! I can’t thank you enough! Now, I have a bit of strength to stand up to this torment.
So you partly mentioned that, but I wanted to emphasize how hyperreactiveness leads to extreme overstimulation in those with quiet bpd and also to the inability to let all those emotions out. Maybe in my case it’s a factor of the comorbidity of bpd and add (type of adhd), but every day is just so tiring and just too much because of my thoughts - I think about, like, 5 things at a time because of the things in the outside world that I have to interact with and I can think about happy and extremely depressing things at the same time. It’s so hard to feel in control or at all oriented in your internal life. I can relate so much to the thought of “not existing” - I am so many thoughts, people, feelings at a time, I am everything and nothing. I keep ghosting people not because I want to - I just find myself crying when I have to check messenger because it’s just too much, like, I have no idea how people function In this society not breaking down every second lol. Could you maybe do a video on managing overstimulation? I haven’t seen anything useful on RUclips and I know many people who would benefit from something like that.
@@fawndawnangel ahhh I keep reading about bpd, autism (&asperger) all the time but I can’t find myself fitting in any of those labels actually, i get overstimulated and find it hard to be with people & i have difficulty with eyecontact but I understand their emotions & sarcasm and feel strong empathy towards them? Idk this is too confusing Bpd is what they tested me for and i feel its the closest
Well…crap. Not even six minutes in and you have described about twenty years of my life. My therapist was thinking depression due to drug addiction (four years clean), but I am now seeing the clues that I may have this. Glad I have an appointment with him on Tuesday. I’m going to keep watching and I will subscribe as well. Wow..just wow. Never thought the internal conversations I had, the empty feelings, the numbness, the anger I had no clue where it was coming from…I just want to feel happy again. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that way. I’m able to remember that I felt that way once, but when I search my mind for it, there is a big hole where it should be - as if it was taken away from me. Well, now I’m nine and a half minutes in and I have confirmed almost all the signs shown so far for this, this BPD. Especially the isolation, splitting behavior, passive aggressive behavior and the impulsive behavior (my twenty years of hard drug use says that in spades). This…is a lot to take in for me. I will keep watching. I’m uncomfortable with this, but deep down I know that this is helpful for me to know to talk with my therapist about. Very uncomfortable..
A bit later but i’m reading these comments as i’m watching the video and I just wanted to congratulate you on your sobriety! I hope you managed to continue it and I want you to know Im proud of you for that even if I don’t personally know you!
i live with quiet BPD. i’m doing so much better thanks to dialectical behaviour therapy, and an amazing clinical psychologist. but i still struggle daily; it’s such a nasty and horrible disorder to live with.
It is interesting cause I would place myself more on the quiet side of BPD, but I still feel the urge to outward expression. I am mostly able to keep them in but sometimes they break through, and I bother people other than myself with my splitting and anger. I hate it when that happens. This video feels like a birthday gift, and I am very happy to have something fun after a hard day of trauma work ❤
I really found this very helpful and I hope I am not distracting from the content but a little edit is needed at 15:20 where the word "more" or "enough" is missing. Instead of recommending DBT, the advice spoken is "I cannot recommend DBT". Hopefully people are smart enough to understand what the intent of the sentence was!
A great video which I can show my clients, thank you!
There is one more important tip I would like to suggest, and this is about treating/processing any difficult memories with EMDR. The process is not easy, but it reduces difficult emotions and thoughts connected with earlier life events, and once it is completed the person does not get triggered so often and so strongly. Contrary to what many think, it is effective with complex trauma, not just isolated traumatic incidents.
Although it has been developed by an American it seems to be known and used in Europe much more extensively... It really does work!
Wishing all of us peace and calm and thank you again for your vidoes
I went looking for someone that offered EMDR. I found a good therapist that does. However we haven't done the EMDR yet. We haven't talked about the many many traumatic events of my life. And than recently had a cancer scare. I feel I could practice the EMDR technique now. The therapist hasn't known me that long. She says I am resilient. How true! Thank you for your work you do.
EMDR? Electric shocks? I think I heard someone mention that once. I'll have to ask my doctor about it this upcoming appointment. Thanks for the tip.
@@SizemicKick177 Definitely no electric shocks! Please look it up, it is a therapy for trauma that involves stimulating the body with eye-movements, tapping or sound. It is very popular here in the UK for healing difficult past experience, and most people who have a BPD diagnosis experienced more than their fair share of it. I hope it works for you...
@Music & Whistle msk have you looked Into other trauma modalities such as maybe somatic expirencing to name as just one example?
100%
i've been diagnosed with bpd but i still watch these videos and act surprised when i relate to every single point
Same here...I do the same and whenever I feel empty I just watch these videos to tell myself that I am not alone..
I start therapy next year in January. Pretty sure I have this.
same 💀
I was diagnosed for a 1'5 year and my psychiatrist told my just now becouse they waited until ill be more stable (im in psychotherapy so im doing a lot better than then)
I have so many symptoms of BPD because I have trauma and ADHD. But my feelings are balanced and I can feel more than one at a time, as well as have a very strong sense of self, so when I take the tests for it I'm told I don't have it.
It sounds very hard to deal with. Trust issues are the biggest to work on. People are not against you. Do not isolate yourself out of fear.
That's why this diagnosis is probably bogus. Everyone has personality changes throughout their lives. Show me one ordered personality for reference please.
Another thing I've noticed is a thing called FP or Favourite Person. You invest almost all of your value in how that one particular person interacts with you. The intensity of validation or rejection is ten times stronger with this person. In my experience it's usually people who exhibit similar symptoms to your parents or have qualities you wish to see in yourself. Or both. I've also experienced they are usually someone with a avoidant attachment style or people who are emotionally unavailable or are narcissistic. But that's just in my experience x Thanks for the amazing video Kati x We love you so much
What would happen if two people with BPD were each other's favorite person?
@@sal2975 I've never experienced it so I can't say for sure. But in my opinion I feel like it would be toxic and codependent for the majority (not all of course), particularly if communication wasn't strong in the relationship (and with Quiet BPD communicating is a big part of the issue with anyone, let alone an FP who we often put on a pedestal). Seeking validation from outside of ourselves I've found makes us believe we are undeserving or unworthy in some way, and is a common thing I've noticed with my past FPs, which is why we often seek that validation in the first place. I viewed them like a "celebrity", like I was so lucky they picked me. And unfortunately, like any addiction over time you need more validation to feel like you're safe and won't be abandoned. I've found addressing these issues of self worth (as difficult and painful as they can be) and having good communication (or as best as you can) is the best foot forward. But again, this is just from my experience. Speaking to a therapist who has a good understanding of BPD would be the best move if you ever find yourself in this position
@@sal2975 a black hole
damn... I feel called out
I have a question,my girlfriend does this with me( the FP) and it's exactly what your comment said,I am avoidant and kinda emotionally unstable and it puts a lot of pressure on me,so what do I do?
I know a trait of BPD is hyperanalysis, but the fact you refer to the symptoms with "we", and not "you" makes me feel less judged. It's smaller details like this that would make me feel less alone by watching these videos. Thank you!
I agree! I notice that she does that too and I really like that
I absolutely noticed this and felt the same 🖤🖤
Holy shit. I feel this so hard. Thank you for saying it
It makes me think she might have be bpd too, but I guess not
THIIISSSS
my therapist described my bpd as a “ bottomless pit of emotion “ and that’s the best way to describe it.
never enough LOVE, too deep and hard to reach ANGER/DEPRESSION/LONLINESS. EVERYTHING is bottomless.
i felt this....
yeah, but thats a lot of trauma responses. BPD is a fake disorder. It's just trauma responses.
@@hellcatpictures571same. Seems bleak but I’m hopeful there’s a way through
The ghosting people after getting left on read once really hits
And the guilt and shame after doing that to someone
does it really makes sense to feel bad if they never took the time to get back to you?
Never been diagnosed with BPD BUT that emptiness, the feeling like I'm alone, the deep sadness has always been there.
SAME
Me too. I'm currently dealing with that emptiness and I don't know how to explain it to those around me. I feel very alienated but this lady managed to put those thoughts into the perfect words!
I'm currently waiting for an assessment from mental health, but I'm told 12 weeks is the norm. I hope you guys can get the support you need.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard a mental health professional reference the emptiness. I feel it every day. I had no idea it was related!
they're also symptoms of depression wichs again a symptom of BDP
My therapist thought I had been misdiagnosed with BPD because I presented differently but I informed her about quiet BPD. I ended up becoming a massive internaliser because I grew up with a narcissist mum who would use the silent treatment and I became so aware of her emotions and constantly trying to please her that I’m disconnected from my own emotions.
Literally same with the narcissistic silent treatment mom
I feel you. I also had a narcissistic stepmother.
I have depression and social anxiety and adhd and PTSD, but I’m in the middle of being tested for BPD. my psychiatrist really thinks I have it, but I always thought that there’s just some things I don’t identify with. I also think that’s partly because of my social anxiety. But other than at my dad (because I live with him and I don’t have anxiety around him), I would NEVER lash out at a friend. Although I do implode when I’m alone. And boy do I isolate. I haven’t seen friends in 3 months. And the emptiness is killing me. I just want to feel (and when I do feel it’s in short bouts that feel like the world is ending). Even when I think back to my trauma (I was human trafficked at age 14), I just don’t care. I can’t cry about it, I don’t have any feelings around it, it’s like it didn’t happen to me and it happened to character in a movie I watched. I’m so dissociated from life, I feel hallow. I’m happy that I’m finally getting some answers to my questions. I’ve always thought that there was something more going on. But I recently found out about quiet BPD, and every single symptom I heavily relate to. I’m going to mention this to my psychiatrist, I have never related to something more. Good luck on your healing journey, just know that you’re not alone.❤️
Hoooolyy that hit
Wow this is like me but with my father and not mum
I had a friend who also has bdp who never understood why when I felt rejected by someone I would immediately withdraw completely instead of latching on. It’s because you’ve lived so long with BPD you’ve learnt it’s actually less painful to “leave them before they leave you” you are avoiding the abandonment by leaving them first at the first sign of “abandonment” or abandonment from that person. I also realised that not everyone experiences
BPD that way regardless of how long they have been living with it. Everyone is different.
I have always had this philosophy : Reject them before they reject you.
i have actually been advised in a workplace situation that it apparently always looks better in a work history to leave voluntarily rather than be asked to leave. which sounds like a similar situation just specific to career and actively recommended. workplaces are (or, can be) weird.
Would this apply to my step-mom writing me off and sending an email to me saying I am not longer welcome in her home because I was fed up with her abuse. I didn't want to put up with it and was ready to leave that relationship but she got there first. She took the final step and abandoned me instead which in the end is fine but definitely reading this makes alot of sense. For someone who told me I was "Like her birth daughter" and loves me so strongly, she was able to easily throw me to the side like garage really.
That's exactly how I've become. I did the "crazy ex girlfriend" thing for so long in toxic relationships that it got old and now I just walk away at the first sign of what I think might be a red flag.
@@chapstickaddict435 That is SO sad. I'm sorry you've experienced that.
Feeling angry and trying to be accepted at the same time. Boy, it's hard. One thing that helped me was learning to express my emotions while trying not to be disrespectful of other people. It kinda alleviates the weight of negative emotions. It's hard at first, but it’s ongoing learning process. Wish you all the best, everyone.
just dont be angry
@@animeswitch really?....that's just...no. It's exactly like "Just don't be depressed" when you brain is literally fucked.
@@animeswitch just don't comment if no one asked for it. How about that?
One thing I really appreciate about your videos Kati, is that you always say "we". I know you probably *don't* have every disorder you talk about (I hope so at least, for your sake lol), but it's surprisingly comforting to hear "we" instead of something like "people with X".
I think she actually does tho have this one. Pretty sure she's revealed that before? Could be misremembering...
glad to hear it helps someone. for me, it's super-confusing, because i get automatically distracted trying to figure out how sincerely she's using that convention (versus just as a way to say things relatably) which gets in the way of my being able to just focus primarily on the content of what she's describing.
@@ozok17 Even if she doesn't have it, she's empathising by saying "we." It feels inclusive to me.
But I can understand your skepticism. I've had to grapple with trust issues in my life, so I understand feeling like she might be trying to trick us by pretending to be one of us. I don't think that's what she's trying to do, though. I think she's just speaking in general terms like "we humans."
This is exactly how I’m feeling. And what I’m doing… I just don’t know how to pronounce that towards my therapist. I tend to have insulting thoughts about just wanting attention or wanting to be sick, so I can’t really share how I really feel. Is there a tip how to tell my therapist that I think I have BPD? Quiet BPD? The same goes for some kind of intrusive thoughts… I just don’t want him to think I am self diagnosing and wanting to struggle with BPD because it’s “trendy” for me at this moment. I actually can’t even put into words how many doubts I have about telling my therapist other than that, but that’s the biggest one. Does anyone have some advice?
@@SchlottiCarotti I think you tell him that. "I have something scary to say. I'm afraid you'll think I am self diagnosing and want to struggle with a trendy diagnosis. But I suspect I might have a borderline personality disorder."
And if he doesn't take you seriously you should be seeing a better therapist! Better to find out early than late.
Ten Signs of Quiet BPD:
1. Feeling empty, alone or numb a lot of the time
2. Feeling like we don't exist or we can struggle to know who we are
3. Passive aggressive behavior (sarcastic, purposeful ignorance)
4. Turning our anger inward
5. Impulsive behaviors (binge eating, gambling, abusing substances, risky sexual behavior)
6. Have an intense fear of rejection
7. Isolation
8. Splitting behavior
9. Self sabotaging behavior
10. Hypervigilance
6 Ways to Better Manage Quiet BPD:
1. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
2. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
3. Be more mindful of your emotions
4. Build a healthy support team
5. Use impulse logs
6. Playing it out (worst case, best case, most likely scenarios)
I am very mindful of my emotions. The 12 step step program. Before I react🥺 I choose to respond. With lots of tools in my tool kit. Also before saying anything I ask myself
Is it true? Is it necessary,Is it kind,?
These are also symptoms to Autism Spectrum Disorder. Often times, people with ASD are misdiagnosed with BPD.
Thanks! I didn't want to have to watch one of her videos, but I was really interested in the topic.
@@justtdoiit Some can correlate with ASD, but they are not autism traits in the DSM5. Also, a lot of these are *not* autism traits at all.
The hypervigilance, always present. Splitting is the worst...and it can be triggered by ANYTHING...ANYTHING.
The wrong word, the wrong tone, the wrong gesture, wrong facial expression, speaking, remaining silent, disagreement, knowing, not knowing. And then suddenly you're accused of being the worst person in the world, evil, or having some hidden motive, intending to cause harm. And no logic, no amount reasoning can change how she feels, because that's how she feels, and it must be because of something you did. Maybe you're being yelled at, maybe not. But you're already frightened of whatever impulse reaction you'll need to deal with later....
Thanks for this comment, you've described this perfectly. I'm pretty sure my wife is suffering from undiagnosed BPD and this splitting behavior has caused me never ending turmoil. Only now did I learn there was a name for it...
I have reason to believe that my boyfriend has BPD. He broke up with me and said it was because I told him that we could hang out later instead of when he wanted to because I had something to do. He said it was because he thought I didn't want him and he broke things off before I could! Wtf???? Really bruh??? I wasn't even thinking about breaking up. I just needed time to handle some business and he wanted access to me and I was busy. Didn't turn him away, Didn't talk mean or was insensitive. I was busy and said we can hang out later that night. He broke up with me when I blocked him because he broke up with me because I said love you before I hung up the phone instead of saying I love you. I'm not use to this and have never been with a man that suffered from something like this. I have been understanding and patient while praying for him and his mental health. He doesn't want to go to counseling cause he thinks there's nothing wrong with him then he comes back crying saying he needs help. I don't know how to help him anymore and am tired of the back and forth, the blame and finger pointing, the gaslighting, the self sabotaging and throwing away of our relationship when he doesn't get his way, misunderstands the simplest of things that's his fault, and me needing space and him getting mad at me thinking I don't want him or that I'm cheating. Wtf?? What do you do when you love someone who's doing shit like this?😢💔
I'm autistic and have been diagnosed with BPD too. I feel things so strongly all the time. It's exhausting
IKR? People wonder why all I want to do is stay in my room when I'm not working. If they felt like I feel, they'd probably do the same!
I like it. I like my strong emotions. 💪 Sometimes I like to think I'm Carrie White from Carrie and like no you are NOT putting all that blood on my beautiful dress and getting away with it!!! Haha. I have no harmful thoughts against society and people I just let it be known to not mess with my emotions bc I'm not gonna take it and yes I will feel everything and yes I will express that. I'm not concerned with peoples judgements at all. I love all my emotions. We are human and we were born to feel that's what I believe. 🙏 ❤
Yes I have both as well, I also have chronic pain, fibromyalgia and arthritis. I am just an overall sensitive b*tch I guess 😅
@@miss.jenny.b I love your perspective on it!
i’m going to see mental health professionals, i’m starting to believe i had BPD i’m also autistic too :/
i’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and i ALWAYS thought it was more than just depression, but i never related to any other mental disorder like this one. this video makes so much sense to me. thank you.
How did you get to the conclusion that it was something else than depression?
Same with me! My mom is a narcissist and children of narcissists have a higher probability of having BPD.
I got anxiety, but quiet borderline and ADHD resonates.
Oh my god me too!! My doctors office doesn’t diagnose past depression and anxiety and it’s so hard to find a psychiatrist so I haven’t been able to be diagnosed but I hope we both get that soon :(
same !! and just got diagnosed with innatentive type adhd but i feel like it's more
Quiet BPD and ADHD. Been told it's Bipolar, started getting treatment for bipolar, made me feel worse. I brought it up with the shrink and I was told repeatedly that "no, I am sure you are bipolar"... I finally went to a different set of doctors and finally got the right diagnosis but it took a long time and a lot of money just to find the right people to help
Can you explain just a few things that you notice with the adhd and BPD? Symptoms?
@@Miamia_01 I don't know how it is for other people, but for me, they make each other stronger, in the sense that when I can't focus there is nothing I can do, no trick I can use to get back on track, I am depressed all the time, I get snappy when I have an argument I get drained and feel dead inside, but I can't sit still on the outside and I need to do other things (like tidy up) which is interpreted as not caring or not listening by other people and makes things worse, BPD makes me very sensitive, but ADHD makes me forget the sensitive situations quickly so I bounce back really quickly - which has been interpreted as hypomania, basically the H in ADHD is why many people mistake my combo for just being bipolar... I hope this answers your question xDDD
@@IlincaLirael so very conflicting then. Thanks for responding:)
can you explain how you got the help you needed, im really scared of getting help but i really need it
@@liaeiy451 it was a whole process - it took me about 3 years of therapy, then going to 3 different psychiatrists until one took me seriously enough to write me a note sending me to a clinician, who then based on the recommendations from the psychiatrist gave me two tests (one for disorders and illnesses, one specific for adhd) and an hour-long interview, and then with the medical letter and results from the clinician i went back to the psychiatrist, who then proceeded to give me a slip to go get an EKG, and after I was back with the EKG results, they prescribed adhd medication. It was a long and costly and frustrating process.
I always thought BPD is always shown in extreme ways (super hot and cold), so I never considered it a possibility till seeing this video….everytime I had a “well that’s not me because I do this instead of that”- , Katie would just add it on the list 💀😂 now Im setting an appointment talk to a professional because wow did this video held up a mirror to myself.
Keep me posted!! And I am so glad it was helpful!! :) xoxo
Agreed. I’m definitely going to bring it up with my therapist. I’ve never heard of Quiet BPD until now but it all resonates 🙁.
Same, I need to talk about this to my psychologist and to a psychiatrist. I knew I have depression and ptsd, but this seems so accurate to myself as well.
I’m so glad you made this video. Even though some of the information isn’t new to me, its comforting to hear you talk about it.
I am so glad :) xoxo
@@Katimorton thank you so much my mom had bad on didn’t know that until a couple years before her death last year and even though I don’t have it myself I think I have moments when some behaviors similar to her own occur
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me for years and I never considered borderline as a possibility because it’s always shown as extreme and abusive… but I relate too much to this video not to see a psychiatrist.😅
I love your explanation. I also explain to the people how it feels as a person with BPD is I feel like living but without skin, only flesh. Every little touch, small touch, unintentionally touch could hurt me, and this could be ALOT, without I can control.
“Even when things are going good for us”. I feel like, for me, it’s especially when things are going good. It’s definitely that I feel I don’t deserve what I’m accomplishing. It’s hurtful to myself and to others. I love this video. Thank you ❤
This vid makes me wonder if I’m a quiet bpd, I used to think I was a self destructive type… or maybe I’ve changed my behaviors but I still have these other aspects.
The thing from DBT that helps me the most in a sobbing crying type of moment… is “willing hands” you face your palms to the sky and it signals to the brain that things must not be that bad. This technique can be used in the hardest moments, and my emotional state starts to lower in just 1-2 minutes 🤲
I love the hands to the sky. THank you. I'll use that!
I recognise all 10 signs in myself and I feel so attacked right now. Never would've guessed I might have bpd, because I just never outwardly express any emotions (heck, I've been pushing them away so much, that I don't even feel like I have any anymore). I'm in therapy for lots of other issues (diagnosed depression and possible anxiety, adhd and autism), but we're kinda stuck right now, because I just never have anything to tell.
It's the same for me. -Almost everything you just stated. I'm trying to figure things out but it seems I'm sort of stuck. I just can't figure out how I want to live my life. I wish you luck. I hope you're doing better soon.
You feel attacked?
@@adamskews9027 not literally of course, but it's an expression
@@sinkingkitchen I understand recognising all 10 in yourself, and listening to them and how she puts them across it's nice to feel understood. I would definitely recommend getting it looked into and getting a diagnosis as it's a very distressing cruel mental illness and it's good to get as much support and help as you can. I hope you get sorted and as you'll know how all these can make you feel so misunderstood and unstable. :/ It's horrible but talking to people about all this with others who suffer also is helpful.
@@sinkingkitchen like seriously what happens in therapy when you have nothing to talk about? 🤔 Do you just stare at each other? I went to anger management and those people want to talk alot and I'm like omfg can we seriously not do this today?? But I had to for the thing but I just told them I didn't feel like it and then I just had them turn on some music and do some coloring. Someone said coloring makes you look crazy but tell that to Picasso. That dude knew what was up. These people want to talk about everything. Just bc I have alot of feelings didn't mean I felt like sharing them. Like, I'm fine with my journal these people are very nosy.
When I was 15 I had an ED and it was severe enough that my school ordered me to get therapy.
The therapist obviously didn't take it too seriously, because with the daily weigh ins I wore more layers of clothes and drank water in the waiting room.
They suggested to my mom I might have bpd.
It stuck with me. I'm now 29 and I do fit the description. Except and that's why I never really connected with the disorder (but my therapist just diagnosed me yesterday) is that I don't even know, if I get angry at all.
I get ashamed and frustrated a lot. And if I do, I get really silent when with people and being pushed further I'll cry. When I can retrieve, I cut to release.
And when I cry and somebody is there even if it's my boyfriend of 9 years I get so mad at myself.
It's nice to know you have a quiet bpd and depression, it helps to have clarity. I know when I'm splitting on my boyfriend ie he doesn't immediately write back I instantly feel like he finally saw sense and left me.
I am working on my rational thinking, because otherwise I am good at it.
it took me a beat (or few) to figure out what ED stands for here. further context made it clear. my impression is that generally that sort of need (craving?) for control in one's own life is often (always?) secondary to some predisposing condition, and is not a feeling people experience as strongly when they are otherwise able to have their (psychological, etc) needs met.
@@ozok17 eating disorder
My 'journey' started with ED too. Then growing up, narcisstic mother, drugs came. It all fucked me up
1-What is the difference between BPD and cPTSD?
2-Can "masking" be a form of disassociation?
3-Is it possible to give 'backhanded compliments due to a lack of tact (cognitive disability) and Not because of passive aggressiveness?
1) I have a video about that here: ruclips.net/video/3hIGaxGU13w/видео.html 2) I haven't had anyone talk about it that way, but it's possible. 3) Definitely we can. xoxo
@@Katimorton Most excellent Kati, i'll be sure to check out the vid. Thx for the reply.
I’ve heard that BPD can coexist with ADHD. masking & unconventional social mannerisms can be symptoms of neurodivergence, which ADHD falls into!
You mean like constantly acting like your okay abs trying to “conjure” up different feeling to act okay and function
@TOPSPORES ON TELEGRAM hell nah I didn’t shrooms horrible my cousin has and eating disorder and depression did not help at all she ran home crying thsts an absolute myth quit feeding false information just because you do drugs fuck no. Get a lyfe
Complisult! That's brilliant. One of the best from my ex was "Wow! That new hat suits you so much better than your other hats!"
I love the BPD videos. As someone with BPD it is soothing to see what I deal with on a daily basis is actually legit.
I got the diagnosis borderline but I was always wondering why my relationships are so good. The standard description just didn’t fit to me, but I fit to the five criteria‘s. Now I found the term quiet BPD and I noticed, that’s me.
I honestly think I have this. When I think of BPD, I think of people who are loud, unpredictable, and violent, but that's not me. It definitely presents itself in a "quiet" way, so much so that I'm able to hide it completely. I can relate to all 10 signs you mentioned. Another thing I feel quite often is a "switch" in my personality. I sometimes feel out of touch, like I've forgotten who I am, or I will suddenly speak with an accent or act differently than normal. I also get a lot of "ups and downs" mood swings. I can be happy, then something makes me really anxious (I have really bad anxiety), which then sets off my anger. I've gotten irrationally angry at people and animals and situations that don't really warrant being angry about, and I've lashed out in the past, but usually I internalize the anger and harm myself instead of hurting somebody. I definitely turn my anger inward, I'm impulsive at times (drinking, purchasing things, and self-harm), and I ALWAYS feel empty and alone, even when my boyfriend is around. I've always felt sort of hollow, like I'm just a shell of who I should be. I also do fear rejections, and I try to please people to keep them around. I slept with a coworker because we were friends and I thought we could stay friends if I did it... and I also let a grown man groom me when I was 13, because he was the only person I could talk to and I needed to keep him interested in me. All of this has been an ongoing issue since my early teens... Everything. I relate to all of it, and I've considered that I may have BPD in the past, but not everything clicked and made sense until now. More of the symptoms apply to me now than it did a few years ago. I just hope that if I reflect on my behavior and think about it to the fullest, with enough self-awareness about it all, then I can try to stop myself from doing some of these things in the first place. I am working towards being a better person. And I do it quietly, on my own. Someday I hope my mental health can be where it should be.
You're doing great recognizing your patterns and whatnot. You're not a shell, but even if you were, you'd be precious. Don't forget that you are precious and you are not alone. Peace be with you.
Everyone who keeps telling me to live in the present has emotional support, they have loved ones, they have freedom in their lives to actuallly get up and go do things they enjoy, they have a way to earn a steady and predictable and reliable income…I only get advice from people who have no idea what they are talking about.
When somebody disappoints me I wanna go crazy like it's a mental breakdown even if they have a really really important reason it's crazy
Feeling unwanted, not needed, unimportant,useless and just a side character😣
@TOPSPORES ON TELEGRAM thank you🙏🏼
This video is bitter sweet for me. I love the way you give the information without it sounding negative at all. It also makes me sad/ashamed knowing how many more battles I have to face even though I've come so far.
Keep doing what you're doing! Your videos are what original got me to seek help, and continue to be very beneficial in my process. Much love
Yep, first symptom nailed it. I feel completely helpless to get myself to do anything that's I'm not already habituated to, comfortable with, or in the "perfect moment" to do it, and though I can intellectually understand alot about my condition and situation and what I should do to improve, I just CANT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING. If I'm pushed in the right way at the right time I can do new things, but otherwise if I'm pressured enough to go somewhere with family for e.g. then the fear and tention in my body starts to surface to my conscious mind, and then I either get emotional and/or try to get away from the pressure source, even though it's almost always a loving family member.
I think the only true "fix" is to be more aware of life, of our selves, stop giving so much power to thoughts and emotions and return it back to your will and executive function. Meditation!(which I can almost never get myself to do 🤔)
Okay second one is really strong too. Jeez this video is so accurate and informative. Great work!
How do I express.....after 45 years of hiding these feelings, because I did not know, I grew up thinking I was totally alone and knowone would ever understand how I feel....thankyou for this 💓
I was diagnosed with situational depression.anxiety disorder and a non specific personality disorder and I listened to the ten things and all of them I do to myself thank God I have on going support and make sure I use all of that support and all my CRT training:journaling mindfulness meditation it does help.
I got diagnosed with BPD and these quiet symptoms was me all the time I didn’t feel like I existed and I was empty and alone , passive aggressive ... fear of abandonment and rejection.. super impulsive .. no clear communication.. eating disorders .. I was emotionally neglected growing up with a narcissist father but our relationship has healed .. totally 180 and I finally don’t feel empty 🥹 I feel like I can make goals .. and feel safe with a parent and that changes absolutely everything .. I feel like I have opinions now and a voice .. I was a people pleaser all my life it was exhausting now I’m in the journey of becoming my higher self 🤎
Thanks for this video, Kati. The sabotage point made me cry 😢 because that's what I'm struggling with today. Also the reminder of people pleasing hit home big time. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and BPD. Currently in a phase of crawling out of the big hole 🕳 and trying to keep going. 🙃
I wish I could build some willpower to do all the things you mentioned to manage it all. But it's just too much 😕 😪
You've got this!!! Try focusing on one small thing today.. like eating regularly or showering. Taking care of one of our basic needs helps so much!!! xoxo
Hope you’re doing okay? Take one half hour at a time if yu need to.. if you can’t get up to do anything or achieve a goal (no matter how big or small) in that time try to think of something that makes you feel good inside. A flower, look at the clouds & how they form, watch running water by a lake or pond, beauty is in the tiny ‘miracles’. Take care of yourself ☯️
This is something I JUST learned about today, and it's really interesting. I'm not the type to self-diagnose, but it would be something to bring up someday when I can afford therapy. The only thing that's a little different is the attachment thing, I've never been interested in changing myself for other people. Although! I do have an issue with becoming really attached to someone if I open up to them, and they accept me, it's a big reason why I struggle to get close to people now. I would always get super attached, the person would leave, or get married and develop a new life, or not want to be friends anymore and I'd be left behind feeling hurt.
Other than that I feel a lot of similarities. I am moody, more likely to get mad or frustrated, and it either comes out as a passive aggressive thing or I bottle it up, or I spiral into myself. When I'm not moody I'm kinda blank, like the part of my brain that can feel emotion is missing. I got a lot of self-loathing issues, I can be really stubbornly impulsive with wanting to buy or do something, I'm really self sabotaging, I'm really anxious and sensitive to loud noises (Dogs barking is the worst noise.) or stressful situations, I really like making people happy because when they're happy they're not upset, and when they're upset I feel like they're always upset with me. Again, not saying for sure that I do have quiet BPD, there are a lot of things I can have, but it's nice to know about for discussion in the future.
I'm so happy I found my therapist. I didn't know that I ever felt angry. I could not see that emotion. Any time I would get angry, I would just dissociate. Most of the time I had to sleep because I felt so dizzy from it. She looked right through me (a task other therapists and doctors failed) and knew how to teach me to feel my emotions (like you said by looking at my body) and allowing myself to feel them (still struggle with that sometimes). It is still a hard way, but I was lucky to find a therapist who is expedierend
Best description ever! It is so hard to find a therapist who is knowledgeable about quiet BPD. it's been a huge relief listening to you. Thank you so, so much.
Thank you so much for this video ! I was diagnosed with bpd a year ago and even though I meet most of the criterias, I never understood the "lashing out" part of the disorder since I actually never lash out at anybody. I had never heard of something like "quiet BPD" before but I see myself in so much of what you said in this video, it's quite overwhelming to be honest 😅
Thank you very very much :)
have you considered whether you internally do an equivalent of "lashing out", directed inwardly at yourself, perhaps? not saying you do, but to me it seems like a common behaviour that's quite similar to lashing out and can be easy to miss if not looked for.
I lashed out the other day I saw my ex and I couldn’t help myself I started yelling and screaming at him. Well he did slap me, hit me and kick me many times and also broke my son’s leg, femur 🦴 bone.
@@kerrynicholls6683 wow I'm sorry to hear. Not sure that's a good thing to say but the b**** had it coming. I hope you're ok now :)
I'm mid spiraling out lately - trying so hard not to that it's just sort of an extended episode... like watching a car wreck in slowmotion. But I came across your video - almost didn't click but I am so thankful that I did. You hit a nerve, and just a complete bullseye with something I had no idea I was doing. I am in the middle of a summer project that isn't even that hard (coding video data for research), and it's something I have worked for and wanted my entire life and boom here it is... And I can't even get it done. I am screwing it up and proving to myself and everyone else that I cant do it. I'm failing at the one thing that mattered to me enough to work as hard as I have. Now, Im so behind and failing and freaking out every day because I am now at a point there is absolutely no way I can make the deadline.... and then back to back, you say something about not feeling worthy/ good enough - and ironically, I JUST, like an hour ago grabbed paper and started ranting which I rarely do... and it's like you were reading off of my page. the SAME phrases - and then you go into self sabotoging behavior and specifically mention a work project... I just had no idea thats what this was. It makes sense though, now that I think about it. And I very recently lost my FP, and have realized that I really am alone, and I mean literally, entirely... which on one hand im thankful for because endings just suck. If I have no one, I wont get hurt... except I'm just hurting every moment of every day anyway ( just put that together as i typed it actually). And the irony is that I realized I've been in freeze response and was looking for a way to get out of it, and realized today that losing her and realizing people I thought were friends actually arent mean that as someone with BPD who fears abandonment more than anything.... to realize I have actually been "abandoned" and am infact, entirely alone was a shocking realization. No wonder I'm spiraling. No wonder I can't function or do my work. The one person around who I do trust is a professor, not a friend, and I am desperately trying to intentionally prevent feeling anything like friendship - (we are the same age) but I do not want her to become my FP - I am so sick of that pattern. It's just too much. The pain of losing someone like that is unbearable. Plus I'm fighting to stay sober, which has been nearly impossible the past few weeks, so it's all of these things at the same time. And without anyone to talk to, I guess I have been doing it to myself without even realizing it. Im shocked. But also so thankful you made this video two years ago and it came up at just the right time. I realize I overshared here but I want anyone else who is dealing with this to know they arent alone. Thank you
Thanks
I call a “complisult” a “back handed compliment” 😂 thank you for this video. Love the way you explain things, easily understood x
YES!! I've heard it called that too!! haha! So glad you liked the video! xox
How about this one? "You look so nice today I didn't recognize you!" I was actually on the receiving end of that once.
Omg kati, your videos are absolutely life changing. Idk where I’d be without you. Saying “thank you” is not enough to express how grateful myself and so many others are to you 🙏🏻
Hi Kati, thank you for your inspiring video's! I am a 60 year old lifelong 'BPD-Dutchy' from The Netherlands, experienced after 5 times year long therapies and since two months daring to be in love again with a wonderfull woman, being honest from day 1! Sharing, explaining and connecting in a true way! Without losing myself or her in my many BPD traps! I share your vids with my girlfriend and watch them together! You have a very fine and connecting way of explaining and I am so thankfull for that! Now about your question: "If you have something to add to the list..." What I would like to add is the habit of oversizing things, feelings, situations etc. In my head normal things - for other people - allways seem bigger, ergo heavyer, and more scary and exciting. I would like to add that to readers, maybe they recognize that aswell? So in short, the most tasks or challenges allways feel bigger and intenser! Afterwards they were'nt at all... But it is like a sort of building up a strange sort of preparation tension...
Anyways, thats what I liked to say to you along with honest complements! I wish you, and all your fans and readers all the best and succes... Stay honest, stay true, stay pure, you will survive! I am still going on at 60, and got many tools by opening up to learn! Keep believing! You are special and beautiful, all of you, yes you too! All my love to everybody! Hans
TY Kati for sharing this informative video (I am also a provider!)! I've struggled with BPD (definitely on the quiet side) most of my adult life and even though getting help and DBT has definitely made it less of an emotional rollercoaster for myself and those I'm close to, I still slip up because BPD is rarely the sole mental challenge a client like me carries (eating disorder, bipolar disorder, adhd, gender dysphoria, for example with myself) that can sometimes need different treatment modalities (finding the right medications definitely helped, but some meds can be risky prescribing to someone with BOTH an eating disorder AND ADHD -stimulants are generally a no-no for us- or bipolar).
But getting back to BPD things...here's an example from yesterday when I was meeting up with someone for a dinner date: after seeing some younger clients where I work, my friend texted me to tell me when she'd be at the restaurant to meet up. Well I was already frazzled from working with kids (adult clients was my focus in grad school, not kids!), and having that along with my friend telling me I had XX minutes to meet up with her made me feel rushed and upset and I told her that making me feel rushed like that soured an already bad mood even worse. That, on top of struggling with suicidal ideation and urges most of this month has generally made me morbid and dramatic af whenever I feel stressed out, and I'm not sure if it's a BPD thing, but my knee-jerk response to stress is "kill me now" which isn't very adaptive, I know. So, by the time I met up with my friend, I was still upset, but more on the guilty side of things because of some of what I'd said in texts to her. At least my friend knows about my struggles and she's really compassionate with me, but if this is me AFTER DBT, it's probably not surprising that things were even worse back then!
TL;DR: Those 10 signs Kati shares are good points to watch for when working with someone with "quiet" BPD, but it's rarely so easy to notice when trying to help someone with several different mental challenges!!
Stay safe and strong everyone!
I am currently helping my boyfriend with shifting from negative self talk to neutral self talk. I talk to him about how it helped me so much with my BPD. I refer to it as a stepping stone to feeling better or a stepping stone to feeling happier more often rather than allowing the negative self talk to spiral into a negative depressive slump. I really reccomend these neutral thoughts! with BPD it really helps me balance my negative self talk and my overly positive (grandiose) self talk, these neutral thoughts give me a sense of relief from my rollercoaster experience of life!
I've been suffering with this for years..and I just knew that all of these symptoms completely match to me. I knew there was probably something wrong with me, and I thought I was just making things up but the accuracy of all of the signs you just mentioned made me reflect on myself. I cried as you listed through each sign that perfectly described my condition. I'm not alone, and it's a real issue, I'm not crazy after all. I'm glad to have finally discovered the real issue. I'm in so much pain, but I wanna get out of it, I don't wanna be pathetic anymore because it'll ruin the beautiful things and the future I have ahead of me..
Honestly this is me right now, I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression and ADHD, and I would constantly question about the intensity of my pain when I would feel certain emotions. And it was always brushed off with something else, menstruation being a big one. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I feel like many questions have been answered, and I don't feel alone.
Is someone else out there with BPD who feels joy also very extreme to a point where the tension is nearly unbearable? It is so hard for me to try to explain to people that I am very stressed cause I am too happy. It is so uncomfortable and also really sad that I cannot enjoy my happy moments in life
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Not everytime but it happens frequently when I am happy. How I know it, this is common in people with bpd.
I used to feel like that almost all the time. I actually was just talking to my mom about it because it was a realization for me today when she asked, if I had any good memories of me "before". I realize that even in "happy" moments, I was feeling anxious and a sens of emptiness. She suggested something that made a lot of sens which is that I was always trying to hold on too tight to those happy moments cause I knew they would end.
Natasha jaromir. Hello sorry to interrupt on your comment sadly I know I can understand or realate because I don't have BPD but I can understand the part of you being too stressed because you are to happy I can see how this makes you uncomfortable and really sad that you can't enjoy your happy moments in life 💖
I relate so much to this and never really connected what was going on, or could not articulate it verbally. For me its also an anxiety trigger,like things are too good to be true and theres always a catch, something bad will happen inevitably. So I can't enjoy the good times either! Wow I feel for you because I do this without fail. Self sabotage too.. and I don't even realize I'm doing it till it's too late
Brene Brown says joy is the scariest emotion
I’m without doubt a quiet borderline, and I want my children to understand this condition. My daughters are 10 and 13. I have on occasions, tried to explain how I often experience life, but if someone like yourself, a seasoned professional could make a video which would explain things in a manner most suitable to their ages, I think this would be incredibly beneficial to me as a father. Or perhaps point me in the right direction to somewhere I can find this medium. Many thanks as always
I just had this talk with my teenaged children about my own diagnosis (BPD but definitely identify more as a quiet imploder). I also just confirmed my mother had BPD (died via cirrhosis when I was 15). I’m looking for good videos to educate my family (kids and husband of 20years❤). My daughter has displayed some traits, but aside from dealing with my episodes, they’ve been fortunate to live in a relatively trauma free zone. Still, it would be great to teach them because they may deal with traits in themselves or stereotypically marry someone like their mother. I want them to have a full toolbox. Adolescent and family centered psychoeducation would be very helpful.
@@reidbyrne65 yes, kids marrying people like their parents is a great reason for parents (and potential future parents) to seek appropriate helpful care for themselves, so that their kids can seek out (or, default to seeking out, being attracted to) people who are pursuing and receiving the care needed to be healthy. of course, parents also matter as people themselves, too!
Yeah, sometimes it's easier for kids to learn something from someone who's not their parent. They already learn so much from the people who are raising them, as it is. I applaud your asking for explanatory/teaching help.
Just take care that you don't put the responsibility about your feelings and healing on your daughters by "making them understand what it's like for me" aka that you're always the victim and they should be mindful of your symptoms and try not to trigger them. It is very exhausting and unhealthy for children to be responsible for their parents like that. Ignore my comment if you have clear boundaries in your family and are under no risk of encountering this issue but I thought I'd leave it here regardless because I've seen this happen too often with too many people (myself included). Take care and wish you all the best 💖
I'm from West Yorkshire in England in UK. And u explain things better than my doctor
I haven’t been diagnosed by a professional yet but I have a appointment soon. Growing up I always felt off and I couldn’t pin point my hat it was and now I’m realizing at 29 years old I might have bpd. I find comfort in these videos because I know I’m not alone and now I know what may be going on with me
this video is so validating and helpful. Kati makes me feel safe
I’ve never watched a video that more directly addressed almost everything I was feeling.
I don't want to self diagnose myself but i could relate to a lot of what you were saying in this video. I was doing CBT a few years ago and i got better! Unfortunately i've been going thru a ton of changes and i just feel like i lost all control again. Looking very forward to get back to therapy, thanks a lot for the vid Kati
Thanks so much Katie. I’ve seen this video(and probably 99% of your videos) like 10 times… but it still hits home.
You’re an amazing therapist, I really admire you and Dr.Fox. I love that you use “we do this/that” and not “people with BPD do this/that”.
You are helping so many❤ Thanks from the bottom of my heart&sending love from the Czech Republic 🇨🇿
I worked in residential mental health mostly with teens who had Borderline and didn’t realize I had Borderline because mine is quiet. I learned about QBP while subbing for a therapist’s group about metallization-based therapy. I’ve found that many professionals don’t know about it. My supervisor teaches the DSM at a college and didn’t know but is talking about it now. I wish more professionals knew about the different presentations
Thankyou! 50 years old and feel a light has shined in the darkness.
I got excited see the notification for this video pop up. I find I resonate with quiet BPD more than the others. I definitely internalise a lot of things and emotions and try to avoid conflict as much as possible. I find that even though I don’t outwardly express my emotional discomforts I do this behind closed doors by myself and to myself. I do have to say it takes a heck a lot to push my buttons to get me to ‘explode’ outwardly to those around me but this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen it’s just a lot less frequent than what could be considered as the ‘norm’.
Don’t rush to do psychedelics. They can make or break you.
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Especially if you can afford it. Some of us are toughing it out here and being our own counselors it’s weird and painful but please. Therapy.
@@Eleventyeleventh I wasn’t and wouldn’t touch them personally. People like the above comment love coming onto Kati’s videos and try to entice and sell such ‘remedies’. Thank you for your concern though.
Thanks! Your BPD videos are so helpful to me! ❤️
I’ve never related to something so much, I’m literally crying rn
Holy crap! When I was a teen, a therapist thought I might have BPD, but didn't meet quite all necessary criteria. That was 30 years ago. I have noticed the symptoms a lot more these past 10 years. I think I may have quiet BPD from your description. I will explore this more to verify. HUGE thanks!
Thank you Kati, thank you so much…. Turning 48 soon, so have been living with this quiet hell for quite some time now, and it’s not getting any easier but you’ve been helping with your ever understanding attitude and clear explanations, it’s like a bit of a boost each time, a boost to not to give up. Thank you for being here for us. Much appreciated..
The knowing "this is your Borderline" is really helpful. The way I look at it now is that my head knows whatever made me upset isn't that bad, but my emotions haven't caught up yet. They will, in time. Before, I didn't know where these instense feeling were coming from and I would chastise myself for being so easily triggered which of course made everything worse.
I related directly to 8 out of the 10. If BPD is commonly a result of trauma and childhood PTSD, then I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me this is the problem. In 2019, a psychiatrist wanted to diagnose me autistic due to singular interests and problems relating to other people, but I rejected the diagnosis. Thank you, Kati Morton! Your vids are awesome and SOOO educational! I'll be showing my therapist this.
How do you reject a diagnosis? Isn't it just something a psychologist/psychiatrist diagnoses you with and you just can't change it? /gen /nm
@@syhknox Well, he had said that additional testing would be required before the official diagnosis. I was encouraged to research what Asperger's is, and when I saw "lack of empathy" as part of it, I flipped out, TBH. That definitely does not describe me. While I can be stoical in some emotionally charged situations, there are times when my empathic reactions have been 10x what most consider normal! And it's impossible to know beforehand what situation or person might trigger this. Lack of empathy is also a marker of psychopathy. Upon reading that "lacks empathy" line, I won't lie, I took serious offense and bailed on the psychiatrist. I realize now, that if I'd read further, then I would have read that those with Asperger's(now called ASD or autism spectrum disorder) don't lack empathy across the board like a psychopath would. They just have a harder time processing and regulating what they are feeling. It does not make them bad people by ANY stretch. I know I acted impulsively. BPD. I know that what I did was a classic example of "splitting", as described in the vid. BPD. If I had to pick one, I much prefer being alone to being in crowded parties. In other words, isolation. BPD. My apologies if my original post was ambiguous. I hope this explains more clearly why I'm convinced I have BPD, not ASD.
Furthermore, ASD/autism was, for a long time, believed to be upwards of 4x more common in males than females. Now that mental health professionals are getting a handle on how autism manifests differently in females as opposed to males, it is likely that the ratio isn't quite that stark. But taking even this into account, I would surmise that ASD is still solidly 2-1 male. That means it's 2-1 against that being it in my case. But at the end of the day, I am not a psychiatrist myself, just someone who has become fascinated by this topic and loves reading about it. What's your story? And your personal interpretation thereof?
It is very refreshing to hear from a therapist which is also a Cluster B. It makes me feel less lonely. I thank God i got rid of most abandonment fear. I do experience both derealization and mild dissociation. I think that i know who i am. I thank God for that. My borderline-histrionic is sometimes load sometimes silent.
So much of this resonates with me.
Wow!
Why has it taken me until my 50s to start understanding what is going on in my head.
Thank you for everything you do!!
some things about getting older can be useful and cool.
Thank you thank you Kati !! I'm in tears... I've spent alot of money on therapy sessions and they didn't even come close to everything you've discussed in this video. And thank you for pin-pointing that DBT is a better solution. Honestly grateful
Katie thank you so much for all this information you put out. It really has been very helpful as I’ve been recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I’ve really been struggling with it my whole life. The better part of 40 years. Anyway I just wanna say thank you for all the research you do and the way you present it. Again it’s been a life changer thank you.
I was recently told by my psychiatrist that I am suspected to have BPD. I always knew but having someone with experience say it was so. Validating? These videos have been helping me a lot on this journey. Thank you
My mother had BPD and she was insanely abusive. I haven't seen her in a while but everytime I hear about BPD I can't help but feel angry and distrustful of people with it.
I don't relate to many of these symptoms but after listening to the whole video I started to understand a bit of the struggle that people with this are going through. I feel like I've both learned and unlearned something today and I'm grateful for it. I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to forgive my mother for what she did, but maybe its time I stopped blaming BPD for all the issues she gave me. Thank you for this video and the insight.
If your mother's has been actually diagnosed with BPD I doubt she was able to get any kind of real help anyhow. Up until just a decade or so ago did this information become available on RUclips and very little was ever known about it or the causes of it. Now we know it is from Complex trauma. You mom probably had no idea what was really wrong with her and had no idea how to fix herself.
I relate to about 90% of the BPD signs but have never been diagnosed. I don’t have the resources to see a psychologist but that hasn’t stopped me from looking for answers. I recently discovered the philosophy of Stoicism and have applied myself to living this philosophy. The answers I find from many psychologists online relate closely to Stoicism. Mindfulness being the most obvious. It’s not an easy philosophy to practice but it has helped me immensely. I continue to learn from the Stoics but I also learn from these videos.
Thanks so much for posting!!!! I definitely wonder if I have quiet BPD, I really feel like this could be a life changing diagnosis for me (in a good way- for finally getting the right help!) so thank ya for posting!!!
I relate to every single of these symptoms. No lie. Already been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADD, Depression,
Thank you Kati
I was diagnosed with it in 2018 two years after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1 and ADHD I am now controling it I was so irritable,impulse and reckless.
I am so glad you have found ways to manage it!! xoxo
how are you controlling it ?
what's all this hype about now ? 😂😂😂
also that comment doesn't make any sense you can't control ppl and you don't know how ppl feel or sound or react so like I said that comment doesn't make sense and you should learn how to shut up for once 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am not diagnosed with bpd and i can't even seek professional help but i relate to all these signs i feel like everyday i am struggling and i dont know what to do...
Sounds like there's a confusingly wide overlap with PTSD, I recognise myself in enough of these to be a bit concerned, but how do you separate BPD from regular ol' trauma?
As someone who is not 'educated' enough to respond realistically I'll give my opinion if that's alright. I recently saw a Psychiatrist say we should not look at trauma as something negative that has happened to us; moreso how that has hindered our growth as a human being. So I would say (guess) that lots of people that suffer from PTSD have been able to progress and separate out of BPD or BPD thinking or Quiet BPD; any many have not. Or not so easily, or someone like myself; has used quiet BPD as my go to style of human communication. Recognizing and owning up to this I believe is the most important. Now what do you do? That is a great question. Don't think too negatively about yourself and live your best life! Get help if YOU feel you need it or others that you trust or you believe to some degree are looking out for you. Doesn't hurt (I believe) to talk to someone about it or even write it down on your own; you now have a deeper connection and understand with your trauma. This is my current take, thank you for reading.
I’m noticing that the abandonment element has a big part to play in BPD but not necessarily in PTSD. Just a thought (I am in no way an expert!!)
I don't know. I have both, so at least in my case they're so intertwined, there's no separating the two.
Yeah… and if you are completely better after dealing with the trauma- was it a personality disorder???
There is a lot of overlap! I have a video about BPD vs CPTSD here: ruclips.net/video/3hIGaxGU13w/видео.html maybe that will help! xoxo
This was INCREDIBLY helpful, thank you, making an appointment with my therapist now
Thank you so much for this video. I have severe anxiety and depression but for a while I’ve suspecting there was something more going on too. I identify with almost every symptom you listed. Not sure how to feel about this, but I guess it’s good to know there are professionals who understand what is going on.
ohhh, for sure the unawareness of the self sabotage. I only recognize that I'm making things worse when the big fight happens of the thing that I'm doing.
Thank You so much for the discussion on this topic. whether it is CPTSD or (q)BPD, basically trauma is most likely at its inception. I just purchased your audiobook "Traumatized" so looking forward to listening to it.
this video has officially convinced me that ive been misdiagnosed with mdd and it’s actually quiet bpd. some of these specific signs i’ve experienced throughout my life but somehow was never caught or addressed in therapy. i’m trying to go back but it’s really hard. the fact that i wanna go back is a sign that i at least want to get better but other times i honestly could not care less about anything.
could be both, possibly one causing or predisposing for the other
After a period of prolonged stress and what I think now was adrenal fatigue, I developed all symptoms of bpd with the exception of self harm. But everything else irrational fear of abandonment, impulsivity, risk taking, anger, anxiety, feeling empty, violent mood swings etc. I had these symptoms for 2 years and it was accompanied by pmdd I then fell pregnant and all my symptoms disappeared and I haven’t had them since. I thought personality disorders was something you either have or don’t have but I never had it before those two years and haven’t had the symptoms since.
Omg, I have adrenal fatigue as well as a result of extreme stress and trauma
I am glad I found this video. I thought for a while I might have bpd but as an introvert who doesn't express my emotions as much, it didn't fully resonate. This resonates more with me. Especially the numbing it out part. Luckily through therapy I've gotten a lot of help with my issues but going back to therapy again in the future I'd like to explore the possibility of quiet borderline to further treatment.
That's the best characterization of BPD I've ever heard, an emotional burn victim !!! Found something real interesting, know someone with traits but some traits missing. Then found out that if a person is comorbid with autism it can cancel out substance abuse totally (Swedish study) , which could move clinicians away from a BPD finding (especially if its Quiet BPD). This person I know has just had some DNA work that found an gene mutation associated with autism ... fascinating stuff
That is so interesting!! Thank you so much for sharing :) And I am glad you loved the video!! xoxo
@@Katimorton You've taught us so much !!! We reference Traumatized often ..spot on and easy to understand.
thank you for posting this! I was just diagnosed with BPD, I’ve suspected for a long time that I’m on the spectrum, and I don’t have any issues with substance abuse. this makes so much sense!
@@autumnnoahlea5223 ... this study is called Borderline Personality Disorders and Autism Spectrum Disorders in Females .. If you google that I'm sure you find ... Maybe Kati can do video on it ??? Or maybe how ASD in Females can be easily misdiagnosed as Quiet BPD?
@@Inseparable724365 thank you so much! I’m going to bring that into therapy with me, it’ll help with my fears of being unheard & invalidated 😅🥲🙏🏻
Im also. Passive aggressive bipolar ADHD. I have All of the symptoms.. Amazing I feel like you are talking about me.I have never been happy. When i smile it hurts my face
I really appreciate these videos. They are so educational but also filled with so much empathy and kindness. I’m always happy to see these pop up under my suggested
The isolation one really hits hard.
One time one of my friends left during lunch because one of my other friends was making them uncomfortable, so, naturally, I didn't talk to them for a month. Then there's the multiple times where I just completely withdrew from all of my friendships.
Plus the really intense need for validation from people I care about. And dissociating at least once a week (usually more). etc etc
Very interesting video, thanks a lot Kati! I still wonder how someone with Borderline can feel the difference between being mistreated & their Borderline traits taking over? Can be a challenge, not being sure if it’s Borderline or that you are dealing with toxic people.
Thank you for mentioning about the slight gaslighting! My family treated me in the same way in your example! It was hurting me to the point where I began to wonder about the existence of a portion of my life! I can’t thank you enough! Now, I have a bit of strength to stand up to this torment.
So you partly mentioned that, but I wanted to emphasize how hyperreactiveness leads to extreme overstimulation in those with quiet bpd and also to the inability to let all those emotions out.
Maybe in my case it’s a factor of the comorbidity of bpd and add (type of adhd), but every day is just so tiring and just too much because of my thoughts - I think about, like, 5 things at a time because of the things in the outside world that I have to interact with and I can think about happy and extremely depressing things at the same time. It’s so hard to feel in control or at all oriented in your internal life. I can relate so much to the thought of “not existing” - I am so many thoughts, people, feelings at a time, I am everything and nothing.
I keep ghosting people not because I want to - I just find myself crying when I have to check messenger because it’s just too much, like, I have no idea how people function In this society not breaking down every second lol.
Could you maybe do a video on managing overstimulation? I haven’t seen anything useful on RUclips and I know many people who would benefit from something like that.
^ i second this overstimulation part! Also I relate to this whole post so much. Thanks for writing it.
Check Asperger.
@@fawndawnangel ahhh I keep reading about bpd, autism (&asperger) all the time but I can’t find myself fitting in any of those labels actually, i get overstimulated and find it hard to be with people & i have difficulty with eyecontact but I understand their emotions & sarcasm and feel strong empathy towards them? Idk this is too confusing
Bpd is what they tested me for and i feel its the closest
Well…crap. Not even six minutes in and you have described about twenty years of my life. My therapist was thinking depression due to drug addiction (four years clean), but I am now seeing the clues that I may have this. Glad I have an appointment with him on Tuesday. I’m going to keep watching and I will subscribe as well. Wow..just wow. Never thought the internal conversations I had, the empty feelings, the numbness, the anger I had no clue where it was coming from…I just want to feel happy again. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that way. I’m able to remember that I felt that way once, but when I search my mind for it, there is a big hole where it should be - as if it was taken away from me.
Well, now I’m nine and a half minutes in and I have confirmed almost all the signs shown so far for this, this BPD. Especially the isolation, splitting behavior, passive aggressive behavior and the impulsive behavior (my twenty years of hard drug use says that in spades). This…is a lot to take in for me. I will keep watching. I’m uncomfortable with this, but deep down I know that this is helpful for me to know to talk with my therapist about. Very uncomfortable..
❤
A bit later but i’m reading these comments as i’m watching the video and I just wanted to congratulate you on your sobriety! I hope you managed to continue it and I want you to know Im proud of you for that even if I don’t personally know you!
i feel you
i live with quiet BPD. i’m doing so much better thanks to dialectical behaviour therapy, and an amazing clinical psychologist. but i still struggle daily; it’s such a nasty and horrible disorder to live with.
It is indeed. So misunderstood and stigmatized as well, we don't really have access to care either. It's very lonely 😢
I had several glass shattering moments watching this video. Thank you.
It is interesting cause I would place myself more on the quiet side of BPD, but I still feel the urge to outward expression. I am mostly able to keep them in but sometimes they break through, and I bother people other than myself with my splitting and anger. I hate it when that happens.
This video feels like a birthday gift, and I am very happy to have something fun after a hard day of trauma work ❤
I like the "Halt" that you mentioned for managing quiet symptoms before they boil over into lashing out behaviour. Thks Kati!
In DBT education I learned that the day is not all bad or all good. That helped me with coping with BPD symptoms especially quiet borderline symptoms.
I have BPD and I only got diagnosed a bit ago and it's really nice learning about it
I saw a video yesterday that said 86% of people basically lose the disorder (he called it "remission"). I found that encouraging.
@@themudpit621 what’s the video called
I really found this very helpful and I hope I am not distracting from the content but a little edit is needed at 15:20 where the word "more" or "enough" is missing. Instead of recommending DBT, the advice spoken is "I cannot recommend DBT". Hopefully people are smart enough to understand what the intent of the sentence was!