Coming Out as Trans While in a Relationship | What Will Happen? | MTF Transgender Transition
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- Today, Cole interviews me on my experiences of coming out as transgender and transitioning while in a long term relationship. It was definitely a difficult experience but I hope sharing this can be normalizing and help some of you who are either transitioning in relationship or with a partner who is undergoing a gender transition. I hope you enjoy.
Follow me on Twitter: chloegold1990
Follow me on Instagram: the_chloe_connection
#MTF #Transgender #TheChloeConnection #DatingWhileTrans #Transitioning #TransitioningInARelationship
Playlists:
New subscribers start here: • Welcome to my channel!...
Coming Out Experiences: • Gender Transition Advi...
Hormones and Other Transition Changes: • Hormones (HRT) and Oth...
Surgery Experiences (SRS, FFS, BA): • Transgender Surgery Ex...
------------------------------
Track: Sprinkles - Johny Grimes [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: • Sprinkles - Johny Grim...
Free Download / Stream: alplus.io/Spri...
------------------------------
A follow up to the previous video Cole and I did together 💜 This time focusing on my experiences as the one who transitioned in a relationship. How might you be able to relate to this situation, as either partner in a relationship? 💜
Luckily, I am pansexual so I know I will find my partner beautiful regardless of what gender they identify as and transition to. I have been trying to be helpful and validating to my partner since they came out to me recently. I am letting her try on some of my clothes this weekend and giving her a spa day where I shave some body hair off
It sounds like your partner is really lucky to have you 💜 I hope the spa day was fun and relaxing! 💜
@@TheChloeConnection She really loved it and we shopped online for some clothing for her to wear at home until she starts HRT. Also helped her get in touch with a gender therapist. I want to be there for her through it all so she can finally feel happy in her skin
I think it would be very hard to choose between living authentically and my relationship. I'm not sure I could choose myself if it meant losing the relationship. Thank you for posting this it's one of the things I look at a lot.
Hi Therese. It's definitely a hard thing to navigate, but we have to do whatever feels best for our own unique situations 💜💜💜
Hi Chloe and Cole! Great video as always! Thank you! Yeah, about the only things we have in common as far as coming out to our partners is that they are both cis women that aren't lesbians.
In my case, my wife and I were happily married for over 35 years. I've known I was really a girl since before the age of three and I was never in denial about being trans but I was in denial that it was important. I came out to her because I just couldn't hide anymore. I hadn't started transitioning at all but I had been seeing a therapist ... I didn't realize that my wife was so transphobic and everything went sideways very quickly. I realized there was the possibility that our marriage would end in divorce (all too common when one spouse comes out as trans) but never expected to lose the love of my life so completely. She got a temporary restraining order against me and petitioned the court to make it permanent on a domestic violence claim (primarily the claims are that I am trans and have PTSD - the third claim is documented as untrue in court records). She then cut me off from all assets and filed for divorce. She is now trying to make me homeless and indigent. My head is still spinning.
All things considered, however, I'm doing remarkably well! I've started HRT. My dysphoria became much more manageable and my depression disappeared for awhile. I feel better than I ever have and have a greater clarity of thought than ever before. I haven't even been close to being hit with my PTSD in months. I really didn't want to lose the woman I'm in love with but I'll be ok even though my experience of coming out to my wife is pretty close to as bad as it can get without being shot ... Much love! 🥰❤💃💞
“Social distancing before it was called!!”🤣🤣🤣 💀 Great state Chloe! Love MahD💋
😂😂😂 Thanks Mardi! Love ya 💜💜💜
I came out to my wife of 40 years 2 years ago we are still together
I’m so happy to hear that!
My very first relationship from high school, is actually now MTF transgender. Looking back now, there were definitely some signs. Out of nowhere back in high school when things were going very well, they broke up with me saying they wanted to be friends for a while and then next day got a letter from them (they wrote a letter to me using someone else’s name) saying it was pretty much over and for me to back off and let them discover their fate. There was more but I’m not gonna write all the details. But I got in touch with her a couple years ago on X and told her that I’m glad she found herself and we also apologized for the way things went down between us post breakup and such. Her and I also talked on the phone for a few hours last year back in October and a lot of blanks got filled and many missing puzzle pieces were filled. Her and I are on pretty good terms now.
The reason she had broken up with me was because she was worried if he had allowed things to get any deeper between us as teens, that it would hurt so much more than cutting things off where they were then. She really wanted to protect me from being ostracized by people her and I both knew because of the transition.
Im a pansexual feminine guy whos questioning if Trans. I also have a girlfriend who I have an amazing connection with and i'm really happy with her. She is my soulmate and everything i've always wanted in a girl. But i'm really scared that i'm going to lose feelings for her when I decide to go on HRT. Because I know that i'm into guys as well, i've just felt way more romantic desires for women. But it looks like that might change on HRT. I don't want to regret not transitioning sooner, but I don't want to lose feelings for her. I love her to pieces and I just don't know what to do 😥😭
Yeah. I can say that my wife has been mostly supportive of my transition so far. Shes given me some comfort and support in most cases. It has caused her some grief in the case of her job because she surprisingly took to my change of pronouns rather fast but wasnt certain how to explain it to one of her coworkers. So she did mention it and told me when she got home. It did bother me at first but I sometimes forget that it happened. There was one issue that I feel may come back but I'm hoping it doesnt. It was the case of clothes shopping. She took me to Walmart a couple times at midnight when there were less people so I was able to dress up a bit. The issue came when I had purchased some clothes from stitch fix. They were on the expensive side. She was jealous that I spent the money on that when she wasnt able to do something similar. I wasnt sure how to explain it at the time (and still couldnt until recently but the issue hasnt come up again). But as a cisgender woman, it isn't an issue for her to go clothes shopping. I was (and still am) somewhat timid to be able to do something like that. It's also difficult because I am a transgender woman of color. I've read that a lot of the assaults in the transgender community have been against transgender women of color. So I wanted to be safe, not only for my own personal safety but for the safety of my kids. I didnt want them to lose their father (which they still call me dad because its comfortable for them and I'm totally fine with that). So this far there havent been many other issues but as I'm moving forward (slowly because of coronavirus 😡) I'm slowly building the courage I never really had before. As far as my job goes, this pandemic came at an ok time. This way I can finish my transition and start a new job as my authentic self. My mom, brother and grandmother all know but it hasnt come up with her family yet (doesnt help that she isnt really very close to them anymore living across the country from them). I'm glad that you had her there while you did and I'm sorry that it didnt hold. I'm hoping my marriage does. My wife told me that even though I was her first (*shrug*) that she never really identified as heterosexual. I think she looked it up and came up with something like pansexual or pan romantic or something like that, I forget. My family has been very supportive, my brother and his wife especially. Its funny... I told them during a game of Dungeons and Dragons. They laughed and said they had a feeling. My mom said something similar. She went out of town on a business trip and I put a letter in her suitcase the night before I took her to the airport. So that was a big weight off my shoulders in all cases. So now I'm just holding on and trying to make it through this. I've got my doctors letter for the dmv and my lawyers letter for legal name change. So keep your fingers crossed. As always, love ya💜 Stay strong, stay safe.
Interesting transgendered Lesbian
Girl That hit me hard what that guy said to you. So fucking rude he was! I wish we could have met your ex she sounds absolutely amazing. The Girl i would bring home to momma! So So great to have Cole on the video again but as a cool interviewer.🌺💗🙂
Yeah that experience was awful... My ex was amazing. It just didn't work out because of attraction/sexuality, but she was super supportive
Thank you for sharing your stories Cole & Chloe! They were really touching and insightful. You’re both really strong, and I love your friendship 😊♥️
Aww thank you Casey! That’s so sweet 💜
P.S. It would be wonderful to catch up! It’s been far too long 🙂
Chloe, your partner sounds like beautiful gift and you are so interesting and creative in the way that you express your self. I enjoyed your story in that I relate to what you have been through and that I like you am going through transition and though sadly my partner chose not to be there. I need not tell you that we are who we are and I was born intersex, I am also Trans and supper gay! Much love my dear, Nomi 👸👍
Hi Nomi! Thank you for the kind words! She really was wonderful, it just unfortunately didn’t work out in the end. But we’re living our truth now and that’s what’s most important 💜💜💜
Thanks for sharing stay safe👍❤️
I (hetero Cis F)am halfway through this video, and my partner who is starting their MtF transition just walked in to ask me a quick question. I told them (still presenting M, but I'm working on breaking a six year gender term) what I was watching, and that I was mad at them, not to worry because I'd be over it in 15 minutes... mostly, but I was mad because they weren't more like you (they know who you are because I've shown them your videos before). This is a thing I am mad about (probably because I was hurt) and I'm having trouble really letting go: I'm mad because they sat on the knowledge of their self-discovery for a year before telling me. Instead, they pushed me away. I did not have one meaningful conversation for over a year with them. I know why now, and I respect the reason, but I don't know if I'll get over the hurt. I knew they were a cross-dresser (they used the term transvestite... I hate that word, it takes a natural need and makes it sound like some horrible communicable disease) from early on in the relationship. I knew they were not comfortable in the gender role they had been expected to maintain since childhood. When they finally came out to me, there was no surprise, other than a slight surprise that they intended to come out to the world, and more scary, their family. I had helped them for years to shop for, try on, and purchase feminine clothing for years. Then they started pushing me away. They said it was because they were afraid to let anyone know. I get that, but I went through a miserable amount of time feeling like I was just a roommate that wasn't worth having meaningful conversation with. I don't care what they look like physically. Male, Female, the body is just a shell; I'm not sure I'll be able to get over being pushed away like that, of not being trusted after 6 years. We were both sergeants in the USMC. I don't care what a persons gender is, to be a Marine, especially a senior NCO, you learn to have gumption and bravery in hard situations. You learn to trust the people next to you, and you learn the duty of being there for them. Even though I understand the reason they pushed me away, I haven't been able to empathize or respect it. I am one of the first people who taught them it was not only okay to be different, it's liberating and wonderful once you accept it. [As an aside, even though I identify as female, I don't have enough digits to count how many times I was told I'm "Not a real girl" both as compliment and derogatory. I'm unusual... people who like me say I'm unique, people who don't say I'm weird. Who cares, I can only be me and live life the best I can]. So here's the TLDR: It doesn't bother me that the guy I've been with for over half a decade is actually a woman. It doesn't bother me that they will soon be transitioning to look how they are inside. I'm fine that they want SRS (well, mostly, I think I'll end up missing a certain something) but I never wanted kids, so with the help of technology, I can see how we could make it work. It doesn't even bother me that when we go out in the future we will be looked at sideways, at first because any puberty sucks and we all look awkward going through it, later that I will appear to be a lesbian in an actual lesbian relationship. I am bothered that even though we had an excellent trusting foundation in our 6 year relationship, they felt no guilt at letting me feel miserable and alone while they went to support meetings, met with doctors, and made a plan for their future. It's like I am a total afterthought, just there to be convenient support as they are about to start the actual physical transition. I also feel a little bit trapped; they know there is no way I would desert someone close to me when they need support and help (I've lost too many friends to the 22 to abandon anyone I could help so it doesn't happen to them). And they will need support. I remember my own puberty, and their second puberty is going to be a real kick in the [insert sensitive physical area here]. I've been doing my best to set aside my own feelings right now and focus on them. Hurt or not, what they are about to go through is going to be hell. My parents already figured it out (my partner decided to do their eyebrows without any help... to anyone out there who went through their teen years as a girl, you KNOW how easy it is to go a bit overboard) and they are ready to hear him come out to them and give him support. They, and I, are really worried about how my partners family will react. Nice middle-class fairly "Christian" family in the corn belt of the US. [Aside: I have nothing against Christians or anyone with faith in a religion, but we all know the "pious types" who go to church on Sunday, are ugly to anyone who doesn't live like they do, and cheats on their spouse when it's convenient. Quick to judge and hate and even quicker to make excuses for why they can't be blamed for their own flaws]. Anyway... I think I just needed to vent. This seems like a safe place, and while Reddit r/mypartneristrans is great (also a great resource for anyone who needs it) I feel like I won't just get sunshine blown up my ass here. It was a very hard year (2020 sucked for everyone). I graduated with my masters, we moved because my partner got a promotion, then I spent 11 months unemployed due to being disabled (I am unable to stand through an 8 hour shift) and no one wanted to hire a recent grad and train them remotely), I finally got a really good federal job, and less than a week later my partner comes out as trans, tells me how great his mental health doctor and his group are, and that they will start hrt within the month. Also, they are not going to a sperm bank; we have friends who happen to be a lesbian couple who want a child. My other half is going to supply the semen for them. And they want us to both be in the child's life. It's all just a lot to handle in one month, a lot to unpack. It's also a lot of negativity that I feel I need to handle alone because I don't want to discourage my partner and make them feel guilty for working to become their authentic self. I can't really go to my family because he hasn't officially come out to them, and this is a new enough experience for them (they are new to the Ally community and only recently, in the last couple years, figured out that there's nothing weird about people who are gay) so I don't want to tarnish their opinion of trans men and women just because my feelings got hurt by one individual, and the hurt was caused by thoughtlessness, not the transition). Thank you for your videos and making a place for everyone. Also, I sent my mom a link to your channel. Of all the youtubers I've come across, you seem to be the most well spoken and thoughtful. When my partner comes out to their parents I intend to have a playlist set up to link them of your videos.
Also, why don't you have a patron/membership page? I don't contribute much (I've never been able to), but I like the opportunity to give back to the RUclipsrs who put so much time, effort, and care into making the world a better place.
Hi Cyri! First of all, I really appreciate that you feel comfortable sharing all of that here on my channel. I’m glad that you feel safe and comfortable to do so. It’s a really tough thing you’re going through for sure. It’s tough enough to experience transition in a relationship, as the partner or as the one transitioning. On top of that, I completely understand that feeling left out and untrusted during that process hurts and makes these shifts over the past month feel very sudden and overwhelming. I can tell that you love and support your partner and want the best for them, and all that can also coexist with feeling upset and angry with them. You feel the way you do and you have strong reasons for feeling that way. I can’t remember if you used the word “guilt” in terms of feeling how you feel, but I personally don’t think you should have to feel guilty for feeling what you feel in this situation. It sounds like you want things to be good between you and your partner but you’re also afraid that you might forever hold that hurt and resentment. This tells me that opening up about how you’re feeling will probably be important, whether it’s to your partner, a support group of your own, or getting your own therapist if you haven’t already. Really processing this so it doesn’t build into more resentment over time will probably be important for you and your relationship. I hope this is helpful 💜
Also, I just decided to put together a Patreon. You’re far from the first to ask about why I don’t have one but your post inspired me to finally put one together. I’ll officially announce and share it soon so be on the lookout 💜
How are you doing today
Thanks for your honesty.
Thanks FirehouseMike! 😊💜
I feel like a trash compere to you ex-partner! ☹️ each time I tried to help my husband it’s ended with my crying. I can’t stop crying. ☹️
I went makeup shopping with him but he blamed me ☹️
Hi Zeinab. It sounds like you're trying to be supportive for husband. It's difficult, but it sounds like you're trying so I hope that you don't truly feel like trash