Both of our Spouses Came out as Transgender - Why We Stayed
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2024
- We are a rainbow family documenting our journey.
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Shaye / shayescott
Amanda / amanda___scott__
Follow Holly @ transition....
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I am a 70 yo transgender woman who hid it for 65 years for fear of losing my spouse of 39 years and my children. My biggest fears came true in February 2019 when they all abandonded me, and amm not allowed to visit the grandchildren. The next few years have been extremely difficult but I have created a loving community with a Reconcilling in Christ Lutheran church and my recovery community. Shay you are an amazingly beautiful woman and I will continue to follow your journey.
I am so happy and proud of you! it is amazing that you are able to live your life authentically now.
You are very courageous and I feel for you about the loss and your family’s inability to support you and continue to love you as a person. Churches sadly do a lot of damage. And as we can see with these ladies above in the video, there is a need to grow spiritually in this journey and that sometimes means outgrowing a church.
I wish you all the love and I hope that some members can grow enough to include you back in their lives ❤
I can’t believe people would treat you that way. Oh how much that must hurt. I hope that you feel life is more meaningful now still. Sending you so much love!
I am so sorry this has happened to you. Just know there are people out there who care about you and they will help you through the hard times 🏳⚧
@@PinkyLadybird thank you Pink Lady Bird
As a member of the LGBTQ + community understanding the trans journey is still not something we hear about often. I’m so grateful to families like yours who have made it possible for our community to understand what our own people are going through. ❤
I also am from the LGBTQ+ community, I am so thankful for your videos. Share your experiences showing that it's normal tonight be who ever you are or who you feel like is your authentic self is amazing. I know that you have probably had people be rude and hateful please don't them slow your families down love is love and the love you both share with your partners is extremely beautiful. Thank you so much
I found your channel after my wife came out as transgender. I understand how isolating it can be to be a partner to someone who is transgender. Other people understand to a certain extent but it’s hard to not feel alone going through her transition. Your videos help and I look forward to trying to find trans groups in our area. Thank you for both of you sharing your experiences ❤️❤️
I'm a former Jehovah's Witness and a Non Binary person, thank you for posting this video, it truly helps so many people 😀
Jah will always love you, he don't leave us even when we leave him because he loves us unconditionally
So what happens when Armageddon comes, will Jehovah remember you
I have just found your channel and this video in particular - I'm going to send a link to my wife. She has known I am trans for 35ish of our 37 years together, I have lived a lie since I was 5 years old and finally started falling apart 10 years ago. All my family, friends and former work colleagues have been absolutely fine but the person I want acceptance from really struggles with it.
Thank you for this video. My wife came out as trans 3 years ago and it feels lonely as I rarely come across other women in the same situation as me, thank you for sharing this representation
Subbed. Im not trans, and i dont have anyone in my life that is trans, but i am an ally. I cant understand what it feels like to be trans or have a partner who is, but i think its important for the rest of us to have a better understanding from an outsider perspective. And im sure your channel brings a lot of hope for others struggling with their gender
This is such a lovely comment and I wish more people were open to learn like you!
@gameplaygirl - I really appreciate your response and wish I could meet you.
I came out as trans three years ago, at 45. I can really relate to what you're saying and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting these videos ❤ I'm convinced that the love and acceptance you have for your spouses will spread across the world and make it a better place for all of us. Greetings from Finland. Love Theo ❤
Amanda, I've learned so much from you and Shay over the last couple years and I'm grateful for your willingness to share and be open in the face of the often times ugly side of the YTverse. My beautiful daughter is in a transgender relationship and her incandescent happiness in finding her person has been a fulfilling thing to witness. I wish more people were willing to see past their religious beliefs and just love without judgement. I've found in her journey what on the surface is acceptance, is actually quiet, desperate internal prayer for her salvation and I don't know how to deal with that when I feel it from others. Much love to you and yours! 🌈❤
"Forging a new path, learning new things, and unlearning many things along the way." You are seriously THE BEST... I love how full of love and acceptance you are. 💜 I found it interesting that you both touched on the moment you realized that the future you envisioned can no longer exist. As a parent of a trans man (who came out in his teens), something my support groups spoke about is how even if you support your loved one 100% and are a true ally (which I am), you still have to go through a grieving period for that fantasized future. We're all human, we all think about the future, and it's okay to feel scared about no longer knowing how that will look. I never thought about it in the context of a spouse, but of course you would go through the same thing! And how cool that once your vision of the future changes, a whole host of new things open up. 😊
Thank you so much! 💗🙏😭
I'm so proud of both of you and your beautiful wives. ❤❤ (58 yr old cis gender woman here)
Wow, this video is such a breath of fresh air. As a trans-woman myself being married to my wife, I deeply appreciate this interview! So thank you for this. ❤
I loved listening to your conversation, and am so glad you have each other for support and understanding. My daughter is trans, she first told me almost 4 years ago when she was 20. We have been so fortunate that our whole family have accepted her truth, even though some struggled to understand. The honest truth is, so did I, in the beginning. I’ve learned over the last 4 years that the abstract concept of someone coming out as trans is much, much harder to accept and understand than it is when the trans person is a loved one. My daughter may look completely different now, go by a different name, but she is essentially the same person she always was, still that little baby I carried and gave birth to. The sense of humour hasn’t changed, or the smile, though I get to see that so much more than I did before! I have come to realise that if you really love someone, the fact they are trans makes no difference to how you feel about them.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. My wife and I have been together 18 years and married for 16 years, and I began my trans discovery four years ago. It's really inspiring to hear from you, how you've dealt with being the wife and supporting your trans wife's in their struggles and journey. I've often felt guilty for changing the dynamics of our relationship, and this helps a lot to year your sides.
This is an incredible experience, learning more about the trans community than I ever thought. I hope you continue to share the journey with us, so that we can understand your needs and what it is like to be here now with the world opening up to a reality that love is love and is more about consciousness than body parts. Thank you for sharing Amanda and Holly💕👍
I appreciate your videos so much. I am not LDS, but from another conservative faith. I have been opening my mind to understand and listen to journeys like yours. I remember several years ago watching a video of a pastor’s family whose daughter was transgender. They shared their journey navigating their faith and loving their daughter. It really hit home for me. I love my own children so deeply. I would never abandon them no matter their journey. I have been moved in the same way by your story and the love you have for each other. I am so happy you have found friends that are sharing your experience. Someone who you can talk to like this is such a blessing.
Whats another conservative faith? Jewish?
This video should have a million views by now. No matter where you come from, how you were raised, and what you believe: EVERYBODY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS. The underlying theme is acceptance. Meet people where they are, love them, and do it all over again. Period. Thank you for giving us an amazing example of this ideal.
Awesome video Great Scotts. The acceptance and insight you model for the world, what a gift to yourselves, your family, your community, and the larger world. Beautiful. Cheers!
What a beautiful and insightful video!❤ I have so much love and admiration for both of you and your journeys! Thank you, Amanda and Holly, for sharing your experiences with the world!
I have struggled for weeks. Coming up on 2 years HRT and nearly 8 years transitioning openly, this video and channel has given me so much hope. Name change, gender marker and birth certificate change in the past two years. Life truly does get better.
You’re beautiful and loved! ❤
@@lucfierslightthank you ❤🥹
I went on my sons field trip and one of the girls just randomly told me during lunch time that her dad was transitioning. This little girls is in the 4th grade. I honestly wonder if she thought I would be shocked. But instead I said “wow! That’s so interesting! How are you feeling about it?” She talked about some of her feelings about things. I hope I didn’t do or say anything that could hurt her. I told her that she should always talk to her parents about her feelings because they really do want to know what she feels. i also told her that I have a trans female family member and that it was an adjustment, but that I also learned that they were still the amazing person as before and I still love them the same as before.
I honestly hope what I said to this sweet little girl was ok. If either of you or your spouses have advice on how to talk with kids when it’s randomly brought up like that I would appreciate it. I want to help and spread love, never make a child feel bad about it.
Thanks! ❤
In my experience, understanding myself for who I am has given me a courage I never thought possible. While I do see the complexities of acceptance experienced by my extended family and the friends who stayed after I transitioned, I think that that very challenge helps them see the social barriers we each impose on ourselves a little bit better. My greatest sense of accomplishment in all of this transition business is, as Hollie and Amanda mentioned, knowing that my children know they can be themselves and have my uncompromised love. If not for love, why does anything matter? - Amanda, Hollie. Thank you so much for sharing about your lives, your strength, your immeasurable love humanity ❤
This is hard for me to understand. What I mean is that I could not imagine being in your situation. I appreciate your thoughtful dialogue about your experiences and for shining light on a different perspective. I think open dialogue is the best way to foster understanding and dispel fear.
I think most people would not stay after their husband or wife transitioned. And you can't blame them. Interestingly, I wonder how many men stay with their now husband. I imagine the percentage is even lower than women staying with their now wife.
I loved that you brought this conversation to the table. No one will understand what this journey may be like if it's not shared. Love the Scotts and loved you bringing Holly into the conversation!!! Thank you both for sharing your experiences so we can learn more understanding and compassion.
8:32 anybody who has claimed to be a friend who doesn’t support you, has only been a friend with conditions.
The two of you are amazing. Thank you for standing by your wives.
Exactly and I lost many friends coming out as pansexul and marrying a women being a women. Having trans kid and lesbian and biasexul kids. I love regardless of anybody gender weather be trans man women non binary cis women or man or gender fluid. But fell in love with my wife. Now we happy the people who claimed be my friend's are not. I have made friends through my work now
Thank you for another great video, Amanda. It was a pleasure to be introduced to Holly & Cassie. I wish them - & you & Shaye - the very best 😊.
This is so beautiful. You both have expressed yourselves so well. Thank you so much for your vulnerability.
You and your family are an inspiration to me and mine, and I appreciate every video you guys put out on this topic. Thank you for being open with your story, to let us know we aren't alone.
I’m so proud of you, cousin! Thank you both for sharing your stories
My spouse will be 54 tomorrow and has been struggling so much with this mostly the fear of rejection and that our children will not accept this. My feeling is life is short. Be who you are meant to be and not live with regrets
My wife would leave me. How do I know? She told me that. Being trans is so isolating as it is. I hope all people evolve into the future and mirror these two wonderful women.
I hope you can realize you are worth someone who accepts you no matter what
I'm sorry, but you can't expect a partner to stay when you transition to another sex. One thing is them still loving you as a person, but it's another thing to still want to have a romantic and intimate relationship with a person that is no longer the gender that they married to.
Thank you. I am not trans and have struggled to understand. Your videos by far have been the best at explaining this and your love has been truly inspiring. You both are gifts to a world that seems very divided
Hi guys, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I've been following you since your channel was very small and you did mostly renovations and cool editing videos. I don't know why, but although I really liked your content, I've always felt that something was off - both of you were highly skilled, educated, but I felt that you were... performing? Too perfect to exist. Then, I saw your video that you were actually Mormon and left the church. And I don't know, I have this impression that I can finally see the real you - emotional, struggling, but also fulfilled and happy. I am also part of the LGBT+ community as nonbinary pansexual, with many friends who are also trans, so I get how hard it must be to confront with this reality. Good luck on this journey and hopefully everything will go your way!
Thank you for your kind comment. 🥰
A lot of work just for a body change, your mind is the same, I feel the same about any change to your body, obviously people think it's worth the change, good luck ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your journeys. My wife came out last year and I feel so relieved knowing I’m not alone in this experience ❤️
Be Who You Are Be Yourself.
Thank you for making videos. It’s so so so important to see happy families and trans women being loved and supported.
Such a fantastic video! All of your videos have been an inspiration for me as I have started my journey over the last several months. ❤
Humanization!! What a brilliant way to put your journey!! This is really helping me understand my twin brothers experience. Thanks so much for this perspective!!
Yes, your stories are important too!! Loved this insight from both of you!
It says so much about you two are as human beings that you were both able to be open enough to change your views on the world. Both of your families are reflections of that. I have some much love for all of you
As a cis gay man seeing families take this journey is amazing. And as a cis gay man know I have your back and will always support your family no matter what.
Thank you Amanda and Holly for telling your story! I am in the exact same situation with my spouse coming out as trans. Unfortunately, some close family members were not accepting and have chosen to reject us completely, and that has caused us both great pain and intensified the feelings of isolation. I'd love an even longer form conversation with spouses, if possible. I think there are still so many topics on this that can be delved deeper if you and others are willing.
Love this conversation! Thank you for sharing your journeys and insights. 🩷🩷
Wow such a wonderful story. I found this video while browsing this topic and so glad I did. I shared it with my friends, and subsequently had to translate some of the video to a few who don't speak English :). I think we need more stories like this in all media outlets because it's positive and wholesome! Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
It's always good to see your videos,hearing your story and seeing all the love.
Wonderful to hear your stories on this!! It’s incredibly humanizing to hear Holly say how once she tried to see things from her wife’s perspective and how much Cassie was struggling to live the way society felt she had to live even though it was eating her alive. That’s how it feels for sure and I’m so appreciative Holly was willing to listen and take Cassie seriously. Thank you Holly for truly listening and trying to understand ❤
I so appreciate your honesty. It is clear you both have wonderfully full, healthy relationships with the ones you love. Transcending societal rules to be with the one you love is the truest expression of love.
I always look forward to getting a notification from you ladies!! I love that you have this beautiful friendship!! Lots of love to all of you amazing ladies!! ❤
I love this. Thank you for sharing these experiences. It definitely helps me to open my mind more and understand a bit more. ❤❤
I agree! I don’t have any experience with these feelings but I was raised to have an open heart and I love hearing these stories and seeing how happy they are despite things that could have broken them apart. Love is love and the world needs more kindness ❤
I'm so grateful for you two and your beautiful families. You really show the world what love is.
I wish Amanda would have allowed her guests to speak A little bit more. I really enjoy listening to Amanda and Shay's story, but I would have liked to have heard more details about her guest and her wife's experience.
Going through any change in life is hard, having someone sharing it with you makes it so much easier. When happiness is shared it makes it 2 happinesses, when sadness shared, it becomes only half sadness. Love always win and I’m so happy that their transition was so supported and understood by these amazing wives. ❤
I so appreciate you two sharing your stories. It is refreshing to see that love does win
What a beautiful video. Thank you both for sharing your experiences.
Beautifully crafted video as always! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and your journeys with us. ❤
When I’ve seen your latest posts and videos etc I think it’s amazing how much you two look alike!! So cute!!! 💕
I would be concerned now that my children may also have the same disorder
Such a beautiful video…..❤❤ Wishing both your families love and peace.❤❤
As usual you are teaching me about love and acceptance, GD and transitioning. I was excited to see that this was just about both of your perspectives, which came across to me as a supporting role and I hope in the future you can take a deeper dive on a more selfish level. Let me explain, I understand being attracted to your same sex partner and your choice to remain married and that you conintue to love them as they are. I also understand the deep sense of empathy you both have for your partner's suffering, however, I feel like there is a missing puzzle piece. You talked in terms of being thrown for a loop in terms of your LDS background, family, friends and societal norms, and perhaps I am making a incorrect assumption about your experience because I thought grief would be a step in the process. In a way you are losing the future you envisioned and the past you shared with your husband. A dear friend of mine had a baby born with down syndrome, which is like your experience in that, it was surprise at birth and really threw her for a loop! She joned a support groups of other DS parents and was told that what she was morning is the idea of her childs future and that she needed to change her expectation of what her daughters future would be. Her husband could easily change his perspective but she was quite resentful and thought she had every right to mourn, and I just wonder if either of you mourned at some stage of the process?
Wow! This was just an amazing video! I'm completely overcome with emotions. The two of you explained things in such a loving way for others who need help to understand and are willing to learn. I'm not in the same situation, but I'm so thrilled to have more advocates for the LGBTQ+ community from LDS church. I feel this deep human connection with those who have broken from tradition to be authentic and loving, and what I would consider TRULY Christ like. If I were still the church going type, I would share my testimony on Fast Sunday about how strong "the spirit" was while I watched the two of you visit. 🙏 May you and your families continue to be blessed! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍
OMG I'm a trasgender oman you made my cry you are SO loving and accepting WOW!
Love is just love, its a soul level connection, super beautiful relationships you guys have ❤❤❤
I love the discussion about sexuality and the spectrum that one can be on. There is a lot of misconceptions of trans men only liking women or trans women only liking men. This is again where the separation of gender and sexuality exist! ❤
Thank you for this most wonderful, genuine and insightful video! You are amazing, so giving and loving women! Accept my virtual grateful love from my heart! ❤️
These vid's are the best at explaining the trans situation. I'm so happy it is working out for you all. Some trans women find they are attracted to men after the transition and that is sad for the marriage.
Thank you so much for this content. it's so encouraging and empowering especially the discussion about children who have a trans parent.
Thank you for educating us all. How wonderful your spouses have you beautiful, intelligent women to love and support them. Bon voyage all of you! ❤
Can i just say you ladies are truly amazing. The love you have is beautiful ❤
Insightful dialogue, thanks for sharing
I love all of you.
We love people for who they are. Period.
Loved this. Thank you ❤
Thank you for sharing your stories! Very amazing to see these videos
Are you both attracted physically to your spouses in the same way you were before they transitioned?
These ladies deserve awards for being such amazing human beings ❤❤❤
This is so beautiful! Hearing the spouses point of view is so important! We all need a support system🫶🏻
Hi girls I am listening to your podcast and you are both amazing girls. I have been following you from the beginning and with the right help you can achieve most things. Lots of Love and prayers 😊🏝🦋💖🦮🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing your journey!
You both are so beautiful on the inside and out. GREAT VIDEO!!!
This is lovely and you both are so accepting and loving! Your wives are very lucky they found you both!
Inspiring!!
I'm trans and I had so much fear coming out to friends and family because of the dialog out there but was pleased how they all love me still!
And same goes for people who don't know a trans person, they think it's all bad until they meet me and they are also pleasantly surprised they were wrong.
We can all learn from each other I hope society changes more!
You are loved! ❤
@@lucfierslight awh 😊 so nice
I'm NB and I love your channel. Being NB since birth I never thought same sex relationships were a big no-no. I might not experienced the same struggles that your lovely ladies have but I can understand it to some degree. And I'm so okay with people living their best lives. You wives are so awesome for supporting your partners. I can understand that love is a verb not a noun or an adjective. Love springs from an emotional bond not from body parts. 💜👍
it's so inspiring for me to see yall stay and raise families together it's my dream i am also Transfeminine
Awesome what a inspiration you are to all.❤
Very deep conversation. Thank you!
I’m so happy for you guys to have an awesome transition as a family.
4 beautiful humans + 7 beautiful kiddos= 2 beautiful couples AND 2 beautiful, accepting, loving families. Love you all!!! ❤❤🌈🌈
I love, love, love your relationship, your story and your family.
What you said about pathologising the experience is so true for many situations. I have seen often times where people are apprehensive towards a certain group of people but then I realise they have never personally met someone who belongs to whatever group that is and I wonder if their view would change if they met someone, for example a trans woman and be friends with them.
My daughter identified as non binary last year, which if people aren't aware, is also part of the trans community. We had lots of discussions about 'what would you like to be called?', and, about pronouns, and now, about lifestyle. But they are at the beginning of the journey and i just wish happiness for them. They are still the same person with the same struggles and joys. Learning alongside them is an honour. I'm glad they have included me in the journey.
Yes my daughter is trans girl I know I am pansexul myself but learning with her is been blessing she growing her hair out till she has longer hair she wearing long wigs she choose. Her new name is Jessie I know not name I give her name she decided. I love it close to her sister who passed at 3 months old 16 years ago. Yes they still same person even with new names and pronouns. Still child I give birth too just she was born this way..I know we gone shopping for new clothes that was fun part her siblings accept her too. My wife and i know she was unhappy school taken her new name and she wears girls uniform and is aloud wear the wig to school too. I think school amazing. Yes I agree it honour learn with our kids your daughter is part trans community they are . Mine is too she trans girl and support her journey.
Non binary please excuse me, my son has a girl he went to HS with she is now gender fluid . Is this similar?
@blazefairchild465 yes gender-fluid is a non-binary identity. Any gender identity that is neither 100% man 100% of the time nor 100% woman 100% of the time is non-binary. Outside of the man-woman binary.
@@blazefairchild465 I identify as a transgender female which to me means that my psyche, the core of who I am, the way I receive the world around me and respond to it are everything that masculinity is not. Even before transitioning and living with internalized transphobia I lived outside of my body so to say as the female I have always been learned that she was a threat to her/my life because of the violence with which she/I was received in the environment I grew up in. Quickly, I learned how to put her away and keep the world at arms length at the expense of my thriving, mental health, and realizing my potential.. Sorry this went on a tangent. It is all to say that I am not a person of a gender-fluid or non-binary experience and my point of view is that in terms of gender expression, both positions exist outside of gender “norms” and the expected or the ensuring gender expressions.
Nonetheless, there are some other individuals who find it safer to identify as non-binary or gender-fluid at the beginning of their transition while they know themselves better. On the other hand, there are individuals who just are not comfortable in either gender binary expression while others are comfortable with one gender binary expression at times, the other at different times or simultaneously which would be fluid.
A very good question I never pondered and makes me want to know more. Thank you for asking it 😊
@@blazefairchild465 no it not but non binary is when you don't feel a girl or boy. Gender fluid as I gather from my wife sibling they are gender fluid one day they can feel and girl one day a boy I only going on by my wife sibling. Non binary you don't feel either. I have trans daughter myself still learning along side with her. I love that she could come to me and her other mother that she wasn't a boy she was girl.
I think it's beautiful the way you talk about your children learning they can be authentic and in turn appreciate and understand it in others. Anyone that comments "poor kids," I just say the neglected, abused, traumatized kids are the ones that need help and there are so many of them in this world, but don't see any of that in yours. Lovely family!!! 💏
The kids of both families featured in this vid appear to be thriving. If their trans parents had continued on struggling with body dysmorphia, I wonder what effect that would have had on the kids. I’m thinking that if the parents are living true to themselves and are united, the kids will flourish.
What happened to all your other videos? I loved looking at your home transformations.
I had to go look… they have taken all their videos down except the most recent ones
Your stories are very important and a critical piece of the human experience as it relates to gender expression, love 💕 and intimacy I believe. Or just as another expression of the human spirit. Thank you so much for sharing.
What a gift you two have presented! I know you know that the ripples are going to reach around the world spreading love, compassion, honor, acceptance and much much more! Much love to you both and your beautiful families ❤
im new to your channel and only see situations like this from a far. I have many curiosity's but probably a little personal. respectfully asking is there a video that you might have posted with some question/answers or educational i could binge instead???
Thank you guys for making this video. Very useful for families of trans people.
Thank you for sharing your stories!
You really really are amazing. Thank you for sharing your story.
WOW what a great conversation👏❤️ The world as we know it is changing into one we all hold in our hearts, that of the return to LOVE! We all hold both masculine and feminine energies and once this is balanced it matters not how you express as long as the qualities of love are present🙌
Your stories are one of God’s highest love examples, thank you for your bravery, courage, heart and willingness to let us in💫God Speed❤️❤️❤️
Just thank you. This helps so much... 👍