I spent 20 years as a Baptist pastor and trying to hide being trans. As a result I really struggle witb putting myself first because it was drilled into my head that my life wasn't about me.
Life's too short 2 please others.. Jesus still loves you & I basically tell myself that too when dealing w feeling ostracizing. God bless & thanks for sharing 💖🙏
I'm so used to playing a part, that I'm not sure how to be genuine. I've gotten so good at keeping secrets, telling half-truths, and masking my feelings. I feel like a fraud, a hypocrite, and unworthy of trust. I'm so sick of lying to others, and myself. I just want to be me, but I'm scared. . .to some extent I realized WHAT I am some time ago, but I struggle to know truly WHO I am. I know who I want to be, and who I think I am on the inside, but there is a glass wall between me and 'the character I play on TV'
Since I started to transition, my relationships have grown stronger. My wife and I have grown closer, I am more involved with my kids, and I am finding friends where before I had none. Being myself and falling in love with my inner self has brought out a better person. It's something wonderful.
The last straw in convincing me that I need to transition was shaving my legs for the first time ever and how much euphoria having smooth legs for the first time since I was 12 gave me. That alone knocked me from they/them pronouns to she/they.
My big moment was actuallly today. Last week, I decided to divert from my usual bob haircut & ended up cutting it way shorter & superduper masc. And I love it!! I've had a few lovely moments this week as a result. My boyfriend calling me a "prettyboy" when I fuck with my hair, seeing myself in the mirror & seeing how the cut makes my face look more angular... Also, I bought myself some pronoun bracelets/pins for an upcoming trip, which felt validating AF. But today, I went out to run errands for the first time since cutting my hair, & with a baggy shirt & the mask covering up my feminine cheeks/jaw? I look GENUINELY ANDROGYNOUS. Like... I realized I probably confused several strangers [my small stature/hands & makeup still give me away as likely AFAB, but at a glance, I probably looked more like a teenage boy] & I finally felt intense gender euphoria. And now, I feel like I can't unopen the box, you know?? Gender dysphoria sucks, but somehow... Repressing & escaping negative feelings is nowhere near as compelling as experiencing happiness. ANYWAY, SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE, I CAN JUST RELATE & I'M SO HAPPY GOT YOU. 💕💕💕
Mine was concealer hiding the man-stach I realized how beautiful I was underneath all the disgusting side effects that testosterone convinced me of looking like
Great timing on this one, Chloe. Sitting here in the middle of orientation right now feeling less connected with the other ladies in the room. But realizing that I feel more connected with these ladies than I ever did with the "guys" in many of my other jobs. I found (even sometimes now) that I've always put myself last, to stay safe as you said. However as I'm finding myself, I'm starting to put myself first more and more. I'm also realizing that i have more support from my best friend and our group of girls than I really have gotten from family. That, as well as you and the other creators have been much biggest support. Thank you again and always, Chloe.💙
You point out why I socially "transition" in first place. Now I'm integrated in crazy woman groups. It's for me easy as I share same social experiences.
I had to transition. It was life or death finally for me. I wasn't a bad "guy", I was just miserable and didn't recognize myself in a mirror. A sad stranger stared back. I realize how many challenges I have added to my entire life now, but I had a miserable one before that was collapsing fast. I lost wonderful friends in the same quandry. I miss them and understand their pain - pain that is now mercifully gone for them. They left behind so much hurt and sorrow in others though. So much grief. I needed to find a different path regardless of how much my life was going to change. No grief, no guilt. I had to put mysepf first and lo and behold a sad stranger in the mirror changed to a happy Tasha who I suddenly knew, loved and IS me! I found myself. She asked what took me so long. :-) The extra challenges are still there I have created, but they are more then offset by the love, comfort and confidence I feel for myself. I can't be strong for others if I am not strong myself. There is a long road ahead for me, but at least it's a road and not a dead end. I also found Tasha is a kick ass adventurer and does not fear being herself. She stared down Death and Death blinked first. Anything else is minor in comparison. It is liberating to be me, to be Tasha and finally have found who I am. I put myself first. It was that or darkness. Going on into the darkness would have hurt others. Self care is also selfless care. Get grounded, recharge, embrace yourself and you can be wonderful for others by being wonderful for you. Love you all, - Tasha
I'm tearful listening to you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤this is me.. OMG...this is like £5,000 of therapy in one video..I want all my work friends to watch this..I really want to put your video on to my work WhatsApp group..so everyone understands..❤I have told 70% of my work colleagues who have been soo amazing and supportive..I wore a bra to work today..big step..mentioned to 3 work gals and they were like ahhh..thats soo cool..little steps.. Just had 30" hair extensions..omg..fabulous. they all probably know but not told them all. Same as you..on ALL the levels..feel the exact same..I don't feel uncomfortable around guys in general but have 3 close male friends.. Transition is a slow process..I introduce a new element to femininity to myself every month..hair this month..nails next month and lash lift.. One day..I'll just be Sasha at work and the world..strong..bitchin..empathetic... I have my own awesome self-confidence..which KIX ass.. We can just try and live our authentic self ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Your channel means so much to me. I am coming along in embracing the woman I am. I have a lot of fear of being me. My dad said if I medically transition I need to wait until he is dead. That scares me and some people still don't know. I stopped coming out to people after someone I trusted completely reacted hatefully. Most people still think I am a sis straight guy. I consider myself a pan sexual girl. Thank you for this sometimes I still feel broken and defective even though I know I am not. Thank you it was a huge part of my addiction. I am 14 years sober and just came out 6 months ago. You rock go you this queen is becoming the woman I have always been. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈🌈. Scary and beautiful at the same time.
What helped me keep moving forward is realizing just how much happier i was presenting as fem, and that i finally had something worth fighting for and staying alive for.
I just realized I was trans about a month ago, and I just wanted to say that watching your videos has helped me a ton. It means a lot to know that there’s other people out there that have not only gone through this but want to help others. I’ve got a therapist that specializes in lgbtq people and he’s never deadnamed me, and I don’t need to tell you or anyone in these comments how nice it feels to have someone call me by my new name. Anyway, thank you for being you, Chloe. I’m looking forward to pride day and TDAV next year!
Thank you so much Chloe! I have been on a long winding journey of being ready to start socially transitioning. The walls have come down over the last week and I am so overjoyed with the connections I have made and the outpouring of support. It's such a beautiful time for trans people! Thanks SO MUCH for the beautifully positive video. 💝❤💕
Introspection comes fairly easily to me, though I must scrutinize my findings for any biases underlying them. While I may fear what I uncover, it never fails to be useful in adding to my understanding of who I am. Your video comes at a crucial time, when I'm breaking down the barriers to a fuller confidence in my identity. What I find both awes and terrifies me, but I think it's well worth embracing. Thank you, Chloe.
I'm watching this for the 3rd time in the last year just because I needed a positive note to end my day. Thank you and all the others helping to give assurance and hope to to so many of us.❤️
You telling your experience growing up felt like you were picking my brain apart. It was almost all the same with me. I'm struggling (A LOT) to take the step forward, my therapist is ready to give me the authorization for HRT, and I want it, but I'm scared as hell to take the step, and end up doubting and going back and forth between doubt and dysphoria... it's exausting. I'm accepting that I'm trans more and more, but it's as if my acceptance and readiness can't keep up with dysphoria and fear of not transitioning... I ended up rambling a bit but what I wanted to say is that your video was extremely validating and reasuring so thank you for that
I hear you 100% I have been told I'm being selfish for putting myself first! But, its the first time I have put myself first, I wanted to take a deep dive into what the hell was going on in my head and not be afraid of the result. But, as soon as I came back with answers that others don't like, or want - I was branded selfish, by others who want me to remind in pain and miserable, so they can be happy. Bin there, done that - I know I am female on the inside, so I want to explore this and I prefer being my authentic self. I have finally realised that transition is what I need in order to be happy. Others prefer for me to stay in pain - I say F%÷£ that! I want to be me, I have been a shell/ facade for near on 50 years and it hasn't worked - I want to be me, it that really selfish. I think not! They are being selfish for trying to keep hold of what they have and not seeing the hurt, distress and discomfort I am I. So for you to keep living in ignorance, I have to continue being depressed, I have to continue being a shell. Maybe, before they accuse me of being selfish, maybe they need to take a long, hard look in the £#@×ing mirror!
Accepting myself and learning to put myself first and love myself was hard, really hard. I still stumble at times when my depression gets too strong from my disabilities and the severe transphobia in the world. Learning to embrace myself and be myself was tough going, I'm glad I took the steps to do it though. There is such a difference in how I was before to how I am now.
I was brought up not being selfish therefore I always put myself behind others. I have learned along the way (I am 53 now) that this conviction does not help. As part of my awareness and moving into spirituality I realized that I was not living an authentic life. So I started to transition at 50 and choose the things that I love....but I struggle a lot with social anxiety now, being and feeling so different and now tell myself it is not me against them, but everyone is different and everyone has a story, although a lot of them are hidden and put a way safely. I rather die authentically then be safe and live unauthentically. I resonate a lot on what you discussed and feels good that I am not the only weirdo, as we all are in our own unique ways ;)
Through therapy I learned how much time I spent pleasing others to my own detriment. I am super afraid of giving myself the time for myself. And I consistently blast myself with information and podcasts/RUclips to distract from my not making time. I like coming back to this video because it's a helpful and welcome reminder. Thank you❤️🌼❤️
Totally had similar experiences with hanging out with males. I just couldn't really do it. I sort of tried before I graduated high school. I just could not to the male bonding thing and hated even trying. Then I was too afraid to hang out with the girls because I didn't want to be seen as a predator and also afraid my secret desire to be a woman would get out. Since I didn't transition until my mid 40s I feel I still have no idea how to be friends or connect with people, but I don't mind at least trying now. I did bury my head in video games and work for a few decades to distract me from the dysphoria. Finally had to face that I needed to transition in my mid 40s if I wanted to finish this life out.
This resonated with me so freaking insanely well. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move forward but I know I need to I just don’t know how. For over a year now I’ve been trying to get myself to socially transition though I hardly see myself the way I feel anyway. It’s not easy in fact it’s down right frightening.
Thanks for this video! For so long I have watched other trans women talk about how they knew they were a girl since a young age, but I never really had that revelation. I have had lots of doubts and have been struggling to find out if this is right for me, and knowing that I didn't immediately know I was a girl at a young age made me feel as if I wasn't trans. This video has taught me that it's okay to doubt and that transitions take time and some people don't know it at first. Thanks for this video it really gave me the knowledge and insight to know this is something I want to question and pursue. :) Ps. I hope your also having a lovely fabulous day 😁
Through counseling and therapists is what helped me realize I was a people pleaser. I was isolated and sheltered most of my life. Growing up with a step dad and half sister that was and are juvenile diabetics type1 diabetes. Was always scary especially in a drug and alcohol broken home with a negative narcissistic mother. Which caused those two blood glucose levels unstable. Making them go into diabetic shock frequently. I knew for long time after getting on my own something had to change. But didn't know what exactly or how to go about it until these last three years. And glad I started HRT back in November 2021.
It literally felt like you were describing my own thoughts when you were talking about never fitting in with your assigned gender and relating to another gender in a fully different level BUT not being able to connect with them due to them reading you a wrong way. I've realised I'm a trans guy very recently, and I've come to understand why it is that there are guys I feel like I'd honestly be really good friends with, but who stay distant even when I try to connect with them. It's just... so frustrating and depressing. And on the other hand, women read me as one of them which leaves me feeling awkward and stressed, because I'm usually not able to connect with them in a way they'd expect (at least if they aren't autistic, like I am). Aaand so I can very rarely truly connect with anyone. Which is a big part of why I've now started socially transitioning.
Thank you for everything, I just found you today and you have changed my life and outlook I’m 19 and was having major suicidal ideation and still am but your certainly helping so much :(
I'm 28, I've felt extremally uncomfortable being male since I was 10 years old. I've always tried to hide it and act the way society says I should. This has led to multiple suicide attempts and self mutilation. I just (a month ago) decided to try to finally start transitioning. I, however, did come out to many people as trans from the age of 19. The main issue I have now is I don't know where to find the right and cost worthy therapist and the right doctors to talk to.
OMG YES! Looking inward is one of the scariest and difficult things we can do, because we might be afraid of who we will really see and to accept that truth.
Thank you very much for the information you shared Chloe. As a subscribe to your channel I have been watching your videos with great interest for sometime. I have watched this particular one previously.;however, today, I must have been much more receptive to the information. I found myself having a eureka moment at every one of your points. I found an amazing correlation between what you shared, and what I have been experiencing. I merely want to extend a great, thank you for the time you put into making this video, and a great appreciation for sharing it with others. All the best,D
I haven't liked myself in a long time but I have always kept busy taking care of others. I had a Widowmaker heart problem a year ago. I had to stop working and the people I have helped along the way have gone. It has given me way to much time in my own head. I go to a therapist in a week and I went to a thrift shop and bought a few items of clothing and no one said a word also bought a small amount of makeup and a wig.i looked in the mirror for the first time and thought to myself I like you this way. Thank you for doing your videos
Ive been trying to navigate coming out as a trans man in my workplace and that creeping feeling of "I should just let it go. Its safer that way" was beginning to hit. This video helped quiet some of it. Thank you
This is also something I struggle with, thinking I am "annoying" people when I'm telling them about realizing I'm non binary when they have always known me as my agab.
I can totally relate with everything you are talking about in your video it is nice to know I’m not the only who feels like I’m lost and not understood
this video certainly explains a lot of how I have felt and still feel to this day and for most of my life I pretty much lived a lie thanks to my family and the fact that my mental health issues make communicating and or making friends extremely hard to impossible and I stopped trying to make friends long ago with other people and I have never had any personal relationships ever.you are certainly a wealth of information and your videos are extremely helpful and I as I come up on 3 months on HRT I am slowly decompressing 26 years of repressed memories and thoughts and little by little finally embracing my true self
40 years of not knowing what was wrong with me. Maybe wrong is the wrong term, but it was how I felt. Something was just not right, different, wrong, weird. Turns out it was gender dysphoria my whole life. I wish I had told someone sooner how I was feeling, why I was struggling, why I hated myself (insane amounts of internalized hate, especially towards my boobs and genital area), why I was suicidal. My anti LGBT+ dad didn't help that is for sure. When you have the hate beaten into you early in life. That stuff can haunt you for a long time. Forced myself to live as a stereotypical female for so damn long. I hated it so much. Suffered so much. Ended up in very very bad relationships because of it.
It's just so scary, how I feel in the future could be totally different from how I feel now, so what if I transition and it turns out I'm somehow wrong? Yet, when I think about not transitioning and remaining as a woman (ftm) I feel a pit in my stomach, I see no future in my assigned gender y'know? And it's been almost 2 years since I recognized my comfort in being trans, but it's a constant bombardment that young adults- and in my experience- especially AFAB people, shouldn't be taken seriously. There's an atmosphere that we don't know who the hell we are, and our identities should not be taken seriously, y'know? No matter your assigned gender, that experience can be p universal, I was being pretty general. But yeah.. Idk, I don't want to fuck up my family, I dont know anymore, I just wanna be me
I used Video Games, Anime, Anime Figure’s, just started Gundam Kits, and etc for years to keep my mind off it. But Dysphoria just keeps on slapping up brick walls so I came out last year because I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I relate so much. 😢 i hate this . Gender is stupid. I mean, my whole life, 37 years now, knew for sure at 5, cried at my first body hair.. i didnt want to be this. I didnt ask. One day i accidently got caught. And i was punished for being girly by sa and pv . I was 8. . I was scared. I am scared. Ive been tring to make others happy. Ive been with my wife for 17 years. Shes devistated, and i get it. Shes stright cis f. I. Trans queer bi bla bla... yeah, ive been taking years cause i cant lose the person who saved me. She did. But it was the lie of her marring a man. I sadly suck at that, being a man. I hate this. 8/24/23... that day i finally broke and have nothing i side. Started by writing a rant i fb that didnt say i wanted to be her oretty princess but it was clear enough peopme caught on. Notmally i delete the posts. Kinda sending it away to cope... well i messed up and didnt delete it... im mortified. But i think the universe and the moon goddess have a plan to keep me around. And i have a spark... i cried off and on all day about feeling right in a skirt... i hate this. I relate too hard. Im doing something about it... tek is no longer gona be here. Lucy. Lucy is coming. I hope, this works even if i never make it passing. 😊
You mentioned your voice being kind of mannish, not so. It has a depth but it sound pleasant and kind of bedroomy. I never took any voice coaching, I simply softened my voice up andd use the higher registers and on the phone nobody says sir, in fact hen I wa younger they said "miss" all the time. You look and sound great.
I am 62 year old trans woman bin married to my wife for 42 years. I came out to hear about 2 years ago. We are still together. I have always been a loner. That is how I coped with my affliction. Now that I am living my true life, I know I am not a loner. I actually want to be around other women for friends. I try and try to make friends to no avail. I am so lonely I can't stand it. I don't want to spend what remains of my waisted life alone? Cristina
I spent 20 years as a Baptist pastor and trying to hide being trans. As a result I really struggle witb putting myself first because it was drilled into my head that my life wasn't about me.
Life's too short 2 please others.. Jesus still loves you & I basically tell myself that too when dealing w feeling ostracizing. God bless & thanks for sharing 💖🙏
I'm so used to playing a part, that I'm not sure how to be genuine. I've gotten so good at keeping secrets, telling half-truths, and masking my feelings. I feel like a fraud, a hypocrite, and unworthy of trust. I'm so sick of lying to others, and myself. I just want to be me, but I'm scared. . .to some extent I realized WHAT I am some time ago, but I struggle to know truly WHO I am. I know who I want to be, and who I think I am on the inside, but there is a glass wall between me and 'the character I play on TV'
Since I started to transition, my relationships have grown stronger. My wife and I have grown closer, I am more involved with my kids, and I am finding friends where before I had none. Being myself and falling in love with my inner self has brought out a better person. It's something wonderful.
How is this chanel so underated ?
The last straw in convincing me that I need to transition was shaving my legs for the first time ever and how much euphoria having smooth legs for the first time since I was 12 gave me. That alone knocked me from they/them pronouns to she/they.
My big moment was actuallly today. Last week, I decided to divert from my usual bob haircut & ended up cutting it way shorter & superduper masc. And I love it!! I've had a few lovely moments this week as a result. My boyfriend calling me a "prettyboy" when I fuck with my hair, seeing myself in the mirror & seeing how the cut makes my face look more angular... Also, I bought myself some pronoun bracelets/pins for an upcoming trip, which felt validating AF.
But today, I went out to run errands for the first time since cutting my hair, & with a baggy shirt & the mask covering up my feminine cheeks/jaw? I look GENUINELY ANDROGYNOUS. Like... I realized I probably confused several strangers [my small stature/hands & makeup still give me away as likely AFAB, but at a glance, I probably looked more like a teenage boy] & I finally felt intense gender euphoria.
And now, I feel like I can't unopen the box, you know?? Gender dysphoria sucks, but somehow... Repressing & escaping negative feelings is nowhere near as compelling as experiencing happiness.
ANYWAY, SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE, I CAN JUST RELATE & I'M SO HAPPY GOT YOU. 💕💕💕
Mine was concealer hiding the man-stach I realized how beautiful I was underneath all the disgusting side effects that testosterone convinced me of looking like
Great timing on this one, Chloe. Sitting here in the middle of orientation right now feeling less connected with the other ladies in the room. But realizing that I feel more connected with these ladies than I ever did with the "guys" in many of my other jobs. I found (even sometimes now) that I've always put myself last, to stay safe as you said. However as I'm finding myself, I'm starting to put myself first more and more. I'm also realizing that i have more support from my best friend and our group of girls than I really have gotten from family. That, as well as you and the other creators have been much biggest support. Thank you again and always, Chloe.💙
You point out why I socially "transition" in first place. Now I'm integrated in crazy woman groups. It's for me easy as I share same social experiences.
I had to transition. It was life or death finally for me. I wasn't a bad "guy", I was just miserable and didn't recognize myself in a mirror. A sad stranger stared back. I realize how many challenges I have added to my entire life now, but I had a miserable one before that was collapsing fast. I lost wonderful friends in the same quandry. I miss them and understand their pain - pain that is now mercifully gone for them. They left behind so much hurt and sorrow in others though. So much grief. I needed to find a different path regardless of how much my life was going to change.
No grief, no guilt. I had to put mysepf first and lo and behold a sad stranger in the mirror changed to a happy Tasha who I suddenly knew, loved and IS me! I found myself. She asked what took me so long. :-)
The extra challenges are still there I have created, but they are more then offset by the love, comfort and confidence I feel for myself. I can't be strong for others if I am not strong myself. There is a long road ahead for me, but at least it's a road and not a dead end. I also found Tasha is a kick ass adventurer and does not fear being herself. She stared down Death and Death blinked first. Anything else is minor in comparison.
It is liberating to be me, to be Tasha and finally have found who I am. I put myself first. It was that or darkness. Going on into the darkness would have hurt others. Self care is also selfless care. Get grounded, recharge, embrace yourself and you can be wonderful for others by being wonderful for you.
Love you all,
- Tasha
I'm tearful listening to you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤this is me..
OMG...this is like £5,000 of therapy in one video..I want all my work friends to watch this..I really want to put your video on to my work WhatsApp group..so everyone understands..❤I have told 70% of my work colleagues who have been soo amazing and supportive..I wore a bra to work today..big step..mentioned to 3 work gals and they were like ahhh..thats soo cool..little steps..
Just had 30" hair extensions..omg..fabulous. they all probably know but not told them all.
Same as you..on ALL the levels..feel the exact same..I don't feel uncomfortable around guys in general but have 3 close male friends..
Transition is a slow process..I introduce a new element to femininity to myself every month..hair this month..nails next month and lash lift..
One day..I'll just be Sasha at work and the world..strong..bitchin..empathetic... I have my own awesome self-confidence..which KIX ass..
We can just try and live our authentic self ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Your channel means so much to me. I am coming along in embracing the woman I am. I have a lot of fear of being me. My dad said if I medically transition I need to wait until he is dead. That scares me and some people still don't know. I stopped coming out to people after someone I trusted completely reacted hatefully. Most people still think I am a sis straight guy. I consider myself a pan sexual girl. Thank you for this sometimes I still feel broken and defective even though I know I am not. Thank you it was a huge part of my addiction. I am 14 years sober and just came out 6 months ago. You rock go you this queen is becoming the woman I have always been. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈🌈. Scary and beautiful at the same time.
What helped me keep moving forward is realizing just how much happier i was presenting as fem, and that i finally had something worth fighting for and staying alive for.
I just realized I was trans about a month ago, and I just wanted to say that watching your videos has helped me a ton. It means a lot to know that there’s other people out there that have not only gone through this but want to help others. I’ve got a therapist that specializes in lgbtq people and he’s never deadnamed me, and I don’t need to tell you or anyone in these comments how nice it feels to have someone call me by my new name. Anyway, thank you for being you, Chloe. I’m looking forward to pride day and TDAV next year!
That up and left part, and the “ I didn’t matter enough for them to tell me why” hit me hard:(
Thank you so much Chloe! I have been on a long winding journey of being ready to start socially transitioning. The walls have come down over the last week and I am so overjoyed with the connections I have made and the outpouring of support. It's such a beautiful time for trans people! Thanks SO MUCH for the beautifully positive video. 💝❤💕
Introspection comes fairly easily to me, though I must scrutinize my findings for any biases underlying them. While I may fear what I uncover, it never fails to be useful in adding to my understanding of who I am. Your video comes at a crucial time, when I'm breaking down the barriers to a fuller confidence in my identity. What I find both awes and terrifies me, but I think it's well worth embracing. Thank you, Chloe.
I'm watching this for the 3rd time in the last year just because I needed a positive note to end my day. Thank you and all the others helping to give assurance and hope to to so many of us.❤️
You telling your experience growing up felt like you were picking my brain apart. It was almost all the same with me. I'm struggling (A LOT) to take the step forward, my therapist is ready to give me the authorization for HRT, and I want it, but I'm scared as hell to take the step, and end up doubting and going back and forth between doubt and dysphoria... it's exausting. I'm accepting that I'm trans more and more, but it's as if my acceptance and readiness can't keep up with dysphoria and fear of not transitioning... I ended up rambling a bit but what I wanted to say is that your video was extremely validating and reasuring so thank you for that
I hear you 100% I have been told I'm being selfish for putting myself first!
But, its the first time I have put myself first, I wanted to take a deep dive into what the hell was going on in my head and not be afraid of the result. But, as soon as I came back with answers that others don't like, or want - I was branded selfish, by others who want me to remind in pain and miserable, so they can be happy.
Bin there, done that - I know I am female on the inside, so I want to explore this and I prefer being my authentic self. I have finally realised that transition is what I need in order to be happy. Others prefer for me to stay in pain - I say F%÷£ that! I want to be me, I have been a shell/ facade for near on 50 years and it hasn't worked - I want to be me, it that really selfish. I think not!
They are being selfish for trying to keep hold of what they have and not seeing the hurt, distress and discomfort I am I. So for you to keep living in ignorance, I have to continue being depressed, I have to continue being a shell.
Maybe, before they accuse me of being selfish, maybe they need to take a long, hard look in the £#@×ing mirror!
Accepting myself and learning to put myself first and love myself was hard, really hard. I still stumble at times when my depression gets too strong from my disabilities and the severe transphobia in the world.
Learning to embrace myself and be myself was tough going, I'm glad I took the steps to do it though. There is such a difference in how I was before to how I am now.
I was brought up not being selfish therefore I always put myself behind others. I have learned along the way (I am 53 now) that this conviction does not help. As part of my awareness and moving into spirituality I realized that I was not living an authentic life. So I started to transition at 50 and choose the things that I love....but I struggle a lot with social anxiety now, being and feeling so different and now tell myself it is not me against them, but everyone is different and everyone has a story, although a lot of them are hidden and put a way safely. I rather die authentically then be safe and live unauthentically. I resonate a lot on what you discussed and feels good that I am not the only weirdo, as we all are in our own unique ways ;)
Through therapy I learned how much time I spent pleasing others to my own detriment. I am super afraid of giving myself the time for myself. And I consistently blast myself with information and podcasts/RUclips to distract from my not making time. I like coming back to this video because it's a helpful and welcome reminder. Thank you❤️🌼❤️
Totally had similar experiences with hanging out with males. I just couldn't really do it. I sort of tried before I graduated high school. I just could not to the male bonding thing and hated even trying. Then I was too afraid to hang out with the girls because I didn't want to be seen as a predator and also afraid my secret desire to be a woman would get out. Since I didn't transition until my mid 40s I feel I still have no idea how to be friends or connect with people, but I don't mind at least trying now. I did bury my head in video games and work for a few decades to distract me from the dysphoria. Finally had to face that I needed to transition in my mid 40s if I wanted to finish this life out.
This part of your story is similar to me same thing happens with me
Same for me , one day at a time
Excellent message. I really like the topics you speak on and your delivery of them.
This resonated with me so freaking insanely well. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move forward but I know I need to I just don’t know how. For over a year now I’ve been trying to get myself to socially transition though I hardly see myself the way I feel anyway. It’s not easy in fact it’s down right frightening.
Thanks for this video! For so long I have watched other trans women talk about how they knew they were a girl since a young age, but I never really had that revelation. I have had lots of doubts and have been struggling to find out if this is right for me, and knowing that I didn't immediately know I was a girl at a young age made me feel as if I wasn't trans.
This video has taught me that it's okay to doubt and that transitions take time and some people don't know it at first. Thanks for this video it really gave me the knowledge and insight to know this is something I want to question and pursue. :)
Ps. I hope your also having a lovely fabulous day 😁
Through counseling and therapists is what helped me realize I was a people pleaser. I was isolated and sheltered most of my life. Growing up with a step dad and half sister that was and are juvenile diabetics type1 diabetes. Was always scary especially in a drug and alcohol broken home with a negative narcissistic mother. Which caused those two blood glucose levels unstable. Making them go into diabetic shock frequently. I knew for long time after getting on my own something had to change. But didn't know what exactly or how to go about it until these last three years. And glad I started HRT back in November 2021.
It literally felt like you were describing my own thoughts when you were talking about never fitting in with your assigned gender and relating to another gender in a fully different level BUT not being able to connect with them due to them reading you a wrong way. I've realised I'm a trans guy very recently, and I've come to understand why it is that there are guys I feel like I'd honestly be really good friends with, but who stay distant even when I try to connect with them. It's just... so frustrating and depressing. And on the other hand, women read me as one of them which leaves me feeling awkward and stressed, because I'm usually not able to connect with them in a way they'd expect (at least if they aren't autistic, like I am).
Aaand so I can very rarely truly connect with anyone.
Which is a big part of why I've now started socially transitioning.
omg this was like exactly what i needed to hear all along ty
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO
IT‘S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TODAY
Thanks Camille!
Thank you for everything, I just found you today and you have changed my life and outlook I’m 19 and was having major suicidal ideation and still am but your certainly helping so much :(
I'm 28, I've felt extremally uncomfortable being male since I was 10 years old. I've always tried to hide it and act the way society says I should. This has led to multiple suicide attempts and self mutilation. I just (a month ago) decided to try to finally start transitioning. I, however, did come out to many people as trans from the age of 19. The main issue I have now is I don't know where to find the right and cost worthy therapist and the right doctors to talk to.
OMG YES! Looking inward is one of the scariest and difficult things we can do, because we might be afraid of who we will really see and to accept that truth.
Thank you very much for the information you shared Chloe. As a subscribe to your channel I have been watching your videos with great interest for sometime. I have watched this particular one previously.;however, today, I must have been much more receptive to the information. I found myself having a eureka moment at every one of your points. I found an amazing correlation between what you shared, and what I have been experiencing. I merely want to extend a great, thank you for the time you put into making this video, and a great appreciation for sharing it with others. All the best,D
I haven't liked myself in a long time but I have always kept busy taking care of others.
I had a Widowmaker heart problem a year ago.
I had to stop working and the people I have helped along the way have gone.
It has given me way to much time in my own head.
I go to a therapist in a week and I went to a thrift shop and bought a few items of clothing and no one said a word also bought a small amount of makeup and a wig.i looked in the mirror for the first time and thought to myself I like you this way.
Thank you for doing your videos
Ive been trying to navigate coming out as a trans man in my workplace and that creeping feeling of "I should just let it go. Its safer that way" was beginning to hit. This video helped quiet some of it. Thank you
This is also something I struggle with, thinking I am "annoying" people when I'm telling them about realizing I'm non binary when they have always known me as my agab.
Damn ❤ I needed to hear this. Thank you
You’re very welcome 💜 I’m so glad this was helpful! 😊💜
I can totally relate with everything you are talking about in your video it is nice to know I’m not the only who feels like I’m lost and not understood
Thank you so much for this video Chloe. It perfectly described how I feel. You're the best ❤
this video certainly explains a lot of how I have felt and still feel to this day and for most of my life I pretty much lived a lie thanks to my family and the fact that my mental health issues make communicating and or making friends extremely hard to impossible and I stopped trying to make friends long ago with other people and I have never had any personal relationships ever.you are certainly a wealth of information and your videos are extremely helpful and I as I come up on 3 months on HRT I am slowly decompressing 26 years of repressed memories and thoughts and little by little finally embracing my true self
i cried like i havent cried in days
Listening to you is like listening to myself.
Thank you Chloe
40 years of not knowing what was wrong with me. Maybe wrong is the wrong term, but it was how I felt. Something was just not right, different, wrong, weird. Turns out it was gender dysphoria my whole life. I wish I had told someone sooner how I was feeling, why I was struggling, why I hated myself (insane amounts of internalized hate, especially towards my boobs and genital area), why I was suicidal. My anti LGBT+ dad didn't help that is for sure. When you have the hate beaten into you early in life. That stuff can haunt you for a long time. Forced myself to live as a stereotypical female for so damn long. I hated it so much. Suffered so much. Ended up in very very bad relationships because of it.
I relate to this video heavily
You are amazing 100%
It's just so scary, how I feel in the future could be totally different from how I feel now, so what if I transition and it turns out I'm somehow wrong? Yet, when I think about not transitioning and remaining as a woman (ftm) I feel a pit in my stomach, I see no future in my assigned gender y'know? And it's been almost 2 years since I recognized my comfort in being trans, but it's a constant bombardment that young adults- and in my experience- especially AFAB people, shouldn't be taken seriously. There's an atmosphere that we don't know who the hell we are, and our identities should not be taken seriously, y'know? No matter your assigned gender, that experience can be p universal, I was being pretty general. But yeah.. Idk, I don't want to fuck up my family, I dont know anymore, I just wanna be me
I used Video Games, Anime, Anime Figure’s, just started Gundam Kits, and etc for years to keep my mind off it. But Dysphoria just keeps on slapping up brick walls so I came out last year because I couldn’t handle it anymore.
40 I am 40, 30 years to long to get to the point I even said how I feel to someone.
I relate so much. 😢 i hate this . Gender is stupid. I mean, my whole life, 37 years now, knew for sure at 5, cried at my first body hair.. i didnt want to be this. I didnt ask.
One day i accidently got caught. And i was punished for being girly by sa and pv . I was 8. . I was scared. I am scared. Ive been tring to make others happy.
Ive been with my wife for 17 years. Shes devistated, and i get it. Shes stright cis f. I. Trans queer bi bla bla... yeah, ive been taking years cause i cant lose the person who saved me. She did. But it was the lie of her marring a man. I sadly suck at that, being a man. I hate this. 8/24/23... that day i finally broke and have nothing i side. Started by writing a rant i fb that didnt say i wanted to be her oretty princess but it was clear enough peopme caught on. Notmally i delete the posts. Kinda sending it away to cope... well i messed up and didnt delete it... im mortified. But i think the universe and the moon goddess have a plan to keep me around. And i have a spark... i cried off and on all day about feeling right in a skirt... i hate this. I relate too hard. Im doing something about it... tek is no longer gona be here. Lucy. Lucy is coming. I hope, this works even if i never make it passing. 😊
I really like your voice
I started mine exactly 12 weeks ago,, i had 53 years of hell
I struggle with that too, I only really connect with women. But men seem foreign or like I just can't connect or relate to them.
You mentioned your voice being kind of mannish, not so. It has a depth but it sound pleasant and kind of bedroomy. I never took any voice coaching, I simply softened my voice up andd use the higher registers and on the phone nobody says sir, in fact hen I wa younger they said "miss" all the time. You look and sound great.
💗
I am 62 year old trans woman bin married to my wife for 42 years. I came out to hear about 2 years ago. We are still together. I have always been a loner. That is how I coped with my affliction. Now that I am living my true life, I know I am not a loner. I actually want to be around other women for friends. I try and try to make friends to no avail. I am so lonely I can't stand it. I don't want to spend what remains of my waisted life alone?
Cristina
❤️❤️