+linglingjr "I just feel so wrong. Last night I killed someone." "Now James, as you know, you're not the problem. It's the alcohol." "I know. On Monday, alcohol made me shoot 23 guys in their kneecaps" "Alcohol has handicapped you James. But God will make you strong!" "I know. Martinis once made me castrate a few guys. It was awful" "Yes, we both know the awful effects of alcohol. Jesus loves you James" "And tonight, MI6 has ordered me to drunkenly bludgeon, kidnap, interrogate, flay, crush, and finally dispose of a whole AA group that may be harboring Nazi sympathizers...Sorry chaps" "We feel so sorry about your alcoholic problems. Let all join hands, and pray for James' eventual recovery"
Blofeld: You came across my bartenders so many times and yet you never saw me. Silva: There's a first time for cheap beer. Bond: What makes you think this my first time? White: You're an olive, dancing in a martini glass, Mr. Bond. Bond: Are you going to tell us who you're working for? White: The first thing you should know, is that we have alcohol everywhere.
It's a struggle all too many of us are familiar with. Who hasn't walked into a bar single and walked out with Monica Bellucci on their arm? Who hasn't driven a priceless Aston Martin at breakneck speed through the streets of an Italian city? Sure, you keep telling yourself you can stop, that this is absolutely the last time you save the world but we all know it isn't true. The lure of tailored suits and gunfire, of casinos and patriotism; just admit it, it's too strong to resist. Remember, the first step to recovery is acknowledging the problem.
+Anthony Pirtle Or Timothy Dalton's heartfelt portrayal of a grief-stricken Thespian going after people in the drug trade in an angst-filled vengeance spree.
As a new fan and a recovering alcoholic, I have to say, after binge watching many episodes in the last 72 hours of this newly discovered comedy jem, this had me crying in both ways. I had to pause it to write this and check if I'd actually pissed myself. I did a bit
When I started working at Walgreens this summer, I noticed something oddly familiar in a training video about carding people buying alcohol. I recognized the cashier, the man with the slick silver hair telling people that he needed to see ID who looked to be younger than 40, was none other than Peter fucking Rosenthal. All I could think about was him debating who was the cutest boy in the Hunger Games series, and how he must have been calculating the cuteness of the customers. It distracted me from the condescending and mandatory training enough to make me giggle throughout the whole ordeal. Thank you Peter, and thank you Onion.
Ha! Yes, that was me. We do what we can to piece together a life. Since The Shining, Dept. of Alcoholic Beverage Control industrial films is all I can land.
Actually, many of the Bond movie's titles sound like they could be part of AA slogans: Drink today, *Die another day* Alcohol... just say *Dr. No* Vodka... *From Russia with love* God, grant me a *Quantum of Solace* One drink and *the world is not enough*
+Master Therion Old habits? Time to *Live And Let Die*. First you make it rain booze, then you watch the *Skyfall* down on you. Think about your future - you wanna be an Astronaut or a *Moonraker*? Don't take in your *Living Daylights* through the bottom of a shot glass. You get a License To Drive, not a *License To Kill*. 1 in 9 suffers from chronic alcoholism. Don't be an *Octopussy*. Help. You don't have a *Goldeneye*. You just have your beer goggles on. You might think your condition is visible *For Your Eyes Only*. But it's not. Keep trying. Don't give up. *Tomorrow Never Dies*. Suck up; Give your Gold Bourbon the *Goldfinger*.
Honestly, The Onion deserves more. The Onion delivers professional, well made news items and proper unbiased insight on difficult questions. Keep up the good work.
On the one hand, this is hilarious since I've been a James Bond fan for over 20 years. On the other hand, it's pretty much a spot-on portrayal of how alcoholism works. I called the phone number at the end...it's real.
This is the first time I've seen the inescapable unity of zealotry and parody illustrated in a way that's sweet rather than terribly, terribly depressing. Thanks, Onion.
It's such a shame how serious Bond has gotten. What happened to Jaws? Oddjob? The hilarious side characters were the spirit of the series, now we just get average villain after average villain every time. Except this one is special because apparently "He was behind all the over films!". Does it make any difference? Nope.
Truth be told, I only go to the cinema to watch stuff I don't understand so that James can explain it for me. Man, he nailed this one! Alcohol kills! Let's all raise a toast to James! Cheers!
AA meetings are hell, I went to one once, Hi i'm joe blow, i'm an alcoholic, i got a 12 pack after the meeting, that was 20 something years ago. i never admitted to anyone that i went to an AA meeting. i'm a proud serial drunk of over 30 years.
Spectre inspired me to finally start dealing with my sex addiction. He made me see that my obsessions with fucking insanely hot bitches, interracial fornication and most shameful of all, big titty milfs, is just my way of overcoming the fear of abandonment that I have struggled with ever since I was a young boy. Thank you Daniel. Without your moving on screen performance I fear that I might not have had the strength required of accepting Jesus Christ back into my life. For that I will forever be in your dept.
Hi, anyone knows the names of audio tracks used in this review? Or at least if it's from this movie or the previous one. Thanks a lot. Btw. this review is just brilliant!
For many of these reviews. I sit here watching silently trying to take in the whole thing and then when he finally says, "from the Onion film standard, Im Peter Rosenthal" I just burst out laughing. Like I spend the whole time trying to peoce together what the hell is happening and I know it's funny, but I can't laugh until he completes the bit and it was just as insane as I hoped it would be.
Sorry, but I watch Bond movies because he is a fun, cool guy. Nothing would ruin them quicker than him being an intolerable , apologetic recovering alcoholic endlessly preaching about being saved and righting wrongs.
Hello, my name is Bond, James Bond, and I am an alcoholic.
Monotone "Hi James" from the audience.
+linglingjr
"I just feel so wrong. Last night I killed someone."
"Now James, as you know, you're not the problem. It's the alcohol."
"I know. On Monday, alcohol made me shoot 23 guys in their kneecaps"
"Alcohol has handicapped you James. But God will make you strong!"
"I know. Martinis once made me castrate a few guys. It was awful"
"Yes, we both know the awful effects of alcohol. Jesus loves you James"
"And tonight, MI6 has ordered me to drunkenly bludgeon, kidnap, interrogate, flay, crush, and finally dispose of a whole AA group that may be harboring Nazi sympathizers...Sorry chaps"
"We feel so sorry about your alcoholic problems. Let all join hands, and pray for James' eventual recovery"
+Stamboul "Do you expect me to Talk?"
"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to 'go dry'."
Blofeld: You came across my bartenders so many times and yet you never saw me.
Silva: There's a first time for cheap beer.
Bond: What makes you think this my first time?
White: You're an olive, dancing in a martini glass, Mr. Bond.
Bond: Are you going to tell us who you're working for?
White: The first thing you should know, is that we have alcohol everywhere.
god, grant me the serenity....
Hey, I can quit being a secret agent any time I want, man.
It's a struggle all too many of us are familiar with. Who hasn't walked into a bar single and walked out with Monica Bellucci on their arm? Who hasn't driven a priceless Aston Martin at breakneck speed through the streets of an Italian city? Sure, you keep telling yourself you can stop, that this is absolutely the last time you save the world but we all know it isn't true. The lure of tailored suits and gunfire, of casinos and patriotism; just admit it, it's too strong to resist.
Remember, the first step to recovery is acknowledging the problem.
Wow, I'm so glad someone has the courage to finally come out and speak the truth about this issue. Thank you so much Mr Rosenthal.
you can tell peter was sincere at the end
I miss Roger moore and his story about an elderly man sex addiction
+Redem10 i miss pierce brosnan
+Anthony Pirtle
Or Timothy Dalton's heartfelt portrayal of a grief-stricken Thespian going after people in the drug trade in an angst-filled vengeance spree.
+Redem10 I miss Sean Connery's story of a delusional sociopath....Oh, wait, that wasn't acting
***** I'm assuming before it was the latter and now it's both which means he's just an elderly gay man with a sex addiction to people his own age.
Dan Cooper Bravo, good sir.
Can this be nominated for an award. The ability to take comedy and turn it into an empathic message of love and help so seamlessly is amazing.
As a new fan and a recovering alcoholic, I have to say, after binge watching many episodes in the last 72 hours of this newly discovered comedy jem, this had me crying in both ways. I had to pause it to write this and check if I'd actually pissed myself.
I did a bit
Same as a not recovering alcoholic this still hit me hard but as he says after waking up from another bender only thing that fixes it is another drink
With you being a recovering alcoholic, are you sure you should be bingeing 🤔
When I started working at Walgreens this summer, I noticed something oddly familiar in a training video about carding people buying alcohol. I recognized the cashier, the man with the slick silver hair telling people that he needed to see ID who looked to be younger than 40, was none other than Peter fucking Rosenthal. All I could think about was him debating who was the cutest boy in the Hunger Games series, and how he must have been calculating the cuteness of the customers. It distracted me from the condescending and mandatory training enough to make me giggle throughout the whole ordeal.
Thank you Peter, and thank you Onion.
+dtl918 10/10 would read again
+dtl918 Did you hear a lot of lone man yelling from the bathroom ?
Ha! Yes, that was me. We do what we can to piece together a life. Since The Shining, Dept. of Alcoholic Beverage Control industrial films is all I can land.
+The Joker Eat at Pete's Fish House.
Actually, many of the Bond movie's titles sound like they could be part of AA slogans:
Drink today, *Die another day*
Alcohol... just say *Dr. No*
Vodka... *From Russia with love*
God, grant me a *Quantum of Solace*
One drink and *the world is not enough*
+Master Therion When ever I see bold letters on a RUclips comment I expect to see "google: truthcontest" at the end...
+Master Therion
Old habits? Time to *Live And Let Die*.
First you make it rain booze, then you watch the *Skyfall* down on you.
Think about your future - you wanna be an Astronaut or a *Moonraker*?
Don't take in your *Living Daylights* through the bottom of a shot glass.
You get a License To Drive, not a *License To Kill*.
1 in 9 suffers from chronic alcoholism. Don't be an *Octopussy*. Help.
You don't have a *Goldeneye*. You just have your beer goggles on.
You might think your condition is visible *For Your Eyes Only*. But it's not.
Keep trying. Don't give up. *Tomorrow Never Dies*.
Suck up; Give your Gold Bourbon the *Goldfinger*.
***** HaHa those are great!
+Dan Wendelstein (Atvishees) That octopussy reference was perfect.
+Master Therion Don't be an *Octopussy*, give up drugs and alcohol.
I don't even do drugs but I almost called the hotline to turn my life around because of that delivery
You say alcoholism I say liver crossfit...
That's a perspective done very beautifully.
Honestly, The Onion deserves more. The Onion delivers professional, well made news items and proper unbiased insight on difficult questions. Keep up the good work.
Agent 0.7 (litres of vodka, which is a popular bottle size here in Europe)
+Adam K if you say it "Zed punkt sieben" it sounds especially cool. and german, because alcohol.
Or blood alcohol level
That wet-eye ending was truly top notch acting right there, this series are getting better and better !
Dude spoiler alert. You're not supposed to give away the entire plot.
After watching this review I feel inspired. Thank you Onion.
+Undeluded Sting After watching it I need a drink.
+theakstonsrock Give me you phone number and we'll text each other while we drink. See where thingzs go.
+David S. hubba huba==a I'vr alredy bin drinkin
+Imaginary Rockstar I would have never guessed.
+randall2020 Not true. Where did you get you numbers? I've heard that it's about twenty five, but that's still better than anybody else.
SPECTRE was the best Austin Powers movie yet!
Groovy Baby
+Jacemachine Gaming BA BA BOOEY!
+Jacemachine Gaming thought it was Daniel Kreg
+Jacemachine Gaming fuckn gr8 m8 now ive lost my mojo
The first step is to admit to yourself you have a problem. Be strong, government workers!
This legitimately spoke to me. I could easily compare the words of Peter to my own father. Dammit, Onion! Why do you have to make me cry?
On the one hand, this is hilarious since I've been a James Bond fan for over 20 years. On the other hand, it's pretty much a spot-on portrayal of how alcoholism works. I called the phone number at the end...it's real.
The pairing of the narration of bond spiraling into addiction with the scene of the helicopter spiraling to a crash is golden.
I walked into a James Bond review and left with an alcohol awareness PSA.
This is the best bit by The Onion. The Peter Rosenthal character, and these skits always kill me.
+Jay Suschrist Thank you, Jesus.
+RanIrons Hey! It's you! You are a real man. That makes me much happier in knowing that.
If they always kill you, how did you write the comment?
This deserves a standing ovation.
This is the first time I've seen the inescapable unity of zealotry and parody illustrated in a way that's sweet rather than terribly, terribly depressing. Thanks, Onion.
I became a spectre after watching this movie for 25 minutes. A spectre because nobody could see me in the theater (because I left).
+Snarfindorf aaaaah gotcha
I know you're kidding but was it bad..?
Kate McNamara Yeah, it was bad.
***** As a Bond movie? Have you seen the Bond movies at their prime, child?
+Snarfindorf You're so hip. condescension is so in right now.
This guy is one of the best actors in the world.
Thank you Peter K. Rosenthal for doing God's work.
+L Pendergast Even God needs an occasional day off.
"...for choices he made while inebriated"
*blows up building with sniper round*
I feel like I need a drink after watching this...
This video just changed my life.
This is better than the actual movie---- like always.
If I ever have a film theory class this will be my term paper.
One is too many and a thousand is not enough. The mantra of the owners of the Bond franchise.
This is the kind of message our children need to hear.
this is brilliant.
This one hit home, sober now but my god your descriptions of addiction are concise.
I choked when he called it an intervention
The Onion is so twisted, I love it!
I died when they put the actual number of the drug&alcohol hotline on the screen
This is surprisingly insightful.
Digging the beard, Peter.
I can't believe you actually put the real number to an addiction organization in your video. I called expecting it to be an Onion merch line. 🤦🏾♀️🙊
True, so tired of people shooting at me just coz I had one too many. Thanks Peter Rosenthal and The Onion.
"The name is Bond. James Bond. And I'm holic. Alcoholic. -Hi, James..."
Because I saw this movie on Wednesday and looking at this today, I find this all too funny how they put this together. The Onion never disappoints.
This video changed my life
It's such a shame how serious Bond has gotten. What happened to Jaws? Oddjob? The hilarious side characters were the spirit of the series, now we just get average villain after average villain every time. Except this one is special because apparently "He was behind all the over films!". Does it make any difference? Nope.
You know, this actually kinda works as an interpretation.
So fuckin' spot on. God damn, Pete.
Didn't know Wade Boggs worked for the Onion... Great job, Wade!
A powerful message. Thank you Peter.
So good. So deep. I didn't even see it that way, but it makes total sense now...
Truth be told, I only go to the cinema to watch stuff I don't understand so that James can explain it for me.
Man, he nailed this one! Alcohol kills!
Let's all raise a toast to James! Cheers!
+A Fraser Peter ... sorry ... Peter ... raise a toast to Peter!
Sorry everyone, I had couple of drinks before writing my comment.
I feel less intelligent because im seemingly incapable of comprehending this whole satire thing. ..
I like how the video implies that blowing up houses and flying loopings with a helicopter is perfectly normal behaviour for alcoholics.
Get some help, James, De-Nile ain't just a river in Egypt...
They should have showed the scene when he actually mentioned he had a problem with alcohol in spectre.
Don't do twelve step or AA. They are statistically just as effective as doing nothing.
I see Pete's getting his Movember on.
The name's Martini. Big Martini.
SOMEONE WENT TO COLLEGE FOR ENGLISH AND KNOWS WHAT REAL SATIRE IS.
AA meetings are hell, I went to one once, Hi i'm joe blow, i'm an alcoholic, i got a 12 pack after the meeting, that was 20 something years ago. i never admitted to anyone that i went to an AA meeting. i'm a proud serial drunk of over 30 years.
How do they keep describing movies
in such passionate ways!
His beard grows more and more with every review
Wow, this film is so much deeper than I thought. Maybe I'll see the deeper message if I have one more drink!
I have literally watched this one 100times. I always watch this when i wake up from yet another bender.
Oh sure, there's a number to call for all the drunks out there.
But what about those of us who don't drink?
Who do I call for all of MY problems?
You call your nearby bartender to take the edge off.
this is a great review but...why do we see so many shots from the other movies...?
Oh man, this nearly convinced me! XD
i felt like he was talking to me. it was really uncomfortable.
Spectre inspired me to finally start dealing with my sex addiction. He made me see that my obsessions with fucking insanely hot bitches, interracial fornication and most shameful of all, big titty milfs, is just my way of overcoming the fear of abandonment that I have struggled with ever since I was a young boy.
Thank you Daniel. Without your moving on screen performance I fear that I might not have had the strength required of accepting Jesus Christ back into my life. For that I will forever be in your dept.
Peter goes full Method Actor for live action Stinky Pete?
I'm gonna have a drink to that .
How did I miss that.
this is beyond great! Peter Rosenthal should be a household name!
+George Thornburg Hear, hear!
Damm, why is there no rum in my cola...??
Thank You for the hearty laugh
my god this is sad, im so sorry James
He should see Jason Bourne, a man with an opium addiction so bad he cant remember who he is
Omg this is the best onion review I've seen
Wow. I need a drink.
Spot on as always Peter
Hi, anyone knows the names of audio tracks used in this review? Or at least if it's from this movie or the previous one. Thanks a lot. Btw. this review is just brilliant!
Rosenthal, this is pricelss! One of your very best.
Tonight, on a very special installment of the James Bond series.
For many of these reviews. I sit here watching silently trying to take in the whole thing and then when he finally says, "from the Onion film standard, Im Peter Rosenthal" I just burst out laughing. Like I spend the whole time trying to peoce together what the hell is happening and I know it's funny, but I can't laugh until he completes the bit and it was just as insane as I hoped it would be.
You know HE will survive...
But everyone else within hand grenade distance is in mortal danger.
Bond is a modern day Typhoid Mary.
British “Unforgiven”
Spectre was about alcoholism! Damn .. I was a stupid who think it was something else. U opened my eyes Peter.
This is so in line with the way people twist the news lately.
I’m in recovery right now and I find this fucking hilarious! 😂
It gets better
VAIBHAV SRIVASTAVA Thanks man 🙂
I just woke up from another bender and just had to rewatch this. This is the best alcoholism psa
what kind of major do I need to select to become a film critic
This was a good one Klappa
Preach it, Peter!
well said sir...well said.
this review saved my life
Sorry, but I watch Bond movies because he is a fun, cool guy.
Nothing would ruin them quicker than him being an intolerable , apologetic recovering alcoholic endlessly preaching about being saved and righting wrongs.
+kromo770 And yet, so it is.
I thought the Onion's stance on sobriety was that it was a scourge that rips apart families?
Heeeyyy... nice beard there, Peter! :)