@@RanIrons Whether or not you need it, I think you deserve it, Peter! On a more serious note, I think you're a wonderful actor, Mr. Rains. You're always pitch perfect, and it's consistently a delight to see you act in each and every one of these Onion reviews. Thank you for bringing me (and many others, I'm sure) so much laughter!
"It's a real 'Tour de Force'. Not a good one, mind you, but it took a lot of effort and skill and a shocking amount of money to make this terrible movie, and for that, I give it 4 bags of popcorn, because it was so long that I had to refill my popcorn bag every 45 minutes, plus I kept vomiting at every other scene."- Every reviewer ever who's called a movie a Tour de Force.
Both reviews of the review were a thrill-ride! "Brilliant, edge-of-your-seat - style review-reviews!" "A must-read" "Summer's not over YET!!" "Why only 5 stars? I'm giving each one 17☆s - just try & stop me!" ~ ME - Some old broad, mildly stoned, sitting in her room.
Another raw, austere and excitingly unrepentant masterpiece from Peter K. Rosenthal. A hauntingly devastating and introspective analysis, yet laced with his own brand of credulous sanguinity. A life-changing evaluation, not seen since his own review of Gravity. I now have face blindness and can permanently smell boiled cauliflower ★★★★★ A+ - Peter Travers
@@JohnSmith-gz4fs Maybe they'll be able to do some of the more complex stuff now that their past videos have gotten such a huge viewership spike during the quarantine.
"I'm gonna pump those *******s at the Disney Marketing department!" -Peter Rosenthal, The Onion Film Standard -- I would watch the movie if that were on the poster.
@@grindcoreninja6527 Imagine a movie or television series where the dad actually did go out for smokes, but some bullshit happened and he was dragged into some ridiculous far off conflict for decades, persevering through all hardships often with only the thought of one day returning to his family to keep him going. Then imagine the ending where he gets back and his family hates him. It'd be great.
@@DEUS_VULT_INFIDEL Take a screen writing course, I would love to see that made. Check out the book "Save the Cat" It's essentially the screen play writers bible.
These reviews were a whirlwind rollercoaster of delight, suitable for the whole family if they are in a rest home and nobody is left but granny with a broken hearing aid.
@@charlieropesocks5793 more like a lame chinese over the top movie. The cartoon was about war strategy and conflicts. Disney just said, screw that. Wall running, jumping several feet in the air. Thanks Disney, thats what was needed, less realism :P. I mean if they wanted to go there they could make the actors speak Mandarin, they didnt even do that. So terrible all the way
Some company got caught paying reviewers to do fake quotes. When it came out the analysis was that it was a waste of money- reviewers to just as fake quotes and don't even need to get paid.
Okay, I was satisfied with the ten minute topical, it has been functioning as my methadone, but you gave me a taste of that real crystal clear vision again, daddio! Don't hold out on me anymore!
Everyone forward this to Disney. Our boy Pete really needs this.
No don't.
@@RanIrons Whether or not you need it, I think you deserve it, Peter!
On a more serious note, I think you're a wonderful actor, Mr. Rains. You're always pitch perfect, and it's consistently a delight to see you act in each and every one of these Onion reviews. Thank you for bringing me (and many others, I'm sure) so much laughter!
Yup. Just what Disney needs a quote from The Onion. Push it, people, push it!
Yeah ok, this is fine
@Disney
Mulan, featuring great reviews such as "4 decades I've been saying horseshit like this and haven't gotten so much as a quote on a poster"
Lol
- Peter Rosenthal, The Onion.
The best quote ever
The premises always amaze me
Grej
Yes
Why are you using your main account dude
i'm reporting this comment
Jreg you should review anime.
These reviews are the best part of the Onion.
Five stars. A+. Laugh out loud funny! A thrilling adventure!
He forgot three thumbs up!
*the only part that's still good
The Onion used to have amazing content all around and then they got lazy. Thank god they still do these reviews!
I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Unmissable! You won't believe the ending! Peter will have you in stitches.
They wont release these on VHS but good luck anyway
The one dislike was Peter Travers.
To be honest, Pete, everytime I see an ad campaign said that the movie was a "Tour de Force", I know it's code for "It's a shitshow."
TRUTH
Exactly mate.
A _Turd de Farce_
"It's a real 'Tour de Force'. Not a good one, mind you, but it took a lot of effort and skill and a shocking amount of money to make this terrible movie, and for that, I give it 4 bags of popcorn, because it was so long that I had to refill my popcorn bag every 45 minutes, plus I kept vomiting at every other scene."- Every reviewer ever who's called a movie a Tour de Force.
Jardel Elias mmmmm not always there’s, plenty good “tour de force” movies that are actually tour de force, but yah
Also reviews that are like "[name of ghe movie] is like [good movie x] meets[good movie y]"
Considering what everyone else is saying about the movie, Peter better get his quotes on Mulan's advertizing lol
What everyone else is saying? You say that like it's a critical disaster, lol. It's not. It's sitting on 82% on RT.
@Greasel Snatches Hahaha, okay kid. I don't think you even know how the platform works.
@Greasel Snatches Rise of the Skywalker is certified rotten on Rotten Tomatoes...
If you trust rotten tomatoes I feel sorry for you
@@Werkvuur The review is pretty negative on RUclips.
Wow. This review quickly turned into a character study of Peter. And it was unforgettable.
I feel like most of his reviews do. Onward review was great
BRO THANK GOD HES BACK MY DAD PETER ROSENTHAL
FINALLY BACK AFTER LEAVING TO GET THAT PACK OF CIGARETTES ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.
@@insomnyuk (movie posters show behind the main character in quotation marks): "Im going for cigaretes I'll be back soon"
“This review of Mulan was a tour de force, truly Rosenthal’s masterpiece.” Ian Pongray, The Onion Comments Section
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ A Five Star Contribution to the Comments Section
Both reviews of the review were a thrill-ride! "Brilliant, edge-of-your-seat - style review-reviews!" "A must-read" "Summer's not over YET!!" "Why only 5 stars? I'm giving each one 17☆s - just try & stop me!" ~ ME - Some old broad, mildly stoned, sitting in her room.
@@AmberAmber I hope The Onion uses your review of the review of my review of the film review as a pull quote for their channel.
@@MrIan1086 That would be the last thing on my "Cream-Dreams* To-Do List!!
You're HILARIOUS BTW - TY for your initial comment💗🤣😍⭕❌
"It sucks, all right." - Peter Rosenthal, Mulan review, 2020.
This had me laughing for 3 minutes. Thanks😂
Peter you are a magical thrill ride. Never change.
"a magical thrill ride" -KUNTN
His reviews are fun for the whole family.
That's what his wife said.
The Return of the King
Why do I feel bad for the guy he's just an actor
Because, he's a better actor than anyone in Disney's Mulan.
@@silentdissonance fair enough
just? actors are people, too
@@RanIrons 😂 ah, yes how rude of me
Because he acts well)
„A magical filmride that‘s fun for the whole family“
*shows people getting beaten up
r/woosh
I think you mean getting killed
Another raw, austere and excitingly unrepentant masterpiece from Peter K. Rosenthal. A hauntingly devastating and introspective analysis, yet laced with his own brand of credulous sanguinity. A life-changing evaluation, not seen since his own review of Gravity. I now have face blindness and can permanently smell boiled cauliflower ★★★★★ A+ - Peter Travers
lol
This should have started a chain where someone writes a review of your review and another person writes a review of their review and so on.
I couldn't understand a single word. Therefore it must be accurate!!!
Finally. I was worried everything would be The Topical
They just cant afford the more expensive stuff
That said, the topical is actually really funny.
@Embelm12 Oh 100%: their news satire was so so great, been missing Today Now since they stopped doing them...
@@JohnSmith-gz4fs Maybe they'll be able to do some of the more complex stuff now that their past videos have gotten such a huge viewership spike during the quarantine.
Someone buy a copy of Mulan and etch this man's quotes on the cover and send him a picture dammit!
"I'm gonna pump those *******s at the Disney Marketing department!" -Peter Rosenthal, The Onion Film Standard -- I would watch the movie if that were on the poster.
The onion literally came back from the dead, to speak the Lord's truth!
Hallelujah 🙌 😂
You haven't the first clue what the word 'literally' means. Not one.
And like leafy they're going to get banned for this... how dare thy critisize disney!!
Dindonmasker V but the onion is a 100% credible and trustable news source and utube only ever kisses the ass of those
Peter, you're only wasting life when you're not in your void making these reviews
Ugh...😷 I just hope our lord & saviour Walt Disney will finally respond to his prayers. He's such a pure & good film critic. UwU
Peter Rosenthal is everyone’s catty interpersonal spirit animal
They should have ended with "A compete waste" being the quote ending up on the DVD box
Disney's MULAN
-
"My life has been a complete waste" - Petrie Rosintheld.
the only thing that can save 2020 is the oinion coming back please my dad left me
|
|
V supporters of universal healthcare
Nah, he just went out for smokes.
@@grindcoreninja6527 Imagine a movie or television series where the dad actually did go out for smokes, but some bullshit happened and he was dragged into some ridiculous far off conflict for decades, persevering through all hardships often with only the thought of one day returning to his family to keep him going.
Then imagine the ending where he gets back and his family hates him.
It'd be great.
Only your dad? My dad left and took my mom and my uncle with himself. Top that.
@@DEUS_VULT_INFIDEL Take a screen writing course, I would love to see that made.
Check out the book "Save the Cat" It's essentially the screen play writers bible.
Who is Twothousandtwenty and how can the Onion save him? Is the Onion a superhero? He knows how to peel the layers off a mystery?
You’ll always have a blurb on my heart, sweet Rosenthal.
Don't ever leave me again!
“Never in cinematic history, have so few, said so little, about so much.........”
"We'll watch it on thé beaches, well watch it on the hills..."
Oh Peter Rosenthal, how we have missed you
this review of Mulan was a deeply-nuanced portrayal of an unforgettable tour-de-force
This got age restricted fast
"requested by uploader"
@@exetone they did to dodge the lawsuits
@@UnchartedThoughtsMusic No you are required now when the system finds excessive profanity it'll slap restricted mode on it
You Censorship Tube
Peter, when I make my movie, I’ll get you your pull quote
No wonder cats got 5 star reviews.
If it's any comfort, I quote you repeatedly, mr. Rosenthal! Thank you for still being, Onion Reviews!
I missed these
You were officially the first comment
Mulan is what Marcus Scorcese calls "cinema."
Okay, I said the line, where's my check?
You can simply go there even when it doesn't exist
Hey... um, excuse me, mister Rosenthal sir? I don’t think you’re a waste. You’ll always be the best film critic EVER to me, okay?? :)
"My life has been a complete waste" - Peter Rosenthal.
It's not Disney, Peter, but it's a start.
40 years as a film critic? How is that possible when he was in a coma for the entirety of the 80s?
What do you think he was doing in the coma?
These reviews were a whirlwind rollercoaster of delight, suitable for the whole family if they are in a rest home and nobody is left but granny with a broken hearing aid.
THE RETURN OF THE KING!
Imagine if they actually put these quotes on a poster
So glad Pete is still out there making videos for the ONN. The best film reviewer of our time.
"I lie on my deathbed, knowing my life has been a complete waste." -Peter Rosenthal.
It’s okay my man, if I ever make a movie I can feature your quote, pinky promise
why is this age restricted?
Because RUclips hates anything with the slightest bit of edge.
RUclips is saving The Onion for people until they can appreciate it more
I wonder why😂
The Onion will corrupt them all
*sugoi reptillian noises*
@@chins. in 7 years it will get recommended.
If he's Onion's head critic, i wanna see what their tail critic is like
He says the quiet part out loud on behalf of all those critics out there.
Poor guy don’t give up hope. You will get that quote someday.
I never know what to expect when I watch these. These deserve more views. Comedy or not these are still one of the best reviews out there.
Man, the acting in these videos is so good, I don’t know why.
I would have died if Disney actually used a quote from this in their ad campaign
After not seeing him for so long, this was the perfect return. There were genuine lols from me on this one.
"it has a little something for everyone" that would be a good tag line.
the movie really makes you feel like mulan
@@charlieropesocks5793 it's like skyrim but with spears
@@charlieropesocks5793 more like a lame chinese over the top movie. The cartoon was about war strategy and conflicts. Disney just said, screw that. Wall running, jumping several feet in the air. Thanks Disney, thats what was needed, less realism :P. I mean if they wanted to go there they could make the actors speak Mandarin, they didnt even do that. So terrible all the way
"Four decades I've been doing this."
Wait, wasn't he a child actor in The Shining exactly four decades ago?????
I thought 📀 DVDs were long gone?
Great to see you Peter!
No organs were harvested during the making of this video
An age-restricted review of 'a magical thrill ride that's fun for the entire family'. Irony.
Lmao more onion reviews pleaseee. Onion Reviews 2020
Glad to see another actual video upload
Welcome back, dad.
Some one needs to put this mans quotes on something
Some company got caught paying reviewers to do fake quotes. When it came out the analysis was that it was a waste of money- reviewers to just as fake quotes and don't even need to get paid.
I mean, it's a reasonable request...
I binged this series so many times since Onward. Been waiting for Peter to hit me something.
Okay, I was satisfied with the ten minute topical, it has been functioning as my methadone, but you gave me a taste of that real crystal clear vision again, daddio! Don't hold out on me anymore!
Still no ONN though :(
This is the best animated review ever
This is the only thing the Onion does that reminds me of their glory days!
best most informative reviews i ever seen
How much does it cost to get "C.C. is a tour-de force!" on like a plaque at work or something.
first disney princess to support police brutality 😍
How far we've come.
They don't know whether to like her because she supports state-sanctioned violence, or hate her because she's foreign and a woman. Classic America.
@Mëïstër Ëmm I think you are in the wrong place if you don't understand or appreciate political satire.
@Mëïstër Ëmm so, you don't appreciate yourself?
That's tough man
We missed you, Peter. Thank you. Love you, bye.
Chin up Rosenthal, its 42 years now you havent gotten a pool quote
This man has 3 film degrees from NYU Tisch School of the Arts. Fucking give him a quote on a movie poster already.
Mans just had an existential crisis
Glad to see that there's still other things being posted than the podcast
When he said 'Unforgettable'
It got me
This is about Peter. And his stellar reviews.
I always turned to Peter Rosenthal's reviews whenever I needed to make up a book report
'This movie makes you FEEL like Mulan'
Why is he wearing a bulletproof vest?!
It’s just a normal vest lmao
The only film critic I can trust
This is so hilarious honestly and seems so real. I am glad this video was made
I like that Pete is still doing these
This reviewer had a more moving story than the movie he reviewed.
This Onion video was a no-holds-barred charge into the depths of the human psyche, a tour de force of movie reviewer satire. 4 stars up.
This should be on RUclips's 2020 rewind
Hello Mr. Rosenthal, welcome back!
hang in there, peter.
Beautiful review as always! So glad to see you guys still upload :D
Bro gets so personal in the first 40 second
It's not an Onion movie review unless Pete has a crippling existential crisis.
Omg an onion video that isn’t a meeting!
This guy is so good, why aren't you making tons of these?
hang in there peter
Peter deserves an award for his efforts
This was a coming-of-age romp of an review
The Onion's Peter Rosenthal is a national treasure. Here's to hoping you get your first poster quote, Peter!
Ah, so good. Been so long since I've heard something reviewed this poignantly and articulately.
*10/10 Would Recommend this Review to Others*