Sebastian Maniscalco - JURY DUTY (What's Wrong With People?)
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2024
- One good thing about a pandemic...NO JURY DUTY
#PandemicProof
Watch the full “What’s Wrong With People?” Special on @netflixisajoke
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Приколы
You want out of jury duty? Tell the jury officer that you’ll be perfect for the job because you can tell if someone’s guilty just by looking at them. You’ll be dismissed before breakfast.
😂
good bit from Carlin 👌
I’ll keep that on mind!
That’s hysterical
😂😂😂
Jury duty and the DMV. Two places where you feel the uncontrollable urge to punch everyone in the face for absolutely no reason at all.
I enjoyed jury duty. Believe it or not I’ve been called up three times, was picked for 2 juries and they were pretty interesting. Although the 5 bikie defendants at the last one were not the most fun to have staring at you across the room for 3.5 weeks!
@@DragonOverdosed Why do you say that? It’s something out of the ordinary, I don’t know why people complain so much about it unless they happen to get on a really boring case. Some are very interesting, others are not. So unless you’ve done what I’ve done you don’t actually have anything to base your silly comment on do you.
@@llddau I always get pimp cases!
The airport! The airport!!! 👊🏾 I used to be a people person but the airport ruined that part of me.
I couldn’t agree more. DMV brings some interesting characters outta the woodwork.
“You’re gonna determine whether someone goes to prison... and you’re having problems with the name badge?” LMAOOO
😂😂
yea, we heard that.
@@rickb4806 thanks for your input
Love how this guy's so fed up with people lmao
when is his next one? I love this guy. I've seen Stay Hungry. I think that is his most recent.
"- one step away from becoming defendants!"
@S S Defendant means you get a trial. Relax.
LOL!
yea we heard that.....
@@BixbyConsequence yea duh. You talkin to a ghost?
Aren’t we all
"is it loud in here, why is my hair vibrating?" 😂😂😂😂
He's hilarious! It's not just WHAT he says, it's the WAY he says it, also. :)
This guy could be talking about brushing teeth and it would still be funny
Lol he literally does in this special when talking about marriage
1:50 speaking right from my soul. everyday there is at least one person i just want to tell "nobody gives a shit" with sebastian's passion...
nobody gives a shit
akimbo5u back atcha, hun 😉
Just one? 😂
@Justin Kase 😂😂😂
"And you're having problems with the name BEDGE?!"
Hahahahahaha
😂
"Jurors: A group of people not smart enough to get out of jury duty."
Lol but it seems the people who WANT to volunteer always get cut!
How do ya do that?
Taxpayers: group of people not smart enough to get out of 1040s.
Covid Ward: group of people not smart enough to duck a few germs.
Cemetary: group of people.......
STFU.
I got called for a criminal trial. I got excused after saying I'd refuse to sign for the death penalty unless I was 100% certain the guy deserved it.
@vincent james I agree with you. There is nothing inherently wrong with jury duty. It is your civic responsibility. HOWEVER - The way it is conducted is bad. There has to be a better way. Read the horror stories here and other lists. It is a charade.
“Am I the only 1 goin’ to this stuff!???”
He has GREAT comedic timing! Never rushes a joke. Let’s your mind race to where he’s leading! Always worth seeing again and again!
That is facial expressions and mannerisms all just play perfectly into his comedy.
"You're going to determine......?"
We all laugh because we finish the thought. He just holds it there for max laughs. He's so talented.
@@jayneporter1640 🤣👍🏻
Saw him and Gaffigan live different times of course and both were absolutely hilarious totally different Sebastian can’t stop moving Jim Gaffigan takes like mini steps lmao both were great highly recommend either
He's the best
True story. The last time I was called for jury duty I got to the empanel part (where the lawyers ask questions to see if they want you on the jury). I was asked if I could be impartial (or something like that). I told them that it depended on which side had the better story. Dismissed...
You could also say a racial slur. Dismissed
The judge got mad at me because I had a similar answer! Dismissed 😃
😂🤣😂🤣😂
A case is won by the better lawyer....
Hey bro…REAL TALK!!!!
been dealing with juries for 25 years, and this routine hits the nail on the head.
I grew up with guys like Sebastian. He’s not telling jokes as much as telling truths.
I brought a book to Jury Duty, "The Sociopath Next Door", and read it in front of the cameras while waiting to see if I would be called in. I wasn't. 🤷
Brilliant!!!
Lol. That's a good idea.
Smart move!
I read that book!! 😂
"The people there are one step away from being a defendant.." (jury duty). Laugh at that every time at that when I play this clip.
Jury duty is a lot like reading you tube comments.
🤣
Best comment 🤣🤣🤣
Copy
Fox News comment section LOL
I don't get it?
The name badge 🤣
Funny I read this and that part comes on. Lmfao. He makes sense though
I don’t think I’ve been living in a cave for five years, but how did I not know who this guy was?! Amazing talent! Sebastian checks ALL the boxes for a top notch comedian. Here I am searching reruns of Greg Giraldo, Patrice O’ Neal and Mitch Hedberg and POW!!! I stumble onto find of the year. To be holding my sides after hearing his material, that’s rare for a comedian that can make me do that. Dude is funny beyond comparison right now.
Still so funny 😆😆, no matter how many times I watch, love it Sebastian 💙☮️
Sebastian's physical comedy is hilarious
Jury Duty and Traffic School are both eye-openers.
Watching Cops is an eye opener
Sebastian thanks for the laughs, you've been my go-to during this pandemic shit
Yes ! Same here ! Thank you, Sebastian !
Seen this before but it’s so true 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The way he’s looking around like he wants answers is hilarious😂😂
He is right that the worst thing you can do is open up questions to the general public
Or at the union hall. Trust me on this. It goes from 0- Jerry Springer real quick. Lol.
Jury duty ?
I tell them" it's going to be a financial burden since
I can't live off of a measly $20/day. Give me what the judge earns"
They always say ok, you're excused.
Never let a dozen people who aren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty decide your fate. Bench trial or bust
I've watched this a hundred times but still watch it whenever it I see it. I still laugh every time.
"I have a medical condition"
Nobody gives a shit! Lmfao Sebastian never gets old
"...a jury of your peers. The people there are one step away from being a defendent..." 😂 👏
"Why's my hair vibrating?" :D haha
My biggest problem - I can't mind my own business 😏😂
More of a American problem Then a personal problem...
"You're going to determine...if somebody is going to Prison"🤣🤣🤣"and can't put your name in the laminated tag"🤣
He's right....hilarious! Wish he could be on tv more!
Last time I went to the club I was in my early thirties.....I went in for 15 min and left.....the music was so loud I could hear my bones rattle.
Especially the techno. Can't do it.
Just curious how old you are now
vicki spencer I actually only like the techno
@@starrfishhill over 40.
Northern Boy nice!!
Whaaaat??? One of his signature remarks!!!!
Why is my hair vibrating 😂😂
NAAH!! WE SHRED IT!!
So good!!!😁😂. Impeccable timing besides the fantastic material. The club and dancing bit is some of my favorite from ANY comedian! Beginning to end, that but is so funny!!! And never filthy, smutty stuff, just genuinely human hilariousness of the stupid shit we all do and have been through...
I think you would love Doug Stanhope talking about jury duty!
We’re all One step away from being a Defendant 😉
I can watch him over and over and still pee my pants🤣
I was crying I was laughing so hard!
“Your going to determine?”
What fckn bothers me is that jurors, most no degree, no criminal justice experience just random people decide ones faith or conviction when the judge years of education, gets paid the big bucks just sits there with that freakn hammer and is basically a referee that just blows my mind
Especially if its teens that get called to jury duty like they literally dont even have fully developed brains but yet its their "civil duty" to decide someones fate. And they can go to JAIL if they refuse to attend. Fucking hate this country.
These people vote too...
@@higirlies1868 Leave
J Mom - If we had professional juries, they would become as corrupt as the system is and we would have no justice at all. so we are stuck.
@@higirlies1868 you hate yourself and that’s your fate.
I look forward to every new Sebastian video. Makes my day. ❤️
I swear. I think he has covered. EVERYthing in society
Nicely Done 😂🤦♂️🤣👍
Jury duty is like being stuck at an airport with no idea where you are going, for how long or who with!!! Hate it!
They paid me $150 for jury duty... and catered Panera 😂🤷🏻♀️
Where were YOU called? I got 50 bucks and had to bring my own lunch.
Funny that the government enforces minimum wage laws but civic duty is allowed to pay less than that. I got $30 a day for like 6 hours a day.
He's so funny love watching him.
He is spot on with his observation on jurors who's mental qualifications are beyond comprehension on how they were picked to judge a trial. With biases and prejudices running high, it's a real joke.
So relatable fr hahaha
OMG, this was HILARIOUS !!! Thank you for making us laugh during these scary times !!!!!
Scary?
Since we’re turning SM’s comedy into a jury duty discussion: When I am called to jury duty, I am so disturbed by the individuals there, that I have to think over and over again that these people aren’t felons - and that’s a good thing. They aren’t felons. The only time I served on a jury and was jury foreperson, I did it happily and felt good about my service, but I knew what I was doing getting on the jury and had no intention of doing it again. So I am agreeing with George Carlin’s comment regarding people who are serving on a jury and not being smart enough to get off jury duty...with a twist...smart enough to get on, serve, and smart enough to never have to do it again. I have not gotten on a jury since the first and only time I intentionally served that I mentioned above. It is very easy to get dismissed. My standard is the truth - When asked by defense attorneys how I feel about defense attorneys I tell the truth. I say, Your job is to get your client found not guilty. No matter how you do it. You don’t care if he is guilty. You only care that you get him found not guilty of the charges. I don’t think that’s what those who designed our justice system meant our justice system to turn into. And in addition, really it’s almost an insult to be accepted by the defense, and a compliment if they dismiss you, because keeping you means they think they can manipulate you and dismissing you means they think you cannot be manipulated. I prefer the latter. :)
I don't even get that far into the questions! I almost always get dismissed when my education is brought up!
Ken Will There ya go...Our son will never be put on a jury - I told him that. He was called to jury duty last month, not kidding. It’s why this got my attention. He spoke in answer to a question, and the defense attorney asked him and only he was asked, if he would be able to listen to people (and this is paraphrasing) who are not as educated and smart as he is, and my son said Of course he could, and he was dismissed! (Two masters and working on PhD while teaching at a UC here in CA.) 😂
Ivan Ivanovitch My husband is self-employed and EVERYTHING in his firm depends on him and no one else. He has 15 employees and they didn’t care - said that wasn’t an excuse for not serving. Not even when he said if I am not there, no one will get paid. It will all stop until I am back (like in a pandemic) - he is sole owner/operator of an engineering firm. They said Oh well. He winds up an ALTERNATE! He gets a chance to speak regarding his situation and being an ALTERNATE and the attorneys and judge came to their senses and acknowledged that they’d be pretty pissed too, so they dismissed him. 🙄
JJ HAWK Two Masters And a PhD soon. So he has no street smarts, just book.
JJ HAWK So your husband is a control freak and doesn’t know how to delegate? He needs to learn how to get other employees involved.
AMEN! ALL OF IT..... SO TRUE! ROTFLMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂hello Sebastian manisacalco I’m a huge fan
relax he's married.
I completely agree. It's like certain ppl do not know how to function outside of there house. I work at a hospital and some of the patients I take care of look like they've been on Jerry Springer.
Apparently you've never experienced federal grand jury duty...which lasts for 18 months and doesn't stop even in a pandemic...
Thank you for your service to the country.
Grueling at times but fascinating!
@@nealdmiller Thanks! I didn't know it was a thing that existed until I was summoned, but I definitely feel like I've done all my civic duty for a lifetime LOL
What is that?
Again !!! Repeat hang em all let God sort em out, and POOF you're home by lunch
@@K.osland A grand jury hears a case and then votes to indict or not based on probably cause, specifically crimes at the federal level, and eventually the people either plead guilty or it goes to a real trial. It winds up being mostly being tax fraud or drug distribution, but it's definitely more in depth than a regular district court.
Your gonna determine.......?
lmaoffff!!!
This shit is funny. Him and bill burr are my favorites
😁 conference calls opened for questions/comments. Lord. Have. Mercy!
You are contagiously funny...just your smile. It reminds me of my Italian cousins/family. 😁
His expressions r the best !!
He makes the truth sound sooo hilarious!
Jury nullification is a must know for every American.
Would prevent a lot of people from being prosecuted and that's why it pisses off the legal system
No free labor of a prisoner
No money in attorney's pockets
No systemic ordeal of pretending like court is super scary and we're to treat rich bastards like they're gods
Ultra Atari
Yep. Actually if you admit to knowing about jury nullification they dismiss you from jury duty 😆
You beat me to it. Those are the two must important words in the American justice system. For those who are unfamiliar - look it up.
@@humanoidunknown2099 Yup! :-))
@vincent james When I served.on a traffic accident case most the jury was in hurry to come up with verdict ASAP. Most didn't even want to go over testimony or facts. It was a very disconcerting experience.
Why is my hair vibrating? I think that’s 😆 funny!!!
OMG…absolutely LOVE him!
Mate this even happens in Australia. Absolute cookers struggling with simple instructions.
Love all your videos♡
A surefire way to get out of jury duty. - When you turn in your questionaire, ask them if you can give your not guilty verdict then.
DISMISSED 👍😁
Haha
Love this guy!
The timing of ....nobody gives a shiiit....
Perfection.
He is not wrong. Hahahha
I worked at a DMV for 12 years…he’s not wrong. You see and hear everything and everyone’s life story from behind the counter. I could write a book!
I havent done regular jury duty but did grand jury twice and it was awesome. You get to ask the people questions pertaining to the case
Ha ha you can't put your name card in a laminate and you're going to determine if someone goes to prison 😂😂
Very true...I know people that don't go to jury duty..and nothing happens to them..
Awesome Crackling With Energy
I was once on a jury duty yrs ago (felony crimes). I watched the smart people deliberate on and on and on while I slept and prayed I'd go into a coma! 😂
That's SO true...
You NEVER ask anyone if they have Questions....
Lmao!!!
That's opening up a REAL Can of Worms...
Love this guy
Nah we shred it 😂
one of my favorite bits from you
Love his comedy!!!
Crimes are still happening. Pandemic or not, you are still called for jury duty. Mine starts next month.
I did it in February.. and they don't call you back for two years !
yep i was too
Makes me laugh put loud every time! Does my mind some good!!
I love this guy.
" Is it loud in here ? ! ? ! ". 🤔
" Why is my hair vibrating ? ! ? ! ". 😯
LMAO at that question ! ! ! ! ! 😄😁😆😂🤣
😂😂😂😂😂love this guy
You're gonna determine? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Parks and rec has a running joke on the show about public forums and dumb questions people ask lol
Want out of jury duty - tell them a little voice tells you if people are quilty or not 😂
Not just some of Sabastians jokes are funny, they’re ALL funny. BIG difference in comedians👍🙂 Most comedians tell a couple funny jokes in there routine, but Sabastians material is funny all the way through 😄
- “And people are like WHHAAHAHAHUHAAAUUH”
It's true on my first day of being called for jury duty, everyone has a medical condition or a booked vacation. I was just happy to be off work.
"why is my hair vibrating?" 😆
He slays me. Nailed it!
One of the funniest specials ive seen
This is wayyyy too accurate
Just say, "I can spot a guilty person just like that!"
Paraphrase of George Carlin
Panel: Do you know, or are you acquainted with the suspect?
Me: Yeah, I know that sorry bastard! He stole my lunch money in the 3rd grade!
Panel: Dismissed!
Good laugh! Thanks man