you will reject me💔 10 CPTSD fears
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- Опубликовано: 30 мар 2024
- This video describes 10 of our most common trauma/CPTSD-related fears when we grow up in emotionally and relationally/behaviorally unpredictable and unstable homes (insecurely attached patterns, patterns I often describe as Eggshell Parents/Eggshell Relationships) -- especially ones like Disorganized Attachment, where the source of safety was also the source of fear.
We are often driven by these fears, as they become part of our chronic hyper-vigilance.
Using the hand to heart "I believe you," technique, we explore each fear.
*****THE 10 FEARS START AT 9 MINS:). XO
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I needed a mom who said “I believe you” rather than punish me for my emotions. Instead I heard “don’t give me those tears”
Yep, I forgot about that man. Thanks for reminding me.
Same here. I was also punished for my emotions
I got the old “stop your crying or I’ll give something to cry about” 😢
Fear is the memory of pain.....
Can Dr.pores send to me in UK?
That is soo insightful. Thanks for that.
Yes, fear is definitely the memory of pain.
Pain isn't always a memory---not when what causes it still continues happening......
Chronic hyper vigilance is beyond tiring. I have CPTSD and this issue is a big one for me
And this hyper vigilance keeps me mostly in a state of chronic anxiety
My mantra right now is 'stop playing the victim' about a particular thing going on in my life.
I am definitely afraid. I am alone and don't understand - I did so much, and am scared this is my fate.
I relate alot to all of this still struggle now, it in later life effects friendships, relationships, it makes you be alone
Yes that’s an important point and another aspect- we might isolate to try to deal with it all being so overwhelming. 🙏🏻🩷🙏🏻🩷
Honestly, I also have a tear in my eye because it's exactly what I'm also going through.
All the best to you ❤
I’m a boomer so obviously older and I still have problems even after years of recovery process. I’m the scapegoat and went no contact from family of origin over 25 years ago. Parents just passed in recent years. 6 younger adult siblings haven’t heard a word from any of them. Ppl prefer the lies. When I told the truth about my SA at 5 years old by my father at 35 years old, I was literally hated by my family including my siblings. I’m nothing like my family. It’s amazing that we have the same DNA. Sad situation but I don’t see a solution. They are very covert also so talking to clean this up seems impossible. I’m always willing to talk things out but no one is willing. I believe my family members are truly sociopathic, minimally several cluster B personality disorders. Ty for listening.
I’m so sorry you’ve endured so much - family should be our safe place - not the opposite🙏🏻🩷
I know what you mean, I'm in a similar situation. I wish you the best and hope that you have great friends in your life who are there for you and support you. You deserve to be treated well, no one has the right to treat you like shit just because they're related to you.
I have similar - less SA but lack of validation, etc...and unsafe feelings in childhood
Same experience and it’s lonely
I haven't told my family about my SA committed by my (now deceased) father. A part of me knew they can't take it. Recently, my brother tried to scam me and my mother with the inheritance of my father. I blocked him once my mother was stable (she's psychotic). I'm very low contact with my mother (talk to her only when she calls me, and keeping it short). Not going to go back home in my country, I prefer Western Europe where I am trying to realize my dreams (came close but got retraumatized [my trauma therapist said I had a mental break down] and lost everything because I was stupid not to go to a trauma therapist and instead went to a relational therapist that did schema and somatic therapy with me - which worked great, though didn't take into account that I was in an abusive and toxic workplace [where I got retraumatized]). Now I'm homeless and on disability trying to rebuild my life.
ive heard reparenting messages like these many times, but never with so much authenticity.
That means so much to me - sending ❤❤❤
I did miss your posts. This one is powerful. Taking notes & crying. I am connecting & building trust with inner child. I love these questions. Old Lady Sobbing. TY
Ohhh sending so much love today ❤❤❤
Hi all! Hope you are well and taking good care! I've missed you! BTW the signs start at 9 mins:). What is your biggest fear if you struggle with chronic hypervigilance? Sending love today!!💗
Anger. I shut down when faced with anger. Be it from a neurotypical person or a sociopath. 😕
Dr. Sage - you’ve been an inspiration to me. I moved out of my hometown last fall and enrolled in college to major in psychology. Tomorrow is my first psych class! Thank you for the great content.
Omg I’m so exited for you!! Sending you so much support and encouragement!!❤❤❤
@@DrKimSage ❤️🙏😄
Also what’s under the fear!? Extreme sadness!
100% 😢😢😢
Extreme sadness of not having a childhood. It's beyond exhausting cptsd
The first few are my core wounds, from my childhood.
Thank you, Dr. Kim, for your compassion and validation.
I really love the idea of saying "I believe you" and feeling it as you say it. I think it might sometimes make sense to stop and feel this without following this by any kind of CBT based questioning of the belief. Even though the intent is to provide evidence of capability and invalidate the fear, it could really snuff out the fear/belief before it is completely processed. There is value in listening and sitting with the feelings and how they impact us -this is different than getting enmeshed in the feelings
Thank you ❤. I can so relate to this message.. I also deal with my various fears. I feel like it's holding me back from what I need to be doing and where I should be. :(
you aren't alone💗🙏
I can't express enough how hugely helpful this is. Thank you, Dr. Kim.
The first fear mentioned and the “I believe you” response, immediately helped me get out of the spiral I was in. Such a helpful video, happy to see a new upload from you. 💕
The fears are legitimate. The problem can be the external environment.
I think the triggering of my childhood trauma has legitimate fear. There's the bullying trauma that I shaped my self worth view and there's no relief. I do think actions I tried from 21-23 moved towards clawing back self worth. The triggers which inevitably stir more is more bullying, and the 2 time I was forced out in my teens.
The added trauma if removal to be evaluated, without any acknowledgement I suffered held me back from 15-21. I couldn't actualize like those I perceived had lives moving forward. My accomplishments didn't register as valid, needed by anyone nor moved me beyond the bullies words of rejection and anger.
It's the old rewounding triggers either purposely stirred by a confidant friend or my partner which had decades of triggering. Especially my 40+ years partner.
That old abandoned, forced out trauma stirred a stubborn, never surrender to being forced out mentality. Fight back. Keep what's been thouius working on things, though the suffering is incredibly damaging. I would say dangerous.
I'm self aware at this point, to know of it and know these fears and triggers, and the soothing methods you're sharing has helped a few times. The week to week proves daunting as damage and danger never cease to be part of fighting for myself. Being worn out obviously explains it, though the stubborn fight to avoid my abandoned triggers holds me in this cycle. That age 15-21 set me up to this hasn't helped me fight it off.
The older bullying trauma hurt very deeply. Too deeply that EMDR and more barely recharged my processing ability. I will say I had lost all processing for just giving up. There's a lot if baggage which ties into depression and anxiety that pin me down on occasion. I would like to take my thoughts back in a more purposefully self care regimen. It's beyond daunting when at my age and health hope is diminished greatly.
There's more likely total poverty if I live long enough. Disability and perhaps homelessness. I might find one relative's help, but it seems to me in my capacity to feel worthy, that's wishful thinking.
This doom is definitely sharing realized, considered fears. I understand my limits and know social struggles enough to see outcomes.
Being poor ends things. It's all about money.
I will try to be brief with this comment.
I had a paranormal experience with an evil entity or spirit in our household and
have been in survival mode since around 12 yrs old - 17 yrs old, now I'm 51.
I believe i have CPTSD, ADHD, and soon to be diagnosed.
I started my RUclips yesterday, added 4 videos, and finally told my story.
Thank you for this video on my healing journey ✌️
By the way don’t take it wrong. I am an academic researcher studying the algorithmic dynamics of Facebook companies LinkedIn etc and they are bad for our health and mood as they are made to influx e human psyche and push them to use and generate data to their advantage. Whereas RUclips algorithm is based on content more than manipulating our psychology.. your intuition was right so don’t blame you. You noticed that because you r mindful and careful about regulating your emotions. That is good aspect of our past.
This video is less than a week old but it's already changed me. It's saved me from the question of what I "should be feeling." My inner child feels understood AND my inner parent is in control. Thank you!
Dr. Kim, welcome back! I've missed you 😊 This activity was powerful, comforting, and cleansing all at once! It made me realize that when I look back on my life, I was never comforted about anything. Emotions were something to be ignored and not dealt with, so eventually, you learn to ignore your feelings, which makes you feel not alive. So, thank you for this technique today! ❤ Did I happen to mention that you have been missed and I was getting concerned about you. I'm glad you are back and doing well. Please take care, and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, life, and expertise with us. 😊❤❤
Thank you so much for being here and for your kindness! I’ve missed you too! I’m happy to hear this was helpful in some way - making that connection or deepening your understanding of how you’ve dealt (or not dealt!) with your feelings is so important❤❤sending love today!!
Hi Dr Kim
I tried to email you but was completely unsuccessful I just wanted to share that I'm 65 years old and I still cannot regulate my emotions even though I've had so much therapy of so many different modalities it's ridiculous I have meltdowns all the time I have a psychiatric service dog and with all that I am sure by being so traumatized and so tortured as a child I have complex PTSD and severe depression. In addition on chronically ill and disabled now. I don't know what to do because I've done everything and right now I'm just basically bed-bound and I called the I don't want to live hotline 2 to 3 times a day the last 2 weeks just to stay alive it's not that I want to die it's just I really don't know how to live with what I have going on inside of me I have a psychiatric service dog and he's my best friend I know there's no way I could get to talk to you but I want to let you know I think the work you're doing really touches me in a very deep deep way at this point in life I feel that I'm broken and that's that. Because no matter what I do I can't seem to heal.Bkess you.
Practicing meditation and breathing exercises, then apply the methods in day to day life. Dark room therapy and visualisation is also very helpful. I have found it so anyway, it may not work for everyone. Think of the opposite word or memory to the type of fear or fear memory you are feeling. Eg: Fear balanced by the word Calm or a calm comforting memory. Breath in and think the word "calm" (or recall a calm safe memory) hold your breath and the memory in. Then exhale and think the word fear, or the scary memory, and hold your breath (and the fear) out. Then repeat but de-escalate the terminology. Calm/anxiety, Calm/worry, calm/concern, calm/indifference, then when you feel calm simply in/out which are too neutral associative words. It works for me anyway.
This is such a great video because it definitely hits home for me. 😢
so happy to hear it!💗
This was profound. You knocked another one out of the park. The timing was perfect, and all the love sent your way. ❤
❤❤❤
Thank you Dr Kim… I feel like you’re teaching me to connect to my heart… my feelings… not just think about them but to feel them… so intriguing 💕
❤ Thank you for this deep drive into all the aspects of rejection fears. Having cptsd it is so complementary to my therapy . My shift to myself from extreme giver will I think not survive my marriage with an extreme avoidant where I have never been seen or existed ! A lot of anger/ resentment on my side to have exhausted myself to that point with a ghosting gaslighting avoidant who tries also to manipulate my daughters in presenting me as the one “that needs help…” while my therapist is clear , I have no personality disorders or pathologies and take no medication. Would love to hear from you how to remain calm and focused when being severely gaslighted and ghosted ❤❤❤ Very precious work ! Very helpful 🙏
This just opened a whole new level of emotional availability for myself. Wow. Thank you
Dr. Kim you hit my heart spot on....Tears and validation! Thank you for this post!
“I can hear Coco, hang on…” love that you included that! 😸
Great video, thank you! 🙏
Beautiful, Healing, Cleansing and Profound work Dr Kim 🙏
This is soooo good. I love when you talked about the lack of co-regulation and how my feelings were too much, yet I was always subjected to theirs.
Thank you for this video. I needed this.
You are wonderful...I am so grateful that I found your channel. The one hand on the heart and the other hand on the stomach while saynig "I believe you" is so powerful, so healing❤ Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤
Thank you , and Happy Easter . Your videos are so real , my life is that fear . The fear of Fear - most just call it generalized anxiety , but I call it the fuel that drives my fear .
I know this sounds crazy , but I am afraid of the fear I must face every single day .
Thanks again and I hope you are well and getting past your wounds . God bless , Dreamer
Thank you so much - sending ❤❤❤
I really like this. It felt very validating.
What a very useful video! It resonated with me so much! Thank you. 🙏🏻
I never knew any of this. Finally a lot makes sense ! Thank you
Thank you for being there 💐
Its like you have just been in my head/ mind.
Wow.
I needed this. Thank you. ❤
I needed to hear this. Thank you!
Such a great lesson. Thank you.
Excellent healing video... this will stay with me...thank you.
Dr. Kim it is great to see a video from you. It helps us here and your clients when you take care of yourself so take that time. Good luck with your new course. Thank you for your generosity and authenticity in your videos.
Dr. Kim! I was thinking about you. So glad to see you're doing well and to see another upload from you! 😊
You are so kind and gentle to help us with these difficult emotional beliefs ❤
A trauma personality is a great way of describing how I walk through the world.
Wow💖 So loving, caring and soothing. Thank you Dr. Kim🙏🏻 More of this please 🌸
Wow!!! This videos is really amazing!!!! Thank You!!!!
Thank you so so much for this wonderful mini-session with maxi-effect, dear Dr. Kim❤️❤️❤️ I was doing the ‚I believe you‘ exercise together with you and it resonated soo much!
I’ve missed you here and feel really lucky to have found you! So many helpful videos in one place, I absolutely appreciate your work!!! Many thanks and so much love, Sabine ❤️❤️❤️
Dr Kim! It's always so nice to see you. Thank you.
you too!!❤
Yay! 🎉 welcome 🤗 back.. I’ve missed you ❤
thank you! Ive missed you too! so happy you're here!💗
Alot resonates with me, I had a traumatic situation as a child that left me non-verbal for several hours. I vividly remember that not being able to talk about what happened to me was traumatic in itself. Now I'm 40 and struggling to find a place in the world. I hate it here . Desperately hoping things change. I'm scared .
Thank you for this wonderful video ❤
Thank you so much for this♥️
Thanks so much for your videos. You are helping me heal 😇😊💛💟
Love these wish you could do more examples of the I believe you, its scary ❤(know this is time consuming) x
I am afraid of unleashing my anger and then when I remain quiet, I feel I have betrayed myself. Thank you for your validating explanations and "I believe you" idea.
Outstanding, thank you!
my biggest fear is that I will lose everything that I have worked so hard for and end up back on the psyic-system again. I'm (OSDD 1-A/CPTSD) so it's a real threat in my life. I'm always hyper-vigilant. but I was also a paramedic for 17 years and in the military, let alone what happened in my childhood so I guess that's to be expected. this has helped, some. Thanks for posting.
Thank you Dr. Sage for believing in you and creating these contents in your 50s. I am starting to believe myself in my 30s and put myself out there to dance and sing in front of others. I am practicing believing in myself more and more and this video is a very moving exercise
no need to be concerned about long videos, i will watch your videos even for an hour or longer. nice to have a mixed bag though ie short or long depending on content and what mood I'm in
One of a kind? Definitely rough around my edges,but it also has a charm that only a hometown with Rich history can uniquely place.
This is golden
Thank you for this video 🤍
I miss you and .. always your videos hit home .
Amazing and kind ❤
i appreciate you so sincerely
00.18---2:20 Key point here,at the heart of constantly having to stay alert,to never let your guard down.
Thank you Dr Kim 🙏
I am an intelligent educated woman And I am crying …so powerful thank you
Thank you 💛
I want to experience the joy of vulnerability for once, not the shame of it. Goddess ❤🙇🏻♀️
I am dealing with my oldest son who was 11 yrs old when his Dad & I started our 8 yr divorce!! I was physically and emotionally abused by my narcissistic ex husband! My son and I are in therapy to heal but he is SO ANGRY at both of us but doesn’t speak to his Dad now!
So I am getting his wrath, it’s exhausting!!!
I tired to explain I am still healing from the abuse and my ex’s narcissistic abuse, he said I am using this as an excuse, OMG!!
I agree FEAR has run my life forever, it’s exhausting!! Thank you Dr Kim you have been a gift & light of HOPE!!
🙏🏻🙏🏻✨♥️✨💝✨♥️✨🙏🏻🙏🏻
I hear this, and thank you...
I adore you and you help so much.
Thank you for this video. It did evoke many emotions, while I an trying to get out of this cycle of being defensive. Everything my partner says, is teiggering to where I verbally attack him without listening to how he is feeling. I love him, yet the way I have treated him mostly says differently. 😢
Sunday I was rejected recently for the umpteenth time. Actually, he's been rejecting me for the past 6 months....deceiving me, gaslighting me, using me, taking advantage of me.
I can't seem to figure out what is wrong with me that I keep attracting similar men......and why can't I attract BETTER men.
It's time to stop doing this to myself.
I am done with romantic relationships--they only cause me pain..........and growth.........but I'm so tired of being hurt repeatedly.
There has to be a way I can learn and grow about the topic of romantic relationships without being in one.
I'm so done.
I don't even know how to recognize when someone is disrespecting me....sometimes it takes 6-12-24 months for me to see that I was not being treated right.
I have no business being in a relationship if I can't even see that I'm being treated poorly.
And I've had 15+ relationships. You'd think I'd know this by now.
You're not alone. Most relationships and marriages don't work. I seen that 40 years ago.
Sometimes I don’t know when to step back or take action when my adult son is depressed… I feel it so intense because of my child trauma also loosing my oldest son puts immense extra trauma on us 😢
I feel ugly crying coming on halfway through this video. I have to come back to it.
Thank you 🙏
Dr. Kim… have you made a video about demand avoidance? Thanks so much!
No but i will!💗
Thank you
I relate to all these fears. They struck a nerve and brought me to tears. But when it came to saying all those good things about me and what I can do...like trust myself. I had a hard time hearing them...not all, but some I could not hear. I've always had a hard time accepting compliments from others. But you are right. All these fears kept me from enjoying life
1. I can't do it.
2. I won't survive it.
3. You are mad at me.
4. I am unlovable.
5. I am good inside.
6. I am scared i will be rejected.
7. I cant handle my feelings pain/overwhelm.
8. I cant handle your feelings.
9. I will be judged/ none will listen my voice.
10. I decide my value.
11. I am scared of anger.
12. I am scared i will be alone.
13. I can survive alone??
14. I deserve to be cared of.
15. No one beleives me/ understand me.
16. I can trust only myself.
This resonates with parenting my inner child also
I’m so TIRED from FEAR
( I believe u.) 😢
I am 44 and every time I tell my dad something, has to go check for himself…he doesn’t trust me and my abilities…
I'm done
iv never had a fear of rejection in this world. but a person got in contact with me nearly 5 years ago and said they were family id never met but i certainly knew of 47 years earlier. so i met them and bonded with them. but i began to feel as time went on my bond was keeping me there and keeping me blind, my friends kept telling me i had no real proof of a 47 year old past family member. i realised after 5 years it probably was fake, see i was blind didn’t want the truth plus all they had told me were lies they never had a photo took together or they would not give me an address. so except photos took from security cameras i took them put them in a safe place honestly never looked at them and won’t as i felt bad and hurt i feel if it had not been the lie of who they were they never would have got me to talk with them. i got a message they were recording me when i spoke with them. anyway it took a while but i moved on. but what about the real family member i lost, the notes and stuff they left have now been messed up. God Bless them and may thy one day realise the hurt they caused! thanks Dr.
It was realising that we was so manipulated as a child I always believed in myself because I know I was telling the truth and they are the ones who lied through there teeth
❤
Yea,I'm going to leave U...I don't have time to be unhappy...😊
I had a raging parent and had a quietly seething narcissistic partner.
wow
Post & pin the list of 10 pls
Visual is important
You hit the nail on the head. We live in a fear based society and that is the root of almost all societies problems.
I wrote this song for all those that suffer from C.P.T.S.D. This song is about my triumph over the tragedy of this affliction that plagues our society. I hope this gets out to those that need it.
ruclips.net/video/sM87ZDkLsZk/видео.htmlsi=dXfxlsklVUEZ8Z39