childhood trauma: i feel like a failure💔
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- Опубликовано: 5 янв 2024
- This video describes the relationship between childhood trauma, attachment styles, resilience and locus of control -- and offers suggestions for how to increase/access more internal power and control over our lives. The research is clear, childhood trauma can significantly impact how we view and respond to the world. Suggestions for daily ways to improve your functioning are offered as well in this video. xo
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Research/Articles referenced:
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti....
www.psychologytoday.com/us/ba...
positivepsychology.com/intern...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti....
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33499...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
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I want to thank you for your videos. Many of us are financially not able to afford treatment or feel guilt about spending money on ourselves so we skip treatment. Your videos give us healthier prospectives and new ideas to consider so we can move to a healthier emotional space.
...... Or live in those corners of the earth where you haven't got the access nor understanding of these issues. Sending greetings from Africa!
I literally wake up every single day and think those thoughts all day every day. Over and over and over.
Betrayal Trauma! So many more times (FROM BIRTH to now at 55!) than any human should have to experience 😩
I'm really sorry that happend to you. I have had a lot of betrayal the past 10 years. Society acts very weird around this topic. Lies can easily be more destructive that a physical attack. You can heal when someone punches you, but enough lies and betrayal breaks your reality and this breaks you.
Yet, when i punch someone i'm send to jail. When someone completely betrays my trust in a disgusting way, people say: Cherish the good moments you had together at least, look at it positively :).
F those people. Probably liars themselves.
I definitely don’t know how to control things in my life. Due to chronic health issues, I’ve been stuck living with my narc parents my entire life, and am financially dependent on them. Because I’ve never even been able to establish some basic independence as an adult, healing feels almost impossible. You can't really heal from your childhood trauma, when that trauma is also your adult trauma. No money for therapy for me.
I can relate. I am in a similar situation; thankfully I have Medicaid, so I have done tons of therapy, groups, etc. I guess you don't live in a state with Medicaid for anyone low income (or live overseas, somewhere without Universal Healthcare)? Most states have expanded Medicaid, but not all of them. I suggest looking into trauma workbooks, and RUclips videos on Yoga for trauma, if you want to do more self-help. Good luck
it is near impossible to heal when you live with toxic family members who are constantly triggering old wounds. It is hard to feel ok about yourself when you are not independent enough to move out of your families home. I am so grateful that I have families willing and able to help, I feel guilty for resenting them.
@@hallievanoutryve3109 I do have Medicaid, but I don’t get disability, and am still not able to work enough hours to be able to support myself. The free counseling that is available for low-income individuals often isn’t really helpful. I guess you get what you pay for. Thanks for the advice. You are right that it impossible to heal when stuck living with toxic family members. I’m glad that your family has been helpful.
My daily life is good…really good, thankfully. However, at the age of 80, I continue to have periodic dreams of falling short and not living up to the expectations of my mother…… I want you to know how much I appreciate you. There are no words…..just so much appreciation for you and for your validation.
I'm literally in bed rotting feeling like a failure and this video shows up. Thank you so very much. ❤
Hey, cheer up. You're not alone. Hang in there.
God bless you Dr. Kim Sage 🙏
At 3 y/o I was alone after my 2older siblings went to school on the bus. My mom was in the house and said she needed to sleep. She was working 11pm-7am so she could save for a house.
At 16 I was pregnant and my mother expected me to get married. He was a socio path.
At 43 my oldest took his life. My world stopped.
There is more but that needs to wait.
There's one event after another. It's just horrible! 😢
I’m so sorry - sending love today 🩷🙏🏻🩷🩷
@@DrKimSage Thank you kindly 💗
Peace and light my friend. I empathise with you and hope you can visualise and actualise growing through them painful moments. I never would dream since ending my 5 decades of collecting trauma from various incidents around the world that my healing ( with help from good wise people) would bring me to feeling this forgiveness for past pains. I struggle to own moral wounding that occurred on my last momentous memory ( courtesy of uk gov leaving me abandoned in Libya), but my therapy for complex ptsd is helping me take my life outside more lately than the past 5 years. Dnt feel bad my pal, them young pains resolved or not that caused the emotional footprint are sore. Thoughts and prayers for any emotional tangle you find🙏Thank you Dr Kim for sharing your knowledge. You seem honest and genuine & a great energy to give off for trust. Your videos are a great bit of homework for anyone wanting & needing to find their true selfs through self discovery or like myself an extra aid & guidances that relate to my video therapy. Have a peaceful morning ❤️✌️
I'm here too, it's exhausting but you're not the only one
@@wanderingtraveler1769 have a blessed day my friend. Keep on growing through life, have a peaceful perfect morning ❤️✌️
Childhood trauma haunts you for the rest of your life. Fought and risen where many would have fallen. Still fighting the negative thoughts after losing the love of my life. We only had 10 years together. He was the one person I ever felt safe with and knew my story. I am trying to pick up the pieces once again but now feel defeated .There is a void that nothing fills. The negative thoughts tell me I’m not worthy of keeping the man I loved.
After all the trauma from my NPD mother, I am afraid of bringing up a child.
I don’t think I am 100% healed and that I will ever be but I am extremely motivated to be anything like her and give my child a life where it will never question its existence and if it’s being loved.
By the timeI was 22 years old, I was convinced dreams,wishes,wants,
and plans, were useless.
At this stage as a mom of 4 and grandma to five,
I realize I was correct all those years ago.
Dreams wishes wants etc are for other people ,not for me.
The cute dog peeking up at 32:40 is too cute and helped me laugh a little when I was in a sad place listening to this video. Thanks, Dr..and doggy :)
Your explanations speak loud and clear to me.
I'm working to understand how I am at 56 yo just realizing this aspect of my life.
I've had lots of resilience moments but currently feel more negative and down. Maybe I'm letting life live me instead of me living my life.
You are wonderful. I've been enjoying your content.
Breathe, and know you are Loved. ❤
Omg that intro hit hard. Then came the rest of the video. Spoke to me especially today when I had a problem with resilience.
I’m happy to hear it was something helpful today 🩷🙏🏻🩷sending support and strength!
My heart goes out to all the children who are being traumatised today after experiencing it all myself. 😢 I really like your podcasts, they are very informative and beneficial towards our healing journey.
i’m a long time follower , and every single video i’m left with the same mixture of ‘idk if my heart hurts that you understand bc you too have lived it - or if i’m relieved & grateful that you understand…’
so , i’m trying to tolerate them both , which ain’t my strong point 😂; nonetheless , i never fail to appreciate how i am able to take a deep breath after your words and i pray you know what a gift your work is to so many🤗
I hear you, Sumedw! Dr. Sage, I'm sorry that you have suffered. And I'm grateful for your compassion and understanding and wanting to help others who have also suffered. Thank you for doing the work, shining your light, teaching us, and being an example of what healing looks like.
I have to go thru trauma therapy to help me. I really hope it works. I'm tired of being in survival mode been doing this since 7yrs old. U are helping me and what to think and work on.
I have bad insomnia, and tried meditating first thing in the morning. I fell back to sleep and was an hour late for work. Lol.... Now, I meditate to get wound down at the end of the day - try to let the stress of the day go. I can't write down what happened to me. It's like a horror movie that has paranormal & religious aspects to it, and would, no doubt, sound unbelievable. I barely survived. I'm too afraid someone may find and read it (like my husband). Also, certain people need to die before I could even consider talking about it in counseling. I'm afraid they may decide the crimes warrant charges and go around me to do that. The people involved are in their 80s...and I don't want a court case, etc.
Yeah I get this - this is so spiritual and not many people understand the full ramifications of what is out there- imho especially when tied into religious groups beliefs or practices etc ……a breeding ground for entity attachments and when you say that you saw oh say something like that you saw your moms eyes go dead black TWO different times or that she has been talking in a different voice cussing and even worse you’ve seen this one entity which clearly wants you dead and has told you this many times over to your face with no issues - has actually manifested into FIVE separate people on very different occasions which these people don’t know each other but they all said the exact same things to you - I mean word for word the verbiage was the exact same coming out of each of these people’s mouths - or maybe you ask your super Christian family to pray over /with you to break the generational curse which you suspect has been a very big problem in your life and they simply refuse to pray - mom and brother both then they accuse you of being a witch say that they don’t believe in demons or generational curses or even believe in witchcraft (but add on that they think you may be doing it?? Haha that one made zero sense)! Sooooo you take things into your own hands because you have the discernment aka the spiritual gift of seeing in the spirit- the gift of prophecy or whatever gift that you can’t possibly have because you are and have always been the black sheep prodigal one and you can’t have gifts you don’t have anything of value to give those who are above your level in in life and how dare you think you can rise above or that you are a prodigal who gets to come home ……anyway so you take it into your own hands and look up the most powerful prayer against the satanic ritual abuse and Masonic bullshit perversions and you take a whole night to read the prayer as things begin to bang around in the walls the lights begin to flicker and the stereo and tv start turning on and off etc as it sounds like small creatures or something are running around on the dang roof - but you finish the entire prayer and then plead the blood of Jesus over the whole place and over your family and over yourself because you know that this means that you have declared war on the devil and basically you evicted his ass and you have a good feeling he is gonna be kind of mad…..but you had no idea how mad he would be and that these things would begin to body snatch anyone in your energy and that you would be running for your life as very insane spiritual attacks and attempts to steal kill and destroy you and or get back inside your body if at all possible…….the one that manifests itself to me I believe I was given to as a child I was shunned by family and church also friends as soon as I recovered the memories of exactly what happened to me - not only rape from age 3-11 but I was used in satanic rituals- fun shit to remember then find yourself alone as your entire family and all the fake people in your life and theirs attempt to silence lock you up gain conservatorship slander hack stalk harasss and everything else evil you can imagine and much more you simply could not ever imagine anyone doing - all done daily as you get death threats and they steal mail hack bank accounts send people emails and texts from you that you did not send and wipe your entire existence from the internet replacing it with all false information and they steal your businesses steal your car take your belongings FIVE times in two years down to the clothes on your back - two attempts to get me committed to the psych ward where the employees were completely complicit and lied openly to the judge trying to make you look like you were taking a bunch of meds and had major problems with suicide and homicide and needed to be locked up when the only diagnosis you have is complex trauma and anxiety adhd and you take NO MEDS - and you ain’t gonna start in some kind of set up fake incarceration attempt- ugh all of this stuff and way more ……..yeah it’s supernatural and it sounds insane / at one point they were trying to get me to write down some of the things that literally GOD showed me - things that all came true in front of their eyes and mine - huge things I saw like Covid China Russia the election the queen dying even the border crisis and small things like sis dog dying two neighbors moving out / it was a complete prophecy and they called me a witch instead and began to act like they were gonna use whatever I wrote down as some kind of manifesto haha these people are super religious missionaries home schoolers multi time a week church goers volunteers and major prayer over everything kind of people- like I felt like I’d never be as holy as them - and these people were the ones who all turned on me who have demonic attachments and have allowed the church to brainwash them as they participate in witchcraft in the dark and play holy in the daylight- I see them and I don’t care what they do for their money - I’ve been abandoned by the people who I never thought would do this to anyone at all - yet they know not what they do - I know the meaning to this as Jesus was being hung by his own people on the cross to be crucified as their sacrificial lamb ……demons are running rampant in the modern day mega church - I don’t think they began evil but their partnership with the gov via 501c3 tax status etc has allowed the government to take full control of them and slowly turn them into something they were perhaps not when they began in their ministry but not many people would ever be willing to take up their cross - lose everything and stand alone if necessary………even face jail time or whatever if they got them involved knowing or not in any number of shady circumstances- heck no human beings or very very few of them would be able to survive taking up their cross - it’s a full loss of all you know and some of us have gone through Many of these total loss experiences been restored and then they pull the rug out once again when you think you finally got your shit half together…….this last time was especially bad and very supernatural for sure ……as Jesus said THEY ARE MANY - and they act as one …..you can’t understand it until you witness and experience this and you can’t survive with your sanity intact without the MOST HIGH GOD holding you firmly in his hands- they won’t stop until I’m dead apparently or they have killed my mom and stole her condo from her making it look like the crazy church lady left it to the church not her family…..and title deed theft is very hard to undo once it’s done …….guess they don’t want me to have anything don’t know my mom or the devil in her told me she wanted me to die like a dog on the street no home no car no love no money clothes nothing and they have tried everything to accomplish this - heck I don’t even talk about it because I won’t give it any energy……plus it’s so far out there to think that these groups of people would do so much to one single person…….coordinated attacks and the hacking has to be AI or something…….its just too much to be just humans and then it starts to sound like you have lost your marbles ……heck maybe you have but you also know what you have seen and that only GOD is why you are still here and just maybe one day you will use your testimony to help others in ways you needed to be helped and you got left completely alone to navigate this whole wild awakening alone and with no resources or even any clothes or place to live…….
Haha so yeah I get your comment I sure do sadly
Be blessed and know you are chosen - ya came here a warrior so don’t be surprised when your life is spent at war .
XXOO
Going on social media or watching the news in the morning is not an issue for me. But, playing online board games is. Today, I feel good that I did my physical therapy routine, cooked a batch of oatmeal, and swept the floor before I played a game. I've gotten behind on my physical therapy and my housework, so those were positive things. Have you heard of the book "Atomic Habits", by James Clear? I have been reading that, lately, and it's also about how to take more control of our lives, so that we can break bad habits and create better ones. It doesn't cover the emotional/mental health stuff and it's geared towards more well-adjusted folks, BUT I feel that could definitely pair will what you're doing, here, and could be very beneficial for your viewers. Blessings! - Claire
Thank you for sharing! I can relate to this, I also just made a video about the effects of childhood neglect and being the lost child.. it takes a toll on you
It really does - childhood is so impactful 💔🩷🙏🏻
My wonderful father died when I was 7 (he was 45). Immediately after his death, my mother declared that I was now the man of the house, and it was now my role to replace my father. Following his death 2 other traumatic events took place. I was molested by a teenaged male, followed by mother remarrying a wicked man who came across as great at first but following the wedding he showed his true self which was an abuser. He was just evil and did so much damage!
I am now 68 and I still live daily with my demon belief that I am inferior, substandard as a man. My inner dialogue which is constant and 100% negative makes me try to stay hidden and in the background. I have tried dealing with my wounded inner child but to no real effect. Thus, I believe I am a 68-year-old failure and will die this way!
You are worthy and deserve happiness! You are very strong and courageous, not inferior. Please don’t give up. My story is very similar to yours and can relate although I’m female. Sending you hugs and peace. Take care of you!
I’m 59 years old and I’m more affected by my childhood trauma now that my parents are deceased. My father who abused me in every way died a year ago and my PTSD went into overdrive. I take medication for it but I still have nightmares but not as often. I just want them to go away and leave me alone. They still abuse me in my dreams.
I moved past and it was a combination of hypnosis, crystals, Vagal Exercises, massages, lots of sleep, chakras and yoga! You can do this!
I think worse
I have severe complex PTSD.
I am physically very sick. I just woke up and I always fight the feelings of unaliving myself. Lots of crying.
God bless🙏🙏🙏
@@teresabyrne855 Hi Teresa, I am a Christian and when it comes down to it, what does that mean?
Thanks.
All you can do is keep trying. Believe me, I know! If I got paid 4 every time I felt suicidal, I'd be rich!! Hug your pets, if you have any. My pets are keeping me going.
@@musicmamma hi, you understand.
I tell you the truth, I live for my adorable Scruffy Miniature schnauzer mix Service Dog. He is my Purpose. 🐕🦺❤️🩹
Thanks much for your reply.
I feel like this myself. Recently, I have had a family friend tell me to be the "bigger person" and forgive my abusers (paternal family). This in my opinion is toxic "advice".
Urghh! This statement is truly infuriating. Why does the owness always fall on the survivor and not the abuser? They are the abuser not me! That whole "be the bigger person" translates to "accept their abuse and shut up" .
Please know that you are not compelled to forgive ANYONE. You have every right to protect yourself and be angry. I hate how people are so entitled to forgiveness and act like you are the bad person for not doing so 😡
@FutureFendiFsnista for me, as soon as someone harms me in anyway, the trust is gone, period. Abusers show who they really are through actions and if anyone tells me to be the bigger person and forgive it means: get over it and take the abuse. This is why I am now very careful of opening up to people as nowadays you can't trust NOBODY.
Thanks for this, helps me to understand better my partner while I can’t do anything to help him, I understand how he feels, it’s hard for me to continue with the relationship, I bécame like his therapist instead of his partner, thanks, hope all the people that has this kind of issues can heal, love to all.
Dr Kim after watching so many of you videos I just wish I had you as my psychologist when I first started getting ‘treated’ for my mental health issues as a teen. You are so compassionate and knowledgeable. I think I wouldn’t be suffering half so much still now as a 30 year old if I wasn’t just labelled as having BPD/EUPD and treated as a problem patient. That stigma and feeling like a ‘hopeless case’ is one part of my healing I have not been able to tackle as its so embedded into my core beliefs 😞
You are amazing, thank you so much for your all your content 💗🙏🏻
Thanks so much for this, Dr. Sage! I've been trying to gain more control over my life and I've made strides in some areas, but there are others that I'm still really struggling with. I'm starting counseling with someone new, today, and I'm grateful for what I've learned, here, because I'm going to take that into my session. Re: the "getting really calm in chaos", I've come to understand that that's partly because of dissociation and an ability of a person with complex PTSD to shove emotions down, in a crisis, and hyperfocus on survival. But, the challenge is that those emotions can come up, later on, in a sort of delayed reaction. Or they can come out sideways, in inappropriate and sort of shocking ways. I read a book about PTSD called "What My Bones Know" and it helped to clarify this for me. I wondered why I have the ability to really show up and take charge, in an emergency, when others might falter or crumble. It's because much of my childhood was (or at least felt like) an emergency. Yes, that has led to resiliency, like you're saying, here. But, it's also very challenging to get myself to do things that could potentially threaten me, and so I've become relatively avoidant. Or, let's say, I've tried to figure out how to do what I need to do and get what I need, without risking my neck, too much. Anyway, I'm really appreciating your channel and thank you, so much, for taking the time and energy and everything else to make these videos. Blessings! - Claire
Wow! You totally get it!!!! The journey can feel so alone and unless someone has lived it, they can't comprehend it. Thank you! I love your videos!!
Hi I really like how you speak in these videos it's clear and calm and you have a good voice and this is very helpful 🙏
Fantastic episode! As a survivor of severe and prolonged trauma throughout my life, I can relate to most of the information that you shared in this video. I remember taking a quiz in one of my PSYC classes (I’m studying to become a therapist, go figure! 😂), and the quiz was about internal/external locust, but made me upset cuz I had to choose one or the other, and if you chose the external one only, then it would deem you as a person who had no agency and that’s so not true in my case. I remember I sent my professor a message explaining that I have both, and that that quiz was flawed cuz it made us just choose one thing or the other, and it wasn’t fair, since one of my most prominent characteristic is my high level of resilience and adaptability, yet many times, it didn’t matter how hard I tried to accomplish something, it just wouldn’t happen (the story of my life), so many times that made me feel like there are things in life we can control and there are things in life that we zero control of and is just pure luck. And yes, I do believe that some people are just born lucky and everything in their lives is easy and effortless, meanwhile some people can literally break their back planning and working hard, yet can’t accomplish their goals due to different circumstances.
In addition, when we have chronic health issues and we get symptomatic in unpredictable ways, it’s impossible to have control over our lives since we can’t plan anything cuz we don’t know how will we feel that day, so we tend to miss a lot of important events, and enjoy life and have fun cuz we don’t know when our illness will flare up. Being chronically ill is such an unfair and isolating experience, cuz people ostracize you (including some family members and friends) cuz you can’t participate or hang out as often or at all with them anymore, or they just don’t want to hang out with a sick person cuz to them is a downer or makes them face their mortality and fragility, and those thoughts scare them, therefore they slowly or abruptly ghost you. And of course I’m speaking from vast personal experience.
This is my second time watching this video and probably not my last. So much good info to understand and work with. Thank you so much Dr. Kim!! You not being afraid to share your childhood/adult struggles with us certainly helps us not feel alone on this journey. Once again thank you for all of your videos!! ❤😊
Feeling like I’ve been failing all my life
Great content here. So appreciate the references, too, Dr. Kim.
Thank you for everything your information is spot on and so much appreciated ❤
A video with links to references! You're amazing! Thanks for all you do Dr. Sage.
Great tips. This was an interesting video and hit home. Your explanations are so helpful. Thank you!
Thanks a Lot! Learnt a lot!
To aay thank you is not said enough!
Dr Kim, your vidoes are jewels. I have come to get to know myself better, finally after 48 years wondering in darkness as to why I am the way I am.
It's been a painful journey all those years but I think I maybe will be able to make that change.
Can't wait for the video about believing in yourself - right now I'm still highly doubtful.
Ah, okay - so these things do help. Yesterday, I said "that;s it. I've had enough. Get me out of this". Today I found you are talking directly into the bottom of my barrel. Let's go...
And here I am 69 in a crappy marriage poor health totally financially insecure certainly not enough to do something about getting away. My pension won’t cover even a monthly rent. I have a therapist I can barely afford but it’s better than nothing. And I don’t know what to do. Doing my best. But I feel so totally obliterated. I have many faults yup I do but then so??? I’m an artist and try to spend every day in my studio hoping it will help. Xmas was awful new years even worse. I’ve spend most of my time in bed sleeping because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know I just don’t know.
Thank you ❤
Emotional and mental hygiene ✨️
You do very good on your video's
Yes everyday
I don't feel like a failure. I AM a failure. I got the ugly gene.
Hugs
We can be so hard on ourselves, it’s awful.
🫂🌹🫂
You are God's child.
sending big hugs!!! ❤️❤️❤️
YOU are not a failure - that sounds like a historic message - but I also know that we can feel it so much. Sending you love today and hope you can find some little way today to see how truly worthy you are 🩷🩷🩷🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Your pup popped up cute
introverts naturally tend to have internal locus of control whereas extroverts tend to have external locus of control.
Or you believe that if you don't HAVE anything, no one can take anything AWAY from you...
It will never go my way. I never really have any say. Why bother to try at all?
I have mental, spiritual, physical, interdimential
I get really tired of therapists jumping to talk about resilience, TBH. I've seen it used by overly optimistic therapists to gloss over my struggles and weaknesses, and found they weren't really listening but had an agenda of their own.
I saw you in an advertisement on the Lions game
Trauma.
I'm wondering if you add the autism part to the complex PTSD and having years of not good therapy that didn't understand either one if a person shoukd just be glad they are still here, made it this far and stop trying so hard. My dream is pretty much to just be "ok" anymore and not to really expect a lot more except to be content with how I am as much as I can . Probably if you are much younger than I am it could be different.
Pov: your thumbnails look like you're sending a "help" single with your eyes. Not criticism just letting you know
I'm not the failure they r the failure in the end prison all because of who I am so u know it's about to go global interpole Paris cause I'm that golden angel a real life earth angel I'm one of 144 .000 in the bible I'm sorry u really don't know ok
Thank you so much for your videos! Love that you are so detailed and the way you explain everything! 💓🫶