If you still consider you and your ex a family then why break up? Stay together instead of hurting the next person you get with by involving them in that drama because it won't work out. You can't happily maintain two families at the same time.
THANK YOU DERRICK FOR SPEAKING TRUTHS ON THIS UNHEALTHY BS ABOUT CO-PARENTING. I DATED A MAN WHO VISITED HIS ADULT KIDS WHO WAS STILL LIVING AT THE EX HOUSE, THEN A GRAND-BABY WAS BORN AND HE VISITED THE GRAND-BABY AT THE EX HOUSE AS WELL. HE NEVER ENTERTAIN THEM AT HIS RESIDENCE. HIS RESPONSIBILITY WAS TO FINANCIALLY CARE FOR THEM & THE BABY AND WHEREVER THEY NEEDED A BABT-SITTER, HE WATCHED THE BABY AT THE EX HOUSE. I WALKED AWAY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP SILENTLY (CHRISTMAS EVE) AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.
I think that there are variations/levels of family. My kid's dad is family in the sense that I'm stuck putting up with him for the rest of my life because we have a kid together. That doesn't mean that I'd have a family holiday, weekend break or day trip together. I have family that I only see at weddings and funerals, it doesn't stop them from being family.
Michele Smart because sometimes you’re better apart than together but it’s important for that child to see the parents interacting with them like a family. It’s easy to say these things but we never know how long someone is meant to stay in our lives.
Absolutely spot on! Co-parenting does not include daily phone calls and discussing personal lives, work, other relationships or problems in those relationships, secret texts and messages, and lying to your significant other while doing these things! Doing these things is exactly as you said, using the kids as an excuse to hold on to a personal relationship with your ex. And if you are in a relationship with someone but doing this it is nothing less than emotional cheating. You are still emotionally connected to your ex, still having a “relationship” with your ex, but without the legalities of the formal marriage certificate! Period!
I agree. There has to be boundaries when co-parenting. If the parents still want to participate in "family time" great but please remain single. Don't invite new people into that dysfunction. No one deserves to be hurt or have their time wasted by partially single parents.
Sometimes these "co parents " have their fall out s and revenge date, whilst still being in LOVE with their partner. Then when they resolve their issues they treat the new person as a mistake .
My daughter have her own cell phone I gave him the number she old enough to speak for herself now so now there is no reason for me to continue to be close to him
Exactly, that's why as a person with no kids, I don't have time for it. I dated 2 men with children and it was a nightmare! When I checked the behavior I was told "You selfish " blah blah.....ok I'll be that and I'm out. I'm not trying to be apart of NONE of it!
I could not stop laughing because this should be common sense 😂 When I was dating and single with no children, everything that you just mentioned is why I did not date guys with children when I was single😑 Every last one man with a child or children that I encountered always had some reason why they needed to always go to their kid’s mother’s home, spend the night, or do “family activities”😒 I did not even get into the drama. As soon as any of this was mentioned, I always cut them off and kept it moving because to me, they still wanted their ex and wanted to use me as a “side piece”...which was not happening...EVER. Those types of men were not available then and will never be available...get rid of them...IMMEDIATELY 😒#teamjaxn
chococat178 spending the night is a reach. But it is important to go places together with the child and I say this because that child’s emotional state is highly important. To see your parents not interact like “the normal parent” effects children negatively. But I can agree that this is why a single woman with no kids should date a man with kids because they don’t get it.
@@candice446 Single women with no kids get it. The problem isn't if you do or do not have kids, the problem is men and women who have no boundaries, display no signs of maturity and use kids and new people they date as a pawn so they can continue to play out the drama of a failed relationship instead of getting therapy, healing and moving on AND learning how to co-parent in a healthy way.
You're speaking the truth Derrick, I have no children and I always end up dating guys who use this very thing or the mother of the child calls at any given time "to talk" about their child but I have no patience for it anymore. If I can't be included the "family" all bets are off period.
I was just there with someone.... For a looooooong time I wasn't invited to anything while he acted so helpless like he couldn't do anything about it.... I finally got tired and left. Moved on and now I'm free!
Man this video was needed because I am always hearing women use the excuse "well I want my kids to grow up in a family household" thats why they stay with a man who lies, cheat and abuse them verbally. It makes no sense. Many women think that by sticking around that will change him. Nope, he will only be taking advantage of you and will keep on.
Ooo hallelujah! 🙌🏾 @derrickjaxn there is a big difference between co-parenting and continuing a relationship with your ex "for the kids"...I dated a guy who would always say he was doing things for his child but it would definitely be to get in the good graces of his ex. I tried to be reasonable and support the co-parenting but then it became too much ..like why are you fixing things around her house, why are you picking her up from the airport, why are you canceling our plans to help her out? Did I just hear you call her a pet name..How tf is that for your child? 🤣 I told him since you wanna play her man still..now you are..congrats! ✌🏾️#involvemeifitsreallyforthekids #olddudesdoittoo #dontbetoounderstandingsistahs #TeamJaxn
I agree with what you said. If you need to spend so much quality time together, then your not ready to let go of him/her. Don't be enemies but don't pretend like everything is normal after the break up....🤔🙃😑🤔
Absolutely agree- Mom and dad are now living seperate lives apart from each other. The only time they should be coming together is at childrens events..School plays..birthday parties etc. Working together on disciplinary principles in both households...groundings that go with the child from one co parents house to the other. Vacations..leisure activities...all these things are not to include the coparents. These are activities for the new spouse or significant other to partake in as the " family " unit. The children need to understand their will now be seperate family units. I still get every once in a while...the, Mommy do you love daddy? Daddy do you love mommy? Questions..but i meet those with yes, but you can love someone and not be in a relationship with that person. Mommy and Daddys relationship is different than their relationship with mommy and daddy. And with that seperation comes boundaries. Those boundaries limit contact between the coparents, as spending time with, outside of child centered activities/ achievements means a relationship. I am in a coparenting situation and also moving on with my life. Anyone who is still taking pictures and going on vacations with their coparent, without their significant other...is crossing those boundaries of seperation and respect for the new coparenting relationship. Your NOT a family unit anymore. Period. A unit is ONE..and when you seperated or divorced you chose to break that unity and move on with your future. To give kids a false sense of unity is NOT whats in the best interest of the children involved. Just my two cents.
Co-parenting ends when the children become 18, not a continuation of the ex still coming over and they've been divorced over 20 years. When there's a family get together and The ex still attends, it turns into a lack of respect for your new partner with no boundaries in place. ..
Exactly! You don't need to go on vacation with your co-parent. Hell, you don't need to set foot in the co-parent's house! If the common interest between the two of you is solely the child, you'll do what you have to do for them.
Im so glad u spoke on this subject! I've always felt this way for years. My 2 children are grown but I took the same stance when I divorced their father. It was not necessary for me to be hanging out together as a FAMILY.. For what?? Men and Women are sometimes delusional when it comes to co-parenting. That leaves the kids all confused...
What you are describing Derrick is one of the stages of grief; bargaining, thats why I refuse to date a man who is divorced less than 1 year, because generally they have not resolved all the stages of grief. Your advice about events that support the child as the only reason to come together is solid. Doing it this way also helps the kids get through their own grief because eventually they reconcile that mom and dad are civil towards eachother AND they are not getting back together. This video is one of your most therapeutically solid. Thanks and blessings to everyone
This guy once threw the “co-parenting” Line to me. I didn’t buy it. Come to find out he married his son’s mother and kept his marriage a secret. Always check their actions so you can see the truth and walk away.....
Oldie but Goldie. This takes a huge toll on the spouse or new gf/bf when in a relationship/marriage with someone who co parents with someone else. They wanna do things together all the time without the spouse because honestly they wanna hide how they really act around each other when it’s just them and the kids. Beach trips, out of town trips, vacays, family functions, hell bbqs are all a NO in my book and if they can’t respect that then the battle is lost because you’ll always be an outsider and always at fault for feeling a way about it. They’ll try to play mind games with you to make you feel like you’re insecure as well. Learned my lesson.
I totally am with you on this Derrick. I was involved with someone and I ran into this type of situation and even though we were together they were still playing house and had to end it. I'm not about to be played or put second.
This also reminds me of when a guy wants to be 'happily divorced'. He wants to keep all the benefits of being together as a family but lose the responsibilities of a marriage. It's totally unrealistic and the biggest load of bs. If we break up, we are broken up! Being responsible for our child/ren is the only thing that matters from that point. You can forget about family dinners, outings etc. when we are no longer family. Totally agree with this video. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I totally agree with you with what you're saying on here. Someone may be trying to hold on like a weave in a windstorm, LOL it is not necessary for the father or vice versa to be involved with every single thing that you do with the child just for the sake of co-parenting. They are basically trying to make it look on the outside what is no longer on the inside which is a loving relationship. they need to just let it go and move on. Co-parent to the capacity that you spoke on and leave everything else alone
That is 100% on point in my opinion. Once you start spending extra curricular time with your ex and your child wrong emotions and feelings start to come into play and it keeps you from moving on with your future and what you have planned out for yourself.
I never went out with guys with kid's, if better to remain in your own lane. Trust me ladies on this. When I did get married he was single and I was single, no kid's. Dude's with kid's I kept them in the friend zone only. I was very fair with myself too💋
MY thing is if being toge6s a family then you need to stay together. Because it's doesn't make any sense. I don't hate my ex at all but we're not going to hang out like that ever. Cause I don't want to confuse my child or him, it's just a no. I definitely don't want this to make my current man feel uncomfortable, if I had one. 😆
I could totally agree to this I personally allowed my child's father to have his way with coming over whenever he wanted me cooking food for him and the constant disrespect even though we were truly co-parenting there were no sexual relations no kissing no hugging however then he ended up destroying my home property when I told him to leave my home with or without a man in the future I do understand that boundaries are needed and no we can't hang out the way we did before because I don't want to get you confused that we're together no you cannot come on a family outing that I have with my child the only difficult thing I have is who does my son go to or spend time with on his birthday is it like half of the day is mine or the next day is his since he and I do not have custody of our child neither one of us have primary custody of my little toddler and neither one of us want to put him in the state system
Selena Thomas I wouldn’t want to make a perspective partner uncomfortable either, but my child’s emotional well being is a priority. It takes immense maturity and forgiveness to eat along in a way where you can do outings with the child. The relationship with the new person might not last, but that coparent is tied to your for life damn near. Many people don’t want to hang with the ex due to a lack of forgiveness.
Candice V having your ex come to your house to visit and spend the night has nothing to do with their emotions and wellbeing and if you have a partner using that as an excuse to have your ex over will leave you getting cut the fuck off and by yourself with your ex again you can’t neglect someone else and their well-being for your kids that’s not the way life works either everyone is happy or it just needs to be you and your children for a while.
I'm not doing dinners together, unless everyone's invited. I'm not doing vacations, unless everyone's invited. I'm not spending the night at his spot and he for dam sure ain't spending the night at mine. Her graduations & her wedding and putting our heads together for her sake, when necessary, is co-parenting. Anything else is line crossing. IJS #realtalk
Exactly my girlfriend has a babydaddy coming back in her child's life. She said it might happen but im not feeling it saying if he come long distance to her house and he dont have a way back so she think he can stay the night. Telling me to trust she dont want do nothing with him. What you think leave relationship
AGREED!!!!!!!!!! There was a post on Facebook about a man who still cooks breakfast etc on his ex wife's birthday to 'co parent'!!! I was like oh but NO! My ex husband is NOT bt to be all up in my house or apt like that! Fohwtbs! I think that too close for comfort ass 'friendship' does nothing but fkng confuse the kid(s) in the long run! It makes them feel as if the family they are missing is a nuclear one! Nope! I chit chat with the ex husband and his new wife at pick up and drop off time as friendly convo a bit. That's a wrap. I don't play that too close for comfort ass friendship bs.
omg I'm going through this right now. BF doesn't want to respect coparenting boundaries. then it boils over into me cussing him out about and telling him about himself. it's all so very stressful. thank you for confirming my coparenting boundaries. 👊👏👍👌
Might want to learn to control your emotions though. Cursing people out isn't cool. Quite frankly I wouldn't allow you to be around my child with that kind of behavior. Its really toxic. With that being said . . . I do understand your hurt and frustrations though.
@@MrzChampagne cussing someone out doesn't necessarily mean anything toxic. It's just another form of telling someone about them self. I've seen extreme forms of cussing someone out and i don't participate in that.
And one more thing, when a co- parenting is done wrong, the mother or father show disrespect to the new spouse, now the kids is disrespecting you, I'm not around for it......
And this is why I simply avoid those with kids as a childless woman with options. You're not about to roll ALL of that baggage up into my life when I have a choice not to be included in that drama. Ya'll better leave these "families" alone.
Your best video ever... my ex thought it was a good idea to vacation with her ex as it was “for the kids”, yaaaa... no. I was told I was “insecure” for not being happy about it. Lol. Exact reason why I’ll never date a single mom ever again, absolute headaches.
If co-parent is the same as married, I never have felt safe being with a man who still has ties with his "wife". I have had nothing but heartbreak allowing myself to get involved with married men. If he can't say there is a divorce, he will see his kids separately...off balance. I feel unsafe. You can't fall for anyone while feeling off balance and unsafe.
Amen D! He is related to the Children, not the woman. That whole "we will always be a family" is some garbage. You still want that man and you're using that as an excuse to see him, period. Ladies...come on now.
I'm with you on this situation !! Ppl use their kid's as pawns, yet they can't stand each other then wonder why their kid's are so confused 😒. I co parent from a far !! Don't need to be there to let my kid's enjoy their time with thier father. Personally he can do him. I'll do me. Life goes on 😊😉
Thank you! Thank you! You see the comments are light on this one 😉😂 I agree I think far too many people use this because they still want to be with the other parent.There are certain things that aren’t necessary to co parent people be doing too much.
#TeamJaxn could you please do a video on your take about men/women staying in an unhappy, miserable, loveless marriage/relationship " for the sake of the children"? I'm seeing more and more of these types of relationships and can't understand WHY!? Thank you for helping us understand and putting things into perspective!
They are codependent and feel weak. Maybe they don’t want to separate their child from the other parent but don’t trust their needs will be met alone with them (for example my sons dad sleeps in until the Afternoon) And maybe they don’t have much support outside of the relationship Or they’ve been manipulated to feel guilt
Nice to hear someone speak up on these subjects. It's sad how many people use the child/children as a pawn. Whoever does it usually doesn't even take notice to how it affects the child too. A lot of the time the kids head gets messed up too. Some people need to learn tough love cuz you need it to parent. You can't just always give a child every little thing that they want. Another situation where they don't realize it's not healthy for the child. It's sad how low some people will stoop when involving children.
You hit the nail on the head...uggh just gets under my skin because after supporting(mentally and spiritually) and being Loyal and faithful...my ex tried to use this as an excuse...like I'm grown and I recognized it right off hand....now we are not together because of course I wasn't having it..he loves to say I was argumentative but only because you were taking walks in the park talking about I'm being honest they are here but I didn't know she was gonna be here too...like BOY REALLY...SMH ..GUESS I JUST VENTED AND AFTER THIS VIDEO I KNOW I AM NOT THE CRAZY ONE....LOL.U LIVE AND U LEARN..
I agree!!! My ex husband said to me “I’m glad we have kids together because that means I will always have you in my life.” He still tries to use our kids as a way to control me. It’s sad
Ultimate control. I hope you reach the point, with a strong support system and therapy if necessary, to establish clear boundaries and to know that's not flattery. That's a pretty unhealthy ascertain for him to make and I feel for the unsuspecting women he brings into his life with a mind state like that.
I agree that you need to be able to coparent effectively with your ex. It's a whole different story if you and your ex are unaware that y'all broke up,because y'all ain't made it crystal clear that you have moved on. It's fine to be civil, get along for the kid's sake, but some go too far.
I agree whole heartedly. There are many ppl out here still fulfilling their needs through their children's, and calling it co- parenting. Sadly, many times they are dragging partners blindly into their baby momma /daddy drama with their pretend- a-family shenanigans.
Funny that I found this video I've been in this situation with my now ex he offered me a trip to California and want the babymoms tag along and I disagreed throughout the relationship they both abused boundaries I was very flexible in the beginning but it was more issues with respecting boundaries so I just removed myself from the situation I'm glad I did!!!
Yer, it would be ok if my man wants to go on holiday with his kids and ex - because I’d be GOING too, mate otherwise it wouldn’t be happening! Just like u said they are not a couple anymore, their connected by their kids. Having quality time with each parent is the main thing which can be done seperatly. There’s no ‘dipping back and fourth’ between partner and ex!
Thanks. I’ve been through this before and I just refuse to put up with it. Some people want halfway out of their marriage and to drag you half way into a relationship.
Needed to hear this. I'm new to co-parenting the with my ex and after hearing this, I now feel trying to get him involved while I'm pregnant isn't as important as I thought.
Needed to hear this! My ex bf dumped me because I kept asking him to set serious boundaries with his ex wife. She was always texting and calling. Told me it wasn’t his fault. But he allowed it to happen. I understand coparenting... I get that! But I knew our relationship would never go anywhere when he was still emotionally attached to her! He broke up with me so I guess I was right!
You were. He most likely also loved the attention you being with him brought him from his ex wife. In other words, he used you to make her jealous. The best thing he did was leave to make room for a better, 100% single man to come into your life when YOU'RE ready.
Dating/living with a man with kids is like signing up to be in a polygamist relationship. Run ladies especially if he cannot support two households. You will end up taking care of him financially.
This is EXACTLY WHY I'm very funny and particular about dealing with men with kids. There's always that chance of him reconciling the child's mother. Now if she lives in another state/country, I would take that into consideration as well. A guy I dealt with years ago actually went back to his son's mother, even after she attacked me in his lobby of his building. If I knew THEN what I know now, he was weak and whipped.
I co-parent with my ex. We have 2 kids. Before my ex my boyfriend comes first and I respect my boyfriend. When the ex comes into the state he takes the kids and goes places with them, and his mom and family do to, I DO NOT. I stay with my boyfriend, and let the kids have father time. I have my life, he has his. We only see each other when I'm dropping the kids off or picking them up. And yes I agree, for sporting events and school events if he's here he could come. But I would not mind my boyfriend coming either. Me and my tge kids dad are not in a relationship no more, so we don't act like we are. It's all very simple, if mature people putting their kids needs first co-parent.
I would NOT go for him participating in any old family events PERIOD without ME being invited...& vice versa....both parents EXPLAIN the new set up of me or him to the kids.
Any man/woman that is yet using these lame excuses are still in love with their ex, but the ex is obviously not in love with them, because they have someone else in their life and they've moved on. If the two are still acting like they're a couple why did you break up? Actually one is in love and the other is blocking, but they've secretly moved on.
Thank you, thank you, Thank you! I am on the brink of divorce and my ex thinks he'll still have a say in my home . Once he's out, HE IS OUT and can come and see our kids on a scheduled basis! and no sleepovers! #teamjxson
The voice had me rolling, I really needed that laugh. Every word that came out your mouth was 100% the TRUTH, I think you're like the only man walking this earth that actually have plain old, tell it like it is common sense.
Truth! Needs vs Wants. Part of deciding to not be together was the active decision about what's best for everyone. Hence acting like a couple is being fake which isn't healthy for any kid as they know it's fake! Hence as a parent what are you teaching them? I co-parent based on needs and is the healthiest for everyone!
Women do not want to be second fiddle. That does not necessarily mean step-mom’s ( yes, there are evil step-moms), but many use just about any excuse to use “emergencies” (my husband’s kids are adults, btw), to cause trouble in our relationship. It’s all about “respect”
Thank you so much for this!! I could not agree more! I'm currently in a situation like this. My boyfriend is a little too close to both his ex wives. He gets super defensive and mad at me if I question it, telling me its coparenting. I also have three kids of my own and I know what coparenting is. I only talk to their fathers only when it pertains to the kids and there is absolutely no need for me to speak to them multiple times a day unless there is some sort of issue with the child. My boyfriend talks to his ex wives multiple times a day chit chatting, or they ask him for favors. I dont like it, it makes me feel undervalued and I told him he needs to set boundaries which was a HUGE fight for him. But he reluctantly gave in and told one of his ex wives that their excessive contact is inappropriate, especially since he is in a relationship. But he still gets invited to do things with his ex in laws and ex wife, like holiday gatherings, going to the movies, etc. But "it's for the kids"
Discussed boundaries with BF then talked with ex-wife by herself so she understood where I was coming from. Five years in & I would not hesitate to walk. Refuse to play games. Stand your ground. Men will either respect & honor your wishes or show them the door.
I wish I could like this video a million times because your so right. And ladies or gentlemen do not get in a relationship that has no boundaries when it comes to Co parenting.
I pray that my ex sees this and understand the meaning of co-parenting. This is what I was telling him about when we were together. He always made it seem like I was being jealous and that wasn't the case. It's no longer my issue, it's someone else's now. Best of luck to him and the "co-parenting" lol.
The country accent though!! 🤣 That’s BS and still one of the 14 reasons why he isn’t single. No man I’m dating is going on trips with his baby momma. Listen...boy bye!! 🙅🏽Facts #teamjaxn 💯
That's one thing I'm so thankful for ... no emotions or attachment to my children's father! I was worried about that when we first separated and I do believe I handled it much better than I thought I would! 12 years is a long time! Now if his girl could be on the same page that would be lovely...
Difference between Co-parenting and a blended family. Me, and my kids mother's and my wife are cool. We go go place one big family. Kids need love from all side. That can only happen if all sides. Have talk set boundaries.
Agreed 100% . Co parenting needs boundaries, Period.
I agree. Some men want to still have sex with the female, and he behind will allow it to happen. And once he bust his nut the reality sets in.
Leyah McMillan woah there !
Exactly! Boundaries!!!!
JustARegular Girl right on. 👍🏾
What sort of boundaries?
If you still consider you and your ex a family then why break up? Stay together instead of hurting the next person you get with by involving them in that drama because it won't work out. You can't happily maintain two families at the same time.
THANK YOU DERRICK FOR SPEAKING TRUTHS ON THIS UNHEALTHY BS ABOUT CO-PARENTING. I DATED A MAN WHO VISITED HIS ADULT KIDS WHO WAS STILL LIVING AT THE EX HOUSE, THEN A GRAND-BABY WAS BORN AND HE VISITED THE GRAND-BABY AT THE EX HOUSE AS WELL. HE NEVER ENTERTAIN THEM AT HIS RESIDENCE. HIS RESPONSIBILITY WAS TO FINANCIALLY CARE FOR THEM & THE BABY AND WHEREVER THEY NEEDED A BABT-SITTER, HE WATCHED THE BABY AT THE EX HOUSE. I WALKED AWAY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP SILENTLY (CHRISTMAS EVE) AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.
I think that there are variations/levels of family. My kid's dad is family in the sense that I'm stuck putting up with him for the rest of my life because we have a kid together. That doesn't mean that I'd have a family holiday, weekend break or day trip together. I have family that I only see at weddings and funerals, it doesn't stop them from being family.
Michele Smart because sometimes you’re better apart than together but it’s important for that child to see the parents interacting with them like a family. It’s easy to say these things but we never know how long someone is meant to stay in our lives.
Frfr
Thank u idk why some men or women feel entitled to they child’s father if y’all aren’t together raise your children period nothing more
Absolutely spot on! Co-parenting does not include daily phone calls and discussing personal lives, work, other relationships or problems in those relationships, secret texts and messages, and lying to your significant other while doing these things! Doing these things is exactly as you said, using the kids as an excuse to hold on to a personal relationship with your ex. And if you are in a relationship with someone but doing this it is nothing less than emotional cheating. You are still emotionally connected to your ex, still having a “relationship” with your ex, but without the legalities of the formal marriage certificate! Period!
I agree. There has to be boundaries when co-parenting. If the parents still want to participate in "family time" great but please remain single. Don't invite new people into that dysfunction. No one deserves to be hurt or have their time wasted by partially single parents.
Right
What is partially single.
I call men who do this Divorced husbands. They are the worst!
@@thesilllypotatoLike they're not together but they're still mad close with each other in a non platonic way
@@tasmeenbaker9912 I don't even remember this
Preaaaaaaach!!! If this video gets any dislikes they’re the “co-parent” trying to hold on for dear life to the “once was”. 😂😂😂😂
My BFF calls it holding onto a piece of a man, which is basically what she's getting...a piece, because in his eyes that's all she's worth.
*reads comment....scrolls up to see how many dislikes there are* 🤣🤣
Kelli Owens.... absolute facts!!!
Tanisha Hodges 😂😂😂😂😂
Amen, Sis!
Sometimes these "co parents " have their fall out s and revenge date, whilst still being in LOVE with their partner. Then when they resolve their issues they treat the new person as a mistake .
yup and its not fair to the new person, no ones signs up for this bs
Yup
Happen to me
Just broke up with my boyfriend because his ex wife has his balls and they so call co parent but he won't let go. Thank you for this video!
I agree some people do use coparenting as an excuse
Single ladies WITHOUT kids, PLEASE TAKE NOTES 📝. Preach Brother Jaxn, preach! Save yourself from pain and heartache. LISTEN!!!!!!! #Teamjaxn
verawonji agree
I agree its absolutely horrible
I just went through this
My daughter have her own cell phone I gave him the number she old enough to speak for herself now so now there is no reason for me to continue to be close to him
Bravo!! 👏😊
Exactly, that's why as a person with no kids, I don't have time for it. I dated 2 men with children and it was a nightmare! When I checked the behavior I was told "You selfish " blah blah.....ok I'll be that and I'm out. I'm not trying to be apart of NONE of it!
Never let a single person put you beneath their ex ever. “For the kids” is the biggest convenient red flag out there !
Yeah it is a nightmare!
I could not stop laughing because this should be common sense 😂 When I was dating and single with no children, everything that you just mentioned is why I did not date guys with children when I was single😑 Every last one man with a child or children that I encountered always had some reason why they needed to always go to their kid’s mother’s home, spend the night, or do “family activities”😒 I did not even get into the drama. As soon as any of this was mentioned, I always cut them off and kept it moving because to me, they still wanted their ex and wanted to use me as a “side piece”...which was not happening...EVER. Those types of men were not available then and will never be available...get rid of them...IMMEDIATELY 😒#teamjaxn
chococat178 spending the night is a reach. But it is important to go places together with the child and I say this because that child’s emotional state is highly important. To see your parents not interact like “the normal parent” effects children negatively. But I can agree that this is why a single woman with no kids should date a man with kids because they don’t get it.
@@candice446 Single women with no kids get it. The problem isn't if you do or do not have kids, the problem is men and women who have no boundaries, display no signs of maturity and use kids and new people they date as a pawn so they can continue to play out the drama of a failed relationship instead of getting therapy, healing and moving on AND learning how to co-parent in a healthy way.
All well and good but not every man with kids has no boundaries.
@@candice446 I'm single with no kids and I get it
@Christi Nicole Exactly. Teach your kids to move on just like the mom had too. Playing house is more damaging then keeping it 100.
You're speaking the truth Derrick, I have no children and I always end up dating guys who use this very thing or the mother of the child calls at any given time "to talk" about their child but I have no patience for it anymore. If I can't be included the "family" all bets are off period.
Bea Landrin
usually if the man is paying child support the new woman will be taking care of him
I was just there with someone.... For a looooooong time I wasn't invited to anything while he acted so helpless like he couldn't do anything about it.... I finally got tired and left. Moved on and now I'm free!
Man this video was needed because I am always hearing women use the excuse "well I want my kids to grow up in a family household" thats why they stay with a man who lies, cheat and abuse them verbally. It makes no sense. Many women think that by sticking around that will change him. Nope, he will only be taking advantage of you and will keep on.
Well said
this applies to both genders
This is so spot on. On every level. There is no need to contact with an ex or their family unless it's something necessary for the child.
Ooo hallelujah! 🙌🏾 @derrickjaxn there is a big difference between co-parenting and continuing a relationship with your ex "for the kids"...I dated a guy who would always say he was doing things for his child but it would definitely be to get in the good graces of his ex. I tried to be reasonable and support the co-parenting but then it became too much ..like why are you fixing things around her house, why are you picking her up from the airport, why are you canceling our plans to help her out? Did I just hear you call her a pet name..How tf is that for your child? 🤣 I told him since you wanna play her man still..now you are..congrats! ✌🏾️#involvemeifitsreallyforthekids #olddudesdoittoo #dontbetoounderstandingsistahs #TeamJaxn
Amen!
I’m living the same thing currently
Unacceptable
I agree with what you said. If you need to spend so much quality time together, then your not ready to let go of him/her. Don't be enemies but don't pretend like everything is normal after the break up....🤔🙃😑🤔
Absolutely agree- Mom and dad are now living seperate lives apart from each other. The only time they should be coming together is at childrens events..School plays..birthday parties etc. Working together on disciplinary principles in both households...groundings that go with the child from one co parents house to the other. Vacations..leisure activities...all these things are not to include the coparents. These are activities for the new spouse or significant other to partake in as the " family " unit. The children need to understand their will now be seperate family units. I still get every once in a while...the, Mommy do you love daddy? Daddy do you love mommy? Questions..but i meet those with yes, but you can love someone and not be in a relationship with that person. Mommy and Daddys relationship is different than their relationship with mommy and daddy. And with that seperation comes boundaries. Those boundaries limit contact between the coparents, as spending time with, outside of child centered activities/ achievements means a relationship. I am in a coparenting situation and also moving on with my life. Anyone who is still taking pictures and going on vacations with their coparent, without their significant other...is crossing those boundaries of seperation and respect for the new coparenting relationship. Your NOT a family unit anymore. Period. A unit is ONE..and when you seperated or divorced you chose to break that unity and move on with your future. To give kids a false sense of unity is NOT whats in the best interest of the children involved. Just my two cents.
Right on...
Co-parenting ends when the children become 18, not a continuation of the ex still coming over and they've been divorced over 20 years. When there's a family get together and The ex still attends, it turns into a lack of respect for your new partner with no boundaries in place. ..
Exactly! You don't need to go on vacation with your co-parent. Hell, you don't need to set foot in the co-parent's house! If the common interest between the two of you is solely the child, you'll do what you have to do for them.
Im so glad u spoke on this subject! I've always felt this way for years. My 2 children are grown but I took the same stance when I divorced their father. It was not necessary for me to be hanging out together as a FAMILY.. For what?? Men and Women are sometimes delusional when it comes to co-parenting. That leaves the kids all confused...
On point I co-parent with my kids father and we do not hang around each other, we barely talk its only about the kids pickup and drop off.
What you are describing Derrick is one of the stages of grief; bargaining, thats why I refuse to date a man who is divorced less than 1 year, because generally they have not resolved all the stages of grief. Your advice about events that support the child as the only reason to come together is solid. Doing it this way also helps the kids get through their own grief because eventually they reconcile that mom and dad are civil towards eachother AND they are not getting back together. This video is one of your most therapeutically solid. Thanks and blessings to everyone
This guy once threw the “co-parenting” Line to me. I didn’t buy it. Come to find out he married his son’s mother and kept his marriage a secret. Always check their actions so you can see the truth and walk away.....
Yesssss actions.
What!?
Oldie but Goldie. This takes a huge toll on the spouse or new gf/bf when in a relationship/marriage with someone who co parents with someone else. They wanna do things together all the time without the spouse because honestly they wanna hide how they really act around each other when it’s just them and the kids. Beach trips, out of town trips, vacays, family functions, hell bbqs are all a NO in my book and if they can’t respect that then the battle is lost because you’ll always be an outsider and always at fault for feeling a way about it. They’ll try to play mind games with you to make you feel like you’re insecure as well. Learned my lesson.
I respect your logic alot of single fathers don't have boundaries with their children's mother......unfortunately
He is so right,sick of hearing of this co-parenting bs as an excuse😏😏
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Thank you.
I totally am with you on this Derrick. I was involved with someone and I ran into this type of situation and even though we were together they were still playing house and had to end it. I'm not about to be played or put second.
This also reminds me of when a guy wants to be 'happily divorced'. He wants to keep all the benefits of being together as a family but lose the responsibilities of a marriage. It's totally unrealistic and the biggest load of bs. If we break up, we are broken up! Being responsible for our child/ren is the only thing that matters from that point. You can forget about family dinners, outings etc. when we are no longer family. Totally agree with this video. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
This is how mine is trying to do.
I totally agree with you with what you're saying on here. Someone may be trying to hold on like a weave in a windstorm, LOL it is not necessary for the father or vice versa to be involved with every single thing that you do with the child just for the sake of co-parenting. They are basically trying to make it look on the outside what is no longer on the inside which is a loving relationship. they need to just let it go and move on. Co-parent to the capacity that you spoke on and leave everything else alone
That is 100% on point in my opinion. Once you start spending extra curricular time with your ex and your child wrong emotions and feelings start to come into play and it keeps you from moving on with your future and what you have planned out for yourself.
I never went out with guys with kid's, if better to remain in your own lane. Trust me ladies on this. When I did get married he was single and I was single, no kid's. Dude's with kid's I kept them in the friend zone only. I was very fair with myself too💋
MY thing is if being toge6s a family then you need to stay together. Because it's doesn't make any sense. I don't hate my ex at all but we're not going to hang out like that ever. Cause I don't want to confuse my child or him, it's just a no. I definitely don't want this to make my current man feel uncomfortable, if I had one. 😆
On point it makes a man or woman feel uncomfortable
I could totally agree to this I personally allowed my child's father to have his way with coming over whenever he wanted me cooking food for him and the constant disrespect even though we were truly co-parenting there were no sexual relations no kissing no hugging however then he ended up destroying my home property when I told him to leave my home with or without a man in the future I do understand that boundaries are needed and no we can't hang out the way we did before because I don't want to get you confused that we're together no you cannot come on a family outing that I have with my child the only difficult thing I have is who does my son go to or spend time with on his birthday is it like half of the day is mine or the next day is his since he and I do not have custody of our child neither one of us have primary custody of my little toddler and neither one of us want to put him in the state system
Selena Thomas I wouldn’t want to make a perspective partner uncomfortable either, but my child’s emotional well being is a priority. It takes immense maturity and forgiveness to eat along in a way where you can do outings with the child. The relationship with the new person might not last, but that coparent is tied to your for life damn near. Many people don’t want to hang with the ex due to a lack of forgiveness.
Selena Thomas that’s just it is there is another man or woman it would almost always make them uncomfortable so good that you’re mature.
Candice V having your ex come to your house to visit and spend the night has nothing to do with their emotions and wellbeing and if you have a partner using that as an excuse to have your ex over will leave you getting cut the fuck off and by yourself with your ex again you can’t neglect someone else and their well-being for your kids that’s not the way life works either everyone is happy or it just needs to be you and your children for a while.
Thank You finally someone gets it
I'm not doing dinners together, unless everyone's invited. I'm not doing vacations, unless everyone's invited. I'm not spending the night at his spot and he for dam sure ain't spending the night at mine. Her graduations & her wedding and putting our heads together for her sake, when necessary, is co-parenting. Anything else is line crossing.
IJS
#realtalk
Exactly my girlfriend has a babydaddy coming back in her child's life. She said it might happen but im not feeling it saying if he come long distance to her house and he dont have a way back so she think he can stay the night. Telling me to trust she dont want do nothing with him. What you think leave relationship
AGREED!!!!!!!!!! There was a post on Facebook about a man who still cooks breakfast etc on his ex wife's birthday to 'co parent'!!! I was like oh but NO! My ex husband is NOT bt to be all up in my house or apt like that! Fohwtbs! I think that too close for comfort ass 'friendship' does nothing but fkng confuse the kid(s) in the long run! It makes them feel as if the family they are missing is a nuclear one! Nope! I chit chat with the ex husband and his new wife at pick up and drop off time as friendly convo a bit. That's a wrap. I don't play that too close for comfort ass friendship bs.
omg I'm going through this right now. BF doesn't want to respect coparenting boundaries. then it boils over into me cussing him out about and telling him about himself. it's all so very stressful. thank you for confirming my coparenting boundaries. 👊👏👍👌
Desiree Emerson Confirmation!!! 💃💃
Thembi Costa yes it thank you 😊
Might want to learn to control your emotions though. Cursing people out isn't cool.
Quite frankly I wouldn't allow you to be around my child with that kind of behavior. Its really toxic.
With that being said . . . I do understand your hurt and frustrations though.
Same with me
@@MrzChampagne cussing someone out doesn't necessarily mean anything toxic. It's just another form of telling someone about them self. I've seen extreme forms of cussing someone out and i don't participate in that.
Im not holding on to my exes in any way shape or form.
ILUVSTEWIE I agree as I snickle and giggle.
Soulburn Tarot exactly! We’re not even Facebook friends.
They're ex for a reason.
Thank you #TeamJaxn
These BM, and BD be out of control....
Empath_Prophet I swearrr😩
Now that’s what u call baby mama/daddy drama, no drama no stress 😎
And one more thing, when a co- parenting is done wrong, the mother or father show disrespect to the new spouse, now the kids is disrespecting you, I'm not around for it......
Nope! Camping, vacations, etc...Nope! That is like "Sister Wives" shit!
Paula Kaye @ "sister wives"...😂😂😂😂 but seriosly that's entirely too close for comfort!
And this is why I simply avoid those with kids as a childless woman with options. You're not about to roll ALL of that baggage up into my life when I have a choice not to be included in that drama. Ya'll better leave these "families" alone.
Your best video ever... my ex thought it was a good idea to vacation with her ex as it was “for the kids”, yaaaa... no. I was told I was “insecure” for not being happy about it. Lol. Exact reason why I’ll never date a single mom ever again, absolute headaches.
Kids are si much work alone on a vacation. It would be very hard to do alone though.
They should be doing separate vacations!!!!
Best you made so far. I absolutely Feel that one. Respect on that One.
If co-parent is the same as married, I never have felt safe being with a man who still has ties with his "wife". I have had nothing but heartbreak allowing myself to get involved with married men. If he can't say there is a divorce, he will see his kids separately...off balance. I feel unsafe. You can't fall for anyone while feeling off balance and unsafe.
Amen D! He is related to the Children, not the woman. That whole "we will always be a family" is some garbage. You still want that man and you're using that as an excuse to see him, period. Ladies...come on now.
Boy, I tell you. You speak my life every time you make a new video... I just ended the situation you just explained!! ..Good to know I was not crazy.
I'm with you on this situation !! Ppl use their kid's as pawns, yet they can't stand each other then wonder why their kid's are so confused 😒. I co parent from a far !! Don't need to be there to let my kid's enjoy their time with thier father. Personally he can do him. I'll do me. Life goes on 😊😉
Thank you! Thank you! You see the comments are light on this one 😉😂 I agree I think far too many people use this because they still want to be with the other parent.There are certain things that aren’t necessary to co parent people be doing too much.
I FREAKING LOVE YOU... THIS JUST SPOKE TO MY SOUL...
Very good point! If it's anything more somebody is still emotionally attached to the ex.
#TeamJaxn could you please do a video on your take about men/women staying in an unhappy, miserable, loveless marriage/relationship " for the sake of the children"? I'm seeing more and more of these types of relationships and can't understand WHY!? Thank you for helping us understand and putting things into perspective!
They are codependent and feel weak. Maybe they don’t want to separate their child from the other parent but don’t trust their needs will be met alone with them (for example my sons dad sleeps in until the Afternoon)
And maybe they don’t have much support outside of the relationship
Or they’ve been manipulated to feel guilt
PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave the emotions out of it and do what is necessary for the child!!!
Nice to hear someone speak up on these subjects. It's sad how many people use the child/children as a pawn. Whoever does it usually doesn't even take notice to how it affects the child too. A lot of the time the kids head gets messed up too. Some people need to learn tough love cuz you need it to parent. You can't just always give a child every little thing that they want. Another situation where they don't realize it's not healthy for the child. It's sad how low some people will stoop when involving children.
Some exes don’t help with the child because you left. It’s their way of hurting you back
You hit the nail on the head...uggh just gets under my skin because after supporting(mentally and spiritually) and being Loyal and faithful...my ex tried to use this as an excuse...like I'm grown and I recognized it right off hand....now we are not together because of course I wasn't having it..he loves to say I was argumentative but only because you were taking walks in the park talking about I'm being honest they are here but I didn't know she was gonna be here too...like BOY REALLY...SMH
..GUESS I JUST VENTED AND AFTER THIS VIDEO I KNOW I AM NOT THE CRAZY ONE....LOL.U LIVE AND U LEARN..
I agree!!! My ex husband said to me “I’m glad we have kids together because that means I will always have you in my life.” He still tries to use our kids as a way to control me. It’s sad
Ultimate control. I hope you reach the point, with a strong support system and therapy if necessary, to establish clear boundaries and to know that's not flattery. That's a pretty unhealthy ascertain for him to make and I feel for the unsuspecting women he brings into his life with a mind state like that.
Thank you someone finally said it
Germaine Russell whoop whoop!!🙋🙋🙋
I agree that you need to be able to coparent effectively with your ex. It's a whole different story if you and your ex are unaware that y'all broke up,because y'all ain't made it crystal clear that you have moved on. It's fine to be civil, get along for the kid's sake, but some go too far.
I agree whole heartedly. There are many ppl out here still fulfilling their needs through their children's, and calling it co- parenting. Sadly, many times they are dragging partners blindly into their baby momma /daddy drama with their pretend- a-family shenanigans.
Right on!!
Funny that I found this video I've been in this situation with my now ex he offered me a trip to California and want the babymoms tag along and I disagreed throughout the relationship they both abused boundaries I was very flexible in the beginning but it was more issues with respecting boundaries so I just removed myself from the situation I'm glad I did!!!
I agree with you 100% #TeamJaxn
Yer, it would be ok if my man wants to go on holiday with his kids and ex - because I’d be GOING too, mate otherwise it wouldn’t be happening! Just like u said they are not a couple anymore, their connected by their kids. Having quality time with each parent is the main thing which can be done seperatly. There’s no ‘dipping back and fourth’ between partner and ex!
Thanks. I’ve been through this before and I just refuse to put up with it. Some people want halfway out of their marriage and to drag you half way into a relationship.
Say it louder for those in the back!
Kendahke M
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Going to the same bullshit babymother call way too much and it's not even pertaining to their child, no boundaries whatsoever, I'm tired.
Needed to hear this. I'm new to co-parenting the with my ex and after hearing this, I now feel trying to get him involved while I'm pregnant isn't as important as I thought.
I'm trying to figure it out to. How's it going for you?
Needed to hear this! My ex bf dumped me because I kept asking him to set serious boundaries with his ex wife. She was always texting and calling. Told me it wasn’t his fault. But he allowed it to happen. I understand coparenting... I get that! But I knew our relationship would never go anywhere when he was still emotionally attached to her! He broke up with me so I guess I was right!
You were. He most likely also loved the attention you being with him brought him from his ex wife. In other words, he used you to make her jealous. The best thing he did was leave to make room for a better, 100% single man to come into your life when YOU'RE ready.
I was broken up for the same reason.
Poor kids being used as a pawn, sometimes on both ends!
Dating/living with a man with kids is like signing up to be in a polygamist relationship. Run ladies especially if he cannot support two households. You will end up taking care of him financially.
I feel that I don’t have kids and refuse to date a woman with kids I’m not here to play daddy people damn there should just stay single
Thank you man for setting this truth start about this! #TeamJaxn 4 Life!
This is EXACTLY WHY I'm very funny and particular about dealing with men with kids. There's always that chance of him reconciling the child's mother. Now if she lives in another state/country, I would take that into consideration as well. A guy I dealt with years ago actually went back to his son's mother, even after she attacked me in his lobby of his building. If I knew THEN what I know now, he was weak and whipped.
I co-parent with my ex. We have 2 kids. Before my ex my boyfriend comes first and I respect my boyfriend. When the ex comes into the state he takes the kids and goes places with them, and his mom and family do to, I DO NOT. I stay with my boyfriend, and let the kids have father time. I have my life, he has his. We only see each other when I'm dropping the kids off or picking them up. And yes I agree, for sporting events and school events if he's here he could come. But I would not mind my boyfriend coming either. Me and my tge kids dad are not in a relationship no more, so we don't act like we are. It's all very simple, if mature people putting their kids needs first co-parent.
I would NOT go for him participating in any old family events PERIOD without ME being invited...& vice versa....both parents EXPLAIN the new set up of me or him to the kids.
Any man/woman that is yet using these lame excuses are still in love with their ex, but the ex is obviously not in love with them, because they have someone else in their life and they've moved on. If the two are still acting like they're a couple why did you break up? Actually one is in love and the other is blocking, but they've secretly moved on.
agreed!
Thank you, thank you, Thank you! I am on the brink of divorce and my ex thinks he'll still have a say in my home . Once he's out, HE IS OUT and can come and see our kids on a scheduled basis! and no sleepovers! #teamjxson
The voice had me rolling, I really needed that laugh. Every word that came out your mouth was 100% the TRUTH, I think you're like the only man walking this earth that actually have plain old, tell it like it is common sense.
Amem!!! Loved this, going through this with my Man now, why can't the Ex movev the hell on its over
Truth! Needs vs Wants. Part of deciding to not be together was the active decision about what's best for everyone. Hence acting like a couple is being fake which isn't healthy for any kid as they know it's fake! Hence as a parent what are you teaching them? I co-parent based on needs and is the healthiest for everyone!
Women do not want to be second fiddle. That does not necessarily mean step-mom’s ( yes, there are evil step-moms), but many use just about any excuse to use “emergencies” (my husband’s kids are adults, btw), to cause trouble in our relationship. It’s all about “respect”
People just get mad when u da truth...Truth hurts...U be dead on point...Rt
Thank you so much for this!! I could not agree more! I'm currently in a situation like this. My boyfriend is a little too close to both his ex wives. He gets super defensive and mad at me if I question it, telling me its coparenting. I also have three kids of my own and I know what coparenting is. I only talk to their fathers only when it pertains to the kids and there is absolutely no need for me to speak to them multiple times a day unless there is some sort of issue with the child. My boyfriend talks to his ex wives multiple times a day chit chatting, or they ask him for favors. I dont like it, it makes me feel undervalued and I told him he needs to set boundaries which was a HUGE fight for him. But he reluctantly gave in and told one of his ex wives that their excessive contact is inappropriate, especially since he is in a relationship. But he still gets invited to do things with his ex in laws and ex wife, like holiday gatherings, going to the movies, etc. But "it's for the kids"
Discussed boundaries with BF then talked with ex-wife by herself so she understood where I was coming from. Five years in & I would not hesitate to walk. Refuse to play games. Stand your ground. Men will either respect & honor your wishes or show them the door.
All people should have boundaries especially people with children
I wish I could like this video a million times because your so right. And ladies or gentlemen do not get in a relationship that has no boundaries when it comes to Co parenting.
So true....My boyfriend tries to use the "dogs" he had with his ex as a way to stay in touch with her. Now he is my ex too. Lol
Thank you. That is so true. I have brought this up to men I have know in the past. As you notice I said past because he is playing games.
I agree with this 💯 co parenting should have boundaries
😂😂😂😂........I had to watch this like 5 times because that voice had me cracking up!! 100% agree with this.
I pray that my ex sees this and understand the meaning of co-parenting. This is what I was telling him about when we were together. He always made it seem like I was being jealous and that wasn't the case. It's no longer my issue, it's someone else's now. Best of luck to him and the "co-parenting" lol.
DeUna Tavasha girl I just got out of this situation !
Preach....D. Jaxn. Keep giving me my daily bread!
I totally agree! This is right on point!
People can never handle the truth......#Team Jaxn
That's right co parenting needs boundaries but some of these people got it twisted!🤔
The country accent though!! 🤣 That’s BS and still one of the 14 reasons why he isn’t single. No man I’m dating is going on trips with his baby momma. Listen...boy bye!! 🙅🏽Facts #teamjaxn 💯
That's one thing I'm so thankful for ... no emotions or attachment to my children's father! I was worried about that when we first separated and I do believe I handled it much better than I thought I would! 12 years is a long time! Now if his girl could be on the same page that would be lovely...
Difference between Co-parenting and a blended family. Me, and my kids mother's and my wife are cool. We go go place one big family. Kids need love from all side. That can only happen if all sides. Have talk set boundaries.
100% maturity, open communication, respect and boundaries.