Glad to know I’m not the only one who sleeps 16 hrs/day. It’s frustrating trying to explain to people that no, I’m not “just lazy”, my body NEEDS this rest.
and you know what another big issue is? When you don't recognize you're bleeding out energy and not recovering properly thus you operate in suboptimal levels of energy over a long period of time. Engine block melting level kind of thing
paulo c when someone I know told me they drove 2 1/2 hours and did at least 4 different activities with their children, I knew there was a big difference between my life and theirs.
Gameminer some things are unavoidable, like the stupor market and other essentials, medical appointments and on and on. Social distancing adds more layers of stress. Come home and collapse in front of some sort of streaming to conserve energy. 😱
I love this video and I was also diagnosed with Aspergers at age 39. I think the reason we struggle with jobs so much (according to one study only 16% of us have regular, steady, paid employment), is that we "look normal", so people's job expectations of us are the same, but as you so excellently explain in the video, our bodies just can't give as much, we don't have the same capacities despite our best wishes, and the handicap is in fact very real and prevents us from working the way neuro-typical people can. I think the problem with Aspergers and jobs is that our handicap is real, but invisible.
Same. I have transitioned from part-time to full-time and my god, I have days where I am physically exhausted after masking for 36 hours a week. I wonder how the eff I've managed to work for a total of nearly 5 years tbh (as I've worked from 19)
It’s so so difficult because no one gets it and we don’t receive any financial help. I’m so scared of the future because I’m in bed most afternoons and even doing admin from bed is exhausting….admin seems to be my nemesis!
As Autistics we need to be kind to ourselves and stop trying to prove we can keep up with neurotypical people. It is a challenge, but important. Don't over do it! It is not good for your mental and physical health.
@@echofoxtrot2.051you’re right about how people have different experiences but why do you feel more superior over those who are different from you? just because you have a high IQ?
Every time I have a day off I want to game and so house stuff but I always just sit in a daze all day wishing I could enjoy my hobbies but I'm to burned out.
Honestly there are days where my autism and chronic pain work to get her I can’t do any of the things I planned. I end up spending the day stimming and watching edjucational content so I feel like I did something.
I think I can relate to this. Sometimes I have so much trouble just trying to take care of myself. Sometimes I want to go out and do something and try to make a plan... and then it takes me 3 days before I actually leave my house. YES!!! I did it!
I only started questioning if I was autistic after I had a severe meltdown from social isolation while also feeling pressure from work and school, ended up in patient for a week, dropped out of college my junior year, and could barely function on my own because of the burnout. I thought in order to be like everyone else, I needed to be working part time and taking the maximum number of credit hours (19) per semester while also pursuing an honors degree. I saw all my peers doing it while also double majoring. It felt almost like a competition of who could do the most. I'm better now though, and am no longer putting that amount of pressure on myself to perform beyond my capacity, while also just pursuing the things that make me happy and I don't feel like I am expected to do. I don't need a degree to work on computers, so I don't need to get one. I don't need to be in a career where I have to talk to people all the time, so I'm not. And I don't need to constantly socialize with people who can't understand me and make myself feel isolated even if I'm surrounded by people, so I don't. I think there's a lot of value in just recognizing that you don't need to do any of the things people expect of you, and you're not letting yourself down by acting in your own best interests. Be friends with people who are good enough for you, and do the things that make you happy that don't drain all your resources.
Very well said 👍🏼 Exactly the same happened to me. I ended up in therapy by 23, being escorted to a clinic and put on antidepressants. Dropped out of my masters degree. Now, at 38, I’m finally learning that I don’t have to meet up to anyone’s expectations except my own. The shocker for me was I’d never allowed myself the time to learn what my limits were, what conditions lead to my best productivity, when it’s time to rest. This past 18 months has been massive and I’m starting at the basics, building myself back up again and showing myself the compassion I needed all that time ago. It’s not about how “good” we can be at school compared to everyone else (or in life), it’s about finding our own best self and our own passion and what drives us. Awesome video 🙌🏼
Sounds like my experience with ADHD burnout and most people that have autism do experience adhd. I'm currently trying to recover from adrenal issues while doing a degree in STEM part time. I felt the burnout twice in 4 years. In one instance I took a leave of absence for a year. I was frustrated that I saw other people coping with part time study and work and were completing things on time while I struggled and failed a few courses in between. It doesn't help when people think you're not trying hard enough like everyone else either. Sometimes though you do need to the things you don't want to do to survive. That has been the story of my life and it's the result of not having a support system so you're always in jobs that are just so taxing but you put up with it just to earn an income.
im a junior in college right now i’m a double major and was just diagnosed with autism 😭 i can’t convince myself to dropout but i’m at my limit i fear im falling so behind
I waitressed for years and I realized I can do a good job for about 6 hours straight (multitasking, prioritizing, being friendly). Unfortunately, a shift was 8 hours. If I stopped people would notice. If there's a line out the door I didn't have the luxury of stopping. If you add into the equation my communication difficu!ties and how my income was dependent on being able to understand very quickly what someone wanted and asking few questions you can understand how grueling my life was for years. I've often compared waiting tables while on the autism spectrum with a hemophiliac entering the boxing ring. During this entire time (almost 20 years) well-meaning friends and family would tell me that I was too smart to waitress (I always did well on standardized tests), but I was in over my head every day I went into work. I was even told I wasn't trying hard enough. I'm getting off topic now. Final thoughts: nobody tries harder than a neurodiverse person and if your server seems overwhelmed don't punish them by not tipping. In much of the U.S. that's their income.
My mind is capable of everything but not my body. I love travelling, bought a plane ticket for a one day journey, a friend of mine offered a lift to the airport and what my body does on that early morning??? A huge migraine! It is like being constantly cheated by my own body.
What it looks like for me is shaking, racing thoughts, and being so tired that I'm near tears from the physical discomfort of it. It's a different kind of tired, say from clearing out a closet, or cleaning the house. I literally feel disconnected from my body, but I can still feel the physical pain of pushing my body to do something it didn't have the energy reserves to do.
@Elizabeth Orr I saw This Song. I don't recognice voices, which is good. However I recognize Sounds (Like Guitar). I recognised just a little bit from The Beginning and like "don't you speak for me". But I feel, maybe it's totally good. Songs can be so much. I,ve listened to it while Writing this: ruclips.net/video/X-OwbYctFNE/видео.html
Venom don't like Music it says. I've seen: he's good-bad ... not just bad not just good. He is Beautiful yet Strong. ... Learn! Primarily Read and Learn to take better Decisions and saving Energy and Thus having Technique-Effiency not Force. Force comes from not knowing. ruclips.net/video/7Sp9UxKghZ4/видео.html
I struggle with socializing I can last 3 hours and then I'm burned out and can't communicate. In a working atmosphere I can last longer as it's small chats here and there. I just hate having to put on a smile every day
Im the same If i socalise longer than about 3 hours i get stomach cramps and can barely stand. But im ok at work. I couldnt work more than 4 days a week tho.
THAT IS REALLY COOL what you're doing bro ,im 35 and still trying to understand what is wrong with me ,why i can't seem to connect with people and else ........ right now your channel is my number 1 lead
I'm starting to realise that the only way I function well in the long term without burning out and getting sick is by sticking to strict schedules regarding work; though I prefer to push through 1 project at a time. I have to accept that my energy expenditure works in quick, ultra focused bursts. I'm going to have to build my career to match how I work, thinking of strategies. Be well, take care of yourselves 💙💜
This is a really good reminder, thank you. It's so easy to look around and think, "They can do it, why am I failing?" and you have to remind yourself that you're not failing, you're doing your best and you have to take care of yourself.
I ignored my body for decades... result: 5 years of sickness and burnout... my body finally screamed 'NOOOOOOOOOO' ...I finally couldn't ignore. I hope noone else does the same...please listen to your body saying you are tired or hurting. You are important too
I’m so glad you made this video. Since I was a child, anytime I would work hard I would get sick. Not just a cold sick, but severe migraines and fatigue and now I deal with chronic illness. I almost have an aversion towards work for this reason because I relate working hard to feeling horrible. It’s so hard to even survive as a single mom dealing with both the mental struggles and physical on top of it. I always try to explain this to my doctors growing up, but never got answers or met anyone else who not only got burnt out so easily, but sick from working.
It's not surprising that doctors don't understand. You have to be able to cope with a lot in order to make it through med school. Doctors have to be some of the healthiest people there are and it surely impacts how people who come in trying to find answers about exhaustion or a host of other things are treated. Worse than that, invisible disorders are minimized by the comparison with the more outwardly obvious problems that doctors see all the time. I'm sure we come off as whiners to most doctors for these reasons. It's a sad state of affairs
It’s perfectly normal to “unplug” every now and then. It’s not your consistency that makes you relatable. It’s the QUALITY of your content that has us coming back for more! 👍🏽
This is very true! For all of us, not just people with autism, but also with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and other exhaustion conditions. We all must play within our own limitations. ❤❤❤
For me, starting new things is way more facinating and energizing than finishing old ones. Cleaning closets is the worst, since it’s all about tails I’ve already moved on from.
“Keep rambling until I remember the point I was trying to make..” #relateable 😂 I struggle with chronic fatigue, and suspect I’m on the spectrum. There’s only so much I can do to put my own needs first as a parent. 😕
I always push myself too far and don't realise I'm overstimulated, then burnout ensues from nowhere. I definitely think the less productive you are, the more creative you get because there's less distractions.
I only recently discovered i am autistic. I have spent my whole life wondering why i cant do what everyone else can do. Im working full time atm. Its the first time in my life ive been able to. Mind you, I'm struggling. I feel so much pressure as i can't afford to not work these hours but i feel like i spend the rest of my time resting in order to have the energy to work and keep up with chores.
I'm pretty sure burnout was one of the main reasons why I lost custody of my son and why im not fighting to "get him back" despite how heartbreaking it is for me not to see my 7 year old and to be completely missing out on his childhood. Lost custody a few weeks before his 5th birthday back in April 2020 Long story short. I didn't lose custody because Im a monster. I did NOT abuse my son, I didn't beat him, I fed him, clothed him, played with him, took him to the park, took him to school, read him bedtime stories, etc. I say the above because I hate the stereotype that only horrible monsters/psychopaths would lose custody of their child, as a mother the judgement from society is horrendous, so not only am i totally broken as a human being for losing my son (and my son is now forced to grow up without a mother) but I am totally alone in my grief, literally. I have no friends, just my boyfriend and close family in my life and society as I said judges women who lose their children as literally the worst of the worst without giving us a chance to share our story. Anyway, long story short .... I was in a very violent relationship for 5 years and my son was conceived via rape. I fled with him when he was 2 with literally the clothes on our backs as it was literally the only safe way to leave. After 7 house moves in 2 years in a variety of temporary housing, i.e. woman's refuge, bed and breakfast, a flat(not great when your literally biologically programmed to hate change!! 🤣) Before securing a permanent flat for us to live in. However our problems didn't end once we got a flat to live in. The flat was social housing (live in the UK so those on low income, homeless,etc can access modest sized council housing on lower rent) so I did get a chose of where to live and had to take the first thing offered to me, which was a flat in a poor state of repair, think a serious pest problem including flying ants,rats, maggots hanging round the bins outside, several ants nests in the cavity walls, also very poor insulation so there was damp and mould problems, not been decorated in decades so the kitchen and as a very old fashioned dark wood, and to top it off the flat was in a rural deprived town and in a "no-go" area of the town (so the worst part of an already rough town). As a single parent living in a new town, I had literally no one to help me with childcare, and literally no friends or support network and due to a combination of my autism, my son's severe behavioural challenges (mixture of PTSD from witnessing violent and having his own learning disabilities which were not assessed for or diagnosed till after he went to live with his grandparents, as they refused to test him when he lived with me because they simply decided that because I was a single mum on benefits and a domestic abuse survivor living in poverty that any problems were my fault and I was labelled as a "bad mum" and once you have that label it's game over). I lived like that for 3 years, and too too it off me and my son got harassed by our neighbors so in the last 6 Months before losing custody then finally being able to move to a new city with to help of the police and the local neighborhood officer me and my son were housebound due to the constant harassment. If the above wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with my ex talking me to court, twice simply to take custody away from me, the police dropping the criminal charges I pressed against my ex, having to fight for charity basically as I couldnt find work with no childcare, no work experience and the town being rural, let alone my autism so the only realistic was of furnishing the flat was through charity grants which were limited and hard to get. I had childrens social services constantly on my back just waiting for me to mess up (I also had very good social workers but once I moved to that rural town in my permanent flat the new social worker I got was a trainee and who didn't like me so no matter what hoops I jumped through for her I was simply not good enough in her eyes. I also had to deal with 3 grand worth of debt my ex put me and I was facing criminal charges against me for benefit fraud (if guilty I would have been 20k in debt and possibly have faced a prison sentence) due to my ex forcing me to commit fraud under duress (with 3 years worth of stubborn determination in my part and the help of my old local MP all charges were dropped and I was completely freed from that, I have several letters from my old local MP typed on fancy paper with parliament logos and address in it which I've kept and show off to people if they ever visit and we know each other well enough. We also spoke on the phone so much that we actually referred to eachother in first name basis so Stephen Barkley became Steve.🤣🤣🤣 What makes this even better was that at that time he was also Brexit secretary as well as our local MP. It helped that I was heavily involved in the local community centre and knew the manager really well. I actually walked an hour round trip in the pouring rain pushing my miserable son in the pram simply to vote for him in the local elections as they were relatively soon after everything got resolved before phoning his assistant. She thought it was very sweet but honestly, I will be forever grateful and it saved me really so the least I could do was get soggy and vote for him 😁. Anyway I went off track, the point is, I had a ridiculous amount of stress and bad stuff happening, I was totally isolated, the only professionals in my life were actively against me during the last 6 Months, when previously it was more 50/50, also those last 6 Months my son's school got a new head teacher who was hell bent on getting rid on my son from her school by any means necessary, even if it meant literally lying in court documents to get my son removed from my custody. I had to deal with all of the above with my son who at the time had undiagnosed ADHD, dyspraxia, possible conduct disorder though he's too young to tell yet but his father had anti social personality disorder and there is a genetic component to it and diagnosed PTSD. As the professionals at the time refused to assess him and instead blamed my parenting, I got literally no support in dealing with his challenges and my son got no support himself. Imagine all the above with literally no break, no babysitter, no one to watch my son if ever I got too overwhelmed or had to deal with the above problems, no money to even treat myself to clothes shopping or anything fun like a computer or game, no days out or holidays for myself or for my son besides the very basic like the local playground, and to top it off, the psychological torture of not seeing a way out and wondering if it's going to be like that forever and fearing that my ex will win and I'll lose my son, or I will finally crack, have a mental health breakdown and give the social services the ammunition they need to call me mad and label be as an unfit mother. My autism is undiagnosed, instead I got the PDD-NOS, pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified diagnosis at aged 4 during early 1990s UK, when we knew much less about female autism. Therefore as it was undiagnosed I had no way of understanding or explaining why I would burnout, meltdown or shut down so professionals and local mums would just see me as mentally ill and a bad person so I couldn't make friends or get support, and instead for judged and harassed. I do wonder if I would have been able to cope better if I wasn't autistic or if anyone would have cracked with the above circumstances sooner or later. . Sorry for the TMI but great video
Recently I figured out that driving yourself to exhaustion doesn't even have to 'feel' like you pushed yourself too hard. I can absolutely smash a day at work, all the chores, and spend some time on a hobby/being social and go to bed feeling like a superhero- then for WEEKS I will need to recover. But I never once felt like I needed to 'push through' I just did the stuff. Recently I've been forcing myself to only do one chore a day after work, and I have been able to keep up the momentum without a crash. Even though I feel like I can do more I know It will lead to weeks of just rotting in bed. 😅
I’m a music producer/engineer and recently I had a meltdown that made me want to close my recording studio and I felt so bad about it not including the mental stress I was already experiencing and my friend who is also autistic told me me it’s ok to take a break and now I’m watching this video . I can’t help but feel like it’s a sign that I don’t have to feel bad
I will get sick, or I will have nearly psychotically emotional breakdowns. Since I'm a lady, I didn't get even the suggestion I was autistic until I was in my early 30s. I used to push myself so far beyond my body's limits, it was beyond unhealthy. It was also the way my parents raised me, that you're only worth what you accomplish in the world. I have learned so much from this community, my life is so much better now that I take the time to care for myself each day.
This problem was more severe for me when I was younger - I'd spend most "holidays" sick in bed with a fever and unable to eat. In retrospect I know it was because of built-up exhaustion from the build-up to the festivities. Being older has the advantage of seeing the wall approaching and being able to say to people, sorry - that just isn't happening.... as well as the disadvantage of not being able to go as hard or long as I used to be able to. Key idea: Be Kind. Be kind to others, but always Be Kind to Yourself..
This is by far my greatest challenge and disappointment in having autism. I have sooo many things I want to do, and am so frustrated that I can’t do even a fraction of what my neurotypical friends do.
I like your videos because they help with not only understanding myself, but also understanding other people who are autistic as well. Personally I find that interacting with other autistic people can sometimes actually be harder and more energy intensive than interacting with non-autistic people because I already have some challenges with interacting with people at all, but autistic people each have their own unique brand of autism and thus their own rules for interacting with others different from what rules neurotypical people have which I also still occasionally struggle with. I hope that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense! And I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this. Although I know that we don't have to autimatically get along just because we're autisti, I sometimes struggle with the feeling of having to understand other pw autism I meet.
I feel so bad because of this trait. Like I'm letting people down. But then again I wasn't aware of it before. And just worked, failed was chewed out and beat myself up for it. Now I am aware and I can work with it, know why I'm feeling that way and that I have to practice complete acceptance of it and work with it to get the most out of what I can do. It also seems to be much better depending on the type of work I do.
One of my biggest issues with aspergers is how even the smallest things are huge ordeals to get through. But because they are small things, I don't always consciously register just how much I struggle. It is really difficult to explain how something that I get done "just like that" can somehow add up really quickly. And I mean really small things like entering the room I am working in, or handing someone and object they politely ask for. Similarly, just being in an environment where the atmosphere is tense a bit tense, can be exhausting. I guess the constant overanalyzing really takes a toll. We forget the brain is an organ, and is physically at work.
I feel like autism burnout directly clashes with capitalistic productivity expectations. I feel safer "slacking off" in neurodivergent spaces. But I'm also an illustrator who works by commission. As my art has improved, my demand for people wanting custom pieces has grown and grown. And I feel so guilty when I manage to throw together enough 5 minute sketches during my small bursts of energy to keep my page active, but my clients end up waiting literal YEARS when most other artists would only make them wait a few weeks between both the queue & the drawing process combined. I love art, but sometimes I dont have the energy to scan over a dozen reference photos, study their facial structure, and recreate it in the style I use when drawing from imagination, which is the most commonly requested style I draw in from clients. I dont know how to describe the fact that it takes less energy for me to fall into the shapes built into my muscle memory than it does for me to create the type of illustrations I'm usually commissioned for. It's almost tempting to stop accepting portrait commissions, but they're my largest clients. Everyone wants to see me draw them in their style, but I don't know how to explain that it requires more out of me than I am able to give.
I have to be careful starting projects, because there's no stopping part way. Something large, like a house renovation, I can make an exception, but many jobs I have to stay at it through the night, because I wouldn't sleep anyway. I'm actually finding myself taking micro sleeps, because of 4 hours or less sleep for so long.
This video is timeless. Im literally going thru this at the moment and wanted to see if anyone else with autism goes thru this or if I'm just imagining it. Thank God there's an explanation and I'm just being told by my body to take a break so I can recharge.
I so appreciate your channel. I have a husband of 45 years who was officially diagnosed with Asperbergers a year ago. My son, who is 28yo, I suspect has it too. I know it is not helpful to suggest diagnostic testing. Your information is extremely helpful to me. I'm hopeful my son will learn enough about himself that he will eventually gain an understanding of why life and relationships are so difficult for him. Thank you.
Having no resources left - yes. In my case it's opposite, though. Good strong physical energy but emotionally offline. My brain needs rest, emotions totally toasted. If I try to push through, oh yes, things can and do get worse. Sometimes I just need to stare at a blank wall for a while...
It doesn't have to be no physical resources left. I usually run out of mental/emotional resources long before I run out of physical. I refer to this as being "out of mana"; my husband understands and knows to get me home if possible before I fall apart emotionally.
Thank you. I have been setting unrealistic expectations on myself, and now I'm going through autistic burnout. I have felt unproductive, uncreative, unmotivated, etc. I accept myself as an aspie. However, navigating in a neurotypical workplace has taken a toll on me.
I’m 37 now. Had a burnout in 2018 after over a decade of working 40-80 hour weeks with few breaks. I now try to take 2 weeks off every quarter, and work 32 hours per week. I’m noticing my energy is lower now because I’m a month overdue for my time off. It makes everything harder. Luckily I’m taking next week off, and was out sick for a week earlier last month.
At 44 … but just now i dont have a job … but Im just scared to get one 😢 Dont have high hopes though, but it must be some kind of a part time job. Ive got 3 kids with diagnoses, its work enough.
There’s desire, and then there’s reality. I have come to understand that reality is much more dense than ideas & desires as to what we feel like doing. It’s so important to be gentle & kind with yourself. Don’t be a task master.. Be a loving guardian..
I've got Fibromyalgia, Depression and High Anxiety and I overdid the exercise. It took a week and a day to recover, along with giving myself a flare-up. It can be really difficult, sometimes, to Pause, and Be Still (rest).
I keep watching RUclips videos when I know I need to stop and drink something. Same with any project; once started I have to keep going until it's finished. "Just the next one," turns into an endless run.
I have this general problem with the current heat. It just drains my physical resources while I have mornings I don't do much because that's how I have gotten used to them. I hate this inertia, but that's how it goes.
Wow, what you describe about being tired after six hours of work and not understanding how your colleagues could keep going- it's as if you've lived MY life. 15-20 years ago my life was like that. I kept pushing and deteriorated so much since then that I had to give up work altogether and suffer from a ton of sensory symptoms (which weren't there 15 years ago) that make it impossible to lead a normal life. I've been diagnosed with lyme disease and coinfections and treatment helped some symptoms but not others so I'm still very debilitated. Looking back I have reason to believe I've also had borderline aspergers my whole life as well.
borderline aspergers isn't a thing, my friend. you're either on the autism spectrum or not. it's not a scale of "little bit autistic" to "very autistic." everyone has different symptoms that affect them more or less than others, hence, spectrum. some are more affected by their autism than others as well, and may have other co-morbid disorders/illnesses that make things harder for them, too. (also, fyi, mr assburger was a nazi sympathizer. "high functioning" ppl got to live, "low functioning" were sent into the gas chambers)
I noticed I've got burnt out earlier this week, and it all culminated in a meltdown last evening. So now I'm taking a week's break from my studies and anything like that. It's super difficult to acknowledge and accept that this is what I need to do. I've also not got a formal diagnosis yet -- been referred to a psychiatrist, but heaven knows how long that'll take. I'm trying to just listen to what my body and brain is trying to tell me. Was one minute away from admitting myself to a mental health facility earlier this evening... and then I canceled some study related commitments for upcoming week. Felt tons better immediately.
I have been in ADHD treatment for 8 months. Now that I am medicated I have been hard at my projects. music, gym, reading, study and learning spanish. Returning to college at 27 years old, I discovered I have ADD and ASD. Recently, I have hit a wall. My mediciation doesnt seem to work. I am started to see the difference between what is ADHD and ASD.
@@savanaerie it's a short story collection of gothic horror stories. One for each of the States, including D.C. and Puerto Rico. So yeah...52 short stories. 😶
When you look at the routines of successful writers, they generally only write around three hours a day, usually in the morning. Writing is very exhausting work. You have to be fresh and focused to write well. One book on writing I really liked was "Writers Dreaming." It features a whole lot of famous writers talking about how they connect with their subconscious processes.
I struggle with this a lot. Former employers used to think I was just lazy or lying (before I had a diagnosis). I think it's one of the most misunderstood or just little known aspects of Autism.
It's autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The way our brains are extremely sensitive to stimuli with sensory processing disorder, also affects the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. Beta blockers work wonders for this, ask your GP about getting on a low dosage of propranolol. It saved my life.
@@DaveDoingDaveThingsno problem man. Here's a lecture on autonomic nervous system dysfunction in general that goes in depth so you can see if you relate to any of the symptoms ruclips.net/video/X0f6hyQCgo8/видео.html Also Google "propranolol autonomic nervous system autism" for more specific info
You come first! Unfortunately, in the states many people are forced to work 12 hour rotating shifts with only a half hour break for lunch. I'm like you, I can put in 6 very productive hours and get a lot of work done. However, they try to make you work till you drop over here. Some people work 2 jobs just to get by. If you don't have a high level education in the states you're in trouble. Luckily I have 2 masters degrees and that doesn't always seem enough. Go at your own speed. The world making you go faster really isn't going to product more work out of you.
I can relate to having those moments having Asperger’s myself, when my mental being doesn’t want to cooperate with my physical being, even in simplistic tasks.
Yep, absolutely! The body knows what it needs. Now it's easier to see the signs leading up to this crash and be sensible enough to take a break before it happens (doesn't always happen because I still push sometimes haha). Learning what "enough" is for myself, and allowing myself to say "enough", is so liberating. And this also applies to the quality of work produced... Enough 😉 Thank you for sharing your experience and for putting together this video!
I never stop, neither listen to my body. I had a colleague who sees when I am overtired. She says now, you stop. Look at yourself! And go to your doctor. Only than I realize that 's true. And allow myself to stop. I' m still learning to listen to my body, because I also have a chronic disease (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrom), if I do too much, I might need a few days to recover. I am also learning to say it's OK to take a break, don't feel guilty, your not lazy, thinks can wait a few days, it's not my fault, you didn't choose to be ill. I even made some postcards in my house : 'not too much', 'do tout need to stop? ', 'you can postpone'... Still learning
This has been enormously helpful. I have an undiagnosed Aspie boyfriend and I have been negotiating my way through all the information. As I am a health practitioner it’s been challenging for me to see what I believe is an overreaction to an illness and yet still remain patient. This has given me a perspective I had not considered. Thank you
I just went through a placement project which I co-created a group working with Autistic Uni students on self-determination, I shut down half way through the semester, I knew it was coming and tried to warn my supervisor but was unable to catch it before hand. Didn't feel great taking a week off placement, but enough was enough and I was bed bound. So ironic that this was a self-advocacy issue. We should all listen to our bodies and be OK with speaking out.
Great video Paul, I need to work on this too. Something for you......if you work for a company you get holiday allowance. When you work for yourself you tend to forget this. You need to allow yourself to have holiday time and that will help.
I appreciate the "mantra" 'Its ok, do what you can but take care of yourself'. My neurodiverse adult child is SO hard on themself sometimes it pains me, I hope I can remember to comfort them with this. Thank you!
Every six to eight weeks, I completely crash. It seems like maybe I have a virus or something but there are never any distinguishing symptoms for me to understand what exactly is wrong with me. I’ve always been extremely energetic, but now it seems I can’t maintain that. It’s really frustrating as I lose a whole week until I feel ok again. I feel weird explaining to anyone that on a regular basis I keep crashing. It’s been suggested that I need to see a homeopath if my doctor doesn’t know what is wrong with me. I’m certainly wondering if I’m just regularly experiencing burnout, but the people around me look at me strangely when I’ve suggested that. I just don’t tell anyone now and spend days sleeping and trying to feel better without letting anyone know , if I have to explain, I’m just saying that I think I have a virus. Wish I could know for sure what is going on that this keeps happening and have recorded the times in my diary. So this year, I’ve experienced this six times already,I always hope it won’t happen around anything important because I really have to shut everything down when I feel this way.
I work as a journalist in Canada. When I'm really into writing an article, I'll forget about eating food and nearly everything else (coffee is the exception) until everything is done. Of course, I'll check and rewrite the draft at least 50 times afterwards though.
Yup, I know all about this one - push too hard and the wheels pop off, I struggle with it a lot. Most recently, its going against myself academically - I have a masters in computing and I have been trying to force myself to learn programming, and then force myself to get a job in that industry. The irony is that my undergrad degree is in English and Philosophy and Religious Studies - I'm naturally much more literary/arty than computer science inclined and Ive been forcing it and it has been utterly exhausting. A lot of the time, as you say - it can almost feel like one isnt forcing things, but then the system crashes because its not what one is supposed to be doing. Hope today's a good one, man - thank you for this one. :o)
I always overdo in a project I’m interested in because my energy peaks and ebbs so much. During a peak I have to do all I can because when it ebbs I can’t make myself do much and I call it my down time when I’m exhausted and have to wait it out till another peak comes. I hate resting or relaxing, it’s so boring. I don’t even like to sleep.
I'm certainly dealing with this problem right now. One problem I have is understanding when I'm burned out and when I'm ready to go back to work. Sometimes it's not clear to me when I should take a break.
Des paroles très sages. Sorry, don't know how to say that exactly in English, but definitively agree with you on this and adult autists should tell this advice to any young adult autist they meet.
I actually drove myself to resign. I broke my body. I kept pushing myself until I end up going to A&E weekly just because my Crohn's flare up every week. It was so severe that they thought I should take a huge part of my colon to slow down the inflammation and infection. Never do this. I kept like this for 7 months then all of a sudden, I woke up and I felt I can't step one foot in my workplace. I was so crushed and so tired .. I took a 2 week vacation and because I felt like some huge weight lifted .. I never wanted to go back. I couldn't .. and I resigned. Of course, I've been doing this for ages .. but the last 2 years before I resign .. my body was just screaming for me to stop. My therapist advised me to change my job .. to stop working because my stress was so bad but I wasn't seeing it. I have no idea how it is so loud and clear now .. overwhelming clear .. but then .. it didn't feel stressful to be at work .. it didn't feel severely tiring .. I had lots of things going in my life .. in my home and my therapist saw that my work stresses added on that and made me crushing the button always. I overloaded myself .. for years .. I learnt to do that but as I added more and more .. it became impossible to even stand with that load.
Thanks for another great video. I was just thinking about this today as a friend posted something about Vincent Van Gogh. Which someone responded how hard he worked in his life with no appreciation; driving himself to madness working too hard. I've always felt Van Gogh was on the Spectrum and noticed the same tendency in myself. Overworking to be a part of something or to be understood. Just before watching the video I had decided to stop doing that. The gain is illusory and not worth sacrificing my well being.
I don't experience fear or physical pain. Only anxiety and emotional pain. This causes me to beast mode through life a lot. I can do days without eating or sleeping, only to collapse. Self care is really hard for me. Every bit of it. Brushing my teeth, checking my mail, doing chores, paying bills, making calls, working, sleeping, eating. My body stays strong, ready to fight back under all the stress, so my mind always ends up being the weak chain that breaks. I retreat to my hole and hide for days or weeks.
Im 38 and recently diagnosed.. thank you for posting this video that is exactly what I do! When I feel good I’ll work to the point of exhaustion trying to finish my project. When I try and relax, my mind won’t stop thinking about new projects or things I need to do but I’ll be so tired. Thank
great video, thnx once again. I'm always scared that accepting my limitations will mean that I can do less and less. Like when you stop training for running a marathon, you won't be able to run it anymore.
The phenomenon of thinking of creative things whenever you stop thinking and trying so hard is well-known. Barbara Oakley, one of the foremost experts on learning, calls it "diffuse mode." I highly recommend her book or her free online class, learning how to learn.
When he talks about being completely worn out after 6 hours, while coworkers are working for 8 or 10, I wonder what the comparison would look like in terms of productivity. I've noticed that there's this culture of "pacing ourselves" and focusing more on the number of hours spent than the amount of work completed. But I have a really difficult pacing myself, and can sometimes complete in 3-5 hours what would be 8 hours of work for someone else.
On the body thing, I think your body is a very good judge, and if it is giving you a strong message, you need to listen. I had a shrink once who made me super-nervous, but I assumed I was just afraid of the therapy. No, it would have been better if I had listened to my body and RUN AWAY!
Normally when I do tasks like housework I do it all in one go without breaks and for the rest of the day and the day after, I get a feeling that can be compared to a hangover
That really aligns with my experiences. If I push myself, I have to, HAVE TO sleep ten hours a day. Memory suffers, adhd activity spikes, word recollection is garbage in comparison to previous state, etc.
When you mentioned needing to get back to the routine of talking to the camera, it brings up another part of what I call "the crash"....the return journey back to our "normal" and for me that now takes less time because I no longer fight the process. I have realized that sticking to my own expectations (when they are much higher than those around me) too long is the beginning of a crash and allowing the downtime before I get sick can be cathartic and even enjoyable. Mostly because I can only expect it to last a day or two and can reason that it will not cause too much of a disruption when I successfully catch it early on. The holidays are always tricky to maneuver through, but with the COVID restrictions this season I have enjoyed the reprieve of having a solid, socially acceptable reason to not engage when I am not able.
I used to experience kind of the opposite. My physical health is really good and reliable (apart from headaches, vertigo and tinnitus, so all the stuff that drives you nuts on the lobg run but people can‘t really see it so you don‘t have it) and I remember hoping to just get sick with something that was visible and audible to others so I could just rest for a week or two. But my body kept saying „Nah it‘s fine. We don‘t need a cold.“
Your reduced eye contact with the camera (compared with normal) early in the video indicated a level of discomfort with what you were going to say. You said it well and helped us rationalize the ego centric reasons why we push ourselves when sometimes, it simply does not matter. Thank you for your vulnerability and support.
This was a very important subject to address Paul. It resounds particularly so with those of us who have a high level of empathy & are in a caring profession. I wrote myself a letter of compassion that I read every so often which I find helpful. If we can give others love & compassion we need to give ourselves that same amount. I likened it to the Plumber with leaky taps or a builder living in a House that needs fixing up. We can be a bit like that! Tending to others needs & not our own. It can also be about not having strong personal boundaries for ourselves. Unfortunately we also often have such high expectations of ourselves that we set ourselves up for a fall. It is very hard to allow ourselves 'a break" because we often times demand so much of ourselves when others don't actually have that expectation of us. I'm so glad to hear that you listened to those who care about you & rest & recover to refuel. Look after yourself Paul & know that this community really does understand what your saying & we all needed to hear this. 🛌😴⛽= 💪
There's a massive difference between working for someone else in a normal job and working for yourself where you can decide 'I can slow down, take a break or do whatever as there's NO RISK OF REDUNDANCY and people will understand and accept your reasons.'
I have a very hard time with stopping things I'm working on our allowing myself to not meet expectations, even though I'm hungry and getting a migraine from staring at a screen. I think migraines are my way of internalizing sensory and emotional overload and then forcing me to rest.
Thos is interesting since my boyfriend works way to much and gets migraines all the time and I get frustrated because he has no time left for me at times. Helps me to understand him and try to be more patient and not just give up on him. Thanks to everyone that comments and to Paul for doung these videos
OMG thank you so much to talk about these issues! I relate so much to what you say. I was raised to be a very perfectionnist person, I did a lot of self-employed jobs (writer, artist, creative writing coach, etc.) and, on the other hand, I'm probablly autistic (still waiting to get diagnose by my healthcare system, I'm on a waiting list). Working for myself was sometimes a ground for pushing myself too much (I am passionate about what I do, right?) Guess what : I burnout out many times, wondering what was wrong with me. From now on, I know what to do : I will listen more to my body, for sure! Thanks again 🙂
What do you do when you don't have energy enough for the things you care about, but also don't have the energy for the things you need to do or the things that others ask of you? I can't manage 6 hours of functionality a day for the things that I am passionate and enthusiastic about, never mind everything else. On average, I can go two hours before I feel the need to lay down and rest, and if I am doing something I don't want to do, I burn out in minutes. It is coming down to the point where if I try to work with my situation, I am not actually living. Accepting my limitations seems like living a life where I feel mildly shitty all the time, sleep a lot and accomplishing nothing vs. pushing myself, failing, and feeling really shitty and unstable all the time.
Lol, you are so cool👍👍 so funny to hear someone else tell my experience back to me: my body often declares vetos on my plans🙄 I’m a triumvirate: body, intellect, emotions and two out of three votes wins, except when my body declares time🙄
Glad to know I’m not the only one who sleeps 16 hrs/day. It’s frustrating trying to explain to people that no, I’m not “just lazy”, my body NEEDS this rest.
and you know what another big issue is? When you don't recognize you're bleeding out energy and not recovering properly thus you operate in suboptimal levels of energy over a long period of time. Engine block melting level kind of thing
I used to think that this happened to everyone. I also get sick whenever I push myself too hard.
paulo c when someone I know told me they drove 2 1/2 hours and did at least 4 different activities with their children, I knew there was a big difference between my life and theirs.
Gameminer some things are unavoidable, like the stupor market and other essentials, medical appointments and on and on. Social distancing adds more layers of stress. Come home and collapse in front of some sort of streaming to conserve energy. 😱
me too
Me too
It doesn't? Hahah xDxDDDdXdDD
"The world won't collapse if you stop for a break", extremely good advice and equally hard to apply to ourselves. Thanks for the reminder!
@@fabled-pilgrim we really need to embrace that the one person on earth WE MUST care for is in our care at all times, yeah. 🙂↕️
I love this video and I was also diagnosed with Aspergers at age 39. I think the reason we struggle with jobs so much (according to one study only 16% of us have regular, steady, paid employment), is that we "look normal", so people's job expectations of us are the same, but as you so excellently explain in the video, our bodies just can't give as much, we don't have the same capacities despite our best wishes, and the handicap is in fact very real and prevents us from working the way neuro-typical people can. I think the problem with Aspergers and jobs is that our handicap is real, but invisible.
Yesss!
Same. I have transitioned from part-time to full-time and my god, I have days where I am physically exhausted after masking for 36 hours a week. I wonder how the eff I've managed to work for a total of nearly 5 years tbh (as I've worked from 19)
It’s so so difficult because no one gets it and we don’t receive any financial help. I’m so scared of the future because I’m in bed most afternoons and even doing admin from bed is exhausting….admin seems to be my nemesis!
Finances are the issue here. It’s so hard.
As Autistics we need to be kind to ourselves and stop trying to prove we can keep up with neurotypical people. It is a challenge, but important. Don't over do it! It is not good for your mental and physical health.
I don't need to "keep up". My iq is superior. They're just interested in different things and have less expertise
@@echofoxtrot2.051you’re right about how people have different experiences but why do you feel more superior over those who are different from you? just because you have a high IQ?
Every time I have a day off I want to game and so house stuff but I always just sit in a daze all day wishing I could enjoy my hobbies but I'm to burned out.
Honestly there are days where my autism and chronic pain work to get her I can’t do any of the things I planned. I end up spending the day stimming and watching edjucational content so I feel like I did something.
Hi. What is edjucstional? I googled it No Thing appeared and scared me.
lunarious87 I apologize for the typo. Edjucational
@@cattievogelsong96 I don't think so. I have somethings to do now. I'll maybe be back. Things including doing Nothing.
I think I can relate to this. Sometimes I have so much trouble just trying to take care of myself. Sometimes I want to go out and do something and try to make a plan... and then it takes me 3 days before I actually leave my house. YES!!! I did it!
@@lunarious87 lol ha ha ha. Where you born in 1987? Me too
I only started questioning if I was autistic after I had a severe meltdown from social isolation while also feeling pressure from work and school, ended up in patient for a week, dropped out of college my junior year, and could barely function on my own because of the burnout. I thought in order to be like everyone else, I needed to be working part time and taking the maximum number of credit hours (19) per semester while also pursuing an honors degree. I saw all my peers doing it while also double majoring. It felt almost like a competition of who could do the most. I'm better now though, and am no longer putting that amount of pressure on myself to perform beyond my capacity, while also just pursuing the things that make me happy and I don't feel like I am expected to do. I don't need a degree to work on computers, so I don't need to get one. I don't need to be in a career where I have to talk to people all the time, so I'm not. And I don't need to constantly socialize with people who can't understand me and make myself feel isolated even if I'm surrounded by people, so I don't. I think there's a lot of value in just recognizing that you don't need to do any of the things people expect of you, and you're not letting yourself down by acting in your own best interests. Be friends with people who are good enough for you, and do the things that make you happy that don't drain all your resources.
I love this comment and I completely agree.
Very well said 👍🏼 Exactly the same happened to me. I ended up in therapy by 23, being escorted to a clinic and put on antidepressants. Dropped out of my masters degree. Now, at 38, I’m finally learning that I don’t have to meet up to anyone’s expectations except my own. The shocker for me was I’d never allowed myself the time to learn what my limits were, what conditions lead to my best productivity, when it’s time to rest. This past 18 months has been massive and I’m starting at the basics, building myself back up again and showing myself the compassion I needed all that time ago.
It’s not about how “good” we can be at school compared to everyone else (or in life), it’s about finding our own best self and our own passion and what drives us. Awesome video 🙌🏼
Smart! Smart smart smart.
It all makes so much sense now.
Sounds like my experience with ADHD burnout and most people that have autism do experience adhd. I'm currently trying to recover from adrenal issues while doing a degree in STEM part time. I felt the burnout twice in 4 years. In one instance I took a leave of absence for a year. I was frustrated that I saw other people coping with part time study and work and were completing things on time while I struggled and failed a few courses in between. It doesn't help when people think you're not trying hard enough like everyone else either.
Sometimes though you do need to the things you don't want to do to survive. That has been the story of my life and it's the result of not having a support system so you're always in jobs that are just so taxing but you put up with it just to earn an income.
im a junior in college right now i’m a double major and was just diagnosed with autism 😭 i can’t convince myself to dropout but i’m at my limit i fear im falling so behind
I waitressed for years and I realized I can do a good job for about 6 hours straight (multitasking, prioritizing, being friendly). Unfortunately, a shift was 8 hours. If I stopped people would notice. If there's a line out the door I didn't have the luxury of stopping. If you add into the equation my communication difficu!ties and how my income was dependent on being able to understand very quickly what someone wanted and asking few questions you can understand how grueling my life was for years. I've often compared waiting tables while on the autism spectrum with a hemophiliac entering the boxing ring. During this entire time (almost 20 years) well-meaning friends and family would tell me that I was too smart to waitress (I always did well on standardized tests), but I was in over my head every day I went into work. I was even told I wasn't trying hard enough. I'm getting off topic now. Final thoughts: nobody tries harder than a neurodiverse person and if your server seems overwhelmed don't punish them by not tipping. In much of the U.S. that's their income.
Exactly what's going on with meee
Chef here (and Autistic too ) , some what similar situation for me ,and for me its no wonder i was always such a mess
I fade badly in the afternoon. I have an autistic supervisor. I am lucky beyond belief.
Watching this just as I have hit my limit, and can’t be bothered doing anything more than scrolling through RUclips…
My mind is capable of everything but not my body. I love travelling, bought a plane ticket for a one day journey, a friend of mine offered a lift to the airport and what my body does on that early morning??? A huge migraine! It is like being constantly cheated by my own body.
What it looks like for me is shaking, racing thoughts, and being so tired that I'm near tears from the physical discomfort of it. It's a different kind of tired, say from clearing out a closet, or cleaning the house. I literally feel disconnected from my body, but I can still feel the physical pain of pushing my body to do something it didn't have the energy reserves to do.
This is so sad
@Elizabeth Orr Thank you Beautiful for helping me and him out :) I totally agree.
@Elizabeth Orr I saw This Song. I don't recognice voices, which is good. However I recognize Sounds (Like Guitar). I recognised just a little bit from The Beginning and like "don't you speak for me". But I feel, maybe it's totally good. Songs can be so much. I,ve listened to it while Writing this: ruclips.net/video/X-OwbYctFNE/видео.html
Julesderamore ... I can't quote your name.
Venom don't like Music it says. I've seen: he's good-bad ... not just bad not just good. He is Beautiful yet Strong. ... Learn! Primarily Read and Learn to take better Decisions and saving Energy and Thus having Technique-Effiency not Force. Force comes from not knowing. ruclips.net/video/7Sp9UxKghZ4/видео.html
I struggle with socializing I can last 3 hours and then I'm burned out and can't communicate. In a working atmosphere I can last longer as it's small chats here and there. I just hate having to put on a smile every day
Im the same
If i socalise longer than about 3 hours i get stomach cramps and can barely stand. But im ok at work. I couldnt work more than 4 days a week tho.
In saying that.. it does depend on what sort of mood im already in or if ive already had a big day.
It feels insincere to put on a smile every day, and I already feel my original self is lost
THAT IS REALLY COOL what you're doing bro ,im 35 and still trying to understand what is wrong with me ,why i can't seem to connect with people and else ........ right now your channel is my number 1 lead
In my 20s here, and I'm completely relating to this topic.
Same here . 35 and found out the problems i have is actually has a name.
I'm 23 and have depression and anxiety. I just recently found out that I most likely have autism. They are all probably connected
I'm starting to realise that the only way I function well in the long term without burning out and getting sick is by sticking to strict schedules regarding work; though I prefer to push through 1 project at a time.
I have to accept that my energy expenditure works in quick, ultra focused bursts. I'm going to have to build my career to match how I work, thinking of strategies. Be well, take care of yourselves 💙💜
Yeah the career to match is definitely the most difficult thing.
I worked years to become a Lighting Designer for music shows, just for the local entertainment industry to crash 😂
This is a really good reminder, thank you. It's so easy to look around and think, "They can do it, why am I failing?" and you have to remind yourself that you're not failing, you're doing your best and you have to take care of yourself.
I ignored my body for decades... result: 5 years of sickness and burnout... my body finally screamed 'NOOOOOOOOOO' ...I finally couldn't ignore. I hope noone else does the same...please listen to your body saying you are tired or hurting. You are important too
I’m so glad you made this video. Since I was a child, anytime I would work hard I would get sick. Not just a cold sick, but severe migraines and fatigue and now I deal with chronic illness. I almost have an aversion towards work for this reason because I relate working hard to feeling horrible. It’s so hard to even survive as a single mom dealing with both the mental struggles and physical on top of it. I always try to explain this to my doctors growing up, but never got answers or met anyone else who not only got burnt out so easily, but sick from working.
Yeah. Doctors are pretty bad when it comes to chronic illness.
omg the migraines.. if i get only a little bit stressed my head starts pounding like crazy
It's not surprising that doctors don't understand. You have to be able to cope with a lot in order to make it through med school. Doctors have to be some of the healthiest people there are and it surely impacts how people who come in trying to find answers about exhaustion or a host of other things are treated. Worse than that, invisible disorders are minimized by the comparison with the more outwardly obvious problems that doctors see all the time. I'm sure we come off as whiners to most doctors for these reasons. It's a sad state of affairs
Single mom and on the spectrum! You have my sympathy because that's a ton of baggage to deal with!
That's me, to a t
It’s perfectly normal to “unplug” every now and then. It’s not your consistency that makes you relatable. It’s the QUALITY of your content that has us coming back for more! 👍🏽
I wish regular employers had this attitude!
This is very true! For all of us, not just people with autism, but also with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and other exhaustion conditions. We all must play within our own limitations. ❤❤❤
For me, starting new things is way more facinating and energizing than finishing old ones. Cleaning closets is the worst, since it’s all about tails I’ve already moved on from.
“Keep rambling until I remember the point I was trying to make..” #relateable 😂
I struggle with chronic fatigue, and suspect I’m on the spectrum. There’s only so much I can do to put my own needs first as a parent. 😕
I always push myself too far and don't realise I'm overstimulated, then burnout ensues from nowhere. I definitely think the less productive you are, the more creative you get because there's less distractions.
I only recently discovered i am autistic. I have spent my whole life wondering why i cant do what everyone else can do. Im working full time atm. Its the first time in my life ive been able to. Mind you, I'm struggling. I feel so much pressure as i can't afford to not work these hours but i feel like i spend the rest of my time resting in order to have the energy to work and keep up with chores.
I'm pretty sure burnout was one of the main reasons why I lost custody of my son and why im not fighting to "get him back" despite how heartbreaking it is for me not to see my 7 year old and to be completely missing out on his childhood. Lost custody a few weeks before his 5th birthday back in April 2020
Long story short. I didn't lose custody because Im a monster. I did NOT abuse my son, I didn't beat him, I fed him, clothed him, played with him, took him to the park, took him to school, read him bedtime stories, etc.
I say the above because I hate the stereotype that only horrible monsters/psychopaths would lose custody of their child, as a mother the judgement from society is horrendous, so not only am i totally broken as a human being for losing my son (and my son is now forced to grow up without a mother) but I am totally alone in my grief, literally. I have no friends, just my boyfriend and close family in my life and society as I said judges women who lose their children as literally the worst of the worst without giving us a chance to share our story.
Anyway, long story short ....
I was in a very violent relationship for 5 years and my son was conceived via rape. I fled with him when he was 2 with literally the clothes on our backs as it was literally the only safe way to leave.
After 7 house moves in 2 years in a variety of temporary housing, i.e. woman's refuge, bed and breakfast, a flat(not great when your literally biologically programmed to hate change!! 🤣) Before securing a permanent flat for us to live in.
However our problems didn't end once we got a flat to live in. The flat was social housing (live in the UK so those on low income, homeless,etc can access modest sized council housing on lower rent) so I did get a chose of where to live and had to take the first thing offered to me, which was a flat in a poor state of repair, think a serious pest problem including flying ants,rats, maggots hanging round the bins outside, several ants nests in the cavity walls, also very poor insulation so there was damp and mould problems, not been decorated in decades so the kitchen and as a very old fashioned dark wood, and to top it off the flat was in a rural deprived town and in a "no-go" area of the town (so the worst part of an already rough town).
As a single parent living in a new town, I had literally no one to help me with childcare, and literally no friends or support network and due to a combination of my autism, my son's severe behavioural challenges (mixture of PTSD from witnessing violent and having his own learning disabilities which were not assessed for or diagnosed till after he went to live with his grandparents, as they refused to test him when he lived with me because they simply decided that because I was a single mum on benefits and a domestic abuse survivor living in poverty that any problems were my fault and I was labelled as a "bad mum" and once you have that label it's game over). I lived like that for 3 years, and too too it off me and my son got harassed by our neighbors so in the last 6 Months before losing custody then finally being able to move to a new city with to help of the police and the local neighborhood officer me and my son were housebound due to the constant harassment.
If the above wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with my ex talking me to court, twice simply to take custody away from me, the police dropping the criminal charges I pressed against my ex, having to fight for charity basically as I couldnt find work with no childcare, no work experience and the town being rural, let alone my autism so the only realistic was of furnishing the flat was through charity grants which were limited and hard to get. I had childrens social services constantly on my back just waiting for me to mess up (I also had very good social workers but once I moved to that rural town in my permanent flat the new social worker I got was a trainee and who didn't like me so no matter what hoops I jumped through for her I was simply not good enough in her eyes. I also had to deal with 3 grand worth of debt my ex put me and I was facing criminal charges against me for benefit fraud (if guilty I would have been 20k in debt and possibly have faced a prison sentence) due to my ex forcing me to commit fraud under duress (with 3 years worth of stubborn determination in my part and the help of my old local MP all charges were dropped and I was completely freed from that, I have several letters from my old local MP typed on fancy paper with parliament logos and address in it which I've kept and show off to people if they ever visit and we know each other well enough. We also spoke on the phone so much that we actually referred to eachother in first name basis so Stephen Barkley became Steve.🤣🤣🤣 What makes this even better was that at that time he was also Brexit secretary as well as our local MP. It helped that I was heavily involved in the local community centre and knew the manager really well. I actually walked an hour round trip in the pouring rain pushing my miserable son in the pram simply to vote for him in the local elections as they were relatively soon after everything got resolved before phoning his assistant. She thought it was very sweet but honestly, I will be forever grateful and it saved me really so the least I could do was get soggy and vote for him 😁.
Anyway I went off track, the point is, I had a ridiculous amount of stress and bad stuff happening, I was totally isolated, the only professionals in my life were actively against me during the last 6 Months, when previously it was more 50/50, also those last 6 Months my son's school got a new head teacher who was hell bent on getting rid on my son from her school by any means necessary, even if it meant literally lying in court documents to get my son removed from my custody. I had to deal with all of the above with my son who at the time had undiagnosed ADHD, dyspraxia, possible conduct disorder though he's too young to tell yet but his father had anti social personality disorder and there is a genetic component to it and diagnosed PTSD. As the professionals at the time refused to assess him and instead blamed my parenting, I got literally no support in dealing with his challenges and my son got no support himself.
Imagine all the above with literally no break, no babysitter, no one to watch my son if ever I got too overwhelmed or had to deal with the above problems, no money to even treat myself to clothes shopping or anything fun like a computer or game, no days out or holidays for myself or for my son besides the very basic like the local playground, and to top it off, the psychological torture of not seeing a way out and wondering if it's going to be like that forever and fearing that my ex will win and I'll lose my son, or I will finally crack, have a mental health breakdown and give the social services the ammunition they need to call me mad and label be as an unfit mother.
My autism is undiagnosed, instead I got the PDD-NOS, pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified diagnosis at aged 4 during early 1990s UK, when we knew much less about female autism. Therefore as it was undiagnosed I had no way of understanding or explaining why I would burnout, meltdown or shut down so professionals and local mums would just see me as mentally ill and a bad person so I couldn't make friends or get support, and instead for judged and harassed.
I do wonder if I would have been able to cope better if I wasn't autistic or if anyone would have cracked with the above circumstances sooner or later.
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Sorry for the TMI but great video
Recently I figured out that driving yourself to exhaustion doesn't even have to 'feel' like you pushed yourself too hard. I can absolutely smash a day at work, all the chores, and spend some time on a hobby/being social and go to bed feeling like a superhero- then for WEEKS I will need to recover. But I never once felt like I needed to 'push through' I just did the stuff. Recently I've been forcing myself to only do one chore a day after work, and I have been able to keep up the momentum without a crash. Even though I feel like I can do more I know It will lead to weeks of just rotting in bed. 😅
I’m a music producer/engineer and recently I had a meltdown that made me want to close my recording studio and I felt so bad about it not including the mental stress I was already experiencing and my friend who is also autistic told me me it’s ok to take a break and now I’m watching this video . I can’t help but feel like it’s a sign that I don’t have to feel bad
I will get sick, or I will have nearly psychotically emotional breakdowns. Since I'm a lady, I didn't get even the suggestion I was autistic until I was in my early 30s. I used to push myself so far beyond my body's limits, it was beyond unhealthy. It was also the way my parents raised me, that you're only worth what you accomplish in the world. I have learned so much from this community, my life is so much better now that I take the time to care for myself each day.
I relate to this hard. I am glad you are in a better space
This problem was more severe for me when I was younger - I'd spend most "holidays" sick in bed with a fever and unable to eat. In retrospect I know it was because of built-up exhaustion from the build-up to the festivities. Being older has the advantage of seeing the wall approaching and being able to say to people, sorry - that just isn't happening.... as well as the disadvantage of not being able to go as hard or long as I used to be able to. Key idea: Be Kind. Be kind to others, but always Be Kind to Yourself..
Be kind. To yourself first so you can be kind to others. Thanks for your comment.
This is by far my greatest challenge and disappointment in having autism. I have sooo many things I want to do, and am so frustrated that I can’t do even a fraction of what my neurotypical friends do.
I like your videos because they help with not only understanding myself, but also understanding other people who are autistic as well. Personally I find that interacting with other autistic people can sometimes actually be harder and more energy intensive than interacting with non-autistic people because I already have some challenges with interacting with people at all, but autistic people each have their own unique brand of autism and thus their own rules for interacting with others different from what rules neurotypical people have which I also still occasionally struggle with. I hope that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense! And I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this. Although I know that we don't have to autimatically get along just because we're autisti, I sometimes struggle with the feeling of having to understand other pw autism I meet.
WOW i'm from London uk i overstand your point thank you.
I feel so bad because of this trait. Like I'm letting people down. But then again I wasn't aware of it before. And just worked, failed was chewed out and beat myself up for it. Now I am aware and I can work with it, know why I'm feeling that way and that I have to practice complete acceptance of it and work with it to get the most out of what I can do.
It also seems to be much better depending on the type of work I do.
My problem is financial. I don't get anything if I don't. I have to work in burnout. Thank you very much for the advice.
One of my biggest issues with aspergers is how even the smallest things are huge ordeals to get through. But because they are small things, I don't always consciously register just how much I struggle. It is really difficult to explain how something that I get done "just like that" can somehow add up really quickly. And I mean really small things like entering the room I am working in, or handing someone and object they politely ask for. Similarly, just being in an environment where the atmosphere is tense a bit tense, can be exhausting. I guess the constant overanalyzing really takes a toll. We forget the brain is an organ, and is physically at work.
I feel like autism burnout directly clashes with capitalistic productivity expectations. I feel safer "slacking off" in neurodivergent spaces. But I'm also an illustrator who works by commission. As my art has improved, my demand for people wanting custom pieces has grown and grown. And I feel so guilty when I manage to throw together enough 5 minute sketches during my small bursts of energy to keep my page active, but my clients end up waiting literal YEARS when most other artists would only make them wait a few weeks between both the queue & the drawing process combined. I love art, but sometimes I dont have the energy to scan over a dozen reference photos, study their facial structure, and recreate it in the style I use when drawing from imagination, which is the most commonly requested style I draw in from clients. I dont know how to describe the fact that it takes less energy for me to fall into the shapes built into my muscle memory than it does for me to create the type of illustrations I'm usually commissioned for. It's almost tempting to stop accepting portrait commissions, but they're my largest clients. Everyone wants to see me draw them in their style, but I don't know how to explain that it requires more out of me than I am able to give.
I have so many bills and so much housework, bureaucracy, maintenance,l etc. I believe we should receive help.
I have to be careful starting projects, because there's no stopping part way. Something large, like a house renovation, I can make an exception, but many jobs I have to stay at it through the night, because I wouldn't sleep anyway. I'm actually finding myself taking micro sleeps, because of 4 hours or less sleep for so long.
This video is timeless. Im literally going thru this at the moment and wanted to see if anyone else with autism goes thru this or if I'm just imagining it. Thank God there's an explanation and I'm just being told by my body to take a break so I can recharge.
Thanks for describing this. I didn’t realize my overworking was part of my Aspie-ness! I’m just beginning to recognize and control it - and I’m 68!
same for me @55
Same...65 :-)
I so appreciate your channel. I have a husband of 45 years who was officially diagnosed with Asperbergers a year ago. My son, who is 28yo, I suspect has it too. I know it is not helpful to suggest diagnostic testing. Your information is extremely helpful to me. I'm hopeful my son will learn enough about himself that he will eventually gain an understanding of why life and relationships are so difficult for him. Thank you.
Having no resources left - yes. In my case it's opposite, though. Good strong physical energy but emotionally offline. My brain needs rest, emotions totally toasted. If I try to push through, oh yes, things can and do get worse. Sometimes I just need to stare at a blank wall for a while...
It doesn't have to be no physical resources left. I usually run out of mental/emotional resources long before I run out of physical. I refer to this as being "out of mana"; my husband understands and knows to get me home if possible before I fall apart emotionally.
@@Leijinga i like this analogy, "running out of mana"
Thank you. I have been setting unrealistic expectations on myself, and now I'm going through autistic burnout. I have felt unproductive, uncreative, unmotivated, etc. I accept myself as an aspie. However, navigating in a neurotypical workplace has taken a toll on me.
I’m 37 now. Had a burnout in 2018 after over a decade of working 40-80 hour weeks with few breaks. I now try to take 2 weeks off every quarter, and work 32 hours per week. I’m noticing my energy is lower now because I’m a month overdue for my time off. It makes everything harder. Luckily I’m taking next week off, and was out sick for a week earlier last month.
By the time you turn 63, you’re burned out after pushing and pushing and masking for so long.
This is me, I have not been diagnosed and I keep thinking it will get better but it hasn't happened yet.
I'm this at 48.
At 44 … but just now i dont have a job … but Im just scared to get one 😢 Dont have high hopes though, but it must be some kind of a part time job. Ive got 3 kids with diagnoses, its work enough.
I'm in the throws of autistic burnout right now and this video has made me feel not so alone - thank you.
There’s desire, and then there’s reality. I have come to understand that reality is much more dense than ideas & desires as to what we feel like doing.
It’s so important to be gentle & kind with yourself. Don’t be a task master.. Be a loving guardian..
I've got Fibromyalgia, Depression and High Anxiety and I overdid the exercise.
It took a week and a day to recover, along with giving myself a flare-up.
It can be really difficult, sometimes, to Pause, and Be Still (rest).
We do care what you do but we all care far more about you being happy and healthy and functional 💕
Exactly!
I keep watching RUclips videos when I know I need to stop and drink something. Same with any project; once started I have to keep going until it's finished. "Just the next one," turns into an endless run.
I have this general problem with the current heat. It just drains my physical resources while I have mornings I don't do much because that's how I have gotten used to them. I hate this inertia, but that's how it goes.
Wow, what you describe about being tired after six hours of work and not understanding how your colleagues could keep going- it's as if you've lived MY life. 15-20 years ago my life was like that. I kept pushing and deteriorated so much since then that I had to give up work altogether and suffer from a ton of sensory symptoms (which weren't there 15 years ago) that make it impossible to lead a normal life.
I've been diagnosed with lyme disease and coinfections and treatment helped some symptoms but not others so I'm still very debilitated. Looking back I have reason to believe I've also had borderline aspergers my whole life as well.
borderline aspergers isn't a thing, my friend. you're either on the autism spectrum or not. it's not a scale of "little bit autistic" to "very autistic." everyone has different symptoms that affect them more or less than others, hence, spectrum. some are more affected by their autism than others as well, and may have other co-morbid disorders/illnesses that make things harder for them, too.
(also, fyi, mr assburger was a nazi sympathizer. "high functioning" ppl got to live, "low functioning" were sent into the gas chambers)
I noticed I've got burnt out earlier this week, and it all culminated in a meltdown last evening. So now I'm taking a week's break from my studies and anything like that. It's super difficult to acknowledge and accept that this is what I need to do. I've also not got a formal diagnosis yet -- been referred to a psychiatrist, but heaven knows how long that'll take. I'm trying to just listen to what my body and brain is trying to tell me. Was one minute away from admitting myself to a mental health facility earlier this evening... and then I canceled some study related commitments for upcoming week. Felt tons better immediately.
I have been in ADHD treatment for 8 months. Now that I am medicated I have been hard at my projects. music, gym, reading, study and learning spanish. Returning to college at 27 years old, I discovered I have ADD and ASD.
Recently, I have hit a wall.
My mediciation doesnt seem to work.
I am started to see the difference between what is ADHD and ASD.
Oof. Me, trying to finish writing my novel and not being able to because EXHAUSTION!
That's exciting, what's the basic book premise? Take it one step at a time, be well. 🌹
@@savanaerie it's a short story collection of gothic horror stories. One for each of the States, including D.C. and Puerto Rico. So yeah...52 short stories. 😶
When you look at the routines of successful writers, they generally only write around three hours a day, usually in the morning. Writing is very exhausting work. You have to be fresh and focused to write well. One book on writing I really liked was "Writers Dreaming." It features a whole lot of famous writers talking about how they connect with their subconscious processes.
I struggle with this a lot. Former employers used to think I was just lazy or lying (before I had a diagnosis).
I think it's one of the most misunderstood or just little known aspects of Autism.
It's autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The way our brains are extremely sensitive to stimuli with sensory processing disorder, also affects the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems.
Beta blockers work wonders for this, ask your GP about getting on a low dosage of propranolol. It saved my life.
@@tmorelli1982 Wow, great info. Thank you. I'll definitely bring that up at my next appointment
@@DaveDoingDaveThingsno problem man. Here's a lecture on autonomic nervous system dysfunction in general that goes in depth so you can see if you relate to any of the symptoms ruclips.net/video/X0f6hyQCgo8/видео.html
Also Google "propranolol autonomic nervous system autism" for more specific info
You come first! Unfortunately, in the states many people are forced to work 12 hour rotating shifts with only a half hour break for lunch. I'm like you, I can put in 6 very productive hours and get a lot of work done. However, they try to make you work till you drop over here. Some people work 2 jobs just to get by. If you don't have a high level education in the states you're in trouble. Luckily I have 2 masters degrees and that doesn't always seem enough. Go at your own speed. The world making you go faster really isn't going to product more work out of you.
I thought I was 2 hours late but I'm 21 hours early!
i worked 2 full years of retail and i'm still trying to overcome the burnout.
I can relate to having those moments having Asperger’s myself, when my mental being doesn’t want to cooperate with my physical being, even in simplistic tasks.
Yep, absolutely! The body knows what it needs. Now it's easier to see the signs leading up to this crash and be sensible enough to take a break before it happens (doesn't always happen because I still push sometimes haha). Learning what "enough" is for myself, and allowing myself to say "enough", is so liberating. And this also applies to the quality of work produced... Enough 😉 Thank you for sharing your experience and for putting together this video!
I never stop, neither listen to my body. I had a colleague who sees when I am overtired. She says now, you stop. Look at yourself! And go to your doctor. Only than I realize that 's true. And allow myself to stop. I' m still learning to listen to my body, because I also have a chronic disease (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrom), if I do too much, I might need a few days to recover. I am also learning to say it's OK to take a break, don't feel guilty, your not lazy, thinks can wait a few days, it's not my fault, you didn't choose to be ill. I even made some postcards in my house : 'not too much', 'do tout need to stop? ', 'you can postpone'... Still learning
This has been enormously helpful. I have an undiagnosed Aspie boyfriend and I have been negotiating my way through all the information. As I am a health practitioner it’s been challenging for me to see what I believe is an overreaction to an illness and yet still remain patient. This has given me a perspective I had not considered. Thank you
I just went through a placement project which I co-created a group working with Autistic Uni students on self-determination, I shut down half way through the semester, I knew it was coming and tried to warn my supervisor but was unable to catch it before hand. Didn't feel great taking a week off placement, but enough was enough and I was bed bound. So ironic that this was a self-advocacy issue.
We should all listen to our bodies and be OK with speaking out.
Great video Paul, I need to work on this too. Something for you......if you work for a company you get holiday allowance. When you work for yourself you tend to forget this. You need to allow yourself to have holiday time and that will help.
I appreciate the "mantra" 'Its ok, do what you can but take care of yourself'. My neurodiverse adult child is SO hard on themself sometimes it pains me, I hope I can remember to comfort them with this. Thank you!
I have MDD and have a helluva time differentiating between the depression slowing me and the autism holding me back. Most days I really can't tell.
you hit the nail on the head. I find that for myself, I can only " give it my all" for 6 hours..
Every six to eight weeks, I completely crash. It seems like maybe I have a virus or something but there are never any distinguishing symptoms for me to understand what exactly is wrong with me. I’ve always been extremely energetic, but now it seems I can’t maintain that. It’s really frustrating as I lose a whole week until I feel ok again. I feel weird explaining to anyone that on a regular basis I keep crashing. It’s been suggested that I need to see a homeopath if my doctor doesn’t know what is wrong with me. I’m certainly wondering if I’m just regularly experiencing burnout, but the people around me look at me strangely when I’ve suggested that. I just don’t tell anyone now and spend days sleeping and trying to feel better without letting anyone know , if I have to explain, I’m just saying that I think I have a virus. Wish I could know for sure what is going on that this keeps happening and have recorded the times in my diary. So this year, I’ve experienced this six times already,I always hope it won’t happen around anything important because I really have to shut everything down when I feel this way.
Finally understand why I took so much time away from my jobs in call centres, I was legitimately ill.
I work as a journalist in Canada. When I'm really into writing an article, I'll forget about eating food and nearly everything else (coffee is the exception) until everything is done. Of course, I'll check and rewrite the draft at least 50 times afterwards though.
Yup, I know all about this one - push too hard and the wheels pop off, I struggle with it a lot. Most recently, its going against myself academically - I have a masters in computing and I have been trying to force myself to learn programming, and then force myself to get a job in that industry. The irony is that my undergrad degree is in English and Philosophy and Religious Studies - I'm naturally much more literary/arty than computer science inclined and Ive been forcing it and it has been utterly exhausting. A lot of the time, as you say - it can almost feel like one isnt forcing things, but then the system crashes because its not what one is supposed to be doing. Hope today's a good one, man - thank you for this one. :o)
I always overdo in a project I’m interested in because my energy peaks and ebbs so much. During a peak I have to do all I can because when it ebbs I can’t make myself do much and I call it my down time when I’m exhausted and have to wait it out till another peak comes. I hate resting or relaxing, it’s so boring. I don’t even like to sleep.
I'm certainly dealing with this problem right now. One problem I have is understanding when I'm burned out and when I'm ready to go back to work. Sometimes it's not clear to me when I should take a break.
Des paroles très sages. Sorry, don't know how to say that exactly in English, but definitively agree with you on this and adult autists should tell this advice to any young adult autist they meet.
I actually drove myself to resign. I broke my body. I kept pushing myself until I end up going to A&E weekly just because my Crohn's flare up every week. It was so severe that they thought I should take a huge part of my colon to slow down the inflammation and infection. Never do this. I kept like this for 7 months then all of a sudden, I woke up and I felt I can't step one foot in my workplace. I was so crushed and so tired .. I took a 2 week vacation and because I felt like some huge weight lifted .. I never wanted to go back. I couldn't .. and I resigned. Of course, I've been doing this for ages .. but the last 2 years before I resign .. my body was just screaming for me to stop. My therapist advised me to change my job .. to stop working because my stress was so bad but I wasn't seeing it. I have no idea how it is so loud and clear now .. overwhelming clear .. but then .. it didn't feel stressful to be at work .. it didn't feel severely tiring .. I had lots of things going in my life .. in my home and my therapist saw that my work stresses added on that and made me crushing the button always. I overloaded myself .. for years .. I learnt to do that but as I added more and more .. it became impossible to even stand with that load.
This is a lesson I still have trouble learning. You released the video at such a perfect time, thank you
Wow this is like looking into a mirror! Relate to everything here
Thanks for another great video. I was just thinking about this today as a friend posted something about Vincent Van Gogh. Which someone responded how hard he worked in his life with no appreciation; driving himself to madness working too hard. I've always felt Van Gogh was on the Spectrum and noticed the same tendency in myself. Overworking to be a part of something or to be understood. Just before watching the video I had decided to stop doing that. The gain is illusory and not worth sacrificing my well being.
I love this comment.
“Listen to my own limitations” …very wise words!
I don't experience fear or physical pain. Only anxiety and emotional pain.
This causes me to beast mode through life a lot. I can do days without eating or sleeping, only to collapse.
Self care is really hard for me. Every bit of it. Brushing my teeth, checking my mail, doing chores, paying bills, making calls, working, sleeping, eating.
My body stays strong, ready to fight back under all the stress, so my mind always ends up being the weak chain that breaks. I retreat to my hole and hide for days or weeks.
This is a hard one for me.
Im 38 and recently diagnosed.. thank you for posting this video that is exactly what I do! When I feel good I’ll work to the point of exhaustion trying to finish my project. When I try and relax, my mind won’t stop thinking about new projects or things I need to do but I’ll be so tired.
Thank
great video, thnx once again. I'm always scared that accepting my limitations will mean that I can do less and less. Like when you stop training for running a marathon, you won't be able to run it anymore.
The phenomenon of thinking of creative things whenever you stop thinking and trying so hard is well-known. Barbara Oakley, one of the foremost experts on learning, calls it "diffuse mode." I highly recommend her book or her free online class, learning how to learn.
When he talks about being completely worn out after 6 hours, while coworkers are working for 8 or 10, I wonder what the comparison would look like in terms of productivity. I've noticed that there's this culture of "pacing ourselves" and focusing more on the number of hours spent than the amount of work completed. But I have a really difficult pacing myself, and can sometimes complete in 3-5 hours what would be 8 hours of work for someone else.
On the body thing, I think your body is a very good judge, and if it is giving you a strong message, you need to listen. I had a shrink once who made me super-nervous, but I assumed I was just afraid of the therapy. No, it would have been better if I had listened to my body and RUN AWAY!
Normally when I do tasks like housework I do it all in one go without breaks and for the rest of the day and the day after, I get a feeling that can be compared to a hangover
That really aligns with my experiences. If I push myself, I have to, HAVE TO sleep ten hours a day. Memory suffers, adhd activity spikes, word recollection is garbage in comparison to previous state, etc.
When you mentioned needing to get back to the routine of talking to the camera, it brings up another part of what I call "the crash"....the return journey back to our "normal" and for me that now takes less time because I no longer fight the process. I have realized that sticking to my own expectations (when they are much higher than those around me) too long is the beginning of a crash and allowing the downtime before I get sick can be cathartic and even enjoyable. Mostly because I can only expect it to last a day or two and can reason that it will not cause too much of a disruption when I successfully catch it early on. The holidays are always tricky to maneuver through, but with the COVID restrictions this season I have enjoyed the reprieve of having a solid, socially acceptable reason to not engage when I am not able.
I used to experience kind of the opposite. My physical health is really good and reliable (apart from headaches, vertigo and tinnitus, so all the stuff that drives you nuts on the lobg run but people can‘t really see it so you don‘t have it) and I remember hoping to just get sick with something that was visible and audible to others so I could just rest for a week or two. But my body kept saying „Nah it‘s fine. We don‘t need a cold.“
Your reduced eye contact with the camera (compared with normal) early in the video indicated a level of discomfort with what you were going to say. You said it well and helped us rationalize the ego centric reasons why we push ourselves when sometimes, it simply does not matter. Thank you for your vulnerability and support.
I want to say that I appreciate your intimate authentic videos way more than the super edited ones out there.
This was a very important subject to address Paul. It resounds particularly so with those of us who have a high level of empathy & are in a caring profession.
I wrote myself a letter of compassion that I read every so often which I find helpful. If we can give others love & compassion we need to give ourselves that same amount.
I likened it to the Plumber with leaky taps or a builder living in a House that needs fixing up.
We can be a bit like that! Tending to others needs & not our own.
It can also be about not having strong personal boundaries for ourselves.
Unfortunately we also often have such high expectations of ourselves that we set ourselves up for a fall.
It is very hard to allow ourselves 'a break" because we often times demand so much of ourselves when others don't actually have that expectation of us. I'm so glad to hear that you listened to those who care about you & rest & recover to refuel. Look after yourself Paul & know that this community really does understand what your saying & we all needed to hear this. 🛌😴⛽= 💪
There's a massive difference between working for someone else in a normal job and working for yourself where you can decide 'I can slow down, take a break or do whatever as there's NO RISK OF REDUNDANCY and people will understand and accept your reasons.'
Paul, it's walking your talk to take a break when you need to. Think of it as leading by example!
I have a very hard time with stopping things I'm working on our allowing myself to not meet expectations, even though I'm hungry and getting a migraine from staring at a screen. I think migraines are my way of internalizing sensory and emotional overload and then forcing me to rest.
I get this too! Omg, it feels so good to meet someone else who gets this exact thing.
Thos is interesting since my boyfriend works way to much and gets migraines all the time and I get frustrated because he has no time left for me at times. Helps me to understand him and try to be more patient and not just give up on him. Thanks to everyone that comments and to Paul for doung these videos
I'm told these are my fault and to do more sensory overload
OMG thank you so much to talk about these issues! I relate so much to what you say. I was raised to be a very perfectionnist person, I did a lot of self-employed jobs (writer, artist, creative writing coach, etc.) and, on the other hand, I'm probablly autistic (still waiting to get diagnose by my healthcare system, I'm on a waiting list). Working for myself was sometimes a ground for pushing myself too much (I am passionate about what I do, right?) Guess what : I burnout out many times, wondering what was wrong with me. From now on, I know what to do : I will listen more to my body, for sure! Thanks again 🙂
What do you do when you don't have energy enough for the things you care about, but also don't have the energy for the things you need to do or the things that others ask of you? I can't manage 6 hours of functionality a day for the things that I am passionate and enthusiastic about, never mind everything else. On average, I can go two hours before I feel the need to lay down and rest, and if I am doing something I don't want to do, I burn out in minutes. It is coming down to the point where if I try to work with my situation, I am not actually living. Accepting my limitations seems like living a life where I feel mildly shitty all the time, sleep a lot and accomplishing nothing vs. pushing myself, failing, and feeling really shitty and unstable all the time.
I'm trying to get better at this.
Lol, you are so cool👍👍 so funny to hear someone else tell my experience back to me: my body often declares vetos on my plans🙄 I’m a triumvirate: body, intellect, emotions and two out of three votes wins, except when my body declares time🙄