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Hopefully you're aware, there are youtube ads using you with an AI voice for some crap "male enchancement" gimmick. Just making sure you're aware so you might be able to have them removed.
32 years old here. I had my first date and first kiss yesterday. My day have been filled of emotions. Your vids has been full of positive energy for me even though I discover your channel very recently. Ty
@@Andrew54123 not at all. Most couples dont last so you keep searching, everyone does that so men and women have more than one partner in their lifetime. Is quite rare that your first would be for your whole life
@@Andrew54123 it is no problem for me otherwise I would have to stay single or date a teen which Im not interest. And the girl I refer to in my first comment did not work out. I’m dating a new girl so
One thing I like to add for my late bloomers. I have noticed that often times experienced people or people that haven't struggled with relationships tend to take the person next to them for granted, while inexperienced people cherish the relationship they've had trouble finding until that point. So in a sense, rather than perceiving inexperience as some sort of handicap, be confident that you can be the dream boyfriend/girlfriend instead.
Listen I know you are trying to be thw silver lining kind of person but let's state facts instead of this wishful thinking and delusions. Confidence comes from experience and success. So if you are saying to be confident in your inexperience that's totally contradictory. That's like saying go to a job interview that expects previous work experience and just be confident. How is that possible you have nothing to fall back on. How are you going to exude Confidence smh
I like your optimism but it falls apart the moment the other party has all the experience and will not invest in you but just look for the first red flag and be done.
I'm definitely a late bloomer. I've been learning to just own it. Not let my inexperience control my life. This year I'm ready to become a better version of myself. You're a big inspiration for me. These videos help me so much. Please keep making these kinds of videos. I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling
Me too. I never really looked for dates until I was able to become fully independent and financially stable, and then I also was able to use my newfound freedom and money to have a healthier diet and take care of my body better. If I was in this good of shape ten years ago as I am now, I probably would have been better at high school sports lol. I'm just going to own that I'm a nerd and that I'm learning relationship stuff as I go, and as I said before, I do have my reasons.
@@colten53look up John Anthony lifestyle, he was a nerd and has slept with almost 2,000 women. Obviously excessive but he’s actually great at meeting new women.
@@colten53 I was in your situation. I thought it would be pointless to date when I was 26, still living at home because I could only get part time retail jobs because I hadn’t finished college, drove a beater Ford Ranger with parts falling off of it, and could barely afford restaurant meals, when there were guys my age or slightly older that had respectable jobs, their own houses, and the ability to take girls on the nicest trips, to the nicest restaurants, and buy them high end jewelry and cars. I’m gonna be 33 this year, If I want to ever have that kind of relationship in my life, I’ve got to make moves soon
When I was 17 I got rejected in a rude and mean way by the girl that I've known since we were little kids. Was stuck in this oneitis trap for 14 years. Last year I finally put myself out there and went for 3 dates with one girl and got ghosted right after. But thanks to your channel I found out that I completely suck at dating and have too many insecurities, but also doing good on my own, so I'm not putting myself out there anymore.
A very pretty woman (Courtney) is talking about these things as if she's experienced. It's incredible. I can relate to your experience by the way. So I know how you feel.
Let me help you with your oneitis: go listen to Jocko and understand what he said: that awesome girl you thought existed is not real. That only existed inside your head. We've all dealt with this as teenagers (probably just men, but you get my point). I had a oneitis as a teen. She is an absolutely horrible person, and I was basically doing an instinctual thing of seeking someone good and believing they were good. She was trash for me, and I would be a lot of money that your oneitis is trash. She is not what you thought she was, so you had best look elsewhere for what you like and what you want. The only other thing is don't let someone else tell you what to want. That is completely up to you.
@@spartjovic It is quite amusing. She has above-average looks, and at worst, is a bit introverted--something women can get away with much easier than men. She means well, but there's a lot of caveats to what she says.
Summary: 0:29 Stop With Anticipatory Rejection 2:47 Inexperience Is Not Your Identity 3:49 Behaviors To Avoid 5:28 How To Talk About It 7:23 Be Open To Learning And To Feedback
The problem is when you're 28, haven't had so much as a real date and have absolutely totally failed on dating apps no matter what hoops you jump through and BS you've tried, it's a little difficult to have any confidence when you're apparently so ugly, socially offputting, or whatever t hat women just don't have anything to do with you.
I wish you the best of luck in finding the right one! Just know that you're not missing much with the ones who weren't receptive. More time on yourself than time spent with the wrong one should pay off in the end.
Being confidence enough to flat out own inexperience makes you come across as much more of a badass than trying to act like you're experienced. There are women out there who are into guys with no experience.
I don’t think ANY woman would call that being a ‘badass’. Most would think you were pathetic. Most women subconsciously are ruled by ‘pre-selection’ criteria.
What does the actual difference look like (in specific words and specific actions) between owning your inexperience, and leading with/focusing on your inexperience? It sounds great, but they seem to me to be the exact same actions in practice.
I suspect one thing that plays a factor here is so many of us guys went through a phase of applying for entry level jobs that demanded 5+ years of experience. Everyone is inexperienced until they get experienced and it has to come from somewhere. That and it would be a bit hard to try to only find people that match your own experience level, so there should be patience.
THANKYOU. I’m a late bloomer who still hasn’t bloomed yet despite trying everything to self improve. This is one of the most effective videos you’ve done and very eye opening for most people. Thx again
Amazing thank you Courtney. I am 33 never dated and am aware I am maybe a bit different from some guys out there with much more experience. Thing is I feel I have so much to offer yet feel so insecure. Thank you for speaking to guys like me with this advice. I really sincerely appreciate what you do!
I was a late bloomer and if not for religious reasons I’d get a legal prostitute in Vegas area to take the mystery away. I wouldn’t make a habit of it, but if you are a virgin I’d just do that by 33. Almost all guys I know get prostitutes from time to time anyways. Enough that it surprised me a lot. Normal guys, not ghetto creeps or anything.
well, mexico strip clubs are the same thing, as are many massage parlors where they just wear lingerie and line up you for. for example very cheap cruises to ensenada, take the shuttle to downtown ensenda ( the cruise tourist area) and any of the strip clubs or massage parlors there are all prostitutes. Probably not tested, probably cartle and much more dangerous. Sex is $100 then $20-30 for the house.@@astrozoo
Important things: 0:29 First Thing ÷ Stop With Anticipatory Rejection; 2:47 Second Thing ÷ Inexperience Is Not Your Identity; 3:49 Third Thing ÷ Behaviors To Avoid; 5:28 Fourth Thing ÷ How To Talk About It; 7:23 Fifth Thing ÷ Be Open To Learning And To Feedback; and 9:47 to summarize all the told here. Additional advices: 6:00 Appropriate answer ÷ I've been prioritizing other things in my life, and I feel that I'm at good place in my life now to start dating; and 6:50 Present it in positive way what have you been prioritizing. What you have told there Courtney, that is so true. The additional things could of been these: Sixth Thing ÷ Do Not Worry Too Much (cause that will also destroy you, let's say it that way); Seventh Thing ÷ Be Relaxed (but have balance when being relaxed, and when being serious); Eight Thing ÷ Don't Take Everything For Granted When Some Things Are Told (cause sometimes they can be changed as well); Ninth Thing ÷ Go With The Flow; and Tenth Thing ÷ Be A Gentleman. As for making the elephant like you told Courtney, in Balkan peninsula we say one thing. It goes like this: ,,Praviti od komarca, magarca." Translation means: "Making from mosquito a donkey." Reading between lines means this: Don't make a big deal out of nothing (but in that case don't make a big deal, or big problem ÷ call it whatever you want, when you haven't got experience in dating). And if we are going to summarize the things that are told here, we can summarize them to these things: 1. Be Relaxed And Know When To Be Relaxed, And When To Be Serious; 2. Don't Make A Big Deal If You Don't Have Experience (cause most people don't even care about that. They want someone who is good in heart, and in head, cause that's very crucial information); 3. Be Open To Learn And Also Hear The Feedback; and 4. Be a Gentleman. Thank you so much Courtney, that means a lot ❤💙🤍.
37 and never dated. Definitely a confidence problem, but I also feel very boring and undateable. I don’t like going out to things, driving has always made me anxious and all my interests are things I do at home. And I can’t hold a conversation to save my life, I tend to go silent and let other people talk, even around family. And, I’m just a t-shirt, jeans, and one pair of shoes kind of guy with zero interest in dressing to impress. I feel lonely but in the process of accepting that dating just isn’t for me.
Some people call boring reliable. Maybe go to a convention centered around your interests and perhaps you will find someone who enjoys those things too. Looking nice will get you looks. I dressed up in a suit to walk around the mall in and I got allot of looks.
When women give advice for what clothing to wear, they're giving advice on what clothing they personally find appealing, so that's one thing to keep in mind. I am not successful in dating, so I'm not one to give great advice, but I do think this channel focusses too much on fashion, and one thing I do know for a fact is that not every woman gives a shit how you dress. And also, look at how Courtney dresses. She gives advice for clothing on guys that specifically match her individual style, and make them attractive to her personally. I prefer women that are covered in tattoos and piercings. Wearing the clothing that Courtney recommends is not going to get me a woman whose style I'm most attracted to.
@@XfiverXThat’s the vibe I’m getting too. Like most of her recommendations are things that almost look dressy. Like, I’m not going to drop a $100 on a cardigan to only wear it maybe one day a year.
@@M0b1us_118 TBF I think she's probably giving good advice for what looks good to an average woman. I just know I've dated women that didn't care about my clothing, and I'd rather date someone that doesn't care about my clothes than someone who thinks fashion is important.
Thank you Courtney. These are the pieces of advice I try to live my life by each day. In the past I used to think that no woman wanted me and that I would be rejected in an instant, but I stopped thinking like that a long, long time ago.
It has been a few decades since I shared a kiss. This video has some solid advice I imagine. I have heard that the more you interact with people, the better you get at relationship which includes romantic and intimate relationships. So, meet and get to know people even if you don't date. Getting comfortable around the people you are nervous around helps. I think understanding how you recover from rejection is good self knoweldge. At my age I probably either need to get out of my isolated area/lifestyle or learn how to start a realationship with someone who had gave up hope on finding someone.
Hi Courtney! "Stop With The Anticipatory Rejection". Oh, yes. I am very familiar with that! I would want to talk to a girl, but I would wind up saying to myself, "I'm sure that a girl like that already must have a boyfriend". So, I wouldn't talk to her. It is a pretty hard habit to break! I hope that you & your husband have a great week!
I’m most definitely a late bloomer. I didn’t even try to start dating until I was 24 years old . Before that I was very shy and very quite. I spent nearly all of my time to myself, not talking to anyone. As I got older I did try to talk to girls more but most weren’t interested in me. Compared to what I was like back then I consider myself much more outgoing now, but the thing is I’m much older and there aren’t many single women my age out there.
Bro, same. I’m 26 and I broke up with the only girlfriend I ever had a couple years ago. Since then I’ve been single. Like you, I’ve mostly kept to myself, avoiding meaningful connections with people. Mostly, I guess cause I’ve always feared rejection even if it’s not romantic. My advice, get comfortable with yourself first. Build that self esteem. Even though I’ve been lonely af the past couple of years, I’ve used that loneliness to fuel myself to workout heavily. Now I’m in the best shape of my life, and know for a fact that the next woman I meet will surely appreciate me more than the last! Stay strong, bro! 💪
Whoa. I was going on an date around mid/late 2000s & ended up got stood up. To make matters worse is that she told one lie after another as to why she couldn't go on a date with me. You'll find the right woman.
@@RetroBigCat75 Oh man, I remember the first time I got stood up. It was actually suppose to be my first date. We were to meet at a nearby movie theater but she never showed up. It would be another two years until my actual first date.
I think the main issue is that confidence comes with success and experience. It can be very hard to come off as confident without it. Your feel fake if you do.
No. Lack of confidence in this case is caused by that you're making big deal about that. It really is not a disease and nobody will shoot you only because you are inexperienced.
Yeah, the anticipatory rejection is my biggest vice. Manifestation of my social anxiety. It's something I'm working on to simply allow them to do the rejection if it's going to happen at all.
I sooo needed this advice many years ago after leaving the army at 22 years old. Last G/F if you call it that in high school lasted two months. My priorities back then was school work and counseling sessions. Had my first real girlfriend at 31. My best advice to anyone is just relax step out of your comfort zone at a pace your most comfortable and remember the worst thing a potential date can say is no One last thing don’t settle for anything but the best
Considering i've literally had people (4 of them to be exact) tell me that since i've never had a girlfriend, I am a red flag. It's kind of like a bank. Can't get a loan without credit and you can't get credit without a loan soooo i'm not sure what to do about that. I'll talk to literally anyone that will talk to me though.
@@chrisfreeman4568 If you know me you'll know how funny that is to me. I don't lie. Been swung at a few times for "being an asshole" when I was just telling the truth.
For me personally, I haven't dated in 7 years or so I'm almost 29 and the honest reason why is because I needed to get my life together and focus on building a future for myself because I was unhappy with where I was in life. Now I've really turned things around and I'm looking to get back into dating. If that is a red flag for a woman then the woman is a walking red flag herself.
The hardest part when you're inexperienced (I'm 35, had an 18 month relationship which ended nearly 13 years ago, and nothing else) is putting yourself out there. I used to and constantly got rejected, hard to truly believe it will be any different next time.
Yeah, I don’t put myself out there either. But, we cannot assume every girl is going to reject us, Just have to keep trying to find someone who will be right. It’s hard, but not impossible.
You are not inexperienced, your experience is that you are either turned down or just overlooked. That is for guys who have tried but generally have little to no luck most of the time.
17 months longer than i had, but yeah i find it hard to believe next time will be any different. The 'sunk cost fallacy' applies to dating. At some point men & women drop out due to failure.
Courtney, this topic reminds me of when I lived in Shanghai for a year, but when I arrived I felt like a fish out of water. I was afraid to cross the street alone and felt the need to tell everyone I met how scared I was and how I was from a small town. One night I met a couple of older men at a rooftop bar who gave me great “dad-like” advice. They said, “When you tell your story of who you are, you don’t have to always mention you’re a small town woman who’s nervous. You get to choose how to tell your story. Re-write the narrative from here on out” I think with inexperience in dating it’s kind of the same way. You can use your fear and nerves as an excuse or you can find a way to be empowered by it. Not everyone these guys meet needs to hear, “I’ve been a loner up until now. I’m scared of women and I’ve been rejected a lot.” People have the choice to re-write their narrative at any time they choose.
Being in a new city and want to date woman romantically is like difference between mosquito and elephant. I'm curious how many late bloomers you've dated. Never take and advice about men's dating from pretty girl. Sory, you have zero idea what it's feel like.
Thanks alot Courtney for helping us guys out. You are amazing for all the help and advice that you give out. I don't think people realize how many late bloomers there are out there. Glad to know we are not forgotten.
A typical first date for me: Her: "It seems like you are new to this?" Me: "New to what?" Her: "Dating, you look like you are trying to figure out what to do." Me: "Yeah, you are my first date." (Note: We were 26) Her: "Stands up and leaves." One said "I'm not going to train you." I didn't ask to be trained like a dog, but that's how women look at it, they want a guy who knows what he is doing. Every date was not even a first date as none of them got past that point to actually finish the first date. it takes a certain type of girl to get over that and that takes a long time to find. I've yet to find a girl (outside of a cult) that will accept a guy that has zero dating and sexual experience compared to her in that age group. It's difficult to become proficient in that social situation when you can't get the situations to last long enough to learn and improve.
I’m sorry to hear that, I’ve told dates I was inexperienced when I was younger, and many women are cool with it. You just found bitches unfortunately. I promise you there are women out there who wouldn’t mind at all. At the same time - don’t make a point of it if possible if it makes you feel awkward.
@@poeticeclipse My experience prior to getting married mixed with interactions with several single women at work now; it's a blended post. It's how it went all the way to my late 20s. I referenced Age 26 in the post because I remember that specific "first date" so vividly. But lately in conversations with single women at work where dating came up as the topic, I've asked them and they said they would never date a guy with less experience than what they had. One said she wanted to date a man and not a guy with the experience of a high schooler. Each consistently stating they don't want to be the teacher on the date or in the bedroom. I've asked some of the women at work quite a few things Courtney has brought up to see what their thoughts are (never revealing my past though); such as, what do you think about guys who are shorter or the videos where she does the "The guy is a 7 but...." So I've not found a single, single lady at work yet who has said "Thanks okay, that doesn't bother me."
If dates nowadays are like job interviews, it follows that women will turn you down like a job applicant. Everyone wants experience but no one wants to provide it. "No one wants to work today" equates very well with "where have all the good men gone?". Bonus observation: look who constitutes most of the recruiters and HR people...
Honestly Courtney if you made an entire channel devoted to inexperienced guys and late bloomers I would welcome that and I think a lot of other guys would too!
Courtney!! This is the video I’ve been waiting for! Thank you so much! I lost my virginity at 33 late bloomer indeed. You have been a huge influence on my dating life and I’m getting better each day. I’m also getting really good at cold approach as well. Thank you for everything
@@nobodysperfect06 Pretty normal to be completely honest. I’ve had a good life so i never felt too horrible. Although I gotta be real here. I’ve never been in a relationship, that makes me feel a little desperate but it’s fading away thank God! I am getting better, I’m taking care of myself, I work, I go to the gym and I have a good life. You can’t think about that all the time.
@MrBarnardoo98 you say that you have had sex but you've never had a girlfriend before? Was it just casual sex or just a hookup only or did you pay for sex, as in, with an escort or a sex worker or a prostitute?
@@nobodysperfect06 Long story short, my neighbor was always being very flirty with me, we liked each other and then boom! It happened but it was casual purely
I don't understand how. I don't get it at all. You are married to her, right? And you can't ask her out... ? To go on a date? You can't say, "Hey, let's go out sometime... we'll go to the movies, we'll watch this new action flick, then we'll go to this new restaurant that's opened up, have a nice spaghetti dinner with a steak, then drive around the city a bit, stop by the ice-cream place.. then be back. And, you're driving!"?
Try remembering that you already got her. She's yours. She's your wife. She's already with you. Your relationship with her is at the point where it's expected that there will be dates. Maybe that will make it easier to take her on a date. Like zuhairreza said, at this point, you can just say "let's go out sometime." You're not at the beginning (step one). You've already reached the goal. Remembering that might make it easier.
I’ve ask out a lot of women in my life and they’ve rejected a bunch of times and I really feel like every woman will never like me more than just a friend.
@@ShawnMCook100 I’ll stop being nice to them but then how do I get them to like me more than just a friend as time goes on and when I get to know them better?
Think about it this way: Few people are really, truly, worthy of love. Most people are what could be called "morally indifferent", and many are even awful. Do THEY worry about being unworthy? No they don't. In fact they feel entitled to love and everything else in life. I strongly suspect you're a better person, so don't put yourself down.
Thanks for the video. The Five Things That Helped me Attract My Dream Partner were: 1) Learning to practice self compassion 2) Learning to be more authentic 3) Putting myself out there and committing to learn as much as I can about the person in front without allowing my judgements to take control 4) Having fun whilst dating 5) Learning to have continue with my own life whilst dating and not making it my sole priority.
A thing I wish I knew earlier about how to deal with being a late bloomer - society has preconditioned you to feel less self-worth because of your inexperience. But you don't deserve this. You don't deserve the uncomfortable feeling of being "interrogated" by a woman on a date about your prior experience. Instead, try to understand the woman, and why she cares about it in the first place. Try asking the girl something along the lines of: "I'm actually curious to understand the reason behind your question [about my dating experience]. What do you want to learn about me from hearing about my dating past? Are there things that worry you about dating someone who has fewer dating experience?" You deserve to be treated with respect, much more than you deserve to "succeed" with a certain woman. If inexperience is a deal breaker for her, so be it. I been rejected a few times for my inexperience, usually by girls who had a lot of experience and just knew what they were looking for. It was a bummer, but understandable. The right girl for you will not care about all that. Everyone has their baggage and reasons to fear they won't be accepted, and mature people realize this and can look past it.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I saw a shrink ten years ago for depression and he said it’s time I start dating I said who with no one will date me , rejection leads to more depression
Great video, and one to watch again for someone who is getting out of a 5 year relationship and about to enter the dating world again. Even though you were in a long term relationship, it’s good to know these things, especially since the relationship was your first.
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
I found the video very helpful. Thank you. I felt like it was just me that had no experience. I'm very hard on myself about it. But, you say don't bring it up and if it does cone up to put a positive spin on it or say sonething like I'm focused on other things. I'm also reminded by a female friend that I may think my male friends get all the women but that they don't treat women very great and to not look at them as rolemodles for getting a girlfriend. Also, you taught me in this video that each woman is different so don't bring anything from the last Woman to the new woman cause they might not feel the same way. I am a high anxiety person. But you suggested to not let my worries own me. I found that helpful.
One piece of advice for inexperienced guys. If a girl shuts down a first conversation or turns you down asking for a first date, this is very common and happens to alot of guys. Don't fell bad. Don't let it bother you. Todays women are very, very, very picky on who they chose to date.
Many of them who act that way are narcissists, or behave in ways that show their hostile attitudes towards men. If one treats you that way, cease all contact with her and try again with someone else.
I know all about rejection it was in my DNA throughout my 20's. Not a single woman I asked wanted to go out on a date with me. I was a nice guy, average height better than average looks but it was just the excuse of the day for saying no. This really effected me so much I just gave up and stayed in my shell in my 30's till now almost 60. I never bothered to date for over 30 years instead I avoided a social life outside of family by working, putting in optional OT at work even on the weekends. On the plus side I was able to save up a lot of money and take early retirement at 55. Now at 59 I want to take a second crack at dating, maybe even find that first GF but I'll admit Courtney the dating world today terrifies me. Dating apps I've tried a couple but they are full of fake profiles that just scam money out of you to get a paid membership.
For me, as an introvert, it's very difficult to meet new people, especially after the age of 30. People usually have their friends and aren't open to new people. According to Maslow's pyramid theory, people need to receive/give love, friendship, to gain confidence and without them they could end up with depression, loneliness and anxiety. It's hard to gain trust if things don't happen and when they do, they often lead to rejection. However, if you don't try, there's no chance of things happening and you'll remain miserable. It's a big dilemma.
You are not an introvert. You have been conditioned to think that way. Humans a social creatures to the core. Let me guess, someone you had a bad experience with was a narcissist and you possibly have add or bipolar or some other man made mental illness. It's all conditioning, wake up
My apologies, I appear to have left two pocket comments which display a lack of empathy (will delete). I agree, it is hard to make friends after 30, even in my 20s I found it hard. For me, being part of a faith community (church) has helped a lot in this area. Something else that has made my life better is being part of a running club - I haven't made any close friends but lots of friendly acquaitances who I see on a regular basis and for me, thats better than nothing.
My wive likes my inexperience, I never went through the dismay of bad partners like she had to, and there is no one to compare her to when she is the first and only
I guess you could say I'm a late bloomer, I'm 31 and never even kissed a girl. My problem is that my feelings of anticipatory rejection come from my lack of financial stability PLUS my inexperience. I feel like if I don't have the things that make a good long-term partner, why even start the process?
Concentrate on developing your strengths and you will be recognized for it. Knowing you don't have some things is better than not knowing. You can work on those things in a way you can. I met this one lady who had expensive tastes. She desired in her life to go to a broadway show every two weeks in New York City which is a six hour drive. I couldn't afford that. What I might have been able to do would be orginize a bimonthly trip to New York City to see a show, make money from it and two extra tickets for the bimonthly vaction. I wasn't willing to dedicate my life to that even though I do enjoy theater. But adaptions can be made to make up for what our partner requires. I probably should have asked her if the local theaters were sufficient as we have at least four nonprofessional theaters within two hours drive. I knew a guy who took his future wife to a hotdog stand for their first date and twenty years later they are still together. I think it helps to meet and interact with (not nesecarly a date) as many women as you can with the goal of just to get to know them and not as a prelude to dating. Not everyone agrees with me on this.
Man, I know exactly what you mean. I was 35 when I got my 1st kiss. Now, after 3 years, it's a very mixed review. I did check off all my 1sts, but my inexperience was a MASSIVE issue w/ the women I interacted with. Courtney's advice to downplay it & all that isn't directed at us 30+. It's probably very helpful for guys in early 20s late bloomers, but us idk. I've had girls say straight up I'm not here to teach u how to relationship. I tried to point out its a feature not a bug. I don't have any bad relationships habits & am a clean slate just for her. Didn't matter. Women expect u to just get it & have little to zero empathy for the male experience. Especially if u have little experience w/ women or dating. Maybe it would be different if I dated younger women, but I dated in my age range. To your question: I struggle w/ that too. My perspective is there is a tipping point; where if u don't have experience, as a man, by a certain age. Women absolutely won't put up with it. Each man must decide for himself, but I'll share from the other side. A HUGE part of me wishes I never got into it all. Life was simple & the image of women & dating in my mind was beautiful & sweet. Now, after dipping my toe in it, women & dating is absolutely terrifying. I've already wrote more than anyone will read, but I'll say good luck brother.
@@stonelord100 Thanks for the response, too bad it's kinda what I feared. The one little sliver of optimism I have is that I know everybody has different experiences and maybe it'll workout for me...
@HornedGod1 Thanks lol It took a LONG time and Courtney's videos have helped a ton but I've had a real problem with confidence and self worth for most of my life and it paralyzed me socially, even to this day.
@@THATlaptopDJi started going to the gym in October and it has helped my confidence, if you don’t currently work out i highly recommend it from my experience.
(I bloomed late, and thought that it was better for everyone, especially myself, also the bloom was like a tumbleweed. only once then rolling around dry for the rest of the time. I love talking. Word art is fun.) My mind is naturally distant. Should I actually invest in whatever could it turn out better? Some guys say they have more judgment about more experience. LEARNING yes. Listening is so important also.
u got two options and both can be effective (provided u do the basics like be in shape n make an effort) 1. own it. just be totally comfortable and honest about it. just be super enthusiastic like nothing phases u 2 fake it until u make it. don't mention your inexperience and skirt around things cleverly. this does teo things ... it hides your inexperience but also may make u look mysterious, which is a great thing. just act like someone who goes out all the time, its no big deal we're just hanging out
31 years never had a girlfriend in my entire life. All throughout high school, I would dance my friends girlfriends at homecoming, but I would always go home alone. I didn't even have my first kiss untill last year, and that was with some random girl at a club. My inexperience was part of the reason why I didn't even consider asking for her number.
When I used to go out on dates more frequently, I WOULD NOT bring up that I'm inexperienced. However, I would hear this rejection a lot, "You're a nice guy, but I felt no connection." I've heard that rejection so many times that I've memorized it and basically expect to hear it at the end of dates at this point. I stopped putting myself out there because I'm tired of this nice guy rejection. I don't want to waste my time or their time at this point. Again, this is WITHOUT me mentioning that I'm inexperienced. What do I do from here?
@@StaffOfDestruction did you / do you show interest in what she said she was interested in? On a positive note - getting dates in the first place is a good sign. Some of us struggle to get that far
@chrisfreeman4568 While it wasn't all of them, when I was showing interest, I would ask more questions about it and then have my share of showing I liked that activity or hobby. That was over 4 years ago when I used to use dating apps. I don't care to go out on dates much because I still get that rejection. The last date I went on was in July of last year. Basically, I heard the same rejection, and she asked if we could hang out as friends. I told her that I have too many friends (which is true) and couldn't just add more friends in my life
If you are inexperienced, you have to put yourself out there. That does NOT mean it will work and you'll start getting dates, but even so the odds are better than not trying at all.
Its actually over. Im 32. Its not just the insecurity. Its despite the fact that I try all the self improvement yet Im constantly rejected and overlooked. Women simply feel disgusted with me. I do strongly believe nothing is going to change.
So true. A mate of mine is desperate on finding someone but doesn’t have the confidence to ask her out, he been in same boat previously and each women ended up getting married with confident men who ask them out instead of being insecure about themselves and getting upset cos they did nothing at all to ask them out
Been living with my female flatmate for a year, two weeks ago I confessed I liked her and she said the same, spent the entire week together then slept together saturday night, she even made plans for us to go out this week. But yesterday she disappeared to her moms and said she would be back (maybe) a week from now, I can't believe it she was all over me then just went completley cold. She did mention she was stressed but I have no idea if the cause was me or something else. Now shes constantly posting on her IG stories of her out despite her saying she couldnt go out due to a sprain in her foot.
Inexperienced guy here, and how my insecurity f-ed me over as well as the girl i cared for: Experiences before: In 5th grade i confessed to a girl, she replied with "ew" In 11th grade i confessed and she told me she was a lesbian In 12th grade i confessed and she said "yes, that would be nice" and then completly ghosted me This year i met a girl that i have become friends with, and i thought we were just friends but over time i started feeling a sort of way. I at first tried to ignore them, thinking that she is just a nice person (she is the only person that asked me to hang out in last 4 years instead of me needing to ask others to join). However the more time passed the more often i started feeling things towards her, it almost felt like time was slowing down next to her. She was at the time dealing with a messy situation with her bf and i wanted to support her cause she seemed very troubled by it. We would go to uni parties, especially around christmas time, and since she is pretty weak with alcohol i wanted to make sure she got home safe, so i often walked her home. During these times we had a lot of body touch and at first i didnt want to come off too strong, at start was only shoulders touching in train, and towards end i would put my hand around her waist when we walked. I tried to ask if she was ok with me getting closer but she never seemed to mind (although most of that happened when she wasn't sober). Throughout this whole journey i was always nervous, do i speak fine, do i look ok, am i caring enough, do i come off too strong, i am not that good looking regardless of how many people tell me i am handsome, i dont have a good physique because of my recent weight gain, i am struggling to keep a constant engaging conversation and i often questioned myself on "why would someone smart, pretty and kind like her be willing to spend time with me of all people". This let me spiraling too much, i stopped having energy or will to do mundane things like keeping up with homework, every morning and evening i started thinking about her, and the more i did the lonelier i became. Eventually we decided to go on a trip for new years. Everything was fun until i eventually drank a lot of alcohol for new years. Generally i am pretty reselient but that day i crumbled. So on new years day i confessed everything even though i knew that she was still unsure about her feelings with her current bf, and i just did that because i wanted her to reject me so i can get over her myself. But in that action i put my personal feelings over hers so it came off as very rude and incensitive. So in the end i kinda ruined new years for her and myself. I spent a long time to think about why things went that way, and i realised that, i did not regret saying what i did because i was being hurt and couldnt carry it in the same state anymore, i was being hurt because i kept thinking about things i am not, because i am insecure and did not have enough belief in myself and confidence in what i am. In the end she kinda forgave me and while she doesnt avoid me in stuff like class or when we hang out in same circle of friends, i havent received a single dm from her since we came back from the trip. So yeah i learnt a lot from that and i realised that i have to work on myself and love myself more to have confidence in who i am.
How do I approach her at her work area without being creepy? We don’t work in the same area but she says things like “get home safe”! and constantly smiles at me when she sees me
I have put a temporary pause on dating to prioritize myself, but I always find your advice on dating to be refreshing and encouraging. I plan to re-enter the dating scene later this year because I want to meet a good woman who is also looking for a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship. It may be a bit challenging to "re-learn" how to date, but I will always keep your tips in mind.
Thank you, Courtney! I have learned a lot from watching your content and engaging on video comments, and I know there will always be plenty more room to learn! Wishing you all the best, as well 🙂
Anticipatory rejection is a learned behavior, you can tell me to experience more rejection, but you dont tell people to be kinder to those of us fumbling away.
I really appreciate you diving deeper into this topic! Taking notes. 📝 Edit: Finished the video. Very helpful advice! It was also very encouraging. I'll be re-watching this one to let it all soak in.
I'm a late bloomer. What you said about those who think they're experiences is a confirmation because I got called out in the past for not having experience and the one said that to me turned out be a stagnant now.
Hi Courtney, one point I wished you would have discussed is whether or not women care about inexperience. My guess is most women don't care, but those who do tend to use that as an excuse to condemn people.
Hi Courtney! Last week, I went to a rally of keeping biological men out of women’s sports, and those girls there treated me better than most of the girls at my high school. They gave me warm hugs.
Great tips. Id say just approach people you find attractive and then incrementally apply these steps. Thats what I did and every new interaction was a much better. If I were there with you, Id have made you text/call the person you find attractive. Thats the only way to learn.
I hate myself for lots of reasons. And my inexperience feels like proof of my shortcumings. And it really doesn't matter what anyone else says, i know me and all my flaws, i have an absolutely massive family sorounded by love. But i want a wife and kids of my own and it feels more worth it to give up on that dream and move on than to get rejected again and again
If there was anything I learned from dating my ex it would’ve been confidence is key, especially with inexperience. And just have an open mind when it comes to specific things, you will do fine.
Thank you, this was a great episode. I've always priorited myself, especially my education over the past 24 years and I've had no room for a companion because of my personal life goal. I've been on a few dates but ultimately it was better to remain single. I'm currently doing a Masters and there is no time or money for another person at the moment
Another great video. Trying to meet someone in 2024, would be nice to have a girlfriend and possibly family. 53 and never had a girlfriend. Constant rejection is very difficult to constantly overcome. 2023 was the usual three things get out of the house, join groups and work on myself, but no luck so far. Will try to ensure I don’t do these negative things. PS the no relationship thing may work for men in their 20s and 30s but women say they don’t want to date an inexperienced old man.
@@Brendan-05- women would snap you up in the Philippines. I am recently thinking the exact same thing here in the UK. Started looking at fight prices though.
I'm kind of a late bloomer, but I've been putting myself out there and I dated a fair share of women, so I guess I have some experience. I don't know about the bedroom though lol.
I'll be 29 this year, I actually have a great social circle/life, have been told I'm charismatic and a good conversationalist, I currently have, and have had tons of female friends throughout my life, and have been in several talking stages, but have never actually been in a relationship. What category do I fall in??
Guys - listen to Courtney, because she's telling it exactly like it is! This is all you need to know! All the best from someone, who was a VERY late bloomer, but got there in the end. And she was beautiful. :)
Unfortunately its wholly negative in the eyes of most people barring people who themselves are inexperienced. Why would someone choose an inexperienced person with all the hang ups they are likely to have versus someone who is experienced. I have spent 25 years trying to overcome inexperience and the reality is unless I am prepared to "settle" for people I do not find attractive, the people I find attractive in terms of personality and physical attraction are not even remotely interested in me. In my view people want experience and and immediately if the person is not experienced then people will probably see that person as being lower value.
I have just entered the dating market again after being in a relationship for 7 years following high school and I'm honestly quite nervous. Don't have much of an issue meeting people I like, just mostly from my admittedly limited experience nobody likes me back, or the two times they did it wasn't at all a positive thing. What causes me more anxiety though is being very sexually inexperienced and being not at all good at "sex". Least at the moment that's probably enough to prevent me from dating anyone as I feel so unconfident and not optimistic things will get better. Not to mention so many situations make me feel super uncomfortable.
My biggest worry is that a woman won't feel the same way I do about doing something for the 1st time as I do if she's been there and done that thing a dozen times or more. I want to share special moments and those cam ONLY happen when two people share a unique experience for the 1st time. For me anytime I do anything after the 1st time it loses most of its appeal. So I'm worried other people are like me and will be bored doing something they have already done. Take movies for example I've never watched the same movie twice as I have a perfect memory for movies and forget nothing I've ever seen. So watching for a second time there is nothing new or exciting to see or experience.
For inexperienced guys who anticipate rejection from an approach, except it graciously and take the power out of it. It is the grow thick skin phase. It isn't your LTR rejecting you, it's a stranger. Odds are if you did get somewhere with her, you end up not so enthused, that's just a fact. As you make approaches more often, you WILL get better. Not that you'll score a number or date every time, but you will lose the irrational fear of the approach rejection. When that happens, the approaches will become more relaxed and regular and THAT's when you'll be in the zone to strike gold. Run into the fire.
Not necessarily for everyone though. Some people naturally aren't good with talking to others. No amount of practice will fix that. I am one of those people where I never get better no matter how much I approach. For me, I actually had to take a class on how to talk to others. Some people are like that
@@mario125ww Mario, it's pretty universal that if you practice almost anything, you'll get better at it. Good on you for taking the class though, I hope it helped. You could practice initially on less threatening women, cashiers you see regularly like at pharmacy or grocery, older women, even men you can say 'hot enough for you' or anything to start a conversation and become conversational. Then work toward more interesting challenges. Look at it as a skill you can develop because it is. Regards.
I got my heart broken for a second time at 21, it took me 15 years to overcome the intense desire to kill myself every day. I hated myself and was determined to ruin my life for hurting my ex and making her leave me. I wanted to die for what i had done to her. I gave her reasons to stop loving me and i should die for that.
It’s interesting to see what late blooming is to some. From looking at a lot of comments, I’m seeing guys in the their late twenties, thirties who not only never had a GF, but never been on a date. I thought I was a late bloomer when my first date was at 19. I didn’t have my first GF until I was 21. Looking back ya I wish all that happened in Jr. high early HS when I was 14-15.
That's pretty good, Courtney. I would also add for guys to just be yourself. If it works out, great. If it doesn't work out, then that's great too. You aren't going to be compatible with everyone. Also, to be honest and don't lie about anything.
I’m 33 never had a gf only been on dates with 3 women it’s been 3 years since the last and 5 years before that l only ever asked a girl out offline once got rejected
Men don't have a choice. It takes forever to get established if you don't inherit a lot of wealth, and decades by yourself are soul crushing. I don't think any woman could do a video on it though because it's the polar opposite for them so they have no clue.
My problem is that I'm almost 40 and single. And I haven't date someone in 15 years and every time I try something in that aspect it's like a mountain getting exponentially bigger in front of me with a woman waiting on top. Basically, whenever I met an interesting woman to ask her out on a date, she is already dating someone or rejected me for that reason. And the ones interested in me.. well, I didn't feel the same. On top of that, my age. I don't want to date women my age because they already have children or don't want to have them. And younger women... 95% of them don't want anything remotely serious with a guy. I'm financially fine but I'm inexperienced and old. I'm f*cked. 😅
Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/courtneyryan for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
Does it really work? You still seem pretty mental. Have you tried it?
@JorgeMartinez-qr1kf she married for a goon for the money
@JorgeMartinez-qr1kf here's for free stay in your own league be polite no over expectations and Always be yourself.
Hopefully you're aware, there are youtube ads using you with an AI voice for some crap "male enchancement" gimmick. Just making sure you're aware so you might be able to have them removed.
@@jdarnellsix i haven't tried
32 years old here. I had my first date and first kiss yesterday. My day have been filled of emotions. Your vids has been full of positive energy for me even though I discover your channel very recently. Ty
I'm 27 and I'm starting to feel like it's too late. Thank you for sharing that, it was encouraging.
Good for you bro. Better late than never
@@Andrew54123 That does suck, but there isn't really an alternative other than dating someone far younger than you, which comes with its own issues.
@@Andrew54123 not at all. Most couples dont last so you keep searching, everyone does that so men and women have more than one partner in their lifetime. Is quite rare that your first would be for your whole life
@@Andrew54123 it is no problem for me otherwise I would have to stay single or date a teen which Im not interest. And the girl I refer to in my first comment did not work out. I’m dating a new girl so
One thing I like to add for my late bloomers.
I have noticed that often times experienced people or people that haven't struggled with relationships tend to take the person next to them for granted, while inexperienced people cherish the relationship they've had trouble finding until that point.
So in a sense, rather than perceiving inexperience as some sort of handicap, be confident that you can be the dream boyfriend/girlfriend instead.
Interesting!
Listen I know you are trying to be thw silver lining kind of person but let's state facts instead of this wishful thinking and delusions. Confidence comes from experience and success. So if you are saying to be confident in your inexperience that's totally contradictory. That's like saying go to a job interview that expects previous work experience and just be confident. How is that possible you have nothing to fall back on. How are you going to exude Confidence smh
@@DylonysusI mean Frank Abagnale was able to do it in the 1960s so anything is possible.
check your trailer for a CO leak
I like your optimism but it falls apart the moment the other party has all the experience and will not invest in you but just look for the first red flag and be done.
I'm definitely a late bloomer. I've been learning to just own it. Not let my inexperience control my life. This year I'm ready to become a better version of myself. You're a big inspiration for me. These videos help me so much. Please keep making these kinds of videos. I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling
Me too. I never really looked for dates until I was able to become fully independent and financially stable, and then I also was able to use my newfound freedom and money to have a healthier diet and take care of my body better. If I was in this good of shape ten years ago as I am now, I probably would have been better at high school sports lol. I'm just going to own that I'm a nerd and that I'm learning relationship stuff as I go, and as I said before, I do have my reasons.
@@colten53look up John Anthony lifestyle, he was a nerd and has slept with almost 2,000 women. Obviously excessive but he’s actually great at meeting new women.
@@colten53 I was in your situation. I thought it would be pointless to date when I was 26, still living at home because I could only get part time retail jobs because I hadn’t finished college, drove a beater Ford Ranger with parts falling off of it, and could barely afford restaurant meals, when there were guys my age or slightly older that had respectable jobs, their own houses, and the ability to take girls on the nicest trips, to the nicest restaurants, and buy them high end jewelry and cars.
I’m gonna be 33 this year, If I want to ever have that kind of relationship in my life, I’ve got to make moves soon
@@jamesbowers5946good luck! I’m thinking the same at 23!
Gotta get going
@@jamesbowers5946 Dude, it's not about 'stuff'! (& it shouldn't be!)
When I was 17 I got rejected in a rude and mean way by the girl that I've known since we were little kids. Was stuck in this oneitis trap for 14 years. Last year I finally put myself out there and went for 3 dates with one girl and got ghosted right after. But thanks to your channel I found out that I completely suck at dating and have too many insecurities, but also doing good on my own, so I'm not putting myself out there anymore.
A very pretty woman (Courtney) is talking about these things as if she's experienced. It's incredible.
I can relate to your experience by the way. So I know how you feel.
Let me help you with your oneitis: go listen to Jocko and understand what he said: that awesome girl you thought existed is not real. That only existed inside your head. We've all dealt with this as teenagers (probably just men, but you get my point). I had a oneitis as a teen. She is an absolutely horrible person, and I was basically doing an instinctual thing of seeking someone good and believing they were good. She was trash for me, and I would be a lot of money that your oneitis is trash. She is not what you thought she was, so you had best look elsewhere for what you like and what you want. The only other thing is don't let someone else tell you what to want. That is completely up to you.
@@spartjovic It is quite amusing. She has above-average looks, and at worst, is a bit introverted--something women can get away with much easier than men. She means well, but there's a lot of caveats to what she says.
@@HateBear-real Did you get that last line from the movie “10 Things I Hate About You”?
Real
Summary:
0:29 Stop With Anticipatory Rejection
2:47 Inexperience Is Not Your Identity
3:49 Behaviors To Avoid
5:28 How To Talk About It
7:23 Be Open To Learning And To Feedback
The problem is when you're 28, haven't had so much as a real date and have absolutely totally failed on dating apps no matter what hoops you jump through and BS you've tried, it's a little difficult to have any confidence when you're apparently so ugly, socially offputting, or whatever t hat women just don't have anything to do with you.
This tho.
It's THEM! (Not you!)
I wish you the best of luck in finding the right one!
Just know that you're not missing much with the ones who weren't receptive. More time on yourself than time spent with the wrong one should pay off in the end.
In a few years you will be fighting to keep them at bay. Try friendship connections with similar interests.
Same bro, I'm nearly 32 and in the same boat.
Being confidence enough to flat out own inexperience makes you come across as much more of a badass than trying to act like you're experienced. There are women out there who are into guys with no experience.
👏🏼👏🏼
I don’t think ANY woman would call that being a ‘badass’. Most would think you were pathetic. Most women subconsciously are ruled by ‘pre-selection’ criteria.
What does the actual difference look like (in specific words and specific actions) between owning your inexperience, and leading with/focusing on your inexperience?
It sounds great, but they seem to me to be the exact same actions in practice.
Experienced in what bed? Why is it that important?
Or just focus on basic mannerisms.....And don't put on any air'es__👔💃.......
I suspect one thing that plays a factor here is so many of us guys went through a phase of applying for entry level jobs that demanded 5+ years of experience. Everyone is inexperienced until they get experienced and it has to come from somewhere.
That and it would be a bit hard to try to only find people that match your own experience level, so there should be patience.
Yes, but most women won't consider inexperienced guys.
THANKYOU. I’m a late bloomer who still hasn’t bloomed yet despite trying everything to self improve. This is one of the most effective videos you’ve done and very eye opening for most people. Thx again
Amazing thank you Courtney. I am 33 never dated and am aware I am maybe a bit different from some guys out there with much more experience. Thing is I feel I have so much to offer yet feel so insecure. Thank you for speaking to guys like me with this advice. I really sincerely appreciate what you do!
Cases like you just depress me and make me mad and angry
I was a late bloomer and if not for religious reasons I’d get a legal prostitute in Vegas area to take the mystery away. I wouldn’t make a habit of it, but if you are a virgin I’d just do that by 33. Almost all guys I know get prostitutes from time to time anyways. Enough that it surprised me a lot. Normal guys, not ghetto creeps or anything.
@@kevinschneider1707 How about whirlwind trip to Thailand?
@@astrozoo I'm 52 in great shape, established. I am a distance skater. I find girls who share that hobby.
well, mexico strip clubs are the same thing, as are many massage parlors where they just wear lingerie and line up you for. for example very cheap cruises to ensenada, take the shuttle to downtown ensenda ( the cruise tourist area) and any of the strip clubs or massage parlors there are all prostitutes. Probably not tested, probably cartle and much more dangerous. Sex is $100 then $20-30 for the house.@@astrozoo
Important things: 0:29 First Thing ÷ Stop With Anticipatory Rejection; 2:47 Second Thing ÷ Inexperience Is Not Your Identity; 3:49 Third Thing ÷ Behaviors To Avoid; 5:28 Fourth Thing ÷ How To Talk About It; 7:23 Fifth Thing ÷ Be Open To Learning And To Feedback; and 9:47 to summarize all the told here.
Additional advices: 6:00 Appropriate answer ÷ I've been prioritizing other things in my life, and I feel that I'm at good place in my life now to start dating; and 6:50 Present it in positive way what have you been prioritizing.
What you have told there Courtney, that is so true.
The additional things could of been these: Sixth Thing ÷ Do Not Worry Too Much (cause that will also destroy you, let's say it that way); Seventh Thing ÷ Be Relaxed (but have balance when being relaxed, and when being serious); Eight Thing ÷ Don't Take Everything For Granted When Some Things Are Told (cause sometimes they can be changed as well); Ninth Thing ÷ Go With The Flow; and Tenth Thing ÷ Be A Gentleman.
As for making the elephant like you told Courtney, in Balkan peninsula we say one thing. It goes like this: ,,Praviti od komarca, magarca." Translation means: "Making from mosquito a donkey." Reading between lines means this: Don't make a big deal out of nothing (but in that case don't make a big deal, or big problem ÷ call it whatever you want, when you haven't got experience in dating).
And if we are going to summarize the things that are told here, we can summarize them to these things:
1. Be Relaxed And Know When To Be Relaxed, And When To Be Serious;
2. Don't Make A Big Deal If You Don't Have Experience (cause most people don't even care about that. They want someone who is good in heart, and in head, cause that's very crucial information);
3. Be Open To Learn And Also Hear The Feedback; and
4. Be a Gentleman.
Thank you so much Courtney, that means a lot ❤💙🤍.
37 and never dated. Definitely a confidence problem, but I also feel very boring and undateable. I don’t like going out to things, driving has always made me anxious and all my interests are things I do at home. And I can’t hold a conversation to save my life, I tend to go silent and let other people talk, even around family. And, I’m just a t-shirt, jeans, and one pair of shoes kind of guy with zero interest in dressing to impress. I feel lonely but in the process of accepting that dating just isn’t for me.
Some people call boring reliable. Maybe go to a convention centered around your interests and perhaps you will find someone who enjoys those things too. Looking nice will get you looks. I dressed up in a suit to walk around the mall in and I got allot of looks.
There are some women who are homebody type. They don't go out much.
When women give advice for what clothing to wear, they're giving advice on what clothing they personally find appealing, so that's one thing to keep in mind. I am not successful in dating, so I'm not one to give great advice, but I do think this channel focusses too much on fashion, and one thing I do know for a fact is that not every woman gives a shit how you dress. And also, look at how Courtney dresses. She gives advice for clothing on guys that specifically match her individual style, and make them attractive to her personally. I prefer women that are covered in tattoos and piercings. Wearing the clothing that Courtney recommends is not going to get me a woman whose style I'm most attracted to.
@@XfiverXThat’s the vibe I’m getting too. Like most of her recommendations are things that almost look dressy. Like, I’m not going to drop a $100 on a cardigan to only wear it maybe one day a year.
@@M0b1us_118 TBF I think she's probably giving good advice for what looks good to an average woman. I just know I've dated women that didn't care about my clothing, and I'd rather date someone that doesn't care about my clothes than someone who thinks fashion is important.
Thank you Courtney. These are the pieces of advice I try to live my life by each day.
In the past I used to think that no woman wanted me and that I would be rejected in an instant, but I stopped thinking like that a long, long time ago.
I really appreciate whenever you add the chapters and would appreciate seeing them more.
Thanks for creating the kinds of videos that you do.
It has been a few decades since I shared a kiss. This video has some solid advice I imagine. I have heard that the more you interact with people, the better you get at relationship which includes romantic and intimate relationships. So, meet and get to know people even if you don't date. Getting comfortable around the people you are nervous around helps. I think understanding how you recover from rejection is good self knoweldge. At my age I probably either need to get out of my isolated area/lifestyle or learn how to start a realationship with someone who had gave up hope on finding someone.
Hi Courtney! "Stop With The Anticipatory Rejection". Oh, yes. I am very familiar with that! I would want to talk to a girl, but I would wind up saying to myself, "I'm sure that a girl like that already must have a boyfriend". So, I wouldn't talk to her. It is a pretty hard habit to break!
I hope that you & your husband have a great week!
I actually threw that thought out of the window and approached a girl in my office which I liked.
Turns out she really has a boyfriend.
Reality BITES!
I’m most definitely a late bloomer. I didn’t even try to start dating until I was 24 years old . Before that I was very shy and very quite. I spent nearly all of my time to myself, not talking to anyone. As I got older I did try to talk to girls more but most weren’t interested in me. Compared to what I was like back then I consider myself much more outgoing now, but the thing is I’m much older and there aren’t many single women my age out there.
Don't worry, young chicks dig oder guys. Especially if they're rich
Bro, same. I’m 26 and I broke up with the only girlfriend I ever had a couple years ago. Since then I’ve been single. Like you, I’ve mostly kept to myself, avoiding meaningful connections with people. Mostly, I guess cause I’ve always feared rejection even if it’s not romantic. My advice, get comfortable with yourself first. Build that self esteem. Even though I’ve been lonely af the past couple of years, I’ve used that loneliness to fuel myself to workout heavily. Now I’m in the best shape of my life, and know for a fact that the next woman I meet will surely appreciate me more than the last! Stay strong, bro! 💪
Whoa. I was going on an date around mid/late 2000s & ended up got stood up. To make matters worse is that she told one lie after another as to why she couldn't go on a date with me. You'll find the right woman.
@@RetroBigCat75 Oh man, I remember the first time I got stood up. It was actually suppose to be my first date. We were to meet at a nearby movie theater but she never showed up. It would be another two years until my actual first date.
@@dgwatersWhoa. That sucks. At least you got to go on your first date. I haven't been one since I got stood up in Vegas (mid/late 2000s).
I think the main issue is that confidence comes with success and experience. It can be very hard to come off as confident without it. Your feel fake if you do.
I guess this is where the saying "fake it till you make it" comes from, haha.
No. Lack of confidence in this case is caused by that you're making big deal about that. It really is not a disease and nobody will shoot you only because you are inexperienced.
This kind of advice will always be welcomed, Courtney!
🥰
Yeah, the anticipatory rejection is my biggest vice. Manifestation of my social anxiety. It's something I'm working on to simply allow them to do the rejection if it's going to happen at all.
the inexperience makes me feel like not wanna even try at all, so I just give up and just thinking about trying to date makes me feel nervous
Big Sis’ Courtney, always with the good advice. thanks for helping us out. Have the best day!
You too! 🥰
Thanks Courtney!
I'm going on my first date now on Saturday and this video came in the nick of time! 😊
Have the best time! ❤️
what's the point of dating,just get arranged marriage
I sooo needed this advice many years ago after leaving the army at 22 years old. Last G/F if you call it that in high school lasted two months. My priorities back then was school work and counseling sessions. Had my first real girlfriend at 31. My best advice to anyone is just relax step out of your comfort zone at a pace your most comfortable and remember the worst thing a potential date can say is no
One last thing don’t settle for anything but the best
it can be a lot worse than just no
@@bro918not a good way to think that and it’s a rare chance it will be worse than a no
Considering i've literally had people (4 of them to be exact) tell me that since i've never had a girlfriend, I am a red flag. It's kind of like a bank. Can't get a loan without credit and you can't get credit without a loan soooo i'm not sure what to do about that. I'll talk to literally anyone that will talk to me though.
Maybe not say that you’ve never had one. Lie if necessary - but make sure you are prepared to lie, I.e. have the story prepared before hand
@@chrisfreeman4568 If you know me you'll know how funny that is to me. I don't lie. Been swung at a few times for "being an asshole" when I was just telling the truth.
For me personally, I haven't dated in 7 years or so I'm almost 29 and the honest reason why is because I needed to get my life together and focus on building a future for myself because I was unhappy with where I was in life. Now I've really turned things around and I'm looking to get back into dating. If that is a red flag for a woman then the woman is a walking red flag herself.
The hardest part when you're inexperienced (I'm 35, had an 18 month relationship which ended nearly 13 years ago, and nothing else) is putting yourself out there. I used to and constantly got rejected, hard to truly believe it will be any different next time.
Yeah, I don’t put myself out there either. But, we cannot assume every girl is going to reject us, Just have to keep trying to find someone who will be right. It’s hard, but not impossible.
You are not inexperienced, your experience is that you are either turned down or just overlooked. That is for guys who have tried but generally have little to no luck most of the time.
17 months longer than i had, but yeah i find it hard to believe next time will be any different. The 'sunk cost fallacy' applies to dating. At some point men & women drop out due to failure.
Courtney, this topic reminds me of when I lived in Shanghai for a year, but when I arrived I felt like a fish out of water. I was afraid to cross the street alone and felt the need to tell everyone I met how scared I was and how I was from a small town. One night I met a couple of older men at a rooftop bar who gave me great “dad-like” advice. They said, “When you tell your story of who you are, you don’t have to always mention you’re a small town woman who’s nervous. You get to choose how to tell your story. Re-write the narrative from here on out”
I think with inexperience in dating it’s kind of the same way. You can use your fear and nerves as an excuse or you can find a way to be empowered by it. Not everyone these guys meet needs to hear, “I’ve been a loner up until now. I’m scared of women and I’ve been rejected a lot.” People have the choice to re-write their narrative at any time they choose.
Being in a new city and want to date woman romantically is like difference between mosquito and elephant. I'm curious how many late bloomers you've dated. Never take and advice about men's dating from pretty girl. Sory, you have zero idea what it's feel like.
Thanks alot Courtney for helping us guys out. You are amazing for all the help and advice that you give out. I don't think people realize how many late bloomers there are out there. Glad to know we are not forgotten.
Simp
A typical first date for me: Her: "It seems like you are new to this?" Me: "New to what?" Her: "Dating, you look like you are trying to figure out what to do." Me: "Yeah, you are my first date." (Note: We were 26) Her: "Stands up and leaves." One said "I'm not going to train you." I didn't ask to be trained like a dog, but that's how women look at it, they want a guy who knows what he is doing. Every date was not even a first date as none of them got past that point to actually finish the first date. it takes a certain type of girl to get over that and that takes a long time to find. I've yet to find a girl (outside of a cult) that will accept a guy that has zero dating and sexual experience compared to her in that age group. It's difficult to become proficient in that social situation when you can't get the situations to last long enough to learn and improve.
I’m sorry to hear that, I’ve told dates I was inexperienced when I was younger, and many women are cool with it. You just found bitches unfortunately. I promise you there are women out there who wouldn’t mind at all. At the same time - don’t make a point of it if possible if it makes you feel awkward.
The key is to go out with a girl who already likes you. Sounds like you're going on blind dates. Or just be up front about it before the date.
In another comment you said you’re married. I’m confused
@@poeticeclipse My experience prior to getting married mixed with interactions with several single women at work now; it's a blended post. It's how it went all the way to my late 20s. I referenced Age 26 in the post because I remember that specific "first date" so vividly. But lately in conversations with single women at work where dating came up as the topic, I've asked them and they said they would never date a guy with less experience than what they had. One said she wanted to date a man and not a guy with the experience of a high schooler. Each consistently stating they don't want to be the teacher on the date or in the bedroom. I've asked some of the women at work quite a few things Courtney has brought up to see what their thoughts are (never revealing my past though); such as, what do you think about guys who are shorter or the videos where she does the "The guy is a 7 but...." So I've not found a single, single lady at work yet who has said "Thanks okay, that doesn't bother me."
If dates nowadays are like job interviews, it follows that women will turn you down like a job applicant. Everyone wants experience but no one wants to provide it. "No one wants to work today" equates very well with "where have all the good men gone?". Bonus observation: look who constitutes most of the recruiters and HR people...
Honestly Courtney if you made an entire channel devoted to inexperienced guys and late bloomers I would welcome that and I think a lot of other guys would too!
Courtney!! This is the video I’ve been waiting for! Thank you so much! I lost my virginity at 33 late bloomer indeed. You have been a huge influence on my dating life and I’m getting better each day. I’m also getting really good at cold approach as well. Thank you for everything
How do you feel about not having had sex until then
@@nobodysperfect06 Pretty normal to be completely honest. I’ve had a good life so i never felt too horrible. Although I gotta be real here. I’ve never been in a relationship, that makes me feel a little desperate but it’s fading away thank God! I am getting better, I’m taking care of myself, I work, I go to the gym and I have a good life. You can’t think about that all the time.
@MrBarnardoo98 you say that you have had sex but you've never had a girlfriend before? Was it just casual sex or just a hookup only or did you pay for sex, as in, with an escort or a sex worker or a prostitute?
@@nobodysperfect06 Long story short, my neighbor was always being very flirty with me, we liked each other and then boom! It happened but it was casual purely
*Dating is about finding the right mindset and not forcing things. Confidence, self-awareness, and being genuine are the keys to success.*
I’ve been married 8 years and I still feel awkward asking my wife out. For some of us we never get comfortable with dating.
You should try getting her number
I don't understand how. I don't get it at all. You are married to her, right? And you can't ask her out... ? To go on a date? You can't say, "Hey, let's go out sometime... we'll go to the movies, we'll watch this new action flick, then we'll go to this new restaurant that's opened up, have a nice spaghetti dinner with a steak, then drive around the city a bit, stop by the ice-cream place.. then be back. And, you're driving!"?
grow some b0lls
Asking her how she would like to be asked out and talking about your feelings with her sounds like an amazing and loving conversation you could have.
Try remembering that you already got her. She's yours. She's your wife. She's already with you. Your relationship with her is at the point where it's expected that there will be dates. Maybe that will make it easier to take her on a date. Like zuhairreza said, at this point, you can just say "let's go out sometime." You're not at the beginning (step one). You've already reached the goal. Remembering that might make it easier.
I’ve ask out a lot of women in my life and they’ve rejected a bunch of times and I really feel like every woman will never like me more than just a friend.
U did better than 95% of guys out there. Most won't even ask a girl out
Stop being good to them and you will have better luck
Don't be nice.
@@ShawnMCook100 I’ll stop being nice to them but then how do I get them to like me more than just a friend as time goes on and when I get to know them better?
My biggest problem is I don’t believe I’m worthy of love and feel a certain shame about it so I disqualify myself before even pursuing someone
Each of their own
Think about it this way: Few people are really, truly, worthy of love. Most people are what could be called "morally indifferent", and many are even awful. Do THEY worry about being unworthy? No they don't. In fact they feel entitled to love and everything else in life. I strongly suspect you're a better person, so don't put yourself down.
This may sound annoying because you might have heard this before but there’s someone for everyone you just haven’t found yours yet.
Thanks for the video. The Five Things That Helped me Attract My Dream Partner were:
1) Learning to practice self compassion
2) Learning to be more authentic
3) Putting myself out there and committing to learn as much as I can about the person in front without allowing my judgements to take control
4) Having fun whilst dating
5) Learning to have continue with my own life whilst dating and not making it my sole priority.
A thing I wish I knew earlier about how to deal with being a late bloomer - society has preconditioned you to feel less self-worth because of your inexperience. But you don't deserve this. You don't deserve the uncomfortable feeling of being "interrogated" by a woman on a date about your prior experience. Instead, try to understand the woman, and why she cares about it in the first place.
Try asking the girl something along the lines of: "I'm actually curious to understand the reason behind your question [about my dating experience]. What do you want to learn about me from hearing about my dating past? Are there things that worry you about dating someone who has fewer dating experience?"
You deserve to be treated with respect, much more than you deserve to "succeed" with a certain woman. If inexperience is a deal breaker for her, so be it.
I been rejected a few times for my inexperience, usually by girls who had a lot of experience and just knew what they were looking for. It was a bummer, but understandable. The right girl for you will not care about all that. Everyone has their baggage and reasons to fear they won't be accepted, and mature people realize this and can look past it.
The right women would welcome late bloomers enthusiastically, the wrong ones won't.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I saw a shrink ten years ago for depression and he said it’s time I start dating I said who with no one will date me , rejection leads to more depression
@RealCourtneyRyanonTe-legram why you are a fake imposter account
Great video, and one to watch again for someone who is getting out of a 5 year relationship and about to enter the dating world again. Even though you were in a long term relationship, it’s good to know these things, especially since the relationship was your first.
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.
If you look up Shelly Renee White online, you will find all the information you need. Thank you.
SIMP!
I found the video very helpful. Thank you.
I felt like it was just me that had no experience.
I'm very hard on myself about it.
But, you say don't bring it up and if it does cone up to put a positive spin on it or say sonething like I'm focused on other things.
I'm also reminded by a female friend that I may think my male friends get all the women but that they don't treat women very great and to not look at them as rolemodles for getting a girlfriend.
Also, you taught me in this video that each woman is different so don't bring anything from the last Woman to the new woman cause they might not feel the same way.
I am a high anxiety person. But you suggested to not let my worries own me. I found that helpful.
This is terrific, thank you! I'm in my 50's, married for 30 years, recently separated. I'm terrified.
Lol you are cooked
You're not helping lol
Best thing to do is just take a break for a while. Have to let the jets cool a bit.
I didn't even bring it up until a month into the relationship. I treated my lack of relationship experience as an afterthought. So far, it has worked.
So you haven't sleep together even after one month?
@@daniellehotsky1776 It was shorter than that.
0:35 I've overheard several girls outright say it was. I've had plenty outright reject me when I hadn't even considered asking.
One piece of advice for inexperienced guys. If a girl shuts down a first conversation or turns you down asking for a first date, this is very common and happens to alot of guys. Don't fell bad. Don't let it bother you. Todays women are very, very, very picky on who they chose to date.
Many of them who act that way are narcissists, or behave in ways that show their hostile attitudes towards men. If one treats you that way, cease all contact with her and try again with someone else.
It happens way too much
I know all about rejection it was in my DNA throughout my 20's. Not a single woman I asked wanted to go out on a date with me. I was a nice guy, average height better than average looks but it was just the excuse of the day for saying no. This really effected me so much I just gave up and stayed in my shell in my 30's till now almost 60. I never bothered to date for over 30 years instead I avoided a social life outside of family by working, putting in optional OT at work even on the weekends. On the plus side I was able to save up a lot of money and take early retirement at 55. Now at 59 I want to take a second crack at dating, maybe even find that first GF but I'll admit Courtney the dating world today terrifies me. Dating apps I've tried a couple but they are full of fake profiles that just scam money out of you to get a paid membership.
For me, as an introvert, it's very difficult to meet new people, especially after the age of 30. People usually have their friends and aren't open to new people. According to Maslow's pyramid theory, people need to receive/give love, friendship, to gain confidence and without them they could end up with depression, loneliness and anxiety. It's hard to gain trust if things don't happen and when they do, they often lead to rejection. However, if you don't try, there's no chance of things happening and you'll remain miserable. It's a big dilemma.
You are not an introvert. You have been conditioned to think that way. Humans a social creatures to the core. Let me guess, someone you had a bad experience with was a narcissist and you possibly have add or bipolar or some other man made mental illness. It's all conditioning, wake up
Yeah.. i dont think so, im mental break beyond repair, i go bridgemaxx
My apologies, I appear to have left two pocket comments which display a lack of empathy (will delete). I agree, it is hard to make friends after 30, even in my 20s I found it hard. For me, being part of a faith community (church) has helped a lot in this area. Something else that has made my life better is being part of a running club - I haven't made any close friends but lots of friendly acquaitances who I see on a regular basis and for me, thats better than nothing.
I got my first girlfriend at 34. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up this Sunday!
Sounds like my friend from middle school he has a similar story to you, how do you feel about not having had a girlfriend until that age?
My wive likes my inexperience, I never went through the dismay of bad partners like she had to, and there is no one to compare her to when she is the first and only
I guess you could say I'm a late bloomer, I'm 31 and never even kissed a girl. My problem is that my feelings of anticipatory rejection come from my lack of financial stability PLUS my inexperience. I feel like if I don't have the things that make a good long-term partner, why even start the process?
Concentrate on developing your strengths and you will be recognized for it. Knowing you don't have some things is better than not knowing. You can work on those things in a way you can. I met this one lady who had expensive tastes. She desired in her life to go to a broadway show every two weeks in New York City which is a six hour drive. I couldn't afford that. What I might have been able to do would be orginize a bimonthly trip to New York City to see a show, make money from it and two extra tickets for the bimonthly vaction. I wasn't willing to dedicate my life to that even though I do enjoy theater. But adaptions can be made to make up for what our partner requires. I probably should have asked her if the local theaters were sufficient as we have at least four nonprofessional theaters within two hours drive. I knew a guy who took his future wife to a hotdog stand for their first date and twenty years later they are still together. I think it helps to meet and interact with (not nesecarly a date) as many women as you can with the goal of just to get to know them and not as a prelude to dating. Not everyone agrees with me on this.
Man, I know exactly what you mean. I was 35 when I got my 1st kiss. Now, after 3 years, it's a very mixed review. I did check off all my 1sts, but my inexperience was a MASSIVE issue w/ the women I interacted with. Courtney's advice to downplay it & all that isn't directed at us 30+. It's probably very helpful for guys in early 20s late bloomers, but us idk. I've had girls say straight up I'm not here to teach u how to relationship. I tried to point out its a feature not a bug. I don't have any bad relationships habits & am a clean slate just for her. Didn't matter. Women expect u to just get it & have little to zero empathy for the male experience. Especially if u have little experience w/ women or dating. Maybe it would be different if I dated younger women, but I dated in my age range.
To your question: I struggle w/ that too. My perspective is there is a tipping point; where if u don't have experience, as a man, by a certain age. Women absolutely won't put up with it.
Each man must decide for himself, but I'll share from the other side. A HUGE part of me wishes I never got into it all. Life was simple & the image of women & dating in my mind was beautiful & sweet. Now, after dipping my toe in it, women & dating is absolutely terrifying. I've already wrote more than anyone will read, but I'll say good luck brother.
@@stonelord100 Thanks for the response, too bad it's kinda what I feared. The one little sliver of optimism I have is that I know everybody has different experiences and maybe it'll workout for me...
@HornedGod1 Thanks lol
It took a LONG time and Courtney's videos have helped a ton but I've had a real problem with confidence and self worth for most of my life and it paralyzed me socially, even to this day.
@@THATlaptopDJi started going to the gym in October and it has helped my confidence, if you don’t currently work out i highly recommend it from my experience.
Some of your best work, and I've been following your channel for awhile now.
More like this please
(I bloomed late, and thought that it was better for everyone, especially myself, also the bloom was like a tumbleweed. only once then rolling around dry for the rest of the time. I love talking. Word art is fun.)
My mind is naturally distant. Should I actually invest in whatever could it turn out better?
Some guys say they have more judgment about more experience.
LEARNING yes. Listening is so important also.
u got two options and both can be effective (provided u do the basics like be in shape n make an effort)
1. own it. just be totally comfortable and honest about it. just be super enthusiastic like nothing phases u
2 fake it until u make it. don't mention your inexperience and skirt around things cleverly. this does teo things ... it hides your inexperience but also may make u look mysterious, which is a great thing. just act like someone who goes out all the time, its no big deal we're just hanging out
My goal is to start blooming when I’m 80.
Damn mane, I need to get like you, you look so powerful 🫡
31 years never had a girlfriend in my entire life. All throughout high school, I would dance my friends girlfriends at homecoming, but I would always go home alone. I didn't even have my first kiss untill last year, and that was with some random girl at a club. My inexperience was part of the reason why I didn't even consider asking for her number.
When I used to go out on dates more frequently, I WOULD NOT bring up that I'm inexperienced. However, I would hear this rejection a lot, "You're a nice guy, but I felt no connection." I've heard that rejection so many times that I've memorized it and basically expect to hear it at the end of dates at this point. I stopped putting myself out there because I'm tired of this nice guy rejection. I don't want to waste my time or their time at this point. Again, this is WITHOUT me mentioning that I'm inexperienced. What do I do from here?
It would if you dated someone who shares interest that you have. That interest should be a starting point to connect with her.
@@chrisfreeman4568 You're not wrong. However, it hasn't worked out for me, unfortunately
@@StaffOfDestruction did you / do you show interest in what she said she was interested in? On a positive note - getting dates in the first place is a good sign. Some of us struggle to get that far
@chrisfreeman4568 While it wasn't all of them, when I was showing interest, I would ask more questions about it and then have my share of showing I liked that activity or hobby. That was over 4 years ago when I used to use dating apps. I don't care to go out on dates much because I still get that rejection. The last date I went on was in July of last year. Basically, I heard the same rejection, and she asked if we could hang out as friends. I told her that I have too many friends (which is true) and couldn't just add more friends in my life
I usually only heard that from girls I was too shy to make a move on. Try your luck next time.
If you are inexperienced, you have to put yourself out there. That does NOT mean it will work and you'll start getting dates, but even so the odds are better than not trying at all.
Thank you Courtney I am a really late bloomer and this advice actually helped I definitely hope that I will Bloom soon
As someone with Asperger’s, all of this is magnified by 1000
As a late bloomer, situational awareness is important... picking up cues in the moment and not when reflecting back later that night.
Far easier said, than done.
Its actually over. Im 32. Its not just the insecurity. Its despite the fact that I try all the self improvement yet Im constantly rejected and overlooked. Women simply feel disgusted with me. I do strongly believe nothing is going to change.
So true. A mate of mine is desperate on finding someone but doesn’t have the confidence to ask her out, he been in same boat previously and each women ended up getting married with confident men who ask them out instead of being insecure about themselves and getting upset cos they did nothing at all to ask them out
Why do men have to do everything?
Been living with my female flatmate for a year, two weeks ago I confessed I liked her and she said the same, spent the entire week together then slept together saturday night, she even made plans for us to go out this week. But yesterday she disappeared to her moms and said she would be back (maybe) a week from now, I can't believe it she was all over me then just went completley cold. She did mention she was stressed but I have no idea if the cause was me or something else. Now shes constantly posting on her IG stories of her out despite her saying she couldnt go out due to a sprain in her foot.
She’s emotionally unavailable, not worth your time bro. You’ll find someone that will reciprocate your energy
I won't though shes the first girl I have been with in 10 years, nobody ever liked me@@leCyber
She found another dude. You're just the 3rd guy she slept with that month.
Inexperienced guy here, and how my insecurity f-ed me over as well as the girl i cared for:
Experiences before:
In 5th grade i confessed to a girl, she replied with "ew"
In 11th grade i confessed and she told me she was a lesbian
In 12th grade i confessed and she said "yes, that would be nice" and then completly ghosted me
This year i met a girl that i have become friends with, and i thought we were just friends but over time i started feeling a sort of way. I at first tried to ignore them, thinking that she is just a nice person (she is the only person that asked me to hang out in last 4 years instead of me needing to ask others to join). However the more time passed the more often i started feeling things towards her, it almost felt like time was slowing down next to her.
She was at the time dealing with a messy situation with her bf and i wanted to support her cause she seemed very troubled by it. We would go to uni parties, especially around christmas time, and since she is pretty weak with alcohol i wanted to make sure she got home safe, so i often walked her home. During these times we had a lot of body touch and at first i didnt want to come off too strong, at start was only shoulders touching in train, and towards end i would put my hand around her waist when we walked. I tried to ask if she was ok with me getting closer but she never seemed to mind (although most of that happened when she wasn't sober).
Throughout this whole journey i was always nervous, do i speak fine, do i look ok, am i caring enough, do i come off too strong, i am not that good looking regardless of how many people tell me i am handsome, i dont have a good physique because of my recent weight gain, i am struggling to keep a constant engaging conversation and i often questioned myself on "why would someone smart, pretty and kind like her be willing to spend time with me of all people". This let me spiraling too much, i stopped having energy or will to do mundane things like keeping up with homework, every morning and evening i started thinking about her, and the more i did the lonelier i became.
Eventually we decided to go on a trip for new years. Everything was fun until i eventually drank a lot of alcohol for new years. Generally i am pretty reselient but that day i crumbled. So on new years day i confessed everything even though i knew that she was still unsure about her feelings with her current bf, and i just did that because i wanted her to reject me so i can get over her myself. But in that action i put my personal feelings over hers so it came off as very rude and incensitive. So in the end i kinda ruined new years for her and myself.
I spent a long time to think about why things went that way, and i realised that, i did not regret saying what i did because i was being hurt and couldnt carry it in the same state anymore, i was being hurt because i kept thinking about things i am not, because i am insecure and did not have enough belief in myself and confidence in what i am. In the end she kinda forgave me and while she doesnt avoid me in stuff like class or when we hang out in same circle of friends, i havent received a single dm from her since we came back from the trip.
So yeah i learnt a lot from that and i realised that i have to work on myself and love myself more to have confidence in who i am.
Happy Wednesday Courtney. ❤
We are halfway through this month.😮
First month of the year.😅
Let’s try to have our good habits. 😊
Hi my friend!
@@CourtneyRyan hi :)
How do I approach her at her work area without being creepy? We don’t work in the same area but she says things like “get home safe”! and constantly smiles at me when she sees me
I have put a temporary pause on dating to prioritize myself, but I always find your advice on dating to be refreshing and encouraging. I plan to re-enter the dating scene later this year because I want to meet a good woman who is also looking for a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship. It may be a bit challenging to "re-learn" how to date, but I will always keep your tips in mind.
Wishing you the best ❤️
Thank you, Courtney! I have learned a lot from watching your content and engaging on video comments, and I know there will always be plenty more room to learn! Wishing you all the best, as well 🙂
Anticipatory rejection is a learned behavior, you can tell me to experience more rejection, but you dont tell people to be kinder to those of us fumbling away.
I really appreciate you diving deeper into this topic! Taking notes. 📝 Edit: Finished the video. Very helpful advice! It was also very encouraging. I'll be re-watching this one to let it all soak in.
So glad to hear it! Thanks for the comment 🥰😊
Courtney..... The "big sis" all guys need in their lives
I'm a late bloomer. What you said about those who think they're experiences is a confirmation because I got called out in the past for not having experience and the one said that to me turned out be a stagnant now.
Hi Courtney, one point I wished you would have discussed is whether or not women care about inexperience. My guess is most women don't care, but those who do tend to use that as an excuse to condemn people.
She’s mostly worried about if you are attractive and nice.
Hi Courtney! Last week, I went to a rally of keeping biological men out of women’s sports, and those girls there treated me better than most of the girls at my high school. They gave me warm hugs.
That's so good to hear that you got a genuine response.
sounds like a good place to find dates than lol.
Great tips. Id say just approach people you find attractive and then incrementally apply these steps. Thats what I did and every new interaction was a much better. If I were there with you, Id have made you text/call the person you find attractive. Thats the only way to learn.
I hate myself for lots of reasons. And my inexperience feels like proof of my shortcumings.
And it really doesn't matter what anyone else says, i know me and all my flaws, i have an absolutely massive family sorounded by love. But i want a wife and kids of my own and it feels more worth it to give up on that dream and move on than to get rejected again and again
If there was anything I learned from dating my ex it would’ve been confidence is key, especially with inexperience. And just have an open mind when it comes to specific things, you will do fine.
Thank you, this was a great episode. I've always priorited myself, especially my education over the past 24 years and I've had no room for a companion because of my personal life goal. I've been on a few dates but ultimately it was better to remain single. I'm currently doing a Masters and there is no time or money for another person at the moment
Another great video. Trying to meet someone in 2024, would be nice to have a girlfriend and possibly family. 53 and never had a girlfriend. Constant rejection is very difficult to constantly overcome. 2023 was the usual three things get out of the house, join groups and work on myself, but no luck so far. Will try to ensure I don’t do these negative things. PS the no relationship thing may work for men in their 20s and 30s but women say they don’t want to date an inexperienced old man.
Pattaya
@@autoclearanceuk7191 May be the only option or Philippines 😊. Would be nice to date one woman in my country!
@@Brendan-05- women would snap you up in the Philippines. I am recently thinking the exact same thing here in the UK. Started looking at fight prices though.
@@Brendan-05 - ruclips.net/video/-zn1ah4VV_4/видео.html&ab_channel=Larson914
That's why you don't tell them.
I'm kind of a late bloomer, but I've been putting myself out there and I dated a fair share of women, so I guess I have some experience. I don't know about the bedroom though lol.
I definitely suffer from rejecting myself. Im actually not that afraid of rejection, due to inexperience, im afraid of succes.
I'll be 29 this year, I actually have a great social circle/life, have been told I'm charismatic and a good conversationalist, I currently have, and have had tons of female friends throughout my life, and have been in several talking stages, but have never actually been in a relationship. What category do I fall in??
Guys - listen to Courtney, because she's telling it exactly like it is! This is all you need to know!
All the best from someone, who was a VERY late bloomer, but got there in the end. And she was beautiful. :)
Unfortunately its wholly negative in the eyes of most people barring people who themselves are inexperienced. Why would someone choose an inexperienced person with all the hang ups they are likely to have versus someone who is experienced. I have spent 25 years trying to overcome inexperience and the reality is unless I am prepared to "settle" for people I do not find attractive, the people I find attractive in terms of personality and physical attraction are not even remotely interested in me.
In my view people want experience and and immediately if the person is not experienced then people will probably see that person as being lower value.
I have just entered the dating market again after being in a relationship for 7 years following high school and I'm honestly quite nervous. Don't have much of an issue meeting people I like, just mostly from my admittedly limited experience nobody likes me back, or the two times they did it wasn't at all a positive thing. What causes me more anxiety though is being very sexually inexperienced and being not at all good at "sex". Least at the moment that's probably enough to prevent me from dating anyone as I feel so unconfident and not optimistic things will get better. Not to mention so many situations make me feel super uncomfortable.
This advice helped me a ton, Courtney.
Like you said, my first two were situationships.
My biggest worry is that a woman won't feel the same way I do about doing something for the 1st time as I do if she's been there and done that thing a dozen times or more. I want to share special moments and those cam ONLY happen when two people share a unique experience for the 1st time. For me anytime I do anything after the 1st time it loses most of its appeal. So I'm worried other people are like me and will be bored doing something they have already done. Take movies for example I've never watched the same movie twice as I have a perfect memory for movies and forget nothing I've ever seen. So watching for a second time there is nothing new or exciting to see or experience.
For inexperienced guys who anticipate rejection from an approach, except it graciously and take the power out of it. It is the grow thick skin phase. It isn't your LTR rejecting you, it's a stranger. Odds are if you did get somewhere with her, you end up not so enthused, that's just a fact. As you make approaches more often, you WILL get better. Not that you'll score a number or date every time, but you will lose the irrational fear of the approach rejection. When that happens, the approaches will become more relaxed and regular and THAT's when you'll be in the zone to strike gold.
Run into the fire.
Not necessarily for everyone though. Some people naturally aren't good with talking to others. No amount of practice will fix that. I am one of those people where I never get better no matter how much I approach. For me, I actually had to take a class on how to talk to others. Some people are like that
@@mario125ww Mario, it's pretty universal that if you practice almost anything, you'll get better at it. Good on you for taking the class though, I hope it helped. You could practice initially on less threatening women, cashiers you see regularly like at pharmacy or grocery, older women, even men you can say 'hot enough for you' or anything to start a conversation and become conversational. Then work toward more interesting challenges. Look at it as a skill you can develop because it is. Regards.
I got my heart broken for a second time at 21, it took me 15 years to overcome the intense desire to kill myself every day. I hated myself and was determined to ruin my life for hurting my ex and making her leave me. I wanted to die for what i had done to her. I gave her reasons to stop loving me and i should die for that.
Great advice! I appreciate the mature and thoughtful approach to this topic 🙏❤
It’s interesting to see what late blooming is to some. From looking at a lot of comments, I’m seeing guys in the their late twenties, thirties who not only never had a GF, but never been on a date. I thought I was a late bloomer when my first date was at 19. I didn’t have my first GF until I was 21. Looking back ya I wish all that happened in Jr. high early HS when I was 14-15.
That's pretty good, Courtney. I would also add for guys to just be yourself. If it works out, great. If it doesn't work out, then that's great too. You aren't going to be compatible with everyone. Also, to be honest and don't lie about anything.
0:52 advice to stop anticipatory rejection yet friend zoned in the first minute. 🤣
I’m 33 never had a gf only been on dates with 3 women it’s been 3 years since the last and 5 years before that l only ever asked a girl out offline once got rejected
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Priceless And wonderful ty Courtney Ryan
My pleasure 🥰
Yeah it's sad..
Hi Joseph!
Free Palestine
If you do a video for older guys who have been out of dating for a while, that would be very much appreciated.
Men don't have a choice. It takes forever to get established if you don't inherit a lot of wealth, and decades by yourself are soul crushing. I don't think any woman could do a video on it though because it's the polar opposite for them so they have no clue.
Excellent video, C.R. Whenever I do go an date, I'll keep this in mind.
My problem is that I'm almost 40 and single. And I haven't date someone in 15 years and every time I try something in that aspect it's like a mountain getting exponentially bigger in front of me with a woman waiting on top. Basically, whenever I met an interesting woman to ask her out on a date, she is already dating someone or rejected me for that reason. And the ones interested in me.. well, I didn't feel the same. On top of that, my age. I don't want to date women my age because they already have children or don't want to have them. And younger women... 95% of them don't want anything remotely serious with a guy. I'm financially fine but I'm inexperienced and old. I'm f*cked. 😅