How To Get Your Ex To Initiate Contact
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2024
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3 Psychological Factors That Make Exes Reach Out To You First
1. Reactance (The No Contact Rule)
2. Satisfaction
3. Zeigarnik Effect
What I've Learned Over The Years- It's not so much who reaches out to who first, but how satisfying the conversation is and who ends the conversation first.
The Biggest Misconception
A lot of you may know that I am a big believer in the fact that it is not about getting your ex to contact you first, as much as it is you ending the conversation first. This Is not the misconception though, the misconception is that;
Silence - Ignoring your ex will make them contact you first.
In fact. I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you ignore your ex and expect them to contact you first, that’s not usually what happens. Now I know sitting there thinking, this coming from someone who is so adamant that I need to do the No Contact Rule is telling me that this is not going to get my ex to reach out to me first.
What I have found is that everyone who is at the beginning of this process, is looking at the No Contact rule the same way;
What can this do to make them contact me?
What can this do to make them miss me?
But the point of No Contact rule is to focus on yourself, but that doesn’t answer the ultimate question, why isn't it that silence make an ex reach out to you first. I decided to use my Private Facebook Support Group to find out how silence affects your ex, asking 3700 I did a poll asking them if their ex reached out at all during the No contact rule. It showed that the majority did not have an ex reach out at all during their No Contact Period.
So why is this, I believe that Men Are Stubborn. This is the big reason why they don’t want break the silence during the no contact rule and make you to be the one to reach out to them first. But that doesn’t really answer our question about how to get them to reach out first.
There are two psychological factors that you need to master if you want your ex to reach out to you first.
Now when I say master, I mean it's just fostering an environment where it's just natural for them to want to reach out to you first. So, what are these two psychological factors that you need
Firstly, believe it or not you need to have a conversation with them, that satisfies them. Now, if you know how I do the No Contact rule. I tell women to reach out to men first, often I tell them it not important about how starts the conversation as it is who ends the conversation. But what I am not telling you there is that it gives you an opportunity to create a satisfying conversation.
Women tend to struggle with this factor, where they struggle to;
Get back in touch with their ex
Building rapport
Making conversations satisfying
Which is where you need to work on getting those conversations consistently satisfying. Now, satisfying conversations are different depending on the individuals. For some that can be a ten-minute conversation where for others it can be an hour long. So how should you end those conversations once they become satisfying?
Well this is where the second psychological factor comes into play and that is called the Zeigarnik Effect. This is something that Dr Bluma Zeigarnik once learned. “People remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones”. In other words, people are addicted to cliff-hangers.
This is where you are interrupted in the most exciting or most interesting part to the point where you want to find out what happens next. So, when we started recommended our clients do this with their exes, we saw an almost immediate turnaround but how do we do this with your ex.
We have already spoke about the first part, you need to be having a satisfying conversation with your ex, there comes a point where that conversation becomes less satisfying and longer and more boring. You need to make sure that you end the conversation before you reach that down point, where I have told clients this is going off a gut feeling. When you are at a point where you are feeling I don't want this to end, is the precise moment you should end it.
The important thing is that you are consistent with your satisfying conversations and that you end those conversations first. Because this is what is going to make your ex naturally want to reach out to you.
More from Ex Recovery;
Coaching link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/c...
Pro link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/e...
Facebook support group - exrecovery.lpages.co/private-...
Texting bible link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/t...
The no contact rule link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/n... 
Хобби
By them being stubborn. It’s important that you keep yourself busy. Find something new that will make you forget about him
Stubborn men will wait with you while you do no contact. I always attempt no contact n they don't reach out till i do. N when i do reach out they are so happy to hear from me. But question is people have so much pride that they would rather luse u forever than save the love???!!! Highly questionable individuals🙄😒
I understand your point, but sometimes its fear that also stops people from reaching out
@@chrisseitercoaching powerful point hey. Thank you so much. Being the bigger person is a good thing.
@@chrisseitercoaching Update: I reached out and he says we need to meet. You are right some people are scared.
He broke up with you?
Good info the greatest success that i've had was by following the Partner Reboot Recipe (i found it on google) - I found it the no.1 info that I've tried.
i did NO contact for 8 weeks...but then I contacted him...He was SOOOOOO Happy
and what happened after?
He helped me bring back my ex few days ago,without any delay💖💝
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Good advice
Thank you
Thanks a gazillion. It was so informative.
My pleasure
Makes absolutely no sense!!!! How to get your ex to initiate contact with you first...answer: contact them first???? ie: contact them first???? What a waste of my time watching this. Please rename this video so you don’t trick people into watching it...click bait!
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From Rhode Island USA okay
@@harrymarkson7971 Hi, thank you for your response and kind assistance. Although I appreciate it, I do not need help to get someone back anymore. I’ve come to terms and accepted that they have moved on, and so should I. At this stage and after such treatment, even if she did return, I would never want this woman in my life again anyway. The hurt is still there, the love and the longing, but that will pass. Getting her back would be like restating a drug addiction...feels great, but the damage it’s doing is deadly.
You have a good heart sir...once more, thank you :)
I don't get it, how it works that I need to make "satisfing" conversation with him, without him reaching me first. Somebody need to start the conversation. And if I starting it, its the opposite of him starting it. And the whole idea its that i want him to reach out first.
Hi Siana, as explained in the video. Once you complete a No Contact. You reach out and have a number of short conversations with your ex, ones that will interest him, ending them first. After a few of these type of conversations your ex is going to reach out to you first because of the impression you are making during those first few conversations of leaving him wanting more
Exactly my point in an earlier post. The second you reach out (in no contact or not) the point of this video is pointless. Rename it to “get your ex to want to communicate with you after no contact”...if you’re say “initiate” it means THEY took the initiative ie: first
I just subscribed!!
Very Nice video.. Informative.,👌
Thank you so much 🙂
Thanks you for this valuable information....
My pleasure
Hey honey I am a living testimony of a great Dr Shaka the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for month. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Shaka will put a smile on your face honey within 3days
I’m subscribed! Awesome video
Awesome! Thank you!
Hi Chris, my ex and I are back together but he stopped initiating a convo during our 2nd day when I asked him that he badly needed to tell his rebound(dating stage) that we are back together. He said yes to me and did it. But he really really felt so bad for hurting the girl coz he said she is very nice. Now, we don't talk much coz I am trying to give him space coz he feels so bad and wrong for dumping the nice girl. Do guys really go through this stage? What should I better do give him space for now or keep reaching out and initiate contact?
Hey Chris,
I broke up with him first because he asked for a break. I regretted it few days later and contacted him, we met and he refused to get back together and said “we might try in the future”. That was 6 months ago. I remained No contact since that day. He saw me with another guy at the gym, which I believe made him not contact me again. We see each other occasionally at gym, university but ignore completely. I avoid eye contact as well. Do you think I should reach out first? If so, should I do it as in the video? Thanks.
This was amazing! Thank you! Subscribed!
Awesome! Thank you!
My ex blocked me on every social media and phone number. I had her blocked on Facebook but watched some of your videos and realized I was doing more damaged. I been on no contact for 4 days. How do I get her to communicate with me back if I'm blocked on everything
In the texting/calling stage. Allowed VC to get rushed. Now ex asked me to hear him as he said, “I’m really confused, but please don’t see that as a bad thing”. But definitely been a pulling back by him.
Hi Esther, if you have been making progress then it is likely that they will pull back slightly. Keep doing what you are doing and you will see results
@@chrisseitercoaching I posted in your "my ex is on dating sites". So much has happened.
How’s it going? I’m the only one contacting and I’m feeling too pushy 🙄 it felt good in the beginning but now he didn’t even answer, all I want is him back. He’s the most amazing man and I want to literally die without him
Your content doesn't match up with the title. so they dumped you and you have to go your way to contact them first and get rejected again....
Uh are 2 good❤️👍👍pls keep it up
Hi Chris, so What I’m trying to gather from this video though is that sometimes we have to initiate the first contact to our ex after at least 30days of no contact? And then patiently wait for him to afterwards ?
Hey Johnarah, yes after your NC you are going to be reaching out to your ex a few times so that it breaks the ice and peaks their interest, after a few of these conversations you should have gotten them invested enough to reach out to you first
hey Chris what do u mean by satisfying conversations, and nothing to do to make a man change his mind when he is very stubborn and aways honor his decisions?,nothing works with my ex he is very touchy if u make a mistake he never forgives he is indicative stubborn nothing works is there a particular formula to apply in this case?
Hey Elisa, so a satisfying conversation would be about something he has an interest in. And you end the conversation before he is ready to, leaving him wanting more.
does this apply to women cuz mostly you bring up men as an ex
on day 9 of no contact, my ex has almost been liking every single one of my posts and stories on fb but hasn't reached out.
Thank you
I think no contact works on men much better than it works on women.
It will work with me if I still like him and if I am the one who failed him. If he was a jerk to begin with if he didn't contact me, he did me a favor
What do I do when he’s ignored me because I’ve been needy? I’m doing no contact but surely I have to wait for him to reach out?
Hey honey I am a living testimony of a great Dr Shaka the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for month. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Shaka will put a smile on your face honey within 3days
Good, video. It gave me some thoughts about "No Contact rule". Keep going Chris.
Glad it was helpful!
@@chrisseitercoaching Chris I have 30 days no contact he hasn't reach out because last time we talk and told me to move on don't wait. I don't think he will contact me I don't know what to do any advice?
😴 Stay In no contact!!!! You start reaching out with friendly conversations, you’ll be in friend zone trust me.
Some people want to be in the friendzone, not everybody wants their ex back as a regained partner, some people care for them in different ways.
What if ex girlfriend sends u mixed signals. N u possibly made her look dumb on her b'day by doing everything she wanted to do with out her. Should I call first after a lil over 30 days?
Thank youuuu.. hope u grow ur RUclips channel so u keep providing the good stuff💎
I hope so too
Did No contact, then we reestablished contact, then we started texting again, then we spoke on the Phone twice. Now we hung Out twice. Shes abroad now for vacation. First week we texted Til late at night. Even though we agreed to stay Friends - she and i both give Signals Here and there. But when i asked her If she wants to go to a concert. She pulled Back and asked me to slow down a little. Didnt speak for a few days. Today we did again and she even sent me a Pic of her from her Trip. Its so confusing this hot and cold behavior
I am not the best with pununciation....Indeed.
If you're doing no contact with a dismissive avoidant, when should you reach out so you can start the process?
I’m scared to contact him back- since he always ignored me and my messages. When he broke up he was “Okay cool”, as if our relationship didn’t matter. I’m still trying to get over it- btu it’s not easy. I dislike confrontation alot, and tend to wimp out on everything. I’m just scared to talk to him again.
Never you give up on the person you really love, either strive and fight for his return to make good impact.
Look dear there's still hope, chance for you in getting what you want. Okay
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Sounds like your trying to manipulate an avoidant/anxious attachment cycle. It works to keep so.eone 'hooked' but fails I developing a secure, honest, healthy relationship. 😏
Best ways and chat to send to our ex after no contact when we completely the 30 dau no contact.
How do you contact your ex when they have blocked your number and have no social media page. Also, they have a rebound person.
@@mariselarivera76 yes
You would first need to complete 45 days NC and work on yourself during that time, to become Ungettable. If you are not unblocked by the end of your NC then you are forced to stick to NC until you are unblocked unless you can use a different platform
You don't!!! You move on. Any other advice is harmful.
Well, I heard from my ex. I did the 45 plus days. We have been texting. Nothing heavy just easy. Sensing we are both testing the water.
The fact that it worked when I felt all was lost is amazing. Thank you.
@@lydiadarnell5214 Hey honey I am a living testimony of a great Dr Shaka the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for month. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Shaka will put a smile on your face honey within 3days
But what happens if your ex is the one that left with the cliffhanger ? Ours was a mutual break up bc we weren’t on the same page when it came to marriage. I planned on doing the no contact rule for some healing and to get my mind right but he left me with a cliffhanger. That was 22 days ago and I still have not heard anything from him. Idk if we’re both doing the no contact rule on one another but it’s killing me! Would love to know some steps to reverse it
Do you really believe all what they are saying? Is not everything they say you will do, when you do all what they say, you lose your ex forever
NC don't usually work at all time, but there is a way out
I'm a living testimony, ..... I want to recommend you to a great man and a personality who is a relationship expert and genius he fix broken 💔💔 relationship without delay
He once helped
Me fix my broken relationship
I'm sure he will gonna help
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I like your different style..truth. for a change and not hype.
Thank you
ok
Luveeettt
U need to make them interested, if they not even good convo doesn't work
Hey Chris, i saw my ex 8 days ago ( May 14)and he was very nice he complimented on my tan, as ive been at the beach however he hadnt reply on my messages (sent on May 10) and he never initiates contact first do you think hes over me?
Hi Maria, its not enough information to go off, but I would suggest reaching out to him again in a few days to see if he replies. Be sure to use one of the texts that I suggest to capture his attention
@@chrisseitercoaching thank you replying i am.a huge fan of yours and i have used your examples and templates but my problem is that though in the majority of messages he replies and we continue to have possitive and enjoyable convos he never initiates. I want him to do that for a change i think he may be taking me for granted as I am the only one reaching out but I think that still cares because every time i see him his eyes glow and go bigger and he even has a smile. I want to give him the chance of asking me out but i dont know how or if it is a good idea. What do you think!
@@mariapsarrou2240 Do you want to get your ex back????
@@mariapsarrou2240 Kindly text him through WhatsApp
@@mariapsarrou2240 I Got My Ex Back Within 3 days
My ex broke up with two months ago without any good reason why he wants to breakup with me, and since then I have sent him lots of messages and have tried calling him but he just gives me the silent treatment, don't know if there's any hope of getting him back.
There is a big hope
Never say never
Fight for what you want
If u want him come back. Block him and move with your life. Don't think about him . Try to make your self busy. That's ex come back medication. U get it
He does not answer any of my message so no contact is almost a month and he did not reach out
Hi Nenita, if you are still reaching out and him not replying then this is not following a No Contact. A No Contact period is where you do not reach out, do not reply, do not watch your ex on social media for a solid period of time. I would suggest that you stop reaching out to him and complete a 45 day No Contact
He reached out yesterday but I answered him today and told him my pain he also lost he’s brother yesterday so i have to say my condolences but if he does not respond or say even thank you I will move on and never contact him anymore it’s very stressful just contacting him but I’m not a cold person that if someone died in his family I don’t wanna ignore that . I was the one who initiated the no contact cause I got tired of being ignored and he lied for the first time to me in my message I just told him not to worry about me I’ll be fine. Thank you Chris this might be the last time I’ll talk to him he’s a very stubborn man but I’m surprised he caved in yesterday I was already leaning to losing him forever but even if it turns out like that I’m ready to move on.
@@nenitawallin7732 sure that will not make you feel better, so I advise you to contact me on my email :Chrisseiterr@gmail.com
I took the quiz it scored 84
Awesome
Should I disappear completely on facebook to make her curious or post my stories to let her see?
You shouldnt change your activity too much, just be sure to be positive and showing you are doing amazing things with yourself regardless of the break up
Its been 5 months . I reached out in month 3 . no response . NOTHING . I still love her and miss her . This freakin sucks
Hey Rebel, have you tried one of the texts I suggest in my videos and articles to try and peak her interest to talk to you?
My advice is to stop reaching out and focus on yourself
If you still love her go for her
Fight for what you want
@@chrisseitercoaching twice . she won't respond . prayer is all I've got left .
Fletcher Jones wrong advice, that will make her run further away from you. I know because in my beta male days I made those mistakes. Never ever chase. Just go no contact and let them chase you if they want to reconcile.
So you've been telling us to do the no contact rule for ages and now, you are changing your mind so is all your other advice wrong? What if the break up is so bad that you can't even have a conversation with them?
Hi Claire, I think you misunderstood the video, I have not said to not do the No Contact rule. I said it is still needed, when you have completed that No Contact Period, be it 21, 30 or 45 days is to then reach out and have conversations with your ex that are going to interest them and get them wanting to talk to you.
It is contradictory to ur other videos
My brother i tiro ooo
😢 After two weeks I went to her lawyer to get back then I asked get aunt... 4 weeks later she made restrain order against me so I did the same.. Then I pulled back and I asked the Sheikh to call her father... And then I asked her lawyer again.. In total 4 official tried during no contact period and I am under full block.. What I do 😭😭
if you're doing those things then you broke no contact each of those times, any updates?
Hi Chris, I have successfully done the NC for over 30 days now, in which time neither of us have had any contact.
Completely confused as all stories I have put up have been viewed not long after posting but yet nothing.
The breakup was out of the blue and completely not expected at least from me is wasn’t, I’m still unsure of the reason as it changed each time, so I stopped asking,
I just don’t know what to do now, the quiz said I had a good chance but I haven’t done anything since
Hey RJ so as you have completed your NC you can not start reaching out with conversations that are going to interest your ex
@@chrisseitercoaching I honestly wouldn’t know where to begin with that. I guess I wanted him to reach out to me like he did my friend but nothing
If I don’t message first will he ever message me
He can message you if only you want him to
@@fletcherjones605 what do you mean, I have never stopped him
Im ignoring his messege for 3 days and make him delete my contact, help me😭
Hey AC, you need to follow the No Contact rule before hes going to be ready to talk to you again
Okay! Try texting me on my email for more info :Chrisseiterr@gmail.com
My boyfriend blocked me everywhere, everything was fine between us but for a misunderstanding, I thought he wanted to hurt him so I hurt him too and he has blocked me everywhere and from that point even If I have offered him good conversations to apologize explain he keeps on blocking, what to do? I think I am the only one in the world who will never get my ex back
Elisa Elisa stop chasing and let him be.
@@B1GK1NG NO!!!
Im facing the same.. he blocked me from everywhere.. and he dont evn bother.. the last thing he told me .. he vl never unblock me and he hv decided not to be in this relationship.. again..
I’m definitely not a stubborn guy, I’m a decent guy who wants to be treated in the right way, this game playing is just shit, why cannot a relationship be like it used to be where you work at relationships in stead of getting out at the first sign of doing things wrong that upsets them... Can you imagine explaining doing no contact to get your ex back to your grandma or grandpa who were born in the 20’s and 30’s they’d look at you as if you were stupid, are these people just so immature ???As I’ve commented on this video are there any ladies who want a relationship with no hassle, suppose this is on line dating at its best 😂😂😂😂
Environmental issues these days and you need a psych degree
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I started the no contact rule 5 days ago, after I'd told him that I couldnt stay in touch as it was 2 hard. A wk previous hed said he just wanted to be friends. I couldnt deal with it....I ended the conversation then. He contacted me last night, simply cos he prob thought I'd text him an I didnt. An I ended this conversation too. It wasnt satisfying so I didnt need to continue . Back to no contact for me 😁
Good luck TG!
@@chrisseitercoaching thankyou. I've actually told him to stop contacting me now. I know he will but I'll not reply 😁
@@tg9898 you want to him back ??? If you , so why such a ride behavior????
I think he doesn't want to talk to me.
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We basically broke up because she never initiated text or call
I think this sounds really good. But wonder if u can't get them to talk to u.
Hi Annette, sometimes there are the really stubborn ones who need the extra time to want to reach out but if you are following the Ungettable information then you are going to reach a point where they are going to be drawn to you because you are doing so great and leave a positive impression on them
@@chrisseitercoaching its been 7 months now. I'm loosing hope
In short just lose your interest in him and he will chase you
He helped me bring back my ex few days ago,without any delay💖💝
Watzzap him**
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I'm so confused! You want us the dumpee to reach out during no contact?
Do you really believe all what they are saying? Is not everything they say you will do, when you do all what they say, you lose your ex forever
NC don't usually work at all tjme, but there is a way out
I'm a living testimony, ..... I want to recommend you to a great man and a personality who is a relationship expert and genius he fix broken 💔💔 relationship without delay
Never you give up on the person you really love, either strive and fight for his return to make good impact.
He once helped
Me fix my broken relationship
I'm sure he will gonna help
You too
don’t listen to this kid
watch dating guy. he’s the only legit one.
and corey wayne.
What about an ex girlfriend?? Discovered about 3 weeks ago I was unblocked on IG. Never blocked on anywhere else.
Last time I messaged her was 21 August. We’re now at the 3 months since breakup.