I Walked Away And Got My Ex Back
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- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2022
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In today’s video here are some of the things we’re going to be discussing.
I’m going to answer how often exes just “come back”
I’m also going to talk about the importance of looking at WHEN they come back.
Figuring out the root cause of what causes exes to come back when you’ve walked away
Finally, we need to have an honest discussion about the grass is greener syndrome 
Хобби
They come back. More than once. I believe you shouldn't set a timeline on things. Don't chase anyone who chooses to dump you. It took me a long time to realize this. But chasing anyone who does that shows you don't have self-respect. No matter how hard it is, don't do that to yourself.
Love this! Really needed to hear that!
Thank u! I needed this. Settling for friendship when I want him back is painful!
@@sarahsummers4093 you’re stunning btw
They come back more than once?? My ex and I broke up twice now. Not sure if he will come back
@@jeffreykadriu7565 thank u ☺️
This is true. He messaged me a few days ago after 8 months of no contact, after I was indifferent to him coming back. You essentially have to not care when they come back or if they do. You almost have to not want them anymore at all. That's pretty much when he messaged me. It's weird but it is real. They pick up on it somehow. And no, I didn't reply. He's too late and I know my worth. 💅
It's so weird how they supposedly feel your energy. I don't get it.
It's true they come back. Mine came back new girlfriend in place and engaged to 6 weeks after the our break up. He eventually told me he wanted to work stuff out with her . No problem work on things with your fiancee. Since march 22 he has apologised twice . I have stepped back minimal contact and after a month accepted his apology and life carries on. Never be second best. The grass was greener please eat it. I am happy for you.
Please don’t waste time waiting like I did.. I had nearly a year of torment after being discarded without proper closure.
..She was never going to come back
My dismissive avoidant dumped me out of the blue. No explanation of what happened. After a month of begging etc I gave up and worked on myself. She contacted me 60 days after no contact. She explained to what happened and that it wasn’t my fault but that she had some trauma from past relationship. Anyway I educated myself to understand her better. Everything seemed to work, she became flirty and warm.
Sadly I was so stupid and asked if she wanted to give it another go, but everything on her terms and with the knowledge I now had. She said perhaps and became cold and well radio silence again.
Well I have given up. I don’t wanna waste my time on her anymore. And I’m meeting new people now. I’m totally okay if I never hear from her again. Cause I’m doing great now.
That's great! One of the things I've been studying this year is how often dismissive avoidants come back when you move on. I wouldn't be shocked if you hear from her at some point in the future.
@@chrisseitercoaching thanks Chris. I have been in no contact with her twice now, and she just contacted me tonight again with “hey how are ya”
So she has reached out to me 2 times. First time after 2 months of NC where she really opened up for almost a month until I asked if she wanted to come back together. And now tonight almost 2 months later again of NC.
I have no intention of replying back. She is either trying to get some attention/compliments from a distance, or she is just messing with my head to confuse me even more.
Or perhaps her rebound didn’t work out, and now she’s just bored until she finds someone new again. The spiral of death.
But yeah I’m not replying because I’m doing great and better without her. I do wish her the best though.
Anyway thank you Chris because of your channel I have learned much and now have the strength to resist avoidant people.
I don’t hate them, I just don’t wanna date them ever. Unless they worked on themselves. Which they rarely do sadly.
@@kubel83 Have her as an FWB if the physical chemistry was good? Have some fun without investing too many emotions ?
@@kubel83 🙏
Ur story reminds me of my Fa ex. Who doesn't have mercy and humanity either.
Where the fear overpowers love, love does not exist there.
Even if it hurts. You must leave it.
Sometimes Love doesn't fix the problems but the distance does.
Very interesting data, but in my opinion never take an ex back. They went looking for the BBD, (bigger, better, deal) and after a while, they realized that you were it and tried getting back together. Most of the time that relationship will have the same outcome. History always repeats itself. Never take an ex back...in my opinion.
Yep...because if you take them back, you will always have it in the back of your mind that they had you once, left you because they thought they could find someone better than you only to find out what should have been obvious in the first place. You can't replace someone or think you are going to have the same thing you had with the person you left. Every person's chemistry together is unique. Bottom line, if you truly love someone and they make you happy in every way, you hold onto that person forever.
Immaculate timing Chris! Exactly what I needed today.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. My ex-husband tried coming back after nearly two years of trying to fix it, AFTER the divorce. Finally, I got tired. I silently gave him three to make a move to fix us. He didn’t. After he didn’t come back, I completely disconnected and less than a month later, he was asking to re-marry. I’m over it. He’s asked me four times, but I’m done.
It’s about the energy that you project or stop projecting onto your ex. We’re trying to explain something in words… but we can’t really explain it all just through psychology theories. We should combine these with the metaphysical…
Quit wanting them and they will always come back! Happened with all of mine.
but do they come back for reconciliation/as better people? or do they come back to feed their own ego
@@alliebeck2390 yes they realize and they do change
Just curious, how did you get yourself yo quit wanting them? Its been about 3 weeks for me and I'm still in a right state. Don't get me wrong I'm not letting him know that! But I'm down a lot and I'm trying to focus on other things and living my life to better myself but at this stage it is so hard and I don't feel ready to stop grieving yet.
@@gemmallewellyn7264 it's about feeling safe to let go and knowing that letting go will not prevent them from coming back and it will allow you to heal. You have to drop the meaning you are giving that person. IE they were "the one" or the future you imagined. The thing is, right now, they are NOT the one because the left and you deserve someone who doesn't leave. That doesn't mean that they won't change and come back. It just makes right now you deserve better and they no longer deserve your time.
@@alliebeck2390 my current partner came back as a different and better person. All the others, it's hard to say as I didn't see enough changes to be willing to give them a second chance.
Thank you for this video Chris, it is a phenominum ..but life is too short 💔 😢 to hope they come back..xxx
Do you still want your ex back?
This video is great
Love the fire thumbnail 😂🔥
Yes, sadly, once you are completely done with the relationship - and i certainly tried so hard to maintain it - they want you back. It is rather sad, if you ask me. I was so in love with this one man for so long, and it dawned on me one day that he will never love me back. I don't actually think he knows even HOW to love a woman. So yes, i'm out, and really keen to now spend the time on my daughters and myself instead. Overseas holiday is already booked.... :)))
Yeah if u have kids he didn't love you just viewed u as recreational use only sorry to say
Hey Chris, I wondered if you've carried out any research into the disorganised attachment style?
When linked to an avoidant style for example.
I shall look into it! Thanks for the suggestion.
@@chrisseitercoaching thank you, it would be interesting. Apparently disorganised attachment styles make up 20-40% of the population . I've discovered that is my attachment style and I'm trying to make sense of how I relate.
My ex family is against our relationship and he loves me but because of his family fear we took break but he call 3 times since breakup....but I started NC because his behavior is hot & cold....is he come back ?
My scenario is particular. My ex who I've been with for 15 years and have two kids with left and got with a previous ex, although with less tenure and who she doesnt share kids with... The emotional connection you speak of that she might lack with a new person is already there with this one because he's someone she already knew...How do you feel about such a scenario?
Thats hard man
Just bought your book on Amazon. Letting ya know. Anyway. Can you block or flag these spam comments. Every single reply comment on your channel specifically has spam. For years on end lol
Yes it's so annoying to me. I block and flag them every day but they still find a way through.
@@chrisseitercoaching it’s because we don’t want them. They always come back ; )
What if they think you betrayed them and are scared to trust you/get hurt?
Mine left for another guy...she has been with him for nine months...
went through a period of no contact and she reached out after four months (end of April) to wish me a happy birthday...
I thought things were getting better so I asked her out at the end of June...
Nope, still with the guy and moved in with him after two months.
She has been liking everything i have put on Facebook to the point I had to ask her to stop doing it.
Still has our photos on the profile (no photos of previous or the current BF).
We had a really good relationship that lasted 4 years and ended out of the blue.
After nine months I am realizing she ain't ever coming back sadly.
I walked away and he unfollowed me on social media
I'm anxious until I have them on the hook and then I become avoidant. Yes I need counseling. LOL However, since I know I can be anxious I come across as secure because I have learned how to play the game over the years.
My ex tried to get my attention when he saw me in public. He came and stood right by me after staring at me. I didn't say anything and when I saw him right before I left the event, he looked mad for a second and hasn't tried to get my attention since. That's been about 3 weeks ago.
By the way I am in a new relationship with a different ex from 17 years ago.
Ah, so walking away really did work in your case!!!
Yes, but there's nothing satisfying about it. It's actually bitter sweet.
But how does walking away and the being there method work simultaneously?
I think it can! As long as your mentality revolves around outgrowing your ex.
2 years since she left me I'm fcking heart broken begged pleaded done every fcking to save her she broke my heart and left me 😢
All my significant exes i dumped contacted me (all after about 6-8 months) and suggested a date. The one dumped me didnt. It was bit messy. I dumped her - feel nervous but confident. Than we talked and she dumped me - felt very bad. Strategic mistake ;) Althoug dumpee learns much more than dumper. Im much better relationship-peson now ;)
Did she ever come back?
@@ImaAHol It was the second dump with the same person. I get back her allready once in the past but now it is different. She didn't go back after 6 months. She went to Spain. I suffered a lot but im pretty ok now. I miss her a bit. Some things to make a better judgement: 1. Im pretty sure she is toxic narcissist. I got emotional rollercoster with her 2. I was fascinated (crazy) with her a lot. Beautifull girl with awesome body.
3. I told her both above 😁
My ex told me she didn’t wanna be with me no more I guess I sent her a drunk text that I didn’t mean so she left and would not talk to me no more. I told her I was sorry and I didn’t mean it I’ve known her for over 30 years and have been married to her for two years. So I went no contact and I left her alone it’s been two weeks because she wouldn’t talk to me. I fell out of work so she said she would still keep my phone on and wouldn’t allow me to pay for it. Yes she puts up songs about me that’s not too good and on Facebook she called me a narcissist which I am not. Why not just turn my phone off I think she had me keep my phone on just so she could hurt me
@Lubabatu Bello Thank you so much I will definitely look into it
The percentages may be correct but please keep in mind that the basis (80 or 60 answers) are statistically not significant and thus the consequences/interpretations drawn can't be either. Nevertheless, that does not mean that they are not interesting or may not work. It just means that these statistics are no proof at all.
Very true, also account for the fact that the question wasn't specific enough to be statistically significant. Nevertheless, it was the responses to the questions that I found particularly interesting.
Certainly better than the “experts” who just toss their opinion out there! I appreciate that Chris looks at what’s happened or happening in people’s relationships and bases his advice on the conclusions he’s drawing. So sure, you can’t say “Guaranteed you have a 75% chance of your ex coming back at some point,” but you can look at these stories and say: there’s a GOOD CHANCE they might, so do X Y and Z to give yourself the best shot… and I think that’s what Chris does, anyway.
My ex has been in a rebound since may.
I'm sorry to hear that. How you holding up?
@@chrisseitercoaching i wish i knew how to explain it. Shes hiding that we talk just about everyday still. Hes told her many time to block me but she refuses. She hot then shes cold. Mixed signals all the time and now shes been trying to see who im hanging out with lol. BPD& abandnment issues bigtime
@@mattsmallwood3994 Hei,
Do NC
I went threw this my boyfriend dump me and i blocked him the same night 3 months later he call, text, left voicemails & sent pictures by then i was over him and unbothered
Could he come back if he is now in (what I think) is a rebound relationship? He broke up with me on 8 August and said he started with her a few days later. She is a woman who worked with him who I know he did like so the intention was probably there for a long time or something did happen before we broke up. He told me about her. He said he wants to stay friends with me and hang out in our mutual friendship group now and again. He didn't block my number but blocked me on Instagram. He has not contacted me and nor have I contacted him. All that happened was that last Friday he messaged me as a mutual friend contacted him out of concern for my emotional state. He wanted a phone call to see if I was okay but I put him off. No contact since then. So much confusion!
You’re two early in the breakup to make any material changes to how you feel about them and yourself. They’re in a relationship in a few days.. that’s immature, needy and disrespectful. He wants you around as a backup. Maybe a shoulder to cry on sometimes. Be warned
I think you're absolutely right. Why else would he suggest we stay friends? Our mutual friendship group suggested we think about having a Christmas meal together this year and he has even agreed to come to the drinks after that but not the meal. How could he know at this stage that he wanted to do that? Would his new girlfriend be happy to know that he would be hanging out in a group of friends which included his ex? Something else to note is that he is considerably younger than me. His new girlfriend is around my age so he has gone for an older lady again. He has no children. She has 3 children. And apparently, at the stage when he told ke about her last week, she couldn't get her ex to leave the rented property that they love in together. No offence to her, but he thinks that is more of a catch than the history and memories and fun that we had together plus almost 2 years of a relationship? We had rocky issues but he could have just ended it and worked on himself. I know it isn't my business and it's his life to do as he wants with. I guess I'm just hurting and longing for him back because I'm not thinking sensibly with the way I feel. I'm still hopeful even though I know all hope is gone. A week before he called it off for good (we were a bit on and off for a few months beforehand) we had a load of fun one evening, he met me from work, we headed to the shops, we were laughing and joking. He even stopped by a jewellers to joke about choosing a ring. What sort of a man is this?! Playing a game with my head.
@@gemmallewellyn7264 He’s stringing you along. Instead of working on himself. He’s going to end up emotionally hurting you, her and himself. You need to have some separation from him, before you can think clearly. Just stay away from him even if you’re longing. This back and forth is childish and haywire. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Do you think just no contact for a while? I was thinking of that anyway. I need to try and get through this initial hurt and then I am going to work hard on myself. Something he has robbed himself of the opportunity of is working on himself! Neither of us were perfect in the relationship so we both have some stuff to work on. I'm actually in a really great position compared to him. He's gotten himself straight into a new relationship with a whole load of baggage by the sounds of it! Whereas I can take time out to work on myself and my career and my goals in life. I know I'll thank him for this in the end. He's saved me from the person he really is which I can see now. I think they have been a shoulder for each other to cry on, there was attraction there anyway and they're both quite fresh out of serious relationships so they got together based on those reasons, maybe not looking ahead into the future together. I may be wrong and they may have found true love! I guess I just wonder if he would come back. I know its doubtful.
@@gemmallewellyn7264 You’ll need to get to a point where you’re not being too harsh on yourself. I guarantee you’ll try and find all possible things that you did wrong, or how you could’ve changed the outcome a bit. You can’t reach out to him for any reason for now. Forget strategies, just think that your emotions will cloud your judgment. So just stay away from him, stop obsessing about him, do not talk to him / see him for a while. Use this time to get stronger and wiser. That’s all you need to do right now, you don’t need to plan out what will happen after 30 days and 45 days etc. Just mend your broken heart.
His problems (and trust me there will be a LOT of those for him) are his problems. You need to get your house in order.
My ex came back on day 17th and by day 28th invited me out for dinner. I said no because there was no mention of us sitting down to address some things. He came back acting like we didn’t break up. After refusing, he mentioned wanting to stay friends or something. I said no. He is not getting my time and attention while showing no accountability or commitment. That actually ended up pushing me away and turning me completely off so I continued the no contact and this second month (about 40 days after the break up) I honestly feel like I don’t care for him anymore. I am going on vacation date today with someone I have been knowing for 3 years and always liked me (I like him too) Am I interested in a relationship with him? No. But I am having fun and focused on my business, family, friends, reading and moving forward. I can honestly say that these 40 days without him have been really good because I rediscovered how many people I have around who love me and need me. I’ve been so busy ! My ex is an avoidant and honestly after learning more about it, I don’t want to spend energy on him. Everyday I feel as I am becoming the dismissive lol because I lost interest in resolving anything, talking, seeing him or being intimate. No contact does work. It worked to improve my life, self esteem, self concept, and gave me the space to recreate and rediscover my life.
9 months since she left me, and I'm still heart broken. 😔
I feel you man. It’s been 10months and some weeks and I still think of her and miss her
Hang in there! I’m in the same boat - 9 months since he left me. Miss him every day but it certainly gets easier, even if I still cry about it every now and again. Don’t forget how strong you must be to have made it this far, and how much stronger you’ll become as you continue to work through the pain. One day you’ll be out of this with both a thicker skin as well as a softer heart and the growth you’ll have made will serve you as a platform for your next relationship. You’ve got this!
@@HB-pu6gz tank you
@@Markdaamannn Brothers in pain. 💪
@@jayman9168 I hope ur doing better I feel like my feelings gotten worse emotionally they said time heals but man I think of her always😩