It is important to me because it is actually part of my core values. A guy told me that it's just your opinion and I was like no my faith is so much more than that to me. Be true to yourself
This is one area in which you want to narrow your pool. Religious beliefs are intrinsic to your core beliefs. They immediately signal what your belief system is. Why waste time with someone whose belief system is so different from yours? Start with that commonality as a foundation and then discover if you’re a personality match.
This is one of the wisest responses I've heard from Matthew. For someone who has been single for years, it does narrow your search to searching for someone with similar beliefs. On the one hand it helped me re- clarify why I choose this path, But on the other it Reminded me that I shouldn't be arrogant in that approach to wanting to marry someone of the same Faith. It should come from a place of humility and not from a place of superiority . Thank you for reminding me that.
I'm an atheist and my ex fiancée is Christian, I was willing to take part in many of her traditions, but she can be incredible arrogant believing her beliefs are superior to others. Didn't understand the concept of tolerance.
@@rwentfordable I had a similar experience. Not cool, not cool… The irony and the hypocrisy of some rigid and extremely religious people is just astounding to me.
@@rwentfordable This is basically what I'm going through now. At first I thought I could just take part in her many traditions as well. Now, I'm realizing that it goes against the many ideals and beliefs I never knew I held so strongly. The biggest ideal being that you are not allowed to question anything, everything is faith-based. I like to believe that I'm very open-minded and willing to listen to all sorts of theories. But I cringe every time the argument lands in the same bucket. By every time, I mean all times.
A belief cannot be developed in depth in one life time. Religion has developed through centuries, generations. Traditions, physically going through the motions, does not exemplify faith. You live it, it is the core of all your beliefs and decisions. Its kind of like a 30 year old who is learning christian math for the first time. You learned when you were 5 that 1+1 equals 2. But in christian math, 1+1 equals 1. And 1+1+1 equals 1. The holy trinity is one God. When a man and a woman comes together in matrimony, you become a union. You can question that thats stupid because everyone knows 1+1 equals 2. You can be right. But you'll never be christian.
OMGGGG THE TIMING OF THIS ??? literally last night my bf & i had this conversation. And we are currently going thru our separate ways just cause of our different beliefs. It’s so freaking sad & I’m so hurt right now but I don’t know. Now I’ll watch the video.
Well, I think it really does matter if it would mean that you two would pursue different causes from mutually motivations. Because, being involved and undoubtedly supportive in the life of your partner is an important part of a relationship
It’s very good that you figured this out now, before you got married, before you had kids… Take it from someone who was married to someone of a different faith for 10 years. It doesn’t work. I even got pressured into trying his faith. It doesn’t work. It’s not a particular religions fault. Organized religion as a whole separates communities. Separates people. Creates hate. After many years of thought, reading, and experiencing other religions… I have been an atheist for the last 20 years. And it gives a peace of mind that I can’t even explain. knowing right from wrong doesn’t come from a book, it comes from our innate humanity.
Religious convictions, if they have any substance to them, shape your moral values and much of your personality, so it's not a minor issue. In a world where people reject each other for the most superficial things, it would seem strange not to care about such a big thing. As an atheist, I think the only religious people I would consider forming an intimate bond with would be ones who've thought very deeply about why they believe what they do and what it means. But that kind of believer is very rare.
Well said Huugo. Met many a decent atheists, always a good debate. Every believer should really think and know why they believe what they believe, it's the whole point.. the journey from and to God into the hereafter. I do daily and reinforces my faith every step of each day. God is Omnipotent and great. 🤲🏼
I have had great friendships with people identifying as a muslim, jew, and christian - all due to them thinking deeply about what spirituality means to them and why they believe in what they believed in, and without them trying to convince me to share their beliefs.
@@HannehYA Same, though friendships are one thing, being married w kids is another if both ppl feel strongly about their beliefs...causes issues with how to raise kids, etc.
I agree although I would say that people who realize that human belief and especially rigid rules are very much human mental constructs then sometimes can go beyond all of that and find a very deep and authentic form of morality and compassion. At that point, they don’t need any person or book to tell them what is right or wrong in how to treat others and themselves. They can just feel it.
Respectfully disagree. I love your videos and I've found them super helpful after breakups, but being vegetarian is not a religion. I see your point but I think that would not be applicable to most situations. Especially in people who are more religious and when relationships become more serious and you start thinking about the future and how you want to raise your kids. This can cause a lot of conflict.
"Compatibility is very important. Your values concerning self-expression, money, health, career and providership-even your world view-must be in alignment with another. Again, there may be differences, and these differences can be very helpful, but if there are sharp contrasts and these contrasts are based upon the nature and design of both you and the other person, this will limit your participation together. This can limit your ability to accomplish any task together." From _Relationships and Higher Purpose » Chapter 12: Establishing Relationships_ - by Marshall Vian Summers. (free online/highly recommend)
That was a very interesting perspective, thank you Matthew. I do appreciate that keeping dating within my faith does slim down my options, but I truly do believe it’s worth it. As a Christian, I truly believe that the love of Jesus is the best love, and I would need any romantic partner to understand that and encourage that, pray with me and point me in that direction and not think it was weird to build my life around it. It is deeper than food choices, political opinions, other worldviews. I certainly welcome not being in an echo chamber with my friends and potential partners. But faith is the centre of my identity and is too precious to trade in for romantic love. But it is also good to be challenged on whether I am narrowing down in other ways…
If two people really love each other then , they feel more than happy in keeping and fullfilling the beliefs of each other . They didn't try to impose their beliefs on each other. They didn't try to change or convert each other. They accept each other as they are. If one person is non vegetarian other should take care of his or her needs and tastes .if one person is vegitarian then other person should take care that he/ she get 100% pure vegetarian food. Both Vegitarian and non vegetarian food should be cooked under one roof in different utensils and servered with love according to taste and beilfs on same table in two different plates . And both agree and respect this. If love exist between two they will find a way to keep each other happy.
After having let my rule go for someone of a different faith, beings super serious about him to only be rejected in the end, that rule is back up and stronger.
I wouldn’t recommend it. At all. I’m in my 40’s and had never found a guy until just this year-I thought I was being too picky so I lowered my standards to not include religion. I have a boyfriend now, and every day is absolutely miserable because we believe totally opposite things. He even accuses me of taking jabs at him whenever I’m explaining my faith-yet he’s outright anti-semitic and can’t even see it. Awful. There are worse things than being single. Trust me.
My hubby is a vegetarian and an Eastern philosophy, I am a Christian. Growing up I wasn't even allowed to date boys who didn't go to our church, never mind Christian boys. The pool was so narrow I married a totally unsuitable person for my personality and it ended 20 years later in divorce and confusion for both of us. I'm so happy now and another 20 years on, being with a person, who although very different to me, is a good fit. Thanks for this video. I have doubted my choice sometimes and now I feel good about it.
I wouldn’t guess that makes me different then the rest theres worse then that for that in my opinion converting is not sure about that but converting should be on their own person’s behalf not you as forcing or pushing to believe not right either
As a believer, off the bat atheism is a no...it's just common sense bcz faith is very deep and personal space that impacts your spouse, person you marry, not "date"..you want to be w ur spouse in afterlife...but that person isn't a believer so how can they end up together in afterlife and pray for one another. It won't work. There is no compulsion in faith either..must be person's own volition.
Grew up a Christian, married a Christian, became an atheist. Still married to a Christian. And no, he doesn't really wonder about me burning in hell forever, he just believes Jesus will do whatever he's going to do, to make him happy in heaven. He recons me burning in hell is between God and me and not his worry.
I personally wouldn’t date someone with different core beliefs than my own (I’m atheist) because the way we view the world and what underscores our fundamental values would just be too different. I’m happy to be friends with people from all different religions! But a life partner should be someone’s whose beliefs and values align naturally with your own, and if you’re coming from two totally different places it’s likely gonna be an uphill battle.
It def helps if you’re on the same page for support but I’ve seen how it CAN work with my parents, 41yrs together. It gave me freedom to explore and see the differences between religions and i think helped me be more open to dating outside my “preferred “ religion. I think with love and respect everything is possible and this is just another example of the pressures one should not put on a partner … the relationship you have with religion is with u and that god, js 🤷🏽♀️
Not as easy as that when children come into the picture. And I am saying this from experience. Soon enough, when children come into the picture, there are bound to be serious debates about what's most important to teach the child. And if the two of you cannot agree on what's important (as guided by your religious differences), one or both of you will feel seriously shortchanged in the relationship.
Totally agree. If the human race and its home are to endure, and we must learn to respect and accept each other. People are dying of loneliness. So, “exclusive“ religions are not ideal in my view.
It's not arogance. It's a need for emotional safety. Many religious people are often being disrespected becouse of their "naive" way of seeing the world. Ofcourse not every atheist is going to think that the religion is silly but it is something that is probable. And from the point of view of someone who really puts God in the first place it is unbearable to be with someone who thinks it is silly. So how can anyone feel safe around someone who doesn't respect that? And yes, I know... I speak from the place of being a victim but... It's still not arrogance. It's just fear of being direspected. And as I can respect all peacefull religions as long as they don't hurt anyone and I can be friends with people of any culture, the one person that is suppoused to be my partner should feel the same way about the most important thinghs as I do. And thats pobably very subjective and many people have different view on that. Buy I just don like this generalisations that Amtthew often presents.
Exactly. I met someone recently who was very strictly religious. They taught me a lot about their religion which I found beautiful, however they cut me off due to me not following their religion strictly when I have different beliefs and I made that clear in the beginning. Sadly, we had a lot in common but there wasn’t enough openness to accept me for who I am from their end I believe. At the end of our communication, they started telling me everything I have “wrong” with myself when it was really just difference of views and faith. It was a good lesson, but quite intense as getting such feedback on myself yet them not open to feedback themselves created an unhealthy environment I felt. It made me not willing to express my feelings if that makes sense.
Yup. I had a similar experience as well. I found it quite frustrating and felt led on because I realize now that the person was just hoping I would convert to their views if they just kept talking to me about it. Whereas I made it very clear from the beginning that I did not want to be physical unless this could be a relationship with long-term potential. The ironic thing is, if you look at my morals and actions in the experience versus his, I would argue mine were probably more upstanding, righteous, and compassionate than his, despite his supposedly very strong faith and rigid religious rules. If you have authentic ethics and morals, you don’t need anyone or any book telling you what that is. You can feel what is right.
Ahh I JUST went through this with a guy I was talking to. He is Christian and so am I, but his religious beliefs are so strong/intense, he almost finds a way to intertwine religion into everything. And that just doesn’t jive with me. I am open, he’s not so much. Anytime I even mentioned that his beliefs are doubtful, he immediately got mad and just stopped talking to me. Now he’s just blocked me after another expression of my doubts. Doubt…which means my mind can me changed. and he’s even crying to me about how lonely he is and has no friends, yet he is so rigid in this religion for whatever reason, and it’s keeping him from forming relationships. *sighhhh*
@@annas9720 I feel your pain! So frustrating, but I guess it also taught me that I want a partner who’s not super rigid in their thinking and judgments of others. At the surface, I thought we had similar values, but when I looked deeper, I realized that really wasn’t the case.
My boyfriend and I have been together over 4 years . He and I don't badger each other on our religious believes at all. I'm a raised Baptist and he's atheist. He excepts my believes as my own and I do him the same. It has no affect on our relationship what so ever. Each is allowed to believe what they wish.
@@phoebesmith9089 we share two children together. He has an older son that's 10 and attends church everytime the doors are open. We are very happy in our relationship. As a matter of fact, he always ask me how my service was. He's always help me get things together for special events for church.
When it comes to religious beliefs, I’d have to disagree with you. I don’t believe it is an arrogance to desire someone with the same faith. You spoke about your wife and what drives her dedication as a vegetarian and those great reasons. I’ll speak specifically for the Christian faith since I’m a Christian. When I look for someone else with the same faith, I am not looking for someone who is just like me. I am actually often attracted to someone that is very different than me, they’re not an echo chamber b/c of their faith, they’re a totally different person than me and I love that, they share values with the foundation of that faith. Like you mentioned with your wife, the reasons behind the belief/faith is what matters as well. As a Christian, I believe in the death and resurrection of Christ and there’s so much more to explore there than ‘a set of rules.’ When I choose to date within my faith, it’s not b/c I think less of anyone else’s way of life or believe mine to be the best. It’s ultimately not about me, it’s about God. There’s so much more to the faith. :)
The thing is God is at its core about unconditional love and only dating those of the same religion is conditional love, the opposite of what God is and the message of God. So yes dating as a rule to only date a person of a specific religion is conditional love. Conditions that are meant to separate from being open to exploring and loving another deeply is at its root arrogant.
You said it perfect brother. It's not about me it's about God. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
@@arielzimmerlein418 I disagree with you. I would want to date someone with the same faith (I am a Christian Tio) because I would want to share every part of my life with that person. Something I cannot do if that person is an atheist for example. In that case, it would hurt me not being able to share those feelings with him.
I love this channel and all the discussions and advice Matthew has shared, but I don't love how he said, the greater our criteria, the slimmer our chances. I find this is a very limiting mindset. This then opens up to a lot of people doubting what they truly want in a forever partner and if it's "too much" because like you said, it decreases our chances (which I don't believe). Logically maybe, but I believe the universe provides us exactly what we believe we can have and what we ask for. If we don't believe there is a person created beautifully perfect to compliment us, we will find anyway to settle or to limit our criteria and our true desires. For example, sharing food, being able to travel and go anywhere and eat the same thing and get excited about how amazing the food tastes, that is actually one of my non-negotiables. I think all of these things run deeper than just a matter of oh, but they could teach me something or that's a great quality about them. It's the matter of the values, lifestyle, way of being that could potentially impact your quality of life. Although yes people CAN make it work, but you have to weigh up the potential struggle, and also what experiences or things you would have to give up. Of course everyone has different goals, priorities, so it varies to person to person whether giving it a go with someone that has a quality/trait that is quite different to theirs is worth it. Eg. if you both come from different religions, you have to think about how are you going to raise your kids, will you come with me to church? you will also feel a disconnect as partners if you both don't believe in the same religion. And being raised Christian myself, having a close relationship as husband and wives with God is upmost importance (to people who really value their religion and relationship with God). I believe knowing yourself well, what you want and don't want, how you imagine your lifestyle in the future, to stick by it and to continue to grow as a person, become a colourful, interesting person that has a lot to offer and THIS is how you attract your dream partner. I don't believe in wavering from what you want. I think this video unfortunately lead with a scarcity mindset with finding love. I wish this was more empowering than talking about how this 'narrows your pool' of choices. Often times in life, incredible miracles, experiences and opportunities come out of no where. It's not logical, but it's something you've wanted, asked for and manifested. I believe people need to shift their mindset into possibility and believing their dream partner is out there, made perfectly and uniquely for them.
I agree with you deeply. And personally, I have a hard time believing that Matthew's relationship with this young woman will pass the test of time. As compassionate as she may be, notice how many times in the same video he stressed how much he dislikes the fact that she is vegetarian. Right now he is being optimistic about it. But sooner or later, I believe the value difference will cut through. So I do think that being clear on what one's foundational values are is essential to success in the dating process. We shouldn't be aiming for appeal to everyone, but for genuine compatibility with someone special. Someone with whom we feel at home 💕
In answer to the video question, yes of course you can, but the real question is do you WANT to date someone with a different religious background? Personally, no, only because I want to be singing from the same hymn sheet. Inevitably, you morph into one and I think values and beliefs should organically align rather than forcing them to align. P.s. thank you for your videos Matthew, I remember seeing you in Kensington, London in 2015. I was single and very naive haha. Congratulations on your engagement too. Xx
Not if you are a born again Christian who follows what God's Word says. We are not to be unequally yoked. If you do, it will lead to unnecessary headache and problems especially as you have children. God forbids it for our best interest.
No, not seriously. Eventually if you have a family, you will fight over how to raise them. Also, love is before knowledge, but being unequally yoked will not be eazy at all depending on how different each beliefs are and each individual's willingness to change or not.
That’s true let them go to church of whatever they go and let the children pick who goes with who but but in long run let them believe what they want as much you want them to believe in Christianity or god that’s how my parents did it in a way they grew up Catholic but they decided to raise Christian but same thing. coming out of closet type thing as much that be sad and upsetting it was your child’s choice and all you can basically do is accept it or they’ll hate you forever or least it’ll feel like forever
Both my parents have different beliefs and I wasn’t brought up in a religion. I always asked questions and my Dad would share different perspectives and beliefs on God but was always clear that we could decide what we believed in when we got older. I would attend church sometimes when I slept over my friends house but I didn’t feel like it resonated with me. I ended up gravitating more to my Moms beliefs and as I got older I read about different beliefs and it was easy for me to decide what I believed in. Perhaps this is because I was never forced to go to a specific church or believe in that which my parents believe in. Love was always taught to me- doing good, forgiveness, compassion, not stealing or harming anyone etc
I experienced the same. Even if our values are very very similar and he says he loved me, he decided not to be with me because i would not accept him to impose his religion on our future kids. I proposed to let our kids decide of their faith but he said no. So, we parted ways.
My aunt and uncle agreed, to educate their children in their different religious beliefs, and let the children decide for them self. Until the 4 firstborn felt like becoming Jewish like their dad, they would betray their Lutheran mom or the other way around. So my cousins decided to become atheists. The son born after that, my uncle pushed hard and forced his religion onto him. Causing their marriage to be on very shaky grounds, going on for years. They were still barely together last I saw them.
I had a similar experience. Good for you for being true to yourself. Having such rigid rules or beliefs not based on any kind of true compassion or morality is not a great basis to raise kids on in my mind. Especially if you force them into having those beliefs.
I think it's much deeper than just accepting the differences when it comes down to "faith", Matthew! For the first time, I respectfully disagree with you :)
Know the difference: For the world with different political views, different religion views will work. BUT, if you are a true born again Christian will never work.
NO, I'm not a fan of religion but I respect everyone else right to it, but don't try and shove down my throat and if your a JW stay the hell away from me.
For me, I would say YES that I could date someone from diff religion. Why? Coz for me, it is not about all religion, BUT it is on you BOTH how you will have this understanding to each other's beliefs and respect to one another. We are raise in diff families and culture so with a wide knowledge and understanding, I believe BOTH could have this beautiful partnership.
Interfaith marriages are so common. I can’t believe this is even still a debate. If it works for you to be in a interfaith relationship do it, if not don’t. It’s 2023 people.
i find this very interesting because i was recently going through this with someone i was seeing amongst other issues where i am a religious christian and the guy i was dating was not. he was baptised but not practicing and not religious & i think the way i went about it was wrong because instead of accepting him for being that i was kinda like well i would appreciate it if you tried to learn more about the faith and deepen it and grow it and he was like i’ll give it a try but i can’t gaurantee you that i’ll go to church every week with you etc. it just wasn’t how he was raised and it was how i was and i think if i had maybe approached it differently for example like accepted it and over time observed if he was curious or interested in what i do on a sunday then it may have worked out better. but instead i gave him a book about a guy that is christian but doesn’t go to church and told him to read it so he could learn more. he was open to it and tried to read it. but when he ended it with me one of the things he said was i tried to do whole religion and book thing but it just wasn’t me. and mind you there were other issues unrelated to religion but speaking about this particularly it made me feel stuck because on one hand i felt like hey why are you trying to mould this person into what you want instead of accepting them for who they are. on the other hand i would’ve rather he just tell me it’s not me and i want you to accept that or it’s not gonna work rather than just leave.. but i did a lot of self reflection and saw a lot of things in myself that i’d do differently in the future, i still value the idea of having a partner with similar level of faith but i can see why adding that pressure to someone would make them feel cornered and unable to connect with you
I’m not sure if someone who doesn’t believe can really answer this question… in my opinion, they don’t sorry. The bible is clear, looking for someone who’s equal to you in this reguard.
This podcast is somewhat relevant to what I've been through this week. Thi is exactly what I said to someone I met online that I wanted to be with somebody who has the same religion as mine. Then he questioned me with my preference 'coz for him love should not be based only with religion. But for me I considered religion as a very important aspect in any relationship especially with problems that might happen in the future because of the difference in faith.
well you CAN... but it would DEEPLY depend on the person and the religion. some religions are very strict and would dominate over the other person, who don't believe the same. then there are the types of people who's religion wouldn't dominate the other - but the PERSON still does. it all depends on what and who you are dealing with.... in most cases i would say: it CAN work, but... its going to hurt the relationship. it will be HARD and too conflicting at too many turns. not worth it of you ask me.
Matthew your videos are always so relevant and so helpful. I’ve seen a couple other comments alongside these lines: how do you approach this when on one side or the other family has very strong beliefs, even if the 2 individuals in the couple don’t? I suppose this could be expanded beyond just religious beliefs to anything strongly held: politics, etc.
I have to disagree. It is not arrogance, being a practicing believing Christian is my identity. If I cannot fully share that faith with another that is far beyond what taste some has in food ect. Yes, I do agree that we can all learn for each other. But for me my faith is everything to me.
It depends. It's all about respect. My ex and I had completely different views on religion. As a matter of fact, that's probably the only belief we didn't argue over. Our breakup had nothing to do with that. So yes its possible so long as you respect each other. Unless its actually very important, then probably not
Totally agree, John. In my mind it’s more about acceptance and respect that the other person will think and do things differently than you do. If you take your time to get to know someone, then you can get a feeling if you can accept and respect each other. Unfortunately, some extreme forms of religion teach people not to accept others that don’t believe and pray exactly as they do. That seems like quite a tragedy to me, because then it’s like they are judging someone purely on their words and beliefs versus on their actions, values, morals, and how they actually live their lives.
Nah. I watched alot of videos and agreed with most of them but this one, nope, I strongly disagree and still subscribed 😉 You can't compare being in a certain diet with being in a certain religion. It's like comparing Broccoli and a Book. Yeah books are made from plants/trees but it's way too farfetched. You might as well telling me to not narrow my pool and also open to date men😑 For me to prefer a traditional Christian lady, helps me to filter out certain qualities and values that I look in a partner. Yes for sure that it would have black sheeps in those field of filtering, but it definitely would help to avoid unnecessary dilemma like, in what faith should the wedding be, what faith should the children follow, etc. I would go as far as to say that it is of extreme arrogance to think that everyone would have the freedom of choice to have a partner with different religion without having heavy consequences. Why extreme arrogance? There are millions of Muslims, Christians, Catholics, etc who cannot marry a person who is of different faith because it would result in persecution, rejection of the community and even some being disowned by family members. So to a video like this, It is of Extreme Arrogance to make such opinions knowing your audiences doesnt just consists people in the U.S. Hope you could reflect on this, Matthew Hussey. Sincerely Your current subscriber
Well, I’m 46, divorced w 4 kids (half are grown, thank goodness). I will say this: at my stage it’s like, what are the deal breakers? Followed by, emotional intelligence, and do we energetically align. The rest are the details to be sorted out. Head, heart, and root center must cohere. And within all of that, discussion. Everyone has their own idea of how all of those things should look. It’s important to discover and then talk about that shit.
I was in a relationship where there was not alignment with spiritual beliefs. I was ok with having different approaches as curiosity and being open to being taught by the universe is a value of mine. Unfortunately, I felt like it didn't go both ways. He believed at some level that I would eventually decide on something. I didn't feel like I could share my curiosity and excitement with him. I felt like he was trying to change me (in more ways than just that) and like I had to hide or change parts of myself that I like. It's not important that someone has the same faith/interests/likes/ways of living as long as they honor and respect yours.
Amen, sister! I had a very similar experience and found it very sad and frustrating. However, I’m just realizing that it helped me get a glimmer of insight into how people who are judged, rejected, or demonized for some innate or arbitrary feature about them must feel. I also know that now it’s important to me to only consider potential partners who are open-minded, accepting of others’ differences, and have authentic, true morals and values that they have found within themselves.
Religion and politics are the two things that are non-negotiable. You have to be on the same wavelength, or it will not work. On the other side of that, you explicitly should look for people who have different superficial interests as you. I think you should have things you and your partner each enjoy alone, and things you enjoy together. If you date someone because they like all the same music, movies, sports/games, etc. as you, they you're going to do literally everything together and become co-dependent.
I just met someone and we are connecting sooo perfectly, yet I’m so anxious to bring this up because of my past trauma I suffered from my last marriage… 😩 and now I’m more scared of loosing him 😔
The rule widens it - I can only be with someone who shares the same beliefs, values, goals. There's no bothering with anyone else. I have so many options within my "rule" if I want them. There's so much freedom in recognizing the only men I'd be with, and there are still millions of them. Do I need more than millions available? More than a few? More than one? There's no heartbreak in later "just realizing" there's no future There's no wasted time. There's already a solid foundation and we know it. It's ridiculous when people date - and have the inevitable, devastating, could have been avoided relationship loss - while knowing one wants children and one refuses to have them or one wants to live a certain way and one wants a very different lifestyle and neither will budge or other serious differences - so when religious beliefs are important, crucial or pivotal, it doesn't at all lessen anything - everyone goes in with real knowledge of the basics of how they want their relationship and future. It's easier. It's better. It's not less but much more.
Take it from someone married to someone of a different faith for 10 years. It doesn’t work. I even got pressured into trying his faith. It doesn’t work. It’s not a particular religions fault. Organized religion as a whole separates communities. Separates people. Creates hate. After many years of thought, reading, and experiencing other religions… I have been an atheist for the last 20 years. And it gives a peace of mind that I can’t even explain. knowing right from wrong doesn’t come from a book, it comes from our innate humanity.
I agree so much. My ex fiancee is Christian and really believes you need 'God' to live a good life. If you need something external to yourself to treat others with humanity, then your morals are on very shaky ground.
The problem that arises isnt when your dating its when you start having kids. You need to look at it in a long term and not in short term. Is the kids going to vegetarian or vegan? Will they be catholic or muslim. I think to really arrive that deep both should have to have a real understanding of each other. Atheist may affront a problem differently than a person who is spiritual. And true relationship bcoz solid only if we truly understand each others and have our mind and hearts open. This is the root of all problems. Acceptance and understanding is needed or relationship will only reach on short term and never in long term relationship. So let me ask u if u had kids would allow them to be vegetarians? Im vegan and i have that issue with the father. Ill let u guys decide that for yourselves.
@@CordeliaWagner Not really they just say why you telling me this or they’ll maybe become upset or defensive but don’t really matter if you have same or similar morals etc I had someone I was interested in like that but my family very strict I had to obey my mom to this very day finding work is difficult but I believe I’ll get through this with help we no longer talk now but I still have faith she’ll succeed
Honestly I find it hard in friendships so I assume It would be harder for lovers, But everything will work out If they were two grown ass respectful people.
I broke up with my boyfriend because his political views didn't line up with mine. I'm very progressive socially. He also claims to just be spiritual but he occasionally goes to church and believes in God and the Bible. I regret how I ended it and I've been sick all day wondering if I made the right choice. The last time I dated someone religious they lied about it and they turned out to be one of the more radical ones. Sent me on a hell of a journey because of it. I have since calmed down and become pretty comfortable with my religious beliefs. I can't handle an upset like that again. I need someone who values the same things I do without such polarizing differences. I could date a vegetarian. Not a vegan though. Lol
I think you’re onto something there about the polarization. I think any kind of extreme thinking is not great. Sounds like you want someone a bit more moderate, which sounds very sensible to me :-) I am coming to the same conclusion as well for myself.
@@claritywellnesscoaching768 it wasn't so much that ai need a moderate (though that would be okay) it's that when we disagreed we disagreed REALLY hard and one of those things was a human rights issue that I just couldn't budge on. I'm open minded to people who don't agree with me but some things you need to already be where I'm at.
I see what you mean by the echo chamber and all - sure it's good to compromise on some things and to be open to other and new perspectives, but I actually think it's totally reasonable that you would want to be with someone sharing same faith or ideology as you. I'm an agnostic atheist, I don't think I'm compatible with someone highly religious; same goes for politics; I'm strongly left-winged, I wouldn't match well with someone right-winged or centered. It comes down to lifestyle, worldview etc. I wouldn't be with someone wanting children either, cause I don't want any - all those things matters. Could I be with someone who fx. likes to collect Star Wars figurines? Sure, cause it isn't against my core values/beliefs. I need to share core-values with my partner. If religion isn't a core value, or that it's just not important for you - then go for it. I rather want to be alone than being with the wrong one, same goes for friends; they shouldn't be copies of oneself, but surely it's important being able to agree on some of the deeper issues in life, and to share some common interests etc. It's also important not to agree on everything (recovering people-pleaser here). It's important (for me at least) to connect on a deeper level with the people in my life. Some people are maybe having a rigidly worldview or preferences in what they want in a partner; and some tends to be a bit too compromising in their values; it's all about balance - the balance that works for you.
I used to have a friend who was an Asatru Pagan and married a Catholic! We thought he was crazy! I don't know why she accepted him! I wonder if they're still together... They were pretty tight. For me as an atheist, I would not be interested to date a christian, but it's hard to find someone with traditional values who isn't a christian.
Just so everyone knows, I had two creeps chat me up in reply to this message, post and delete. Phone numbers. Some guys are foolishly, embarrassingly desperate. Any intelligent woman would disregard a risky stab like that.
This was such a thought provoking video to me. The idea that arrogance or ego can be an underlying factor in someone’s rules. I also appreciated your 1+1=3 analogy, both parties bring new perspectives that can in turn create something totally new
I'm Christian and my wife is agnostic. She really has an issue with alot of Christians but until now there's really not been an issue. I don't force my beliefs on her and open minded and accepting of others but now there seems to be minor issues arising. We've been married for a little over 2 years. I want things to work out but I also want us both to be happy. She'll say everything Is fine but then she'll be upset. So idk what to do.
My ex assured me so many times that he respected my beliefs and that he wouldn't try to change it. We broke up because our situation got complicated and he won't meet me half-way. A few months after, I bumped into his friends and apparently we broke up because of our differences.
@HappyIka 1987 It was. He came back after several months wanting to try and work things out. Our breakup taught me what I really want in a relationship and so when the guy, who's willing to love me in the way that I want, came along, I took another chance and I've never been happier.
The Bible says to not be yoked with unbelievers! What does light and darkness have in common with each other? Nothing! If I ever have another relationship with a man again, they would have to be a spirit filled Christian man. Period! This is my #1 value!
Hey Coach I need help . Me and my crush had a hugee fall out . She lied to me and I got very angry and cussed her out and told everyone what she did to me . Does no contact work on a fall out crush ? ( she knows i have a crush on her )
Well said.. because we as human are evolving all the time.. and in that process we are discovering about what’s true for us.. what we believe is true or works for us as a rule may not really be correct. And that would surprise us. You discover what is negotiable and what is non negotiable.
OMGGGGGGG like what a timing. Im dating a jewish guy and i been watching your videos and im christian so lowkey i dont know if its gonna work cause the family gonna either hate me lol or want me to convert and thats like a no no just do to that for love
@@claudiap.6838 So i am christian and he is jewish , i dont know how i can be both. i read somewhere that in Jewish culture the woma kinda has to be jewish for the kids to be considered jewish but i dont know. Honestly i really dont wanna convert just for the reason of them accepting me.
@@joycevond If you were a born again christian you wouldn't think once about converting to Judaism or marrying a jew who still waits for the messiah...
One of the reasons I love your content is that I find your emotional intelligence (and Audrey's too) off the charts. For this reason I have to call you out here. I'd bet my life savings that by going out to "great" restaurants and eating "whatever the speciality is", when it includes animal products... goes against YOUR OWN VALUES. (Curious: Would eating at the Yulin Dog Meat Festival be one of the experiences on your bucket list? If you heard it was delicious?) Regardless, I'm sure if, before eating any meal with animal products, you had to OK the activities required to convert that animal to food, you too would be vegan. Though Audrey's vegetarianism is a move in the right direction, she must know that the egg and dairy industries are equally (if not more) cruel than the meat industry - and in fact, they are basically the same industry as once the animal is no longer of use, it's sent to the slaughterhouse. I believe there's tremendous cognitive dissonance at play here. A challenge for you both is to watch the movie EARTHLINGS (narrated by Joaquin Phoenix) together and then ask yourselves - "Am I ok with this? Do I believe this is morally ok?" (If you are more of a reader, I recommend "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer) The only reason about 90% of nonvegans AREN'T vegan is because they've purposely never informed themselves. If they actively sought out truth they would also go vegan or, at the very least, would admit that their actions are cruel (contributing to animal exploitation and violence) and they would not be cavalierly depicting eating animals as a benign way of living life to the fullest.
First time in a decade of listening to Hussey I see a topic where he lacks his usual uncanny perception of a fundamental human value. I'm simultaneously taken aback & happy; taken aback that there's actually something he's clueless about. Happy there's actually something he's clueless about i.e. he IS human after all 🤗 For years I've referred to him as "Hazrat Hussey", a classic Muslim title imparting reverence & fondness, reserved exclusively for the spiritually exalted & the prophets - no doubt many in my faith would consider me blasphemous.
Religiosity is often more of a hindrance than the religion itself. Devout Christian is not a good match for someone who is more or less secular, even if the latter is nominally Christian.
One of my major regrets is being brought up/conditioned to be drawn to a small pool. I know you tell us off when we say this but I really wish I paid attention to your work years ago. I have become soo much more open minded since your teachings and ignore the conditioning.. I was brought up with. I am soo mad at myself/parents for making me think I wanted a Sri Lankan guy from my background. I never felt it. Love you man. ❤️❤️ I was going to make a cheeky comment about your shirt but I have refrained myself hehe 😄 xxxx
You're unlikely to find a person who has exactly the same beliefs as you. For example, a Catholic might marry a Catholic, but that doesn't mean their beliefs even on that subject will be exactly the same. You're bound to run into a view that doesn't match your own. No two people have had the same experiences, have the same thoughts, have the same preferences, etc. You'd have to marry yourself if you want the exact same beliefs. So what happens if you run into a different belief? Do you just walk off forever? No. You could accept it. You could not talk about that subject. If you just walk off forever, the same thing will happen again with the next person. You'd date your new person and find a different view somewhere again. Them sharing the most important beliefs with you is all you can really ask for. They don't have to share all your beliefs, just the most important ones.
Some of this was pretty cringe, to be frank. The vegetarian part, for example, and being a better person if you don't eat meat. Pure moral judgment that is individualistic. And religion, even if 'non-practicing', plays a strong role in relationships that shouldn't be discounted so quickly simply because there are other traits or values you like in someone. Raising children, a core conviction that's part of the religion and even family and friends are all important. For instance, as for a core conviction, I don't like abortion but don't know how a woman can be forced to carry to term if she didn't want the child so I believe it's a State issue to be decided by the people living in each. I could never be with a woman that was flippant about abortion and believed it wasn't killing a child simply because most don't want the responsibility to use birth control. And yes, I've had that very conversation with a woman I had an interest in. She could not understand that _primary_ responsibility laid on the shoulders of a woman to tell the man to wear a condom if she was not on birth control or there would be no sex. Because, outside of rape, women choose if sex happens. She still wanted to blame men for unwanted pregnancies requiring abortion and even joked that it wasn't a big deal. I could NEVER be with someone that 1. viewed taking life with such nonchalance and 2. being unable to understand even basic reasoning. Oftentimes, it's a recipe for disaster.
Is Audrey aware of the new scientific research which proves that plants not only feel pain in the moment, but that they also store a memory of that painful incident? EVERYTHING we can eat both feels And remembers pain, not just animals!
Are you having some kind of inner conflict about your decision Matthew? Don’t need to reply but this is not the first video I watch and feel that (from the new ones). 🤷🏼♀️
Being a vegetarian and believing in someone saving your soul are two completely different things and can’t be compared to each other. Faith in something directs your life and morals, what you eat is about your health. Incomparable.
I feel one of the major things secular or non-religious individuals fail to understand is that faith or religion is not something superficial. Someone that believes in God lives their lives according to a standard set out by their respective traditions that influence and colour the way they see the world and the decisions they make in life. It is not something they just "believe" or something they attend on Sunday morning but it is literally a part of their being. It is a difficult concept for a non religious person to grasp because non religious people are not grounded in a moral tradition and have not developed a spiritual side that can understand faith in its fullest context. Non religious people are not beholden to any standard other than the standards they choose to hold for themselves. Thus they have a superficial understanding of how deep faith is for a religious person. To say its arrogant to have a defined moral standard is ironically arrogant. All it reveals is the very incompatibility that Matthew is saying does not really exist. Ironically i find that narrowing your pool is exactly what dating needs. You are looking for one person to build a life with. Having one partner is literally forsaking all other possible partners. And knowing exactly what you believe and what you want is what will lead you to success. I find that secular dating leads to all kinds of issues and baggage because secular people do not have a unified standard. You adopt what you like and leave the rest. It doesnt mean religious people never have broken relationships but at least they are comming from a common context and moral standard.
And when children come along… which school are they going to - the school for my religion or your religion? That will become a GIGANTIC issue even if the parents can ignore each other’s religious alignment.
Only when no kids, but even then respect for the other must always be there...but devout folks will not marry out bcz other person is not a believer. Impacts who they are w in the afterlife, little do ppl recognize this fact.
This is low key the worst advise I’ve ever heard. He said her being a vegetarian still bothers him. So there for your still not 100% on the same page as your partner. A feature about her brings up uncomfortable feelings. And that’s just about food bro. Imagine religion. Worst advise I’ve ever heard , how do your side children ? Do you go to church or temple ? Like dig in a bit instead of talking so slow about nothing
why not? all religions are pretty much the same fairy tale: professor dumbledore created hogwarts, harry potter flies around on a broom and uses magic to defeat lord voldemort.
Thank you for this video! When I listened to the podcast of this snip bit I wrote that info down about the type vs. rules we make in dating ... I thought that was very interesting. Both can limit our pool in dating but I can see how rules can be deal breakers that keep us saying “no” to people right off the bat without getting to know them. Very awesome 👏 ya’ll made a video from this section! Love it 😍
I came to this conclusion myself recently and I 100% agree. Thank you for sharing your views on this. I know you're being respectful to those who feel the need to adhere to their rules because it's what they value. Every person and situation is different ❤️
I recently got dumped by someone based on my personal belief. Even thought I assured my date that I value communication and compromises in a relationship, my date didn't dumped me stating that we might have future conflicts. I am gutted.
Religion informs some people's identity and more ... Depending on which community someone originates from, dating/mating and marriage choices are not always voluntary! Maybe the person who send the message originates from a more traditionalist Middle Eastern or non European group, where in group marriage is the norm. Also, religion equals ethnicity/culture in Europe! Like your content, but its very Euro-American centric ...
It would never ever work I was married to baptist and I’m Catholic it’s like hell because I realized I’m actually dedicated Catholic and he’s dedicated baptist ( the Queen of heaven is the issues for him like the rest of Protestants ( I’m glad we’re not together anymore 😂
I think this only really applies to individuals who are not so devote. As someone who is, my religion literally impacts how I live, breathe, work, and everything in between. Being with someone of another faith would feel isolating and conflicting because yeah, opposites attract, but not your morals and values, and religions have different perspectives on all things. Just my thoughts :)
Shows a total lack of understanding of what religion is. Not even remotely comparable to vegetarianism. It's about the higher purpose in life, why we were put on Earth, and the fact that there is only one truth when it comes to God, and how He wants us to conduct our lives, it transcends the temporary life we have on Earth and has eternal consequences in this life and the Hereafter. The truth is not based on dogma but rooted in scientific evidence, reason, logic that concurs with what God has told us thousands of years ago, that in some cases is only just being discovered by mankind.
It is important to me because it is actually part of my core values. A guy told me that it's just your opinion and I was like no my faith is so much more than that to me. Be true to yourself
And... Stand up be strong, know right from wrong, whatever else believe in yourself.❤
This is one area in which you want to narrow your pool. Religious beliefs are intrinsic to your core beliefs. They immediately signal what your belief system is. Why waste time with someone whose belief system is so different from yours? Start with that commonality as a foundation and then discover if you’re a personality match.
This is one of the wisest responses I've heard from Matthew. For someone who has been single for years, it does narrow your search to searching for someone with similar beliefs. On the one hand it helped me re- clarify why I choose this path, But on the other it Reminded me that I shouldn't be arrogant in that approach to wanting to marry someone of the same Faith. It should come from a place of humility and not from a place of superiority . Thank you for reminding me that.
I'm an atheist and my ex fiancée is Christian, I was willing to take part in many of her traditions, but she can be incredible arrogant believing her beliefs are superior to others. Didn't understand the concept of tolerance.
@@rwentfordable I had a similar experience. Not cool, not cool… The irony and the hypocrisy of some rigid and extremely religious people is just astounding to me.
@@rwentfordable This is basically what I'm going through now.
At first I thought I could just take part in her many traditions as well. Now, I'm realizing that it goes against the many ideals and beliefs I never knew I held so strongly. The biggest ideal being that you are not allowed to question anything, everything is faith-based. I like to believe that I'm very open-minded and willing to listen to all sorts of theories. But I cringe every time the argument lands in the same bucket. By every time, I mean all times.
A belief cannot be developed in depth in one life time. Religion has developed through centuries, generations. Traditions, physically going through the motions, does not exemplify faith.
You live it, it is the core of all your beliefs and decisions.
Its kind of like a 30 year old who is learning christian math for the first time. You learned when you were 5 that 1+1 equals 2. But in christian math, 1+1 equals 1. And 1+1+1 equals 1. The holy trinity is one God. When a man and a woman comes together in matrimony, you become a union.
You can question that thats stupid because everyone knows 1+1 equals 2. You can be right. But you'll never be christian.
OMGGGG THE TIMING OF THIS ??? literally last night my bf & i had this conversation. And we are currently going thru our separate ways just cause of our different beliefs. It’s so freaking sad & I’m so hurt right now but I don’t know.
Now I’ll watch the video.
If I may ask, what were your religions?
@@claudiap.6838 Same religion but different schools of thought.
Well, I think it really does matter if it would mean that you two would pursue different causes from mutually motivations. Because, being involved and undoubtedly supportive in the life of your partner is an important part of a relationship
It’s very good that you figured this out now, before you got married, before you had kids… Take it from someone who was married to someone of a different faith for 10 years. It doesn’t work. I even got pressured into trying his faith. It doesn’t work. It’s not a particular religions fault. Organized religion as a whole separates communities. Separates people. Creates hate. After many years of thought, reading, and experiencing other religions… I have been an atheist for the last 20 years. And it gives a peace of mind that I can’t even explain. knowing right from wrong doesn’t come from a book, it comes from our innate humanity.
Me rn :(
Religious convictions, if they have any substance to them, shape your moral values and much of your personality, so it's not a minor issue. In a world where people reject each other for the most superficial things, it would seem strange not to care about such a big thing. As an atheist, I think the only religious people I would consider forming an intimate bond with would be ones who've thought very deeply about why they believe what they do and what it means. But that kind of believer is very rare.
Well said Huugo. Met many a decent atheists, always a good debate. Every believer should really think and know why they believe what they believe, it's the whole point.. the journey from and to God into the hereafter. I do daily and reinforces my faith every step of each day. God is Omnipotent and great. 🤲🏼
I have had great friendships with people identifying as a muslim, jew, and christian - all due to them thinking deeply about what spirituality means to them and why they believe in what they believed in, and without them trying to convince me to share their beliefs.
@@HannehYA Same, though friendships are one thing, being married w kids is another if both ppl feel strongly about their beliefs...causes issues with how to raise kids, etc.
I agree although I would say that people who realize that human belief and especially rigid rules are very much human mental constructs then sometimes can go beyond all of that and find a very deep and authentic form of morality and compassion. At that point, they don’t need any person or book to tell them what is right or wrong in how to treat others and themselves. They can just feel it.
Respectfully disagree. I love your videos and I've found them super helpful after breakups, but being vegetarian is not a religion. I see your point but I think that would not be applicable to most situations. Especially in people who are more religious and when relationships become more serious and you start thinking about the future and how you want to raise your kids. This can cause a lot of conflict.
Sara. Ur saying absolutely right. But I think we can solve all problems with luv.
"Compatibility is very important. Your values concerning self-expression, money, health, career and providership-even your world view-must be in alignment with another. Again, there may be differences, and these differences can be very helpful, but if there are sharp contrasts and these contrasts are based upon the nature and design of both you and the other person, this will limit your participation together. This can limit your ability to accomplish any task together."
From _Relationships and Higher Purpose » Chapter 12: Establishing Relationships_ - by Marshall Vian Summers. (free online/highly recommend)
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you
That was a very interesting perspective, thank you Matthew. I do appreciate that keeping dating within my faith does slim down my options, but I truly do believe it’s worth it. As a Christian, I truly believe that the love of Jesus is the best love, and I would need any romantic partner to understand that and encourage that, pray with me and point me in that direction and not think it was weird to build my life around it. It is deeper than food choices, political opinions, other worldviews. I certainly welcome not being in an echo chamber with my friends and potential partners. But faith is the centre of my identity and is too precious to trade in for romantic love. But it is also good to be challenged on whether I am narrowing down in other ways…
I feels you sis, my identity is my direct faith in my relationship with God. Trust His timing above all, He prevails. Have no fear.🤲🏼
Lizzy Salway - 👏 Exactly! Religious belief is immensely different from food choices. God bless you 💜
Lizzy, You are spot on!
If two people really love each other then , they feel more than happy in keeping and fullfilling the beliefs of each other . They didn't try to impose their beliefs on each other. They didn't try to change or convert each other. They accept each other as they are. If one person is non vegetarian other should take care of his or her needs and tastes .if one person is vegitarian then other person should take care that he/ she get 100% pure vegetarian food. Both Vegitarian and non vegetarian food should be cooked under one roof in different utensils and servered with love according to taste and beilfs on same table in two different plates . And both agree and respect this. If love exist between two they will find a way to keep each other happy.
I'm vegan, which is stricter than just vegetarian, and I don't mind if utensils have touched meat.
You married a non-muslim??
After having let my rule go for someone of a different faith, beings super serious about him to only be rejected in the end, that rule is back up and stronger.
Never compromise yourself for someone who can't tolerate you. 💯
I wouldn’t recommend it. At all. I’m in my 40’s and had never found a guy until just this year-I thought I was being too picky so I lowered my standards to not include religion. I have a boyfriend now, and every day is absolutely miserable because we believe totally opposite things. He even accuses me of taking jabs at him whenever I’m explaining my faith-yet he’s outright anti-semitic and can’t even see it. Awful. There are worse things than being single. Trust me.
why not call it quits then?
My hubby is a vegetarian and an Eastern philosophy, I am a Christian. Growing up I wasn't even allowed to date boys who didn't go to our church, never mind Christian boys. The pool was so narrow I married a totally unsuitable person for my personality and it ended 20 years later in divorce and confusion for both of us. I'm so happy now and another 20 years on, being with a person, who although very different to me, is a good fit.
Thanks for this video. I have doubted my choice sometimes and now I feel good about it.
As someone who is a atheist and dated a Christian it doesn't work at all. She broke up with me solely because I'm an atheist.
I wouldn’t guess that makes me different then the rest theres worse then that for that in my opinion converting is not sure about that but converting should be on their own person’s behalf not you as forcing or pushing to believe not right either
As a believer, off the bat atheism is a no...it's just common sense bcz faith is very deep and personal space that impacts your spouse, person you marry, not "date"..you want to be w ur spouse in afterlife...but that person isn't a believer so how can they end up together in afterlife and pray for one another. It won't work. There is no compulsion in faith either..must be person's own volition.
@@Soouber True, very true I find politics worse much worse it’s true being together in after life is a great thing
Grew up a Christian, married a Christian, became an atheist. Still married to a Christian. And no, he doesn't really wonder about me burning in hell forever, he just believes Jesus will do whatever he's going to do, to make him happy in heaven. He recons me burning in hell is between God and me and not his worry.
@@Mcgee6do u think hindu and muslim work?
I personally wouldn’t date someone with different core beliefs than my own (I’m atheist) because the way we view the world and what underscores our fundamental values would just be too different. I’m happy to be friends with people from all different religions! But a life partner should be someone’s whose beliefs and values align naturally with your own, and if you’re coming from two totally different places it’s likely gonna be an uphill battle.
It def helps if you’re on the same page for support but I’ve seen how it CAN work with my parents, 41yrs together. It gave me freedom to explore and see the differences between religions and i think helped me be more open to dating outside my “preferred “ religion. I think with love and respect everything is possible and this is just another example of the pressures one should not put on a partner … the relationship you have with religion is with u and that god, js 🤷🏽♀️
Not as easy as that when children come into the picture. And I am saying this from experience.
Soon enough, when children come into the picture, there are bound to be serious debates about what's most important to teach the child.
And if the two of you cannot agree on what's important (as guided by your religious differences), one or both of you will feel seriously shortchanged in the relationship.
Totally agree. If the human race and its home are to endure, and we must learn to respect and accept each other. People are dying of loneliness. So, “exclusive“ religions are not ideal in my view.
It's not arogance. It's a need for emotional safety. Many religious people are often being disrespected becouse of their "naive" way of seeing the world. Ofcourse not every atheist is going to think that the religion is silly but it is something that is probable. And from the point of view of someone who really puts God in the first place it is unbearable to be with someone who thinks it is silly. So how can anyone feel safe around someone who doesn't respect that?
And yes, I know... I speak from the place of being a victim but... It's still not arrogance. It's just fear of being direspected.
And as I can respect all peacefull religions as long as they don't hurt anyone and I can be friends with people of any culture, the one person that is suppoused to be my partner should feel the same way about the most important thinghs as I do. And thats pobably very subjective and many people have different view on that. Buy I just don like this generalisations that Amtthew often presents.
that’s so true
Exactly. I met someone recently who was very strictly religious. They taught me a lot about their religion which I found beautiful, however they cut me off due to me not following their religion strictly when I have different beliefs and I made that clear in the beginning. Sadly, we had a lot in common but there wasn’t enough openness to accept me for who I am from their end I believe. At the end of our communication, they started telling me everything I have “wrong” with myself when it was really just difference of views and faith. It was a good lesson, but quite intense as getting such feedback on myself yet them not open to feedback themselves created an unhealthy environment I felt. It made me not willing to express my feelings if that makes sense.
That is the problem with religious people. They think they have the right to tell you what is wrong with you. They think they are saints.
Yup. I had a similar experience as well. I found it quite frustrating and felt led on because I realize now that the person was just hoping I would convert to their views if they just kept talking to me about it. Whereas I made it very clear from the beginning that I did not want to be physical unless this could be a relationship with long-term potential. The ironic thing is, if you look at my morals and actions in the experience versus his, I would argue mine were probably more upstanding, righteous, and compassionate than his, despite his supposedly very strong faith and rigid religious rules. If you have authentic ethics and morals, you don’t need anyone or any book telling you what that is. You can feel what is right.
Ahh I JUST went through this with a guy I was talking to. He is Christian and so am I, but his religious beliefs are so strong/intense, he almost finds a way to intertwine religion into everything. And that just doesn’t jive with me. I am open, he’s not so much. Anytime I even mentioned that his beliefs are doubtful, he immediately got mad and just stopped talking to me. Now he’s just blocked me after another expression of my doubts. Doubt…which means my mind can me changed. and he’s even crying to me about how lonely he is and has no friends, yet he is so rigid in this religion for whatever reason, and it’s keeping him from forming relationships. *sighhhh*
@@annas9720 I feel your pain! So frustrating, but I guess it also taught me that I want a partner who’s not super rigid in their thinking and judgments of others. At the surface, I thought we had similar values, but when I looked deeper, I realized that really wasn’t the case.
Same experiences..It doesn't work.
My boyfriend and I have been together over 4 years . He and I don't badger each other on our religious believes at all. I'm a raised Baptist and he's atheist. He excepts my believes as my own and I do him the same. It has no affect on our relationship what so ever. Each is allowed to believe what they wish.
Get married and start having kids… See how that changes.
@@phoebesmith9089 we share two children together. He has an older son that's 10 and attends church everytime the doors are open. We are very happy in our relationship. As a matter of fact, he always ask me how my service was. He's always help me get things together for special events for church.
I’m sorry to ask this, but do you ever worry about the afterlife? How your fates would theoretically be different based on the biblical belief?
@@emopinkfanPlzz stop!
I need someone who isn’t religious, i can’t stand their judgment ! Especially as an atheist
Hmm...that sounds a little judgmental...careful you're not projecting.
When it comes to religious beliefs, I’d have to disagree with you. I don’t believe it is an arrogance to desire someone with the same faith. You spoke about your wife and what drives her dedication as a vegetarian and those great reasons. I’ll speak specifically for the Christian faith since I’m a Christian. When I look for someone else with the same faith, I am not looking for someone who is just like me. I am actually often attracted to someone that is very different than me, they’re not an echo chamber b/c of their faith, they’re a totally different person than me and I love that, they share values with the foundation of that faith. Like you mentioned with your wife, the reasons behind the belief/faith is what matters as well. As a Christian, I believe in the death and resurrection of Christ and there’s so much more to explore there than ‘a set of rules.’ When I choose to date within my faith, it’s not b/c I think less of anyone else’s way of life or believe mine to be the best. It’s ultimately not about me, it’s about God. There’s so much more to the faith. :)
Religion segregate people.
@@antaressigel9315 in what way?
The thing is God is at its core about unconditional love and only dating those of the same religion is conditional love, the opposite of what God is and the message of God. So yes dating as a rule to only date a person of a specific religion is conditional love. Conditions that are meant to separate from being open to exploring and loving another deeply is at its root arrogant.
You said it perfect brother. It's not about me it's about God. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
@@arielzimmerlein418 I disagree with you. I would want to date someone with the same faith (I am a Christian Tio) because I would want to share every part of my life with that person. Something I cannot do if that person is an atheist for example. In that case, it would hurt me not being able to share those feelings with him.
I love this channel and all the discussions and advice Matthew has shared, but I don't love how he said, the greater our criteria, the slimmer our chances. I find this is a very limiting mindset. This then opens up to a lot of people doubting what they truly want in a forever partner and if it's "too much" because like you said, it decreases our chances (which I don't believe). Logically maybe, but I believe the universe provides us exactly what we believe we can have and what we ask for. If we don't believe there is a person created beautifully perfect to compliment us, we will find anyway to settle or to limit our criteria and our true desires. For example, sharing food, being able to travel and go anywhere and eat the same thing and get excited about how amazing the food tastes, that is actually one of my non-negotiables.
I think all of these things run deeper than just a matter of oh, but they could teach me something or that's a great quality about them. It's the matter of the values, lifestyle, way of being that could potentially impact your quality of life. Although yes people CAN make it work, but you have to weigh up the potential struggle, and also what experiences or things you would have to give up. Of course everyone has different goals, priorities, so it varies to person to person whether giving it a go with someone that has a quality/trait that is quite different to theirs is worth it. Eg. if you both come from different religions, you have to think about how are you going to raise your kids, will you come with me to church? you will also feel a disconnect as partners if you both don't believe in the same religion. And being raised Christian myself, having a close relationship as husband and wives with God is upmost importance (to people who really value their religion and relationship with God).
I believe knowing yourself well, what you want and don't want, how you imagine your lifestyle in the future, to stick by it and to continue to grow as a person, become a colourful, interesting person that has a lot to offer and THIS is how you attract your dream partner. I don't believe in wavering from what you want. I think this video unfortunately lead with a scarcity mindset with finding love. I wish this was more empowering than talking about how this 'narrows your pool' of choices. Often times in life, incredible miracles, experiences and opportunities come out of no where. It's not logical, but it's something you've wanted, asked for and manifested. I believe people need to shift their mindset into possibility and believing their dream partner is out there, made perfectly and uniquely for them.
Thank you
I agree with you deeply. And personally, I have a hard time believing that Matthew's relationship with this young woman will pass the test of time.
As compassionate as she may be, notice how many times in the same video he stressed how much he dislikes the fact that she is vegetarian.
Right now he is being optimistic about it. But sooner or later, I believe the value difference will cut through.
So I do think that being clear on what one's foundational values are is essential to success in the dating process.
We shouldn't be aiming for appeal to everyone, but for genuine compatibility with someone special. Someone with whom we feel at home 💕
In answer to the video question, yes of course you can, but the real question is do you WANT to date someone with a different religious background? Personally, no, only because I want to be singing from the same hymn sheet. Inevitably, you morph into one and I think values and beliefs should organically align rather than forcing them to align.
P.s. thank you for your videos Matthew, I remember seeing you in Kensington, London in 2015. I was single and very naive haha. Congratulations on your engagement too. Xx
Not if you are a born again Christian who follows what God's Word says. We are not to be unequally yoked. If you do, it will lead to unnecessary headache and problems especially as you have children. God forbids it for our best interest.
No, not seriously. Eventually if you have a family, you will fight over how to raise them. Also, love is before knowledge, but being unequally yoked will not be eazy at all depending on how different each beliefs are and each individual's willingness to change or not.
That’s true let them go to church of whatever they go and let the children pick who goes with who but but in long run let them believe what they want as much you want them to believe in Christianity or god that’s how my parents did it in a way they grew up Catholic but they decided to raise Christian but same thing. coming out of closet type thing as much that be sad and upsetting it was your child’s choice and all you can basically do is accept it or they’ll hate you forever or least it’ll feel like forever
Praise Yahuah
Both my parents have different beliefs and I wasn’t brought up in a religion. I always asked questions and my Dad would share different perspectives and beliefs on God but was always clear that we could decide what we believed in when we got older. I would attend church sometimes when I slept over my friends house but I didn’t feel like it resonated with me. I ended up gravitating more to my Moms beliefs and as I got older I read about different beliefs and it was easy for me to decide what I believed in. Perhaps this is because I was never forced to go to a specific church or believe in that which my parents believe in. Love was always taught to me- doing good, forgiveness, compassion, not stealing or harming anyone etc
You can not compare religious beliefs to food choices.
You can logically.
I experienced the same. Even if our values are very very similar and he says he loved me, he decided not to be with me because i would not accept him to impose his religion on our future kids. I proposed to let our kids decide of their faith but he said no. So, we parted ways.
My aunt and uncle agreed, to educate their children in their different religious beliefs, and let the children decide for them self. Until the 4 firstborn felt like becoming Jewish like their dad, they would betray their Lutheran mom or the other way around. So my cousins decided to become atheists. The son born after that, my uncle pushed hard and forced his religion onto him. Causing their marriage to be on very shaky grounds, going on for years. They were still barely together last I saw them.
Smart. No child should have any particular religious belief imposed upon him or her. In my opinion that’s child abuse.
I had a similar experience. Good for you for being true to yourself. Having such rigid rules or beliefs not based on any kind of true compassion or morality is not a great basis to raise kids on in my mind. Especially if you force them into having those beliefs.
I think it's much deeper than just accepting the differences when it comes down to "faith", Matthew! For the first time, I respectfully disagree with you :)
simple answer "no".
Know the difference:
For the world with different political views, different religion views will work. BUT, if you are a true born again Christian will never work.
NO, I'm not a fan of religion but I respect everyone else right to it, but don't try and shove down my throat and if your a JW stay the hell away from me.
For me, I would say YES that I could date someone from diff religion. Why? Coz for me, it is not about all religion, BUT it is on you BOTH how you will have this understanding to each other's beliefs and respect to one another. We are raise in diff families and culture so with a wide knowledge and understanding, I believe BOTH could have this beautiful partnership.
Well said, great approach on how to view interfaith relationships. We should respect the person’s values regardless of his faith.
Interfaith marriages are so common. I can’t believe this is even still a debate. If it works for you to be in a interfaith relationship do it, if not don’t. It’s 2023 people.
i find this very interesting because i was recently going through this with someone i was seeing amongst other issues where i am a religious christian and the guy i was dating was not. he was baptised but not practicing and not religious & i think the way i went about it was wrong because instead of accepting him for being that i was kinda like well i would appreciate it if you tried to learn more about the faith and deepen it and grow it and he was like i’ll give it a try but i can’t gaurantee you that i’ll go to church every week with you etc. it just wasn’t how he was raised and it was how i was and i think if i had maybe approached it differently for example like accepted it and over time observed if he was curious or interested in what i do on a sunday then it may have worked out better. but instead i gave him a book about a guy that is christian but doesn’t go to church and told him to read it so he could learn more. he was open to it and tried to read it. but when he ended it with me one of the things he said was i tried to do whole religion and book thing but it just wasn’t me. and mind you there were other issues unrelated to religion but speaking about this particularly it made me feel stuck because on one hand i felt like hey why are you trying to mould this person into what you want instead of accepting them for who they are. on the other hand i would’ve rather he just tell me it’s not me and i want you to accept that or it’s not gonna work rather than just leave.. but i did a lot of self reflection and saw a lot of things in myself that i’d do differently in the future, i still value the idea of having a partner with similar level of faith but i can see why adding that pressure to someone would make them feel cornered and unable to connect with you
They have different values, morals, and ways of thinking so it won't work out.
I’m not sure if someone who doesn’t believe can really answer this question… in my opinion, they don’t sorry. The bible is clear, looking for someone who’s equal to you in this reguard.
This podcast is somewhat relevant to what I've been through this week. Thi is exactly what I said to someone I met online that I wanted to be with somebody who has the same religion as mine. Then he questioned me with my preference 'coz for him love should not be based only with religion. But for me I considered religion as a very important aspect in any relationship especially with problems that might happen in the future because of the difference in faith.
his answer is ridiculous. Why wouldn’t relationships have the same values?
well you CAN... but it would DEEPLY depend on the person and the religion. some religions are very strict and would dominate over the other person, who don't believe the same. then there are the types of people who's religion wouldn't dominate the other - but the PERSON still does.
it all depends on what and who you are dealing with.... in most cases i would say: it CAN work, but... its going to hurt the relationship. it will be HARD and too conflicting at too many turns. not worth it of you ask me.
Matthew your videos are always so relevant and so helpful. I’ve seen a couple other comments alongside these lines: how do you approach this when on one side or the other family has very strong beliefs, even if the 2 individuals in the couple don’t? I suppose this could be expanded beyond just religious beliefs to anything strongly held: politics, etc.
I have to disagree. It is not arrogance, being a practicing believing Christian is my identity. If I cannot fully share that faith with another that is far beyond what taste some has in food ect. Yes, I do agree that we can all learn for each other. But for me my faith is everything to me.
It depends. It's all about respect. My ex and I had completely different views on religion. As a matter of fact, that's probably the only belief we didn't argue over. Our breakup had nothing to do with that. So yes its possible so long as you respect each other. Unless its actually very important, then probably not
Bingo, unless it very important to one of the partners...but to secular folks..it won't matter bcz it's not imp to them.
It matters to me a lot, if she is religious I cannot be with her. Put me above your faith and I will put you above everyone else too.
Totally agree, John. In my mind it’s more about acceptance and respect that the other person will think and do things differently than you do. If you take your time to get to know someone, then you can get a feeling if you can accept and respect each other. Unfortunately, some extreme forms of religion teach people not to accept others that don’t believe and pray exactly as they do. That seems like quite a tragedy to me, because then it’s like they are judging someone purely on their words and beliefs versus on their actions, values, morals, and how they actually live their lives.
Nah.
I watched alot of videos and agreed with most of them but this one, nope, I strongly disagree and still subscribed 😉
You can't compare being in a certain diet with being in a certain religion.
It's like comparing Broccoli and a Book.
Yeah books are made from plants/trees but it's way too farfetched.
You might as well telling me to not narrow my pool and also open to date men😑
For me to prefer a traditional Christian lady, helps me to filter out certain qualities and values that I look in a partner.
Yes for sure that it would have black sheeps in those field of filtering, but it definitely would help to avoid unnecessary dilemma like, in what faith should the wedding be, what faith should the children follow, etc.
I would go as far as to say that it is of extreme arrogance to think that everyone would have the freedom of choice to have a partner with different religion without having heavy consequences.
Why extreme arrogance?
There are millions of Muslims, Christians, Catholics, etc who cannot marry a person who is of different faith because it would result in persecution, rejection of the community and even some being disowned by family members.
So to a video like this,
It is of Extreme Arrogance to make such opinions knowing your audiences doesnt just consists people in the U.S.
Hope you could reflect on this, Matthew Hussey.
Sincerely
Your current subscriber
Well, I’m 46, divorced w 4 kids (half are grown, thank goodness). I will say this: at my stage it’s like, what are the deal breakers? Followed by, emotional intelligence, and do we energetically align. The rest are the details to be sorted out. Head, heart, and root center must cohere. And within all of that, discussion. Everyone has their own idea of how all of those things should look. It’s important to discover and then talk about that shit.
I was in a relationship where there was not alignment with spiritual beliefs. I was ok with having different approaches as curiosity and being open to being taught by the universe is a value of mine. Unfortunately, I felt like it didn't go both ways. He believed at some level that I would eventually decide on something. I didn't feel like I could share my curiosity and excitement with him. I felt like he was trying to change me (in more ways than just that) and like I had to hide or change parts of myself that I like. It's not important that someone has the same faith/interests/likes/ways of living as long as they honor and respect yours.
Amen, sister! I had a very similar experience and found it very sad and frustrating. However, I’m just realizing that it helped me get a glimmer of insight into how people who are judged, rejected, or demonized for some innate or arbitrary feature about them must feel. I also know that now it’s important to me to only consider potential partners who are open-minded, accepting of others’ differences, and have authentic, true morals and values that they have found within themselves.
Religion and politics are the two things that are non-negotiable. You have to be on the same wavelength, or it will not work. On the other side of that, you explicitly should look for people who have different superficial interests as you. I think you should have things you and your partner each enjoy alone, and things you enjoy together. If you date someone because they like all the same music, movies, sports/games, etc. as you, they you're going to do literally everything together and become co-dependent.
agree
Or you're going to end up having nothing in common and basically live separate lives.
I just met someone and we are connecting sooo perfectly, yet I’m so anxious to bring this up because of my past trauma I suffered from my last marriage… 😩 and now I’m more scared of loosing him 😔
The rule widens it - I can only be with someone who shares the same beliefs, values, goals. There's no bothering with anyone else. I have so many options within my "rule" if I want them. There's so much freedom in recognizing the only men I'd be with, and there are still millions of them. Do I need more than millions available? More than a few? More than one?
There's no heartbreak in later "just realizing" there's no future
There's no wasted time.
There's already a solid foundation and we know it.
It's ridiculous when people date - and have the inevitable, devastating, could have been avoided relationship loss - while knowing one wants children and one refuses to have them or one wants to live a certain way and one wants a very different lifestyle and neither will budge or other serious differences - so when religious beliefs are important, crucial or pivotal, it doesn't at all lessen anything - everyone goes in with real knowledge of the basics of how they want their relationship and future. It's easier. It's better. It's not less but much more.
Take it from someone married to someone of a different faith for 10 years. It doesn’t work. I even got pressured into trying his faith. It doesn’t work. It’s not a particular religions fault. Organized religion as a whole separates communities. Separates people. Creates hate. After many years of thought, reading, and experiencing other religions… I have been an atheist for the last 20 years. And it gives a peace of mind that I can’t even explain. knowing right from wrong doesn’t come from a book, it comes from our innate humanity.
I agree so much. My ex fiancee is Christian and really believes you need 'God' to live a good life. If you need something external to yourself to treat others with humanity, then your morals are on very shaky ground.
What a troll. You hate men. Stop talking about creating hate. You are the hate.
The problem that arises isnt when your dating its when you start having kids. You need to look at it in a long term and not in short term. Is the kids going to vegetarian or vegan? Will they be catholic or muslim. I think to really arrive that deep both should have to have a real understanding of each other. Atheist may affront a problem differently than a person who is spiritual. And true relationship bcoz solid only if we truly understand each others and have our mind and hearts open. This is the root of all problems. Acceptance and understanding is needed or relationship will only reach on short term and never in long term relationship. So let me ask u if u had kids would allow them to be vegetarians? Im vegan and i have that issue with the father. Ill let u guys decide that for yourselves.
yea I tried dating a Muslim and I’m Christian. it doesn’t work lol 🤷🏾♀️
And vice versa, lol
and vice versa, lol
What happened?
omg..my last guy broke up with me after 3 months cose i wasnt vegan ..and he was...
I believe don’t forcing people as a fellow Christian I don’t force people convincing is different
@@CordeliaWagner Not really they just say why you telling me this or they’ll maybe become upset or defensive but don’t really matter if you have same or similar morals etc I had someone I was interested in like that but my family very strict I had to obey my mom to this very day finding work is difficult but I believe I’ll get through this with help we no longer talk now but I still have faith she’ll succeed
Honestly I find it hard in friendships so I assume It would be harder for lovers,
But everything will work out If they were two grown ass respectful people.
I broke up with my boyfriend because his political views didn't line up with mine. I'm very progressive socially. He also claims to just be spiritual but he occasionally goes to church and believes in God and the Bible. I regret how I ended it and I've been sick all day wondering if I made the right choice. The last time I dated someone religious they lied about it and they turned out to be one of the more radical ones. Sent me on a hell of a journey because of it. I have since calmed down and become pretty comfortable with my religious beliefs. I can't handle an upset like that again.
I need someone who values the same things I do without such polarizing differences. I could date a vegetarian. Not a vegan though. Lol
I think you’re onto something there about the polarization. I think any kind of extreme thinking is not great. Sounds like you want someone a bit more moderate, which sounds very sensible to me :-) I am coming to the same conclusion as well for myself.
@@claritywellnesscoaching768 it wasn't so much that ai need a moderate (though that would be okay) it's that when we disagreed we disagreed REALLY hard and one of those things was a human rights issue that I just couldn't budge on. I'm open minded to people who don't agree with me but some things you need to already be where I'm at.
@@silentj624 human rights are important. That would probably be difficult for me as well…
I see what you mean by the echo chamber and all - sure it's good to compromise on some things and to be open to other and new perspectives, but I actually think it's totally reasonable that you would want to be with someone sharing same faith or ideology as you. I'm an agnostic atheist, I don't think I'm compatible with someone highly religious; same goes for politics; I'm strongly left-winged, I wouldn't match well with someone right-winged or centered.
It comes down to lifestyle, worldview etc. I wouldn't be with someone wanting children either, cause I don't want any - all those things matters. Could I be with someone who fx. likes to collect Star Wars figurines? Sure, cause it isn't against my core values/beliefs. I need to share core-values with my partner.
If religion isn't a core value, or that it's just not important for you - then go for it. I rather want to be alone than being with the wrong one, same goes for friends; they shouldn't be copies of oneself, but surely it's important being able to agree on some of the deeper issues in life, and to share some common interests etc. It's also important not to agree on everything (recovering people-pleaser here). It's important (for me at least) to connect on a deeper level with the people in my life.
Some people are maybe having a rigidly worldview or preferences in what they want in a partner; and some tends to be a bit too compromising in their values; it's all about balance - the balance that works for you.
I used to have a friend who was an Asatru Pagan and married a Catholic! We thought he was crazy! I don't know why she accepted him! I wonder if they're still together... They were pretty tight.
For me as an atheist, I would not be interested to date a christian, but it's hard to find someone with traditional values who isn't a christian.
Just so everyone knows, I had two creeps chat me up in reply to this message, post and delete. Phone numbers. Some guys are foolishly, embarrassingly desperate. Any intelligent woman would disregard a risky stab like that.
@@brightphoebesays Ur words are so soothing.
This was such a thought provoking video to me. The idea that arrogance or ego can be an underlying factor in someone’s rules. I also appreciated your 1+1=3 analogy, both parties bring new perspectives that can in turn create something totally new
This can't works, you can date someone with different behavior or ideas but when is term of religious beliefs this can't work at all
I'm Christian and my wife is agnostic. She really has an issue with alot of Christians but until now there's really not been an issue. I don't force my beliefs on her and open minded and accepting of others but now there seems to be minor issues arising. We've been married for a little over 2 years. I want things to work out but I also want us both to be happy. She'll say everything Is fine but then she'll be upset. So idk what to do.
My ex assured me so many times that he respected my beliefs and that he wouldn't try to change it. We broke up because our situation got complicated and he won't meet me half-way. A few months after, I bumped into his friends and apparently we broke up because of our differences.
@HappyIka 1987 It was. He came back after several months wanting to try and work things out. Our breakup taught me what I really want in a relationship and so when the guy, who's willing to love me in the way that I want, came along, I took another chance and I've never been happier.
Thanks for speaking about this Matthew. Faith can be a huge part of who we are and what we look for in a guy.
I love Matts expression after he says a relationship does not need to be an echo chamber 😂😂😂. That should be a funny quote
The Bible says to not be yoked with unbelievers! What does light and darkness have in common with each other? Nothing! If I ever have another relationship with a man again, they would have to be a spirit filled Christian man. Period! This is my #1 value!
Sounds kind of judgmental
Hey Coach I need help . Me and my crush had a hugee fall out . She lied to me and I got very angry and cussed her out and told everyone what she did to me . Does no contact work on a fall out crush ? ( she knows i have a crush on her )
Need boundaries , otherwise you have to be something new for each person meet who is outside your boundaries
This is also usually how this conversation goes with my person; they compare religious beleifs with mundane preferences like food and hobbies.
Having a spiritual awakening has help me in the “religion” department. There’s good and bad ppl in every group known to man.
Well said.. because we as human are evolving all the time.. and in that process we are discovering about what’s true for us.. what we believe is true or works for us as a rule may not really be correct. And that would surprise us. You discover what is negotiable and what is non negotiable.
OMGGGGGGG like what a timing. Im dating a jewish guy and i been watching your videos and im christian so lowkey i dont know if its gonna work cause the family gonna either hate me lol or want me to convert and thats like a no no just do to that for love
Can’t you turn Jew but remain Christian? One can definitely be Jew AND Christian. I know a ton of examples
@@claudiap.6838 So i am christian and he is jewish , i dont know how i can be both. i read somewhere that in Jewish culture the woma kinda has to be jewish for the kids to be considered jewish but i dont know. Honestly i really dont wanna convert just for the reason of them accepting me.
@@joycevond If you were a born again christian you wouldn't think once about converting to Judaism or marrying a jew who still waits for the messiah...
One of the reasons I love your content is that I find your emotional intelligence (and Audrey's too) off the charts. For this reason I have to call you out here. I'd bet my life savings that by going out to "great" restaurants and eating "whatever the speciality is", when it includes animal products... goes against YOUR OWN VALUES. (Curious: Would eating at the Yulin Dog Meat Festival be one of the experiences on your bucket list? If you heard it was delicious?) Regardless, I'm sure if, before eating any meal with animal products, you had to OK the activities required to convert that animal to food, you too would be vegan. Though Audrey's vegetarianism is a move in the right direction, she must know that the egg and dairy industries are equally (if not more) cruel than the meat industry - and in fact, they are basically the same industry as once the animal is no longer of use, it's sent to the slaughterhouse. I believe there's tremendous cognitive dissonance at play here. A challenge for you both is to watch the movie EARTHLINGS (narrated by Joaquin Phoenix) together and then ask yourselves - "Am I ok with this? Do I believe this is morally ok?" (If you are more of a reader, I recommend "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer) The only reason about 90% of nonvegans AREN'T vegan is because they've purposely never informed themselves. If they actively sought out truth they would also go vegan or, at the very least, would admit that their actions are cruel (contributing to animal exploitation and violence) and they would not be cavalierly depicting eating animals as a benign way of living life to the fullest.
First time in a decade of listening to Hussey I see a topic where he lacks his usual uncanny perception of a fundamental human value. I'm simultaneously taken aback & happy; taken aback that there's actually something he's clueless about. Happy there's actually something he's clueless about i.e. he IS human after all 🤗
For years I've referred to him as "Hazrat Hussey", a classic Muslim title imparting reverence & fondness, reserved exclusively for the spiritually exalted & the prophets - no doubt many in my faith would consider me blasphemous.
Religiosity is often more of a hindrance than the religion itself. Devout Christian is not a good match for someone who is more or less secular, even if the latter is nominally Christian.
One of my major regrets is being brought up/conditioned to be drawn to a small pool. I know you tell us off when we say this but I really wish I paid attention to your work years ago. I have become soo much more open minded since your teachings and ignore the conditioning.. I was brought up with. I am soo mad at myself/parents for making me think I wanted a Sri Lankan guy from my background. I never felt it. Love you man. ❤️❤️ I was going to make a cheeky comment about your shirt but I have refrained myself hehe 😄 xxxx
Is she Matt's girlfriend?
Yes
30 years with a person with different beliefs. Not good at all. Fights all the time. Differences on core beliefs is a NO-GO for most of us.
You're unlikely to find a person who has exactly the same beliefs as you.
For example, a Catholic might marry a Catholic, but that doesn't mean their beliefs even on that subject will be exactly the same.
You're bound to run into a view that doesn't match your own.
No two people have had the same experiences, have the same thoughts, have the same preferences, etc.
You'd have to marry yourself if you want the exact same beliefs.
So what happens if you run into a different belief? Do you just walk off forever? No. You could accept it. You could not talk about that subject.
If you just walk off forever, the same thing will happen again with the next person. You'd date your new person and find a different view somewhere again.
Them sharing the most important beliefs with you is all you can really ask for. They don't have to share all your beliefs, just the most important ones.
80% of the couples at the church i grew up in are divorced 😂
Some of this was pretty cringe, to be frank. The vegetarian part, for example, and being a better person if you don't eat meat. Pure moral judgment that is individualistic. And religion, even if 'non-practicing', plays a strong role in relationships that shouldn't be discounted so quickly simply because there are other traits or values you like in someone. Raising children, a core conviction that's part of the religion and even family and friends are all important.
For instance, as for a core conviction, I don't like abortion but don't know how a woman can be forced to carry to term if she didn't want the child so I believe it's a State issue to be decided by the people living in each. I could never be with a woman that was flippant about abortion and believed it wasn't killing a child simply because most don't want the responsibility to use birth control. And yes, I've had that very conversation with a woman I had an interest in. She could not understand that _primary_ responsibility laid on the shoulders of a woman to tell the man to wear a condom if she was not on birth control or there would be no sex. Because, outside of rape, women choose if sex happens. She still wanted to blame men for unwanted pregnancies requiring abortion and even joked that it wasn't a big deal. I could NEVER be with someone that 1. viewed taking life with such nonchalance and 2. being unable to understand even basic reasoning.
Oftentimes, it's a recipe for disaster.
How hard will a person date someone from another culture? I love to hear about that more often!!
Is Audrey aware of the new scientific research which proves that plants not only feel pain in the moment, but that they also store a memory of that painful incident? EVERYTHING we can eat both feels And remembers pain, not just animals!
Are you having some kind of inner conflict about your decision Matthew?
Don’t need to reply but this is not the first video I watch and feel that (from the new ones). 🤷🏼♀️
Being a vegetarian and believing in someone saving your soul are two completely different things and can’t be compared to each other. Faith in something directs your life and morals, what you eat is about your health. Incomparable.
To sum it up...
I feel one of the major things secular or non-religious individuals fail to understand is that faith or religion is not something superficial.
Someone that believes in God lives their lives according to a standard set out by their respective traditions that influence and colour the way they see the world and the decisions they make in life.
It is not something they just "believe" or something they attend on Sunday morning but it is literally a part of their being.
It is a difficult concept for a non religious person to grasp because non religious people are not grounded in a moral tradition and have not developed a spiritual side that can understand faith in its fullest context.
Non religious people are not beholden to any standard other than the standards they choose to hold for themselves. Thus they have a superficial understanding of how deep faith is for a religious person.
To say its arrogant to have a defined moral standard is ironically arrogant. All it reveals is the very incompatibility that Matthew is saying does not really exist.
Ironically i find that narrowing your pool is exactly what dating needs. You are looking for one person to build a life with. Having one partner is literally forsaking all other possible partners. And knowing exactly what you believe and what you want is what will lead you to success.
I find that secular dating leads to all kinds of issues and baggage because secular people do not have a unified standard. You adopt what you like and leave the rest. It doesnt mean religious people never have broken relationships but at least they are comming from a common context and moral standard.
And when children come along… which school are they going to - the school for my religion or your religion? That will become a GIGANTIC issue even if the parents can ignore each other’s religious alignment.
It can only work if both people don't take religion that seriously. Otherwise, it will ALWAYS fail.
No unless both are willing to respect and understand each other
Only when no kids, but even then respect for the other must always be there...but devout folks will not marry out bcz other person is not a believer. Impacts who they are w in the afterlife, little do ppl recognize this fact.
This is low key the worst advise I’ve ever heard. He said her being a vegetarian still bothers him. So there for your still not 100% on the same page as your partner. A feature about her brings up uncomfortable feelings. And that’s just about food bro. Imagine religion.
Worst advise I’ve ever heard , how do your side children ? Do you go to church or temple ? Like dig in a bit instead of talking so slow about nothing
I'm a Buddhist they're a Muslim it's not gonna work in 200000 years probably 😂
why not? all religions are pretty much the same fairy tale: professor dumbledore created hogwarts, harry potter flies around on a broom and uses magic to defeat lord voldemort.
Thank you for this video! When I listened to the podcast of this snip bit I wrote that info down about the type vs. rules we make in dating ... I thought that was very interesting. Both can limit our pool in dating but I can see how rules can be deal breakers that keep us saying “no” to people right off the bat without getting to know them. Very awesome 👏 ya’ll made a video from this section! Love it 😍
what podcast was this
My girlfriend replaced me with iskon in the relationship
What religion are you
@@oceanwaves2765 Christian
I came to this conclusion myself recently and I 100% agree. Thank you for sharing your views on this. I know you're being respectful to those who feel the need to adhere to their rules because it's what they value. Every person and situation is different ❤️
I recently got dumped by someone based on my personal belief. Even thought I assured my date that I value communication and compromises in a relationship, my date didn't dumped me stating that we might have future conflicts. I am gutted.
I'm catholic honestly and my crush is Jehovah will that work out for me?
Religion informs some people's identity and more ...
Depending on which community someone originates from, dating/mating and marriage choices are not always voluntary! Maybe the person who send the message originates from a more traditionalist Middle Eastern or non European group, where in group marriage is the norm.
Also, religion equals ethnicity/culture in Europe!
Like your content, but its very Euro-American centric ...
But i like your differentiation between rules and preferences
It would never ever work I was married to baptist and I’m Catholic it’s like hell because I realized I’m actually dedicated Catholic and he’s dedicated baptist ( the Queen of heaven is the issues for him like the rest of Protestants ( I’m glad we’re not together anymore 😂
Bottom line is when 2 ppl are serious in faith, diff religions won't work.
I am a vegetarian and I would be a little bit hurt if my boyfriend said it drives him crazy!!
Even the Bible says it to stay away from someone from a different religion it rarely works.
I think this only really applies to individuals who are not so devote. As someone who is, my religion literally impacts how I live, breathe, work, and everything in between. Being with someone of another faith would feel isolating and conflicting because yeah, opposites attract, but not your morals and values, and religions have different perspectives on all things. Just my thoughts :)
I'm sorry that you are stuck in such isolating views that you feel like another would be restricting you.
Shows a total lack of understanding of what religion is. Not even remotely comparable to vegetarianism. It's about the higher purpose in life, why we were put on Earth, and the fact that there is only one truth when it comes to God, and how He wants us to conduct our lives, it transcends the temporary life we have on Earth and has eternal consequences in this life and the Hereafter. The truth is not based on dogma but rooted in scientific evidence, reason, logic that concurs with what God has told us thousands of years ago, that in some cases is only just being discovered by mankind.