4 Reasons Its Hard To Reconnect With Your Spouse After Your Affair
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2024
- Hi, my name Is Stacey, and I'm an infidelity coach. I take the same tools that changed my life after my affair and help you regain control over your thoughts emotions and life.
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My affair was a turning point for me in that I learned my life was spinning out of control and I didn't even realize it.
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Infidelity does not have to be the end, you can regain control over your emotions and begin to build the life God created for you to have.
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I offer 1:1 coaching in a nonjudgemental atmosphere
If you would like help learning how to heal from infidelity and transform your life. I offer a 30-minute 1:1 chat. app.squarespacescheduling.com...
Podcast-anchor.fm/stacey85/episodes/U... on all platforms- Healing A Woman's Infidelity
If you would like more information and tips on how to end an affair, you can read blog post here:moderndayeve.com/the-truth-ab...
My course on How To Survive The First 30 Days After An Affair Ends: Free when you sign up for four sessions.
If you are a betrayed spouse and would like help learning how to reconnect with your spouse and heal from the emotional trauma infidelity has caused you, email me at stacey@maoderndayeve.com
SCHEDULE A 30 MINUTE SESSION WITH ME: app.squarespacescheduling.com...
Please feel free to email me: stacey@moderndayeve.com
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Join the Podcast tribe at Healing Modern Day Eve's Infidelity
Found on Spotify, Apple, and Castbox*********
DISCLAIMER: The content in this video is intended for informational purposes only and should not be used in place of professional therapy.
I know the thoughts and plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11I know the thoughts and plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Stacey Chenevert,
This one of the BEST videos I have ever seen on this topic!
GOOD JOB! 👏
I’m just walking through the house saying, ‘ AMEN!!’ out loud! 😂
35 year marriage .. He stated he resented me for being an aging woman in her 60s 😢FULL Stop 🛑can’t relate to that and wants what for me to do??? .. he is 62 Lordy ( in MLC clearly ) .. he is obsessed with her (20 years younger ) and I didn’t pressure or fight .. he just ghosted/ hated me the last 4 years.. I filed for divorce 😢a few months ago.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Your age was not the problem.
Very helpful perspective!
Thank you 💕
Thank you this is where we are at. But it feels more like she is drained from affair and totally focused on herself
This is exactly my experience… 2 months after D-day she tells me she’s fatigued and doesn’t want to hear how I’m feeling as it makes her angry which leads to an awful lot of blame directed at me… I feel trapped with a person I don’t know who only cares about herself
@@Altashheth08 this is me in a way. I am 6 months post my affair. I have no communication with my AP and my husband compares everything from our relationship to my affair relationship. I am so unhappy and mentally exhausted. I lost who I was. I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore. So she is probably (maybe) trying to re learn herself and what she needs and wants. It’s hard to connect to your spouse when the betrayer can’t do anything right in the eyes of the betrayed.
This video explains so much of what I am going through and how I feel. I will pray for y’all. (I am committed to saving my marriage.)
@@mrs.i9176 there is lots she could do, I’ve even tried to make suggestions… I’ve not mentioned the AP for weeks. She just doesn’t want to reconnect, she wants me to forget. We’re currently living like roommates, no touch, no intimacy; I feel tested in every conversation (she’ll be harsh/mean to see if I’ll rise) I feel so angry inside, not just at the affair, not just at the sheer quantity of lies and manipulations but also at the continued lack of respect and consideration.
@William Fields,
I’m so sorry to hear that.
You deserve BETTER. 💗
@@Altashheth08
The intrinsic selfishness of cheaters breaks my heart.
This is SO NOT FAIR to you. 💗
Very helpful. Thx!
Glad it was helpful!
She already knows you the husband, you are familiar, you have rapport, you are comfortable, you are predictable, you are BORING. While her affair partner in comparison is delightful, mysterious, new, novel, fun, hotter, smells & taste delicious, does different things in bed, while with him her emotions are triggered into feelings of excitement & possibilities.
It could take years for your wife to come down from the high of an affair.
The idea that it could take years to come down from the high is not true. It didn't take me years to walk out of the fog infidelity creates.
What do you do if you try to express the things that made you upset during the relationship to the unfaithful spouse yet they turn what you say against or make excuses?
Matthew,
Tell them you both contributed to the state of the relationship before the affair.
But THEY and ONLY THEY must 100% own the infidelity.
You can NEVER be responsible for someone else’s sin.
Nothing will change until people start owning their own stuff.
You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. 💗
I must have missed the part where the cheating spouse tells EVERYTHING he/she did along with ALL of the DETAILS to the loyal spouse. Your
list is requiring the LOYAL spouse to make MORE effort than the cheating spouse.
There should be equal amounts of effort from both sides. Yes the betrayed does have a part to play in recovery especially if they want to reconcile
Stacey how do I get out of the numb space? I’ve moved 1200 miles from my ap. Been promoted at my new job. But I find joy in nothing. My betrayed is trying to connect, but I want to be left alone. We’re living together, but I’m dead inside. She’s been on n off unsafe
When we become numb it's because we have been emotionally overwhelmed for a long time. Withdrawing is apart of grief and healing is a process. What you are going through is a normal part of recovery. You just want to make sure you don't get stuck. If you feel like you need help and support I can help you learn how to feel again and not get stuck.
So , and i won't to get this rite , im surpose to be concidert of her feelings, even though i was not the one who cheated, while she is not considering my feelings and what im dealing with at that time . On top of her still calling and texting and visiting the man shes having an afair with? I just want some clearty on this.
If you are committed to working on it with her, you could put clear restrictions on her and say if you contact him, I’m out. That’s not asking too much. If that’s what she chooses that’s on her. I’m sorry you are continuous pain from her actions. The state of the marriage is a couples problem, not just her that got the marriage there, BUT it’s definitely her who chose that type of behavior and she has to take ownership of her actions.
How can I send you my story? I yust need a space to share.
How do I make an appt with you?
In the description box below the video is a link to my calendar where you will be able to set up an apt, or you can go to my website and schedule there.
How do you build intimacy if their still talking to the affair partner
It's hard to build emotional intimacy while they are still involved with their ap. It's best to focus on becoming friends first.
You do not. They are gone. The only thing that remains is a conversation and observation from the sidewalk. They replaced you, so now you can only work on yourself. Actions count, not words. If they do not actively choose you again, you can only be an active roommate/listener, until one of you leave.
I’m a enneagram 8w7. Unfaithful. I was disconnected 3years before my 3 year affair. I’m no contact with ap since February. My wife and I still live together. No fighting. I have anger and resentment. My personality type harnesses that. My window of opportunity for reconnect with ap is closing is making me angrier. My wife is a strong willed woman, the ap was submissive. I’m just stuck. My wife and I are disconnected and she’s not attractive to me. I don’t want to reconnect with someone I’m not attracted to. Just here because it’s allegedly the right choice
It takes a special kind of evil to look at someone for 3yrs and lie to them everyday...just let the poor woman go, she deserves to have a better life
Thanks for the judgment bensen. We all make wrong choices. You must be a saint. Or only listening to part. I come on here because Stacy listens and has been there.
Ben Scott,
It’s good that you are looking for help in your situation - MANY men wouldn’t.
This is a difficult position you put yourself in.
It sounds like you don’t want to get divorced - but if things don’t change your marriage will be miserable forever. YOU have the ability to turn this around. When you change, SHE will likely change in response because your relationship is a dynamic thing.
If you don’t want to get divorced, why not try to find tools to have insight about yourself & also rebuild your relationship with your Wife?
If you loved her & wanted her once - you CAN do it again.
It’s not easy after infidelity, but it IS possible to rekindle the spark.
I know this because I was Betrayed when my Man had a 2 1/2 year affair. We have walked this painful walk.
If your heart is in the right place and you pursue the right tools, you CAN be more happily married in the future.
Its NOT probable, because most guys won’t do the work & they just keep blaming the Wife.
However, when you are pointing your finger at her - you have 3 more pointing back at you.
Having a good quality marriage after infidelity is not probable, but it IS possible.
If I were you this is what I would do:
1. Get individual therapy to help support you as you walk through this. You can have insight into yourself and why you were capable of cheating in the first place. Therapy can also help you resolve your resentment so that you don’t become even more bitter and miserable for the rest of your life.
2. Do an online program specifically for men like Affair Recovery or Dr. Doug Weiss.
3. Consider marriage rebuilding tools by Dr, John Gottman. His stuff has been a LIFESAVER for my Husband and I.
Although I don’t like what you did, I applaud your courage trying to turn things around.