Should I Leave My Spouse For My Affair Partner

[@1515asdfghjkl]

Staying with an affair partner can be(i should say is)selfish and a continuous reminder to your loved one's (your children and your ex) that you chose your own lustful desires over their needs. It's like an infected wound where you ignore what's actually hurting your loved ones and you just put a bandage on it and as long i can't see the wound and I'm happy. Everyone else should be ok with it. Meanwhile its a constant reminder.

[@franceshampton8767]

Stacy...a VERY good and THOROUGH account on this topic. I pray spouses who are thinking their affair partner is THE one they should marry, watch this first. Thank you for the valuable content you put out.

[@staceychenevert]

Thank you

[@clarencesmith8065]

My wife left me for her affair partner and she has let me know she doesn't have any intentions of ever coming back. She will not speak to me even by phone and does not want to see me. We where married 38 years and 9 months. Now she acts like I never existed. Words cannot describe the hurt. I have filed for divorce.

[@staceychenevert]

Im so sorry, I know this is painful for you. One thing to know is that its not your fault.

[@clarencesmith8065]

@staceychenevert Thank you, Stacey. I am now realizing that fact. Thank you for your work. What you're doing is very important and needed. Keep up the good work. God Bless

[@staceychenevert]

@@clarencesmith8065 welcome

[@HarryAcorns]

I'm not the unfaithful or the betrayed. I'm the friend who just wants to do the right thing. I believe my best friend is manipulating me now. She's totally different than the woman I've known for 7 yrs now. I can't even tell if she's still my friend just to keep me quiet. She wants me to accept that they will just be "friends " and I can't do that. I've tried. But I'm wrestling with, can I be friends, knowing shes trying to pull off a long term affair. To literally have her cake and it it too. All while in therapy with her husband but the affair is still secret. She tells me that it's irrelevant to the counseling. She's basically hoping that she'll fall back in love with her husband. Then tell him in the future that thus is how close he came to losing her. If she doesn't fall back in love with him, I guess she's got her AP right there. Everything is so twisted. It makes me so sad. Basically, I just need to find counseling myself to know what to do. I do not want her to have her cake and eat it too. I can live with a one and done. Or divorce. I just can't let someone get away with that. Sorry, I know this isn't really this channels thing to deal with. But I will thank you for all your videos. While im neither subject I still get great insight and understanding. I wish I just knew what was in her head.

[@HoneyboyDes]

Don't get involved. It's not really your affair. If you don't want to be friends move on or agree to disagree. Whatever you do don't rat on her.

[@yesfreak3506]

@ squirrelnutz7651 your friend is doing what is called “monkey branching“
She is an attic, who is taking drugs, but still functioning… Going to counseling/going to work/pretending at home.
In short, she’s lying to herself and everyone around her it’s a big theater production,
The house of cars will always fall, and she won’t take accountability… She will be the victim, abuse, miss treated….but never accountable
I’ll seen these patterns too many times. Ask yourself what is your payment for being a friend?
Clearly you can see that they’re toxic but somehow you enjoy being around them… What are you getting out of it?

[@ronjones2435]

Stacy
This is one of the most honest videos I've seen yet. Thank you
A relationship is a 2 way street and both are to blame.
My wife left me for her affair partner after I found out and then divorced me. She is still with him and im getting better, but how does does it last one may ask. He is a man of bad character and she doesn't even see it I guess she just wanted out of the marriage that bad, never saw it coming

[@staceychenevert]

Most of them don't last honestly. And unfortunately people with insecure attachment styles check out of the marriage because the attachment comes with unhealthy communication skills and coping mechanism. I'm sorry you went through this. You are not responsible for her choice to have an affair. I pray you heal and move on.

[@ronjones2435]

Thank you I had to learn that!
And yes what you said is her personality and how she handled it your so accurate.

[@yesfreak3506]

You bonded=had sex
They were fun, we just had fun=careless sexy
Intimate times=sex
We talked=kissing, holding hands, line cross
Limerence/projection/fantasizing
All these things are lies, they is used to develop a foundation of childish behavior

[@terawhitaker]

I just wanted to say that I have been in an affair for 4 years with someone I really felt like I was in love with. I have been coming back k to my Christian faith this past month and the Holy Spirit has got me convicted that I have to boot him out. I plan to do it tonight after work. I hate being double minded about it. I just wanted to say that I really thank you for you videos and information because it has helped me to strengthen myself to go no contact with him. I always felt judged by others heavily on what I am 100% responsible for. But I jave to get rid of him if God is gonna take 1st place on my heart! I pray for all of you on this channel.

[@melodykubiak5850]

God bless you and strengthen you.

[@stevenandrews210]

Wait. So your faith has convinced you that you’re not in love with this person? Newsflash, you never loved him & your ‘faith’ is a complete cop out but whatever helps you sleep at night……..

[@melodykubiak5850]

Do people come to you BEFORE an affair starts, to gain strength to keep it from happening in the first place?

[@HoneyboyDes]

I think there are many factors. If your single, you're older and she's younger and coming to the table, could you resist?

[@staceychenevert]

Yes you can resist.

[@ayseyilmaz3910]

Can you please do a video on different attachment styles that may cause infidelity?
Thank you. ❤

[@staceychenevert]

Yes

[@kiddytube3915]

It’s over! Betrayal this bad kills a relationship.

[@staceychenevert]

It can but it doesn't have to. The relationship can be built stronger.

[@kiddytube3915]

@@staceychenevertpeople start affairs because they devalued their partner.
Whether that be through friends, family, or themselves.
People just don’t know what to appreciate what they had.

[@staceychenevert]

@@kiddytube3915 I wish this wasn't true 😔

[@stephenwade6957]

Great topic

[@georgevue8175]

Looking back I wish my wife left me for the man she was cheating on me with. I believe both of us would have been & would be much happier.

[@staceychenevert]

Affairs never work out, but we live int he deception that they will change our life.

[@elikorn7418]

Does the regret bit also happen just as much to men that leave their wife for the affair partner? Are they also as blind due to their emotions?

[@staceychenevert]

Yes men have regret as well.

[@larryakimseu]

I set aside my hurt and anger to save my wife from her stupidity .. but I am feeling regret now. I have my part I take responsibility for. How can I get back emotional connection? I know there is a greater purpose beside myself but I am struggling to endure. 1 Corinthians 13:7; James 1:3; 1 Peter 1:6

[@staceychenevert]

When you want to grow emotional.connectiin think about being friends first, go back to basics. Create an emotional.safe space for yall to talk opening without fear.

[@larryakimseu]

@@staceychenevert thank you .. that’s the first I’ve heard. I’ve seen about 5 different therapist and that’s the first time I’ve heard that suggestion. “Start by being friends again” I suppose I can give that a try. Besides I used to tell people we were really cool friends before ever hooking up. It was like marrying my best friend.

[@staceychenevert]

@larrykainaakimseu53 welcome, it worked for us and I am so grateful we followed God in this my husband has become my best friend.

[@larryakimseu]

@@staceychenevert that’s beautiful. Most the time we’ll never hear a woman say that their husband is their best friend. Typically it’s Tina, Cheryl, Ashley, Jennifer, Tammy, etc. But if you ask any man the first person they say is their wife. I’ve always felt she was. I remember early on in our marriage while getting ready for bed I’d be lying next to her, I would be turned towards her smiling and say that it feels like I’m sleeping next to my friend, who I happen to be married to. I would describe it kinda like if you were to imagine two innocent children laying next to each other. It was the most incredible feeling. Even as I write this it’s almost as if I was there in that moment. I want to believe we can be like that again, when we first started dating. Always wanting to be with one another. On the phone for hours. Sometimes not even saying a word. Can’t hang up the phone without saying you first or let’s count 1 2 3 and hang up same time. How do we get that back after betrayal? I’m hanging on to Genesis 2:24

[@jdunkmann]

I would love my wife to see this. She has filed for divorce and is looking to move out. I did some things that made her lose feelings for me. She resented me because I didn’t step up and help with the finances.(get a part time job) She filed for divorce over a year ago and is in an affair. I love her and I have worked on my issues and I am learning to be a better person than I was. I want to work on us but I know she is deep in limerence and I’m afraid showing her this video will only be a push and she won’t watch it. I don’t want to control her or manipulate her in any way. I want to be patient and make it better than it ever was. I love her with my whole heart. She is an amazing person who is dealing with old wounds. What do I do?

[@staceychenevert]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. But at this point ask yourself what do you have to lose by showing her the video? There is a chance she may watch it.

[@cheeks300zx]

Did you show her the video?