This^ my brilliant and highly educated and successful narc believed the word “intimacy” means sex. Which equals love. It all made sense when I realized that.
Experiencing this now as my husband had an affair at the 20 year mark of our marriage begged me back in seven years back in two hour reconciliation he’s back into his same way. He tried super hard at the beginning when we reconciled and it slowly disintegrated and now he’s in the discarding phase
Cuz they’re getting needs met elsewhere. Deny all they want. Want to test your narcissist? Leave everything they gave you at their door and drive away. Trust me. You’ll hear how they truly “love” you. Trust me.
Oh my gosh. Yes, it makes sense! They thought, that you were going to make them happy. Their own inner selfishness, self-centeredness, narcissistic triggers and reactions, cause it to spoil the relationship. They blame you, not themselves because, they can do no wrong, mentality, they look for the, “ perfect partner “ elsewhere. They repeat cycles because it is them and not you, all along. And even if it is you, because you are not the right match for them, they don’t let you go because of their need to control. Yep. This makes sense for a lot of cases.
My covert narcissist/soon to be ex-husband, had the AUDICITY to file for divorce because he "fell out of love," (aka fell into another woman's p.s.y) hasn't been intimate with me in well OVER 6 years!!! I remember this distinctly because it was literally THE SAME DAY I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT. She's 6 years old now.... Needless to say, bye! ¡adios! 👋 Don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on your way out! He's ASKING FOR EVERYTHING, including the house, as opposed to me, who has 5 biological children ti take care of and was/is dependeing on him financially, as per our agreement BEFORE we got marriaged, due to our personal convictions and beliefs, and he absolutely unequivocally agreed! As a matter of fact, he enforced that until MARCH of THIS YEAR. He's disgusting. These people are simply demons in flesh, and you can't change them, they must do it on their own. One cannot change what one refuses to confront, especially if you're in kahoots with the demon(s) and/or you think you're always right!! God bless you all and stay strong. If you're not married to them, RUN!! GHOST THEM AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!! EVERYONE ELSE... HOLD. YOUR. GROUND.
God bless you! As soon as someone says: "I fell out of love" ... they show you who they really are. There is no such thing as "in love." What happens on the way to the alter, is not actually love. That part is easy! You are in love with the idea of love and happily ever after. There is limerence, infatuation, newness ... We all love those feel good feelings releasing dopamine in our brains. I think it was Dr. Rick Reynolds (he created Affair Recovery) that has a video of romanticization ... he said when a person comes to him for therapy and says about their spouse: "I love her, I'm just no longer in love with her" ... he's like: Great! That's the next phase of a normal and healthy love. Love is a choice. The intensity of it will eb & flow, love is patient and it takes work. Anyone who thinks you will have those butterflies forever, that's just immaturity. Disney shows you that love is happily ever after ... but real life dictates that can't happen. You can't stop a child from dying, you can't stop job loss, you can't stop a disease diagnosis ... you can't stop any of the pains of normal life. You're supposed to handle them together. Not find someone new, that you don't have these inconveniences with. You may have butterflies again with your own spouse, but that takes date nights, continuation of romantic effort. Newness will go away because that's just what happens ... but you can take the rest for granted. What ends up happening, you stop watering your grass ... and you end up watering someone else's. But someone else's grass isn't better. In fact, it's crab grass. It was mowed nicely so you didn't see it for what it really was. But anyway, narcissists have an immature reality so that's why they keep chasing that "in love" feeling. God bless you and your children. Stay strong!
Thank you. I was married for 10 years to a pornography -obsessed cheating narc, divorced now almost 20 years. He denied everything when i started getting suspicious. Learned we need to trust our instincts and that a cheater won’t take responsibility. Still have pain remembering my disbelief that he could live multiple lives and juggle so many lies. Still learning about how all this behavior affected me, and how it all makes sense (and is cookbook narcissism) but i was so trauma bonded with poor self esteem and huge self doubt- which he helped to magnify . I knew i was in trouble when he pulled away sexually and used withholding sex as a control move, but was too scared to confront him about it. He even refused me sex on our wedding night! Welcome to marriage from hell! All his mistresses ended up telling me everything and i am so happy that drama chapter is over now.
I had the opposite experience with my Nex. I had quit drinking and we were closer on an emotional level than ever BUT he would not be physically intimate with me. I didn’t ponder on it too much because I felt more connected then I ever did in 7 years. Let’s just say…he was coming home with scratch marks and my intuition was on high alert. Found things in his phone and left everything behind and went no contact. It’s been a year. I’m positive he was trying to make up for his unfaithfulness by manipulating me emotionally and by throwing me off, I didn’t think he was cheating. Boy was I wrong
So what’s up with the scratches? Because my Nex would have random scratches and bruises on her that when I asked about them she would say she didn’t know where they came from.
@@BBurns22 I always got a “yucky feeling” when I’d notice them, mainly because they would be down both sides of his back and upper thighs and all I could see was yuck. I also noticed bruising on his thigh and between his legs, like how the hell does that happen? And more times then once! My intuition was also screaming something wasn’t right so I began looking for them after we’d been apart and it was every single time. And he had stupid excuses or he’d shrug it off. And be extra sweet and affectionate to throw me off. He was very sneaky and careful but I did end up finding some things on his phone and it was enough combined with the other things mentioned above, I knew he’d never admit it was happening so I finally left for good. That anxiety is the absolute worst feeling ever, it controls your life and brain. I hope you are now free from it.
@@Bipolishmomma man I also would notice scratches on the inner thighs. And sometimes bruises would be on one of her breast. But I really started feeling weird when inconsistencies or contradictions would pop up with certain things she’d tell me. But since I had no proof of anything I didn’t assume, it was almost like I was waiting on something to be shown to me. But eventually we did break up and now I’m single and glad I’m out of that experience. It’s taught me so much about myself and people in general so in a weird way I’m Thankful for it but then again I hate that I wasted 2 years of my life with her. And tbh there was a time she was being affectionate when I noticed the scratches and bruise. But I never paid attention to every time she would be affectionate because maybe it came from guilt of things she was doing behind the scenes, random gifts at times as well for no reason.
This is almost exactly my experience with my narcissist ex-w, she'd be extremely affectionate and kind out of nowhere, surprise, surprise... every time she was cheating or planning to, her occasional kindness was always accompanied by hand shaped bruises on her thighs.
Thank you. My marriage was over when the internet got good. Twice a day every day he had to soak in the tub for 30 minutes or more. Of course after that I didn’t deserve any attention because I am not the body he wants. I didn’t deserve decent treatment because I no longer entertained him.
Some of them lack emotions so much so that they can’t feel or relate to eroticism, like just stroking their skin gently. And they are stiff like hard cold statues and can’t feel that connection. They also can’t kiss! 😳
To add, you try real hard to teach them how to kiss and they can’t learn it. And you’re like, wow, there’s just no feelings in this person, well, they can feel anger and a sense of an injustice happening to them, just not you, when they are playing you. Also, sometimes they deliberately will not give you what you ask for or they do it for two minutes and then stop. This is a sadistic narcissist. Or, it’s not sadism but it’s because they loose their patience because they have a better idea to reach you, which they don’t. That’s that, “ I can do no wrong, “ mentality.
@@bonnielee316 Mine always said I should teach him...after 20+ years I said, "I tried." I am pretty sure that he never really liked me, just the idea of me.
Thank you. Exactly my experience. I disconnected because I thought the way he was in the bedroom with me meant to love when nothing could be further from the truth. I needed the connection to want to get “intimate” and the truth is intimacy is way more than sex. I still gave him what he needed but I never got what I needed and now I know that I needed to love myself.
Ew and Yuk... this video makes my skin crawl 🤢He did something new in bed last year, and I innocently thought it was "just" something he had picked up on some porn... but I later learned he had been cheating.. took me a long time to learn how narc brains truly work. Its disgusting
Mine recently started doing something to me that he did with his affair partner, and I asked him to stop, and he actually turned it around and blamed me and said that’s what he liked, but he learned it from her. He has been pouting for a week about it now acting like it’s my fault that I won’t allow him to do that to me because she told me it was her favorite thing.
Last 4 years of a so call marriage with my ex narcissist husband no intimacy at all. I finally found out he was involved with another person. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ son of God for delivering me 🙏 and my family 🙏 life is beautiful again without the narc.
My husband of 33 years has gotten into pornography and even admitted his „choices“ about 4 years ago: he is adicted to multi partner porn… and then said that I would have to work harder😮😢 That then more or less was the end of any intimacy for us. He had two affairs since. I do not know up to this day whether these are emotional affairs or also sexual affairs. I was discarded on our 33th wedding anniversary😢. 7 months later after he had moved out the therapist we went to asked whether we wanted to try again for marriage. I carefully explained my reasons for my NO. Now he tells around that I for no reason left the marriage. Absurd! I do keep under the radar in order to protect us, mostly our daughter who deserves to keep her relationship with her father at 22 years of age. I learnt si much about narcissism - shocking!!!😢
Once you call them out it doesn't matter the time frame. I called this idiot out all the time and said I knew exactly what he was. Surprise surprise, no sex after that. This was two months in btw. 😂
You just described EVERYTHING my husband did last year & this year I got the news while I was pregnant! But he doesn’t want to let me go & he loves me and doesn’t want to loose our BIG FAMILY & he finally got a daughter after 5 sons. He even said He never thought about me in the 2 year affair at work. Sex did change also. I had a gut feeling. This wasn’t the first time. I honestly don’t know what to do! My kids beg me to stay!
NAILED IT!!!! EVERY SINGLE WORD!!! So sickening!! Thank u ! U have helped me see so much into this!!!! I have to say...when ever hes explaining something he does always say "does that make sense"
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This is exactly what happened to me with my first marriage. Our sex life changed from dating to being engaged to being a wife and became non-existent after we adopted our first child. After being in a sexless marriage for 20 years and therapy three times I finally called it quits. I did end up with another narcissist that was very sexual and that is what I'm dealing from now. I have left no contact . My goal is to find a healthy partner thank you Ben for all your programs I am working them slowly and I am seeing a positive progression.
He'll act like hes "asleep" but as soon as i get up close the TV walk up into our bedroom that he rather sleep on the couch so he can hide his porn. Thinks im asleep, but narcs are not the smartest!!! Im in the process of gathering my things from our home & moving back in w/ my mother with my 2 kids!!
Explains my 32 year "relationship" with my covert narcissistic husband 1,000 %!!!! Great video. Obsessed with porn, I think he thought he was a porn star or some ish FR. I got into his phone FINALLY and he had started a Grindr page back in 2015 posting all kinds of short porn videos, memes, pics....and had THOUSANDS of followers. He was trying to DM women and he said the same gross objectify crap to them...as he said to me. Offering to pay and all kinds of crap. I even think he was doing it partly to deal with stress while at work and the other part for supply. It's disgusting, truly. I put an end to sex immediately. Get out now and don't waste your life like I did with such a lying, selfish and manipulative pig who was incapable of love and intimacy! 💯🙏🏽
I knew something was up when he was overly excited to go camping, and he was kissing me more and hugging me more, saying how excited he was to get away alone for the weekend. And then he sent me a pic of him with a reflection of another woman in his sunglasses. Said she just happened to show up at our remote campsite.
It changes drastically once you’ve moved in especially if its in their territory. As well there appears to be a pattern with when they are fighting with the other source of supply- they will become interested again in the interim.
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No ☹Return Error this time Ben just dipped in.....Vanishing Creme. But of course this post will go thru 1st try. Had you a good comparison between how fast Narcissists can "Shift" between Love Bomb and Trauma Bond using YTs Video called "4-speed Shifting" 2:27 but I guess that was just too corrupt of an analogy.
What you're saying,makes more sense than you can ever imagine Ben. I have told him to just get out of this marriage, because he's not even engaged. He's present, but absent He won't fix any issues or talk about what he's broken. So he acts asif we're ohk, but has no sexual interest , probably because he knows I'll bring up something, should he make a move? I wish I knew for sure how his mind works. I'm just not able to leave my home just yet. Too much to do before the final exit, or should I say, 'escape'
Thank you for your videos. I’m married to a covert narcissist. We have been together 23.5 years and married 7. We have a young son. I noticed years ago that sex was conditional. I would make excuses that maybe I just had a larger sex drive than him and I would just chalk it up to that, but he started to make me feel as if something was wrong with me by calling me names. Nympho and succubus. When I would express interest in having sex when things were calm within the cycle of abuse, he decided that’s when he did not want to have sex.. he would say oh well for the past 10 or 15 years sex has been terrible or nonexistent or too much that he just did not want to anymore and he started to blame me telling me it was my fault because there were times when he would wake me up in the middle of the night years ago to have sex when I was pregnant and I had to work the next day and it was really hard so I would ask if we could just do it the next night. Then that eventually got used against me that frigid or a pillow princess because I didn’t have enough energy to do all these different things in bed. I started to realize that it was more about control, and it was a game to him. I found out he is talking to women online and also has a porn addiction. Obviously, I started realizing that if he was not getting anything from me, of course he is getting it from somewhere else because for 20 some years all I heard was that he had to have sex to get the “poison out.” Yeah no wonder I did not want to have sex very much sometimes. All he cares about is his needs. After sex he would literally jump up and run back out to play video games or just go to bed and there was no I love you or a hug or anything. It was totally non-emotional almost like a prostitute.
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I’d like to know more about if he has been caught on the phone talking to the other girl when I walk in the door. Also she comes to the house to check things out why is he still keeping it a secret? And even through I did nothing, I didn’t hold back anything he is so rage full at me just having proof of him cheating. - Could you please make a video about it?
My husband put me out of our room 10 years ago. He has all narsisistic traits. We were only plus minus 4 times sexually active in our marriage of 10 years. I just like to know is he cheating coz I never caught him. He is been sleeping alone in his room. Please help I don't know what is happening. Before marriage he just wanted to have sex
Your husband is cheating. If he is not meeting people in person, (which is highly unlikely), he is having emotional affairs with women online and sending them pictures.
Does your husband have a gym membership? Does he tell you he has to run "errands", or go to the grocery store or somewhere else for an hour or two EACH day? He's cheating on you. He's either meeting women in person, or voice chatting them after he's done/before going to the gym, or before/after work.
You want to know how you know he's cheating? Demand to look at his phone. If he has a password- tell him to unlock it. If he absolutely refuses- you KNOW he's cheating. If he DOES let you- look for Apps like Telegram on his phone. Cheaters use it all the time to speak to multiple women.
Thank you for giving such clarity on narcissism. Do you feel that the diagnosis is over diagnosed and most people are just plain selfish and opportunistic people?
My recent one was really quick, love-bombed when we first met, but she changed completely the next time I saw her. I should of known, but thought she was playing hard to get or something instead, but I didn't let it get to me. Tried to hurt and make me jealous even, was obvious but I couldn't figure out why, she stopped really quickly, almost like she expected me to chase after her, but I didn't, and just switched off, was it because I didn't give her the attention and validation she wanted? Can't find any other explanation.
What about for a female covert narcissist? Are they cheating most of the time? She stopped intimacy with me after she got the engagement ring. it was RARE she would have sex with me after that. We did not live together until many months later after the engagement.
34 years with a covert narcissist yes she is cheating more than one person and yes could be ur friend neighbor cousin ! Belie me ! Don't waste your time looking she is !
Once I moved in, he started rationing me for sex sometimes it would be once a week then maybe once every 2 to 3 weeks and at one point, it was once every three months. He would never give me a reason why, but it was always on his terms and whenit pretty much depleted my self-esteem.
He trapped me, got me to move in - then eventually the sex decreased and he preferred to work on remodeling the house. Then, he wanted to just "schedule" days / times that never happened. He is 58 and occasionally had ED issues as well... It was ridiculous as it wasn't that great when it did happen with the occasional wow, he was actually into it this time rather than just empty motions. When I left him he said he'd be fine just getting a prostitute 🤦♀️😵💫
full on porn addiction turned to him wanting to end the relationship to sleep with younger woman. porn addiction is just unacceptable, it destroyed my relationship.
Trauma bonded he through sex. Porn addiction. He couldn’t keep his hands off me even after 25 yrs of marriage, 30 yrs together. Then suddenly 2 months went by with nothing. But I came home one night after having too much alcohol and he took full advantage, then when our 18 yo called him out, Told her and me that I had come onto him. Six months later dumped me for new supply and then I connected a lot of other dots, did Ben’s program and finally understood what my entire experience had been.
I don’t know if mine is an alcoholic or both’. He spends more time drinking and then watching reels for hours constantly avoiding me!! We split up once and we both were with other people, but when we got back together I caught him cheating we’ve rarely had sex ever since!! Now I bitch too much because of his drinking and neglect so how can he be with someone like me.. we go on vacations and he disappears all day drinking of course then ends up passing out. He’s also blaming the no sex thing on his age!! Idk I’m confused!
Appreciate you sharing your story. It must have been really tough. I'd love to invite you to our free masterclass where you can learn how to break free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
@@robbertag808 nothing really. But the fact that she was fucking some pos that lives by her for a few months prior and obviously picked that up from him, thattttts the problem.
So if I follow, the Narc is the one who becomes no longer intimate? I would strongly disagree. After being in a Narcissistic Abusive relationship, I was the first person to cut off intimacy. It wasn’t because I was a Narc, even tho I’m sure I have some traits. Yet, it was cut off because you can’t hurt someone constantly and expect their energy to be the same. People with good hearts have limits. If you are someone who is being mistreated, overtime your energy is going to change towards that individual. So how in this case is the abuser the one who cuts off intimacy before the abused? The logic here in this video doesn’t make sense. The victim is going to naturally cut off intimacy first, not the Narc. Whether or not the victim knows how to put in words as to what is going on; the body is already in trauma response mode and is going to start reacting and pulling away from the abuser.
There is more than one type of narcissist…malignant, covert, somatic...schizoid. They too will withhold sex for punishment or just being petty. They think that's the only form of intimacy even though they really are just objectify you. They are Incapable of love or true intimacy! They are all sick 💯
My narcissistic boyfriend has not wanted sex with me anymore for the past 6 !! months 😮😢and I am suffering because he is still here right next to me but it is like sleeping next to a freezer ....I cannot take this for too much longer....
My narc is always asking if it was good, if he was hard enough, etc. He always finds a way to bring up how great our sex is and how well we get along in the bedroom. I've known him 5 years, we've never been in a committed relationship. I know he "sees" other women, I don't care, I see other men, but we always come back to each other. He needs constant love and adoration, and I'm more than happy to give it. He discarded me recently and I text him to pay me back the $ he owed me and I would leave him alone, he never responded, until I text back a week later asking to talk. Since that conversation it feels like I'm the one love bombing him, and he's actually being more communicative with me than he ever has before. He has me watch movies or listen to songs that show a broken/vulnerable man who finds the one woman who will be there for him thru thick and thin. I kind of feel like it's a cry for help, but he would never admit it was him. I'm just waiting for the mask to fall off.
Yes, he was fully into pornography. We has, When he was drunk , then when he wanted me for his family function. He also said, 'I can't stand to see you happy; please hide your face and don't be happy😂
I dont see how a man would not make love with his partner because he prefered porn...and Im almost sure it should be....his partner showed little to no interest therefore he resorted to porn. I dont have a doctorate in porn,relationships nor psychology....just thinking from a different perspective
They are never intimate, one has to have empathy in order to be intimate.
Any ‘connection’ is manipulation.
This^ my brilliant and highly educated and successful narc believed the word “intimacy” means sex. Which equals love. It all made sense when I realized that.
Experiencing this now as my husband had an affair at the 20 year mark of our marriage begged me back in seven years back in two hour reconciliation he’s back into his same way. He tried super hard at the beginning when we reconciled and it slowly disintegrated and now he’s in the discarding phase
Youre right . They dont even like kissing or foreplay , and thats from a bloke
Cuz they’re getting needs met elsewhere. Deny all they want. Want to test your narcissist? Leave everything they gave you at their door and drive away. Trust me. You’ll hear how they truly “love” you. Trust me.
I actually burnt the most sentimental things she gave me filmed it and sent it to her not happy would be an understatement 😅😅😅
They gave you things?
Don't suffer and die in silence as you can spy on his/her location, calls and socials to find out with proof that he's cheating and file for a divorce
Check "Shadowbyte7" for assistance and also on any cyber security related issues also
He's On telegram
Oh my gosh. Yes, it makes sense!
They thought, that you were going to make them happy. Their own inner selfishness, self-centeredness, narcissistic triggers and reactions, cause it to spoil the relationship. They blame you, not themselves because, they can do no wrong, mentality, they look for the, “ perfect partner “ elsewhere. They repeat cycles because it is them and not you, all along. And even if it is you, because you are not the right match for them, they don’t let you go because of their need to control. Yep. This makes sense for a lot of cases.
My covert narcissist/soon to be ex-husband, had the AUDICITY to file for divorce because he "fell out of love," (aka fell into another woman's p.s.y) hasn't been intimate with me in well OVER 6 years!!!
I remember this distinctly because it was literally THE SAME DAY I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT.
She's 6 years old now....
Needless to say, bye! ¡adios!
👋 Don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on your way out!
He's ASKING FOR EVERYTHING, including the house, as opposed to me, who has 5 biological children ti take care of and was/is dependeing on him financially, as per our agreement BEFORE we got marriaged, due to our personal convictions and beliefs, and he absolutely unequivocally agreed!
As a matter of fact, he enforced that until MARCH of THIS YEAR. He's disgusting.
These people are simply demons in flesh, and you can't change them, they must do it on their own.
One cannot change what one refuses to confront, especially if you're in kahoots with the demon(s) and/or you think you're always right!!
God bless you all and stay strong.
If you're not married to them, RUN!! GHOST THEM AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!
EVERYONE ELSE...
HOLD. YOUR. GROUND.
God bless you! As soon as someone says: "I fell out of love" ... they show you who they really are. There is no such thing as "in love." What happens on the way to the alter, is not actually love. That part is easy! You are in love with the idea of love and happily ever after. There is limerence, infatuation, newness ... We all love those feel good feelings releasing dopamine in our brains. I think it was Dr. Rick Reynolds (he created Affair Recovery) that has a video of romanticization ... he said when a person comes to him for therapy and says about their spouse: "I love her, I'm just no longer in love with her" ... he's like: Great! That's the next phase of a normal and healthy love. Love is a choice. The intensity of it will eb & flow, love is patient and it takes work. Anyone who thinks you will have those butterflies forever, that's just immaturity. Disney shows you that love is happily ever after ... but real life dictates that can't happen. You can't stop a child from dying, you can't stop job loss, you can't stop a disease diagnosis ... you can't stop any of the pains of normal life. You're supposed to handle them together. Not find someone new, that you don't have these inconveniences with. You may have butterflies again with your own spouse, but that takes date nights, continuation of romantic effort. Newness will go away because that's just what happens ... but you can take the rest for granted. What ends up happening, you stop watering your grass ... and you end up watering someone else's. But someone else's grass isn't better. In fact, it's crab grass. It was mowed nicely so you didn't see it for what it really was.
But anyway, narcissists have an immature reality so that's why they keep chasing that "in love" feeling. God bless you and your children. Stay strong!
@@DarcyG-nk5nv thank you!! Amen!! ❤️
Don't suffer and die in silence as you can spy on his/her location, calls and socials to find out with proof that he's cheating and file for a divorce
Check Shadowbyte7 for assistance and also on any cyber security related issues also
He's Cyber detective and he's on telegram
Thank you. I was married for 10 years to a pornography -obsessed cheating narc, divorced now almost 20 years. He denied everything when i started getting suspicious. Learned we need to trust our instincts and that a cheater won’t take responsibility. Still have pain remembering my disbelief that he could live multiple lives and juggle so many lies. Still learning about how all this behavior affected me, and how it all makes sense (and is cookbook narcissism) but i was so trauma bonded with poor self esteem and huge self doubt- which he helped to magnify . I knew i was in trouble when he pulled away sexually and used withholding sex as a control move, but was too scared to confront him about it. He even refused me sex on our wedding night! Welcome to marriage from hell! All his mistresses ended up telling me everything and i am so happy that drama chapter is over now.
The same thing happened to me and it broke my heart! I'm still married to the narc. This is so relevant it's scary! 😢
Not having sex on wedding night resonates.
I had the opposite experience with my Nex. I had quit drinking and we were closer on an emotional level than ever BUT he would not be physically intimate with me. I didn’t ponder on it too much because I felt more connected then I ever did in 7 years. Let’s just say…he was coming home with scratch marks and my intuition was on high alert. Found things in his phone and left everything behind and went no contact. It’s been a year. I’m positive he was trying to make up for his unfaithfulness by manipulating me emotionally and by throwing me off, I didn’t think he was cheating. Boy was I wrong
So what’s up with the scratches? Because my Nex would have random scratches and bruises on her that when I asked about them she would say she didn’t know where they came from.
@@BBurns22 I always got a “yucky feeling” when I’d notice them, mainly because they would be down both sides of his back and upper thighs and all I could see was yuck. I also noticed bruising on his thigh and between his legs, like how the hell does that happen? And more times then once! My intuition was also screaming something wasn’t right so I began looking for them after we’d been apart and it was every single time. And he had stupid excuses or he’d shrug it off. And be extra sweet and affectionate to throw me off. He was very sneaky and careful but I did end up finding some things on his phone and it was enough combined with the other things mentioned above, I knew he’d never admit it was happening so I finally left for good. That anxiety is the absolute worst feeling ever, it controls your life and brain. I hope you are now free from it.
NEX... I'm using this from now on. Thankyou 😅
@@Bipolishmomma man I also would notice scratches on the inner thighs. And sometimes bruises would be on one of her breast. But I really started feeling weird when inconsistencies or contradictions would pop up with certain things she’d tell me. But since I had no proof of anything I didn’t assume, it was almost like I was waiting on something to be shown to me. But eventually we did break up and now I’m single and glad I’m out of that experience. It’s taught me so much about myself and people in general so in a weird way I’m Thankful for it but then again I hate that I wasted 2 years of my life with her. And tbh there was a time she was being affectionate when I noticed the scratches and bruise. But I never paid attention to every time she would be affectionate because maybe it came from guilt of things she was doing behind the scenes, random gifts at times as well for no reason.
This is almost exactly my experience with my narcissist ex-w, she'd be extremely affectionate and kind out of nowhere, surprise, surprise... every time she was cheating or planning to, her occasional kindness was always accompanied by hand shaped bruises on her thighs.
Thank you. My marriage was over when the internet got good. Twice a day every day he had to soak in the tub for 30 minutes or more. Of course after that I didn’t deserve any attention because I am not the body he wants. I didn’t deserve decent treatment because I no longer entertained him.
Kissing can be very bad most of the time.
Some of them lack emotions so much so that they can’t feel or relate to eroticism, like just stroking their skin gently. And they are stiff like hard cold statues and can’t feel that connection. They also can’t kiss! 😳
To add, you try real hard to teach them how to kiss and they can’t learn it. And you’re like, wow, there’s just no feelings in this person, well, they can feel anger and a sense of an injustice happening to them, just not you, when they are playing you.
Also, sometimes they deliberately will not give you what you ask for or they do it for two minutes and then stop. This is a sadistic narcissist. Or, it’s not sadism but it’s because they loose their patience because they have a better idea to reach you, which they don’t. That’s that, “ I can do no wrong, “ mentality.
@@bonnielee316 Mine always said I should teach him...after 20+ years I said, "I tried." I am pretty sure that he never really liked me, just the idea of me.
@rebekahjette6304,
Yes.
Oh aye, kissing them is awful, so sloppy, wet, gooey, too much saliva… oh gadz🏴😂😂
Intimacy and sex are two different things. My husband was into the sex part, but not so much into intimacy. He wanted to get it on.
same.
Thank you. Exactly my experience. I disconnected because I thought the way he was in the bedroom with me meant to love when nothing could be further from the truth. I needed the connection to want to get “intimate” and the truth is intimacy is way more than sex. I still gave him what he needed but I never got what I needed and now I know that I needed to love myself.
I guess he's cheating on you
Don't suffer and die in silence as you can spy on his/her location, calls and socials to find out with proof that he's cheating and file for a divorce
Check "Shadowbyte7" for assistance and also on any cyber security related issues also
Ew and Yuk... this video makes my skin crawl 🤢He did something new in bed last year, and I innocently thought it was "just" something he had picked up on some porn... but I later learned he had been cheating.. took me a long time to learn how narc brains truly work. Its disgusting
Don't suffer and die in silence as you can spy on his/her location, calls and socials to find out with proof that he's cheating and file for a divorce
Check "Shadowbyte7" for assistance and also on any cyber security related issues also
He's On telegram
Mine recently started doing something to me that he did with his affair partner, and I asked him to stop, and he actually turned it around and blamed me and said that’s what he liked, but he learned it from her. He has been pouting for a week about it now acting like it’s my fault that I won’t allow him to do that to me because she told me it was her favorite thing.
@@Creativecatalyst..what is telegram for. Husband has it on his second phone (travel phone)
What honesty? He said a couple of times: "you will never completely know me"....when I tried to understand and connect to him. 😳
That's what the narc I was involved with said too. "I like being mysterious..." like, could you be ANY more obvious you're a serial cheater? 😂
I’ve heard that so many times
I finally got to the point of NOT wanting to know!
"I don't mind things being ambiguous at first..." That's not a joke, that's exactly what the person said to me 😑
Yeah right,what honesty are we talking about,this is non existent with narcissist 😮
Last 4 years of a so call marriage with my ex narcissist husband no intimacy at all. I finally found out he was involved with another person. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ son of God for delivering me 🙏 and my family 🙏 life is beautiful again without the narc.
SAME - took me 6.5 years of no sex to finally leave
My husband of 33 years has gotten into pornography and even admitted his „choices“ about 4 years ago: he is adicted to multi partner porn… and then said that I would have to work harder😮😢 That then more or less was the end of any intimacy for us. He had two affairs since. I do not know up to this day whether these are emotional affairs or also sexual affairs. I was discarded on our 33th wedding anniversary😢. 7 months later after he had moved out the therapist we went to asked whether we wanted to try again for marriage. I carefully explained my reasons for my NO. Now he tells around that I for no reason left the marriage. Absurd! I do keep under the radar in order to protect us, mostly our daughter who deserves to keep her relationship with her father at 22 years of age. I learnt si much about narcissism - shocking!!!😢
Happend to me with my narcissistic partner: porn,porn,porn and no more sex ( at least not with me😮),that hurts says K.from Cuba❤
Can you do a video on the narcissist fantasying their ex?
This happened to me. Married my narc & he dropped me like a hot potato.
Samee! Ironically he came after me for almost 3 years, and dropped me within a few months of marriage!
@@mvoyage7282 I'm so sorry you experienced this 😢
Yep. Usually within a year. The conquest is over at that point.
Once you call them out it doesn't matter the time frame. I called this idiot out all the time and said I knew exactly what he was. Surprise surprise, no sex after that. This was two months in btw. 😂
@@mvoyage7282same
My partner stopped the supply. I just became resentful towards her. It’s over now.
My narc changed like a light switch about 6 months after marriage
You just described EVERYTHING my husband did last year & this year I got the news while I was pregnant! But he doesn’t want to let me go & he loves me and doesn’t want to loose our BIG FAMILY & he finally got a daughter after 5 sons. He even said He never thought about me in the 2 year affair at work. Sex did change also. I had a gut feeling. This wasn’t the first time. I honestly don’t know what to do! My kids beg me to stay!
Leave! Your kids are gonna grow and after will ask you why you didn’t leave before!
It is always best to leave these emotional abusers.
Leave him. He will only get worse as the hours go by. They never change.
So anti-pornography. The girlfriend of a 1,000 faces and body parts. Hard to compete with fantasy. I no longer have a family because of it.
Same here,I do not like it that my guy is sooo much into Pornography and it has destroyed our relationship,I hate porn,nothing good comes out of it😮😢
It makes perfect since it actually helped me understand some things
NAILED IT!!!! EVERY SINGLE WORD!!! So sickening!! Thank u ! U have helped me see so much into this!!!! I have to say...when ever hes explaining something he does always say "does that make sense"
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This is exactly what happened to me with my first marriage. Our sex life changed from dating to being engaged to being a wife and became non-existent after we adopted our first child. After being in a sexless marriage for 20 years and therapy three times I finally called it quits. I did end up with another narcissist that was very sexual and that is what I'm dealing from now. I have left no contact . My goal is to find a healthy partner thank you Ben for all your programs I am working them slowly and I am seeing a positive progression.
So true…the gut feeling that something is “wrong”….and the different way she moved and behaved in bed….so creeping and disturbing!! 😢
He'll act like hes "asleep" but as soon as i get up close the TV walk up into our bedroom that he rather sleep on the couch so he can hide his porn. Thinks im asleep, but narcs are not the smartest!!! Im in the process of gathering my things from our home & moving back in w/ my mother with my 2 kids!!
Perfectly explained, thank you 🙏
Explains my 32 year "relationship" with my covert narcissistic husband 1,000 %!!!! Great video. Obsessed with porn, I think he thought he was a porn star or some ish FR. I got into his phone FINALLY and he had started a Grindr page back in 2015 posting all kinds of short porn videos, memes, pics....and had THOUSANDS of followers. He was trying to DM women and he said the same gross objectify crap to them...as he said to me. Offering to pay and all kinds of crap. I even think he was doing it partly to deal with stress while at work and the other part for supply. It's disgusting, truly. I put an end to sex immediately. Get out now and don't waste your life like I did with such a lying, selfish and manipulative pig who was incapable of love and intimacy! 💯🙏🏽
I knew something was up when he was overly excited to go camping, and he was kissing me more and hugging me more, saying how excited he was to get away alone for the weekend. And then he sent me a pic of him with a reflection of another woman in his sunglasses. Said she just happened to show up at our remote campsite.
Mine went out on a solo boating excursion but I later found out he was with the next supply.
Oh my day's this is so true,
That's what I figured.
Mine is in his 50's, completely obsessed with girls younger than his own kids. But will he allow me to break up with him? Hell no.
LEAVE 🫡🇺🇸🦅
Allow? Please change your thinking. Unless you are a prisoner, you are ALLOWED to do whatever you want. Walk away. Choose yourself.
Leave. That is not an acceptable dynamic for your kids to see. Record and document everything, show the court he’s a s*x predator.
It changes drastically once you’ve moved in especially if its in their territory.
As well there appears to be a pattern with when they are fighting with the other source of supply- they will become interested again in the interim.
My ex Narc used it as a form of punishment when I started say no to unreasonable demands..I know his intimacy cycle so I knew something was up
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@@RawMotivations thank you kindly I’m now 11 months Narc free and thriving 🙏🏾
No ☹Return Error this time Ben just dipped in.....Vanishing Creme. But of course this post will go thru 1st try. Had you a good comparison between how fast Narcissists can "Shift" between Love Bomb and Trauma Bond using YTs Video called "4-speed Shifting" 2:27 but I guess that was just too corrupt of an analogy.
What you're saying,makes more sense than you can ever imagine Ben.
I have told him to just get out of this marriage, because he's not even engaged. He's present, but absent
He won't fix any issues or talk about what he's broken. So he acts asif we're ohk, but has no sexual interest , probably because he knows I'll bring up something, should he make a move? I wish I knew for sure how his mind works.
I'm just not able to leave my home just yet. Too much to do before the final exit, or should I say, 'escape'
LEAVE NOW. NEVER LOOK BACK. This is not a man who is worthy of marriage.
Thank you for your videos. I’m married to a covert narcissist. We have been together 23.5 years and married 7. We have a young son. I noticed years ago that sex was conditional. I would make excuses that maybe I just had a larger sex drive than him and I would just chalk it up to that, but he started to make me feel as if something was wrong with me by calling me names. Nympho and succubus. When I would express interest in having sex when things were calm within the cycle of abuse, he decided that’s when he did not want to have sex.. he would say oh well for the past 10 or 15 years sex has been terrible or nonexistent or too much that he just did not want to anymore and he started to blame me telling me it was my fault because there were times when he would wake me up in the middle of the night years ago to have sex when I was pregnant and I had to work the next day and it was really hard so I would ask if we could just do it the next night. Then that eventually got used against me that frigid or a pillow princess because I didn’t have enough energy to do all these different things in bed. I started to realize that it was more about control, and it was a game to him. I found out he is talking to women online and also has a porn addiction. Obviously, I started realizing that if he was not getting anything from me, of course he is getting it from somewhere else because for 20 some years all I heard was that he had to have sex to get the “poison out.” Yeah no wonder I did not want to have sex very much sometimes. All he cares about is his needs. After sex he would literally jump up and run back out to play video games or just go to bed and there was no I love you or a hug or anything. It was totally non-emotional almost like a prostitute.
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Absolutely makes perfect sense
I’d like to know more about if he has been caught on the phone talking to the other girl when I walk in the door.
Also she comes to the house to check things out why is he still keeping it a secret?
And even through I did nothing, I didn’t hold back anything he is so rage full at me just having proof of him cheating.
- Could you please make a video about it?
Don't suffer and die in silence as you can spy on his/her location, calls and socials to find out with proof that he's cheating and file for a divorce
Check "Shadowbyte7" for assistance and also on any cyber security related issues also
He's On telegram
My husband put me out of our room 10 years ago. He has all narsisistic traits. We were only plus minus 4 times sexually active in our marriage of 10 years. I just like to know is he cheating coz I never caught him. He is been sleeping alone in his room. Please help I don't know what is happening. Before marriage he just wanted to have sex
Your husband is cheating. If he is not meeting people in person, (which is highly unlikely), he is having emotional affairs with women online and sending them pictures.
Does your husband have a gym membership? Does he tell you he has to run "errands", or go to the grocery store or somewhere else for an hour or two EACH day?
He's cheating on you. He's either meeting women in person, or voice chatting them after he's done/before going to the gym, or before/after work.
You want to know how you know he's cheating? Demand to look at his phone.
If he has a password- tell him to unlock it. If he absolutely refuses- you KNOW he's cheating.
If he DOES let you- look for Apps like Telegram on his phone. Cheaters use it all the time to speak to multiple women.
Don't suffer and die in silence as you can spy on his/her location, calls and socials to find out with proof that he's cheating and file for a divorce
Check "Shadowbyte7" for assistance and also on any cyber security related issues also
I’m curious how much of this is intimacy anorexia vs narcissism. Obviously there can be an overlap as well.
Thanks sound just like my ex!
How do you escape the trauma bond? there is NO intimacy, but we still emotionally connected.
We have to help you change the story. I explain more in my masterclass: www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Thank you for giving such clarity on narcissism. Do you feel that the diagnosis is over diagnosed and most people are just plain selfish and opportunistic people?
That's a great question! You can discover the answer by joining our free masterclass at www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
My recent one was really quick, love-bombed when we first met, but she changed completely the next time I saw her. I should of known, but thought she was playing hard to get or something instead, but I didn't let it get to me. Tried to hurt and make me jealous even, was obvious but I couldn't figure out why, she stopped really quickly, almost like she expected me to chase after her, but I didn't, and just switched off, was it because I didn't give her the attention and validation she wanted? Can't find any other explanation.
What about for a female covert narcissist? Are they cheating most of the time? She stopped intimacy with me after she got the engagement ring. it was RARE she would have sex with me after that. We did not live together until many months later after the engagement.
34 years with a covert narcissist yes she is cheating more than one person and yes could be ur friend neighbor cousin ! Belie me ! Don't waste your time looking she is !
Once I moved in, he started rationing me for sex sometimes it would be once a week then maybe once every 2 to 3 weeks and at one point, it was once every three months. He would never give me a reason why, but it was always on his terms and whenit pretty much depleted my self-esteem.
Makes alot of sense. My ex boyfriend was consumed w porn and cut off sex w me. No evidence of cheating but definitely porn addicted. Smh.
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He trapped me, got me to move in - then eventually the sex decreased and he preferred to work on remodeling the house. Then, he wanted to just "schedule" days / times that never happened. He is 58 and occasionally had ED issues as well... It was ridiculous as it wasn't that great when it did happen with the occasional wow, he was actually into it this time rather than just empty motions. When I left him he said he'd be fine just getting a prostitute 🤦♀️😵💫
While she was having an affair, she started having sex with me the same way the guy she was having an affair was doing it with her.
full on porn addiction turned to him wanting to end the relationship to sleep with younger woman. porn addiction is just unacceptable, it destroyed my relationship.
There is ONLY cheating now, cause of fear of emotional intimacy.
It’s because they are incapable of it
Gets bored to death easily
Trauma bonded he through sex. Porn addiction. He couldn’t keep his hands off me even after 25 yrs of marriage, 30 yrs together. Then suddenly 2 months went by with nothing. But I came home one night after having too much alcohol and he took full advantage, then when our 18 yo called him out, Told her and me that I had come onto him. Six months later dumped me for new supply and then I connected a lot of other dots, did Ben’s program and finally understood what my entire experience had been.
Their not being honest about scamming you
I don’t know if mine is an alcoholic or both’. He spends more time drinking and then watching reels for hours constantly avoiding me!! We split up once and we both were with other people, but when we got back together I caught him cheating we’ve rarely had sex ever since!! Now I bitch too much because of his drinking and neglect so how can he be with someone like me.. we go on vacations and he disappears all day drinking of course then ends up passing out. He’s also blaming the no sex thing on his age!! Idk I’m confused!
Appreciate you sharing your story. It must have been really tough. I'd love to invite you to our free masterclass where you can learn how to break free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
How does a husband do this after 30 years of marriage and an affair?
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My ex accidentally told me to pull her hair.... after 3 years lol shes trash
? What's wrong with that lmao...
@@robbertag808 nothing really. But the fact that she was fucking some pos that lives by her for a few months prior and obviously picked that up from him, thattttts the problem.
So if I follow, the Narc is the one who becomes no longer intimate?
I would strongly disagree. After being in a Narcissistic Abusive relationship, I was the first person to cut off intimacy. It wasn’t because I was a Narc, even tho I’m sure I have some traits. Yet, it was cut off because you can’t hurt someone constantly and expect their energy to be the same. People with good hearts have limits. If you are someone who is being mistreated, overtime your energy is going to change towards that individual.
So how in this case is the abuser the one who cuts off intimacy before the abused?
The logic here in this video doesn’t make sense. The victim is going to naturally cut off intimacy first, not the Narc.
Whether or not the victim knows how to put in words as to what is going on; the body is already in trauma response mode and is going to start reacting and pulling away from the abuser.
There is more than one type of narcissist…malignant, covert, somatic...schizoid. They too will withhold sex for punishment or just being petty. They think that's the only form of intimacy even though they really are just objectify you. They are Incapable of love or true intimacy! They are all sick 💯
It matters if the narc is a guy or a girl. My narc wife cut off sex. 🫡🇺🇸🦅
My wife is cheating on me. Finding out she is a narcissist
My narcissistic boyfriend has not wanted sex with me anymore for the past 6 !! months 😮😢and I am suffering because he is still here right next to me but it is like sleeping next to a freezer ....I cannot take this for too much longer....
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Leave. Do your work so you don’t get mixed up with another narc. Do NOT have sex with anyone before marriage.
Should you call out a spouse about their porn?
Be careful in doing so. But honesty is the best
Why is it always the guy
My narc is always asking if it was good, if he was hard enough, etc. He always finds a way to bring up how great our sex is and how well we get along in the bedroom. I've known him 5 years, we've never been in a committed relationship. I know he "sees" other women, I don't care, I see other men, but we always come back to each other. He needs constant love and adoration, and I'm more than happy to give it. He discarded me recently and I text him to pay me back the $ he owed me and I would leave him alone, he never responded, until I text back a week later asking to talk. Since that conversation it feels like I'm the one love bombing him, and he's actually being more communicative with me than he ever has before. He has me watch movies or listen to songs that show a broken/vulnerable man who finds the one woman who will be there for him thru thick and thin. I kind of feel like it's a cry for help, but he would never admit it was him. I'm just waiting for the mask to fall off.
If they have a passcode on their phone then yes up to no good lol fine by me 😂
This only addresses male narcs. Females are much different (50% of narcs are female). Cerebral narcs also aren’t interested in sex.
my live-in female narcissist has withheld sex from me for years
Can they be intimate?
They fake it. Usually when they want something from you. Don't fall for it!
Its easy to spot ! U will know
evil bong
Yes, he was fully into pornography. We has, When he was drunk , then when he wanted me for his family function. He also said, 'I can't stand to see you happy; please hide your face and don't be happy😂
So, according to this guy, it sounds like guys are the only narcs. He he he constantly.
Women can be too. I don’t work with female narcissists or male survivors tho and I don’t speak to what I don’t know
psychos
I dont see how a man would not make love with his partner because he prefered porn...and Im almost sure it should be....his partner showed little to no interest therefore he resorted to porn. I dont have a doctorate in porn,relationships nor psychology....just thinking from a different perspective
I don’t your qualified to make the statements you are making in this video. Sorry.
But he stayed at a Holiday Inn Express once!
Eat a snickers
You should use the word He/She not He all the time .....
no thanks
@@RawMotivations Yes you should
@@GatesRapes not who I serve or speak to