Sex with a Covert Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
- How was your intimate moments with the narcissist?
If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
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#narcissism #narcissist #npd
It starts out good but then they withhold it to make you feel unwanted. I’m so glad to be out of that hell.
True
100% true
Pretty much
I get pressured almost every day to have sex and it is never enough so when I do say no I feel like I'm the narcissist and withholding. Nothing is more of a libido killer than sexual coercion.
Absolutely… your body knows often even before your heart and head have figured it out… and once you put it all together it is a horrifying realisation that your whole relationship has effectively been a lie and you loved a hollow shell
Hollow shell that’s exactly how I described our marriage to my husband and sitting next to me a few times I felt like he was actually hollow.. soulless .. it’s like sitting next to a dead person .. eeriest feeling I’d ever felt..
my initial thoughts were he’s cheering on me and doesn’t feel anything for me anymore .. which could also be very true .. 😢
Yep!
Like a mannequin soul less man on a mission for himself to use your feelings for something they want like a ride, a meal, cleaning their house, make them look good mask disguise. So very sad. Wrong. Selfish person. Needy too.
@@monicatorres4686 is it possible that the narc soul has been snatched out of their body, and inhabited by a demon?
@@healingrays3762, wow I never thought of it that way.. yes could be😮
Sex for them is just an act. It's mechanical and a performance. There's no intimacy or soul to it.
You can feel it in your gut.
Omg yes. Great description
This explains alot!
So true
That’s what she said.
Amen
I needed to hear this, sex is never talked about when you are with a covert narcissist, and it needs to be talked about. These people are so evil, they don’t actually love you, or even themselves. It’s like being a prisoner of war, and no one says anything about it.
Right! And if you try to open up about sexual PTSD with a narcissist, everyone says effed up invalidating humiliating dismissive slut shaming bs to you like:
"Keep it to yourself, no one is going to be attracted to someone who focuses just on the sex, not everything is about sex in a relationship, maybe you were just too demanding and scared them off, sounds like sex is the most important thing to you so maybe you need to readjust your superficial selfish oversexualized expectations, sounds like he/she is just really busy with work/family/friends/hobbies and they don't have time to meet your every sexual whim, maybe try growing up and stop needing sex all the time and find some hobbies instead of focusing on someone else who has their priorities in order, maybe they just have more important things going on in their life besides being your personal sex slave robot, maybe if you gave them more space they would want to have more sex with you if you weren't being so obsessive and controlling about it, I wouldn't want to have sex with such a needy clingy demanding sexual partner either tbh."
Then you feel shamed into silence. Then you feel like you don't deserve sexual intimacy at all because most people don't want to think about or talk about sexual trauma. Especially "withholding sex" trauma. Because, "It's not like they r*ped you or anything! Calm down! If someone isn't in the mood YOU need to respect that or else maybe YOU'RE the aggressor coercing THEM into sex they don't want to have with you past the point of their consent so who is the R3AL victim here when you're being pushy and they're asking you to stop trying to seduce and manipulate them into unwanted sexual interactions with you!"
This of course being said to you by other enablers after the narcissist love bombed, seduced, and objectified you and guilted you into meeting all their needs and accusing you of being selfish and a "tease" or "prude" or "frigid" when you try to say NO. And THEN abandoning you, shutting you out, blocking you, ghosting you, devaluing you, discarding you. And THEN when you try to reach out for more affection they ACCUSE YOU of being "too much" and tell you to "stop harrassing" them like as if you're some kind of stalker for wanting clarity or an explanation or closure or mutual respect all of a sudden you're deemed "far too much" when they just got "so much on their plate right now".
This was us. That constant feeling of imprisonment. Even when it felt good it didn’t feel good. I felt all sorts of negative emotions after but often tried to do and say positive words to encourage intimacy. He would indicate in some vague way that he wanted sex but never really initiated it. He would walk around mad when we did not have sex for a while because I didn’t jump at his vague Indirect statements and initiate
. In 31 years he never once asked me what I desired, did I enjoy it, did he meet my need, but I did all of the above. His responses were ways vague, dismissal or sheer silence. He was reluctant to do anything that I like. No sense in pointing out any pleasurable act because it would not happen again.
It seemed I subconsciously became aware of narcissism before I had learned of it because a year ago I started to call him out appropriately on everything. I stopped initiating and months went by with no sex then he moved out of the bedroom and a few months later out of the house. He says I did nothing wrong.
I should have done that earlier.
😅
@@orchider143 --- and he didn't do all of that stuff, why?
Because he hated you?
Or because he didn't have the capacity or ability to do those things?
Understanding all about the narcissist now, what is your answer?
Oh but they will tell others that you are friged.That you hate sex..No,I didn't hate sex ,I just grew to hate sex with him.Truth be told
I felt such resentment towards my husband, and always cried after sex. I felt used because he NEVER met my emotional needs..ever.
Likewise I was a virgin when I got married to the cover narcissist, eventually it didn’t matter about if I was satisfied or not. When I brought it up I was dismissed he said “it’s my fault you take to long” it’s like who was I suppose to talk to about this. I later one felt like sex was absolutely disgusting 🤮 and I didn’t want it anymore or it stopped altogether. Until I found out he was cheating has a whole relationship with a coworker while he abused me he swears he didn’t cheat when the call logs says otherwise. They will lie and say you don’t have any proof like we don’t know. I regret saying “I do” to this Abuser who used me for US residency and now he opened a church smh these wolfed in sheep clothing
There was no romance, kissing or hugging before the act. When he was through he would jump up and say, that relieved some stress...
It's been 3 years since I stopped relieving stress for him. I am about to file.
Omg you described my experience so well
I’m so sorry
Did you tell him your needs? Or did you just expect him to read your mind?
@@soundscapes4619 of course I tried to convey my needs. It was like talking to a wall.
Sex with a covert narcissist is always "the best" because they're not giving you real honesty/respect/communication in other areas, so the sex overcompensates and withdrawal will be used as a punishment
Even the sex was not honest and I felt used and humiliated though he acted like it is normal and he calls me dear and honey. He prevented me enjoying it at all. And then hoovering he says that I am the hottest ever, just not being honest ever. 🙄
...Sex with the narcissist is "the best" is an illusion. Sex is even better when you've moved on to someone else who's emotionally and mentally healthy.
@@Indigenous_DNA
Exactly upon really looking at the situation you realize sex with a narcissist is like being used for them to fulfill a body a function. It's really that awful 😖
Ofcourse the sex is amazing with a Covert narc. They are only mirroring ourselves. However all coverts are mirroring all they play at the same time and they have many. There is no inclusive in Narcology..The thoughts when I identify one is the fact if she is this freaky with me what freak is she doing with the others? The next thought is the FACT she can't wait to share a STD with me for misery loves company.
The sex was ridiculously good. I really believe they use the sex to manipulate you. My sex drive was not high till I met my ex-narcissist. But outside the bedroom they are total jerks, rude, liars only care about themselves. Dump them & Run. They can only hook you by the sex.
Sex with a narc is selfish, people think it's good sex cause it was the only time you felt any intimacy. They have weird things about them when it comes to sex that makes you question things afterwords
Absolutely true. I went from a great sex drive in beginning of relationship to not wanting it at all from her in the end. The torture from the mind games just wore me down.
Same happened to me, but gender is reversed. After 4 years of dating he was no longer interested in lovemaking, or even a hug or kiss. The only man I've ever known that was like this. Sorry you went through that..
I can somewhat relate to this situation. Thank you.
Same same .
Me too
Headgames 🎶 foreigner™
My marriage was pretty much sexless for years. I told him to get sex he would have to show me emotion and attention. Anything I asked him for, he would do the opposite. Felt intentional.
That’s because it was intentional. These folks are SO FCKD UP! 😒
Yes, every day is Opposite Day with them. The minute they know you want something they will make sure not to give it to you.
It is always intentional
😨😱😱😱😱
I know that feeling! Oppositional just for the hell of it, no matter if it made sense or who else it hurt in the process.
This is so spot on! It is so insidious the way they love bomb you, then begin devaluing you and a decent person doesn't know what is happening to them! Then the blameshifting and gas lighting! I began smoking weed and eventually drinking again after 20 years of sobriety after marrying a covert narcissist. Took me a darn long time to realize the problem wasn't me, and during that time l lost EVERY THING! My sobriety, my financial security, my closest friends, and my family. I am now completely broke, living paycheck to paycheck, and my friends and family think it is because l am mentally ill or something! Of course they do-l kept going back to thr narcissist until l listened to months of Sam Vantin and figured it out.
Yes!!!
I’m in the same place! My family things I’m loony when I’m the one trying to grow! I relate
Hugs, I can relate..
I'm in the same boat , well about to be , I smoke weed everyday and want to quit but the emotional abuse I get from her keeps me smoking and then the breadcrumbs and lovebombs always keep me coming back , last night I got drunk and almost lost everything, the only reason I stay is I have a two year old with her , and yea I do love her , that empty soul
Family and friends thinking you're mentally ill afterwards is the worst part. They actually don't know how mentally strong you are, cause you've been through Hell and you survived that.
@@dust17111 Bro, leave her! I finally got the courage to leave and I'm on to leading a healthy life. Fight to have your kid as much as possible and be the dad that you can really be that you know you can't living with this horrible person. One thing that tipped the scales for me was to hear that it was actually highly damaging to my son to continue to live in the toxic environment created by her. You don't want your child to grow up thinking that is a healthy and loving relationship, then seeking out that same type of relationship or perpetuating it.
So true, my sex experience with a covert narcissist is just like u described... It's like being used to serve their needs... They avoid intimicy and never cares about their partner's needs... Thank God I was smart to recognize that just from the first experience and dumped him right away 😅😅😅
Now I understand why I was no longer sexually attracted to my husband. Thank you so much for this information. I don't know how many times I got a lecture for saying no I didn't feel like it tonight. I was even pushed off the side of the bed because I didn't comply. The more he pushed me off the side of the bed or lectured me the less I wanted anything to do with him. I managed to stay married to him for 30 years before I realized I did not have to live like this. I left 13 years ago and have not been interested in dating. I am completely drained, exhausted and just don't want to be involved with anyone.
I was 37 years, yes, the sexual attraction stopped for me as well, if we did get intimate, I felt dirty, hated it. Been no contact now for eight months… I have no desire for another relationship, I don’t trust men, I would rather be on my own and have peace of mind and no more being treated like a POS. I’ve suffered all the abuse that comes with a narc over the last 37 years… no more… he can go and treat someone else like dirt.. and a doormat.
This is so validating.
I was married for 20 years to my narc. Ex-husband:
I always felt used after sex.
My body knew that I actually was being used.
When I finally could see the abuse and the dehumanizing demeaning way he treated me, the abuse cycle… I finally could see clearly that I really was being used and abused. I told him I needed a break from sex, I told him, “My soul won’t let me.” “You are so mean to me, I’m afraid of you-how do you expect me to make love to you when I’m actually afraid of you?” He flew into a rage, and yelled, “Don’t make me go find another wife” and insisted, “Wives make love to their husbands”
Now it all adds up- I can see clearly that it was actually projection when he said to me in our 17th year of marriage, “You’re so easily manipulated, if someone told you that you’ve been being raped for the past 17 years, you’d believe it.” I see now that effectively, I really was being raped, and my soul knew it.
It's admirable that you opened up and shared your experience. Remember to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being.You are capable of healing and growing beyond your past. Sending you love and support on your journey
Thank you for sharing your experience with us you don’t have a clue how much. That helped me realize a lot. Of what I beennnliving and. Feel 🙏👏
Sadly this is true.
Coersive sex is considered non-consesual sex.
I've only recently found out about this, and it fills in that grey area of 'sex you have out of fear or emotional obligation, even though no part of you feels loved or loving'.
Its kind of feels like an emotional rape of your psyche....yet somewhere along the way you ended up acquiescing to it.
Sister - i feel you .😞💜
Yes our souls know. May God bless us.
I'm so glad you're free of him.
X
I found out: "I never matter" is one of my very deep inner believes. I developed it in my childhood to reduce emotional pain.
This believe is the main reason why my husband was able to abuse me.
I can see my pattern to always care for others but not for me in many situations. There is a lot of work to do.
Try Jay Reid… his work is amazing
@@juneelle370 Thank you! 💝
Same
I struggled with a similar issue…. YOU CAN DO THIS 🙌❤️🔥
Your description sounds so much like me. 😢
This is so so real! The love bombing and mirroring is killer!! I begged and begged for a better more intimate sex life, it didn’t matter. I was very sexual when I entered my relationship, but by the time I got out of the relationship I had zero sex drive! It was crushing on so many levels, I regret this relationship more than anything I e ever done. It changed me for the worse In so many ways! I’m in therapy and healing now and can see the reality of it all now! Thank you for getting this out to the public!!
I'm sorry for you, however give thanks for wising up, knowing life in its beauty& uglyness and knowing it won't happen again, know your subject well! Oh and yeah, me too
I understand exactly what you went through,I have a narcissistic boyfriend and he decides when or if 😂 we are having sex,sometimes I have to wait for three months😢,I feel almost asexual which I never was😮,I guess it is the starvation....
@@karannetaylor3977 thank you! I’m so much happier now! I feel relief! I can laugh again, my skin is getting healthier, I’m gaining weight again and I have felt real joy again!
Sameeee
Man, this is spot on. She had the audacity to tell the couples counselor that I treated her like my sex goddess. I said, "If you're my sex goddess then I want a new one!" Needless to say, that counseling lasted about 3 sessions before she left me 😄 I could literally count on one hand the number of times she allowed me to have sex with her in about two years. At the end, I was so disgusted with her that there was absolutely zero attraction. Folks, attraction and fulfillment in a relationship and the bedroom comes from love, honor, respect, and connection; emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Leave these people in the dust and go on to have a real relationship with a healthy individual.
Yes
Yes
Hollow emptiness that can't be filled
Man you said rite ! These fools are so full of themselves in self denial walking around like they are better than everyone & do no wrong. It’s absolutely disgusting how selfish these shit humans are!
Lol 😂
I dident know that your body can shut down. I experience this myself. And wonder why. Thanks for sharing this.
As an early thirties Jamaican bodybuilder with well above average testosterone, I was literally suffering from ED. This video just blew my mind. I kept wondering what was wrong with me. I took all our Caribbean herbs, took supplements, even tried yoga…
But now.. now I understand that my body was protecting me from her. Everything you said was so accurate. She slowly started withholding sex and would never flirt with me. As a handsome fit guy (I say this with humility) I started to slowly feel unconfident and unworthy. And eventually my reality shifted and I began projecting that lack of confidence and self worth.
We were doing a long distance relationship after being with each other for 5 years. She knew I worked with attractive women. I was so proud to say I’m in a relationship and stay focused.
But then.. when it came time to satisfy my needs for intimacy she was always busy or something would come up.
She enjoyed knowing that I was desirable and loyal but would wait until SHE was ready. And when she was it felt like empty. Like it happened just to keep stringing me a long.
Like giving a dog a treat for good behaviour.
I’m thankful it’s done. To all my fellow survivors and thrivers, keep your boundaries high and your standards even higher!
Wow. This truly hits home for me. I always felt like something wasn't right. My body would actually reject him. It was the strangest feeling. I thought it was me. Thank you, Ben, for this video.
Hope you are doing well Kim, thank you for watching! Im glad this helps
Even at the beginning it was lame-but I was in lust-so many restrictions
Boring and soulless
Then once we started living together it was basically non existent 😫
Oh yes
same
Me too
my ex narcissist husband shamed me for never wanting sex. He said it must be biological or for reasons bc of my age. He would not accept that I didnt want to be vulnerable with someone cruel and who i dont trust
They don’t like to snuggle after sex
I think if they do, it is not coming from a loving place at all.
Or kiss. Or look in your eyes ... nothing intimate, at all.
Omg so true
She always wanted me to hug even after yelling at me all day
I am so glad I listened to my body. Never had sex with my narc, I was never truly comfortable around him. For that, I am truly grateful.
So you rejected sex with you boyfriend, and you think he is the narc?😂
Marriage became sexless after two weeks. Porn addicted. Before we married, he did everything right. Suddenly he did everything I hated. It would ruin the mood…I had to either tolerate what I didn’t like or say something which would start a fight bc he would claim he “forgot”. He asked me to write a list of the things I liked but he would not read it, then he claimed he lost the list. He was quite content with his porn and his right hand and resented anything being asked or expected of him. He started sleeping at one end of the house and I stayed in the bedroom. Whatever you want, they will make sure you don’t get be it sex, love, attention or affection: they live to reject you
That's a really great way to put that..."they live to reject you".
Yes yes and yes!
I always felt it was my fault. My body was just not playing along anymore. The part where you mentioned 'feeling used' describes how I felt so accurately. He was not supportive at all and the guilt/anxiety I felt was overwhelming. Thank you for this content.
Thank you for this. My body shut down during my narcissistic relationship (I ended things for the final time two weeks ago) and I was made to feel like I wasn't doing enough. I also gained weight and he would make small negative comments and then deny it. I really did feel like an overweight, asexual blob that wasn't contributing enough to deserve better. Hearing my situation described so perfectly has really validated my experience.
Good that you broke up and be strong 💪👏
My idiot ex did the same and made small subtile comments and then denying it and even took a picture of me once when I was angry just to use against me I think. Be he denied it 🤥
He was mirroring me in bed and thats why it was good the act but I felt he didnt really care about my pleasure. When he was finished it was done 😂 and going wanting to sleep and I was not satisfied but then it was my problem cause we had had time and it was then my problem 😂🤔😬
Real arrogant egoistic selfish "people" 🤔😒👎
My father made fun of my
appearance with constant jabs. Also an aunt with questions like,
“What size did you
HAVE to order that in?”
I’ve had a couple BF’s and “besties” also try to pull those little chattering squirrel insults. They’re not in my life anymore.
Similar experience, you are not alone!
Jesus I’m flabbergasted at all the people going thru the same shite! My ex cut off sex, tried to say I wasn’t enough. The truth is this covert narc is too immature to connect on a sexual intimate level, sex is him getting too close. It was always mechanical and he seemed a million miles away from himself even. I was glad he never pressured me, that’s the worst. My body shut down to sex with him anyway. It’s messed with my head but I’m recovering and I know I’m not one with the problem. At this point he finally moved out! I’m planning my No contact departure from this miserable, disgusting, tortured soul! My gratitude lies in the fact I was taught the most valuable lessons. The personal growth is beyond amazing. I take comfort in knowing the ol Boy will remain forever the same but I’ve had the power and knowledge to change.
Your weight will drop off once you are out of the hostile environment and in an environment of peace. Being in a constant state of fight/flight can cause weight gain. His comments about weight gain are designed to keep you weak and doubting yourself and to destroy your self esteem in order for him to keep control of you. Once he realises he no longer has control, typically the insults will increase or he will move on quickly. None of it is your fault. He would still be the same regardless of your dress size💗
He acted like he owned my body. If I was in pain or not in the mood, he would call me a bitch and tell me to go F myself.
He’d get so mad….
Then I gave in to keep him from being upset, and I’m in pain..he’d get angry.
Like why are you mad that I’m in pain…????
He didn’t give two shits about me.
That’s been the hardest thing to wrap my mind around and I still struggle with it….
I finally was very direct and specific with my former husband about the 3 thing I liked and 3 things I didn't like about our sexual relationship. He always did the exact opposite. He always thought he knew best. He routinely sabotaged my pleasure.
I would ask him why he refused to do what worked for me. He never had an answer.
I finally gave up.
He finally deserted me. I've been living alone for 8 and a half years-- no contact.. These problems along with the othe problems in a cover passive aggressivite narssist has caused me to plan to continuite to live alone.
We were married for.29 years.
Im so sorry, that is so deeply damaging. I went through something very similar. 19 years together, about 17 years married. I finally divorced him and I am enjoying life ☺️
Ahhhh....Peace at last 🙏
You’ve been spared ❤
I'm sorry. That is torture. I had the same experience (i.e. he touched me where I asked not to be touched and refused to where or how I asked to be touched). I think he is sadistic. It makes him feel powerful and valuable that he could inflict pain on me - sort of like "I must be valuable because look at the impact I can have" It's gross and caused me to shut down sexually.
Hope you’re continuing your healing and doing well!! Sometimes alone is the best place you can be!! 56 and single for 7 years. Ex husband alcoholic covert narc. All the kids are grown, me doing me has been amazing! 💯❤️
Holy shit. This was my relationship for 8 years. Leaving was the best/hardest thing I've done.
Sex with one narc (I dealt with two others before hand) was like a spiritual experience. It was one of the areas where it was never a problem. It was tender and loving. I honestly considered it the “first time I ever made love“. There were times where they would legit cry. It just makes the detox process even harder. Because I’ll never know if that was sincere. Though it 100% felt like it was at the time. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.
Going through the same thing
it`s never genuine
I so resonate with your sentiment
Thanks for your comments!!
May you all heal and have an enjoyable life
OMG…..that is the exact same way that I describe my experience with my ex. Exactly everything you stated 🫢 I thought it was me that dealt with that, because none of my friends or family could relate. It took me 4 years (we had an off and on relationship for 1 1/2 years) to get over him.
My ex straight up sexually abused me. I told him what I wanted and didn’t want, first and foremost starting with taking it slow and no sex until we’d known each other some time. He dismissed and ignored everything I said, told me he could make me like it. He said we could talk about things but if I tried to talk he’d just dismiss me and insist I’d like what he does. He would repeatedly out of nowhere grope me and no matter how much I’d push his hands away and tell him no he’d keep doing it. He would do it when other people were around. If I said “owww” during anything and tried to pull away or push him away because I was clearly being hurt he would just ignore it and keep going.
He’s an absolutely hideous person. I have no compassion left for him. When we split his only concern seemed to be that I was going to tell people he’s a rapist… as if that is a lie.
He’s a rapist.
They consider boundaries a challenge. The love busting through them. When anyone does that, it is a clear sign of disrespect for what you want.
Amen
🤯 Wow. This video needed to be made. Thank you for bringing this up. I went through hell for years thinking there was something wrong with me!! It's so TRUE though, you get to a point where *your body won't let you* engage in sex with the narcissist. DO NOT LET THE MIND OVERRIDE THIS SACRED INTUITION!! The body knows what's up & will NEVER steer you towards toxicity. That mind though...
I was married to a narcissist (covert) for 26 years. You described my life. Uncanny how hindsight is 20 20 but while in it, you don’t get it. When I found out I was not broken sexually, I wept and wept tears of mostly joy.
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
What really resonated with me was "emotional safety": it became clear to me - over mere months, thank goodness, not years! - that I could not rely on this person to care and be 'there' for me. The sex was very intense and the connection seemed deep at first. The inability to take responsibility anything that he did was what made me realize I was dealing with a deeply wounded human.
My experience is that my narc husband (who is malignant) treats me like crap and says the worse things to me calling me the worst names and then EXPECTS me to want to lay down with him??!!?? How can I bring myself to even sleep in the bed with you let alone “do things” with you??!!??
I’ve gone thru this for almost 2years. I know how you’re feeling. Wish we could talk.
Same here ladies!
It adds further insult to injury when you are getting played and don’t understand the rules. They want to shame you while you please them, sick twisted mindset. The confusion is you’re operating from a loving giving mindset and their operating system is completely different. You’re not on the same page usually unbeknownst to you. Cue Cognitive Dissonance & Trauma bonding, shame on them.
@@phoenixrising8007 ABSOLUTELY!!!!
That was my experience too
This is the first time I have heard this addressed. I used to be a very sensual person. At first we were so passionate and intense. After his abuse started ( shortly after marriage) I lost my sex drive completely. I blamed my past trauma, my body issues my health issues everything. I felt so guilty and like a terrible wife. Even though I had this gnawing feeling that “ he actually didn’t like me” ( turned into contempt) he never stopped wanting to have sex. I felt that exact feeling of being used every time. I would disconnect when we were “ intimate “. I completely blamed myself. I started becoming so insecure and felt unattractive . His infidelities didn’t help but still I thought it was me. He would occasionally bring it up but always said he never wanted to pressure me. Yet he did nothing to work through it with me. Towards the end ( discard) he used the whole “ I never acknowledged my needs” etc. it was a whole guilt trip and an excuse for already having another girlfriend after 15+ years together. As soon as he was out of my house I swear my sex drive came flooding back like never before. Even though I was in an extreme state of shock and deep betrayal my body immediately began to feel safe again. It’s crazy how our bodies sense the danger our minds deny. But that’s the whole game right? Getting us to stop trusting ourselves, our abilities our instincts. What a total mind f*#k! It’s especially harmful when your a survivor of childhood segs abuse. It’s like it’s being done all over to you by the person you shared your trauma with. To be so wreck less with someone is a special kind of sick. Sorry for the long comment but this one was so close to me. It still hurts like nothing else but feeling safe and trusting my body again is something I’m so grateful to have back. Self betrayal is the worst kind. Thank you for this video.
"It's crazy how our bodies sense the danger our minds deny" and "To be so wreck less with someone is a special kind of sick" . . . those words hit my heart, it's so so true
When I hit my most depressive state possible in our relationship, I was having an identity crisis. I considered that maybe I was asexual; and that's not a very light statement to consider. She turned it around and made people think I was using my identity crisis to manipulate her to sleep with me. It's been a year and I still feel insecure about offering my body to someone. She made me feel inadequate.
Yep. The contempt. The non-requirement for consent. Them thinking they are sexy, and not realising how turned off you are. It all robs you of the pleasures and association. I hope you got back to yourself 😊
It happened to me too. I remember my sex drive before getting marry. I felt happy I marry him and being able to make love for all our life. But then it was abusive, all the disrespect, all the humilliation…my body stop wanting sex, I still did it, but felt more like a rape instead of love and passion 😞
You worded this perfectly for all of us who are/were in the exact same boat so TY! I could have written that verbatim and yet two different relationships but the same scenario and feelings of guilt, self blame, etc occurred for me too. Even though he was gone the second sex was over! Forget about true intimacy, pillow talk or cuddling...except for the very beginning of our relationship. It's the worst feeling in the world and the loneliest too, mind Fk!
Zero intimacy, it’s only about them and it can get very degrading. You do feel “used” like a prostitute.
Very stupid people
Exactly
True
for years I felt like I was having sex with a stranger. Sometimes he would give me the silent treatment , yet he expected me to have sex with him after we hadn't spoken for days. He blurted out with the therapist that I had castrated him at 40. At the end, he told me that people don't stay long in sexless marriages. But, he never talked to me or tried to resolve the lack of sex for many years
Ditto
Same, same here 😓silent treatment for 2 weeks don’t answer my simply question, then hi expected me to have sex with him after that 🙄
Yup same here. Silent treatment for a day or two, then he’d do his weird “stretch” to signal that he wanted sex. I literally started to get nauseous when the stretch came
This was my experience exactly. Everything tanked after marriage and everything felt like the twilight zone.
The twilight zone... Good analogy
Oh yes! I’ve experienced this for 27 years. I’m finally leaving praise the Lord
Biggest connection point with my covert narcissist. That's all we had.
My spouse exploited a trauma I had prior to him and did all of the things mentioned. There was two times where lines were crossed when I wasn’t conscious. I believed I was broken and the problem. By the end he told me he was a sexual person and couldn’t get that from me. Dawn’s story resonates. I took all the blame. He frequently controlled and shamed me because I didn’t “give him what he needed”
Yes I can relate to you. Now free and done with the relationship as well. It's been two months and will continue that way. Done!
Having been in a relationship with a covert narcissist i have experienced exactly what you are talking about… a short Love bombíng phase with good Sex but always had to be initiated and guided by him.3 months down the line he only wanted Sex once a week , then once a month etc … until i had to ask him when we would have sex together….i felt sooo low and ridiculous but Somehow i wanted to continue this unhealthy, onesided relationship!Also i realized whenever we were having Sex he did he did the exact same Routine ,at times i felt like an object or a prostitute even.
I wanted to know if he was getting Sex elsewhere or if i was doing something wrong and he said that i was a Sex Addict and that he loved me lololol
Being in a relationship normally means sex is part of the expression of love i feel for my Partner but the narcissist is sooo cold emotionally and he decides when things are convenient for him or not, you just Happen to be there like a doll to be used whenever the need arises. There will never be the looking in your eyes and saying i Love you in the act itself, and after he will get up quickly , and get on with his day and you lie there feeling empty and used!
They are definitely monsters and here on this planet to destroy healthy , loving people, very , very dangerous indeed!
Once u see the signs RUN or you will loose everything , your heart , your mind, everything you own ….
I have wasted 6 years of my life , it was like a drug addiction and leaving was the hardest even though I was treated sooo poorly… never again!!
I relate to this. I was addicted also, and 9 years no contact I'm still dealing with withdrawal symptoms.
That’s so weirdly similar to my situation! He would do the same routine in the bed every single time. I’m not sure of the exact reason for this? He seemed to deny his sexual needs with me and also deny mine when I brought up the lack of sex. Very weird. Towards the end he would get up and go back to doing whatever after sex, which made me so sad, no cuddling. Such a red flag.
Oh my gosh! Don’s experience with Brad in this book is exactly what happened with me and my covert, narcissist, former fiancé. I couldn’t understand how are incredible, passionate, sex life turned into feeling like he was depleting me every single time we were intimate after being engaged. It felt like he was sucking my soul away with every sexual encounter. And I finally realized that he was extracting pleasure from me to fill himself up. I started to reject his sexual passes, and call out the issue but it was always my fault. I felt so used and just couldn’t take it anymore. That was just one thing that led to me ultimately leaving the relationship, that of course included a crap ton of hovering attempts, and constant reminders from him that I broke his heart by breaking off our engagement, and that our sex life was crappy at the end.
AS USUAL, i had to pause this video and take some deep breaths, and thank God, ONCE AGAIN, for pulling, pushing, snatching me up out of...THIS...within 2 weeks of meeting dude.... i still can't believe it was all a hoax, a joke...and that he really thought i was going to...make him the center of my existence because i'm a hyper empath who really felt his childhood trauma pain and desperately wanted to help him heal BUT kept telling myself I CANNOT HELP SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE HELPED!!!!
so sad. i feel so sorry for him ...
i ended up being so disgusted by him. he didn't give a single sh*t about what i wanted or how i felt. telling him made no difference
This is a great book!! It saved my life. When I first heard about it, I got it on audible. It answered so many questions. Then when I got to this chapter, I broke down and started crying. It fit my story perfectly. The relief I felt when I realized all these years it really wasn’t me was so overwhelming but it set me free!!! It’s so hard to explain to other people. This book helped me so much
Back in the 1955(?) a man called Dr Richard White wrote a book called 'A Guide to Rational Living'.
And he told the story about a woman who came to see him for counseling.
Seems her alcoholic husband was always drunk! So he asked her: 'What do expect? For him to be sober?' (DUH!!!)
That hit me with huge impact!
So I ask those here, complaining about their narcissistic partners, what, they expect them to be honest, faithful, in touch with their feelings, communicative, et al, when those traits are the very hallmarks of narssasistic personality disorders!!!
WHY????!!!!!
It makes no sense to do that!
NONE AT ALL!
The narcissist is being exactly who and what they are! They are being what they were hard wired to be!
You Dont expect an alligator to be a loving, indoor pet! Do you? Because that isn't what they were wired to be! So don't even try to keep one in your house! You can't change them!
A narcassist is not a loving, generous, warm, honest, faithful, commited partner so don't expect a traditional relationship from one!
It ain't going to happen! Ever!
They simply can't change, even if they really, really wanted to do so. They don't have the wiring to do it. They just don't! Any more than the alligator can be made into a cuddly, house pet a narcissist isn't going to be made into the husband/father/lover of the year!
Realize their 'severe' limitations, and proceed accordingly! Because you aren't changing them, even a little bit! Not ever!
They made us believe that they were faithful, honest, communicative, loving during the love bomb phase.....while we had no idea that it was a phase.
It was a trap. We took the bait.
This is sinister behavior.
My covert narc partner never communicates in bed, is silent, never guides or tells me what she wants or likes or that it feels good; nothing
I had the experience of my body shutting down with my ex and it took me ages to realise that it was a self protection strategy cause I didn’t feel safe with him. I’m still processing this after a year, and some of the words from this video just made me cry.
Im sorry you had to go through all that, there's no timeline when you can finally say you are healed...but i hope you are doing better these days! Reaching out to a friend or community will help as well. Stay strong!
This information opens up so many feelings I’ve had over the years. I’ve just recently learned about Covert narcissism and it is changing my life. I used to get the feeling that my husband, now ex-husband, was performing surgery on me or something, so weird, just no feeling, and then no cuddling afterwards, just no emotional connection- I’m sad to see that so many have also lived this way. I was married for 43 years, can’t believe now that I let it go on as long as I did, so many questions being answered now, it’s been so helpful, thank you!
I cannot thank you enough for this video. This was my experience almost exactly. Your content is better than any therapist I’ve been to. A decade ago narcissism (especially covert) was not as widely known or talked about. So I was stuck in the muck and the mire, left alone to my own non-existent defenses to figure everything out and leave on my own. To this day there are things I’m still confused about, but your videos are shedding so much light. It’s so healing when someone can articulate your experiences better than you can , and doesn’t shame you for it (like a lot of people who haven’t experienced it can). Thank you so much
Exactly what I said to my ex. I feel like a "sex doll". No intimacy at all. I shut down on him. He in turn started ramping up with porn to the point I thought he was a sex addict. Brought to his attention several times during our marriage. He cheated, we assumed was from his undiagnosed Bipolar but now I think it only contributed to the impulse control. He was watching porn at work, at home. We are now separated and this book and video rang spot on. Now I realize it wasn't "my problem".
Porn addiction will absolutely destroy a relationship. Had that experience, it’s horrible.
sounds so familiar 😞
Helpful. I always felt like he was generous and there was something wrong with me for not reciprocating. But it was always about him, about how he needed to prove what a great lover he was, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he would always say, "I just want to make you happy," which would make me feel even worse. I've figure out a lot of what was going on in that relationship, but I'm just beginning to sort out some of the sexual stuff. This helped. Thanks.
Very good thank you Ben! I have shut down with my husband because my gut knows something aint right! Praise the Lord for those intuitions!
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes on your healing journey
Same been getting infections it's like my body's saying no
This was like listening to my own story. It has taken me 30+ years to figure out why my body is having so many problems!
"Your body already knew" this is so true. Learned this after finding someone that genuinely loves me and makes me feel so comfortable. Not sure this particular ex was a narc but he made me feel like something was wrong with me. And it was crazy because I was extremely physically attracted to him and found him fun to be around, but my body was not turned on at all. He was emotionally abusive in a subtle way at first and he would lie so much for no reason at all.. desperately wanted a baby even though it was obvious he didn't love me, he brainwashed me was sexually abusive, started stealthing, etc. Then when I made it obvious I didn't want a baby, he started going after my friends. Such a weird and traumatizing experience and he had a very good job and was younger than me, had options of women. I'm still confused about it all to this day...why he did that stuff to me. I try not to think about it but still pops up in my mind sometimes.
Yes, please I need more here. I never considered my husband a , but the more I listen to you, the more I see he is the spitten image of one. 33 years, almost 34, of taking the blame and unfounded accusations for everything and I mean everything, and the kitchen sink! I can’t help him! And I finally have come to the realization that he desires to be unhappy, Happiness is a choice. And I choose life and happiness. I make my own happiness, now and live my own way. If he wants to deal with me, he will have to change his game. His whining and anger and temper tantrums, are not mine. Not my circus and not my monkeys! My new motto. So far it’s working, at least for me. Yes, I can be saddened by his decisions to shove me way, but I’m determined to get healthy and stand firm in who I am. It has taken 33 years to finally be able to do that. Thank you for teaching me what Been dealing with all these years. I had no clue. I thought I was so worthless as a person, as a woman, as a mate. I’m worth more than he may ever realize, but what’s amazing, I finally understand I am important, I have value and I make my own destiny. His opinion comes and goes, mostly goes, because I’m only accepting the truth. And who knows me better than me? So thank you, please tell me more!
Many of us have worked for years to understand the complex behaviors of a Fragile/Covert Narc and when we read that you are just starting to recognize it, we feel bad for you; for all the time it took ourselves to really get, how DANGEROUS these people, are.
Same 31 years almost 32
I have been in two LTRS with narcs. One overt and the other covert. Sex was so-so with overt. Mostly felt demeaned like an object and he was addicted to porn.
With covert, every time was the greatest experience of my life. It was exstacy; patient, methodical and the only time he was loving and tender. One night, in the moment, he said if we keep this up, I’m going to fall in love with you. We had been together for several years and love had been established.
It wasn’t silly like a joke. It was scary. He had no response to why he said that.
Omg. That totally sounds like something a narc would say. They are soulless pieces of shit. I hope you move on and heal.
I’m confused, you still with him?
That was his demon spirit talking to you.
This video was spot on for me and I’m so glad I came across it. This is the way life has been for me for the past 30 years or more with my husband. He makes me feel like everything is my fault, including my sexual drive. Sometimes it’s hard to be intimate with someone who constantly puts you down and makes you feel like everything is your fault. I’ve read a lot of the comments, and they have helped me tremendously, I’m listening to you talk about this lady Dawn And as I’m listening, I’m thinking to myself, this is me and my relationship. 😢
Spot on, I thought it was just me. At the beginning the sex was surreal and mind blowing but later on I always felt used and empty when we had sex and he left.
Thank you so much for this video. I have some solace and peace now from understanding that my body was protecting itself instinctually from abuse and lack of love, safety and care.
I met someone else afterwards that my body began doing the same thing almost immediately. Now I can feel so much better about trusting that, and not falling in to a belief that I am broken from abuse.
Yes there were several things you mentioned that resonated for me. I would like to hear more about it. I have been away from him for almost 2 years, but I want to understand what I was dealing with. I feel like that helps my healing journey.
Thank you - you just described my situation 110% - I’ve tried to figure out the why - my body has emotional shut down due to lack of trust respect in my partner 😢 and yes he blames me - tells me it’s all in my head - my fault- I need to figure it out - I’m a prude
If I had a £1 for every time my ex called me a prude I'd be very rich, Nancy. Once you see them for who they are you just can't be sexual with them. Took me a long time to realise that no is a sentence.
Mine even admitted she presented herself as hypersexual at first because she was insecure and wanted to keep me. Once I moved in, it died down to almost nothing. She can admit she does shit narcissists do but never that it’s problematic, or she is narcissistic.
I wish my narc ex could hear this! My story is way too long. It will be 6 months tomorrow since I left her. Complete no contact blocked on Facebook and changed my phone number and moved!!
I'm 6 months out too. Wish I still wasn't stuck but he's now involved with a so called friend of mine who told him everything
@@elsie8966 yikes. Betrayal.
Keep it that way! It gets easier.
Stay strong! 19 months ago I did the same thing
@@smarternow this was my third and FINAL time. We broke up in 2018 and I went no contact. She came back in 2019 and that lasted a whopping 10 months. Then I went no contact for over a year she hoovered in 2021 when she showed up at one of my band gigs. She divorded the guy she married and said I was the one. I figured she was Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she finally told me she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder then I got wise to this crap. My band is playng tomorrow night and if she shows up I will give her 3 seconds to get out of my face.
"Narcissist" has just become a buzzword the past year that people use for anyone that hurt them in the past.
First time listener. Thrilled I found you. Debby’s books, validated 25 year’s of covert abuse. I admire your passion in leading victims back to self love and embracing what will be amazing futures. That’s why i was surprised, and disappointed, in your comments at the end of the video per coaching a narcissist. A true narcissist will not go to therapy-to get help. Because there is nothing wrong with them. Like you said, they’re the victim-always. They will never change. Why mess with perfection? This comment is written with respect.
Lee Hammock is a self aware narcissist who has indeed, gone to therapy. He's been in psychotherapy for 6 yrs. But he's rare. Most of them think everyone else is broken.
Sex with a covert narcissist? It’s painful and they knock you up on purpose.
This resonates so much. Thank you for explaining and clarifing exactly how and why my sex life was the way it was for 30 yrs. I can now stop going over it in my head and trying to figure out why he cut me off sexually for periods of 3 yrs and 3 and a half years ( as well as smaller periods of time) without giving me any sex or affection. This was extremely sole destroying and killed my sex drive.
Wow! At first I thought....I didn't remember commenting on this before....then I reread your comment and realized that my marriage was 37 years so this wasn't my comment. But I could have written this one word for word.
I want to thank you for giving my husband a voice ( he wouldn’t want you to ) it drives one crazy , the silent treatment, the love bombing …… I now am getting answers through you .
The validation I received from Ur words, unleashed a wave of emotion I wasn't ready for. It all came pouring out, just as extreme as those moments of crisis I've experienced in a relationship, with children, to a narcissist. I know all humans can have narcissistic tendencies. From ur videos, I'm slowly realising & even more slowly, accepting I've been in a long-term relationship with a TRUE NARCISSIST.
A NARCISSIST THAT TICKS ALL 30 RED FLAGS U LIST IN ANOTHER VIDEO!
Loo MO
Mine too!
I feel like your telling the story of my past 11 year relationship.
The rejection, the dismissive attitude towards your concerns & needs. 4 years free of that narc & finally realising it was never my fault.
It was robotic. No passion. Immediately it was over and he got on his phone like it was nothing.
Thank you! This is what I need to hear as I'm trying to extract myself from my 25-year marriage. I've been in my own flat for 3 weeks and my husband has been completely nice, helpful and charming the whole time. It's messing with my head!
Here's a video hopefully might lessen your confusion why your husband is that way! ruclips.net/video/5_xnf9kDvag/видео.html
Take care and save yourself from him
That’s what they do! My ex put together all kinds of furniture with the newfound patience of an angel, but as soon as I said “the wrong thing” he would rage again. And later on he kept trying to hurt me.. it’s just because they want to keep you on the shelf for whenever they want supply. Or want to triangulate the new partner. No thank you!
Stay strong in your new apartment, you’ll love the peace of mind. 🤗
Thank you SO much for what you are doing here! You are helping to save lives, including my own.💖
Happy to help!
Wow this was powerful... I literally went through this with my ex partner... was literally unable to perform because I knew something wasn't right. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing that. It helps knowing other people have experienced the same thing and that the problem wasn't with me, it was with her. Thanks again and I hope you're doing well in your recovery process.
@@Bhatmut yes my friend, I am over it now. I feel bad for the person. They will never be happy. Always be a Narcissist. At least people like you and I can move on to find a true relationship. Good luck to you
The narc lied and told my attorney and mediator that we never had sex our whole marriage even though he used coercive control to guilt me into robotic sex and sexually abused me over and over
Yep ... the second always feels robotic and mechanical. A woman can't respond when she's not feeling any emotional connection.
I appreciate all you do Ben.
I feel like most of the things you have to say are things I witnessed while I was in the relationship. Here’s the thing... when I did sleep with her I literally always felt like my life was in danger or I wouldn’t wake the next morning. I don’t know why but in my mind I just really wanted to be with her and to hold her. You talked about trauma bond...I really don’t know where I’m going with this but thanks for sharing your wisdom. Everything seems like I’m looking through a fog.
With my late covert narcissist he had a sex addiction. I was unaware of it until after I discovered his infidelity and he started to go to counseling. Because of the religious cult I grew up in and continued in as an adult I never felt comfortable talking about sex with anyone. I wasn’t a virgin when we got married but I didn’t have much experience with sex or being in a relationship so I didn’t have anything to compare. We both thought I was prudish because of the religion and that was why I couldn’t keep up with his drive or to “be adventurous”. There were multiple times that I woke up to him raping me but at the time I didn’t see it as rape because I was his wife and my religion told me I had to give him my body to use even if I didn’t want to. His needs were more important than mine.
My needs weren’t being met either even when we did have sex. It was mostly quickies and I felt extremely used after each time. I’d have to take care of my own needs.
I experienced this too.
Me too 😢
Yup. Sex became a duty. He needed it to regulate like it was a drug that eased his inner insecurities. When I began to pull back, I was suddenly an un affectionate selfish unloving person.
Yup my husband used sex when he was stressed out from work too. If it wasn't actual sex, he used apps for porn or to dirty talk with women kon these apps! But I too had to finish myself bc my needs weren't met either. I finally just made him leave the room while I finished bc I didn't want him near me. I hate he ruined sex for me, definitely turned into a chore and there was zero intimacy or love involved.
I can relate 💚🙏🏾🍃🌱
OMG, you are literally telling the story of my 16 year marriage! Change the name and it's me! Lol
I hate that enough people have experienced this trauma for it to be written nearly word for word. Hang in there and survive everyone, much love to you all!
100% The 38 year history of my marriage...I'm 60-sixty and healed , thank God & My therapist over A 20 year span on & off.
I loved psychology so much with these now obvious disorders, I began studies.
My mother is A full blown narcissist. She came in on A family group session once. She was " one for the books " I was told lol 😆
No wonder I married A covert narcissist and then next A malignant narc that almost physically killed Me.
They truly are twisted individuals and seek empathetic people. I've Always had A servants heart ❤️
Believe Me, I've learned the very hard way....I'm new too you channel & loving it!!!
Thank you for sharing this, you hit the nail on the head with Brad & Dawn...after over 20yrs of this abuse, my eyes are finally opening & I'm realizing I'm not crazy😮....(covert Christian Narcissistic husband), I'm still figuring out where to from here as we have 4 children & no-one really believing me when I speak out about it. All i know is things do have to change as my health & physical wellbeing have suffered badly over the years, as have my children 🙏
I feel for you, believe it is possible, visualize it, do your research, make a plan, keep it secret. Only talk to people who help escape domestic abuse, to a lawyer. You can do it, it will be wonderful!🍀
I’m in the same boat as you. 3 kids and 23 years with narcissist . I don’t know how to get out.
@@juliehinck4340 It's the mental fog that narcissistic abuse creates that doesn't let you see a way out. Looking back, there was always a way out. You just have to make sure to do it safely for you, your children, pets, and your possessions. Please seek counseling and help from professionals in domestic violence. Much love!🌷
@@juliehinck4340 Praying for you 🙏 peace of mind, and a path forward, support for you & kids, and the resources to keep you all safe regardless of the storm around you, someone to talk to🥰☕🧁, and a future that's bright, uplifting & full of grace & joy 💖
This whole video is about me. 39yrs in. It's a very lonely place...I never heard of a narcissist until I started seeing it on the internet just over a yr ago. These videos are really helping me now I finally have some peace and answers to a lot I have been through & still going through I'm coping better now because of what I'm learning on these videos. Too late for me to leave now I'm 60. But in saying that I haven't ruled it out....the only thing that keeps me staying is I'm ashamed to break up my family & maybe confuse my grandchildren. Just like when my own kids were young I stayed so they don't get affected. Thanks for all your comments I learn from them too. Bless you All.
In staying my kids got effected 😢 now realizing what I put them in is devastating. I'm still here going on 19 year's
@@mammadingo9165 I know & understand.
I’ve constantly told my ex that I can’t have sex with him because I don’t want to take on his energy. Because sex exchanges energy of the other. And for him it’s the ultimate way to get a boost of my positivity like an energy vampire.
Update:
THANK YOU! I cried during those
I’ve never felt this seen before
No sex. Bet the "ladyfriend" probably had a great honeymoon period until she didn't. Died after 16 year affair
I found out about when my husband's name showed as her loving companion in her obit.
One thing, don't ask questions you don't want the answers for.
This is the best way this is explained to date. Thank you for giving me my sanity back. Bless your soul
Also
My Ex Narc
Never wanted to Contribute Financially.
He never paid My Bills .
He only paid His phone Bill.
That's It!!
Same. Then I allowed him to hover me later and pay unknowingly for his narcissistic girlfriend.
This sounds a lot like my life. I have come to understand that many of our physical health issues stem from the neglect and abuse in the relationship. I feel so much better with him gone out of my life.
Isn't that wild. Same here
right after a horrible fight or mid sentence in an insult he'd turn around & expect to have sex & did regardless of my mood,.. that & the evil smirk whenever he saw me in pain, finally broke the spell & I 'm narc free now🎉🥳🎉 whenever I'm in a forgiving mood I think of these instances to remind myself of the devil behind his friendly facade
12:40
Dear Narc
If they're not meeting *your* needs, it's probably because YOU are not meeting theirs!
Thanks for this video Ben 🙏
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Barryinvestigation@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Resonate with the last story. The intuition part...my body knew from the jump it wasn't right and ignored it I will not ignore my intuition again.
Please do more videos about these undiscussed topics that are so very important! Thank you.
You are so welcome. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
my covert took every request like a criticism or simply ignored it.
Everything you shared, I've experienced. Especially bread crumbling to nothing at all could I rely on him for.
I used to think my husband was so generous during sex. But I realized it was all about making him look good. He didn’t actually care about pleasing me but it was about his ego. I then started to realize that he was actually making me do stuff to myself but warped it around like it was him. I realized it was actually me getting me off and he was taking credit and I was letting him because it was such good manipulation.
Also he full on admitted he forced sexual acts with me to see how far he could control me. Sexual assault happened three times.
He was also huge into pornography (not with me but by himself in secret). He rattled on himself bc it fit his narrative at the time. (He didn’t care if it backfired later bc then he would just use it against me in another way). When I told him I felt as if that was a form of cheating and I didn’t like him looking at other women, and that he made me feel slutty or pornographic during sex, he accused me of his sex addiction and his pornography addiction. It was all my fault because I didn’t have sex with him enough.
This happened to me … it ruined my self esteem for a while .
It’s another way to manipulate. It’s not about love and intimacy. It doesn’t matter whether it was demanded, held back etc. in Ireland what’s been mentioned is against the law.
It is part of the list of domestic abuse.
Remember you are viewed as an object like a toaster.
A narcissist can not attach to you, so why would they care.
YAY 🎉Ireland 🇮🇪
All countries should follow their example 😎
@@phoenixrising8007 it’s important for people to understand the level of abuse. It’s not just about being hurt and used.
It’s completely unacceptable period!
@@phoenixrising8007 narcissism is bullying…never allow yourself to be bullied.
What a cool law. I've never heard of that before
@@JoJo-ju7xw narcissism is abusive….in Ireland they changed laws around this. They acknowledged that not all abuse is physical/sexual.
Manipulation, coercion, bullying is now recognised as other forms of abuse.
Domestic violence and domestic abuse.
This is heartbreaking! God bless you for bringing this book to my attention.
I’m hoping to start the healing process and I’m praying for those who have yet to discover the truth they’re living in.
Much love 🙏🏽
Https://www.rawmotivations.com/survivor
Hopefully all the ex-spouses can pair off and really appreciate each other.