What Happens When a Narcissist Knows You Figured Them Out?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivat...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivat...
---
Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
Facebook - www.facebook.c...
Podcast - anchor.fm/rawm...
RUclips - / rawmotivations
Thanks for watching today's video, if you have any topics or questions you want to be addressed feel free to drop a comment, will try my best to respond to all, also I'd like to invite you to our FREE Webinar here www.rawmotivations.com/webinar
I’m confused bc so far all the research I’ve done points to narcissists do not get cured & don’t care to get cured. If you are one, but you’re helping people like me learn I’m not safe, then are you a rare type? A milder type? Are there levels? Mine seems to be one of the worst and as of rn he knows I know he doesn’t care I’ve seen his interactions & proof he cheats in all levels now before was just emotional cheating but he found a new source. All my family & friends live out of state however & I just got a 2nd job so I can get my own apartment bc Tx requires proof of 3 times the rent
@@wollypollywakadoodle could just be the money he gets from you tube? He says himself the6 do not care, it would take a long time to change that?
You are wonderful and you have helped me a lot. Thank you so much!!
For one why in the hell do y'all wanna worry bout all that and everyone else. Seems to me ya should mind your own damn business. Seems to me y'all cause alot more problems then ya help. Yall get kickback from these therapists? Hey homie what is the truth? Why try make someone look like shit. Yall ruin families what y'all do. Ya sin against God not people. That's your burden to pack if you cheated or whatever, I'm not packing someone's burden cause there a piece of shit. Ya can't turn a ho to a housewife. I'm not like that so why should I pack a burden that's someone else's. It's gonna be pretty warm we're they going.
It's so bad .I can't take it no more
My ex husband’s first wife took her own life. Now I know why. I left after 8 years. I had family to help me but the first wife didn’t. Living with a narc is horrible. Thanks for your videos.
I don't have family either. I thought I would never get him to leave ( apparently, squatters have rights). Thank God I didn't marry him as I could of ended up like your ex's ex. He would have taken everything I worked so hard for and claimed he was the victim as he smeared my name to others.
I’m so glad you got out! 💜
That is so sad to hear!!!!!
Yep, I’ve thought about taking my life because of him countless times. Then I realize… I’m better than this. Why am I doing this to myself?
I bet he played the poor lost little soul, using that tragic suicide he no doubt caused to garner pity.
Or they will start accusing you of what they're doing!
I always knew when my wife was having an affair because she always started accusing me of having an affair, very strange people.
@@horiboyablemgtow7842My ex was an alcoholic who would "quit drinking". I would always know he was back to a liter of hard liquor and a 12 pack a day when he'd wake me up in the middle of a work night and start yelling at me that I was "a f*cking drunk", or would accuse me of drinking while I was at work.
It's like... Uhh, well definitely you're not talking about me.... So does that mean I should start looking for your empties hiding places?
@@EKFURNE very very sad, they can make you go mental if you let them. I called my narc out, I know you should not do this but I was new to the scene and now I do not communicate at all with her unless it is about our son..... I have peace. They are emotional vampires. Just live your life and keeep your friends seperate..... her friends are only dudes that are smashing her
Yes, this!!!
@6:09 the “indifferent” narcissist…@6:39 that is my current life.
Stop focusing on narcissists and start LEAVING- FREE yourself - there is life and love beyond these losers and their bullshit
HELL YEAH!!!! Cheers to that!! 🎉
Yes, and forget about them, this world still is lovely for normal people only.😊
Easier said than done but I can’t wait to make it to your level of peace ❤
When you call them a narcissist they flip it and call you a narcissist 😂
@daisylane5721 I experienced it. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. How I express myself in my comments WHAT IS IT TO YOU???!
@daisylane5721 I do understand. I was married to narcissist 13 long years. Finally got the strength to leave 3 months ago. I'm on my healing journey.
The sad part is when you are so empathetic and humble that you believe it for a minute and try to be more selfless.
@@EmilyAlbojeryep same I even got called verbally abusive and mentally unstable found him cheating 🙄
Projection
Be aware of their accusations, its a unconscious confession of THEIR doings
Correct, a lot of psychological projection.
What I find so incredible is that these patterns and behaviours are so identical with all narcissists. It’s like they have a hand book. How does someone develop this kind of behaviour? I am a victim I’ve recently found out, and everything I hear on this video and others I’ve watched is EXACTLY what I’ve been dealing with. Word for word. I just find it weird how this pattern no matter what is so exact.
I feel like a fool and am terrified they’ll be back to Hoover me. I’m through with it all so I think I’ll be okay.
Totally going no contact.
It could be because the same spot in the brain is messed up. Something genetic that makes them lack empathy.
Because they are all controlled by the same demonic spirit that behaves the same way in each of them and has the same goal - to DESTROY YOU! if you let them.
In John 10:10, Jesus says;
"The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full".
Stay strong and God bless!
I have a video I recorded today about the narcissistic rule book
The devil could be driving their life
It is almost as if they are possessed by the same demonic force. Make no mistake- they are energy vampires coming to us straight out of the gates of hell. I always say exactly 💯 what you just stated- it's the exact same template. How? How are they all the same? It makes very little sense to me. No variations. Word for word. Attitude. This is the piece I find so intriguing
I left my ex narcissist bf after I had figured out what he was! I BLOCKED him and went NO CONTACT! It's been 7 months now. I am happy and healthy in a normal relationship!
Happy for you! When I went no contact with my ex and found someone who I thought to be true, they ended up being a different type of narc.
Good for you! I left mine, too. It took me 15 years. Mother f knew. I told him I knew who he was!
I needed this motivation. Currently about 2 weeks since finally blocking and I’m a shell of myself. Now having flashbacks of what it was actually like without the rose tinted glasses. Gives me hope since you are now in a healthy relationship. I’m scared it won’t happen.
@@allisonlandesco Hey, the first thing you have to do is. To love yourself MORE! Life is too short to Live offended, upset, or discouraged. TODAY is a NEW day! Surround yourself with people who's going to lift you higher. One more word of advice. Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones you can do this. STAY strong and Be Safe. You got this!!!
You go girl!
Living with a narc is your worse night mare
That's when it started. After a yaer. Mask off.
Wow it's sounds crazy
And they HATE... ABSOLUTELY HATE anyone who isn't afraid to physically engage with them
I don’t know why but something is so off about those narcs and their looks, they look like an empty vessel.
Yaasss OMG 😳
They are possessed by demonic energy!
My ex was hot when sex was involved but cold as the North side of an iceberg otherwise and was always moving about the house usually to text someone...her other supplies
Before I even knew what narcissisim was, I described my wife like a shop front, where you look through the shop window and see lovely products to entice you in to buy but when you walk into the shop its empty, there is no stock.
It's not that they look like empty vessels, they are the exact description of the meaning of what empty vessels is.They are empty shellfs.
Being with a narcissist for 3 years made me know how empty these insidious creatures are.
They have nothing to offer in any relationship rather, they snif you off your energy, resources, health, job and your support system living you hopeless.
Staying silent keeps them from realizing what you know.
Yes 👍🏿..... My silence has been a blessing!
@@RideorDieChick201100 Sometimes staying silent can create a lot of angst, but if you just flow with it, it will become a peaceful place. The angst mostly stems from lacking the realism about how narcs operate, including not knowing that a response is just what they are driving at, only fuels their fire, and will get you nowhere with them.
Silent, but so... toxic to your soul and who you are. Staying silent stops you from being who you realy are, ...rob you of your life ....costly!
@@rosiemackenzie5976 The key is to speak out to those with ears to hear. You are wasting your breath speaking to a narc.
Staying silent also helps them continue their extremely arrogant queer person bullshit . How is that fair to the abused party ? I'll need a response sooner rather than later , so don't dilly dally around this time
They run away and stonewall you. They deny you closure and flee from accountability.
They start spreading rumours that you are a narcissist to make it sound like your the problem. A propaganda campaign using character assination . Deflecting it onto you, mind games start. Followed by discarding you when a new supply comes along.
the cycle continues
Once you know what they are and what they are doing it is game over and they move on. As others have said they all work from the same handbook. Everything they say is a lie. They blame everybody else and take no responsibility. They remember events that never took place but can’t remember those that did. They will use every emotion to get what they want. In their world they are the victim. They live in a world of paranoia and hate. They know exactly what they are doing. Bad people who never change.
💯🎯👏
Truth 💥
Amen!!
" They remember events that never took place and cant remember the ones that did ". True words. I experienced that with my ex girlfriend. She was divorced for 11 years and dated several guys. When I stayed the night ( at her place ) she told me I was the only guy since her husband that had sex with in her house. When I mentioned other past boyfriends and how they came to visit she told me she couldn't remember and why should it matter? Because she's lying to make me believe I'm special but I'm no different then her other men she f**ked after her divorce. It's all mind games.
Man, I can't really hear all these excuses. My childhood may be harder then some narcissistic people.
And I came out a empath
It's true though. The neglect, abuse and trauma kids face at the hands of terrible parents and adults during the developmental stages can greatly affect the way they turn out as adults themselves.
I agree. I am also an empath. It's all about choices. They're evil, empty vessels.
@@Zvong88 I somewhat agree. I was put under cold showers, got beaten with belts, hit, that blood was running out of my ear, because my ear drum busted, got one time stitches coz I got hit so hard that I fell with my head against the table.
And so on...the mental abuse was worse though. I don't need to give you a whole look at my childhood but still...
It was my choice not to become a shi**y person.
I grew up in a house where there was a lot of foul language but I chose not to curse.
I think sometimes it's an excuse to be who they are. If your childhood was so traumatic, go seek some help! Or live in the woods away from society, if you need to be an a**hole
Me too im the blacksheep, narcissists are nothing but energy vampires ugh
@@Amuslimpointofview I'm not saying all people that grew up in unhealthy environments turn out to be narcissist. I'm saying there's a good chance they can though. I had a rough childhood but somehow was always able to remain positive and tell myself... Life gets better. I'm living proof that it doesn't happen to all kids that grew up in shitty homes. But then again there were some adults outside of the household that I was able to look up to that were a positive influence on me. I grew up with a selfish and abusive drug addict as a father and my mother had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenic defective disorder. We moved all the time and were on welfare. I ran away at 16. I'm now about to be 36 and I work a job I love and have an income to support my goals and dreams. It's possible to break the cycle. I promised myself that I'd never be like my father. I think I'm doing a great job. But some people that grow up in a bad environment with terrible parents end up developing harmful coping mechanisms and are stuck in the fight or flight mindset. They weren't cared for and shown love properly and don't know how to love another person. They weren't shown how to. I was fortunate enough to see it in other places outside the home. So I did the best I could to learn from others mistakes and made less of my own.
This is a great video, Ben. Thank you so much.
The ex narc saw nothing wrong with his behavior and thought he was perfect with no flaws. When he got called out lying, he tried to blame me for everything. There is and never will be any talking with a narcissist to fix issues. Let them go and we will grow! 💪
And their flying monkeys will support their bad behavior…SICK
It's been a year now since your comment, how are you doing? Wish you the best on healing
@@kimberlypratt1408 This is exactly what I was searching for in the comments. They tell me what I'm going through in their way. It's like he's two people. And I just am on the verge. I just want closure but won't get it.
Narcissism is a learned behavior,I know a family of generational narcissists,most of them have died all alone, quite fitting I believe .
That's still debated by professionals
exactly. like the saying chip off the ol block.
Many will disagree with me but I believe it is a familiar spirit when it is passed down.
My husband is actually going to his grandpa's mistress, who he never knew. This is 50 years later, she is 80. He helps her with yardwork. It's so creepy.
It's like they were supposed to meet/ connect.
@llararulens8895 actually , it's not debated AT ALL. Narcissists are made. Physcopaths are born.
@@americawaters4257 I 100 percent agree.
I nearly took my life 3 times over 22 YEARS. She was really that toxic. What I've realized is nobody is worth taking there life for!!! Period. She's so so so toxic. I'm living my life and I feel so much better.
You're a survivor and wiser for it.
Many parts of society believe men can’t be victims of abuse. Thank you for sharing your story. Stay strong 💪
@@bk_8338 thanks. ♥️
I tried to take my life twice my partner. I'm trying to escape her now still. She has cheated on me so many times and lied. They won't change
@@misslee6878 please stay strong. Xxx
Mine said he was only extremely selfish. He did not take his unbelievable cruelty into account, his manipulations or hypocrisy. He rejects affection and sees kindness as weakness. He viciously gossips about everyone in his circle. Yet, he really believes he has integrity. It's mindboggling.
Wow! You just described most of my 25 year marriage. Constantly catching him at texting, secret phone, emotional cheating, unexplained time gaps, etc. And, every time he minimized it like it was no big deal. He'd say "it's just a game". Yeah, the narc cycle went full circle. He discarded me for new supply when it was convenient for him. Good riddance!
😣Mine expected me to stay with him even though he was continuing his “friendly communication” with an old friend from HS. Seriously?!? 😳🙄
@Paula I'd be curious to hear how the friend from hs saw their relationship
@@teresacotton7923 I messaged her before I ended our engagement. She was having marital issues and said God sent her my ex to help her through what she was dealing with. Evidently things didn’t go as planned for my ex because two months later he was back to emailing me, asking to get back together and said his “friend” was a mental mess and never going to divorce her husband. 😣 Too bad for him! I guess then I was “good enough” until he found a different “old friend from HS!” 😡I truly don’t care anymore.
@@Zoeybelle13 good for you. I love hearing the "I got away " stories. ❤️
When they leave they go and find a new supply, - thats a good term.
When I accused him of cheating, other women, etc. Yah he got mad. He started the Darvo technique. I interestingly enough had read up about it a few days before this; so when he started D-denying, then A-attacking, R-reversing, V -ictim, and O- offender, I knew exactly what he was doing. Sp I called him out on that too. I said I know the Darvo technique also. And it shut him down! He disappeared for a few days, only to reappear never mentioning the subject. But yah, he knows I know, but the attachment disorder made him come back around with the same bullshit again.
In my experience they either destroy you or they disappear 🙄
They do BOTH. 😢
They do both, however if you educate yourself on the disorder, it is easier to accept as you work out what was likely really happening.
They do both
Or both.
Or you leave
After 6 years single recovering from narc abuse, another narc tried his luck. Took me 3 weeks to figure him out; I sent him a text saying I knew what he was and told him to not even look at me if he sees me on the street. He replied “Ok. If that’s what you want to believe” and my last words to him before blocking were “That’s what I know.”
Yup. I was dating one. Then an old one came back to hoover me.
Wow! I was dealing with x2 at once. Horrible. I said to both of them that I was invisible. X2 males who were drug users. I'm a nurse. But apparently I'm the crazy one! Lol
Free now :)
@@jenniferscott7960 I rather spend my life alone than dealing with another narc fuck that.
Omg, my husband of 23 years used to say "if that's what you want to believe" or "if that's what would make you feel better"
Oh my god I got exactly same response when I knew he was cheating if that’s what you want to believe !!! 😂😂 they are so predictable ❤
We just have to stop dating these people and giving them jobs.
I literally want to pour gasoline on the narc who hurt me, light a match to show him the true meaning of "gaslighting." Narcs out there be careful, we are coming for you LOL
I had this exact revenge fantasy as well. Lol .
Literally, burn him like he burned you, lol!
Similar feeling
They delete messages on their socials and phones.
OMG YES !! When I met my ex ...she would tell me she deletes messages and call logs because she has OCD. If that doesn't sound suspicious I don't know what does ??
One time she got a mysterious phone call when we were at the doctors office. When i asked who it was she said Christine. 10 minutes later I asked to see her call log....long and behold " deleted ".
Narcissist are just the worst people that exist. You want to feel sorry for such bad behaviors in a single body! But they are so confortable in their situation that is disgusting
It’s sad, their nervous system spazzes out if they use normal levels of vulnerability. Fight flight freeze fawn trauma causes that
After they learn that we've found out they are narcissists, they get stunned, and after that, they are afraid to even sit beside us. And also, they are angry with us for our deed.
No they don't. They do not care. You just think they do
@@annwethenorth Exactly they don't care if you know. They will continue their bad behavior, most likely smearing your name to anyone that will listen. But trust and believe when these people are alone, their shame eats at them. They feel very very very sad hurt and confused inside.
Narcissists MAY try that with SOME people... however...with STRONG people who AREN'T afraid of conflict or confrontation they'll start destroying your personal belongings or start trying to destroy your personal and professional relationships
My Story :
Everytime I caught her lying, cheating and even working as a sex worker on sex chat sites she would always turn it around on me saying things like "your crazy" "you're sick in the head" "how could you think these things about me?" Every time like a broken record, even when I had proof, photos of her, phone calls from other men, supposed long distance "cousins" that were actually her ex or current lovers....after 5 years I had enough almost tp the point of drug addiction and suicide....Still healing, over 400 miles away, no contact going on two months now. I Survived by The Grace of God!
God bless you, sounds alot like my own story
Her calma will come .
You will have las laugh
God Bless You Too Bro Stay Strong, Level Up Your Life! 💪
@@Shirley-t9b Life Is Better Now, Thank You and God Bless! 🙏
lol
They lie like ive never seen before
This comment is an absolute corker! They lie and friggin block you! Messed up - great comment ❤️
From my experience, they are to arrogant to even comprehend that the other actually Gets It on their games.
Stand your ground. Dont ever give them anything. Always treat them and talk to them like scum of the earth while at the same time ignoring what they say. Thats how to beat a narcissist
It's not easy when the narcissist is your mother.
@Monster-ks2yx I know. It's is the worst like mine. I live with her and she attacks me constantly. I stay cussing and defending myself. And I will continue until God removes me. I have the warriors spirit.
me too. good luck@@Monster-ks2yx
@@Monster-ks2yx Yep, I had "Mommy Dearest" for a mother too. Watched her rot to death from years of smoking. No contact for seven years - it was good.
am doing this right now to one😡he's a grade a narcissist 🤕
They do the weirdo stuff even more intense
He told me he doesn't like the word weird. Now I know why!
Freaks. The whole lot of them. All liars too. Remember that while watching.
They attack you at every chance
When they now that you now they try to destroy you!
Yes this is true but God will have the last laugh
if someone can't look me in the eye, they need to go away from me. discernment is our guide...gutt feelings don't lie..🕊
Autistic people don't look people in the eye.
experienced this at a job interview. These idiots are the worst kinds of people on the planet.
Well said. My narc literally tried to kill me. He was cheating and wanted rid of me. I currently have RO. Be careful ppl
That’s a psychopath
What's RO?
@@iamclaynow restraining order *
Yes, with the rages this narc is prone to going into, I don't put his attempting to murder me out of the realm of possibilities. He already injured me during one of his rages, and caused me enormous medical bills he never paid. If it ever comes to that, any investigator getting into my phone or email could bury him.
You and I both
OMG when you said you can't confront small things with them... Every single thing I brought up become a knock down drag out fight. It was so damned toxic. I'm glad it's over.
THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY ITS SAD 😔
They are like what happened
They will always have an emotional affair! No ones ever enough
This guy gets it. The sad fact of the matter is it takes many of us years to really start to piece it together and then usually epiphany comes in some big moment. It was always there but we made excuses.
OMG that point of confronting a narcissistic person then they turn it on you!! 😮
That’s what happened to me! When I discovered his emotional affair and I ended our engagement, he just said, “Okay.” I sent him a long email explaining why (he probably didn’t even read it), and that’s all he could say to me. 😩 Since then he has hoovered me off and on, even yesterday. I ignored his email (blocked!). He must care now - too late! 😝
He still doesn't care sadly. 😢
@@The_Mim I agree, they ultimately do not care, I spent years lying to myself that he cared and it just kept me in the abuse. I had to finally admit that these types of people just cant care!
@@The_Mim Nor do I any longer. Took awhile, but I finally have accepted the truth about him and can move forward with no hope he might change or ever truly care about me!
No, they never truly care. It's all about being able to manipulate you. Don't fall for it.
I know What Happens When a Narcissist Knows You Figured Them Out? You get fcked over as the villain and they try to ruin your life
Soooooo TRUE!!!
I married a malignant narc I recently disregarded him kicked him out of my place and went no contact blocked him on everything
Hide everything outside. Change your locks. Make sure he can't get in your vehicle
Send him on holiday and move house.
He was very angry when I read his ass like a lullaby now he has to con and find another sucker how dare I discover he’s a CON😮
This is, and can be very serious with certain type of narcs who come off as sunshine and flowers but are very evil behind closed doors. Pay attention to your animals personality change when there in the room. Pay attention to the food they make for you. Has your property been vandalized ? The list goes on and on, It doesn’t matter how nice you are or giving they can be secretly insanely jealous or mad you and you wouldn’t suspect a thing because YOU DIDNT DOANYTHING WRONG. Get a nanny cam there worth it.
OMG yes. My dog started acting weird about him. She would go in another room or her crate to get away. I knew it was him. Got rid of him and never looked back. It’s been 10 months of n/c. , I dated him for 1 year.. the most bizarre chaotic relationship I had ever been in. These people are evil and sick. They are miserable and hate themselves. I felt like he was regulating his emotions through me. They are never truly happy. It’s all a sick show.
I just met a wonderful guy-the difference is stunning. You almost forget what a healthy relationship is and what that looks like. It is so wonderful to be communicated with and treated with respect and grace. It’s amazing how God will show you this. Once the healing begins you will never be a part of anything like that again.
Ohh, yes my property got damaged, a book, a vintage tin...and he kept ignoring and avoiding accountability...lying, deflection...that I'm making it up...loosing my mind and myself, am I going crazy ?
I ended the relationship, the hard part us why ohhh why as much as he loved me, then hurting me emotionally and property...I'm baffled...but I'll get over it, tears plenty...😢
Oh yes, my ex shot me point blank with a shotgun in-front of my children after I left him.
@@BlackSheepIncorperated. Omg!
You give a good name to narcissism. Everyone "hates a narcissist" but what we actually hate is how it effects us and they don't get help. Great job for working on yourself.
Well said.
Yeah but look at all the lives of women hes destroyed and abused absolutley loads dont forget that severe hurt evil
@@Shirley-t9b yes, but people change and heal. As a therapist I encourage that. It sounds like you need healing too 💙 I hope you get that.
He doesn’t give a good name this is a demon like the rest
Your right there these narcs use and abuse us all come on u tube to make money out of us! calling themseves coaches how evil is that bad enough abusing us now there abusing again buy taking peoples money who wants a narcissist on a one to one coach cheeky fuckers there having a laugh at are expence. Go get propper job narcs
I went through the exact situation you described. And if I knew this then, I wouldn't have confronted him. I should have just left and let him wonder instead of the hours, the years of trauma and abuse.
I'm beginning to consider walking away from all he owes me just to be free of him, but I really cannot afford that big of a hit. The hard part is that going after him could cause just as big of a financial hit - between lawyer fees and a disinherit clause.
When I finally educated myself after 4 yrs. by watching Drs. Ramani and Carter I was able to leave him. I made the mistake of telling him exactly what he was and why. He never denied it. The anger and attacks escalated every single time I spoke to him. I finally blocked him and just moved on. So much happier now.
Thanks for sharing your positive outcome. Sadly, some never get that happy outcome. I'm still in the thick of it, and feel so many things slipping away, especially my youth!
This is the most God awful truth! The backlash I received over confronting the narcissism head on has been absolute hell for me. She did horrible things to make me hurt because I challenged all of the narcissistic behavior and punched back(not literally) and wouldn't stand for the abuse any longer. She went to a whole new level of abuse as a result and burned our relationship and marriage completely to the ground. When what could have happened, of this person wasn't so completely taken over by narcissism, is to accept the truth in what I was saying, maybe even apologize, and take steps to right the wrongs. But that would be living in a dream world wouldn't it? NPD is a horrible sickness and it effects many more than just the people who have it.
You shared my story. Only my narcissist was my husband. He left in 2000 and I’m still not recovered from the damage he caused to me and our four kids.
@@Fluffimuff I'm sorry youbwent through something similar. For me it was like I revealed her true self to herself and she hated me so much for it that she had to cause me as much or more pain than she was dealing with internally. Her new supply of course is so wonderful. I challenged her to lie to him a thousand times like she did me. Don't come home to him dozens of nights like she did me, instead show up in the morning and apologize for sleeping with someone else. Then maybe you can compare apples to apples. I know we are supposed to forgive, but I don't think I ever will.
Who would waste their time loving vessels that are used by ghost? NOT ME
God forbid they take accountability for their bad behavior 🤫!!
That never happens. Don't even try to imagine it.
Mine has taken accountability but I feel like it’s apart of another game😞😩
@@kbaby9090 go with your instincts. These narcissists always have a HIDDEN agenda 🤔.
They dont take accountability
You said they do
I figured him out and didn't candy coat shat with him. He'd never challenge one thing I said. So I knew I was onto something. It's just blatantly obvious. The garbage and verbally abusive tendencies that he'd puke out of his mouth. He stole a year of my life then I gaslighted HIM. Not a peep out of him since. Been 2 weeks. Had some stuff here to pick up. Not one squawk from him. If he knows what's good for him, he will keep as far away from me as possible. Made it clear I'm not confused/questioning him anymore. I have him all figured out. But I also think he had a new supply. So it works for me. Another hostage in his life. Sad sad life.
My husband is now twisting his words. Like instead of saying, 'Maybe you should...', he now says, 'Can I make an observation....'. He's still trying to tell me what to do, but choosing his words carefully so it doesn't sound like he's controlling me. I caught onto that REAL QUICK. I PROVED him WRONG, and he hasn't said anything about it. THAT'S how I figured out he's trying to spin it so that I don't know what he's doing. Thanks to these videos, I'm one step ahead of him because I can spot his word salad.
One good thing about this situation, they are very predictable. It’s a lame trick and once you see behind the mask, and understand it’s just a sad pathetic child that is a slave to their impulses.
Narcissists are so demented that they don't know how to be rational and a civil person
Oh some are perfect civil kind ...actors.
Yeah.....they come back and physically hurt you
No way😪… my older sister was telling me on the phone who has been in the military and said when I try to do a divorce make sure I never ever be around him even if he smooths talk as one day he may just try to un Alive me.. and I was like why??.. she’s like men don’t like rejection.. especially if you want to divorce.. that’s interesting
I called my ex a narcissist and he told me “Narcissists and sociopaths aren’t known for their apologies. I apologized to you a few times already.” He did, but they were empty meaningless generic blanket apologies like “I’m sorry for everything” and “I’m sorry for hurting you.” There was no accountability or remorse. I’m convinced since he knew the terminology, someone he dated before me must have called him one too. I believe he was trying to save face and throw me off by making me second guess myself. I wouldn’t budge and shortly got discarded right after and he blocked me everywhere. He knows I know and I’m now a threat. I found out about the cheating because he gave me multiple STDs. He has no one to blame but himself. He was very reckless. Ben, if you see this comment, do you agree? Does it sound to you like someone he dated before me also called him one?
I think it’s possible because my ex’s previous ex called him a psychopath and at one point I mentioned the term psychopath (not even with respect to him) and he suddenly got very nervous and looked at me as if trying to figure out if I thought he was a psychopath too.
@@KB-ih5gf. Very interesting. Thank you for sharing.
Yes my ex Narc used terminology I never heard before....after I left her, I realised what her disorder was and researched it. I then found the terminology she used previously......
I had a fight with my ex and accidently told her you are selfish and narcissist. She immidiately got very angry then i aplogized for her and when i told her why she was so angry... she said because i called her narcissit. She didnt mention other names i called her. Thats when i knew i hit the nail as she focused mainly on narcissist
possibly
They dig up some past perceived slight and dwell on it, harp on it, ruminate about it until they can use it to begin punishing you for it.
Your only option is to go no contact. Take no more punishment from these self-appointed disciplinarians.
It's true that you need to be very careful of them they are very skilled
I can relate to experiencing the last 90% of your video. Although he never did get violent, he would occasionally make me seriously wonder it he wasn't plotting my death as he would clinch his fist and raise his arms and growl. Or give me that blank stare and later get that ever so slight and brief smirk of satisfaction on his face when he won at his reactive abuse. Towards the end, I wouldn't leave anything I was drinking around him as I'm I'm not into poison. I did keep my bedroom door locked as I don't care about the idea of pillow suficaion either. But then again, my thinking to him was if you're ballsy enough to take me out, then you're joining me. I may have had weak boundaries at that time in my life, but that didn't mean that I didn't have my limits and they were only going to be crossed a limited number of times. He's gone now ( moved out) for almost 3 years now, no contract from either party. Funny thing was when I once asked him why he said he was " in love with me his reply," you're independent, and you don't take crap off people. Apparently, he thought he was an exception to that standard. So much for his attitude of entitlement, unaccountable, and superiority.
This woman ( me) raised myself from a young age with no help. That makes anyone toughen up quick. I may have been a victim as a child, but I chose long ago not to stay a victim as an adult.
💗
My neighbors wife was a malignant narcissist. Treated her husband brutally. She landed up in a home in her older age. After a year she wanted to come back home. The husband picked her up,brought her home,and killed her,Then killed himself. The slow agonizing torture these demon narcissists are!
jeez, louise
Wow
That's fucked up. Truth is stranger than fiction. I worked with the elderly. A couple in their 90's. The husband had severe cognitive problems. As soon as the wife died he was fine. He started doing stuff he loved again like going on walks. I feel so bad for the victims.
What so sad is where there is children involve and the narcist try to poison your kids with words lies about you.
Most move on. New victims are always around
Very true about cheating. And he doesn’t accept his fault.
My husband is a narcissist and I am not calling it out - he is now playing the victim and stopped eating....I'm asking him to leave my house and he won't. I had the house for 20 years before he moved in and he won't leave and he continues to emotionally abuse me every day. He says sorry one day, then the games keep going the next day.
I'm I'm the exact same situation, I ask, yelled, cried for him to leave my house, and he won't go, it's my house, in my name, he's been caught cheating, he's abused me physically, emotionally, verbally, secret phone texts, he was on a single sight, talking to multiple women, Ive put his stuff outside, locked the doors, I've called for people to remove him, he killed my dog, hurt the other one, he won't let me break up with him, he won't leave, all this has happened within 7 years, now he just comes home, and won't leave, he disconnected with me, no intimacy, I don't want him here, I told him I give up on him, he says he loves me, please don't give up, I'm emotionally broken, I'm sad always, I feel trapped in my home, I'm about to leave my home, or kill myself, I don't know what to do without causing drama and chaos and going to jail.
Please get help! GOTO minute 10:42
You need to get out. I've been there and the relief you feel is amazing. It's scary at 1st. Get support. You'll thank yourself in the longrun.
@michelewright1362 I prayed for deliverance and released the fear to God.....thatnisvehrn things started to change. He is now out but the battle is not over. Trust God to help you. They are not worth our life. If you have been physically abused, call the police and have him removed. Reach out.
@@michelewright1362
I would keep the doors locked and not let him in if he won't leave and starts shit I call the police, u do what ever i had to do, get a restraining order against him, also record any conversation or any kind of abuse that can be used against him as well as any pics of abuse if he goes that far as well, but try to get all the evidence that you can get..
I'm a man and my wife is the narcissist, it's taken me 23 and a half years of marriage to work this out. She fell pregnant when she said she was on contraception so we got married, I believe I was tricked and trapped from the start, she knew I'd do the right thing by her. I was a good guy, learnt to hate myself due to her, till I realised what she truly is. I was always hopeful there was good in her, and she was so convincing as she said what I thought I wanted to hear. She cheated at least twice, and I learnt she was hitting on other men before my third child was born, she is now 18. What's more, is the kids hate me and not her. She does as you say, talks to others to make me sound crazy. I found God and she can't handle the truths I now know, including about her. I'm in the process of leaving, the house will be sold. And even now she wants things that are mine that she doesn't even know how to use. I used to want to help her, I just want out and to help myself now. I said I know who she is, and she started calling me a narcissist even though I didn't use the term myself. I warned her friend today, I hope he watches more closely and doesn't fall for the same tricks, but I can see he is already. I will find my old self, I will find happiness, I just need to be rid of her and I'm a long way there. God bless.
I thought I wrote this lol
@@TonyTrinidad-n8d Sorry mate, life's a bitch, and then you marry one. Moving out and each load feels like a little more freedom. She isn't happy, I am. Guess that's why she isn't. Just shows, there are a lot more women that do this than these videos suggest, they always seem to blame the guy, would be interesting to have some stats on this, I bet women might well be leading the charge here.
Denial + disappear is another option. Leaves you feeling bereft ....
I am like a sponge soaking up these videos... I can't believe how much this resonates with me. When you said once the narc becomes "indifferent" to what he's done, "he knows that you know and he doesn't care.. it ramps up even faster" 100%.
He normally gets angry when I bring it up in the midst of him being narcissistic. I bring it up sometimes, but he'll change his behavior for a while and then have outbursts, seemingly, at random. But I started tracing the outbursts and found out they are on a cycle and happen once a month. I decided to confront him, carefully, while he was in the love-bombing stage (his version of love-bombing is displaying the things I need from him). He actually considered it after I presented one of your videos to him (the one were victims often develop anxiety LITERALLY described my condition to a T!) and because we've been dealing with my irregular heart palpitations every time we end up in a nasty argument, he was unable to 100% deny it. He was upset, but I think it slightly opened his eyes. He's still in denial though. But it was just a moment where he at least considered it OUT LOUD.
It Wasn't Me by Shaggy is every narc's anthem
When I looked at my husbands once - about 3 years ago- & found a photograph of a woman in the bath tub, and showed it to him…he said “she’s just stupid”
!!!???!!! So he blamed HER for it..needless to say I’m finally divorcing him: liar, empty, abusive, demon
Its ridiculous
Mom gave me the silent treatment and discard when I texted her I need time to heal from the abuse. She turned it around to my siblings that I was hurting her by distancing myself.
Why are you in contact? Leave
You need to go to no contact this is the only option for you to do! Narcissists do not care whoever they hurt! You need to think about what you have chosen to do when leaving this kind of disfunctional relationship with someone who is a narcissist! Remember if your boyfriend or girlfriend is a narcissist then you going to have deal with a lot of problems with a narcissist or other narcissists that maybe raised this person who is a dishonest person who won't amit that he or she has a problem with their behavior and actions!
They get pretty nasty that’s what
You nailed it! I went through all of this. Finally escaped. It definitely was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I lost almost everything. All I had was clothes and my tools. No car. No money. Thank goodness for my Union brothers and sisters! Wouldn’t have made it without them.
Hey Kendra, Have you been reading my mail? 🤔 You've just told my story here!
Go with your gut!
I never called my ex a narcissist to his face. I figured out based upon his behavior that he was one after the fact..... he ignored me nonstop... and when I discovered he cheated that was after he was already threatening to leave me. It makes sense now.
Best not to call them out. Instead, use that knowledge to your advantage in planning an exit strategy. Once they know that you know, they fight really dirty.
Thank you for speaking out and choosing this path. God is on the move in many mighty ways🎉
Praise The Lord Jesus.
I got ghosted when i brought up the truth
Same
They went to HR when I kept my distance and lied, saying I bullied them.
I lived with a narcissist for 38 years. Now I work with a female narcissist who has climbed the ranks at work. I still have to deal with her but I'm more brazen now that I see what she is. I've now said replies to comments such as, "that's great, that's your opinion. Everyone has an opinion. Moving on, . . ." I learned and used gray rocking while I left my ex.
Just learned about DARVO - scary how true it rings with our situation
Mine left the first time I called out her gaslighting, glad she didn’t come back
Please define silent treatment vs shutting down out of trauma.
Thanks Ben, I have watched a lot of videos now, and I wanted to let you know that I finally found yours and they really helped clarify what I’ve been going through, you have a deep understanding in a very cerebral level and it’s really helped me to confirm everything g about the extremely subtle and covert narcissist I have had in my life for 9 years, it’s so subtle and covert that you almost can’t see it but I can feel it, and your videos have made me connect to the fact that I’m NOt crazy!
Thank you so very much, I’m a single Mum with my own self made business and I got caught up in the wrong relationship, it has taken my focus, my passion and my deliberation away from me and I am slowly, slowly and stealthily taking it back.
My narcissist husband saw my youtube history of all the videos I'd been watching about what narcissists are and how to identify their behaviour. He used that to learn the "language" and manipulate and gaslight me and flip it so that I was the narcissist. I knew I wasn't, so it didn't work. By that stage I was already in grey-rock mode so it just bounced off me. He then used that to label me as a psychopath because I was emotionless and not reacting to his abuse 😂 So glad I got out and away from him. It did indeed escalate VERY quickly and violently/aggressively once he knew I was on to him. I very much hope one day he realises that he has the problem.
Evil incarnate...
RUN ASAP!!
Let karma deal with these soulless meatsuits...
COUNT ON IT
Popping their phony reality bubble is the biggest threat... RUN!!!
They disappear 😂
You are right they don't want you to have their pin number to their phone because my husband didn't want me to no his pin number to his phone because he had other woman number in his phone
My husband saved a number under his mom’s name but that’s his another wife and son’s number.When my boys asks him dad do you have another family he said no I only have you.Where ever he goes he says same thing.He tells other people that he has nothing to do with me and my boys even he lives with us.He tells people that call me with different name.He is a jealous person and always trying to manipulate other people so they can support him.Sometimes I feel so sorry for him and his wives.
Yep! This is pin point. It’s very draining.
It was my fault when I found out she was cheating by going through her phone. I was the bad guy in that situation. It was crazy she didn't say a single thing about the cheating or anything just immediately blew up about the violation of her privacy. It was crazy the last words she told me "The mask finally came off! Just like everyone else! You dont deserve me and you never did!" It makes me laugh now the level of projection is crazy. Its also crazy that ive never looked through someones phone before and never even thought about it because thats the kind of person I am. But thats the kind of stuff narcissistic abuse will make you do. I wish I was aware she was a narcissist at the time I didnt find out till later on. I would have left quietly. I haven't been hoovered yet but I know it's coming, she blocked me and I cant "find" her to block her so its just a matter of when she unblocks me and contacts me.
Same! I am not that person to go through someone's phone, but his words were not matching his actions. Don't allow yourself to be hoovered. It really does only get worse
My husband did the same thing when I found receipts from Victoria Secrets and dinner. What a shame and still lied even after proof.
Same thing happened to me. Rather than own up to his lies - he was upset that I looked at his emails and texts.
Sure enough he was hiding things.
You forgot they damage your property. The ones I have known always do this. Sometimes I find out later after the relationship has ended.
In short its vandalism
I believe the MORHERS of these damaged wounded narcs,HAVE the & secretly pass each other the handbook of pain & hate...! Lol,but,but...maybe not so far fetched,Everthing else is a fantasy ,so,like real life horror show- STARTS with Mommy...😮😮
I got out! 3 yrs of marriage and hell on earth !
"Princeless" Diana, you just described her perfectly
I didn't realize how evil and violent a 72 yr old "child" could get
2mo out and life is good again, no chaos or drama
I knew 4mo's in what I was dealing with and it took that long to break away for good
You don’t really look or sound like a narcissist. I don’t even feel narcissistic energy from your videos. I appreciate the amount of work you do to yourself and us by educating. Thank you. 🙏
Appreciate the kind words!
Just broke up with my Narc six months ago and she still bugging...
The one positive i gained from being with a narc, it helped me to see my own issues, cptsd, i have begun the healing process which gives me more strength everyday. He has gotten involved with someone else, who is also a covert narc, but it was much easier to get away and didn't get guilted into staying or how i owed them.
I've had a similar experience. Learned so much about my childhood trauma thinking I was the problem!