BEST AGE GAP for 2nd baby *pros and cons* | Hey Shayla
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- Опубликовано: 18 май 2024
- What is the best age gap for a second baby? I asked literally everyone I knew hoping to find the magic number and make my life infinitely better but it was incredible everyone had their own answer and usually it was the age gap that their own kids were!
In this video I talk about the 2 year age gap with our kids and some of the pros and cons that come with it! I would love if you shared your kid's age gap and the pros and cons! It's such an interesting topic to me for some reason!
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00:00 Tell me your kid's age gap!
00:16 Introduction + apology
00:47 The Best Age Gap for second baby
01:14 2 year age gap pros and cons
02:23 the BEST age gap will be different for everyone
03:23 Cons of the 2 year age gap
05:38 Pros of the 2 year age gap
10:19 Best Age Gap depends on what you want
I think siblings having a close relationship is more about personality and luck then the age gap. I have friends whose siblings were very close in age and they were not close at all and others that were super close even with a big age gap. There isn't a perfect age gap it is just what makes sense for each family
AGREED
Totally 💯
💯 my sister and I are 18 months apart and we are not that close because our personalities are so different. We never got along, even when we were little.
I agree. My mom and aunt are 10 years apart in age. They have been close all of their life. My aunt came to live with my parents when she was a teen. Then later, they had children at the same time, which strengthened the bond as well. They are in their 50's and 60's and still best friends.
Yep! I am a lot closer with my older brother (7 years older) than the younger one (3 years younger)
My brother and I are almost 8 years apart. We are best friends as adults and I’m so grateful I have him in my life. Just an encouragement for folks who end up with a bigger gap than planned…your kids can still be close! It just might happen in adulthood rather than childhood.
Same with my sister. 8 years apart and we’re so close
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. It gives me hope about longer age gaps.
My kids are 3 years apart.
I actually didn’t have my period return until my first kid was 2(!!) due to breastfeeding, so Mother Nature kind of decided it for us. I love this age gap. She is potty trained, helpful, very communicative, and a better sleeper now.
There is also lots of scientific research on this interesting topic, and the research says that biologically, the “optimal” age gap is 3 years old. This would have historically always provided the nursing mother with enough time to recover from pregnancy, replenish her stores, etc etc and it was actually found linked to increased survival in children. Plus, extended breastfeeding (which would have been very common, and still is in so many parts of the world) would have (like I experienced), prevented a woman from ovulating again soon, so mother natures intent was to space the babies by around a minimum of 3 years.
Such a fun topic!
My kids are 3 years apart. I read similar research and I totally agree
I would agree - 3 years is a wonderful age gap! I do think “mother nature’s intent” might be different for each person. I exclusively breastfed (my baby never took a bottle), but I got my period back at 6 month’s postpartum. Everybody’s recovery time and nutrition are different, especially in different countries around the world!
I read the same thing so wanted my kids to be 3 years apart. However I weaned at 20 months and then the baby fever hit hard and I just couldn't wait. Mine ended up being 32 months apart. In retrospect the pregnancy was really hard for me and my toddler was still really needy so I wish I had waited a few more months.
My son is breastfed and he is 8 months old; he has never taken a bottle and he still eats at night. I got my period back 4 weeks pp. Although I don’t think I started ovulating until 6 months pp.
My friend exclusively breastfed and she has Irish twins!
I just had an hour long conversation with myself this morning about age gaps😂
I have a 5yo and a 3mo and my oldest is so in love with having a baby sibling and being a big sibling. Literally, they're right there during diaper changes and tummy time, hovering around the baby lounger, always wanting to see/help/be near the baby.
That is so sweet ❤
I think of it a lot like this, but as he will become a teen, the younger will likely hope to follow and the older might reject him so it's always some of a tradeoff.
Mine is almost the same, 4 years and 4 months apart
My kids are 2yrs 9months apart and I think it’s pretty good!
I also was a little obsessed with trying to decide on a perfect age gap because I wanted my kids to be good friends. But after talking to a bunch of people, I realized that siblings’ friendship has less to do with their age gap, and more to do with their personalities. Which is totally out of your control! So I let it go and just got pregnant when I felt ready!
I’ve researched age gaps and want my kids to be about 2 years and 9 months apart based on everything I’ve seen 😂
I literally decided TODAY to have my second once my 1st turned 2. Which is coincidentally the 2.9 also lol
@@VrieChica078Scientific research says that a roughly three-year age gap is also good for the mother, as it means more recovery time and longer breastfeeding.
I've heard for health reasons atleast 3 years in between is best. Gives mom time to recover and replenish, gives baby time to have all the attention.
I’ve heard this too!
I’ve heard that in modern societies where we have easy access to nutrition anything over 15 months is fine.
My kids are 26 months apart. It was really difficult the first six months or so. Now that they can play together it is great. They're best pals. My husband was the middle of 3 all 26 months apart as well. He was super insistent that our kids have a similar age gap. He said he loves it. He always had someone to play with as a child and now they're all going through similar stages as adults.
My girls are 1 year 9 months apart. I have anxiety, depression, adhd and autism. I would not recommend this close of an age gap if you have many mental health issues like me. It is very difficult for me. I am working so hard and learning so much (all these different strategies to make this work) but it still feels like not enough.
Make sure to have a good support system in place at least if you really want them close in age.
I can relate- I struggle and only have 1 child and I know I am not mentally ready for a second child. Wishing you health and happiness💖
@@Dana-mb1hd Thank you💗
You are doing great give yourself some grace💖🙏
My sister and I were Irish twins and as an introvert I hated it. It was really hard to find a sense of myself because everything was joint. Whereas my brother is 20 months older and we had such a nice relationship. Tbh I probably says more about the personality differences.
I feel like close age gaps make sense if you only want a couple kids, but if you want a large family (I am 1 of 5), bigger age gaps are my preference. With my siblings, the age gaps are 2, 3, 7, and 19 years respectively (I'm the 4th born). My doctor recommended waiting 18 months before trying for a second baby to prevent miscarriage and other potential complications, so at a minimum my kids would be 28 months apart (aiming for 3-4 years). Also, I'd prefer not to have multiples in diapers at the same time, have to help 3 kids buy their first cars back to back, or pay for three college tuitions at the same time. And what if you have multiples on your second or third pregnancies and end up with 4 under 3?!
I'm also closest with my brothers who are 12 years older and 19 years younger so I think it's sort of a myth that kids need to be close in age to have a close bond. I think the biggest takeaway from this convo is that if you had a positive experience with the age gaps you grew up with, you will want to cultivate something similar and if you didn't like it, you will want to do something different. To each their own but most of the moms I know with multiple littles close in age are overwhelmed to say the least (but that doesn't mean it is the wrong choice or not worth it!).
I like how you articulated this!
I have a 8 year old, 3 year old, and 2 month old. The 5 year difference has been great! My oldest son and second daughter get along great and they both help with the baby. The cons is that we are so divided in different activities and stages of life.
The physical mental health challenges of having two pregnancy close apart is not to be underestimated. Get a good support system and medical support if you're able to prepare if planning pregnancies less than 18 months apart (time between birth and getting pregnant again).
All the best to everyone on their parenting journey!
I totally agree. I really struggled with my mental health for the first year pp. My daughter is now 18 months old and I finally feel mentally and physically prepared again for another baby. I am in a better place now than I even was before I got pregnant. :)
@@rchhtt5210 Glad to hear you were able to overcome those challenges and are thriving now. :)
My brother (4 years older) and I have birthdays close together. We always had our parties on the same day, but mine would be in the morning and his in the afternoon. It worked out great! It streamlined the mess and planning for my mom but we each got our own party.
my daughter turns 4 right before i have my second baby. she seems so happy and excited for her new baby sister💓 i love hearing siblings who are 4 years apart and their relationship 💓💓
My kids are a year and 11 days apart. It was rough the first few months, but once she could sit up on her own it got so much better. They’re now 1 1/2 and hand 2 1/2 and it’s great! They play so good together. Toddler meltdowns are rough since they feed off each other 😂
There is always 2 factors: what's best for the mothers relationship to the kids individually vrs what's best for their relationship to each other. But you can't control their personality matches neither the gender combination, which influences the relationship a lot. So I'd go for choosing based on if you're ready, how confident you got parenting etc
By the way: my favourite age gap is 3 years.
3,5. I think smaller difference is a bit suicidal, lol. We don't get help from relatives, therefore I was counting only on myself and my husband. The hardest days would have been the first weeks, when you older one is still not potty trained and need a lot of help and you have a new baby and need to rest and recover. With the difference we had with our kids I was resting a lot, my older one was playing on her own, snacking, using potty without even telling me, I was a blessing to really have a chance to stay in bed with the newborn. She also loves to help fetch things for the baby and recently the younger one started to enjoy her company, they laugh together and the older one is teaching her baby brother do things, very funny to watch
Before I comment on the age gap, I just wanted to throw in a comment about shared birthdays as a twin. And I'll say it absolutely depends on your kids, but for us we really did not like being seen as one identity. We were both very individualistic, so having separate birthday parties was very important to us. It was our chance to feel unique and important.
Next on the age gap, I truly thought two years would be a good age gap. My baby is almost 18 months, and he still needs so much from me, I couldn't imagine having to be pregnant and doing all of that. Then my criteria was only one in a Diaper at a time... until I figured out the cost of childcare lol 😅... so NOW my criteria is only one in daycare at a time. Though the more we keep pushing it, the more I feel like my baby is going to be an only child lol. And truly there are some days that I'm like "I don't want to go through this again". So who knows!!! I think it's important for circumstances to feel right before adding to your family, so I would say don't force it because of age gaps and total kid count or whatever. Just do what feels right for you and your family
👏👏👏👏👏
@@heyshayla Yeah I was going to say this too in my reply. I would 1000% separate birthdays. They might LOVE sharing it the first few years. But then despise it and resent it later. Kind of like how kids like to match outfits and then wake up one day like WAIT I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN lol
Wild! Just a slightly different perspective. I'm a twin and we have a sister 7 years younger but her birthday is one week ahead of us so we all shared birthdays growing up and LOVED it! As adults with kids now we still lump our birthdays together lol. The caveat is we are a super close family and love spending time together. We did always get our own birthday cakes and also took turns with choosing the theme of the birthday. But really, some of my best memories was having our birthdays together and the entire family and all of our friends getting together to celebrate. So I say that to say, it can be super special for your kids to share a birthday or maybe they might resent it like some of the other commenters but like you said you'll ask them how they want to approach their bdays and you as their mom and they as individuals will know what's best.
Just going to add as well, you might not be able to afford two birthday parties for twins. Like mine happen to be born on separate days which means I will eventually have separate parties if they want them, but it might take a hit on my finances. They will obviously get cake and a present on their own days, just maybe not a party.
My kids are seven years apart. I have a mood disorder and toddlerhood kicked my ass the first time. I needed to have a bigger, more independent child before I could even think of trying again. I also have a reliable therapist and proper meds this time.
My first two are 13 months apart and I am now pregnant again and the age gap will be 16 months. Can't fully speak to the 16 months yet, but while it has been very hard in the first trimester, I actually think it will be easier this time because my two kids will be playing together. 13 months CONS: 1. I had to grieve that I wouldn't have as much time with my baby girl. It wouldn't be just the two of us anymore. 2. Both are in diapers (which could also be seen as a pro) 3. These are two hard phases at once. I had a colicky baby boy who still doesn't sleep great (girls sleep more and better than boys) who is also teething. And my daughter is now having some tantrums and learning how to express herself, which is emotionally hard for her. I also need to potty train her and we are learning how to discipline and train all while going through the baby phase. 4. You don't get as much one-on-one time with either of them because both are in a very needy phase so you are constantly being demanded by both. 5. You can't quite explain things to the older sibling yet. So giving them instructions not to feed their sibling a food/choking hazard. Or explaining the reason behind things. PROS: 1. My daughter adjusted super well! After a couple weeks, I don't think she really remembered life without her brother and so she didn't have as much envy or dislike. 2. They are already starting to play together (22M and 9M). 3. They will be at similar development soon. Liking the same types of toys and activities. I also might be able to put them in some of the same activities later on with sports and such. 4. Our daughter was interested in dolls and babies, but more so around 4 months of our son's life which was a safer time for her to hold him. 5. I can't wait to see their friendship grow over the years. 6. I think it will make subsequent children easier as they now have each other and are used to siblings rather than my full-time attention. 7. They both nap at the same time. 8. It was easier being in the first trimester of sickness with a baby (4-6M) because she was pretty immobile rather than chasing a toddler or keeping one entertained. I am in the thick of it right now. And I think it is less ideal for the mom. But in the long run, I think it will be better for my kids. They will learn independence AND build lifelong bonds with their own siblings which I think will serve them better.
Pregnant with my second and they will be 20 months apart. Definitely nervous for 2 under 2, but happy they’ll have a built in best friend / sometimes mortal enemy ❤
My sister is 2 years and 2 weeks older than me, and i highly recommend not doing joint burthdays when they get a little older. It sucked not having that day that is supposed to be your day shared with your sibling. 2 year gap is just far away enough that you are at very different life stages and friend groups once you get into school. Just a suggestion, im sure others may feel different but that was my experience as a kid
Agreed!!!! And same with a child born near a holiday -- lumping the birthday in with the holiday celebrations rather than letting them have their own special day can make them feel overlooked...
Sharing is stressful and kids have to do it so much already, let's let them at least have a day that is all their own once a year!
It's funny how everyone experience things differently. I'm two years and four days younger than my sister, and we grew up basically like twins, not because of our parents, but because we were, and we still are, very very close, we wanted to do everything together. So for my whole life, we've always celebrated birthdays together, and the one time we didn't, for my 20th birthday, I hated it. We loved it, never felt overlooked, but I guess it was harder on our older brother, I know he felt a little left out...
I'm pregnant with my first, we only want two kids, and for me, 2 years age-gap is the way to go
I was thinking about birthdays because I have twins born on different days. So that means they will eventually want their own parties. But I don't really know when you do that. I'll just wait and see I guess.
I have 6 kids. My top 3 are 19 months apart. The rest are 2-3 years apart. My older kids are so so so close. They do everything together. I would t change it EVEN though it was really hard to have Littles close together. Once you get past those first few years it really pays off. 🎉
45 seconds between my first two 😅 pros- best friends cons- first year is ROUGH and it is exponentially expensive having twins. My next is 3 years younger and I think that’s a good age gap
Age gap between 1 and 2 is 14 months and between 2 and 3 will be 13 months. It's tiring but the kids get to be so close and I didn't have to revert to the baby stage since I never left. Sounds awful kind of but really it helps that i didn't forget things and still had all the stuff
I have a 9 & 1/2 year old, a 2 years & 9 month old, and a 15 month old....we are due with baby #4 in two months. So there's a 6 year age gap between the first two kids: PROS - My oldest was old enough to understand about babies needing a lot of attention and such, also old enough to be excited about the new role as "big kid" in the house. Now, the oldest is old enough to watch the two younger babes if I have to do something for 5 minutes away from them, and even enjoys teaching them things. CONS - That age gap makes it hard for the oldest to get "away" from the younger ones and feel like they have time to be an independent big kid. Luckily we live in an area where there's other kids available to play just next door.
On the other hand, with 3 kids who are going to be under 3 years old: PROS - The "stuff" in our house is all relevant to that age group, diapers, changing tables, little potties, age relevant toys, etc. This means I haven't been packing up and then unpacking baby/toddler things between each kid. CONS - I'm exhausted! This period of life for me as a mother has been extremely draining for me and I have done a LOT of adjusting personally as a human. Having children this close together - although I really do believe it is a blessing and will be fun in the long run - has shown me how selfish I tend to be!
I think SO much of how this works out between siblings has to do with their personalities.
I was a nanny for 4 brothers who were all 2 years apart. And I loved that age gap. They were all very close. My boys are 5 1/2 years apart. And it’s hard bc my 10 month old needs so much attention I struggle to give my sweet older boy the attention he needs and he mostly ends up playing by himself all day.
Three of my friends had their first and second almost exactly 18 months apart. What I’ve noticed is it’s a lot but they like it for similar reasons- close age means once the second turns one they can play together more. They are in the baby grind all at once. I will say that they get overwhelmed and I know community support from family and friends is huge for them. They also stay home with the kids. My cousin waited till her first was older so her kids are four years apart. What I noticed with the first is that she got a lot of parent bonding time- a huge difference is she will know life before and after baby while my friends kids won’t. I think that’s interesting psychology wise. The age gap also means they are in completely different stages and will have a different sibling dynamic. I personally would like my kids almost two years a part - 22 months. We shall see- got to get through the first- due any day now
I just had my second and they are just under 22 months apart! It has been great so far, except now we are facing the problem of wanting to potty train with an infant around which I’m not looking forward to 😅 that’s really the only con I see so far!
2 boys, 14 months apart. They entertain each other and never feel lonely. They fight but also are best friends. Third boy is going to be 5 years younger than my second. My first 2 will be in school while I watch baby at home. And when they get home, I expect them to help. So, 6, 5, and 0 yr olds.
I really, really wanted a 4-5 year age gap. I wanted to give each of my kids my undivided, complete attention until they were old enough to go to preschool, and then have one kid in school full time when I had another baby. I got pregnant (via the pullout method because I didn't pay attention in sex ed apparently) much sooner than planned, so my kids will be 2 years and 4 months apart when baby sister gets here in November. I wasn't necessarily upset at the idea of having a second, but I've had a really hard time accepting that they will be so close in age. I've felt so much grief and guilt over feeling like this pregnancy has "stolen" so many precious, irreplaceable moments with my first. We used to do so many fun activities, and then I got HG and spent the first 12 weeks in bed and could barely get up to turn on the TV for her. I was forced to stop breastfeeding before either of us were ready and I cried every night for 2 weeks as my milk dried up. I don't feel bonded to this baby the same way I did when I was pregnant with my first because I just feel so, so guilty for how my pregnancy has already impacted my oldest and how I'm not able to be the parent I thought I would be. My husband keeps reminding me what once the new baby gets here, it will all feel meant to be, and I'm clinging to that thought.
I am sorry that you had to grieve your plans, that sucks! But for everything your forst child may have missed out on, you will make them the present of a sibling, a beloved person who will be in their lives forever. ❤ I wish you a good remaining pregnancy and closure on this topic!
That sounds so tough.
Weaning blues is no joke! Many people experience very intense emotions or depressive feelings with the hormone shift.
Hope you feel better soon and can get the support you need. Do reach out to a medical professional if anxiety or depression are making it hard to feel present day to day.
Also, a sibling is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give your first :)
My kids have are 5.5 years and 5 months old. I wanted them 2.5-3 years apart, but secondary infertility had other plans. I like that my son wanted a sibling, and that he's very independent. I'm not enjoying being in the baby stage after a long break, and the fact that they'll probably have completely different interests, I don't know if they'll play together. My brother and I have the same age gap and we played together as kids.
My first and second born are 4 years apart and I was so afraid it would mean they wouldn't connect, but they are bffs so hard. Huge pro: I got all the baby/toddler stages out of the way with one and could focus on the next child's "hard years" solely. Our second and third born are 2 years apart, I thought this would be way better, potentially connect more. I feel like I didn't get to connect with our middle like I did our first, she's only 2 but a majority of my time is spent on the baby. Perhaps it comes down to the Mother's personality, but for me, I think I would've preferred a larger age gap for each. Even if that meant being in the baby phase for longer.
We struggled with infertility for 8 years. By the time we had our first baby, I was already 35. We’re waiting until he’s 1 to do another embryo transfer to try for a sibling. They’ll be 20ish months apart if we’re successful.
My boys are 14 months apart. They're one and two now. I love them and I love the gap but I completely understand why other people wouldn't choose such a close gap. They already play and occupy each other while I do the dishes and laundry. It's beautiful. They also both wake up one or two times at night so that's something to factor in.
I currently have a 1 year old and I’m 7 months pregnant. I’m excited to just get it out of the way and for the kids to be so close in age. But getting pregnant at 6 months PP was soooo hard, but I’m glad my first was so little when I was in the first trimester, I got to nap with her and lay low at home. It will be interesting to see how it goes once baby 2 is here 🙃
I know you were very hesitantly saying that there's a year of chill when they turn one, but i absolutely didn't have that. Yes i agree it was easiER but if your toddler doesn't have a chill temperament and as a baby they cried more or less all the time, I'm gonna say you're likely to need to wait longer! I was convinced I'd wait until 1st was in school before trying, and suprisingly i feel ready sooner than that but a 2year age gap was absolutely out the question. I gave myself no pressure, which doesnt mean i didnt wonder constantly if/exactly when i'd have another, but it meant when i felt ready i knew I actually was! (Though im still waiting a bit longer to get settled in new job!)
Number of kids and spacing. I'll have pros and cons. It's all personal and sometimes you don't have control... First to second I waited almost 11 years. Second to third or 13 months apart.. 3rd to 4th 6 1/2 years. Some losses and some surprises. I personally don't think I would be able to do 3 kids every 2 to 3 years. But this I feel is great for me. Book end kids with Irish twins in the middle
I am currently trying to figure out how much financial stress a second baby would be (stretching my degree even longer?? work in between babies? how much stuff like car seats do we need to buy extra if the kids cant use it consecutively? etc). Really we have so much time (we are both 27) but it seems like a missed opportunity to not have kids close in age.
So many thoughts!! But this video really helps to get some more perspectives, thanks :)
I have step kids that are 7.5 and 6. We now have a 6 month old. The gap is larger than I would have liked.
They’re real helpful, almost too helpful. They see adults do things and try to copy not realizing it’s an adult job. The 7 year old talked about helping with buckles and I was like nope! They are great at throwing away diapers and keeping the baby entertained. I feel like the gap will help her with talking too because there’s hardly ever quiet time in the house.
My brother & I were 23 months apart (he passed away in 2019💔) and I loved our childhood. We played together as children then shared friend groups as teens. We would go Black Friday shopping together as young adults & we understood one another on a deep level I think in part due to our less than 2 year age difference.
My son is 14 months old & we plan to get pregnant again this Summer so he & his sibling can experience a similar age gap! It's going to be challenging for me at the beginning I know, but I do believe it will be worth it
The age gaps for my kids are 20 months, 25 months, 30 months, and then 18 months. I feel like the 30 month age gap was the best.
I think 3 -5 years is a great gap! It allows the older sibling to better understand the concept up being an older sibling and more likely to remember most of the new baby memories which is really special and a kid under 3 is still a baby/toddler themselves and you’ll want to soak up those milestones and give them more undivided attention imo especially since 3+ is more self dependent in a typical child which will help that initial recovery phase for mom of just having a new baby so they can play in their room or watch a movie while you feed the baby etc. also when they get older having kids back to back may be harder financially if you choose to help provide them with a car , graduation money , college fund etc. you’ll also get more one-on-one time so by time you have new baby the oldest will be getting ready for pre school or kindergarten and you’ll get more time with baby in that regard as well. But of course having 1-2 age gap they may be more likely to have to have same friend group especially when younger and may possibly have closer relationship depending and you’ll have them transitioning out of the house at the same time which can be bittersweet ..definitely pros and cons to both
My cousins are four years apart and it worked perfectly. The oldest was old enough to be independent and help out a bit, they didn't have two in diapers at the same time, and they are really close. If we have another one we'll probably aim for that gap too, because it will also mean I can take a year of maternity leave and then our oldest will be in school so we'll only be paying for one lot of daycare (it would cost $640 a week for two in full time daycare).
The Title is misleading, it is actually more about pros and cons of 2 year age gap and close birthdays…
All of your videos have been just such a perfect timing for me, I feel like everything I’m going through you’ve gone through just a couple months ahead of me and are making videos about when I need them. Thank you so much! I am pregnant with number two and our girls will be exactly 2 years apart as well 💕
Originally I wanted my kids as close in age as possible, twins even! Haha. But because of life circumstances it didn't make sense for us to have another so soon. Now my first is almost 3 and we are stable enough to have another and I have to say I am really glad I didn't have a second baby to look after over the last year. I think all age gaps have pros and cons, as you said, but I am really enjoying the idea that I won't feel swamped when baby no.2 comes along and that I got so much one on one time with my first while she was little.
My two are 11 months apart and it was on purpose. We wanted our kids to be as close in age as possible to promote the sibling bond as well as to get through the baby years in one go. My youngest just turned 1 so we have two 1 year olds right now and it's so fun. They're interested in the same stuff they have a similar nap schedule and bedtime and they love each other so much and love playing with each other. It is the sweetest to see their bond. ❤
Thanks for consistent content. Love the channel no matter what you talk about
My kids are going to be 2y 9m apart, and I think it will be amazing! The older will understand more than if she was 1.5-2, but still not way too old to later play together. Me and my sister were 2y3m apart and it was decent. But I think there is much more to sibling relationships than just playing together.
My kids are 22 months apart.
Its great! Though I will want my third to have more of an age gap between my second was more challenging with sleep. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant so soon again with his poor sleep!
Thank you for this video and opening up the comments for others to share their experience. I wanted my kids close in age, like really close. They could have been 18 months a part, but I experienced a miscarriage. Now, with each passing month I wrestle between the closeness in age slipping away and the joy of having more time with just my girl. Hearing and reading the various perspectives helps me feel better about a longer age gap.
My first is going to be 2 on October 1st and my due date for our second is November 1st so almost exactly a 2 year age gap as well. I've honestly been terrified but watching this video gave me such a sense of relief. So much changes between 18 and 24 months that I think I wasn't able to see how much more independent he will be when the baby arrives. I'm so glad you made this video so I could get over that anxiety a little bit.
Just the video I wanted!!! My daughter is 9 months and I really want to further my career a little before I have another. Thanks!!
My first is 8 and I just had my second in April. 🤷🏼♀️ he’s obsessed with his little brother. I wish they were closer but we just weren’t ready for another at that time.
I have two younger sisters. One of them is 5 years younger, and although when we were kids we played together well, we stopped getting along as well when I went through puberty. She is now 15, and I'm 20 and we still struggle to see eye to eye a lot of the time, although it is much better than when I was a teenager. My parents liked the age gap because I understood that the baby needs more care than me and I've always been quite maternal towards her anyway. They were glad to not have two babies at the same time and I was already in school when she was born.
My other sister is 13 years younger than me, and I would babysit her from birth, and she still calls me mama. She's 7 now. The age gap between my two sisters is 8 years to the day, and they argue a lot as well because the older one just sees the younger one as annoying and immature. My relationship with my youngest sister is so so positive, although it is much more like a parental relationship than siblings. I left home when she was 5 but when I spend time at my parents' house at the holidays, I become her primary caregiver because my parents both work.
Growing up with large age gaps, and me being the oldest meant that I was always taking care of the younger ones, which I'm sure my parents loved but it made my relationship with my sisters never quite like a sibling relationship because I was always responsible for them. I love them both to bits but I think we would have been closer if we would have had a smaller age gap, as we would have been on more of a similar mental playing field. As it stands now, one of us is an adult living alone, one of us is a teenager going through puberty, and one of us is a child who still believes in Santa. Very different places in life.
We have a 2 year old who will be 2.5 when his sibling is born. For us, and how I parent (breastfeeding, cosleeping, nursing at night almost every 2 hours until he naturally started sleeping longer stretches around 20 months), this is perfect as I knew if I had another child sooner, I couldn't be the parent that I wanted to be to either of my babies.
I had a girl March 2022 and I’m pregnant with a boy due in October. Age gap will be 19 months. I’m really excited to see them play together and share a room and be super close but I think the first 6 months are going to be a challenge. I was an only child and I’m sooo excited to see my daughter have a little brother.
Good points. Timing is not something you can decide on your own after a c-section. Doctors recommend waiting for 2 years after a c-sec. before starting to TRY...so yeah, when u give naturally it's best to wait for at least 1 year for the body to recover.
I really like how authentic you are and your positive yet realistic vibe gives me reassurance that I'm not alone in this journey! Your skin looks so super healthy and glowy and natural, could you do a video sharing your skincare routine?
2 girls , 13 months apart. If you would've asked me my thoughts back when my 2nd was first born I would not have recommended it due to having a 13 month old that didn't understand anything that was going on, didnt understand what "be careful" meant, and just looked at her younger sister as a ragdoll to play with 😂 my second also had a brachial plexus injury at birth so the first year consisted of arm splints and procedures and due to all the medical things, she required a lot more of my time so I had awful guilt about how I could be making my oldest feel considering she got every ounce of my attention whenever she needed it and that all of the sudden changed when her sister was born. However fast forward to now , they are 14 months and 27 months and are finally able to play together and run around together. Now being that they are so close together , their interests aren't all that different so they are inseparable and it's the most heartwarming thing to see and I wouldn't change a single thing
I clicked SO fast on this video, because it’s exactly what’s been on my mind for when we will try for baby #2! 🙌🏻
sameee
Saaameee my first is 14 months rn and I want my kids semi close BUT my husband is about to enter a 3 year grad school program so financially I just don’t know when we can make it happen 😅
I’m due July 10 with my first and my husband and I are already talking about a second baby! My little sister and I are 7 years apart and I hated it. I love that him and his siblings are close in age
This video was so good, thank you for sharing!!
You did such a great job of emphasizing that there isn't a right or wrong "strategy". It all reeeaaalllyy depends on each family. Thank you ❤️
Currently 10 weeks pregnant and have an 11 month old. So excited but also super nervous 😅
I got pregnant when my first was two. We wanted the first two to be close so the first grows up with a sibling but I wanted to wait until he is a little independent. So we started trying when he was potty trained, can eat by himself, and has a bit of a consistent sleep schedule. For our next babies we would like to wait a little longer so we give the baby full attention. I also want to have a break from being a sleep deprived mom for a bit 😂
My boys are 3.5 years apart and it has been great! As others have noted, we made it through all the major milestones with our first by the time we had our second. I felt like I really got to focus on that with my first and truly enjoy them as a first time parent. It also was a big help to have the oldest in preschool part-time and starting Kindergarten this fall. I personally wouldn't have wanted them any closer in age. I also wouldn't want them spaced out too much more because it feels a little bit like starting over when you are starting to get your life back :)
My mom has 3 brothers - their age gaps are 3 years, 1.5 years, and 6 years. She chose to have me and my brother 3 years apart because she got along with that brother the best. She said she never got along with the brother 1.5 years younger because they were competing for attention ... could be because they were two middle children! She said the 6 year age gap was too much to be close.
Totally agree with spring babies. My first was born May 2022, due with my second this coming May 2024. Excited to have a 2 year age gap
I am pregnant with my second baby. They will be 19 months apart. I always wanted my babies close together. To me I couldn't imagine waiting a few years then getting back into the baby phase. We only want two babies so wanted them close and we are already in baby mode at our house so may as well keep going. Not saying it'll be easy but I think worth it! My brother and I are 16 months apart.
I love this. Currently I am pregnant with baby number 2. They should be 21-22 ish months apart. We're excited and love that they will be close together.
This is the exact video I needed to see! Thank you Shayla!
We have a 1 year old and are deciding when to have our second
My two are one and 11 days apart. I wanted irish twins didn't happen. I love everything about it. They are so close friends and love spending time together. It is very busy but gets easier as they get older. They are 3 and 2 now and time has just gone so fast. I'm a stay at home mam so I'm really lucky to cherish this time.
Mine are almost exactly 15 months apart and I’m enjoying it already! Truly the newborn stage is the hardest, and that can be hard either way. Now that my second is 6 months we have a solid routine and the babies love each other.
Me scrolling through the comments because I have a one year old and COULD NOT IMAGINE another baby ANYTIME SOON !!!
My first born (boy) just turned two, and my second baby (girl) is three months old. Their age gap is 21 months and we’re loving it so far! Spring babies are the best 😊
Same for us! 21 months 😊
Same! 23 months apart and both April babies ❤
29 months apart for my first two. I liked it. I imagine it would be nice if they were a little closer, but its gonna be okay. We want the next baby to be closer but it probably wont be by that much.
My second was born 5 weeks before the first turned 3. poddy training is good, only one stroller, almost all sizes of clothes were covered from the first, my first understood pregnancy and nursing much easier, same time of year for clothes, my first is able to learn patience, my first can do quiet time while baby and I nap for about 2 hours. my first can hardly wait to hold him and play with him all the time.
I clicked so fast because my two boys will have the same exact age gap (2 years + 1 week) as your girls when baby is born in November 💙 a little scared but also so excited and hoping they are BFFs like you said your girls are!
5.9 months…no sibling jealousy, enjoyed alone time with both, no fighting, financially best ever…was able to buy new cars for both, college costs at different time….the reality is the relationship as adults may or may not happen…husbands brother is 14 months apart …they were both so different and different paths and interest, my sibling 18months apart… constant fights and jealousy…no interest in each other as adults…btw..physically your body isn’t even fully healed till two years… kids shouldn’t have a job before they are even born ..ie needing a playmate for your older child…🥴
I'm due with baby #2 pretty much exactly two years after my first. I'm sure it'll be hard but I'm really excited as that's the age gap I had with my big sister and we had so much fun growing up ❤
I've got 2 boys, 17 months apart. They're currently 1 and almost 2 and a half, the dynamic is quite funny coz my eldest is annoyed by his brother's very existence and has a meltdown whenever he touches his toys but then he'll hug him if he's crying 🥹
Mine have a 14 year age gap lol totally not intentional. I had my first at 15 yrs old then my second at 29 yrs old. Both Winter babies. I completely started over
This video was super helpful! We just hit the month where if I got pregnant they would be exactly 2 years apart so this has 100% been on my mind! My sister and I are 2 1/2 years apart and I loved that! My husband and I always said we want our kids 2-3 years apart so gearing up for round 2 here soon Lord willing!!
I am CRYING at your intro with the zoom in 😂😂😂😂
I have my first baby. I like mommy brother and I’s age gap. We’re 4 years. We didn’t really play together much until he was close 1. As we got older, we became closer.
My kids will be 15 years apart. Definitely not what I imagined. A pro will be having help from the older sibling, but the con is both kids are essentially growing up as an only child
I only have one baby but I definitely agree that spring/late winter is a great time to have a baby. My baby was born in February, so after hibernating for a few weeks, I got to enjoy the wonderful spring weather. My sister and I had a four year gap, so we didn't become really close until we were teens. If I have another I want it to be soon.
I am definitely closer with my sister who is 5 years older than with my brother who is only 2 years older. Could be a gender thing, but i think it is a personality thing. He is often rude to me and always has been. So i agree with the personality thing and having a baby when YOU are ready. Im aiming for 3 years apart. My son is 15 months and im definitely not ready right now. I struggled with PPA and PPD and feel im barely on the road to recovery. Like you said shayla, the 1st year is a shite show. My son is also still a nursing co sleeper and im just not ready to give that up to try to get pregnant again. I dont think my son is either. The only thing giving me a sense of urgency is my husbands age which is 42. I want him to be able to play ball with his kids and not be too old and unwell. He is dealing with some health issues and we are trying to address that.
I have two brothers- one is 4 years older and the other is 20 months younger. I'm very close to both of them. Personally I'm aiming for babies 3 years apart for health and financial reasons (daycare is $2.5k/month for one where I live ☠️).
I was told initially that I shouldn’t have another child (complications & NICU baby). Now we’re planning for our second pregnancy and my child will be closer to 3 when her sibling is born if all goes to plan.
I am a fan of bigger age gaps. My sister that I’m super close to is 6 years older than me. She’s my absolute best friend! I have friends who have very small age gaps and they just seem so stressed 🥺 but I guess it really depends on the support group that you have and parenting styles and expectations.
I have an 16-month old and I am 5 months pregnant. So, my kids would be about a year and 9 months apart. It wasn’t planned but we were excited to have a sibling for our daughter and we recently found out that it’ll be another girl. We are hoping that they have a strong bond. And we might stop at two kids as well. We just can’t afford (mentally and financially) a third kid.
Love that you’re thinking about a third since I know you had mentioned only having 2! Idk why that’s exciting for me since it doesn’t have anything to do with me, I just like bigger families 😅 I’ve been asking people about their kids’ age gaps recently too, before and during my current pregnancy. My daughters will be 25 months apart (July 2021 and August 2023). I actually wanted to wait until my first turned 2 to start trying for a second. But I agree with all your pros/cons and love that you did this video for all us moms who over analyze everything 🤪
I got pregnant at 6 months postpartum. Currently still pregnant, excited about the age gap.
I have 4 kids the gaps are as follows. 1/2 7yo, 2/3 2y 4m, 3/4 2y 4m. If you can’t guess we loved the 2y 4month gap. I feel like the toddler is starting to understand what a baby is and things like that. They can hand me a diaper or a wipe and feel included. I try and nurse for about the first 2 years so I am able to wean the before the next is born. The 7y gap was not a choice it is through adoption. I do not recommend. It’s very hard to find activities that they both enjoy. I think the only pro to that gap is that the older child is pretty independent by that age.
My first and second are 2 years and 8 months apart. I loved this age gap. My first was potty trained, sleeping in his big boy bed. Weaned..and it made the transition so smooth. My second and third are a month shy of 3 years apart. And i loved this age gap even more!! My second was potty trained, sleeping in his big boy bed. And understood what was happening and was so excited for his little brother. So my vote is definitely 3 years. It was perfect. But 2 and 8 months was great too 😆
3-5 years is ideal in order to remineralise the body, to be able to produce the healthiest baby. Weston a price studied this.
My sister and I are almost exactly 3 years apart (3 years and 3 days) and we loved it. We always played together well and have always been close. We had a lot of combined birthdays when we were young and we liked it, but we were often into similar things. As we got older (middle/high school) we wanted separate but i think that is to be expected. I feel like so much depends on personalities!
I'd love if you did a video talking about how you managed any guilt with the transition from one to two kids (if you had any guilt) (or if you already have a video, can you link it in the comments?) But my babies are exactly 12 months and 2 days apart...almost wound up having the same exact birthday. I'm drowning in guilt literally every day even when I'm smiling and seem so happy. Deep down I feel like I'm failing them both for so many reasons...biggest reason being they're both never getting me at 100% anymore... like my attention is always split between them and the million mom responsibilities I have to take care of everyday...
Yes make this video please
My two kids are 6yrs apart almost exactly. It was soooo nice when my littlest was born because my oldest could help out & was independent. However IF I had a third I would want a smaller age gap maybe 2-3yrs. ♥️ the bigger age gaps is tough sometimes as the interests are different.
13.5 months between our two, and still 2 under 2. The hardest part was carrying two babies so much of the time; being 20+ weeks pregnant and needing to carry the first one up the stairs for naptime, or 2 weeks postpartum and needing to have newborn in a carrier and toddler on my hip to get to the car because toddler isn't yet confidently walking on her own. The best part is that there isn't any jealousy because the oldest isn't yet old enough to process that it's the baby's fault that I'm busy all the time. Currently 22 months and almost 9 months, and besties! Older one is super in tune with siblings needs and my needs and determined to be involved and it's great fun most of the time. The first three months tho... there were a lot of days where all three of us were crying lol
Mine are 22 months apart and I can't imagine having them closer together. They both still nurse and it can be a lot at times.