My daughters are 4.5 years apart. They are the best friends!!!!! I was so worried the age gap was going to be too much but it turned out to be perfect :)
My sons are 5 years apart and it has been nothing but an absolute joy. The calm I feel is amazing. The help I get from my older son with his little brother is so sweet and gentle. My sister and I are 8 years apart and we are best friends. I loved taking care of her when I was little and being goofy with her.
Having our son when our daughter, Ella, was already 3.5 was AMAZING! We had so much one-on-one time with her and now she’s loving being a hands on “big sis.”
I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with a 4 year old and I'm really happy with this age gap. We're able to answer questions and talk about fears because my son is able to articulate what's going on in his head. For example, he's been worried about me going to the hospital without him and had expressed that he wishes I could stay at home or come home right away. And we've been able to explain why I decided to go to the hospital and stay there a couple of days after the birth. I also feel like my husband and I have had time to process the first birth and newborn stage and get to a solid place as parents and partners. I also feel really confident in my parenting and feel like I will be able to do a good job with two. I needed a few years to confront some things that came up for me after my first was born. We also have been able to get back to a good place financially after I was off work for the first couple of years with our first. I do worry that my first and second won't be able to play with each other because of the age gap, but I think we'll just have to wait and see how their relationship develops.
Love this! My husband and I had our son young. He's 8 now and we're ready to have more children. It's definitely a different vibe considering a 5+ year age gap. But I dont think my son was ready for another sibling until he was about 5 or 6. I just feel like his personality type needed to have that one on one a little longer and when we are ready to grow our family, he will make a great older brother. I used to want a smaller age gap but I've learned that families are not one size fits all. And a smaller age gap does not guarantee that your kids will be or remain close. Facilitating loving dynamics is so much more than age proximity. With family planning, it's a lot more important to start where you are, assess the needs of your family, and decide from there what age gap works best for everyone's best interests.
I loveee your first paragraph ! My son is 6, turning 7 in November , and he’s finally comfortable to say he wants a sibling now, because it’s not just about my partner and I trying again , but making my son comfortable around the whole situation
This was just the video I needed. We lost a baby at 21 day old when my son was 2… it was the age gap I wanted. He’s now 3 1/2 and I’m newly pregnant. I’ve been having a hard time with this gap. Thank you for pointing out all the positives.
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I originally wanted 2 or 3 kids with no more than a 2 year age gap between and when I got my period back 9 months postpartum I was keen to start trying but my husband wanted to wait. He kept saying 'not until she's off the boob and out of the bed'. Now she's 19 months and still not off either haha and I'm so glad I don't have a newborn to look after as well. I didn't even realise there were health benefits to a 3-5 year age gap but instinctively it is what I have started to feel would be good for my mental health, and so that I can foster the kind of relationship I would like as a parent with my children. Also, I feel like people always say that you need your kids to be close in age so that they have a good relationship with each other (i.e. are friends), but what I have observed in life is that it comes down to personality not age. I know siblings 18 months apart who don't get along at all and others who have a 7 year age gap and are best mates.
Yes not all siblings are friends ! It definitely is personality and not the age difference. I have 3 kids and widely spaced . The last 2 are 11 yrs apart and are closer than the eldest and middle who are the same gender and 5 yrs apart.
I’m not a mom yet but love watching parenting content. I’ve been watching your channel since your EC video came out and love your perspective on parenting. Thank you for all you do!
I randomly saw one of her videos a couple years before I even thought of getting pregnant. never heard of gentle parenting before that and it really changed everything when I had my first a year ago.
@@hllymchll same! I love the idea of calm, respectful parenting and think it’s definitely something I want to incorporate into my parenting when the time comes.
This has made me feel a lot better about wanting to space things out. I'm hoping for a 3.5- 4 year age gap. My daughter (22 months) needs all of me right now. I had postpartum depression and really struggled having my baby girl (my first child) through the pandemic. My mind still needs time too. No one talks about the relationship side, I want to have a good year (next year) of getting to know my partner again, as I feel like the past two years have just been survival mode of balancing our new life. Thanks for the video ✨️
I’m a first time pandemic mom too. I definitely needed that extra time to adjust to motherhood before feeling ready for baby #2. Sending such a big hug!🩷
I respectfully disagree. I was 4 years older than my sibling and we were not close in our growing up years at all. Four years gap is huge from the perspective of a child or teenager. My daughter has a 24 month gap between her son and daughter and from what I can observe, this has been perfect. It’s easier on the parents & the kiddos play nicely and visibly enjoy each other as playmates. My sister had three children, all spaced about 5 years apart. That means hands on parenting lasted 25/30 years. I was done with hands on child raising at age 42. For the last 20 years I’ve been enjoying life with no kid interference and establishing myself in career, hobbies & traveling. Now in the last 4 years I’ve been enjoying my young grandchildren, so resuming a more family and child lifestyle. There’s more to your purpose and identity than motherhood. I will say being a mother was a great time - a special treasured time - of my life, but my child spacing gave me a fuller life and freedom. I realize baby making doesn’t always go as planned. There’s pro-con to everything, this is only one woman’s viewpoint.
I agree! My brother was 4 years older. Also he has a disability so we weren’t close as kids. At least with a 1-2 year age gap they’ll see each other at the same school etc
After having two 18 months apart, I can confirm all of this. I do not recommend it. It's harder than twins. It took 4 years for me to feel like my head was finally above water. Now I'm expecting #3 with a 5 year age gap from my youngest and know that this will be a whole new experience that will be incredibly easy compared to my last addition.
Interesting topic! I've just had our 2nd baby, so we have one that is 1 1/2 years old and our daughter is 2 months old 🥰 I was super worried when I was pregnant, but so far it's actually been so much better than expected. Our son was so young, he doesn't seem to remember a time when I wasn't carrying a baby in my arms, so there really wasn't much of an adjustment phase. I think it's actually made our relationships with the whole family stronger and closer. I baby-wear a lot, so we all do everything together. He loves waking up and looking for "baby" to give her snuggles first thing every morning. Now, as she gets older and less sleepy, I'm sure we'll run into new challenges, but so far it's been wonderful. They were actually both the same birth weight, just about 9 pounds. And we are VERY fortunate that both of them sleep extremely well. So besides the occasional restless or sick night, no one is overly sleep deprived. We want to have 1 more, not sure how long we'll wait to get pregnant, but hopefully longer than 9 months this time 😆
that's so wonderful! How old are you? I think it's totally great and awesome, because they don't realize yet about the competition and separateness, etc. I think actually 2 years gap would be worse, you did it right!
How did you find your first reacted to having a sibling? I know you said he didn’t know otherwise but in terms of not getting your full attention all the time.. Thinking about child spacing and interested in your experience!
@@ferywernergomezbaker219 I really didn't notice a change in his behavior. I don't know if thats how most Littles would react, I mightve just gotten lucky. But I do work very hard in making sure they both get lots of 1 on 1 time, and my full attention whenever they're wanting it. My son is independent for his age, and loves his free time, so again, probably just got a little lucky on that one. He's never been super clingy or needy. I am very fortunate and am able to be a stay at home mom, so them seeing me 24/7 probably factors into how well its going.
@@Nagemy my 9.5 month old does have really good chunks of play on his own and is pretty intent on exploring with out without me around haha. Yes that’s so important - do you have any tips for manoeuvring that? Still find it hard sometjmes grounding myself to be as present as I would like amongst tiredness and the to do list.
Very insightful video. Having 2 little ones 3.5 yrs apart I have found (from experience) that most of the benefits mentioned esp referring to the more practical/parenting ones have been true for our family. Yet, the perspective offered here is that of a single child parent..without the experience of having a second child and the “roller coaster” that comes with that :) It would be very interesting in fact to revisit this topic in a year’s time (once you have yourself gone through the transition of going from 1 to 2) and add to this video as needed. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy! Despite any challenges, the bond that forms bt siblings truly is gold… x
I completely agree. On top of the financial benefits of spacing out, I needed more time due to illness after having my first and making myself strong and well again. I am expecting my 2nd with a 5yr old daughter already at home. Myself and my brothers have 5 yr age gaps between us and we're very close! So I hated when people kept telling me to hurry up and have another. It also felt a bit insulting to my first, like she wasn't enough for the family when I thought of her as the sun.
My husband and I have had so much pressure to have another quickly! Our daughter is 2.5 and we finally feel like we will be ready to try for another this summer which would make my daughter almost 4 when our next one is born. I’ve always felt like my bond with my daughters younger years is too important and she needs 100% of me at this age. Thank you for this encouragement that we made the right choice!
I’m not a parent nor am i married, but i’ve talked with my partner before about children and how many we want. My reasoning for wanting a minimum 4 year age gap is more so to be able to financially recover so that if and when they want to go to university i can support them equally
So glad to hear you bring up Dr. Price. I've been feeding my family according to those dietary principles for 10 years. My 4 yr old has a nice wide face and well-spaced teeth.
I totally get it and it’s a great video! For myself and my family (we live in Canada) it’s better for my kids to be 2 years apart… maternity leave wise / daycare it’s easier for us. My son having that playmate sooner is easier for us :) I’m also older than the average mom these days where I live so I also feel that I need to have them sooner before my body can’t handle it anymore… have em “young” so to speak! My sister and I are 2 years apart and yes it may have been a challenge in the younger years for my mom but she’s always said “you guys were always close and were each other’s playmate” and I feel that it’s true for me as well :)
Loved this video! and it came at a perfect time - we're pregnant with our second, our son is 3,5 and I felt sad that I "failed" to give him a sibling to grow up together. But seeing how involved he is in the process, how loving and aware it makes up for it totally! :)
I love you're content. In the past few years when I feel like I'm not quite sure what to do as a mom, I come back to your videos and they help the ground me again. You communicate and present the information so well. Thank you!
I find this interesting. From my observations, every family with children 3-5 years apart have had a really hard time with the children liking each other (cooperating, playing etc). From my own observations, having kids less than 3 years, or greater than 5 years apart is ideal for your children to bond with each other. Children who are 3-5 (particularly the 1st child) has become accustomed to being the only one and getting their own routine and sense of 'normal' and bringing in a new child during this time tends to be very disruptive, confusing, and frustrating to them. Children under 3 are still too young (still learning their family and their 'normal') to be disrupted by a new sibling, and can be open to new sibling. Children 5+ are developed enough to understand what having a new sibling really means, and thus can get excited about it, and be accepting. 3-5 years may be more 'ideal' for the parents, however, it seems to be problematic for children. **(particularly between the 1st and 2nd children)
I actually completely disagree! My younger siblings and I are so close and there are 7 years between us. My dad and his brother are 5 years apart and were best friends their entire upbringing and remain so today… I have countless people in my life with the same perspective and experience as well. I think that the relationship between siblings has so much more to do with parenting, secure attachments to parents, and the overall household dynamic than the difference in age. Not to mention that it is so developmentally difficult for a 1.5/2 year old to process and understand a new sibling and I hear that feedback time and time again. Even in my own direct family.
@@themellowmama Exactly 5-7 years apart is good for sibling bonding. It's the 3-5 years thats challenging. But again, this is simply based on what I've observed in my lifetime and those I've spoken to. But learning of other's experiencing is always insightful.
You’re awesome and I love all your content. I think there has been such a fad and pressure to have two under two. I have an almost three year old and recently had a miscarriage. I felt like I owed it to my son for him to have a sibling which isn’t true at all. My son has been through a lot already and he needs me right now. Not to say that the miscarriage didn’t shatter my heart it did I just think God had a different plan. Through processing my miscarriage I have been learning more the depth of bringing a new life into this world. It is no little thing and should be taken under so much consideration. Moms wonder why their lives are chaotic when they just keep having kids one on top of the other. Life should be considered so seriously and intentionally.
This is fascinating, & good to keep in mind. Our two are just shy of 3 years apart, & I can appreciate the benefits of having a (slightly) more autonomous older sibling when caring for a newborn, especially if there are extenuating circumstances ie. no family nearby, health challenges, as was the case for us. I think the guilt of dividing attention as a mom is there regardless of afge difference. My MIL had a 7 year gap between her oldest two, and the 7 year old had a very hard time with that transition. By comparison, his younger brother loved welcoming a little sister at two years old. While having multiple babies is so logistically challenging, I have heard from parents that the closer ages become more beneficial as they reach mid to late school years & they are in a more similar phase of childhood. All in all, I believe that babies are a blessing that come when they're meant to, and it's also always good to make mindful choices when it comes to planning our families. :) thank you again for the wonderful ideas!
I waited until my daughter was 2.5 to conceive our second because her personality needs a lot of attention and still does now at 3.5 with the new baby. It was the right decision, but I would say that with an older child I think the transition tends to be harder as they're used to so much attention and they are very aware of what's going on. If your child is already in full-time daycare, it will be less of an adjustment. Personal situations are important here, as this perspective of child spacing is appealing to you because of your situation as a single mom with one child, but other parents, such as an older couple might prefer to have them close together for obvious reasons xx
I have the same distance with my two. It’s been a rough adjustment for my 3.5y oldest who has such a demanding personality. It’s been really rough. She’s devastated and unhinged, frankly. We were so close. She was a challenging baby too so ~it is what it is~
I have a 13 month old and a 25 month old. In my experience, adding my youngest to the family was as smooth as can be, and at the moment people often mistake them as twins. They play together and look for each other when the other one is not around. My daughter (25 month old), took her brother with no jealousy at all. Maybe because she was so young when he was born- but she would go give him kisses, give him toys and was extremely nourishing and understanding of her baby brother despite the young age. So I’m not sure psychologically a close age gap is bad- quite the opposite in my experience. The two biggest drawbacks for me and hubby were sleep and finances (nursery prices in UK are astronomical even for one child, let alone two)- however we are slowly coming out of this phase. I do want to have a third one day though so it was interesting to hear the arguments for a longer age gap. Thanks for sharing! 😊
I wish we had spaced our children out more. We had 6 kids in 9 years and it’s been incredibly difficult. I didn’t know about conscious/respectful parenting so trying to incorporate that with my older kids has been incredibly difficult. My baby is 1 and I try to do attachment parenting but post partum depression hit me so hard and I feel stretched so thin. I wish I had someone to educate me more when I started having kids. I love each of them so much but I feel like I’ve missed out on so much or haven’t given them enough.
I was a teen mom for baby 1 and it took 5 yrs to mature and be ready for baby 2. My last baby happened when my eldest was16 and my middle was 11. It was intresting!! Today they are 32 26 and 15. And I'm helping my middle daughter raise her son . So again my 15 yr old and my grandson is 5. Huge gaps but they have both benefits and cons like anything. I feel like the girls 5 yr age difference was great because I had the same alone time. The eldest was at school so most of the day I had alone time with the baby. But I had many friends who had kids closer together and they had a greater bond imo .
I had surprise twins when my son was 22 months old, and the point I resonate with is the guilt I felt/still sometimes feel (the twins just turned 1) in regards to my time with my son. The transition seemed to be more difficult for me than my son, but that could be because we had a lot of help in the first few months, so he got a lot of undivided attention. If anything, it’s more difficult for him now that they are almost walking, playing with his toys, etc. In regards to health, hard to say so soon, but my girls were 100% healthy when born, not having to spend any extra time in the hospital thankfully. I was also blessed with 3 wonderful sleepers, and I know that makes a huge difference (I really feel it when they’re sick and up at night). I would like a fourth, but not until the twins are at least 2.5/3. Thanks for your perspective, I’m a looong time subscriber.
All interesting points. But only one side if the coin. Of course having bigger or smaller gaps both come with positives and negatives, that all needs to be taken into account when deciding when to have the next child. I believe this video only portrayed the positives of having a 3-5 year gap, and not touched on any negatives of it, or any lost opportunities compared to having kids closer in age. Still a good video. Thanks
I so needed this video! I just found out I’m pregnant and my daughter is 4. The baby is actually due on her 5th birthday. She is so so excited and already wants to help with the baby. I am so excited we decided to wait. Not only for my mental health, but for my older child as well. I was able to focus on just raising her for those 4 very very important years.❤
I've been waiting for this video! my first and only is 13 months old. I just turned 29 and want to be done having 3 or 4 kids before I'm too old, but also want my family to be as healthy as possible
@@sarah29880 yes! I just had my second. she's now 3 months and my first will be 3 in a month. I thought that was a good enough spacing, but man. I was pregnant January 2023 and a few months later is when there terrible 2s started. it's been a while year of crazy tantrums that weren't happening around the time I conceived. so if we have a third, I'm waiting until my second is at least 3 to conceive because trying to deal with tantrums and potty training regression with a newborn has been rough
I felt so guilty when i got pregnant when my 1st was 10 months old and relieved when i miscarried, which sucks to feel and say. I got pregnant for the third time when my 1st was 15 months old, and I felt so ready. Now, with a 3.5 y.o. and an 18 m.o., my husband and I are so exhausted, but our kids like each other so much most of the time. When I was pregnant with my 18 m.o., my midwife kept stressing that I needed to take better care of myself nutritionally, but that baby is the chunkier one now. I would like to get pregnant again in another 18 months to give my body, mind, and the rest of my family a break. When I see people with many kids around the same age, I feel exhausted for them. I don't know they maintain their sanity.
It's all in God's timing. We weren't ready for our 1st until I was 29 & then did'nt feel like we wanted a 2nd until 4 yrs later & hoping to have less than 5 yr age gap at that point. We unfortunately miscarried & I was bummed that it will be over 5 yr age gap now. We were blessed with another pregnancy 3 months after we lost & the age gap will be 5 yrs & 3 months. I see God's timing is perfect though & our 4 year old daughter will be an amazing big sister. Starting to see all the advantages to waiting & glad we didn't rush ourselves 🙏🏽
I breast fed the first for 2+ years and that sabotaged my ovulation to the point i couldn't physically get pregnant any earlier. I just kind of went with the body. I was also told multiple times to have the next baby before the 5 year mark, just because the birth becomes so much more difficult after you've completely healed over after 5 years.
I am so relieved by this video! (Sorry in advance for my english…) I really wanted little age gap between my children, cause me and my sister were 2 years apart and we have always been really close. But after the first I struggled with post partum depression for a year and a half. I even question having a second child after that, cause it was incredibly hard and painful, and I did’nt want to live this again. I now want a second child but my daughter will be at least 3 when he arrives. I had difficulty accepting that and it was really helpful listening about this from someone I admire for many years ❤️
I had Irish twins and had so much anxiety about my oldest and his emotional well-being.. honestly it was a bit hard but I think the adjustment was a bit better than if he was 1.5,2, even 3 years older.
My daughter is 3 years old and my son 1 and I honestly think it would have been easier with a bigger age gap... I love them and am so happy for them but it has been very difficult... It affected both my mental and physical health. I wish for one more kid but it might not be possible due to my health. If we can have one more we are going to wait until my son is four or five years old. I come from a family where I am the oldest one out of four siblings. We are all very close and I am just as close with my ten years younger sister as with my two years younger brother and four years younger sister! 🙂 A big age gap does not att all mean that the siblings wont be close!
Oh I so needed this video. Thank you. I’ve been a subscriber to you since before I was even pregnant with my 3 year old son and I was watching your newborn must haves making notes. We’re going for a 4 year age gap and this made me feel so much better about it 💕
Not a mom yet, but definitely saving this for later! This is a topic I asked you about in one of your Q&As on Instagram and I’m so happy you made a video! 😁
currently watching this while pregnant! My littles are going to be 3.5 years apart, I always wanted a 3 year age gap (just as preference) but I’m grateful to learn about more benefits/things I may not have thought of
I enjoyed this video. I’m a WAPFer but I kinda screwed this up a little. Had my first at 32, second 2.75 years later, having my third 2 years after #2 at age 37. I wish I had started earlier but I want one more child so will have to balance my advanced maternal age with nutritional depletion 😅
I’m 36 with my first so if I wait 4 years the risk of not being able to conceive or things going wrong goes up! So no thanks don’t think I will wait to try with a 9 month old 🥰🥰
Love the information you provided. I had my first and second son's 18 months apart. My second was not a small baby he was 9lbs and born at 40 weeks. But I will say mentally it was super hard to have two children so close together.
A very conscious decision! ❤️ I love having my children exactly 5 years apart honestly, but if we have more kids we’ll have them a little sooner- probably about 3.5 years apart!
@@themellowmama Thank you. My parents were not very conscious, so I try to do things differently. Both 5 & 3.5 year age gaps sound great! I appreciate when people are thoughtful about how sibling gaps may affect their kids.
I’m happy to see you post videos again more regularly. I love your voice and your take on parenting. You led me to Roslyn Ross and respectful parenting, both lifechanging ❤️ I have a 7 and a 3 yo and planning on having one more baby. I wanted them to be closer in age but knowing that spacing them is better for our health is reassuring.
Thank you for doing this BUT- the disclaimer for a sensitive subject like this is kind of important so… if you’re reading that comment and going to skip the introduction, don’t come at me 😂🤍
@@themellowmama that was just a marker for me to pick back up where i left off. That's for the speedy response. I edited the comment multiple times. The one That's there now is for you.
@@1bestfriend2u18 Aw, amazing! I just had to comment in case people who are new to the video were to skip ahead- I know some people are offended before the video even begins! Hahaha 😘🥰 Thank you for the love!
I am 5.5 years apart from my sister and we are 2 completely different people as we were essentially raised by 2 completely changed people (same parents but they were in their mid 20's with my sister and early 30's with me). I rarely speak to her. I really don't believe spacing will do anything as I se comment below talking about how wonderful it is. Have kids at whatever pace you want.
@@leanne9102 I’m sorry to hear that… My video doesn’t make any sort of promises but I would say that the physiological aspect of the conversation was completely overlooked in this comment & is one of the more important ones for mothers to consider.
Thank you for this 🙂 I had a 2.5 year age gap between my first 2 children and found it SO so difficult! Potty training the 2 year old while struggling with pregnancy sickness every day (lockdown so no help at all) was awful. When baby arrived I felt trapped in the house for a long time because my 2 year old still couldn't walk far and wanted carrying and I couldn't carry him and push the pram with one hand (in hindsight I should've got a double stroller but it was lockdown so we couldn't do much anyway). I'd love to have a third child but it wouldn't be fair on them if I'm sick and in pain during the pregnancy again so I'm definitely gonna have a larger age gap next time. I think it will be better for all of us. And this video has made me feel so much better about it 🙂 xxx
For those who have just liked this comment... I have just found out that I am unexpectedly pregnant with my third already! So a 2 year age gap again it is... Wish me luck 😅
As always, wonderful, insightful video! Thank you. A bit off topic, but you briefly mentioned the potential "weaning" process of a breastfeeding child and it made me wonder if you had ever shared any information on how you went about gently and respectfully weaning Donovan. It's a super personal topic, so I understand if you kept that private, but I am feeling the end is near with my 15-month-old, and wondered if you had any of your amazing advice for this guilt-ridden Mama. 😊
I'm in similar place with my 18 months old.. I heard people just take a weekend trip somewhere, but it's pretty cold turkey to me.. I honestly don't think I would be able to gradually wean him, as he is super into the boob still, just as much as he was when he was born!
Hi there! I am going through weaning right now! I set intentions to wean around 24 months…my son turns 3 in a few weeks so I have definitely taken it slowly. I had plans to take a trip but I could never get some help to make it happen. So, I took it slowwww. Minimizing day feeds and just keeping my kiddo busy. We also started daycare which helped a ton. The last 6 months he’s been only feeding to sleep. This worked for us and it’s still a little hard to get him down for a nap. We’re at 2 days no nursing! Just be aware that while weaning you can have a big drop of oxytocin. This is me today. Sent the kiddo off with his dad & watching youtube because it almost feels like a shock in my body! I feel like it definitely would have been easier while he was younger about a year and a half just because his attitude is so strong growing into his threes! Just be persistent and verbal while in the process lots of redirection and substitutes!
Hi! New to your channel, but was curious about your vlog after hearing you on the freely rooted podcast. I’m one of 11 kids and we are all about 18 months -2 years apart. I’m the 8th and my baby sister is a 6’1 beautiful Amazon woman/nurse…the rest of us are not so impressive in stature. I’m the runt being 5’4. All of us have distinct cheek bones and jaw lines though, so maybe my mom had a great mineral replenishment system happening! I am a mom of 5 beautiful, intelligent and sweet kids. They are about 18 months apart with the biggest gap being 22 months. I’ve honestly felt healthy and back to my normal physical strength in between pregnancies. The only time I felt a little disappointed was when I had some baby weight to lose after my 4th baby and found out I was pregnant with my 5th-which seems silly now that I have my cute, sassy little girl toddling around cracking us all up with her antics and making us all feel loved with her cuddles! My oldest is a girl who is now 7.5 and she is a natural big sister/mamas helper. She has loved being an older sibling from the second she met her first little brother. My son, was not as keen to meet his sister that followed him, but luckily my third baby was very low maintenance and I was able to give him the attention he needed. The oldest 3 are very close, but each is so different in personality that they definitely get into arguments very frequently…sibling squabbles. My youngest two try their best to do whatever the older are doing, and while their older siblings love playing with them and obviously enjoy making their babies happy, they definitely want time to play with Lincoln logs and train tracks without their adorable little siblings destroying their creations. So, more often than not, I play with the littles while the big kids are happily building together in another room…once they are done, they invite the babies in to knock it all down. 😂 I get to enjoy my big kids during nap time when we homeschool and at night when the babes are in bed and they get Lego time or story time. My husband often takes the three older kids on outings too, while the babies are napping, so they get special big kid time. I love having 5 kids 7.5 and under. It’s probably a little crazier than having them more spaced out, but its so fun to watch them playing their imaginative games together. We believe that children are gifts from the Lord and wanted to welcome them as He saw fit to give them to us. We trust in Him. That being said, we are using NFP to space before our next pregnancy. It does feel challenging at times because my husband works long, somewhat irregular hours and the days that he isn’t home for dinner or the weeks that he’s working over the weekend are rough for both of us and the kids. We do hope to welcome another baby (or more!) just praying and waiting for now though. Anyway, just thought I’d chime in!
Just wanted to add that all of my babies have been 8 lbs or more with my 5th baby being over 9 lbs. I did not have gestational diabetes. All of my deliveries have been unmedicated -3 in a hospital and 2 at home. ❤️
I understand, but I don't agree completely. All the mentioned benefits are valid for the time the second child is a baby. But what about later in childhood/life? Children that are spaced 4, 5 years are less likely to play together, have common interests etc. My sister and I were 4 years apart, we argued constantly, I was always the annoying younger sister and we didn't have much in common. She never wanted to play with me, because she was "too old for that". I always put that on the age gap, because all my friends, whose siblings were i.e. 2 years apart, had great relationships with their sisters and brothers. Because of that, i would think 4, 5 year gap is the worst for the children (for their relationship). But yes, I agree it is great for the time of pregnancy and the post-partum period. My sons are 2,5 years apart. Right now I really like our gap, family dynamics and I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship develops.
I actually completely disagree! My younger siblings and I are so close and there are 7 years between us. My dad and his brother are 5 years apart and were best friends their entire upbringing and remain so today… I have countless people in my life with the same perspective and experience as well. I think that the relationship between siblings has so much more to do with parenting, secure attachments to parents, and the overall household dynamic than the difference in age. Not to mention that it is so developmentally difficult for a 1.5/2 year old to process and understand a new sibling and I hear that feedback time and time again. Even in my own direct family. ♥️
I have a sister who is 11 years older than me and she is my best friend. I dont think age is neccessarily what defines if you will be close or not. I think it has more to do with personality. I dont believe a small age gap guarantees that siblings will get along. I have heard of many siblings close in age especially boys that fight a lot
We have an 18 month old boy, and are currently decerning when would be best to try for our next, and this was actually so helpful, since the baby fever is strong right now lol ❤
Same here. Our boy is 18 months old. I think maybe by 2 years would be a good time to conceive again. I want to stop breastfeeding first and give myself a few months break for the summer, get in better shape physically and mentally and then create again possibly.
I'm glad you put such a nice disclaimer at the start of this video haha because my reaction to the title was WHHHHAT wait wait what haha but after listening to your disclaimer I was like ok ok carry on lol.
Hahaha gahhh I know! Sometimes when filming my videos I’m like- “will people not even get past the freaking disclaimer to the material because I have to clarify so much” … but it must be done and comments like yours make me feel so reassured. 😂😭🥲
@@themellowmama I honestly wouldn't have made it more than a few minutes in if it wasn't for your disclaimer haha I was mad at just the title hahaha so safe to say the disclaimer was a good idea. Keep it up!!! Made everything you said a lot easier to listen to and digest without jumping to "no that's not best etc etc."
One benefit of a larger age gap is that, especially if you are a single parent, or have more than two children, you can be almost certain that at least one parent/guardian will be able to make it to each of your children's parent/guardian and teacher nights at their school. My brother is only two years younger than me, but my parents only us, and for years, we didn't even attend the same school, which typically made parent-teacher nights/meetings easier. However, when we were both in the same high school, my parents would plan it so that one would go to my classes, and the other would go to my brother's classes.
We unintentionally spaced our children. We would have liked them grouped closer together, since we are considered older parents, but an early miscarriage made that choice for us. But nonetheless, I am grateful for the 3 1/2 years that my eldest and I were able to spend just the two of us before his brother was born. There wasn't much of an adjustment period for him, as we did a lot of work together preparing him for the arrival of a baby and he looked forward to it.
Hi Kait, for those who want a smaller side age gap can you please clarify if it suffices to plan your older child to turn 3 once the other baby comes along, or should we wait to try to conceive only after they're 3?
Our daughter is 8yr old now. Always thought we’d get her a sibling but after 4 losses in a row the stress and worry is too much now. So unfair as some women just seem to have lots of kids no problem and I’m very bitter towards anyone having babies now which is terrible. Age has now beat us now we are too old. Gona be a regret I’ll have to live with rest of our life 😞
Actually, having multiple kids back to back is NOT always "just okay". I was raised with 3 younger siblings each 1.5-2 years younger than me. We didn't get proper attention & have all had mental health struggles as a result. We had to finish parenting ourselves. So no, doing that to someone is fucked up. I'm not doing that to my kids.
@@msjoby89 well without it people like you will also take to the comments section to say whatever offended you or bothered you, so I try my best to acknowledge what I can to mitigate that- however there’s always a way to complain and you have found it. 😂
Listen it’s a sensitive subject! Oftentimes when people skip the disclaimers, they come at me in the comments… kind of like you’re doing, 😂 So I try to prevent as much of it as possible- Not to mention I think when people are in defense-mode they learn nothing and aren’t open to any new information, so not covering what I cover to start would make the entire video pointless for a large part of my audience. ❤️
My daughters are 4.5 years apart. They are the best friends!!!!! I was so worried the age gap was going to be too much but it turned out to be perfect :)
My sons are 5 years apart and it has been nothing but an absolute joy. The calm I feel is amazing. The help I get from my older son with his little brother is so sweet and gentle. My sister and I are 8 years apart and we are best friends. I loved taking care of her when I was little and being goofy with her.
Having our son when our daughter, Ella, was already 3.5 was AMAZING! We had so much one-on-one time with her and now she’s loving being a hands on “big sis.”
I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with a 4 year old and I'm really happy with this age gap. We're able to answer questions and talk about fears because my son is able to articulate what's going on in his head. For example, he's been worried about me going to the hospital without him and had expressed that he wishes I could stay at home or come home right away. And we've been able to explain why I decided to go to the hospital and stay there a couple of days after the birth.
I also feel like my husband and I have had time to process the first birth and newborn stage and get to a solid place as parents and partners. I also feel really confident in my parenting and feel like I will be able to do a good job with two. I needed a few years to confront some things that came up for me after my first was born.
We also have been able to get back to a good place financially after I was off work for the first couple of years with our first.
I do worry that my first and second won't be able to play with each other because of the age gap, but I think we'll just have to wait and see how their relationship develops.
I love this response so much! Also! Donovan LOVES his baby sister and DOES play with her even now and she's only 3 months old. :)
Love this! My husband and I had our son young. He's 8 now and we're ready to have more children. It's definitely a different vibe considering a 5+ year age gap. But I dont think my son was ready for another sibling until he was about 5 or 6. I just feel like his personality type needed to have that one on one a little longer and when we are ready to grow our family, he will make a great older brother.
I used to want a smaller age gap but I've learned that families are not one size fits all. And a smaller age gap does not guarantee that your kids will be or remain close. Facilitating loving dynamics is so much more than age proximity. With family planning, it's a lot more important to start where you are, assess the needs of your family, and decide from there what age gap works best for everyone's best interests.
I loveee your first paragraph ! My son is 6, turning 7 in November , and he’s finally comfortable to say he wants a sibling now, because it’s not just about my partner and I trying again , but making my son comfortable around the whole situation
This was just the video I needed. We lost a baby at 21 day old when my son was 2… it was the age gap I wanted. He’s now 3 1/2 and I’m newly pregnant. I’ve been having a hard time with this gap. Thank you for pointing out all the positives.
So sorry for your loss. I have a 4 year age gap between mine and it has been great! Good luck out there!
All my kids are 3-5 years apart and I love it!
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I originally wanted 2 or 3 kids with no more than a 2 year age gap between and when I got my period back 9 months postpartum I was keen to start trying but my husband wanted to wait. He kept saying 'not until she's off the boob and out of the bed'. Now she's 19 months and still not off either haha and I'm so glad I don't have a newborn to look after as well. I didn't even realise there were health benefits to a 3-5 year age gap but instinctively it is what I have started to feel would be good for my mental health, and so that I can foster the kind of relationship I would like as a parent with my children. Also, I feel like people always say that you need your kids to be close in age so that they have a good relationship with each other (i.e. are friends), but what I have observed in life is that it comes down to personality not age. I know siblings 18 months apart who don't get along at all and others who have a 7 year age gap and are best mates.
Yes not all siblings are friends ! It definitely is personality and not the age difference. I have 3 kids and widely spaced . The last 2 are 11 yrs apart and are closer than the eldest and middle who are the same gender and 5 yrs apart.
I’m not a mom yet but love watching parenting content. I’ve been watching your channel since your EC video came out and love your perspective on parenting. Thank you for all you do!
I randomly saw one of her videos a couple years before I even thought of getting pregnant. never heard of gentle parenting before that and it really changed everything when I had my first a year ago.
@@hllymchll same! I love the idea of calm, respectful parenting and think it’s definitely something I want to incorporate into my parenting when the time comes.
Same here!
This has made me feel a lot better about wanting to space things out. I'm hoping for a 3.5- 4 year age gap. My daughter (22 months) needs all of me right now. I had postpartum depression and really struggled having my baby girl (my first child) through the pandemic. My mind still needs time too. No one talks about the relationship side, I want to have a good year (next year) of getting to know my partner again, as I feel like the past two years have just been survival mode of balancing our new life. Thanks for the video ✨️
❤
I’m a first time pandemic mom too. I definitely needed that extra time to adjust to motherhood before feeling ready for baby #2. Sending such a big hug!🩷
I'm in the same spot.
So relatable
This is the most relatable comment. I feel as if you spoke directly about me.😊
I respectfully disagree. I was 4 years older than my sibling and we were not close in our growing up years at all. Four years gap is huge from the perspective of a child or teenager. My daughter has a 24 month gap between her son and daughter and from what I can observe, this has been perfect. It’s easier on the parents & the kiddos play nicely and visibly enjoy each other as playmates. My sister had three children, all spaced about 5 years apart. That means hands on parenting lasted 25/30 years. I was done with hands on child raising at age 42. For the last 20 years I’ve been enjoying life with no kid interference and establishing myself in career, hobbies & traveling. Now in the last 4 years I’ve been enjoying my young grandchildren, so resuming a more family and child lifestyle. There’s more to your purpose and identity than motherhood. I will say being a mother was a great time - a special treasured time - of my life, but my child spacing gave me a fuller life and freedom. I realize baby making doesn’t always go as planned. There’s pro-con to everything, this is only one woman’s viewpoint.
I agree! My brother was 4 years older. Also he has a disability so we weren’t close as kids. At least with a 1-2 year age gap they’ll see each other at the same school etc
After having two 18 months apart, I can confirm all of this. I do not recommend it. It's harder than twins. It took 4 years for me to feel like my head was finally above water. Now I'm expecting #3 with a 5 year age gap from my youngest and know that this will be a whole new experience that will be incredibly easy compared to my last addition.
Interesting topic! I've just had our 2nd baby, so we have one that is 1 1/2 years old and our daughter is 2 months old 🥰 I was super worried when I was pregnant, but so far it's actually been so much better than expected. Our son was so young, he doesn't seem to remember a time when I wasn't carrying a baby in my arms, so there really wasn't much of an adjustment phase. I think it's actually made our relationships with the whole family stronger and closer. I baby-wear a lot, so we all do everything together. He loves waking up and looking for "baby" to give her snuggles first thing every morning. Now, as she gets older and less sleepy, I'm sure we'll run into new challenges, but so far it's been wonderful. They were actually both the same birth weight, just about 9 pounds. And we are VERY fortunate that both of them sleep extremely well. So besides the occasional restless or sick night, no one is overly sleep deprived. We want to have 1 more, not sure how long we'll wait to get pregnant, but hopefully longer than 9 months this time 😆
that's so wonderful! How old are you? I think it's totally great and awesome, because they don't realize yet about the competition and separateness, etc. I think actually 2 years gap would be worse, you did it right!
@@ChornaRealEstate I'm 25, yeah, I'm happy how it all worked out! I'm hoping they'll have a close relationship as they grow older ☺
How did you find your first reacted to having a sibling? I know you said he didn’t know otherwise but in terms of not getting your full attention all the time.. Thinking about child spacing and interested in your experience!
@@ferywernergomezbaker219 I really didn't notice a change in his behavior. I don't know if thats how most Littles would react, I mightve just gotten lucky. But I do work very hard in making sure they both get lots of 1 on 1 time, and my full attention whenever they're wanting it. My son is independent for his age, and loves his free time, so again, probably just got a little lucky on that one. He's never been super clingy or needy. I am very fortunate and am able to be a stay at home mom, so them seeing me 24/7 probably factors into how well its going.
@@Nagemy my 9.5 month old does have really good chunks of play on his own and is pretty intent on exploring with out without me around haha. Yes that’s so important - do you have any tips for manoeuvring that? Still find it hard sometjmes grounding myself to be as present as I would like amongst tiredness and the to do list.
Very insightful video. Having 2 little ones 3.5 yrs apart I have found (from experience) that most of the benefits mentioned esp referring to the more practical/parenting ones have been true for our family. Yet, the perspective offered here is that of a single child parent..without the experience of having a second child and the “roller coaster” that comes with that :) It would be very interesting in fact to revisit this topic in a year’s time (once you have yourself gone through the transition of going from 1 to 2) and add to this video as needed. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy! Despite any challenges, the bond that forms bt siblings truly is gold… x
I would love to share a little while from now and sort of circle on back to this subject matter with my lived experience for reference. :)
I completely agree. On top of the financial benefits of spacing out, I needed more time due to illness after having my first and making myself strong and well again. I am expecting my 2nd with a 5yr old daughter already at home. Myself and my brothers have 5 yr age gaps between us and we're very close! So I hated when people kept telling me to hurry up and have another. It also felt a bit insulting to my first, like she wasn't enough for the family when I thought of her as the sun.
My husband and I have had so much pressure to have another quickly! Our daughter is 2.5 and we finally feel like we will be ready to try for another this summer which would make my daughter almost 4 when our next one is born. I’ve always felt like my bond with my daughters younger years is too important and she needs 100% of me at this age. Thank you for this encouragement that we made the right choice!
I’m not a parent nor am i married, but i’ve talked with my partner before about children and how many we want. My reasoning for wanting a minimum 4 year age gap is more so to be able to financially recover so that if and when they want to go to university i can support them equally
So glad to hear you bring up Dr. Price. I've been feeding my family according to those dietary principles for 10 years. My 4 yr old has a nice wide face and well-spaced teeth.
I totally get it and it’s a great video! For myself and my family (we live in Canada) it’s better for my kids to be 2 years apart… maternity leave wise / daycare it’s easier for us. My son having that playmate sooner is easier for us :) I’m also older than the average mom these days where I live so I also feel that I need to have them sooner before my body can’t handle it anymore… have em “young” so to speak! My sister and I are 2 years apart and yes it may have been a challenge in the younger years for my mom but she’s always said “you guys were always close and were each other’s playmate” and I feel that it’s true for me as well :)
Loved this video! and it came at a perfect time - we're pregnant with our second, our son is 3,5 and I felt sad that I "failed" to give him a sibling to grow up together. But seeing how involved he is in the process, how loving and aware it makes up for it totally! :)
I love you're content. In the past few years when I feel like I'm not quite sure what to do as a mom, I come back to your videos and they help the ground me again. You communicate and present the information so well. Thank you!
I find this interesting. From my observations, every family with children 3-5 years apart have had a really hard time with the children liking each other (cooperating, playing etc). From my own observations, having kids less than 3 years, or greater than 5 years apart is ideal for your children to bond with each other. Children who are 3-5 (particularly the 1st child) has become accustomed to being the only one and getting their own routine and sense of 'normal' and bringing in a new child during this time tends to be very disruptive, confusing, and frustrating to them. Children under 3 are still too young (still learning their family and their 'normal') to be disrupted by a new sibling, and can be open to new sibling. Children 5+ are developed enough to understand what having a new sibling really means, and thus can get excited about it, and be accepting. 3-5 years may be more 'ideal' for the parents, however, it seems to be problematic for children. **(particularly between the 1st and 2nd children)
I actually completely disagree! My younger siblings and I are so close and there are 7 years between us. My dad and his brother are 5 years apart and were best friends their entire upbringing and remain so today… I have countless people in my life with the same perspective and experience as well. I think that the relationship between siblings has so much more to do with parenting, secure attachments to parents, and the overall household dynamic than the difference in age. Not to mention that it is so developmentally difficult for a 1.5/2 year old to process and understand a new sibling and I hear that feedback time and time again. Even in my own direct family.
@@themellowmama Exactly 5-7 years apart is good for sibling bonding. It's the 3-5 years thats challenging. But again, this is simply based on what I've observed in my lifetime and those I've spoken to. But learning of other's experiencing is always insightful.
@@Dugg124this makes a lot of sense 3-5 years would be the hardest for the child to adapt
You’re awesome and I love all your content. I think there has been such a fad and pressure to have two under two. I have an almost three year old and recently had a miscarriage. I felt like I owed it to my son for him to have a sibling which isn’t true at all. My son has been through a lot already and he needs me right now. Not to say that the miscarriage didn’t shatter my heart it did I just think God had a different plan. Through processing my miscarriage I have been learning more the depth of bringing a new life into this world. It is no little thing and should be taken under so much consideration. Moms wonder why their lives are chaotic when they just keep having kids one on top of the other. Life should be considered so seriously and intentionally.
This is fascinating, & good to keep in mind. Our two are just shy of 3 years apart, & I can appreciate the benefits of having a (slightly) more autonomous older sibling when caring for a newborn, especially if there are extenuating circumstances ie. no family nearby, health challenges, as was the case for us. I think the guilt of dividing attention as a mom is there regardless of afge difference. My MIL had a 7 year gap between her oldest two, and the 7 year old had a very hard time with that transition. By comparison, his younger brother loved welcoming a little sister at two years old. While having multiple babies is so logistically challenging, I have heard from parents that the closer ages become more beneficial as they reach mid to late school years & they are in a more similar phase of childhood. All in all, I believe that babies are a blessing that come when they're meant to, and it's also always good to make mindful choices when it comes to planning our families. :) thank you again for the wonderful ideas!
I waited until my daughter was 2.5 to conceive our second because her personality needs a lot of attention and still does now at 3.5 with the new baby. It was the right decision, but I would say that with an older child I think the transition tends to be harder as they're used to so much attention and they are very aware of what's going on. If your child is already in full-time daycare, it will be less of an adjustment. Personal situations are important here, as this perspective of child spacing is appealing to you because of your situation as a single mom with one child, but other parents, such as an older couple might prefer to have them close together for obvious reasons xx
I have the same distance with my two. It’s been a rough adjustment for my 3.5y oldest who has such a demanding personality. It’s been really rough. She’s devastated and unhinged, frankly. We were so close. She was a challenging baby too so ~it is what it is~
My husband and I are conceiving this year I'm kinda upset we having our second child 5 year age gap but like I said it was all God's timing
I have a 13 month old and a 25 month old. In my experience, adding my youngest to the family was as smooth as can be, and at the moment people often mistake them as twins. They play together and look for each other when the other one is not around. My daughter (25 month old), took her brother with no jealousy at all. Maybe because she was so young when he was born- but she would go give him kisses, give him toys and was extremely nourishing and understanding of her baby brother despite the young age. So I’m not sure psychologically a close age gap is bad- quite the opposite in my experience.
The two biggest drawbacks for me and hubby were sleep and finances (nursery prices in UK are astronomical even for one child, let alone two)- however we are slowly coming out of this phase. I do want to have a third one day though so it was interesting to hear the arguments for a longer age gap. Thanks for sharing! 😊
Thank you for sharing we want the same! I have a 9 month old ❤
I wish we had spaced our children out more. We had 6 kids in 9 years and it’s been incredibly difficult. I didn’t know about conscious/respectful parenting so trying to incorporate that with my older kids has been incredibly difficult. My baby is 1 and I try to do attachment parenting but post partum depression hit me so hard and I feel stretched so thin. I wish I had someone to educate me more when I started having kids. I love each of them so much but I feel like I’ve missed out on so much or haven’t given them enough.
I was a teen mom for baby 1 and it took 5 yrs to mature and be ready for baby 2. My last baby happened when my eldest was16 and my middle was 11. It was intresting!! Today they are 32 26 and 15. And I'm helping my middle daughter raise her son . So again my 15 yr old and my grandson is 5. Huge gaps but they have both benefits and cons like anything. I feel like the girls 5 yr age difference was great because I had the same alone time. The eldest was at school so most of the day I had alone time with the baby. But I had many friends who had kids closer together and they had a greater bond imo .
I had surprise twins when my son was 22 months old, and the point I resonate with is the guilt I felt/still sometimes feel (the twins just turned 1) in regards to my time with my son. The transition seemed to be more difficult for me than my son, but that could be because we had a lot of help in the first few months, so he got a lot of undivided attention. If anything, it’s more difficult for him now that they are almost walking, playing with his toys, etc. In regards to health, hard to say so soon, but my girls were 100% healthy when born, not having to spend any extra time in the hospital thankfully. I was also blessed with 3 wonderful sleepers, and I know that makes a huge difference (I really feel it when they’re sick and up at night). I would like a fourth, but not until the twins are at least 2.5/3. Thanks for your perspective, I’m a looong time subscriber.
All interesting points. But only one side if the coin. Of course having bigger or smaller gaps both come with positives and negatives, that all needs to be taken into account when deciding when to have the next child. I believe this video only portrayed the positives of having a 3-5 year gap, and not touched on any negatives of it, or any lost opportunities compared to having kids closer in age.
Still a good video. Thanks
I just had my second, just a week after my older child turned four. I am so happy with this age gap!
Ahhh beautiful! ❤️
I so needed this video! I just found out I’m pregnant and my daughter is 4. The baby is actually due on her 5th birthday. She is so so excited and already wants to help with the baby. I am so excited we decided to wait. Not only for my mental health, but for my older child as well. I was able to focus on just raising her for those 4 very very important years.❤
I've been waiting for this video! my first and only is 13 months old. I just turned 29 and want to be done having 3 or 4 kids before I'm too old, but also want my family to be as healthy as possible
You have time. I’m 36 with my first one
@@sarah29880 yes! I just had my second. she's now 3 months and my first will be 3 in a month. I thought that was a good enough spacing, but man. I was pregnant January 2023 and a few months later is when there terrible 2s started. it's been a while year of crazy tantrums that weren't happening around the time I conceived. so if we have a third, I'm waiting until my second is at least 3 to conceive because trying to deal with tantrums and potty training regression with a newborn has been rough
I felt so guilty when i got pregnant when my 1st was 10 months old and relieved when i miscarried, which sucks to feel and say. I got pregnant for the third time when my 1st was 15 months old, and I felt so ready. Now, with a 3.5 y.o. and an 18 m.o., my husband and I are so exhausted, but our kids like each other so much most of the time. When I was pregnant with my 18 m.o., my midwife kept stressing that I needed to take better care of myself nutritionally, but that baby is the chunkier one now. I would like to get pregnant again in another 18 months to give my body, mind, and the rest of my family a break. When I see people with many kids around the same age, I feel exhausted for them. I don't know they maintain their sanity.
It's all in God's timing. We weren't ready for our 1st until I was 29 & then did'nt feel like we wanted a 2nd until 4 yrs later & hoping to have less than 5 yr age gap at that point. We unfortunately miscarried & I was bummed that it will be over 5 yr age gap now. We were blessed with another pregnancy 3 months after we lost & the age gap will be 5 yrs & 3 months. I see God's timing is perfect though & our 4 year old daughter will be an amazing big sister. Starting to see all the advantages to waiting & glad we didn't rush ourselves 🙏🏽
I breast fed the first for 2+ years and that sabotaged my ovulation to the point i couldn't physically get pregnant any earlier. I just kind of went with the body. I was also told multiple times to have the next baby before the 5 year mark, just because the birth becomes so much more difficult after you've completely healed over after 5 years.
I am so relieved by this video! (Sorry in advance for my english…) I really wanted little age gap between my children, cause me and my sister were 2 years apart and we have always been really close. But after the first I struggled with post partum depression for a year and a half. I even question having a second child after that, cause it was incredibly hard and painful, and I did’nt want to live this again. I now want a second child but my daughter will be at least 3 when he arrives. I had difficulty accepting that and it was really helpful listening about this from someone I admire for many years ❤️
I had Irish twins and had so much anxiety about my oldest and his emotional well-being.. honestly it was a bit hard but I think the adjustment was a bit better than if he was 1.5,2, even 3 years older.
My daughter is 3 years old and my son 1 and I honestly think it would have been easier with a bigger age gap... I love them and am so happy for them but it has been very difficult... It affected both my mental and physical health. I wish for one more kid but it might not be possible due to my health. If we can have one more we are going to wait until my son is four or five years old. I come from a family where I am the oldest one out of four siblings. We are all very close and I am just as close with my ten years younger sister as with my two years younger brother and four years younger sister! 🙂 A big age gap does not att all mean that the siblings wont be close!
Oh I so needed this video. Thank you. I’ve been a subscriber to you since before I was even pregnant with my 3 year old son and I was watching your newborn must haves making notes. We’re going for a 4 year age gap and this made me feel so much better about it 💕
Not a mom yet, but definitely saving this for later! This is a topic I asked you about in one of your Q&As on Instagram and I’m so happy you made a video! 😁
Ahh amazing!! 🥲
I’m actually now pregnant with my first! Due May 3rd! 😭🥰
currently watching this while pregnant! My littles are going to be 3.5 years apart, I always wanted a 3 year age gap (just as preference) but I’m grateful to learn about more benefits/things I may not have thought of
I enjoyed this video. I’m a WAPFer but I kinda screwed this up a little. Had my first at 32, second 2.75 years later, having my third 2 years after #2 at age 37. I wish I had started earlier but I want one more child so will have to balance my advanced maternal age with nutritional depletion 😅
Yeah 100 percent!!
I’m 36 with my first so if I wait 4 years the risk of not being able to conceive or things going wrong goes up! So no thanks don’t think I will wait to try with a 9 month old 🥰🥰
Love the information you provided. I had my first and second son's 18 months apart. My second was not a small baby he was 9lbs and born at 40 weeks. But I will say mentally it was super hard to have two children so close together.
I'm stopping with 2 kids so they can have all of my attention. I'm trying to figure out if I want to aim for a 4.5 or 5.5 year age gap.
A very conscious decision! ❤️ I love having my children exactly 5 years apart honestly, but if we have more kids we’ll have them a little sooner- probably about 3.5 years apart!
@@themellowmama Thank you. My parents were not very conscious, so I try to do things differently. Both 5 & 3.5 year age gaps sound great! I appreciate when people are thoughtful about how sibling gaps may affect their kids.
I’m happy to see you post videos again more regularly. I love your voice and your take on parenting. You led me to Roslyn Ross and respectful parenting, both lifechanging ❤️
I have a 7 and a 3 yo and planning on having one more baby. I wanted them to be closer in age but knowing that spacing them is better for our health is reassuring.
This makes alot of sense! Thanks for sharing
Hi Kate, I hope all of this is working for you now. Please come back and share how it's going for you and your family. God's grace 🙏🏾
Thank you for doing this BUT- the disclaimer for a sensitive subject like this is kind of important so… if you’re reading that comment and going to skip the introduction, don’t come at me 😂🤍
@@themellowmama that was just a marker for me to pick back up where i left off. That's for the speedy response. I edited the comment multiple times. The one That's there now is for you.
@@1bestfriend2u18 Aw, amazing! I just had to comment in case people who are new to the video were to skip ahead- I know some people are offended before the video even begins! Hahaha 😘🥰 Thank you for the love!
I am 5.5 years apart from my sister and we are 2 completely different people as we were essentially raised by 2 completely changed people (same parents but they were in their mid 20's with my sister and early 30's with me). I rarely speak to her. I really don't believe spacing will do anything as I se comment below talking about how wonderful it is. Have kids at whatever pace you want.
@@leanne9102 I’m sorry to hear that… My video doesn’t make any sort of promises but I would say that the physiological aspect of the conversation was completely overlooked in this comment & is one of the more important ones for mothers to consider.
Thank you for this 🙂 I had a 2.5 year age gap between my first 2 children and found it SO so difficult! Potty training the 2 year old while struggling with pregnancy sickness every day (lockdown so no help at all) was awful. When baby arrived I felt trapped in the house for a long time because my 2 year old still couldn't walk far and wanted carrying and I couldn't carry him and push the pram with one hand (in hindsight I should've got a double stroller but it was lockdown so we couldn't do much anyway). I'd love to have a third child but it wouldn't be fair on them if I'm sick and in pain during the pregnancy again so I'm definitely gonna have a larger age gap next time. I think it will be better for all of us. And this video has made me feel so much better about it 🙂 xxx
For those who have just liked this comment... I have just found out that I am unexpectedly pregnant with my third already! So a 2 year age gap again it is... Wish me luck 😅
As always, wonderful, insightful video! Thank you.
A bit off topic, but you briefly mentioned the potential "weaning" process of a breastfeeding child and it made me wonder if you had ever shared any information on how you went about gently and respectfully weaning Donovan. It's a super personal topic, so I understand if you kept that private, but I am feeling the end is near with my 15-month-old, and wondered if you had any of your amazing advice for this guilt-ridden Mama. 😊
I'm in similar place with my 18 months old.. I heard people just take a weekend trip somewhere, but it's pretty cold turkey to me.. I honestly don't think I would be able to gradually wean him, as he is super into the boob still, just as much as he was when he was born!
Hi there! I am going through weaning right now! I set intentions to wean around 24 months…my son turns 3 in a few weeks so I have definitely taken it slowly. I had plans to take a trip but I could never get some help to make it happen. So, I took it slowwww. Minimizing day feeds and just keeping my kiddo busy. We also started daycare which helped a ton. The last 6 months he’s been only feeding to sleep. This worked for us and it’s still a little hard to get him down for a nap.
We’re at 2 days no nursing! Just be aware that while weaning you can have a big drop of oxytocin. This is me today. Sent the kiddo off with his dad & watching youtube because it almost feels like a shock in my body! I feel like it definitely would have been easier while he was younger about a year and a half just because his attitude is so strong growing into his threes! Just be persistent and verbal while in the process lots of redirection and substitutes!
Hi! New to your channel, but was curious about your vlog after hearing you on the freely rooted podcast.
I’m one of 11 kids and we are all about 18 months -2 years apart. I’m the 8th and my baby sister is a 6’1 beautiful Amazon woman/nurse…the rest of us are not so impressive in stature. I’m the runt being 5’4. All of us have distinct cheek bones and jaw lines though, so maybe my mom had a great mineral replenishment system happening!
I am a mom of 5 beautiful, intelligent and sweet kids. They are about 18 months apart with the biggest gap being 22 months. I’ve honestly felt healthy and back to my normal
physical strength in between pregnancies. The only time I felt a little disappointed was when I had some baby weight to lose after my 4th baby and found out I was pregnant with my 5th-which seems silly now that I have my cute, sassy little girl toddling around cracking us all up with her antics and making us all feel loved with her cuddles!
My oldest is a girl who is now 7.5 and she is a natural big sister/mamas helper. She has loved being an older sibling from the second she met her first little brother. My son, was not as keen to meet his sister that followed him, but luckily my third baby was very low maintenance and I was able to give him the attention he needed. The oldest 3 are very close, but each is so different in personality that they definitely get into arguments very frequently…sibling squabbles. My youngest two try their best to do whatever the older are doing, and while their older siblings love playing with them and obviously enjoy making their babies happy, they definitely want time to play with Lincoln logs and train tracks without their adorable little siblings destroying their creations. So, more often than not, I play with the littles while the big kids are happily building together in another room…once they are done, they invite the babies in to knock it all down. 😂 I get to enjoy my big kids during nap time when we homeschool and at night when the babes are in bed and they get Lego time or story time. My husband often takes the three older kids on outings too, while the babies are napping, so they get special big kid time.
I love having 5 kids 7.5 and under. It’s probably a little crazier than having them more spaced out, but its so fun to watch them playing their imaginative games together. We believe that children are gifts from the Lord and wanted to welcome them as He saw fit to give them to us. We trust in Him.
That being said, we are using NFP to space before our next pregnancy. It does feel challenging at times because my husband works long, somewhat irregular hours and the days that he isn’t home for dinner or the weeks that he’s working over the weekend are rough for both of us and the kids. We do hope to welcome another baby (or more!) just praying and waiting for now though.
Anyway, just thought I’d chime in!
Just wanted to add that all of my babies have been 8 lbs or more with my 5th baby being over 9 lbs. I did not have gestational diabetes. All of my deliveries have been unmedicated -3 in a hospital and 2 at home. ❤️
Checking in to see how your pregnancy is going! Hope you are wonderful and love your videos!
I understand, but I don't agree completely. All the mentioned benefits are valid for the time the second child is a baby. But what about later in childhood/life? Children that are spaced 4, 5 years are less likely to play together, have common interests etc. My sister and I were 4 years apart, we argued constantly, I was always the annoying younger sister and we didn't have much in common. She never wanted to play with me, because she was "too old for that". I always put that on the age gap, because all my friends, whose siblings were i.e. 2 years apart, had great relationships with their sisters and brothers. Because of that, i would think 4, 5 year gap is the worst for the children (for their relationship). But yes, I agree it is great for the time of pregnancy and the post-partum period.
My sons are 2,5 years apart. Right now I really like our gap, family dynamics and I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship develops.
I actually completely disagree! My younger siblings and I are so close and there are 7 years between us. My dad and his brother are 5 years apart and were best friends their entire upbringing and remain so today… I have countless people in my life with the same perspective and experience as well. I think that the relationship between siblings has so much more to do with parenting, secure attachments to parents, and the overall household dynamic than the difference in age. Not to mention that it is so developmentally difficult for a 1.5/2 year old to process and understand a new sibling and I hear that feedback time and time again. Even in my own direct family. ♥️
I have a sister who is 11 years older than me and she is my best friend. I dont think age is neccessarily what defines if you will be close or not. I think it has more to do with personality. I dont believe a small age gap guarantees that siblings will get along. I have heard of many siblings close in age especially boys that fight a lot
We have an 18 month old boy, and are currently decerning when would be best to try for our next, and this was actually so helpful, since the baby fever is strong right now lol ❤
Same here. Our boy is 18 months old. I think maybe by 2 years would be a good time to conceive again. I want to stop breastfeeding first and give myself a few months break for the summer, get in better shape physically and mentally and then create again possibly.
Thank you for sharing!!! :)) We are chil spacing aswell!
Great video, nice to hear that science back's me up on this, purely intuitive decisions. 🌸
I'm glad you put such a nice disclaimer at the start of this video haha because my reaction to the title was WHHHHAT wait wait what haha but after listening to your disclaimer I was like ok ok carry on lol.
Hahaha gahhh I know! Sometimes when filming my videos I’m like- “will people not even get past the freaking disclaimer to the material because I have to clarify so much” … but it must be done and comments like yours make me feel so reassured. 😂😭🥲
@@themellowmama I honestly wouldn't have made it more than a few minutes in if it wasn't for your disclaimer haha I was mad at just the title hahaha so safe to say the disclaimer was a good idea. Keep it up!!! Made everything you said a lot easier to listen to and digest without jumping to "no that's not best etc etc."
One benefit of a larger age gap is that, especially if you are a single parent, or have more than two children, you can be almost certain that at least one parent/guardian will be able to make it to each of your children's parent/guardian and teacher nights at their school. My brother is only two years younger than me, but my parents only us, and for years, we didn't even attend the same school, which typically made parent-teacher nights/meetings easier. However, when we were both in the same high school, my parents would plan it so that one would go to my classes, and the other would go to my brother's classes.
My daughter will be 7 1/2 before I have our second. We’re so excited. Thank you for sharing.
Like me and my younger twin siblings! They are my sweet little babies to this day!!! Congratulations!
@@themellowmama thank you! I love hearing that. 💚
We unintentionally spaced our children. We would have liked them grouped closer together, since we are considered older parents, but an early miscarriage made that choice for us. But nonetheless, I am grateful for the 3 1/2 years that my eldest and I were able to spend just the two of us before his brother was born. There wasn't much of an adjustment period for him, as we did a lot of work together preparing him for the arrival of a baby and he looked forward to it.
I enjoy watching your videos! Will you be doing more pregnancy updates??
Hi Kait, for those who want a smaller side age gap can you please clarify if it suffices to plan your older child to turn 3 once the other baby comes along, or should we wait to try to conceive only after they're 3?
I am wondering the same thing
Our daughter is 8yr old now. Always thought we’d get her a sibling but after 4 losses in a row the stress and worry is too much now. So unfair as some women just seem to have lots of kids no problem and I’m very bitter towards anyone having babies now which is terrible. Age has now beat us now we are too old. Gona be a regret I’ll have to live with rest of our life 😞
Idk why I'm watching cuz I'm planning either not to have more kids or have another one in my late 30's when my kid is already an adult.
Actually, having multiple kids back to back is NOT always "just okay". I was raised with 3 younger siblings each 1.5-2 years younger than me. We didn't get proper attention & have all had mental health struggles as a result. We had to finish parenting ourselves. So no, doing that to someone is fucked up. I'm not doing that to my kids.
Good job keep up the vlog
Good advice dear
2 months between episodes is too long!
Dude 3 minutes to get to the actual video….
@@msjoby89 well without it people like you will also take to the comments section to say whatever offended you or bothered you, so I try my best to acknowledge what I can to mitigate that- however there’s always a way to complain and you have found it. 😂
Far too long. Needs to get to the point!
Listen it’s a sensitive subject! Oftentimes when people skip the disclaimers, they come at me in the comments… kind of like you’re doing, 😂 So I try to prevent as much of it as possible- Not to mention I think when people are in defense-mode they learn nothing and aren’t open to any new information, so not covering what I cover to start would make the entire video pointless for a large part of my audience. ❤️