Trying for another Baby? Third Baby | Hey Shayla
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- Опубликовано: 5 май 2024
- Trying for another baby? Third Baby | Hey Shayla
I was ready to POWER THROUGH, but then I asked myself "why?" and literally everything changed. I became more present, this weight was lifted off my shoulders. Might be forever might be for a couple of years, might change tomorrow. But right now I'm feeling the flow and absolutely loving it.
When I released the stress of the age gap everything got better!
This question has brought me so much unnecessary (and unknown) anxiety! I thought I wanted 2 kids, then I thought I wanted 4, then I was sure we were done, now we're just waiting.
I know the question of "are we done?" is a big one for people, so I wanted to share this to hopefully reduce any anxiety you also have!
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00:00 Introduction
00:19 Are we going to have a 3rd baby?!
00:57 Our story
01:23 Getting pregnant with my second
01:53 Thinking about trying for a third
02:31 The first year of having a baby is so hard for me
03:34 SPring Babies are the best IMO
04:18 So many things to consider when having another baby
04:48 Why I wanted to pause before trying for a 3rd
05:36 A weight lifted off my shoulders when we decided to wait to have a third!
06:42 I feel best when I'm IN FLOW
07:33 I can't believe I'm getting emotional
08:29 We want to support other people
09:41 We decided ONLY 2
10:45 Then we changed our mind
11:50 Don't ask someone if they're trying
12:15 Homeschool 2 kids? lol
![Kodak Black - Dis Time [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/V3g4JDQkE9U/mqdefault.jpg)
Originally we wanted 4, but during pregnancy #2 we decided we were done, we met with the vasectomy doctor for initial consult when #2 was 3 months old, Drs name was Deathridge, changed our minds on the drive home. 😂 Now we have 6 and they're all amazing.
Omg that’s hilarious 😆
I love this! 🫶
why is this so funny
What a story 😅
2:51 To your point about creating an “intense” first year.. I want you to talk more about this! There’s not enough about 4th trimester and that first year of parenting. This stirred something in me and lots of reflections IMMEDIATELY.
Originally we thought 2 or 3 then we had twins as first time parents and now we are both absolutely done lol
Haha very valid
Lucky I wanted twins for my first so I could be done with having kids lol.
Now I’m hoping I have twins for my 2nd pregnancy so I can be done ✅ lol
I have twins as my first and sometimes people tell something along the lines that at least we are done ine one go or something like that as if having two kids was the norm the goal...
I don't like that being pushed on me
I am certain I want one more maybe two
@@vera71443 I've actually had the opposite experience our babies are only 5 months and everyone keeps asking if/when we'll have more and when we respond that we're done we get a response of "oh no, maybe you think that now, but you'll want more later" and that is so infuriating lol
We had twins as our first too. Was quite a shocking introduction to parenthood. 😂😊
Twin boys. 💙💙
We decided to go back for another and got just one that time. Little sister. 💖
Ive talked to some of my seasoned mama friend with 5+ kids, and I do really love when they talk about the fact that having more kids does not get exponential harder (they see me in my struggle with just having a 4 and 1.5 yo), in fact it doesnt even get linearly (word?) harder; they said that having a baby when they had a teenager around was the best thing in the world because they had their teenagers to help, and also a baby in the house is a beautiful thing to be in the midst of the teenage emotions/hormones because it puts things into perspective even for the teenager. It is hard to imagine this while you and me are in the grind of having just littles who are dependent on us. Just thought I would throw in this perspective. Im excited to have more littles even when I have big kids (God willing).
That is such a wonderful perspective. ❤
Those moms also have a very lucky experience.. not all moms have it be sunshine and butterflies. There’s also the flip side where your teens are in a rude stage and they argue and slam doors and hate being woken up by a crying baby every night. Some of us learned the hard way. Everyone’s experiences are different so it’s hard to know until you try it out yourself but parenting is always going to be some level of hard for everyone and personally I wouldn’t want to tie myself back down to those very hard and trying times after I’m out of them. The one thing that gets me by is thinking about how my kids will eventually grow up and I can have some independence again
Personally I think it’s a bit sad of parents to say “we have the teenagers to help.” They never signed up to be co parents. Most people I know that had to raise their siblings are quite resentful about it. How about parents just be parents and let kids be kids and teenagers be teenagers 🤷♀️
I kind of disagree. I think of the hunt gather parent book and about how the goal of us as parents is to show our kids our family values and prepare them to be adults by actually teaching them the skills to do that. Farm kids may resent for a time in life how much they had to flippin help, and those feelings are valid but they aren’t really justified in some ways; they are a member of the family and will participate as such. Like helping cook dinner. Help clean the house. Help watch the toddler.
@@samantharoseman4206 But that makes me wonder whether the youngest ones of the clan will perpetually be much worse at raising children and housekeeping. Most people didn't have to help raise their younger siblings, and I'm sure most people aren't terrible parents, and likewise, many did have to, and that didn't make them any better at parenting etc. I recently read about a mother asking her 14 year old to watch over the 8 month old in a bath while she quickly went to do something in the kitchen, she came back and found the baby had drowned. Now is it fair to make the 14 year old feel responsible for something like that? He/She must have got preoccupied with a computer game or homework or something because... they are a kid too. If it's too difficult to raise lots of kids, maybe just have less, instead of putting a whole expectation on a kid before they're even born.
Just turned 42. My youngest is 9 months and my eldest is 19yrs old. I have 5 kids ages 19,16,14,9 and 9 months. 4 boys and 1 girl! There are definitely pros and cons to the age gaps! We’re trying to decide if we want a 6th and final child. Age and time is definitely a factor for me now and that’s a scary thou get because you take that for granted in your 20s and even in your early to mid 30s! I always wanted 2-3 kids. Never thought I’d have 5 and now I find myself wanting to round it out with 6 LOL
Both my husband and I grew up in large families (mine ten kids, his six), so we knew we loved that family dynamic and wanted a lot. Had our first two a year apart, which was amazing because they are such good buddies, and two more since then about two years apart. Pregnancy is so hard for us, so now with four we're considering being done getting pregnant. We have always wanted to foster/adopt, so it seems like a good time. Still not sure how many we'll end up with, but it's just one step at a time! My mom always said, you don't have ten kids at once, they come slowly and you adjust and grow into that role.
I'm due with number 2 in early August. My husband would like more, but i honestly dont think my body (mentally or physically) can endure another pregnancy and birth after this. Our son was diagnosed with autism which makes things more complicated, and I'm 36 years old. Having more than two feels borderline irresponsible to me at this point, at least given our resources (time and money).
Nothing is more humbling than motherhood! 🥴
We were long-time no-kids campers, then when we decided we did want kids (in upper 30's), said we'd have two. We have a 6-month old and while I acknowledge it may change, I feel more confident every day that we're good with one. LO is out of colic phase and is so much fun, but I just don't have the energy to do it again and the family rhythm we're finding now splits our energy as far as either of us want to divide and conquer. We had 12 years together pre-baby to find a very happy groove and I think we want to keep one tire in that groove. (we're also in MN and I really appreciate your videos!)
When my husband and I met we said we wanted 13 kids. We’re pregnant with our second now and we can still both see us driving a van full of all of our kids😂 we’re not trying for a specific number but we would love to have a large family. “As many as God gives us” is always our answer 😊
SAME! As many as God gives us 😅
Same here ❤ we had our first two 13 months apart and can’t wait to be blessed with more!
@@MrsAPeterson Our first born and second born also have a 13 months age gap and we want at least one more in the future ❤
Girl, I give the same answer! Bring on the blessings of a huge family, with His help.
It's a genuine answer too and people always look at me funny like they are trying to figure out the 'secret real answer' lol
The other day while my baby was napping and I was at the store with my 2 year old, we passed a grandfatherly gentleman and his wife and my son started waving. The man got a huge smile, turned to me and gestured with his fingers, "7 more, yeah?"
I was so caught off guard because that's not the general response people have and wish i would've just said 'amein! Sure!'😂
We originally wanted 3 kids, but are stopping at 2. Our kids are 22 months apart and it was HARD. We also have no outside support, so it is all just my husband and I. Like you said, my mental health tanks every pregnancy and postpartum, and my firstborn was traumatized from it (I had horrible mom rage). Now that my kids are 3 and 1, it is so much easier - and I realized we all NEED a season of easier, not harder. And then I realized I was terrified of what comes AFTER babies (I am a sahm), but now I am happy to be done. It can almost feel wrong at first to have things not be so hard when it has been for 2 years, but now I know it's right to slow down and model a simpler, more present lifestyle for my kids.
Thanks for the honesty! We thought we’d have 2 but now we have one and we feel at capacity and content.
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Same lol 😅
My husband and I wanted 4, we are both one of 4 kids. After our baby girl was born last year I said “let’s see how this goes”. The first year is SO HARD. I struggled immensely postpartum, mentally and physically. Now I don’t know how many times I can do this. My husband is like Seth, he wants me to be happy and understands my struggles. We will be trying for number two next year. Thank you for being transparent!
I had a fall baby and a December baby. Loved the fall time for having a baby because you’re going into the cozy months so wrapping up and snuggling with your baby is wonderful, but you can still enjoy wonderful outdoor weather. I’m sure spring babies are fun too. Everything is about perspective. You can say it’s too hard to travel, a bad time for having a baby, etc, with 1 or 9. It can be so hard to not allow the negative or hard things dictate decisions esp when mothering young kids is so hard at times (toddler and newborn here, wow it’s taken a long time to adjust), but I’m learning right now that I need to make choices and process things from a more positive perspective, and to not just say “it’s too hard.” It was hard with one, and just now as hard with two. Your capacity expands as it needs to, and not before then. Decide what you want because it’s what you want, not because you’re worried about life being hard for a season. Hard isn’t the same thing as bad. This is what I’m learning now as I’m in the trenches full time with two littles 😊
Girl take your time. I think kids getting along has a lot more to do with their personalities than the age gap. My sister is my bestie for life, and we have always gotten along, never fought. I am six years older than her! Also it's nice to have babies in the spring but i bet if you had one at another time of the year you would find lots of advantages. I had mine in December so we hibernated for the first few months and I found that great because it's what you want to do at that time of year anyway.
Yes: I have a summerchild and the heat was hard at the end of pregnancy and when I was ready to go out again, summer was gone. But it was only one year. The next summer was perfect timing with her learning to walk and now we love her birthday garden parties each year, something she can enjoy her whole life.
Currently have a newborn and a 2 year old and man it's HARD. After my first was born, I knew I wanted another right away. Right now, I'm in the same spot as you. I'm good with just these two, but also really want a third... someday. This pregnancy was redemptive after my first, and I knew the entire time that once baby was here, I needed to stop and focus on me. I need to let my body rest and recover from both pregnancies and get back to normal before I try for another. So there's something nice about knowing that I may not be done forever, but I'm done for the next 2-3 years while I recover.
I'm in the same boat as you! I definitely see myself with 3 kiddos but after having my babies back to back is exhausting along with breastfeeding for two years straight, mentally I do need a rest Lol.
I'm definitely warming up to the idea of having two kids very close in age... then take a long break and have a third when the kids are older. In the past 32 months, I've been pregnant for 18 of those, and only had a few months in between where I kind of felt normal, before I got pregnant again.
Yes to taking a break from powering through! And how beautiful that you choose to have an abundance of time so you can contribute to your community.
My oldest is turning 3 tomorrow and her little brother just turned one month last Friday. Labor was a bit more difficult the second time around (apparently my first pregnancy left my uterus all stretched out and in an odd, upside down shape). The Lord has blessed us with the calmest and sweetest of kids, but I honestly don't even want to begin to imagine how the third labor would go, so the hubby will be getting the snip this August and we're comforted knowing that if we ever do catch baby fever in the future - there's always adoption! Plenty of kiddos out there in need of love and a happy home. ❤
I love your honesty and realness. Thank you!
I feel like we started out the same, we knew we wanted 2 kids close in age and then after that we weren't sure. We now have 5 and I love it! But I do think the first year is so hard, our 5th just turned one and I feel so much freedom and relief having gotten through the first year.
totally agree - the flow state, and cherishing the time with them at that special age, it’s definitely nice. manageable is a great feeling, and when they’re just a bit older it will be a bit easier because they’re a bit more capable rather than the semi baby stage. the most important thing is less stress, gratitude and doing what feels right. everything will fall into place
We wanted 3 in the beginning. After having our second we thought we were done. Then about a year and a half later we were both feeling like we were missing one more. We had a miscarriage earlier this year which just crushed me. Now I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant and we've decided to take things one at a time. This was the biggest financial transition with needing a bigger vehicle. But we're so at peace with it. That's how I know. We prayed and prayed and when we felt peace about it we knew it was time.
Same! We had 2 and were debating a third. I ended up getting pregnant and we lost the baby at 9 weeks. We were crushed. It solidified that we wanted another. I’m 14 weeks now.
We both originally wanted 3 and now we have a 22 month old and and I’m 20 weeks pregnant with number 2. Not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or just how much we’ve enjoyed my toddler but NOW we want 5! I don’t think I’ll have 5, maybe 4, but I’m sure this will change over time for the same reasons you mentioned - age, career, mental health, finances, etc. I’m constantly making pro con lists in my head for leaving my job when number 2 is born so we’ll see…
Original plan was 2. After #1 we decided we were done because of my mental health challenges around toddlerhood. A few years later (with a better support system in place) we decided to have our second (and LAST omg 🤣) and we all feel like our family is complete now.
Haha so relatable!❤😂
Me too. Same story exactly.
Thank you for sharing this and for the reminder to slow down and enjoy where you are now. We have a 2 year old and I am 16 weeks pregnant with our second. I love the idea of a large family (we’re thinking 3 total) and am open homeschooling (a friend is homeschooling their only child so you can definitely homeschool however many children you have 😊) but this is the message I need to hear we grow our family. Be present and enjoy.
I really love hearing your take on motherhood. I found your channel about a year ago when the hubby and I decided to finally start a family. We're still trying but you've given me SO Many ideas on everything.
Dear Shayla, thank you so sooo much for being very open and vulnerable in your videos, it’s not easy! I’m expecting baby #2 due in August and then we’ll have two under two. I really appreciate your channel and pray blessings over your beautiful family 🥰 thanks from a stranger!
I love how you said "Enjoy this time - figure it out tomorrow"! We feel like there is so much pressure and we need to rush to a decision, but there is so much to be said for enjoying and being in the moment and just seeing how life unfolds. I am 1 of 3 and thought I would have 3, but my husband was done after 1 (his number was originally 2). We still have time to change our minds, but for now I am just soaking up every moment with my 1. There is also a lot to say for stopping while you are ahead!
I know exactly how you feel. My two girls are two years apart just like me and my sister. we paused a year before we got number 3 (so there's an age gap of 3 years) I love it! ❤ Do what feels right for you and your family! Lots of love from Germany
I think it’s really important to think about whether or not the mothers body is ready to conceive again after however long after the first. It’s an immense trial for the body to go through birth and postpartum. Whether than thinking about how much of an age gap you want i think it’s more important to take care of your health because you don’t always understand how things affect you until later on.
I wanted 6 and then when the youngest was high school age, I wanted to foster and adopt. Currently I have 2 adopted, 1 bio, 2 foster, and am 27 weeks pregnant. Your never ready! 😆
Originally we wanted 4 all back to back. I ended up having an emergency c-section with my first and got pregnant way to quick with my second for a VBAC. Now we’ve decided to wait a little longer and see what my body is doing in a couple years.
Wow thank you for making this. I related to this so, so much. I always knew I wanted at least two. Got my son and my daughter 3 years apart. Now I'm failing. I cannot make up my mind if I want more and it's stressing me out way more than it should! We also have to consider daycare and would need to move. My husband is also like "up to you, babe". The flow thing is so me too. I hate when I have to work from home with my kiddos. I cannot be two versions of myself at once. I've been trying to just enjoy the present and not think about the future as much. All I know is right now, I'm not ready for #3. My youngest will be 1 next month. Thanks for helping me not feel alone in this, Shayla!
Love this video! My husband and I have a 2 and a half year old and are currently in the early weeks with baby #2. With our first we got pregnant right away, with the second we went to a fertility Dr after a year of trying and ended up getting pregnant before even starting any treatments. It was a miracle. I struggled with the pressure of that age gap and wanting my children to be close knowing we’d be perfectly content with 2 babies. I come from a big family with various age gaps and my husband only had one other sibling about the same age gap as our kids will now be. What I had to remind myself is it’s not about age gaps. My next closest sibling to me is 6 years and we are beyond close as well as my other relationships with my other siblings, we’re a very tight family and our parents really fostered our relationships with each other and I’m so grateful for that. Don’t stress about that or let society tell you when the best time to have kids and don’t think you need to have it all figured out right now. Things happen when they’re supposed to and how they’re supposed to. If you’re content and happy with where you are now that’s your own sign to yourself that things are exactly how they should be. Enjoy those two girls and the new found freedom to do what you’ve always loved but now with your little humans and help keep their bond with each other thriving. I imagine they’re going to be inseparable!
The third is overwhelming in both the stress and the joy. The love I felt with my third was very special. Generally when life gets easier with kids… that’s when you get pregnant, I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I have four: 3 two years apart, then 9 years later baby 4. I also homeschool, if your thinking about it now, then you’re probably going to…lol. The thing is parenting is a skill that develops and after a while it’s kind of like … sure why not because you’re all in already. That said, I’m not sure about having a fifth😂
I really appreciated watching this video.
We have been married for almost two years now and we live in a culture where people have a child within the first year of marriage. So far people are bing sweet about saying basically "we're waiting.." but it's still a stress in my heart. Maybe I'm just putting unnecessary stress on myself, but this video helped me to slow down for a moment. Thank you
I think I'm one and done. The costs and energy of having children is waaay too much. I want to be able to invest in my child and I don't think I can give more kids the time and energy that they need. We want to travel and do all sorts of things and the more kids you have the harder it becomes, especially if you're hoping to leave them with grandparents for a few days. My child has a cousin who lives nearby and is close in age, and friends can fill the gap. I am close to my siblings but I know that many people aren't so having siblings doesn't mean that you will be close to them. Maybe I'll change my mind but we currently feel like our family is complete.
👏👏👏👏👏
Ok, this was SO HELPFUL! I wanted 5, I have 2, husband says he’s done, but I’m thinking minimum of 3! Glad to hear you talking about the financial aspect.. bc I feel like somehow families are just making to work out there having ALL the babies! And I work and it’s tight let alone staying home and having 4! Ugh. This is so hard!
LOVE this!!!!
I LOVE THIS
Currently 38 Weeks with baby #2 and we feel really good about having two kiddos and being done. Its a little bittersweet from my perspective of knowing this will be a lot of 'lasts', but I also know I will appreciate those lasts even more!
I loved being in a big family! We were spread out in batches which was nice because we had at least one sibling close in age but were overall spread out.
My boys are 12 & 10 and my daughter is 2:) it’s been INCREDIBLE with the large age gap and I’m glad we didn’t get our 3rd when we wanted too (2 years apart) but it def us hard to “go back to baby mode” but you pivot! We also started traveling with our boys when they were 2&4 and have been to 9 countries. Start traveling now and you’ll hVe more if and when the time is right 💙
I feel this so much! We have 1 who is 15 months. We’ve talked about 2 but we are just not in the right place currently physically and mentally. We may end up with only 1 and I worry “will I regret not having another?”
There is just so much to think about and all of the anxieties that come with it. For now, I’m trying to enjoy my 1. 🥰 thanks for sharing, the struggle is real!
Oh man this thought goes through my head at least once daily!😂 Currently have a 4 month old and 2 year old and things are sooo HARD! Some days I’m like, yes absolutely and others I’m like heck no! Lol love the idea of a big family but the sound of having freedom and being able to go out alone or with my husband without babies also sounds great! Also love everything about birth and some aspects of pregnancy but also enjoy being fit and having all my strength back! Such a hard decision!
YES TO ALL OF THIS
Exactly my thoughts! I have a 4yo and 18 months old.
The thought sounds nice… key word.. the thought😅 because I know in reality my patience level will absolutely crumble with a third. Maybe things would be different if I had a ton of help and support around me which sadly most of us don’t.. and that still doesn’t negate the financial part so even with more help and support.. I truly think two is the best option
I know a lots of people who has their first two children close together like you did, had a larger gap between babies 2 and 3, and then had babies 3 and 4 close together again. They love that both their “bigs” and their “littles” have a lifelong friend close in age to them, but they were able to save their own sanity by having their older children be a bit more self-sufficient by the time their littles came along. It allowed them a chance to be intentional about enjoying the younger years with all of their children rather than constantly living in survival mode and having those early years be all a blur.
My husband I got married 2015 I was 21 and he 22 years old. We both love kids and that was all we wanted right away. 6 kids was our dream to have. 6 weeks after we got married I got pregnant. Before we had our first anniversary we welcome our beautiful son July 2016.
Got my first period back in December right on my birthday. Well that was my last period for awhile again. We welcome our second child a girl in September 2017 they both our 14 1/2 months a part. I was very busy and felt so blessed. These two grow up so close with a good relationship. Haha until they hit 5 and 4 lol 😂 now it’s like leave me along. She looks at me. He took MY toy. Ect. Haha. But sometimes they get along very good.
Me after these two…..
I needed a break to recover mentally. I wanted them so close together, enjoy them and see them grow a bit before having a baby again.
And then 2 again close in age. That was my goal.
Well I got pregnant with baby 3 when my second was exactly 3 years old. Third baby a girl was born July 2021
We all were soooo in loved with her. Even that this was the hardest pregnancy with throwing up/ taking meds for it. And a baby what cried a lot the first 3 months. I enjoyed every minute of it. Because to this time I knew they won’t stay that little. That they don’t need much any more when they hit 4. That the baby stage will go bye way too fast….. and to this time I knew. I can do anything over and over again. I done it 2 times and I know I can do it.
When baby three was turning one I wanted to start right away for baby 4.
I WAS so ready for another one. Baby boy is Born 6 weeks ago. Best baby I ever had. Never really cried yet. Sleeps and drinks GREAT. Love him and the time with his big siblings soooo much.
But this is it. I needed to have 4 C-sections. So that’s why we will stop know. I had my tubes removed.
Yes I’m little bit sad to know this baby will be my last time, for everything whats coming now. But to close that chapter. It’s also nice feeling. No planing then we get pregnant. It’s time to enjoy what we have. Do I’m missed been pregnant, baby stages and all of that…..Absolutely. But I think every mom may feel that way with they decision, this was last baby. ♥️ and in end one has to be the last one.
But I sooooo thankful what I have. My last 2 our such blessing and perfekt match to my first 2 blessings. I had all my kids my 20s will be 30 in December.
We have a 2.5 year old and an almost 6 month old. We'd love a big family (around 7 sounds great) but we are also open to what God has planned for us whether that means less or more. I was one of 6 and had tons of cousins and we all loved it! 😊
I’m pregnant with our third! I was totally hoping there was an announcement in this video. I just found your channel a few days ago from your birth story and I was like whoa this woman sounds like me in a different part of the country. I don’t take medication or anything when I’m pregnant and I definitely make things harder with breastfeeding on demand etc but I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I have a thought that I want more kids I try not to worry too much about what ifs because things have a way of working themselves out. On the other hand I would hate to find out I can’t have more kids and live with the regret of not trying when we could’ve
So glad you’re talking about this! Always thought we wanted 2, close together! Now our 1st is 15 months and I still just can’t find it in me to want to go through the 1st year again😩 She is wonderful, and everything went perfectly, but I’m just TIRED! I keep chalking it up to still nursing? Maybe once we are done, and my hormones change I’ll feel differently.
I’m in this boat and have been for 2 years. Part of me is so afraid that the desire for another will never go away which makes me just want to go for the 3rd. But there’s so much guilt and worry about rocking the boat or ruining the dynamic that we currently have (and love so much.) Every time I think I’ve made my mind up 100%, I change my mind the next day. Ugh it’s the worst.
Exactly!!!!
Originally wanted a bunch, as I’m 1/7. Now we are expecting #2 and kinda thinking that’s it. But for me it’s important to keep an open mind while doing one at a time. 😊 Also my mom homeschooled all 7 of us, I loved it!
I always wanted 4 but after my 3rd my PPD was so awful that I said I was done. It took me over 7 years to work through my depression and trauma from all of my births. Now my youngest is 8 and I’m due with my 4th in a couple of weeks. I couldn’t be happier that I waited. The only downside is I’m thinking if it goes well I might want another so this one isn’t raised basically alone. That is tbd. I’d encourage you to take the time you need. There is no such thing as a perfect age gap because challenges exist with ALL ages and ALL amounts of children. My mental health demanded I pumped the breaks. I am 33 and so excited for my baby boy. I had two girls and this is my second boy, just like I prayed for. ❤
I wanted 3, currently on one and not even sure whether we should try for #2. I don't want my kid to grow up alone though... Silently hoping and waiting for "the flow"you have been talking about to carry me in the right direction and not be anxious about my current situation.
Tried for 6 months, got pregnant with our first girl, tried for 6 months, pregnant with our second girl. I have a (almost) 3 year old and (almost) 1 year old and just found out I’m pregnant with a 3rd. Was surprised, but also not shocked. You just never can plan your life when it comes to these things!!
I gotta say, your hair is looking so great! 😍
I really love this video! I have stage 4 endometriosis, my wife is 42, & we have to do IVF if we want to birth our babies.
I’ve always wanted a big family…. 3-6 kids. I love the bond, the growth, the chaos of it all. We both grew up in big families. We’ve discussed a lot of options for how to go about building our family. there’s SO MUCH TO CONSIDER!!! It cost an INSANE amount of money to go through IVF. We were very fortunate that after one pretty aggressive IVF cycle, I got pregnant with our daughter, & carried her all 40 weeks!! We know we want more, but I do feel like we’re in flow mode right now. I’m enjoying being a mom, our routines, I know my baby…. It’s so beautiful! We both want another baby, but I would have to go back to working. She’s 19 months old & I literally break down balling at the thought of having to leave her.
I’m into gentle intuitive parenting. Letting her be wild, get dirty, explore her world, letting her get hurt, & play hard…. I don’t want to lose that connection. Uhg! It’s so hard.
Originally I wanted as many as I could pop out!!! Haha I have a big family and I am totally use to chaos, my husband on the other hand only had one sister. We both agreed on 5 and I’ve had ppl tell me wow Alecia your children are so well behaved and give me affirmation all the time. For me I always feel like I’m failing and need more improvement LOL 🤦♀️ I think having more babies helps you get more organized and realize what’s important and what’s not. At least that been true to me. ❤
I always wanted two, because thats what I grew up with - due to several reasons I became a mother quiet late with 36 and the first two years drained me so much that I don't want to do that again! I am 40 now and finally at a good place again, I am sorry that my son will not have any siblings growing up but I do think that the mental state of the mother is more important!
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We want two, but we are so exhausted with just looking after 1 (14 month old). We both have jobs (I do 3 days a week, my partner does 7 days on 7 off) no support from families, we can’t afford nannies in Australia, but our daughter goes to daycare. With all crazy schedule, sicknesses she brings from daycare and other factors such as our upcoming wedding, construction of a new house and desire to travel and socialise we might never going to have a second. Or May be in 3-4 years. We want to be comfortable with our decision so it’s ok to go back and forth as long as you are all in balance with your family life and yourself ❤
There is not a single thought in my head to want more. I have my two who are almost 3 and newly 1. I nanny a 18 month old and 6 month old as well.. the chaos is four quickly showed me I enjoy the space and time I have for 2 I have.
Motherhood has been humbling for me!! Definitely can not handle more than two physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or finically. It would not only be irresponsible of me but I think I’d fall into a deep depression if I got pregnant again.. I don’t want to balance parenting 3 kids.. nor do I want to continue sacrificing and cutting back my finances. There’s always the change of trying for a third once my kids are much older but the thought of giving up my freedom again after finally getting it sounds awful.. the only thing that helped get through the rough draining years was the idea that it wasn’t going to last forever.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts on this! There is so much to consider when deciding whether or not to have another baby. I am pretty adamant on having a second baby, but not sure if we’ll decide to have a third. My husband and I have always thought that we’d have 2-3 kids. Our first is now 6mo, and I’m hoping to start trying & get pregnant with #2 about a year from now - trying for a spring baby and about 28-month age gap. Newborn stage was so hard with our first, so for a few months, we were unsure about having another baby. I still love the idea of 3, mainly because I grew up with two older siblings and love that dynamic. But, we will definitely reassess once we have had a second baby to determine if it will ultimately be what we want.
He wanted two , I made him agree to three before I married him.. now pregnant with # 5 and honestly... it's no big. You learn to balance with each addition slowly and it's not to much stress :)
We want 3 for sure ! We have 2.
#4 we would have "the talk "
However...I can see how #5\big family would come into play for me. LMBO
My husband and I are both the oldest of 3 siblings. When we met, my husband said absolutely no kids which led to our breakup. We got back together a couple years later, had our son and we were one and done for awhile. We had a groove and a good routine but I always wanted at least 3. Luckily, I convinced my husband lets try one more time and boom, pregnant with my daughter 8 years later. After her, I made the choice I was done. I didn't have a good pregnancy, we had a major scare with a misdiagnosis at 10 weeks that couldn't have been confirmed until birth and the 4th trimester was worse than with my son. I would love to have more but I don't think my mental health could handle it. If only things were different.
I feel you on a level you dont even know. I am like the.exact.same on wll fronts. The kids, the flow, the breastfeeding and co sleeping, all of it. My 2nd is 8 months now, and I thought we were done but sometimes now I secretly wonder what it would be like to have 3 and if I want that. TBD. Will also be taking a break to reclaim my body for a bit and remember what it's like to not be preggo or breastfeeding.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed listening. I am 11 months postpartum and have a active husky. So I feel like I have 2 kids (both girls) now 😂 I grew up with only one brother so I would like 3 kids. As of now I am in no rush for baby #2. I want to make sure baby #1 is potty trained first and can walk on her own. Plus we need a bigger car and house for everyone to be comfortable.
So nervous to be carrying twins in a second pregnancy.. (along with a 14 month old) I thought 2 was the right number for our family but my husband is so happy and said he always wanted at least 3!! He didn’t say so before!
My kids are also 1 and 3, and I've been going through the same thing for ages now! We actually decided to stick with 2 (even though we had planned on 3) because we love it here so much, and it instantly felt like a weight was lifted, like everything was exactly as it should be. Fast forward a few months and we're in our first month TTC again 🤦♀️
My first two are 17 months apart. When #2 was around 18m, we decided to sell our house and travel full-time. We'd always said we wanted 1 more, but not for a few years. Well, almost immediately into starting full-time living, we found out we were expecting baby #3. I was terrified. It changed our travel plans and made us question whether we could/should keep traveling. Fast forward to now, baby is 1 and we are still going strong with traveling. He has been the perfect addition to our family. We have visited 6 national parks in the past 3 months and have taken them on many hikes and adventures. Is it always easy? Heck no. But it has been so worth it. The way we look at it is they will be kids, with their full range of emotions, no matter the surroundings, so we may as well make it a good view. All this to say, you don't have to give up your travel dreams. Hiking is possible even with 3. Is this lifestyle for everyone? Of course not, but it's definitely not out of the question or impossible either!
I am on the fence about adding #4 some day too. I change my mind daily. Hubby is pretty sure he wants to be done. There are so many factors to consider. Someday we'll know what's right for us, but for now we are on pause as well.
🏆 this is some of the most relatable content on RUclips. Thank you
I always wanted three and I've currently got one. We definitely want a second at some point, but I think I am coming to terms with the fact that three won't happen for us. I'm approaching mid 30s already and I'm friggin tired man haha. But honestly, mental health and my parenting choices (like you said) are the main factors behind that choice. I feel I can have a closer bond with my children and be happier within myself if I have less children. I like your mum's motto - one for each hand.
I really relate to this! Pregnancy and the first year pp take a huge toll on my mental health and I know I want a second eventually but I don't think I want to put myself through more than that. Once my little one turned a year old I felt like myself again. Right now we're getting into a really good groove at 15 months.
Originally I did not want to have kids. Then I got married and wanted to have a family so we tried for one. It did not happen, then one day I had a car accident and found out I was pregnant at the ER. Then after having one, I did not want her to be alone so I had a second and I believe I am done physically and emotionally. It takes a toll. In my heart I feel two is the perfect number. They have each other and will never be alone. ❤
Wanted 4. Having 3 made me pause and think I was done with 3. But I think when you have 4, have two close together, then a long pause, then 2 close together again.
Having a late fall baby was hard. I was stuck indoors pretty much for 6 months until it was warm enough to go for walks, etc. Winter and the early darkness outdoors just sucks the life out of you. (Also from Twin Cities, MN).
I'm one and done bc I want my son to have 100% of my attention (not fight for it, no compromises, etc), siblings aren't guaranteed friends and many grow up to resent each other, parentification of the oldest is common in larger families, my mental health and marriage have suffered since having a child (but are getting better 19m in), and pregnancy sucked so so bad for me.
There are a million more reasons but I don't have time to write it all out 😜
There’s a mom of ten who said she was a wreck at two and two was the hardest. I needed to hear that. But I’m the same, I change my mind every day. My husband said he wants four and I’m following his lead. We are going to have four.
My husband and I grew up with a sibling each, so we always assumed we'd have 2. Had our first, revisited the topic, and now we're firmly one and done. I'm so excited to pour all of our love and resources into our sweet boy! And so happy for everyone who is able to know what number of children they want and to achieve that number. Not everybody has that ability whether they want more and can't or want fewer and their birth control fails.
This is actually an interesting watch. We have an almost 2 year old and I always thought of having three but for so long getting pregnant with a second seemed crazy because I struggled with the newborn phase so much. I imagine we'll likely have another and stick to two but we'll see.
I’ve been wanting to comment on a video of yours for a while now and just never got around to it.
I’m so grateful you’re sharing your experience with all of this. Our families are very similar, I’m just a couple months behind. I have two girls. One born in 2020, one in 2022. Birthdays exactly a week apart. They’re just end of summer babies instead of spring. So next month I’ll have a 1 yr old and 3 yr old too. I also wanted them so much closer but didn’t get my period back for a lot longer than anticipated.
My husband and I are currently discussing the 3rd baby question. I’ve always wanted a lot of kids. I came from a family of 9 and my husband from 4. But oh my goodness does that sound so overwhelming at this point. I really like your idea of just pausing and allowing myself tp decide later. For some reason I have such a hard time thinking of spacing my kids out farther than 2 years. I’ve just been super struggling in motherhood lately and wanted you to know you are such a place of encouragement for me. Thank you
I appreciate this ❤️❤️
And isn’t it wild how much stress being stuck on the the age gap can cause 😅
I’m the youngest of 4 and we’re all close even with the age gaps! 3 of us have the exact same birthday too lol. So my sister is exactly 5 years older than me, and one of my brothers is exactly 2 years older than me. Me and my sister have always been close even with the 5 year age gap. Even when growing up through the teen years we were very close. Some of that might be due to us having similar personalities, but just wanted to let you know, from experience, that bigger gaps doesn’t mean they won’t be close. I just had my 3rd baby and my oldest is 5. And watching him with his little sister and now his new little brother is the BEST THING EVER. Seeing him have such mature moments with them is so beautiful. Just today while driving he randomly kept turning to both of them in their car seats and telling them he loved them❤🥹 bigger age gaps can be beautiful. Also, it’s really great that when I’m baby trapped nursing that I can ask him to refill my water or bring me a snack😂👌🏼 it’s like having an inexperienced butler at your service 🤣💀 it’s great.
We wanted 3. We currently have one, who is 13 months. we would love a second, but finances are a big factor- we live in an apartment and dont have enough room for a second, but arent in a place where we can either rent something bigger or buy- we'd ratehr stay here where rent is super low, and we cab actually save to *maybe* hopefully buy a house someday. learning to go with the flow and trust that if we are meant to have more, things will come together, and if we arent then we'll have peace and joy with our family as is.
I had a summer baby and a spring baby. I loved having a baby in each season because of the weather. Consider having a summer baby… you will still be able to enjoy the outdoors and it will give you less stress about planning for a spring baby. Plus you get you wear beautiful summer dresses with a baby bump and it’s awesome!
Also, you look beautiful! I love your hairstyle!
I relate so much! Thanks for creating the video. I can’t stand trying to do 50% mothering and 50% work. Trying to separate this as much as possible has helped me! I also worry about having a 3rd because of the “whack-a-doo” (love this term😂) pregnancy and postpartum mental health experience that I have as well. It takes about a year postpartum for me to start feeling semi-normal again.. But now that I’m over a year PP, the desire for another one is coming back ❤
We want whatever God wants to give us- have three currently pregnant with number four. We never think of finances as an obstacle because He will always provide. Praying for you and I have a feeling you’ll be posting a video before the end of the year that you are expecting ❤
I found reasons to have only two, however hard it may be. My husband, after our first, wanted to be one and done though, but eventually changed his mind after seeing how bad it had affected me. Planning to start trying for the second this winter, we'll see how it goes
I am also a big believer that we're having kids for our future selves (and for them to have siblings), and even though it's hard now, I look at my hunsband's family (5 kids) and they're all SO close! They're his best friends. I also imagine what I want at the end of my life, and for me, I imagine myself dying surrounded by family - is that morbid? Maybe, but I just know that if I want to have a close extended family in 60 years, it does require the work now. I have always through three, MAYBE 4. and I've always said I wanted them close in age. My first son was quite highly sensitive and has needed a lot of me. He's almost 18 months old now and I'm loving watch him slowly become more independent. We're pregnant now with #2 and I'm glad I have the hindsight that it does get easier after the first year. That said, if my second has the same temprement as my first, I'm not sure if I would have the energy to do go for a third.
I had 6 siblings and tons of cousins. I love big families.
Wow Shayla, thanks for putting this out there, it’s so timely for my family. I just have one baby and he turns one this week. He was a colicky baby, he hated nursing so I’ve been exclusively pumping. He still is up several times a night. Haha it’s been a wild year. And yet I’d do it again, and I want to. I felt ready to have another baby right away whereas my spouse is rightly overwhelmed. It’s a struggle to figure out what works.
same here, baby's turning one, I want another and husband doesn't, it's a tough one🥲
Gosh I can relate to all of this. Especially the power through part. I also feel the same way (pressure wise) you feel about spring but for summer, it’s my favorite season and summer birthday parties are so fun in Florida. I also related to the part where you mark everything intense for the first year- so me and it’s so not intentional but I know it drives me crazy. I’m 37 weeks pregnant with our second. I have been having extreme mom guilt feeling like I won’t have time for both of the babes. Like I still have a baby and I didn’t have a chance to miss the baby phase. I have had extreme hormones this time and I was so sick for the first 20 weeks. I also was so excited with my first because I didn’t know what to expect and now I know about the sleep deprivation. My first was colicky and I’m scared of the first four months if that happens again and caring for my first. My husband is the same way your husband is with being ok with what I want and wanting me to be happy. The toughest part for me is that I was a flight attendant and never planned on quitting but our parents still work so I became a stay at home mom unintentionally because childcare is just so expensive. I’m grateful for it because so many want that dream but that was never my plan so I’m very excited to go back to any work to be honest and find my independence again. I know this is all temporary and I’m savoring what I know I’ll miss later. I originally said 3 babies when we met and got married. I think if we do have a third I’m going to wait the extra year instead of the two year gap. Grass is always greener on the other side no matter where you fall.
Ohhh Shayla, I loved this so much and going to watch it over and over. We are the same human. This video is basically the same stream of consciousness I am having, like everything, except my husband feels good with 2. But I think my mental health is the biggest factor of that, mine took such a nose dive and it was terrifying with my second. I was so sick and I have some trauma around that. He just doesn’t want to go through that again, neither do I. But I’m doing so much better now. I have two as well, a 3 year old and 18 month old. I’ve been following you since the travel days. I always wanted 3 but right now I am also enjoying having some flow and not sure if I want to “start all over.” Although I truly love the newborn stage.
I grew up in a 2, my husband grew up in a 3. We feel so good with 2 but I keep thinking… someone is missing. It’s hard. So my husband and I said we won’t make any hard decisions until my youngest is 3. (Snip snip for the hubby when we decide) but just like you, tomorrow it could all change. Letting myself off the hook for planning the age gap has allowed me to feel less stressed about this decision. I’m giving myself the grace to just live our lives and see what happens. Our hands are open.
I think you touched on something so beautiful that I have also been thinking about… if I don’t have more kids, I could also have that beautiful “chaos” (like the busy thanksgiving) if I hosted more, have my friends kids over for play dates, make trips with the cousins, volunteer as a family, help at her daycare for an hour for reading time, etc. There are other ways to engage and even create a larger “family” but it takes some thought and vulnerability. Especially as I never had that “family” myself and don’t have much of a roadmap. Anyway… so many thoughts!!!
"You're pregnant, AGAIN?!" literallyyy what I say when I'm scrolling high school/college friend Facebook posts 🤣
We originally said two, three would be too much for us. Then my sister got pregnant with twins 8 years ago (fraternal, so its genetic) and we decided one pregnancy, and we'd be happy with what we got be it a singleton or twins.
My singleton is now six months old and I'm SO glad we agreed on one. It wasn't a straightforward pregnancy and aside from that I just didn't enjoy being pregnant.
I'm so happy with my one and our wee family doesn't feel like we are waiting for another piece to be complete. We do check in with each other every now and then like "just checking you still are happy with one?"
I think if we did decide we wanted another down the line, I wouldn't be carrying it. We'd look into adopting an older child
Love this because there really are so many factors that go into it! We always wanted 5, after my first pregnancy I said 4. I’m now pregnant with #2 and thinking 3 is our max because my pregnancies are so hard! Although I would still love 4. Praying pregnancy #3 is twins so I can knock two out with one more horrible pregnancy then just be done haha
Thought 4.. stopping at 2.
Sameeeeee
We’re about to start trying for baby #2 (11 months PP), and I originally thought for sure 4, but now I’m thinking I may be fulfilled with just 2? No clue yet, we’ll see how it goes over time!
Have just had my first, and could see how hectic it would be having a baby and other little kids. But it won’t be like that forever, every stage of family would have its struggles that shift and change. We’re taking it one at a time, but thinking many kids haha
I love the realness in this video, Shayla! This runs through my mind all the time. Do we want more kids or just 1? When I was younger I wanted 4 kids. And when I was pregnant with my son, I thought for sure 2 kids. Due to my health reasons postpartum, we had to take a pause. That "flow" you speak of is so accurate, that's how I feel right now. I think 1 is perfect for our family! We got it right the 1st time :)
We didn’t know how many we wanted. We had one and knew right away we’d want another. But we didn’t try for another until we enjoyed feeling that peace and contentment and freedom and capacity you described. We got to that point and set a soft deadline to readdress the possibility. When we got to that point (our anniversary) we chatted and decided we were sure we wanted another and would try. Now we have our second (not a month yet). I’m 90% sure I would like a third, and I’ll get that last 10% when my husband decides he’s sturdily on board, because I could not enjoy parenthood to this extent without his all-in involvement. But I also plan to wait to reach and enjoy the peace and capacity point for a little bit again. We are fortunate to be pretty young for professionals to already have two so I feel a lot less pressure to start trying soon this time since I do think it would be a miracle to want four kids lol
I’m having the exact same thoughts as you. Like exactly. Mine are 15 months apart, 2 and almost 1. My one year old is so chill and I love having babies… we originally wanted 4, are so happy with 2 now…. And we go back and forth on having a third almost daily 😂
We have 1, and I want at least 2 more. My husband wants 3 max, but I'm hoping their cuteness sways him. 😂