It warms my heart to hear that you find my videos helpful. 💜 I am passionate about getting this message out and doing what I can to help people avoid and/or recover from this insidious form of abuse.
The power of a thing is not based on the power it actually possesses. Rather, it is much more about the power that we permit it to possess.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough
My narcissistic ex had a receding hairline and it bothered him A LOT, he talked about it all the time. After we broke up (very recently, I am still struggling and in a LOT of pain) I realized how much he projected things on me. More than once he would touch my hair, sort of braid it and say "wow, you don't have a lot of hair, do you? I think you're starting to have some bald patches even". I asked my mom to take a look at, even went to my hairdresser and they were like "what?? you have LOTS OF HAIR and you're definitively not balding". Then it all clicked, I was always being accused of being a liar, a cheater, not nice enough, etc....I still can't make sense of all of this, It's mind boggling. Even when I went out for a walk around the city I had just moved in, I sent him a message saying how nice the place is etc and he instantly snapped and said "You're not alone are you?". So he was always suspicious, always thinking I was doing bad things behind his back, that I always had something with bad intentions towards him. Is this "trait" related to being a narc. or he was absolutely paranoid?
This is awesome,I had this happen to me,with several people,I LOVE your work,thank you!!! With all of the people who did this to me,I got the he’ll away from them,I literally felt crazy,I went NO contact
I really love the way you described the mirror because that is exactly what it is like. 100% projection. I wish I had understood what I was dealing with years ago. It makes absolutely no sense to a rational person. It is a truly hellish reality to live in. Thank you for your videos.💖
Im a bit ashamed to say this as a male but everything that you have said in regards to emotional abuse fits my father to a T. Projection, denial, silent treatment, ghosting etc etc. I work in his business and it really is an emotional rollercoaster. No contact??
Hi I found you yesterday. I love your voice and nature and temperament. you instantly soothed me with your words of kindness and wisdom. your authentic self means more than you can believe to me. my mum a covert narc. my dad is mentally ill bipolar. I grew up in violence. in my home. I'm no contact with x covert narcissist sociopath boyfriend .of 11 years. I'm on my healing journey learning to love myself. basically I am aware that I just have to re learn. let go and start all over again. love myself and trust myself. a lot of observe don't absorb. thank you your beautiful. blessings to you. xx
This is absolutely the best thing I've read in my quest for knowledge about this subject! The projection. I could never understand and have been through this for the last 15 years. Over and over. Recently I was feeling that what he was accusing me of, he is doing. This video confirms it and I feel soooooo much better. I'm starting to get strong.
I figured as much. Must have heard this in my old John Bradshaw videos. So when you begin to experience these things, hire a private investigator & get the proof.
For me, I would project my own character onto the narcissist so when they did something horrible to me, I would attribute my own motives to the behavior if I could and if I couldn't I would attribute benign reasons for the behavior.... even if I would not have acted that way myself. Like, if my husband took the food money out of my purse and didn't tell me, then when I said I was going shopping he still didn't tell me even though he knew he took the money, I would look inside my heart and try to figure out why by putting myself in his place....when I found that I would not do something like that I would make up excuses like, he was too ashamed to even ask for money and was too embarrassed to admit he took it...because those reason were the closest I could come to rationalizing his behavior based on MY OWN PERSONALITY and what MOTIVATES me. I had no idea that the type of evil that lurks in a narcissist heart existed. Now after recovering I no longer project my own motives onto anyone's behavior, their actions speak for themselves. I realize that being raises as a child of a borderline mother and narcissistic father that I was trained to accept whatever treatment that came my way as being the loving acts of a parent and how to mentally wash their hands of guilt even if I had to assume the guilt myself. Breaking free of the cognitive dissonance this dynamic created was akin to relearning how to assess a situation while holding back my own knee jerk reactions. It was hard.
I want to be left alone. I have a right to be left alone. I don't want anything to do with my stalker(s). No is no is no is no. I do not care about these people. They don't matter. Such loathsome hubris, and egocentricity. I DO NOT CARE. I WISH TO BE LEFT ALONE. STALKERS DO YOU SEE THIS? YOU'RE NOBODY TO ME. I DON'T WANT YOU. FECK OFF! (sorry Dr. Denise, it has to be said)
mine did the opposite.. came home and insinuated a coworkers wife got 70k in divorce settlement (after telling me they worked there same amt time). Then said weird things like* If you cheated on me.. I wouldnt worry bout it*.. that seemed odd and unnatural to me for a spouse not to care if you cheated. Almost giving me the green light to b cause hed have an excuse to b talking to HER. And almost saying *Here, you can get x amt of $ if you leave me.. my friends wife did*
wow so when i cleaned out my truck like i do twice every year,and the extra work cloths i had in the seat compartment (his idea to do this after an embarrassing accident at work that i had to go home and redress) and he decided it was proof i was sleeping with men in my truck and using the rag i keep in the side door to check my oil was to clean myself off after being with men in my truck--he was actually sleeping with people in my truck?
I wish I had you for a teacher doctor aunt you have a warm approach towards the hardest topics in my opinion I really enjoy your insight and views ty so much ❤️💕👍
Meaghen, I work with many people as a coach/consultant. Feel free to sign up for a virtual coffee session through my website if you’d like to explore the options. www.drdenisedart.com/11-consultations/
Thank you Dr. Denise I didn’t realize the virtual session is an option that’s good to know. I’m in mineral wells tx not much out here to help .. I’m new to RUclips As well I’ll check it out the website I just realized what I’m dealing with is abuse not me being too sensitive or depressed anyways ty again for your reply ! :)
Hello I just found your videos. I am out of a 10 year toxic relationship and ready to get on with my life. I've learned everything about him and his disordered mind now I need to pick up my life and get back on track to the person I used to be. I am having trouble with executive functioning and need a jump start. Any thoughts?
Dr. In the final days before I left he said well I can say I never cheated on you. He did project the list, trust issues when we were at the movies he would go to the bathroom and I knew he was making a call. He would go to a friend's house on the weekend and twice I went and no car was there but he would call an hour later for me to come get him and he said they watched movies. I knew he had lied.
I worry that is what my boyfriend will do because he always thinks I'm cheating or going to cheat, and he even said "people who hate liars are liars and people who hate cheaters are cheaters" and then accused me of lying because I have said how much I hate being lied to (I have never accused him of lying to me just told him about my past relationship and how I was lied to all the time)
+Dr. Denise Dart Just brilliant and very true, once you are very "Present" when this happens, you start thinking back of all the crazy stuff they said and accused you of! I think this is the "Only" thing they aren't conscious of doing, all the rest of the abuse is planned. Great videos - can I ask what kind of Doctor are you? Blessings
yes yes and it was becuase of that tendency to be the way that you described it took me a little bit longer to really realize what was going on .... but thankful though that eventually did
So how do you know when someone is projecting something they’ve done/are doing vs something they are thinking or considering? Example: are you talking to your ex? Are they talking to theirs or are they considering talking to their ex?
Wow all the things that u said in this vidteo is the exact things happened to me. I found all his cheating and infidelity with so many vulnerable women.. and when i left him he goes back to his ex and whoever excess accept him. I thank god i got out.. i was traumatized from all the things i suffered from him. Thanks for this kind of revelation for the npd for other women to know more about them.
Wow did I live this!!! Thank you. This is aiding in my healing. I loved him so. I think he loved me on some level too, but he falls into the narcissistic abuser category and your videos describe him to a T. In my heart I wish he could grow up and have some self awareness!! But after 3 years of on again off again love bombing, followed by disregard and abuse, me leaving, him hoovering cycle, I'm finally getting it. I wish I still didn't love him though. He has a harem of exes. I won't be one. Going no contact but it's hard. He still love bombs me and it makes me miss the good times. Cognitive dissonance for sure. At least I am aware because of people like you. Thank you so much.
Excellent insights into human behavior. Do you feel that marriages must have an expiry date like passport or visa? So that men do not take women for granted and you do not have to go through the tortuous route of divorce procedures. Alternatively, should there be pre-nuptial agreements by law so that children's custody and asset allocation can be pre-determined. Keep with the good work you are doing.
(i'm a guy) my ex g/f was always calling me a narcissist.. she said it repeatedly.. i didn't understand why because i was doing so many things for her and for us.. i got to the point of being distraught about it because no amount of reasoning stopped her from saying that about me.. and over time it went from just that to- "you're a selfish controlling narcissist who always plays the victim" .......learning about projection explained all of what i was going through.. it was like an A-HA! moment.... needless to say we're no longer together and i don't miss her because she can go drive some other guy insane, or just do the friends with benefits thing (which i think is what she did before she met me, because i'm christian and don't do sex before marriage) .. but she seemed to always get a smirk on her face whenever the topic of friends with benefits came up... so imo her "relationships" are just temporary sexual exchanges.. i have a hard time imagining a man being able to deal with her outside of that
she also told me i was a hypocrite pretty much daily in different ways... and she said she didn't want to tell me things about herself because i might "use them against her" .. and she also said i tell her what i want her to hear but i withhold things that would incriminate me..... AGAIN.... IT WAS ALL PROJECTION because looking back, she was guilty of every single thing she said about me
What confuses me about my narc is that he never accused me of anything. He just was absent and after I would find information he would gas light me but never directly really cared what I did?? Help anyone
Well not all of them.are narcissist but he also used to accuse me of being jealous and insecure in public when i really wasnt. Is that part of his insecurity?
When they are accusing you, they are thinking that you don't have the intelligence to see through them.
It warms my heart to hear that you find my videos helpful. 💜 I am passionate about getting this message out and doing what I can to help people avoid and/or recover from this insidious form of abuse.
The power of a thing is not based on the power it actually possesses. Rather, it is much more about the power that we permit it to possess.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough
Testing Testing awesome words!!!
Thank you for this
The problem is that even when I think I have a good relationship I don't. Always unhealthy and dysfunctional. I'm sick to death of trying
My narcissistic ex had a receding hairline and it bothered him A LOT, he talked about it all the time. After we broke up (very recently, I am still struggling and in a LOT of pain) I realized how much he projected things on me. More than once he would touch my hair, sort of braid it and say "wow, you don't have a lot of hair, do you? I think you're starting to have some bald patches even". I asked my mom to take a look at, even went to my hairdresser and they were like "what?? you have LOTS OF HAIR and you're definitively not balding". Then it all clicked, I was always being accused of being a liar, a cheater, not nice enough, etc....I still can't make sense of all of this, It's mind boggling. Even when I went out for a walk around the city I had just moved in, I sent him a message saying how nice the place is etc and he instantly snapped and said "You're not alone are you?". So he was always suspicious, always thinking I was doing bad things behind his back, that I always had something with bad intentions towards him. Is this "trait" related to being a narc. or he was absolutely paranoid?
I watch Investigate Discover,the investigator said,If it doesn’t make sense,that means it’s NOT true
That's true Tina. They have no idea they are systematically revealing the very things they think they are so sneakily hiding 😊
This is awesome,I had this happen to me,with several people,I LOVE your work,thank you!!! With all of the people who did this to me,I got the he’ll away from them,I literally felt crazy,I went NO contact
I really love the way you described the mirror because that is exactly what it is like. 100% projection. I wish I had understood what I was dealing with years ago. It makes absolutely no sense to a rational person. It is a truly hellish reality to live in. Thank you for your videos.💖
Yes it is and yet once we know what to look for we can see more clearly 💜
I accuse my husband of cheating all the time and I don’t cheat
Im a bit ashamed to say this as a male but everything that you have said in regards to emotional abuse fits my father to a T. Projection, denial, silent treatment, ghosting etc etc.
I work in his business and it really is an emotional rollercoaster. No contact??
Does this apply to things he says about others? He is constantly accusing others of horrible things.
YES, YES, YES!
Hi I found you yesterday. I love your voice and nature and temperament. you instantly soothed me with your words of kindness and wisdom. your authentic self means more than you can believe to me. my mum a covert narc. my dad is mentally ill bipolar. I grew up in violence. in my home. I'm no contact with x covert narcissist sociopath boyfriend .of 11 years. I'm on my healing journey learning to love myself. basically I am aware that I just have to re learn. let go and start all over again. love myself and trust myself. a lot of observe don't absorb. thank you your beautiful. blessings to you. xx
This is absolutely the best thing I've read in my quest for knowledge about this subject! The projection. I could never understand and have been through this for the last 15 years. Over and over. Recently I was feeling that what he was accusing me of, he is doing. This video confirms it and I feel soooooo much better. I'm starting to get strong.
How do you hold up the mirror? I am at the point where I just walk away and go NO CONTACT with these kind of people.
I figured as much. Must have heard this in my old John Bradshaw videos. So when you begin to experience these things, hire a private investigator & get the proof.
For me, I would project my own character onto the narcissist so when they did something horrible to me, I would attribute my own motives to the behavior if I could and if I couldn't I would attribute benign reasons for the behavior.... even if I would not have acted that way myself. Like, if my husband took the food money out of my purse and didn't tell me, then when I said I was going shopping he still didn't tell me even though he knew he took the money, I would look inside my heart and try to figure out why by putting myself in his place....when I found that I would not do something like that I would make up excuses like, he was too ashamed to even ask for money and was too embarrassed to admit he took it...because those reason were the closest I could come to rationalizing his behavior based on MY OWN PERSONALITY and what MOTIVATES me. I had no idea that the type of evil that lurks in a narcissist heart existed. Now after recovering I no longer project my own motives onto anyone's behavior, their actions speak for themselves. I realize that being raises as a child of a borderline mother and narcissistic father that I was trained to accept whatever treatment that came my way as being the loving acts of a parent and how to mentally wash their hands of guilt even if I had to assume the guilt myself. Breaking free of the cognitive dissonance this dynamic created was akin to relearning how to assess a situation while holding back my own knee jerk reactions. It was hard.
I want to be left alone. I have a right to be left alone. I don't want anything to do with my stalker(s). No is no is no is no. I do not care about these people. They don't matter. Such loathsome hubris, and egocentricity. I DO NOT CARE. I WISH TO BE LEFT ALONE. STALKERS DO YOU SEE THIS? YOU'RE NOBODY TO ME. I DON'T WANT YOU. FECK OFF! (sorry Dr. Denise, it has to be said)
mine did the opposite.. came home and insinuated a coworkers wife got 70k in divorce settlement (after telling me they worked there same amt time). Then said weird things like* If you cheated on me.. I wouldnt worry bout it*.. that seemed odd and unnatural to me for a spouse not to care if you cheated. Almost giving me the green light to b cause hed have an excuse to b talking to HER. And almost saying *Here, you can get x amt of $ if you leave me.. my friends wife did*
This was helpful, thank you!
I am so sad I am running out of your videos!!
Stay tuned! More to come....:-)
Dr. Denise Glassmoyer many thanks to you for these empowering videos. I find them very helpfull because I have there.
Dr. Denise Glassmoyer I am so great full for you're video's wow what am eye opener
wow so when i cleaned out my truck like i do twice every year,and the extra work cloths i had in the seat compartment (his idea to do this after an embarrassing accident at work that i had to go home and redress) and he decided it was proof i was sleeping with men in my truck and using the rag i keep in the side door to check my oil was to clean myself off after being with men in my truck--he was actually sleeping with people in my truck?
I feel like you are unraveling 20 years of my life that left me perplexed and wondering if it was even worth living.
Hopefully you are in a better place now.
I wish I had you for a teacher doctor aunt you have a warm approach towards the hardest topics in my opinion I really enjoy your insight and views ty so much ❤️💕👍
Meaghen, I work with many people as a coach/consultant. Feel free to sign up for a virtual coffee session through my website if you’d like to explore the options. www.drdenisedart.com/11-consultations/
Thank you Dr. Denise I didn’t realize the virtual session is an option that’s good to know. I’m in mineral wells tx not much out here to help .. I’m new to RUclips As well I’ll check it out the website I just realized what I’m dealing with is abuse not me being too sensitive or depressed anyways ty again for your reply ! :)
Hello
I just found your videos.
I am out of a 10 year toxic relationship and ready to get on with my life.
I've learned everything about him and his disordered mind now I need to pick up my life and get back on track to the person I used to be.
I am having trouble with executive functioning and need a jump start.
Any thoughts?
Dr. In the final days before I left he said well I can say I never cheated on you. He did project the list, trust issues when we were at the movies he would go to the bathroom and I knew he was making a call. He would go to a friend's house on the weekend and twice I went and no car was there but he would call an hour later for me to come get him and he said they watched movies. I knew he had lied.
The behavior is hurtful, lying about it and making your question your instincts and intuition are often said to be even more painful.
He always accused me of cheating and I was not...
I adore your videos
I worry that is what my boyfriend will do because he always thinks I'm cheating or going to cheat, and he even said "people who hate liars are liars and people who hate cheaters are cheaters" and then accused me of lying because I have said how much I hate being lied to (I have never accused him of lying to me just told him about my past relationship and how I was lied to all the time)
Sounds very stressful. It’s no fun walking on eggshells and defending yourself against something you didn’t do.
Dr. Denise Dart Thank you for replying, I wasn't expecting it
+Dr. Denise Dart Just brilliant and very true, once you are very "Present" when this happens, you start thinking back of all the crazy stuff they said and accused you of! I think this is the "Only" thing they aren't conscious of doing, all the rest of the abuse is planned. Great videos - can I ask what kind of Doctor are you? Blessings
yes yes and it was becuase of that tendency to be the way that you described it took me a little bit longer to really realize what was going on .... but thankful though that eventually did
Thank you so much Dr. Denise Dart! This is brilliant, so correct and so very easy to understand. This has helped me in many ways. Thank you!
So how do you know when someone is projecting something they’ve done/are doing vs something they are thinking or considering?
Example: are you talking to your ex?
Are they talking to theirs or are they considering talking to their ex?
Wow all the things that u said in this vidteo is the exact things happened to me. I found all his cheating and infidelity with so many vulnerable women.. and when i left him he goes back to his ex and whoever excess accept him. I thank god i got out.. i was traumatized from all the things i suffered from him. Thanks for this kind of revelation for the npd for other women to know more about them.
This video made me cry.Thank you for this❤
exactly what's going on right now thank u for this video....
You’re welcome 💜
Wow did I live this!!! Thank you. This is aiding in my healing. I loved him so. I think he loved me on some level too, but he falls into the narcissistic abuser category and your videos describe him to a T. In my heart I wish he could grow up and have some self awareness!! But after 3 years of on again off again love bombing, followed by disregard and abuse, me leaving, him hoovering cycle, I'm finally getting it. I wish I still didn't love him though. He has a harem of exes. I won't be one. Going no contact but it's hard. He still love bombs me and it makes me miss the good times. Cognitive dissonance for sure. At least I am aware because of people like you. Thank you so much.
It's crazy really
Can they EVER be helped if they see what they are doing? Just curious
Excellent insights into human behavior. Do you feel that marriages must have an expiry date like passport or visa? So that men do not take women for granted and you do not have to go through the tortuous route of divorce procedures. Alternatively, should there be pre-nuptial agreements by law so that children's custody and asset allocation can be pre-determined. Keep with the good work you are doing.
Mukesh Dalal I only am this wiser now because I was in a very unhealthy relationship before,I had counseling,and I chose to seek healing,Im
I wouldn’t trade my life experiences,it made me the awesome woman I am today,I turned it into a positive
Thank you for this video you are an angel
Really great work !
(i'm a guy) my ex g/f was always calling me a narcissist.. she said it repeatedly.. i didn't understand why because i was doing so many things for her and for us.. i got to the point of being distraught about it because no amount of reasoning stopped her from saying that about me.. and over time it went from just that to- "you're a selfish controlling narcissist who always plays the victim" .......learning about projection explained all of what i was going through.. it was like an A-HA! moment.... needless to say we're no longer together and i don't miss her because she can go drive some other guy insane, or just do the friends with benefits thing (which i think is what she did before she met me, because i'm christian and don't do sex before marriage) .. but she seemed to always get a smirk on her face whenever the topic of friends with benefits came up... so imo her "relationships" are just temporary sexual exchanges.. i have a hard time imagining a man being able to deal with her outside of that
she also told me i was a hypocrite pretty much daily in different ways... and she said she didn't want to tell me things about herself because i might "use them against her" .. and she also said i tell her what i want her to hear but i withhold things that would incriminate me..... AGAIN.... IT WAS ALL PROJECTION because looking back, she was guilty of every single thing she said about me
What confuses me about my narc is that he never accused me of anything. He just was absent and after I would find information he would gas light me but never directly really cared what I did?? Help anyone
Dr Dart I have experienced the same treatment too! Please advise? Thanks!
You're right NOW!!
Thank you.
Well not all of them.are narcissist but he also used to accuse me of being jealous and insecure in public when i really wasnt. Is that part of his insecurity?
Nick V. its a female 66 yrs old, not a male. I was asking for help as the male victim.
Uau!!!! Brillant vídeo, Thank you
🙏Amen..just Amen..
Can you help a man at 73 who is with a what I believe to be a covert Narcisiists/and maybe a scioalpath…..Nick
Let him go to a therapist if he wants to change. You can’t be that help for him without losing a part of yourself in the process.
Why are you saying your name is Dr. Glass mount or something? It says you are Denise Dart.
you described my ex-WIFE exactly. please make your "advice" non-gender biased. otherwise you spread toxicity.