Not Wanting To Have Kids | ZULA ChickChats | EP 112
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
- In this episode of ZULA ChickChats, we talk about not having children and our reasons for this decision. From discussing environmental reasons to being called selfish for it, join us as we unwrap this topic!
Here are the timestamps of the topics covered during the episode:
00:00 - Intro
01:40 - Reasons For Not Wanting Kids
06:29 - Societal Expectations About Having Kids
10:04 - Partner’s Thoughts On Not Having Kids
12:37 - Instagram Q&A
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Featuring:
Kaitlyn Melissa Leow - / supernovastarrrrr
Chloe Abigail - / chlobigail
Cheryl Chiew - / cherylchiew
Leah Shannon - / mizchiefmagik
Filmed By:
Ariel Ho - / realsh1ny
Yeow Jia Yi - / yeowjiayi
Edited By:
Ariel Ho
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Are you team kids or team no kids? Share with us why in the comments below!
Not on any team in particular, I feel this is a very personal choice between oneself and their partner. However, I do think adoption is a much better option as mentioned not only for the environment, but also there are children already on this planet who need love and care and if you are willing and able to provide the above, why not? Also the familial bonds you forge with another person you choose to accept as family can be as strong as blood family .
@@OnceUponAYuyuchama seconded
mothership.sg/2018/02/china-orphan-no-ears-adopted-singapore-parents/
I agree that adoption can be a good choice.
Mothership as well as CNA featured a story of Assoc Prof Dr Lim Poh Lian from NCID who adopted a son.
I have linked the mothership article in the link above.
Dr Lim has been interviewed on various occasions about Covid19 and vaccines. She is after all a doctor and scientist right in the middle of fighting the pandemic.
Things get stressful at times for Dr Lim but the son she adopted really brings out like the lightness and joy in her. Seeing the child really helps her relax.
Have a read, its quite an inspiring story!
Team no kids. Too much responsibility.
No kids
I think the funny thing about the question “dont you like kids” is that that baby only stays a cute little kid 6 years max, and the next 6 years its borderline annoying and the next 6 an angsty annoying teen xD unless you’re ready to accept all those years, not just the first 6, dont have a kid.
Wow thanks for this insight. Genuinely. Given me a new perspective.
to add on..
to like kids and to have kids is very different.. and some people just cant understand that.
Yup and the white people are like, BABY FEVER. Like??
absolutely. Also what happens when they arent raising the human right? or maybe they have bad influences in life and becomes a criminal? it's not a simple question of just "dont you like kids".
Every time I say I do not want children, a common thing I hear is that I am selfish for not wanting it. But in my view, I think it is more selfish to have children and not take care of them well (which I have seen very often).
Children are a huge responsibility. You can’t just give them food, give them money, and call it a day. Children aren't pets. I worry about teaching them the right things, the right life lessons. Morals, ethics, values... These are important to me. More than providing them basic sustenance, if I am to bring up a child, I want them to grow to be a good person.
Sounds cynical, but I probably grew to have this mindset because I feel like a lot of parents fuck up their own kids and did not even realise that they did. Not enough love, not enough understanding, not teaching them the right things, etc etc. You cannot 100% control the outcome of how they'll turn out, either, because they are ultimately their own person and may choose to turn away from your lessons. (A thing that bugs me is how people say children are "an extension of yourself." Like bitch, no??? They are their own person. They're not you, just as how we're not our parents.)
When you have kids, you're in for the long haul. The mindset of having children because it is "how it is" (e.g. marry, have children, have them take care of you in old age) is wrong.
That's how I feel, anyway...
exactly, perfect explanation. also the part where you said 'you can’t just give them food, give them money, and call it a day. Children aren't pets.' just straight up remind me of my dad. he told me before 'having kids is easy, just give money sometimes only mahh' ...
exactly what i think
That is why you should have kids, you are such a responsible role model/parent in the future 😃
I received that comment once and i never understood why I'd be labelled as selfish for not wanting kids. isn't it more selfish to give birth to kids just because you want them? you're creating a life who will be going through the same hardships and challenges you faced, and who's to say the kid would be healthy? what if they are born with some disability and doesnt live a good quality of life? and you call ME selfish? you're the one being selfish if you want kids just to satisfy your "parental instincts", or worse still, expect them to take care of you when you're old.
not that theres anything wrong with wanting to fulfil parental instincts. but calling ME selfish for not wanting kids is just errrrr, hello? got your cards all mixed up there.
i share the same sentiments as you clairvaux!
YES I AGREE!
Excuse my hyper typing 😂 but it’s so true, it’s more selfish and unfair to have a child and not be there for them, they’ll grow up unhappy and miserable. It’s doing these innocent lives a favour by not choosing to be their parent and have them just because “it’s not a selfish thing”
I wish this topic was being more talked about especially in a country like Singapore. Props to you guys for that 👍
I think an episode on people who choose to have many children (like more than 3) in this day and age might be interesting!
This topic is so apt! When every RUclips channel is coming out with cliché touching videos of Mother’s Day. (nothing wrong with them) Zula shows one on not wanting kids! Kudos to Zula for being different !!
Hey Matt i am guessing when you say this topic is so ebb you are wanting to say this topic is so apt?
Apt is like the short form of "appropriate".
Very appropriate for this time given mothers day and also the fact that other channels are discussing it also. But zula stands out by talking about not having kids.
Ahh yes yes! Thanks for the correction!!
I think if you look at our parents or grandparents, having a kid is probably a no brainer because while they had to work harder back then, it was also easier to have a kid. The world isn't so competitive yet, there isn't such a thing as social media - so nobody know what is like to have or not to have a kid, the world was much less complicated and chaotic. People tend to just do it and then think about it later.
Now when life is so much more sophisticated, competitive and expensive, having a kid is almost like a luxury. And the new generation wasn't born into a mindset where they had to either work hard or die, or never really had to experience true hunger - there is an avoidance towards responsibility hence there is not really a need to have a kid. The world is already so populated and it's not a very conducive environment to bear children anymore
I’ve always felt like... Many people want to have kids, but they don’t want to have another human being. Agreed with Cheryl, people should have kids when they want and are ready to nurture another -human being-. That’s an important keyword
Kids could either bring the family together, or amplifies the differences even more and pull the family apart.
I amplified the differences in the family lol
YESSSSSSSSSSSS people who think like me. I hate those who think one should have kids since that is the natural progression after marriage. there needs to be a lot of discussions first between husband and wife to see if they are really and able to do so. as a teacher, I have seen many students who have parents who clearly don't care about their kids and they had kids cos its the next thing to do. if you want to be a parent, you have to do the work to learn how to be the best parent for your kid. and as a Geography teacher, the MAIN cause of every geographical issue I teach is ........... Rapid Population Growth. so yes we need to lower the world's population. we shouldn't be so myopic to say but singapore's birth rate is low so we must do our part. this is a global issue that will affect Singapore later on as well. we also should stop this old fashioned mentality that we want to pass on our genes and continue the lineage of the family. like who am I? am I that important like a monarchy that needs to pass my genes along?! is my genes essential to the human world?
yes a lot of people will say I am selfish. yes my parents taught me to save for my own retirement as they will for themselves. filial piety is not only about $$ but being there for them, taking care of them, bringing them to medical appts etc. singapore's financial literacy education is really lacking. we should be taught to save for ourselves and our retirement rather than having kids to pay for our retirement.
Here...I'm one example...my parents' retirement plan is me 😂...and to be very honest, it is fking stressful cause apart from taking care of them I have to pay for my own wedding, housing, insurance etc....so your point abt having own retirement plan and not relying on your kids is really true
@@psychichanajima1405 same here man
@joy same agreeeeeee can we be friends please 🤣😂
most compelling reason to not have kids: why do you want to bring another innocent being into existence only for them to suffer the pain of living? and worse, you give birth to them without their consent? and this is all because of your selfish idea/ conception of what would complement your life.
Agreed 1000000%
Ya the world is cruel and no matter how much u shield them it will bite them no matter what shield too much also not good. The earth is literally dying as well. And most ppl have kids coz they dw die alone. this is why idw kids
Sadly...I kinda agree with u 😆 I used to want kids but now that I'm getting married, having kids is the last thing I think abt hahahah...partly because I'm not confident of providing my kids with the best things in life...and not ready to give up my time for kids
I'm very grateful to be able to enjoy the joys of living. Life's not always smooth sailing, but it's the lows and highs that makes it worth living :)
Totally fine with babysitting/being the godparent but definitely not having my own children.
i feel like people who dont want kids are the most responsible, mature and selfless person ever. unless you have the mindset that children dont owe you anything, and you know that because YOU WANT kids, thats why they have to suffer this heaven & hell on earth. children never asked to be born and they cannot choose the country and parents they are born with. so basically its giving birth to a human without their consent LOL
Yes. Agree to that haha.
That reason is why ending own life should not be counts as taboo. But it's a choice
When I was young, I always ask my mother why has she not obtain my consent before putting me on earth? It made depressed for a long time because I can't get an answer.
This is the correct mindset... Not like my parents generation, have kids to give them allowance lollll.. hello I'm not a slave lo, how to support parents and have kids. If I was a parent I would not give burden to my kids
If you really love kids but don’t want to go through the whole process of nurturing your kids into adults, you can also look into childhood education, become a kindergarten/childcare teacher, do babysitting and likes. Taking care of kids as kids is one thing but the responsibility to nurture them into mature, kind, sensible young adults is a whole different thing.
@Riri Originals yes it is different. What I am driving is that some people love kids but are not willing to nurture one themselves because it involves bringing up the child from a baby all the way to a young adult and all responsibilities 📈. Also if you love kids for the kids phase, one way to fulfil the satisfaction of nurturing children is to become a kindergarten teacher or a babysitter (which can be done during free time)
@Riri Originals I think Chloe has a point here. There are many people who only like to play with cute toddlers, who only want someone to sit on their laps, who want someone small enough for them to carry and hug, who want someone to call out innocently for them and make them feel wanted or important. In fact, these are some main reasons people are attracted to have their own kids. 6 years down the road they'll understand the kids have their own mind and are no longer as cute as they used to be. I've been teaching for two decades and age ranges from 2 to 22. I've seen and experienced enough to know that I don't want kids of my own. Whatever "maternal instincts" I have, I already fulfill them through teaching generations of children. As what Chloe was suggesting, when you've done enough of something, you'll not want more of them. And being an educator you can opt out anytime, but being a parent you cannot undo your children's existence.
Hi zula, this is probably the best video yet! This is a very refreshing perspective that I think perhaps many in Singapore still do not see. Many love the idea of having kids because of the romanticization of getting married and having kids. Although that may be true in some cases, they overlook the fact that having kids simply because of that can result in various consequences. I used to want to have kids after I get married because I thought it would paint a very happy picture of what my life would be like, but as I'm getting older, I really do not think that I am capable of dedicating my life to nurturing another human, and to give love unconditionally. I would like to live my life freely and not have to worry about my kids' schedules, and their needs all the time. Of course, if I ever had one, I would love my kids and would want only the best for them. But consciously, I think I would still choose not to have them.
This really brings me to your point of filial piety. I really like your views on that and is also one that I have undertaken and tried to explain to my friends, with them telling me that we should be filial to our parents. I don't think we owe it to our parents to take of them when we are older, afterall it was their decision to bring us into this world, and hence the full responsibility is on them to raise us and take care of us. Whether or not we eventually return this love is a decision that we each have to make, taking into consideration the type of care and treatment we received growing up. Of course that is not to say that we should all not take of our parents and leave them in the lurch, what I'm saying is that we should NOT be expected to have to take care of them, especially in the traditional sense of what 'filial piety' is.
Thank you for this video! Society is changing and so are perspectives, hopefully the world is changing such that we do not cause children any more emotional trauma from toxic family relations.
and p.s. if you are on the side of wanting kids, let me be their godparent pls HAHAH i love kids i just dont want one of my own.
really enjoyed kaitlyn's presence and would love to hear her thoughts in future videos!!
I've interviewed many people and concluded that *those who want kids are selfish.* There are two main reasons:
*1. Kids would fulfill a complete marriage* - many say that being in a marriage is not complete until they have children of their own and they need children to fulfill their ideal idea of a family eg. going on family trips, giving the their parents grandchildren to carry, having laughter at home, having common topics to talk with their colleagues and friends like choosing tuition teachers etc. This is selfish because you are using your children to give you happiness that you are unable to fully achieve in a married life. Children are not there to ensure your happiness and more often than not they are the reason for most divorces.
*2. Kids would take care of them and the society when they get old* - people expect children to care for them in their old age and expect children to contribute positively to the society. There are so many instances of children ignoring their parents, children not earning enough to even feed themselves due to the current competitive economic environment, children migrating due to the borderless and technologically advanced world, children dying before their parents, children not able to secure a job and living off government subsidies etc. This is selfish because you are expecting ROI = return on investment just because you brought them up does not mean they are obliged in any way to repay you because you've never asked for their consent before giving birth to them.
Those who say they are selfless and gave up everything for their kids are actually suffering the consequence of their actions ie procreating. They soothe themselves by constantly repeating to themselves that there are bright days too, that a child's hug means the world to them, that when a child first calls out "mummy" and "daddy" it made their day, having children teach them patience and kindness etc. Again, those are selfish reasons because you are deriving meaning (in other words "using") from your children's existence.
So all parents including yours are selfish bastards?
@@qh415 Wouldn't call them bastards but yes they are selfish. I still don't really see a point of putting me on earth to suffer and to worry about my future, their future, the country's future, the earth's future. My parents have good skills that the society needs and I wish they'd spent more time on bettering the general public than having kids who took away their focus.
Sometimes it's also because parents are "curious" as to what their child will look like with their genes lol
@@teuwbz It's true! I've also heard this directly from people I've interviewed. But when I highlighted that there are possibilities of abnormalities or birth defects and that all wannabe parents should be aware of that, they suddenly feel disgusted by that thought. It's like as if when an abnormal child comes along, the parents might abandon them. This is a whole topic worth discussing further.
Personally I don't want a kid. I like kids just not my own. I just don't see myself taking care of a kid. I plan to spend time with my girlfriend/wife and have it easy. I discussed this with a friend recently and we both agree that some people don't know why they want to have a kid.
I want to invest in old folk homes. Surely a booming business in the future as it is already is.
I have to disagree with Leah's comment about how the right time > right person. I think that having a child with the 'wrong person' would make it hell for me, not because of the child's existence. It's basically single-parenthood. Saying this from personal experience, having a supportive partner of the same wavelength as you is more important than whether you want to have children or not. I completely respect the people who don't want children, but I believe it's important for audiences to step out of the echo chamber and think for themselves before being dead set on a stance because life changes in a moment, people change too.
Can relate to the reasons for not having kids. Also inclined to not having kids in future because don't wanna potentially follow the footstep of my parents and cause misery to another human being.
loved this ep we need moreeee!
Love this discussion
The comments here give me hope :') YASSSS!
And for anyone who tells me I'm selfish for choosing to be child-free and "who's going to take care of you when you're old??", I always retort with how it's super selfish to have kids as a retirement plan 😬😬😬
I suggest an episode on parenting styles! Would be interested to hear the experiences of parents who practice gentle parenting styles in Singapore. Things like: no punishments, collaboration with children and etc.
i want to hear about the other perspective ! (those who want kids) 👶🏻 thanku for talking about this :-)
Having kids is a purely and deeply personal choice. One side should not pressure/shame the other side in any way.
Having kids now vs having kids back then are very different as we move along the times. Before, kids were seen as assets, investments and retirement plans only. Now we have multiple factors to consider given that we have learnt what's damaging about the past parenting. It's on Us to do better than the past. So go ahead and make the choice that's best for you and you alone.
We are in 2020 so we need to raise the kid in 2020 with 2040 in mind. We can't raise kids with the thinking of 1900s.
Maybe you can have another topic of discussion that’s another level up: people not wanting to get married 😅
understood the perspectives. have a good day yall
who else was expecting chow to be here 🤣
🤣
I think on the hindsight tho a benefit of having children in most cases is having someone to care for you in old age... it's all good when youre young and still independent but even the simplest of things become hard when you're old & having no one to rely on will be a big issue
Yeap. Singapore is damn expensive to have kids! As much as I love them, i will think about stability and having a house first then start a family.
"Who will take care of you when you're old, if you don't want to have kids?"
My answer: sorry, if I ever want to have kids, I want them to be free to be whatever they want to be. I don't want my kids to be my caretaker. I don't want to be a burden for anyone.
Would be great to expand on the sandwich generation discussion!
Honestly I think the idea of having kids is pushed upon us, women especially, since childhood...its like compulsory heterosexuality. Like the idea that “you’re a woman, having kids it’s basically a part of the steps in your life”.It’s not actually a point of choice that is ever broken down by adults to us when we grow up, as a thing that should be analyzed properly. We are pushed to believe that a normal process of life should be having kids and starting a family, but it truly in fact is false. It’s not a life style that everyone can responsibly accept and take on. Besides sex Ed, I think this is a topic that should be tackled on in the school education system. ( Not Singaporean btw but I relate to a lot of topics on this channel!)
I’d love to believe in that dream I’m being sold but honestly it repulses me so much that I have to be chained to such a long term responsibility for basically my whole life. Who knows if I change my stance in the future, but this is what I feel right now. If I have kids, I’d be having them laaaaaaaate as hell
Married for a year plus already. Everyone kept on saying we will have a lot of kids since I have 5 siblings and my partner have 3 siblings. When we told them we want 0~1 kids they said that it’s a must in our culture to have a lot of kids and it’s unfair that we don’t want to grow another life.
A video on parents who regret having children would be nice.
lol. that's just sad.
yea you go ladies. Couples should decide between themselves whether or not they should have a kids, no BS from family. why should others get to have a say when they're not the ones who's gonna raise the kid / play for the kid? I detest people quoting tradition and expectations as reasons.
I want to watch the next ep already!!
Cuz u don't like this ep?
@@rinne7244 i do, just excited to watch the next too.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to the subject of whether u want to bear children or not...
Society's view on children are always changing and as we get more modernised, the reasons and importance of having children evolves..
As a parent myself, I view my raising kids as a life lesson and a constant check and balance on my behaviour and attitude towards everyone..
Raising kids forces me to be more Adult-like in my approach to life. No longer am I living for my own wants and desires - I am doing the things I am doing because lives depend on me...
Some might not like it because its a stress they cannot handle.. some love it because they just love the challenge and I think both sides are valid and completely legit...
There is nothing more noble than a man or a woman coming together and setting aside their personal wants and desires in order to raise a future generation which they hope will be better versions of themselves
People change when the right person enters their life. Your priority will change at different phases of your life. Your perspective and fear are very normal for a person in the twenties. When so many people choose to have children knowing very well the hardship they have to endure, I am sure they know what they are doing. Children are born out of love. And when you have a family, you do your best to make it work, just like a relationship. You give unconditionally like a parent does, and you don't expect anything in return. I have 3 children who are now in their early twenties. It has not been an easy journey for us but we never regret a bit. They are a joy to have. Every generation has its own way to survive the world, like the generations before did - the wars, recessions, etc. Just because we find the world challenging to live in does not mean our kids would. They may turn out to be stronger than we are. Do not let fear and uncertainty rule your mind.
Hi your different opinion is interesting. May I know the reason of you wanting kids?
@@jocelyn5512 she already said her kids are born out of love.
I’m on the other end where I want kids. But I definitely think a lot about how I’d want to raise them. I think it’s important to think that they don’t owe you anything. Parents these days have the mindset of having kids because they’re supposed to support you when you get old, which creates unnecessary stress on them.
And it’s important for them to be who they want to be as long as they’re not hurting anyone, be it regarding their sexuality or career choice. They’re not born to live out your own dreams. So many parents are strict which causes their kids to not want to share much or hide from their parents, which really in turn affects them mentally. You gotta be open with them.
So many mental health issues stem from parents. At the end of the day, it’s important for your mindset to be at the right space and you gotta be aware of whether you’re really ready or not.
Should do an episode of people who don't desire to get married too. Would be really interesting
Kudos to this apt video by Zula. It's not hardcore anti-natalist but quite edifying hopefully to those who chase 'The Singaporean Dream' and think that having children completes a family. Here is my take:
1. More often than not, Singaporeans do not consider the possibility of giving birth to a child with disabilities or special needs. Many would probably say "aiyah, small chance, won't one lah" but the probability STILL exists and many cases have gone undiagnosed and unreported. Would you be able to shoulder the responsibilities if you have a child with special needs? Or, your child may be born with an imbalance of neurotransmitters, contributing to conditions such as ADHD or depression... Are you also okay with that possibility?
2. Some parents feel that what they are doing for the kids is 'right' or out of 'love'. Honestly, some of them employ reverse psychology, emotional blackmail, or even ingrain Stockholm syndrome in you with their soliloquy on filial piety. I personally experienced this and I do not want to inadvertently impose such toxic expectations on my children, hence I have decided not to have my own. It is one thing to be a mother, and another to be a parent.
3. I've seen many young couples trying desperately to get a BTO/resale flat so that they can start a family, then they complain that it's impossible to get a flat due to the high demand >> low supply, and the high costs for some resale flats. The reason why this is the case is because Singapore has limited land but too densely populated with people. So I find this quite ironic cos people are the problem - you are complaining about it - and yet want to bring even more people into this country.
4. Adoption was surprisingly not brought up in this video. It may seem like a better choice since the child has been born into this world already - though my husband posits that he doesn't want to bear someone else's genetic baggage. So, if you wish to adopt, do consider if you are able to accept certain outcomes in the future as well.
Basically, there are no selfless reasons to have kids, only selfish ones.
Many boomers kept asking me why I don't want to have kids while I'm still young. I tried explaining to some of them with my reasons and they failed to understand me. They even made condescending remarks or probably even assumed I'm just making up an excuse to hide underlying problems such as infertility. From then on, I just reply by shaking my head and saying "it's ok, I don't want any kids now". Oh well.
I agree with all of your points except #3. While I personally find having kids unethical, I don't think its fair for you to say others who want children are ironically contributing to the problem of overpopulation. Even if these people were to stop wanting kids, the problem of overcrowding still remains. In SG's case, how would Singapore function in the future without a new generation?
Should everyone go by the logic that having kids is a completely selfish choice then life would cease to exist. Personally I find that a waste because humans are capable creatures as much as destructive ones.
@@yanzhi96 I'm not really a socialist in this aspect so I think having kids to preserve a next generation / alleviate the dependency ratio is a circular problem. To me, I don't think there even is a need to have more people on earth, much less Singapore. But to each his own. :)
@@carmen7559 By having a new generation, I don't mean it in an individualistic sense where children must take care of parents out of filial piety or irresponsible parents who treat their children as retirement pension. I meant it in a sense that every country/society needs people to work in different areas such as agriculture, law enforcement, healthcare etc etc to function. While robots and AI are reducing the need for some of these jobs, there are still some essential roles that require people to fulfill. Nevertheless, I completely agree that the world population needs to reduced, just not an abrupt stop but a gradual reduction of numbers. I am sorry that you had to encounter such nasty boomers :(
while its okay to not wanting kids, being not able to have them in the future at an older age is the main motivation behind parenthood for some.
It's okay to be selfish rather than neglecting the child to have self abandonment issues in future. Team no kids.
I'm curious about how deep the [Sandwich Generation] topic can be 🤔
It's okay not to have kids. You can also adopt kids in future incase you change your mind.
Adoption would be nice.
I am not against the idea of having a kid. I just cant stand the way some of the people (relatives etc.) around showing that they "having kids" is a big deal. They think that having a kid makes the family look more complete and a couple having no kids looked very lonely and something seems missing. Thats how people behave.
Secondly, some people having this mindset that having children means they have someone to send them off during their last journey. Which is true also tho.
You need to stay as healthy as possible if you want to have kids. It is not going to be easy if the parents either one or both fall sick halfway while bringing up the child. You got to have a very good financial backup plan just in case if anything bad happen.
I think having children is just about having another human being in the house, as simple as that. People please dont think and assume that those who doesn't have kids may get jealous or envious. I really dont understand this part. Why? 🤨
Team no kids, maybe bacause of the fact that I'm a preschool teacher... I'm already taking care of children on a regular basis so I would not want to go back home and takes care of my own when I'm already tired af. I would not want to vent my tiredness or frustration on an innocent child as well. Even if I'm no longer a teacher, I would still choose not to have kids, too much resposibilities and sacrifices.
I don’t want to have children because I like to be alone. I think there are no upsides to marriage bc I would have to put my career on hold, do housework etc.
My parents couldn’t accept that and everyday they just rage at me for being single, tell me to lower my standards and any male would do, just want me to have a husband and son so that they got more face when talking to other people 🙄
The most fundamental reason why people want to have kids is to PAWN another human being. When a mum says, "Child, I love you.", what the mum really meant when she said that is "Child, I love you. Because I love myself."
I used to have the same mindset about how “the child did not give their consent to be in this world”.... but ever since I started my TTC journey (trying to conceive) it is definitely not as easy as ppl say, and it’s not even a choice that I can make.
It’s getting harder for women to conceive. Which made me realise that it’s actually not our choice, the baby is the one that choose when they want to be in this world and whether they want u as their parent.
I finally realise what ppl mean when they say having a child is a ✨blessing✨
I find your statement a circular argument -- babies choose when they want to be in this world because it is harder for women to conceive. To be honest, you, the mother, have the power to bring another life to this world, and not the other way around. So it is your choice to have kids and not the other way around.
@@carmen7559 exactly!
Because of biology, we are wired to remember bad experiences way stronger than good ones.
E.g. it's more important to remember which mushroom is poisonous compared to remembering which mushroom tastes better. More important to remember which animals can kill you compared to remembering which animals you can keep as pets.
My point being, it is inevitable that over a lifetime, no matter how much you provide for your child and give him/her all the things in the world. Their overall experience will be a negative one. One small thing can ruin your whole day which was going fine, I'm sure we've all experienced this before. With social media, competitive culture in Singapore, climate change etc... You're basically subjecting any child to a lifetime of misery.
If you take property without consent, it's theft. If you kill people without consent, it's murder. If you have sex with someone without consent, it's rape. So why would you subject someone to a lifetime of misery without consent?
Aside from practical concerns like cost and the benefits of adoption which are not debatable, I strongly believe that having a child is not moral.
I'm glad that yall mentioned the consequences of having children -- yea looking at the state of the climate crisis and everything, it's kinda scary to think about the world we are leaving behind for our future generations.
This is the part that I don't get. Like for environment protection?! Then with ageing population, are expecting the elderlies to become environment activist?
Once u have 1st baby, u gotta plan for 2nd baby or close factory.. it's like racing... to minimize the age gap.. meanwhile u must financially stable and ur career must stable too.. if giving birth is less burden (finance), I believe a lot couple will give birth... conclusion, MONEY..
Team no kid!! Bfore i date my bf,we ask each other bout this and both say No kid🤣 so from there we got along and soon will get married but im not sure if our parent ok wit it but its ok we will deal that later😂
Cost and money to have a kid is an invalid point frankly. Cos have you actually taken the other viewpoint. Like the general EOS of kids is 3 or 4 is quite good. And frankly the cost are overplayed.
1. Income Tax, you have 2 you don't pay income tax. If you stagger children, say 4, your entire working career don't have to pay income tax(say you retire at 60).
2. Maid levee as a cost savings and staggering children, you can save 300 a month, like the youngest kid is 16 is the cutoff.
3. Baby clothes, cots and reusable diapers can stagger across 4 kids. My youngest sister play the same damm toys and same baby cots, same clothes and same diapers and same stuff is recycled and reused, so this nullify the argument of emissions and cost of these stuff.
4. Car use, so many people use one car quite worth, send to one school or several schools within a locality quite worth.
5. Child Labour, you operate a business you have an army of children to run it. Like say baking, quite worth.
Drawbacks of kids
1. Space, like very difficult to give kids their own rooms. 5 room flat max you squeeze 4 rooms. So housing is an issue.
2. Car any more than 3 kids need mpv. Like parking is a nightmare
3. The eldest kid have to jaga the younger kids. And have to suffer the most.
4. Holiday only Malaysia. You can't afford nor want to lug 4 kids anywhere except Malaysia. Easier cross custom, and no lost children.
To conclude, children is not just money lah, but the money arguement is quite overused and I really think is a lousy arguement.
Nurturing a soul and trying to raise them is another kettle of fish. And thank you for coming up onto the show.
If I were to really have kids, I'd much rather adopt because it is way better for the environment
Honestly, none of my friends and also me, has or want to have kids too. Haha.
I visited a war museum in Vietnam. Children are still being born in a war.
The irony of not having kids because it is expensive is that our taxes will be raised for supporting a huge amount of elderly in the near future and thus making it even more expensive to have kids. Vicious downward spiral.
That is why some couples would rather have a pet dog or cat than having kids. Having kids is a more complex issue and not every parent can bring up their child well. I have seen many youngsters loitering late nights outside with no parental care for them.
Wait for friends to have kids and then play with them
Why marry if not gonna have kids? Personally wanting to have kids, if I find out the person I’m seeing don’t want kids, I’m leaving immediately lol
I think more and more sandwich generation are choosing not to have kids esp when everything is so expensive now. They need to think about taking care of their parents, taking care of their kids and taking care of themself when they are old. It is very taxing. Many young couple would rather have a dog :)
I’m asexual and doubt I’ll ever get married lol my lonely pathetic life
You might not bode well with romantic (life) partners, but how about platonic ones?
@@druhseenuh left when he found someone new.
@@yipeyaya lol wtf...
@@yipeyaya :/ hope everything falls into place for you, bro/sis
@@druhseenuh thanks.
I also dont want kids too
Foster pets maybe. That's so much more fulfilling
Who’s going to take care of you when old is a valid question. Let’s say you’re 90 years old and ill, you would need to see a doctor, but I don’t think you want to see a 90 year old doctor either. I probably think you would want to consult a younger and experience doctor who may be in the age range of 40 to 60 years old. Now if many people doesn’t want to have kids, there won’t be enough doctors to go around. For this reason, there won’t be enough environmentalist to help save our planet too. Of course there would be others who would say, let those who wants kids to have kids and we would utilise the services of these kids. But in my opinion this is also being selfish, not contributing kids to economy, but want other people kids to serve you in your old age.
Yea i hate that there is an expectation for kids to look after their parents. Sure I understand as Asians filial piety is v important but raising ur kid as a retirement investment in ur old age is just messed up man
@@thatperson8741 true man your motivation to have kids who will help you when you get old is actually being selfish and not the other way around. You need help you get FDW and not have kids to help you when in need.
How about looking from another point of view whereby we create less life on earth so there's less competition for the young doctors and therefore they get constant business from us? Also, your argument is skewed because what if the life we create ie children of the future become useless spoilt brats in society and leech off the government (using older generation's taxpayers' contributions) by being homeless and needing subsidies? Look at the younger generation now who give up easily, who are less resilient, who can't keep a job for long. Where do you think society is likely to head towards?
@@cashmerehazel21 I actually agree we shud start reducing our global population.
But I kinda disagree that the current generation is lazy and less motivated. In the modern culture we believe that personal happiness comes before economic success and the success of corporations. Yes we keep changing jobs becuz we are trynna find smtg that interests us. It is the duty of the govt. to ensure that we have this quality of life. But i will not deny that there r people of my generation who tend to leech off the govt subsidies but generalizing the whole generation as such is flawed IMO
Why does it feel like the reason for not having kids is probably because those who're interviewed are all in an industry with lower than average salary, which restricts the options that you may have in life? i.e. having to choose not to buy the $80 milk powder.
No,u are wrong. There are people who earns more than average and still do not want to have kids.
My husband and I are happily childfree. We can afford $100 milk powder if we want to, but we would rather spend that $100 on something else.
Aiya, NOW say only don't want kids. LATER married different stories.
Used to be on the no kid team, but because of not using rubber that I could easily access, we had a baby just right after 3 months of marriage. I mean not having another human is your own choice and I totally agree and understand, but I can't relate to environmental bullshit. If that's the case does that means that we should all die to reduce carbon footprints. You don't support what your choice with stupid theory like so leh. At first I was was like true true. Up till the carbon footprint I cannot relate. Do you guys always take public transport and no grab/private car, do you eat what you grow? 🤔carbon footprint...
er hello, just because you already exist (not your choice) doesn't mean you should continue to make your carbon footprint larger by having kids - or more kids for that matter. its a fact that every child grows up to become yet another consumer on this overburdened planet. the fact that some people choose not to contribute to even more carbon footprint is a GOOD thing!
Exactly with you on this. It's perfectly ok to be selfish, but to justify selfishness with woke reasons such "carbon footprint" while drinking Starbucks in plastic cups and straws is pure hypocrites right there.
Feel like the environmental footprint reason to have kids is super flawed... if you’re so concern about environmental footprint caused by having children but you’re also contributing to the environmental footprint by being on earth???
your point is flawed because you’re implying that all who care about the environment should commit suicide. people currently existing didnt choose to be born. the difference lies in making the choice to bring another being into existence
so are u telling them to kill themselves? the least they can do is to prevent more footprint. its better than having kids at least and contributing to it.
The thing is that we are all already existing on this planet, thus we will inevitably contribute to the carbon footprint left on Earth. We also didn't make the conscientious choice to be born. What they are saying is that not having an extra human being on this planet versus having an extra human being makes a huge impact to the environment.
Ray your logic just 💀💀💀 impecCABLE
i didnt choose to be born but as a human being I need certain resources to live so naturally yes I will consume resources. i just do what I can to reduce my environmental footprint since my parents chose to place me on this earth
One hand talking about carbon footprint and environment, on the other hand sipping on a plastic straw in a plastic cup Starbucks... Oh please. I actually have more respect for the lady citing cost as the reason, that's practical. The others just sound like excuses for not wanting to be responsible for another human being.
i dont think either of them mentioned that as a personal reason and how tf does 1 instance of Starbucks plastic cup suddenly makes you prohibited from saying you care about the environment. if you wanna imply hypocrisy or a lack of critical thinking at least be fair in your argument la wtf. first sentence alrdy straight up fallacious. 'excuses for not wanting to be responsible' if you alrdy made your mind on what people with opinions like that represent then why bother watching.
boomer ass logic tf
Even if they do not want to be responsible for another human being, that's fine too. They understand their limits. It's worse if an irresponsible person has a child anyway and does not raise it well.
The difference between animals whose sole purpose is to procreate and humans is that we have the ability to choose. Who says we are placed on earth to be responsible for another human being? And if so why must it be our own kids ?
Haha true.
Just for your info, the current birth replacement rate is 1.14. Way, way lower than many countries. At this rate, we do not have enough people to replace the old people which will taxx younger people. Also, if you guys are not going to have kids, you are just going to burden the govt when you guys turn old. Having children is a NATURAL PROGRESSION of life. It's not just about a societal standard, thank you very much. So if you want to control carbon footprint or whatever, teach your children to consume less and consume what is needed and you can also need to control your consumption. In general, you guys are just selfish la cos yall just want to have the lifestyle you want and not experience whatever it takes to bring up children. If you are for adoption, i'm okay. In general, stop being a shitty human being, be loyal, raise your children up with maturity and morals then children will stop having broken families with poor image of marriage and children.
Adoption is not easy:
Firstly, if married, got to ensure the husband agrees too.
Secondly, costs about $30k. blog.moneysmart.sg/family/adopting-child-singapore/ and I doubt there are loans or subsidies for that. Meaning it’s all cold hard cash. Lots of people don’t have so much cash when they are adulting, paying off down payment for their hdb, car or student loan first.
Lastly, it’s subject to MSF approval. What if they get rejected? I believe the g also don’t make adoption so easy bc they still encourage couples to conceive their own kids. Most of the adopted children are foreigners bc there isn’t that many local babies that are being abandoned. There is also political issue depending on the country the baby is from.
I also disagree that I’m going to burden the govt when I get old. I set aside more than half of my pay for retirement planning, that’s more than enough to hire a caregiver. Also, the parents can be completely caring but their children still turn out to be psycho or crazy and commit vile crimes.
If they want to be single then it’s their CHOICE. If you’re not paying for them, you have no right to scold them.
@@embershen364 did i call out single people? :)
@@embershen364 how many of such you will set aside for retirement planning?
@@awkwardsmile u called out single ppl “you guys are just selfish” and “you are just going to burden the govt when you turn old”.
Many young people may be young but we are alot more financial savvy than our parents’ generation bc we receive more education. It’s not farfetched. My bosses are earning 5-10 times more and they are also single. I’m sure they are not worried abt their retirement bc they have saved, invested and bought insurance over the years. They don’t explain to me why they are single, but I can imagine they haven’t met a guy who is good enough for them.
@@embershen364 i wasnt referring to single people. I was referring to those who are married and choose not to have kids. Pls dont project ah. Work on your transference issues kthxbye.
Come on, can ya'll stop putting "like" in your sentence? Almost every sentence you speak as "like". Need to start training or have a challenge to stop saying "Like". STOP IT. I had to stop watching because it's so difficult to listen to, especially Cheryl and Leah.